Starlight Glimmer ran away from the welcome party as soon as she could. There was nothing strange in that; she just felt that it was more of a family gathering than anything else, and although Twilight did tell her that she was a part of the family, she much preferred to catch up on more important things, like sleeping.

Since Twilight’s new princess duties distracted her from the School of Friendship and Sunburst got dragged back to the Crystal Empire once Flurry hit puberty, Starlight had to take over most of the school-related stuff, which meant that she didn’t even notice when ‘sleep is for the weak’ became her motto. Even when she started to hide half of her paperwork in the drawers, assuming that if no one asked for it, it wasn’t important, the other half was enough to keep her awake.

She just closed the door of her bedroom and was about to drop on her bed when she saw that someone was already in it. Instinctively, she grabbed the silver tray lying by the door, but she realised that the pony under the blanket was too small to be Tempest Shadow, who had a rare talent to wind up in other ponies’ beds, as well as a tendency to blow up anyone who’d dare to wake her up.

Starlight thought that it could’ve been Trixie. Whenever Tempest decided to sleep in Trixie’s bed, Trixie would then go to sleep in Starlight’s bed, forcing Starlight to go and wake Tempest up. Since Starlight was usually too tired for this, she’d often try to kick Trixie out of her bed or just lie next to her, which obviously started rumours.

However, when Starlight levitated the blanket off the pony, she saw Sunburst cowering on her mattress. A smile adorned her face.

“Finally, you decided to come,” she said. “I hope it’s not the last time tonight…”

“Well, I’m hiding,” Sunburst whispered.

“Oh, you can hide here as long as you want,” Starlight replied. “Do you want some wine and scented candles?”

Sunburst smiled sheepishly. “Nah, I already got hot stone massage and ended up in a hot tub with the princess…”

“Cadance?” Starlight raised her eyebrows. “A bold move, very surprising from you. Of course you know that when Shining finds out, he’ll revive the old royal tradition of hanging, drawing, and quartering?”

“N-no, it wasn’t Cadance,” Sunburst replied, trying to hide deeper in Starlight’s bed. “Actually, I–”

“Did you bang Twilight?” Starlight asked. “Great, I still have a chance for a threesome. Though when Shining finds out–”

“It’s not Twilight!” Sunburst exclaimed. “I ended up in a hot tub with Flurry Heart!”

Starlight’s eyes widened.

“If that helps, Flash was also there,” Sunburst muttered. “As well as two other mares, but–”

“Sick.” Starlight smirked. “Will I be enough or do I have to bring Trixie and Tempest to match that? You wouldn’t believe what Tempest learned in the Storm King’s army. As for the hot stone massage, we can go to the spa. But meanwhile, when Shining and Cadance find out, you’ll hope you only get hanged, drawn, and quartered.”

“Cadance kinda knows,” Sunburst replied. “I told her that Flurry fell in love with me and she said that it’s fine because she’ll forget about it soon. I’d say the sooner the better. This is already getting out of hoof.”

“Eh, no problem,” Starlight said. “I always felt you prefer more mature mares anyway. Let’s see if the welcome ceremony already ended. Pinkie is preparing a big party this evening. Did someone get Flurry a dress?”

“Actually, it’s a very funny story.” Sunburst chuckled. “Well, for once it wasn’t my fault, so I found it funny…”

“You’ll tell me later,” Starlight replied. “There are more interesting things to do in this bed. As for Flurry, I guess she’ll be in her room, trying the dress… Hmm…” She stood up and walked to the door. “Let’s go, Sunburst.”

“Where?”

“To someone who can help you out of this situation,” Starlight replied, opening the door.

The preparations for the evening party were in full swing. Starlight had to dodge Pinkie twice while walking across the room and Sunburst nearly got shot with a party cannon. Starlight, however, didn’t care. She stormed through the chaos and trotted towards the two ponies carrying a large cake.

“Hey, you!” she exclaimed. “Baker’s son!”

The teenage pegasus colt turned to her, almost dropping the cake. The unicorn filly behind him lit her horn, grabbing it, and sent him a glare.

“My name is Pound, Ms. Glimmer,” the pegasus said.

“Yeah, whatever,” Starlight replied. “Would you be so kind to take one of those cherry cakes upstairs, to Princess Flurry Heart’s room. I know she loves them.”

“Hey!” the filly exclaimed. “We still have to carry this one!”

“He’ll be right back, Carrot,” Starlight replied. “Besides, you’re a unicorn. You can deal with it.”

“It’s ‘Pumpkin’,” the filly said. “Why do you keep mistaking me for Carrot Top? She’s old.”

“You should be glad I’m not the Dragon Lord Ember,” Starlight muttered. “She once spent a weekend with me and Trixie and I think she’s still convinced we were both Twilight Sparkle.” She turned to Pound. “What are you still doing here? Get the cake and go to her!”

“How do you know Flurry likes cherry cake?” Sunburst whispered.

“Once, Trixie and I babysat her. She stole some from the bakery.”

“That’s terrible,” Sunburst muttered. “But I’d say she didn’t change much. Do you know what she and her friends once did to steal the cookie jar? One of the kitchens is still haunted after they summoned a wraith to–”

“See?’ Starlight smiled. “This will totally work.”

“What?” Sunburst asked.

“Hormones,” Starlight replied. “Speaking of, we can go to the spa now. Maud invited me recently and I’d say you could learn a lot from her.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Starlight said. “Her husband is a total nerd too, but they managed to produce four foals, in accordance with the best Pie family tradition. Sticks, Stones, Bones, and Words. That last one actually gave Pinkie a heart attack.”

“Okay, I already learned one thing,” Sunburst muttered.

“What is it?”

Sunburst looked at Pound, who was walking upstairs with a cake. “Never have kids…”

It took Pound a while before he found the princess’ room. In fact, he got a bit lost in Twilight’s castle and the only reason why he eventually found his way were the noises coming from behind one of the doors.

Pound walked closer, his ears perking up. From what he heard, he could tell that someone was getting mad because the knife couldn’t fit under a dress. Pound furrowed his eyebrows and leaned closer to the door. Before he could hear something more, someone opened the door, causing him to lose balance and fall on the floor, barely saving the cake with his wings.

He looked up to see a tall, off-white crystal pony with dark mane, currently tied in two rather messy braids. Her purple eyes were screaming murder when she levitated the knife.

Pound suddenly realised why the knife couldn’t fit under her dress – it was simply the size of a machete.

“Who are you?” the mare asked. “Why are you sneaking here?”

“Pound Cake, son of the owners of the Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was my foalsitter, Ms. Glimmer told me to bring this cake to the Princess!” Pound exclaimed really fast, trying to shield himself with the cake.

“Rough, chill out.” This voice, despite being high-pitched and cracking slightly, had some commanding note to it. Pound felt the sudden urge to bow and was surprised that Rough didn’t cower immediately.

“Your Highness,” he said, seeing the young alicorn walking towards him in a blue dress. He didn’t know much about dresses, but he had to admit it looked very nice.

“Just ‘Flurry’,” Flurry said. “Don’t call me ‘princess’, ‘your highness’, ‘your majesty’, or whatever you come up with.” She turned to her crystal friend. “Rough, stop aiming at him with that knife. He might get nervous.”

“This cake may be poisoned,” Rough replied. “How do we know Ms. Glimmer sent him? Remember that it is my duty to protect you or something.”

“Great,” Flurry deadpanned. “Why don’t you take a bite of this cake first? We’ll see if it’s poisoned.”

Rough’s expression faltered for a moment. “We can always feed him,” she replied. “If he doesn’t want to eat, then it means he knows it’s poisoned and we’ll kill him. Unless he knows it’s poisoned but he’ll eat it and die anyway. One never knows what’s wrong with anarchists.”

“You do realise there’s a possibility it’s not poisoned?” Flurry asked.

“Nonsense!” Rough Diamond exclaimed. “Why would someone bring us a cake that isn’t poisoned?”

Pound gulped. “Umm… Because they know the princess likes those cakes enough to steal them from the bakery when she was a foal?”

“Ah, I see you’ve heard of it,” Flurry said. “Yes, I see auntie Starlight’s hoof in it…”

“What?” Rough asked.

“One of the embarrassing foalhood stories,” Flurry replied. “Just like, ‘Flurry once shot down a pegasus while skeet shooting with magic’ or ‘when Flurry was a baby, she ate a coin’.” She rolled her eyes. “I also bit king Sombra, almost destroyed the Crystal Empire twice, walked on water, peed in the ball pit, and turned a bottle of my mother’s milk into whisky. Apparently this means I’m destined to do great things.”

“M-maybe,” Pound replied. “So, uhh…” He looked at the door.

“You can stay,” Flurry said. “We can get some tea and eat that cake, I guess.”

“Where are you gonna get tea from?” Rough asked. “I don’t think you can magick it out of thin air…”

“No, of course not,” Flurry replied. “You can’t really get food out of thin air, though nothing stops me from conjuring a tea plant and treating it with an age spell…” She lit up her horn, causing some tea leaves to appear on the table in the middle of the room. “Of course teleporting some from the kitchen is easier.”

“Of course,” Rough Diamond muttered. “How about teacups? Or water, for that matter?”

“Teacups are easy.” Flurry replied, conjuring three teacups that landed on the table. “Auntie Trixie taught me that. As for water…” A small rain cloud appeared in the middle of the room. Flurry squeezed it, making water pour from it into the cups. Flurry’s horn flashed, heating the water.

“Does she always do that?” Pound asked.

“Well, once she conjured a cow because I wanted milk in my coffee,” Rough Diamond replied. “But it wasn’t a very good cow.”

“Did she kick?”

“Nah, Flurry messed something up and the cow was inside out, with all the guts and stuff on display.” Rough shuddered. “I didn’t want coffee anymore. Later Sunburst told us you can’t just magick something alive and expect everything to work properly. Too many complications.”

“Yeah, and besides, that was a bull,” Flurry muttered, putting a cup of tea in front of Pound. “Hydraulics problem. So, how are you?”

“F-fine,” Pound replied. “I, uhh…”

“Don’t worry about Rough,” Flurry said. “That’s just how she rolls. Are you going to be at the party? If it gets boring, we can always go and hide somewhere. Do you play poker?”

“Don’t play poker with her.” Rough Diamond smirked. “She reads minds.” She saw Pound’s expression and chuckled. “No, she’s not reading yours right now. If she did, you’d feel it. Or maybe it’s just me who feels like wind blows through my brain whenever she does that.”

“Rough, stop. You only feel wind because, as Precious Gem once said, there’s a lot of empty spaces in your skull.” Flurry levitated a piece of cake towards Rough Diamond and stuffed it into her mouth. “What else can we do in this town? It seems the party will be boring.”

“Well, I don’t know if what we do here will be, uhh… suitable,” Pound said. “I mean, when we’re not running away from monsters, we usually go to a pub or listen to stand-up comedians, or karaoke, or–”

Rough Diamond finally swallowed her piece of cake. “Karaoke?”

“Do I have to remind you what happened last time you tried to sing?” Flurry sighed. “At least they managed to put this guard’s leg back where it should be.”

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault,” Rough Diamond replied. “The sea turtles–”

“Yeah, we all know that story.” Flurry turned to Pound. “So, what else can we do here? If you’re into this sort of thing, I’ve heard Precious Gem smuggled a bag of weed in her luggage…”

Pound just looked at her. The days when someone offered him a bag of weed were pretty rare and situations when said someone was an alicorn princess just never happened to him at all. He heard all princesses were weird, but he couldn’t really tell – after all, the only princess he’d see on a daily basis was Twilight Sparkle and, as Rumble told him, she was weird even before becoming an alicorn.

“Hmm, speaking of Precious Gem…” Rough Diamond said. “Where is she?”

The little room in the back of the library was filled with smoke. Twilight really felt she should be going to the party, but this strange filly who introduced herself as a junior librarian from the Crystal Empire was just too interesting of an interlocutor.

“So, this crystal.” Precious Gem inhaled the smoke from the bong and started to draw something on a piece of paper. “Three gigathaum hours of raw magical energy over the span of seventy-two hours.”

“That’s not possible,” Twilight replied. “I mean, there were attempts, but still no one managed to carry on the Cold Stone-Apple Polish Ritual. Such an energy is just too unstable to contain it for seventy-two hours.”

“Eh, we did it.” Precious Gem waved her hoof in a somewhat disjointed manner. “Well, not the ritual itself, but the crystal thing is easy. You just need lead covers.”

“Lead covers?” Twilight asked. The smoke was making her somewhat hazy.

“Lots of lead covers!” Precious Gem exclaimed. “One technician raised his head from behind the lead cover and now he can read at night without a lamp.”

“Interesting.” Twilight smirked. “Tell me more about it.”

“Of course you have to watch out for probability effect,” Precious Gem said. “Dude, like, normally there’s no way a fly turns into a dragon and scares the shit out of you, right? Now, like, if that fly flies next to a hypercharged crystal core…”

Twilight chuckled. “Fly flies. A core. Right.” Suddenly she felt the world was a much nicer place than just a few minutes before.

“Yeah, not to mention the hedgehog. It got into our lab, then it grew bat wings, changeling horn, and it wasn’t a hedgehog anymore but some clusterfuck, man.” Precious Gem shrugged.

“Happens to the best of us,” Twilight said. She wanted to add something more profound, but the door opened and Tempest Shadow, yet another member of the colourful group of formerly-evil unicorns living in Twilight’s castle as well as the self-proclaimed Princess of Kicking Ass and Ranged Weapons Maintenance stood in it.

“Are you two smoking?” She sighed. “The party is about to start and Sunburst and Starlight went missing, your brother keeps stealing cake, Princess Cadance is still having sea sickness and I didn’t have time to find Flurry because we had to put Pinkie on meds again.”

Twilight furrowed her eyebrows. Her alicorn liver went into overdrive, clearing her body of any toxins she’d inhaled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “This party is going to be perfect!”

Filled with new energy, Twilight quickly managed to gather everyone in the castle. Flurry and her entourage were found in their room, along with Pound Cake. Finding Sunburst and Starlight took a bit longer; they arrived fashionably late, still dressed in white bathrobes from the spa. They didn’t miss much, though – just a noisy welcome recited by two of Maud’s daughters, Joy Sticks and Harsh Words. By the end, Sticks forgot her lines, which ended with both sisters getting into a fight.

“Can we start betting on who wins?” Rough Diamond asked when Maud dragged both fillies away.

“I’d say Harsh Words,” Pound replied. “She’s just like her aunt Limestone.”

Rough Diamond looked at him as if she was surprised he could talk. “That is?”

“Somewhat crazy.” Pound shrugged. “She’s always first to punch someone if necessary. Same if it’s not necessary.”

Flurry poked Rough Diamond. “Sounds like you’d be soulmates.”

“Can you pretend I didn’t tell you to shut up?” Rough Diamond asked. “Since you’re a princess and stuff.”

“Mostly stuff,” Flurry replied and turned to Pound. “Do you have more of this cake?”

Pinkie dropped on the seat next to them and took a deep breath. “This cake, that cake, all the cake in the world…” she whispered. When she saw Pound sitting next to Flurry, her lips formed a half-smirk. “Hey, I see you’re aiming pretty high!”

“I’m not aiming anywhere.” Pound blushed. “Ms. Glimmer–”

Rough Diamond chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry about her. Flurry is kinda free, right? Unless you count Pristine Emerald, but he’s a moron and I’m pretty sure he never baked a cake in his entire life. So, if you want to talk about buns, ovens, and other stuff like that–”

“Rough, for the love of auntie Celestia, shut the fuck up,” Flurry muttered, blushing even more furiously than Pound. Ponies passing by could feel a minor earthquake; lights flickered, disrupted by the raw magic.

“Water?” Pinkie asked, producing two glasses out of nowhere. She gave them to Pound and Flurry. “Or maybe it’s vodka. Hard to tell, these days.”

Flurry took a sip. It was actually gasoline, but she turned it into vodka with one quick spell.

“Okay, okay,” Rough Diamond said. “Maybe at least you’re into crystal ponies? Or have a brother who is? Do you know that if you cum inside a crystal pony, you can kinda see–”

“Rough, chill out,” Flurry muttered.

“I have a sister,” Pound replied, spitting his drink when Pinkie looked away. “She’s sitting over there and, judging by her expression, she wonders why I’m with you.”

“A sister?” Rough shrugged. “Will do.”

“You’re really bored, aren’t you?” Flurry asked. After the first sip of vodka, she decided to turn it into lemonade, but the spell didn’t quite work.

“Kind of,” Rough replied. “Where’s Precious Gem?”

“Drinking punch with some ginger unicorn,” Flurry replied.

“If you see Twilight dance, then it means the punch is spiked,” Pinkie whispered.

“You spiked the punch, didn’t you?” Pound shook his head. “Also, that’s my sister Pumpkin over there.”

“Not bad.” Rough Diamond stood up, taking a look at Pumpkin. “Let’s get this party moving.”

Flurry and Pound followed her. When Pumpkin saw her brother, she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Where have you been?” she asked. “I had to carry everything with mom and dad.”

Pound smiled sheepishly. “Well, the Princess–”

“Oh, who gives a fu–” Pumpkin turned her head and faced Flurry. “I mean, I don’t have anything against princesses, but my brother can be a lazy piece of–”

“Shit?” Rough Diamond asked. “He doesn’t quite look the part.”

“Well, I was just trying to avoid saying that in front of a princess,” Pumpkin muttered. “Who the hell are you?”

“My filly-in-waiting, I guess,” Flurry said. “A part of her job is saying unpopular opinions and other stuff like that.”

“Really?” Pumpkin asked.

“No, but she’s a natural.” Flurry chuckled. “We considered making her a jester, but she beats the ponies that laugh at her. Even if they don’t actually laugh at her, but she thinks they do. I see you’ve met Precious Gem.”

“I was just sharing my brownie recipe,” Precious Gem said. “I’m pretty sure it’ll be a great contribution to your family’s bakery.”

“Well, this town is already weird without everyone getting baked,” Pumpkin replied. “Do you know how many days we had without a monster attack? Two.”

“One, if you count, as mom put it, Pinkie’s hormones getting crazy.” Pound shrugged.

Pumpkin lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’m telling you, she’s pregnant. That’s why she’s going haywire as of late. Especially after uncle Cheese had to go to Manehattan.”

“Monsters would probably bother me more if I didn’t live in a place that may freeze over if someone accidentally breaks the most fragile magical artifact ever known to ponykind,” Rough Diamond said, ignoring Pinkie’s issues, despite the danger they presented. “Which already happened, if I recall correctly.”

“You can’t really recall something that happened before you were born,” Flurry said. “And I apologised. Many times.”

“Two days before I was born.” Rough Diamond shrugged. “Though maybe Precious Gem remembers more.”

“Well, the first year of my life was always cold,” Precious Gem said. “Anyway, the brownies may have a magical effect on monsters. Like, throw one at Ursa Major and it’ll be like a teddy bear.”

“Yeah, because a stoned bear the size of a building is what this town needs.” Pumpkin rolled her eyes. “My previous coltfriend ran back to Fillydelphia after the last jackelope infestation.” She shrugged. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that they’re relatively harmless, compared to what usually–”

“So, your coltfriend left you?” Rough Diamond asked. “Happened to all of us. But I’m pretty sure that, for example, your brother–”

“I’m not interested in banging my brother,” Pumpkin said quickly. “But go ahead. I’m always in for some scandal in the royal family.”

“Hey!” Pound exclaimed, blushing. “I just brought her a cake, that’s all. And it was Ms. Glimmer who told me to do that.”

“Well, here we are, with the Princess,” Pumpkin replied. “And Ms. Glimmer is now trying to kiss that weird guy with glasses, so my bet’s on the punch being spiked. Maybe even by Spike himself.”

“I can confirm,” Flurry said. “My aunt is currently dancing with my dad and it’s even worse than usual.”

“Do you think we should evacuate before Tempest tries some magic?” Pound asked. “Do you remember when she got drunk and challenged Trixie to a magic duel?”

“At least they managed to get rid of the crater.” Pumpkin sighed. “Apparently Ponyville construction teams got better at that since that one time Scootaloo cloned herself.”

“So it’s true?” Rough Diamond asked.

“Of course it is.” Precious Gem smirked. “I met a few of them in the Empire. They had that ridiculous idea that if we ever rebuild Crystalia and Chalcedonya, we can clone some crystal ponies to boost population, but Princess Cadance said it’d be easier to do it, like, the natural way, if you know what I mean.” She moved her wing in a suggestive gesture.

“Yeah, that’s how cloning goes,” Flurry said. “Once you start, you can never stop.”

“Just don’t clone yourself.” Rough Diamond smirked. “Equestria wouldn’t last two hours.”

“I’m not planning to,” Flurry said. “So, do we stay here and wait till the discussion starts revolving around buckball, or do we go somewhere else? Like upstairs?”

“We can also go to the bakery,” Pumpkin replied. “It’s empty now and there’s plenty of space in there.”

“I’ve never been to a bakery, myself.” Rough Diamond furrowed her eyebrows. “Except maybe that one time when I was looking for the toilet and–”

“Be careful not to put any bun in the oven.” Precious Gem grabbed her bag. “I think I have everything we need.”

They walked towards the door, but before they reached it, Flash Sentry jumped from behind one of the tables and stood in front of Flurry.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“We’re going to the bakery with my new friends,” Flurry replied, her eyes lighting up. “And there’s no way to stop me.”

“Tinfoil and lessons with Sunburst.” Flash smirked. “I’m now immune to your mind tricks.”

“Dad!” Flurry exclaimed. “Can I go out with my friends?”

Shining Armor appeared next to her almost immediately. Like any dad, he could easily hear his daughter’s voice, even in the loudest noise. “Nice,” he said. “You’re finally making friends!”

“I reckon me and Precious are just servants?” Rough Diamond muttered.

“Precious and I,” Precious Gem whispered.

Rough Diamond raised her eyebrows. “Rough and you?”

Shining Armor ignored her, instead looking at Pound. “Though on the other hoof… Who are you?”

“Pound Cake,” Pound replied. “Pinkie Pie used to foalsit me and Pumpkin. When we were ten, you visited her when our parents weren’t home and–”

“Ah, now I remember you.” Shining Armor looked around and sighed with relief when he saw Cadance talking to Rarity on the other side of the room. “So, where exactly are you going with my daughter?”

“He and Pumpkin wanted to show us the bakery,” Flurry said, using her magic to temporarily block the Broca’s area in Precious Gem’s brain – she heard in Precious’ thoughts that she was just about to repeat her joke about buns in the oven.

“Well, if you’re together…” Shining shrugged. Next to him, Precious Gem opened her mouth, only to find out that it didn’t quite connect with her brain. “It’s not like we didn’t wander around the town at night, right, Flash?”

“Yes,” Flash replied. “It ended badly when we arrived at the barracks at 4 AM and broke the door.”

Shining chuckled. “Well, at least my daughter isn’t a guard. And she’s not breaking any doors.”

“Yeah, she aims higher,” Flash muttered. “My bones, the universe…”

“Hey, I never broke your bones!” Flurry exclaimed before turning to her friends. “Let’s go to this bakery!”

“Watch out for Pinkie’s stuff,” Pumpkin said, turning on the light. “I’m not responsible for anyone getting hit with a ton of party hats hidden somewhere in case of a party hat emergency.”

“Where can I get a party hat?” Precious Gem asked.

Pound reached under one of the tables. “Here they are,” he replied.

“Cool.” Precious Gem put on a party hat and smirked. “So, what are we gonna do? I have–”

Rough Diamond rolled her eyes. “Not the weed again. We don’t have anything to eat here.”

“Well, we can always make something,” Pound replied. “Like cupcakes. There’s a whole cupcake laboratory in the basement.”

“Or brownies.” Precious Gem turned to Pumpkin. “Remember that recipe, you know…”

Pumpkin smirked. “Hmm, this could actually be fun. We have flour, vanilla sugar…”

“No eggs,” Pound muttered.

“Und keine Eier,” Precious Gem said. “Eggs won’t be necessary.”

Flurry chuckled, remembering the last time Precious Gem baked her brownies. While the kitchen in the bakery wasn’t as big as the one in her castle, but the oven was quite impressive and the rest of the equipment was shiny as if it was brand new.

“Can I do that?” Flurry asked when Pumpkin started to mix batter. “I mean, normally we have servants who do that, but I always wanted to–”

“Sure.” Pumpkin chuckled, giving Flurry her bowl and turning to Rough Diamond. “Do you need help with that?”

“My batter turned into concrete,” Rough Diamond replied, turning her bowl upside down. “I guess I accidentally made the armour-piercing cheesecake.”

“Weren’t those banned by Geneighva convention?” Precious Gem asked.

“Only the use against unarmoured targets,” Rough Diamond replied. “You may nerd out about whatever you want, but you can’t beat me at military history.”

“Did someone actually ever bother with the convention?” Flurry shrugged. “I mean, if someone’s attacking you and they’re foolish enough not to wear armour, then they may as well taste the cheesecake… Who’d stop me?”

“Fillies and gentlecolts, our future ruler.” Precious Gem smirked. “I guess the tribunal would need tinfoil hats, though.”

“Why?” Pound asked.

“They disrupt my mind reading ability,” Flurry replied. “But I’m working on it.”

Pound smiled sheepishly and turned to Pumpkin. “Do we have any tinfoil?”

“You need to crumple it, so it distorts brain waves more.” Rough Diamond looked at her bowl. “What should I do with that?”

“Just throw it out the window,” Pound replied. “There’s a rubbish bin right underneath there.”

Flash slowly approached the bakery. Shining may have been laid back about it, but if something happened to Flurry or, more likely, Flurry happened to someone, it’d somehow be Flash’s fault, so at least he wanted to have some control over it.

It wasn’t like anyone in the bakery expected him to come. The lights in the kitchen were on and he could hear laughs, as well as muffled conversation. There was a rubbish bin right below the window. Flash looked around, hoping that there weren’t any ponies who could see him. Then he knocked at the bin, just in case there was some homeless pony inside. He’d once been bitten by one and needed several shots and a lot of medical check-ups before he was allowed back into the guard quarters.

After double-checking everything, he climbed on the bin. hoping that no one inside the building noticed his presence. However hope, yet again, turned out to be the mother of fools; just when he was about to look through the window, something heavy hit him, causing him to fall unconscious into the trash.

He lay there for a while, accompanied only by chirping crickets and meowing cats who tried to catch rats in the bin.

After a few minutes, two fillies emerged from the dark. They looked pretty similar to each other, except for the colours – one of them was pale violet with blonde mane, while the other was in different shades of rose and dark pink.

“Why are we fillies again?” the first one asked. “I see the School of Friendship has been rebuilt after the Scootapocalypse, but it must’ve been a while ago. The town also has some new buildings. We should be adults by now.”

The other filly shrugged. “Maybe the universe needs us to be fillies, Dinky. Also, this situation happened before.”

“What?”

“Us two, Tootsie Flute is gone, it’s the middle of the night and there’s an unconscious guy in the waste bin,” the rose filly said. “That’s a nice bin, by the way. My mother lived in a similar one in one of the realities we visited. Anyway, you were like, ‘Ruby, you can’t take this guy’s wallet’.” She rolled her eyes. “And then we ended up in the middle of an intergalactic war that will happen in two thousand years.”

“There’s no logical connection between you not taking this guy’s wallet and the intergalactic war,” Dinky replied. “Besides, I know him. Remember when we were guards in the Crystal Empire? That’s our captain.”

“Oh really?” Ruby opened Flash’s wallet. “That’d explain many things. But what is he doing here?”

Dinky’s eyes widened. “Hey, I remember this reality!”

“And?” Ruby asked.

“We’d better get out of here.”

Pumpkin looked around. The remains of two brownies lay on the table in front of her and focusing her gaze on Flurry was a bit of a challenge for her. In spite of that, her eloquence was just kicking in.

“Have you ever thought of being evil?”

“Why would I?” Flurry asked. She’d eaten a few brownies herself, but all she felt was just a pleasant buzz.

Pumpkin waved her hoof. “Because, like, you can. I mean, Princess Luna had this whole Nightmare thing, but when I asked Ms. Glimmer why she used to be evil–”

“– she told you that this never happened.” Pound replied. “And when you pressed, she explained you the theory of parallel universes and how nothing she’d done ever happened in our world.” He shrugged. “This sounded pretty evil, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but I mean the possibilities,” Pumpkin said. “You’re an alicorn. Can you raise the dead?”

“Depends how complicated their brains are,” Flurry replied. “When I was eight, I revived a litter of frozen kittens. Then I tried to revive an old servant, but he came back as a zombie and started losing body parts. There was a lot of cleaning and mom was pretty mad. She told me to stop experimenting with necromancy.”

“So you’re saying you can create an army of the undead?” Pumpkin smirked.

“Why?” Flurry asked. “The body parts are really annoying to get rid of.”

“To rule Equestria, of course!” Pumpkin exclaimed. “Potentially, you could do that, right?”

“Why would I need an army of the undead?” Flurry shrugged. “There’s a simpler way: if I got rid of my aunts and my mom, I’d just inherit the throne legally.”

“Ah, so we just have to eliminate four ponies.” Pumpkin nodded. “Do you have any plans?”

“If I had, I wouldn’t tell them to you,” Flurry said. “But when I take over the world, Rough Diamond will get Oatstralia.”

“Yay,” Rough Diamond muttered. She was lying under the table with an empty bottle of wine Pinkie Pie had hidden in the kitchen in case of a wine emergency.

“What would I get?” Pumpkin asked. “Also, I guess Celestia would be the easiest. I mean, everyone always goes for Celestia and usually they succeed, so–”

“No idea.” Flurry shrugged. “Maybe she just doesn’t expect anything bad when the opponent looks harmless. Though I guess she’d drop the sun on me if I tried something funny.”

“Oh, I’d do it for you.” Pumpkin lowered her voice to a whisper and checked whether her brother was within earshot. Luckily, Pound was just sharing the last brownie with Precious Gem. “Who’d expect anything from a baker’s daughter, raised by Pinkie Pie herself? If we poisoned the cake…”

“Then you still have Luna to deal with,” Flurry replied. “How do we get rid of Luna? If I could control her mind, we could actually make it look like she’s in charge.”

“We blame poisoning Celestia’s cake on her, that’s simple.” Pumpkin smirked.

“Nah, we may need her as a figurehead.” Flurry furrowed her eyebrows. “Also, it’d be pretty cool to have bat pony guards. Maybe I’d move to Canterlot to be closer to her?”

“Yeah, after we arrange an accident for your parents,” Pumpkin said. “Then, as an orphan, you can gain sympathy of the crowds…”

“We’re not arranging any accident involving my parents,” Flurry replied.

“Oh, it doesn’t have to be right now.” Pumpkin shrugged. “After all, this may take years. Still, Twilight Sparkle escapes me. I don’t know how to defeat her.”

“That’s easy,” Flurry said. “Just sow discord between her friends. Not the god of chaos, just turn them against each other. Conflicting loyalties and such. This should confuse her.”

“But how to do that?” Pumpkin looked around. “Why are the brownies gone?”

“No problem.” Flurry lit her horn and levitated a stone lying on the windowsill. She closed her eyes and focused, turning it into a brownie.

Pumpkin’s jaw dropped. “You know you could solve world hunger with this? And drive us out of business, but well…” She took a bite of the brownie. “Not bad, though.”

“Oh, it’s not so easy to create food out of nothing,” Flurry replied. “In fact, I cheated. It’s still a stone, but it looks and feels like a brownie. You can eat it, but when it comes out, it may hurt.”

“Aww, hell.”

“One does not live by brownies alone,” Flurry said. “And as for Twilight, I recently started to play chess. It’s all about finding weaknesses in the opponent’s position, you know? We need to find such a weak spot among Twilight’s friends. I’d focus on Starlight or Rainbow Dash…”

“Pinkie is a wildcard,” Pumpkin replied. “We should focus on her, especially since Pound and I know her weak spots. Also, I’m like, sure she may focus on her own family soon. And once she’s off the stage, the group’s morale–”

She was interrupted by the sound of somepony clearing their throat. When Flurry turned towards the source of the noise, she saw Precious Gem staring at her and Pumpkin with the unusually stern expression on her face.

“Excuse me,” she said, piercing Pumpkin with her gaze. “I don’t know if you heard, but after spending a millenium under King Sombra’s rule, we, crystal ponies, greatly value peace.”

“So?” Pumpkin scoffed. “Go give peace a chance somewhere else.”

“Well, when someone gives Flurry ideas, I get the feeling that peace is in danger,” Precious Gem replied. “From what I’ve gathered, you envision yourself as some kind of villainous second-in-command. You do realise those usually end badly? Like, all those creatures who, as you put it, went for Celestia and succeeded now make pretty statues in her garden.”

“Yeah, and I know what mistakes to avoid,” Pumpkin replied. “Now, get lost, weed-smelling vagabond. We’re talking business.”

Precious Gem shrugged and for a moment it looked like she was going to follow Pumpkin’s advice. Suddenly, however, she raised her hoof, landing a powerful punch on Pumpkin’s jaw. The unicorn mare staggered in her seat before falling to the floor.

Flurry’s jaw dropped. “I swear, from now on I’m going to return books on time.”

“Well, I hope so,” Precious Gem replied. “Also, while we’re at it, if you ever do become evil, remember that I need a bigger library.” She looked at Pumpkin. “Hmm, should I give her the manuscript of my Cozy Glow biography or will she learn all the wrong things from it?”

Flurry shook her head. “You already have the second biggest library in the world.”

“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about.” Precious Gem looked at drunken Rough Diamond sleeping on the floor next to unconscious Pumpkin. “Should we find some nice couch for these two before we return to Pound? After a few brownies, he got really fuckable.”

“After he ate them or you ate them?” Flurry asked. “Because it may not be enough for me.”

Precious Gem shrugged. “Both.”

Flurry looked at her and sighed. “Okay then…”

Author's Notes:

Deep lore for newcomers:

Baby Flurry shenanigansThe ScootapocalypseCold Stone-Apple Polish RitualRuby and Dinky