I’m not gonna lie, I had NO idea what to do and I acted like a pusscake: I ran. I hopped out of bed – discovering to my further horror that I was completely naked – threw on my clothes, and bolted out of Rarity’s place as fast as my bum leg could carry me. The sun stung my eyes and I felt a headache coming on as I made my way toward Sweet Apple Acres, knowing nowhere else to go. It was the crack of dawn so fortunately nobody was up. I made a beeline for that little shed behind the barn. I tapped the huge barrel of apple whiskey and filled up the old tankard, then began gulping the foul liquor down like it was mana from heaven.  I sat in a corner and lit a cigarette. What had I done? What expectations had I created? What the fuck was I thinking? I didn’t even belong here!

     I pondered my situation for a long time, slowly depleting the whiskey and my supply of cigarettes. I’d had my share of one night stands sure, and any other time I’d be calling my best buddy and being like ‘I got laid bro!’, but this was an entirely different context. I knew nothing of ponies and their manners of courting and mating. For all I knew I had bound myself for life…to a pony no less! A hot pony, but still a bloody pony! I had defiled a sweet and innocent creature and most likely misled her romantically. And then there were Rarity’s friends as well – considering how close they were, if I made any promises and didn’t keep them they’d have my head on a pike! They seemed like the kind of chicks who could do some damage if they were sufficiently pissed off.

     I honestly entertained the notion of fleeing for quite some time. I could just go find another town full of friendly pastel ponies! Friendly…that’s when I remembered everything Rarity had done for me and how kindly she’d treated me. I owed her a lot more than this…a hell of a lot more. Come on you puss, I thought, man up and deal for once instead of running away like a little bitch. I sighed heavily, tapped the barrel one more time to fill my flask, and set off to meet my fate, whatever it held.

-----

     It was bad. When I entered Rarity’s boutique I could hear her weeping upstairs. I facepalmed and headed up, opening the door slowly.

     “Rar…Rarity?” I slurred. Oh god I hadn’t even realized how drunk I was.

     “Oh! Well!” she began. I was gonna get it. “So you decided to come back did you? I take you out, buy you drinks, let you stay with me, give myself to you no less, and you run away?”

     “I um…needed to think…I…just took a walk?” I lied like an idiot

     “Don’t you even dare! I saw you bolt out of here! And you’re drunk again! Was it that bad that you have to drown yourself in whiskey just to forget about it?” She began tearing up again.

     “Look, I…I’m sorry, but I mean, you’ve probably slept with tons of jerks like me…” As soon as I said this I realized it was pretty much the worst possible thing I could’ve said.

     “I am not a whore, you insensitive cur! For your information that was my first time…”

     Oh god.

     “…and I was saving myself for someone special…”

     Oh god I’m a complete asshole.

     “…and you spurn me like this?”

     “Wait lemme just explain…”

     “NO! Get out! Out of my house now!” I hit the dirt as the enraged unicorn hurled a vase of flowers at me. “OUT!” She shouted again as I stumbled down the stairs and out the front door. I made the mistake of pausing when I got out the door, and a ceramic lamp shattered over my head – she was throwing things at me from the window. I hobbled as fast as I could toward the bar, still able to hear Rarity shouting in the distance.

-----

     “…so then she threw some shit at me and I came here,” I told Berry Punch. She had wry smile on her face as I finished my tale.

     “You fucked up,” she laughed.

     “Ya think?” I suppose that being a bar tender she was used to these sort of stories. At least I had someone to talk to. There was nobody else in the bar at eight in the morning.

     “Well, here’s your pity party,” Berry said, pouring me a glass of gin, “that’s the only one you get, so enjoy it.”

     “Thanks,” I deadpanned. “So what do you think I should do?”

     “What can you do? You pissed off one of Ponyville’s star citizens, and by extension, her friends, all of whom are well connected. They can and probably will make your life hell unless you do something to get back in Rarity’s good graces.”

     “I’m screwed, I get it, you can stop rubbing it in now.”

     “Honey, you’re in my bar, you can leave any time you want.”

     I didn’t want to leave. I’d probably be lynched. Then again it wasn’t going to be much fun sitting at a bar all day with no money. Then I remembered something…

     “Hey,” I said to Berry, “wanna have a drinking contest?”

     “Oh you’re on!”