Lyra was interesting, I’ll give her that.

     “Can I touch them?” she asked, the look in her eyes one of pure lust.

     “Uh, look, we just met, so about that I’m gonna have to…”

     “She means your hands,” Rarity interjected with a little laugh.

     “Oh…um…okaaaay…” Instantly the minty unicorn grabbed at my hands with her hooves, stroking them, prodding them, examining them. She nuzzled one with her snout and I could hear her inhale deeply. When she opened her mouth to lick my right hand I withdrew, my eyes wide. “Okay, so…that’s that then…”

     Awkward Silence

     Suddenly the green unicorn turned around facing the bar denizens. “SEE?! THEY’RE REAL! I’M NOT CRAZY!” I didn’t think that the first statement necessarily supported the second. All the ponies just stared, expressions ranging from shock to confusion to hilarity on their faces. The cream colored pony in the back was holding her face in her hooves, shaking her head slowly.

     Lyra proceeded to throw herself between me and Rarity and barrage me with questions about myself and humans in general. I tried my best to answer but she was practically manic with excitement, often cutting me off in the middle of one answer to ask another question. As the evening drew on the questions got more and more personal in a creepy kind of way, culminating with the last one.

     “Do you want to come home with me? We could get a little more in depth on the subject of human…anatomy…” Lyra proposed. Behind her Rarity was shaking her head vigorously and mouthing NO NO NO NO!

     “That’s a very kind offer, miss Lyra, but I’m…” I drew a blank until Rarity pointed at herself “…I’m staying with Rarity and helping…with…her laundry?” I tried to figure out what Rarity’s pantomime meant. Oh well, close enough?

     “Well if you change your mind here’s my address,” she handed me a piece of paper, “come by any time…” she winked at me as she walked off in her wobbly bipedal fashion to rejoin her companion, who, for the record, looked irate. When she was out of earshot I realized Rarity and her friends were giggling at me. Even Twilight had a little smirk going on.

     “What in the actual hell was…”

     “Lyra has a human fetish,” Rarity was bemused, “You being here probably just made her life.”

     “She’s um…”

     “Creepy?”

     “Yeah…” I said, shaking my head and pouring myself another scotch. Wow, I hadn’t realized it but all the nervous drinking I had done while playing one million questions with Lyra had left me quite wasted. “I think I need to get out of here,” I told Rarity, “find a place to sleep.” Rarity looked suddenly offended.

     “Well,” she huffed, “that’s one way to refuse an invitation!”

     “Wait, you were serious? I can stay at your place?” I was surprised.

     “Of course. Dear me what kind of element of Generosity would I be to refuse you?” I wasn’t quite sure what she meant but at least I knew I’d have a warm place to sleep that night.

-----

     Rarity said her goodbyes, I awkwardly acknowledged each of her friends, and we left the bar. I remember very little after that, only that Rarity had more booze at her house. There was drinking, laughter, some awkward blushing on both our parts…then I blacked out.

-----

     I awoke the next morning under a luxuriously soft down comforter, surrounded by feather pillows. This is one hell of a guest room, I thought. I went to sit up but my shoulder was weighed down by something. Suddenly I recognized the softness and warmth against my body. I turned my head slowly. Resting peacefully next to me, a small smile on her delicate features, was Rarity. When I moved she stirred and pulled me closer, letting out a contented humming sound.

     Oh Snap. I banged a pony.