December meant her attic was freezing cold—every panted breath steamed in the air before her—but Sunset still felt like she was burning up from the inside. Her emotions were a roiling storm within her, one that she was seeking to quiet in the one way that always seemed to work. The sound of flesh impacting the punching bag echoed in the empty space, the redhead’s body a blur of constant motion as she attacked the bag with fists and feet.

As the sound of an impact echoed in the air, she could see it all again...

Warmth suffused her as she lay cuddled up to Twilight on the bed, eyes drawn to the curve of her girlfriend’s neck while she read. Something about the position resonated with her, and before she could consider whether or not humans showed affection that way, she found Twilight’s ear with her teeth, kissing and nibbling, laughing when it made the smaller body squirm. That heat in her veins continued to build as she traveled down her neck, when she took the bookworm’s hair down from its ponytail, and she found she really enjoyed using her mouth on the human girl’s skin like she would have on another pony. Especially when Twilight made a cute little whimpering sound and leaned into the touch—Sunset found she wanted more...

It had felt wonderful...not holding back, not trying to play at being human, even if it was only for a short while. Twilight had liked the pony-style affection, and it had made the warmth inside Sunset transform into an inferno of heated, hungering want. That want had clouded her thinking, her judgment—it had felt good, pinning her companion under her, feeling her shudder and writhe, feeling her twist to beg for a kiss, and the former unicorn just couldn’t bear for it to end so soon, even though the feelings terrified her.

She brought her weight to one leg, striking out with a flurry of kicks against the bag, watching it lurch from the impact on the metal cable it hung from. The dull ache in her limbs did little to distract her from the recollection of heat in her middle.

If she’d been an inferno before, Sunset was approaching the heat of Celestia’s solar charge now, her core aching with every beat of her pounding heart. Even her cycle in Equestria had never felt like this, had never made her mind hazy with a need she couldn’t quite grasp, and nothing she’d ever done with this body had ever felt this way, and Twilight was managing to do it with just a kiss. They broke apart with ragged breaths, foreheads touching, and Sunset managed the two syllables of her girlfriend’s pet name, the only coherent thing she could throw together in that moment.

The burning was a pulsing tingle now, like magic gathering under her skin, as it traveled towards her horn. It took her addled mind a moment to remember she didn’t have a horn in this body...and how could she be channeling her magic without the girls? She tried to gather her wits enough to force the power down, and then Twilight moved under her again, trying to roll over onto her back.

Time seemed to slow, the heated magic scalding hot in the place where her horn should be when Twilight’s thigh pressed inadvertently into the crux of Sunset’s legs. Her whole body throbbed in response, her nerves carrying a message of sharp pleasure so wonderful it almost hurt and a wave of carnal desire so strong she couldn’t breathe right. Her magic threatened to surge, and near blind terror ripped through her. If she lost control, had a surge here and now, her Sparky would be caught in it. She tore herself off the other girl so forcefully she hit the footboard of the bed...

Even now, she couldn’t understand why she had felt her magic trigger and threaten to surge, especially because it had felt...different. Her magic had always felt like power and warm energy, and its worst surges had always been born of fire, but this wasn’t quite this same heat, or the same rush of emotions lashing outward. It was hunger and need and a desperate compulsion to...do...something, though she wasn’t sure what.

It scared her, her magic and body acting without her control, without her consent, and the aching want reminded her of the monster she had been, of the demon she had become. She could remember it with crystalline clarity, the way rage and desire and envy had braided together and transformed her, the way she had felt, consumed by those emotions until it was the entirety of her Self, the way she had sensed the wants, desires and fear of those around her...the smug satisfaction when she had transformed Snips and Snails the way they had wanted....

In turn, those feelings reminded her of her failings, the moments when she had lost control....

“...You don’t belong here—this school is only for unicorns who matter, whose lives will mean something.” Opalescent Sheen sneered at her, his lip curled in disgust.

“Yeah,” chimed in his friend, Polished Marble, tossing his two tone gray and white mane. “It has no place for unwashed fillies who are so disappointing that even their dirt grubbing, bit-less parents threw her out with the trash.”

“Somepony should put her back in the gutter she crawled out of.” A hoof pushed her towards the side of the path. “I’m sure Princess Celestia would appreciate the favor. She can’t possibly want some ugly, stupid trash in the palace. Tell me, trash pony, was one of your dirt pushing parents a grimy mud-pony? I bet it was your dad.”

Tears burned in Sunset’s eyes. She didn’t understand why these other ponies were so angry with her, or why they didn’t want her here. She’d worked hard to get in, and the Princess had been proud of her. Surely that mattered?

“Now now, Marble...you should know better than to ask the trash about her family. We all know she doesn’t have any. She’s just trash the Princess hasn’t gotten around to throwing away yet. Probably sent her here to get a break from the smell.”

That wasn’t true, she found herself screaming at the colts before her. “I wanted to come here! I worked hard, Mo—Princess Celestia is proud of me!” One tiny hoof struck the stones for emphasis. “I deserve to be here just as much as anypony else!”

The biggest of the colts, aptly named Stonewall, body checked her, hard. The shorter, spindly legged filly staggered into a nearby statue, feeling pain along her barrel from the impact. “Isn’t that cute? She thinks the Princess is her mommy. She’s not even worth being half mud-pony. I bet she’s actually part zebra. They’re ugly savages without the brains to build real houses.” He leaned close. “You don’t deserve anything!” he told her. “You aren’t worthy of licking the mud off our hooves, let alone being in the same room as Princess Celestia. She would never want to be your mother, because who could ever love something like you?”

Something in Sunset snapped like a dry twig, and magic roared through her tiny body as she gave a hellish scream of challenge no filly that small should have been able to produce. Everything was a red haze, and all she could taste was smoke and blood, her ears filled with mocking laughter and the sound of her own screaming...

A shudder rippled through her. She’d come back to herself when Princess Celestia had shown up and overridden her magic, taking the wild display of power away from the little amber body. The damage had already been done, with everything in a thirty foot radius looking like the epicenter of a bomb, burned and shattered—including the colts who had been harassing her. Stonewall had been barely recognizable, beaten bloody and broken with the tail of the statue he’d shoved her into, and Polished Marble had not had a single remaining unscorched hair on him. The colts had all spent time in the palace infirmary on the Crown’s coin, being tended to and treated by the healers there, and during the lecture the Princess had given her, she’d been sure to read off the list of injuries Sunset had caused to her peers.

She could remember that list, with clarity. All of Stonewall’s legs had been broken, his one foreleg in six different places along not just the cannon and the radius, but she’d bludgeoned his humerus into bone fragments for a third of its length. That wasn’t even counting the broken jaw and cracked maxilla, or the broken ribs, or the soft tissue injuries to muscles and tendons. Even with the palace healers, he’d walked with a limp for over a year, and avoided her like the plague. The other colts had fared better, with relatively minor burns and temporary fur loss, and a few broken bones…but it had still been a list of injuries delivered in that cutting, disappointed tone by the Princess.

The worst of it was, for all that Celestia had lectured her, and despite all that had happened in the interim, Sunset could still remember how good it had felt when the rage had overtaken her, the rush, the power, the satisfaction of making the colts hurt like she had. The rush had been addicting, that feeling of finally coming out on top against a world that seemed determined to grind her down, of being superior to others, having them skirt away from her on the path instead of mocking her for things beyond her control. It had become her armor, the knowledge that she could destroy anyone who hurt her…and it had been one of the bigger steps that had led to her transformation. More than that, the rush was still there, when the fire in her soul burned its brightest, and it seemed it was no longer limited to her rage.

The former unicorn screamed her fury, rearing back on one leg again and snapping her other leg out in as hard a kick as she could muster. The bag jolted away from her with a strange sound, and she watched, muscles burning with overuse and exhaustion, as it arc’ed away from her and to the floor, the heavy duty material finally rupturing where the cable had attached. It landed with a thump, spilling its innards across the wood floor and exercise mat. Sunset lowered her leg, shaking and panting, one hand wiping the sweat off her face. “…ponyfeathers…”

Blue-green eyes searched the room for something else to channel her emotions into, catching on some forgotten sheet music. “…that might work…” she mused aloud, before staggering towards the stairs. She had to work through this…to sort herself out, figure out what she wanted and what she was going to do. That meant getting her feelings to a point where she could actually think effectively. She owed Twilight that much.

Sunset heard rather than saw the door shut behind Cadence as the woman left to help Twilight Velvet with dinner. For a long moment, she hugged the body against her tighter, pressing her face into a lavender neck firmly enough that she could feel the steady pulse of Twilight’s heart. Her girlfriend was snuggling into her, fingers tracing lightly through Sunset’s mane in a way that always felt comforting.

“Sunset?” came the soft question after a few minutes of them just existing and breathing in each other’s presence. “…I know Cady explained a lot, but…I’d like to talk to you about us, if that’s alright?” She lifted her head worriedly, finding Twilight’s eyes with her own. The dark haired girl smiled at her, leaning to place a kiss on her lips. “Nothing bad, Sunny. You’re still my best friend, no matter what, and I still want to be your girlfriend as long as you still want to be mine.”

“I do!” the former unicorn blurted. “…More than anything, Sparky…this…us? It’s the best thing in my life and special to me in ways I can’t explain.”

“That’s why I want to talk about this. The most important part of any relationship—even friendships—is communication. Even if we don’t always succeed in what we want to say, we should at least try.” Twilight’s fingers played with her hair. “I want to make sure we aren’t doing anything you’re not comfortable with.” A blush darkened her cheeks. “…I don’t want to push you into anything you aren’t ready to deal with, no matter what I might be ready for.”

The implications hit her hard, her innards twisting in an odd way that sent a shiver through her. She studied the girl in her lap and realized she could read the desires hidden in purple eyes, desires that she found herself wanting to fulfill. Her heart gave a lurch, fear and want at war once more. “I…I’m not sure I can…answer that yet. I…don’t know…this is all so new and I need to think…”

Sunset pressed their foreheads together, desperately needing the comfort it gave her. “…Can we…put that talk on hold for now?” she asked softly. “…I need time to sort through…everything that today brought up. Too many feelings, old and new…things I…want to be alone to think about. It’s…” she inhaled slowly, trying to keep her breathing level. “This…isn’t little for me. These feelings, the way I want you, the way you make me feel…this is…” she fumbled, trying to find the right words.

Twilight pressed closer, hugging Sunset tightly. “Its not a choice you want to make lightly,” she guessed.

“Yeah...” she took a breath. “It’s not…you’re...too important, Sparky. I have to sort my head out first…because I don’t want to mess this up. I’m sorry…” She couldn’t explain it all, not without explaining to the girl in her lap the truth of her origins…and Sunset still wasn’t ready to do that yet.

A soft smile, and her companion kissed her again, this one soft and sweet with none of the recent fire that had been burning between them. She sank into the feelings, the cozy warmth it made her feel calming the tempest in her heart. When they separated, Twilight rested a palm against an amber skinned cheek. “You don’t have to be sorry. We’ll just enjoy tonight like we always have, and you take the time you need to think about it. No rush, no pressure. I care about you, Sunset, a lot, for who you are, not for something I want from you.”

The redhead rubbed her nose against Twilight’s affectionately. “…Thanks, Sparky. I..care about you too…I’ll…try not to take too long.”

Sunset groaned as she hit the bottom step and reentered the main area of the loft. Her trusty punching bag was a goner, and she didn’t feel any less agitated and wound up than she had before she had beaten it to oblivion. She found herself with a desperate desire to talk to someone who could understand her problem and position.

The silence in her loft was matched by a similar internal silence, and she kicked at a ball of discarded notebook paper on the floor. “Really?” The redhead groused to the air. “Two weeks ago, I can’t get a moment’s peace from my own subconscious, in everything from cooking to my love-life, and now, when I actually want a Stupid Little Voice to tell me what to do, I get nothing?”

The corner of her mind remained quiet, the snarky, unfiltered inner voice unresponsive. She laughed, a bitter sound. “Way to go, Shimmer. You’ve finally lost your mind. You’re actually hoping to hear voices!” She dropped her face in her hands, emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed.

The outside world chose that moment to intervene, jolting Sunset with the blaring sound of her phone ringing. She groaned, reaching for it and thoroughly expecting to find it to be some random sales call. Instead, Rarity’s name flashed on the display, and she answered hurriedly, fearing it might’ve been some sort of emergency.

“Rarity? Is everything alright?”

The designer sounded a tad surprised on the other end. “Everything’s quite alright, darling. I just find myself at loose ends this evening, and I needed to take a break from a design that isn’t turning out like I’d hoped.”

Sunset’s brows furrowed. “Oh?” she found herself asking, unsure of how else to respond.

“Yes...I’m just not happy with the way the colors look with the cut of the dress. I decided to take a break and perhaps go get something sweet from Sugarcube Corner, and something told me you could also use a breath of fresh air. Would you care to join me?”

Her mouth opened to refuse the offer, but the words fell away as she considered the invitation. “You know what? That sounds like a great idea—I need to get out of my own head for a bit...I’ll meet you there in ten?”

“Excellent, darling! I shall see you there!”

So now we see it a bit from Sunset's side, and its a tad more complicated than just "freaking out because oh gods I'm horny!"

Magic is dangerous, and uncontrolled magic in the hands/hooves of someone with emotional control issues are even more so.

Still, I wonder what could be going on with her magic. Curiouser and curiouser...

Additionally, on a whim, i decided to give you lot an extra chapter this week because I can. There will be a normal chapter update on friday.