Twilight felt an obscure, unsettling pain in her chest as she watched Sunset push back her chair and make her way from the dining room on shaky legs. Dinner had been awful—all the little details she’d caught in those stolen glimpses of her girlfriend had rattled her. The way her eyes were half shut against the intrusion of the overhead light, the way her hands kept curling into loose fists that tucked defensively against her chest when she wasn't actively focused on eating, and of course, the uncomfortable silence…as if all the animation that made the redhead so uniquely Sunset Shimmer had been drained away…

And it was all Twilight’s fault.

She wanted nothing more than to rush after the older girl, babbling all the apologies she could think of, promising never to do this again, whatever it took to bring back her Sunny and the light she always saw in her eyes. Yet the words stuck in her throat, her whole body paralyzed; it felt like she was entirely encased in lead, immobile, frozen, unable to move no matter how her mind demanded her limbs respond. Only her eyes seemed capable of following her command, watching as her mother moved to walk with Sunset out of the room, instructions accompanying the sound of headache medicine being shaken free of a bottle. “Go have a hot shower, sweetheart, and then get some rest. We’ll be here if you need us…” Velvet’s voice murmured from the hall.

Innards twisted painfully as Twilight stared at the door and listened to the exchange, Sunset mumbling something before her footsteps carried her up the stairs. It should be her taking care of her girlfriend when she was upset, not her mother…but she had no right this time. Not when she had caused this, with careless, harsh words spoken and a single minded fixation on getting the results she wanted.

The teen bit the inside of her own cheek to help fight back the tears that wanted to flow, not for the first time cursing the way her brain was incapable of functioning normally and how that always seemed to cause disaster at the worst possible moment. How could you? she berated herself as she listened to the exhausted, dragging sound of Sunset’s footsteps make their way upstairs and down the hall. After everything she’s told you, how could you be that stupidly insensitive?

Looking away from the door caused her eyes to fall on her father’s, and she couldn't hold back the tears any more. They made tracks down her cheeks, and the words she forced out felt like jagged glass in her throat. “…Da…daddy,” she croaked, feeling more like a child than ever, “how…how do I fix this?”

Night Light closed his eyes, and Twilight could feel the ticking of seconds marching by at a painfully slow pace, as if time itself had slowed to a near halt. She felt like it took an eternity for her father to make his judgment, and time only resumed when he moved his chair and held out one arm to her. It was all the invitation she needed to scramble from her chair, almost tripping in her haste to accept the offered comfort, catching herself came with the pain of biting her tongue and the numbing agony of her elbow hitting the edge of the table, the blow making her whole lower arm go tingly and numb.

She half collapsed into her father’s embrace, hot tears scalding her face and soaking into his shirt. In the way her parents always had, he offered no comment at first, only held her in a tight hug with one arm and used his hand to rub feeling back into her wounded elbow while she cried. “I h-hurt Sunset,” she wept into his collar. “R-really hurt her!” Twilight knew she sounded like a small child, but at that moment, it didn't matter. Not compared to the gaping wound in her relationship with Sunset. With that hanging over her, she desperately wanted her parents to swoop in and…

And what? her mind demanded

…and just fix everything. Find a way to turn back time to the start of the evening, before she’d opened her mouth and said those awful, hurtful things, to undo the act that put a look like that on her Sunny’s face. It didn't matter that it was an impossible wish—there had to be a way to fix it, and she needed them to tell her how, because she didn't know how to do it on her own.

“I s-said such horrible things! I didn't mean them, not really,” Twilight continued. “I never wanted to be like that…I wasn't thinking right and I got so caught up in being frustrated that…that it just came out!” Her breath caught in a hiccupping sob, the words tumbling out. “Sunset’s my—” she swallowed the truth, the half second pause barely discernible. “…my best friend, the best one I’ve ever had, the…the f-first person who wasn't f-family to j-just accept me and get me…” She knew she was babbling at this point, but she didn't care. “…I messed that all up…and I don't know how to fix it, to make it better!”

Through it all, her father just held her in that tight hug, rubbing circles on his back like when she was little. At some point her mother joined them, murmuring her name softly and combing fingers through her hair. In that moment, it bothered her that they were being so kind…she was the one who had done something wrong!

“You should be mad at me…why aren't you mad at me?” Twilight mumbled into her father’s shirt. “I did an awful thing to Sunset—you should all hate me!” Her breath hitched in her throat; deep inside, a part of her mind begging for a scolding just as long as it came with a way to fix the damage she’d done, to undo the whole horrible evening.

"I'm not mad at you, Twily." Her mother's voice, gentle, so gentle, held a firmness that she couldn't evade, even if she wanted to. "None of us hate you. I don't hate you. Your father doesn’t hate you…and Sunset doesn’t hate you. I am, however, disappointed in your behavior.” Velvet pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

The teen sniffled. “…but I…I h-hurt her…I did to Sunset what she’d never, ever do to me. Worse than anything Alabaster or Jade could do, b-because n-no one expects them to be n-nice…and I don't understand why you're being n-nice to m-me. I don’t deserve it!” She struggled to breathe around tears and snot and her own ragged airways. “You should be mad and punishing me!” Her hands came up as she pushed away from her father, her voice spiraling higher with her agitation. “Consequences…something…just give me a punishment…and help me fix this! I can't lose Sunset! I can't!”

Night sighed softly. “Twilight, you need to stop and breathe for me. Nice and slow…” The firm tone registered and she found herself obeying, working to slow her breathing and heart-rate to a manageable pace that didn't leave dark spots at the corner of her vision.

After she’d calmed, he spoke again. “Now…am I to understand that you feel a consequence being imposed on you for your behavior will help you calm down and more rationally handle how you can set things right with Sunset?”

Twilight nodded frantically, her thoughts spilling forth unfiltered. “Yes, because that’s how it works,” she admitted, thinking back on all the lessons of her childhood. “It has to. I did something wrong…there’s a consequence, and then it can all be fixed…” It made sense, even if she cringed inside at the childlike simplicity of her words…despite that, she needed it to be that simple. Trying to do things in an adult way had been what had gotten her into this situation in the first place…

She sensed, rather than saw, her parents having one of those wordless conversations, the silence pressing down on her. Eventually, her father broke the silence. “…and…just what…exactly do you think would be a reasonable punishment for having hurt a member of this family?” he asked carefully. “Taking away your books? Denying you your lab? Giving you extra chores?”

Right then, she didn't care about the details of the punishment, only that it happened. “Any of them, all of them,” she croaked.

“While I know those things have been used as punishments in the past…I’m not entirely sure they’re appropriate in this case,” Night pointed out, frowning deeply.

The teen shook her head, trying to explain. It made sense in her head, was calm and rational, a formula she could follow. It was that that she did her best to communicate. “It needs to be a fair and equal consequence…my behavior didn't just hurt Sunset—it took something away from her that I know she looks forward to immensely.” Her mother twitched, and Twilight pulled free from both parents entirely, pacing slightly back and forth in the dining room as she laid out her thoughts. “Dinner and family night on Fridays mean do much to her, more than she ever says…losing something something of equal value or importance is…only fair…and I need to apologize.”

She paused in her pacing to look at her parents, seeing unreadable expressions on their faces. “Yes, I do rather think an apology to Sunset is definitely something you should do,” Velvet acknowledged slowly, frowning slightly. “But…Twily…can you explain to me…why you think so?”

Confusion rose, battering at the edges of her mind. “Because I hurt her!” she reiterated. “I need to apologize, accept the consequences from you…to help put things right. Then I can try to make it up to her with a movie night tomorrow or something, because I spoiled today, and…” Twilight furrowed her brows. “That would fix it, wouldn't it?”

As she watched, her parents’ eyes locked in one of those frustratingly unreadable conversations that didn't involve any actual spoken dialogue, relying on subtle body language cues laden with information that even a lifetime of association hasn't made any easier for the lavender skinned girl to understand.

“Are you sure about that, Sparky?” The inner voice that sounded just like her girlfriend—Sunset was still her girlfriend, wasn't she?—chuckled in the back of her mind, sounding just as tired and strained as the real Sunset had seemed when she trudged up the stairs.

…she supposed yes, it was something she was fairly certain of, as she didn't quite know what her parents were conveying to each other at that moment.

And now she was over doing it, holding mental conversation with a facsimile of Sunset Shimmer created by her overstressed mind. Again. Maybe she should bring this up to her therapist at her next appointment. It couldn't be healthy. An invisible iron band constricted around her lungs, making it hard to breathe. Was she starting to lose her mind?

“Calm down and breathe, Twilight,” Mental-Sunset said firmly. “You're not going crazy, and that isn't the important thing to focus on right now. Stay with me on this.” The words were so Sunset that she found herself following the instructions automatically, imagining the older girl standing right next to her, a hand resting on the back of her neck, right where Twilight carried a lot of tension. “There we are. Good girl. Now…take another look, and stop trying so hard. You know your parents…just absorb the way they look right now.”

Twilight blinked slowly, as time seemed…to move at the speed at which molasses poured. Her parents…looked…upset…uncertain?

“They're trying to decide if it's better to be painfully honest now or if another time might be better.”

Focusing on her parents one at a time, she struggled to take in the details of each one. Her father looked tense, his shoulders stiff and his face creased with frown lines, and his fingers fiddled restlessly with his napkin. “He wants to protect you,” the husky voice close to her ear supplied in something close to a whisper, “but he’s come to the realization that keeping the truth from you might do more harm than good right now. He doesn't like it.” Her mother, on the other hand, had her jaw set in a way that looked just like Shining’s when he got stubborn, and she was leaning forward slightly, still standing. It had the effect of making her mother seem like a much larger presence than her father. “She wants to protect you too, but she wants to just rip the bandage off quickly. She knows you value knowledge over ignorance.”

The teen filed the knowledge away, her emotions in flux now. She shook her head, feeling somewhat…bemused…but also…

She wasn't sure how to label the emotion, she determined. It was…positive but neutral? There but not all encompassing and somewhat dwarfed and diminished by the other emotions fighting for dominance inside her head.

“Trust me, I get it. Been there, done that, got the souvenirs to prove it. Now…you can do this. You need to do this, Twilight Sparkle. Not for me…but for yourself.”

…why was it starting to feel like her conscience had hijacked her girlfriend’s personality?

Rich laughter that was far more sexy than any mental creation had a right to be. “Oh, if you only knew…but now is not the time for that. Go on.”

Mental-Sunset was right. Twilight forced herself to take several slow and deep breaths as time resumed its normal pace. Gathering her courage and pretending she could actually feel long amber fingers massaging the back of her neck, she interrupted her parents’ wordless exchange. “Mom, Dad…? You’re…doing that conversation thing again…and it's about me. You're trying to decide on…how to tell me something you…don't think I’ll appreciate hearing?” She felt more than a little pleased with how level her voice came out, barely any wobble to it at all. Swallowing hard, she pushed forward. “I think…if…if you would like to consider my opinion in this matter… then…I would like you to tell me, please.”

It was getting hard to breathe again, and her throat hurt, necessitating another round of slow breathing exercises before she could keep going. Both her parents were now giving her their full attention. “Even if it’s…h-hard to hear…I w-would rather be told.” The dark haired girl squared her shoulders with a rush of confidence. “I caused this situation…and now I need to fix it, somehow, but given that you did not agree immediately with my previous…proposal…I am quite capable of extrapolating that it is…not the best solution. That I am…clearly missing some cue or rule of social behavior, and I won’t know what unless you tell me.”

Twilight had fallen back on formal speech—it gave her something to focus on amidst the tempest her emotions felt like they had become, allowing her to have some kind of mental clarity as she watched the expressions on her parents' faces shift and change. She detected sadness…but…pride?…on her father’s face, echoing the sad smile on her mother’s, and she realized with a jolt that she had arrived at the conclusion that she had hit upon the very thing they had been uncertain about telling her.

“See? You're not as bad at this as you think, Sparky. You just have to learn to use that beautiful mind of yours instead of treating this like some kind of magical knowledge.”

…and now her conscience or Id or whatever Mental-Sunset represented was going a bit too far into recreating the older girl. It was getting weird.

“Only the best for you, Twilight.” She would swear she could feel hot breath on her ear. “But…I can take a hint…just remember…if you need me…I’ll be here. It'll take more than a little fight to get rid of me…” And then the manifestation was gone, leaving the room somehow colder and more empty.

Twilight exhaled slowly, trying to keep from shuddering as she let the air leak from her lungs, trying to conceal her state from her parents, lest it cause more worry. Unfortunately, Velvet had noticed the slight tremble in her breath.

“Why don’t I make us some hot tea, and we’ll discuss this further?”

“…tea would be….wonderful…right now…” Twilight agreed. A hot mug to hold in her hands would help to push back the cold and maybe dispel the icy lump at the core of her, even if just partially. Not to mention, she associated hot tea with Sunset, who kept a stash of it in canisters in her makeshift kitchen that would be right at home in some fancy British household—yet one more clue that the redheaded girl had spent formative years overseas. Most people in the states didn't even know that many kinds of tea existed. “Then…maybe we can…discuss whatever alternative proposal you have, and help me understand why…why it is better than mine?”

She was determined to put it all right, no matter what it took.

Silence reigned for several minutes as containers of takeout were put away in the fridge and dinner plates replaced with steaming mugs, the family trading the dining room table for the smaller kitchen one. Twilight sat back in her chair, idly playing with the teabag. Her mother paused as she stepped past the teen’s seat, squeezing her shoulder warmly. “I’m proud of you, Twily..”

“What?” The dark haired girl jerked her head up to stare at her mother. “Why?! I caused the problem!” Hadn't Velvet just been acting disappointed in her earlier?

“Even so. I admit I was…disappointed in your earlier actions, and I am not happy this whole situation has occurred, but I am proud of your willingness to learn from this and improve. Sometimes the hardest part is admitting our own mistakes.” The touch on her shoulder became a hug that Twilight leaned into, basking in the warm comfort from her mother. “I’m also proud of you for your dedication in wanting to make amends with Sunset, sweetheart.”

Deep inside, something twinged painfully as she remembered that this kind of familial love and support was something her best friend had lacked for most of her life. Before she could self-censor, Twilight blurted, “…you were there for Sunny earlier, after I left with Dad…weren't you?”

Velvet nodded. “She and I talked when she came downstairs,” she acknowledged.

“…Thank you…” Twilight’s eyes swept the room, avoiding her mother. “…for being there for her, and…listening to her…when I wouldn’t. I’m glad she wasn't alone.” Something tickled her perceptions and she blinked, realizing that Sunset’s boots were tucked up against the front wall of the kitchen, and her leather jacket draped over the back of the solitary empty seat…instead of in the front hall where she normally shed them. The knowledge hit her like ice cold water to the face: Sunset had been going to leave.

Her heart hurt, as though someone had jammed an icicle through it.

Settling into her own chair and taking a sip of her tea, Velvet hummed in her throat. It was a sound of agreement, if a neutral one. “While I have no intention of sharing the details of what Sunset said—much of it was said in confidence, which means telling you about it is her decision—I will say that your words and actions had a…”

The woman paused, giving Twilight the sense that her mother was choosing her words extremely carefully. It made the teen sit up and pay closer attention to her mother’s words, placing them in context of what she knew of her girlfriend. “…I believe they affected her more severely than you may have intended or realized.” Twilight Velvet frowned. “Though…and this is mostly conjecture on my part…I suspect that…” There was another poignant pause, her mother making a face before continuing, the expression suggesting she had several stronger and more unpleasant labels in mind than what she ended up using, “…this other ‘friend’ of yours…may have been far more aware of the effectiveness of her words on you…”

What? Twilight stared at her mother in disbelief. “Wallflower wouldn't—” Then she stopped, the rest of her declaration drying up as Sunset’s words in her room came back to her.

One finger tapped the rim of her mug, and Velvet spoke again, careful and deliberate, as if she wanted to remove any ambiguity from her statement. “That is not an accusation, but a suspicion I think you would do well not to dismiss out of hand. I could very well be wrong—I am not privy to this other girl’s mindset or perspective, but I cannot shake the gut feeling I have after Sunset recounted her experience with your friend.”

Twilight flinched, and forced herself to breathe steadily, pushing down the anger and frustration she felt, as well as the desire to defend Wallflower from the words. Sunset had been honest. Her mother was being honest. Neither had demanded or encouraged her to take their side…and her mother was only asking that she follow her normal procedure of logic and investigation.

So what were the facts, as she had them?

Fact: Wallflower was typically abrasive in words and mannerisms.

Fact: Wallflower’s intentions, emotions, and meanings were often difficult for Twilight to read accurately.

Fact: Wallflower had repeatedly expressed mistrust for Sunset, before having met her.

Fact: Sunset had been excited and happy to meet Wallflower prior to the meeting. She had listened to Twilight’s description of the other girl and been attentive and reassuring, showing obvious interest in not overwhelming Wallflower.

Fact: Sunset had shown up to the outing and been friendly but reserved, but not unkind.

Fact: Wallflower had left early, not more than ten minutes after Sunset’s arrival.

Fact: The very next day, Wallflower had immediately started on her insinuations that Sunset was up to something.

Fact: Sunset had said nothing for several days, until Twilight had brought Wallflower up to her.

Fact: Wallflower’s idea of funny sometimes struck Twilight as…mean or bitter, when it involved those she didn't like, such as Suri and her friends.

Fact: While Sunset did not always give her full details in regards to questions about her past, she had yet to lie to Twilight.

The dark haired girl stared into her tea, as if she could somehow find answers therein. Instead, memories about both Wallflower and Sunset flitted across her awareness, and she found herself unsettled by what the facts and her own experiences were telling her. Why did I never consider that she might have been ‘putting a spin’ on what happened? That her previous negativity had no weight on her comments about Sunset?

Purple eyes lifted to meet her mother’s. “You are…suggesting that…Wallflower may have exaggerated or misrepresented events to influence my perceptions?” she clarified, trying to make sure that she was on the same page as her mother.

“…yes…that is the sense I am getting from the situation as it has been presented to me, Twily.”

It hurt to say, especially because acknowledging it out loud was one more indicator that she had messed up beyond measure with her girlfriend—the best friend she’d ever had, her mind reminded her cuttingly—but it needed to be said. “…I…am beginning to believe you may be right…” Her face felt hot in counterpoint to the way the rest of her body was icy cold, but she forged ahead. “…in thinking back, I…can admit to noticing a certain level of paranoia, mistrust and even hostility to those outside our friendship circle in the last three years…it is not beyond the realm of possibility that she might interpret events in a way that fits her preconceived notions and perceptions.”

Night Light made a low sound in his throat. “Unfortunately, people can be like that, Twilight.”

She frowned. “What I fail to understand is why, in regards to Sunset. It…doesn't make sense. What does she stand to gain?”

“Twily, it could simply be the fact that Sunset is an exceptionally intelligent girl,” her father pointed out, his words, like her mother’s, carefully chosen. “From everything we’ve seen, she is very much your academic and intellectual equal, which is no mean feat.”

Twilight couldn't help the small smile that turned up the corners of her mouth. “…I’d noticed…it's one of my favorite aspects of our…friendship…”

He nodded and continued, “It makes us happy to see, because strong personal relationships like you have with Sunset require both parties to be equals, which is hard if there is too much of a discrepancy in key aspects…but that is not my point.” He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Or at least, not my entire point.”

She wasn't sure what Sunset’s intellect had to do with anything they were talking about. “…o…kay…?” Twilight ventured in confusion.

Her father made a loose gesture at her with a hand. “Twily…you have not been one to make friends easily…but Sunset quickly became your best friend. In weeks, rather than months or years, correct?”

The emotions inside her stilled a little at the warmth that she associated with her feelings for Sunset. “Yes…I connect with her better than I ever have anyone else, especially because of the aforementioned intellect. She…feels more like my equal in discourse and scientific pursuits, as you have intimated previously.”

Night rested his hand on the table. “And that’s a wonderful thing, Twily, one we’re extremely glad for, but…you’ve become closer to Sunset in the last six months than you are to any of your other friends, even ones whom you have known for years.”

Brows pinched together as she frowned. “…and you think that might be why Wallflower was trying to…influence my perceptions? As a case of jealousy because Sunset is my best friend or smarter than her?”

“Or possibly fear, sweetheart,” her mother interjected, drawing her attention. “We don't really know your other friend, but you have mentioned that she seems lonely. She might simply be scared that she is going to lose you as a friend to Sunset because you connect better with her.”

“But I wouldn't—!” Twilight stopped. But you did, didn't you? her mind whispered traitorously. You have been wrapped up in Sunset. You forgot Moondancer’s letters, you have barely talked to Wallflower for the first half of the year…

Velvet gave her a gentle pat on her arm. “We’re not saying you would, or that this is exactly what's happened, but I do feel it's a lot more plausible than any kind of Machiavellian scheme.”

Silence fell as Twilight sat there, her thoughts and emotions a maelstrom that threatened to drown her. It took everything she had to just focus on breathing over the roaring in her ears. Distantly, she heard her parents saying her name, but she couldn't make them out, couldn't focus on the sounds, so she shook her head to get them to stop.

It took several minutes before she had pushed the storm down enough to do anything else. “…I…I need to think…” she managed. “…If…if it's alright…I…have some data to transfer in the lab…I need to be by myself for a little while.”

Her parents conferred silently, and Twilight was grateful to just have the chance to keep breathing and get her body back under something resembling control. She lifted her head when her mother cleared her throat. “If you need some time and space to work through things on your own, that’s fine, Twily…” A brief hesitation, and then she added, “What would you like us to do if Sunset comes looking for you before you're done?”

“I…” The dark haired girl froze for a minute, uncertain how best to answer. Then she decided blunt honesty might work best. “…If she wants me…” Did Sunny still want her, after this? “…then either you or she can call me, and I’ll come back in…I’m not working on anything overly important…just data entry and file transfers…I’m…hoping that the fairly mindless and repetitive tasks…will allow me to organize my thoughts and calm down…so I can work through my thoughts, feelings, and actions in light of…everything, really.”

At her father’s raised eyebrow, she tried to manage something like a thin, wan smile. Twilight was not entirely sure she succeeded. “I…don't intend to do anything I might get caught up in, or that can't be paused and saved at any time… If Sunset…decides she wants to talk or…or…anything…I can drop it and come back inside.”

That got an approving nod from him. “That seems like a good plan, Twily. I would caution you though, to keep in mind the fact that Sunset may want to wait until tomorrow to talk to you, if she is tired and doesn't feel up to it tonight—and that it's okay if she does. It does not mean she won't talk to you ever, but some people take longer to be ready than others.”

Twilight remembered back to the night where she and Shining had argued with their mother, and how Cadence had slept in her old room for the night while Shining had gone back to their apartment alone. It had not signaled that the pair were breaking up, or that they would never talk it out, and while it had taken a while, whatever damage had been done had been repaired in a few weeks time. Then an older memory intruded, one from when she was small, a sort of soap bubble of time with sharp edges to where it began and ended. She’d been…four? Or five, maybe…but she’d taken it upon herself to take Shining’s brand new 10-speed apart to know how it worked…only he had interrupted before she could put it back together again. And he’d gotten angry. Yelled at her. Told her he never wanted to see her or talk to her again…

It had crushed her…and for three weeks she had cried and hidden in her room, thinking her big brother would never talk to her again. That he didn't love her anymore.

But that wasn't the case—eventually, he talked to her, and she apologized, and they’d worked out the problem—which involved him getting another bike and her doing chores with her mother as punishment. And the cracks had healed, leaving their family just as close as before. Sunset was just as important to her as her brother, Twilight decided, so if it took time for Sunset to be ready to talk, she’d wait.

Realizing he expected more of an answer than a nod of her head, she said softly, “I…will take that into account when thinking everything over, Dad.”

You know its bad when youre getting schooled by the voices in your head, Twilight. Maybe take a step back, girl, and reassess the situation.

Also, hooray for adults that arent morons or oblivious! Got to admit, in stories/media that focuses on teens or children as protagonists, I always hate the trope that all the adults are either completely stupid or blind. Some adults are, yeah, but not all of them.

(which is why the girls all have different family units with different levels of "paying the fuck attention." Like Rarity, whose parents are pretty much never around. Hard to pay attention when you're gone one month out of every two and a half.)

I will say that the chapters are slowly getting longer and longer...and I'm sorry this is probably feeling like its taking forever for you guys. This arc has been the most dense one, in terms of what's going on because its not just this arc, but a bunch of set up for the entire second volume of the story as well. Bunch of chess pieces to move here and there into place and all.

(We did manage to finish a whopping six chapters last week though, so.... *cheers* We're getting there.)

See you in the comments!