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Cross the Rubicon: Choices

by Majadin

Chapter 138: Chapter One Hundred and Six: Breaking the Habit

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Chapter One Hundred and Six: Breaking the Habit

This was officially the most awkward meal Sunset had ever eaten—and she’d once sat through a dinner involving griffon dignitaries from warring clans who spent the entirety of the meal trying to assassinate each other with dirty looks. Velvet and Night were carrying most of the conversation. She furtively watched her girlfriend, who wasn’t seated beside her as normal, but rather down the table on Shining’s normal seat. Twilight refused to look at her—at least directly—and hadn’t said one word since she’d gotten back with the food.

“Sunset? How’s school going?”

It took her several seconds to realize Night Light was addressing her, and she shrugged. “It's…about like normal, other than the craziness of it being a Friendship Games year.” Her lips twisted at the mention, an outward reflection of her inner feelings.

He tilted his head—the same way Twilight did, she noticed—and made a thoughtful sound. “Oh? I remember my Friendship games year. It was…exciting. You don't look so enthusiastic though.”

Sunset sighed. “I’m not, really. I just don't see the point in wasting time, money, and resources to host a bunch of people who remind me of the same kind of po—people I used to go to school with once. The kind of people who lord their victories over others, and take great pleasure in making others feel bad because they got bested in some silly sport or another. The kind of person I used to be. No matter how hard CHS tries, we’ve never won before, and I'm not sure we will this time…and even if we did, would CPA let us have it? I doubt it—they’ll either look for a way to say they actually won, or to discredit us, like an accusation of cheating.” She drummed her fork against her paper plate of shrimp lo mein. “Honestly, I’ve got enough on my plate there, between advanced classes, an independent project I’m working on at the principals’ behest, being in a band with the girls, and being the main organizer in a student group tutoring thing that a bunch of us started…I don't have time to worry or care about some silly sports competition.”

Looking even more thoughtful, Night rubbed his chin. “I confess, I never considered what it must be like for the students of Canterlot High during the Friendship Games, and how it all must feel…” He shook his head ruefully. “You raise a lot of very valid points, Sunset.”

“I think for a lot of people at school, it's a mixed bag,” Sunset admitted. “Some people are excited, because they think we have a chance to win, some people just don't want to give up…but honestly? A lot of them are just…going through the motions. Our school has never won a single event, in a competition that goes back something like five decades, and there’s not even any sense of sportsmanship from the other school. We’re not even asked if we even want to continue the Games. It's just some stodgy, hidebound ‘tradition’ at this point. If I could, I’d give the whole thing a pass.”

“You know,” Night said with a sly glance at Velvet, “…given Sunset’s feelings on the matter, and the fact that I know Twilight doesn't usually enjoy competitive events either…maybe we could organize a ‘family hooky day.’ I could take the day off work, the girls could call in sick from school, and we could go do something fun ourselves far away from school functions and sporting events.”

The redhead had to admit it was a tempting thought—she certainly didn't expect to be voted onto the team, and she really didn't care much about the Games…but…

Rainbow would make it onto the team. She was the best athlete in school, star of the soccer team, and that pretty much guaranteed her to be voted in as part of the Games team. And after the events of the last six months, she wagered several of her other friends would get voted in too—after all, who wouldn't vote for the ‘magic using superheroes’ to represent Canterlot High? It made her glad that she was technically still under probation from those kinds of activities and thus, votes for her wouldn't count.

Blue-green eyes flitted automatically across the table, to see what Twilight thought of this, and she was surprised to see that her best friend looked…almost ill and on the verge of panic. Why, Sunset couldn't say, and despite their…disagreement…argument…whatever it was…earlier, she decided to step in before whatever was ratcheting up Twilight’s anxiety triggered a panic attack.

“That sounds like it would be a million times more fun,” she told Twilight’s parents, smiling tiredly at them, “and I really wish I could…but I don't think I can.”

Velvet watched her for a minute. “Why do you say that, sweetie?”

Sunset ran a hand through her hair. “Well…partially because I’m still technically on probation for the rest of the year. Miss Luna and Principal Celestia made it clear last fall that I’m to be a ‘model student’—skipping school kind of falls into the list of things I was explicitly told not to do.” She played with her fork, eyes dropping to her plate as she didn't want to see the disappointment in their eyes. “And also because I’m pretty sure at least a few of the girls are going to be on our team, and even though I think the Games are a waste of time…I want to support my friends. They’ve done so much for me, been there for me…I want to be there for them, even if it's just a stupid competition, you know?”

She could feel the silence pressing in on her, somehow managing to make the low grade headache she’d been trying to ignore worse, and she closed her eyes, not sure she wanted to see the expressions on the other faces at the table at that moment. The week was catching up to her--after what had happened earlier she was feeling like a rag that someone had wrung out, and dealing with any other emotional stress, even just disappointment over the offer being rejected, was more than she could handle right now.

“That’s a real commendable attitude, Sunset,” Night Light broke the silence at last.

Her head snapped up quickly to stare at him. “What?”

Twilight’s father smiled warmly. “Wanting to be there to show support to your friends, even though you really don’t want to partake of the Games. Given the name of the event, and the supposed wording of the charter that they are organized under, you saying that is more in the spirit of them than the competition has ever been. It's commendable,” he explained. “Looking back at it now, from an adult perspective, I wish even half the students from either school had such beliefs—it might’ve led to a very different sort of Friendship Games if they had.”

Ducking her head a little in embarrassment from the praise, Sunset risked a quick glance at Twilight to see if she was still panicking. The panic was gone, but the expression she found instead made her feel worse, not better. Twilight was frowning down at her plate, shoulders hunched—the frown was practically a scowl, her brows pinched together, her eyes narrowed, her very demeanor closed off and agitated.

Was it because Sunset had implied CPA students were unpleasant? Or was this about the…argument…from earlier? Or was it something else? Twilight had never been overly defensive of her schoolmates before, but…her recent behavior around anything to do with her school and the people there had become increasingly volatile…and after the vision, the nightmare, and the dark magic, Sunset couldn't be sure. Especially because the digging into Crystal Prep and local history that she had asked Lyra to do had yet to bear fruit—not for lack of trying on the part of the girl who loved her conspiracy theories.

The former unicorn didn't have any answers, and right now, trying to pick the whole mess apart made her headache throb painfully in her temples. She looked away before her girlfriend could catch her watching, answering Night with a half smile and an awkward, “…I…didn't think about it like that. I was just wanting to be a good friend…”

Whatever response they had, she barely heard, and the conversation moved away from her to other things. Sunset let herself tune it out until it was all just a vague buzz to her ears, focusing on eating. She wasn't feeling hungry, if she was being really honest with herself, and it might as well have been cardboard for all she tasted it, but she knew she’d skipped lunch earlier to run some tests on her magic alone, and her body needed the calories.

It didn't help that said magic was skittering erratically along the inside of her skin in fits and bursts, like a horde of crawling insects. She was struggling to push it down—not out of fear of a surge, as it didn't feel like it was going to get away from her, but because it made her feel even more agitated, stirring up buried instincts and old habits alongside unpleasant emotions.

Sunset put another forkful of lo mein in her mouth, chewing mechanically. She couldn't taste it…didn't want it, not really, but a little piece of her nudged her forcefully, prodding her into finishing it and taking another bite, driven by a habit she’d thought she’d broken after her situation in the human world had stopped being so dire. It wanted her to eat her fill quickly, so the redhead could escape to someplace where she felt less exposed, less raw.

She told herself it was ridiculous, that she was acting like a neurotic mess, but it was just one emotion in the storm that was building inside her, especially when she caught Twilight staring at her with yet another frown she couldn't read. Her hands shook as she scraped her plate clean of food, drained the tea from her cup…

“Sunset, sweetie, are you alright?”

Velvet’s voice broke through the haze, and the amber skinned girl jerked her head up to look at her. The older woman looked worried. “…I…” How should she answer? “…my head hurts…” she settled on lamely.

Her girlfriend’s mother nodded in understanding. “Are you finished eating?” When she made a sound that was some kind of affirmative, Velvet reached over and touched her arm. “Then why don't you go upstairs. Take a shower, get comfortable, and maybe have an early night?”

That was the escape she needed. Wanted. With a mumbled thanks that even she could barely hear, and one last, furtive glance at her girlfriend, Sunset fled up the stairs.

Shower…she thought. That sounded nice…a way to ease the pounding in her head and the way her eyes felt grainy. Sunset grabbed a towel and her pajamas, and sought sanctuary under scalding hot spray and clouds of thick steam. With the lights on their dimmest setting, and the water cascading over her, the tangle of feelings rose to the surface, as if drawn up by the water itself, the way poison was leached from an open wound.

Hurt. She was hurt. Not just by the way Twilight had tossed her past in her face…no…if she was honest with herself…what had hurt most was that Twilight…

Tears fell, only noticed because of the burning in her eyes. Twilight…didn't believe her. Twilight had accused her…not of lying outright…but…of her perception of events being skewed…

Just like Princess Celestia…

Bitterness rose in her throat. It was too like the situations when she was a filly, when it had been her voice against her peers…and no one had ever believed her. They always believed the other foals. The foals who made her life a nightmare, who tormented and teased and mocked her, until she lost her temper, only to then point hooves at her and make her the villain.

Twilight had always given her a chance before…but this was the first time it had been a choice between Sunset and someone she considered a friend…and she’d believed Wallflower.

Anger rose up at the thought of the name, and of the girl who wore it. Wallflower…whose words and mannerisms could have been copied right from any of the noble-born fillies from CSGU…who treated Twilight with thinly concealed disdain and mocking…

The tears dried up quickly as her anger took hold of her, fought with her. Wallflower had been toxic from the get go, and the more she looked back at her own memories, the more little signs jumped out at her, registered to the part of her that had once held Canterlot High in her iron grip. She’d implied Sunset had stolen her jacket. Had disparaged her friends. Had treated Twilight—intelligent, curious, friendly, caring Twilight—like the lavender skinned girl’s inquisitive and knowledge-loving nature was annoying, something to be curtailed the way one did a puppy’s habit of jumping up on people. Sunset growled, fighting with her magic as little tongues of red flame flickered in and out of existence along her knuckles and forearms.

And yet, for all of that, Twilight acted as though Sunset were the one in the wrong…as if she had no right to be angry and upset with Wallflower. For some reason, Twilight felt it was okay for the green haired girl to treat both of them like that, but Sunset not wanting to be subjected to that was crossing a line.

Her anger snarled and growled inside her, not just at Wallflower, but at Twilight. That hurt, and it washed over her like ice water a moment later as she wrestled with her magic. Sunset didn't want to be angry at Twilight….but the former unicorn couldn't help herself. The dismissal of her feelings, the questioning of her point of view, the insistence that she just try harder…she found herself seething from the sheer injustice of it all…

She’d thought Twilight was different. Different from Princess Celestia.

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Grief and guilt swamped her. Twilight was not Celestia. It wasn't right to compare them, even under the circumstances. Her dark haired girlfriend had never done this before, and something about it wasn’t right, even now. It felt wrong, like some other hand was at work…like there was something Sunset was missing…and here she was getting mad instead of asking questions, instead of looking for answers.

Falling right back into old habits again.

Tartarus take her, she was pathetic.

The fury guttered, threatening to go out like a spent candle for just a moment, then reignited at an errant thought: the dark magic that had triggered a similar argument the month before, that had left the family spiritually wounded for most of a week. Other thoughts pushed forward…the vision that had triggered the Rainbow of Light…her nightmares of that shadowy, twisted landscape…the…hint…of something else in Twilight’s eyes…even Vice Principal Luna’s words about Crystal Prep…

Sunset's stomach twisted unpleasantly, the question of whether or not what had happened was another attack by the same dark force that had been skirting the edges of her life since the beginning of the new year. She hadn’t openly sensed any dark magic during her disagreement, but experience reminded her that this magic had proven capable of hiding from both her active and passive senses before. It had been Twilight and Shining going at their mother the first time when she had sensed it, but the day before Twilight had gotten into a screaming argument with her parents…and Sunset had sensed nothing. The parallels were too strong here to ignore, the teen decided with a pained grimace. She hadn't witnessed the first argument but the way Twilight had turned on her the moment she said no bore too much similarity to previous events not to be suspect.

Was that why her magic was so...active? Churning inside her like it was seeking a target, spilling out alongside her emotions? Flames gathered on her fingertips again as her anger had found its target in the form of that nebulous enemy behind the dark power that had been targeting her girlfriend’s family. Despite the way her head pounded, her focus sharpened, until crimson fire became a blood colored ball of seething plasma that hissed and spat steam when stray droplets of water touched it.

It had to be that twisted thing she’d seen in her vision…somehow…that was the creature responsible…but she had no idea what it was or how to fight it. Or what reason it had for targeting her Twilight, why it wanted her girlfriend.

The thought left the former unicorn cold, and her hand clenched into a fist around the fireball, snuffing it out. Think, Shimmer, she hissed to herself. Don't go charging after the shadow in the woods like a foolish foal...you know perfectly well how that story ends.

She slumped under the spray, her magic moving and writhing against the inside of her skin, fighting against her control. Something evil was after her Sparky, and a sense she still couldn’t identify but that had become increasingly attuned to Twilight—call it her gut, her magic, her instincts, even some kind of seventh sense—whatever it was, it was warning her that Twilight was being targeted…by something, somewhere that had an interest in Crystal Prep.

Sunset was finding it hard to breathe, the hot steam that had been comforting only minutes ago now feeling like it was suffocating her, hemming her in like a fluid, shifting wall. Amber fingers shut the water off and pushed the door open to the shower cabinet, allowing the steam to escape, its thick blanket replaced by chilled air that made goosebumps prickle along her skin as she stepped out onto the bathroom rug. Somehow, even that did not dispel the sense of being trapped but also exposed, and the shudder that passed over her was from more than just the cold as she hurriedly dried off.

The rough treatment, first from a shower far too hot and then from drying herself off with more haste than care showed, even through the layer of condensation on the mirror. Her skin was reddened and flushed, and that coupled with her earlier tears and pounding headache left her eyes bloodshot and the flesh around them looking dark and bruised. Sunset yanked her pajamas on, paying little notice to the way the moisture still in her hair left wet spots down her back and shoulders. She needed to think. To figure this out…to plan…to sort through the rest of her emotions even…she couldn't protect Twilight from an enemy if she was a breath away from screaming or crying.

For a wild moment, she actively considered calling the girls for help to…

To what? Her mind bit back, pointing out the obvious. What could they do right now? She didn't know exactly who her enemy was, or where they lived. All she had was some hunches and suspicions. It's not like she could even tell the family of her suspicions as things stood right now. They’d never believe her, and it would shatter everything she’d worked so hard to build here. Something in her mind laughed darkly at the mere thought of it. What would she even say? “Please, Mrs. Velvet, I think Twilight is being targeted by dark magic by an inhuman monster! I know because I’m actually a magical unicorn Magus from another world, pretending to be human because I screwed up so bad back home I’ve been exiled from my world! How, you ask? Oh, you know, stole a magical artifact of world ending power, turned into a rampaging she-demon, and nearly killed your daughter’s interdimensional pony princess counterpart.” They’d think her insane and delusional.

No…she needed more than she had. She needed proof. Not just magic she couldn't control or visions and nightmares. Hard evidence to prove that magic was real and Twilight was in danger…and what it was the enemy wanted. Why Twilight in the first place?

As much as she cared about her adorable, nerdy bookworm of a girlfriend, in the grand scheme of things, she wasn’t exactly globally important. Twilight Sparkle was brilliant, but she was a teenager, not a princess, or a demigoddess, or some important cultural figure…and it wasn't like with her and the girls, who possessed powerful magic and the echoes left by the Elements…Twilight had no magic at all—unless Sunset counted the way the younger girl made her feel when they kissed, but that was a different kind of ‘magic’ all together. So why would anything magical, dark or not, target her?

The question gnawed at her like an oversized Saddle Arabian Sand Flea when she left the bathroom, but she couldn't get her thoughts in order to even begin looking for the answer. Instead, she stared numbly between two doors, one marked with Twilight’s magenta star, and the other bearing her own name and cutie mark. Habit wanted to carry her to Twilight’s bedroom, to the bed with the pillow and side she thought of as her own, so she could bed down amidst the scent of honeysuckle, old books, and the myriad of little scents that were Twilight…but her twisting, unsettled emotions halted her.

Though she ached for the familiar, she felt uncertainty rise—would Twilight let it go, or would going there turn into round two of their not-quite-fight? She wanted to work through it…but not right now. Swallowing, Sunset forced herself to turn away from Twilight’s bedroom, her footsteps echoing oddly in her ears—something that they shouldn't have done anyways since the hall was carpeted. Each step was almost as painful as the throbbing in her skull, and she was trembling and breathing hard by the time she shut the door behind her.

Leaning back against the wood, she let her eyes sweep the dark room, her hand clenched on the doorknob in a white knuckled death-grip. Her skin prickled, and her back brain screamed about how exposed she felt, how even the empty shadows looked menacing. Sheer will forced her magic down as it threatened to spill out, and the redhead felt her ears pin back with the effort…

Her ears…oh, no…

One hand reached up, and she flinched as she realized she’d Ponied-Up, her fingers running over the sensitive furry appendage.

She also discovered that she needed to trim her nails, when she accidentally scratched her ear. Horseapples, that stung!

Shaking her head and jerking her thoughts back to the now, she let her head drop back against the door with a dull THUD that did nothing for her aching head. Her hand loosened the grip on the knob enough to turn the lock—she couldn't let the family see her like this, not yet, not until she could prove Twilight was in danger.

Sunset let out a whimper, a low sound of pain, and began to shake, her legs barely able to support her. The instincts to flee rose up, a desperate need to seek the safety of her friends, of Twilight’s family…of Princess Celestia—the herd, some dim part of her that sounded like her nerd pointed out, the pony part of her wanting to seek safety in numbers. It was a lesson drilled into every colt and filly, to run for help, to regroup with others, for adults to tackle dangerous foes with the aid of numbers.

She didn't have that though. Not that she ever did. She’d handled her fights alone back in Equestria…and here, until recently. There were the girls, but they weren't here right now….and Twilight’s family couldn't help. Couldn't fight this enemy…or help Sunset with her magic. It was too dangerous, and she could hurt them, badly. That was a risk she could not—would not—take.

A scrap of memory floated to the surface of her roiling maelstrom of thoughts, of a lesson learned long ago, one that had been distilled into a mantra for the first year she lived in the human world…

“If fleeing is not an option, or would put you in more danger, Sunset,” Raven Inkwell had cautioned her, “then you must hide. Mask your scent as best you can, hold as still as you can in some place small, some place hidden where the danger cannot reach you easily. Always pick somewhere with an entrance and exit—if a foe approaches from one angle, then you can flee from the other. Never box yourself in…”

Her eyes swept the room again, discounting the corners and the closet immediately. She would be trapped, and there was nothing protecting her from above. Blue-green eyes fell on the bed, and muddled thoughts drove her forward with lurching, zombie like steps. “Safe…not soft…” she mumbled, tears trickling down her face from the pain lancing through her skull and the burning of magic in her nerves and the pathways the Crown had torn and seared into her body when it had transformed her into the demon of the Fall Formal…

The unicorn-turned-teenage-girl forced herself to act quickly, pulling breath into her lungs despite the building agony in every part of her body and the anger that seethed like a living beast in her chest, thrashing and wanting out to burn the thing that dared target her Twilight to ash and cinders. This was her home. Twilight was hers. Twilight’s family was hers. CHS and the girls were hers…

Blankets and pillows were pulled from the bed to the floor as her legs gave out, and she crawled under the bed with straining, burning, shaking arms, burrowing into a nest of fabric and softness that smelled of laundry soap and fabric softener, while her body was wracked with agony of rage and magic that wanted out, against a mind so muddled from exhaustion and pain that she had forgotten why she had to keep it all inside, but was determined to do so regardless…

Any predator that wanted anything of hers would have to go through her first, and she would make them wish they’d never been born, she promised amidst the flashes of crimson light and harsh shadows…

Then it was too much and she blacked out, the last sight before her eyes a hazy vision of a terrible taloned hand reaching out for an oblivious Twilight Sparkle…


Author's Note

Hmmmm....

Sunny's not doing so hot, is she?

Will Sunny be on the CHS team for the games or not? Hmmm....Thats a puzzler, isn't it?

And yes, a little hint at some of the things she went through before the first movie, along with little tidbits from pony culture--an ever expanding folder in my notes, I assure you.

Let's see...I had some things to mention...

Right.

Since it keeps coming up in the comments, let me just make a few statements here.

-There are plans involving the Memory Stone. While the foundations are being laid now, the actual plot will not happen for quite some time. (Read Arc 3 or 4.)

-Wallflower, likewise, has a long character arc planned, in an attempt to make her character behavior make sense. We've already started developing that, but, like much of the story, that arc isnt quick or to be resolved soon.

-Yes, we know you all like Midnight Sparkle. And that she's a bit under-utilized as a potential antagonist. Don't worry. We have plans for Middy's debut, but it will not be where or how any of you suspect. I look forward to absolutely blowing your minds with that one. *cackles*

-We're counting down the clock to the Friendship Games. Cinch and their master have plans. CHS is preparing to fight as well as compete, though they do not know yet that the next bit of evil magic bearing down on them is their rival school. Yikes.

-Yes, Sunset's two lives seem to be converging at an alarming rate, and she's starting to have some serious near-misses. She's aware of some of it, and we're aware of all of it. Bruhahaha. They will collide sooner than you think, but not as soon as you want.

...I think that's everything I wanted to make note of.

Oh right.

I know discussing characters (and ships) can be polarizing and a bit of a hot button topic with fans, because people have a lot of different opinions that don't always mesh, but I wanted to take a chance to thank all of you in the comments for being friendly and polite about any feelings you have! Its so rare to see a comment section in anything these days that matches the level of respect and friendly courtesy I see with the readers here! You guys deserve all the hugs and some amazing mugs of cocoa for it! You rock!

I will freely admit, reading the comments is pretty much the highlight of our week here on the team! It inspires us to keep going, even when we get stuck on scenes or chapters, and we've got some stuff upcoming that I hope you guys really love.

Much Cocoa all around,
The Authorial Team!

Next Chapter: Chapter One Hundred and Seven: Fact Check Estimated time remaining: 21 Hours, 38 Minutes
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