The next morning was one of the most antagonizing moments I had ever had; I lurched up in my bed at first, having that “Morning Syndrome”. You know that split second in the morning when you think everything is alright? Even after you and your friends started a fire, a riot, an infestation, and probably dozens of deaths? Yea I had that feeling.

I cautiously opened the door; expecting Celestia would be right outside to bitch slap me, she wasn’t there. I scurried through the hallway to our favorite dinner; to see everypony but Nico already eating.

“Thank god you’re here Vespi” Mike said; shoveling an orange cupcake in his mouth

“Yea we can’t find Nico” Dan said “I hope he isn’t dead”

“Don’t worry guys I’ll revive him” Ayan said flipping his mane like Justin Bieber

I nervously grabbed a muffin and some toast from the cook and began eating, first thing I wanted to do was get out of the castle, out of Canterlot. That was when I heard the door slam open; breaking off on its hinges, hitting Ayan in the face (again). Princess Celestia walked into the room; o crap this won’t end well.

“Princess Celestia!” I gasped

“How is your day mam?” Dan said cordially

“Sup bitch” Mike said, I slapped him on the head, now she would kill us; and god knows what to Mike

“Well I hope you 6 are happy” She said walking towards us, levitating Ayan’s body and the rubble from the door to the side

“Calm down we are sorry!” I squealed

The princess grinned “Relax I am not angry; well I am but not raging” She said

…wait what!

“Even though you burned down half the castle, caused 400 deaths, obliterated the Royal Guard, unleash a Ursa Major, gone back in time, cause a parasprites infestation, cause mayhem and Chaos, caused rioting and looting all over Canterlot, unleashed Discord, ate my magic turnips, AND touched my sister there were some good parts”

“Like what?” I asked; man that was some list

“Well we made a massive profit off of bail money, and selling that magic port a potty.” She said “Can you plan the next year’s party?”

We were all awestruck; here we were thinking we were going to get killed by a princess, and now the same princess wants us to schedule another party that destroyed Canterlot? Nice.

***

The next train ride home was far more energetic then the first one. Now we had our own private train; and we also had the time to tell each other what happened that fateful night.

I heard stories about assassins, port a potties, Doctor Whooves, Ayan losing to Discord in Chinese checkers, Nico doing it with Luna, Juggernaut duels, and much, much more.

“So that was where you were Nico” I said

“Yea man, you know me” Nico said with a prideful grin

“Eh we didn’t even notice” Mike lied

“Whatever you say unicorn” Nico said snidely

“M’kay, also Vespi how do you know this guy Giro? You know, blue and red pegasus?”

I looked at Mike as though he was retarded “I don’t know what you are talking about bro. What happened with this Giro?”

“Nothing” Mike said his eyes moving all over the room

“Hey guys did we leave Ayan again?” I asked

“You know it” Tyler said

***

It was great to be back in Ponyville! Sure the city was exciting, but it was too congested, too artificial. Ponyville felt like our old home, not a metropolis, not a hamlet; thus the word metropolet (Copyright Conor).

The second my hoof hit the ground I heard Pinkie Pie’s lunacy echo in my ear.

“Hey Vespi we got to throw a PARTY!” Pinkie Pie squealed

“NO” us other 12 ponies yelled…except that yellow pegasus, what’s her face.

“But parties are fun!” Pinkie Pie said with a maniacal smile on her face

“We just got back from a party!” Rarity said “Besides I want to get settled in again” She quickly added

We all headed to our assorted homes, Rarity heading to her house, Dashie and the yellow one flying to the sky, Twilight heading to her library, Applejack to her farm, and… wait a second…

“Who the hell did this?” I said; the door was smashed open (We just repaired it too), inside was an even bigger mess everything was on the ground, food, books, everything.

“Wow we got robbed!” Dan exclaimed

“Who did this?” I repeated; none other than the British pony popped his head in

“That mare Derpy came by and robbed ye fellas; sorry about it” He said

“Doctor Whooves! You died, what the hell happened?” Mike exclaimed

“Ye forgot but I am with a higher power” Doctor Whooves gave Mike a wink, dam English spreading there homosexuality.

“Then let’s go get our stuff back” I said “Let’s go guys”

***

I didn’t exactly know where to go, but thankfully DW (Doctor Whooves) knew the way; all the time I lagged behind observing the tranquil way things were done in Ponyville, much different than the rushed and slap dash city ponies.

“This is the place” DW said; motioning to the door “Good luck guys I’m going to go do British stuff” he walked away

“How does that guy know about Britain? I asked

“Don’t worry about it” Mike said

Dan chose a more vicious approach, he knocked on the door hard; when the door opened I laid my eyes on this Derpy Hooves for the first time.

“Derpy give us our stuff back!” Dan yelled; the mare just turned her head to the side, her eyes bouncing back and forth like olives in a paint can.

“Derpy stuff now!” Dan repeated; the mare just repeated her last procedure, this time tilting her head a wee bit more.

“DERPY GIVE US OUR FUCKING STUFF!” Dan said losing control; most of the nearby ponies and a gaggle of foals turned to see what was the matter

This time the mare didn’t tilt her head again, but closed the door.

“Dammit!” Dan said, slamming his hoof on the door

The door opened again, the same askew eyed mare was standing there; in her hoofs was a XM25.

“…Crap…” Dan murmured, the mare fired the gun causing Dan to fly backwards, hitting his head against a nearby apple cart, being manned by Big Macintosh.

“Jesus christ!” I yelled; Derpy just closed the door again; we ran over to Dan, who was out cold.

“Why wasn’t there an explosion?” I asked; trying my best to stay in control

“Cause she shot a muffin Vespi” Dan said “That was an XMuffin25”

O yea; now I remember Dan’s story, I just thought that was alcoholic fallacy, not the truth.

“Okay I got an idea” Mike said

***

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Mike asked Twilight

“It should” Twilight said; she closed the book and walked towards the door

“Doorous openous!” Mike said, waving his hoofs in the air; Twilight turned around

“What are you talking about?” She asked

“Nothing… just… just keep doing what you were doing”

A light purple beam of energy came from Twilight’s horn, it shot out like a spear, blowing the door in two.

“Thanks Twilight” Mike said giving Twilight a kiss on the cheek, she turned as red as a tomato.

Twilight stood back as the 5 of us ran right into the house; before we could stop running Tyler (Who was in front) ran straight into a paint can; cleverly positioned on top of the door.

“Bitch” Tyler muttered; sprawling out on his hoofs.

Despite another casuralty the remaining four of us continued to head into the house.

Apparently Derpy was some kind of guerilla warfare specialist; when I opened a closet door a steel bolt shot out, hitting me in the knee.

“Dammit help me guys!” I screamed

Nico laughed “ha you took an arrow in the knee”

I looked down, the bolt was in deep, I was surprised the inertia didn’t take it through the other side of my knee. I was losing blood at an alarming rate.

“Guys help me” I murmured, my mouth was beginning to feel really dry

I blacked out, feeling a blunt pain as my head slammed against the wood floor

***

I woke up on the couch; a blanket draped over my body; I could hear some humming from the other room and from a third room my friends talking.

I sat there for maybe 5, perhaps 10 minutes listening to the voice who was humming, it took me only a few moments to realize it was Rarity’s voice.

Eventually the humming moved closer and closer until it was right next to me; hidden by the back of the couch.

“Hey Rarity” I said weakly “What happened? Why are you here?”

“O hi darling; I just came by to check up on you; after you got shot in the knee and all” Rarity said; now coming into clear vision

“I see” I said; grimacing at my knee, although it was latent by the opaque blanket I could still feel an acute pain from it.

“Don’t worry your almost better now” Rarity said; giving me a long passionate kiss “Feeling even better now?” She asked

“Yup” This time I came up to kiss Rarity but she had other plans; and came down to kiss me; I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when my member increased in size, making it seem like a small mountain under the blanket.

Just when I thought things were going to get interesting someone tossed a brick through the window.

We both jumped and I got up; what the hell!?

“Remember your promise?” O my god it was Martha, Rarity’s cockblocking mom. She jumped through the window and pulled out a knife “You leave me no choice”

I ran for it trying my best to run towards the next room; where my laughing friends were, but Martha closed the door with her magic, causing me to slam right into it; I felt like I was going to black out again.

“No one touches my little girl!” She said walking towards me

“That’s a little late; I mean we already did it” I said “You’re not really abstinent when you already did it”

This actually stopped Martha “You know you’re right, but then again I need to unleash my inner bitch every once in a while”

My first reaction was probably my best reaction “Rarity now!” I wasn’t actually expecting Rarity to do anything; I just did that to distract the ball cutting maniac and use those few seconds to scream for help from my friends. I felt really lucky when Rarity levitated a book into her mother’s face; knocking her to the ground.

“Thanks Rarity” I said giving her a hug

“Is she going to be alright?” Rarity asked looking down at her mom on the ground

With Rarity’s help we dragged the mother to the boutique for rest and recuperation; after wards, me feeling much better, we had some hot coco back at the house.

I thought everything was going to be normal for the rest of the winter day; that is until Rainbow Dash frantically flew by

“Rarity don’t ask how but I accidentally unleashed the parasprites…again!” She squealed in an unnaturally high voice.

Before Rarity could respond Rainbow Dash made an “Eep!” sound and flew away.

  I headed outside to see what caused Dashie’s withdrawal (Somehow the guys fixed the window while we were out); there was a massive flood of those things coming towards Ponyville; almost like a tsunami.

I didn’t need to be ordered to get back inside I slammed and locked the door behind me and closed the windows.

“Great now we are stuck here” Rarity said

“Good thing your mom isn’t here” I said

Wasn’t that the truth?

Little known fact: Derpy leads the Derpykong

-Vespi

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