“Well this sucks” I said; the 8 of us were now trapped in our house, outside was most likely Rarity’s Mom and pony eating parasprites.

“Okay guys I checked my stock” Ayan said

“What do we have for weapons?” I asked

“O not that stock; sorry I was checking DOW, which is down 51.3 points today” Ayan said with a grimace

“Okay then… how do we get rid of these parasprites?” Dan asked

“Well I have 6 juggernaut suits which will give us enhanced protection against the parasprites” Ayan pulled out a map “If we were to put pineapples here, here, and here we will be able to protect the ponies from parasprites. Any questions?” Ayan closed the map; tucking it into a pocket in his suit.

“I have one; how do we choose who doesn’t go?” Mike asked “Frankly I don’t want to go”

“Well I think all of you should go” I said

“Fine we will Ro Shambo for it” Mike said. For any pony who doesn’t know Urban Dictionary declares Ro Shambo by definition is:

A method of settling disputes between two parties.

The challenging party has a free kick square on the defending party’s balls.

The act is then repeated for the other party until one party falls over. The remaining party standing is the victor.

“Fine but I go first” I said; Mike looked like he was about to protest but gave up midsentence

“Fine”

***

“Have fun you 6!” I said; watching the 6 juggernauts go outside; flamethrowers ablaze. Mike was still limping from being Ro Shamboed; but that wasn’t my problem.

I waited until the 6 were out of distance and closed the curtains, I turned around towards Rarity

“So now what?” I asked with a smile

“Well we are alone” Rarity said in her own smile

Before we could say anyone word we heard a window smash from another room; both of us ran to the room to inspect the damage, but it seems it wasn’t on the first floor, anywhere.

Had some pony tossed a baseball through one of our 2nd story windows? Or could it be…

“Rarity” I said “Do you think your mom is still unconscious?”

“I, I hope so” She said

Both of us ran upstairs and locked the door behind us; just when we were about to make love I heard something in the vents.

“Vespi what is that?” Rarity asked

“I don’t know” I said

The 2 of us sat there dumbstruck; listening to whatever was inside the vents. Several times it trailed off; only for us to hear the noise in increased frequency for the next minute.

“I don’t know what that is” I said “Let me make a phone call; I know someone who specializes in this stuff” Rarity gave a slight nod, I ran to the other room where the phone was.

I quickly dialed the number, 1-800-069-ISSAC

I couldn’t breathe for the next few moments; my heart was in my ears it seems. I was finally relived when I heard him pick up.

“Hey there welcome to the Issac Clark hotline how my I help you?”

I took a deep breath “Issac what are you doing?”

“I’m just… playing Assassins Creed Brotherhood” He waited a moment “I thought this one was the new one”

“Okay; yea well I think there is a Necromorph in my vents; can you get rid of it?”

“Fine but in the meantime do you have a plasma cutter?”

“No”

“Ripper?”

“No”

“Plasma Rifle?”

“No

“Flamethrower?”

"Not anymore"

Issac gave out a long exhale

“Fine give me 10 minutes and I’ll be there”

I didn’t even tell him where I lived; then again I guess he could figure that out himself when he is trying to get into Equestria

“Okay we need to stay here for 10 minutes” I told Rarity “Then my friend will help us out”

***

“Ayan you still got the pineapple right?” Mike asked. Mike and Ayan teamed up to deploy one of the pineapples, Conor and Dan had another and the last one was guarded by Nico and Tyler. Fortunately the pineapples actually work and the parasprites drifted away from the pineapple; any parasprites that got closer was blasted with a flamethrower.

It almost seemed like a dust storm was hitting Ponyville; that or the parasprites were blocking out the sun. Mike didn’t even recognize any figure when he got a tap on the shoulder.

“Hey kid” The specter asked, Mike turned around to see a human in what seemed like a space suit, Mike couldn’t help but notice he looked like the Dead Space guy, sadly he didn’t know much about the game.

“Yea what do you need?” Mike asked; adding extra niceness to his question

“Where is Vespi?”

“He is back on our house on Main Street; go look for it” Mike said

“Fine, but I need this pineapple” He said “I went through 3 health packs getting here”

“No we need this pineapple more!” Ayan said hugging the pineapple for dear life

“Get your own pineapple!” Mike said; the man lunged for it, Ayan still managed to hold onto it

“This is my pineapple now!” He said; losing grip of it and falling backwards a step

“Bro get your own pineapple!” Mike said; pushing the man back with his foot

“Fine; I’ll do it on my own” He said loading an alien like weapon “See you bitches”

“Wait!” Mike said; he had a genius idea “My friend Giro has a pineapple go get his he lives in Canterlot!”

Mike couldn’t tell but he swore that the man smiled “Thanks kid” Like that the man ran off into the storm

“Dumbass” Mike said, snickering to himself

***

What the hell is wrong with you!?” Giro screamed; at first he was lying in bed. He hears a door slam, no huge fear there. He hears a scream, okay better go check it out, sees his friend Greg dismembered on the floor, okay time to freak out.

“I need this pineapple!” The man ordered “I’m Issac Clark bitch!” with a slight of the hand the man grabbed the pineapple with kinesis and ran out the door with his pineapple.

“My pineapple NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Giro screamed; that was his favorite pineapple, stolen by the Dead Space guy.

***

“Vespi I’m scared,” Rarity said; although she originally sat down on the bed next to him she was now snuggly up against him.

“Don’t worry he will be here soon” I reassured her

The phone rang from the other room; I nearly tripped trying to get it

“Thank god you called Issac what is going on?” I said

“Vespi is that you? Just wanted to tell you that we deployed the 3 pineapples and saved Equestria without your help.”

I gave out an exhale this was better than Clark

“Thank god get here soon there is something weird in the vents”

I slammed down the phone without another word

***

5 minutes of hiding in my room with Rarity didn’t do much but increase the frequency of whatever was in the vents. Now I could hear heavy breathing gushing out from the vents.

I felt a surge of relief when the door opened to the sound of acute laughing. I instantly recognized the 2 voices, Mike’s and Issac’s.

“So you seriously dismembered the guy for a pineapple?” Mike asked

“Dam right; of course by the time I get back you already pineapple the place” Issac said with a laugh.

“Hey guys! I screamed from my room “Come up here”

The other 7 didn’t really want to come up the stairs, forcing me and Rarity to go down the stairs into the living room.

“So what is the problem?” Issac asked; waving his plasma cutter

“Wait what are you?” rarity asked eyes wide open. She had seen guns, juggernauts and pretty much everything but a human itself.

“Don’t worry about that Rarity Issac do you hear what is going through the vents?” I said; another surge of activity came from the vent

“Relax I got this” Issac said; using his boost he got up to the vent on the ceiling; he opened it. I swear to god it looked like Dead Space itself; Issac stood there for a second before being sucked up into the vent with a flurry of screaming and a hail of blood from above. Before we could even scream Issac’s torso (And only his torso) fell back out of the vent.

“Well that went well” I said grimacing at the dead engineer in our living room.

We didn’t need to wait to find out what ate Issac, it fell right out of the vent, of all things it was Rarity’s mom.

“Mom why did you do that! Look at this thing! Have you ever seen something like it?” Rarity said motioning to the dead protagonist’s torso on the ground.

“He was going to blow my cover! You know why I am doing this!” Martha said giving everypony a dirty look “I want what is best for you Rarity, I love you.” Her voice instantly changed into a doleful and sorry voice.

“Want to know what is best for me? For you to get the fuck out” Rarity said harshly motioning to the door. Rarity’s mom left without another word.

“Okay I guess we got to clean this guy up now” Mike said grimacing at the dead space man

“You guys can we aren’t” I said with a giggle, running up the stairs with Rarity. From behind all I heard was Mike’s cursing and every pony’s laughing

Another exciting day in Equestria

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