Black Jesus's eyes shot open, being awoken by the sound of several helicopters passing over the royal castle. He looked over and noticed that a note had been left for him on the nightstand. He picked it up and began to read.

Black Jesus,

I got up early to prepare for the meeting later today at twelve. I didn't want to disturb you, you looked so peaceful, and besides, it looked like you had a rough night. See you at the meeting.

XOXO Luna

Black Jesus smiled to himself as he balled up the piece of paper and tossed it into a nearby trashcan like your typical black man would shoot basketballs into basketball hoops.

What, I'm racist?! Shit... what's the usual Republican racism defense? Oh yeah! I'll have you know I have a lot of black friends and colleagues...

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, I remember. Shit, I have horrible memory.

Black Jesus walked out onto the balcony, exposing his giant black cock to the general populace of Canterlot, resulting in a lot of jealousy among the nearby stallions and plenty of dropped jaws among the mares of Canterlot. Purely, his cock was the most superior cock in existence.

Then, a sudden knock at the door cut through the peacefulness of the morning like a knife through flesh. Black Jesus turned around to see Princess Celestia trot in, flanked by two members of the Royal Guard (who were decked out in standard military tactical gear and armed with firearms, instead of ceremonial armor and spears like usual).

"Black Jesus, Lu- Oh dear me!" Celestia exclaimed upon noticing the royal cock, before she averted her eyes, her face turned a bright shade of red.

"What? It's just the royal black cock." Black Jesus said with a shrug, before running his fingers through his black roosters feathers.

"I know, it's just so... large..." Celestia stated, biting her bottom lip.

"Yes, it is the biggest cock in all of Equestria. Perhaps the biggest in all of existence." Black Jesus gloated.

"I could believe it. Anyways, Lulu made me come and get you. The meeting is starting in thirty minutes, and our ride is waiting for us. We need to leave, right now." Celestia urged.

Black Jesus nodded and began to walked past her, but Celestia held him back. "Put some clothes on first, Jesus."

Colonel Sparks of the Second Royal Marine Division watched the Vanhoover oceanside from his position on a nearby skyscraper that had a perfect vantage point of the beach. Far in the distance, Sparks could make out the shapes of the Seventh Royal Fleet, engaged in ship-to-ship combat with a joint Canine/Griffin fleet.

"Colonel, come in! Do you read me?!" A voice demanded from the radio strapped to Sparks tactical vest. The Colonel quickly unstrapped it from his vest and put it up to his face.

"I read you loud and clear." Sparks responded.

"This is Admiral Thunderstorm of the Seventh Fleet. Our fleet is holding off their fleet, but some of their transports managed to push through us. I recommend you get your troops ready to defend the beachhead." The Admiral advised.

"Don't worry sir, my Marines and I know what we're doing." Sparks stated, before switching to his units frequency, "Marines, we have enemy transports inbound. Get ready to engage hostiles."

"Oo-rah!" A chorus of voices called out.

60's Era Spiderman, Princess Lulu, and The Most Interesting Man in the World sat on a lavish couch in The Most Interesting Man in the World's most interesting house. They sat there watching the TV, where a new commercial staring Billy Mays was being played.

"HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE NEW HIT SERIES, OUR LAST HOPE! IT IS SO AMAZING, THAT IS APPROVED BY BLACK JESUS HIMSELF. EVEN 60'S ERA SPIDERMAN GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS AMAZING SERIES. GOD DAMN, THIS SHIT IS AWESOME!" Billy Mays exclaimed.

"What the fuck?! You don't just say Spiderman gives a fuck about something. I don't give a single fuck about Our Last Hope!" 60's Era Spiderman snapped.

"THIS SERIES IS SO AMAZING, THAT THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD DEEMED IT WORTHY OF HIS READING!" Billy Mays stated.

"I may not always read stories, but when I do, it's not this shit..." The Most Interesting Man in the World commented.

"This is bullshit!" 60's Era Spiderman exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Lulu agreed.

Suddenly, the front door crashed in, and Twilight Sparkle walked in.

"Hi Twilight! Where'd you come from?" Lulu chirped, waving her hoof happily at Twilight.

"I honestly don't give a fuck where she came from." 60's Era Spiderman commented, earning a backhoof from Princess Lulu.

"I came from..." Twilight began to say, but then paused. After a few moments of silence, she continued, "I honestly don't know where. The writer wanted to write me in for some reason or another."

"Oh. Well... glad to see you again, Twilight!" Lulu chirped.

Then, someone poked their head out from behind the lavish couch. "Why don't you take a seat right over there, Twilight Sparkle?" The person asked.

"Oh shit!" Everyone exclaimed, upon realizing who it was.

It was fucking Chris Hansen.

"God dammit, Pinkie! Get the fuck down from there!" Liam shouted at Pinkie, who was hanging from the ceiling fan.

"No!" Pinkie shouted back.

"Jump! Jump you crazy bitch!" Chad bellowed angrily.

"No no no no no!" Pinkie shouted back, sticking her tongue out at the two soldiers.

"Dammit Chad... why did you give her the fucking coke?" Liam asked.

"Hey, it's your teenage brothers stuff. Not my fault!" Chad responded.

Liam facepalmed. "Pinkie, I have cupcakes!"

"Fuck yo cupcakes!" Pinkie shouted back, summoning a cupcake with her black magic (because she's part zebra; bet you don't remember that, do you?) and tossing it at the Green Beret, hitting him square in the face. Frosting and bits of cupcakes splattered all over the place, somehow coating the entire room with the waste.

"God dammit Pinkie..." He muttered, before storming out of the room.