[Authors note - Because I love you sick fucks, I'm including even more gruesome Twist abuse. Abuse that will make it seem like Spike was loved back in the Old Spice Guys invade Equestria.

SIck fucks.

"What are you doing?!" Pinkie asked.

Pinkie, go away.

"Okay!" Pinkie chirped.

Christ...]

MarineMarksman sighed and looked down at Pinkie, who was looking at him, as if expecting him to do something.

"Well..." MarineMarks- you know what? Fuck it. If I can call my roommate by his name, I might as well go by name as well. It's Liam, by the way.

"Well what?" Pinkie asked, beaming at him.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with you?" Liam inquired.

"I don't know." Pinkie answered, looking down at her hooves, as if expecting them to give her the answer.

"Dude, who are you- woah!" Chad exclaimed as he spotted Pinkie, "Dude, am I tripping right now?"

"Nope! You're standing up perfectly fine!" Pinkie said with a large, innocent grin plastered on her face.

"God dammit Pinkie..." Liam muttered, facepalming.

"Wait, you're seeing this?!" Chad demanded, freaking out even more.

"Yeah. Pinkie Pie, meet First Sergeant Chad. Chad, meet Pinkie Pie." Liam said.

"Hi!" Pinkie chirped happily.

"Man... I need a drink..." Chad muttered, as he started to walk out of the room.

"Ooo! Do you have vodka?" Pinkie asked, causing Chad to stop in his tracks and look back at the colorful pink pony.

"What did you say?" Chad inquired.

"Are you deaf silly? I asked for some vodka." Pinkie Pie chirped.

"Now you're talking my language." Liam said, patting Pinkie on the back.

"Shots ahoy!" Chad exclaimed happily, before running downstairs.

Meanwhile... in the universe of ponies... Twist was walking down the street in tears, her head still bleeding profusely from glass from her crack pipe that got embedded in skull.

"Fucking Spike... always a fucking asshole..." Twist sniveled.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY, BITCH?!" A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon demanded. Twist looked up and noticed she just circled around the town, ending up back at the spot where she last saw her pimp. Spike ran up and kicked her in the stomach with all his strength, a sickening crack cutting through the midnight silence as several of her ribs fractured.

"Fuck!" Twist cursed in agony, before receiving another kick to the stomach. Spike then used his jewel encrusted pimp cane to hit her in the face, causing several of her teeth of get knocked out of her mouth.

"WHO'S AN ASSHOLE BITCH!? WHO'S AN ASSHOLE?!" A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon demanded, pulling out his jewel encrusted Colt .45 and putting a cap in her ass, then put a round into each of her legs.

"Now get out of my sight!" A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon shouted at the now unconscious peppermint filly, before throwing her out in the street.

Princess Luna stirred in her sleep, before opening her eyes. She then realized that her beloved was no longer beside her.

"Jesus...?" She croaked sleepily, sitting up in bed. She looked around the room and noticed that Black Jesus was standing on the balcony that overlooked the city of Canterlot. Pulling off the covers, Luna rolled out of bed and tossed on a black hoodie, before trotting up behind him.

"A bit for your thoughts?" Luna asked, standing beside him and leaning against the guard rail.

"I don't have any spare change. Go get a job, you bum." Black Jesus sneered, his voice oozing with sarcasm.

Luna chuckled at this and pecked him on the cheek. "So what's up?" She asked.

"My father sent me a message in my dreams last night... and as usual... it's not good news." Black Jesus said solemnly, "the evil powers of Axe are working against Equestria, and wish to eradicate all that live here. And... they have convinced the Canine Union and Griffondore to support them."

"Dear Chuck..." Luna gasped

"I've already ordered our forces to start mobilizing when you were asleep, and I was planning to tell you when you awoke. I didn't want to disturb your sleep, because, you know, I'm a nice guy." Black Jesus said, before turning around and sweeping Luna off her hooves and carrying her back to bed.

Le sexy time...