[Authors note - You know what I hate? When you guys don't make comments.

Black Jesus fell to his knees and gasped for air as he, Princess Luna, and Princess Celestia exited out of the portal. He puked a little, eliciting an "ew" from Celestia and an evil laugh from Luna.

"I'll never get used to that..." Black Jesus muttered, rising from his knees. He looked around and found himself in front of a Mare-Mart, and that they were surrounded by a bunch of bewildered ponies. After all, it wasn't every day that the nations three rulers appear out of no where.

"So... what's your plan, Celestia?" Black Jesus asked.

"A very simple one, my friend. I'll show you. Just follow my lead... and be cooooooooool..." Celestia said, putting on some shades and walking into the superstore all cool like. Black Jesus and Princess Luna shared a confused glance, before shrugging and following the white alicorn inside.

After the meeting, the dark robed figure teleported to a faraway base in the polar regions of the planet. It used to be an Equestrian Army outpost, but the powers of Axe put an end to that, killing off every single soldier stationed there without mercy. The robed figure drifted through the base and entered the communications room. He then pressed a button on a control panel and knelt in front of a large pedestal. Seconds later, the pedestal activated, revealing a hologram of an alien creature dressed in dark robes.

"Master..." the robed figure said respectively.

"Ah... Lord Zarius... it is nice to hear from you once more. Tell me, what news do you bring of your mission on Equis?" The alien, named Master Axe, inquired.

"Master Axe, I have convinced Griffondore and the Canine Union to join me in my war against Equestria. They are not aware of the true meaning of this war, but they hate the ponies enough to ignore what I... I mean we, truly desire." Lord Zarius answered.

Master Axe cackled evilly and grinned smugly Lord Zarius. "You have proven to be a worthy pupil, Lord Zarius. I do not regret taking you under my wing. The power of Axe has shown me that you will spearhead the destruction of Old Spice, as well as Black Jesus and his friends. But... I have one more request of you, Lord Zarius..."

"What is it, master?" Lord Zarius inquired.

"I want you to find and kill Black Jesus, and bring me his body. Chuck Testa will make him into a fine piece of art for my collection." Master Axe stated.

"It shall be done, my master." Lord Zarius said.

"Good... good... I wish you the best of luck, Lord Zarius." Master Axe stated, before the pedestal switched off.

"SPIDERMAN, HURRY UP THE FUCK UP! BILLY MAYS NEEDS TO SHOWER AS WELL!" Billy Mays shouted through the door.

"I don't give a fuck! Not one single fuck!" 60's Spiderman shouted back, even though he was pretty much Peter Parker at the moment since he didn't have his awesome Spiderman suit on.

"Yes! And you are disturbing us!" Princess Lulu shouted over the sound of the running water. Oh yeah... and she was taking a shower with him as well.

"This shit is so cash. Not like a give a fuck or anything." Spiderman commented.

Lulu rolled her eyes. "Says the one who gave me his one single fuck." Lulu teased.

"And you've given me plenty of fucks in return." Spiderman retorted with a smirk.

"I trotted right into that, didn't I?" Lulu asked.

"GET THE FUCK OUT, OR BILLY MAYS WILL KICK YOUR ASS INTO NEXT WEEK!" Billy Mays shouted through the door.

"Ugh! Fine! Not like I give a fuck, though!" Spiderman shouted back, as he reached to turn off the water. He climbed out of the shower, tossing Lulu a towel before drying himself with his own towel. He quickly threw on his awesome Spiderman suit on and led Lulu out of the bathroom.

"All yours, Billy." Lulu said as they passed by them.

"THANK YOU! TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" Billy Mays stated.

"Shove it up your ass, Billy!" Spiderman snapped, as he and Lulu rounded the corner. Billy Mays shrugged it off and walked into the bathroom, climbing into the shower and turning it on.

Rainbow Dash screeched through the skies above Ponyville, a long rainbow streaming from behind her. She had did it. She had preformed a sonic rainboom on the first try for the first time ever. No mistakes, no fuck ups, no crashes, no nothing. Just pure success.

"Oh man! This is so fucking cash!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, doing a few barrel rolls, followed by a back flip.

And then, suddenly, she looked back and found she was being trailed by an Equestrian Air Force F-15E. And then she noticed, that there was a missile heading straight at her.

"What the hell?! No no no no NOOOOO!" Rainbow Dash shouted, right before the missile slammed into her plothole and exploded a few seconds later.

Meanwhile, on the ground, A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon and Applebloom watched as Rainbow Dash got the shit blown out of her by the Equestrian Air Force F-15E.

Despite your expectations, which may range from them running away in fear to flipping the Equestrian fighter the bird, they actually stood there and cheered the fighter.

"Equeeeeestria! Fuck yeah!" A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon cheered.

"Woo! Way ta go Questria'!" Applebloom cheered, "shove that missile right up er ass!"

"Well, enough fucking around. Let's go get some mother fucking bling. To the streets!" A Pimp Named Spike the Dragon stated, as they continued toward the town center.

"So..." Rambo Jesus began awkwardly, looking across the card table at Pikachu.

"Pika...?" Pikachu asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"How's the family?" Rambo Jesus asked.

"Pika pika pikachu." Pikachu responded, facepalming.

"Oh yeah... you haven't seen your family since you got kidnapped by that fucking ten year old, huh?"

"Pika." Pikachu responded solemnly, taking another deep drag of his cigarette.

"Fucking cuntbag... well, he's dead now, right?" Rambo Jesus asked.

"Pika! Pika chu chu pikachu!" Pikachu responded, grinning maniacally.

"Nice. Fucking little cunt had it coming." Rambo Jesus said, as he reached across the table and fist bumped Pikachu. Am I the only one here who wants to fist bump Pikachu? Shit would be so cash.