I was sleeping in a state of pure bliss. It was warm and kind of fuzzy, but most importantly, it was so soft. I wanted to stay there forever and I would have, if my stomach was screaming at me to make a sandwich. However, the problem fixed itself with a very tantalizing aroma. Then I snapped back to reality and my brain got swarmed with questions.What smells so good, and why am I on something soft? What is the meaning of life?

Really? Your asking me what the meaning of life is when we all know the answer is 42. I won't answer the other two cause I only give you the answer to one question per day, of my choosing.

Dammit, now I have to do the hard work. Alright Sigma, what is this madness that you appear to be on?

...

You're retarded, open your eyes.

I did as my almighty brain demanded of me and opened my eyes, slowly this time. My vision, like always was blurry. When it cleared, the soft thing before was a bed and the stuff that goes on a bed. Alright, that takes care of tha- OBJECTION! Why am I on a bed in a small room that is lightly furnished? Oh shit, I've been ponynapped. What will they do to me, I hope that they will be gentle. Just as long as they remember that its an exit only, I will only hate my life and not try to commit suicide.

Jumping out of bed and opening the adjacent window, I realized that my injuries from yesterdays gaggle of wannabe bounty hunters, were cleaned and bandaged. That's strange, I don't remember doing such serious first aid on myself in the recent past.

That's because you never do first aid. Really, its a miracle that we have keeled over from blood loss, infection, or you being stupid.

Oh yeah, right.

Unfortunately, I was to busy talking to myself to realize that the door had opened and inside stood my worst nightmare, a pretty mare with a tray of soup, water, and what looked like pills.

How is this your worst nightmare? Let me guess, its because she isn't in the kitchen and there isn't a sandwich on that tray?

While my brain was being a sexist dick, the mare had set the tray on an end table and quickly moved towards me.

"O-Oh no, y-you can't be up like that. I mean, if you want to."

Not paying attention to her, I jumped out the window screaming "I'm a free bird."

My moment of freedom lasted a whole two seconds, a personal record. It ended with my old foe, gravity, came to say fuck you. That wasn't all that happened. I just so happened to have landed on my head. Being a unicorn, I have a horn that is located on my forehead. My forehead was the first part of my body to connect with the ground. Now said horn is stuck in the ground.

"Well this is fun."

Fun? This is hilarious! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

"Jokes on you, you can't laugh."

...

Finally, he shut up.

"O-Oh, a-are you okay?"

I heard the flapping of wings and decided that it was useless trying to escape now. I probably had a concussion, my horn is taking a dirt nap, my flank is stuck in the air, and what little dignity I had earlier was gone.

"Do you need help getting your horn out of the ground?"

The voice was so quiet, I almost didn't hear it. Whoever she was, her voice really didn't carry that far.

"Eeyup."

I don't know why I said that, but I felt the need to.

The voice went quiet for a little while before something grabbed a hold on my neck and started pulling. This freaked me out and with me not thinking as straight as I normally do, I started to struggle and buck at whatever had gotten hold of me. Good for me at the time and bad for later, I made contact with something, barely. It was enough though for whatever it was to stop. Then I heard the sobbing.That's when I realized it was the mare who was pulling on me.

But before I had a chance to explain myself, she took off, leaving me with my horn still stuck in the ground.

Alright, I let you do your thing for thirty seconds and this is what happens? The fuck is wrong with you?

"I don't know, but could you help me get out of this situation?"

No, you hit a mare. What's worse is that it was probably the same one from last night. Now, your asking me for help. Fuck you, you deserve this. I hope a big earth pony stallion sees your flank and rapes it.

"Your not helping."

So I started to try and get my horn out. It wasn't working. I tried for ten minutes before I heard voices. I tried to turn so I could see them, but it didn't work. I couldn't fight my way out of this situation, I couldn't think straight, and my brain had left the building. So I did the most reasonable thing I could think of. I took the initiative and said hello. These are the responses I got.

"Eeep."

"Oh my."

"What happened to you?"

"Are you the one that kicked Fluttershy?"

And two ponies that started laughing, making my dignity hit a record low. Next Chapter: Meet The Mane 6 Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 16 Minutes