It was late into the night when I stopped walking. My hooves were starting to get sore from all this walking. It was dark at my location. Well no shit Sherlock, your in the middle of a damn forest, and you can't see the moon.

I started to get a fire going. When I did, it illuminated the area I was in. I could see the eyes of animals watching me as if I looked like their next meal. Yeah, we didn't need to sleep anyway.

I knew that there was a small settlement near my campsight, but it would take hours of walking through the forest in the middle of night and I can barely see anything that isn't in the firelight. Not to mention that I am a fugitive, the fire would give my position away to anypony who was looking for me. I could put it out, but then the wildlife might get the idea of mauling me in my sleep and that would make my already bleak outlook of being a model nonexistent.

Damn, this is a harder decision than what is for dinner.

Yeah, up yours too brain. Lets leave the fire going and on to more pressing matters, food.

Apples, more apples, and what would you know, more apples. Why is it that the only food the bounty hunters had is apples? Why couldn't I have something to dispense provisions that weren't apples? Ugh, I need a dispenser here.

Hey retard,we are out of water.

Bullshit, I still have a full canteen of water, now if only I could find it. There were plenty of empty ones lying arou-found it. No, wait, its empty.

I hate it when I'm right.

Eating the last of the apples, I settled down to try and get some sleep.

Apparently, sleep wasn't the only thing I was fresh out of.

I tossed and turned for what seemed like an eternity and a half, but sleep didn't come. The noises in the forest were keeping me up and sleep refused to come until that problem was delt with. I need to make them shut up. So yelled at them, it made them louder. So I stood up and shot a spell at them, that just made them angry. So I blew a raspberry at them, nothing happened. I was out of ideas, and getting pissed off. I didn't want to resort to this, but I needed his help.

Brain, do you have any ideas on how to get me to go to sleep?

I heard clopping usually helps.

Yeah, your not helping.

Then try the knock-out spell you learned.

I derped on that one. How could I forget that?

Casting it on myself, I immediately dropped to the ground, unconscious.

I was having an epic dream. It was at least 20% cooler than last nights dream. Why, cause there was a hot mare in it. It also involved some sort of tournament that would decide the future of pony-kind. I was fighting in it, I think it was called the Mortal Kombat tournament, and there were robots and some sort of lizard-pony that was from a place called Geico. He was trying to save us 15% or more on carriage insurance. Then it got even more awesome cause there was an alicorn that called itself the Legendary Super Pony and he was really buff and he bucked the shit out of all the fighters but me. I got angry and became an alicorn that was super buff and was green for some reason and I yelled "Hulk Smash". I got a reward by getting a night with a super sexy mare called Les Bian. Anyway, I was holding her and then I went to kiss her, except that my lips touched something in real life.

I opened my eyes to see the second last thing I wanted to wake up to and I'll give you a hint, it wasn't a pony.

It was big, it had a scorpion tail and bat wings, with the body of a lion. It was ugly, smelly and really pissed, and I kissed it on the lips.

I knew it, your first kiss was with your mother!

Yeah, my brain's kind of a dick.

Then maybe you should bitching that mine is bigger than yours and I don't know, run!

Taking its advice, I pulled myself away and ran.

With a might roar, it charged after me. That just made me run faster. It was to no avail though as it was pretty pissed off that I  kissed it.

It started to gain on me and with this knowledge in mind, I screamed. It wasn't a very manly scream though, I'm colt enough to say that.

Are you kidding? You sounded like a school filly.

Really brain, really? We are going to be raped by this thing and all you care about is being tough?

I kept running until I saw a cottage on the outskirts of the forest, then I had destination.

But then the strangest thing happened, the thing that was chasing me stopped.

Wondering why, I turned around to see a yellow pegasus with a pink mane staring at it. Is she insane? That thing will gobble her up in one bite, she doesn't stand a chance.

If that thing doesn't want a piece of that pegasus, then I'll gladly take a piece of that. I mean, look at that flank. I don't know about you, but I like this view.

Fuck you brain, Fu-Damn that is a nice piece of flank.

Then the something else happened, the monster started to walk away. Okay, this shit is getting weird.

The mare started towards me and I started freaking out, mentally of course, not physically.

Then in the smallest voice ever she said "A-are you Okay?"

Me, being forty-one flavors of awesome and coming in a variety of manly colors, did the most epic thing that night that wasn't me dreaming.

I passed out. Next Chapter: First impressions Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 20 Minutes