Starlight sighed with relief as she rejoined the group after her not-so-short restroom break.

“Took you long enough,” Trixie smirked. “We were starting to wonder whether or not we should send out a search party.”

Starlight chuckled and sat back in her corner, “What can I say? I’ve had filth pouring out of me from both ends tonight.”

“There’s a mental image I could have cheerfully lived without,” Sunburst muttered.

“At least you didn’t have to smell it,” Starlight shot. “Are we ready for the next round?” The other three nodded in response, “Okay. Oh, this is another pick two. They said we were crazy. They said we couldn’t put blank inside of blank. They were wrong.”

“Why does Trixie suddenly have a very bad feeling?” Trixie mumbled as she sifted through her cards.

“Probably because Trixie pissed off Princess Luna and she’s getting ready to ram a curse up Trixie’s ass,” Starlight replied.

Trixie snorted dismissively and passed her answers over, though she did sneak a quick peek over her shoulder. Just in case.

Starlight grinned and picked up Trixie’s cards as the other two pushed their answers over too, “Okay, Trixie, what have you got for me? They said we were crazy. They said we couldn’t put strong female characters inside of an entrenched class system. They were wrong.”

She and the other two looked curiously at the stage magician.

“Uh, you do realize we have an entrenched class system that’s ruled by four powerful females, don’t you?” Starlight asked tentatively.

Trixie huffed and blew a lock of hair out of her face, “Obviously. Those were the only cards Trixie had that made any sense.”

“If you say so,” Starlight muttered as she grabbed Maud’s answers. “They said we were crazy. They said we couldn’t put sunshine and rainbows inside of pedophiles. They were wrong.”

Trixie shivered at that, “Did anypony else just get a sense of existential dread, or is it just me?”

“No, I felt it too,” Sunburst said uneasily.

“It is a bit of a creepy one, “Maud admitted.

Starlight just scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.” She pressed a hoof to her cheek and turned half-lidded eyes on Sunburst, “Ara ara.”

Sunburst gave her a disgusted look. In all honesty he couldn’t decide if he was more horrified or horny, but there was no way in Tartarus he would ever admit to that, “Please don’t do that again.”

“Hey, I think I pull off the incestuous older sister vibe quite well,” Starlight huffed.

“Speaking as an actual older sister, that’s just fucked up,” Maud replied in her dull monotone.

“Trixie thinks Starlight has been reading way too much hentai,” Trixie shot.

“How did you know that’s a hentai thing?” Starlight retorted.

Trixie just gave her a flat look, “Because Trixie reads hentai. Duh.”

“I’m sure there’s a joke about tentacles in there somewhere,” Maud said quietly.

Trixie smirked, “Oh those tentacles go somewhere, alright!”

“I thought you said you’d never read tentacle porn?” Starlight asked.

Trixie shook her head, “Trixie said she doesn’t own any tentacle porn, not that she hasn’t read any. There’s a difference.”

“P-perhaps we should get back to the game!” Sunburst cut in, eager to move on from the conversation before his cloak became more of a marquee.

Starlight gave him a knowing grin, but picked up the last answers anyway, “Fine. They said we were crazy. They said we couldn’t put my cheating-son-of-a-bitch husband inside of a mating display. They were wrong.”

Trixie hissed through her teeth, “Ooo, ouch. That doesn’t sound like a fun time.”

“I’d blast the bastard into the middle of next week,” Starlight muttered.

“Like you did with Discord?” Sunburst asked.

“Exactly like I did with Discord,” Starlight replied as she looked through the answers again. “Point goes to the filly-fiddlers, here you go Maud.”

“I have mixed feelings about this,” Maud mumbled as she accepted the card.

“That’s what you get for playing with perversion you can’t handle,” Trixie shot, before blushing and giggling nervously. “That sounded a whole lot better in Trixie’s head.” She shook her head vigorously, “Anyway, it’s time for Trixie’s turn! Oh, you’re all going to have fun with this one. What ended the Great and Powerful Trixie’s last relationship?”

“Your ego?” Sunburst asked.

“The love potion wore off?” Maud added.

“Twilight found a new toy?” Starlight chimed in.

“Oh, go fuck yourselves,” Trixie retorted.

“I’ve got Mud Briar for that,” Maud piped up. A moment later she added, “And Boulder.”

Sunburst raised an eyebrow, “How does that even work? On second thought, no, don’t answer that. I’m not sure my brain can take it.”

“Mine can, how in Tartarus does that work?” Starlight asked.

Maud looked her dead in the eye, “You’ve never heard of a spit-roast?”

Absolute stunned silence greeted her statement. Even the waterfalls trickling into the cavern’s lake seemed to fall silent at the sheer insanity of that image.

“Does everypony have their answers ready?” Trixie asked finally, glossing over the moment. Starlight and Sunburst wordlessly levitated their answers over, while Maud rolled her eyes before picking one out and hoofing it over too. Trixie gave them a quick shuffle in her magic and pulled one out at random, “What ended the Great and Powerful Trixie’s last relationship? A homoerotic volleyball montage.”

“I thought that was what started your last relationship,” Starlight shot.

“Trixie sure wishes,” Trixie replied. “Next answer. What ended the Great and Powerful Trixie’s last relationship?” She gave the next card a curious look, “Sitting on Trixie’s face.”

“Are you really that bad at oral?” Sunburst asked.

Trixie scoffed, “Of course I’m not, they clearly just sat the wrong way.”

Maud’s eyebrows almost twitched into a frown, “How can you sit on somepony’s face the wrong way?”

In response, Trixie reached up and gave her horn a light tap, “You really need to be careful when sitting on a unicorn’s face. A misplaced horn is not a pleasant experience.”

Starlight gave an involuntary shudder, “Don’t remind me, I found that one out the hard way.”

“Trixie told you it’s a bad idea to try that when drunk,” Trixie said tartly, ignoring the retaliatory glare as she picked up the last answer. “What ended the Great and Powerful Trixie’s last relationship? Being a dick to foals.”

“Oh, like that time you forced Snips and Snails to pull around your giant golden throne?” Starlight asked.

Trixie just gave her a flat look, “Do you really blame me for that one?”

Starlight paused for a moment, “No. No I do not.” She smiled wryly, “It’s not like I really could, even if I wanted to, given my history.”

“Well, the Humble and Forgiving Trixie wasn’t going to say anything if you did,” Trixie replied, garnering a roll of the eyes. “Hmmm, Trixie thinks sitting on the face wins. Who had that one?”

“That would be me, and that puts me in the lead,” Sunburst said smugly, earning a scowl and a card flicked in his general direction. “Your turn, Maud.”

Maud nodded and picked up a question. She stared at it for several long seconds, before finally turning to the others, “During sex, I like to think about blank.”

The three unicorns smirked at each other.

“Which of you wants to go for the obvious?” Starlight asked.

Sunburst just shrugged, “Insert obligatory rock and slash or wood joke here. And maybe an immature remark for good measure.”

“Who doesn’t love a bit of hard wood?” Trixie put in.

“Thank you, Trixie.”

“You’re welcome.”

Maud puffed air out through her nostrils in what may have been something approaching a laugh, “Just pass your answers over, you twerps.”

“Insulting us directly? That’s rare for you, Maud,” Starlight chuckled as they all floated their answers over.

“I think I’m having a sugar rush,” Maud replied flatly. “Either that or the unspoken sexual tension is getting to me. During sex, I like to think about Chancellor Puddinghead.”

“I’m sure there’s a euphemism in there somewhere,” Sunburst muttered.

“Probably,” Maud agreed. “During sex, I like to think about natural selection.”

“There’s nothing natural about your selection,” Trixie shot.

Maud gave her a blank look that somehow managed to convey ‘watch it!’ successfully, “Last card. During sex, I like to think about Princess Celestia.”

“Who doesn’t?” Starlight asked.

Trixie shrugged, “Trixie alternates between her and Twilight, depending on her mood.”

“Should’ve seen that coming,” Starlight muttered.

“That’s what she said!”

Sunburst chuckled and stroked his beard, “I actually prefer Princess Luna myself.”

The others looked at him in shock.

“I thought you’d be all over Cadence!?” Starlight exclaimed.

Sunburst shook his head, “Only on MFM Mondays. The rest of the time it’s Luna all the way. She’s surprisingly gentle.” He couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of three mares having their minds collectively blown.

“Every part of that sentence breaks my brain,” Trixie said quietly. Sunburst just grinned proudly.

Maud finally tore her gaze away from him to look down at the answers in front of her, “Natural selection wins.”

“Yes!” Sunburst cried as he threw his hooves up in the air.

“What are you so happy about?” Starlight asked.

Sunburst polished a hoof on his cloak and gave her a faux-humble smile, “Oh, no reason. I’m just ahead of all of you by at least two points now.” He sighed contentedly as he picked up his question card, “Which means no matter which of you wins this turn, I’m still in the lead.”

“There’s still two turns left after this, assbag,” Starlight shot.

Trixie scowled at him, “Ask the next question so Trixie can prepare her Great and Powerful comeback.”

“Why is it on your back? Did they miss your face?” Maud asked, earning an indignant glare from Trixie and a snort from the other two.

“Anyhoo,” Sunburst chuckled, “last question. Life for earth ponies was forever changed when unicorns introduced them to blank.”

“Shoving a horn somewhere it shouldn’t go?” Starlight quipped.

Trixie smirked, “Oh it absolutely should go! When it’s in there and you gently use some magic…” She hissed in a quick breath then let out a satisfied sigh, “Ah, bliss.”

Starlight rubbed a hoof under her chin thoughtfully, “I don't know, I'm still a little wary after what happened the first time I tried it.”

“I just prefer a good pounding,” Maud put in.

“I neither need nor want to know how you mares prefer to get off!” Sunburst exclaimed, then he sighed and shook his head, “Having said that, from a professional standpoint, yes, I’ve received excellent feedback on the effectiveness of gentle thaumic stimulation. Now hurry up and hoof your answers over!”

Starlight couldn’t resist grinning evilly at him, “What’s the matter, Sunburst? Getting a problem under that cloak?”

“You’ve just got cock on the brain,” Sunburst retorted, shuffling his cloak over a little more nevertheless. Ignoring Starlight triumphant smirk, he picked up the first answer with as much dignity as he could muster, “Life for earth ponies was forever changed when unicorns introduced them to… perfunctory foreplay.”

Trixie snorted, “Trixie thinks we’ve established that unicorn foreplay is far from boring. Unless you’re Starlight.”

“Fuck you, Trix,” Starlight shot back, as witty and creative as always.

“Eh, maybe later. Somepony has to show you how to do it right, after all.”

“It would make a change to have somepony screaming Trixie’s name other than Trixie herself,” Maud deadpanned.

Sunburst rolled his eyes as the unicorn mares alternated between glaring at each other and Maud, “Life for earth ponies was forever changed when unicorns introduced them to… oh… wow.”

“What is it?” Trixie asked eagerly.

Sunburst took a deep breath and spoke in as flat a tone as he could manage, “Life for earth ponies was forever changed when unicorns introduced them to Saddle Rager uncontrollably guzzling cum.”

As if on cue, Maud picked up a glass of milk and knocked it back, then tilted her head back and started violently shaking her head from side to side, making weird noises as milk sprayed everywhere, “Blpblbplbpblpblpb!”

Gameplay was halted temporarily as the others burst into hysterics, Sunburst collapsing and thumping his hoof on the floor as Starlight and Trixie rolled around, tears streaming down each of their faces.

When the laughter had died down somewhat, and the three were once again capable of some form of coherent, if not particularly sane or intelligent, speech, Starlight glanced over at Maud, “You should win this round, just for that!”

Maud just blinked, milk still dripping from her muzzle, fringe, and coat, “That was my card anyway, but we still have one answer left.”

Sunburst levitated up the last card, still giggling quietly, “Life for earth ponies was forever changed when unicorns introduced them to… puppies.” He snorted and tossed the answer aside, “Maud wins that one.”

“No shit,” Trixie laughed. “Now go clean yourself up, you filthy mare.”

Maud nodded and got to her hooves, “It’s not the first time I’ve heard that this week.”

Author's Notes:

More fun and perversion for all the family!

You may be pleased to know I've commenced work on two spin-offs (one of Trixie infiltrating Twilight's castle to find her porn, and one about Sunburst's first foray into the porn industry), and I've also started putting together the sequel involving the four princesses

This way lies madness...

Comments are welcome!

Starlight- 5
Trixie- 8
Maud- 9
Sunburst- 10