Starlight wouldn’t stop grinning as she doled out fresh cards, making sure to collect her winnings from Maud and Sunburst while they waited for Trixie to get a hold of herself. After several minutes of sprawling on the floor the stage magician finally managed to pull herself into a sitting position and chug down some water.

“Okay, are we all ready?” Starlight asked brightly. The others nodded dutifully. “Blank. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!”

“Your cherry?” Maud quipped.

Sunburst chuckled, “If that’s an actual answer now…”

Trixie snorted and flicked a card over to Starlight, “Trixie doesn’t know about the rest of you, but the fun has stopped plenty of times since Trixie had her first Great and Powerful Humping.”

“You should totally trademark that,” Starlight giggled as she scooped up the answers and shuffled them. “Here we go… oh, wow. Coat hanger abortions. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!”

The other three just stared blankly at her.

“That’s fucked up,” Sunburst finally said.

Starlight nodded, “I know, right? Who needs a coat hanger when you have a horn?”

“Or a strong hoof and a good aim,” Maud added.

Sunburst grimaced and set down his drink while Trixie glanced at Maud and raised an eyebrow. “Are we entirely sure this one isn’t a villain?” she asked.

“Fuck if I know,” Starlight replied. She smirked at Maud as she read the next answer. “An endless stream of diarrhea. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!”

“Don’t even say it,” Maud said quickly, for her at least, cutting off the inevitable Mud Briar and/or Bowel-loosening Blowjob^TM jokes.

Starlight smiled and shook her head, “And lastly… seppuku. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.”

Sunburst raised an eyebrow at that, “Seppuku? As in, Neighponese ritual suicide?”

Trixie shrugged, “Trixie’s cards weren’t great for this question.”

“Fair enough,” Starlight replied. “Who had the endless stream of diarrhea?”

“As in literally, or the card?” Sunburst asked.

“The card, you fuckwad.”

“Oh, that would be me then.”

Starlight flicked the card over to him. “Hey, you’re tied with Trixie now!”

“We shall see about that,” Trixie growled as she picked up a question card, “It’s a pity that foals these days are all getting involved with blank.”

Surprisingly it was Sunburst who dropped an answer in front of her first, with Maud and Starlight shuffling through their cards for a short while before finally giving up and passing one each over.

“Trixie is guessing you all have crappy cards for her turn, again.”

“I don’t!” Sunburst spluttered indignantly.

Trixie smirked and shook out her mane, “Oh please, it’s only pure luck that has you keeping up with the Great and Powerful Trixie, luck that shall soon run out!” Her smirk morphed into a grin as she flipped over a card with a flourish, “It’s a pity that foals these days are all getting involved with… magnets.”

Dead silence.

Trixie stared blankly at the card for a second, then casually tossed it aside and levitated the next one, “It’s a pity that foals these days are all getting involved with…” She winced and unconsciously covered her torso, “50,000 volts straight to the teats!”

Starlight and Sunburst both hissed and grimaced, Starlight covering her teats too. Maud just cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow, “That sounds interesting.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re a kinky bitch,” Trixie quipped.

“I wish I could deny it,” Maud replied, then tapped her chin in thought, “Come to think of it, I would like a new bridle.”

“Oh, I can put you in touch with a designer if you’d like?” Sunburst offered.

Starlight raised an eyebrow at that, “And how do you know any bondage designers?”

Sunburst gave her a flat look, “You do know I work for Princess Cadence, right?”

Starlight pulled a face and pressed her hooves to her head, “Aww great, now I’m picturing Shining Armour sticking a bridle and bit on Cadence.”

“Wrong way around,” Sunburst supplied.

The three mares just stared at him with wide eyes.

“Trixie… has no response to that.”

“Try ‘sploosh’,” Starlight breathed.

“Aaaand Trixie is continuing the game now. It’s a pity that foals these days are all getting involved with… mutually assured destruction?”

“Hey, it’s nice to see Starlight’s old hobbies are still popular,” Sunburst quipped.

Starlight didn’t respond. She was too busy staring into space, apparently daydreaming about a certain white stallion being gift-wrapped in leather straps.

Trixie just rolled her eyes, “50,000 volts to the foal-feeders wins. Who had that one?”

“Me,” Sunburst grinned, “And that one puts me in the lead!”

“SHIT!”

Trixie's sudden yell dragged Starlight from her reverie, “Bwuh? What’s going on?”

“Trixie’s not in the lead anymore,” Maud replied. “Also, you’re drooling.” Starlight blushed and quickly wiped her mouth as Maud dealt out fresh cards. “This should be a fun one. I got 99 problems, but blank ain’t one.”

Trixie grinned as she slid her answer over, “Trixie has the perfect one for this.”

“Mine’s not too shabby either,” Sunburst warned, floating his over too.

Starlight just cleared her throat as she passed hers over, still a little flustered from her impromptu fantasizing.

One quick shuffle later and Maud pulled out the first answer, “I got 99 problems but waiting ‘til marriage ain’t one. Well I guess you’re not wrong there.” The others giggled as she picked out the next card, “I got 99 problems but laying an egg ain’t one.”

“I’d imagine not, unless you’ve been porked by Spike recently,” Starlight chuckled.

“Or half of the other creatures Equestria is friends with these days,” Sunburst added reasonably.

“Getting ridden by a dragon should be pretty hot,” Maud quipped, earning a groan and a barrage of food products from the others for daring to utter such a terrible pun. Brushing marshmallows from her mane, she picked up the last answer, stared at it for a moment, then gave the others a flat stare. “I got 99 problems but Permanent Orgasm-Face Disorder ain’t one.”

The grotto echoed loudly as the three unicorns collapsed into hysterics.

“Oh… oh sweet Celestia!” Trixie gasped. “Do you even have an orgasm face!?”

Maud sighed, then suddenly crossed her eyes and ever-so-slightly crinkled her nose while poking out her tongue, sending the others collapsing to the floor in a paroxysm of laughter.

“Please tell me that’s your actual orgasm-face,” Starlight said while wiping away a tear.

“You’ll never know,” Maud replied.

“We’ll just have to ask Mud Briar,” Sunburst giggled.

The corners of Maud’s mouth slowly curved upwards, “Orgasm-face wins.”

“Wooo,” Trixie cheered weakly, clutching at her sides.

“And then it’s Sunburst’s turn.”

Dragging himself off the floor and into something resembling a dignified pose, Sunburst hiccoughed and levitated a question card over, “Phew! After four platinum albums and three Gala awards, it’s time to get back to my roots, to what inspired me to make music in the first place: Blank.”

Starlight grinned, “Alright girls, what kick-started Sunburst’s music career?”

“Was this before or after his porn career?” Maud asked.

“Oh, I did both at the same time,” Sunburst said airily.

Trixie giggled, “Sure, he used to compose his singles while balls-deep in Princest Poon.”

Starlight spat out a mouthful of soda, “What the fuck kind of name is that?”

“It’s not a real porn star name,” Sunburst assured her. “At least, not that I know of.”

“I’m not surprised. Princess Celestia is pretty laid back, but I can’t imagine her being too happy about a porn star taking a name like that,” Starlight said slowly.

Sunburst nodded in agreement as the three mares passed over their answers, “Okay, last answers of the round. After four platinum albums and three Gala awards, it’s time to get back to my roots, to what inspired me to make music in the first place… my ex-wife.”

Starlight smirked, “So… instead of books about hate-fucking it’s songs about hate-fucking?”

“Apparently,” Sunburst replied. “After four platinum albums and three Gala awards, it’s time to get back to my roots, to what inspired me to make music in the first place…” his eye started to twitch as he looked at the next answer, “an Oedipus complex.”

Starlight burst into a demented cackle at that, earning a startled look from Trixie and a somewhat less obvious look of surprise from Maud. Sunburst turned a half-lidded stare on her.

“How did I know this was your card?” he said sardonically.

“I wish!” Starlight chuckled.

Trixie glanced from one to the other, “Why does Trixie feel like she’s missing something here?”

Starlight sniggered, “Let’s just say Sunburst’s mom is pretty much the walking definition of milf. Until she opens her mouth, that is. Then you just want to stuff a pillow over her face until she stops struggling.”

“Well I can’t say anything to the first part of that but the second part is definitely true,” Sunburst chimed in. “And finally we have, after four platinum albums and three Gala awards, it’s time to get back to my roots, to what inspired me to make music in the first place… a fleshlight.”

“So, you don’t just sing about your ex-wife and your sexy mom, you also write lyrics for your magic cock sleeve,” Maud deadpanned.

Sunburst shrugged, “Well I’ve never had a wife, I’ve never sang about my mom and I’ve definitely never written lyrics for Starlight so…”

“Wait, what?” Starlight asked.

Sunburst ignored her, “Hmmmm. Meh, Oedipus complex wins.”

Maud slowly pumped a fore-hoof, “Woo. I’m catching up.”

Starlight grinned, “Wow, the scores are actually pretty close so far.”

Trixie folded her forelegs, “Hmph, not for long.”

“And on that note, I need to use the restroom,” Starlight said brightly as she stood and stretched. “Oh, and Sunburst?”

Just as Sunburst looked up a cake smacked him in the face and sent him sprawling.

“That was for the cock sleeve comment!”

Author's Notes:

More sophisticated literature for my fellow deviant perverts!

Also have begun plotting out two spin-offs (one about Sunburst's porn career and the other about Trixie's infiltration of Twilight's library!) as well as the sequel...

Starlight- 5
Trixie- 8
Maud- 7
Sunburst- 8

Princest Poon shall return!