After a brief respite to allow Trixie’s stomach to settle, and a hushed bet between the other three on how long it would take for her to spew again, the group got themselves ready for another round of family-friendly fun and frivolity.

Or, at least, one seriously fucked up card game.

“If Trixie gets an eating disorder from all of this, somepony is getting a firecracker shoved up their ass.”

“You’ve only thrown up twice, Trixie. I sincerely doubt you’ll get an eating disorder from just that,” Sunburst replied reasonably.

“Hmph, Trixie is just making you all aware of the possibility.”

“If I were you I’d be more concerned about staying in the lead,” Starlight quipped, “Question time! Okay, this card says you have to each draw an extra two cards and pick three. Blank plus blank equals blank.”

Dealing out the additional cards swiftly, there was a brief rustling as the others inspected their new options and selected their answers. Sunburst and Trixie were ready first, with Maud following a minute or so later.

“Let’s see what you degenerates have come up with, shall we?” Starlight smirked, then raised an eyebrow as she picked up Trixie’s cards, “Your weird brother plus having sex for the first time equals seven dead and three in critical condition.”

“Does anyone here even have a brother?” Sunburst asked.

Maud shook her head, “Not unless one of my sisters has grown a penis without me noticing.”

“If anypony could manage it, it would be Pinkie,” Starlight sighed, then cocked her head as she wondered aloud, “Maybe Twilight knows a spell for that?”

“She doesn’t!” Trixie snapped, earning a surprised stare from the others.

“O…kay…?” Starlight shook her head and picked up Maud’s answers, “Only dating East Equestrian mares plus going an entire day without masturbating equals four hundred years of colonial atrocities?”

“Don’t ask,” Maud said, shuffling her cards idly.

“Is this something to do with Princess Luna?” Sunburst asked.

“Trixie sure hopes not.”

“I doubt it. If repressed sexuality manifested as expansionist tendencies Fluttershy would have conquered the Dragonlands and half of Yakyakistan by now,” Starlight shot. She snorted as she glanced at the last cards, “Oh, wow. Having big dreams but no realistic way to achieve them plus seething with quiet resentment equals bat-pony dungeon porn.”

Trixie tried to laugh and nearly choked on her soda.

“Wh-what the shit, Sunburst?” she spluttered.

Sunburst just shrugged, “What? I dropped out of Princess Celestia’s school and I was still mad at my mom. How else do you think I managed to afford a new build in the Crystal Empire?”

Stunned silence greeted that little proclamation.

“Are you saying you… actually did bat-pony dungeon porn?” Starlight asked tentatively.

“…maybe.”

Trixie blushed and fidgeted with her hooves restlessly, “Are… there any illustrations for sale?”

“OKAY I think we’re done with that round!” Starlight cut in loudly. “Sunburst wins and here’s your question Trix!”

Trixie yelped as a black card smacked her on the nose. “Spoilsport,” she muttered as she picked the card up, “Old Macdonald had blank. E-I-E-I-O. Bonus points if your answer actually fits the tune.”

A great deal of grumbling was her only response as the others flicked through their cards. After a couple of minutes the others gave up and each tossed a card her way.

“Going by your lack of enthusiasm Trixie is going to assume you have rubbish cards.”

“Trixie assumes correctly,” Starlight sighed.

“Gee, thanks,” Trixie muttered as she shuffled the answers. “First up, old Macdonald had… Chemical weapons. E-I-E-I-O.” She smirked and raised an eyebrow, “So… he has a load of cow shit readily available?”

That got a small chuckle from Starlight and Sunburst.

“Old Macdonald had… dead birds everyone,” Trixie gave the others a half-lidded stare, “One of you has issues.”

“We all have issues here,” Starlight said flatly.

“Good point. Old Macdonald had… a middle-aged stallion on roller skates,” Trixie frowned and tilted her head curiously, “Like, had him up the ass or kept him in the basement?”

“Why not both?” Maud asked.

Trixie chuckled and waved the question card around in her magic, “Who had chemical weapons?”

Starlight raised a hoof.

“I think all of Equestria is glad you didn’t,” Sunburst shot as Trixie tossed her the card.

Starlight gave him an evil smirk, “You never did taste Sugar Belle’s muffins before she got her cutie mark back, did you?”

“Were they really that bad?”

“Even Pinkie couldn’t stomach them, that sounds like a chemical weapon to me,” Maud replied as she picked up the next question, “What never fails to liven up the party?”

Starlight instantly teleported a card to her, as if simply levitating it the meager few feet over the picnic just wasn’t fast enough. Trixie and Sunburst’s answers followed swiftly.

After a quick shuffle Maud pulled out the first answer, “What never fails to liven up the party? Whipping it out.”

Starlight and Trixie both cheered and whooped at that one.

“Go on, Sunburst! Whip it out!” Trixie cried.

“Liven up the party!” Starlight chimed in.

Sunburst scowled and pulled his cloak tighter around himself.

“If you want to have an orgy, I’d prefer it if we waited until Mud Briar was available,” Maud said in her usual deadpan fashion. The unicorns blushed furiously at her words and glanced awkwardly at each other. Seeing that her audience was under control, Maud continued, “What never fails to liven up the party? A foul mouth.”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Starlight chuckled.

“Tonight is pretty much proof of that,” Trixie added.

“Last one. What never fails to liven up the party? Blowing up Canterlot Castle.”

“Is it another Royal Wedding already?” Trixie quipped.

“Or another royal baby?” Starlight piped up.

Trixie smirked, “Can you even imagine one of the other princesses pregnant?”

“I’m trying not to,” Sunburst muttered.

Maud raised an eyebrow, then returned her attention to the answers, “Whipping it out wins.”

Starlight grinned and pumped a hoof in the air, “Woohoo! I’m on a roll!”

“Congratulations, you’ve finally caught up to the rest of us,” Sunburst said brightly.

“Ah, screw you.”

“Hmm, maybe later,” Sunburst ducked the bag of marshmallows that was tossed in retaliation and picked up a black card, “Well if you’ll excuse me, gentlecolts, I have a date with blank.”

A few moments later, three answers and a folded sheet of paper sat in front of him. Levitating the paper he quickly unfolded it to take a peek, blushed furiously, then set it alight using his magic.

The mares glanced at each other curiously as Sunburst shakily snatched up the answer cards, “W-well if you’ll excuse me, ahem, gentlecolts, I have a date with…” His cheeks turned an interesting shade of green as he looked at the first answer, “Eating a hard-boiled egg out of my husband’s asshole.”

Trixie rapidly joined him in the color-changing, “Oh that is disgusting!”

Starlight grinned evilly as she sidled up to the magician, “Do you think that would taste like an eggy fart, or…?”

With a tremendous, heaving retch, Trixie scrambled to dive behind a certain much-abused rock. Maud gave Starlight a half-lidded stare as the sound of a mare loudly emptying her guts filled the air once again.

Starlight, for her part, just smiled and fluffed her mane, “I believe that’s five bits to me?”

“You’re a sick bitch,” Sunburst muttered.

“Guilty.”

Groaning piteously, Trixie staggered back from around the rock and collapsed next to the picnic blanket.

“Um, should we continue?” Sunburst asked. Trixie just waved her hoof vaguely in response, prompting Maud to pat her head gently. “I’ll… take that as a yes. Well if you’ll excuse me, gentlecolts, I have a date with… hot cheese.”

“Twilight would freak the fuck out,” Starlight chuckled.

“And lastly, well if you’ll excuse me, gentlecolts, I have a date with… covering myself in Parmesan cheese and chilli flakes, because I am pizza.” Sunburst frowned at the cards for a moment, “Pizza wins. Who had that one?”

“Pizza. Woooo,” Maud deadpanned, waving her hooves slowly in the air.

Sunburst flicked the card over to her, “Here you go. Well, Trixie. It looks like you’re still in the lead. Um, congratulations?”
Trixie didn’t reply. She was too busy mentally coming up with several cruel and unusual plots for revenge against her evil psychopath of a beloved assistant.

Mostly involving Twilight.

And cheese.

Lots and lots of cheese.

Author's Notes:

I think I've officially lost what little remained of my sanity with this chapter

Tempted to actually write a spin-off of Sunburst doing bat-pony dungeon porn

Comments and criticisms are welcomed and, as always, thanks for reading.

Starlight- 5
Trixie- 7
Maud- 6
Sunburst- 6