”Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mister Anonymous. Again, I’m really sorry about all that.” Twilight says, looking a little sheepish.

Oh gods even if she is a filthy lying psyker she’s still adorable. It takes every ounce of willpower to not cuddle her right then and there. But that would probably terrify them.

Before you can say anything in response, Pinkie Pie conjures up her party cannon.

”Alright everypony, you all know the drill. New pony equals party.” she says, preparing to fire the cannon again.

There is an audible clang from your crotch plate as your dong reaches ceremite levels of hardness at the prospect of a party. Your boner, however, is short lived.

”A party is all well and good, Pinkie, but don’t you think we should go find Fluttershy and explain the situation?” Twilight suggests. “She’s probably still terrified.”

Oh. Right.

”Yes, I would very much like to apologize to the yellow one for frightening her. Where might she be found?”

”Well last I saw her she was curled up crying under my bed.” Rainbow says.

”Very well then, let us go to your home and I shall explain to her that I mean her no harm.”

”Uh, one problem, dude.”

"Oh?"

She points upward and your gaze follows.

Is that a fucking castle made out of clouds?

”Is that a fucking castle made out of clouds?”

”Sure is!” Rainbow says. “I’ll go up and get her, don’t wait up though, it’ll take forever to get her out from under the bed.”

”Nonsense!” you exclaim, your raptor pack flaring to life. “I can fly so I shall join you. Let us be off!”

You crouch in preparation for take off and Twilight starts flailing in panic.

“No wait! Only pegasi can-”

The rest of what she says is lost to you as your pack roars.

“It is time to penetrate the sky! Slaanesh, spread your butt cheeks!”

With your cry, you launch yourself up into the air and towards the cloud castle. Once you reach a decent altitude, you cut the engines in your pack and angle yourself to come down right on the cloud castle’s front step. As you're about to hit it you brace yourself for the impact. And you fall right through it. Fuck.

For the third time today you find yourself hurtling towards towards the ground. You reignite the engines in your pack but your ceremite clad ass is moving far too fast to stop. You prepare yourself for yet another insertion into the planet.

You hit the ground and make your third crater for the day. This was probably a record, you were usually much more responsible with your raptor pack. But it turns out that you can’t even think that with a straight face and you begin to laugh to yourself. No. No you were not.

You hear the rustling of grass as the rainbow pony alights on the ground next to you.

”You’re not very good with that thing, are you?” she asks.

Now the only rustling you can hear is that of your jimmies. You pull yourself out of the ground and take a look up at the castle you’d just fallen through.

”How do you live in a cloud castle when you can’t even stand on it?” you ask the pony.

She shakes her head. “That’s what Twilight was trying to tell you before you flew off. Only pegasi can walk on clouds.”

Because that makes so much sense. But then again, you weren’t really one to be making any judgements on sense making. You did kind of worship the gods of “It’s magic, I ain’t gotta explain shit.”

”Very well then, I’ll just wait here while you talk to your friend.”

”Good idea.” she she says, flying off.

Welp. Guess there’s nothing left to do but just sit here and wait fo- BORED NOW.

---

You are Fluttershy and you are scared out of your mind right now. Not that this was terribly out of the ordinary for you, this actually happens quite regularly. What didn’t happen regularly was being attacked by timberwolves and giant, screaming, laser beam shooting, wub-wubing monsters. And this is why you currently find yourself trembling under Rainbow Dash’s bed while she and the others took care of the monster.

Suddenly you hear what sounds like the roar of an engine and then a distant impact. Oh sweet Celestia, more things to be terrified of!

Shortly after the strange noises you hear the door to the room open and after peaking out from behind your hooves you see cyan colored hooves trotting across the room to the bed. Oh thank goodness, Rainbow must have taken care of the monster already.

Rainbow pops her head under the bed wearing a comforting smile.

“Hey, you can come out now, Flutters. The problem’s all taken care of, turns out it was all just a huge- hey! I thought I told you to wait on the ground!”

Curious, you look to the side to see what Rainbow was talking to. You come face to face with the head of the monster from the forest and freeze as it looks at you. It cups its hands over what you assume to be its mouth and speaks in a loud stage whisper.

”GREETINGS TINY PONY-XENO!”

You must remember to apologize to Rainbow Dash for the colossal hole you left in her roof.

---

You are Anonymous and for the life of you you can't understand why this pony is yelling at you.

”Oh come on! I told you to wait on the ground, what’d you go and do that for?” Rainbow yells at you.

You shrug. “I got bored waiting.”

She slams a hoof to her face in exasperation. “Just go back to the others, I’ll go find Fluttershy. And when you see her again just keep your trap shut and let me do the talking.”

Fair enough.

”My apologies, Rainbow Dash. I’ll leave you to it.” Without warning you cut your engines and plummet the short way to the ground.

You flare your engines briefly and land deftly on your feet amongst the ponies there.

”Ah take it things didn’t go accordin’ ta plan?” Applejack asks.

”She ran away again and Rainbow Dash went after her.” you explain.

”Well no point waiting around anymore, may as well start the party without them!” Pinkie says, hovering her hoof over the button of her party cannon.

”I think we should probably tell the princess about this first.” Twilight objects.

Pinkie’s eye twitches in irritation. “Princess later, party now!”

”I agree with the pink one! This lack of partying offends Slaanesh!”

”Hear that, Twilight? Slaanesh is offended by not partying! We don’t wanna offend Slaanesh!” she yells.

Words cannot express how proud you are of this pony.

”It is settled then! Commence the partying at once!”

Twilight looks completely exasperated at this point. “But the princess-”

”Already knows.” a voice says behind you.

You turn around to see a winged unicorn with a gleaming white coat and a flowing rainbow mane. By Slaanesh, the colors! She towers over the other ponies but barely reaches your chest in height. Your Blastmaster is probably as big as she is. This is wonderful! Ponies, ponies everywhere! They’re coming out of the fucking woodwork!

”Greetings, not-so-tiny pony-xeno! I am Anonymous of the Emperor’s Children!”

She looks at you warily, eying the grisly trophies adorning your armor.

”Yay! Princess, you’re just in time for the party!” Pinkie exclaims.

”I’m sorry, Pinkie, but the party will have to wait. I need to have a word with your new friend, here.

”But princess, we have to party! Anonymous says Slaanesh will be offended if we don’t!”

The princess pony shoots you a glare that could stop a Bloodthirster cold. Hoo boy.

”Well tell Slaanesh that I’m very sorry for offending him. But I need to have a word with Anonymous. Right. Now.” she says through gritted teeth, still glaring at you.

Ponies are not nearly as adorable when they look like they want to dismember you.

Before anyone else can object, there is a flash of light and you and the princess are now alone, some distance away from the town. She opens the conversation.

”Wherever you’re from, go back there. Now. Chaos is not welcome in Equestria.”

Haters gonna hate, lady.

”That’s very much impossible, princess.” you explain.

”Then perhaps I can assist you. I trust the moon is to your liking?”

You shrug. “If you’ve not noticed I happen to have a raptor pack. I could be back planetside in no time.”

”I never said ‘on’ the moon.”

Yikes.

”Princess, I apologize, but what have I done to gain your ire in such a short time?” you ask her.

”You brought Chaos to Equestria.” she says. “Your foul kind are not welcome here, this is a world of Harmony and I will not allow you to corrupt my little ponies.”

”Have you had trouble with Chaos before?” you ask.

She nods. “This was a daemon world before my sister and I came here. The ponies were ruled over by a cruel and tyrannical daemon prince of the Changer. We overthrew him and saved this world, I will not allow you to undo what we’ve accomplished for these ponies!”

Stupid Tzeentch, always ruining your fun.

”Princess, I assure you that I bear your subjects no ill will. This is a beautiful world and I would never dream of harming it!”

This seems to throw her off. Her glare softens and she looks at you in confusion.

”You do not wish to destroy or corrupt us?” she asks.

”Of course not! These ponies are absolutely adorable, I could never hurt them!”

The glare returns. “You’ll forgive me if I do not take the word of a Chaos tainted monster at its face value.”

You look at her in exasperation. What did you have to do to prove you weren’t going to harm them? Swear fealty or something?

That’s actually not a bad idea.

You drop your Blastmaster and take your chainsword from your belt. The princess’s eyes widen in surprise and she prepares for a fight.

She is understandably surprised when you drop to a knee, bow your head, and hold your chainsword out to her.

”Princess, I swear by the Prince of Pleasure that for as long as I reside on this world I will not bring harm to your ponies. And woe betide the fool who should attempt to harm your subjects while I yet draw breath, for I shall destroy them.”

You feel so fucking awesome right now. This is a fun game.

The princess seems at a loss for words at your actions and you hold your pose till she composes herself.

”I... suppose I could give you a chance.” she says finally. “But I swear that if you harm one single pony that all the torments of your gods will be as nothing compared to what I’ll do to you.”

You mag-lock your chainsword again and pick up your Blastmaster.

“It’s a good thing we won’t have to find out, then.”

”We’ll see.” she says. “Now please, tell me how you came to Equestria. I had thought we were sufficiently hidden here.”

”Oh don’t worry about that, I’m here completely by accident.”

You then proceed to explain to her your experiments with the warp engine aboard the Dong of the Soul Eater. To your surprise, and amusement, she laughs at the story’s conclusion.

”Oh that is such a relief, I had feared that we had finally been found by Chaos.”

”Sorry to disappoint you, princess.”

”That is good to hear, I-”

”I cannot say the same for the Dark Eldar, though.”

She looks less than pleased with this information.

”What?” she asks, dangerously.

”I take it you know of them?” you ask.

She nods. “I am not blind to the goings on in this barbaric galaxy. Now, please tell me why such depraved lunatics may be visiting Equestria?”

”It’s probably nothing to worry about.” you say. “But my warband was fleeing a force of Dark Eldar when I accidentally the whole ship.”

”And why were you fleeing them?”
I trust you know of Commorragh?” you ask.

She nods.

”Well they didn’t want us to leave.” you tell her.

”What were you doing in there in the first place?” she demands. “I imagine the followers of Slaanesh would not be very welcomed there.”

You tap your forehead where three dazzling gems are set into your helmet.

”Stealing.”

Next Chapter: In Case of Party Emergency Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 32 Minutes