You are one of the Emperor's Children and, as such, one of the most feared and deadly individuals in the entire galaxy. For the last ten thousand years you have crusaded with your brothers about the stars for the glory of Chaos. But, unlike so many of your brothers, never against the Imperium that so damned you. Your warband had no interest in such foolishness, let the loyalists worship their Golden Toilet, what did it matter to you?

No, you hunted a far more exciting foe, your particular warband hunted, almost exclusively, Eldar. More specifically, you hunted Dark Eldar. It was, of course, in utter gratitude that you ended their lives. Without them and their hedonistic ways, so similar to your own, your patron would have never existed, and so what better way to thank them than by sending them to be with Slaanesh for eternity? You almost envied them in that regards. But honestly you didn't care that much about the space elves, you cared more about your music and going fast. This is why you currently find yourself in the Engineerium, working on your latest project.

You stand back from your finished work, wiping a gauntlet across your forehead completely unnecessarily and only succeeding in producing a loud screeching from the scraping ceremite. Music to your ears. As you look with pride upon your latest project you hear the voice of your brother in the distance.

"Brother? Brother, where are you?"

You feel a thrill of excitement shoot up your spine as the voice of your brother, Melkor, echoes over the roar of the Warp engine.

"In here, Melkor!" you call to him, your voice obviously giddy. You couldn't wait to show him what you've been working on these last few days in Warp transit.

You hear the scrape of ceremite on steel as Melkor enters the Engineerium, his raptor talons leaving shallow scrapes along the floor. You turn to see your fellow Noise Raptor enter the room and wait eagerly for him to react.

"Brother, what in the name of Fulgrim are you doing... in..." he trails off as he looks past you, his face showing undisguised wonder.

"Isn't it great?" you ask.

He takes a moment to respond, his mouth opening and closing several times as he looks on in awe.

"Brother..." he begins. "By Slaanesh's sacred left tit, what the fuck am I looking at?"

"Well I had this idea. What if I hooked my Blastmaster up to the Warp engine? Then I got a better idea! What if I rigged the Warp engine to also be an amplifier? It's fucking genius, I tell you!"

Melkor just looks at you. "How the fuck did you pull this off? You don't know the first thing about engineering!"

You shrug in response. "Well the plugs all fit, I figured that was a start. But your missing the point! With this sweet thing every psyker in the galaxy will hear my music, I will rock as none have ever rocked before!"

"I can't tell if this is utter stupidity or absolute genius." Melkor says. "But you do realize this will probably kill us all if you fuck it up, right?"

"A risk I'm more than willing to take, my dear friend!" you exclaim.

You take a cord from the mechanical monstrosity and plug it into your Blastmaster and Melkor hurriedly scrambles to get his helmet on. You heft your Blastmaster and hover your finger over the trigger and take what may very well be your last look at your friend.

"Prepare yourself, brother! Things shall get loud now!"

You pull the trigger.

The ship shudders as the bass from your weapon screams through the ship's vox system. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever heard. You look down at your weapon and take hold of a nob and start cranking that sucker up. The Warp itself shudders under the unrelenting force of your wubs. Psykers of all banners across the galaxy grip their heads in anguish as they feel the Warp overtake them. It is not a good pain.

Tzeentch himself jumps a little at the sudden assault of wubs. The star he was just moving suddenly supernovas and incinerates billions, much to his chagrin. He goes back to work muttering something about how much music sucks these days.

Unfortunately for you, the ship's Navigator was never told about the "upgrades" you were making to the warp engine and is scared out of his wits as the first wubs blares through the bridge's vox. The ship lists in the Warp and crashes head on into the first wave of roiling energy to come at it. The ship tumbles ass over elbows through the Warp, being tossed about by the ethereal currents like a toy. The ship is battered badly and begins to shake apart under the relentless assault and eventually it just gives up and tears apart. Warp predators swarm the victims like crows to a corpse in a mad dash for delicious souls. They then flee just as quickly as said helpless victims savagely rape anything that gets close.

You yourself are tossed about, your raptor pack sputtering uselessly as you try to right yourself and your finger still squeezing the trigger of the Blastmaster. There is only one thing on your mind right now.

"This is fucking awesome!" you scream out to the Warp.

---

You've been tumbling through the Sea of Souls for what was probably a million years at this point. Or maybe five minutes. Maybe it was both. It was probably both. You've just been chillin' this whole time, occasionally a daemonette or something wanders over and the two of you rock out to whatever your Blastmaster feels like shitting out at the time. Or you savagely rape it. Either one works.

Soon something horrific begins to happen. You don't even notice the change at first, but it slowly creeps up on you and by the time you realize what's happening it's too late.

You are bored out of your fucking skull.

Even the fucked up anti-physics of this place aren't enjoyable enough. It was cute at first, but now it was just boring. Yes, it's the Warp, crazy shit happens here, you get it. Something new, please?

As soon as you wish it something happens. The best way you can think to describe it is that it's the opposite of a warp storm. Everything just calms right the fuck down all of a sudden.

Okay, that's something. Now what?

Suddenly the veil becomes paper thin and the Warp tosses your ungrateful ass right out and into-

Low orbit, apparently.

You've come out of the Warp in low orbit around a planet and the planet's gravity well is sucking you right the fuck in. You enter the atmosphere and your armor begins to heat up from the air friction. As soon as it began it ends and you're now in free fall.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh shit oh fuck oh tits!" you yell, flailing helplessly about as you plummet towards the ground.

Oh well, you had a good life, right? You've raped, you've pillaged, you've raped, you've fought in some truly epic battles, you've raped some more, you got to see Cammorragh that one time, you raped everything in sight, you-

Wow, you've raped a lot of stuff. Slaanesh would be proud.

Then it's at about this point that you realize that you're a fucking raptor and have had a jetpack this whole time.

Right then.
You right yourself in the air and slow your descent and manage to take out only a dozen trees and make only a moderately sized crater when you impact. You pull yourself to your feet and take stock of yourself. Organs? Check. Bones? Check. Armor? Check. Morals? Flexible as a rubber band. Alright, all set then. Time to find out what Chaos forsaken planet you've gone and got yourself tossed out on.

At first glance you seem to be in some kind of dark, foreboding forest. Those are your favorite types of forests! As you walk through it you feel the damnable boredom begin to creep up on you again. You start wishing that something would jump out and try to kill you, it had been ages since you got to use your Blastmaster in actual combat.

Right on cue you hear a feminine scream and you decide you should go check it out, maybe there was something to rape. Gods, you hadn't raped anything in what must have been minutes. As you stomp your way through the forest you hear the scream again, much closer this time. Eventually you happen upon a group of what seem to be wolves made from sticks menacing-

What the fuck is this? Is that a fucking pony? Ensuring that you are currently not tripping balls on anything hallucinogenic, you ascertain that it is in fact a small, yellow, winged pony being harassed by stick wolves. The thing is colored in blindingly bright pastel colors and is possessed of an almost unbearable level of cuteness. You loved it instantly. But, strangely enough, not in a rapey kind of way. More like a grab it and cuddle it forever kind of way. Huh.

But while you're thinking this over, the pony is still surrounded by snarling stick wolves. That wouldn't do. No no no, not at all. You level your Blastmaster at the nearest one and squeeze the trigger.

A pink beam of pure wub bound together and solidified by Warp energy lances from your weapon and impacts a wolf. The power of your weapon vibrates the thing at a molecular level, reducing innards to mush and dropping it like a fly.

"Next." you say casually, pointing the weapon at one of the three remaining wolves.
The wolves turn to face you and the pony finally notices you and, if it were possible, takes on a look of even greater terror than before. It was probably all the tanned Eldar faces you had adorning your armor, you found those really unsettled most people.

The wolves charge and you blast another one, the wolf flying apart like leaves under the might of your wubs. The other two reach you before you can bring the weapon to bear again and you drop the Blastmaster, grabbing for the chainsword and bolt pistol mag-locked to your belt. In one quick motion you bring your chainsword up under the chin of one wolf, sawing its head in half and put a bolt round through the other wolf's left eye, blowing its head and shoulders apart as the mass-reactive slug detonates.

Once the wolves drop to the ground you mag-lock your bolt pistol and chainsword to your belt once again and bend over to heft up your beloved Blastmaster. You trudge over to the pony that still sits terrified at the tree the wolves had backed her up against. You set down your massive weapon and kneel down to get more level with her. You still tower over her by several feet though. The trembling pony doesn't make a sound, so you decide to take the initiative and open up the conversation.

"GREETINGS, TINY PONY-XENO!"

She reels in terror from your vox-enhanced greeting and immediately takes to the air, screaming at the top of her lungs as she flies away.

Curse your over-excitability, you scared the poor thing half to death! Stupid stupid stupid! Now you may never get the chance to cuddle that adorable thing. You get back up and continue your trek through the forest, lamenting your lack of pony company. Soon you emerge from the forest and onto what looks to be some kind of apple orchard. Or a farm. An apple farm? That's ridiculous and adorable at the same time, you would expect nothing else from what you hope to be a world inhabited by ponies.

As you make your way over to an apple tree a shout rings out through the air.
"Pick on someone your own size, jerk!"
What the f-
Before you can finish the though, something slams into your head at around mach three. You notice a thump and an "Owwwww" following it. Turning around you see that you have been assaulted by yet another small winged pony. Only this was was blue with rainbow colored hair. If anything it was even more adorable than the last one!
"GREETINGS TI- I mean, greetings tiny pony-xeno!" you exclaim, trying to reign in your excitement so as not to frighten off this one off as well.
The pony gets shakily to its feet and levels a glare at you.
"Don't you go pretending you're all nice now! You scared Fluttershy!"
"Is that the name of the yellow one?" you ask.
"Yeah, and now you're in for a world of hurt, buddy!" she exclaims, glaring at you as fiercely as she can.
You can't take it, the tough talk and the look on her face are just too much, you burst out laughing at the sight.
"Hey, don't you laugh at me!" she yells indignantly.
"I'm... sorry!" you wheeze between laughs. "But I just can't take you seriously, you're just too adorable!"
The glare intensifies and so does your laughter. She lunges at you and bucks you right in the head, producing a comical 'gong' sound. The pony falls to the ground again.
"Jeez! It's like trying to kick a boulder!" she says.
You're about to respond when you notice a lasso slip over your shoulders and bind your arms to your torso.
"Ah got 'im, Rainbow! Give 'im what fer!"
This day just keeps getting better.
You look behind you to see an orange, wingless pony holding the lasso in her mouth and wearing a Stetson hat on her head. This is far more cuteness than you have ever been subjected to at one time and you are overcome with a fit of the giggles.
"Hey, I told you to stop laughing!" the rainbow one yells, once more attempting to buck you upside the head and once more failing to do much more than hurt herself.
"Ugh." she groans from the ground.
You bend over, yanking the pony holding the rope along with you, and pick the pony up, intending to set it back on its feet.
"Hey, let go of me!" she yells.
Suddenly your head is once more assaulted, but this time by what feels like a hail of bolter rounds.
"Unhand her this instant, you ruffian!" a very lady-like voice yells out.

You turn just in time to take a massive diamond straight to the face. You stumble back a few paces and drop the rainbow pony, who takes the opportunity to put some distance between the two of you. Looking in the direction the gem came from you're met by the sight of a white unicorn with a lovingly styled purple mane who holds a plethora of other gems in a telekinetic grip.
You can feel the giggles overtaking you!
The unicorn seems a little offended that you're laughing at her and the way she indignantly stomps her hoof in response is just so adorable that you break out in full on laughter.
"Hey, I like to laugh too!" chirps a voice to your side.
Turning to see this newest arrival you come face to face with an ancient black-powder cannon manned by a bubbly pink pony.
"Surprise!" she yells, slamming down on a big red button.
An explosion of confetti blinds you and you feel yourself lifted up off the ground and sent flying through the air for a few feet. You hit the ground and notice that you are now covered in balloons, confetti, streamers, party hats, and various other party favors. You opt to stay on the ground and roll about in laughter. Strangely enough the pink one joins you.
"Oh man, you shoulda seen the look on your face!" she says.
"I wish either of us had seen it!"
You both laugh even harder at this
You stop abruptly as you feel yourself being lifted off the ground by something. You notice that you're now enveloped in an aura of violet energy. Looking up you see a similarly colored unicorn who's horn is aglow with the same magic you now found yourself in.
A fucking psyker. A competent psyker. A powerful psyker.

You are no sorcerer, but ten thousand years of constant warp exposure and fervent Chaos worship granted you a few perks, and one of them was a faint warp sense. This was a very, VERY powerful psyker. If she wanted to, she could kill you right now with little to no effort. You tighten your grip on your Blastmaster
And you srs the fuck up.
You're lucky she has no idea what the thing you have in your hands is. If she did you'd probably be dead right now. You subtly turn a nob and pull the trigger. Instead of a devastating beam of Warp-wub, energy begins to build within your weapon and it lets off a light glow. Luckily the glow is about the same color as the magic now holding you so the unicorn doesn't notice.
"Going to kill me now, psyker?" you ask her.
Her eyes go a little wide at this. "No, of course not!" she says. "Why would I do something like that!?"
You narrow your eyes behind your helmet. Clearly she was just trying to fool you. Every breath a psyker emits is a lie.
"Perhaps because none of your companions could? Because I am strange and you fear what you do not understand? Because it pleases whatever false god you worship? Maybe simply because you can?"
The creature wavered a bit at your words, seemingly unsure of what to say. Suddenly your Blastmaster lets out a low whine. You release the trigger and a solid orb of condensed wub rockets from it. Before the psyker can react the orb smashes into the ground before her and detonates, bathing the area in violet light and some of the most beautiful music you've ever heard.
It also destroys everything within a twenty foot radius.
When the light and sound finally die down and you pick yourself up from where you landed you find yourself facing a massive crater with no sign of the ponies. A small pit forms in your stomach at the thought of having just killed so many of the adorable creatures. It is not a good feel, not at all. You have never felt regret for killing in the past, but now it strikes you hard.
A voice calls out and you whirl around, hardly daring to hope. You didn't want to be a pony murderer!
"Sweet Celestia, what in tarnation was that?!"
"I have no idea, but this creature is obviously dangerous."
"Not like we haven't noticed, Twi, that thing could probably level Ponyville if it wanted!"
It seems the psyker managed to teleport them away at the last second, the relief you feel is like nothing else. You weren't a pony murderer after all! But this proved another problem, the psyker was still alive and thought you were hostile. You were probably dead now. You had to convince them that you meant them no harm.
Before the dust clears a rainbow rockets out and strikes you in the chest, this time managing to stagger you. It strikes you over and over, faster and faster, harder and harder. It seemed to be building up speed.
Finally it hits you and grabs you- fucking grabs you and drags you up into the air. The pony lets go of you and you feel the lasso you'd forgotten was around you pull taught and start bringing you back to the ground. Fuck if that little cowpony wasn't strong!
Before you hit the ground your pack roars to life and you race up into the air, dragging the cowpony with you. But before you can get very high, a diamond snipes you right in the head, dazing you. The gem is followed by several more, each right in the head with unerring accuracy. You manage to keep in control of your flight, but only just barely. The hail stops and you try to regain your bearings-
Only to come face to face with the godsdamned party cannon again. How the fuck-
"Hi there!" the pink pony chirps.

How the fuck had she ambushed you with a balloon? How the fuck was she up here so fast? Where the fuck did she find the time to reload that cannon?
"Surprise!" she yells again.
"Oh come o-"

You're interrupted as she slams down on the button and fires the cannon at point blank. The blast from the party cannon sends you straight into the ground, the orange cowpony landing on your head and driving it further into the ground. You groan and try to lift yourself up, but feel a force trying to push you down. The psyker was on you again.
Your concern for hurting the ponies wars with a fury within you that would make a World Eater proud.
You are one of the deadliest beings in existence!
You had stormed the Emperor's Palace on Terra and returned unscathed. You had traveled to the very depths of Cammorragh and escaped! You had fought the Desert Fangs and lived to tell about it, for Chaos's sake!
And now you were being taken to pieces by ponies. This was unacceptable. You struggled against the psyker's sorcery with every ounce of you genehanced might. Your hands slowly wrap around your Blastmaster and you find the nob you're looking for.
You crank it all the fucking way up to eleven.
Then you pull the trigger.

"Hear this dirge and despair!"
Your Blastmaster fires its most potent crowd control weapon. The Bass Cannon
All at once the aura around you vanishes as the bass cannon utterly shatters the psyker's concentration. You slowly stand up while the ponies still try to resist. You crank the nob past eleven.

"Louder! Louder!"
The rainbow one and the white one fall to the ground and cover their ears. You keep cranking it.
"Such sweet cacophony! Slaanesh sings through me!"
The remaining ponies drop to the ground and begin to scream.
"Yes, yes! Scream to be heard!"
Oddly enough the pink one, you still aren't sure how she got down from her balloon so fast, doesn't seem the least bit phased and is, in fact, shuffling to the base cannon. This has never happened before.

"Woo yeah! Drop that bass, DJ!"

What.
Ponies (mostly) subdued, you let go of the trigger. The dancing one stops and pouts.

"Aww, it was just getting to the good part!"
She's a daemonette, you're positive. The other ponies slowly begin to stand up.
"Tiny xeno-ponies, do not attack, I mean you no harm!" you tell them.
The ponies look at you in disbelief.
"If you don't mean any harm then why were you attacking my friends?" the purple psyker asks accusingly.
"Because they were attacking me!" you retort.
"You were attacking Rainbow, you brute!" the white one exclaims.
"Because she was attacking me!"
The ponies all turn to look at Rainbow who glares angrily at you.
"Because he scared Fluttershy!" she yells.
"I saved her from wooden wolves and said hello and then she just screamed and ran away!"
The ponies are speechless.
"Do you mean to tell us that this is all just a huge misunderstanding?" the purple one asks.
"It would seem that way." you confirm.
"Well... then let me be the first to say that I'm really sorry about all this. My name's Twilight Sparkle."
You nod. "Well met, Twilight Sparkle."

The white one introduces herself next. "Well I'm Rarity, and I must say that I'm terribly sorry for how I acted, it was positively ghastly of me."
Next is the orange one. "Sorry 'bout all that, mah name's Applejack, I run the apple farm over yonder."
Then the pink one.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" she says, her voice infectiously happy.

You should have guessed.
"Sorry about all the party cannons to the face, that wasn't nice. So can you do the thing with the music again? That was so fun!"
You're starting to like this one.
Then there was the rainbow one.

"I'm sorry," she grumbles. "My name's Rainbow Dash."
"Well met, tiny ponies. I apologize for the misunderstanding."
"It's alright." says Twilight. "So what's your name?"
You open your mouth to reply but find nothing to say. What is your name? It had been over ten thousand years since you last heard it. Ever since the Heresy you had only ever been called brother, bro, brah, broskie, broseph, other variations of such, monster, demon, traitor, and heretic. Perhaps you could take a new name? It was an attractive idea, choosing your own name. You take a moment to think.
"I am Anonymous of the Emperor's Children."
Yes, that sounds right. It was cool, mysterious, and actually quite fitting considering you couldn't even remember your old name.
Yes, you are Anonymous.

Next Chapter: Meeting Royalty Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 40 Minutes