Emperor's Child in Equestria
Chapter 3: In Case of Party Emergency
Previous Chapter Next ChapterThe princess sighs very angrily.
”Of course a Slaaneshi would be stealing from Dark Eldar. May I ask what those are?”
Your voice is very sombre as you answer.
”Salvation.”
She doesn’t seem to know how to react to that.
“Salvation? What could you possibly desire salvation from?”
"It’s nothing that concerns you, princess. But the Eldar want them back badly enough to follow us to the Eye of Terror for them. You needn’t worry yourself, though, I doubt it would be possible for them to find me after my little sojourn through the Warp.”
”Fine.” she says. “You may stay in Ponyville under the watch of my student until such a time as you are able to leave. But I am holding you to your oath, you will defend my world against any evil that comes to it even if it costs you your life.”
”It would be an honor.”
Then a thought strikes you.
”Who is your student?”
She grins. “I believe you two have met. Twilight Sparkle.”
Fuck.
”Well then, I guess that answers any questions about where her monstrous power comes from.” you say.
”Oh no, that wasn’t my doing at all, she came that way.”
Oh. Well fuck.
”How is that even possible?” you exclaim. “I’ve met daemon princes less powerful than her!”
”Well it would seem you’ll have plenty of time to figure that out for yourself during your stay in Ponyville. Now we should get you back before you’re missed. Have fun, Pinkie throws the best parties. Ta!”
Before you can object you’re teleported back to the group of ponies
And Rainbow Dash found Fluttershy, wonderful!
”GREETINGS T-”
NO, STOP THAT! It didn’t work the first two times and it won’t work now! It's time to switch tactics. You kneel down and extend a hand.
”Hello, Fluttershy. My name is Anonymous and I’m sorry for scaring you earlier.”
This seems to go over remarkably well. Who’d have guessed!
”Hello.” she says, meekly, trying to hide behind her mane as she reaches out to shake your hand. OH SWEET SLAANESH IT’S JUST SO ADORABLE!
”It’s okay, I should have known you weren’t going to hurt me when you saved me from those timberwolves. Oh, thanks for that, by the way.”
”You’re quite welcome, Miss Fluttershy. I couldn’t let something as adorable as a pony come to any harm.”
Yes. You are the essence of smooth.
”WE PARTY NAO!”
”Hang on, Pinkie.” says Twilight.
It is as though a thousand mouths cry out in anguish within the Warp. Pinkie is not amused.
”What were you talking about with Princess Celestia?” Twilight continues, heedless of Pinkie’s ire.
You shrug. “Not much, I pledged fealty to her and told her a little about myself. Usual first date stuff.”
”What?” Twilight sputters.
”Don’t worry about it.”
”Well can you at least tell us about yourself?” she persists.
”THAT’S WHAT PARTIES ARE FOR. WE’RE HAVING A PARTY RIGHT NOW AND YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE IT!”
She presses the button on the party cannon.
Suddenly you are in what appears to be a barn, probably Applejack’s. There is also a party. You do not question it. The ponies sans Pinkie all look remarkably confused but don’t bother to question it either. This probably happens far more often than any of them would admit. All things considered, this was a pretty good planet to get stranded on. Pinkie trots up to you looking substantially more at ease.
”I keep parties stashed all over Equestria in case of party emergency.” she explains.
Makes sense. One should always be prepared. Ponies begin to arrive for the party and most only appear slightly apprehensive of your appearance. It’s odd to think they may be exposed to enough strangeness that your sudden appearance is worth only a double take. But hey, you didn’t really question a world of talking ponies, why should they question you?
For the next little while Pinkie takes you around the party and introduces you to the various ponies, each more adorable than the last. There’s this green one that just kinda stares at you the whole time. You finish with the most adorable one thus far. A grey and blonde pegasus pony who has the most endearing eyes. They just sort of wander all over the place.
Twilight notices that Pinkie’s finally released you and trots over.
”All finished meeting everypony?”
”It seems that way.”
”No more ponies you need to apologize to?” she asks with a hint of sarcasm.
”None that I can recall.”
”No more royalty to meet?” ask Twilight Sarcasm-pants.
”You tell me.”
”No!” she exclaims. “Well... none right now, at least. But anyways! Please, tell me about yourself. I have so many questions to ask!”
She summons a quill and some parchment and plops down on the floor in preparation of note taking.
”Well I enjoy music, my Blastmaster, loud noises, going fast, flying, singing-"
Pinkie Pie gets a really unsettling look on her face.
”worshipping Slaanesh, moonlit nights, and long walks in the Warp.”
Twilight sighs in irritation.
”Alright, let’s try something more direct. Who are the Emperor’s Children that you said you’re a part of?”
”They’re my legion.”
”Legion?” she asks. “So you’re a soldier or something?”
You nod. “Yes, a super-soldier actually. I’m a Space Marine.”
”What’s a Space Marine?”
”We’re warriors who were originally created by the False Emperor of Mankind to unify the scattered worlds of humanity during the Great Crusade.”
Her eyes widen. “Your people live on multiple worlds?”
You chuckle. “Humanity rules the galaxy, little unicorn.”
”How come I’ve never heard of you then? How come you’ve never come here?”
You sigh, time to explain to her how lucky she really is.
”Be grateful you’ve never heard of Mankind, Twilight.”
She looks at you quizzically.”Why not? There’s so much we could learn from you!”
You lean on your Blastmaster. “Humanity would never teach you. Mankind is extremely xenophobic.”
”I’m sure we could show them we’re worth trusting.” she insists.
”No. No you cannot. They wouldn’t give you the chance. Humanity would burn this world to cinders the instant they found it.”
Twilight looks horrified at this. “So you’re here to destroy us?!” she whispers, terrified.
”Of course not!” you assure her.
”But you said-”
”I told you what humanity would do. Not what I would do.”
”What do you mean? You’re human, aren’t you?” she asks.
You chuckle mirthlessly. “I no longer serve humanity. My brothers and I broke from them long ago.”
”Well who are you with then?” she presses.
”The Emperor’s Children. We are servants of Slaanesh, one of the four Gods of Chaos.”
Twilight’s eyes widen in shock as you say Chaos.
”Chaos like Discord?” she asks.
”Who?”
”He’s a draconequus who tried to turn Equestria into a world of Chaos!”
Ah, this must be the daemon prince Celestia told you about.
”Yes and no. We both serve Chaos, but he served a different god than I. His is the god of stupid and dumb. Slaanesh is the god of good times.”
And rape.
”Alright, so how did you get here then?”
Once more, Dong-ship, Warp-amp, daemon-rape, pony-meeting.
”Why would you do that? That’s a terrible idea!”
”It seemed like a really good idea at the time.”
”Alright, one more question.”
Oh thank Slaanesh, this pony-psyker was so boring.
”There’s a really weird magical aura surrounding you, what’s up with that?” she asks.
”Honestly that’s probably just the Chaos.”
”No, I can sense that, it feels exactly like Discord. This is something completely different. It’s... darker.”
Oh. That. You open your mouth to begin with an excuse when you hear it. By Slaanesh’s sacred third left tit up from the bottom, what was that wonderful noise? You turn around to see an old style turntables set up at the other end of the barn. Operating them is a white unicorn pony with an electric blue mane. And she is producing some of the most beautiful wubs you’ve ever heard a mortal produce.
