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Stallions are weak, soft, sensitive, and need a mare to take care of them. Everypony knows that. Well, except this one Stallion, but he’s insane, so he needs help anyway, right? (RGRE one shot extended into a half-proper story. Idk)
236 Dislikes, 19,199 Views

In Equestria, every stallion is treated with all the chivalries and respect he can bear. Because Stallions are more sensitive and more easily hurt when they aren’t taken care of by the mares around them.

So when Twilight hears of a lone stallion that swears like a sailor at passerby and ‘takes no shit from nobody, whether it good shit or bad shit,’ she’s dubious of the claims, but is sure that no stallion can be allowed to live so close to the Everfree all alone.

So she decides to do her best to save him.

And by save, I mean put him in the care of mares and get him herding.

And by him, I mean me.

And by me, I mean an earth-pony badass, formerly a human, formerly of Earth.

And by does her best, I mean she can try.

Bring it on whorse. I’m a hormonally imbalanced human psychopath with a death wish and an alcohol addiction trapped in the body of a tiny fucking horse.

In other words, I’m a pissed man who’s gonna have a helluva good time shattering your sexism through insults and violence.

I love to set the world afire, don’t you?

====================

RGRE Fanfic.

Sex tag is for mention thereof for comedic purposes. No clop here.

Featured! 4/2/18-4/3/18-7/6/19

Cover art is credit to Navanastra.

I would also like to state that this is half crackfic, half serious, so three of the groups its featured in are people insulting it, unfortunately. They're trying to point out cringey stuff in a story that's full of it on purpose, so... good luck with that. Enjoy.

(VERY inconsistent updates. I'm a college student.)

Mature
Cancelled
Adventure
Random
Comedy
Sex
Profanity
Violence

26,305 words: Estimated 1 Hour, 46 Minutes to read: [Fimfiction.net] [Cache]

11 Chapters:

  1. STAB IT WITH A RUSTY SPOON [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Nov 28th, 2018
    1,020
  2. BORN IN THIS HOLE DIE IN THIS HOLE [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
    1,887
  3. I AM A PARANOID MOTHERF*CKER [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Jun 24th, 2018
    2,187
  4. “Reclaimed” Letter File - 01 [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Oct 19th, 2018
    523
  5. BITCH I’M A BADASS [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Nov 26th, 2018
    2,470
  6. Home of a Self-Proclaimed Asshole - Plus - Smash Cut of Season 1 Because Fuck It [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Apr 25th, 2019
    3,962
  7. The Best Night Ever Be Bitchin [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
    2,524
  8. “Reclaimed” Letter File - 02 [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Jun 1st, 2019
    323
  9. CHAOS THIS, BITCH! [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Jul 6th, 2019
    5,117
  10. CMC + J Adventures - 01: What Lurks in the Pond [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Jul 27th, 2019
    1,247
  11. 425 Years [Fimfiction.net] [Cache] Sep 1st, 2019
    5,045
Published Apr 2nd, 2018
Last Update Jun 8th, 2020
Certifiably Insane

Mature Rated Fiction

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