“Twilight!”

Twilight Sparkle looked up from the large tome she was reading and greeted one of her closest friends.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash! The latest Daring Do book just came in if you want it.”

The cyan Pegasus shook her head violently.

“Not what I’m here for, Twilight! I need to show you something you won’t believe!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and put the book away before she stood up.

“Something I won’t believe? Is this actually what you say it is, or are you planning another prank? You’re going to have to give me a better reason to follow you.”

Rainbow groaned and shook her head in her hooves, clearly anxious to get going.

“Fine! But I’m telling you, you won’t believe it!”

Twilight gave her a deadpan look as she sorted a few out of place books on the shelves around them.

“Try me.”

“A new stallion just moved into town.”

“Well that’s no-“

“A single stallion. With no mares helping him.”

“Well... that’s unusual-“

“Twilight he’s practically living in the Everfree!”

THUMP!

“WHAT!?”

Twilight dropped a particularly heavy book to the floor in her shock, not even noticing the damage done to it.

“We have to move him back into town! Go get the girls! I’ll get him away from there!”

Dashie saluted and shot out of the library in record time, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

A few minutes later Twilight finally found the newly erected house just on the edge of the dangerous forest. It was a strong house, made of stone and wooden beams, with a sturdy roof. Clearly a mare’s work.

Breathless, she quickly rapped on the door, not sparing a second to get this defenseless stallion to safety.

Grumbling and heavy hoofsteps made their way to the door and pulled it open.

Twilight threw herself onto the surely petrified stallion, desperate to console him.

“Oh, you poor thing!”

“The Fock!?”

Before Twilight could properly gasp at the coarse language, she found herself back outside the doorway with a sore jaw. The stallion had... punched her? And it actually hurt?

She pulled herself off the ground to see a glowering grey and black earth stallion with blood-red eyes glaring down at her from a two-legged stand. His front hooves crossed over his barrel in an impressive display of balance.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me ye damn bitch.”

Twilight had never been so amazed in all her life. A mere earth-pony stallion had just decked her with a single punch and unleashed more swears in one sentence than Twilight had ever heard in her life. Not only that, but he had an abrasively deep accent from Ireband.

Twilight snapped out of her thoughts and quickly rolled to her feet.

“You’ve got to come with me! It’s not safe for stallions to be so near to the Everfree! I’ll make sure whatever mare put your house here gets a stern wor-“

“Oi! Fock you!”

Twilight had her rant derailed by those two words she never would have expected from a stallion.

“Huh?”

“No feckin’ mare built this! I put my own blood, sweat, and shite into this house! Thank you very FOCKIN’ much!”

“B-but it’s so well made! An-“

“Also, who the fock are you!? Telling me to leave my house! I worked my ass off to build the damn place! No way in hell am I leaving it! You’ll have to kill me first!”

Twilight quickly decided the stallion was hysterical and changed her tactics, adopting a more consoling tone.

“Please sir, I’m only trying to protect you! Stallions aren’t safe out here! What if a Timberwolf comes for you?”

Twilight had fully expected the stallion to cower at the thought of a Timberwolf, she did not expect a maniacal smile to split his face. He gave a surprisingly calm and collected answer, despite it’s contents.

“Then I’ll kill ’em. Alaways use some more firewood.”

Twilight was flabbergasted by the brazenly morbid answer and backed away from the clearly unstable stallion.

“You’re not afraid at all? Wh-what the hay is your special talent anyway!?”

“You mean them magic-ass tattoos? Fuck em’. Didn’t want something half-assed like a flower or some shite so I took care of it.”

He turned to show a sickening sight to Twilight. A make-shift cutie mark was carved into his hide, leaving a scar in the shape of a jagged skull and crossbones imprinted into his flesh.

Twilight teared up at the pain the stallion must have gone through and reached her hoof towards the wound, only to have it slapped away.

“Who did this to you? What kind of mare would turn an innocent stallion into a monster? Who in the name of Celestia did this!?”

“Monster? There’s a fine line between insane and a monster, ye little shite. And I jest so happen to be a guy who takes life by the horns and does what he bloody well wants with it. No one made me but me. Ta-hell with yer’ sexism, yah prick.”

He gave Twilight a contemplative look.

“And to answer yer other question-“

The red-eyed stallion walked back inside the door on his hind legs and turned to face her again.

“Jack Marley, at yer service, neighbor.”

He slammed the door and Twilight clearly heard him engage a long series of locks. She took a few steps forward and almost knocked again, only for a knife point to suddenly burst through the door a mere inch from her nose.

“NOW FUCK OFF!”

Twilight ran from the dangerous, and clearly in need of help, stallion. Luckily, she thought with a grimly determined smile, she knew just the mares to ask.

...

A Timberwolf happened to wander onto the lawn right after Twilight left, attracted by the commotion.

One forced entry, one destroyed dinner, and one drunk stallion later, the Timberwolf was chased back into the woods by a deranged, and thoroughly pissed, grey stallion.

Twilight missed this encounter, but did not miss the sudden yell that echoed all the way back to Ponyville.

“STAB IT WITH A RUSTY SPOON!!!”

Thus begins the tale of Jack Marley, yours truly.

Author's Notes:

Can someone do me a solid and draw a pissed, grey, and Irish stallion with a black mane and red eyes generally not giving a fuck? I need a cover. Much appreciated.