" How the fuck did I get into this mess?" The mess that I'm referring to, is me being pinned to the ground by a six-headed Hydra. Originally it was five heads but my savagery made it worse. I guess I can trace this cluster-fuck to a few hours. It all began in Jackie's new apple cellar.

Earlier.

https://youtu.be/8hhu-OyHqZM

I was down in the root cellar...sorry, apple cellar, putting down another bushel of apples to store while we waited for the first batch to sell. I had just put down the last bushel I brought with me and was about to get some more, till I heard a throat being cleared. " How's the work going stud?"

" It's going good, though it is quite lonely. Any thoughts on how to make it less so?" I swaggered over to my lady love and was about to lay a big wet one, till Jackie stopped me with her hoof.

" Now now lover boy, we got a lot of work to do today and we can't afford to be fooling around, so come on." She turned and headed back out, though she did sway her hips in a tantalizing way. What a tease.

" Alright, whatever. How was your trip to town, anything interesting, happen?" Knowing something weird usually happens on a weekly basis, one has to be prepared for anything.

" As a matter of fact, something is going on."

" Oh yeah, like what."

" Well, remember how I told you about Pinkie and her, 'Pinkie sense'?"

" Of course, how could I forget about how a dear friend of ours has her own version of a spidey sense. Wait! Did she have a twitchy tail or itchy nose?" Last time her tail twitched, an old branch broke off and fell on my head. It didn't hurt, though having Jackie and Lulu kiss the ' boo-boo' away was a pleasant outcome.

" No, nothing like that, it's just that Twilight won't except what Pinkie does, happens for a reason."

" Knowing that mare, she won't let this go until someone explains it better or she drops dead." I opened the cellar door to go get more apples when all of a sudden, Twilight came tumbling down the stairs.

" Twilight, you came to visit my new apple cellar, how nice. Twi you okay, uh Twi?"

" I think she might be dead." I knew she wasn't dead, but it's always fun to play with them.

" Joe, she ain't dead."

" Only one way to find out." I turned Twilight on her back so I could face her. I leaned down and got ready. " Ooohhh Twily, time to wake up! ( Slap) Rise and shine! ( Slap) Up and at em." Twilight was still unconscious. " Fine then. ( Slap) That's for all the horse puns! ( Slap) That's for being an egghead! ( Slap) That's because I want to sound like Nolan North while doing this! ( Slap) That's because I like slapping fleshy thing's with this hand! ( Slap) That's for when you walked in on Jackie and me performing the Eifel tower on Luna! ( Slap) And finally! ( Slap) That's for not believing in the Pinkie sense!"

It was at that last reason for slapping her that she came to. " That's because it shouldn't be possible....ow. Did you have to slap me like that?"

" Well, it was either that or poke you with a stick." Should have gone with the stick. " What are you doing here anyway?"

" I'm trying to figure out how Pinkie can predict certain events with random body twitches! All I got so far is a bunch of bee stings and a half a dozen slaps to the face!"

" She had an itchy nose didn't she?"

" Yes, she did. Ow, do you think you can get me to a hospital or something?"

I grabbed Twilight and headed for the hospital. I dropped her off and made sure Spike was with her. Once that was done, I decided to head home and just chill for a bit. When I entered the house I saw Luna watching the new tv. " Hey, darling," I went over and gave her a kiss, " how have you been today?"

" I've been doing quite well. I've started watching this series your father recommended for us to watch on...Netflix?"

" Oh yeah, what is it?" Please don't be a cooking show.

" It's called Supernatural. Have you ever heard of it?"

At the very mention of my favorite show, I lost control. I leaped onto the couch and pinned Luna on her back. " Every single noun and verb of that sentence totally arouses me." I started laying small pecks along her neck, going from the bottom to the top. Each kiss brought a small moan from my lovely moon princess. " So, how far have you gotten?"

It took her a moment to gain her senses back, but eventually, she recovered. " To be honest, I haven't started yet. I was waiting for you and Applejack to watch it with me. Which reminds me, Applejack and I have something to tell you." As soon as she finished that sentence, Jackie burst through the door. " Oh, Applejack, we were just talking about you."

I stood to greet her only to stop and see the distress on her face. " Jackie, what's wrong, what happened?"

With a tone of urgency, Jackie answered. " When I went to put more apples in the cellar, I ran into Pinkie and Twilight was going on about the Pinkie sense again, when all of a sudden Pinkie starts having spasms like crazy. When she finally calmed down she said she felt a doozy was going to happen at Froggy Bottom Bog, and that's where Fluttershy is!"

Alarm bells went off in my head like crazy. " Luna, I want you to fly over to Fluttershy's house make sure she's there if not, meet us at the bog as quickly as you can," I called upon my ax and strapped it to my back sheath. " Jackie and I will head over to the bog with the others."

" Will do." Luna left out the door and headed towards Fluttershy's cottage.

" Come on Joe, I'll take you to the bog!" Jackie went full gallop out the door towards our destination with me right behind her.

My mind was racing. The one thing that I know about Pinkie's Pinkie sense, is that the weirder the body reaction, the worse the situation or outcome. And if what Jackie told me is correct, blood may be spilled. We were meet with Pinkie, Spike, and Twilight on our way to the bog. Every so often, Pinke would vibrate and twitch at random, whatever is doing this to her must truly be monstrous.

We slowed our pace once we entered the bog. We started searching for any sign of her, though she must have flown here because I could see no hoof prints in the muck, nor could I get her sent, the smell of the bog was too overwhelming. Finally, having no luck in tracking I tried calling. " Fluttershy, where are you?" My voice echoed throughout the bog, searching in hopes of reaching my friends' ears.

" Joe, why are you yelling I'm right here." I turn my head right to see Fluttershy was only five feet away.

" How long have you been standing there?" Before she could answer, Spike went and jumped on Fluttershy's back wrapping his arms around her neck in a hug.

" You're alright, we thought you were in danger." While Spike used Fluttershy as a therapy animal, a weird smell started to enter my nose. It smelled like an alligator mated with an anaconda then went through the pipe Andy went through in Shawshank.

" You see, the Pinkie sense is nothing but a fluke. There is just no way random body twitches can predict the immediate future." By Odin, she loves to feel right about everything. I was about to tell her to chill the fuck out, but then I saw something emerge from the water. " I told you I was right and ' cough cough' that Fluttershy would be alright." While Twilight kept on talking, four large necks emerged from the brown liquid. " Now, since this seems to ' cough cough' what is that smell?"

" Twilight, that smell is coming from that guy or guys in this case." Twilight turned around to see what we have been looking at throughout her ramble. Looming over us, was a massive five-headed hydra. And it looked extremely hungry. " Girls, I think you should run."

https://youtu.be/TiJKccilGso

" Good point, Ruuun!" Twilight led the charge in getting everyone out. We were high-tailing it out of there when Twilight made a sudden realization. " Wait, where's Pinkie?"

I turned my head back to see Pinkie hadn't moved an inch. What's worse, one of the heads started speeding towards her. Fucking perfect. I turned on my heel and with the aid of my wings bolted towards Pinkie. " Pinkie, move!" Just as the head of the hydra was about to clamp around Pinkie, I was able to hold it's jaw at bay. " NOW!" With that Pinkie zipped off with the others. " Alright, fucker it's just you and me now!" With no small amount of tapping into my alicorn/werewolf strength, I ripped the hydras head in two.

RAAAAAARGH. Okay....now it's pissed off. I decided to swing the main part of the hydra, that being the part that still has a pulse. Once that was done I ran towards the others. Hmm, I wonder what this tastes like? ' Chomp' Tastes like chicken.

" Joe, come on!" Jackie was calling me to join the others in fleeing. But I didn't want to. No, I wanted to stay and fight this creature from Greek mythology, I wanted to spill some blood.

" I'll be there in a minute, I just want to take care of something!" I turned around to hopefully take a few souvenirs from this oversized snake. But that was the moment a giant foot plunged me into the muck. Which brings me to the present, looking into six pairs of angry eyes, guess the head I tore through did it's two head thing. " Well...what are you waiting for, eat me!" The hydra reared all their heads and went right for me. They would have torn me into pieces had it not been for a large blue blast that hit the monster right in the chest and off of me. Still, in the mud, I heard a pair of wings land behind me. When I looked up, I was meet with luna's smirking face.

" You'll never let me live this down are you?"

" I'll bring it up from time to time." Before she could say more, the damn beast got back up and headed straight for us. " It would seem your new friend still wants to play."

" So it would seem." While the monster got closer, my mind was racing with battle strategies that would put most generals to shame. Finally, a plan was formulated and I went to tell Luna. " You hit him high, I'll hit him low." Immediately Luna went up in the air and distracted the heads of the hydra. While she was doing that, I took hold of my ax and headed for the belly of the beast. With a mighty war cry, I plunged the ax into the soft underbelly. This caused the creature to roar out in pain and got distracted long enough to where Luna blasted off one of the heads though this time it stayed a lifeless stump.

" Take that vile creature." Luna was absolutely thrilled with her small victory, though that was a mistake. when she wasn't looking, one of the heads swatted her out of the air like a fly where she went sailing right into the swamp and hit her head hard on a tree and lost consciousness.

" LUNA!" Seeing one of my lovers get knocked out by an overgrown snake, unlocked the Fenrir once again. " Your heads will be hung in my trophy room!!" I transformed into my werewolf form and went right for where my ax was embedded in the bastards belly. With my ax in hand, I started slicing the belly of the beast for an opening. Once it was made, I tore right into the beast's gut. Inside the beast, I started making my way through his innards slashing at everything with my claws and ax. From the sounds the monster was making, I was making his life a living Hell. After a minute of slashing and biting, I found my target, the heart of the hydra. The heart had to be the size of a large pumpkin, guess it's time to carve it. " Now, suffer for the pain you inflicted upon my beloved!" With a quick swipe from my claws, I cut off the veins pumping blood throughout the creature's body.

Outside the creature was writhing in agony. Each head was gasping for its final breath until finally, death. When it could no longer draw breath, it collapsed in a heap in the mud. When the creature stopped moving, I exited out one of the hydras mouths. I calmed down significantly and looked to where Luna had landed. When I saw her, she was surrounded by the search party we brought along, and to my relief, she had woken up with Jackie nuzzling her. I ran over as fast as I could. " Luna! Are you alright?"

" Yes, I've survived a lot worse before my banishment." She gave me a small reassuring smile to let me know she was truly okay. " What about you, I heard you went on quite the rampage."

" I'm fine, though I'm probably the only one in my family to have unlocked the Fenrir more than once" Luna, along with Jackie gave a little chuckle at my joke. I turned to Pinkie to ask a question. " So Pinkie did the dozy come true?"

" Actually, no. The doozy hasn't happened yet." What the fuck. How in the holy hell could that not be a doozy?

" Well, unless something else crazy happens, it looks like the Pinkie Sense is a shame!" Hate to say this, but Twilight might be right. Though I might have an idea of what it might be.

" Hey, Luna." She looked over at me. " Earlier, before we came here, you said that you and Jackie had something to tell me? What was it you wanted to tell me?"

Luna and Jackie looked at each other, mentally telling the other whether or not to tell me or not. Finally, they agreed to tell me. " Joe, remember our first day on your world?" I nodded in agreement. " Well, a few days ago, Jackie and I felt a little sick in the mourning. So I did a scan over the both of us, and I found out a stunning realization." My heart was racing, an idea sprouted in my head as to what they were going to tell me.

" Luna, what is it exactly you and Jackie are trying to tell me?"

They both looked at me, smiled, and told me at the same time. " We're pregnant!"

The world around me started to become numb, the sounds of the bog were silenced, the stench left my nose, all I could truly focus on was the faces of my lovers turned mothers of my children. After a moment of staring off into space, I finally give them a response. " I..I become...father?" My Valkyries smiled widely at that and embraced me in a warm and loving hug.

While our moment of serene bliss was going on, Pinkie started doing a combo of random movements and twitches. " Oooohhh, I guess that was the doozy."

I looked to Pinkie and shook my head no. " No Pinkie, that was a miracle." I squeezed my lovers a little tighter before breaking the hug. " Come on everyone, let's get out of this place." I looked over at my two baby mommas. " We should probably tell our family that we're going to have two new additions to it." With that statement, they both kissed me on the cheek and we headed for home. Truly, the gods smile upon me.

Author's Notes:

Alright, I can hear you now. ' It's too early for them to be carrying.' Well too bad, that's how it is. If you want to suggest baby names, please do so in the comments.
clip.

https://youtu.be/UuA7tiAW7no

Next chapter will be another teacher chapter.