Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.

After meeting my newfound friends, and giving them a short rundown of who and what I was, I was then informed of the events that took place shortly before I was decked by Rainbow Dash. 'I'll get her back later'. Whilst we journeyed towards the edge of the nearby forest, I reflected over what I'd been told shortly after our talks in the library.

'So, it turns out someone named 'Nightmare Moon' is responsible knocking me down the first time I got here, so she's on my shitlist. She also wants to bring about eternal night. Why? Hell if I know. What I do know, however, is that it's fucking retarded. If it's eternal night, how the are plants meant to survive? We need the plants for the animals, and we need the animals for food and shit. We'd all go extinct, man! Not to mention the fact that I can't see shit at night. All these things would end up causing a domino effect which would eventually lead up to global extinction and all that bollocks, right? So why in the fuck does she want that? Hell if I know, the moral is: she's a total bitch'

I even voiced these exact thoughts to the pony parade, who were currently in the process of leading me towards some creepy ass forest, which apparently some 'Elements of Harmony' or some shit will be found. Whilst they didn't exactly agree with choice of words, they more or less unanimously agreed with me on my conclusion. Especially Rainbow. '+1 Lad point for you, skittles. Don't mean you're forgiven just yet'. Suddenly, the group came to a stop just outside the forest in which the Elements were apparently deep within, in a ruined castle or some bollocks.

"The Everfree Forest" The ponies gasped.

"The what forest?" I asked, but no answer was given. Before we could continue onwards, however, Twilight turned to face the group, probably with a motivational speech to inspire us.

"Not so fast. Look, I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather much do this on my own" 'The fuck she say? You did NOT drag me all the way out here when there was a much more comfortable, safe and warm room right back there, only to ditch us here.' Before I could begin lecturing Twilight on wasting my time, Applejack beat me to it.

"No can do, sugarcube. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're stickin' to ya' like caramel on a candy apple." 'Not how I would have put it, but whatever gets the job done I guess.' Everypony else let out an agreeing *hmph*. I merely gestured towards Applejack.

" Especially if there's candy apples in there." Sending a questioning look to Pinkie, which the rest of the group mimicked, Pinkie merely shrugged. "What? Those things are good." 'Mate, she has ADHD I swear.'

"What about you, Mr Greyson." Twilight asked, now shifting the spotlight onto me. "Are you coming as well?"'No Sparky, I'm just going to go walk my ass down to the nearest bridge and somersault off of it for shits and giggles.'

Pretending to be in deep thought, I made myself look as thoughtful as possible, even stroking the short stubble I'd grown over the past few weeks in a dramatic fashion. This drew a few giggles from the girls. 'I'm such a baller'. Finally, I came up with the best possible answer.

"First off, don't call me Mr Greyson. I'm not old, kiddo. Secondly, why the hell not," I replied, "aint like I got anything better to do tonight". Smirking, I turned to face the hellhole we were about to dive balls first into. "So girls, who's leading us into Enter-For-Death forest?" I asked. Receiving no answer, I looked over to the group, only to have them all looking at me, as if they were expecting me to be the one in that position.

Oh wait, they were. 'Cunts'.

"So, none of you have been in here before?"

"Ugh, heavens no! Just look at it - it's dreadful."

"And it ain't natural. Folks say it don't work the same as Equestria."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nopony knows. You know why?"

"If she's asking why, I'm not sure she knows why, skittles."

"Rainbow, quit it!"

"Because everypony who's ever come in has never..come..out!"

"Well aint that nice to kno-OH FUCKING HELL!" Our lovely conversation was cut short, unfortunately, as the cliff we were traversing had decided that existing had gotten boring, and collapsed from beneath us. Luckily for Fluttershy and Rainbow, they had wings to keep them from sliding down towards certain death.

Unluckily for the rest of us, but mainly me, we didn't.

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUCKWHYISTHISHAPPENINGTOMEEEEE" I screamed. Looking to where exactly I was sliding towards, I paled. 'Looks like I'm going off the cliff. Sucks to be me.' Having no desire to become a permanent landmark on the environment, I turned onto my stomach, just in time to see Rarity and Pinkie get rescued from certain death. Realising there wouldn't be enough time for them to reach me before I'd already gone over, I prepared myself for my inevitable demise.

'Well Alex, it's been a good run, but all good things must end. I'm sure they'll bury you somewhere nice. If there's anything left, that is.' As I neared the edge, I was just able to make out something that gave me hope. A massive branch was sticking out, just by the edge. If I could grab hold of it, there'd be enough time for the girls to figure out how to save my sorry ass.

"I AINT DYING YET!" I roared, reaching for the branch just as I went over the edge. Just about reaching it, I held on for dear life, my body dangling over what would easily be a fatal drop. Looking down, I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I'd actually cheated death. 'God knows how many times this'll happen in my future'.. Looking to my right, I watched as both Rainbow and Fluttershy carefully lowering Twilight to the bottom, whilst Applejack jumped from rock to rock, descending to join her friends.

(Rainbow POV)

'I, am awesome!' I chant in my head. Again, and again. 'That right there, is the truth.' I'd rescued Pinkie AND the new girl, Twilight. Well, me and Fluttershy got her, but still! Placing Twilight on the ground, I was just about to tell her she owed me one, when an angry, yet familiar voice shouted from above us.

"I TELL YOU WHAT, GIRLS! IT'S A GREAT VIEW UP HERE, IT REALLY IS! BUT COULD YOU POSSIBLY.. OH, I DON'T KNOW, GET ME THE FUCK DOWN FROM HERE!?"

'Oh, I'd forgotten about him. My bad.'

(Alexander) POV

"And once Pinkie and Rarity were saved, 'whoosh!' Me and Fluttershy loop-de-loop around and 'WHAM!' Caught you right in the nick of time." Rainbow boasted to Twilight, seemingly unable to figure out that none of us gave a flying fuck.

"Alright, we get it Rainbow, you saved the day, whoop-de-fucking-do, would you like a prize?" I offer, turning to the pegasus in question. Before she could take me up on my offer, however a gasp from Twilight stopped us dead in our tracks.

"A Manticore!" 'What?'

"Nah, I don't have any of them with me. Wait, what's a manticor-" *ROAR* Jumping at the sudden noise, I turn to look at what the hell just roared. 'Well shit'

"Oh... That... That right there's a manticore, is it? Oh boy." I say, my eyes fixed on the monstrosity standing some feet away from us. 'This is getting better and better by the second, aint it? What even is that? Lion? A Scorpion? A Scorlion? I don't even know anymore'. Whilst I stood to the side, contemplating what exactly it was I was looking at, the girls were getting their collective arses handed to them. An sudden impact brought me back to reality, as I turned to see Applejack flat on her back. Getting back onto her hooves, she turns to give me a hard stare. I raise my hands, in mock surrender.

"Don't be lookin at me, love. You girls obviously have this under control" I say, gesturing to the scene in front of us, just in time to see Rainbow land on the ground, hard.

"KARMA, RAINBOW!" I laugh to the downed mare, getting a scowl in return. My laughter dies in my throat, however, when I notice all the girls staring at me, or more accurately, the thing behind me. Knowing exactly what they were looking at, I turned to face the Manticore standing right behind me.

And boy oh boy did this fucker look pissed. Realising I had no time to move away without it inevitably jumping on my ass, I tried to buy myself time for the girls to figure out a plan.

"Oh come on, can't we just be friends?" I ask, arms stretched outwards, hoping that the animal would somehow understand my plight. Hint: It didn't. Rejecting my offer of friendship, it raised it's paw to strike, and-

"WAAAAAAIT!" 'Holy shit, did Fluttershy just SHOUT? That's my girl!'

Getting between my fine self and the angry bastard in front, Fluttershy did something completely unexpected. It nuzzled it's paw. It's paw. Nuzzled. Paw. Gesturing madly between the scene in front of me and the group behind me, I got nothing but equally confused faces. Shifting my attention back to the scene in front of me, I watched in barely concealed anger at the realisation that this son of a bitch was trying to kill us, over the simple fact of having a thorn in its paw. 'Are you being serious right now? That's what had your balls twisted? A thorn? Seriously?'.

"Oh, you poor, poor little baby." 'You what?'

"Little?
"LITTLE?!"

"Now this might hurt for just a second." 'Oh this is not going to end well at all'. Roaring in pain, the Manticore gripped the tiny pegasus and lifted it towards its jaws. 'Me and my fucking mouth'.

"FLUTTERSHY!" We screamed. Before we could move to rescue the soon-to-be-eaten pegasus, however, the Manticore decided to take a page out of Fluttershy's book, and also did something that nobody was expecting. It began licking the pegasus. Licking, the pegasus. Like a cat. Like a goddamn house cat. It was even purring, for fuck sake. 'Oh this is just too much'.

"Aw you're just a little ol' baby kitty, aren't you? Yes you are, yes you are." Crooned the yellow pegasus, like a mother to a child. 'Adorable, if the 'child' in question didn't try to kill me five seconds ago'

Signalling for the group to get their shit in gear, we walked around the now-docile manticore. With the exception of myself and Twilight, the rest of the girls headed further into the forest. A few moments later, Fluttershy finally trotted up to us, a content smile on her muzzle and her mane in ruin.

"How did you know about the thorn?" Twilight asked.

"I didn't. Sometimes, we all just need to be shown a little kindness." 'Oh fuck offAnd with that, she continued on her merry way into the forest, completely oblivious to the stare I was sending her way. Turning my attention to the mare next to me, I asked Twilight exactly what I was thinking.

"Is she being serious right now?" She paid me no mind, and instead followed her in, a smile adorned on her face as well. "Twilight?" Nothing. "You being serious right now? Are we playing this game? Really?" Still no answer. "I guess we really are then, aren't we! Let's all just play a round of 'Ignore-The-Bullshit', hey? Cause that's what we're doing right now, aint it? That right there, was total bollocks and you know it!" I would have continued with my rant, if A) she was even listening. B) if I wasn't falling behind. And C) If the Manticore behind me wasn't growling at me. Out of the three, I think C was the biggest incentive. Understanding his message of 'Leave or get Eaten', I got my ass back with the group, post haste.

But not before flipping the manticore off, of course. 'Aint no way am I letting some mutated lion thing have the last word with me. Fuck that.'

"Hey Twilight?" I say, "How far is it to these ruins you mentioned, again?"

"My question exactly, darling." Concurred Rarity, before suddenly grimacing. "My eyes need a rest from all this icky muck!" Turning to the drama queen herself, I raise an eyebrow.

"Hey Rares? Maybe if you ask nicely, the trees will sprout glitter and sparkly dust, and the floor will turn into a lovely red carpet, just for you!" I sarcastically remark. Getting a sharp *hmph* in return, I chuckle and turn back to the way we were walking. Suddenly, the path we were walking on became a whole lot darker. Looking up, I realised this was due to the fact that the moon, our main source of light, had been blocked by the canopy of the trees.

"This what you had in mind, sweetheart?" I ask, gesturing to the trees that had darkened the path.

"Well, I didn't mean it literally." She replies,

"That ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn't even know it!"

"Oh we'll manage Sparky-" My reassurance was cut off when I felt a sudden impact to my side. Turning to face the source, I realised that, with the limited amount of light, the girls were now walking bumping into eachother. And me.

"Rainbow, can you not?"
"I didn't see you there, my apologies..."
"Right here... guh..."
"Oh wait, I think I stepped in somethin'
"Ow, you cun-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" 'Oh for god sake what now?' Turning to Fluttershy, I realised that she was looking at something else entirely, something that had her frozen in fear. Taking a risk, I looked up to what exactly had her petrified. 'Ah, this aint creepy at all'. Unlike myself and Fluttershy, who actually had a pair of working eyes, the rest of the girls were oblivious to what was standing before them.

And around them, actually.

"It's just mud" Applejack said, seemingly confused as to why Fluttershy was having such a reaction.

"Hey AJ?"

"Yea, sugarcube?"

"Look in front of you" I suggest. And that she did. Coming face to face with the creepiest tree you've ever laid eyes upon.

"GAH!" She exclaimed, jumping away from the demented tree. Getting closer to each other, the girls quickly realised that they were surrounded by similar trees, all looking demonic in appearance, with not-so-happy faces carved into them. Letting their fear get the better out of them, the ponies began screaming. All with the exception of Pinkie Pie, of course.

"Does anything even faze you, Pinkie?" I ask, hoping for a reasonable answer to her fearlessness.

"Nope!" 'Oh. Okay then.

"Fair enough." Realising the girls were still screaming, and my ears were probably going to start bleeding, I tried calming the distressed mares out. Softly. "GIRLS! THEY'RE JUST TREES! THEY AREN'T GOING TO EAT YOU, FOR FUCK SAKE!" This had the opposite effect of intensifying their screaming. Before I could slap some sense into them, literally, the sound of laughter caught my attention.

"HUH?" Along with the rest of the girls, it seems. 'At least they've stopped screaming'. Looking at Pinkie, I saw she was laughing at one of the trees, making faces and noises at it, as if it were an infant.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?! Run!" Cried Twilight

"Oh girls, don't you see?" And suddenly, there was music. And she was dancing. Why the fu- 'Oh no. No no no no no. Don't tell me she's doing what I think shes doing.'

"When I was a little filly and the sun was going down..." '

"Tell me she's not..." Asked Twlight, voicing the rest of our thoughts.

"The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown..."

"She is" Pointed out Rarity.

"Oh for fu-"

"I'd hide under my pillow,
From what I thought I saw,
But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way,
To deal with fears at all..."

"Then what is?" Asked Rainbow. 'WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HER!'

"She said, 'Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall
Learn to face your fears
You'll see that they can't hurt you
Just laugh to make them disappear'."

Running up to a nearby tree, she laughed at it. And the face vanished into thin air, leaving only a normal tree behind. 'Oh my fuck this shit is actually working...... I hate everything'. As if hearing my thoughts, the girls gasp, realising that Pinkie's song had merit. Somehow.

"So, giggle at the ghostly
Guffaw at the grossly
Crack up at the creepy
Whoop it up with the weepy
Chortle at the kooky
Snortle at the spooky
Andtellthatbigdumbscaryfacetotakeahikeandleaveyoualoneandifhethinkshecanscareyouthenhe'sgotanotherthingcoming
andtheveryideaofsuchathingjustmakesyouwanna...hahahaha..heh...
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuugh!~" And with that, and all the trees now back to normal, the ponies collapsed into fits of giggling and laughter.

Recovering from their bouts of laughter, the girls returned to their hooves.

"Are we done?" I ask, getting nods and gigles in return. Before we could continue on our way, though, Twilight piped up.

"Greyson, how come you were not scared?" 'Because I'm not fucking 12 years old you twat'.

"Cause I'm the only one here with a pair of balls, Sparky." I answer. "Now can we get a move on before Pinkie here decides to break out into another song and dance? I'm not sure my brain could handle another one of those without killing itself."

"How are we gonna cross this?"

"Why not just have Rainbow and Fluttershy over here carry us one at a time?" I suggest, hoping that they'd roll with it. My perfectly good suggestion went unheard, however, due to the sudden warble coming from further down the rapids.

"Huh?" Cried Pinkie. Investigating the noise, we came across some sort of snake. With hair. And half a moustache. 'Fuck this forest. Seriously. I hate it. What I wouldn't do for my lighter right now.

"Excuse me sir. Why are you crying?" Asked Twilight. Turning to face us, the half moustached serpent rose to it's full height.

"Well, I don't know." He said. "I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me-" 'Wait, purple? Shit, I thought it was blue. Nevermind, then' "-and tore half of my beloved moustache clean off, and now I look simply horrid." He cried, before proceeding to continue wailing. Along with inadvertently splashing us with water. 'Asshole'

"Oh, give me a break" Complained the rainbow maned pegasus.

"That's what all the fuss is about?" Questioned Applejack, unable to see why such a thing would have the serpent in such hysterics.

" Why, of course it is." Cried the queen of all things drama. "How can you be so insensitive?".

"Cause it's just a moustache?" I casually replied.

"Oh, just look at him. Such lovely luminescent scales-

"I know"

"-and your expertly coiffed mane-

"Oh, I know, I know!"

"-your fabulous manicure-"

*gasp*"It's so true!"

"-all ruined without your beautiful moustache!" She finally finished. 'We done yet?'

"It's true, I'm hideous!" He wailed, attempting to hide his face from the rest of us.

"I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go uncorrected!" Declared Rarity. 'Fabulosity? Is that even a word?'

Without warning, Rarity proceeded to bite off a part of the hysterical serpents scales. 'The fuck is she doing now?'

Yelping in pain, the serpent looked at the offending unicorn. "What did you do that for?" He cried.

Giving him no answer, she instead raised the scale into the air, the moon shining off of it. Once again, the voice of our thoughts spoke up

"Rarity, what are you-" Before she could finish, however, Rarity proceeded to slice the surprisingly sharp scale across her tail, severing it and sending the serpent into even more hysterics. Its usefulness at an end, Rarity threw the scale away and picked up her severed tail with her magic. 'I'm still not sure I'll ever get over the fact that magic exists here. Fuckin mental stuff, this.' A few moments later, she successfully performed the first Tail-Moustache transplant I've ever seen. Realising his moustache was now fixed, the serpent let out a joyous laughter.

"Oh-hohohoho! My mustache. How wonderful." He cried. Rarity nodded in agreement.

"You look smashing" She complimented, before Twilight decided to point out the obvious flaw in her solution.

"Oh Rarity, your beautiful tail..." She moaned. Turning to face the lavender unicorn, Rarity merely shrugged in response.

"Oh. It's fine, my dear. Short tails are in this season. Besides, it'll grow back."

"So would the moustache"

"So would the fucking moustache" Giving a quick brofist to Rainbow, I turned my attention back to the rapids. Noticing that they had calmed down enough for us to cross, I gestured for Twilight to take a look.

"We can cross now!" She pointed out, before we both began to cross. "Let's go-Aah!" She was cut, however, when the water beneath us instead rose to give way to a tail. More precisely, the serpents tail.

"Allow me" The serpent offered.

Unlike Twilight, however, I was unable to keep my balance and was sent head first into the stream.'FUCKING ASSHOLE!'

One quick rainblow-dry and apology from the serpent later, and we were off on our way. Coming out of a particularly thick part of the forest, we came into view of a ruined castle.

"There it is! The ruin that holds The Elements of Harmony! We made it!" And off she went, running towards it, unable to keep the smile off of her muzzle.

"Twilight, wait for us!" Cried Applejack, who also held the same smile as her new friend. The smiles soon vanished, however, when we realised exactly what Twilight was running towards. And the fact that she was completely oblivious to it. The 'it' in question being a ruined bridge.

"We're almost there-WOAH!" She screamed, just about stopping herself before could be sent tumbling down to her death. L

"What's with you and falling off cliffs today?" Rainbow remarked, pulling Twilight away from the edge via her tail.

"Rainbow, save the banter for when we sort this eternal night shit out." I say. "In the meantime, however, why don't you fix this bridge for us?"

"Yea, yea, I got this" She replies, before swooping down into the mist and bringing the other end of the bridge back up along with her, landing on the other side of the ravine. However, my attention was quickly drawn to some sort of mist that had appeared from the mist. 'Oh come on, what now?'

"Girls? We got a problem" I say, drawing the attention of the group. Looking at their quizzical stares, I pointed towards Rainbow.

"Rainbow, what's taking so long?" Twilight shouted, shifting to get a better look. Through the fog, we were just about able to make out the figures of three additional ponies.

"Who the hell are they?" I ask, once more going unanswered by my companions.

"Oh no.. RAINBOW!" Twilight's shouting got the attention of one of the three ponies, who looked straight at us. Taking a longer than needed look at me, in particular. I sent her a cheeky wave in response. Suddenly, the fog intensified, enveloping the ravine and blocking our view of Rainbow and her new 'friends'.

"Don't listen to them" Twilight cried, hoping that Rainbow could still hear us. Nearly a minute later, and nothing had happened.

"Anyone mind filling me in on what the hell Rainbow's doing?" I questioned nobody in particular.

"It must be Nightmare Moon! She's trying to stop Rainbow from fixing the bridge!" Answered Twilight, fear evident in her voice. 'Of course she is. Fuckin bitch'. Turning to where we last saw Rainbow and walking to the edge, I put my hands to my mouth and called out to her, hoping that she'd be able to hear me through the thick fog.

"OI! RAINBOW! GET YOUR SHIT IN GEAR AND FIX THE CUNTING BRIDGE BEFORE I COME OVER THERE MYSELF AND SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS!" This drew a couple of shocked gasps from the girls, who stared at me with looks of horror. 'Guess they don't like such lovely threats.'

"I say! Such crude language, dear. We must work on that when we return to Ponyville." Said Rarity. Giving her the finger, I turned back to the fog, just in time to see Rainbow fly across the newly fixed bridge. Giving me a cheeky smile, she turned to her friends, who were cheering and congratulating the mare on a job well done.

"See? I'd never leave my friends hangin'." She proudly declared.

"Can we just get a move on, already?"

With the bridge fixed, we were now able to safely cross without fear of falling to our certain demise. Reaching the other end, I stared at the ruined castle in front of me.

"Well, we made it. Finally. Only took us, what, a dozen near death experiences, give or take?" I say, as innocently as possible. Getting a hard stare from some of the girls, I put my hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, calm down, I get it. We did good. Nice job girls, you successfully beat everything Nightmare Bitch had to throw at us to get here. We should all be proud. Mainly me for not jumping off that bridge after everything I've gone through, but still. Well done." I say, getting proud smiles in return.

"But now?" I say, returning their attention to me. "Now we need to find these 'Elements' of yours, kick Nightmare's ass, restore shit to normal and get absolutely shitfaced in celebration. I don't care in which order this happens, as long as the last one happens in the next hour or two." Walking to the front of the group, I reach the doors first. Cracking my neck, I face the doors.

"Now then." I say. "Let's do this shit".

And with that, I kick the doors wide open, and stroll right in.

Author's Notes:

Oh boy, we're one chapter away from Alex's confrontation with Nightmare Moon herself! What will happen? Will he finally get the answers he needs? Will she bring about eternal night? Will I stop writing this AN like a 90's narrator? Find out, in the next chapter!

Just a quick note before I end the chapter, as well. Whenever you see anything being written like this right here, then that's the POV characters' thoughts. However, if you see writing like "This right here", then that will be either song lyrics or something out of a book or letter that a character is reading from. Just keep an eye out for the " and ' and you'll understand. Hope that helps with any future confusion.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.