A Matter Of Identity

"-and that's when you got here." I finish, smiling at the solar diarch standing in front of me. Around 10 to 20 minutes after my unwilling participation in the Human-Pillow experiment, Celestia had decided to make an appearance. Needless to say, she was rather confused, amused, and curious as to what she'd stumbled upon.

"Okay...But, why exactly is my sister curled up in your lap like a cat?" Asks Celestia, staring at the still somehow sleeping princess of the night. 'Hey, that's what I thought.' Looking down at the mare, and back up, I shrug.

"Maybe she's decided that the life of a feline beats the life of a princess?" I remark, getting a blank stare in return. "As I said, your majesty, she fell asleep, and ended up using me as a makeshift pillow. And I couldn't be arsed waking her up and most likely being abracadabra'd out of existence for such a treasonous act." I reply. Chuckling, she nods, before looking back down at her sister.

"Yes, Lulu has been known to react in a non-royal manner when disturbed.." She admits. Gently levitating a sleeping Luna off of me, Celestia turns to me. "I shall take my sister to her chambers. As for you, Greyson, I'd suggest returning to your own. Tomorrow is your final day here in the castle, and there are a few matters we need to discuss before you return to Ponyville." Nodding, I stand up. 'It's been a week already? Shit, where'd the time go-oh wait a second. The coma. Right, forgot about you.'

"Such as?" I ask, walking beside the mare.

"Making you an official Equestrian Citizen, for a start, and making sure any lingering side effects from the magic in your body aren't harmful, to name a few." She answers. Nodding, we continue walking in silence. Reaching Luna's chambers, I open the door for Celestia, who chuckles. "Always the gentlecolt, I see."

"When am I not?" She opens her mouth. "Don't answer that." And she closes it. "Welp, I'm off to bed. G'night, Princess." I say, walking away from the princess.

"Good night, Mr Greyson." She replies, before entering Luna's room. Entering my own room, I take in the scene in front of me. The room was still a mess from how I'd left it, with clothes littered about and the drawers from the cupboard still scattered around the room. Too tired to care right now, I climb into bed, throwing a loose shirt onto the floor. 'I'll sort this place out in the morning. I'm sure Springs won't be that angry, right? Right.'

"WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED IN HERE?!" It would appear that I was most mistaken.

"HOLY FU-OW, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Came my muffled reply, buried under the quilt that had followed me off of the bed and onto the floor. Getting my head out from under it, I come face-to-muzzle with Spring Cleaning. And boy, does she look pissed. 'Welp, I'm dead.'

"Greyson." She growls, eye twitching.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Comes my reply, trying my hardest not to falter under her intense gaze. 'Holy hell I did not think this through last night.'

"What. Happened. In. Here!" She demands, getting into my face. 'I had a sesh with the lads, obviously.'

"To make a long story short, I couldn't find the stash of alcohol I robbed from your boyfriend, so I ended up trashing the room until said alcohol was found." I explain, praying that she would be merciful. Her anger diminishes somewhat, and she backs away, allowing me to get myself out of the fluffy fortress I was buried under. "By the way, tell your boyfriend to get something stronger. Bacolti, or whatever it's called, is not strong in the slightest." At this, she laughs.

"Really?" She chuckles, as I stand up." Bacolti is one of the strongest alcohols in Equestria. There's no way you-" She's cut off, however, when I make my way towards the balcony and retrieve the 5 empty bottles of Bacolti I had drunk last night. Dropping the 5 empty bottles onto the bed, I smirk at her flabbergasted look.

"Wanna bet, sweetheart?" I say, picking up an empty bottle. Kobe'ing the bottle into a nearby bin, I fall backwards onto the bed.

"Bu-bu-ho-h-how? Half a bottle is enough to get the average mare drunk, let alone an entire bottle. But f-five? How are you even alive? " She stutters, astonished at how I'd gone through 5 bottles of what was apparently one of the strongest drinks in Equestria, with little to no after-effects. 'I'm just that good, kiddo.'

"Haven't you heard, Springs? I'm God himself. Bow before me, mortal." I joke, striking a pose, receiving a chuckle from the maid, who had now gone about picking up the clothes lying around.

"Are you always like this?" She asks, picking up one of my shirts.

"Handsome, charming, and well-dressed?" I answer. Shaking her head, she chuckles at my antics. 'She's not angry anymore, at least.'

"Cute. No, just carefree, I mean." 'Carefree?' Giving the mare a confused look, she looks to the side, and back to me. "I've not heard the full story, but I do know from Flash that you were thrown into Equestria and you defeated Lu-Nightmare Moon herself, all in just a day. Then, that idiotic prince tries to kill you, and the first thing you do is crack jokes?
Seriously? And when you were out for two days, as well. How? How can you be so calm about everything?" 'Oh boy, more explaining. Huzzah.'

Giving the mare my full attention, I tell her exactly what I told the three royals during breakfast four days past. Finishing my explanation, she nods, and turns to continue cleaning the room. However, I wasn't finished with the mare yet. 'Now then...'

"By the way, Springs?" I say, bringing her attention back to me.

"Yes, Greyson?" She replies, turning to face me, before shrinking back at my dark gaze.

"Don't think I didn't notice your little slip up, sweetheart." Not giving her a chance to voice her confusions, I continue. "I know you, Flash and quite a few other ponies are still scared of Luna, and that you all think that at any moment, she could try bringing back eternal night and all that bollocks. That needs to stop. Now. Luna, for all her quirks, does not deserve the treatment you lot are giving her behind her back. Does she plan on ending the world, as you lot seem to think? No. She is not Nightmare Moon, Springs. She is an entirely different pony, and at the same time, a princess at that, so show the poor girl some respect, understand?" I finish, looking at the maid.

Nodding her head, I realise that the tone I had taken had scared the mare, who was ever so slightly shaking. 'Great job, Alex. You've terrified a pony nearly half your size. Congratulations, here's a certificate in Cuntonometry. Sort her out, mate.'

"Hey, Springs, you good? I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to get my point across that that crazy princess friend of mine is not as enthusiastic at the prospect of eternal night as most of you lot seem to think." I say, wrapping my arms around her neck I'm not angry with you or anything, sweetheart." I reassure her, wrapping my arms around the mare, which she slowly returns. Feeling her nod, I release the mare, glad to see that she had now visibly calmed down. Standing up, I look at the maid. "Right, enough of this sappyness. I don't need Flash thinking I've stolen his marefriend." Blushing at the mention of her coltfriend, she smiles.

"I'm sure he knows that I wouldn't just leave him like that, even if the other stallion is a rather cute one." She says, giving me a flirtatious look. 'Someone's getting cheeky. Speaking of, where is Flash anyway? He should be here by now.'

"Other stallion?" Turning to the door, we see the guard in question making his way into the room, myself chuckling at his surprise at the state of the room. "What happened in here?" He asks, before his eyes widen in horror and shock, turning to face me. "Was it Prince Blueblood? Were you attacked?!" '0-100 real quick, Flash. Calm your tits.' Chuckling at my friend's sudden change in behaviour, I wave of his assumptions.

"Nope, I'm good mate." Sighing in relief, he looks around the room, before his eyes settle on the bed. Making his way towards it, he picks up one of the empty bottles of Bacolti, eyes widening in realisation.'Oh shit, I forgot about them.'

"Greyson?" He growls. 'Well this aint good.'

"Yeeeees?"

"Where. Did you. Get these?" He asks, gesturing to the 5 empty bottles lying on the bed, keeping his eyes fixed on the bottles.

"Would you believe me if I say I 'happened' to find them lying about?" I answer, slowly edging towards the door, Springs already having made her way outside. Reaching the doorway, I watch as Flash suddenly rounds on me, an expression of pure anger etched onto his muzzle. 'Oh shit.'

"YOU SON OF A-"

"GOTTAGOSEEYABYE!" Sending the guard a two fingered salute, I dash out the room and down the corridor, an absolutely pissed of guard hot on my tail.

"GET BACK HERE, GREYSON!"

"I'M GOOD, THANKS!"

"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FLANK!" Our little game of cat and mouse had been going on for the past five minutes, give or take, with myself running down corridors and turning corners with Flash Sentry in hot pursuit. I'm positive I'd passed Shining Armour at some point, who took one look at me and shrugged, smirking at my predicament.'Traitorous arsehole.'

I also passed Blueblood and his two guardpony escort as well. The blonde bastard didn't even try to hide his contempt for me. Neither did I, actually, as I give him the bird as I run past. 'Well Alex, it's gonna take a miracle to get out of this one, mate-OOF' And a miracle I got, in the form of God himself. Or, herself, should I say. Looking up from my new position on the floor, I give Celestia a sheepish smile.

"How you doin, Princess?" I say, meeting her amused expression. Seconds later, I'm sent a couple metres down the corridor, one Flash Sentry standing above me. 'Not the face, not the face, not the face.'

"Got you, you little-" He's unable to finish his sentence, however, when a regal voice demands his immediate attention.

"Private?" Calls the solar diarch. As if he were a robot, the stallion jumps off of me, snapping to attention. 'That's mildly creepy, not gonna lie.'

"Your Majesty?" He replies, facing the mare.

"What has Mr Greyson got himself into this time?" 'Oh for gods sake.'

"Life imprisonment, if you keep calling me that Sunshine." I pitch in, getting to my feet. Ignoring my threat, she keeps her attention on Flash, who was fighting to keep his embarrassment in check.

"Well, your majesty, he uh...he took my private collection of...erm..,Bacolti, Princess." 'Fucking grass.' Raising an eyebrow at this, she chuckles.

"I'll take it from here, Private. Thank you." She says, nodding at the guard. Dismissed, he salutes once more and heads down the corridor, but not before giving me a look that one could easily translate to meaning I'm-Gonna-Fuck-You-Up-Later. Once he was out of sight, Celestia turns to me, raising an eyebrow at my shit eating grin. We hold this staring contest for a few moments, before I notice a grin slowly beginning to make it's way onto Celestia's muzzle. Seconds later, and the pair of us burst out laughing.

A minute passes, and the pair of us have managed to calm ourselves down. "Oh, you are truly one of a kind, Greyson." She says, giving me a kindhearted smile. 'Oh, you have no idea.' Giving the mare a bow, I take on a comical accent.

"Yes, I know. I'm amazing, Princess. Bask in my presence." Comes my definitely not self-centred reply. Shaking her head at my antics, Celestia raises a hoof, pointing down the corridor.

"Well, as we have managed to run into each other, literally, in your case, shall we get started on today's affairs?" She asks, gesturing for me to follow her. 'Oh yea, we got things to talk about.'

"Yea, sure. Not like I have anything to do today, anyway." I say, trailing behind her.

"Splendid."

"Will Shakespeare or Cade be joining us, Sunshine?" I ask, making myself comfortable on the floor.

"Cadance is spending time with her fiancee." 'Understandable. "And...Shakespeare? Is that meant to be my sister?" Another nod. "I don't understand. Who is this pony, Shakespeare?

"Not a pony, but a human. A pretty famous one, actually. He wrote a bunch of plays back in the day, and all of them are written in the form of speech that Luna uses." I explain. "His plays are very popular, and I had to study a few of them for my English exams." 'An absolute ball ache, though. How I got a B- and not an F is beyond me."

"Interesting. We shall have to speak more on this Shakespeare at a later date. For now, let us focus on the matters at hand." She says, her horn lighting up. "Now, this will only take a second. 'Erm, what? What are you up to?

"Princess? What are..you..doing...whoa, this feels weeeird~. Is this what being high feels like?" As it seems, whatever she was doing was making me feel as if I was on Cloud 9. As quickly as the feeling appeared, it was gone, as her horn returned to normal. "Mind telling me what you just did, Sunshine?" I ask, confused as to what it was exactly that she'd just done.

"I performed a quick magical examination on you, so as to ensure there were no lingering side effects to your body from the magic inside of you. Thankfully, there were none that I could find, so you're perfectly safe." She explains. 'Huzzah, I'm not dying today!' "With that out of the way, let us move onto something just as important.

Levitating a scroll, a quill and a jar of ink towards me, she places the three items down in front of me. Taking hold of the scroll, I begin looking over it's contents. Upon finishing, I look at Celestia. "Well?" She asks.

Now, the scroll in question was, in fact, a document. A document that, if signed by me, would identify me as an official citizen of Equestria. I'd be under the jurisdiction of both Celestia and Luna, and I'd be entitled to all the benefits that came with citizenship. Free healthcare, for example. At the same, I'd have to follow every law that came with being a citizen. This wasn't a big problem for me, as I didn't plan on being in a cell any time soon. With this is mind, and the fact that I was now stuck in Equestria permanently, signing this document shouldn't be a hard decision. 'Meh, why not?' Dipping the quill in the ink pot, I sign the document.

I was now an Equestrian Citizen. Looking back up at Celestia, I suddenly feel a terrible sense of loss. Looking back down at the document, my signature in particular, I realise what exactly I had just done. 'Oh my god...'

By signing that document, I was no longer a citizen of the United Kingdom anymore. I'd just willingly legitimised myself into a different nation, without even thinking about back home. Dropping the quill, I stare at the document in shock, unable to move. Concerned with my sudden shift in behaviour, Celestia moves to my side.

"Greyson? What's wrong?" She asks, looking me over. On the outside, I would look perfectly alright. Inside, however? I was an emotional train wreck. I don't know why this had taken so long, but it would seem that the fact that I was never going to see my home again, and all those that I cared about, had finally decided to hit me full on, as wave after wave of anger, sadness, loss and every other emotion under the sun fought for dominance.

"What's wrong?" I mutter, still staring at the scroll. "I'm trapped in a world in which I don't belong. I'll never my home, or my friends, or my planet ever again. I'm the only human being to exist here, in a world of magical ponies. And to top it all off?" I say, my voice beginning to crack. "I just signed myself to a whole different country without even giving a fucking thought about ANY OF IT!"

The wave of emotions that had suddenly decided to make themselves apparent overwhelmed me, as tears began falling from my eyes. Feeling a sudden warmth envelop me, I look up, realising that Celestia was comforting me. Unable to stop myself, I throw my arms around her neck, my entire body shaking as I sob into her fur.

I don't know how long we'd been sat here like this, one emotionally unstable human crying into the neck of one immortal, godlike pony, but it was long enough for me to calm down to the point in which I wasn't crying like a child anymore.

"Sorry...I uh....I...Yea...that just happened, I guess." I say, still holding onto the mare. 'She's fuzzy. Didn't notice that. And she smells like cake and bananas. What perfume do you use, lady?'

"You don't need to apologise for anything, Greyson." She replies, tightening her hold. "You've been through a lot already, and a reaction like this was inevitable. In fact, it came as a surprise to all of us when, after I'd told you that you could never return to Earth, you didn't react like this then. At first, we did not think that you believed me, that you weren't taking what I had said seriously. Now, it's evident that you were just in shock at such drastic news, and that by signing that document, it was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak." Nodding with her logic, I sigh.

"Yea, I guess so. So, I'm really stuck here? Forever?" I ask, letting go of the mare. Giving me a sad smile, she nods.

"Yes. If we return you to Earth, the magic in your body will cease to exist, and after what your body went through to adapt with it, the sudden void left by the magic would be to much for your body to handle, and you would quickly perish. I'm sorry, Greyson, truly I am." She says, looking at me apologetically. Giving the mare a small smile, I look her in the eyes.

"Alexander, Sunshine." I say. 'Wonder how she'll react to this.'

"Alexander?" Comes her confused reply.

"My name, Princess. Alexander, Ian, Greyson. Just thought you'd like to know." To my surprise, she chuckles. 'Well, she's taking this much better than Luna did.' Giving the mare a perplexed stare, she smiles.

"I had a feeling that there was more to you than you were letting on, Mr Alexander." She says, giving me a playful grin. 'Wonder what the Equestrian punishment for murder is.'

"I honestly hate you, you know that?" I groan, dropping my head in my hands.

"Be careful, Alex." She playfully warns. "You're an Equestrian Citizen now, and disrespecting a member of royalty isn't a wise course of action." Chuckling, I look back up.

"What you gonna do? Arrest me?" I say, crossing my arms and giving the mare a smug smile. Seeing the surrounding cushions rise into the air, and the cocky smile adorning Celestia's muzzle, my own smile fades. 'Oh not again..'

"As tempting as that may be, I have a much more simpler way of dealing with such insolent individuals, like yourself." 'I hate everything, so much.'

"Has anyone ever told you that you're actually just a massive cun-" And then, once more, a cushiony veil of darkness fell over me once more.

Author's Notes:

Emotions. What horrible, horrible things. Well, with both Luna and Celestia now done, the next chapter will most likely involve Cadance and Shining, and then Alex's departure.

90 Likes, 14 dislikes, and 97 comments. I know I've been talking about how amazing you guys are, in like, the last two AN's, but I seriously cannot stress how brilliant you lot are. I was not expecting such a positive reaction to this fanfic, especially when I've never written anything serious like this before. And yet, I've gotten nothing but praise and constructive feedback from you guys. And lawsuits for a few ruptured lungs here and there, but oh well. Cheers everyone.

Until next time, folks! Peace.