Author’s Note: There is some original text/dialogue in this chapter lifted from Hands that I claim no credit for. If you would like more details on Andrew’s bizarre social situation, please visit the original work.

Andrew realized that he wasn’t screaming. There was almost a sense of calm surrounding him.

“Probably should’ve seen that coming.” he stated simply, looking down at the ground far, far below.

Melissa was still holding onto him, not screaming at all. In fact, she seemed to be clinging to him tighter.

“What are you doing?” He asked casually, almost calmly over the howling wind.

“Shut up!” she retorted, and scratched at the panels covering her pockets. Ripping off one panel and letting it fall away, she pulled open the pocket, one of her biggest.
“Grab this, and tie it around your waist!” she passed him either end of a piece of rope to his sides.
“What for?”

“Shut up and do what I say!”

He did so, then with the next pair he gave. He found himself tightly bound to her, her front to his back.

“What now?”

“Close your eyes and pray!”

With that, there was a terrific ripping sound, and their speed dropped dramatically. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop him completely, as he felt himself sliding out of the ropes. Terrified, he snapped his eyes shut.

An old memory reemerged to increase his fear, his brain unable to separate the fear and anxiety both recalled and real. A friend had persuaded him into boarding a ride at an amusement park, that hadn’t seemed so bad from the ground. Upon getting aboard, he found that there was only a single not-well mounted bar to keep the occupants inside. Too late to get off, it climbed sickeningly high, before dropping at a steep angle and sent him into free fall. It had felt as though he would fly out of his seat.

That feeling returned, as he felt himself begin to slide out of the ropes.
If Melissa hadn’t had her arms under his, he would’ve.

“Okay, we’re still alive. You can open your eyes now.”

Andrew opened one eye, and realized that he had stopped sliding. And their speed had reduced dramatically. Looking up, he remembered what had taken them so long to get going when they started off, what had necessitated the balloon.
A massive silk parachute, rippling dangerously in the wind, was proving quite effective in slowing them down, though not as much as he’d like.

He also realized static was coming from his radio, “Andrew, Melissa, do you copy?” Twilight was calling, anxiously.

“Chuo to Ah-na-ghai,” Melissa answered calmly, We’re fine. Hit the silk. but we’re gonna go down hard. Headed for a dirt nap, looks like. I don’t think we’ll be able to rendezvous. Plan B, you’re gonna need to try and get Spike out on your own. Sorry.”

“Couldn’t we come and get you? We might need you!”

“You’ve got Fluttershy and Dashie. You beat the adult dragon the last time, now go!” Melissa roared into the radio, “We’re almost to the tree layer!”

She released the ‘talk’ button, and took another glance at the ground. “Hold on tight. I’ve only done this a few times.”

“What?!”

Their vision suddenly became filled with branches, leaves, and dirt, twigs and branches stabbing them.

Andrew screamed as he felt the ropes detach, but it was a mercifully short fall. It was the impact that hurt.

Andrew couldn’t tell if he had blacked out or closed his eyes again, but in any case he opened his eyes to see a Looney Tunes-style hole in the tree cover shaped like him.
He groaned and sat up, pulling off his helmet and rubbing his head.

Andrew groaned again, as he stared at the blood that came away from his forehead. Grabbing his radio, he managed to croak, “Uh…” he couldn’t remember his callsign, “This is Andrew to...to…” what’s the balloon’s callsign? Not good, very not good.

“This is…” he took a second to gasp, “Andrew, to anyone and anything. Does anyone copy?”

No response. He tried again, and there was still no response.

“It’s broken…” he muttered aloud, facepalming and then wincing, should’ve known. No static. He felt more blood trickling down the side of his face.

He looked around for his fellow crash-lander, and jumped when her voice came from behind, “Hey, Andrew! Over here!”

Slowly, Andrew stood up and turned around. Melissa, pieces of her costume lying shattered below her, was strung up upside-down in the trees, hanging from her parachute harness. One leg was over a branch to one side, her other leg and right arm were caught around a vine or something(he couldn’t tell, his vision was acting up) with her left arm dangling limply. He couldn't see her wings, and upon closer inspection he realized that they had completely disappeared. Many of the camouflage panels so delicately applied to her turnout gear had broken off, leaving it a mess of reflective-green, tan, and purple. Mud, branches, and the blood from several cuts left the paint on her facepaint a complete wreck, her “natural” skin color showing more than anything.

“Hey.” He said, stumbling a bit as he trotted over. He felt rather dizzy, and his arms didn’t sync up with what he wanted them to do.
His stomach suddenly erupted, and he puked at the base of a tree.

Melissa’s eyes widened, “Oh hell...Uh, Andrew? Stay calm, but I think you have a concussion.”

To her surprise, he stayed completely calm. Andrew touched his forehead, and looked at the blood again, “Huh.” A bead of crimson liquid made its way to his chin.

“Okay, buddy, I need you to help me down. Grab my knife, will you? I think Garble wanted revenge or something, so he sicced his goons on me, trying to buzz us or something. Probably wasn’t expecting my wings to be so frail. They disintegrated ”

Andrew nodded, knowing that she was talking but he was just not processing it. He clumsily moved forward to help, but Melissa waved him off with her good arm, “No, no no! I need you to get my knife! My knife.”
She pointed at a small black dagger sticking out of the mud under her head. A scratch ran across her cheek from the blade falling out of her pocket, though her Turian face had deflected the worst of the blow.
“Oh, sure.” he stooped, and gingerly picked up the blade.

As he picked it up, Andrew had the strangest flash of memory.
He could vividly recall stumbling into the steamer trunk in his parent’s attic, and a knife identical to the one he held glimmering in the moonlight. After a scare with a broken grenade, his parents explained that great-grandfather’s WWII equipment was not to be touched.
A Ka-Bar the scabbard had said it was.

“Where’d you get this?” He asked slowly, as fast as his brain could go.

Even more sweat erupted from Melissa’s forehead, and she looked at the vines, rope, and branches tying her up, “I think if I can cut the one holding up my leg first...Hey, hand it over, would ya?”

“Where’d you get this?” he repeated.

“Yard sale. WWII stuff, you know.”

“Yeah, except this thing is brand new. No rust, it's shiny, and oh look! It’s stamped 2010.”

Melissa rolled her eyes, “Dude, what’s the big problem? It’s a hunting knife.”

Andrew squinted at his evidence, and started to explain his other points, until a fresh dose of pain made him clutch his head again. It took him a moment to recall where he was. What was he talking about?
“Oh, Melissa! Sorry!” She was strung up in a tree! Whatever he’d been talking about, probably wasn’t important.

He handed it to her, ignoring the odd look she gave him, and stepped back. Melissa sawed at the vines, and soon enough fell face-first into the mud.

Andrew managed to help her up.

“Now help me find my tail.” As she glanced around, she unzipped her jacket, realizing it was useless as a disguise now and exhaling happily with the release of heat.
Andrew watched her stuff the Ka-Bar into its sleeve. Ka-Bar. Ka-Bar. Heh, funny word...wait, there was something else…

His eyes locked in on the second piece of evidence, loosely dangling from Melissa’s neck with a gentle tinkling. His thoughts came together again.

“Why didn’t you say?” Andrew demanded, pointing at the chain around his companion’s neck, a pair of metal plates with rubber around the edges.

“Huh?” Melissa glanced down at the dog tags, “It’s something I got for fun, y’know--”

Andrew stepped forward and pulled at the tags, “Why didn’t you say?” he repeated, his brain sticking for a moment, “Fake ones get your blood type on these too? Are the fakes made of metal? Also, fake ones always have ‘honorary’ on there. You're a soldier? Why didn't you tell me?!”

Melissa pulled her dog tags out of his hands, and sighed. “Okay...”

She paused for a moment, stooping to retrieve the main part of the remains of her tail.

“You’re right,” she confirmed, “I am a member of the United States military. Corporal Melissa Foster, combat engineer, United States Marine Corps. Semper fi.”

Andrew groaned, rubbing his face, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Melissa broke open the tail on her knee, revealing Anduril embedded inside. “Because you’re too chummy with the ponies. You probably would’ve blabbed to them, and I doubt they would take kindly to a human soldier in their midst.”
She grimaced, “Though I never actually had any combat experience to be honest. I was trained, but I was about to ship out for my first deployment when I got pulled here. I’m as green as they come. I can’t tell if that’s better or worse...”

Andrew shook his head, “I wouldn’t have told them.”

Melissa paused, studying him, Anduril’s stock open and a pair of shells in her claws, “Really?”

“‘Course I wouldn’t have. I am an anthropologist, you know. I know different cultures treat foreign soldiers in wildly different ways. I don’t know how they would react, but we could find a way to ask without alarming them.”

“Oh.” her eyes flickered with some sort of emotion, though he couldn’t tell what it was, “Your background...hadn’t occurred to me.”

The sound of dragons calling out jeers interrupted them. Andrew drew his carefully-concealed sword, as Melissa looped the TP-82’s strap around her neck. “We need to get moving.”

Their oddly calm moods disappeared, and both became quite angry for their own reasons.

Moving swiftly according to Melissa’s compass, they tried to remain hidden, and it seemed for a moment as though they had lost the searchers…

The beating of wings from behind them made both freeze.

The two looked at each other, then whirled about, “I so not in the mood for this bullshit!” Andrew roared. Melissa only screamed in anger, mandibles spread wide as she raised her weapon at the pair of dragons approaching them.

The dragon’s eyes popped wide open, and their glides became an out of control spiral barreling towards them.
Andrew and Melissa hit the deck just in time for the teens to fly over them into the trees behind them, and down out of sight. There was a sickening, wet, bubbly splash.

They moved to the top of the hollow the dragons landed in. It was a mud pit, the end closest to the humans dry and filled with sand. Dead leaves hid the pit’s true nature from anyone who tried walking in.
The dragons were stuck right in the center, when their eyes fixed on the two figures above them.
Instead of rolling around to attack, the dragons shrieked with fear, scrambling to escape.

Melissa rushed forward and flicked her safety off. “Alright, freeze!”

“No no no no get away!” the first, a fat green one, screamed. “Don’t eat us!” The second, a skinny bronze dragon cried.

“Human! Human!” they shrieked intermittently.

Andrew stepped up beside her, “We’re their boogeymen, remember?” he hissed in one ear, and dropped down into the sand.
“Yes, we’re humans!” he roared in confirmation.

They scrambled away as he approached, “He’s wearing Smaug’s skin!”

“That one did the same to Saphira!” they pointed at Melissa, who had lowered her weapon slightly.

“Yes, we killed both of them.” Andrew said, “The male had quite a bit of gristle, too thin for my tastes.” he licked his lips in a fashion similar to Hannibal Lecter, “I’d like one with a bit more...flesh.”

He leered at the green one, who curled up in fear.

“How should we cook ‘em?” Andrew asked, “Stew, or a large course?”

“How about both?” Melissa called out, smirking a little.
“Yes, you're right,” Andrew replied thoughtfully, “Hoplite here,” he couldn’t think of anything witty beyond latching onto the bronze one's scale color, “He’s good for a stew, maybe some sandwiches. But Nessie,” big fat and green, “over here’s perfect for a few meals. How hungry do you feel?”

They wailed, “No, please! We’ll do anything, your honors!”

Dramatically, Andrew raised his sword, “Anything? What use could we have for a couple of miserable dragons?”

“Rides? Hunters for food? Anything you want, oh great and powerful humans!”

Melissa sighed, waving her gun around like it was a toy, “I guess that’s the best they can do.”

She jumped down into the sand, “Alright, dibs on Hoplite. You get Nessie.”

Dragons could fly surprisingly fast when motivated. A sword and a gun to the head help with that.
They flew out at a low altitude, looking for Spike’s party.

Spotting a column of smoke, they were soon able to hear deep growling voices and high-pitched pony voices.

With some minor urging, the two were able to force their steeds into the woods…only to run smack into Garble and his gang.

There was a brief instant where time seemed to slow, all staring as they realized what was coming...then it felt like being hit with a freight train. A flurry of limbs, screams, and wings went by in Melissa's vision, until she rolled to a stop, under one of the stunned dragons.

“Andrew!” Melissa heard the ponies chorus as she crawled out, and her mood only darkened further.

She was just in time to see...Fluttershy kissing Andrew. Lover’s kiss at that, clearly not just platonic.

What the hell--”Oh shit!” a dragon she hadn't realized was underneath her shifted. Figure it out later.

Melissa rushed to stand beside the rest of the group.

“Maybe you can yell at me back in Ponyville. Teleport time?” Andrew demanded of Twilight.

“Uh...uh…Bit of a problem with that...Your parachute wasn’t working as well as you’d hoped.”

“What?!”

“I had to teleport you down to a lower altitude! That, and getting the balloon to move faster…”

Garble growling ended their argument. He stood up out of the pile of his friends, “You’re gonna pay for this you little--”

Rarity had a quick plan, “Oh, our great and powerful human lord and lady!” she cried dramatically, embracing Andrew’s shoulders, clinging to him in a very...odd manner, “You have come to save us!”

The advancing dragons halted, “What?”

“Yes, I have...arrived.” Andrew muttered dramatically.

Melissa was in no mood to play along, and silently set her sights on Garble’s ugly mug.

“Thank you for coming, your worship!” Rarity cried.

“Your timing was impeccable, your honor.” added Twilight, adding to the charade.

“My lord, d-don’t punish us! At least not t-too badly!” Fluttershy said, joining in as well as all three gathered around him..

Melissa cursed again, and desperately wanted to pull the trigger. She could probably at least injure a few of the beasts, she didn’t know how thick their hides were...

“What’s been going on around here?” Andrew demanded.

“They were gonna eat us!” said Spike, pointing an accusing finger at them.

“And do horrible, terrible, naughty things to us, your loyal concubines!” Rarity added.

“Fucking A…” Melissa muttered.

“Yes, yes they were!” Fluttershy added.

“No we weren’t!” hoplite called out.

Garble looked completely befuddled, “Who are you!? What are you?!”

Nessie squealed, “T-t-they’re humans! Real live breathing human!”

Hoplite added “They killed Smaug and Saphira--”

“They killed her? My future girlfriend?” Garble demanded in shock.

“Oh, just...die, you bastard, just...die!”, Melissa almost screamed, “I wouldn’t touch you with a fucking ICBM, let alone sleep with you!”

“What?” Garble grunted again.

“Oh yeah, that’s another ability of humans,” she added, her heart not in the charade, “My buddy here consumed Smaug, but I was Sapphira. I disguised myself,” she gestured to what remained of her outfit, “To infiltrate you all. And boy, were you forthcoming with your nation’s secrets.”

“N-no I didn’t!” Garble stuttered, “I made up humans, they’re fake, they--”

“I am Andrew Shepherd, she is Melissa Foster, and together we are the lords of Equestria!” Andrew roared theatrically, “We have slain thousands of dragons, built a throne out of their bones, turned mountains to dust, and ridden atop the backs of goddesses!”
The others were impressed by how quickly he could come up with that.

The concussion must help his imagination, Melissa thought. She pointed Anduril’s muzzle into the sky, and squeezed the lower trigger. A flare shot forth, lighting up the clearing as it rocketed into the sky. Sparks showered down from the gently descending flare.

Andrew stepped forward, pointing his blade at Garble’s nose. “If you seek to die, you’ve come to the right man.”

Nervously, the dragon backed up, “Uh...we’ll slaughter you! Right now! Right guys?!...Guys?”

Not even the suck-up had remained. The rest had fled a long, long time ago.

With an audible gulp, Garble looked back at the party. “Well?” Andrew inquired.

The frat-boy burst into tears, sobbing and collapsing at Andrew’s feet, begging him not to kill him.

Melissa moved over and shoved her TP-82 against the back of Garble’s skull. “Don’t worry about him, butt-wiping ass-munch! Worry about me!”

She looked up at the group, a cold expression on her face, “Should I remove his ears, first? Or his eyes?”

Melissa pointed her muzzle at the sky again, and reached for the butt of her weapon. With a bit of yanking, she managed to withdraw the TP-82’s final secret. In reality, the device was not just three weapons, but four. The final weapon was a wide slashing machete, made from the finest steel.

She slid it along the side of Garble’s jaw, “Maybe I should start with the teeth instead.”

“Melissa uh, my lady…” Rarity began gently, but Melissa held up a talon.

“Don’t start with me. This fucker deserves everything he gets.”

“Melissa,” Twilight began, ignoring the glare, “I know what he did.”

She tilted her head, before putting her hands over Garble’s ears, “What?”

“You left your radio on.”

Melissa sighed, “Oh.” her rage returned, “Then you know he deserves to pay!”

“Yes, but he’s the only one who knows the origins of the tales! The tales of your people! You used your own knowledge to fill in some of the gaps, but he supplied quite a lot. We need to know where he got the information.”

Melissa rubbed the bridge of her nose, or the flat Turian equivalent. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

She kicked him in the stomach instead, “Where’d you hear about our people?”

“M-my mother,” he squealed, “Humans in chariots, with wands, and--”

“Locations! Now!”

“The Southern Lands! Way far south, she said there were ruins of human war machines down there! They slaughtered us and drove us across the ocean long ago!”

“Oh, how dreadful--I mean, glorious my lord!” Rarity continued playing along, “Will you drive the dragons from these lands as well?”

“Maybe.” Melissa muttered.

Andrew quickly covered, “Nah. I’m feeling a bit merciful tonight. I only came for my agent, my student, and my concubines. If you tell me more, you will be allowed to leave with your wings still intact.”

Rarity laid it on, “...So that our lord may re-establish his kingdom! Oh, it will be glorious, to be draped in fine silks and jewels…”

Spike hissed to Andrew, “I swear to Celestia, if you add a third, I will fight you in the streets!”
“Rarity!” Andrew barked, and made an exaggerated “away with you” wave, typical of comedy and satire of nobility.

“Silk’s overrated. Try nylon. Or polyester, or acrylic…Or kevlar.” Melissa clacked her mandibles together menacingly, “By the way,” she said in a stage whisper, “That’s the kind of cloth that you break your teeth on! It’s immune to bullets. I suggest that if you don’t want to know what doesn’t resist bullets, you keep talking.”

Garble whimpered, “The humans came out of nowhere, a few dragons foretold their arrival in dreams, then wham! They came in, wiped out the first empire’s entire invasion force!” he shuddered with horror, “For years we couldn’t return, they just slaughtered anything that came their way! They protected the four-legs--I mean, the ponies, too! With magic and machines! Killed any dragon that even glanced at ‘em!”

“What?” Twilight gasped, “But-but the records…” She furrowed her brow, “...Fairy tales. Of course. Why didn’t I check?”

Melissa then leaned down to yell in Garble’s ear, “Anything else?”

“Uh...uh...I’ve heard about a place! A temple my mother told me about! In the badlands to the north! Hidden! Her mother found it during the war! It told all about humans! That’s all I know, please don’t kill me!”

“The Everfree Forest?” Twilight gasped.

“That is all, begone worm! Before I change my mind!” Andrew roared. “Melissa, let him go.”

“Are you serious!?”

“Do it!” his tone was level, but his eyes were pleading.

Melissa narrowed her gaze at Garble. His eyes darted from Melissa to Andrew, terrified out of his wits.

“He’s just a kid. Let him go. He doesn’t know any better.”

Melissa angrily reattached her machete, and got off the dragon. Careful to keep her muzzle trained on him, she ground out, “Go.”

“Oh, yes your worship! Thank you o merciful--”

“Ten. Nine. Eight…”

Garble bolted immediately.

“Hey, wait!” Twilight called after him in vain, “He could’ve told us more!”

“I think we took long enough as it is!” Spike said flatly.

“And how long could we have kept up the act? We really didn’t have any time to ask questions at length.” Andrew pointed out.

“What we did learn is quite valuable! You’re like the long-lost prince of a fallen civilization!” Rarity practically squealed, still clinging to Andrew.

“Right, a prince. Of a pile of rust more like…” Spike muttered.

Melissa gritted her teeth at the comments and said nothing.

“The sooner he was gone, the better.” Fluttershy commented, “...It might be good for us to do the same.”

“Let’s get back home…” Twilight sighed disappointedly, “We can talk about all...this.” she glared at Fluttershy and Andrew.

As they started to walk, Andrew abruptly moaned, and clutched his head. Fresh blood began to trickle down the side of his face.

“Andrew!” Fluttershy cried in concern, “What is it?”

Melissa stalked over, tore off a piece of fabric from her costume, and procured a piece of duct tape from nowhere. She brushed Fluttershy aside, and held the fabric to his head, and used the tape to keep pressure on it.

“What happened?” Twilight asked, her thirst for information dissipating, “Is he alright?”

“Shortening the distance between us and the ground still didn’t stop our initial momentum. Based on what happened, the portals do not affect momentum, and so it is conserved between jumps.” Melissa explained without emotion, before she finished the bandage.

“In other words, ‘speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out’. In this case, speedy thing here slammed into the ground at a high speed. He has a concussion.”

“A concussion?” Fluttershy asked, trying to move forward again.

Melissa held her back with a foot, “Stay back. I have medical training.”

“So do I. How did he get a concussion so easily?” Fluttershy pressed, not backing down, “It’s only a little bump on the head.”

The marine looked at her, “That’s the definition of a concussion. Temporary unconsciousness caused by a blow to the head.”

“An impact this light? Your people are so delicate! Are you really sure?”

On cue, he vomited on the marine’s feet.

Melissa glared, “Yes. I am sure. I guess your skulls are harder. Also, I am not carrying his ‘royal highness’s’ ass back to the ship. You lovebirds can.”

“What?” Twilight asked in surprise.

“If you’re gonna have a lover’s quarrel, do it before or after a mission. Not during, and especially not over the radio. Speaking of which…”

She snatched the radio out of Andrew’s collar, peering at the device as she began to walk away.

Rarity spoke up, “You’re the strongest out of all of us, shouldn’t you--”

Melissa stopped, and turned. Her grim face glistened in the moonlight, and her eyes glowed slightly. The Turian face she wore made her look like a monster in the gloom. Her mandibles twitched before she replied, “I have just spent the last few hours cooped up in this costume, covered in paint. I’ve spent even longer looking like a Turian, which was fun for exactly two seconds. One of only three radios we have isn’t working. I am hot, I am sweating, I am tired, I am hungry, so I am going to go home, and make a stew, because I have had a very, long, fucking day.”

Something in Melissa’s eyes made Rarity refuse to pursue the issue any further.

“Make sure he keeps pressure on the wound, and he’ll be fine. Balloon this way?” she pointed, and barely waited for the answer before walking away.

XXXXX

A short hike away, the balloon awaited with Rainbow Dash lazily leaning against it. “About time you showed up!” she called out, “What took you so long?”

Melissa didn’t answer. She was too busy fiddling with the radio. Loose wire, looks like. Durable little things, aren’t these?

She managed to get the wire back into its slot, put the battery case back over the motherboard, and closed the compartment completely. Static gently returned when she turned it back on.
Putting it in her pocket, she noted that she barely noticed her lack of extra fingers anymore. Was this a good or bad sign?

Taking a step toward the balloon... “Whoa--shit!”
Her left clawed two-toed foot swung precariously in mid air, over a massive chasm that appeared as if by magic. She couldn’t even see the bottom, and though it wasn’t that wide, it wasn’t narrow enough to jump.

Melissa pulled her foot back, and glanced around for a crossing, quickly finding it in an old log lying across the chasm.

The ponies emerged from the underbrush, and crossed the log as well. Andrew was the last to cross the bridge, or rather stop at the end of it, and nervously stomp on the end. “Should hold, right? Long as nothing big lands on it?”

A vicious roar, and the beating of wings signaled the completion of the jinx.

“You’re no warlord!” Garble shouted, appearing out of the woods behind Andrew, his bravado returned, “You’re a human runt!”

“Uh...uh…” Andrew mumbled, but brandished his sword, “Fear me!”

“No! I’m not afraid of you!” the teen roared, “I am not! And I’m gonna get revenge!”

Garble opened his jaws wide, putting one of his feet on the end of the bridge as Andrew put up his sword in defense. The log creaked dangerously, and both froze.

The straps of what remained of his costume were pulled back, pulling him off the bridge to fall right on his rear.

Melissa was standing in front of him, staring down the dragon before her with the muzzle of a TP-82 leveled.

“You know what, you football player-looking frat house motherfucker who's-mom-drank-while-she-was-pregnant--you’re right! You shouldn’t be afraid of him! You should be afraid of me.”

Garble recognized the weapon, but being a teenager, didn’t care. He was invincible, right? Who knows how much about the old tales were true, anyway?

“Why should I fear you? A girl?”

“He’s a nerd. A scientist. You know what I am? Your worst fucking nightmare. I am a corporal in the United States Marine Corps.”

She grinned savagely, “We are the best soldiers on Earth, everyone fears us. We are recruited from insane asylums,” for dramatic effect, she gave a hysterical giggle, “and prisons. We’re the most bloodthirsty things on the planet, and we eat xenos filth like you for breakfast. You abominations fester like a plague across every world, but we cannot leave even a single cell alive. ‘He who allows the xenos to live shares in the crimes of its existence.’ ‘If you can confront the xenos, look upon the xenos, even think upon the xenos without revulsion,” she gagged a bit as she glared at Garble, “...Then you are as damned as they.’”

“Why? We didn’t do anything to you!” Garble seemed to be in a talking mood, given that the bridge creaked any time he moved.

Melissa laughed, “‘The filth of the alien and the witch must be exterminated to preserve the purity of the human race, lest we degenerate into abomination.’”

“What about your ponies?” he demanded, pointing a claw at the others, “What about the runt?”

Melissa glanced back, and shrugged, “Some races have proven to be useful in the Emperor’s Great Crusade, perhaps they might even prove to be clean. The little one we picked up to determine exactly that with your race.”

She jumped up and down a little on the bridge, making it shimmy, “You are really not helping your case at the moment.”
Her message appeared to sink in, but Garble shook his head and his bravery returned, “I’m not falling for that twice!” and he took a step forward.

One, two, shotgun blasts resounded through the forest. The bridge completely shattered under the barrage of tiny metal pellets. Another shot, lighter-sounding, as a flare ripped through the webbing of Garble’s left wing. His look of shock lasted only for a moment before he plummeted into the chasm.

Peering over the edge, Melissa called down after him, “I suggest you buy the next girl a drink first!”

She turned around, looking at the shocked faces staring back, “What?”

“You’re a soldier?” Twilight asked.

“Really? No comment on this?” she gestured to the chasm, from which screams were emanating.

“You weren’t simply scaring him, you were speaking in a manner that suggested you were very confident in what you were saying.”

“Nothing about all the xenos crap? I didn’t mean anything by that, I was just quoting Warhammer 40K…”

“You’re right, Twilight.” Rarity agreed, “I distinctly recall the letters ‘U’ ‘S’ ‘M’ and ‘C’ on some of her equipment. An acronym for that corps she described. In our own society, few ponies aside from those with military experience would have distinct knowledge of cannons, tactics, and explosives.”

“You’re both right,” Andrew confirmed, coming out of his stupor for a brief instant, “She’s a marine. She said so herself.”

Melissa glared at him, then sniffed and rubbed her nose. “Fine. He’s right. I am a marine. Corporal Foster, United States Marine Corps, combat engineer. 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Combat Engineer Battalion.”

She yanked out her dog tags, making them jingle slightly, and shrugged, “Only trained. My unit was going to be deployed a few weeks after I got here, we had some extended leave for some reason.”

For a long time, they stared at one another.

“Well? Terrifying, dangerous, what do you think I am?”

Rainbow Dash jumped out of the balloon and trotted forward. Digging into the depths of her fur, she drew out a small brass plate, tied to a leather string around her neck. On one side words were printed, on the other the outline of a Pegasus.

“Equestrian Army Air Force, airmare first class, 16th Air Assault Brigade.” she said, grinning, “Fluttershy was in the same unit, as a medic.”

The other pegasus squirmed, then, standing up from a barely-conscious Andrew, gingerly pulled out her own necklace, “Senior airmare.”

“Pegasi have a mandatory military service requirement,” Twilight explained, “It’s a policy that was enacted during the Sorventh Wars, but...it got caught up in committee and never cancelled.”

Melissa scratched her head. “Huh. So...you’re not scared of me?”

“Why would we be? Marines are cool gals, from the ones I’ve fought--met! The ones I’ve met!” Rainbow quickly corrected.

“What?”

“I--Well, I met some marines in a bar once, off the flat-top Bugbear, but I didn’t throw the first punch! Okay, I broke a few windows, but--”

“Rainbow...!” Twilight grumbled, and the pegasus quickly fell silent.

“So...we’re cool then?” Melissa asked in surprise.

“Of course, darling, what did you think would happen?” Rarity scoffed.

“I’m connected to an organization that’s used nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, stockpiled both for several decades, has been in far more devastating conflicts than you could imagine, and was probably involved in a lot of oppression of native people...and you’re not running away screaming?”

“Do we look like we’re doing that?” Spike asked, “So you’re a marine. Big deal. Let’s just go home already!”

Melissa managed to form a grin, her first actually positive thought she’d had all night, “Alright! Let’s get Andrew...Andrew?”

Andrew was passed out on the ground.

“Ah, hell. That’s never good.”

She nudged him with her foot, “Hey, doofus! Wake up!”

Much to their relief, he mumbled and rolled over.

“Let’s get him to the hospital already.” scratching her head scales, she added, “And get me to whoever can cure this.”

XXXXX

“O’Neill, should we not be assisting Daniel Jackson with the translation?” inquired a deep, flat voice.

“I’m taking this loop off.” another, more average voice replied, with an air of boredom and refusal to care.

There was the sound of a chair scraping.

“I’m telling you, Teal’c, if we don’t find a way out of this soon I’m gonna lose it.” the second voice continued.

There was a pause. “Lose it; it means, go crazy. Nuts. Insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of one’s faculties, three fries short of a happy meal...Wacko!”

Andrew opened his eyes, blinking several times as he finally came out of sleep.

He was in the hospital. Again. His head was killing him. Again. A certain pair of ponies were waiting at the end of his bed. Again.

Twilight and Fluttershy appeared exhausted, as they had the last few times he’d been rendered unconscious. Virtually everything was identical to the last time he’d been hospitalized.

The only difference this time was the redhead/blond woman sitting near them, staring at the wall across from him. Her physiology returned to normal, Melissa sat with her arms crossed and a small grin on her face.

All three were staring at the wall, upon which a screen was being displayed, from a projector mounted somewhere above him. Melissa’s pocket projector he realized, and presumably a sample of her movie collection. He still wondered how she had so much of it.

“Okay, now watch this.” Melissa said, pointing at the screen. A middle-aged man sat working a pottery wheel, dressed in a blue smock and attempting to complete a pot on the wheel. The room just didn't fit in with the scenario, it was built like a bunker, and some sci-fi work station stood in the background. Apparently, the pot had been flawed; it collapsed with a splat into the container mounted underneath.

“He could do anything he wanted, literally anything, and he decided to take up pottery?” Twilight asked.

“That’s not all, keep watching.”

A flash of light went across the screen, cutting to a view of a concrete hallway. As alarms wailed in the background, a man in an air force uniform loomed in the foreground, cocking his ear to the side, while a soldier in camouflage standing in the background stared around the corner, gaping at something.

A cheerful bell rang several times, and the older man from before zipped by on a bike, “Hey, how’s the wife?” he asked of the man in the air force uniform.

“Fine...sir…” the officer replied, before the flash reappeared.

Melissa laughed extremely hard at that, while Twilight tried and failed to stifle a giggle; even Fluttershy let out a squeak of amusement.

Andrew furrowed his brow at the video. His mind was still fuzzy, but…

He tried to say Stargate SG-1, but all he could manage was a quiet, “Ugh-gug--one?” Sitting up, his hair found its way into the projector’s view, attracting their attention.

Their camaraderie evaporated, and all three distanced themselves from one another.

Twilight and Fluttershy did their normal fussing routine, but Andrew’s attention was still partly on the red-and-gold haired marine. He still vaguely recalled Melissa's rage. Though she smiled on occasion, it was hollow, rarely reaching her eyes. Something was quite clearly wrong.

He started out kind of casual, “So...you have Stargate SG-1 in your car? Why?”

Melissa shrugged, “Dude, I was preparing to ship out to the Middle East. I heard about how bad the internet bandwidth is, and my family explained how boring everything could be. Both my parents are soldiers. So I figured I’d be prepared. Managed to burn every other thing in my DVD library to a bunch of USB sticks and my devices.”
She grimaced, “...And I may have gotten a few things through not-so-legal means, by which I mean stealing from netflix. Goddamn, I am gonna get such a fine when we get back…”

After another awkward pause, he dove further in, “Uh...good work with the parachute, I guess. Saved our lives.”

“You wouldn’t have been in danger if you hadn’t sent him in there in the first place…” Fluttershy muttered, a little too loudly.

Melissa’s expression became sour, “Oh god damn it, don’t start that again.”

“It was really dangerous! We knowingly sent him into a place where he could die!”

“Oh gee, maybe we should have left Spike alone! Want to leave him to die with the dragons?” Twilight retorted.

Their earlier arguments were coming to a head. “Ladies…?” Andrew tried to calm them down, but they still ignored him.

“How dare you say that?” Fluttershy demanded, “You know I would never do that!”

“Well, you did your best to do it! Without Andrew--”

“She was perfectly capable of taking on the mission herself. She planned it, didn’t she?!”

Andrew, still suffering from the effects of the concussion groaned as loudly as possible, rubbing his face and leaning back, “Jesus Christ, that is it. I am done. I am done with you two fighting over me…!”

Melissa sighed as Andrew continued to yell at the ponies, and glanced at her laptop’s paused screen. Four figures in desert camo, bearing MP5s and a staff weapon stood outside a collapsing wormhole, the frame held just before the effect vanished.

How would O’Neill deal with this?

The answer was fairly obvious.

As Andrew finally got done telling off the ponies, she released a very annoyed sigh, “What is with you three?”

They paused, turning to look at her. “Excuse me?”

Melissa stood up and repeated, “What is the matter with you people?”

“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked.

Melissa shook her head, running a hand through her hair to make sure it was still there, “Look at you three. You’re fighting over a bullshit love triangle. A fucking love triangle! This is like something out of a bad fanfic! Though I will give it credit, it’s more original than most. But...Cthulhu's tentacles, this is what you’re focusing on?”

“What should we be doing?” Andrew demanded, “Who’re you to say--”

Melissa made a “time out” symbol with her hands, “Shut up, I have the speaking ball. I’m all for interspecies romances, I mean look at what happened to me. Garrus is hot. What I have a problem with is when you start talking about that, instead of one of the greatest discovery to your species; that we have contacted one another before.”

She pulled out her phone, revealing an audio file displayed on the screen, “I recorded that entire story. Humans have been here, and I bet they’re still around. We’re a resourceful bunch, we earthlings. You guys haven’t mentioned this once since we got out of that jungle, and you’re still fussing over him. Grow the fuck up and deal with this like adults.”

“Excuse me?” Fluttershy asked calmly. The others turned to look at her, but Melissa gave no sign of surprise.

“I don’t think you should be asking what’s wrong with us. What you should be asking is what’s wrong with you? Why are you like this?” she asked, moving around the bed to look Melissa straight in the eyes, “Why are you so obnoxious about this? I’ll admit, this whole thing has gone overboard, but you’re being extremely judgemental. He’s been unconscious for the past few days, and this is the first time we’ve been able to hold a conversation that he can remember! Will you give us five minutes just to talk with him?”

“I agree,” Twilight added, “You’re calling us fussy? You’re the one who’s been throwing tantrums every other day.”

“Your people are important to you, I get that--” Fluttershy tried to say, before Melissa’s glare grew even deeper.

“‘Important’? Of course they are! Of course I’m throwing bloody tantrums, of course I’m angry, anxious, and pissed all the time! How do you think I’m supposed to react to all this?! I risked my life trying to keep Spike safe, and not once did any of you give a flying fuck about me! Butterball, you didn’t want Andrew, and only Andrew, going in, and you only tried to talk him out of it.”

“W-well, you were dead-set on going--”

“Look, I didn’t want to go. I had to go. That’s my job, to protect the innocent. He was just a kid, and none of you could pull it off. But every time I picked up the radio you idiots are more concerned about douchey-mc-nancy here! Cthulhu’s left testicle, what is wrong with you people?! I have feelings too, y’know! I was assaulted and nearly died, and no one gives a damn! All I want is some basic respect! It’s not a great feeling to have the only people you know in the world not give two shits about your health!”

She had had enough, “I can’t take your bullshit anymore. I’m outta here.”
Her hand fell on the doorknob, but Twilight roughly grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her around.

Twilight had had enough of Melissa’s nonsense as well. Melissa had been feeling sorry for herself for far too long. Somepony needed a wakeup call.

“Melissa Foster, I will admit we’ve been a bit obsessed with Andrew, and I’m sorry if we didn’t take your feelings into account; but you need to realize you are not a foal. You’re a bright talented young mare who needs to calm down and stop freaking out at everything. You are a member of the United States Marine Corps who needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and get off her ass. Of course we’re concerned about you! I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel that way. We know you’re having issues, but you can’t let them affect you like this. You need to calm down and stop being mad at everyone. We can help you, but you just have to stop lashing out like this!”

They maintained eye contact for the longest time, before Melissa finally sighed, “God...I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry…” Tears began to spill from her eyes.

Not expecting it to be that easy, Twilight thought in surprise, how long has she been stressing like this?
She realized that they had more in common than previously thought.

“Melissa, it’s okay,” Andrew said, concerned, “No big deal. You’ve just been a bit crabby.”

“No, it’s not about that. I’m sorry if you thought I was mad at you. I mean, I am, but...It’s not your fault, it’s just…” her presence seemed to shrink as she sank back against the door, rubbing her face.

‘Just what?” asked Twilight.

“I...I just...I just wanna go home…” she whispered. She was completely unable to keep her feelings buried inside any longer. To their surprise, collapsed into Twilight’s arms, weeping.

Weeping for home, for family, for the world she left behind. Weeping for the world of wonders that had vanished in the blink of an eye.

Andrew looked on, feeling a tight sensation in his chest. Old emotions that occupied his dreams and half the waking world resurfaced, and he whispered, “I want to go home too…”

Earth. Neither had really thought about it in such a long while. It was if a switch had been pulled, as the most painful memories, of friendships, family, of their home came flooding back to the surface, hitting them like a freight train.
There was really no better way to describe the sadness that consumed them. How does one describe the loss of their entire world, everyone and everything they’ve ever known?

XXXXX

Melissa sat in the waiting room, sniffling a bit and staring into her phone. Try as she might, she couldn’t forget Twilight’s words.

It was bound to happen at some point. She had finally broken down; everything that had remained hidden since the day she lost Earth had come to light. Her sadness, loneliness, and frustration that had been affecting her, released.

Dammit, why'd you have to do that? Embarrassment now filled her mind, around a bunch of strangers? You're a marine, for crying out loud!
Twilight had been right. She'd been acting like a jerk and a whiny child for too long. But why did she have to break down like a baby?

Her subconscious answered, because I'm homesick.

I never get homesick! Last time was when I was ten at summer camp! I was ready to go to the flipping Middle East!

Except that was with people you knew, and on Earth. This is a different planet entirely. At least they were strangers and not, I don't know, the squad! Her brain pointed out.

No one in Stargate: Atlantis got homesick!

Did you even watch the show?

Oh...Messages from Pegasus. Right.

Exactly...You know they weren't mad at us.

“That's what's killing me…” Melissa muttered aloud.

They're nice like that, Her subconscious pointed out, and Twilight did have a point.

Yeah, yeah…

Her frustration grew as other thoughts swirled to the surface. Andrew had grown used to the idea(or so it seemed) of this new land, where few other humans were, and the possibility of never going home.

She hadn’t given up hope though, and being the only one who really believed, who knew they would make it home, only saddened her further. She couldn’t say anything that would change their minds.

You can’t keep throwing tantrums, her subconscious interrupted again, you know that.

How could anyone possibly respect her if she was constantly breaking down? She had to do something about that...

Melissa heard footsteps, and did her best to hide her emotions as she glanced up. Of all the ponies, Rainbow Dash stood there, a curious yet concerned expression on her face.

“What are you doing out here? I thought you’d be hanging around with Andrew. They didn’t really give me a straight answer when I asked.”

She sighed, and avoided eye contact.

Rainbow shrugged, “Okay, I won’t pry.”

Melissa looked down at the ground, and managed to croak, “Thanks.”

Dash cringed slightly at the tone. She had always been bad at helping sad ponies deal with the emotional parts...but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was take somepony’s mind off a problem.

“Alright,” she said, pulling the human’s arm, “C’mon, get up.”

“Huh?”

Rainbow explained, “Let’s get you out of here. You’ve been stuck in here for days, you need some fresh air.”

“B-b-but…” Dash heaved Melissa to her feet, dragging her out the door.

“I have to be brutally honest here, you look terrible. You haven’t gotten any good sleep or food in days!” Rainbow noticed that Melissa didn’t react badly to the comments. Weird… “I know just the thing! Can I buy you a drink?”

Melissa glanced down at the pegasus, “What.”

Rainbow Dash returned her gaze with confused amusement, “Let’s go to Sugarcube Corner, get a drink and a snack. I’m hungry, and you need lots of sugar. What’d you think I meant?”

“Never mind…”

XXXXX

Journal Entry:

God, I’ve been an ass.

I mean really, why the hell have I been whining so much lately?

...Well, I have had cause to. Near-assault by a dragon, allergic reaction to poison joke, nearly getting killed several times, and being displaced.

But I guess demanding that they worry about the other stuff immediately instead of Andrew may have been going a bit too far. And I think I’ve been lashing out at people far too often.

Twilight may have gone a bit far as well, but while we’re both in the right, she’s still got a point.

I’ve gotta calm down. There’s plenty of time to find the way home.

Captain Reddy wouldn’t wallow in self-pity, he didn’t. He made sure crew was safe, kept discipline up, fought back against the Grik, and worried later.
Admiral Kolhammer, though he missed his wife so, kept his fleet intact, alive, and didn’t let anyone get rid of the “inconvenient” crew members.

Now, there are several things we need to do.

Recover more information on human enclaves to the south.Investigate the “temple” to the north.Find out information about surviving human colonies.

Garble said the temple told all sorts of stuff about humans. Given the technological level described, it might be useful to at least check and see if there’s anything valuable.
To achieve these goals, we will need to accelerate the various weapon projects, with focus on getting to self-contained cartridges and breechloaders. If 20th century equipment is lying around, we're going to need some serious firepower to beat any reverse engineered knockoffs.

Oscar's got a relatively reliable charger now, and with the proper modifications he could be of some combat use.
Floodlights run off local batteries should be easy to make, could mount them like the lights put on police cars.
They still have some revolver prototypes lying around. I might not be able to make a Mk. 19 grenade launcher, but with the help of the weirdo in town for warheads, I could make a Milkor MGL. Hopefully. Either that or an M79 with a gravity-fed magazine. This could provide Oscar with some reasonable firepower.

CURRENT WEAPONRY AND EQUIPMENT

TP-82 = satisfactory. Easy to manufacture as it primarily uses technology that is readily available around here, very little need to develop new stuff. Cartridges were the biggest issue*, as was rifling for the initial prototypes on the third barrel, leaving it with only flare capability for some time. Smokestack is creating another version of the shotgun, with a functional rifled third barrel that can act as a flare gun and carbine, as it should. Will hopefully prove an easy experiment on the way to more complicated gear.
*SEE ENTRY ON CARTRIDGES FOR MORE INFORMATION

Mk. I IEDs = what you'd expect. Dissimilar materials to those I was trained with, but they work until we can get some grenades.

M1 Combat Helmet = Only a few available, and took a lot of money. Rarity’s still trying to develop a pony equivalent, but needs more materials before she can. Gonna have to go with Fire Department helmet for a while.

Penicillin = Perfect! My sandwich finally rotted correctly a few weeks ago, giving me a sample of what it should look like. Though it was still in the experimental stage, and we hadn't grown much local stuff, Zecora and I deemed it necessary to use what we had to treat Andrew, given how he'd been in the mud with several open wounds, and soon got a fever. Boy, did it deliver. Bacteria here has never had to fight the stuff, so it worked like a charm. Andrew has shown no sign of infection, and the fever disappeared overnight.

Dragon Skin Vest = Excellent. Named it after the one back home, it seems to provide adequate protection. Dug some shrapnel out of my vest yesterday from my IEDs(days after the engagement), didn't penetrate and it was still effective! Vest does not seem to be a one-shot use.

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Cartridges- The locals know something about cartridges thanks to Andrew, and we managed to make some simple ones for the shotguns. I’m hoping we’ll be able to make the Springfield 1873 once we get some quality-made cartridges. The ones they have made aren’t the best. Case in point, after using the simple rounds, my TP-82 wasn’t in great shape. It was completely totalled, and I can’t understand why the thing didn’t explode.
I am utterly stumped! I don’t know how I didn’t notice the damage! I know Smokestack consulted some mages around town for manufacturing, but what exactly did that entail?

Magazine-fed pistols- Torn between Colt M1911s and something with 9-mil. The M1911’s pretty reliable, but Glamdring uses 9mm rounds. Fine parts are again a problem. See next entry for stopgap measure.

Smith and Wesson Revolver- already have prototypes ready, so these will be a useful stopgap until we can get magazine-fed pistols going. I could try combining them with those actually, make a Dardick pistol. If I can figure out how that damn thing works in the first place.

M79/Milkor MGL- Exploding shells shouldn't be too much of a problem, ironically. Turns out Equestrian military bombers(just Pegasi carrying bombs) use the same trigger mechanism for their gravity bombs, and they're supposed to be pretty stable too. Making them for a grenade launcher should prove simple.

Radio- Might be able to get something together with some batteries. Won't be mobile, but it'll be something. Made plenty of crystal radios though

Lightbulbs- Tweezers, tungsten, copper wire, a glass bottle, and some electric current. Rigged up a few bulbs around Oscar's charging station by the hydroelectric dam the other day.

M1 Garand- Pipe dream. Too many fine parts, and it's far too complicated. Shelving it for now.

Other plans, aircraft, land vehicles, automatic weapons, etc, have been shelved since day 1. Duh.

OTHER STUFF

It's weird. I always thought Twilight and I would get along swimmingly. I mean we did at first, for certain things. We both love books, she actually understands my technobabble...but ever since she went through Oscar to find my pills, we’ve been completely under each other’s skin.

On the other hand, Rainbow Dash and I have been doing the opposite. First day, nothing but insults. Occasional sniping at one another in the days afterwards, but then...it kinda smoothed out. She’s actually been really nice, for Dash at least. I wonder if she knew, or at least suspected me being a marine, that could be why. I understand her humor, better than anyone else in town, and she gets a bunch of jokes I tell, if it doesn't relate to pop culture. Military humor really is alike all over.

After my meltdown, we went out for lunch. No, not like how you think. It was just two friends getting food after one has had a bad day.

She's really awkward around upset people, I knew that, but she's also really good at avoiding accidentally bringing it up. She's my no-drama person at the moment. We ended up talking about an F-8 Intruder in a death battle with a fully-armed Pegasus.

She said that the Pegasus would have better maneuverability, and could outperform the Intruder. I countered with the fact that the WWII Japanese Zero had that same advantage, and the same disadvantage that came specifically with the same aircraft. US aircraft could stand up to way more than Zeroes could, had a better top speed, and were able to develop tactics to beat them. An Intruder pilot properly informed of the nature of his target could cut the Pegasus to ribbons before she could use her unguided rockets. That's another thing, armament's a lot heavier on the Intruder, with guided missiles, while the Pegasus weaponry is unguided warheads.

Then the conversation turned towards Daring Do, and long story short we might be working on an Indiana Jones/Daring Do crossover, with optional MacGyver appearance. Daring Do is a mix of both, after all.

God, she is so Colonel Sheppard. The closet nerd.

We scheduled another lunch event tomorrow. We might end up making this a daily or weekly thing.

On another note, the love triangle’s been fixed up. Rarity got them into some weird polygamous relationship.

My god, I must be in a bad fanfic.