Author’s Note: There is some original text/dialogue in this chapter lifted from Hands that I claim no credit for.

“Status,” Captain Melissa Foster requested, smirking at the explosions rippling through the enemy ship. She sat in the captain’s chair at the center of a large darkened bridge, all the controls in a semicircle toward a large screen.
She was wearing a black uniform with a red upper body, a gold and silver “A”-like badge on her breast, and four silver pip-like pins along her collar.

“Systems are still at optimal levels,” Lieutenant Commander Twilight Sparkle replied, “The photonic cannon is offline for the moment, however. Damage has reduced its charging capabilities.” She stood at a console to the back of the bridge, near one of the two turbolifts. The logical alien wore a golden variant of the uniform, with two pips instead of one, but also the same badge.

“Ensign, what’s the enemy up to?”

The pink pony standing at the console on the opposite side of the bridge from Twilight tapped several controls enthusiastically, “The Borg ships are pulling back, but the Covenant vessels are moving in. I think they heard about the chef’s cake!” Ensign Pinkie Pie wore her own golden uniform, and with only one pip.

“Lieutenant Dash, bring us around, fire a full spread of drone weapons. Put priority on the Assault Carrier.”

The blue pegasi nodded, and carried out the orders. She wore a red uniform, and sat at a console just ahead of the captain.

There was an abrupt alarm, and a computerized voice called out “Intruder alert; intruder alert….”

A burst of static brought the radio to life, “Bridge, this is engineering!” an accented voice called out, “We’ve got Wraith in the port Pelican bay! They’re headed here--” Lieutenant Applejack’s voice was cut off by phaser fire, “Bridge, intruders in main engineering!”

Foster cursed, and keyed a command, “Andrew, how fast can the Hazard Team get down there?”

“Captain, our troops are spread thin. We’ve got a lot protecting Doctor Fluttershy and the med bay, and more are protecting Rarity’s maintenance crews. I don’t know if we have enough personnel--”

“I’ll be right there.” Foster pulled a PPG sidearm from her waist holster, as her Dinochrome Brigade uniform adjusted from Starfleet settings to combat; taking on the appearance of MJOLNIR powered armor.

“Twilight,” she ordered as she opened one of the turbolifts, “Get on the horn to Atlantis and the SDF-1. Get some Puddle Jumpers and Veritechs out here, we need to pull back and deal with this.”

She entered the lift, “Engineering.” Foster called.

After a second of comforting humming, the lift suddenly stopped. In frustration, she keyed one of the buttons, “Engineering!”

Nothing happened.

“Oh, don’t worry my dear, I’ve made sure no one will disturb us.” a voice that sent shivers down Foster’s spine came from behind her.

Packed in the close space behind her was a middle-aged man in a red Starfleet uniform. He had the biggest smirk on his face, and leaned casually against one of the walls.

“Oh no…” she whispered, and whipped back around, prying open the elevator doors to crawl out onto one of the decks that was exposed.

There was a flash, and the man was in front of her before she could even take more than a few steps down the hall.

“Interesting place. Not how it is normally though.” he commented, glancing around at the simple and functional corridor, exposed paneling on some walls and dark lighting. With another flash, he had the ship’s registry plaque in his hand.

“UNSCDF Voyager, property of the Concordiat of Man.” he read aloud, smiling more, “This is all very charming, but I’m afraid you haven’t done it right! Don't get up, allow me.”

With a snap of the fingers, the PPG, armor, and the entire hallway changed; the metal deck plating was replaced with odd pretty-looking carpeting, the dark wall panels becoming a mix of streamlined displays and smooth grey plates. The PPG became a phaser, and her armor was restored to a Starfleet captain’s uniform.

“Q…” she finally whispered, “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” he asked with a laugh, “What are any of us doing here?”

“Shut up!” she snapped, “What’s the plot?”

He tilted his head in amusement, “‘Plot’?”

“Yes! What ridiculous thing do you want?” She stepped closer, finding herself forced to look up at him. Q was about a head taller than her.
“You can’t have gotten kicked out of the Continuum again, you’re wearing a captain’s uniform. Little Next Gen, but it’s just about right.”

Stepping back, she rolled her eyes, “Well, you didn’t throw us into the Delta Quadrant, and you haven’t put me on trial. Get off my ship.”

She tapped her combadge, “Engineering, status.” and received no answer.

With a grim smile on his face, Q said in a singsong tone, “I told you...we won’t be disturbed.”

No response. Foster glared at Q, and tapped the badge again, “Computer; locate remaining senior crewmembers.”

Voyager’s computer replied with the usual female deadpan tone, “There are no remaining senior crewmembers aboard.”

“Is there anyone else left?” Foster growled.

“There is one crewmember left onboard.”

Without hesitation, Melissa seized him by the collar, no mean feat given Q’s height advantage. “Bring them back!”

He smirked, “‘Or what, you’ll thrash me?’ Come now, little girl, we both know how this ends. Shall we skip the punch?”

“I don’t know, it would make me feel better. Who’re you callin’ a little girl?”

With a snap of the fingers, he appeared down the corridor, on a lawn chair, with a baseball cap, a foam finger on one hand, and a popcorn bucket in the other. He wore a typical summer outfit instead of a Starfleet uniform, with shorts, t-shirt, and a pair of sandals.

“You, of course! Though not for long.” he laughed again, at Foster’s obliviousness to a joke never told.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, “I’ve got a battle to win!”

“I came here to watch the fun. I’ve always enjoy watching your people squirm.”

Foster rolled her eyes, and scratched her head in puzzlement. The itch was worse, and there was a strange sensation on her scalp. Her eyes went wide as she pulled her gloved hand away. A clump of gold and red hair lay in her palm.

Before she could do anything else, a shot of pain went through her mouth. There were a few tinkling sounds from within, and she felt several loose objects with her tongue. She tossed away the hair, and spat into her palm.

“Ugh…?” she mumbled. Four white teeth, covered in red blood.

“You son of a bitch!” she screamed, diving toward him, but found herself falling to the deck.

She felt a deep heaving sensation, and vomited across the floor. She looked on in horror at the pile of organs lying amongst the bile.

Spasms suddenly took over, and she writhed about in pain. Somehow she retained enough cognitive faculties to look up and see a bit of popcorn fall a few centimeters in front of her face. Q’s feet lay beyond it.

With a foot, Q nudged her face upwards to the point where she could see his mocking-pouting face.

“What...are...you...doing?” she gasped, her voice distorted and barely understandable.

“Moi?” he asked, “Nothing at all. Why do humans always blame me?”

Foster growled, and tried to reach for his feet. A tentacle responded to her command. She managed to keep down what was left of her stomach.

“What’s happening…?” she garbled, feeling her jaw disintegrate.

He laughed once again, “Where’s the fun in telling you? I might give you a hint, if you ask nicely.”

A gargling sound replied.

“I’ll take that. One word, my dear Theropoda. Urquat.”

XXXXX

“Yaaahh!”

Applejack sat bolt upright, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What the hay was that?” she mumbled, “Somepony screamin’?”

There were several more screams. Coming from the barn.

Immediately, she leaped out of bed and kicked open her door; Big Mac was waiting outside his own room, blinking in the still-dim early morning light, but ready to follow her.

Applejack nodded once to him, and both moved down the steps, out the door, and rushed to the barn.

Big Mac flung the doors wide, and both immediately recoiled when they saw what was inside.

“What the hay is that?!” Applejack demanded, pointing to the tall figure standing over the spot where Melissa had been sleeping.

It was a little bit taller than the human, almost as tall as Andrew, but more slender, with thinner limbs and a denser upper body. Bony protrusions stuck out from the back of the knees, and most of the body appeared to be covered with metal/bone plates, in particular the face. A pair of mandibles were attached to the sides of the jaws, within which large carnivorous teeth were hidden. Two toes bearing sharp claws struck out on each of the long feet, and as the creature turned towards them, Applejack realized that the three long fingers bore equally-fierce claws. Oddly enough, it seemed to be having trouble standing, the legs were constantly twitching and tensed up.

The two eyes, oddly shaped and more forward-facing, were filled with what seemed to be panic instead of predatory rage.

As the earth ponies approached, it yelped in fright, and held out its claws in fear, babbling incoherently. In surprise at the noise, it grabbed at its throat, the mandibles swaying clumsily back and forth as it continued to spout nonsense.

One of the more bizarre things was that it was wearing Melissa’s clothing. Jacket, pants, t-shirt, and all. Stretched in wrong places, but it all seemed to fit. I wonder…

She held her brother back, “Wait a second. Is that you in there, Melissa?”

The creature that might have been Melissa looked up, and tried to put a hand to her ear. Her hand passed through empty air, and she slapped both palms against the spot her ears should have been, feeling for something that wasn’t there. She whimpered, and looked pleadingly at Applejack.

There wasn’t much doubt; this was a fairly normal reaction to an unexpected shapeshift. She also still moved in roughly the same manner.

Melissa tried to take a step forward, but still wobbly on her disfigured feet, instantly fell flat on her face.

“Easy there, sugarcube,” Applejack said, rushing to her side, “We’ll figure out what happened.”

Melissa shook off Applejack’s hoof for a moment, and with a long alien finger drew slowly in the dirt, “CAN’T UNDERSTAND/SPEAK HELP ME!”

Applejack nodded, then replied slowly and carefully, “Yes! We...will. Just...stay...calm…!”

Melissa shook her head, gesturing to the odd holes where her ears should have been.

Applejack knew there was no getting any sense out of the human. She stuck a hoof under Melissa’s arm, and motioned for Big Mac to take the other, “We gotta get her to Twilight!”

They dragged her over to the wagon, with AJ depositing her inside, and Big Mcintosh strapping himself in.

When Applejack tried to get out, Melissa wouldn’t let go of her hoof.

“Hon, I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go…” but the human still wouldn’t let go. Her fingers clung tightly to something familiar.

With a sigh, but a comforting smile, Applejack pounded the cart twice, “You’ve got this, Big Mac! Don’t stop for anything!”

Her brother nodded, a determined expression on his face.

As they rode, Melissa seemed to calm down a little, but continued to examine the strange changes that had befallen her. She flexed her much-reduced toes, fingers, stared in fascination at the spurs on the backs of her knees, before becoming curious in finding out how her mouth worked.

She stuck out her tongue, feeling it before reaching in and wincing at the changes in her teeth.The mandibles that made up her cheeks flexed clumsily, but they seemed to be falling under her control.

Eventually, she tried to speak. “A-E-I-O-U…”

Her voice was strange, polyphonic. Like two of her were speaking at the same time.

“What are you doing?” Applejack asked.

The human held up a finger, and continued mumbling, “A-’E’-C-D-E-’Eh’-G-H-I-J-K-L-’En’-N-O-’E’-Q-R-S-T-’Eu’-’E’-W-X-Y...an’ Z.”

She groaned, “‘rak...My lifs ‘eel like they’re ‘ade o’ detached whale ‘lu’er!”

Applejack blinked, “What?”

“What?” Melissa asked.

“Ah said, ‘what did you say’!”

Melissa shook her head, “I can’t understand yu!” she gestured to her odd ears. Abruptly she grabbed Applejack by the collar, “Need ‘ey ‘edkit! Roadside e’ergency kit! The ‘ig red ‘ag at Rarity’s! ‘Ed ‘ag in the guest rung! Can...yu...get...it? Nod for ‘yes’!”

Applejack nodded, “If you think it’ll help.” she leapt out of the vehicle, and trotted up alongside her brother, “Big Mac, take her right to Twilight’s. I gotta go and grab somethin’ of hers. Can you explain what happened?”

He nodded for half a second...then shook his head. “Nope.”

AJ shrugged, “Neither can I.”

XXXXX

“Big Mac? What are you doing here?” Andrew asked of the large stallion on the front porch, “I told you before, apple deliveries go to Rarity’s place.”

The red pony shook his head, and gestured wildly to the cart he was dragging.

“What--Jesus Christ!” Andrew yelped, and desperately tried to pull out a knife in panic.

The metallic creature that sat up out of the cart rolled its eyes, “Godden it, yu ‘ucking idiot, it’s ‘e! ‘Elissa!” she tugged at her jacket, and tapped the N7 logo. With that, she stalked towards him, stumbling slightly as she went, and seized his collar, “Where de hell es Twilight?!”

A blast of energy sent Melissa flying several meters, as Twilight quickly galloped outside. “Andrew, are you okay?” she asked, her horn glowing, “What is that thing?”

Melissa moaned, and attempted to get to her feet, falling again. “‘Hut the hell thus that thor?” she demanded, and held out the edge of her jacket again, “It’s dust ‘ee ‘oo idioths!”

Twilight went to stand protectively in front of Andrew, “Why does that creature have Melissa’s jacket?”

Melissa roared with frustration, then calmed herself with great effort, With equally great effort she managed to get her mandibles together to form a few syllables, “It’s...M-me...M-Melissa...What’s...ha--ha-pp-ened to m-me?”

Her words were drawn out, slow and deliberate, occasionally hard to understand. She took another step forward, and fell flat on her face.

After a moment’s hesitation, Twilight and Andrew rushed to Melissa’s side.

“Where were you last night?” Twilight asked, “Rarity said you didn’t come home!”

Melissa looked at Twilight, the plates that had replaced her eyebrows furrowed. She turned back toward Andrew, more coherent than ever, “What’d she say?”

Andrew blinked at her, “Didn’t you hear her?”

She shook her head, “I heard, didn’t understand a word.”

Twilight put on a look of concentration, “Melissa, can you hear me? Can you understand what I’m saying?”

Melissa shook her head, becoming more panicked by the minute, “I don’t know what you’re saying!”

In spite of the situation, Twilight chuckled a little, “Oh, that’s what’s wrong!”

“What is?” Andrew demanded, worried.

“The translation spell is acting up, that’s all.”

“The what?” he queried.

“What’d she say?” Melissa asked, her syllables becoming slightly more clear.

“She said the translation spell isn’t working!”

Melissa rolled her new eyes, “Oh my god, are they translator microbshs?” her ‘B’s’ were there this time, albeit slurred.

“That’s what I--” he blinked at her, “You’ve seen Farscape?” he suddenly nodded in realization, “Of course you have. Geek.”

“One o’ these days, Andrew, we’re gonna ha’ words. Can we get inside?”

Twilight hefted one of Melissa’s arms, “Yes, we need to find out what has happened.”

Minutes later, inside the library Melissa had a large steam-powered device hooked up to her head. It looked like a strainer bowl equipped with several blinking diodes, tied to a polygraph-like machine with a small steam engine attached.

She glanced around at the very unusual untidiness of the library, books tossed about and no little purple dragon.

Instead, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were there, in varying degrees of surprise.

Pinkie and Dash were growing red attempting to contain laughter. Rarity had been spending time fussing over her roommate, her words still indecipherable, while Fluttershy maintained her distance, but had a thoughtful look on her face.

Shaking her head, unable to be patient, Melissa called out, “Andrew! Mirror!”

Twilight garbled something at her, presumably reassuring. Complete gibberish. “Andrew! Where the hell are you?!”

He came back with a mirror that looked like it had been ripped off a wall. Twilight barked something disbelieving and angry at him, and he winced. Without a word, he handed the mirror to Melissa, and allowed Twilight to yell at him a few more times.

Ignoring them, Melissa tilted the mirror, but hesitated. Fear overwhelmed her.

What if it was a Hordika-type mutation, like in Bionicle? She dreaded the possibility that they might have only a limited amount of time before she could be cured. Looking at her talons only increased the anxiety, the Toa Metru had lost several digits as well.
She shuddered, thinking of what happened to Captain Archer, Lieutenant Reed, and Ensign Sato in Star Trek: Enterprise. Mutated beyond belief, their physiology completely changed to that of an extinct race, so badly mutated that they couldn’t even speak English anymore; they only had the urge to reclaim an ancient city, owned by the original species. Well, no urge to head to Urquat anytime soon…

She facepalmed, wincing as her claws skidded along smooth plates. What was she afraid of? It was her face, and didn’t feel that bad. Sure it felt all wrong, but nothing felt painful.

Melissa shook her head, and rotated the mirror.

That….wasn’t what she was expecting. She reached up with a talon to stroke the bone covering her face; the rigid parts were mixed in with brown-grey cartilage, that occupied the more flexible regions. The bone structure seemed to jut out slightly behind her on the back of her head, but was slightly blunted instead of jagged spikes. Most of the bone covered her forehead, jaw area, nose, cheekbones, and a handful of other areas.

With a sinking feeling mixed with curiosity, scientific interest, and fangirling, she examined her new frame again. It looked fairly strong, swift, and angular. Her two pair of toes tapped a couple times against the wooden floor, and she stared at one hand. She knew what she looked like now.

She rubbed her face; this was no longer an unknown affliction.

Right in the nick of time, Melissa heard an odd buzzing sound in her ear, and swatted at it, believing it to be a mosquito.

“Got it!” Twilight cried happily, “I had to figure out how to recast the translation spell.Melissa, can you understand me now?”

“Are you alright? What’s happened?” Rarity exclaimed.

“Yeah...I can hear you.” Melissa said tiredly, rubbing one of her eyes. Even her pupils were different…

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asked, worried further.

“Nothing much. I just realized nature decided to play a joke on me. A poisonous joke.”

“Poisonous…? You mean you got exposed to poison joke?” Twilight asked in horror, stepping forward in concern.

“I thought so…” Fluttershy muttered quietly.

“Huh?” Melissa grunted inquisitively.

“I didn’t mention it earlier, but you’re right. Look at the mud on your jacket. It’s the same type as that in the Everfree Forest. That, Rainbow and Pinkie’s reaction, and...” she moved forward, and pulled something off of Melissa’s back. It was a bright blue flower, though it did not glow anymore after a night underneath a sleeping human, “...this clue, are proof of that.”

Melissa gingerly took the remains of the flower, “Wow. Thanks, Fluttershy…” she immediately pulled out her phone and took a picture.

Rarity took one of Melissa's hands, peering at it intently, “But what was the joke?” she asked.

“Who cares?” Rainbow squeaked, giggling before she could continue, “It’s freaking hilarious!”
With that, she and Pinkie were completely unable to contain themselves, and began to laugh hysterically.

Taking her hand back, Melissa glanced at Andrew, and asked over the din, “You ever played Mass Effect?”

“No...though I have seen a few videos...why?”

Melissa rolled her eyes, and pulled out her phone. She brought up an image of the cover of the first Mass Effect game, and zoomed in on Garrus Vakarian.

As the other two squinted, Melissa pointed from her face, to Garrus, and back again.

Andrew blinked, opening and closing his mouth, “So...so…”

“Because of my waifu, I got turned into a Turian gal.”

This sent Rainbow and Pinkie into a fresh bout of laughter.

“I don’t know if he counts as a waifu--”

The death glares silenced him, and Twilight peered back at Melissa. She looked from the digital art to the human.

“So...who is that?”

“That’s Garrus Vakarian, Turian ex-cop-turned-vigilante-then-spec-ops-soldier. I romanced him in ME2 and 3, so I guess the Poison Joke wanted me to look more appealing to him or some other bullshit.”

Twilight was already making a list of terms to ask about later. “What can you tell me about what difficulties you are experiencing? Nausea? Headaches? I noticed that your voice seems to have developed something of a flanging sound.”

“Really? Great, now I’m self-conscious. No, I haven’t noticed any odd effects…” her eyes widened, “Hey, where did Applejack get off to? I really need the stuff in my bag.”

“Here ah am!” Applejack called out, bursting in through the door carrying a red bag in her teeth.

“Thank christ, give it here!”

Taking the bag, she put it on her lap, but after considering something for a moment, abruptly pulled out her multi-tool.

She flipped out a blade, and grimaced while she poked the tip of her finger.

“What are you doing?” Andrew demanded, sounding annoyed, reaching out to stop her as she squeezed the wound, and red blood began to seep out. The ponies looked on in horror,

Keeping Andrew away with the other hand, she wiped at the blood with her thumb, and sighed with relief.

“What are you doing?” he asked again, staring.

“I’ve never heard of poison joke affecting one’s judgement center…” Twilight murmured in fascination, scratching her chin as Melissa took an antiseptic wipe out of her kit.

“My thoughts exactly!” Rarity cried exasperatedly, “Darling, why would you do such a thing?”

“Guys, I’m fine, mentally for now at least. I just wanted to know if my blood was still red.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Applejack asked, “And do you have a skin problem or something? That knife is sharp! Strange to keep it in your bag?”

Melissa looked up at the orange mare with an incredulous expression, not looking down as she wiped off her blood, “It’s a tiny cut, you drama queens. What’s the big deal?”

“You cut yourself so easily with just a tiny knife…” Twilight observed, “Do you have the same skin condition Andrew does?”

“No...What skin condition?”

“Are all humans this fragile?” Rarity asked.

“What do you mean fragile?” Andrew asked.

“Such a strange species…” Twilight murmured, writing something down.

Melissa shrugged, “I needed to make sure my blood was red, because we have no idea how poison joke works. Any surgery or autopsy done on people afflicted by this? No?” she applied a band-aid, “So there’s no way to tell if my internal organs were changed as well as my appearance.”

“Okay, that’s gross, but why does it matter?” Andrew asked.

“Because, dipshit,” she continued, glaring at him, ”If my blood’s still red, that means the minerals in my body are still the same. Turian blood is blue. Hopefully, that means my digestive system has stayed the same, and only my appearance got screwed up.”

“What does that have to do with your blood?” Rarity asked.

“Turians have dextro-amino acids, which determines their blood type. In Mass Effect, they can’t eat anything from Earth, I don’t think. I’d need the web to be sure, but the point is, that’s not a problem at the moment! Freaking magic...” she felt her teeth, “‘New teeth. That’s weird.’ Well, least these things are still omnivore oriented, albeit a bit sharper.”
She sighed, now more annoyed than in panic over the loss of her humanity, “Where’s the cure for this stuff? I like Mass Effect and all, but I hate mutating.”

“You’ve done this before?” Andrew asked.

Twilight continued with her earlier questions. “Considering your avian appearance, I was wondering if you were feeling any unusual...ehm, attraction, to birds or…” Twilight grinned in a teasing manner, “To Spike?”

Melissa just gave her an expression of really? before glancing around, “Where is the little bugger? He was in here this morning…”

Her mandibles went slack, “Oh hell...the migration yesterday, that means today--”

“Dragon self-discovery quest. He went off to join the great migration.” Rainbow Dash explained, recovering enough from her laughing fit to put on a serious expression. “Which, by the way, what were we going to do about? Let him go off, alone?”

“What?” The female human demanded, “Aren’t you going after him?”

“Of course we are!...Right Twilight?” Rarity asked.

She smiled, “Leaving him alone was never part of my plan. He’s got do what he’s going to do, but we’re not about to leave him undefended.”

“How?” Andrew asked.

“Oh, oo, oo!” Pinkie Pie cried, raising a hoof, “We get our own dragon!”

“From where...Oh.”

There were several affirmative agreements from the rest of the room, all staring at Melissa.

Instead of resisting, she simply threw up her taloned hands, “Well...Shit. Okay. I’m the only one who can?”

“Yes, with a bit of work you would look like a short female dragon…” Rarity confirmed, “A costume for the rest of us wouldn’t work too well.”

“Why just send Melissa?” Rainbow suggested, “Two heads are better than one!” Eyes turned towards Andrew.

“Nope! I told you earlier, sometimes a dragon’s gotta do what a dragon’s--”

“Cthulhu’s left testicle, you are a dick!” Melissa growled, “What the hell is wrong with you? He’s just a kid!”

“Yeah...but...but...”

Standing up, she advanced on him. Andrew realized that her height had increased. From a head below him to almost eye level. And those claws... “You unbelievable bastard! You ever read a fantasy novel?! Aside from Smrgol, Toothless, Sir Isaac Newton, and Spike, I don’t think there are any dragons that are that nice!”

“Sir Isaac Newton?” Andrew asked, confused, but was silenced by Melissa's glare.

“I agree!” Rarity said, “We need as many ponies--people, sorry, as we can get to help!”

“If you don’t,” Melissa warned, continuing to advance, and raising her arms in anticipation of assaulting him, “I’m gonna reach down your throat and--”

Whatever she was going to say next was lost, as Rainbow tackled her from behind, grabbing her around the neck. The human/Turian tottered for a moment, her arms spinning around and around, while Applejack jumped in and began pulling on Dash. Pinkie and Rarity joined in the fray, and brought Melissa down to the floor with a crash. They each grabbed a limb, trying to stay out of the way of Melissa’s flailing claws.

“C’mon, Andrew!” Twilight urged, “He’ll need our help!”

“Excuse me…” Fluttershy tried to interrupt.

“Look, I am sorry. I don’t mean--”

“...to be a heartless bastard!” Melissa managed to gasp out before Rainbow got her in a headlock.

“...No, to be a huge jerk, but these are dragons we’re talking about!”

“Hello?” Fluttershy tried again.

“Oh, grow some balls you fuck!”

“Listen to me!” Fluttershy roared, silencing and shocking everypony, even Rainbow and Melissa who were busy fighting over the latter’s neck.

Satisfied that she had gotten their attention, she continued, “We are not sending Andrew into a den of horrible, mean, nasty, meat-eating fire-breathing dragons!”

“What about me?!” Melissa demanded, but Fluttershy shot her a look of...surprise for some reason, before continuing “You just can’t send him, you just can’t!”

“We’ll be with him every step of the way, ready to intervene!” Twilight argued, and looked at Andrew with a pleading expression, “Please? I know you don’t want him to go alone anymore than I do. Even so, we don’t have any other choice!”

Grumbling, Andrew looked off to the side for a long moment. “...Fine.” he said finally, “But I swear to god, I had better not be going in purple!” he gestured to the plate armor he wore.

“Of course you won’t be going around in purple!” Rarity laughed, “Why, just purple would be absurd!”

Melissa was finally let up by the mob, and dusted herself off. “I need a few things too. Rarity, what’s the strongest and lightest material you have?”

“On short notice? Silk.”

“Damn,” Melissa turned to Twilight, “I need a map of where he’s likely going. Also, Applejack, I need a couple spools of rope. And a harness, big enough for me.”

“What are you planning?” Andrew asked with a groan, rubbing his forehead.

“If we’re going to be dragons, we’re gonna be dragons! Twilight, where was that book you had back in season 1--aah, that spell you put on Rarity during the whole Sonic Rainboom episode? I just need the spell modified a bit...”

“Okay, let me stop you right there.” Andrew grunted, “You, can get yourself killed, I, will go in on foot.”

“FIne, Barney the Dinosaur. Get eaten for not flying in.”

“Whatever, Big Bird. I’ll stay on my feet.”

XXXXX

Sighing, Andrew reached up to make sure the fins on his helmet were still intact. The neon-green fins.

“Double-dealing no good deceiving pony temptress…” he grumbled under his breath.

“Did not copy that last, over.” came Twilight’s static-washed voice in his helmet, through a primitive makeshift headset. She, along with Rarity and Rainbow Dash were safely away in a hot-air balloon, AKA the observation post, while he clung to the side of a particularly steep hill. Dressed in a suit of dragon-skin armor made up to look like a dragon, with details that included...neon-green fins.

Squeezing his collar, finding the ‘talk’ button on the radio strapped within, he replied, “Nothing, dear.” in a flat tone.

“Might want to leave that on once we get inside,” a voice said from above, “I’ve still got plenty of batteries for the radios at least. Long as Twilight doesn’t screw around with the one she’s got.”

Activating the mechanism hastily strapped to his armor that would leave the radio perpetually on, Andrew glanced up. Perched like the bird she so resembled, Melissa looked down at him with a Turian smirk on her face.

“Need any help there?” she asked, a pair of lizard-like wings extending out from behind her back and stretching, most likely showing off.

Melissa wore her turnout jacket, and several other layers of padding and a handful of dragon scales. A false tail stretched out behind her, disappearing beneath her jacket. While Andrew's face was already immersed with sweat, she seemed surprisingly comfortable. Her equipment had been designed to shed heat, after all. His scales did the same, but were also grown by a creature that was used to high temperatures, and could use the rest of its body and a full covering of scales to maintain homeostasis.

Like some portions of his armor and her turnout equipment, her face had been painted shades of green and purple. Tape had been applied to smooth out everything to conform to her body shape. Every measure had been taken to make her look like a dragon.

Including, at her insistence, functional wings. It used the same spell that had given Rarity a pair of butterfly wings, but the spell wasn’t restricted to that design. The caster could choose whatever style they wanted.
At the moment, they were dragon wings, and acted as though they had a mind of their own, twitching and stretching in the humidity.

“Uh...Yeah. Give me a hand?”

With surprisingly little effort, she pulled him up onto the ledge. Barely a few meters above them lay the lip of the semi-dormant volcano. Steam rose in a never-ending cloud from the crater.

Had there been no magic available, or no dragon scales, they would have succumbed to the fumes or the heat hours ago.

Gesturing at the top with her thumb, Melissa said, “This is where we part ways.”

“What? Why?”

“If I don’t draw attention from you, they might figure out your costume is a piece of shit.” she flapped her wings, and rose up a few meters.

A little shaky as she hovered, she chuckled nervously, then added, “...no offense.” before increasing her altitude.

Andrew’s grumbling form reduced in size as she ascended.

As she gained altitude, Melissa spoke over the wind into her collar, seemingly in gibberish, “Na-as-tso-si Chuo to Ah-na-ghai. Initial insertion ut-zah. Deh-na-as-tso-si is in position. Preparing next phase. Am bi-chi-oh-dah next a-kwe-eh.”

“Hold on...hold on…” came Twilight’s reply,

“Elder God's above, he’s in and I’m going to do the next thing!” Melissa shouted, “Didn’t you write this down?! Or did you already have it when you went through my car!?”

“I did! Didn’t! Agh!”

“She did, Melissa.” Rarity’s voice replaced the other unicorn’s, “We copy your last transmission.”

“Roger that. Na-as-tso-si Chuo out.” Let’s see those dicks back home mock me for memorizing the Navajo codes now!

She knew morse, too.

As she continued to rise in altitude, Melissa heard something crackle on her radio. First, it sounded like a transmission from the observation post, but wasn’t directed at her. Even with her earbuds duct-taped to the holes functioning as ears in her head, it was hard to hear over the wind. Cranking up the volume, she heard Rainbow say, “He’s run into bullies? Kick their tails!”

“Chuo to tse-nill Klesh. Klesh, what’s happening?”

There was no response. Soon however, there was distant yelling, then, “...else want to crack jokes about dragons from Ponyville?”

Soon she heard, “I’m Smaug. Smaug the Dragon. Spike is my little brother.”

Melissa sighed, finally he cares, at the worst possible time.

“Chuo to Klesh. Ba-has-teh. Klesh, you were supposed to wait until I got there.”

“Klesh to Chuo,” he whispered back, “They were about to beat the crap out of him! What was I supposed to do?”

“Wait for further orders.” she replied, as she scanned the distant ground for the party of dragons, “Be advised- Ni-jol-lih Chuo bi-chi-ol-dah.”

“What?”

Melissa ignored the demand, as she leaned forward, and folded her wings back.

Aside from the wind, it was eerily quiet without her wings flapping. Well, it was actually really loud, but that wasn’t the point. Normally there was something, a radio crackling, music pounding, the roar of the passing plane’s engines…

“Shit.” she said, completely inaudible over the wind, as she realized the ground was closing faster than anticipated, Must be the Turian body, can fall faster without as much drag...

Her hand strayed to the cord hidden under the flap of her outfit, but didn’t pull. Instead, she angled herself to go into the spread eagle position. Instantly, her speed dropped noticeably, though it didn’t have the effect she wished it had.

“C’mon, c’mon…” her wings, under mental control rather than muscles, fought against the gusts of wind billowing around them.

Melissa was getting anxiously close to the ground, she could see a dozen pairs of large eyes gazing up at her from the center of the volcano.

Miraculously, the flimsy magic wings managed to get her speed under control, and flapped desperately at an almost-hummingbird speed.

She bent her knees slightly, tucked in her chin, and linked her hands behind her neck with her elbows packed in.

She was almost stopped on her own when she hit the ground.

Melissa awoke to find several strange faces gazing down at her.

“Ugh…” was all she could get out, and the dragons around her all breathed sighs of relief.

“I thought he was dead!” a red one said, “Ha, what an idiot. Who stops flapping that high off the ground?”

“Hey, he’s got the same scales as Spike and Smaug!” another pointed out, “Did you three come here for a family reunion or something?”

“Outta the way!” a familiar voice growled, “Don’t even think about touching my cousin!”

“She’s your cousin, Smaug?”

“She’s a she?!”

A rather shoddy-looking dragon pushed through the small crowd, leaning down to look the dazed Melissa in the eyes.
“Hey, cousin! Wake up! You alright?”

Melissa nodded, and got in on the act. “Oh, get off of me, Smaug!” she said angrily, scrambling to her feet.

She dusted herself off, and flexed the wings experimentally. They seemed to work, and she turned to glared at the rest of the dragons, “What are you lookin’ at?!”

There were a series of “oohs” from the group, and the red one smirked, “Brought your whole family, did you Spike? Needed a girl to help you out?” he mocked, fixing his eyes on Spike.

A clawed arm grabbed the red dragon’s shoulder and spun him around. The dragon, Garble, found himself staring down into the girl's eyes, “Look punk, if you’re going to insult someone, pick on someone your own size.”

Garble blinked in surprise. He had to look down to talk to this...girl, “Whaddya mean, ‘my own size’?” he asked, pushing her a bit. “You three are all a bunch of runts! And you’re a girl! We won’t accept--”

She slammed a foot into the space between his legs, then clocked him with a left hook in the side of the face when he doubled over in pain.
Garble collapsed onto his side, and Melissa easily climbed up and sat on him, deliberately stepping on his hand.

She glanced around at the shocked faces, and winced internally at Spike’s glare. “What’s the matter? Haven’t seen a woman since the moment y’all popped out of your mother? My name’s Saphira, by the way. Don’t mess with me.”

“Got that, Garble?” she demanded, leaning over and driving her elbow into his skull.

“Yeah...yeah, I got it I got it I got it ow ow ow ow!”

“Good boy!” she smirked, and jumped off, landing on the same hand as before.

Now a few members of the gang came forward to help up their leader, but he shoved them aside.
“Guess we can fit one more in the group…” he grumbled, “C’mon guys.”

With that, the majority of the group left, leaving Andrew, Melissa, and Spike to hash out some things.

“Nice entrance.” Andrew said, “Anything else to try and screw this up?”

“Go fuck yourself, I nearly...” she grabbed her stomach, “...I just fell what I can only guess is several hundred meters.”

Their argument might have gone on further, had Spike not cleared his throat.

“Who’s she?” He asked, “I thought it was just Andrew babysitting me.”

“It’s me, Melissa.” She explained, “stumbled into a ton of poison joke.”

“Ha! Nice move!”

“Hey, you’re one to judge! Hanging around with those assholes?” she gestured, “That’s just about the dumbest thing you could do.”

“How would you feel if you had never known your people?” Spike demanded rudely.

“Well, for one, I wouldn’t go around asking the dumbest type of people on the planet!” she exhaled, realizing that her rage was boiling again.

She moved forward, and went on one knee down to his level. “Spike, I know you’re having issues. You want to find your people. But these guys, they’re not good people. They’re the farthest from.” she put a hand on his shoulder, “Why don’t you go and make friends with some other dragons?”

Angrily, he shoved off the hand, “Stop that. You’re not Twilight. Look around! Do you see any other dragons my age?”

“Okay, that was stupid--”

“How does a bird learn how to act?” Spike demanded, “It learns from its nest-mates and its mother! But guess what? I never had either of those things! All I had were a bunch of ponies who thought dragons were the single greatest threat to their way of life!”

“Spike, what’s the matter with you?” Andrew asked in shock, “I’ve never seen you like this!”

“Stay out of this!” the other two roared at him, before Melissa said, “The older dragons would know more about the culture, though--”

Spike cut her off again, “These ‘assholes’, are the only window to my heritage! Last time I met an adult dragon, he tried to squash me! There’s nothing else I can do!”

“What about a library or something?” she demanded, “You could have taken a trip somewhere--”

“Into the heart of the Drakantos Empire?” he asked, “You can’t learn everything from a book, and they don’t take kindly to foreigners! They still remember the Sorventh Wars!”

“The what?”

Spike growled, “See!? You don’t know anything about dragons! And I know only pony history! Who are we to judge?”

“Spike, can’t you see these guys are huge jerks?” there was a well-timed splash signaling one of the teens being pushed into a lava pool, “You don’t want to be around these guys.”

“Gee, I didn’t know that!” he said sarcastically, “Duh, of course they’re jerks! But that might be because of my inexperience with the culture! In pony and human culture this might be rude, but it’s normal to them! How do you know dragon culture isn’t better than yours?!”

Andrew tried to cut in, “Look, Spike, she’s not saying our way is better, it’s just hard for us to accept. See, Melissa, our cultures are different in what things are acceptable.”

“I understand cultural relativism, but that doesn’t automatically mean the other culture’s ways are okay,” Melissa countered, “Slavery may have been okay in the time of the Roman Empire, but it’s objectively a human rights’ violation! There are things that are simply wrong, even if the cultural itself accepts it!”

“So we should just abandon centuries of tradition based on what you don’t like?” Spike asked, “We should all model ourselves on the humans, right?”

Melissa opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. She exhaled again, “Okay. I apologize.”

“What?” Spike and Andrew asked in unison.

“I’m sorry. That was very arrogant of me, and I apologize. I am being ethnocentric.”

“Are you feeling alright? Maybe it’s the heat…”

“Andrew, shut up. I’m fine.” Melissa grunted, “Spike, you have the right to experience another culture if you want to, even more so given your heritage. Go on and do whatever.”

Spike looked from the group of dragons, then back at Melissa. “Really?”

“Really really.”

Hesitantly, Spike moved away to follow the others.

Andrew groaned, “I can’t believe we’re doing this. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Melissa suddenly belched loudly, and leaned forward slightly, holding her stomach.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine...Really…” she heaved a little. “I just rose to a few hundred meters, then fell the rest of the way, and it’s really hot. I think I might be dehydrated or motion-sick.”

She sat down on a rock, and pulled out a small tube from her collar, slurping water from it. With some of Rarity’s help, they had been able to create several hydration packs and hid them in the costumes, providing coolant in addition to hydration.

“You feel like you’re gonna throw up?” Andrew asked.

“I’m fine...just let me sit here for a second…” she dry-heaved again.

They heard Garble call out, “Hey, fire belching contest!”

“God, don’t say belch…” Melissa stood up and pulled Andrew with her, “C’mon. We gotta keep up.”

They took up a position on the edge of the group near Spike, watching the other dragons try and outdo each other’s fiery breath.

Soon enough, Garble had apparently decided to bug them. He leered at the three, and asked, “you two want in on this?”

He looked at Melissa in particular, “How ‘bout you?”

Andrew replied instead, “No, but Spike probably does. Eh?”

Spike looked at Andrew, blinked a few times, before grinning, “All right!” he rushed forward.

“Ha! Putting your little bro through the wringer, huh Smaug?” Garble asked.

“Yeah, let’s just say I’m not feeling up to it.”

“What about your cousin?”

“She’s fine,” Melissa replied this time, smirking and hoping the nausea wasn’t betrayed, “Don’t need to show off to know who’s the best.”

“What, you too good for us, Saphira? Rich family or something making you too good for us commoners?”

“Yeah, I am too good for you.” Melissa responded, crossing her arms, “Not because of my family, but because it’s a fact.”

“Well then, prove it!”

She raised her fists again, and the larger creature flinched, protecting his groin, “‘I don’t need to make claims,’” Melissa punched him in the stomach this time, “‘I know how good I am.’ I’ll pass on the contest.”

Garble moaned, and managed to sit up, glaring at Andrew who stood there with his arms crossed. “What’re you lookin’ at, Smaug?”

“Might want to leave her alone. I’ve seen her rip a guy’s arm off for stealing a snack.”

The red dragon didn’t listen, and watched Melissa leave, “Uh huh.”

He managed to get to his feet, making himself feel better by throwing out some abuse at Spike falling short of most dragon standards.

Melissa and Andrew stayed out of the various tests, despite Garble being utterly devoted to getting Melissa to join and hazing Spike.
He didn’t succeed in the former, but he did succeed in getting punched and kicked a few more times.

Unfortunately, he was able to satisfy himself with tormenting Spike. Tail wrestling, king of the hill, the little dragon was barely able to put up a fight. Flung across the crater by a dragon ten times his size with his tail, and his small size made it impossible to win king of the hill. It was a miracle he hadn’t broken any bones.

Then there was the worst part; lava diving.

They all assembled on top of the cliff, with the dragons each making an attempt to create a bigger splash. Quickly, only Spike, and the two humans were.

“Too good even for this, you two?” Garble jeered.

“As I recall, you’re the only one who likes swimming in lava!” Andrew countered, earning laughter from the rest of the crew, and growling from their leader.

“I shoved him in a pool earlier.” Andrew explained.

Garble spotted Spike again, who looked nervous as he peered over the edge, “What’s wrong, Spike? This stuff too hot for your little pony fur?”

“I could push you.” Melissa offered, a little too loudly.

“Yeah, maybe you need her to help you swim too!” Garble latched onto the offer.

Spike shot a glare at her, and without hesitation took a running jump off the cliff.

Andrew followed Spike down with his eyes, “Ooh, that’s gotta--” they could hear the clap echo through the crater as Spike slammed into the pool of lava in a belly flop, “...hurt.”

This time, the dragons had no jeers, all wincing and groaning in empathy as Spike floated on the surface for a moment, twitching.

“Was I that bad?” he asked, raising his head.

“No...dude, that was awesome! No pony could have survived that! You’re one tough little dragon!”

As the congratulations went around, Melissa and Andrew gave one another a smile. She activated her radio, “Chuo to Ah-na-ghai. Ba-has-teh. Mission ut-zah. Dibeh has been accepted by the gini.”

“Copy that.” Twilight replied calmly.

“I knew he could do it!” Rarity said.

“Does that mean they’re finished? We can pull Andrew out now...and Melissa, right?” Fluttershy asked.

“Impossible.” Melissa curtly replied, “Cannot extract at present.”

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“Are you absolutely sure, because it’s quite dangerous--”

“I’m sure. I know you want Andrew back for whatever reason, but I need him, and we cannot extract. If we left now, we’d most likely end up dead.”

“when might it be possible to...dah-de-yah?” Twilight asked.

“Unknown. Will keep you posted. Over and out.”

“But surely he could slip away unnoticed--” Fluttershy interjected.

“Fluttershy--” Twilight started, and they continued passive-aggressively sniping at one another.

Eventually, Rarity came over the radio again, “Copy your last. Tell Andrew he needs to deal with this soon, by the way.”

“Okay... over and out.”

“What was that about?” Melissa asked Andrew.

“Nothing. One problem at a time. Let’s go and congratulate Spike.”

XXXXX

As night fell, they had gathered around a pile of precious gems and a fire pit.

“Alright everybody,” Garble announced, “Scary story time!”

Melissa grinned at this. Precious intel was about to be gained about the world, from another point of view.

“Which ones are we going to tell tonight?” One of Garble’s friends inquired, a little weasly dragon not much larger than Spike, but unlike the little purple dragon, possessed wings, “Huh, Garble, huh? Metal ponies? The scale-less dragons? The Disappearance of Sorventh?”

Garble raised a fist to silence the little suck-up, “Nah, that’s stupid. I’ve got a much better idea, The Fall of Sorventh!”

Obviously a synonym for the little one’s suggestion, but he didn’t complain.

“Years ago, our great leader, Sorventh...” as soon as Garble began, the other dragons all gasped reverently, “Had been cast down by the four-legs during the war.” a few eyes glanced at Spike. They guessed that was some sort of slur for ponies.

“The winners didn’t kill him or anything, all they did was send him to some island, plenty of comfort but only a few guards. His loyal followers busted him out, and he gathered an army from the islands, including my grandfather. He was headed out to go reclaim the empire, and take back Pyre.”

Melissa tapped Spike on the shoulder at that, and he hissed, “Capital city of the Dragon Nation.”

“On their way, they encountered a foe. It looked like a ship at first, but when they got closer they realized it was a sea monster. It was massive, standing high out of the water, with a dozen eyes, and a towering spike on top of its head. No teeth, no claws. It was bleeding, and wasn’t moving. Great meal, right?”

Melissa coughed slightly, to hide the clicks of her radio, and the clack of the perpetual radio mechanism. She ignored the inquiries of the observation post, the double click was a signal to listen and they presumed the worst.

“They attacked...but couldn’t hurt it. They attacked anything vulnerable, but they couldn’t hurt it. Its hide was like iron. Nothing could hurt it, it didn’t even react. My grandfather had a great idea though, go for the eyes.”

“Yeah, that should’ve worked, right?” one of Garble’s friends asked.

“Or did it? He hit one of its eyes, and it flinched.”

“Then what?”

Garble gave a predatory grin, “The army disappeared.”

There was a collective gasp. “What?” several asked.

“It just...vanished. My grandfather was watching the serpent at the time, but something, a massive force, knocked him out of the sky. He fell under the water, and saw a bunch of flashes from underwater. When he came up, they were all gone.”

“Just...gone?” Melissa asked, moving into the firelight.

He leered at her again, “Yeah, just vanished into thin air. Sorventh was gone, his army was gone. Everything just disappeared, except the serpent. It turned, and swam away from my grandfather. It threw up a wake like a ship, but moved faster than any ship ever. He couldn’t fly, and had to swim back to shore. They found him and a few others weeks later, washed up on shore with wings shredded, and shrapnel all over the place, barely alive.”

A hush fell on the teens...Until Melissa snorted, “Pff, that’s not scary at all! The flash could’ve been anything! Could’ve been exploding shell!”

“Oh really? What’s your idea of a scary story, then?”

“Ah, I don’t want to make you piss yourselves. Besides, that didn’t sound like your scariest, what’s your best one?”

Appealing to the frat-boy wannabe’s ego worked like a charm. However... “You can hear better from my rock, Saphira, wanna sit with me?”

“Not even gonna stand near you, smoke-breath. Go on before I break one of your claws off and hang it around my neck.”

This time, it didn’t discourage him oddly enough. His grin grew broader, but he threw up his hands, “Alright! I give up!”

Melissa slunk back into the shadows as Garble began a different tale.

“This one’s my best…” he grinned, “It’s about...humans.”

There was a collective gasp once again. Spike played along with the others, “Huh?”

Andrew locked eyes with Melissa, both trying to keep their expressions under control. Melissa had guessed that they hadn’t been the first transfers, but to hear confirmation…

“Those things...uh...they can’t be real, can they Garble?” the suck-up trembled as he spoke.

“Oh, they’re real. Real as you or me,” Garble’s voice dropped into a sinister tone, “Cold-blooded killers, monstrous things with no mercy. Monsters of a whole other world, that have rended the flesh of countless dragons, long ago. Humans are your worst nightmare.”

The infiltration party was transfixed, for the first time listening to every word Garble said.

“They can kill dragons with just a stare!” One of the red dragon’s friends commented, trying to add to the story, but only receiving a smack on the head as thanks.

“You idiot! They kill people with wands.”

“Wands?” Andrew blurted, but received no odd looks. They were all hypnotized.

“They look like great branches of steel that spew hellfire and metal, easily breaking through our scales and wiping us from the sky.”

The three glanced at each other. So far, everything seemed spot on.

“Those sound like guns,” Melissa pointed out, “Why are theirs so much more impressive?” she recalled that even the dragon military, with their natural abilities, still used cannon and muskets.

“They’re not just guns. There’s no smoke, no flame, and they can fire much faster than anything we’ve ever made. They’re black as night, as light as a feather, and just one can kill as many dragons as an entire company of riflemen could kill.
Humans don’t look like much. They’re these little pink things, like monkeys but with only hair on their heads. On their faces they have fur that hide them like masks of shadow, and have tiny, grotesque ears on the side of their heads. They wear clothing over their entire bodies, sometimes cloth, metal, or even dragon scales,” his voice grew menacing, “They shatter your teeth if you try and bite them. They can see you, watch you anywhere, their eyes glow green in the night, in which they can see as clear as day. They move in shadows, blending in with any environment.”

“What about in the light?” One of the dragons asked. Melissa decided to make her move, when in rome…

“In the light, they’re even worse. They’re strengthened by the light.” she said, swatting off Andrew’s hand, moving to the fire pit and lifting her wings to appear more menacing.

“You’re probably thinking that even with their weapons, you could take one down fast enough, right? Try to imagine catching one in the middle of the forest. You get your first look at one of those little pink things, and wonder what could possibly be so threatening about them? He moves low, scanning the area with his magic firearm. You stay still, maybe he won’t spot you, and you prepare to pounce. But as you stare at him, he stares right back. That’s when the attack comes...not from the front, but from side,” she brought her index fingers together, and clapped them once dramatically, “from the other two humans...you didn’t even know were there.”

She walked past one random dragon, before suddenly getting into his face, “Because they’re pack hunters you see. Even when separated, they can contact one another over great distances. They use coordinated attack patterns and they are out in force today. Then they hit you with their firearms, like this,” Melissa slammed her fist into the teen’s gut, making him fall to the side, coughing, as she turned to the rest of the group, “...Only a thousand times worse. They don’t bother to just kill you like a sword or a musket, oh no…from 200 meters they hit you here,” she pointed to one dragon’s upper chest, “or here,” she pointed to another area on a different dragon, “Or maybe just in the belly, letting your blood spill out for all to see. They make small holes, but massive exit wounds. Then they’ll come over, watching you bleed...and cook you alive.”

Garble, still grinning but with the smile not quite reaching his face, nodded, “Yeah, all of that. They eat anything at all to survive, anything. Plants, fish, bears, pigs, cows, or our brethren. They’ll even take away your mama’s eggs, and cook ‘em up for breakfast.”

“We could sneak up on them on the ground, right?” Another dragon scoffed, “No one expects a dragon to walk, then we spring up and eat em!”

Melissa laughed, a long mocking laugh. “They might be small, but they certainly are smart enough to see that coming. They know how to fight anyone and anything, they’ll see what you’re doing before you even think of it. They are terrifyingly good warriors. Before they invented their wands on their distant home, they had already conquered their world. Exterminated the monsters before they had found any magic at all. That’s how they invented their magic in fact. Without any outside monsters, they had to face their own, and find better ways of destroying one another.”

For a moment, the fear lessened as they blankly stared at her.

“They fought each other. For years. For centuries. For millennium. How many in a fight? They fought by the dozens. Hundreds. Thousands. Millions.”

As the dragons gasped or scoffed at the numbers, Melissa picked up a burning stick poking out of the pit, and began waving it around dramatically, making lines of red in the air, “They fought for control of their world, empires rising and falling to one another...then things got nasty, when they found their magic.”

Garble nodded in agreement, “Really nasty.” was all he could say.

“They waged even bigger wars, fought in the air, on land, at sea, and under the sea. Crossing the oceans were ironclads invulnerable to anything but one another’s magical artillery. Under the sea were craft that could wipe out half the dragon navy in seconds and you’d never know it was there. On the ground they had land ironclads, that could wipe out scores of unprotected humans in only a few seconds.”

“We could still hide from them underwater though, right?” one dragon babbled, “Nothing can hold its breath as long as a dragon, and even those boats--”

“Didn’t you hear what she said?” Garble demanded, “Underwater vessels. Even without those, they have containers of air on their backs, with those they can hold their breath for longer than a dolphin. You cannot run…”

“...And you can’t hide. Those ships can stay down there for months, and find you based on the sounds of your joints creaking.” Melissa finished.

Garble continued, “You can’t even fly away. In the air they have flying chariots, made of steel and trailing fire hotter than any dragon’s fire.”

“They have massive carriers for these things, that stand over the horizon while the flying machines blast you to kingdom come, never even seeing you. And they were just getting started.”

More gasps, a few hugging their tails for comfort.

“Even in the burrows you can’t hide. They can poison the very air itself,” Garble added, “Clouds of noxious green that drift along the ground, not in the sky. The humans move through them easily, but anything else it touches dies. The few who don’t, will suffer further. Your eyes swell shut, you can’t breathe, your nose bleeds, your scales begins to itch and turn the wrong color, great welts spew yellow goop from under your scales, and everything burns worse than if you had touched the sun itself.”

“That can’t be true…” rippled some terrified murmurs.

Melissa scoffed, “He’s not exaggerating in the slightest. The worst part? That’s not even the worst of the stuff. Some of it’s invisible. Say you’re walking along one day, and smell something like musty hay. You can’t see it coming, once you smell it it’s too late. You’re in one of their special poisoned air clouds. In seconds you’re on the ground vomiting, your throat burning as your vision slowly breaks down, and you can’t breath as your lungs begin to collapse.” with a grim smile, she added, “...And they weren’t done yet. There was a much, much deadlier weapon they created, more powerful than anything you can imagine.”

“You see this?” she pointed to the end of her burning stick.

“Imagine that’s a city, bigger than Canterlot, bigger than anything you can imagine. A glistening city made of steel and glass, filled with millions of humans. A single one of these bombs this big,” she stretched her arms out to either side, “could wipe one out in the same time it took to do this.”
She dropped the stick, and stomped out the fire with one blow. The audience winced.

“When this bomb explodes, first it releases a flash brighter than the sun, if you’re looking directly at it you’d be permanently blinded. Then, as a mushroom cloud kilometers high begins to bloom, a shock wave goes through the air, knocking over anything standing and anything flying right out of the sky. It destroys everything, literally setting the air on fire in the process as it incinerates its target.”
Her grim expression was eerie as her eyes twinkled in the firelight, “If you’re unlucky enough to be close to the detonation site, they won’t find a body. You will have been burned away, leaving only your shadow burned into the ground behind you. Worse, the torment isn’t over. The survivors are covered in burns, and the intense heat can fuse clothing to flesh, or tear off scales. Then, a new kind of poison air comes, completely invisible. Yet now the poison’s not just in the air. It’s in the ground, it’s in the dust, it’s in the fires, it’s in the water…” she paused for dramatic effect, “It’s in you. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. It kills all that it touches. In fact, they have a rhyme for the effects.”

She paused dramatically, “‘Over the mountain, the ominous cloud, coming to cover the land in a shroud. Hide in a bushel, a basement, a cave, but when cloud comes a-huntin, no one's a-safe.’ After one of these weapons explodes, the poison crawls across the land, nothing can grow, nothing can survive. Except the cockroaches. Two of their largest countries, on the verge of war, built thousands of these weapons. Able to hit half a world away in twenty minutes. They had enough to wipe out the entire planet.”

“...Why?” Garble asked, looking terrified himself and clearly had no legends of nuclear weapons, “Why would they do that?”

“Why indeed. They kept these weapons pointed at each other for nearly fifty years, on a hair’s edge to firing. If they had, nothing would survive. The destruction of all their infrastructure, food, transportation, water, medicine, that would be bad enough. But the clouds would fill with the poison, killing many of those who survived the initial attacks, as well as all the plants and animals. The nations would no longer exist as the survivors broke down into fighting over remaining resources. As they would fight, all the dust thrown up by the blasts would blot out the sun, killing the remaining plants, and reduce temperatures. They called it nuclear winter. Everything would die, leaving only a world of ruins, dust, and silence. They could turn that power on us at any point they choose. Nothing can stand before them. Their destructive force and thirst for blood is unmatched by anything anywhere. There is no escape. They. Will. Kill you.”

For a brief moment, there was utter silence as her audience was stunned by sheer terror. Then she began to laugh.

Melissa continued to laugh as she walked slowly back to her seat.

“What were you thinking?” Andrew hissed immediately, seizing her, “What is wrong with you?”

“Where’d you get all that stuff?” Spike demanded as well.

“When in rome, dumbass,” she replied, flexing her claws menacingly to get him to release her, “Dudebros are all the same, it’s a pack structure. Gotta prove you’re alpha through intimidation. Beatings and scaring the piss out of ‘em works for that.”

“Alphas don’t exist! That was disproven by the same guy who made that theory!”

“Is now really the time?!”

They jumped apart when they realized Garble was approaching.

“There a problem between you two?” he asked.

“Mind your own business.” Andrew snarled.

Garble stepped back, but, noting Spike and Andrew’s expressions, decided on another course of action.

Garble grinned, “What? You two afraid of humans? Your cousin isn’t.”

“Of course we’re not scared...it-it’s just a fairy tale!” Spike said bravely, “How could anyone take that seriously?”

Garble smirked, “Better watch out…”

The other dragons all talked amongst themselves, and Melissa grinned slightly at how terrified they were...when a red wing draped across her shoulders.

Melissa slowly turned and glared at Garble, who stood there leering at her.

“Yeah?”

“Real nice story, Saphira. Thanks for the help. Bunch of scaredy-ponies, huh?”

She didn’t reply, continuing to glare at him.

“Y’know, I got some real nice gems tucked away somewhere. Want a few?”

Melissa was instinctively ready to say no, but hesitated. When in rome…

“Sure. I’ll get a few.”

His creepy smile grew, “Alright, let’s go!”

They went to an isolated ravine, only a few dozen meters from the group. Garble jumped down and grabbed a large rock, heaving it to the side.

Within a small cavity lay a glittering batch of precious gems. She couldn’t tell what type they were, but they looked like nothing she’d ever seen in person.

Picking out two of the better-looking ones, he handed one to her.

She barely had the chance to hide it and mime chewing before he turned back from hauling the rock back onto the cavity.

“How close are you and Smaug?” Garble asked casually.

“Not too close. Least not in the way you’re thinking. We’re cousins, idiot.”

“Oh, good.” biting off another piece of gem, he walked around the ravine, coming to rest beside her.

His wing fell on her shoulder again, and she glared at him once again.

“You mind telling me what that wing’s doing there?” she asked

“Saphira, I know I’m a bit rough with your other cousin, but he just needs to toughen up a bit. Harmless fun, y’know?”

“Take it off, or I’ll break it off.” said she, coolly, but inside shrieking in fear. Why oh why had she done this? She wasn’t thinking, she hadn’t been thinking...

“I’m not such a bad dragon, y’know.”

“I’m not doing this.” Melissa said, but the wing closed around her, drawing her closer to his jaws.

“Isn’t it lonely? Maybe...”

Garble’s attempt to make out with her ended with a barely-controlled scream. Melissa had grabbed one of his arms, and sank her claws into his wrist. “I said no. What part of that don’t you understand, you little shit?” she hissed, and wincing with revulsion, she grabbed his tongue with her other hand, yanking the bigger creature down to her level.

Unable to call out with much more of a gurgle, he tried to swipe at her with a claw. She merely raised her foot and put her full weight down on it.

“Don’t yell, or I’ll yank off your tongue. Do you understand?”

He nodded rapidly.

“Good. This is not acceptable behavior in society, fucktard.”

He gurgled again, and she squeezed tighter on his tongue. “No, no it’s not. Pressuring someone into making out or sleeping with you is not okay, and is never okay, get that through your thick head. When a girl says ‘no’, she means ‘no’. There is no such thing as ‘hard to get’.”

Garble tried to flap his wings, clearly not listening, but she released his wrist for a moment only to drag down one wing. She put her other foot on his wing and regained her hold on his wrist. He struggled again, only for her to headbutt him in the eye.

“You will not lure a girl like this ever again. You will not manipulate anyone ever again in the future. In the future, they will not be so kind or as foolish as me. They will kill you. You will only be able to sleep with a girl if she says ‘yes’ in those specific terms. Do you understand? Huh? You little bastard?”

He nodded rapidly, and she partly released him, keeping ahold of one of his wings and wrist.

“Now, what have you learned?”

“Ask...girls...out?” he gurgled hoarsely in fear, feeling his tongue for damage.

“Okay. Now, what’s to keep you from telling your gang that a girl did this?”

“Uh…”

She squeezed his wing, and grinned, feeling barely even any satisfaction in injuring this kid. A whimper escaped as she leaned in, “You wanna know the reason why I’m so scrawny, you skeezy-douchebag-fuck? Oh, I know that’s what you thought. Ugly too, probably. I know how I look. It’s obvious you wouldn’t buy my attempts to look normal. But the reason for why I look so weird? I’m related to humans.”

His eyes went wide, “W--what?”

“See, my family tree isn’t just dragon. A distant great grandmother of mine took a human husband. And you know what? They had an egg or two. Smaug and Spike’s parents married into the family only recently, so they don’t have the family resemblance. No clue why they’re so scrawny, but I know why I am. I don’t exactly remember what my abilities are…” her grin became more savage, and she dug her claws in further to his wrist, drawing dark blood and eliciting a low, shrill whimper, “but granny was real specific. I could remember at any moment...and accidentally murder any rotten little bastard who doesn’t know the first thing about how to act like a decent...being. If you tell anyone, I will know, if you even think of telling anyone, I will know. And I will come back, and we’ll try this again.”

She saw more fear than ever in his eyes, “ So, are you going to stay quiet, act normally, and keep my secret? And not try and assault any more innocent women like myself? Huh, you little shitheap?”

“Y-y-yes…!”

“Good boy. Now get out of here.”

Rapidly, Garble took off, and Melissa was close behind, making sure he was still on course.

He returned to his group, and immediately fell back into his normal routine, pushing the others around, and laughing.
No way she’s human, no way...Garble knew, she’s just some uppity girl who got the upper hand on me. Humans aren’t real anyway. Stupid…

Melissa landed near Andrew, while Spike was off with the other dragons.

“What happened?” Andrew asked, noting her trembling with adrenaline, “What were you doing?”

“I’m fine, nothing happened. Leave me alone.” Melissa growled.

“Okay, why are you pissed now?” Andrew demanded, “If something happened--”

Garble gathering the group together interrupted them, “Hey everyone, we’re gonna go on a phoenix raid!”

The dragons cheered, and took to the air, heading outside the crater. Spike was immediately picked up by another dragon, without his escorts’ approval. The humans shot a glance at one another, thinking of the implications, before Garble paused overhead, “Keep up if you can, Smaug!” he shot a glare at Melissa, before speeding off.

“Ah-na-ghai, this is Chuo. The dragons nabbed Spike, but I think we might have our opportunity to dah-de-yah. They’re headed...north-east. Na-na-o-nalth to the forest in that direction. If we can catch up, we might be able to slip away through the woods.”

“Copy that.” Twilight said over the concerns of her fellows, “Will rendezvous as quickly as possible.”
Melissa released her collar, and flapped her wings.

“I don’t think I can walk that far that fast,” Andrew said, “What--whoa!”

Melissa, without warning, had grabbed him by the arms, and lifted off, sluggishly, but rapidly.

“I am in no mood for your bullshit.” she grunted, “Let’s just do this and get back to Ponyville.”

“Melissa, what’s up with you?” Andrew asked, glancing up at her. The adrenaline had faded, but she kept blinking a lot.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think--”

“Want me to drop you? Shut the hell up then.”

Andrew opened his mouth, but soon relaxed. No use fighting with the pilot.

They flew at a lower altitude than the rest, but were still keeping up.

Andrew briefly thought back to his relationships. Melissa had missed quite a few of the arguments from the balloon, must’ve turned off her radio. The whole “situation” with Twilight and Fluttershy had to be resolved. It was only making things worse. He knew things weren’t going to be easy to fix. Even with all he’d been through with them, they were still so hard to read. Not like another human.

As he thought, he glanced up at Melissa. Concern filled him as he realized what was wrong with her. Without adrenaline, normal body-language had returned. He noted that she was still shaking, and her heart was beating so fast he could feel it through her hands. She kept blinking, quite a lot in fact.

He was about to ask what was wrong, when there was a gust of wind, a speeding object passing just over Melissa’s head…

Then, an instant later, they were falling.