Upon opening the door I was met by a mint green unicorn. Oh, hi Lyra. Said unicorn was wearing a tan trench-coat and a tan fedora. Okay apparently she was investigator Lyra today. Should I be worried?

The moment she laid her golden eyes on me she gave a grin that said Hi I'll be your stalker for today. The trench coat wasn't because she was investigating! It was a back alley creeper's trench coat! Shiiiiiiii..... Okay, calm down Eldritch, say something. I cleared my throat. "Good morning Lyra Heartstrings, can I help you?"

"Hiiii..." She said a little breathily, leaning forward a little. Her eyes kept glancing between my tentacles in a way that honestly made me uncomfortable. Lyra stahp it. My tentacles wriggled uncomfortably. It only caused her to grin a little more, and giggle, and blush.

Okay, E.H. You're an adult. You can act like an adult. I knelt down to her level. "Hello." I nodded at her. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh I hope so." She said with a half-pant. Her tail swished back and forth. Mm-mm! Nope! "I like your tentacles." She stared at one of them, reached out and stroked it.

NOPE!

Lightning jolted up my spine as I stiffened. My tentacle snapped back away from her in response. "Please don't do that."

Lyra giggled, grinned at me and got a glazed look in her eyes.

"Ummm, you okay?" I asked, honestly worried for my continued safety.

She blinked.

I blinked."Hello?"

She blinked stupidly.

Well this is getting worrying.... I reached out a face tentacle and poked the end of her muzzle. "Boop."

"Ahh!" She gasped and reared back onto her hind legs in surprise. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she went limp, collapsing onto the ground in a dead faint. Her legs twitched erratically for a moment before stilling. A happy grin and a blush adorned her now unconscious face. There was a scent in the air that I did 'not' want to think about.

"Dinky...." I called into the apartment. "Can you come here a sec?"

"Why?" Dinky called back.

"Because I think I broke Lyra?" I poked the mare with a finger and she shivered.

"Wait... Lyra? Oh... Oh no...." I did not like the tone she was using. "I'll be right there. Button, don't touch my game. Pip please make sure he doesn't touch my game."

"I promise nothing Dinks, it is Button Mash we're talking about here." Pip responded.

"Ugh... true." Dinky groaned. "Button can you NOT touch my game? Please...."

"Yeah sure." Button said while clearly not listening.

There was the sound of hooves and Dinky was beside me. I looked at her. She looked worried. If she was worried, I was worried. "Hey, how's it going?"

"Good, Button's probably stole my game and killed my hunter by now. Pip's reading D&D." Dinky sat on her haunches next to me and looked at the downed Lyra.

"I'm sorry." I patted her gently. I heard Button's frustrated whine from the living room. "So.... Lyra... What's the damage?"

"I should have seen this coming. She's always taken a... weird.. interest in Coltcraft. Like 'I write stories that are not meant for fillies, try to read them at our book clubs, and get chewed out by Vinyl and Derpy' kind of interest." Dinky shivered. "I may be twelve, and I may have interests that others think is weird, as well as a resistance to shocking things because Ponyville, but there are things that I just don't want to know about yet."

"So, you still want to stay somewhat innocent?" I asked.

"Yup." She nodded.

"Well good." I looked back down to Lyra. "I noticed her creeping in the bushes outside of Twilight's Library about the same time the boys came running up here. How the hell did she know I was even here? I admit that a black box showing up would get attention, but Lyra's appearance is just eerie."

"She says she's made a spell that detects Eldritch Horrors." Dinky shrugged. "She lives across town so I guess it works. So what happened exactly?"

"Well I opened the door." I began.

"Okay." Dinky nodded.

"Lyra was there."

"Obviously."

"She was being creepy. Made me need an adult."

"You are an adult." Dinky gave me a confused look.

"Another adult. To make me feel safe around that." I gestured at Lyra.

"Ah. Understandable. Please continue."

"I asked if I could help her, she only got creepier."

"As I'd expect she would."

"She blinked at me and didn't respond to anything I said."

"Kay."

"So I booped her on the nose, she gasped, reared back, then fainted." I shrugged.

"What did you boop her with?"

"Why's that matter?"

"Just answer the question."

"A tentacle."

"Oh... Yeah that would be why she fainted... She has a... thing... for tentacles..." Dinky shuddered.

"Ugh!" I shuddered, trying to mentally bleach my brain. "Urp!" My stomach recoiled violently.

"No vomiting!" Dinky said patting my back. "What are you going to do with her? You can't just leave her on the ground like this."

"I don't intend to." I reached down and picked her up. Upon doing so Lyra cuddled up to me.

"She may be creepy, and might now have an unhealthy obsession with you, but that's seriously cute." Dinky giggled then her face fell when I stood up and shut the door behind me. "Wait... where are you going?"

"I am putting her in my bed. She can sleep off... whatever it is she's feeling... I hope." I walked into the living room.

"Dad that's a terrible idea!" She cried.

"Oh I know it's a terrible idea, but I want to see where this goes." I chuckled, Internally berating myself for letting 'that' in my house.

Sighing Dinky followed. When she got to the living room she stared blankly at the T.V. Her hunter had just died to a villager. She facehooved. "Button..."

"This game is hard!" Button whined as he set down the controller with a pout.

"Then you should have listened to Dinky." Pip commented from his spot on the floor. He had the 5.0 Monster Manual, 5.0 Dungeon Master's Guide, Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide, Volo's Guide To Monsters, as well as the Player's Handbook open on the floor around him. He'd pulled a notebook down from my table somehow and it looked like he was making characters for 5.0. Hell yeah. Go Pip.

I chuckled as Dinky sat back down on the couch and telekinetically retrieved the controller. "Ugh... all that progress. I was going to buy all the upgraded armor at once."

"Sorry." Button said weakly, his ears pinning back in shame.

"I'll deal with you in a sec." I pointed a tentacle at Button, whose eyes widened in fear. Behind him Dinky grinned evilly. I moved into my room and pulled back the covers so I could set down Lyra. Said Lyra however did not want to let go. So after a minute or two of struggling with her to let go of a tentacle, I had her snuggled under the covers of my bed. I took her hat off and set it on the nightstand next to my bed. I chuckled. She looked cute like this. Almost made me forget she wanted to do terrible things to me. Almost...

Turning around I went back into the living room. Button looked up at me like I was a teacher and he'd just got in serious trouble. "You're doomed." Pip commented from his spot as he glanced between the pages for the 'Lizardfolk,' 'Monk' and 'Radiant Sun Monk.'

"Eh-hem." I cleared my throat and I straightened into a formal posture. "Button of House Mash." I intentionally deepened my voice. "Thou hast committed a grave Gamer Sin. One of the Cardinal Gamer Sins in fact. Thou hast willingly played another's Save File without their consent, and in so doing, killed their character and devastated their progress. Thy penance Button, shall be this. Thou wilt be unable to play any of my gaming systems unsupervised for one month. Additionally thou willest be unable to solo-play any of my games for one month. So sayeth Eldritch, the Nameless Gamer!" I pointed an ominous finger of Gaming Doom at the misfortunate colt.

"Eldritch, the Nameless Gamer?" Dinky raised a curious brow.

"The name is tentative. I may come up with another one." I admitted with a shrug.

Button raised his hooves to the sky. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"It's not 'that' bad a punishment." Pip commented while closing all the books one at a time, stacking them, placing the pad and pencil on top of them, and getting up to stretch.

"Yes! Yes it is!" Button whined.

"Well," I clapped my hands, "How about we go outside? It's a nice day out." I used a couple of tentacles to grab the controller to shut down the PS4 and the remote to shut off the T.V. simultaneously. I then set both on the arm of the couch.

Button simply slouched his way over to the front door.

"Dad... this is a bad idea." Dinky said flatly, yet she followed Button to the front door anyway.

"Ponies are going to freak out." Pip chuckled as he followed me into the kitchen.

"I agree on both points." I nodded, shrugging I lifted the basket of muffins with a tentacle. "Also it's not my fault if they're racists. Well, racists may be going a bit far. But the point still stands that all they see is Oh my Celestia it's a tentacled monster! Run away!" I intentionally pitched up my voice for the last bit. Thankfully I got a laugh out of all three.

"You gotta point." Pip admitted. "What're the muffins for?"

"Anti-Twilight precaution." I chuckled.

"What about Lyra? She's still in your bed?" Dinky asked looking back to my room with slight unease.

"I don't intend to be gone long. If there are problems we can always just go back in the apartment." I nodded. "Now I just gotta write a note for Ly-"

-pop-

A piece of paper popped into existence on the table next to the door.

"Wat." I blinked.

"Did you just spawn a piece of paper?" Button asked, clearly stunned.

"Yep." I stated.

"Well there are worse superpowers." Pip said looking thoughtful.

"True." I nodded picking it up. I blinked. "Huh."

"What?" Dinky asked curiously.

"There's writing on it." I stared down at the note.

"Dear Lyra Heartstrings;

If you are reading this Dinky, Pip, Button and myself are still out. You passed out at my doorstep, so I took you in and put you to bed. Feel free to make yourself at home, just don't do anything weird. I am an Eldritch Horror after all, and this is my home. I can't wait to meet you properly.

Eldritch, The Nameless Gamer

P.S. The name is tentative, until I think of a better or more fitting one.

P.P.S. Don't touch my stuff, especially my 70-inch plasma screen T.V.... with Netflix."

I blinked once again. "Huh. Cool. Instant Letter Powers." I set the letter back down on the table.

"You 'are' an Eldritch Horror." Dinky mentioned.

"Well... Yeah..." Not thinking about that too hard. "Meh, Ponyville awaits!"

I pulled open the door and striding outside with the three... foals? Young ponies? Kids? Kids. With the three kids following me. As we did the door shut behind us, which caused Button and Pip to jump. Dinky giggled at this. A thought struck me. I took a few steps away from the door, the kids following like ducklings, and spun around to face it. I pointed at it. "Lock." I heard the lock click in the door. "Woo Apartment Control Powers!" I whooped with my arms raised. Dinky facehooved.

"'That's' an apartment?! It's huge!" Button gasped.

"Well it's huge to you, it fits me just fine." I nodded.

"Your head brushes the ceiling." Dinky said flatly.

"Not the point." I turned around and pointed at her.

"So where are we going? You three know your way around here." I glanced between the three of them, who in turn looked thoughtful.

"We could go to Sugarcube Corner and get milkshakes." Button suggested. Dinky and Pip nodded.

I was about to say something when I noticed the library's front door open. "Children get behind me, looks like Twilight-" I was cut off as there was a rainbow blur from the door, then my vision filled with fluffy Cyan. I reflexively shut my eye, I knew the fuzz would make it itch. Something had latched onto my face and it was hitting me. I think... I could barely feel it. The kids yelp and I heard them scrabble behind me.

"What did you do to Twilight, squid-face?!" Came the voice of Rainbow Dash from somewhere above my face.

"My goodness it's horrid!" Hey... Rarity, uncalled for.

"What in tarnation?!" There's AJ.

"He's so purple!" and Pinkie.

That leaves Twilight and Fluttershy. Didn't know where Twilight was. I expected Fluttershy to- "EP!" There she was.

"Hey, dad.. you kinda got something on your face....." Dinky commented then burst into giggles. She was swiftly followed by the colts.

"Thanks... I noticed." I responded dryly.

"Fight back!" Rainbow yelled into my face.

"Nope. I'd rather you wait to tire yourself out." That only made the kids laugh harder.

"Don't worry RD Imma comin!" I heard the thunder of hoofbeats coming towards me. I sighed, stood there, and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I heard the skidding of hooves on dirt and felt a dull impact in my nether regions. I heard the kids and Twi's friends hiss in pain, minus Rainbow. She was still trying to beat the stuffing out of my bulbous head.

"You okay? That looked like it hurt." Button asked sounding concerned.

"Yep. I'm good thanks for asking." I chuckled, I held out a fist behind me. "Hey button, brofist." I felt a hoof on my knuckles. "Hell yeah, Pip?" Another hoof. "Dinky. Brofist." The final small hoof. "Woot!" Then I felt a fourth, much larger hoof. "Da Fu? Dinky who dat?"

"Hi" I heard Pinkie say from behind me.

"Oh hi, Pinkie Pie. How are you?" I continued to ignore the pegasus on my face. There was a thump in front of me and I heard AJ start laughing. This is good.

"I'm good mister tentacle monster guy. Hey can I have a muffin?" Pinkie asked.

"Ask Dinky, her mom made them." I responded. Both colts broke down. I am honestly having a hard time containing my own laughter.

"Dinky can I have a muffin?" Pinkie asked.

"G-go for i-it." I almost felt Dinky shrug through her giggles.

"Yay!" I felt the basket shift. "Mnomnomnom! Oh these are so good! Why are you holding a basket of muffins anyway?"

"Anti-Twilight precaution. I was planning to spear one on her horn." I shrugged with a chuckle. My stomach hurt from holding in my laughter. Stay chill dammit!

"Oh that would look amazing!" Pinkie cried with a gasp, I felt a shotgunning of crumbs erupting from her mouth as she spoke.

"Take this fight seriously!" Rainbow cried sounding infuriated.

"I'm trying to take this fight seriously," I stated, "and I'm failing, and I'm sorry for that. It's just that this Rainbow maned pegasus flew up to me, latched onto my face, and honestly believes she can deal damage to an Eldritch being as if it were a library window. How about you get Dritchy a cider?"

"Y-your head jiggles every time she hits y-you!" Pinkie guffawed.

"I-I know... hmmmmmm........ I can feel it." Composure... breaking... HOLD THE LINE!

"Excuse me. I hope I'm not interrupting something." A recognisable voice caused a gasp from the surrounding ponies. I felt Rainbow get tugged off my face. I opened my eye to see Rainbow suspended in midair by a shiny golden glow.

Noticing the source I waved a tentacle at her. "Oh hi Sunbutt, how's it going?"