The blaring of my phone's alarm, specifically Ultra Sheriff's Leviathan violently ripped me from the depths of sleep. My eye shot open and I sat bolt upright. Looking around blearily, I spied the offending device and poked the button to shut it up. I blinked and looked around. I was sitting in the middle of my apartment's living room. Must have conked out on the floor again. I mentally mused. I popped my neck and tossed the pillow I'd been using on the couch. Morning light was filtering in through the single window across from the couch and above the entertainment center. The light illuminated an important detail I hadn't noticed. There was something wrong with my hand. I blinked. The skin was dark purple and there were only three long fingers and a thumb all tipped with dull claws. Also the hand itself was thin to an unhealthy degree.

Looking at the other one revealed the same. My arms and legs were hairless emaciated and also dark purple. My feet bore three webbed toes. Oddly enough I was still wearing my sweat shorts and League of Legends Vi Shirt that I normally wore for sleeping or lazing. My torso looked as thin as the rest of me through the shirt. Though something felt squished against my back under the shirt. What ever they were they wriggled. Kinda tickled actually. When something twitched on my face and I caught movement my lower peripheral vision, I made a decision.

I required a mirror.

I got up, my head bumped the low ceiling as I did. Apparently I'd gotten taller. Cool. My feet made slapping noises on the floor as it shifted from carpet to faux-wood laminate tile. As I walked through the kitchen I made sure to flick on the lights. Walking into the bathroom I did the same so I could look in the mirror.

Cthulhu face greeted me. A single violet eye with a slit iris dominated my octopus-like head. Six thick squid like tentacles sat where my mouth-slash-jaw should be. I noticed there was something off with my back. Something was wriggling under my shirt. most people would be losing their collective shit about something like this. I however had only so many fucks to give. So I used them sparingly. Like if someone offended a friend, or was going to hurt a child. 'Then' I would let said hypothetical person have it. Anyway... I proceeded to pull my shirt off. It was oddly easy even with the face tentacles and bulbous head.

The moment my shirt came off, four tentacles unfurled and writhed in the air almost joyously. Muscles I didn't even realize were tense proceeded to untense. It gave me a warm relaxed feeling. It was nice. Looking in the mirror, I turned around to look at my back. Two of the tentacles came out of my shoulders and the other two came out of the small of my back.

I blinked at my reflection, sniffed a deep breath in through a non existent nose, then stated in a deep distorted double-voice. "Meh." I then proceeded to strip down and get in the shower. Just cause I'd become some sort of Eldritch creature did not mean I could walk around unwashed, smelling of Elder God B.O.

After the... 'unique'... shower I noticed that my skin (if you could call purple rubbery flesh skin) absorbed the moisture that was left over. Well that's convenient. I stepped out of the shower, gathered my clothes, walked through the kitchen and living room and finally into my room and tossed the dirty clothes into my dirty clothes bin. Not wanting to go naked and despite not having any outwardly noticeable genitalia, I put on a fresh pair of briefs and the pairs of jeans I'd been wearing the previous day. Thankfully they fit, perfectly adjusted to my new height. I decided against a shirt because it would make the tentacles on my back uncomfortable.

Now somewhat clothed I went back into the living room and retrieved my phone from the floor where I left it earlier. The screen showed 8:42 AM, and sadly No Service at the top of the screen. "Hmmm." I hummed. I then stuffed the phone into my pocket. I narrowed my eye in thought. A changed form probably means I am in another world... If the stories I'd read were right... but... I glanced around my apartment... Well that would certainly look weird. A large rectangle with wires and pipes and stuff coming out of it just showing up out of nowhere.

I shrugged. Yes, I'd miss the internet. Thankfully I had a few hard drives full of games, movies and shows to keep me entertained. Speaking of which... I turned on the TV, booted up the PS4, and browsed through my collection of games. Then my stomach grumbled. Nope, breakfast first. Pancakes sounded great right about now. Wait... Do I have a beak under these tentacles? I guess I'll find out.

I set down the controller, walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboards. Only for my front door to be knocked on. Freezing, I slowly turned toward the door. There came another knock. "The Fuq?" I asked the air. My brow furrowed and my face tentacles twitched. I walked over to the door. Upon opening it I saw Ponyville. How did I know it was Ponyville? Twilight's Library was across the street and Twilight Sparkle herself was right in front of me. Although I had to look down at her, due to being Double her Height!

She stared at me for a moment in confusion before her face turned to a look of abject horror. She then disappeared in a flash of light. She probably went home. Good for her. Avoid the tentacled abomination living across the street from you. He doesn't plan on leaving. I shut the door and only made it about five steps before the door knocked again. I sighed, turned back around, and reopened the door. This time the Cutie Mark Crusaders were at the door. Unfortunately, they too looked at me in horror. Honestly it was starting to hurt my feelings. Looking down at them I noticed that there were about the size of house cats compared to me.

"Hel-" I didn't even get to finish as they all screamed in unison (almost matching harmonic pitch) and took off running like I'd chase them. I watched them go, sighed once again and decided against breakfast.

Then the door knocked again.

"Really?" With a groan I turned around and walked back to the door. When I opened it for the third time, I looked down to see Dinky Doo. On her back was a basket containing muffins of various types. The moment she saw me she grinned.

"Hullo!" She said happily in a half-squee.

HNNNGH! Too Cute! Diabetus! My hand flew up to my heart. Oh God my heart is melting! "Hi..." I managed.

She cocked her ear to the side. "Your voice is weird."

"I know." I said doing my best not to have a heart attack. "You're very brave to come here Dinky." I said finally getting my freak out under control. I took a slow breath and straightened.

Her eyes widened. "You know my name?!" She gasped. "How?!"

"Yes." I said with a chuckle. "As to your name..." I simply used a tentacle to gesture to all of me.

"Oooooooh." She said with dawning comprehension. "You're like Cthulhu, but smaller... and less maddening... and more..." She briefly looked me up and down. "Comfortable." She finished with a happy nod.

I blinked. "I have no words... Wait... You know about Cthulhu?"

"Of course!" She chirped happily with a grin. "Mommy and I love H. Pony Coltcraft! We have a book club with mommy's friends Lyra and Vinyl!" Then her ears flattened and she looked down. "The other colts and fillies at school think I'm weird."

I knelt down. "Well you can tell them that you faced a cosmic horror while both the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Twilight Sparkle fled. Also those who read H. P. Coltcraft aren't weird, they're prepared."

That raised her spirits. She grinned at me. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome." I nodded trying my best to smile with no mouth. "So... Why are you here exactly?"

"Curiosity. Well... Mom's also at work, and it's a saturday, and it's not every day a weird black box appears in the lot next door." She Took a breath after the overly long sentence. "Oh, that reminds me." Her horn lit up gold and the basket on her back was engulfed in a golden glow. It slowly levitated up then floated over to me. Dinky stuck out her tongue as her face screwed up in concentration. God that's adorable. I reached out a tentacle and grabbed the basket out of the air. The glow dimmed and Dinky visibly relaxed. "Mommy made these. Welcome to the neighborhood mister..." Her face fell a bit. "I never got your name, sorry." Her ears pinned back sadly. Stop being so cute! Stahp! Imma die!

"That's okay. My name... is..." I blinked. My brow furrowed in confusion. I couldn't remember my name. "I... don't know my name..." Oddly enough, that didn't seem to bother me. Weird. Something like that should bother me right?

"You don't? Are you okay?" Dinky asked looking a bit worried. She reached out and put a hoof on my knee.

"No I don't and yes I'm fine. The name thing doesn't seem to bother me- Wait did you say Black Box?" I felt my tentacles twitch in curiosity.

She blinked owlishly. "Uhh... Yeah?"

"Name later. Black box now. I gotta see this." Dinky stepped out of my way as I stepped outside. As I did the door shut behind me. I glanced at it then glanced at Dinky. She simply shrugged. So I shrugged. Dinky followed me as I walked to the middle of the street and turned around.

I lived in a black box. A very ominous black box with a plain white door in the middle of it. A black box that clearly stood out among the other houses and Twilight's Library, which happened to be named the Golden Oaks library. I put my hands on my hips. "Yeah... This needs to be fixed." I stated flatly. "This just looks awkward." Holy shit I lived in a Monolith! Dinky has nerves of steel. You could say... Dinky Hooves is Filled with Determination!

"But how will people know where you live?" I looked down to see Dinky looking back up at me. "Seriously, Where do you live? Oh it's the black box in the middle of Ponyville. You can't miss it!" She rose onto her hind legs and waved her forelegs around for emphasis.

I facepalmed and snorted a chuckle. "Dinky, you are adorable."

"Thank you!" She grinned. "I get it from mommy."

"I bet you do." I once again did my best to smile. It was all in the eye. "Your mother is also incredibly adorable."

"So... You like mommy?" I didn't like the devious look she was giving me. I felt a chill go down my spine.

I slowly looked down at the innocent happy grin. My tentacles twitched nervously. "I... do..." I nodded slowly. The filly was plotting something.

"Good!" She chirped. "Then you can be my daddy! Mommy gets lonely sometimes. She doesn't show it but I know she does."

My heart skipped.

Error! Cthulhu.EXE has stopped working and needed to close. Restart? Y/N

-> Y

I blinked. "Wat..." I blinked again I shook myself roughly. "Whoa, slow down there Dinky!" I snapped in a panic. "One, we literally just met! Two, I haven't met your mom yet! Three, when we meet we may not get along, and there'd have to be a few dates, and I don't know how relationships work! I've never made one last! 'I'm too much work' according to my last girlfriend." I rambled, subconsciously starting to pace as my mind raced.

Dinky watched me pace. "Hey dad?"

Her voice got me to stop pacing and she walked up to me and patted my leg. "It's okay." She said like she was calming a pet. Why was that working? "Shhhh. One and three don't matter. I love you and I'm sure mom will too. Two can be easily remedied later." She smiled up at me warmly.

"But... but... but you only just met me... you don't know who I am... I don't even have a name yet..." I said weakly, deflating. My tentacles went limp as I slumped.

"Those can also be remedied." Her smile turned back into a grin. "We can come up with something before mommy gets home."

"I'm not getting out of this am I?" I asked flatly.

"Nope!" Dinky chirped.

I sighed then straightened. "Okay..." Something struck me. "Wait a sec. What did your mom think of the black box next door?"

"She said, and I quote. Muffin if you go and meet the new neighbor or neighbors bring them some of my muffins as a welcome gift. Be nice. Oh, and if they're some horrific Eldritch entity with tentacles and ooze and stuff, try not to stare. Turn on the cute so they don't do terrible things to you. Tell them that if they do, I'll make them wish they could die." She finished with a smile.

I shivered. Note to self. NEVER tick off Derpy. "I'm not slimy..." I poked a tentacle just to make sure. "God, she calls you 'muffin' that's even more adorable." I facepalmed with a groan. "Screw it... This is my life now..." Please can something change the topic?

"Dinky get away from that thing!"

Deus Ex Twilight!

Dinky and I turned to see a shaking Twilight Sparkle. She look frightened, yet there was an almost manic glint in her eye that made me very nervous. More nervous for Dinky than myself. Twilight's mane had a few hairs popping out of it, which reinforced the clearly manic episode.

"'Thing?' That's racist." I pointed at her, causing Twilight to blink in clear confusion. She visibly shuddered, more than likely due to my voice.

Dinky however was more offended than I was. "Twilight, he's not an evil Eldritch Horror from an ominous black box!" She snapped cutely. "He's a good Eldritch Horror from an ominous black box."

Twilight either didn't hear her or didn't care as she stared at me. "I've... I've written the princess! I-I don't know what y-you want but you're not going to hurt Dinky!" Her horn lit up and began to crackle with purple sparks.

Nope!

"Muffin!" I snapped hurling a muffin from the basket at the upset purple unicorn.

Critical Hit! The muffin 'paffed' as it landed on her horn.

"Ooooooh!" Dinky and I whooped raising our arms and forelegs to the sky in our surprised joy. "Did you see that!?" Dinky cried pointing a hoof at Twilight's new muffin horn.

Twilight however did not find it that funny. She briefly blinked in confusion, crossing her eyes to see the muffin. Then her face twisted into an angry snarl. The muffin disintegrated as it was consumed by purple electricity.

Shit... Twilight's triggered...

I snatched up Dinky with a tentacle causing her to squeak in surprise. She yelped and squirmed briefly as I thrust a finger in Twilight's direction. "Twilight Sparkle! I am taking this filly! She will be well cared for and I'll make sure to feed her and get her home before bedtime! Have a wonderful day!" I exclaimed, hamming up the evil voice. The crackling on her horn as well as the glow, died as she blinked at me stupidly. A few more stray hairs popped out of her mane.

"Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I cackled, spinning around and charging at the house. The door opened before I reached it, I leaped through it, and it slammed behind me.

"Yay! let's do that again!" Dinky cheered as I set her on the tile floor of the kitchen. I set the basket of muffins on the little table next to the door. I looked down and noticed that Dinky had wandered into my living room. I walked up behind her as she fell to her haunches. Her mouth fell open as her gaze roved over my living room from my entertainment center, to the bookshelves filled with anime, to the bookshelves filled with manga, to the shelf filled with Funko 'blind-box' vinyl figures, to the bookshelf filled with D&D, Pathfinder, and other Roleplaying manuals, and finally to the wall filled with video game posters. She blinked and slowly looked up at me in stunned awe. "You're a nerd..." She breathed slowly. "You're Eldritch horror from who-knows-where and you're a nerd..."

"I hope you're not disappointed." I said a little sheepishly.

"Are you kidding!?!" Her ecstatic response made me jump and lean away from her. "This- This is awesome!" She ran into the room and rapidly began looking at everything. "I love it!"

I heard a wumph from the front door and a pained yelp. Turning to look back at it I heard an annoyed grumble. I got the distinct impression that Twilight had actually tried to teleport into the apartment directly. I heard a brief pounding on the door. "What's that?" Dinky asked.

"It's just Twilight trying to get in. One sec." I walked back to the door and opened it. Twilight had her hoof raised. She blinked then looked up at me. "Twilight, you've already called the princesses right?" She nodded slowly "So why are you trying to get in? Aren't Elder Beings a little out of your paygrade?" She stammered for words. Twilight Go Home. I said, my voice taking on a weird rumble. Twilight blinked and in a flash she disappeared. Wait... I just did a thing... I shook myself. Whatever. I briefly looked around outside. Nopony was around for some reason. Well except for the mint green tail poking out of the bush next to the library and the pair of colts peaking around the corner of a house. I waved at the tail, which proceeded to disappear into the bush. only to be replaced by a pair of golden eyes that honestly creeped me out a bit. Lyra stop creeping! The sound of small hooves got my attention and I looked to see Pipsqueak and Button Mash charging full tilt at the the doorway and me as fast as their little hooves could carry them.

"Dinky... Would you happen to know Pipsqueak and Button Mash?" I asked, briefly leaning back to call into the living room.

"Yeah." I heard her call back. It sounded like she had found something to do.

"Good to know." I responded as I moved a tentacles in the path of the colts, who skidded to a halt staring up at me with a mixture of determination and fear.

Button Mash is filled with Determination.

Pipsqueak is filled with Determination.

I looked down at them. "Morning. Can I help you?" The stared at me with the look similar to a deer in the headlights.

Pip shook it off first. "Where's Dinky?!"

"Inside." I responded. "Hey Dinky what're you doing?" I called into the living room.

"Looking through your games on PS4. Say, what's Bloodborne?" She responded.

Well she adapts quickly. Wait... "No! Dinky that's an M-rated game! It's violent and hellishly difficult!"

"I read Coltcraft and I faced you down without flinching. Plus both mommy and Miss Cheerilee say I'm advanced for my age." She countered.

"You have a point but..." I responded, glancing down i noticed two colts staring at me in abject confusion.

"It's not that hard, it's all in the timing. I've only died once! The werewolf was supposed to eat you the first time." She sounded like she was concentrating. Almost mechanical.

"Bullshiiiii-..." I glanced back down at the colts as my swear slowly died.

"Dad language!" Dinky snapped.

"Dad!?" Both colts cried in surprise.

"That explains everything!" Pip breathed.

I chuckled at the colts reaction, Internally squirming at being called dad. "So... How can I help you?"

"We're here to save Dinky from the evil monster!" Button said proudly.

"That's racist." Dinky called, causing me to burst out laughing.

"Okay then, what are your names?" I knelt down and glanced between both of them. They blinked stupidly.

"Pipsqueak/Button Mash." They said simultaneously looking confused.

"What is your Quest?" I wish I could grin. Please get the reference. Please exist in this world and/or universe.

"To save Dinky!" They cried in unison.

"Dad, make them stop. They're making me blush and I'm trying to concentrate here." Dinky complained.

"Too bad." I called back before returning my attention to the colts. "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"Zebrican or Eu'ropean?" They both responded with a grin.

YES!

"AH HA! Thank you!" I laughed. "Come on in!" I stood up and stepped aside. Immediately the colts bolted into the living room.

"Dinky we're here to rescue you!" They yelled.

"I heard." Dinky responded somewhat blandly.

"Wait... The tentacle monster's a nerd?" Pip asked.

"What are you playing!?" Button yelled.

"Stop yelling you're breaking my concentration." Dinky groaned.

What have I done... I've turned Dinky into a gamer...

"Hey do you three want something to eat? There are muffins here." I asked, calling into the living room as I shut the door.

"Yes please!" Came the response from all three. Shrugging, I retrieved the muffin basket with a tentacle and walked into the living room. Pip was pacing the room, looking everything over. Button was sitting on the floor, staring slack-jawed at the T.V. I swear he was drooling. Dinky was sitting on the couch. She had the PS4 controller in her golden telekinesis and her face was a mask of concentration. Her female hunter was currently wiping the floor with a crowd of villagers, keeping them at bay with the threaded cane and blunderbus. I watched her play setting down the basket next to Button. Button in turned pawed around blindly, not looking away, until his hoof found a muffin. Then through the magic of 'reasons' his hoof lifting the muffin and he mindlessly took a bite out of it. Pip wandered over, grabbed a muffin, wandered back to a bookshelf, set the muffin down, sat on his haunches, pulled out the D&D 5.0 Player's Handbook and began to read while munching on his selected muffin. I sat down in the wing-backed chair right next to the couch and watched Dinky play. I felt like I should be worried that Dinky's playing an M-game but both she and Button seem fine. This was confirmed when, after a particularly brutal kill, Button laughed. "Oh brutal!" Kids these days. I shook my head.

Then the door knocked. Again...

"Dad. Door." Dinky said flatly.

"I heard, thanks." I sighed. Ugh. Grand Central Station.

This is my life now... I groaned inwardly as I walked towards the door.

It better not be Twilight.