"I REGRET EVERYTHING THAT LEAD UP TO THIS MOMENT!" I yelled as I forced myself to not crush Derpy's legs with my back tentacles. The wind whistled in my lack of ears. I squeezed my eye shut, due to a new fear of heights that was in turn, due to hanging off a pegasus hundreds of feet above the ground!

"It's not that bad!" Vinyl cried from somewhere to my right.

"Really it's not. Lyra's levitation is rather comfortable." Octavia cried at the same volume.

"Eldritch just open your eye. You'll be fine." Lyra's warped voice giggled, cutting through the wind like a knife.

"Don't worry, I've got you." Derpy called out.

Thanks to all the encouragement, I did manage to slowly open my eye. Had I a jaw, it'd have dropped. Canterlot was spread out below me. I didn't feel like I had enough time to take everything in. There was simply too much. Too many ponies. Too many bright colors. Too much... everything.

I blinked rapidly as Canterlot seemed to fly by. I felt myself stiffen as I slammed my eye shut. "Nope!" I snapped. "Too much to look at! Can't handle! Tell me when we're there!"

"It is a lot to take in." Octavia admitted, closer to normal speaking volume. "It would be a bit much for someone who's never seen it. Especially from this angle."

I could feel as well as hear the wind die down to more of a breeze. That would explain how I could hear Octavia better.

"Okay we're nearing the Castle." Derpy announced.

"See any guards?" Vinyl asked.

"Nope. Nada." Lyra responded. She sounded almost disappointed.

"Well this is just shameful." Octavia snorted. "What, are they all in the Castle? Where are the lookouts? Where are the Pegasi patrolling the skies?"

Was Octavia Mafioso?

"Octy, chill. You left that life behind you." Vinyl said with and audible sigh.

I think she was.

Why does that worry me?

"Gardens in sight. Not far now Eldritch." Derpy's welcome announcement detensed more muscles than I was aware I even had.

"Attention passengers, we will be landing shortly. It's a balmy sixty-two degrees here in Canterlot. Please remain still until we come to a complete stop. Thank you for flying Air Lyra and we hope you enjoy your time at Canterlot Castle." Lyra rattled off as I felt our movement begin to slow.

The moment we stopped I opened my eyes to see that I was a couple feet above a rather nice stone walkway.

"We're here." Derpy said from above me.

"Thank you Derpy, I noticed." I responded.

I took a breath and released my tentacles from around Derpy's legs. As I hit the ground, I heard a few sets of hooves hit seconds after me.

I fell to my hand and knees. "Land!" I cried. "I'll never leave you again!"

"Oh come on it wasn't that bad." Lyra giggled. I felt a hoof pat my back.

"Lyra be nice! That was probably a frightening experience for someone who's never flown before." Derpy said from next to me.

"Thank you Derpy. Without you....." I trailed off. "Huh... I was going to say I would be dead but that's not exactly true."

"It's the thought that counts." I'm pretty sure I just felt Derpy smile.

Okay." I heaved a breath. "Okay. We're good." I slowly stood, rolled my shoulders and stretched my back. Looking around revealed well kept flowerbeds, neatly trimmed hedge rows, well manicured bushes and numerous marble statues of various different creatures. "Well this is nice."

"Yeah, I've been here a few times." Lyra said. I looked over at her, noting that she'd returned to standard pony form. She noticed my look. "I was in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. That only takes you so far though."

"Cool." I nodded. I glanced over at Vinyl and Derpy. The DJ had moved her shades up onto her horn, and had her blue headphones around her neck. Derpy appeared to be taking everything in.

I took a breath. It was kinda nice out here. Nice to take a moment to-

Wait.

My brow furrowed.

We were missing somepony.

I glanced around.

Yep.

"Guys... Where's Octavia?" I asked.

Lyra and Derpy jumped and looked around. Vinyl however-

"Dammit. Not again." The DJ simply facehoofed. "I thought we were past this. It's been years..." Her complaints broke down into mumbles that I couldn't hear.

Again?

"H-Hey! W-what are you d-doing out here!" I shaky voice made me jump and my head swung around.

On the pathway towards the castle proper, was a young looking gold armored pegasus. A cream-colored pegasus. A cream-colored pegasus with a blue tail, and blue eyes....

O Hai Flash.

Flash Sentry shook from head to hoof as he stared at me. "Y-you can't b-be out here."

"Why not?" I asked, stuffing my hand in my pockets.

He blinked. It was as if my one question just threw a wrench into his mental machinery.

The poor stallion just stared at me.

"I think you broke him." Vinyl commented. Glancing over at her revealed that she was looking intently into the surrounding bushes.

"He's cute, but why are all the cute stallions weak-minded?" Lyra said with a bit of a whine.

My brow furrowed again. What? What does that even mean?

"Th-these are Canterlot Castle's private gardens. Y-you can't just walk in here."

Oh look Flash rebooted.

I looked back over at him. At least he wasn't shaking anymore. "We didn't. Much to my dismay, we flew in."

I heard a bush rustle.

What was-

A grey blur burst out of the bush directly to the right of Flash. A forehoof slammed into his jaw, knocking him to the side. Suddenly he was on the ground, a grey form atop him. A foreleg was around his throat.

"Shhhhh.... Shhhhhh.... Just go to sleep...." Octavia cooed as Flash's eyes dropped. In moments the stallion was snoring.

Octavia then proceeded to drag the unconscious Flash into a bush. Only for her to pop back out seconds later, brushing a couple stray leaves out of her mane. "Well, that was fun. To the castle then?"

This was met by silence.

"Holy shit!" I blurted.

"Octy! You can't just knock out guards!" Vinyl snapped seconds later. "We talked about this!"

"Oh, he'll be fine." Octavia waved away Vinyl's statement. "I didn't do any serious damage."

"Not the point!" Vinyl growled.

"Hey, before this gets any more heated, Octavia?" My question got the grey mare's attention. "Can you try not to knock out any more guards?"

"I'll try, but I make no promises. Something's you simply can't unlearn." Octavia said, adjusting her bowtie.

"It'll have to do." I sighed. "Let's just... head inside before we attract more attention."

As we began the walk towards the castle Lyra spoke up. "Derpy, we have weird friends."

"No really, you think?" Derpy snorted.

Even I thought I knew what to expect when we went inside. I was still blown away by the sheer gaudiness of it all. All the stone was marble, there were pillars and pony statues along the walls, and a plush red carpet ran along the floor.

"Ech." I grumbled as I passed a window looking down into the city and got briefly struck by vertigo.

"You okay?" Derpy asked putting a hoof on my leg.

"The sooner we get out of here the better." I looked at the mare and gently patted her head. "I don't like this place."

"I know, kinda screams, look at me look at me!" Vinyl snorted while running a hoof over a red drape next to the window I'd looked out of.

"Funny, it screams, buy more toys to me." Lyra said with a shrug.

A quick glance showed that we'd lost Octavia again. "Octy's gone." I commented.

"What?!" Vinyl snapped. "How?! Where?! There's nowhere to hide?!"

"It's okay Vinyl, she'll pop up eventually." I chuckled. "So long as she doesn't kill anyone, we'll be fine. Fucking Solid Snake Pony." I returned to the middle of the hallway. "Now... does anybody know where the hell we are?"

"I got nothing." Derpy shrugged.

"Princess Celestia said to follow the shouting." Vinyl said as she sat on her haunches and rubbed her temples.

"A guard would really be helpful right now." Lyra rolled her eyes. "Seriously, we've found one in like half an hour. Where are they? This is just shameful."

"It's like they knew Eld was coming." Derpy mused looking back and forth down each way.

"And there hasn't been any shou-" I was cut off.

"AH HA! TAKE MINE PHALLIC OBJECT UP THINE POSTERIOR HEATHEN!" The entire hallway shook.

My lack of ears were actually ringing. I violently shook my head and noticed that everyone else was equally stunned..

"The fuck was that?!" I snapped, trying to regain my balance for that assault to everything. "That's what Tia calls shouting? The fuck?!"

"What?!" Derpy yelled.

I looked at the grey mare, who was rubbing her ears with a pained look on her face. Kneeling next to her , I put my hands on her ears. "You can hear fine."

As I took my hands away Derpy blinked at me. "Thanks for that. Everything was ringing. I'd prefer not to be deaf as well as half-blind."

"You're welcome." I nodded and looked at Lyra and Vinyl. Vinyl had donned her headphones. Lyra had simply gone Eldritch-mode, now levitating a couple feet off the floor. And Octavia..... was somewhere. They were somewhat protected from the verbal assaults. I furrowed my brow at Derpy.

"What?" The mare asked cocking her head to the side.

I put my hand on her head. "Resist Sonic Effects. Protection From Shockwaves." A purple glow surrounded the mare before surrounding her like a cloak. The aura than slowly faded from view. "That should help. I think."

"No fair, how come I don't get any buffs?" I blinked and looked over at Vinyl.

"What? I played O&O in college." Vinyl said defensively. "I can't find a good group to play with."

"I think you should be good Derpy." I glanced at her and she nodded. I walked over the Vinyl and kneeled in front of her. I put a hand on her head. "For being a D&D nerd, you get D&D buffs. Now let's see if this works. Maximized Mage Armor. Bless. Protection From Law. Bull's Strength. Bear's Endurance."

There was a shimmer around Vinyl as a slight visual distortion surrounded the mare. She shivered and shook her head. "Oh... wow..." She shook herself again. "I feel great!" She bounced on her hooves. "I feel like I could run through a wall! I'm a Tank!"

"Support." Derpy called out.

"Ranged Damage." Lyra added.

"Melee Damage." Came Octavia's voice from.... somewhere.

I stood and glanced around at the mares around me. "I love all of you, you know that?"

"We love you too." Lyra grinned as I noticed Derpy had a very noticeable blush on her cheeks.

"We also can't discount the fact that your a DM walking through a dungeon with the Party." Vinyl said with a smirk.

"Now that we're all prepared." I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Could anybody tell the direction that assault to the senses came from?"

"No. I was too busy being deafened." Depry said flatly.

"Nope." Vinyl shrugged.

"That thing that was supposed to be Celestia's version of shouting? Yeah, no." Lyra shrugged her tentacles.

"No idea." Came Octavia's voice from somewhere. Where the hell was she?

"Well maybe we can find a guard or some palace staff." I sighed.

"HEY- GLKK!" I spun around only to see that a white coated and blue eyed guard in gold armor was in the process of being made unconscious by Octavia.

"Shhh.... It'll all be over soon...." Octavia cooed. Somewhere she'd found a black bandana and had it around her forehead. She then proceeded to drag the guard behind a pillar. She didn't come back out.

"Dammit Octy!" Vinyl snapped. "That's two now!"

"He'll be fine." Said Octavia from somewhere behind me.

When I turned there was nothing. "Is Octavia related to Pinkie Pie by and chance?" I asked, now somewhat worried.

"Yes." Came Octavia's voice. "We share a grandmother."

"Granny Pie?" I blinked.

"The same." Came Octavia's voice from my left.

"Vinyl your roommate is a psychopath and she kinda scares me." Lyra said as if commenting on the weather.

"Agreed, however we've spent enough time here." I sighed. "Let's find a maid or something. Octy won't knock that out."

"No, castle staff are fine." Came her voice from my right.

"Let's just.... keep walking." I rolled my eye and started down the hallway. "This is turning out weirder than I expected."

"Why would you assume it wouldn't be weird?" Lyra asked as she floated up next to me.

I blinked down at the Eldritch Mare. I held my finger out to make a point, which swiftly died. I lowered my finger and wilted slightly.

"I know your pain." Derpy said hovering up next to me to pat my shoulder.

"Let's just go." I mumbled.

After what felt like hours of wandering mostly empty halls, (and being staggered by Luna using Unrelenting Force every ten minutes) the scents of food drew us to the castle kitchens. I expected there to be a dozen or so ponies in there. But like everything today, there was only one. A yellow earth pony stallion with a brown mane and green eyes. He was bustling around the kitchen checking on various things, humming happily to himself.

Then I noticed his Cutie Mark.

An open book with empty pages.

"Oh look there's somepony." Derpy said happily.

"No. We have to leave." I said feeling a chill run down my spine.

"Why?" Vinyl asked.

The earth pony looked at us. Instead of fear a look of wonder, bordering on joy plastered his face.

"I'm not worthy." I stated, leaning away as he slowly trotted over to us.

He opened his mouth to speak.

"WAIT!" I snapped holding up a hand. He froze, now looking confused. "Wait, please. I'm not worthy of your words or descriptions great one." The mares looked at me like I was insane. "I simply need you to point me in the direction of Luna's room. We're here to take her away to my castle in the sky."

The stallion blinked, chuckled, trotted past us and pointed down the way we'd been going.

I walked over to him and kneeled. "Thank you. Bless you. Keep doing your marvelous work." I took his hoof in my hand.

The stallion blinked at me then smiled and nodded. He then walked back into the kitchen.

"Okay.... the fuck was that?" Vinyl asked. as she walked over to me, watching the stallion return to his work in the kitchen.

"A religious experience." I stated with a slow breath.

"He's just a chef." Lyra furrowed her brow in thought. "What makes him so special?"

"Remind me some time to tell you the tale of Baked Bean." I said slowly. The stallions head popped out the kitchen doorway looking confused. "Sorry! We have to go!" I yelped, grabbed the mares with my tentacles and sprinted away from the stallion.

"You can put us down now." Lyra said drying as I wandered down a slightly more plush looking hallway. I think I'd found the living quarters.

"I don't know this is kinda nice." Derpy said with a yawn.

"Yeah, his tentacles are warm." Vinyl nodded. "I think there's some kinda levitation magic going on, because being held up by only out midsections should be hurting by now, but I feel fine.

"I prefer floating." Lyra said with a huff.

"THINE END HAS COME VILLAIN!"

I could actually see the shockwave coming down the hallway and braced myself for it. It still made me skid a few feet back down the carpet.

"At least we're heading in the right direction." I grunted shaking the ringing out of my lack of ears.

"She's having an off day." A voice to my right made me jump and I coiled the mares close to me for protection, leaving only their heads and back legs visible.

Wide-eyed I stared at the mare that appeared. She had a pink coat, a long multi-hued purple, pink, and yellow mane, and violet eyes. A heart of crystal with gold filigree below it sat upon her flank. She also sported both wings and a horn. However, unlike what I expected, she wore no royal regalia.

"Dammit, is it the pink ones that are this sneaky." I said trying to get my breathing under control.

"That's chromatist." Princess Cadence said flatly with Maud face.

I blinked stupidly.

"She's got you there." Vinyl commented.

"Maybe she's related to Pinkie too?" Derpy said looking at me.

"Possibly." Said Octavia from somewhere.

Cadence's composure broke and she broke into giggles.

"Am I cursed?" I asked aloud. "Because everything's been going sideways ever since I got here. This was supposed to be simple. Get in, grab Luna, get out."

"Well.... You are an Eldritch Horror from beyond Space and Time." Cadence said with a smile. "Aunty Tia told me about you. Oh, and I can take you to Luna. You're actually not too far away from her room."

"Oh thank God!" I groaned at the air.

"Cadence!" A bro-voice snapped to my right. I looked over to see a white-coated, blue-maned unicorn stallion standing not too far away. He had light blue eyes and wore violet armor with a pink star on the chest. On his flank was a blue shield with a pink star on its face. "Get away from tha-"

He didn't get to finish.

Because of course he didn't.

A grey blur burst from the hall to his left, body checked him into a wall, slammed a hoof into his muzzle, then proceeded to choke him out. "Shhhhh. Just think of your marefriend....."

"Octavia will you stop knocking out the Guards?!" Vinyl almost screamed.

Before Octavia could drag Shining away, she had to leap off his unconscious form as green flames enveloped it. When the flames died an unconscious Chrysalis lay there on the carpet snoring away.

The hall went silent.

Shining...

Chrysi...

What?

"Awwwww, you knocked her disguise off." Cadence said with a humph. "We'll need to take her with us so the other guards don't take her and lose their collective minds trying to bring her to the real Shining."

"On it." Octavia said as she heaved the unconscious bug mare onto her back with ease.

"Aren't you mad Octy knocked out..... Her? Him? Her?" Vinyl questioned, looking very confused.

"Oh she's fine. She can take it." Cadence said with a smile. "I've knocked her out enough times in the bedroom." A smirk grew on her face as she bit her lower lip. "Just never with a blow to the face."

"Damn!" Lyra and Vinyl cried out, trying to lean away while still in my grip.

"BEGONE WOMAN OF SEXUAL PROMISCUITY!"

The shockwave made me stagger.

That's it.

"You know what?! Fuck this whole day!"