Author's Notes:

Welcome one and all to my first fic ever!

Just some general disclaimers and shout outs:
1. The first few chapters will be focusing on character dynamics and world building, sexy times will be on their way and marked appropriately.

2. Try to find the references (this chapter's got nine including the title.).

3. Huge shout out to Flammenwerfer, the first author I read and followed on this site, whose My Best Friend... series inspired this fic.

4. Since this is my first fic I've probably done goofed somewhere so feel free to tell me what I got wrong, what I need to fix, or if I did something you all like!

Thanks and enjoy the show!

*Edit: Huge thanks to Mystic Cipher for helping me proofread and edit.

Pocketful of Sunshine

Sitting amidst a flurry of unchecked bills and last minute motions, Celestia Solaire, Solar Diarch and co-ruler of Equestria, found herself once again contemplating whether or not it was possible for an immortal to kill herself.

You see with the Running of the Leaves having been wrapped up the week before, and with winter nipping hot at their hooves. The elected officials in the House of Commons and the nobles in the House of Lords had up until the morning of the Winter Moon Masquerade to submit any and all legislation left on their dockets that they wished to be applied to the upcoming political term. But with the days getting shorter and shorter, and with the longest night of the year looming ever larger over the horizon. Anypony without a guaranteed seat or position in the Houses found themselves scrambling to either make good on their campaign promises or weasel their way into a post or station that would make replacing them more of a hassle than simply letting them stay.

So as was common during these last few frantic weeks of eleventh-hour wheeling and dealing. Celestia, and even Luna, found themselves buried up to their collective tits in bills requiring their stamps and signatures. Calls for executive action that would no doubt block the interests of somepony’s political rival. And requests for meetings from all manner of committee and council to hear why they were best qualified to solve the latest problem they believed was plaguing their fair nation. And as the piles of parchments, papers, and pleas continued to stack ever higher and higher, Celestia’s will to carry on living continued to plummet further and faster towards the proverbial bedrock waiting beneath her.

Currently, the Lady of the Sun found herself slogging her way through yet another one of Lord Bluster’s long-winded proposals for increased capital spending in frontier agricultural firms. Doing her best to try and stay awake as she sifted through ream after ream of waxed poetic and empty rhetoric, looking for something… anything that could be considered an argument for his case. But after twenty pages worth of world salad and highfalutin double speak, without anything close to a point in sight. Celestia's thoughts gradually began to shift from who would most benefit from increasing shares in these particular firms to the logistics of how she might best off herself if he didn't make his bucking point in the next three to five pages:

Poison? No, magic and natural healing would mostly nullify it and give me indigestion for a week.

Hanging? Nuh-uh, that'd just leave enough of a mark for Luna to tease me about having a new kink.

Throwing myself out the window?

Turning towards said hole in the wall, she spied her wings out of the corner of her eye and facepalmed both mentally and physically before running her fingers frantically through her ethereal mane. A muffled scream slipping through her gritted teeth as she found neither escape nor solace from her self-given duties.

Resigning herself to the fate Harmony and Balance had bestowed upon her, Celestia dropped her head into her arms. Splaying herself across the rat’s nest her desk had become, letting loose a loud and tired groan when she felt the points of her crown brush against another stack of unfinished documents.

Well, should I succeed in working myself to death maybe my sacrifice will save future generations from the horrors of legislative congestion? She thought to herself wistfully, wondering if her staff would try to exhume her from her paper tomb once the smell of decomposing alicorn began to spread throughout the castle or just enshrine her body where it lay and consecrate area.

“Hark, doth mine ears deceive me or is that the sound of a mare questioning if life is still worth living?” came an exhausted yet cavalier voice calling from the front of Celestia’s spacious office.

Tilting her head up, she gave the approaching figure a warm but tired smile, “Come to give me another rousing speech on the virtues of diligence and perseverance May?”

“Oh not in the slightest, just figured if you were planning on shuffling off the coil you'd like some company. After all, nothing says, ‘This bureaucratic bull shit is killing me,’ better than two bodies buried beneath budget proposals.”

Celestia went from wide-eyed to stone-faced in a heartbeat from the sheer crassness thrown her way. Giving her guest a glare that would’ve made a cockatrice think twice and any passing guard consider running back for their sunscreen.

*PFFFT*

Her stoic defenses began to crumble, however, as the first genuine smile she had cracked in hours started to creep its way across her face. Her cheeks puffing up like an overzealous chipmunk’s as she tried to stifle her oncoming giggles and maintain the mien of her little ponies’ dignified, though no less overworked, sovereign. But, just as she had to yield the sky to her sister come nightfall, so too did her exacerbation and sour mood have to give way to the pure sense of joy and merriment that such base humor could wring out of her.

After all, few ponies were privy to Celestia's proclivity towards more juvenile and debauched drollery, and even fewer ponies would have the gall to ever engage in such jests with her openly.

But then again, this jester was no pony.

Matthias Martin stood back and watched as Celestia, First Princess of Equestria and Ruler of the Day, completely lost her shit. As he had come to learn over his eight-month tenure working under the Equestrian Diarchy, a little bit of precision befuddlement went a long way towards lightening the mood and keeping a particular pair of royal sisters from ripping each other's hair out. And judging by the haphazard flow of Celestia’s pastel mane and the matted circles she’d been rubbing into the thin, white fur around her temples, he wasn't a moment too soon with his strike.

Giving his boss some time to just sit back and laugh her well-formed flanks off, Equestria’s lone human went about sorting the various odds and ends he’d been cradling in and under his arms onto and beneath the polished mahogany desk setup adjacent to hers. Draping his charcoal black jacket over the back of his chair and pulling a sizeable stack of papers from his small black attache once he had finished tailoring his little workspace to his liking. Flipping through the pages quickly to ensure that they were still in their proper order before finally taking his seat, waiting with a tired smirk across his face for his friend and boss to pull herself together.

Even sitting, the human was nearly eye level with Celestia, an impressive feat considering she stood a full head and half above most of her little ponies, though to this day he would still insist that back home he had been considered a runt. He sported a proportionally wide frame to match his height, with thick shoulders and a broad chest, with what appeared to be a pale, peach-colored coat and reddish-brown mane atop his head. An odd combination for a stallion to be sure, though not entirely unheard of. But upon closer scrutiny, Matthias’ “coat” turned out to be nothing more than bare skin, with nearly translucent wisps of thin brown hair spread across his body.

However, it was his face that threw off most ponies upon meeting Canterlot’s resident alien for the first time. As unlike pony faces, his features were all but flat by comparison, lacking any kind of muzzle whatsoever, while having sharper, more defined angles in and around his cheeks and chin. With immobile, practically nonexistent pointy ears hidden beneath his shock of rusty-red hair, which made it almost impossible to get a read on him at times.

But by far the most distinguishing details that stood out against his alien countenance were the red stain-like scars that had been seemingly poured down the left half of his face and body. Resulting in vast swathes of raised and molten skin marring his fair pink complexion in crimson rivulets that flowed down from above his left eye, to his cheek and neck, before spilling all the way across his chest, stomach, and left arm.

The scorched skin tended to give the human a somewhat frightening and intimidating air about him, doubly so whenever he flashed somepony those pointed pearly whites of his. But hidden beneath the imposing height and disfigured skin was a bright and sensitive soul whose help and company had become invaluable to Celestia over the many months they had been working and hanging out together. Who was never afraid to speak his mind around her, and was somepony she could always count on to help break up the monotony and put a smile on her weary muzzle.

“Heh heh, oh *snort* oh come on May, was Lord Nimbus’ proposition really that taxing?” Celestia asked with a knowing smirk after finally managing to quash what was left of her foalish giggling. Though she still had to keep a hand on her side to knead out a stitch while the other went up to wipe away a few errant tears.

With a frustrated groan, Matthias’ head hit the desk with a somewhat impressive *bang* which would have given the princess some cause for concern had he not immediately pushed the offending document across his desk and onto her own.

“I'm too tired to tell if that was a pun or not and YES!” he mumbled out, somehow able to point out the cause of his discontent from his prone position.

Celestia chuckled softly at her assistant’s antics as she began leafing through the copy of Lord Nimbus’ requisition request she had asked him to look over earlier this afternoon.

Nimbus Breaker was the fourth acting head of Storm Breaker LLC, a firm that manufactured and held the patents for several key technologies used by Cloudsdale in producing and managing the weather across Equestria. Currently, he was petitioning the crown for a land grant and a stipend to develop and test a more efficient means of harvesting water for cloud creation that would—in theory—drastically reduce the number of pegasi needed for such an endeavor.

He was also second only to Lord Bluster when it came to mounting a full-scale lexiconal blitz.

Seriously a memo doesn't need fifteen bucking pages!

“Did you notice anything out of the ordinary with his request?”

“I noticed that we don't get paid nearly enough to sift through this much crap,” he said while righting his posture, turning to face Celestia with a stretch of his arms.

“You do realize I don't pay myself for this, right?” she said shooting him her best ‘mother of all ponykind’ smile.

“Heh, always did figure you for a masochist,” he shot back with a shit-eating grin that just screamed, ‘you walked right into that one.’

Said grin twisted into a pained grimace as he felt a fist connect with his bicep with a meaty *thump*.

“Though you do present a strong case for sadi-”

“AS MUCH as I appreciate your candidness with me May,” she said cutting his tangent off with a blush and another swat upside his arm. “I do really want to know if you found anything off with the Nimbus proposition so I can lock up and finally call it a day,” she said with a tired groan, her fingers pinching at the bridge of her muzzle to try and relieve her returning tension.

Rubbing at the spot the princess had been pummeling, Matthias spotted specks of ink now coloring his fingers. Looking along the arm he had been tending to, he couldn't help but notice a sizable swathe of blue now dyeing the previously white, pinstripe sleeve; no doubt helped along by his prior ministrations. Turning towards the likely culprit, he found Celestia studying the notes and memos he had left in the document’s margins, holding the pages aloft in her magic’s soft yellow glow as she appeared to have accidentally spilled some ink onto her hands over the course of the day.

Somewhere, out there, beneath Luna’s pale moonlight, he swore he could hear the shirt’s tailor screaming, lamenting the loss of all her hard work and effort. Though why he chose to envision her as an alabaster unicorn with a big, purple coif of a mane was beyond even him.

It had proven quite difficult finding clothing tailored to Matthias’ alien physiology, what with his musculoskeletal structure varying subtlety from that of a stallion’s. Sporting less pronounced girth than the average earth pony while also lacking the lithe proportions so often seen in pegasus and unicorn stallions. So, as a result, everything from his t-shirts to his formal wear had to be custom fit with painstaking care and attention to detail; otherwise, he’d be unable to move about comfortably without things either slipping or chafing.

But as much as Matthias would have liked to avenge his wardrobe’s designer, the subtle flickering in the aura surrounding the documents caused him to pause. Because despite the poorly concealed shit eating grin she was sporting, he could tell that Celestia was just about done with all this. As not only had the sleeves of her typically immaculate yellow, business blouse been stained with ink and sweat and rolled up to her elbows, but she was quite literally swaying about, doing her best to stave off sleep’s siren song. Her eyes barely holding themselves up while a small speckle of drool began forming at the corner of her muzzle.

Glancing over at the clock hanging above the fireplace, Matthias saw that it was closing in on nine, well past the time Celestia would have normally packed it in and gone off to bed. Finding it odd that she hadn't already made her way off to Luna’s domain, considering how rigid a sleep schedule she kept and all. But when he considered the kind of workload they’d been stabled with for the greater part of this week and the fact that they’d barely gotten a chance to step outside of the office without needing to meet somepony looking to kiss flank or demand their flanks be kissed. He figured it be best just to let her little practical joke slide so he could shuffle the poor mare off to dreamland.

“Well, who am I to keep a lady away from the comforts of her bed?” he acquiesced, throwing his arms up lazily in a vague, v-like salutation, smirking at the color the entendre brought to her muzzle. “The grant request appears to be in order. All necessary signatures are present, and there are no competing claims to the spot we have to worry about.”

Celestia nodded in approval, grateful that that particular headache had been avoided. As despite the “noble” title the lords liked to laud about the city, they could still be as petulant as foals fighting over toys should their interests ever intersect.

“Buuut, the stipend he's asking for is about 50,000 bits more than what's necessary for the project.”

“WHAT!?” Celestia half shouted, suddenly finding herself full of piss and vinegar as she began tearing through the request. Turning to the monetary petition for the stipend, she ran the figures through her head only to find everything evening out.

“I don't see…”

“It's the construction firm,” Matthias pointed out, directing her towards his discovery.

Looking back at the resources and materials section, Celestia found the name of a little-known construction company, Work Horses, that would be given the contract should the grant be approved, along with the expected cost for labor and materials.

“Still not following you May,” she stated, now legitimately confused if not growing a bit concerned for his state of mind. She had already given a cursory glance to the grant the previous day but had decided to provide Matthias with a bit of a test to see if he could handle scrutinizing more hefty bits of legislation without her guidance. Apparently, he had taken to it with a fervor judging by how meticulously he had dissected each section, with different colored inks spread out across page after page highlighting everything from grammatical errors to notations detailing the document’s sources. But seeing that the ever-present bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual against his dual toned skin, she could see he had been getting even less sleep than usual.

Sensing that he had teased her long enough, Matthias slid another set of documents onto Celestia’s desk.

“What're these?” she asked.

“The estimates given by one Brick ‘n Mortar, of Work Horses, to one Nimbus Breaker, of Storm Breaker LLC, the week before he submitted the grant. Including, but not limited to, the cost of materials, shipping, as well as general work expenses. And would you look at that,” he said pointing to the total, “One of these things is not like the other,” he singsonged.

Sure enough, the initial estimates were 50,000 bits less than what Lord Nimbus had said it would cost.

Celestia stared at the new information with her mouth slightly agape, eyes shifting back and forth between the documents. After confirming for the seventeenth time that she was not in fact out of her damned mind, as Matthias often put it, she felt the earlier injection of piss and vinegar drain from her veins as her face once again sought the cold, soothing comfort of her desk.

“Urrrgh How could I overlook something so simple?” she groaned out.

Almost immediately, she felt a soft, comforting pressure fall on her shoulder and begin to caress the distraught diarch.

“Seventeen-hour workdays, Baroquian exposition dumps, and a distinct lack of cake make for quite the effective shell game,” Matthias mused while continuing his ministrations, hoping a little banter and affection would snap his friend out of her funk.

And oh, what wonders they were working!

Once again Celestia put up a token resistance at best against the tired smile spreading across her face as she leaned further into his gentle touches. Taking the hint, Matthias upgraded from simple strokes to light massaging, feeling the tension she'd been carrying throughout the week slip away slightly.

It's nice, she thought to herself as she allowed herself to get lost beneath his tender touch, having somepony around that can see beyond the masks.

As much as Celestia appreciated Matthias’ diligence and eye for detail, she was always taken aback by his general disregard for decorum around herself and Luna when outside of official court proceedings. Oh sure, he maintained similar airs around Twilight, but she hadn't had the several millennia worth of genuflection and borderline worship ingrained into her presence as she and her sister's had had. So Celestia truly appreciated the playful ribbing, crude comments, and unprovoked affection he would offer her during a long day at work or on a simple stroll through the castle grounds. Grateful to have somepony in her life she could drop the persona royale around and just be a normal mare with.

Well, as normal as one of the chosen manifestations of Balance can be.

Celestia continued to content herself with the warmth and closeness that came with Matthias’ simple affections, allowing any lingering feelings of indignity to fade away upon remembering that he would not think any less of her for such a simple slip up. But before she could allow herself sink any further beneath his touch, a niggling thought kept shoving itself to the forefront of her mind.

“Hmmmm what's a shell game?” she asked sleepily.

“Seriously?” he exclaimed quietly, slowing his caresses ever so slightly.

“Yes, what kind of game is it and what does it have to do with taking advantage of an overworked mare?” she asked giving Matthias a curious look, hoping to see that sparkle in those forest green eyes of his whenever he got the opportunity to educate somepony.

“Oh my sweet summer mare,” he chuckled to himself before planting a pat on her shoulder and standing up.

Sad at the loss of his proximity, she snuck a peek to see what he was up to and saw that he had made his way over to the office’s little kitchenette and was fiddling about with the sink and some towels.

How do those things bend like that? She thought as he twirled about and made his way back over to their desks, shuddering at the borderline painful angles his "feet" could bend.

But instead of sitting back down at his station, he walked around, so he was standing right in front of Celestia’s desk. Carefully moving aside a couple stacks of unchecked documents before he set the cups down, upside down and in a row next to each other.

“What are you playing at May?”

“Why a game of course!” he explained while fumbling around inside his pocket, gasping as he finally found whatever it was he was looking for. “I figure a practical demonstration will be far more effective than just an explanation.”

“Oh, there's no need to …”

“And miss the opportunity to tarnish little Tia’s innocence? Not for all the bits in the bank!”

Now her mild curiosity had grown into full blown-intrigue.

Could this be some sort of secret from his homeworld?

Aside from the organizational assistance he would give in the office, Celestia found Matthias’ otherworldly knowledge and experience invaluable, often discussing the impacts of similar bills and propositions passed in his world, to which he would readily offer his input. However, there were just some aspects of his home he would outright refuse to talk about, claiming he wasn't going to go down in history as the man who brought gerrymandering, reality t.v., and selfie sticks to Equestria, whatever those were. So if he was willing to open up about some of the less wholesome aspects of his homeworld, she would not pass up on this opportunity.

“Alright, how do we play?”

“That's the spirit! Now to get into character,” he cheered before closing his eyes and letting loose a long, drawn-out exhale.

He remained eerily still for the next several seconds, his massive frame moving nary an inch. But before Celestia could voice her concerns, he sprung up with a shout and an overly animated wave of his arms:

“Step right up folks come one come all! Who has what it takes to wring fortune away from the clutches of that miserly mare of luck?” He announced in a voice reminiscent of the barkers from the carnivals that often came through Canterlot.

Taken aback by his sudden theatrics, she couldn't quite find the proper words to respond.

“How about the pretty pony princess?” he said turning towards Celestia, “surely she would like a chance to test her luck and win a prize?”

Finally catching on to the act, Celestia giggled and gave Matthias a coquettish smile, “But good sir, I'm afraid I've never played such a game before, I wouldn't even know where to start.”

“Bah, don't let the theatrics fool you, milady, the game is quite simple really,” he said, bringing out a bit from his pocket and laying it in front of her. “I'm going to hide this bit beneath one of these cups, and all you have to do is find it.”

“Hmmm that doesn't sound too difficult,” she hummed with a finger resting on her chin, “alright I'll see what fate has in store for me!”

“Splendid, splendid, that's the spirit, in fact, since it's your first time playing, let's keep it simple! No strings, no stakes, no worries, just play to your heart’s content.”

She gave a nod, “Alright, what do I need to do?”

“Like I said all you need to do is find the bit,” he said while waving her attention down to the bit he had lain on the table before covering it with a cup. He then started to slowly rotate the cups around, shifting them about the desk while still keeping them in a line of three.

It was an easy enough pattern for Celestia to follow, never letting the cup she had seen him hide the bit under leave her sight as they spun about in front of her.

After about thirty seconds of shuffling, he brought the cups to a stop and spread his hands out. “So can the pretty pony princess find the bit?”

Without hesitation, she pointed to the middle cup.

Lifting the cup up, Matthias revealed the little gold coin lying beneath it. “Bravo, bravo, seems our princess has the skills to approve the bills! Now let's see what she can do when we kick it up a notch,” he said before beginning the process again at an increased pace.

Once again Celestia followed the cup, once again she quickly found the bit, and once again Matthias shelled out praise and adulations. Repeating the process over and over again, with Matthias speeding up his movements each time she pointed to the correct cup.

But after the fifth game or so, Celestia couldn't help but wonder where this was all going.

“Is… is this really all there is to it?” She asked trying to figure how all this tied into her not double checking Nimbus’s stipend request.

“Oh ho ho, seems the pretty princess wants more of a challenge!” he staged to the non-existent audience. “Well then, how about we make things interesting?”

“How so?”

“Let's see how abooouut...” he pondered while drumming his finger against his temple.

“Oh," he exclaimed with a snap of his fingers, "how about if you win you get what's in this box?” he said while reaching beneath his desk and picking up one of the packages he had brought in with him, laying it down in front of her.

“And should you win?” she asked, her interest suddenly perking.

“Then I get what's inside, and all you can do is watch,” Matthias said giving her a saucy smile.

Weighing her options, she figured she had nothing to lose and only the contents of the mystery box to gain.

“Alright, do your worst.”

“As you wish.”

Matthias started the process again, shifting the cups at a relatively quicker pace than the last round, but even so, it was still relatively easy for Celestia to follow.

So when he brought the cups to a halt, Celestia picked the one on the left without hesitation.

“Ooh so sorry, looks the princess’s luck has finally run out,” he said revealing the bit to be under the middle cup.

Celestia rocked forward, slamming her hands on the desk, eyes wide with shock and confusion.

W-what? I know I didn't… how did I..?

“And to the victor goes the spoils,” Matthias gloated while pulling up a chair and tearing the wrapper from the box.

And Celestia’s heart broke.

On the box, standing out against the plain cardboard exterior, was a gold leaf stamp of an icing bag ready to decorate a cake. Said stamp was the cutie mark of well-known Fillydelphian confectionaire Graham Crust, who had recently opened a new extension of his chain in Canterlot. Celestia had been hoping to drop by sometime during the week to sample some of his wares, or at the very least send Matthias out to pick them up something to help make the drudgery of the week pass by quicker. But alas, with the rush of last-minute legislation they were currently drowning in, she could find neither the time nor the energy for such a reprieve.

“You wouldn't dare!?” she almost screamed, her voice raising a couple octaves while her bottom lip began to quiver uncontrollably.

“I believe the terms were, I get what's inside, and all you can do is watch,” he said with enough smug to make half the nobles in Canterlot to blush.

“But, but …”

“Buuut I’m not without mercy. So how does double or nothing sound?”

Celestia looked between the box on the table and the wicked gleam in Matthias’ eyes, working over the odds in her head. She couldn't for the eternal life of her figure out how she missed the switch up, but the devilish smirk Matthias was sporting sparked a stubborn competitiveness inside her that would not stand to let things end like this.

“Fine! If I win, you will surrender the cake!” She shot back with fire.

“And if I win you will allow me access to the restricted sections of the Royal Library!” Matthias gave back with equal heat.

Now, this was enough to give Celestia some pause. While she fully believed in the open and free exchange of ideas and information, she had to exercise some caution as knowledge could quite easily translate to power in Equestria, both the figurative and literal kinds.

“What could you possibly want in there?”

Matthias gave a non-committal shrug. “Meh, can't really say since I’ve never been in there. Really, I just want to see Twilight's face when I tell her I got in after only a few months.”

This caused her to raise an eyebrow as she studied his face. It was true that he and Twilight met on a fairly regular basis, she, helping him and Luna better acclimate to Equestrian societal norms while he shared information and stories from Earth he was comfortable with. So the idea of him wanting another point of commonality to talk with her former student about was not so farfetched.

“Agreed, but on the condition I accompany you. I wouldn't want you stumbling upon anything dangerous in there.”

“How dangerous we talking?”

“Memory overwriting knowledge construct at best, self-replicating arcane informational directive at worst.”

That got a shiver out of Matthias before he nodded in agreement.

After Matthias moved the box out of the way and showed Celestia the bit one more time, he began the game once again.

The pace and shifts in pattern were sped up once more, but Celestia was laser-focused on the cup she had seen him hide the bit beneath; never once taking her eyes off the only obstacle standing between her and sweet, sweet solace.

So one can imagine her utter bafflement at once again choosing the wrong cup.

“HOW THE BUCK?!” was all she allowed to slip out before clamping her mouth shut, lest she be heard by any passing staff. Though Matthias made no such effort in curtailing his raucous laughter at how worked up Celestia was getting.

He made another grab for the box, ready to revel in his victory, but was intercepted by a pair of soft, yet firm, hands grabbing him by his wrists. Looking down, Matthias found a frantic mare pulling up his sleeves and studying his fingers, checking to see if he hand't been pulling some sleight of hand or the like.

Celestia’s due diligence was distracted, however, by a melodious chuckling floating down from above her. Finding Matthias’ smug half a face grinning like a fiend down at her when she made to find its source

“Anything I can help you with Tia?”

“HOOOWWW?” was all she managed to growl out.

“Now now, that would be telling” he *tsked* while wagging his finger.

“EXACTLY. TELL.”

Matthias chuckled nervously, seeing as the air around her head had begun to shift and shimmer like the heat coming off of a blacktop.

“Welllll I could tell you, but where's the fun in that?”

If looks could kill, then Celestia’s glare would've torn his chest open and ripped out his still beating heart.

“Matthias Martin, as much as I value your friendship and experience, twice you have denied me the respite of my bed, and twice you have denied me my cake! Suffice it to say there are fiends and monsters suffering in the deepest pits of Tartarus for far less than that. So, unless you would like to be acquainted with some of them, you will tell me what sorcery you are using!”

As if she had pulled some kind of plug, the color seemed to drain entirely from half of Matthias’ face, while a shudder strong enough to rattle the stacks of paper still on her desk racked its way up and down his body.

Oh… oh, buck!!! Celestia thought in dawning horror of what she had just said to her friend, the sight of him shivering like a frightened child dousing her fury in its entirety. But before she could raise her concerns or reach out to him, he seemed to bounce back some and move his hands back over to the cups.

“All right, all right I'll… I’ll slow it down. J-just watch closely, okay?” he said in a sheepish voice, once more beginning to shuffle the cups. His motions downright sluggish compared to how he was moving them before.

Too far. That kind of threat, even implied or in jest, that's a line I shouldn't have crossed. Celestia thought as she kept a steady eye trained on both the borderline sluggish motions of his hands as well as Matthias himself. Praying to the Maker that she hadn’t said or done anything too hurtful to her friend as she took stock of both the rise and fall of his chest, as well as his posture. Breathing a slight sigh of relief as she saw that twinge from before, fade into nothing.

Noticing Celestia’s gaze upon him, Matthias brought his motions to a stop, and with a steady gentleness, took her hands in his own, bringing her attention fully onto him when he began rubbing his thumbs along the plush white coat covering her palms. Giving her a warm, tender smile and nod when their eyes locked, a silent confirmation that he was alright.

And yet he has the strength to smile. She thought as she reciprocated the little gesture with a stronger squeeze of her hands and a warm, tired smile of her own.

They continued to hold onto each other like this for several more seconds, simply letting the sense of metaphysical warmth that came from being in the presence of someone who you knew cared for and trusted you explicitly fill them till it felt like their hearts were about to burst.

“So, care to make a guess?” Matthias asked with an impish smile before shooting a glance back down at the desk.

Giggling softly, Celestia looked back down at the line of cups. Now, she had made sure to meticulously follow each move he had made while checking up on him, so she knew for a fact that the bit had to be under the middle one. But still, she hesitated, having been burned twice already and was doubting whether or not she should jump to a choice so quickly.

“Come on Tia; I barely put anything into that one! Even Blueblood, with his head literally up his ass, could find it this time.” Matthias assured her, sensing her resolve beginning to wane.

This got Celestia giggling again, the image of her nephew in such a ridiculous and undignified position bolstering her confidence and pushing aside her doubts as she went to make her choice.

“Althouuggghh, you are batting 0 for 2 so far, so why risk further humiliation?”

Celestia’s deadpan could have melted stone.

“As you said May, my nephew, with his head buried in his flank, should be able to accomplish this, so I'm fairly confident that I can handle it.”

“Oh ho ho, seems the Sun Queen’s still got some fire in her. Alright, if you're so sure, then how about we make this interesting again?”

Celestia’s confidence hitched again as she gulped, looking down at the cups on her desk.

“F-fine! If I win, I get the cake, ALL of the cake, as in you'll be bringing me a new cake every day for the next month!”

“Fair enough. Now if I win…? Welllll?”

“Well, what?” Celestia asked slightly concerned.

“Well,” Matthias teased nervously with a slight blush spreading across his face, “Luna once showed me an interesting picture of you and her.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm.”

“And what pray tell was in this picture?”

“Oh you know, you and Luna,”

“Yes.”

“At the beach,”

“Right.”

“In a yellow polka-dot bikini.”

Celestia was surprised she didn't burst a blood vessel, considering the rate at which her face paled then blushed.

Why would Luna show him that!?

She remembered that little vacation both warmly and fondly. It had been about a month after Luna’s liberation from the moon, and she had begun to take her first, tentative steps towards integrating into a new modernity, to... varying degrees of success. So Celestia, not wanting to see her baby sister either discouraged or overwhelmed by the brave new world she found herself living in decided to use the end of term recess as it was actually meant to be used, as a break. Yes, she’d have to play a bit of catch up once the political year started anew, but a month of late nights and early mornings would be well worth the chance to spend time with her little Lulu after almost a millennia apart.

So for the first time since her return, far and away from both subject and noble alike at their old villa on the Firefly Archipelago, Celestia and Luna got to talk and act as if they were actual sisters. Eating their collective weight in cake and caramel, pulling pranks on any of their subjects who strayed too close, or any guards who took it upon themselves to escort them. Celestia had even been able to somewhat acclimate Luna to more modern trends in fashion, ultimately leading to them posing on the beach together, with Celestia using her magic to position the camera and capture the magic moment of Luna genuinely smiling for the first time in nearly a thousand years.

“And… and what interest do you have in such a garment?” she asked Matthias cautiously, trying her best to keep her cool.

“In the bathing suit, nothing. Seeing you in it up close though …” he trailed off letting the implications hang in the air.

Aside from the rush of blood to her face nearly turning her as pink as her niece, Celestia’s mind was now suddenly flooded with hundreds of competing thoughts and feelings trying to get a word in edgewise.

There's no way I can let him see me like that! Wait, I'm his boss and Princess, I'm under no obligation to lower myself in such a manner. But I'm his friend, and he's got as much to lose should I pick right? Hold on, a month of cake versus a few minutes of me in THAT hardly seems fair for him. Why would he risk so much for so little? Does he want to see me in something so revealing that badly? Wait, wait, wait, does that mean he actually sees ponies in such a way? Does that mean…

But before Celestia could well and truly lose her shit again, a firm yet gentle pressure began running along her shoulders. Snapping her out of her runaway reverie and revealing a paling, worried-looking Matthias staring back at her.

“Hey hey hey no need to freak out,” Matthias assured her, even though he looked like he was on the verge of freaking out himself. “Look, forget I said anything, alright? See, all I did was-”

“No!” Celestia all but barked before taking a couple long, calming breaths, ensuring she had regained some measure of composure before addressing her friend and aide. “Your terms are acceptable, though I am somewhat surprised that you'd be interested in such a thing.”

The color on the right side of Matthias’ face nearly matched the red on his left, “What can I say, even a mangled monster like me knows pretty when he sees it,” he said with a wry chuckle.

Does… does he really see himself like that next to us? She thought to herself, taken aback by how quickly and easily he could switch from complimenting royalty to demeaning himself.

“Now, pick your poison.”

However, the excited sparkle in Matthias’ eyes and the barely contained quiver at the corner of his lip helped to put her mind at ease as he directed her back to the task at hand.

Confident that he couldn't have pulled anything off under her scrutiny, she mustered her remaining courage and chose the middle cup.

He hovered his right hand over the cup, twirling it about as if winding up the tension, before gingerly grasping it. He spun it in place for a second, filling the room with the sound of porcelain scraping against wood and their hushed breathing. And just when it looked like Matthias was finally going to pick it up, his left hand darted out and lifted the left cup, revealing the bit beneath it.

Matthias recoiled at the sound of a sudden, sharp *crack* coming from where Celestia was sitting. At first, he entertained the idea that her mind had finally snapped, given the literal smoke pouring out of her ears, but then he saw that she had just bored her fingernails into the desk with a grip strong enough to have cracked the wood.

Where does she get her mannies?

“Well, three strikes and she's out!”

Any attempts Celestia made at asking 'how' only succeeded in making her look like a fish sucking in air.

“But to be fair the bases weren't exactly loaded in your favor,” he said picking up the remaining cups, revealing a bit beneath each of them.

With the secret laid bare, all Celestia could do was sit back and spasm as micro tremors began racing their way up and down her body. Her left eye twitching in time with the throbbing vein pulsing across the same temple. While her mane, which had barely been fluttering not two seconds ago, began to lash out and unspool wildly, like the tendrils of some pastel-hued octopus hopped on Mountain Dew.

NO. IT WAS NOT THAT SIMPLE. ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW DID HE… WHEN DID HE?

*snap*

However, her internal fuming was broken by the strange sound coming from the equally strange device in Matthias’ hand. The smartphone, as he called it, was a device from his homeworld that had miraculously survived his journey into Equestria with him, and whose functions made her seriously doubt his claims about magic not existing back on his homeworld. You could write or type on its glass-like screen, play games like chess or checkers, (both Twilight and Matthias went into an investigative tizzy over discovering those parallels), even listen to hours and hours of some the most surreal and beautiful music to have ever graced the airs of Equus. Or, in this case, take a photograph of a fairly frazzled pony princess.

“Luna is going to love that one.”

Celestia was on him in a flash.

"YOU INCORRIGIBLE LITTLE SHIT!"

Matthias’ laughter took on a Doppler-like effect as Celestia grabbed him by the collar (staining him with ink once more and making that poor dressmaker cry once again) and began throttling the ever-loving shit out of him.

And yes, while she would have loved to just teleport the smarmy bastard out into the moat, there was just something primally satisfying about using her bare hands to vent her frustrations. Plus it's not like she had much of a choice, as most magic seemed to either fizzle out across his skin or bounce right off him, a real shocker to Celestia and her guards when they first found him those many months ago.

“Now now, if you break the barker how can he give the pretty pony princess her prize?” Matthias warned her as his vision began to blur.

Celestia paused in her not so gentle ministrations to give him a bemused glare, “The criminal hopes to stave off his execution with cake?”

“No he hopes to stave it off with really good cake,” he said while smiling, offering up the prize she had suffered so much for.

Grabbing the box in her golden aura, she brought it to her side, relinquishing one hand from Matthias’s collar so she could examine its contents.

Inside was a multi-layered monstrosity of a chocolate cake, painted in a coat of thick, dark frosting. With fluffy chocolate buttercream and chocolate syrup sandwiched between each layer, all topped off with a piping hot layer of fudge and a sizeable scoop of vanilla ice cream. And thanks to box’s preservation charm, everything felt and smelled as if it had just come out of the oven.

Celestia couldn't remember the first bite or the second bite for that matter. In fact, by the time she registered the taste she had already released Matthias, sat down, and had materialized a fork out of nowhere to dig in.

“This cake just saved your life.”

“Wait, aren't there laws against harming an endangered species?”

Matthias didn't receive an answer as Celestia just continued to dig in. Smiling at the supposed sun goddess stuffing her face with all the reckless abandon of a kid let loose in a candy store before making his way back over to his desk.

Oh stars above I needed this, she thought while scooping another sizeable chunk of cake into her mouth. So warm, and rich, and with so many types of… She paused in her mastications with a sudden realization.

“May?”

“Yo.”

“This cake, it's made of chocolate, filled with chocolate, and covered in chocolate.”

“Yep.”

“But you hate chocolate.”

“It's not so much a hate as an extreme preference for anything that isn't chocolate.”

“Then why would you try so desperately to cheat me out of a cake that embodies everything you dislike in a dessert?”

Matthias chuckled before reaching under his desk and pulling out another box similar to hers.

“Because I had planned on giving you that one tomorrow to thank you for putting up with me for the past eight months give or take. But seeing as you were about to lose it, I called an audible and decided to give it to you now. Though the whole shell game bit was just to help you blow off some steam,” he said with a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

Though he became slightly worried when the sounds of an exhausted mare stuffing herself with cake disappeared, replaced with the telltale *crackle* and *pop* of a teleportation spell. But before Matthias could register where his boss had ported off to, he felt a pair of arms drape around his shoulders and pull him into a warm hug from behind.

“Thank you,” she spoke softly, resting her chin atop his head, “thank you.”

When Celestia and her retinue had pulled Matthias out of the Northern Deeps, he had been severely malnourished and neglected, unable to speak and suffering from poorly healed mana burns across a good portion of his body, amongst other injuries.

But even after the doctors had healed the damage to his body, after finding some rather inventive workarounds to his magic resistance, Celestia couldn't help but worry over the damage the whole ordeal had raked upon his spirit. Lost in a world unlike his own, separated from friends and family alike, an entire life built through toil and trouble, gone in the blink of an eye.

Yet here he stood—or sat rather—choosing to celebrate what he had gained rather than sulk over what he had lost, with an honest smile on his face and a genuine compassion that the world just couldn't quite snuff out.

Matthias let out a deep sigh and relaxed further into her embrace, reaching a hand up to grip one of the forearms wrapped around him, just wanting another point of contact.

“Anytime.”

“Still not sure what putting me through the ringer like that had to do with me not double checking the stipend.”

Matthias chuckled a bit before relinquishing his hold on her arm. Pulling out the midnight blue quill he kept on a silver chain around his neck. The feather had been a gift from Luna to help Matthias communicate without having to carry around a full stationary set wherever he went. Drawing from her power, it allowed Matthias to write with starlight, rather than ink, and on any surface, whether it be paper, stone, or sky.

He leaned forward, bringing Celestia with him, and started writing something on the space in front of the cups. Trying to get a better look at what he was doing, she moved from the top of his head down to his shoulder, bringing herself cheek to cheek with Matthias.

Hanging in the air in front of each cup respectively were the words, ‘I'm tired, and I want to go to bed, why does a grant request need over 200 pages, and GIVE ME CAKE!’

“Now the point of a shell game is to confuse and distract the player. You hide the bit and move the cups hoping to throw off the other person, er uh pony.”

Celestia nodded, the thin fur on her cheek rubbing against his face causing his breath to catch slightly.

“I get that much, now.”

“S-so let's take away the bit and instead hide 50,000 extra bits under these three cups,” Matthias said pointing to the silver writing. Setting the words into motion with a flick of his wrist.

“Now, he knows you're overworked and tired, that you've been reading these things all freaking week,” he said giving the source of their misery a violent jab with his finger, “and he probably figured that by the time you'd come around to reading it ...

*sigh* “That I would be in no shape to notice such a minor inconsistency,” Celestia interrupted, finally catching on to the metaphor, deflating slightly as she draped herself further across Matthias. But before she could sink further into her malaise, a ticklish sensation running along the rim of her ear brought her back from the brink.

“Now now, none of that. No shame in needing an extra set of eyes,” Matthias told her in a playfully parental tone as he continued to run the feathered end of his quill against her ear. “In fact, I seem to recall a certain somepony telling me that despite all the pomp and circumstance she's just a regular mare. So since she isn't perfect, she shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to ask me for help, or to watch her back every once in a while.”

Celestia continued to giggle, both at the feather tickling her and at the idea that such a young stallion was speaking to her as if she were one of her frustrated students. So, in an effort to regain the upper hand, she did the one thing she knew would put them back on even hoofing.

She nuzzled him.

It never ceased to amaze her how such a simple show of affection could set his face ablaze, but as she kept rubbing into his cheek and neck, she could practically feel the heat radiating off his skin.

“I'll keep that in mind, Mr. Martin,” she said as she pulled away from him, nearly doubling over at the sight of a tomato red Matthias.

Hoping to stem the heat flowing to his face before Celestia’s further nuzzlings could set his cheeks ablaze, Matthias tore open his box and began tearing into his own cake in an attempt to cool off. The scent of spice and apples assaulting Celestia’s muzzle as he started digging in.

“So what, pray tell, have you got there?”

“A fried caramel spice cake, alamode, with baked apples,” he answered tilting the box in her direction.

Much like her own caloric colossus, Matthias’s cake was a multilayered behemoth of a spice cake, coated in a thick layer of caramel frosting. From where he had cut in, she could see a similar buttercream wedged between each layer along with chunks of crispy, golden apples. Complete with a sizable coating of molten caramel and vanilla ice cream dribbling down its side.

“That looks heavenly,” she said mesmerized by the sight of his dessert.

Chuckling at her wide-eyed stare, Matthias scooped out a sizeable portion of his treat, making sure to include bits from each section, and offered her a bite.

“Oh, no thank you, you go ahead and enjoy yours, mine is more than enough.”

Yeah not buying that for a second, he thought, as, despite her initial refusal, she was still transfixed on the offered piece.

“Come on Celly.”

“Really it's alright I shouldn't impose…”

“You know you want a piece.”

“Be that as it may, it still isn't…”

“Celestia Solaire, I swear to Cthulhu if you do not take a bite of this cake I will start making *choo choo* noises until you open up. Now say, ahhh.”

Well, I wouldn't want to upset Kathuloo, whoever that is? She thought before 'begrudgingly' opening her mouth and allowing Matthias to feed her.

Once again it wasn't until the second or third helping from Matthias that she registered the flavor, or that he had gifted her a sizeable portion of his cake. Just like hers, his dessert was warm, as if it had just come fresh out the oven, but where hers had been soft and moist, his was buttery and crispy, no doubt the result of a different cooking method. As well, the tartness of the apples and the sweetness of the ice cream helped to subdue the impact of the butter and caramel, melding together into a perfect blend of sweet and salty.

“This is absolutely delicious May!” Celestia said licking her lips enthusiastically, hoping to savor the flavor for as long as she could, though out of nowhere she suddenly turned downcast. “I just wish you weren't so abhorred to chocolate so I could share some of mine with you.”

Shaking his head at his friend’s cake induced mood swings, he decided to throw her a bone by reaching over and scooping out a small piece of her cake. Making sure he dipped it in a hefty serving of caramel and ice cream before taking a few tentative bites.

“Like I said I don't dislike chocolate, but if I had a full piece of something like that,” motioning over to her cake, “the richness alone would probably kill me,” he said with a rueful giggle.

Looking down at what was left of her dessert Celestia couldn't help but blush at the sight of five different types of chocolate bleeding out from where she had ripped into it.

“It is a little much, isn't it?” she asked quietly.

“Eh, to each their own. My mom and sister could have easily handled something like that no problem. Guess I take after my dad in that regard.”

Alright, Celestia, don't push too hard now, she thought to herself.

“Was he not a fan of chocolate either?”

“Nothing that high octane,” he said pointing towards her cake once again, “In fact, getting that man to try anything other than French toast sticks was a feat worthy of song.”

“French?”

“Oh uh, Prench would be the equivalent here I guess.”

Celestia smirked at yet another one of the strange parallels shared between their worlds. Wondering if he and Twilight had already mapped out that particular commonality, and if they had, how many nights they had stayed up doing it.

“Do you think he would have enjoyed your cake?”

Matthias paused mid-bite to ponder before sighing with a wistful smile, “I… I think so. Probably would have ditched the caramel but he’s a sucker for cinnamon. Hell, when we were taste testing for my sister’s wedding cake we had a sample of something like this one,” he said looking down, “He scarfed down like three of them, so we knew we had our winner there,” he said giving a soft laugh.

“Is that why you chose that flavor?” she asked gently.

He gave a small nod, “When they said they could make any type of cake I just had to try. And man did they get it right! It's… it's like I've got a slice of home here! ” he explained, his eyes having gotten a bit too misty by this point, “and… and now I can share it with my new friends.”

Once again Matthias found himself crushed in another bear hug from Celestia, only this time she pulled herself a little tighter against him, wrapping him in her wings. The sudden surge of care and concern doing its best to snuff out the encroaching thoughts of loss and loneliness threatening to drown him.

Though the velvety texture of her fur rubbing against his skin and her soft chest pressed against his was giving rise to something else entirely.

Don't go down that route, that trail only ends in tears, he thought while trying to keep himself together.

“I was wondering why you got such a huge cake.”

“Heh, yeah, not all of us are blessed with alicorn metabolism.”

“I believe only five of us are so blessed.”

“And I've got to split it between three of you,” he said as he closed his box and reapplied the seal. Feeling the slightest tingle against his skin, signaling that the preservation charm had gone into effect.

“So, I take it you are going to bring some to Luna after we've wrapped things up here,” Celestia said with a mischievous smirk in her eyes.

“Yep, though I was hoping to check in on her other present.”

This almost got a *squee* out of Celestia as she let go of Matthias and all but bounced back to her desk. Where she began rifling through a couple of drawers before pulling out a manila envelope and handing it to Matthias.

“We've got all the support we'll need from the House of Commons. The benefits of gaining favor from not one but two Princesses was too good an opportunity for them to pass up.”

“Will they be expecting any tit for tat?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Oh uh, sorry,” he quickly apologized while blushing, “I mean when the time comes, will they be expecting your unconditional support for whatever crazy legislation they wanna push through?”

“Why would they… Oh wait, I understand! No, the elected officials wouldn't try to seek outright favors from us, even at such a critical juncture. If anything they'd rather have us recognize their cooperativeness before their constituents. Being in the good graces of their Princesses goes a long way come election season.”

Matthias nodded in a twisted sense of understanding. Back home politicians had built careers around defying the opposing leadership, but here the crown served as more than just a ruling body. They were the physical embodiment of a primal force of nature, who had led the nation through tumult and turmoil. Having fought, bled and suffered for millennia in service to their little ponies. So the idea of officials gaining major brownie points with their constituents for supporting these selfless sisters wasn't too far-fetched of an idea.

Eh, different universe, different rules.

“How are things progressing on the noble front?”

Celestia reached into her desk and retrieved another envelope, “As well as can be expected,” she explained with a little trepidation in her voice this time. “We’re nearly at enough of a majority where any dissenters would just be blowing smoke.”

“Buuuut?”

“But we've run through all the nobleponies I trust and are now left with those who would um...,” her cheeks took on a pink hue as she struggled to find the words, “'want tit' as you put it.”

Well, guess I can cross Celestia saying ‘tit’ off the bucket list, Matthias thought chuckling, slightly taken aback that Celestia could bring herself to say such a word.

“tit for tat,” he corrected, “it's a mistranslation turned colloquialism. I'll explain it sometime when you're not running on a cake and a prayer.”

“I am not ….” was all that came out before a full open-mouthed yawn shook her to the core.

“Sugar, it burns bright and hot, but just as quickly burns you out,” he said while standing up and getting his gear in order. “Come on, let's get you to bed.”

“Oh you don't have to fuss over me May, I'm still here enough to finish things up.”

“Really!? Then why are you stuffing documents into a cake box?”

Looking down, she saw that she was indeed shoving the Nimbus Request he had given her into what was left of her cake.

Huh could've sworn that was the outbox, she thought bringing her hand to her chin, accidentally smearing her face with chocolate, too tired to even blush or care.

Though she was able to scrape together some color when Matthias came over with a warm towel and began wiping her face off as if she were a filly.

“Celly, I'm telling you this as a friend and as a probational citizen of this fine country, Go. To. Bed. I don't think Equestria could handle you unwittingly signing Prima Nocte back into law. Though I'm sure Luna would get a kick out of it. Be one hell of a way for her to get closer to her subjects.”

Another smile, another laugh, another yawn. Again Celestia marveled at how at ease she felt in Matthias’ company. “Very well I suppose we’ll just have to go with your plan to help Lulu better acclimate. Though to be fair Prima Nocte did wonders in establishing alliances amongst the early tribes,” she said laying the implications on thick, earning her a wide-eyed deadpan from Matthias that all but screamed, I can't tell if she's joking or not.

“Oh, speaking of which,” Celestia remembered, reaching back into the drawer and removing a couple sheets of paper and some envelopes, “since you're bound to go bother Luna, would you please see to it she gets these and signs off on them?”

“You betcha bossmare. After I get you to bed, I'll lock up here then go see her.”

Pushing herself up from her desk and onto her hooves, Celestia tried to argue for her ability to make it to her chambers on her own power, only for her arms give out and fall partially into her cake and partially into Matthias.

“Thank you for making my case,” he said before turning around and lowering himself slightly, “Now hop on.”

She could have refused. She could have continued to argue for own competency or simply ordered Matthias to go attend to Luna, but dammit she was just too tired. So she complied and moved to receive the offered piggyback ride, securing her arms over Matthias’ shoulders and her legs through his looped arms.

Once Matthias was sure Celestia was safe and secure, he set out from the now empty office, making sure to take a more roundabout route to Celestia’s chambers to avoid giving any staff still out and about a conniption from the sight of their princess in such a state.

The gentle rocking of Matthias’ body and the soft rhythmic *scuff* of his shoes echoing through the dimly lit corridor began lulling her into a state of near sleep. Finding the heat coming off his body soothing and the lingering scent of cinnamon clinging to him oddly comforting as she buried her muzzle into the crook of his neck and shut her eyes.

Warm, she thought as she let the word and feeling fill her completely.

DON'T TRIP DON'T TRIP DON'T TRIP, Matthias ordered his legs as he willed himself forward.

Trying to distract himself from the blanket soft fur and the warm breath playing across his neck, Matthias attempted to pick up on the conversation they were having before they had left:

“W-what should we do get the rest of the nobles on our side?”

“Unnngh don't worry about it too much," she said as she continued nuzzling into him sleepily, “I'll probably just offer them seats on committees or councils that would play to their strengths and interests. Give the peacocks another feather to flaunt.”

Celestia could feel Matthias’s chuckle more than hear it.

“What should we do about Nimbus?

Before she could tell him that Lord Nimbus could go buck himself, she realized where Matthias was going with this.

*sigh* “As much as I'd like to drag his sorry flank before the Chamber and watch him squirm under an inquisitorial review, he carries some hefty weight in both houses.”

“I take it he's in bed with ponies we'll need?”

“Heh, you'd think he was herding with Lord Bluster as often as they back each other.”

“So I'm assuming if we nail Nimbus’ dick to the wall…”

“W-we would *pffft* most assuredly lose the support of Bluster and his allies,” Celestia answered, chortling at Matthias’ colorful imagery.

“How big a loss we talking here?”

“Substantial. Those two, together, have been responsible for much of Equestria’s success in expanding into the frontier territories. We lose them, and we most assuredly lose any support we’ve mustered in both houses, not to mention what damage they could do if they decide to turn this into a public spectacle.”

“Luna would not be happy.”

“Luna would not be happy,” she parroted with a sigh.

“And we can't just let him off scot-free; otherwise he'll think he can keep getting away with it. Or at the very least that you've finally gone senile.”

This earned him an earnest *chomp* from Celestia, as she dug her teeth into his shoulder, not nearly hard enough to tear the fabric or break the skin, but just hard enough to let Matthias know how much she appreciated his quip, further mussing up his suit in the process.

Outside in the cold distance, the faded echoes of a fashionista’s screams met their ears.

“Did you just hear something?”

“I….don’t think so?”

“Oh, uh okay.”

I'm really gonna have to find that poor mare and get her something nice, Matthias thought as he continued his trek towards Celestia’s quarters, sans pony teeth in his shoulder.

“So what are you gonna do about him?” he asked turning his head to face Celestia.

Celestia hummed against him in thought, “Our paths are limited. Like you said if we let him get away with it, it will only reinforce this behavior, but if we call him out, all our hard work would be for naught and Luna’s already tenuous standing with our subjects could be jeopardized.”

“Damned if we do, damned if we don't,” Matthias said in a huff.

“No need for dramatics May, this isn't the first time I've had to deal with a cheeky politician trying to gin the system in his or her favor,” she assured him.

Pausing for a moment to weigh her options she decided to fall back on a tried and true natural consequence that never failed to rear its head up during these last-minute legislative rushes, “We can always just waylay the grant until the Masquerade and claim that we didn't have the time to read through and approve his request. That way we can deny him his stipend without calling him out, and he learns not to bombard me with padded propositions so late in the season.”

“Not a bad idea, he doesn't get what he wants, and since it looks like it's his fault, he doesn't throw a wrench into our plans.”

“Indeed, neither side gains what they want, but at the same time they don't lose anything either.”

“We called it a Zero-sum game back on Earth.”

“Yes, that is an apt description.”

“But if I'm going to play, I'm going to play to win,” he said turning to Celestia with a devilish look in his eye.

“What do you mean?” she asked lifting her head to face Matthias.

“I'm saying we should give Lord Nimbus exactly what he wants and then some,” he explained while giving Celestia an almost predatory smile.

“But how will that…”

“Easy there, just sit back, relax, and let me spin you a yarn.”

It took Matthias barely a minute to lay the groundwork for what he had in store for Nimbus, more than enough time for him to hammer home the key details and cut off any questions or concerns Celestia might have. So that by the time they had rounded the final corner leading towards Celestia’s chambers, the giant, golden doors shining in the distance, they had a rough outline of what to do during next Wednesday’s House address. And if Celestia had the energy or wherewithal to, she would have broken out into a Twilight-style YES dance.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate that twisted sense of reasoning you possess?” she sighed happily as she nuzzled into Matthias’ cheek yet again, thanking him for coming up with a solution that would not only guarantee their surprise going off without a hitch, but would put that flankhole in his place.

“A-and have I mentioned that if y-you keep doing that I'm going to drop you?” Matthias said, suddenly finding it hard to walk with all the blood rushing to his face.

Celestia giggled softly as she kept up her assault on his cheek and neck, knowing full well that Matthias would never do anything to purposefully hurt or discomfort her.

Upon reaching the large gilded, double oak doors leading to Celestia’s room, the two gold clad guards parted ways to allow them entry, having grown accustomed to the sight of the strange alien dragging their ward off to bed over the many months he’d been working for her.

Celestia’s personal suite was a modest affair, well, as modest as a Greco-Roman style antechamber could be. Housed in one of the many towers branching from and off of Canterlot Castle’s central spire, the former observatory/weather station had been massively repurposed to accommodate the needs of the then solar monarch. With several of the floors and stairways having been removed and hollowed out to create a sprawling, three-story tall living and common area. Whose domed ceiling, which long ago had once held all manner of lumen gauge and similar barometric equipment, now served as the canvas for an ornate, Sistine Chapel-esque mural illustrating the unification of the three pony tribes under the banner of the royal pony sisters. With a pair of enchanted portraits showcasing Celestia and Luna circling each other as they shepherded their respective spheres and skies across the ceiling's old Lux Port, serving as the focal point.

Currently, as it was nearing the height of the evening outside, the portrait of Luna had risen to watch over her colored kingdom. The painted pony's outstretched arms and glowing horn giving the impression that she was guiding the soft light of her charges through the opening in the roof. Reflecting it off of the ornate chandelier hovering some two and a half stories off of the ground, and casting their silver glow across the rows of towering bookshelves, spiral staircases, and decorative columns lining the walls. Giving Matthias more than enough light to navigate his way towards the observatory turned master bedroom, grateful that it was situated on the ground floor and not higher up. As he was pretty sure either his legs, back, or both, would have given out if had to go drag them up one more flight of stairs.

The bedroom itself actually was a modest affair, all things considered, decorated sparsely with nothing more than a couple ornate dressers and drawers laid out more for efficacy than style, with pictures of her past escapades with friends and family resting atop them. In fact, the only thing one might consider over the top would be the massive cathedral style window taking up the majority of the East wall. Perfectly framing Luna’s moon front and center as it cast its gentle glow across the city and the countryside leading down to Ponyville.

Matthias made his way over to the room’s giant, king-sized bed, shuffling the mostly asleep princess slightly so he could wrest a hand free and start turning down the covers for her. Once he had finished prepping the bed to his, and hopefully her, liking, he moved to lay Celestia down, trying his best not to rouse her but found himself pausing when Celestia’s horn began to glow slightly, followed by the tell-tale *ring* of her magic.

He felt a bubbly breeze begin brushing against his back before suddenly, the sleeves of her blouse started to blow away in motes of golden dust, trailing from her wrists all the way up to her shoulders. Though Matthias couldn't turn and see what exactly was happening, he could feel the softness of her chest become more pronounced as well as two small somethings dig into his back. However, it was only when he felt her velvet soft fur in his hands where her khakis had been that he was able to put two and two together:

Jesus-fuckin-jumped-up-Christ-on-a-pony why is she naked!? He all but screamed in his head, his face threatening to burst into flames.

But before that could happen, the familiar chime of her magic started up again, followed by a cascade of warm, glossy light pouring down her body. An instant later he could feel the silky smoothness of her evening gown under his hands where there had once been bare fur and skin, and the familiar friction of fabric rubbing on fabric as she brought herself closer to him.

“Thank you, May,” she mumbled groggily, planting a kiss on his left cheek before falling off of his shoulders and onto the bed.

When the flow of blood rushing between his face and pelvis had finally evened out, and after taking a few calming breaths, he turned to ask her, what the actual hell? Only to find Celestia out cold, mouth open and sprawled out over the bed in her light pink evening wear.

Matthias could only smile and shake his head at the rather undignified position she had fallen asleep in, his shock and confusion melting away at the sight of his friend knocked right the fuck out.

“Sweet Chthonan, what am I gonna do with you?” he whispered.

Looking down at his friend fondly, he moved the bright yellow sheets over her and tucked her in, stifling a laugh as she grumbled in her sleep and turned to her side, tangling herself further in the covers.

At some point during the trek across the castle her flowing, multi-hued mane had reverted to its static, pink state and was currently thrown across her face as a result of her fidgeting. With the tenderness one would show a newborn, Matthias gently brushed it aside and placed it behind her ear, making sure it couldn’t fall back and disturb her further. This seemed to appease the sleeping Celestia, as she let out a sleepy sigh and finally ceased her squirming beneath the sheets.

Content that she was settled in for the night, Matthias made to move away from the bed but paused when he heard the *rustle* of fabric on fabric again. Looking back, he saw that Celestia had begun to toss and turn once more, shifting onto her right side and clinging to the covers in an almost fetal-like position.

Moving almost by instinct, his hand found itself on the crown of her head and began to stroke and pet her silky, pink mane. Once more her fidgeting seemed to cease, and a contented smile spread across her face. Matthias maintained his ministrations for another ten minutes or so before deciding to test the waters, lifting his hand and letting out a sigh of relief when she did not continue to fidget.

Seriously what am I going to do with you?

He got to his feet once again, hesitating slightly before bending over and placing a kiss of his own on her cheek. Shooting back up immediately once he realized what he’d just done to his friend, his face burning so bright it nearly lit up the room as he darted towards the door.

He turned around again, worried that his act of spontaneous affection may have awoken her, but to his immense relief, she was right where he left her.

“Goodnight you big baby,” he whispered with a small smile, closing the door behind him before taking his leave.

“Goodnight May."

Celestia cracked an eye open to watch him leave, a blush nearly as bright as his adorning her face. She brought a hand to where his lips had touched her, the spot tingling with a fire that sparked across the surface her skin. But underlying that intensity was a softer, gentler heat that seeped straight into her core. Causing her to let out a relaxed and happy hum as one hand began caressing her cheek while the other rested just beneath her breasts, simply savoring in the extremes Matthias’ affections had wrought upon her as she lay there.

But why? She thought to herself, her smile fading as her face cooled off.

Why are you so good to me?

How can you treat me like this?

How can you still smile at me after what I did to you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------8 Months Prior---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting amidst a whirlwind of hollow lights and panicking orderlies Celestia Solaire, Solar Diarch and co-ruler of Equestria, found herself completely and utterly helpless. After sealing off the entire western wing of the castle infirmary and scrambling both the solar and lunar guards to secure the perimeter, all Celestia could do now was wait and see what Harmony had in store for Canterlot’s newest arrival.

What have I done? She thought, clenching the finely woven metal of her raiments with enough force to warp them.

Elements preserve us, what have I done?!

“U-um excuse me, your majesty?”

The princess was ripped out of her malign reverie by the soft voice of a sea green earth pony mare garbed in white hospital scrubs.

“Doctor Panacea,” she said, instantly reapplying the mask of the unshakable ruler. “How is our patient?”

The doctor let out an exhausted sigh, the kind of sigh one makes when they've been woken up at an ungodly hour, dragged to work by an armed escort, and sworn to secrecy upon fear of lunar banishment.

“You were right about not using magic; even the most basic first aid spells the orderlies tried bounced right off. Lucky for us, the magic powered devices still worked, but we had to get a little creative in order to stabilize him.”

“Him?”

*cough* “Yes, definitely a him,” Panacea said with a blush, trying her best to remain professional.

“Will he make it?”

The green mare let out another sigh, though this one more out of frustration than exhaustion.

“Honestly I'm a little out of my depth here. The tests we have been able to run are showing advanced atrophy spreading throughout the musculature in his throat, severe malnutrition, and that's not even counting that... that… hole in his side.”

Celestia internally winced at the harshness with which the normally jovial and tender mare was speaking.

“Plus, and you'll have to forgive me, your highness, we're dealing with an entirely new species here! Even if what the results are showing are accurate, we have no idea how our treatments will affect him or, Harmony forbid, if he has any pre-existing conditions that could….

A soft white wing fell on the distressed doctor’s shoulder, shaking her out of her ramblings.

“I-I’m sorry your majesty.”

“I understand. It's not every day that one is called upon to tend to a newly discovered species, and at such an unreasonable hour to,” she reassured her, smiling in a show of understanding.

“It’s just how could those… those… beasts do that to him?!”

Celestia winced once more beneath her mask, though more out of guilt than at the fury radiating off of the good doctor.

“I can't rightly say, all I know is that when he wakes, we're going to need to set a better example than them. Extend to him the hand of friendship he was so denied,” she told Panacea as her ears flattened against her head, “He's going to need a friend more than anything after what he's been through.”

Doctor Panacea nodded in understanding, “We’ll do our best.”

“That's all we can ever hope for.”

As the two continued to converse, the various nurses and orderlies began filing out into hall towards the rest and rec areas, unable to leave the hospital due to the urgency and secrecy of their current endeavor. Celestia quickly dismissing their bows and greetings with smiles and thanks, sending them off to the respite they so deserved.

“Do you think it would be possible for me to see him?”

Panacea turned towards her princess, “Like I said he's stable for now but in his current condition, I doubt he'll regain consciousness any time soon,” she explained. Cutting out the if at all seeing the worried look starting to creep its way onto the princess's face, “but I don't see any harm in a quick visit your highness.”

“Thank you, Doctor, now go get some rest. It'll be hard to take care of your patients if you don't take care of yourself as well.”

Panacea gave a drooping bow, “Thank you, your majesty, should anything come up hit the big green button next to the bed and I’ll come running.”

She paused for a moment.

“Better yet could you send a couple of guards to carry me back? I've always dreamed of having a knight barge into my room and come sweep me off my hooves.”

This got the reaction she was hoping for as a warm smirk wormed its way onto her face and a small *snort* escaped Celestia’s muzzle.

“I'll see what arrangements I can make; I may know a guard or two with a nurse fantasy.”

Happy to have cheered her princess, if only a little, Doctor Panacea left to see if she could salvage any sleep from the remains of the evening.

Meanwhile, Celestia pieced her royally neutral demeanor back together and set off towards the ICU. The frantic energy that had been permeating the facility for the past three hours had begun to taper off now that the creature was no longer in immediate danger. However, the cadres of patrolling guards and the hushed whispers of huddled hospital staff loitering about the halls underlined the seriousness of the situation they all now found themselves in.

Rounding one last corner, Celestia faced down a pair of golden guards standing sentinel before an unassuming door. Seeing their ruler approaching, they immediately snapped to, standing ramrod and giving her a salute. But despite all their disciple and training, Celestia could still see the frenetic trembling in their eyes and hear the subtle *clink* of their shaking armor.

She didn't fault them their trepidation, though. It had been some 500 years since ponies had made first contact with a new sapient species, and those had been shapeshifting empathic parasites Tartarus-bent on consuming the love of everypony in Equestria. And now they had their backs turned towards some never before seen creature that was completely unaffected by magic as far as the doctors could tell.

Hoping to put her stallions at ease, Celestia shifted from the mien of the ruler to the mien of the Mother and began radiating a gentle heat that embraced the tense guards. Almost instantly the worries the soldiers had about what lay behind them were waylaid by the sheer warmth coming from mare they had sworn to protect and serve.

“It's alright my little ponies; I would not have brought him here if I believed him to be a threat.”

The guards exchanged a somewhat restive glance before returning their focus back to her.

Still giving them a smile that would warm a wendigo’s heart, she relieved them of their duty, asking them to have the next rotation come by in an hour or so.

“B-but your majesty we can't just leave you unattended with…”

“I appreciate your diligence and concern for me,” she extolled to the storm grey pegasus, “but it has been a rough couple of hours for everypony, and if we’re going to keep this country running, we’re all going to need our rest.

“And what of yourself ma’am?” asked the steel blue earth pony guard standing to her right.

“Once I've checked in on our guest I'll be off to bed myself,” she said, willing some parchment and a seal into existence, writing two quick notes and stamping them, “Please make sure these get to captain Starry and lieutenant Spear Head before you turn in. I'd like to discuss upcoming rotations and security for our visitor.”

They gave their princess a salute before accepting their new orders and their dismissal.

“Oh, and if you're having trouble finding cots, go find Dr. Panacea. Tell her I sent you.”

Once more they saluted in affirmation before heading out, missing the impish smirk that had broken out across her face.

Returning to the task at hand, Celestia began mimicking the breathing techniques her niece often used to reign in her runaway feelings, steeling herself for what lay beyond the now unguarded entryway. After several deep breaths, Celestia felt she had composed herself enough and pushed into the room, ready to face the consequences of her actions.

And her heart broke.

Between what dim light Luna’s night provided, and the sterile glow given off by the monitors, Celestia was able to make out the prone form of the broken creature lying in the center of the room.

A webwork of plastic tubes and hoses wove its way in and out his nose and mouth, forcing air into his lungs, while a similar weave snaked down his arms, stabbing into his skin and injecting him with boosters and supplements that would hopefully dull the pain and stave off infection.

Whatever wasn't wrapped in plastic was tied up in medicinally soaked bandages, coated in a natural balm that would absorb into his skin and disinfect the cuts and bruises flayed across his flesh.

Extra care had been given to the creature’s lower abdomen, the only area cleared of the dirt and grime coating his body, where a hastily patched criss-cross of thread and cloth held together a particularly brutal gash that ran straight through him.

Celestia wanted to reach out to this poor creature. She wanted to offer him some vestige of comfort and relief. To show him that there was more to this world than just pain and degradation…

But the blood on her hands made her freeze.

You did this.

Her hands began to tremble, unable to look away from the rust-red stains smearing her coat. Ultimately, all she could do was fall into the chair next to the bed, the last scraps of her royal countenance falling away freely with her tears, no longer caring if anypony saw her.

“I'm sorry,” she tremulously whispered, hoping against hope that he could hear her.

"I'm sorry."