A Dance Amongst the Stars

by SilentKnight

First published 18th of May, 2017

Matthias Martin lost much when fate dropped him into the heart of Equestria but thanks to a certain trio of princesses he's gained much in return. However, he finds himself wanting more and is afraid of what he'll have to give up in exchange.

Once upon a time there was a man who came from under the ground. He was lost, scared, and had no idea how to get home. But fortunately for him he was not alone. The princesses of Equestria found him, pulled him from the darkness, and offered him gifts he would always treasure. The first, bright like the sun, gave him a home and the comfort to chase away his loss. The second, gentle as the night, offered him companionship and a purpose for his new life. And the third, shining like the stars, offered him knowledge of the new world he found himself in and a passion he thought lost. But the man felt unworthy of such gifts, unable to see why such beings would bother with a creature such as himself. So he swore upon all that he held dear, upon the world he was torn from, upon the friends and family he would never see again, that he would do everything in his power to make these beautiful beings smile.
This is the story of Matthias Martin, an eccentric teacher thrown from his world, and how he came to live in Equestria. He does his best to get by and the princesses have done wonders to help him settle into his new home but he can't help but wonder why they put up with him. So he contents himself with his new daily grind, helping Celestia and Luna manage an overflow of paperwork and regaling Twilight with the feats and tales from Earth. But the life he was taken from and his fears for the future can't help make themselves known as his friends begin dropping some subtle, and not so subtle, hints that they may see him as more than just a friend.

art by DimWitDog

Pocketful of Sunshine

Author's Notes:

Welcome one and all to my first fic ever!

Just some general disclaimers and shout outs:
1. The first few chapters will be focusing on character dynamics and world building, sexy times will be on their way and marked appropriately.

2. Try to find the references (this chapter's got nine including the title.).

3. Huge shout out to Flammenwerfer, the first author I read and followed on this site, whose My Best Friend... series inspired this fic.

4. Since this is my first fic I've probably done goofed somewhere so feel free to tell me what I got wrong, what I need to fix, or if I did something you all like!

Thanks and enjoy the show!

*Edit: Huge thanks to Mystic Cipher for helping me proofread and edit.

Pocketful of Sunshine

Sitting amidst a flurry of unchecked bills and last minute motions, Celestia Solaire, Solar Diarch and co-ruler of Equestria, found herself once again contemplating whether or not it was possible for an immortal to kill herself.

You see with the Running of the Leaves having been wrapped up the week before, and with winter nipping hot at their hooves. The elected officials in the House of Commons and the nobles in the House of Lords had up until the morning of the Winter Moon Masquerade to submit any and all legislation left on their dockets that they wished to be applied to the upcoming political term. But with the days getting shorter and shorter, and with the longest night of the year looming ever larger over the horizon. Anypony without a guaranteed seat or position in the Houses found themselves scrambling to either make good on their campaign promises or weasel their way into a post or station that would make replacing them more of a hassle than simply letting them stay.

So as was common during these last few frantic weeks of eleventh-hour wheeling and dealing. Celestia, and even Luna, found themselves buried up to their collective tits in bills requiring their stamps and signatures. Calls for executive action that would no doubt block the interests of somepony’s political rival. And requests for meetings from all manner of committee and council to hear why they were best qualified to solve the latest problem they believed was plaguing their fair nation. And as the piles of parchments, papers, and pleas continued to stack ever higher and higher, Celestia’s will to carry on living continued to plummet further and faster towards the proverbial bedrock waiting beneath her.

Currently, the Lady of the Sun found herself slogging her way through yet another one of Lord Bluster’s long-winded proposals for increased capital spending in frontier agricultural firms. Doing her best to try and stay awake as she sifted through ream after ream of waxed poetic and empty rhetoric, looking for something… anything that could be considered an argument for his case. But after twenty pages worth of world salad and highfalutin double speak, without anything close to a point in sight. Celestia's thoughts gradually began to shift from who would most benefit from increasing shares in these particular firms to the logistics of how she might best off herself if he didn't make his bucking point in the next three to five pages:

Poison? No, magic and natural healing would mostly nullify it and give me indigestion for a week.

Hanging? Nuh-uh, that'd just leave enough of a mark for Luna to tease me about having a new kink.

Throwing myself out the window?

Turning towards said hole in the wall, she spied her wings out of the corner of her eye and facepalmed both mentally and physically before running her fingers frantically through her ethereal mane. A muffled scream slipping through her gritted teeth as she found neither escape nor solace from her self-given duties.

Resigning herself to the fate Harmony and Balance had bestowed upon her, Celestia dropped her head into her arms. Splaying herself across the rat’s nest her desk had become, letting loose a loud and tired groan when she felt the points of her crown brush against another stack of unfinished documents.

Well, should I succeed in working myself to death maybe my sacrifice will save future generations from the horrors of legislative congestion? She thought to herself wistfully, wondering if her staff would try to exhume her from her paper tomb once the smell of decomposing alicorn began to spread throughout the castle or just enshrine her body where it lay and consecrate area.

“Hark, doth mine ears deceive me or is that the sound of a mare questioning if life is still worth living?” came an exhausted yet cavalier voice calling from the front of Celestia’s spacious office.

Tilting her head up, she gave the approaching figure a warm but tired smile, “Come to give me another rousing speech on the virtues of diligence and perseverance May?”

“Oh not in the slightest, just figured if you were planning on shuffling off the coil you'd like some company. After all, nothing says, ‘This bureaucratic bull shit is killing me,’ better than two bodies buried beneath budget proposals.”

Celestia went from wide-eyed to stone-faced in a heartbeat from the sheer crassness thrown her way. Giving her guest a glare that would’ve made a cockatrice think twice and any passing guard consider running back for their sunscreen.

*PFFFT*

Her stoic defenses began to crumble, however, as the first genuine smile she had cracked in hours started to creep its way across her face. Her cheeks puffing up like an overzealous chipmunk’s as she tried to stifle her oncoming giggles and maintain the mien of her little ponies’ dignified, though no less overworked, sovereign. But, just as she had to yield the sky to her sister come nightfall, so too did her exacerbation and sour mood have to give way to the pure sense of joy and merriment that such base humor could wring out of her.

After all, few ponies were privy to Celestia's proclivity towards more juvenile and debauched drollery, and even fewer ponies would have the gall to ever engage in such jests with her openly.

But then again, this jester was no pony.

Matthias Martin stood back and watched as Celestia, First Princess of Equestria and Ruler of the Day, completely lost her shit. As he had come to learn over his eight-month tenure working under the Equestrian Diarchy, a little bit of precision befuddlement went a long way towards lightening the mood and keeping a particular pair of royal sisters from ripping each other's hair out. And judging by the haphazard flow of Celestia’s pastel mane and the matted circles she’d been rubbing into the thin, white fur around her temples, he wasn't a moment too soon with his strike.

Giving his boss some time to just sit back and laugh her well-formed flanks off, Equestria’s lone human went about sorting the various odds and ends he’d been cradling in and under his arms onto and beneath the polished mahogany desk setup adjacent to hers. Draping his charcoal black jacket over the back of his chair and pulling a sizeable stack of papers from his small black attache once he had finished tailoring his little workspace to his liking. Flipping through the pages quickly to ensure that they were still in their proper order before finally taking his seat, waiting with a tired smirk across his face for his friend and boss to pull herself together.

Even sitting, the human was nearly eye level with Celestia, an impressive feat considering she stood a full head and half above most of her little ponies, though to this day he would still insist that back home he had been considered a runt. He sported a proportionally wide frame to match his height, with thick shoulders and a broad chest, with what appeared to be a pale, peach-colored coat and reddish-brown mane atop his head. An odd combination for a stallion to be sure, though not entirely unheard of. But upon closer scrutiny, Matthias’ “coat” turned out to be nothing more than bare skin, with nearly translucent wisps of thin brown hair spread across his body.

However, it was his face that threw off most ponies upon meeting Canterlot’s resident alien for the first time. As unlike pony faces, his features were all but flat by comparison, lacking any kind of muzzle whatsoever, while having sharper, more defined angles in and around his cheeks and chin. With immobile, practically nonexistent pointy ears hidden beneath his shock of rusty-red hair, which made it almost impossible to get a read on him at times.

But by far the most distinguishing details that stood out against his alien countenance were the red stain-like scars that had been seemingly poured down the left half of his face and body. Resulting in vast swathes of raised and molten skin marring his fair pink complexion in crimson rivulets that flowed down from above his left eye, to his cheek and neck, before spilling all the way across his chest, stomach, and left arm.

The scorched skin tended to give the human a somewhat frightening and intimidating air about him, doubly so whenever he flashed somepony those pointed pearly whites of his. But hidden beneath the imposing height and disfigured skin was a bright and sensitive soul whose help and company had become invaluable to Celestia over the many months they had been working and hanging out together. Who was never afraid to speak his mind around her, and was somepony she could always count on to help break up the monotony and put a smile on her weary muzzle.

“Heh heh, oh *snort* oh come on May, was Lord Nimbus’ proposition really that taxing?” Celestia asked with a knowing smirk after finally managing to quash what was left of her foalish giggling. Though she still had to keep a hand on her side to knead out a stitch while the other went up to wipe away a few errant tears.

With a frustrated groan, Matthias’ head hit the desk with a somewhat impressive *bang* which would have given the princess some cause for concern had he not immediately pushed the offending document across his desk and onto her own.

“I'm too tired to tell if that was a pun or not and YES!” he mumbled out, somehow able to point out the cause of his discontent from his prone position.

Celestia chuckled softly at her assistant’s antics as she began leafing through the copy of Lord Nimbus’ requisition request she had asked him to look over earlier this afternoon.

Nimbus Breaker was the fourth acting head of Storm Breaker LLC, a firm that manufactured and held the patents for several key technologies used by Cloudsdale in producing and managing the weather across Equestria. Currently, he was petitioning the crown for a land grant and a stipend to develop and test a more efficient means of harvesting water for cloud creation that would—in theory—drastically reduce the number of pegasi needed for such an endeavor.

He was also second only to Lord Bluster when it came to mounting a full-scale lexiconal blitz.

Seriously a memo doesn't need fifteen bucking pages!

“Did you notice anything out of the ordinary with his request?”

“I noticed that we don't get paid nearly enough to sift through this much crap,” he said while righting his posture, turning to face Celestia with a stretch of his arms.

“You do realize I don't pay myself for this, right?” she said shooting him her best ‘mother of all ponykind’ smile.

“Heh, always did figure you for a masochist,” he shot back with a shit-eating grin that just screamed, ‘you walked right into that one.’

Said grin twisted into a pained grimace as he felt a fist connect with his bicep with a meaty *thump*.

“Though you do present a strong case for sadi-”

“AS MUCH as I appreciate your candidness with me May,” she said cutting his tangent off with a blush and another swat upside his arm. “I do really want to know if you found anything off with the Nimbus proposition so I can lock up and finally call it a day,” she said with a tired groan, her fingers pinching at the bridge of her muzzle to try and relieve her returning tension.

Rubbing at the spot the princess had been pummeling, Matthias spotted specks of ink now coloring his fingers. Looking along the arm he had been tending to, he couldn't help but notice a sizable swathe of blue now dyeing the previously white, pinstripe sleeve; no doubt helped along by his prior ministrations. Turning towards the likely culprit, he found Celestia studying the notes and memos he had left in the document’s margins, holding the pages aloft in her magic’s soft yellow glow as she appeared to have accidentally spilled some ink onto her hands over the course of the day.

Somewhere, out there, beneath Luna’s pale moonlight, he swore he could hear the shirt’s tailor screaming, lamenting the loss of all her hard work and effort. Though why he chose to envision her as an alabaster unicorn with a big, purple coif of a mane was beyond even him.

It had proven quite difficult finding clothing tailored to Matthias’ alien physiology, what with his musculoskeletal structure varying subtlety from that of a stallion’s. Sporting less pronounced girth than the average earth pony while also lacking the lithe proportions so often seen in pegasus and unicorn stallions. So, as a result, everything from his t-shirts to his formal wear had to be custom fit with painstaking care and attention to detail; otherwise, he’d be unable to move about comfortably without things either slipping or chafing.

But as much as Matthias would have liked to avenge his wardrobe’s designer, the subtle flickering in the aura surrounding the documents caused him to pause. Because despite the poorly concealed shit eating grin she was sporting, he could tell that Celestia was just about done with all this. As not only had the sleeves of her typically immaculate yellow, business blouse been stained with ink and sweat and rolled up to her elbows, but she was quite literally swaying about, doing her best to stave off sleep’s siren song. Her eyes barely holding themselves up while a small speckle of drool began forming at the corner of her muzzle.

Glancing over at the clock hanging above the fireplace, Matthias saw that it was closing in on nine, well past the time Celestia would have normally packed it in and gone off to bed. Finding it odd that she hadn't already made her way off to Luna’s domain, considering how rigid a sleep schedule she kept and all. But when he considered the kind of workload they’d been stabled with for the greater part of this week and the fact that they’d barely gotten a chance to step outside of the office without needing to meet somepony looking to kiss flank or demand their flanks be kissed. He figured it be best just to let her little practical joke slide so he could shuffle the poor mare off to dreamland.

“Well, who am I to keep a lady away from the comforts of her bed?” he acquiesced, throwing his arms up lazily in a vague, v-like salutation, smirking at the color the entendre brought to her muzzle. “The grant request appears to be in order. All necessary signatures are present, and there are no competing claims to the spot we have to worry about.”

Celestia nodded in approval, grateful that that particular headache had been avoided. As despite the “noble” title the lords liked to laud about the city, they could still be as petulant as foals fighting over toys should their interests ever intersect.

“Buuut, the stipend he's asking for is about 50,000 bits more than what's necessary for the project.”

“WHAT!?” Celestia half shouted, suddenly finding herself full of piss and vinegar as she began tearing through the request. Turning to the monetary petition for the stipend, she ran the figures through her head only to find everything evening out.

“I don't see…”

“It's the construction firm,” Matthias pointed out, directing her towards his discovery.

Looking back at the resources and materials section, Celestia found the name of a little-known construction company, Work Horses, that would be given the contract should the grant be approved, along with the expected cost for labor and materials.

“Still not following you May,” she stated, now legitimately confused if not growing a bit concerned for his state of mind. She had already given a cursory glance to the grant the previous day but had decided to provide Matthias with a bit of a test to see if he could handle scrutinizing more hefty bits of legislation without her guidance. Apparently, he had taken to it with a fervor judging by how meticulously he had dissected each section, with different colored inks spread out across page after page highlighting everything from grammatical errors to notations detailing the document’s sources. But seeing that the ever-present bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual against his dual toned skin, she could see he had been getting even less sleep than usual.

Sensing that he had teased her long enough, Matthias slid another set of documents onto Celestia’s desk.

“What're these?” she asked.

“The estimates given by one Brick ‘n Mortar, of Work Horses, to one Nimbus Breaker, of Storm Breaker LLC, the week before he submitted the grant. Including, but not limited to, the cost of materials, shipping, as well as general work expenses. And would you look at that,” he said pointing to the total, “One of these things is not like the other,” he singsonged.

Sure enough, the initial estimates were 50,000 bits less than what Lord Nimbus had said it would cost.

Celestia stared at the new information with her mouth slightly agape, eyes shifting back and forth between the documents. After confirming for the seventeenth time that she was not in fact out of her damned mind, as Matthias often put it, she felt the earlier injection of piss and vinegar drain from her veins as her face once again sought the cold, soothing comfort of her desk.

“Urrrgh How could I overlook something so simple?” she groaned out.

Almost immediately, she felt a soft, comforting pressure fall on her shoulder and begin to caress the distraught diarch.

“Seventeen-hour workdays, Baroquian exposition dumps, and a distinct lack of cake make for quite the effective shell game,” Matthias mused while continuing his ministrations, hoping a little banter and affection would snap his friend out of her funk.

And oh, what wonders they were working!

Once again Celestia put up a token resistance at best against the tired smile spreading across her face as she leaned further into his gentle touches. Taking the hint, Matthias upgraded from simple strokes to light massaging, feeling the tension she'd been carrying throughout the week slip away slightly.

It's nice, she thought to herself as she allowed herself to get lost beneath his tender touch, having somepony around that can see beyond the masks.

As much as Celestia appreciated Matthias’ diligence and eye for detail, she was always taken aback by his general disregard for decorum around herself and Luna when outside of official court proceedings. Oh sure, he maintained similar airs around Twilight, but she hadn't had the several millennia worth of genuflection and borderline worship ingrained into her presence as she and her sister's had had. So Celestia truly appreciated the playful ribbing, crude comments, and unprovoked affection he would offer her during a long day at work or on a simple stroll through the castle grounds. Grateful to have somepony in her life she could drop the persona royale around and just be a normal mare with.

Well, as normal as one of the chosen manifestations of Balance can be.

Celestia continued to content herself with the warmth and closeness that came with Matthias’ simple affections, allowing any lingering feelings of indignity to fade away upon remembering that he would not think any less of her for such a simple slip up. But before she could allow herself sink any further beneath his touch, a niggling thought kept shoving itself to the forefront of her mind.

“Hmmmm what's a shell game?” she asked sleepily.

“Seriously?” he exclaimed quietly, slowing his caresses ever so slightly.

“Yes, what kind of game is it and what does it have to do with taking advantage of an overworked mare?” she asked giving Matthias a curious look, hoping to see that sparkle in those forest green eyes of his whenever he got the opportunity to educate somepony.

“Oh my sweet summer mare,” he chuckled to himself before planting a pat on her shoulder and standing up.

Sad at the loss of his proximity, she snuck a peek to see what he was up to and saw that he had made his way over to the office’s little kitchenette and was fiddling about with the sink and some towels.

How do those things bend like that? She thought as he twirled about and made his way back over to their desks, shuddering at the borderline painful angles his "feet" could bend.

But instead of sitting back down at his station, he walked around, so he was standing right in front of Celestia’s desk. Carefully moving aside a couple stacks of unchecked documents before he set the cups down, upside down and in a row next to each other.

“What are you playing at May?”

“Why a game of course!” he explained while fumbling around inside his pocket, gasping as he finally found whatever it was he was looking for. “I figure a practical demonstration will be far more effective than just an explanation.”

“Oh, there's no need to …”

“And miss the opportunity to tarnish little Tia’s innocence? Not for all the bits in the bank!”

Now her mild curiosity had grown into full blown-intrigue.

Could this be some sort of secret from his homeworld?

Aside from the organizational assistance he would give in the office, Celestia found Matthias’ otherworldly knowledge and experience invaluable, often discussing the impacts of similar bills and propositions passed in his world, to which he would readily offer his input. However, there were just some aspects of his home he would outright refuse to talk about, claiming he wasn't going to go down in history as the man who brought gerrymandering, reality t.v., and selfie sticks to Equestria, whatever those were. So if he was willing to open up about some of the less wholesome aspects of his homeworld, she would not pass up on this opportunity.

“Alright, how do we play?”

“That's the spirit! Now to get into character,” he cheered before closing his eyes and letting loose a long, drawn-out exhale.

He remained eerily still for the next several seconds, his massive frame moving nary an inch. But before Celestia could voice her concerns, he sprung up with a shout and an overly animated wave of his arms:

“Step right up folks come one come all! Who has what it takes to wring fortune away from the clutches of that miserly mare of luck?” He announced in a voice reminiscent of the barkers from the carnivals that often came through Canterlot.

Taken aback by his sudden theatrics, she couldn't quite find the proper words to respond.

“How about the pretty pony princess?” he said turning towards Celestia, “surely she would like a chance to test her luck and win a prize?”

Finally catching on to the act, Celestia giggled and gave Matthias a coquettish smile, “But good sir, I'm afraid I've never played such a game before, I wouldn't even know where to start.”

“Bah, don't let the theatrics fool you, milady, the game is quite simple really,” he said, bringing out a bit from his pocket and laying it in front of her. “I'm going to hide this bit beneath one of these cups, and all you have to do is find it.”

“Hmmm that doesn't sound too difficult,” she hummed with a finger resting on her chin, “alright I'll see what fate has in store for me!”

“Splendid, splendid, that's the spirit, in fact, since it's your first time playing, let's keep it simple! No strings, no stakes, no worries, just play to your heart’s content.”

She gave a nod, “Alright, what do I need to do?”

“Like I said all you need to do is find the bit,” he said while waving her attention down to the bit he had lain on the table before covering it with a cup. He then started to slowly rotate the cups around, shifting them about the desk while still keeping them in a line of three.

It was an easy enough pattern for Celestia to follow, never letting the cup she had seen him hide the bit under leave her sight as they spun about in front of her.

After about thirty seconds of shuffling, he brought the cups to a stop and spread his hands out. “So can the pretty pony princess find the bit?”

Without hesitation, she pointed to the middle cup.

Lifting the cup up, Matthias revealed the little gold coin lying beneath it. “Bravo, bravo, seems our princess has the skills to approve the bills! Now let's see what she can do when we kick it up a notch,” he said before beginning the process again at an increased pace.

Once again Celestia followed the cup, once again she quickly found the bit, and once again Matthias shelled out praise and adulations. Repeating the process over and over again, with Matthias speeding up his movements each time she pointed to the correct cup.

But after the fifth game or so, Celestia couldn't help but wonder where this was all going.

“Is… is this really all there is to it?” She asked trying to figure how all this tied into her not double checking Nimbus’s stipend request.

“Oh ho ho, seems the pretty princess wants more of a challenge!” he staged to the non-existent audience. “Well then, how about we make things interesting?”

“How so?”

“Let's see how abooouut...” he pondered while drumming his finger against his temple.

“Oh," he exclaimed with a snap of his fingers, "how about if you win you get what's in this box?” he said while reaching beneath his desk and picking up one of the packages he had brought in with him, laying it down in front of her.

“And should you win?” she asked, her interest suddenly perking.

“Then I get what's inside, and all you can do is watch,” Matthias said giving her a saucy smile.

Weighing her options, she figured she had nothing to lose and only the contents of the mystery box to gain.

“Alright, do your worst.”

“As you wish.”

Matthias started the process again, shifting the cups at a relatively quicker pace than the last round, but even so, it was still relatively easy for Celestia to follow.

So when he brought the cups to a halt, Celestia picked the one on the left without hesitation.

“Ooh so sorry, looks the princess’s luck has finally run out,” he said revealing the bit to be under the middle cup.

Celestia rocked forward, slamming her hands on the desk, eyes wide with shock and confusion.

W-what? I know I didn't… how did I..?

“And to the victor goes the spoils,” Matthias gloated while pulling up a chair and tearing the wrapper from the box.

And Celestia’s heart broke.

On the box, standing out against the plain cardboard exterior, was a gold leaf stamp of an icing bag ready to decorate a cake. Said stamp was the cutie mark of well-known Fillydelphian confectionaire Graham Crust, who had recently opened a new extension of his chain in Canterlot. Celestia had been hoping to drop by sometime during the week to sample some of his wares, or at the very least send Matthias out to pick them up something to help make the drudgery of the week pass by quicker. But alas, with the rush of last-minute legislation they were currently drowning in, she could find neither the time nor the energy for such a reprieve.

“You wouldn't dare!?” she almost screamed, her voice raising a couple octaves while her bottom lip began to quiver uncontrollably.

“I believe the terms were, I get what's inside, and all you can do is watch,” he said with enough smug to make half the nobles in Canterlot to blush.

“But, but …”

“Buuut I’m not without mercy. So how does double or nothing sound?”

Celestia looked between the box on the table and the wicked gleam in Matthias’ eyes, working over the odds in her head. She couldn't for the eternal life of her figure out how she missed the switch up, but the devilish smirk Matthias was sporting sparked a stubborn competitiveness inside her that would not stand to let things end like this.

“Fine! If I win, you will surrender the cake!” She shot back with fire.

“And if I win you will allow me access to the restricted sections of the Royal Library!” Matthias gave back with equal heat.

Now, this was enough to give Celestia some pause. While she fully believed in the open and free exchange of ideas and information, she had to exercise some caution as knowledge could quite easily translate to power in Equestria, both the figurative and literal kinds.

“What could you possibly want in there?”

Matthias gave a non-committal shrug. “Meh, can't really say since I’ve never been in there. Really, I just want to see Twilight's face when I tell her I got in after only a few months.”

This caused her to raise an eyebrow as she studied his face. It was true that he and Twilight met on a fairly regular basis, she, helping him and Luna better acclimate to Equestrian societal norms while he shared information and stories from Earth he was comfortable with. So the idea of him wanting another point of commonality to talk with her former student about was not so farfetched.

“Agreed, but on the condition I accompany you. I wouldn't want you stumbling upon anything dangerous in there.”

“How dangerous we talking?”

“Memory overwriting knowledge construct at best, self-replicating arcane informational directive at worst.”

That got a shiver out of Matthias before he nodded in agreement.

After Matthias moved the box out of the way and showed Celestia the bit one more time, he began the game once again.

The pace and shifts in pattern were sped up once more, but Celestia was laser-focused on the cup she had seen him hide the bit beneath; never once taking her eyes off the only obstacle standing between her and sweet, sweet solace.

So one can imagine her utter bafflement at once again choosing the wrong cup.

“HOW THE BUCK?!” was all she allowed to slip out before clamping her mouth shut, lest she be heard by any passing staff. Though Matthias made no such effort in curtailing his raucous laughter at how worked up Celestia was getting.

He made another grab for the box, ready to revel in his victory, but was intercepted by a pair of soft, yet firm, hands grabbing him by his wrists. Looking down, Matthias found a frantic mare pulling up his sleeves and studying his fingers, checking to see if he hand't been pulling some sleight of hand or the like.

Celestia’s due diligence was distracted, however, by a melodious chuckling floating down from above her. Finding Matthias’ smug half a face grinning like a fiend down at her when she made to find its source

“Anything I can help you with Tia?”

“HOOOWWW?” was all she managed to growl out.

“Now now, that would be telling” he *tsked* while wagging his finger.

“EXACTLY. TELL.”

Matthias chuckled nervously, seeing as the air around her head had begun to shift and shimmer like the heat coming off of a blacktop.

“Welllll I could tell you, but where's the fun in that?”

If looks could kill, then Celestia’s glare would've torn his chest open and ripped out his still beating heart.

“Matthias Martin, as much as I value your friendship and experience, twice you have denied me the respite of my bed, and twice you have denied me my cake! Suffice it to say there are fiends and monsters suffering in the deepest pits of Tartarus for far less than that. So, unless you would like to be acquainted with some of them, you will tell me what sorcery you are using!”

As if she had pulled some kind of plug, the color seemed to drain entirely from half of Matthias’ face, while a shudder strong enough to rattle the stacks of paper still on her desk racked its way up and down his body.

Oh… oh, buck!!! Celestia thought in dawning horror of what she had just said to her friend, the sight of him shivering like a frightened child dousing her fury in its entirety. But before she could raise her concerns or reach out to him, he seemed to bounce back some and move his hands back over to the cups.

“All right, all right I'll… I’ll slow it down. J-just watch closely, okay?” he said in a sheepish voice, once more beginning to shuffle the cups. His motions downright sluggish compared to how he was moving them before.

Too far. That kind of threat, even implied or in jest, that's a line I shouldn't have crossed. Celestia thought as she kept a steady eye trained on both the borderline sluggish motions of his hands as well as Matthias himself. Praying to the Maker that she hadn’t said or done anything too hurtful to her friend as she took stock of both the rise and fall of his chest, as well as his posture. Breathing a slight sigh of relief as she saw that twinge from before, fade into nothing.

Noticing Celestia’s gaze upon him, Matthias brought his motions to a stop, and with a steady gentleness, took her hands in his own, bringing her attention fully onto him when he began rubbing his thumbs along the plush white coat covering her palms. Giving her a warm, tender smile and nod when their eyes locked, a silent confirmation that he was alright.

And yet he has the strength to smile. She thought as she reciprocated the little gesture with a stronger squeeze of her hands and a warm, tired smile of her own.

They continued to hold onto each other like this for several more seconds, simply letting the sense of metaphysical warmth that came from being in the presence of someone who you knew cared for and trusted you explicitly fill them till it felt like their hearts were about to burst.

“So, care to make a guess?” Matthias asked with an impish smile before shooting a glance back down at the desk.

Giggling softly, Celestia looked back down at the line of cups. Now, she had made sure to meticulously follow each move he had made while checking up on him, so she knew for a fact that the bit had to be under the middle one. But still, she hesitated, having been burned twice already and was doubting whether or not she should jump to a choice so quickly.

“Come on Tia; I barely put anything into that one! Even Blueblood, with his head literally up his ass, could find it this time.” Matthias assured her, sensing her resolve beginning to wane.

This got Celestia giggling again, the image of her nephew in such a ridiculous and undignified position bolstering her confidence and pushing aside her doubts as she went to make her choice.

“Althouuggghh, you are batting 0 for 2 so far, so why risk further humiliation?”

Celestia’s deadpan could have melted stone.

“As you said May, my nephew, with his head buried in his flank, should be able to accomplish this, so I'm fairly confident that I can handle it.”

“Oh ho ho, seems the Sun Queen’s still got some fire in her. Alright, if you're so sure, then how about we make this interesting again?”

Celestia’s confidence hitched again as she gulped, looking down at the cups on her desk.

“F-fine! If I win, I get the cake, ALL of the cake, as in you'll be bringing me a new cake every day for the next month!”

“Fair enough. Now if I win…? Welllll?”

“Well, what?” Celestia asked slightly concerned.

“Well,” Matthias teased nervously with a slight blush spreading across his face, “Luna once showed me an interesting picture of you and her.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm.”

“And what pray tell was in this picture?”

“Oh you know, you and Luna,”

“Yes.”

“At the beach,”

“Right.”

“In a yellow polka-dot bikini.”

Celestia was surprised she didn't burst a blood vessel, considering the rate at which her face paled then blushed.

Why would Luna show him that!?

She remembered that little vacation both warmly and fondly. It had been about a month after Luna’s liberation from the moon, and she had begun to take her first, tentative steps towards integrating into a new modernity, to... varying degrees of success. So Celestia, not wanting to see her baby sister either discouraged or overwhelmed by the brave new world she found herself living in decided to use the end of term recess as it was actually meant to be used, as a break. Yes, she’d have to play a bit of catch up once the political year started anew, but a month of late nights and early mornings would be well worth the chance to spend time with her little Lulu after almost a millennia apart.

So for the first time since her return, far and away from both subject and noble alike at their old villa on the Firefly Archipelago, Celestia and Luna got to talk and act as if they were actual sisters. Eating their collective weight in cake and caramel, pulling pranks on any of their subjects who strayed too close, or any guards who took it upon themselves to escort them. Celestia had even been able to somewhat acclimate Luna to more modern trends in fashion, ultimately leading to them posing on the beach together, with Celestia using her magic to position the camera and capture the magic moment of Luna genuinely smiling for the first time in nearly a thousand years.

“And… and what interest do you have in such a garment?” she asked Matthias cautiously, trying her best to keep her cool.

“In the bathing suit, nothing. Seeing you in it up close though …” he trailed off letting the implications hang in the air.

Aside from the rush of blood to her face nearly turning her as pink as her niece, Celestia’s mind was now suddenly flooded with hundreds of competing thoughts and feelings trying to get a word in edgewise.

There's no way I can let him see me like that! Wait, I'm his boss and Princess, I'm under no obligation to lower myself in such a manner. But I'm his friend, and he's got as much to lose should I pick right? Hold on, a month of cake versus a few minutes of me in THAT hardly seems fair for him. Why would he risk so much for so little? Does he want to see me in something so revealing that badly? Wait, wait, wait, does that mean he actually sees ponies in such a way? Does that mean…

But before Celestia could well and truly lose her shit again, a firm yet gentle pressure began running along her shoulders. Snapping her out of her runaway reverie and revealing a paling, worried-looking Matthias staring back at her.

“Hey hey hey no need to freak out,” Matthias assured her, even though he looked like he was on the verge of freaking out himself. “Look, forget I said anything, alright? See, all I did was-”

“No!” Celestia all but barked before taking a couple long, calming breaths, ensuring she had regained some measure of composure before addressing her friend and aide. “Your terms are acceptable, though I am somewhat surprised that you'd be interested in such a thing.”

The color on the right side of Matthias’ face nearly matched the red on his left, “What can I say, even a mangled monster like me knows pretty when he sees it,” he said with a wry chuckle.

Does… does he really see himself like that next to us? She thought to herself, taken aback by how quickly and easily he could switch from complimenting royalty to demeaning himself.

“Now, pick your poison.”

However, the excited sparkle in Matthias’ eyes and the barely contained quiver at the corner of his lip helped to put her mind at ease as he directed her back to the task at hand.

Confident that he couldn't have pulled anything off under her scrutiny, she mustered her remaining courage and chose the middle cup.

He hovered his right hand over the cup, twirling it about as if winding up the tension, before gingerly grasping it. He spun it in place for a second, filling the room with the sound of porcelain scraping against wood and their hushed breathing. And just when it looked like Matthias was finally going to pick it up, his left hand darted out and lifted the left cup, revealing the bit beneath it.

Matthias recoiled at the sound of a sudden, sharp *crack* coming from where Celestia was sitting. At first, he entertained the idea that her mind had finally snapped, given the literal smoke pouring out of her ears, but then he saw that she had just bored her fingernails into the desk with a grip strong enough to have cracked the wood.

Where does she get her mannies?

“Well, three strikes and she's out!”

Any attempts Celestia made at asking 'how' only succeeded in making her look like a fish sucking in air.

“But to be fair the bases weren't exactly loaded in your favor,” he said picking up the remaining cups, revealing a bit beneath each of them.

With the secret laid bare, all Celestia could do was sit back and spasm as micro tremors began racing their way up and down her body. Her left eye twitching in time with the throbbing vein pulsing across the same temple. While her mane, which had barely been fluttering not two seconds ago, began to lash out and unspool wildly, like the tendrils of some pastel-hued octopus hopped on Mountain Dew.

NO. IT WAS NOT THAT SIMPLE. ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW DID HE… WHEN DID HE?

*snap*

However, her internal fuming was broken by the strange sound coming from the equally strange device in Matthias’ hand. The smartphone, as he called it, was a device from his homeworld that had miraculously survived his journey into Equestria with him, and whose functions made her seriously doubt his claims about magic not existing back on his homeworld. You could write or type on its glass-like screen, play games like chess or checkers, (both Twilight and Matthias went into an investigative tizzy over discovering those parallels), even listen to hours and hours of some the most surreal and beautiful music to have ever graced the airs of Equus. Or, in this case, take a photograph of a fairly frazzled pony princess.

“Luna is going to love that one.”

Celestia was on him in a flash.

"YOU INCORRIGIBLE LITTLE SHIT!"

Matthias’ laughter took on a Doppler-like effect as Celestia grabbed him by the collar (staining him with ink once more and making that poor dressmaker cry once again) and began throttling the ever-loving shit out of him.

And yes, while she would have loved to just teleport the smarmy bastard out into the moat, there was just something primally satisfying about using her bare hands to vent her frustrations. Plus it's not like she had much of a choice, as most magic seemed to either fizzle out across his skin or bounce right off him, a real shocker to Celestia and her guards when they first found him those many months ago.

“Now now, if you break the barker how can he give the pretty pony princess her prize?” Matthias warned her as his vision began to blur.

Celestia paused in her not so gentle ministrations to give him a bemused glare, “The criminal hopes to stave off his execution with cake?”

“No he hopes to stave it off with really good cake,” he said while smiling, offering up the prize she had suffered so much for.

Grabbing the box in her golden aura, she brought it to her side, relinquishing one hand from Matthias’s collar so she could examine its contents.

Inside was a multi-layered monstrosity of a chocolate cake, painted in a coat of thick, dark frosting. With fluffy chocolate buttercream and chocolate syrup sandwiched between each layer, all topped off with a piping hot layer of fudge and a sizeable scoop of vanilla ice cream. And thanks to box’s preservation charm, everything felt and smelled as if it had just come out of the oven.

Celestia couldn't remember the first bite or the second bite for that matter. In fact, by the time she registered the taste she had already released Matthias, sat down, and had materialized a fork out of nowhere to dig in.

“This cake just saved your life.”

“Wait, aren't there laws against harming an endangered species?”

Matthias didn't receive an answer as Celestia just continued to dig in. Smiling at the supposed sun goddess stuffing her face with all the reckless abandon of a kid let loose in a candy store before making his way back over to his desk.

Oh stars above I needed this, she thought while scooping another sizeable chunk of cake into her mouth. So warm, and rich, and with so many types of… She paused in her mastications with a sudden realization.

“May?”

“Yo.”

“This cake, it's made of chocolate, filled with chocolate, and covered in chocolate.”

“Yep.”

“But you hate chocolate.”

“It's not so much a hate as an extreme preference for anything that isn't chocolate.”

“Then why would you try so desperately to cheat me out of a cake that embodies everything you dislike in a dessert?”

Matthias chuckled before reaching under his desk and pulling out another box similar to hers.

“Because I had planned on giving you that one tomorrow to thank you for putting up with me for the past eight months give or take. But seeing as you were about to lose it, I called an audible and decided to give it to you now. Though the whole shell game bit was just to help you blow off some steam,” he said with a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

Though he became slightly worried when the sounds of an exhausted mare stuffing herself with cake disappeared, replaced with the telltale *crackle* and *pop* of a teleportation spell. But before Matthias could register where his boss had ported off to, he felt a pair of arms drape around his shoulders and pull him into a warm hug from behind.

“Thank you,” she spoke softly, resting her chin atop his head, “thank you.”

When Celestia and her retinue had pulled Matthias out of the Northern Deeps, he had been severely malnourished and neglected, unable to speak and suffering from poorly healed mana burns across a good portion of his body, amongst other injuries.

But even after the doctors had healed the damage to his body, after finding some rather inventive workarounds to his magic resistance, Celestia couldn't help but worry over the damage the whole ordeal had raked upon his spirit. Lost in a world unlike his own, separated from friends and family alike, an entire life built through toil and trouble, gone in the blink of an eye.

Yet here he stood—or sat rather—choosing to celebrate what he had gained rather than sulk over what he had lost, with an honest smile on his face and a genuine compassion that the world just couldn't quite snuff out.

Matthias let out a deep sigh and relaxed further into her embrace, reaching a hand up to grip one of the forearms wrapped around him, just wanting another point of contact.

“Anytime.”

“Still not sure what putting me through the ringer like that had to do with me not double checking the stipend.”

Matthias chuckled a bit before relinquishing his hold on her arm. Pulling out the midnight blue quill he kept on a silver chain around his neck. The feather had been a gift from Luna to help Matthias communicate without having to carry around a full stationary set wherever he went. Drawing from her power, it allowed Matthias to write with starlight, rather than ink, and on any surface, whether it be paper, stone, or sky.

He leaned forward, bringing Celestia with him, and started writing something on the space in front of the cups. Trying to get a better look at what he was doing, she moved from the top of his head down to his shoulder, bringing herself cheek to cheek with Matthias.

Hanging in the air in front of each cup respectively were the words, ‘I'm tired, and I want to go to bed, why does a grant request need over 200 pages, and GIVE ME CAKE!’

“Now the point of a shell game is to confuse and distract the player. You hide the bit and move the cups hoping to throw off the other person, er uh pony.”

Celestia nodded, the thin fur on her cheek rubbing against his face causing his breath to catch slightly.

“I get that much, now.”

“S-so let's take away the bit and instead hide 50,000 extra bits under these three cups,” Matthias said pointing to the silver writing. Setting the words into motion with a flick of his wrist.

“Now, he knows you're overworked and tired, that you've been reading these things all freaking week,” he said giving the source of their misery a violent jab with his finger, “and he probably figured that by the time you'd come around to reading it ...

*sigh* “That I would be in no shape to notice such a minor inconsistency,” Celestia interrupted, finally catching on to the metaphor, deflating slightly as she draped herself further across Matthias. But before she could sink further into her malaise, a ticklish sensation running along the rim of her ear brought her back from the brink.

“Now now, none of that. No shame in needing an extra set of eyes,” Matthias told her in a playfully parental tone as he continued to run the feathered end of his quill against her ear. “In fact, I seem to recall a certain somepony telling me that despite all the pomp and circumstance she's just a regular mare. So since she isn't perfect, she shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to ask me for help, or to watch her back every once in a while.”

Celestia continued to giggle, both at the feather tickling her and at the idea that such a young stallion was speaking to her as if she were one of her frustrated students. So, in an effort to regain the upper hand, she did the one thing she knew would put them back on even hoofing.

She nuzzled him.

It never ceased to amaze her how such a simple show of affection could set his face ablaze, but as she kept rubbing into his cheek and neck, she could practically feel the heat radiating off his skin.

“I'll keep that in mind, Mr. Martin,” she said as she pulled away from him, nearly doubling over at the sight of a tomato red Matthias.

Hoping to stem the heat flowing to his face before Celestia’s further nuzzlings could set his cheeks ablaze, Matthias tore open his box and began tearing into his own cake in an attempt to cool off. The scent of spice and apples assaulting Celestia’s muzzle as he started digging in.

“So what, pray tell, have you got there?”

“A fried caramel spice cake, alamode, with baked apples,” he answered tilting the box in her direction.

Much like her own caloric colossus, Matthias’s cake was a multilayered behemoth of a spice cake, coated in a thick layer of caramel frosting. From where he had cut in, she could see a similar buttercream wedged between each layer along with chunks of crispy, golden apples. Complete with a sizable coating of molten caramel and vanilla ice cream dribbling down its side.

“That looks heavenly,” she said mesmerized by the sight of his dessert.

Chuckling at her wide-eyed stare, Matthias scooped out a sizeable portion of his treat, making sure to include bits from each section, and offered her a bite.

“Oh, no thank you, you go ahead and enjoy yours, mine is more than enough.”

Yeah not buying that for a second, he thought, as, despite her initial refusal, she was still transfixed on the offered piece.

“Come on Celly.”

“Really it's alright I shouldn't impose…”

“You know you want a piece.”

“Be that as it may, it still isn't…”

“Celestia Solaire, I swear to Cthulhu if you do not take a bite of this cake I will start making *choo choo* noises until you open up. Now say, ahhh.”

Well, I wouldn't want to upset Kathuloo, whoever that is? She thought before 'begrudgingly' opening her mouth and allowing Matthias to feed her.

Once again it wasn't until the second or third helping from Matthias that she registered the flavor, or that he had gifted her a sizeable portion of his cake. Just like hers, his dessert was warm, as if it had just come fresh out the oven, but where hers had been soft and moist, his was buttery and crispy, no doubt the result of a different cooking method. As well, the tartness of the apples and the sweetness of the ice cream helped to subdue the impact of the butter and caramel, melding together into a perfect blend of sweet and salty.

“This is absolutely delicious May!” Celestia said licking her lips enthusiastically, hoping to savor the flavor for as long as she could, though out of nowhere she suddenly turned downcast. “I just wish you weren't so abhorred to chocolate so I could share some of mine with you.”

Shaking his head at his friend’s cake induced mood swings, he decided to throw her a bone by reaching over and scooping out a small piece of her cake. Making sure he dipped it in a hefty serving of caramel and ice cream before taking a few tentative bites.

“Like I said I don't dislike chocolate, but if I had a full piece of something like that,” motioning over to her cake, “the richness alone would probably kill me,” he said with a rueful giggle.

Looking down at what was left of her dessert Celestia couldn't help but blush at the sight of five different types of chocolate bleeding out from where she had ripped into it.

“It is a little much, isn't it?” she asked quietly.

“Eh, to each their own. My mom and sister could have easily handled something like that no problem. Guess I take after my dad in that regard.”

Alright, Celestia, don't push too hard now, she thought to herself.

“Was he not a fan of chocolate either?”

“Nothing that high octane,” he said pointing towards her cake once again, “In fact, getting that man to try anything other than French toast sticks was a feat worthy of song.”

“French?”

“Oh uh, Prench would be the equivalent here I guess.”

Celestia smirked at yet another one of the strange parallels shared between their worlds. Wondering if he and Twilight had already mapped out that particular commonality, and if they had, how many nights they had stayed up doing it.

“Do you think he would have enjoyed your cake?”

Matthias paused mid-bite to ponder before sighing with a wistful smile, “I… I think so. Probably would have ditched the caramel but he’s a sucker for cinnamon. Hell, when we were taste testing for my sister’s wedding cake we had a sample of something like this one,” he said looking down, “He scarfed down like three of them, so we knew we had our winner there,” he said giving a soft laugh.

“Is that why you chose that flavor?” she asked gently.

He gave a small nod, “When they said they could make any type of cake I just had to try. And man did they get it right! It's… it's like I've got a slice of home here! ” he explained, his eyes having gotten a bit too misty by this point, “and… and now I can share it with my new friends.”

Once again Matthias found himself crushed in another bear hug from Celestia, only this time she pulled herself a little tighter against him, wrapping him in her wings. The sudden surge of care and concern doing its best to snuff out the encroaching thoughts of loss and loneliness threatening to drown him.

Though the velvety texture of her fur rubbing against his skin and her soft chest pressed against his was giving rise to something else entirely.

Don't go down that route, that trail only ends in tears, he thought while trying to keep himself together.

“I was wondering why you got such a huge cake.”

“Heh, yeah, not all of us are blessed with alicorn metabolism.”

“I believe only five of us are so blessed.”

“And I've got to split it between three of you,” he said as he closed his box and reapplied the seal. Feeling the slightest tingle against his skin, signaling that the preservation charm had gone into effect.

“So, I take it you are going to bring some to Luna after we've wrapped things up here,” Celestia said with a mischievous smirk in her eyes.

“Yep, though I was hoping to check in on her other present.”

This almost got a *squee* out of Celestia as she let go of Matthias and all but bounced back to her desk. Where she began rifling through a couple of drawers before pulling out a manila envelope and handing it to Matthias.

“We've got all the support we'll need from the House of Commons. The benefits of gaining favor from not one but two Princesses was too good an opportunity for them to pass up.”

“Will they be expecting any tit for tat?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Oh uh, sorry,” he quickly apologized while blushing, “I mean when the time comes, will they be expecting your unconditional support for whatever crazy legislation they wanna push through?”

“Why would they… Oh wait, I understand! No, the elected officials wouldn't try to seek outright favors from us, even at such a critical juncture. If anything they'd rather have us recognize their cooperativeness before their constituents. Being in the good graces of their Princesses goes a long way come election season.”

Matthias nodded in a twisted sense of understanding. Back home politicians had built careers around defying the opposing leadership, but here the crown served as more than just a ruling body. They were the physical embodiment of a primal force of nature, who had led the nation through tumult and turmoil. Having fought, bled and suffered for millennia in service to their little ponies. So the idea of officials gaining major brownie points with their constituents for supporting these selfless sisters wasn't too far-fetched of an idea.

Eh, different universe, different rules.

“How are things progressing on the noble front?”

Celestia reached into her desk and retrieved another envelope, “As well as can be expected,” she explained with a little trepidation in her voice this time. “We’re nearly at enough of a majority where any dissenters would just be blowing smoke.”

“Buuuut?”

“But we've run through all the nobleponies I trust and are now left with those who would um...,” her cheeks took on a pink hue as she struggled to find the words, “'want tit' as you put it.”

Well, guess I can cross Celestia saying ‘tit’ off the bucket list, Matthias thought chuckling, slightly taken aback that Celestia could bring herself to say such a word.

“tit for tat,” he corrected, “it's a mistranslation turned colloquialism. I'll explain it sometime when you're not running on a cake and a prayer.”

“I am not ….” was all that came out before a full open-mouthed yawn shook her to the core.

“Sugar, it burns bright and hot, but just as quickly burns you out,” he said while standing up and getting his gear in order. “Come on, let's get you to bed.”

“Oh you don't have to fuss over me May, I'm still here enough to finish things up.”

“Really!? Then why are you stuffing documents into a cake box?”

Looking down, she saw that she was indeed shoving the Nimbus Request he had given her into what was left of her cake.

Huh could've sworn that was the outbox, she thought bringing her hand to her chin, accidentally smearing her face with chocolate, too tired to even blush or care.

Though she was able to scrape together some color when Matthias came over with a warm towel and began wiping her face off as if she were a filly.

“Celly, I'm telling you this as a friend and as a probational citizen of this fine country, Go. To. Bed. I don't think Equestria could handle you unwittingly signing Prima Nocte back into law. Though I'm sure Luna would get a kick out of it. Be one hell of a way for her to get closer to her subjects.”

Another smile, another laugh, another yawn. Again Celestia marveled at how at ease she felt in Matthias’ company. “Very well I suppose we’ll just have to go with your plan to help Lulu better acclimate. Though to be fair Prima Nocte did wonders in establishing alliances amongst the early tribes,” she said laying the implications on thick, earning her a wide-eyed deadpan from Matthias that all but screamed, I can't tell if she's joking or not.

“Oh, speaking of which,” Celestia remembered, reaching back into the drawer and removing a couple sheets of paper and some envelopes, “since you're bound to go bother Luna, would you please see to it she gets these and signs off on them?”

“You betcha bossmare. After I get you to bed, I'll lock up here then go see her.”

Pushing herself up from her desk and onto her hooves, Celestia tried to argue for her ability to make it to her chambers on her own power, only for her arms give out and fall partially into her cake and partially into Matthias.

“Thank you for making my case,” he said before turning around and lowering himself slightly, “Now hop on.”

She could have refused. She could have continued to argue for own competency or simply ordered Matthias to go attend to Luna, but dammit she was just too tired. So she complied and moved to receive the offered piggyback ride, securing her arms over Matthias’ shoulders and her legs through his looped arms.

Once Matthias was sure Celestia was safe and secure, he set out from the now empty office, making sure to take a more roundabout route to Celestia’s chambers to avoid giving any staff still out and about a conniption from the sight of their princess in such a state.

The gentle rocking of Matthias’ body and the soft rhythmic *scuff* of his shoes echoing through the dimly lit corridor began lulling her into a state of near sleep. Finding the heat coming off his body soothing and the lingering scent of cinnamon clinging to him oddly comforting as she buried her muzzle into the crook of his neck and shut her eyes.

Warm, she thought as she let the word and feeling fill her completely.

DON'T TRIP DON'T TRIP DON'T TRIP, Matthias ordered his legs as he willed himself forward.

Trying to distract himself from the blanket soft fur and the warm breath playing across his neck, Matthias attempted to pick up on the conversation they were having before they had left:

“W-what should we do get the rest of the nobles on our side?”

“Unnngh don't worry about it too much," she said as she continued nuzzling into him sleepily, “I'll probably just offer them seats on committees or councils that would play to their strengths and interests. Give the peacocks another feather to flaunt.”

Celestia could feel Matthias’s chuckle more than hear it.

“What should we do about Nimbus?

Before she could tell him that Lord Nimbus could go buck himself, she realized where Matthias was going with this.

*sigh* “As much as I'd like to drag his sorry flank before the Chamber and watch him squirm under an inquisitorial review, he carries some hefty weight in both houses.”

“I take it he's in bed with ponies we'll need?”

“Heh, you'd think he was herding with Lord Bluster as often as they back each other.”

“So I'm assuming if we nail Nimbus’ dick to the wall…”

“W-we would *pffft* most assuredly lose the support of Bluster and his allies,” Celestia answered, chortling at Matthias’ colorful imagery.

“How big a loss we talking here?”

“Substantial. Those two, together, have been responsible for much of Equestria’s success in expanding into the frontier territories. We lose them, and we most assuredly lose any support we’ve mustered in both houses, not to mention what damage they could do if they decide to turn this into a public spectacle.”

“Luna would not be happy.”

“Luna would not be happy,” she parroted with a sigh.

“And we can't just let him off scot-free; otherwise he'll think he can keep getting away with it. Or at the very least that you've finally gone senile.”

This earned him an earnest *chomp* from Celestia, as she dug her teeth into his shoulder, not nearly hard enough to tear the fabric or break the skin, but just hard enough to let Matthias know how much she appreciated his quip, further mussing up his suit in the process.

Outside in the cold distance, the faded echoes of a fashionista’s screams met their ears.

“Did you just hear something?”

“I….don’t think so?”

“Oh, uh okay.”

I'm really gonna have to find that poor mare and get her something nice, Matthias thought as he continued his trek towards Celestia’s quarters, sans pony teeth in his shoulder.

“So what are you gonna do about him?” he asked turning his head to face Celestia.

Celestia hummed against him in thought, “Our paths are limited. Like you said if we let him get away with it, it will only reinforce this behavior, but if we call him out, all our hard work would be for naught and Luna’s already tenuous standing with our subjects could be jeopardized.”

“Damned if we do, damned if we don't,” Matthias said in a huff.

“No need for dramatics May, this isn't the first time I've had to deal with a cheeky politician trying to gin the system in his or her favor,” she assured him.

Pausing for a moment to weigh her options she decided to fall back on a tried and true natural consequence that never failed to rear its head up during these last-minute legislative rushes, “We can always just waylay the grant until the Masquerade and claim that we didn't have the time to read through and approve his request. That way we can deny him his stipend without calling him out, and he learns not to bombard me with padded propositions so late in the season.”

“Not a bad idea, he doesn't get what he wants, and since it looks like it's his fault, he doesn't throw a wrench into our plans.”

“Indeed, neither side gains what they want, but at the same time they don't lose anything either.”

“We called it a Zero-sum game back on Earth.”

“Yes, that is an apt description.”

“But if I'm going to play, I'm going to play to win,” he said turning to Celestia with a devilish look in his eye.

“What do you mean?” she asked lifting her head to face Matthias.

“I'm saying we should give Lord Nimbus exactly what he wants and then some,” he explained while giving Celestia an almost predatory smile.

“But how will that…”

“Easy there, just sit back, relax, and let me spin you a yarn.”

It took Matthias barely a minute to lay the groundwork for what he had in store for Nimbus, more than enough time for him to hammer home the key details and cut off any questions or concerns Celestia might have. So that by the time they had rounded the final corner leading towards Celestia’s chambers, the giant, golden doors shining in the distance, they had a rough outline of what to do during next Wednesday’s House address. And if Celestia had the energy or wherewithal to, she would have broken out into a Twilight-style YES dance.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate that twisted sense of reasoning you possess?” she sighed happily as she nuzzled into Matthias’ cheek yet again, thanking him for coming up with a solution that would not only guarantee their surprise going off without a hitch, but would put that flankhole in his place.

“A-and have I mentioned that if y-you keep doing that I'm going to drop you?” Matthias said, suddenly finding it hard to walk with all the blood rushing to his face.

Celestia giggled softly as she kept up her assault on his cheek and neck, knowing full well that Matthias would never do anything to purposefully hurt or discomfort her.

Upon reaching the large gilded, double oak doors leading to Celestia’s room, the two gold clad guards parted ways to allow them entry, having grown accustomed to the sight of the strange alien dragging their ward off to bed over the many months he’d been working for her.

Celestia’s personal suite was a modest affair, well, as modest as a Greco-Roman style antechamber could be. Housed in one of the many towers branching from and off of Canterlot Castle’s central spire, the former observatory/weather station had been massively repurposed to accommodate the needs of the then solar monarch. With several of the floors and stairways having been removed and hollowed out to create a sprawling, three-story tall living and common area. Whose domed ceiling, which long ago had once held all manner of lumen gauge and similar barometric equipment, now served as the canvas for an ornate, Sistine Chapel-esque mural illustrating the unification of the three pony tribes under the banner of the royal pony sisters. With a pair of enchanted portraits showcasing Celestia and Luna circling each other as they shepherded their respective spheres and skies across the ceiling's old Lux Port, serving as the focal point.

Currently, as it was nearing the height of the evening outside, the portrait of Luna had risen to watch over her colored kingdom. The painted pony's outstretched arms and glowing horn giving the impression that she was guiding the soft light of her charges through the opening in the roof. Reflecting it off of the ornate chandelier hovering some two and a half stories off of the ground, and casting their silver glow across the rows of towering bookshelves, spiral staircases, and decorative columns lining the walls. Giving Matthias more than enough light to navigate his way towards the observatory turned master bedroom, grateful that it was situated on the ground floor and not higher up. As he was pretty sure either his legs, back, or both, would have given out if had to go drag them up one more flight of stairs.

The bedroom itself actually was a modest affair, all things considered, decorated sparsely with nothing more than a couple ornate dressers and drawers laid out more for efficacy than style, with pictures of her past escapades with friends and family resting atop them. In fact, the only thing one might consider over the top would be the massive cathedral style window taking up the majority of the East wall. Perfectly framing Luna’s moon front and center as it cast its gentle glow across the city and the countryside leading down to Ponyville.

Matthias made his way over to the room’s giant, king-sized bed, shuffling the mostly asleep princess slightly so he could wrest a hand free and start turning down the covers for her. Once he had finished prepping the bed to his, and hopefully her, liking, he moved to lay Celestia down, trying his best not to rouse her but found himself pausing when Celestia’s horn began to glow slightly, followed by the tell-tale *ring* of her magic.

He felt a bubbly breeze begin brushing against his back before suddenly, the sleeves of her blouse started to blow away in motes of golden dust, trailing from her wrists all the way up to her shoulders. Though Matthias couldn't turn and see what exactly was happening, he could feel the softness of her chest become more pronounced as well as two small somethings dig into his back. However, it was only when he felt her velvet soft fur in his hands where her khakis had been that he was able to put two and two together:

Jesus-fuckin-jumped-up-Christ-on-a-pony why is she naked!? He all but screamed in his head, his face threatening to burst into flames.

But before that could happen, the familiar chime of her magic started up again, followed by a cascade of warm, glossy light pouring down her body. An instant later he could feel the silky smoothness of her evening gown under his hands where there had once been bare fur and skin, and the familiar friction of fabric rubbing on fabric as she brought herself closer to him.

“Thank you, May,” she mumbled groggily, planting a kiss on his left cheek before falling off of his shoulders and onto the bed.

When the flow of blood rushing between his face and pelvis had finally evened out, and after taking a few calming breaths, he turned to ask her, what the actual hell? Only to find Celestia out cold, mouth open and sprawled out over the bed in her light pink evening wear.

Matthias could only smile and shake his head at the rather undignified position she had fallen asleep in, his shock and confusion melting away at the sight of his friend knocked right the fuck out.

“Sweet Chthonan, what am I gonna do with you?” he whispered.

Looking down at his friend fondly, he moved the bright yellow sheets over her and tucked her in, stifling a laugh as she grumbled in her sleep and turned to her side, tangling herself further in the covers.

At some point during the trek across the castle her flowing, multi-hued mane had reverted to its static, pink state and was currently thrown across her face as a result of her fidgeting. With the tenderness one would show a newborn, Matthias gently brushed it aside and placed it behind her ear, making sure it couldn’t fall back and disturb her further. This seemed to appease the sleeping Celestia, as she let out a sleepy sigh and finally ceased her squirming beneath the sheets.

Content that she was settled in for the night, Matthias made to move away from the bed but paused when he heard the *rustle* of fabric on fabric again. Looking back, he saw that Celestia had begun to toss and turn once more, shifting onto her right side and clinging to the covers in an almost fetal-like position.

Moving almost by instinct, his hand found itself on the crown of her head and began to stroke and pet her silky, pink mane. Once more her fidgeting seemed to cease, and a contented smile spread across her face. Matthias maintained his ministrations for another ten minutes or so before deciding to test the waters, lifting his hand and letting out a sigh of relief when she did not continue to fidget.

Seriously what am I going to do with you?

He got to his feet once again, hesitating slightly before bending over and placing a kiss of his own on her cheek. Shooting back up immediately once he realized what he’d just done to his friend, his face burning so bright it nearly lit up the room as he darted towards the door.

He turned around again, worried that his act of spontaneous affection may have awoken her, but to his immense relief, she was right where he left her.

“Goodnight you big baby,” he whispered with a small smile, closing the door behind him before taking his leave.

“Goodnight May."

Celestia cracked an eye open to watch him leave, a blush nearly as bright as his adorning her face. She brought a hand to where his lips had touched her, the spot tingling with a fire that sparked across the surface her skin. But underlying that intensity was a softer, gentler heat that seeped straight into her core. Causing her to let out a relaxed and happy hum as one hand began caressing her cheek while the other rested just beneath her breasts, simply savoring in the extremes Matthias’ affections had wrought upon her as she lay there.

But why? She thought to herself, her smile fading as her face cooled off.

Why are you so good to me?

How can you treat me like this?

How can you still smile at me after what I did to you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------8 Months Prior---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting amidst a whirlwind of hollow lights and panicking orderlies Celestia Solaire, Solar Diarch and co-ruler of Equestria, found herself completely and utterly helpless. After sealing off the entire western wing of the castle infirmary and scrambling both the solar and lunar guards to secure the perimeter, all Celestia could do now was wait and see what Harmony had in store for Canterlot’s newest arrival.

What have I done? She thought, clenching the finely woven metal of her raiments with enough force to warp them.

Elements preserve us, what have I done?!

“U-um excuse me, your majesty?”

The princess was ripped out of her malign reverie by the soft voice of a sea green earth pony mare garbed in white hospital scrubs.

“Doctor Panacea,” she said, instantly reapplying the mask of the unshakable ruler. “How is our patient?”

The doctor let out an exhausted sigh, the kind of sigh one makes when they've been woken up at an ungodly hour, dragged to work by an armed escort, and sworn to secrecy upon fear of lunar banishment.

“You were right about not using magic; even the most basic first aid spells the orderlies tried bounced right off. Lucky for us, the magic powered devices still worked, but we had to get a little creative in order to stabilize him.”

“Him?”

*cough* “Yes, definitely a him,” Panacea said with a blush, trying her best to remain professional.

“Will he make it?”

The green mare let out another sigh, though this one more out of frustration than exhaustion.

“Honestly I'm a little out of my depth here. The tests we have been able to run are showing advanced atrophy spreading throughout the musculature in his throat, severe malnutrition, and that's not even counting that... that… hole in his side.”

Celestia internally winced at the harshness with which the normally jovial and tender mare was speaking.

“Plus, and you'll have to forgive me, your highness, we're dealing with an entirely new species here! Even if what the results are showing are accurate, we have no idea how our treatments will affect him or, Harmony forbid, if he has any pre-existing conditions that could….

A soft white wing fell on the distressed doctor’s shoulder, shaking her out of her ramblings.

“I-I’m sorry your majesty.”

“I understand. It's not every day that one is called upon to tend to a newly discovered species, and at such an unreasonable hour to,” she reassured her, smiling in a show of understanding.

“It’s just how could those… those… beasts do that to him?!”

Celestia winced once more beneath her mask, though more out of guilt than at the fury radiating off of the good doctor.

“I can't rightly say, all I know is that when he wakes, we're going to need to set a better example than them. Extend to him the hand of friendship he was so denied,” she told Panacea as her ears flattened against her head, “He's going to need a friend more than anything after what he's been through.”

Doctor Panacea nodded in understanding, “We’ll do our best.”

“That's all we can ever hope for.”

As the two continued to converse, the various nurses and orderlies began filing out into hall towards the rest and rec areas, unable to leave the hospital due to the urgency and secrecy of their current endeavor. Celestia quickly dismissing their bows and greetings with smiles and thanks, sending them off to the respite they so deserved.

“Do you think it would be possible for me to see him?”

Panacea turned towards her princess, “Like I said he's stable for now but in his current condition, I doubt he'll regain consciousness any time soon,” she explained. Cutting out the if at all seeing the worried look starting to creep its way onto the princess's face, “but I don't see any harm in a quick visit your highness.”

“Thank you, Doctor, now go get some rest. It'll be hard to take care of your patients if you don't take care of yourself as well.”

Panacea gave a drooping bow, “Thank you, your majesty, should anything come up hit the big green button next to the bed and I’ll come running.”

She paused for a moment.

“Better yet could you send a couple of guards to carry me back? I've always dreamed of having a knight barge into my room and come sweep me off my hooves.”

This got the reaction she was hoping for as a warm smirk wormed its way onto her face and a small *snort* escaped Celestia’s muzzle.

“I'll see what arrangements I can make; I may know a guard or two with a nurse fantasy.”

Happy to have cheered her princess, if only a little, Doctor Panacea left to see if she could salvage any sleep from the remains of the evening.

Meanwhile, Celestia pieced her royally neutral demeanor back together and set off towards the ICU. The frantic energy that had been permeating the facility for the past three hours had begun to taper off now that the creature was no longer in immediate danger. However, the cadres of patrolling guards and the hushed whispers of huddled hospital staff loitering about the halls underlined the seriousness of the situation they all now found themselves in.

Rounding one last corner, Celestia faced down a pair of golden guards standing sentinel before an unassuming door. Seeing their ruler approaching, they immediately snapped to, standing ramrod and giving her a salute. But despite all their disciple and training, Celestia could still see the frenetic trembling in their eyes and hear the subtle *clink* of their shaking armor.

She didn't fault them their trepidation, though. It had been some 500 years since ponies had made first contact with a new sapient species, and those had been shapeshifting empathic parasites Tartarus-bent on consuming the love of everypony in Equestria. And now they had their backs turned towards some never before seen creature that was completely unaffected by magic as far as the doctors could tell.

Hoping to put her stallions at ease, Celestia shifted from the mien of the ruler to the mien of the Mother and began radiating a gentle heat that embraced the tense guards. Almost instantly the worries the soldiers had about what lay behind them were waylaid by the sheer warmth coming from mare they had sworn to protect and serve.

“It's alright my little ponies; I would not have brought him here if I believed him to be a threat.”

The guards exchanged a somewhat restive glance before returning their focus back to her.

Still giving them a smile that would warm a wendigo’s heart, she relieved them of their duty, asking them to have the next rotation come by in an hour or so.

“B-but your majesty we can't just leave you unattended with…”

“I appreciate your diligence and concern for me,” she extolled to the storm grey pegasus, “but it has been a rough couple of hours for everypony, and if we’re going to keep this country running, we’re all going to need our rest.

“And what of yourself ma’am?” asked the steel blue earth pony guard standing to her right.

“Once I've checked in on our guest I'll be off to bed myself,” she said, willing some parchment and a seal into existence, writing two quick notes and stamping them, “Please make sure these get to captain Starry and lieutenant Spear Head before you turn in. I'd like to discuss upcoming rotations and security for our visitor.”

They gave their princess a salute before accepting their new orders and their dismissal.

“Oh, and if you're having trouble finding cots, go find Dr. Panacea. Tell her I sent you.”

Once more they saluted in affirmation before heading out, missing the impish smirk that had broken out across her face.

Returning to the task at hand, Celestia began mimicking the breathing techniques her niece often used to reign in her runaway feelings, steeling herself for what lay beyond the now unguarded entryway. After several deep breaths, Celestia felt she had composed herself enough and pushed into the room, ready to face the consequences of her actions.

And her heart broke.

Between what dim light Luna’s night provided, and the sterile glow given off by the monitors, Celestia was able to make out the prone form of the broken creature lying in the center of the room.

A webwork of plastic tubes and hoses wove its way in and out his nose and mouth, forcing air into his lungs, while a similar weave snaked down his arms, stabbing into his skin and injecting him with boosters and supplements that would hopefully dull the pain and stave off infection.

Whatever wasn't wrapped in plastic was tied up in medicinally soaked bandages, coated in a natural balm that would absorb into his skin and disinfect the cuts and bruises flayed across his flesh.

Extra care had been given to the creature’s lower abdomen, the only area cleared of the dirt and grime coating his body, where a hastily patched criss-cross of thread and cloth held together a particularly brutal gash that ran straight through him.

Celestia wanted to reach out to this poor creature. She wanted to offer him some vestige of comfort and relief. To show him that there was more to this world than just pain and degradation…

But the blood on her hands made her freeze.

You did this.

Her hands began to tremble, unable to look away from the rust-red stains smearing her coat. Ultimately, all she could do was fall into the chair next to the bed, the last scraps of her royal countenance falling away freely with her tears, no longer caring if anypony saw her.

“I'm sorry,” she tremulously whispered, hoping against hope that he could hear her.

"I'm sorry."

Fly Me to the Moon

Author's Notes:

Hey everypony we are back!!! Sorry this took so long, it just seemed like every time I thought I was finished some new idea or direction to take a scene would just start screaming at me until I put text to screen.

So first things first!:

1. Huge shout out to Sipioc for pre-reading and helping me edit my over-caffeinated ramblings!

2. This chapter is LOOONNNNGGGG as we're dealing with two characters who don't exactly see the world as everypony else interacting with each other.

3. I've done somethings with word and sentence structure to try and convey the thought process so be prepared for possibly some muddled or confusing bits.

4. Feel free to tell me what you like, dislike, and what I could do to fix what you didn't enjoy.

5. Thanks again for all your continued support and I hope you enjoy

*Huge shout outs to Mystic Cipher and TheRedBaron for going over this with a fine-tooth comb*

Fly Me to the Moon

Staring down at the fertile fields and cresting hills surrounding Canterlot Castle, Matthias Martin pondered, with a morbid curiosity, how long it would take for him to hit the ground.

Oh, by no means was he planning on taking the leap, the arterial bridge connecting the Solar Residence Hall with the rest of the castle didn’t have any gaps big enough for him to fit through, plus it had been weeks since he'd given any serious thoughts to taking the plunge. No, this was merely Matthias attempting to mathematically marshal his thoughts into something roughly resembling coherence:

Let's see, about 2,000 feet above sea level...

What the fuck were you thinking?!

2,000 feet converts to 610 meters...

Would she have really banished me?

Taking into account I’d be aiming myself headfirst, air resistance would be at a minimum...

The way she looked when I brought up the photo!

Low humidity and zero updraft...

Again, why the fuck was she naked!?

So, given gravitational constants, we’re looking at a splashdown of t-minus 11.15 seconds!

Unsurprisingly, calculating the time necessary for his hypothetical suicide to run its course did little to alleviate the influx of malign sentiments assaulting his fragile psyche, and left him feeling just as frail and flustered as he’d been for the better part of the past hour. So, hoping to try and ward off the impending havoc such a malignant stream of consciousness could wreak upon him, Matthias forced his eyes shut and dropped to his knees before grinding his forehead into the well-worn stone beneath him, hoping to keep his attention on a single stimulus while he let the black tide wash over him.

He failed miserably:

Took it too far why does she keep nuzzling me what am I to them person pony friend pet scared did I wanna see her in that bikini yes she must think I’m some kind of perverse freak alone by god she felt soft she’s mad she’s mad she’s mad help me please NAKED did she molest me cake bender hollow she kissed me warm don’t go there did it mean anything looked so cute tossing and turning I kissed her she’ll hate me why am I cold it's dark STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!...

"I see whatever exists as good...”

The simple sentence ripped through his rampant ruminations with all the force of a 150 lbs. administrative aide hitting the ground at terminal velocity.

“Death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness...”

In a different life, in a different time, on a different world, Matthias had been a teacher of literature. Oh sure, he had worked his ass off to get endorsed in both History and Physics as well, because fuck sleep, but his heart and soul, and what little sanity he had left, belonged to the written word and its myriad meanings.

“This stone is a stone, it is also animal, it is also god, it is also Buddha, I do not venerate and love it because it could turn into this or that, but rather because it is already and always everything…”

He had had a particular penchant for the works of Hesse, whose explorations of identity and self, as well as his Western approach to Eastern philosophies, had helped him to cope with his rather unique manner of processing the world around him.

“And it is this very fact, that it is a stone, that it appears to me now and today as a stone, this is why I love it."

It took several more cycles through Siddhartha’s enlightenment before Matthias felt comfortable enough to open his eyes and look out over the Equestrian countryside, without fear of doing something incredibly stupid. And what he saw ripped every cogent thought from his thick skull.

As despite the best efforts of both cold and pony alike, the valley below still clung to much of its greenery. The trees branched out in verdant bolts of lightning, their reflection shattering the glassy river into shards of burning moonlight as it carved a gleaming path through hill and dale alike. Across the plains, green waves waltzed beneath the evening’s pale sun, gliding alongside a chilled breeze that swept up the falling leaves and golden grass, asking them to join in on their midnight merrymaking. And as if on cue, all manner of bird and beast began to take up their stations, their calls and cries a chorus soaring up above the spired city. Following their voices as they journeyed ever upwards, Matthias spied the Night Weather Patrol flittering about a backdrop of swirling blue and ebony, dusting the fields with frozen drops of dew, catching the light of a billion silver stars as they fell across the valley.

“Thank you, Luna,” he spoke in a hushed, almost reverent tone, letting the interplay of wind and starlight, dancing across the expanse, lull the dread thoughts that were still screaming at the fringes of his mind back to sleep.

Matthias needed moments like this, scenes that could overwhelm him with their sheer size and scale, whose excruciating details and intricacies could drown out his sense of self, and leave him, for the briefest of moments, without thought or feeling, just as a being of pure sensory input.

Finally feeling that he had gotten himself back to baseline, Matthias scooped up his belongings before pushing himself off of the railing he had been leaning against. Figuring he should quit with his dawdling, he took one last bracing breath, before restarting his trek towards the throne room. Hoping he could get there before Luna started chewing through her finery out of pure blessed boredom.

‘The fuck did that come from? Haven't had one that bad in a while, Matthias thought, bidding the evening sky a fond farewell as he crossed the threshold into the castle proper. He walked with a somewhat hurried pace, as his little episode--though not overly long--had cut into the time he had hoped to spend with Luna, and he didn't want her worrying over him or believing that he had stood her up...

Where is he does she really want to see me is he alright why do they worry so much need to see her he should be here would she notice me not being there needs me is he not coming why does she put up with me same does he not want to see me...

“OH COME THE FUCK ON!” he all but screamed through gritted teeth, grabbing fist-fulls of his muddy red hair, hoping the pain would snap him back to reality, only to actually scream when he remembered that those hands had been attached to bare royal pony ass not too long ago.

Realizing he'd be of no use to Luna like this, Matthias slowed his steps and restarted his mantra, mumbling it under his breath so as not to draw any unwanted attention from the few ponies still out and about at this time of night. Once he had regained some semblance of control, he set about sifting through the events of the day, trying to find what it was that had pushed him so out of sync.

Alright, no dreams last night (Zebras know how to brew some strong shit), breakfast/dinner with Celestia and Luna was business as usual (praise be to the Griffin ambassadors, you carnivorous bastards!), 3 hours of morning court (only got five dirty looks and two faces full of abject terror), lunch in the garden with Celestia (how is it so warm during the Equestrian equivalent of December?), meeting with the representative from the Ponies First Party (hang me please!)...

“File that one down as a maybe.”

Celestia assigning me Nimbus’s grant request (holy shit! I get to analyze a text!), 206 pages of purple prose and swapped numerals (the fuck are you hiding?), leaving the castle to ensure proposed costs align (*shudder*)...

“Okay, still need to work on that.”

Walking through Canterlot (more confusion than fear from the ponies, it's a start), smell of butter and bread (new bakery?), Baker is glad to see me (okaaaay?), work out a deal with Graham for a couple of cakes (I'm Matthias Martin, and this is my favorite bakery on the Citadel), made it to Work Horses (the puns… THE PUUUNNNSS!), talk with Brick ‘n Mortar (nice guy, reminds me of Uncle G), his estimate is 50,000 less than what Nimbus is asking for (gotcha bitch!), swing back by Pie Crust to pick up cakes (hope Celestia hasn't tried to knit a blanket out of bills...again), get to avoid the line (where are those fillies’s parents?), made it back to the office (awww ain't she cute all tuckered out) warm smile want alone help her so bright butterflies light flying care burning emp-

"I SEE WHATEVER EXISTS AS GOOD!” he hissed out while slamming his fist against one of the stone columns lining the near-empty hallway, wanting to derail that runaway train of thought before he caused a scene in the middle of the castle.

"Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” he growled, wincing as he flexed his fingers to make sure he hadn't broken anything.

Needing to find someplace isolated he could work through another potential meltdown, Matthias checked the hallmarks at the next intersection and saw that he was near the Great Hall. Looking around, he spied a restroom and darted in, wanting some privacy and a place to freshen up again should things turn nasty. Once inside, he hovered over the sink for a few seconds before turning both nozzles to full blast and sticking his head under the stream. Not to cool himself off per se, but rather to listen to the water as it washed over him, and to feel the echoes in the marble basin as they bounced around his skull. Hoping that the dual burst of synesthesia could keep him anchored as he worked through everything little thing that had happened between him getting back to the office, and tucking Celestia in for the night, without the fear of being swept away.

Just breathe, he thought as the white noise roared all around him, helping him stay steady, Where is this coming from? Why is this bothering me? Why now?

Clearly, Celestia had at some point, thrown him off kilter, as he couldn't focus on any particular moment he had shared with her this evening without getting an overly emotional kick in the dick from either end of the spectrum:

Her smile when he had gotten back to the office: she wants me here-don’t get attached!

Celestia’s rage during his game: don't leave me-she’s...sorry?!

The scent of chocolate on her breath as she embraced him: don't let go-she's not my family!

The teasing nuzzling: stop giving me hope-more please!

And let us not forget she was nak-, Matthias reached up and turned off the cold, letting the shock of heat snuff that thought out completely, scraping together enough sense to recognize the catalyst for tonight's featured freak out.

Don't go there…

Drunk, err, sugar crashed actions don't equal sober thoughts...

She’s my friend…

I'm her pity project…

Remember, you ain't worth it...

Compounding these absolutely sunny thoughts was the face in the mirror looking back at him, once he'd had enough of the waterworks. Panacea had described the scarring as third-degree mana burns, which made little sense considering magic did exactly dick to him, and that the top epidermal layers along the left side of his body had all but melted away. And yes, while she and her crew had done their damnedest to try and mend and mask the damage, the extent and range of the injury, however, plus the limited options available for treatment, didn't exactly leave much left to be desired.

He had been somewhat lucky though. As whatever it was that had done this to him had missed his eyelid, so even though he had to draw his eyebrow back on each morning, he could at least, for the most part, sleep at night...

How did Two-Face sleep with one eye open like that? Meh, I'll ask Bob Kane when I get the stones to finally jump…Huh, nothing? Guess I'm good now.

...and the flesh was still somewhat soft and could pick up sensations, he had just wound up looking like Vincent Price at the end of House of Wax.

Well, it's better than Vincent Price as Dr. Phibes.

Figuring that if he was well enough to be making obscure comic book and movie references, he was well enough to be there for Luna, only for his head to suddenly drop back into his hands, and a frustrated groan to slip from his lips, as the tonal whiplash finally caught up with him:

Dammit, this yo-yo, drop of the hat, bullshit needs to stop, he thought as Manic and Depressive started fighting for control of the steering wheel again.

Hoping he could put his senseless dread and pitying aside, and get his shit together for Luna, Matthias started shaking his head back and forth like a dog who had just spent the better part of thirty minutes in the tub. Splattering the mirror with a Pollock of water dropplets while rattling M and D just enough for them to get the message and share.

Going over to the towel dispenser, actual cotton, not paper, because Canterlot ponies didn't do things halfway when it came to fancy, Matthias finished drying his hair off and gave himself once last once over in the mirror.

After tucking in Celestia for the night and locking up at the Office of Solar Affairs, he had swung back by his room to take a quick shower and pick out a fresh set of clothes. In hindsight, dousing himself with warm water probably wasn't the best way to level out his heated thoughts, but the castle was plugged into a natural hot spring, and there was no chance in Hell he wasn't going to abuse the fuck out of that.

No cold water! Never again!

For clothes, he had chosen to swap out his sodden solar attire for an all black dress shirt-suit combo with a midnight blue gradient tie, something a bit more subdued, and with a color scheme more akin with that of Night Court’s. Checking to make sure no spillover from his coping had gotten onto his suit, he twirled about in a circle, only spotting a couple of scuffs leftover from his attack on the bridge, which he brushed off with little fuss or fanfare. Confident that he once again looked the part of the in control professional, he set off from the lavatory with a renewed vigor and purpose, ready to perform his duties for Night Court.

And by duties, he meant fuck around with Luna until she shooed him off to bed.

Luna’s court, much like the celestial body she dragged across the sky, was barren and devoid of life, as despite her status as princess and living embodiment of Balance and Harmony, Luna’s standing with her subjects was... dubious at best, what with the whole locked away for a thousand years as a living nightmare thing. As such, not many of the traditionally diurnal ponies bothered coming to see their nocturnal diarch, either out of long-standing fears or viewing her as superfluous, choosing rather to rely on the wisdom and counsel of her solar sister instead.

Which wasn’t to imply that she offered no council or played no role in either the Equestrian diarchy or cosmology, as matters relating to nightmare monitoring and warding, lunar-tide alignment, and eventide surveillance, all fell under her domain as the Princess of the Night. There were also circumstances that fell under the purview of both the Solar and Lunar Princesses, such as treaties and trade agreements between other nations, as well as motions and legislation whose rulings would have lasting impacts over the entirety of Equestria, which would require the approval of both sisters before they could be enacted.

Which was where Matthias’s services came in, as his haphazard sleep schedule allowed him to easily gopher between both princesses, and keep them up to date and in sync with the comings and goings of their respective courts. However, where Matthias was more an assistant to Celestia, running errands for her and making sure she didn't overlook anything during marathon billing sessions, he served more as an advisor for Luna, acting as a tabula rasa for her to practice and implement some of the more modern social cues and interactions she had learned with Matthias during their weekly tutoring sessions with Twilight, without any fear or judgement from the other party. Oh sure, he helped her bust through paperwork and ran mail for her as well, but, more often than not, most nights with Luna wound up with them just shootin’ the shit while enjoying each other's company.

Wonder what'll be on the docket tonight? Matthias pondered, giving a couple Lunar Guards a wave as he passed by, but they seemed more interested in some low grade *clicks* bouncing down the halls, judging by the way their ears were shifting about.

Luna did seem really keen on showing me what she's got planned for tomorrow night's sky. Should probably go well with the cake, he mused while shifting the bag he'd been carrying in his unmarred right hand.

Maybe I should drop the “night-sky-is-the-natural-default-on-Earth” bomb I've been saving, he snickered, picturing that cocked head, wide-eyed look she always gave when excited by something she couldn’t quite grasp or believe.

But we've still gotta give these things a once over. Maybe we should get them sorted first? He thought with a sigh, checking to make sure the documents Celestia had handed to him weren’t crinkled or anything as he rounded the corner, finding himself in The Great Hall.

As was custom, the decals of the palace interior had been swapped out for adornments more befitting the Princess of the Night's court. Gone were the planters full of daffodils and white roses, replaced instead with urns of dark purple lavender and deep blue lilies. All across the hall, evenly placed torches cast a pale blue light over the polished marble floor, soaking the room in a peaceful, dream-like bloom. While high above, floating about the rafters, bright white crystals burned with a soft silver glow, shifting about to form the various constellations Luna had taught Matthias over the course of their many nights together.

And, if all else fails, seeing her sister on the verge of a nervous breakdown outta do wonders for…

“PLEASE YOUR HIGHNESS, WE BESEECH YOU!”

OR WE COULD DEAL WITH THAT! he thought in a panic, hauling ass towards the end of the hall as if somebody had lit a fire under his nuts.

Hugging the chamber’s outer walls, so as not to disrupt whatever proceedings were happening, Matthias skidded to a halt near where the princesses greeted their guests, hoping he could piece together just what in the unholy hell was going on. Spying a pony couple, who were clearly not having the best of days, illuminated by the moonlit murals lining the room as they kneeled before the Princess of the Night.

“P-Princess Luna, please, it's been hours and we don't know what to do!” cried a sky blue earth pony mare, whose cloud-grey, shoulder-length mane, was steadily fraying in real time with her escalating distress. She was doing a commendable job trying to keep herself together, however her subtle shaking, and stifled sniffles, betrayed just how close to the edge she really was. Huddled next to her was a black and yellow pegasus stallion, doing his best to comfort her by wrapping her in his wings and running his hands along her shoulders. If it had been any other circumstance, it might have been funny, seeing the svelte little pegasus holding up the sturdy looking earth pony, but the way his body never broke away from hers, in spite of his own trembling, and the way his wings simultaneously held her up and guarded her against any further anguish, was damn admirable, and spoke volumes of his dedication to his mare.

Luna, on the other hand, had all the poise and terrifying dignity of a timberwolf staring down its prey. Sitting upon the throne that she shared with her sister, the Second Princess of Equestria regarded her subjects with a rigid impassivity that mirrored the severity of her posture, never once giving any hints as to what may be stirring behind her burning, blue eyes. At her side, maintaining a strictness of form equal to her own, black-clad thestrals stood at the ready, both to protect her from anypony brazen enough to incur the wrath of a time-displaced force of nature, and to execute any command their diarch would have of them.

But no orders were given, however, as ever since the earth pony’s panicked plea, no audible sound had pierced the throne room’s deaden calm, the agonizing quiet even choking out the poor mare’s muffled sobbing. As they waited for an answer to their entreaty, the poor pony couple could only shiver in place, beaten beneath the quiet ferocity of Luna’s searing gaze, hoping against hope that their ruler would offer them the aid they seemed so desperate for. Or, at the very least, that she wouldn't unleash a horde of nightmares upon them for any perceived insolence. Hell, even the famed thestrals of Luna’s Honor Guard couldn't help but fidget in place, unsure of what to expect from the formerly deranged demigoddess they had sworn to protect and serve, having never born witness to a ruling from the Princess of the Night.

Yet all Luna did was sit and stare. She didn't move, she didn't twitch, hell from Matthias’s vantage, he could swear she didn't even blink, all she did was look right through the prostrating ponies as if scrutinizing their very hearts and souls. In fact, the only signs that she was even alive were the subtle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and the rapid-fire shifting of her eyes as they jumped from pony to pony.

Alright Luna, what's your play here? Matthias wondered, beginning to worry as he started fiddling with his collar and tie, the Hall’s oppressive atmosphere having finally caught up with him.

But as her eyes continued to frenetically dance about the proceedings playing out before her, Luna finally spied Matthias waiting in the wings, and, for the briefest of seconds, her features softened and relaxed, the entire hall seeming to brighten as if the light of the moon had come out from behind the clouds.

“Minister Matthias, thy timing is most fortuitous! Please approach as we would have thy wisdom and counsel forthwith!”

Ye Olde Equestrian and my real name?! Fuck she's terrified! Matthias realized as he approached the throne, though to be fair, she wasn't alone in that regard.

Turning to see who their princess was talking to, the kneeling ponies visibly flinched at Matthias’s approach, the near frantic earth pony freezing like a deer in the headlights, while her stallion wrapped his wings around her even tighter, twisting his body so he could put himself between her and the encroaching human.

The balls on this one, he thought with a bemused sigh, admiring the stallion’s tenacity and protective nature, however misdirected it might have been.

Fortunately for everypony involved, Luna didn't seem to notice the disrespectful display, now that her focus rested solely on Matthias, otherwise a couple someponies would have found themselves Fus Ro Dah’ed out of the nearest window by the Royal Canterlot Voice.

He really couldn't fault them their trepidations though, as despite having lived amongst the ponies for the past eight months, he hadn't exactly made a habit out of leaving the castle grounds, finding Canterlot to be a bit too kinetic for his tastes. As such, he was never really seen out and about the town, unless he was out on business or with Twilight hunting down a new book for his ever-expanding library. Really, the only extended exposure the populace as a whole had had to Matthias was the press release held when he had fully recovered, with all three of Equestria’s princesses standing before the throne, welcoming him in a mutual display of friendship and acceptance. Sure he had had to bow before them, much to Luna and Twilight’s chagrin, but Celestia believed that such a display would help alleviate any concerns their little ponies would have with a hereto unknown type of carnivore now living amongst them.

So, in an effort to show the panicking pair of ponies that he meant no harm, and to help make his friend feel more comfortable, Matthias fell back on the one thing he knew would best diffuse the tension and settle everypony down, TRADITION.

“I serve at the pleasure of the moon and the sun,” he pronounced, dropping to a knee with a bow, reciting the old pledge Luna had taught him, waiting for his Princess to acknowledge him. The reactions around the room varied: the shaking ponies seemed to relax some at his show of loyalty to the crown, the guards around them had to do a double take, having never seen the weird alien give any respect to nobility, let alone bow to anypony before, and Luna seemed to be equal parts relieved and remorseful, if her eyes widening then suddenly shifting to study the floor was anything to go by.

“Rise, my friend, we have not the time for such formalities, as much as they are appreciated,” she said while stepping down to meet her friend, planting a midnight blue hand upon his shoulder, giving him his cue to rise.

“Forgive me, your highness, I figured a little decorum would be appropriate given the circumstances,” he apologized while picking himself off the ground. Once up, he gave her a stately half bow and a toothy grin, one that made a few of the greener guards flinch and reach for their blades, only for their CO to shoot them a few barely audible *clicks*, ordering them to stand down before they got their shit kicked in by their ward.

“Mine forgiveness and thine apologies are neither necessary nor required,” she said, returning his smile with a subtle smirk of her own, “We have need only of thine insight and perspective this evening, though I wish thou would cease in thine endless lamentations,” she said pulling him closer and offering him her hand, whispering so as to conceal her mirth, “as often as thou ask for reparations, We would think thou were making amends for thine own existence.”

“Heh, sorry Luna,” he laughed before taking her hand and planting a quick peck on her knuckles, cutting off any further snark and earning himself a choked chuckle from the nightly mare.

From then on, whatever remaining tension faded away like a bad dream. Luna no longer looked like she was overseeing an execution, the guards regained their stony aloofness, even the poor ponies kneeling before them, though not exactly calmed or soothed, had lost that look of “we’re about to be skull fucked by a parade of never-ending nightmares” most ponies tended to wear in Luna’s presence.

But despite the initial lull, Matthias still kept an eye trained on Luna, as he could see she was still fairly frazzled from actually having to host somepony. Her stature and movements remained somewhat stiff, and her mannerisms were still that adorable blend of archaic and modern sensibilities. So, as much as he would have liked to drop the regalities and be there for her as a friend, he decided to uphold his more formal demeanor, in a show of solidarity with his princess, demonstrating both his respect for her and to her station.

However, just as Matthias was taking stock of Luna, she was taking stock of him, her eyes roaming across his larger build to see how well he was holding up being thrust into such an unfamiliar situation. But as she continued to regard her friend, she paused in her scrutiny, her eyebrows shooting up with barely a quiver, but to Matthias, she may as well have been screaming.

Ruh-roh

Matthis knew that look, it was one he had grown quite familiar with since the start of his unique friendship with Luna. If one were to summarize it, it would roughly translate to “What happened and whose cunt do I need to punt?”

Thankfully, before Luna could launch into her interrogation, Matthias happened to catch a slight shiver out of the corner of his eye. Sparing a glance to the pair of panicked ponies still huddled against each other on the floor, he realized that they still had a job to do and moved to redirect Luna back to the task at hand.

“How may I be of service to the court this evening?”

Luna’s worried visage shifted as she was reminded of her responsibilities, “Indeed, foul deeds are ahoof this night. Matthias Martin, may I present to you Dame Puddle Jumper and Sir Yellow Jacket of Canterlot, who have laid a most troubling concern before the court.

He gave the couple a preliminary appraisal, hoping to get a read on who these ponies were:

1. Puddle Jumper (Stargate much?!)
2. Mismatched business/formal wear (Definitely didn’t expect to be here this evening)
3. Clutching her purse like it’s all she has left (Comforting gesture, what has she lost?)
4. Slight matting and discoloration around her hands (Works with water or chemicals)
5. Smells like antiseptic and talcum powder (Hair Dresser?)

1. Yellow Jacket (Bit on the nose with that one)
2. Still trembling (Not scared, exhausted)
3. Coat over uniform (Hasn’t been home to change)
4. Inflammation along the left of his neck (Bug bites?)
5. Scent of sweat and honey (Beekeeper?)

The pony couple once more found themselves on edge at being back in the center of attention, with Puddle Jumper tensing up, only for Yellow Jacket to resume his earlier ministrations, helping to put his mare at ease. His efforts seemed to pay off somewhat, as her shaking ceased slightly. Turning towards her stallion, she offered him a loving smile and a quick nuzzle before mustering her courage and speaking:

“Ye-yes, it's our daughter, Sea Star,” she said, pulling out a picture from her bag, “she never came home from school today! We've checked at her friends’ houses, gone to where she hangs out, we even stopped by her school to see if she’d gotten caught up in another one of her projects, and nopony’s seen hide nor hair of her!”

Hoping to alleviate the mare’s returning tension, Matthias dropped down into a squatting position, bringing himself eye level with her. He was a little bit worried though, having decided to leave behind the little half-mask he wore to cover the mangled portion of his face whenever his duties required him to make a public appearance. Luna had repeatedly told him that she didn't like seeing him hide his face, so as much as he enjoyed the “The Phantom of the Opera” vibe he gave off while wearing it, (Gerard Butler not Lon Chaney) he never had a reason to bring it with him once he was finished with Day Court.

Giving the pair a warm, closed-lip smile, so as not to freak them out by baring pointed teeth at them, he extended them a hand, “Hello, I’m Matthias and it’s a pleasure to meet you, I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

The mare hesitated for a second before grasping his hand, whether recognizing he wasn't actually a threat or just out of propriety, Matthias wasn't sure, so he decided to take as risk, and brought his other hand over to grasp her’s in both of his, “Hey, everything's going to be okay, the Princess and I will do everything in our power to bring Sea Star home safe and sound.

One of the things Matthias had had to get used to since coming to Equestria was just how... tactile ponies could be. Really intimate gestures, such as hand holding, hugging, and kissing, were perfectly acceptable amongst even the most distant of acquaintances, so he had to be real careful about misinterpreting the signals sent by the princesses, or the few guards he'd frequent the pubs near the castle with. He had actually found himself adapting fairly quickly, as he’d always enjoyed the warmth and presence that came with sharing a touch with friends and family growing up. But as endearing as such actions are when you're eight, it starts to become creepy once you cross into the tens, and it had only taken a few homophobic slurs, and some well-placed blows to the head, for him to get the message and drop that habit.

Fortunately for Matthias, his gamble paid off, as the mare’s terrified trembling ceased, being replaced with a relief that racked her to her core, causing her to grip his hand even tighter.

“Thank you, *sniff* thank you!” she said with a teary-eyed smile.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, earth pony’s got gains, holy shit!

He continued beaming them a warm smile as he stood up, bringing the mare to her hooves, followed closely by her husband. Releasing her hands, Matthias ventured a glance down at the photo of the lost filly, “May I?” he asked, holding out his hand.

“Oh, of course,” she said while handing over the photo, recognizing what he had been asking for.

It was a simple shot of a sand-colored pegasus filly, with a dual-toned sea green and white mane, fluttering through the treetops of what Matthias assumed to be a botanical garden of sorts. Dressed in a white sundress and hat, her shining green eyes held untold amounts of joy and wonder, as a group of butterflies circled around her, some flying alongside her while others tried to land on the flowers decorating her hat. In the background, he could see her father frantically trying to keep up with her from below, ready to catch her should anything cause her to drop, yet unable to stop grinning at the sight of his daughter dancing with the dozens of new friends she had made.

“She's beautiful,” Matthias said, the sheer amount of love and joy radiating from the still making him feel all warm and fuzzy, although something about the little filly was knocking something loose from that burning bookshelf he called his mind.

“Thank you, she’s our little treasure,” she sighed, love and nostalgia warring with worry and fear across her face.

“May I see as well?” Luna asked, scooting over to Matthias.

“Wh-why of course, your highness,” the yellow pegasus said, speaking up for the first time this evening, “you don't even need to..."

“Of course I need your permission,” Luna scoffed, sounding almost offended, “the bond between royal and subject pales before that of parent and child.”

Floored by their ruler's reaction, both ponies turned to each other, before giving her a confused, if not awestruck, nod of consent.

Leaning over Matthias’s shoulder, Luna peered down at the photo, attempting to get a better look at the missing filly, but given their relative heights, she couldn’t quite get the right angle, so all she succeeded in doing was draping herself across him. Not wanting her to appear incompetent in front of her subjects, he moved the photo over to his other hand and held it up for her to see, expecting Luna to take it. But, much to his surprise, Luna held her position and, if anything, leaned into him harder, so she could further study the photo.

Huh...

But before Matthias could speak up, Luna broke away from him to address her ponies, taking the photo with her.

“We are quite familiar with this little one, she is quite the bright and studious pony. I often find her gallivanting about in such a dreamscape as this while on my nightly jaunts through the Realm of Dreams,” she said, returning the filly’s photo to her parents.

Puddle Jumper took back her daughter’s photo graciously, “Thank you, Princess Luna,” she said, the compliments to her daughter and her concern for her well-being, crushing whatever fears she had left of her nocturnal diarch.

There you go Lu! Matthias cheered internally, glad to see how well his friend was turning things around. Sure she was still slipping in and out of the royal “we,” but she was showing her subjects the care and compassion they needed while maintaining the strength and confidence they expected of royalty. Wanting to keep the momentum going, Matthias made to see what assistance he could offer:

“Have the guards been informed of the situation?”

“That they have,” Luna answered, “unfortunately with the size and complexities of the city’s layout, we've yet to determine where to begin our search. We were just about to discuss possible search patterns and procedures when you arrived.”

Both ponies reeled back in joyous surprise, “You, you mean you’ll help us?” Yellow Jacket asked, having to lean on his wife for support this time, all vestiges of fear and doubt finally erased from his features.

“Why of course! What kind of princess would I be if I didn’t lend the aid of my station to mine subjects?”

“But wait, when did you give the order?” he questioned, not remembering seeing her speak to any of the intense looking bat ponies surrounding her.

Luna gave the stallion a knowing smile, before lifting up two fingers with a gentle flick of her wrist. Almost immediately, a series of clicks began to echo across the room, traveling down the Great Hall and out into the rest of the castle.

“Much like how my sister’s guards reflect her strength and luminescence, mine reflect our precision and subtlety. From the moment you laid your plea before us, steps were being taken to ensure your daughter’s safe return,” she explained as the quiet clicking continued to bounce around the castle, Puddle and Yellow’s ears and eyes darting about trying to find and track their source, “We just needed first to establish a starting point and perimeter to most efficiently track her down.

Matthias nodded, Good call. Can't waste man...pony (dammit) power and have patrols tripping over each other.

Noticing his approval, Luna turned to Matthias, “Have you any insight that may aid us in our endeavor, friend Matthias?”

Alright, let's see what we can do!

“I am not particularly well versed in the search and rescue protocols of your division, so there is little I can offer in that regard, however, with your permission, Princess, I'd like to ask our guests some questions, to see if we can possibly narrow down a search area.

She regarded him quietly before giving him a nod, “You have our blessing.”

With the go-ahead given, Matthias turned to Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket, “Alright everypony, if it's alright with you fine folks, I'd like to ask you a few questions, to see if we can figure out a good place to start our search for Sea Star.”

Both ponies eyed each other nervously before answering, “Of course, ask us anything you think might help.”

“Splendid! Now, some of these questions may seem a little out of left field, and some may border on the personal side, but please keep in mind, this is all to help find your daughter.”

They shared one more worried glance before grabbing each other’s hands, “Alright, what would you like to know?”

“Your household’s gross annual income?”

Both ponies blinked in confusion, just staring at Matthias as if he’d grown a second head before his request seemed to click with Yellow Jacket:

“Oh, uh about 200,000 bits a year.”

“What are your professions?”

“I'm a stylist at The Mane Event in the upper ward,” answered the blue earth pony.

“And I'm the Head Beekeeper at Longhouse Meadery,” her husband spoke up.

Sometimes I like being me.

Turning to Puddle Jumper, he asked, “Does your shop have any notable clientele?”

“Uh no, we’re catered more to the average pony, although there was that time Miss Rarity came by.”

“Were you the one, or are you close to, the pony who serviced her?”

“Oh no, I wasn't there the day she came in, and the stylist who worked on her is no longer employed with us.”

Satisfied with what she had given him, he turned his attention towards Yellow Jacket.

“What are your duties at the meadery?”

“I oversee the apiaries, everything from the health of the bees to honey production.”

“Anything involving the brewing process?”

“No, I'm an entomologist specializing in Apis mellifera. Once they get the honey it’s back to the fields for me.

“Has any other brewery contacted you with a job offer?

“No, I’m quite happy where I am at Longhouse.”

“I didn’t ask if you were happy where you are. I asked if any other brewery has contacted you with a job offer. Now, have they or have they not?!”

The stallion flinched at his intensity, but quickly steeled himself before answering Matthias, “No, I have not been contacted by another brewing company.”

Matthias studied the stallion, examining every twitch and tick of his face and body before concluding he was telling him the truth.

Alright, got our bases covered there.

“When was Sea Star supposed to be home?

Yellow Jacket hesitated for a moment at the sudden shift in topics, “She... she doesn't have a curfew.”

“Did she say when she would be back?”

“No. She said she'd be out with her friends after school let out. But she's never been gone this long.”

“Are her friends missing as well?”

“We've contacted most of her friends’ parents, and they haven't seen or heard from them either.”

“Are they of the same economic station as yourselves?”

“What do you mean?” Puddle Jumper questioned.

“Are any of her friends’ families of a wealthy or noble nature,” Luna asked, adding her voice to the conversation and instantly becoming the center of attention, “or do they hold any positions of significant merit?”

“Not that I’m aware of, your majesty. Just your typical blend of patrol ponies, stall vendors, and tax lawyers,” Yellow Jacket answered, on behalf of his shocked wife.

“Amongst her friends is she more likely to lead or follow?”

“In what way?”

“Is she more likely to instigate group activities or is she more inclined to follow along with the group?” Matthias asked, hopping aboard Luna’s train of thought.

“Oh, okay, it's fairly even. One’ll suggest something one day then another will put forward something the next.”

“Was it her turn to take the lead?”

“I'm not sure…”

“Wait!” Puddle Jumper chimed in, “She did say she wanted to do something with the girls after school!”

“Good catch. Alright, where does she go to school?”

“Bunsen & Burner Academy of Sciences, just West of the castle.”

Matthias had to do a double-take at that one, the puns are strong with this one. “Thank you. Now, what are her interests outside of school?”

“Pardon?”

“Her likes. Is she into sports? What kind of music does she listen to? Does she read or write? What kinds of restaurants does she frequent?”

“WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!” Yellow Jacket yelled, his mounting frustration having reached the boiling point, “This is a waste of time, she could be in trouble while we're all blathering on about nothing! we should be out there looking for her not-"

“And where do you suggest we start looking?” Luna asked, curtly cutting him off.

“Your majesty?”

“Take this as no offense to thy stations, but together thou do not yield any significant wealth to be appropriated through ransom, so friend Matthias is now simply trying to establish if thy daughter may not simply have gotten caught up in some such revelry that hath caught her eye, and possibly determine where in the city she might have gone, so that we may start our search there.”

Rattled by her words, the stallion acquiesced, “She likes to read. A lot. Like, she'll tear through an entire series in a weekend.”

“Filly after my own heart,” he said, admiring the kid’s drive, “Now, what does she read?”

“Oh, uhhh Daring Do, Silverwing, Tales from the Frontier, but I don't see…”

“Since she has a proclivity towards genre fiction, we will focus on areas that retail in such, and avoid locales with stores only specializing in textbooks, magical theory, or research articles,” Luna interrupted.

“Oh, of course.”

“So, does she have any other interests besides books?”

“N-not really, our little starfish is quite the little bookworm,” Puddle Jumper spoke up, her lips tugging up at the corners as she recalled all the times she had to explain to her daughter why she couldn’t bring her wagon to the library.

“Okay then, does she have a sweet tooth.”

“Heh, more like a whole jaw,” Yellow chuckled nostalgically.

“Candy or baked goods?”

“*Snort*, All cupcakes fear the name Sea Star.”

There we go! Matthias thought as he met his secondary objective. As aside from forming a basic profile of the filly, he had hoped the questions would get the ponies to focus on who their daughter was and what made her special, and not about what might have happened to her.

“Alright, I think we've got enough to work with here!” he said, causing everypony in the Hall to perk up, “Now, can somepony bring me a ma-”

But before he could finish, the lights in the hall began to dim, their luster beginning to coalesce in the middle of the floor in front of where Matthias stood. Rising from the ground, threads of moon and starlight began to stitch and weave themselves together, forming a wireframe model of the cliffside capital. Looking to his right, Matthias found Luna channeling magic into her horn, mixing it in with the light of her charge, so she could give form and function to the miniature model of Canterlot.

“Thank you, milady.”

“You are most welcome.”

He nodded and reached into his coat, pulling out the quill Luna had gifted him those many months ago, drawing another startled gasp from the two ponies and some of the younger guards.

“Can somepony point me in the direction of the Academy? I'm afraid I don't get out much,” he said sheepishly.

The model city began to melt and twist, shifting from a 3d cityscape to a 2d top-down perspective, “Here you are Matthias,” Luna said, pointing him in the right direction.

“You are my rock,” Matthias said, grinning as Luna did her best to try and hide her blush. He walked around the edge of the map and drew an X made of starlight over where the school was located, “Now, would one of you be so kind as to show me where you live?”

Yellow Jacket, for the first time this evening, broke away from Puddle Jumper and walked over to meet Matthias, but not before giving her a gentle nuzzle and a quick kiss on the lips. He was of average height for a stallion, but he appeared positively scrawny standing next to Matthias, the top of his head only coming up to his nose, while being able to hide himself completely against Matthias’s broad frame.

This had been another major adjustment Matthias had had to make upon waking up in Equestria, as for the majority of his life he had needed to look up at everybody around him in order to make eye contact. Now, surrounded by a sea of brightly colored pony people, he found himself looking down all the time, towering over just about everypony, save for Celestia and the most burly of her ponies.

“Here’s our home,” Yellow Jacket said, pointing out an unassuming square south of the school.

“Thank you,” Matthias said, adding another X to the map, “now, let’s see...,” he began sorting through every midnight outing with Luna, every book excursion with Twilight, and every cake run with Celestia, trying to translate the memories of his time outside the castle onto the map. Filling in squares and rectangles he recognized as the bakeries and bookstores they frequented, leaving the shops that didn’t align with Sea Star’s interests blank.

Stepping around the map’s perimeter, Matthias started circling the most brightly lit sections, capping it all off with one last circle, using the X’s representing where the house and school were located to form its diameter.

Oh you have got to be kidding me… he thought, realization dawning on him with all the gentle force and subtlety of a flaming ice-cream truck crashing into him as he finally understood why that filly had looked so familiar.

Convinced he had done all he could, Matthias put his quill away, before turning and speaking to Luna:

“If you would have my wisdom, your majesty, I would begin the search for Sea Star within these areas,” he advised, pointing out the parts of the map where the circles surrounding the filled in sections would overlap with the one encapsulating the house and school. “They not only contain the highest concentration of elements most likely to attract her but given their proximity both to her home and school, it is more likely she would have ventured to these locations over any other.”

Luna looked over the marked-up model before nodding, “And what of these non-overlapping portions?” she asked, pointing to the regions that didn’t intersect, “Should we not search there as well?”

“No, we should look into them too, however, given the amount of time left in the day after school lets out, it would make more sense for Sea Star and her friends to stick to areas closer to either the school or her home, so they could maximize the amount of time browsing and shopping, while saving the more outlying shops for the upcoming weekend, where they wouldn’t have to worry about closing times or making it home after dark.”

Content with his answer, Luna willed a blank roll of paper into existence with a burst of silver fire before unraveling it and lifting it above her head. Channeling power into her horn once more, Luna began wrapping the starlit miniature of Canterlot in a veil of her azure magic, raising it off the ground and into the air before condensing and bending the construct into a single point of near-blinding light. But just before its glare could become too intense, she slammed the white-hot blur of swirling blue and silver down into the parchment, revealing a perfect, if not slightly singed, layout of the city burned onto its surface, along with all the alterations Matthias had added.

“Captain Starry Night,” Luna called to a familiar looking thestral guardsmare standing to the right of the throne. Snapping to attention, the navy blue bat pony gave her princess a salute, before taking off from her perch with a powerful flap of her wings, landing in a bow beside her Princess.

“Ma’am!?” the mare answered, her response both terse and professional.

“Have copies of these distributed to the commanders of Echo, Fox, Ghost, and Shade companies,” she ordered, handing the map over to the captain of her guard, “Tell them we’re to begin Missing Mare Maneuvers within the next twenty minutes.”

“At once, your majesty,” she said, rising to receive her orders.

“Um, Princess Luna?” Puddle Jumper asked in a hesitant voice.

“What is it, Dame Jumper?” Luna asked in the warmest voice she could muster, trying not to startle the suddenly timid mare.

“If... if it’ll help at all,” the frail sounding mare spoke up, her hands tensing around her daughter’s picture, “y-you can…”

“There’s no need,” Luna interrupted, gently gripping her hands, “I would never ask you to part with such a memento, but if I may borrow it for but a moment.”

The mare relaxed knowing she wouldn’t have to give up her precious keepsake and handed it over to Luna. After pulling a whole ream of parchment out of the ether, the princess began tossing the blank pages liberally into the air around her, the papers somehow sticking to the sky as if they were hanging from some phantom bulletin board. With the documents spread out to her liking, Luna sat back and assumed a lotus position. An impressive feat, considering the only chair in the Great Hall was the throne, and it was some thirty feet behind her. Hovering about two and a half feet off the ground, the Princess of the Night gingerly gripped the photo of Sea Star in both hands and began running her magic into it, letting the power build up for a bit, before allowing it to travel back up her body and into her horn. Once it reached the tip, her magic began to unravel into hundreds of silver-white threads, each one grabbing hold of one of the pages encircling her. The arcane energies beginning to burn away lines and layers of paper while adding colors and depth with each pulse of mana coursing through her little body. Slowly forming, much to Matthias’ amazement, a vague outline of the filly in the photo.

“You holdin’ up alright there, Fry Face?”

Matthias nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt somepony’s hot breath and soft lips brush against his ear. Thankfully, everypony in the room was too focused on Luna’s Xerox impersonation to pay him much mind. Though that didn’t keep his accoster from snickering beneath her breath at the totally not girly, completely manly, could in no way shape or form be misconstrued for a squeak, grunt that slipped past his lips. Those snickers nearly breaking into full-blown cackles when Matthias turned and shot Luna’s Captain of the Guard a withering glare.

Starry Night was one of the... odder ponies to have ingratiated themselves into Matthias’ new normality. At all of four-foot-nine, the perky little ball of navy-blue fuzz was an odd mix of slap-happy spunk and near fanatical devotion. Who was just as ready to execute a breach and clear in order to drag Matthias by his ankles out to the Sword and Shield, as she was ready to throw a bag of powdered glass in the eyes of somepony giving her, or somebody under her, shit. Which had gone a long ways towards breaking the ice with some of the more leery guards in both the Loons and the Sols, as well as making some of his more outspoken critics amongst the nobility hold their tongues, even when the princesses weren't around.

But at the same time, she was pretty much in a dead heat with Twilight for the most attempts on his life since waking up in Canterlot, accidental or otherwise. As she had taken it upon herself to whip Matthias into what she liked to call, “giant-hulking-anti-magical-alien-meat-shield-shape,” after seeing how much time Matthias had been spending with her princess each night. Ensuring he was kept physically up to snuff by drilling him within an inch of his life every Wednesday, and mentally by ghosting him out of nowhere to try and catch him off guard. Which, nine times out ten, he could usually see coming, he just never would have expected her to be daring enough to come at him in the middle of Night Court, within earshot of the pony she had sworn everlasting fealty to.

“Jesus, Snaggle Puss, Luna really needs put a bell on you or something!” he hissed out, trying not to draw any more unwanted attention to himself as he tried to will his heart rate down to something more manageable. Pulling some more giggles out of chin-high thestral.

“Oh?! So, the big ape likes his mares with a ring around their neck, eh?” She asked cheekily, shooting him her trademark snaggle-toothed grin. “Alright then, next time I get some leave, I'll be sure to grab a couple chokers to help spice up our Wednesdays. Heck, maybe having a pretty piece a tail to chase after on the pitch’ll make laps less of a chore for ya?”

Matthias quirked his one good eyebrow at the mare before cocking his head to the side and crossing his arms. Shooting her a look that just screamed really before pointing up to the scarred looking skin poking through the collar of his shirt. Causing the navy blue thestral to turn a shade of a yale:

“Ahh empty night!” she said sighing dejectedly as she snuck an armor-clad hand up to drop her helmet’s visor over her face, her ears flattening against her skull. “Too soon?”

“Too soon,” he parroted back at her, causing the tiny little bat pony to blush and shrink in on herself. An impressive feat, given both her height and the fact she was decked head to hoof in obsidian plate mail.

However, whatever indignation he felt at her little slip of the tongue all but melted away when he saw her start trembling, the light shaking causing her armor to rattle slightly.

Well, shit, he thought as he started scratching at the back of his neck, watching as one of the few friends he’d manage to make while in Equestria, one who was actually willing to push him both physically and emotionally, and not treat him like he was made of glass or something, begin to lose it over something as little as mild vexation on his part. So, not wanting to torment the mare any more than he already had, he plopped a hand atop her head, snapping her out of her funk as it were, before sliding it down to fiddle with her ear.

"Although, if you are gonna go doll yourself up for my sake, I’d stick with whites or lights over darks or blacks. Lights’ll pop really well with your coat whereas darks’ll either get lost or come off as, ‘daddy didn't pay enough attention to me growing up.’”

“O-Oi, let’s *rrggh* let's keep a civil bucking house here, aight! Don't *grunt* don't be bringing the rents inta this,” she warned, trying her best to seem both imposing and in control of the situation, despite her pressing her head more into his hand, hoping for more scritches.

“Ma’am, yes ma’am!” he affirmed amusedly, but rather than snap to and salute her, he slipped his other hand up beneath her chin and began scratching along the underside of her muzzle. Drawing an adorable hybrid purr/squeak from the second in command of the Lunar Division.

“Rggh buck me mate, what -don’t you bucking stop- what kinda horrorshow did Sun Butt sit you through to get you so handsy?”

“Whaddya mean,” he asked, slowing his scratching a bit, only for Starry to start nuzzling into his hand to pick up his slack.

“I mean the only time you ever start the foreplay is when somepony's well and truly knocked you off your rocker,” she explained while gripping his hands. “Now come here and let me see the damage,” she asked out of courtesy but gave him no time to actually consent before she pulled him down and started scrutinizing his face. Letting out an irritated *huff* before giving her thumb a lick and mussing up his hair.

“What are you-”

“Look, the boss’s been a little rattled since breakfast, and Harmony knows how much actually having to do something constructive has teed her up. So I'm going to need you to work that weird alien monkey magic you got to try and keep her settled, and it’s gonna be hard doing that if it looks like you just marched through ten miles of Tartarus,” she explained, letting him go once she felt he was up to snuff.

“What do you mean ra-”

“Captain Knight,” rang Luna’s imperious call throughout the hall, cutting off Matthias’ question and snapping Starry back into knight mode.

“Ma’am?”

Walking back over to the Captain of her Guard, Luna handed her the stack of newly formed faux photos, “Be sure each member of the search party receives a copy of this, after giving their commanders the search parameters.”

Starry received the new documents and gave her Princess an affirmative, before walking off and signaling for her subordinates to make ready with a flick of her wrist and some rhythmic *clicks.*

Turning back to Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket, Luna gave them a small smile before addressing them, “Do not fret my little ponies, by the end of the evening your daughter will be returned to you safe and sound,” she said, returning their daughter's photo and laying a hand on both their shoulders.

“Thank you, Princess Luna,” Puddle Jumper cheered, both ponies nearly collapsing from the weight lifted off their chests as if the fear and tension brought about by the thought of never seeing their daughter again were the only things holding them up.

“I am here at the service of my subjects. Now you should both head home to await any further updates.”

“But Princess Luna, we can't just sit by and do nothing!” Yellow Jacket cried.

She raised a hand to stifle any further outbursts from him, “We need somepony to be at your home should your daughter simply be out late, hung up by fate’s fickle happenstances. The last thing she needs is to come home to an empty house and wonder where her parents are at.”

They turned to each other once more, dread and fear tearing away at the joy and relief they shared not moments before, a fact not overlooked by Luna, “But should you both feel incapable of standing still, one of you may accompany Captain Starry during the search.”

The ponies visibly brightened at that prospect, and rose to join in with the guards who had been gathering around Starry, “Thank you again, Princess Luna,” Puddle Jumper spoke, giving her a small bow before walking over to Matthias, “and thank you for trying to help my little starfish,” she said, gripping his hands just as firmly as before, but with an added layer of tenderness that had been absent from their previous contact.

“It's what anypony would do,” he reassured her, “Oh, and when you find her, turn her towards the Golden Chariot Tales if she hasn’t found them already."

She smiled once more, before walking over to join her husband, who had been talking with Starry and a couple of the guards who would be joining her in the search. And judging by the way he was swaying on his hooves, and the way his wife nearly knocked him over by simply placing her hand on his shoulder, it looked like he would be the one waiting at the house.

As the first few guards began filing out of the throne room to go rejoin their respective companies, Luna made ready to leave with them, a determined but frantic pace to her gait. However, before she could get too far down the Hall, Matthias stepped out in front of her, blocking her exit, “And where do you think you're going?”

She turned to him with a questioning raise of her eyebrow, “Why to join in search of course. We cannot just sit idly by whilst one of our subjects is lost in the night.”

Not at all phased by the fire burning in her eyes, Matthias placed a calming hand on her shoulder to try and settle her down, “I suggest you take your own advice and stay here. Starry is going to need to know where you are in order to keep you updated on the search’s progress, and she won't be able to do that if you're off running all over town.”

“But…”

“Look, I know you want to get out there and do something, hell, even I'm chomping at the bit to go out and actually be useful, but I know I'm just as likely to start a panic as I am to offer any meaningful support to the search."

Luna still looked unsure, but she wasn't heading towards the door anymore, allowing Matthias time to continue…

“Look, I'll support whatever decision you come to, but remember, in order for a chain of command to work, not only do you need to know how the rings are linked, but also where the top and bottom are in order to facilitate effective communication. This is my advice, should you choose to accept it.”

Luna kept quiet for another second or two before letting out a tired sigh, “Your wisdom is sound and you have yet to steer me wrong. Captain Night,” she called, grabbing the attention of her Captain of the Guard, “I will remain here and await your reports. You have my full authority to return Ms. Sea Star to her home safely by any and all means.

“Consider her tucked in Ma’am,” the dark blue bat pony affirmed with one last salute before dismissing the guards currently under her command, giving Matthias a grateful grin as she walked off to carry out her orders, followed closely by Puddle Jumper.

Once the room had been cleared of guard and civilian alike, Luna all but collapsed into Matthias’s chest, ever so slightly shaking now that they had the Hall to themselves.

“Hey hey hey, easy there. You did great.” Matthias cooed to her, trying both to encourage her and unwind her bundled up nerves.

“Really?” She spoke with a quiet quiver, looking up at him with gigantic, pleading eyes swirling with so much fear and joy and doubt and hope, that it made him want to cry. Long gone was the stalwart alicorn capable of sending an army of nightmares running scared with a single glare, now all that was left standing in his arms was the timid little pony princess trying desperately to piece the life she had lost back together.

“You were amazing,” he said while slightly rocking her back and forth, “You looked calm and in control, were confident in your decisions, you talked with your subjects instead of down to them, and, most important, you gave those two hope when they needed it most.”

With each little word of praise, she buried herself deeper into his embrace, gripping onto the fabric of his suit as if he were the only thing keeping her grounded in the here and now.

“So when did I become a minister?” he asked playfully.

Luna chuckled lightly, her hot breath brushing against the nape of his neck, “What can we say, when Harmony layeth such perfect and befitting alliteration before us on a plate of silver, we would be remiss not to… Oh, oh blast and damn! Forgive us, we me- *arrrgh* I mean me. Sorry May, We can’t, I can’t, seem to…"

Matthias ceased in his motions and pulled Luna even closer to him, wanting to quash her sudden bout of insecurity as quickly as possible, “Shhh, 'tis no trouble at all milady. Thine appellations and eloquence bring thee no shame, nor do they cause me any discomfort. I was merely expressing curiosity as to whether or not mine station hath truly been elevated or not, after all, ‘twas thee who gifted me such standing in the first place. So fret thee not at giving me offense for thy speech, or for the titles thou wish to bestow upon me, as the accolades of thy friendship and the time thou hast blessed me with matter that much more, even if it means I must sometimes call upon the bygone lexicon of mine people to help thee settle."

Princess Luna, Warden of the Dreamscape and Mare of Air and Darkness, squeed. It was a sound full of such unbridled joy and cheer, that it just made Matthias want to pick her up and spin her around.

So he did.

Luna was the inverse to Celestia in more ways than just the obvious day and night motifs. Where Celestia was laid-back and laissez-faire, Luna was intense and personal. Where Celestia bore the mantle of motherly wisdom, Luna bore one of childish zeal. And where Celestia stood a good half a head taller than Matthias, Luna barely came up to eye level with him, horn not included, and probably weighed all of a hundred pounds soaking wet, so he had absolutely no trouble swinging her about like a rag doll dancing in a dryer. Causing her to squeal with manic glee and renewed vigor at the sudden shift in her center of gravity, finding her elation reaching rapturous levels from the cascading joy brought about by their shared whimsy.

After ten or so such spins, Matthias finally set the little princess back down on her hooves, though Luna still clung onto him as if her life depended on it. Noticing as he gave her one last checkup to make sure she had moved past her earlier apprehensions, that she had picked out one of her more lavish dresses for the evening. A formal gown two or three shades lighter than her dark, midnight blue coat, though with the color rushing to her face from their previous buffoonery, it seemed to shine even brighter against her fur. Swirling about on the cloth’s almost viscous surface, burning white gems, connected by strands of woven silver, moved in time with the crystal stars floating above the Great Hall, coming together and breaking apart in formations mirroring those in Luna’s sky. He found it somewhat odd that she would choose something so resplendent, considering he was the only company expected to show up each evening, other than Starry and her guards, who she usually dismissed once he had arrived. Yet in spite of all that, he found it to be an immaculate fit for her, as it perfectly encapsulated that long-lost sense of true regality she wore so naturally, and if one were to combine it with the frenzied look of childish fervor now plastered across her muzzle, Matthias would say she couldn’t possibly look more beautiful than she did at this very second.

Happy that she was back to normal, (well, as normal as was possible for Luna) he made to break away from her so he could retrieve the effects he had left by the wayside. However, he quickly found himself quite unable to move, as Luna had all but buried herself into him again, her arms and wings securing him in place as her tail wrapped around his leg.

“I take I'm not allowed to leave then?” he asked looking down at her.

“Nuh-uh,” she affirmed, nuzzling further into him.

“How long have I gotta stay here?”

“Forever and ever.”

As tempting as that proposition sounded, he could think of a few reasons why they should probably get a move on. They had a job to do after all, and if he didn't want Celestia bugging him all day tomorrow, he should probably get back to work…

In about 5 minutes.

So they continued to just stand there, wrapped up in each other. Letting whatever remaining tension and built up adrenaline wash away in the warmth of their combined body heat.

“I was starting to get worried,” Luna said, finally breaking the silence.

“Oh?”

“It’s one thing to miss breakfast, but you're hardly ever late for court, and even when you are, it's only by a couple minutes.”

“Heh heh, sorry Lu, had to go freshen up after Tia ran me ragged.”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” she asked, not sounding the least bit impressed.

“I don't follow,” he said trying to play dumb, hoping she hadn't caught onto what had happened.

Luna sighed before loosening her hold on him slightly; just enough so that she could reach down and gently bring his right hand up between them, gingerly rubbing her thumb over a blotchy spot at his knuckle, where the skin had been bruised and broken slightly.

“You know you and Starry aren’t exactly subtle May?” she said, looking up at him with eyes overflowing with both care and concern before bringing another velvety soft hand up to his forehead. Where, from slightest clash of soft and sting sparking across his skin, he could tell a similar mark had formed.

“How many?” She asked.

He sighed, “Two, two and a half,” he counted off, unsure if should deem the one in the bathroom as an attack or not before turning away out of guilt and shame.

Luna moved the hand that had been stroking his forehead down to cup his cheek, gently guiding his flattened muzzle back so that he was facing her again. Staring into her eyes, Matthias found no anger or fear, no irritation or repulsion, just worry and genuine concern for her friend.

“You need this just as much as I do,” she said, sinking back into him, wanting to let him know that with her, he need never feel afraid or ashamed. That with her, he would always be welcomed.

Oh, he so wanted to take her up on her offer. Just cuddle with her till the end of time, but he had a job to do dammit, and he wasn't going to shirk his responsibilities.

“I brought a cake from that new bakery," he offered.

“I am not my sister. No paltry pastry will pull me away from my friend,” she said with all the confidence and stoicism of royalty; unshakable, incorruptible, and unwav-

“I’ve gotta picture of Celestia freaking the fuck out.”

“GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!” she screamed, nearly knocking him to ground as she started frantically patting him down, trying to find his phone.

“Ah ah ah, first I've got some documents from your sister we need to go over," he countered.

“Awww~ you're mean,” she said with an adorable puppy dog pout.

“Quite. Now, work first, then it’ll be time to tease Tia.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two auxiliary hallways, four flights of stairs, both up and down, and three failed attempts at grand theft mobile phone later, Luna and Matthias found themselves standing before a Kubrick-esque black monolith of a door. It had no knocker, no eye hole, it didn’t even have a handle. In fact, the only indication of it bearing any station of significance whatsoever was a stained-glass rendition of Luna’s cutie mark, a crescent moon resting over the backdrop of a starry sky, hung slightly above eye level (or at eye level in Matthias’s case).

As Matthias searched his pockets for the special key that would gain them entry, Luna made one last attempt at apprehending his phone, earning her a flick on the ear for her troubles, and him, a petulant raspberry from the Princess of the Night. Accepting that there was no getting out of this, Luna stepped forward and undid the wards locking the door herself, letting them into the Office of Lunar Affairs.

Much like its solar counterpart, the layout was fairly spartan, with only a couple of desks, chairs, and a row of bookshelves to fill up the space. The only things one could consider a decadence were the small fireplace and kitchenette, used to give the chamber a more homely appearance when endless bureaucracies kept Luna and Matthias from venturing out. Fortunately, or unfortunately, as the case may be, they never saw much use, as the amount of paperwork and legislation Luna had to oversee was minimal at best.

As the pair got settled into their professional roles, Luna found herself jumping back onto a particular line of logic Matthias had used during his interview with Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket, that just would not leave her the hell alone.

“May?” she asked while sitting down at her blackened oak desk, having already pulled out a couple quills and an inkwell.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you keep asking about their professions?

“What do you mean?” he questioned, handing her the first set of the papers Celestia wanted her to sign off on.

“After you established that Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket's combined annual earnings weren't enough to attract a prospective ransomer, why did you continue to inquire about their jobs?

“Oh, that! Well, when one takes a hostage, money and wealth aren't necessarily what the ransomer is seeking.”

“What would they want then?” she asked, turning the now signed papers back over to him.

“Well, for example,” Matthias contemplated as he gave her the next batch, “a stallion working at the customs office may have his son kidn-, err, foalnapped, and the condition for his safe return would be for him to forge documents that would allow some unlawful types to sneak contraband into the country.”

Luna nodded, having put aside the document she was currently checking, finding Matthias’s insights much too fascinating.

“Or, a chef at a high-end restaurant may have her brother taken similarly, and should she ever wish to see him again, she would have to put poison in the dish of a particular patron.”

“I see.”

“Hell, there once was a story of a famous toymaker targeted to help institute a coup d'etat against the queen of my world’s Trottingham.”

“Oh, thou art surely shitting me?” Luna exclaimed, her suspension of disbelief having finally been pushed to its limit.

He threw his arms up placatingly, “It's true! The craftsman's skills were of such repute, that it was said his creations could pass for living, breathing creatures. So some rat bastard got the idea to foalnap his daughter, so he could force him to build a life-sized double of the country’s queen.”

“And how would a doll have aided in his attempt on her life?”

“Oh, the doll had nothing to with the actual assassination attempt. Rather, the rat had planned on killing the queen in secret, and then he was going to use the doll to make it appear as if the queen was abdicating the throne and leaving him in power.”

Luna had to pause in her resumed pencil pushing to pinch the bridge of her nose, snorting in frustration as she tried, and failed, to picture all this truly happening, “Please tell me such ass backwards nonsense didn’t actually succeed.”

“Oh of course not! While the rat was making his play, a detective, who had been tailing him, rescued the real queen and revealed the one stepping down to be a fake. This forced the rat to run off with the hostage, resulting in a high-speed balloon chase throughout the city, ending with them crashing into the palace, which ultimately led to their climactic battle atop the city’s clock tower and the safe rescue of the toymaker's daughter.”

And there was the look! Luna’s eyes went wide, and her head tilted slightly, as she tried to simultaneously take in the expositional carpet bombing Matthias had hit her with, figure out if Matthias was truly just bullshitting her or not, and what, if anything, this had to do with what he had asked her subjects about. And, to Matthias, it had all the diabetes-inducing cuteness of a dog trying to figure out where its owner was when his voice came out over the phone.

Shaking herself back to reality, Luna was finally able to pick up on the twisted sense of reasoning Matthias was using and applied it to his line of questioning from earlier…

“So Dame Puddle Jumper had neither the skill set nor client base, to potentially target anypony of significance. And though Sir Yellow Jacket’s position is of great importance to the meadery, it would not give him access to areas where he could potentially harm anypony directly…”

Matthias’s grin kept on growing with each correct deduction she made, begging her to keep on going with a roll of his hands.

“And any act of corporate sabotage from a competing brewery would make little sense, as, given the nature of his station, the only damage he’d be able to do would be to a key asset they would need, should their goal be to subsume Longhouse under their control!”

An excitable applause filled the room as Matthias began enthusiastically stage bowing to Luna, “Brava! brava! congratulations Lu! You’ve just taken your first tentative steps towards seeing the world as I do! Enjoy the sleepless nights and never-ending show tunes, but hey, look on the bright side, at least now you’ll never be bored.”

Luna whacked him upside the head with the second batch of documents she had been signing, hoping to rein him back in before he went too far off the manic end.

“Yes, yes the sea’s a sky and the dogs are dancing. Don’t worry about me May, I’ve spent enough time cavorting with Discord and the Element of Laughter to handle a little dissonance, cognitive or otherwise. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish up here so we can head to the garden.”

“Hai, hai. Figures the one night we actually have work to do, is the night you just want to laze about and do nothing,” he mocked while handing her another set of papers.

She accepted the documents with little fuss and began her initial read through, though not before sticking her thumb on her nose and twiddling her fingers in a multiversal display of “Nee Ner Nee Ner Neeee Nerrrr.”

They cycled through this process several more times over the next hour or so, with Matthias trading off a new document for Luna to sign every time she would finish one off, filing it away in his briefcase to be handed off to Celestia or to be dropped off with the relevant department head. All the while, the two continued discussing the relative pros and cons of various ransoming tactics, both theoretical and historical.

“What if they had been fools?” Luna began to wonder, her voice coming out as barely a whisper.

“In what way?” he asked, her sudden shift in tone concerning him.

“The foalnappers and ransomers from your examples, their motives and goals were objective and clear. And the means by which they hoped to execute their plans followed a basic, if not crude, line of reasoning, but what if their logic had been flawed, or if their reasoning had been built upon a faulty foundation?”

“So, ‘what if they’d been stupid?' is basically what you’re asking?” he asked, trying to sound as base, and as derisive as possible, in an attempt to shock her back to baseline.

“Hee, Hee! Yes. though I wouldn’t have worded it so crudely,” she said, brightening as she saw through his attempts to make her laugh.

“I know, that’s what you got me for. Now, what is it about the hypothetical lack of intelligence in our theoretical hostage takers that has gotten you all worked up?” he asked while scooting a chair over and sitting next to her.

“It’s just, all the questions you asked about Dame Jumper and Yellow Jacket were to determine if there was any logical reason for somepony to foalnap little Sea Star.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But what if there had been an illogical reason?

“...You know ‘illogical reason’ is oxymoronic by its very nature?”

“Be that as it may, what if their reasoning for taking the child had not been sound? What if they had apprehended young Sea Star not knowing that Puddle Jumper had never met Miss Rarity, or that Yellow Jacket only worked with the bees, or if they wanted him to harm production and force the meadery’s closure? What, what if-?

“What if my aunt had testicles? Would that make her my uncle?” he asked as deadpanned and straight-faced as possible.

This had the immediate effect of cutting off Luna mid worrisome rant, her jaw falling slack and hanging open. To which Matthias brought a hand over to gently move her mouth closed, before using it to softly cup and caress her cheek.

“Look Lu, I get it, maybe we overlooked something, or maybe there was some factor we didn’t take into account. Hell, I probably should have started off by asking them, ‘Where was she last seen?’ or, ‘Does she, or anypony in your family, have any enemies?’ But we can’t fuss and fret over what has already happened, nor can we worry over something so far beyond our influence as ‘idiocy.’ It’s like my dad always used to tell me when we watched the news together, ‘you can’t account for stupid.’”

Despite the off the cuff way he had laid it out for her, Luna found herself relaxing once more, both from logic he used and from the feel of his hand and thumb playing across her cheek. It was as if no sooner had her fears and doubts began to manifest than Matthias simply washed them away with a quip and a care.

“I’m sorry May, it’s ju-”

“Na, ah, ah, none of that,” he chastised playfully, moving his finger over to her lips in a ‘shushing’ gesture, “I’m the chronic lamenter here, remember? Besides, worrying for the wellbeing of your subjects, and reflecting on where you can improve for the future, those are habits one should be reinforcing the ever-loving shit out of on a daily basis.”

She giggled behind the finger pressed against her lips, before reaching up, and gently grasping his hand with her own, pushing him back a little so she could ask, “What is it you always say, May? ‘Cahoolu, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference?’”

“Not exactly, but-”

But whatever he was going to say was cut off by Luna bringing his hand back to her lips and planting a tender kiss on his still slightly extended finger. Luna often found it hilarious how if she ever needed to get him to stop talking for a second, or needed to drag him out of whatever rabbit hole he had fallen down in that wonderland of a mind he had, all she had to do was give him a simple nuzzle or kiss, in order to turn him in blushing, stammering mess. So while he was still trying to piece himself back together from her affections, she reached over and grabbed the last set of documents they needed to check for the evening, and set to work with a renewed fervor.

The sight of Luna smiling and full of purpose helped to settle Matthias back down, glad to see his friend no longer feeling worried or ashamed at possibly screwing up one of the few opportunities she had to actually be a princess for her ponies. The mare so desperately wanted to be there for her subjects, to show them she was not somepony to be feared, and that they could turn to her if the need arises. But it seemed like no matter how much good she did for the ponies of Equestria, no matter how many she had saved with her subtle guidance, she couldn’t help but feel the lesser of the royal siblings, always finding faults within her decisions and judgments. So Matthias always tried to support her in every action she made and offer her a perspective unclouded by a millennium of culturally ingrained fear or bias.

Which is why, as much as he didn’t like to, he had kept his father’s second favorite kernel of wisdom, “You can’t account for crazy,” all to himself.

Matthias was under no such delusion that the magical land of Equestria was some sort of prelapsarian paradise hidden somewhere over the rainbow. It clearly had its fair share of darkness and danger, if the worn scars around his neck were anything to go by.

But every time he would see a vendor give an apple to a passing foal, or whenever he saw a group of colts welcome in somepony new to their clique, hell, whenever five or more them would spontaneously break out into song, the idea of these ponies being capable of lashing out in acts of random malice became more and more ridiculous.

Oh sure, there was still a healthy heaping of assholes present. Case in point, that jackass (figurative not literal) from the PFP this morning, pushing for legislation to limit the number of non-ponies into herds. And yet, it seemed like no matter how much self-serving, underhanded, and downright offensive bullshit he saw while in Canterlot, it wasn’t quite enough to supplant the near constant stream of honesty, loyalty, generosity, kindness, and laughter he was bombarded with on a near-daily basis.

So he wouldn’t trouble Luna with the burdensome baggage he had carried over from Earth, concerning the fates of missing and exploited children, and just allowed her to revel in the sense of accomplishment that came from providing genuine aid to her subjects, hoping that when his and Celestia’s machinations bore fruit, such feelings would become a near constant in her life.

“M-May?” Luna whimpered, clenching the last of this evening’s papers in her hands with enough force that she nearly tore it in two.

This got Matthias running right over to her, ready to figuratively, and literally if necessary, rip the dick off the asshole who had authored a document so offensive that it could break his friend’s well earned good cheer.

And then he saw that it had his and Celestia’s names on it.

“Please explain this,” she begged, her voice having regained its stability, but still lacking a bit of its volume.

Taking the paper away from her, he began reading through the actually gold trimmed letters:

To Princess Luna, Regent of the Stars, and Diarch of the Night,

You are hereby invited to partake in an upcoming summit, taking place one fortnight from hence, to begin discussing and designing the preliminary procedures and protocols for the establishment of the newly commissioned Combined Court of Canterlot. Please know that by virtue of having received this invitation, you have been recognized by the crown as an upstanding individual, whose talents and experiences have contributed to the betterment of both Equestria and her citizenry on several occasions, and whose voice and insight would be most welcomed in the designing process for what we hope will become a groundbreaking opportunity to help further strengthen relations between the crown and her citizens. Should you find yourself interested in participating in such a project, please RSVP with the Office of Solar Affairs within the next day or two. During this time, however, we must also ask, that due to the nature and scope of such an enterprise, that in the interest of the kingdom’s security, you please keep any and all information regarding this subject private, and out of the public discourse. Once again we thank you for your continued service to Equestria, and for promoting the precepts and values of Harmony, and we hope to hear from you soon.

Blessings of the Sun and Moon,

Celestia Solaire

PS, Congratulations Lulu!

PPS, You can thank May for this!

Matthias had to mull on all this for a minute or two, trying to grasp at the totality of what this invite implied. The idea had been basic and simple: find a way to give Luna a more public role without making her feel useless or out of place, while framing it in such a way that the public wouldn’t misconstrue her efforts as Nightmare Moon attempting a hostile takeover.

So he and Celestia had put their collective heads together and, over the past few months, began tearing through ideas (and boxes of cake) with equal parts vigor and frustration, to see if they could find a solution that would help fill the void in her heart she’d been carrying around, since long before Matthias’s family tree had even been an idea. However, it wasn’t until Matthias had asked Celestia the dumbest question she had ever heard that they finally realized where to begin, and began laying the groundwork for what would hopefully become a kingdom ruled together as one, instead of separately.

“Bitch must’ve been holding out on me,” he whispered, not realizing just how close they were to seeing their plan come to fruition.

“May please, we don-, I don’t, what is the meaning of this?” she asked him. Her calm having been irreparably damaged by this point as a millennium's worth of accumulated loss and dashed hopes trying to claw their way back to the surface, chanting and cheering as they smelled another dream to break in and tear into.

Seeing the havoc this was wreaking on her, Matthias pulled her close and set about trying to explain what he and Celestia had been up to past few months:

“Well Lu, me and Celestia got tired of you sitting on your rear all night while we busted our asses from dawn till dusk, so we thought we’d remedy that little problem.”

“But, but…”

“That’s right, no more sitting on your butt, squandering the night away without a care! Now you get to experience all the joys and wonders of triplicate paperwork, House addresses, and the never-ending lines of inept, lazy ponies clamoring at you to fix their problems for them,” he downplayed, each word seeming to decrease the intensity of her shaking.

“When..., why?”

“The former? A few months back. I had asked Tia why there were two courts and the only answer she could really come up with was ‘tradition,’ and that really didn’t settle with me, so we started making some calls. As for the latter? Well, I wanted to find some way to say ‘thank you for helping me deal with my bullshit,’” he said while tapping the side of his head, “and since you told me a while back I should try celebrating what I’ve gained, instead of harping over what I’ve lost, I figured ‘what better to celebrate eight months in Canterlot than by-’ *gyaaahh!!*...”

Matthias found himself unable to complete the overly loquacious sentence, as 100 lbs. of pony princess suddenly dove head first into his diaphragm, knocking him out of his chair and onto the light blue carpet beneath them. Whatever wind that wasn’t already knocked out of him started getting forced out by the tiny alicorn’s surprising strength, as she snaked her arms around his torso and began squeezing him like a full body blood pressure test.

“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” she continuously screamed into his chest, her voice muffled by the silky fabric of his suit.

Finding himself unable to tap out, Matthias decided to just let her have this, not wanting to interrupt her moment. He just hoped she’d let him go before the world got too fuzzy…

Well, death by cuddles wouldn’t be the worst way to go!

Fortunately for Matthias, Luna let him go before the stars completely blotted out his sight. As his vision started to clear, he found that Luna had shifted her positioning somewhat, as she was now completely straddling him and had her hands clamped firmly on his cheeks. Forcing him to stare into her shining blue eyes, filled to the brim with tears that kept streaming down her face and dropping onto his.

“Thank you, May,” she whispered one last time before leaning down and nuzzling his cheek, trying to dry off where her tears had fallen onto him.

By this point, Matthias’s face had turned completely purple, or at least he assumed it did, considering he had lost so much color in his hands from the rush of blood upwards, that he could all but see right through them. But unfortunately for him, Luna’s cheeks had still been damp, so all she succeeded in doing was spreading the warm wetness around more.

“Oh my, seems I’ve missed a spot,” she giggled, “seems I’ll have to try again,” she said before diving back in, laughing like a fiend as Matthias struggled against her, unable to figure out if he was enjoying what was happening to him or not as Luna kept up her assault.

*cough*

A small throat-clearing snapped them back to reality and brought their attention to the front of the room, where Starry Night stood, helmet in hand, and trying her best not to look like she had just walked in on her princess while in the midst of some not safe for work activities.

With a small sigh, Luna relinquished her hold over Matthias’s face and sat up to face her captain, though she still kept her legs straddled over his stomach, refusing to completely remove herself from him.

“Captain Starry, how goes the search for young Sea Star?” Luna inquired, her voice and demeanor returning to the stoic professionalism she normally carried while around her guards, despite her currently sitting on the floor atop one of her “chief advisors.”

Meh, guess it’s only weird if you make it weird.

The blue bat pony saluted her liege, accidentally matting the bangs of her dual swirled yellow and white mane against the right side of her head, “Ma’am, I’m happy to report that at 2300 hours, Miss Sea Star was located, and by 2330 she had been returned home without incident.”

Luna’s only obvious response at hearing the good news was a terse nod directed at her soldier, but from his position between her legs, Matthias could feel every muscle in her body start to quiver and shake ecstatically as she desperately tried to hold back and contain her unbridled joy.

“Exceptional work as always Captain! May I inquire as to where she was located?”

“Was she at Pie Crust on Confectionary Row, near the Northern Commercial District?” Matthias asked, joining in from the floor.

Luna merely popped an eyebrow at his inquiry, but Starry nearly dropped her helmet as she reeled back from his question.

“How in the holy...?”

“You’ve got jelly and powdered sugar on your lip.”

“What?!” she almost screeched, bringing a hand up to wipe her muzzle, only for it to come back completely clean.

“Made ya look,” he snickered.

“Why you overgrown-”

“Was that where you found her?” Luna asked hoping to get her Captain back on track, and also to keep her friend from getting his teeth kicked in.

“Oh, um, yes your Majesty. Apparently, Ms. Sea Star and her friends had wanted to celebrate making it through an exam today and had hoped to pick up a pastry as the store was closing, in order to avoid the lines. Unfortunately, the proprietor, one Graham Crust, has been running special promotions all week to drum up business for his new shop. Discounts, buy one get ones, extended hours and the like. So, as a result, the line was much longer than they anticipated, and they didn’t want to go home empty-handed.”

“As always Captain, your diligence is to be commended.”

Starry dropped down into a bow, putting her Impressionist style crescent moon cutie mark on full display for Matthias. Causing his face, which had finally managed to cool off some, to heat back up again as visions of the plucky little thestral jogging in those skin-tight track shorts of hers began marching through his brain.

I mean, it’s bad enough she has to run right in front of me, but does she have to have her ass right in my peripheral whenever she switches over to her wings?!

“Thank you, your majesty, but the commendations belong to Fleet and Fox of Echo Company. Together they located Ms. Sea Star during their initial sweep of the area.”

Luna smiled at her subordinate’s display of honesty, “Then I shall be sure to check in on Fleet Wood and Fox Glove and ensure they receive their proper accolades. Now, I would like a full write up from you and your commanders, ready for a debrief at 0300. I wish to examine how effectively each division enacted their maneuvers. Oh, and if it isn’t too much trouble, please send a runner over to check in on Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket, and send them my congratulations on the safe return of their daughter.”

“At once, ma’am,” Starry said while rising to her hooves, giving Luna one more salute before turning to exit, but not without shooting Matthias a glare that all but promised extra laps during his next drilling session.

*gulp*

Once Starry had left, and after she’d made sure she’d made it a good ways down the hall, Luna threw herself back onto Matthias, bouncing up and down on him, like a kid trying to wake her parents up on Christmas.

“We did it, we did it, we did it, we diiid iiiiitttt!” she screamed, letting loose all the pent up dread and anxiety that had been building up inside her since the evening started.

Finding it impossible not to smile back at her, he reached up and pulled her down, hugging her tightly and breathing a sigh of relief, knowing that the kid was home safe and sound, though probably not leaving the house without wearing a leash for a while.

“Yeah, you did it!”

Luna ceased in her bouncing to look down at her friend, eyes tearing up again while bearing a grin so wide it nearly tore her cheeks. “No May, we did it,” she scoffed, shifting a finger back and forth between them to indicate what she had meant.

“Ohhh,” Matthias realized as Luna kept on quivering on top of him, seemingly unable to shake off her excitement.

Neither one appeared willing or able to break contact with the other as they continued to stare each other down, a peaceable silence echoing throughout the room, only broken by the occasional drop of a tear onto Matthias, a fact that Luna did not let slip by.

“Oh my, it seems We’ve made a mess of thy face again friend May!” she said, mischief and mirth saturating every syllable as she grabbed hold of his face once more, “Now, where were we?”

“I believe we had just finished up the last of our paperwork and were about to go and laugh at Tia’s expense,” Matthias reminded her, pulling out and showing her his phone, its black screen holding the promise of endless ammunition for future pranks against her sister.

Luna was a blue blur of manic glee as she darted off him, her starry mane an azure comet tail as she began running around the room putting away stationery, locking drawers, and turning off lights.

“COME ON, COME ON, COME OOOOONNNNNN!” she pleaded, pulling him off the floor and planting him on his feet in one fluid motion, all the while trying to push him towards the door.

“Alright, alright let me just grab my-”

“NO, NOW!” she declared, hoisting him over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry and sprinting out the door with all the reckless abandon of a caffeinated Jack Russell with ADHD, the dazed human’s screams echoing throughout the empty halls as they tried to catch up with him.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

With all their work done, and all their worries washed away, the odd pair of pony and person could now play to their hearts’ content.

After finally convincing Luna to let him down, Matthias and the Princess of the Night had decided to walk the rest of the way to what had become their go-to shit-shooting range; a neglected and underused garden terrace, formed from the various interlocking nooks and crannies of Canterlot Castle’s strange, branching architecture. Many such “filler” gardens dotted the castle’s exterior, the groundskeepers not wanting to let the extra space go to waste, but this one, in particular, was truly in need of some TLC. As it’s various marble statues and fountains had been overrun with differing layers of accumulated moss and vegetation, while at least 50 lbs. of ivy wrapped its way up and down through the latticework of the gazebo Luna and Matthias currently found themselves huddled under. It also didn't help that the famed view of the Equestrian countryside the castle had become so well known for was currently being blocked by the roofs and spires of the towers that seemed to grow out of the castle at random intervals, which could have explained why the place had seen so little traffic and had fallen into such a state of disrepair.

However, what the space lacked in terms of a landscape, it more than made up for it in its starscape. The many spires and towers perfectly framing Luna’s pride and joy for any and all to see. Sitting on a blanket strewn across the gazebo’s cleared away floor, the two friends sat nestled against one another, both wrapped up in Luna’s wings as they tried to ward off the night’s chilling embrace, sharing bites of Matthias still-warm cake as they laughed their collective asses off at the picture he had taken of Celestia.

Luna was currently letting loose a loud rambunctious guffaw, unable to find a single shit to give, as she struggled to contain herself at hearing the events surrounding Matthias’s victory over her sister during the shell game.

“Heh heh. H-how were you able to slip in the other coins?” she asked, her diaphragm unsure whether it wanted her to keep breathing or keep laughing.

“Oh, that was the easy part. All I did was slip the coins into the cups after washing them out. Then, when I brought everything back to her desk, I made sure to make a show out of looking for a coin. That way, when I eventually found one, she would assume that was the only one I had, and never think to look to see if I had hidden coins beneath the other cups already.”

Luna began cackling again at how Matthias’s simple act of subterfuge had reduced one of the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria, and beyond, into a frenzied, cake deprived, mess of a mare. Not to mention they now had pranking material of such an epic scale to hold over her head for all of eternity. However, something in the nature of the game, and how it was played, was throwing her off somewhat.

“Is that how the game is normally played?”

Matthias hesitated for a second, seeming to struggle with how exactly he going to explain this to her:

“Weeellll, yes and no. It’s complicated. At first, the game was just a simple way to pass the time and test one’s visual observation skills. Hell, when I used to work in Special Ed, we would use it to develop visual tracking and teach object permanence.”

“So why did it change?”

“It got boring.”

Luna crossed her arms and just stared at him with an unimpressed scowl before rolling her hand in a continue motion, much like he had done to her earlier.

“Alright, alright,” he surrendered, tossing his hands in the air. “Look; at its core, the game boils down to one side trying to find something, while the other tries to hide something.”

“I picked that much up.”

“And so did your sister. She also picked up on the fact that if you have a working set of eyes, the game is insultingly easy, because even if you lose track of the cup you’re eyeing, which isn’t even that hard, you still got a one and three shot at picking the right one. So in order to spice things up, and keep people playing, they starting adding stakes.”

“What kind?”

“Oh you know, ‘bet you a dollar you can’t find the ball,’ and the like.”

“What’s a dollar?”

“Oh, it’s a monetary unit, sorry.”

“Thou art pardoned.”

“Thank you.”

“You are most welcome. Now, why would adding such risk encourage them to keep playing?”

“Because with something to gain and lose now, the game’s outcomes had weight. Players had to take it seriously or else they’d forfeit something of material value. And trust me, nothing will encourage somebody to keep playing like wanting to keep a winning streak going, or wanting to try and recoup a loss.”

Luna nodded, remembering the addictive thrill that came with besting her sister at the foalish games they used to play in their youth, and the stubborn sting that would push her to keep going when Celestia would beat her. “And I take it that it was around this time that the unsavory elements began to be incorporated into the game.”

“Now why would you think that?” Matthias asked, not even bothering to hide the “you’re right” smile glued to his face, as his inner teacher took over and wanted Luna to explain her answer.

“Because even with the thrill of victory and the seriousness of loss now incorporated into the player’s mindset, the game still has not deviated from its origin. There are still only three cups to track, and the odds are still the same given a blind guess.”

“Gold star for you, Lu,” he applauded, only to begin snickering as she tilted her head in confusion, trying to under what a star had to do with anything. “Heh heh yes, once stakes got involved, people began trying to cheat the system, hoping to guarantee themselves a win, and boy, did they get creative.”

“What would they do?”

“Some would set up a table with a hole and screen to drop the ball into, others would roll the ball up their sleeves then roll a second ball back into another cup. Hell, mine’s the most basic; all you gotta do is not let them catch on to the fact that there’s more than one ball in play, and only pick up cups they don’t point to.”

“But why wasn’t such behavior ever discouraged?”

“Like I said, it’s complicated. The game grew out of a time where playing for money, or placing bets, was illegal, so even if somebody was caught cheating, it’s not like they could call the authorities. Eventually, it just got to a point where cheating began to be considered part and parcel for the game.”

“And yet your people continued to play this game?”

“Yes, because once the ban on money as prizes was lifted, and the game started hitting the carnival scene, an unexpected metagame arose out of it as more and more people got cheated.

“And what game would that be?”

“How Did They Cheat Me?”

Sadly, not for the first time since the start of their oddball relationship, Luna began questioning Matthias mental state. Calmly and carefully, she laid the back of her hand across his forehead, trying to get a read on his temperature.

“Uh, Lu...”

“Huh, no fever.”

“Why would you think I have a fever?”

“Because you were spouting some such drivel as, ‘how did they cheat me?’ and I was ensuring you hadn’t become delirious from your illness?”

“I’m not sick, Lu.”

Not buying any of that, she swung herself over his legs and gripped him by the shoulders, scrutinizing his face while checking his skin color, pulse, and pupil dilation. Finding nothing obviously wrong with her friend, she slowly pulled herself off him and took a deep, calming breath.

“May, I know you find it difficult sometimes, and that it is not always in your control, but…”

“But…”

“But I would like for you to be serious with me for the next few minutes and explain to me as clearly, and succinctly as possible, why somepony would willingly allow themselves to be cheated.”

Matthias pondered over how he could best answer Luna’s question without sounding like he’d finally cracked until he thought he’d found the perfect analogous scenario:

“Okay, do you remember that first Nightmare Night you attended after coming back from the moon.”

“But of course. T’was my first meeting with friend Twilight since my liberation from the Nightmare, and my first official interaction with the denizens of Ponyville.”

“And what did that cute little piebald tell you about scaring him?”

“That... that despite him being frightened for a moment, it became something exciting and fun when he realized there was no danger.”

“That’s right! Now, I’d like you to keep that strange dissonance in mind as I go over this next part. Do you think you can do that for me?” he asked, throwing her subdued seriousness back at her.

“Mhmm,” she nodded.

“Good! Now, picture a carnival, flashing lights, laughing crowds, merry music dancing on the breeze, are you with me so far?”

She nodded once again.

“Good, so you walk on in and, set up next to the deep-fried Twinkie stand, you see a big fancy sign hanging over a brightly colored station, showcasing some fabulous looking prizes. You trot on over because the prospect of winning an eight-foot-tall stuffed jackalope is just too good an opportunity to pass up. But once you get close, you realize that the vendor is running a shell game. Now, every book, movie, and anecdote you’ve ever read, seen or heard has warned you that the people who set up these games are natural born crooks and sharks, and that decent folk should not deal with them. Still with me, Lu?”

“Oh, yes! Of course,” she said snapping to attention, having gotten hung up a bit on what a twinkie was and how his feet were involved, but she recognized them as ancillary pieces of information, so she was still able to follow along.

“Good, because we’ve rounded second and are headed for home. Okay, now... where were we again?”

“Something about not dealing with sharks.”

“Right,” he said with a snap of his fingers, “Now, you know that you’re about to be cheated, that the man in the booth is a dirty rotten scoundrel and has probably rigged the game, and that the only thing standing between you and your giant fluffy bunny with antlers is your ability to follow a ball under a cup and… you no longer care about winning the prize.”

The anti-climax nearly gave Luna a stroke, “What?!”

“Yep, that rabbit can kiss your ass, because this isn’t about winning or losing anymore! No, it’s about showing that smug bastard behind the counter that you’re smarter than him.”

He let that hang in the air for a bit, to see how Luna would react, given this new nugget of information:

So what’s it gonna be? Confusion? Physical Violence? Her Asking Me to “Cut the Bullshit and Get On With It Dammit?”

But much to Matthias’s surprise and delight, he got neither of those things and instead, got the one thing he always loved seeing when he was walking about the classroom teaching content: Applied Critical Thinking!

Luna sat there in silence, with her hand pressed against her muzzle and fingers playing across her lips, trying to piece together all the relevant information while sorting through and throwing out all the bullshit. Recalling every tidbit and factoid from and before Matthias’s scenario, and began filtering it through the lens of her experience with Pipsqueak in Ponyville, until suddenly, her head shot up with enough force for her to see spots, realization smacking across the face like an army of airline passengers in a disaster movie spoof.

“It’s not cheating if both parties have recognized the deception as being part of the game’s core structure!”

“YES!!!” he screamed, crushing her against him, unable to contain himself knowing that Luna had been able to put that all together on her own. That nostalgic feeling of seeing his students applying what they’d learned to scenarios beyond the text threatening to draw tears, actually making him feel like a teacher again. Oh sure, it wasn’t the same as exploring the roles of society and morality in the works of Hawthorne, or the inherent value of truth and knowledge in The Master and Margarita, but given his limited options, he’d take what he was given.

Luna was startled somewhat at his sudden affections, but put up no resistance, allowing herself to be pulled further into his embrace. She knew Matthias loved helping ponies; it was par for the course for his old profession and was one of the reasons she had asked Celestia to offer him his current station. It had been odd at first, meeting somepony with just as many holes and gaps in knowledge, in regards to Equestrian society, as herself. With what little knowledge he did possess being only rough approximations he'd often muddle with his own world's history. So, even though she couldn't give him back his old job as an instructor, she did see the value in his critical eye, and his ability to sift through and check reams of paperwork with great rate and efficiency, and put forth the idea to her sister to allow him to aid them in their respective duties. So, in an effort to further heighten his elation, Luna continued to lay out what she had discovered:

“So since the act of cheating has become so ingrained in the culture of the game, the risk/reward factor has now taken the second chair to the need to demonstrate one’s mental faculties. To prove to one’s self and others that thou hast the capability to see through such deception, and that thou art so proficient, that thou can even best those who are professional liars and crooks. And with the only loss of note being one’s pride, or the smallest of material wealth judging by the game's continued proliferation, the rewards, both emotional and physical, tremendously outweigh the risk!”

The more answers Luna found in her derivations, the tighter Matthias squeezed, to the point where she could barely squeak out those last few words. But she was in no danger of being choked out, what with the earth pony strength and prowess Luna's alicorn constitution offered her. And if her earlier manhandling of Matthias was anything to go by, she could have broken away at any time, she just couldn't find the motivation, nor the desire, to do so.

After a minute or two, the rush of pedagogically induced endorphins seemed to flush itself from Matthias's system, and he had to lay down, though he was still there enough to tighten his grip and bring Luna down with him, earning him an adorable shower of squeals and giggles for his efforts.

“Did they have any games like that back in your time?” he asked after cooling off a bit, wanting to give Luna the opportunity to talk about the old kingdom, and legitimately curious about the times before the Harmony had become widespread across Equestria.

“Not that I remember,” she said, sighing in a clash of nostalgia and sorrow, “and even if they did, we wouldn't have been able to partake in such merriments, the nature of our charge blocking us from partaking in such daylit dalliances as balls, carnivals, and fairs,” she lamented, scooting up closer to him, so she could lay her head on his chest.

“But what about now?” he asked her, trying to strangle his inner Curious George for killing the joy they were basking in not two minutes ago. “We've seen plenty of stores and theaters still open when you've dragged me to your old stomping grounds. Surely there’s got to be some nighttime bacchanalia we can hit up, other than Nightmare Night.”

Luna became equal parts quiet and contemplative (and nervous if Matthias didn't know any better) before speaking up, “Th-there's the Winter Wind Traveling Carnival. They come into the city and host such festivities throughout the nights leading up to the Masquerade.”

“Do they have games?”

“Sadly, I have never been, but I have heard their revelries all the way from my watchtower.”

“Heard anything about the food?”

“Ladies Applejack and Pinkie Pie are known to vend their wares, and Twilight has oft’ spoke of the fair’s wide selection of fried and frozen foodstuffs.”

“Would you like to go with me?”

“Pardon?!” Luna choked out, her mind seizing somewhat at his question, unsure if she had heard him correctly.

“Would. You. Like. To. Go. With. Me?” he repeated, putting enough stress and emphasis on each word as if to say, ‘Yes, you did hear me correctly.’

“Would you really?” she asked, her words shrinking to nearly inaudible levels as she tried to curl herself up in a ball on top of him.

“Why wouldn't I?” he scoffed, throwing her mock offense.

“It’s just, how would our subjects act around… us?” she asked while pointing back and forth between them, so as not to throw Matthias off with her intermittent slips into the royal ‘We.’

“You could always go in disguise if you wanted to. I've seen what you can so with this thing,” he said tapping the tip of her horn, “and if not, do you really think anyone’s going to give the Princess of the Night any grief for being out at night.”

“But what if they are frightened of us?”

“What better way is there to assuage such fears, than by mingling with them like a normal pony?”

By this point, Luna had all but finished straightening herself out from the ball she had curled herself into, Matthias’ words having worked in easing her earlier trepidations, replacing it with a sense of nervous anticipation and longing she hadn't felt in a millennia.

“And what of thyself?” she asked, fidgeting atop him slightly until she had come face to face with her friend.

Even on his back, and with the little alicorn lying across him, Matthias still managed to give her a shrug, “Meh, I'm not one to give much stock to the opinions of ponies who haven't taken the time to get to know me.”

“And yet, you were still upset by the reactions of Puddle Jumper and Yellow Jacket when they first laid eyes on you.”

That caught Matthias completely off guard, “Wait, you saw that?”

“I could sense thy frustration at Puddle and Yellow’s reaction to thee all the way from the throne.”

“You did?”

“We are anachronistic, dear May, not blind.”

“Right on all fronts there, I’m just surprised we still aren't washing the blood out the drapes.”

“I have been learning restraint,” she declared smugly.

“Says the pony who threw me to the floor and straddled my waist earlier.”

Her cheeks colored something fierce at that, “‘Tis a work in progress.”

“But even with all that, yes, I would still love to take you out to the carnival.”

Her face turned near Nightmare Moon black from the rush of blood burning beneath her skin as she leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, “‘Tis a date.”

Wait what?!

But before Luna could give him a chance to ask for clarification, she sat back up and reached down for his phone, scrolling back to the photo of Celestia and tittering incessantly at the look on her sister’s face:

“O most wonderful night, May. I simply must have a copy of this made, so I may fill Tia’s inbox with them 'til the end of time.”

Setting aside the can of worms he had just opened for another day, he decided to try and dissuade Luna from taking any actions that may, or may not get one or more of them banished to the sun:

“As much fun as that sounds,” he chuckled, “she would know I had a hand in it instantly, and I know I’m not valuable enough to have that kind of offense overlooked.”

Despite his aloof response and nonchalant attitude, Luna could feel the muscles beneath his shirt begin to tense and his skin cool at where they were still touching.

“Is that what happened today? Did she get upset with you?” she asked, stroking his right hand.

“Let's just say she wasn't too happy about being fooled,” he answered with a slight tremble.

“In what way?”

“Sh-she might have implied something about locking me away in Tartarus.”

“SHE WHAT!?” Luna screamed as the Royal Canterlot Voice rumbled throughout the empty garden, her eyes turning white with rage.

“Hey hey hey, to be fair, it was the end of a hellacious day, and I was playing keep away with her cake, and I mentioned that picture you showed me of you and her at the beach, and she saw that she done goofed,” he blurted out frantically, desperately trying to placate her and defend Celestia, all the while praying to the entire Lovecraftian pantheon that he hadn’t brought out Momma Moon.

“That's... still... no... excuse...,” she growled out, her eyes fading back to blue, while her frame kept trembling slightly, not having any real outlet for her fury.

“It's alright, it’s alright,” he said, rubbing her shoulders, trying to soothe her overly protective nature towards him back to sleep, “besides that wasn't really the straw that broke the camel's back.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, she was so done by the end of the day that I had to carry her off to bed before she started signing bills in her sleep… again. But by the time I got her to her room, she was so out of it, that she maybe kinda sorta started stripping on me.”

Luna’s countenance was lost somewhere between ‘That bitch’ and ‘I know whose cunt I gotta punt.’ “What?”

“Easy there, girl. It was some kinda clothes changing spell, she was probably too zonked out to notice I was still holding her up,” he said, trying to reason with her, once again finding himself playing defense for Celestia.

“that cheeky little…”

“What was that?”

“Oh, uh ‘twas nothing,” she said, feigning ignorance and indifference, all the while scooting herself that much closer to him, nuzzling up to Matthias, almost possessively.

Real subtle Lu, he thought, smirking at her childlike antics as he lifted his arm up to give her more room. Which she capitalized upon immediately by hugging him from behind with her wings and pulling his arm back down, draping it across her shoulder, resuming her rightful mantle as they basked in the gentle glow of her night.

As the two settled into each other, Luna couldn't help but revel in all they had accomplished this evening, and behind it all, May had been there for her every step of the way. He had helped her through her panic at the court, had given her a seat at the table where she would no longer feel separated or superfluous, had been pivotal in the search for little Sea Star, and had continued to be somepony who made her feel like she was here and wanted, and Luna couldn't quite hold herself back anymore:

“Fuck it!”

“Excuse me!?” Matthias reeled back, shocked not only at her use of such crass language but by her use of his crass language.

“Oh sorry. It's just, I had planned on putting this together for tomorrow night’s sky, since, like you, I wanted to celebrate your eighth month living with us, but, forgive me, I just can't wait until then.”

Matthias sat up straight in anticipation. Though not much of a stargazer back on earth, his passion for sci-fi, in both literature and beyond, had motivated him to get a physics endorsement, in spite of his limited math skills. He could never quite grasp concepts such as exponentials, differential equations, and don't even get him started on Sine, Cosine, and Tangents...

Fuck the quadratic formula till it cries!

At least with physics, there had been things he could visualize, and the equations had some manner of grounding he could work from. So it came as quite the shock to him when he wound up in a world where the night sky was literally made each evening. You see, unlike the moon he had grown up under, Equestria’s moon was no mere reflector of another celestial body’s light, but rather, the source of the night sky’s blackness. Similar to how Celestia’s sun would flood the world with light each morning, Luna’s moon would generate a black backdrop each evening for her to adorn the heavens as she so chose. It had taken several demonstrations, and several stiff drinks, for him to finally come to terms with this new world’s physics, but now he simply reveled in the sheer ingenuity and fantasia of such a spectacle.

Luna stood up and walked out into the garden, but not without giving his hand a squeeze and kissing him on the cheek again, and with a wave of her hand, the billions of silver flames dotting the sky burst into a sea of shining dust...

Eat your heart out Steven Moffat!

...leaving the sky a blank canvas for her to work on. Though the painter analogy could be misconstrued since Luna didn't actually take a brush and swath the sky with starlight. Then again, neither did she simply snap her fingers and fill the sky with a Van Gogh. No, Matthias had seen Luna sing the night sky into being, play it in with all manner of instrument, he'd even seen her pull out a conductor’s wand and begin leading a symphony of the night’s denizens in a march across the heavens, stars dropping into place in time with each step. Really, Luna used whatever medium would best convey her feelings at the time, and help her best focus her magic, and each time Matthias was given the opportunity to sit in on it, it was an experience he would etch into his soul.

“Would you like to assist me?” she asked, offering him a hand.

Now, this was new. Of all the times he had borne witness to the rising of the moon and the birth of the night, not once had Luna ever needed any help, let alone ask him for it.

“You sure about this? You know me and magic don't exactly mix well.”

She giggled at his gross downplay, “Of course I need your help, my silly little human. It is for you after all.”

“So wait, you're going to have me make my own present!?”

She rolled her eyes at his snark, “Typical mortal, offer them a taste of the divine and all they wish to do is complain about senseless trivialities.”

“Alright, alright, geez,” he acquiesced, “What do I need to do?”

Luna nearly let out another squee as she hefted him off the floor for the second time this evening, jumping up and down with manic cheer before rummaging around in his pockets once more.

“First we’ll need a beat,” she said, once again pulling out his phone, working her way towards his music library, “Something we can synchronize ourselves to,” giggling as she found the song she wanted and hit play, its blaring guitar and heavy drum beat beginning to fill the now empty night as it started up.

“Luna that has got to be the most convoluted and roundabout way you could have asked me to dance ever.”

And as if on cue with the song, she twirled about and offered him a hand, screaming “Shut up and dance with me!”

Shaking his head at her childish zeal, he pulled himself against her, planting a hand on the small of her back and interlacing his fingers with her own, leading her in some mutant derivation of a swing and waltz.

“My my, I didn't know you could dance,” she marveled as she fell in with his steps.

“Why Miss Luna!” he declared in a drawl not dissimilar from that of an Appleoosan settler, “My Papi raised me as a proper gentleman of the South! So, by the time Ah was a youngin’ of ten, I was taught the fine art of Cotillion and the proper means to courtin’ a lady.”

“Am I to imply then that you are trying to court me,” she spoke coquettishly, causing Matthias to nearly stumble over her, but saved face by appearing to bring her down into a dip.

“Well uh…”

“Heh heh, you're cute when you're flustered, your colors even out,” she teased.

He gave an irritated grunt before lifting her back up, only for her to kiss him on the nose and nuzzle up against him.

“My turn.”

Luna took the lead this time, guiding him through some paces and foot/hoofwork vaguely similar to what he remembered. From then onwards, that initial awkwardness fled the scene, as the two friends continued their hybrid waltz and swing through the courtyard. There was a oneness about them, a freedom of spirit and form that singed the air with its energy. They were only themselves in this moment; without fear or doubt, without guilt or shame. All they had lost temporarily forgotten and the dread of what may come stamped out by the beat.

And it was this warmth, this connection, this freedom to be herself in his presence, that Luna latched on to, molding and shaping it, melding it together with her magic, as her joy and power soared to dizzying heights in time with the song.

Even Matthias could feel the pure, undiluted emotions radiating off of them, as if waves of statically charged bubbles were washing over him. The air seeming to ripple and wave as they continued to dance, and much like he had done earlier this evening, he let himself get lost. Allowing himself to feel nothing but the beat, to see nothing but his friend, to hear nothing but the music of a home he’d never see again, to smell nothing but the flowers fighting against the cold, and to taste nothing but the electrically charged air buzzing about the courtyard.

And as the song's end reached its peak, the guitar blasting it's last few bolts up into sky, so too did Luna finish channeling her spell, weaving their combined feelings into a matrix of pure light and power at the tip of her horn, and with the ballad's final note, she blasted her magic into the sky, letting it explode in a blast of blinding brilliance that erased everything around it in a wave of warm whiteness.

When the light had finished having its way with his face, Matthias was finally able to see what their fruits had born, and he almost wept. The normally near black blue of the typical Equestrian evening had turned a few shades and hues lighter, ranging all the way from teal to ocean green, while its silver stars were now shining in various shades of red, and pink, and blue. But above and beyond it all, hung one of the most beautiful images he had ever seen put to print or painting:

The Pillars of Creation.

They were a vision of awe-inspiring beauty that had continued to stick with him since the times of him and his mom's old Discovery Channel marathoning days, clouds of brick red proto-star matter shooting through the heavens in finger-like columns, churning and burning away as they birthed new stars into existence. Even watching stills on a television screen or on a computer monitor had taken his breath away back in the day, hell the Imax dome experience he had watched had nearly left him brain dead from the sheer overpowering beauty of the sight. But to see it as if you were standing right in front of it, to bear witness to stars being born before your very eyes, Matthias was left without words.

A soft hand gripping his own brought him back down to Equestria, “Do you like it?” Luna asked, 99% sure she knew the answer but didn't want to assume anything where her friend was concerned, only for her fears to be assuaged when he locked her in a bear hug, his body shaking with pure unbridled joy.

“Thank you!”

Such feelings were apparently infectious as Luna couldn't help but follow in his footsteps, gripping onto him just as tightly, giggling gleefully that her plan had worked such wonders.

“How did you even...?”

“You showed me the picture once when we got your phone working again. I thought seeing some of your old sky would be a welcomed experience.”

“Yes! Oh gods, yes!” he cried, tightening his embrace, trying desperately to convey to her just how much what she had done meant to him.

But, as with most things between them, words were not needed, as she could tell just from his body language that she had succeeded. So instead of potentially ruining the moment, she chose to just support him, and let him ride out the high he was experiencing from her display.

Somewhere in the distance, whether from some random guard settling into his post, or a castle staff freaking the fuck out at the sight of the night sky simultaneously blowing up and being replaced with something never to have graced the skies of Equestria before, the sound of metal scraping on stone began echoing throughout the castle, piercing the sanctuary of their garden and slamming into them.

And Matthias was gone.

The grating sound tore him away from Luna's embrace, drowning out her night in a brine of stale tears and shredded skin, ripping apart all sense of self and being. The kiss of warmth and winter collapsed into the pit eroding away at the center of his soul, retching up stillborn chimeras ready and willing to welcome him home with open arms. All light faded, all hope withered, and all joy shriveled up into clouds of black dust as he felt oily claws and rotten teeth rake across his skin. He wanted to scream, to cry out it in desperation, to let somebody, anybody, know that he was here, that he needed help. But he could barely breathe as pitted iron began weaving its way into his throat, tightening with each failed attempt to cry. He couldn't stop shaking. He shook, and shook, and shook, as deranged, greasy laughter lashed out over his flesh, as yellow fangs and jagged nails made ready to rip into him again and again and aga--

Hmm-hm-hm-hmm-hm, Hmm-hm-hm-hmm-hm

The melody was soft as silk but carried the strength of a mother’s love as it cut through the blackness engulfing him. As Matthias gradually came to, he found himself on his knees, the soft grass and ground squelching beneath him, soaking his pant legs ever so slightly. Slowly becoming aware of a comfortable pressure pressing against his cheek, vibrating in time with the song.

Hmm-hmhm-hm-hm, Hm-hmhm-hm-hm, Hmhmhm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm

Matthias looked up in wonder, only to find Luna coddling him, her arms wrapped around his head, pressing him into her chest as she continued to hum the little lullaby.

Hm-hm-hm, hm-hm,hm, hm-hmm-hm, Hm-hm-hm, hm-hm,hm, hm-hmm-hm

Gradually, his breathing evened out, and his shaking subsided, leaving him fully there in Luna’s embrace.

Noticing his episode subsiding, Luna gently cupped his cheek to bring him eye level with her, worry and relief staining her face alongside her tears.

“I'm sorry,” he said, shame lacing every syllable, trying not to make eye contact with her out of guilt and desperation.

But Luna was having none of that. She rested her forehead against his, careful not to bash him with her horn, and ran her fingers through his hair while keeping a hand on his left cheek.

“Stop that right now!” she scolded as gently as possible, “This isn't your fault! They did this to you! You have nothing to apologize for.”

Her words were like a balm on a burn, and he clung to that relief like a drowning man at sea, letting her just rock him back and forth like the scared child he had become.

“Tia really did a number on you, huh?”

“I don't know,” he groaned in frustration, “Normally I can take the teasing and the affection. It makes me feel safe. Whole even, but…”

“But then the loss and the fear are hot on its hooves,” she finished for him.

He chuckled, both at her mixed metaphor and how easily she could figure him out, and began hugging her back.

“Are you alright? Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” she asked worriedly.

“I'm fine,” he laughed, nuzzling her back this time, “ B-but do you, do you think we could…?” he asked hesitantly.

“Of course my friend,” she said, returning his hug with gusto, making sure he realized that he was here, with her, and that she wouldn't let anything happen to him.

“Should I talk with her?" she asked, "We wouldn't want her to continue with such affections if they're going to leave you like this.”

“No, I don't think she's the problem-”

“And it's not you either.”

That got his heart rate going, “Debatable. But she's got enough on her plate as is. She's still feeling bad about what happened in the Deeps.”

“I thought you forgave her?”

“Her and Shiny. It's almost a bloody drinking game. Pour one every time she sees me and frowns, knock it back if she tries to apologize, make it a double if I can't cut her off in time. She just can't seem to get past it.”

Luna nodded in understanding, “‘Tis easier to earn forgiveness from others than give it to one’s self.”

“The Tantabus.”

She nodded, nuzzling him in the process.

“I don't want to worry you guys.”

“You're our friend, it comes with the territory. I'd still worry for you, even if you weren't losing your damn mind.”

He snorted, then chuckled, then laughed. Laughed as hard as he could. Laughed at Luna’s use of modern vernacular, laughed in defiance of all the shit the universe had dumped on him, laughed just to spite the uncaring void that seemed to get its jollies from trying to break him down.

Luna looked a little worried, “Oh did I say it wrong?! Shit! I thought that was the right cont-,” but whatever she was about to say was crushed beneath an embrace as she found herself pulled into his chest this time.

“No, no Luna, that was perfect,” he said while ruffling her mane, laughing as the stars lining her lochs played across his skin.

Luna melted into his embrace, a giddiness filling her chest near to bursting, sensing that her actions, no matter how small, had helped her friend.

“Never change, Lu.”

“With you, I don't have to.”

They held their embrace for a while, falling into a comfortable silence as they continued to watch Luna’s latest masterpiece play out before them.

“It's a shame you gotta erase this come morning, though I'm sure someone’s going to have an aneurysm if you keep it up too long,” he said pointing to the light-years wide star forge, as it continued to churn out stars.

Luna gave another giggle, before lighting up her horn again. The white light gradually shifting to a pale blue, which she then promptly plucked from her horn, placing it in her palm.

“Do not worry, friend Matthias, this night, these feelings, they’re now as much a part of me as you are,” she explained before placing the tiny star into her mane, where it joined thousands of its brethren, “and I will treasure it always.”

She then gripped his hand before leaning into him, closing her eyes and wrapping him in her wings and wrapping herself in his warmth.

For the first time in a good long while, Matthias was well and truly baffled by her actions. Yes, Luna had always been the more touchy-feely of the royal sisters. Having a borderline unhealthy obsession with making him blush, and always wore her heart on her sleeve, never afraid to let Matthias know what she was feeling. Though he usually just attributed this to her having lost almost a millennia’s worth of time to mature, what with her blinking and finding herself a thousand years into a future without any grounding in this new modernity’s social sensibilities.

But now, he couldn't really get a read on the mare, her words, and levels of affection this evening a step beyond anything she had previously showered him with. However, as Matthias continued to try and piece together the puzzle that was Luna, he found that he neither really cared nor was he really bothered by it. Leaning into her just as hard, he closed his eyes and once more found himself letting go of his self, but this time instead of embracing the peaceful emptiness, he focused in on the spark he shared with Luna, relishing in how he could trust her, how he could accept her, and, how, right from the get-go, she had accepted him.

Staring down at the fertile fields and cresting hills surrounding Canterlot Castle, Matthias Martin wondered, with curious trepidation, why he hadn't jumped already.

You see, it had been just under a week since he'd woken up to a crying horse lady hovering over his bed, in more pain than he'd felt in months, and since then, he hadn't been able to get a moment’s rest. As every waking minute, he was either getting some newfangled test or cure-all blasted into him, only to have it fail spectacularly because their so-called "magic" couldn't seem to gel with him, getting enough blood drawn to tinge him yellow, or being asked non-stop questions that he either couldn’t answer, or didn't want to.

But as much as he would have loved to just tell them all to fuck off, to just shut the hell up for five goddamn minutes so he could have a moment to think, to just give him some space so he could process what in the holy hell was going on around him, or any number of other expletive-laden rebukes. Aside from all those being completely non-conducive to opening up any decent form of diplomatic dialogue, the fact of the matter was, he still couldn't talk.

He was lucky though, in the loosest, sadistically ironic definition of the word, as the ponies, as they referred to themselves, spoke his language. And after a misunderstanding between a few orderlies and a shampoo bottle, they had discovered that they also shared the same written language as well. So they were able to have more meaningful discussions than what his initial hand gestures and nods would allow.

Just wish they could get my name right, he thought as he kept leaning over the edge. They'd just about labeled him with every possible derivative of his name he thought feasible, and then some: Matt-hi-ass, Mat-thee-us, Mat-Ace (how'd they lose the i on that one?), and still hadn’t even gotten close to working out an approximation.

Why'd that phonics class have to be so bang-your-head-on-something-really-hard boring, he bemoaned, remembering a college overnight where he had gotten to sit in on a class. But it had been on a Friday, and like the sensible people they were, all the lit professors had worked their schedules so that they didn’t have to teach any classes, so he got stuck in the middle of a low-speed train crash of a course on the origins and theory behind word pronunciation.

And that, children, is why we stay awake in class; because learning how to denote the proper stresses and accents of words and letters may, in fact, be relevant to your life.

He chuckled at that little bit of irony, only for a barrage of nostalgia and homesickness to sneak up behind him with a sock full of nickels and bash him upside the temple:

Is Dad okay it hurts are they still looking never see them again lost Mom’s hair’s gotta be white by now please be okay how’s Grandma would she even understand what’s the point who’s keeping her out of uncle George’s hair miss them stuck can’t go back lost alone WHY WHY WHY?

Ever since he had woken up it was like his brain had no neutral gear. It was either dead stop or full throttle into a wall, and he had no idea what caused it, or when it would happen next. Even when his thoughts weren't running a mile a minute, he couldn't relax for a second, as some errant thought or sound could send him spiraling into a veritable meat grinder of conflicting thoughts and feelings, all screaming at him like a band saw pressed up against his head.

And now he stood in some neglected garden, staring down at what he guessed Minas Tirith would look like if it was hung from the mountain instead built into it. He had just needed to get out of that damn room, get away from the ponies who would be all smiles and good cheer one moment, and then panicking and calling for the guards at the slightest sudden movement. So he had waited for a lull in the security rotations and slipped out. Oh, he wasn't completely unreasonable, he had left them a note saying he was going for a walk (see, diplomatic) and that he planned on being back soon.

Lucky for him, the concept of a nightlife seemed foreign to these ponies. So he didn't run into any of them as he bobbed and weaved through the corridors of the castle, hoping to find someplace to sort himself out, without being harassed by some miniature horse person.

And then there's this whole, 'holy shit I'm actually tall,' crap.

Of all the ponies he had interacted with, only Celestia the sun pony, was taller than him, and it was only by negligible inches. All the others, on average, whether it was the flying ones, pointy ones, or the bulky ones, came up to his nose or chin, barely getting over 5 ft tall at best, so he was constantly looking down all the time in order for him to make eye contact, and make the tiny equines go pale.

Oh yes, how could we forget about the face?!

Ever since he had found himself in those damn caves, he knew he'd been broken. Sure there was barely any light to see with and no mirrors, but from how his arm and hand looked, and how they felt the same as the left side of his head, he could make some pretty good guesses as to how he looked now. And once he had woken up in civilization, he could indeed confirm that his face looked like it had given a high five to 50 feet of bad road.

At first, he thought he could live with it, after all, he had been a teacher, not a fashion model, so he figured he could just grin and bear it. But then he'd catch himself in the mirror after a shower or a pony'd suddenly find the floor fascinating while they were talking to him, and once again he'd be reminded of the literal hell he had been through and, second verse same as the first, the cycle would begin again.

That's not to say the ponies were treating him badly. In fact, compared to his time in the Deeps, he was getting the royal welcome. Celestia would drop by every day to check up on him and talk, giving him some tidbit or factoid of information about the strange new world he found himself in, and he'd write about some similarities in history and structure from his home. The doctors were also respectful and professional with him, asking for permission and consent before running or giving him anything, wanting to avoid another shower incident. But as best as they tried to hide it, he could see through the masks. The guilt eating away at the princess over how she handled his discovery, the stiffness and knee-jerk reactions of the hospital staff whenever they were near him, and the almost constant asking of “How are you doing” when they were just as ready to bolt out the door… It was just too much dissonance for him to handle.

So he needed a place without distraction or pony people, so he could figure out if life, in this strange new world, was still worth living.

They're afraid of me.

To be fair, that's the natural reaction when dealing with an alien they've only known for a week. Especially since you're a carnivore and they're herbivores.

They keep hurting me.

They also saved your life, and are trying their best to make you comfortable.

I've been mangled.

So, you can still see, can still move. It's not like you've lost a limb or a sense.

I'm an English Lit. teacher, there's no way they're gonna let me near kids. Hell, for all I know the symbols, themes, and motifs of this culture are completely different.

Won't it be fun to figure them out though?

I'm alone.

...

My family’s gone.

…

They don't know how to get me home.

...

Can I even go home like this?

…

I can't sleep.

…

Am I even worth It?

…

No

With his mind made up, he swung a leg over the edge and braced himself for the drop, hoping it would be quick enough for him not to regret it halfway down. But as he made to raise his other leg over the railing, he found himself hesitating yet again...

Come on, a month ago you would have jumped at the chance (*ba dum tsss*), what's the holdup?

And all he could think about was Celestia’s guilt-ridden face, the pony ladies who had washed the wounds he had gotten sticking up for their charges, and the little fillies who would snuggle up to him at night, trying to find some comfort in that hellhole.

Fuck ‘em! They're back home with people who give a damn about them, while you're stuck here dealing with a bunch of two-faced horse men just as ready to stab you as save you. You owe them nothing, they owe you everything, and they aren't paying up, so for once in your life, think about yourself for once and do something to make the pain stop!

He made another attempt at lifting his leg over the side, before letting out a resigned sigh, or at least pantomiming one, and swinging himself back onto solid ground.

Nobody owes anyone anything. We take what we can scrape together, and hope it gets us through the day, he thought as he fell back onto the semi-damp grass and dirt, using its chill to try and focus as he shut his eyes.

Why couldn't they've just killed me like they were supposed too?

With his flight plans put on hold for the moment and with the soft sounds of Spring proving to be a wonderful white noise against the world around him, Matthias figured he could afford a few minutes to just let himself get lost. Noting how the air tasted slightly sweet and smelled of flowers and chimney smoke as he began to slow his breathing. Taking deeper and deeper breaths as he focused solely on the sounds of the wind weaving through the old statues spread out across the garden and the rhythmic trickling of some unseen stream nearby. Hell, it was nearly enough to ease him off to sleep, but the feel of wet grass and cold metal against his skin weren't very conducive to a good night's rest. So he opened his eyes and made ready to search for a better spot, only for his vision to be completely crushed beneath the sheer intensity of the night sky above him.

Back on Earth he had been lucky enough to live a somewhat decent ways away from the city and avoid a lot of the light pollution it gave off, allowing him an unobstructed view of Orion, Pisces, and the Ursas. Yet even then, it seemed like most nights they were the only stars in the sky, just a few clustered bursts of light surrounded by a sea of inky blackness. But now, looking up at this world's sky for the first time, he could hardly find a speck of black amidst the shimmering sea of swirling silver suns, their soft glow nearly burning the night sky blue.

Matthias was finally able to check out completely as he tried to process just how in the actual hell he had missed all this?! Each star seemed perfectly placed in order to complement its neighbor and even out the distribution of its light, dyeing the space between each speck of silver differing shades of blue. He could roughly piece together groupings that were clearly this world's constellations, but with no decent grounding in their myths and symbols, there was no way he could determine their shapes and meanings.

So he amused himself by trying to make up his own:

Pelipus the Pelican, Rodenatus the Raccoon, Genearea the Giraffe, Steve the Steven...

A metallic clacking woke him from his musings, but not so much that it made him want to sit up, so he just flipped his head back, ready to be apprehended by the lucky guard who was gonna catch the human, only to find another princess standing before him, albeit upside down.

“Hmmm. So I am to assume then that you're the reason why my guards are running about as if somepony had set their tails on fire.”

Rigid cadence, Slight trepidation, natural formality... What are you supposed to be?

Still unable to scrape together enough motivation to sit back up completely, he simply shrugged before reaching into the pocket of the weird hospital gown/robe he was wearing, pulling out the tiny notebook, little vial of ink, and quill he had been using to talk with the ponies attending to him. After scribbling down a note, he tore it out and held the sheet up between two fingers, intending to hand it over to her, only for a sparkling breeze to whisk it away and bring it to the princess.

‘Sorry. Didn't mean to cause you grief. Just needed someplace without all the noise.’

“Oh no, no, we did not mean to imply that thou hath wrought any injury upon ourselv… oops oh sorry, I mean, you did nothing wrong it's just, oh I didn't expect anypon… I mean body to be out here at this time of night, let alone, thee, I mean you!”

Eat your heart out, Ben Jonson, he thought, righting himself to get a better look at this strange pony. She had a dark blue coat, nearly bordering on black, with a flowing mane similar to her sister’s, save for the stars instead of a pastel aurora. He couldn't really get a read on how tall she was from his current position, but from what he remembered in his “talks” with Celestia, he could assume she was around the same height as him, if not smaller.

Currently, the Princess was fidgeting with the sleeve of her dress, a frilly, ankle length number that looked more at home in a formal ball rather than some rundown garden. Trying her best to regain her composure while slipping in and out of what Matthias assumed to be the Equestrian equivalent to Early Modern English in her panic, though not at him surprisingly.

Hoping to alleviate the stressed out pony, he stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, instantly tearing her out of her mild freak out. He started taking deep breaths, gesturing for her to follow suit, which the princess picked up on after a few seconds, steadily settling herself. Once he had calmed her down some, he broke contact with her so he could hold up another note for her:

‘Thou hast offered me no offense fair lady, though I must ask thy forgiveness for setting such a state upon thee,’ he said before moving to drop into a bow, only for a pair of firm hands to stop him, gripping him by the biceps.

“Please, you need not bow on my account, though thine actions and use of the classic tongue is appreciated, if not somewhat surprising.”

From their new vantage point, he saw his initial estimates to be correct, as he now stood an inch or two taller than her. He found himself being drawn to her eyes, an appropriate shade of royal blue and found an odd mixture of relief and anticipation swimming beneath them.

Finding the strange turn of events oddly refreshing, he found himself pulling out more sheets from his notebook, wanting to keep talking to the mare:

‘Once upon a time, I was a teacher of literature. I taught my students everything from the modern masterpieces to the foundational classics. So, though I claim to be no expert on the subject, thine lexicon is no stranger to me,’ he said while giving her a grin. Only for his eyes to widen as he slapped his hand over his mouth, remembering how a couple of orderlies had recoiled in terror when he tried to thank them for their efforts.

Now it was the dark horse’s turn to chuckle, as she rested a hand on his arm, “‘Tis alright, good sir. Once upon a time, my sister and I played host to all manner of species, both carnivore and herbivore alike, so I know you meant no disrespect by your gesture, and am glad that I have been able to brighten thine evening,” she said, offering him a reassuring smile, "Oh, but what kind of host am I not to have introduced myself? I'm Luna Lacus of Equestria, Regent of the stars and Princess of the Night," she said, extending him a deep blue hand.

Matthias relaxed a bit, relieved knowing that he hadn't upset her, and wrote down what he hoped would be an appropriate introduction:

Hello, I'm Matthias Martin of Earth, Scholar and Teacher, and it's a pleasure to make thine acquaintance.

This time Luna reached out to grab the paper herself, the velvet soft fur of her fingers brushing against his hand slightly as she took the note from him, sending waves of tingling warmth shooting up and down his arm from where they made contact. She looked unsure for a second as she continued to read over his message but a moment or two later she steeled herself with one more calming breath before offering him her hand once again, a confident smile worming its way across her face:

"The pleasure is all mine 'Maytheeus,' and on behalf of the Night and all her denizens I welcome thee to Equestria!"

Luna was taken aback slightly when he didn't grasp her hand but started shaking instead. Afraid that she had insulted the poor creature, remembering Celestia explaining the many failed attempts at trying to find a proper pronunciation for his name, she tried to offer an apology, only for her to be cut off as he threw his head back in a fit uproarious laughter, albeit without any sound whatsoever. It was simultaneously the most joyous and tragic sight Luna had ever beheld.

"D-did We say it wrong?”

After Matthias had pulled himself together he quickly wrote up another note and handed it over to her, ‘No no that's fine. In fact, that's the closest you lot have gotten. Serves me right for sleeping through that phonics class,’ he said taking her offered hand, ‘But in the interests of saving time and wasting effort, you can call me May your highness.’

Luna relaxed knowing she hadn't offended him and offered Matthias a warm, welcoming smile as she shook their now linked hands.

“‘Tis a unique name, even amongst these parts.”

A flash of love and nostalgia shone across his face as he gave her another note, ‘What can I say? My mother was a fan of alliteration and kightly mice; it was bound to happen.’

Matthias had to fight back another fit of silent chuckles as she tilted her head in confusion, trying to figure out what any of what he had written meant. Idly noticing that for the first time since this whole ordeal started, he was steady. Oh sure, he could still feel the accumulated fear and lament scratching and clawing away beneath the floorboards of his consciousness, but they were no longer front and center, his focus resting fully on the strangely dichotomous diarch standing in front of him.

"Be that as it may, if I must be forced to rely upon such abbreviated appellations in order to address thee properly, then thou may do'est the same and simply refer to me as Luna," she offered, having finally given up trying to decipher the strange scrawl he had handed her.

‘Is such conduct even allowed?’ he asked, trying not to overstep any bounds.

"I am co-ruler of Equestria and Diarch of the Night! Woe be onto the pony who tells me how to conduct myself, and others, when outside of my station!" she declared passionately, though mirth and merriment bounced along each syllable, which Matthias couldn't help but pick up and join in on.

‘So I take it referring to thee as "Lu," or "Lulu," would be fair game as well?’ he ribbed, remembering the pet names the Sun Horse had referred to her sister by when she visited.

"Dammit Tia," he heard her whisper before letting out a defeated sigh, "'Tis not my place to tell thee how to label mine self, but be warned. I may not be held responsible for how I react should you choose to address me as such," she warned as her countenance suddenly shifted, turning equal parts serious and threatening, although her eyes continued to shake energetically betraying her teasing.

‘So Luna,’ he wrote out while pantomiming comically nervous shaking, surprising and delighting the princess to no end, ‘does this mean I have to go back to my room? It's homely and all, but it doesn't quite have the view to match that,’ he asked while throwing a thumb towards the night sky.

For some reason, the mare's eyes seemed to light up and her demeanor became the slightest bit bubblier. “I most certainly hope not! Usually I come here to escape the throngs of ponies seeking my aid and counsel,” she scoffed while rolling her eyes with enough force to shake her head slightly, laying on the sarcasm so thick you could cut it with butter, “but if you wouldn't mind mine presence, may We ask that you to give us sanctuary within your company?”

Curiouser and curiouser, he thought, as he gave her vigorous nod, allowing himself to be yanked over to a nearby bench, shocked at the little pony's surprising strength.

"Is it true what thou hast said? Dost thou truly find mine evening pleasurable?" she excitedly asked once they had taken a seat, the position she had found him in and his earlier compliment having not gone unnoticed by her.

He nodded once more before scratching out, ‘It's breathtaking! We've nothing like it back on Earth, at least not where I lived. I've never seen the sky so lit up before, it's like the stars go on forever!’ He would have kept loading on the compliments, seeing as those three sentences alone had her practically bouncing (no, definitely bouncing now) in her seat, but her phrasing begged one serious question, ‘What do you mean by "mine evening?"’

Luna read the new note with quiet confusion plastered across her face as her eyes began scrutinizing what was left of Matthias' face, trying to determine if he was being serious or not.

"It is as We said," she declared, lighting her horn and slowly twirling her index finger, "We are the Princess of the Night, all its facets and features fall under our domain and control," she declared, finishing her explanation with one last flourish of her finger before signaling him to look back up.

Matthias nearly had a seizure when he saw the previously stationary stars begin circling about the sky as if they were nothing more than one of those red and green laser light decorations lazy families set up in their yards during Christmas. It was just bloody surreal, watching the constellations he had been putting together burst apart (go with God, young Steve!) and twirl about as if there was absolutely no weight to them. Matthias found himself simply pawing at the sky, hoping desperately to see his hand break the beams of light, or at the very least prove to himself that there really was a sky above him. But as he attempted to make another swipe, Luna grasped his wrist and laid it on his lap, while another hand went to pull his jaw from the floor.

Matthias turned to stare at the blue mare, unbridled awe and wonder pouring out of his eyes, only for Luna to give him a coquettish smile and as she pointed to her crown, "These raiments are not just for show, you know?"

‘WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?!,’ he hurriedly scribbled out, nearly knocking over his inkwell and dotting his note with dozens of black blots as he tried to throw words on paper as fast as he could.

Luna's fur was nearly singed from the sheer excitement sparking off Matthias, his eyes wide with childlike wonder. Giggling and blushing at the prospect of having an audience to truly appreciate her nightly efforts, Luna decided to put on a little show for him, "Well... aside from assigning them their stations, I determine their levels of luminosity," she bragged, the words barely leaving her mouth before the evening began to shine even brighter, the stars burning that much hotter for a few seconds.

"Their numbers," she said beginning to twirl in place a few times before pulling a blazing diamond out from behind her back and presenting it to Matthias, but just as he tried to reach out and touch it, she shot him a wink and threw it into the air, a solid swath of white carving up the sky behind it as it went to find its designated seat alongside its brethren.

"And most importantly, the positioning and phases of my station," she explained, pointing out her namesake as it began to cycle through all of its variants, running the full gambit from full to new and everything in between.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Matthias found himself moved to the point of being overwhelmed. Now, this wasn't the same as the nonstop barrage of fear and loathing that had been threatening to sing him off the edge before Luna had shown up. No, this was all his thoughts and feelings being clocked to full capacity, each sense and errant thought marshaled together in order to fully process the world around him, burying everything else beneath the barrage of sensory input. Truly making it feel as if the hell he had made it through was nothing more than a bad dream.

"..y, ..ay, ...MAY!"

A terrified shout and some violent shaking finally brought him back to Earth (or Equestria), as he found Luna sitting in his lap gripping him by the shoulders, fear and shame carved into every feature of her face. He made a show out of wildly shaking his head, showing Luna that he had snapped out of it, that he was alright, and that she could ease up in her not so gentle ministrations.

"Oh thank the stars! We thought We had shocked thee senseless," she said, relief washing the fear from her face but leaving the shame, as she refused to make eye contact with him, choosing instead to stare down at her lap, "Please, We beg thy forgiveness, We had simply wished to give thee a demonstration of our talents, We had no idea it would frighten thee so."

Matthias reached up and cupped both her cheeks gently and nudged her face up so she could look him in the eye. Sure, some might have considered it a bold move on his part, but considering she was currently straddling his waist, he was willing to take a chance, especially if it meant pulling her out of her current slump.

Once he had her full and undivided attention, he gave her a warm smile and shook his head back and forth a few times before reaching down and writing her another note:

‘No, no, that was spectacular! That little display had to be the most awe-inspiring sight I've seen since waking up!’

Luna's tenseness began to subside some with his reassurance, "Truly?"

He nodded and handed her a second note: ‘It made me forget about the caves. Thank you.’

This time it was Luna's turn to freeze as the full weight of Matthias's words sunk in, causing her remaining tensions to fade away, replaced with what looked like an odd assortment of relief, joy, and fulfillment fighting for supremacy across her muzzle, before she wrapped her arms around his neck and began squeezing.

"You are most certainly welcome!" she said with a strange echo ringing throughout her voice as she began to furiously rub her cheek up and down the left side of his face.

This had the immediate consequence of turning Matthias's whole head into blushing red bulb, his face glowing so fiercely he swore he could see Luna's coat turn purple. But before he could voice, or write, his complaints, Luna seemed to pick up on the awkwardness of the situation and swung herself off him, returning to where she had been sitting previously.

"*cough* We apologize, it is rare to find somepony who truly appreciates our efforts, let alone one with whom they have brought such a sense of peace to."

Matthias tried his best to laugh, but once more found himself lamenting that thrice-damned ring around his neck when only wispy breaths escaped his lips. So he did his best to show that he took no offense from her spontaneous act of affection by taking her hand in his and petting it gently, offering her a full smile without any pause or fear:

‘It's no problem. But I am shocked that none of your subjects would want to stay up to see something so awe-inspiring.’

Once more Luna brightened at the compliments to her talent, before looking down again and sighing dejectedly, "Yes, our little ponies work and play so hard throughout the day that few have the time or energy to waste come the evening."

Matthias knew that look. It was the look of a part-timer brought in with the promise of advancement and benefits if they proved themselves, only for him to bust his ass for a year and get assigned work three levels above his station while still being kept at the same pay grade in order to cut costs. Sympathizing with the poor mare, he moved his hand up to her shoulder and started rubbing gently, before handing her another scrap of paper:

‘You're a better mare than me. If I had that kind of power and no one around to see it, I'd've filled the sky with enough obscene words and gestures to make a sailor blush.’

This got the blue alicorn giggling as she started searching about the area, as if making sure nobody else was around, "Don't tell anypony, but one time after Tia had made a comment insinuating my flanks were becoming more and more shaped like my charge, I may or may not have moved the Western stars into a caricature of her stuffing her face full of cake!" she said breaking down in manic cackling, which Matthias joined in on, albeit much quieter.

Once the two had pulled themselves together, Matthias offered her a note assuring her his secrecy:

‘Don’t worry, my lips are sealed,’ he wrote giving her a bemused smile and miming a zipping motion across his lips.

But instead of relief or her continued impishness, he found worry and concern, for him, beginning to worm its way onto her face, "Thou shouldn't belittle thine condition, especially if it is to put me at ease," she said laying a hand upon his, "we know thine acclimation has not been gentle."

Feeling like an ass for killing the fun, Matthias started to write: ‘I'm okay. It's just-’

“It's just one minute you feel like everything is fine,” she said interrupting him mid-sentence, “and then you hear them whisper, or they stare too long, reminding you again and again that what hath transpired truly happened. You walk about in a daze and the world appears to be as you had left it, until some oddity breaks through the simulacra, leaving you unsure when and where you are, until somepony shows you that everything you had known is gon… Oh, forgive me mine ramblings! We did not mean to-”

Whatever Luna was about to say got cut off by Matthias latching onto her hands. Startled by his sudden actions, she looked up from where they were now connected to stare into his eyes, desperation and hope screaming at her, like somepony who had been drowning for hours finally finding flotsam to cling to. He was trembling, and those deep green eyes of his, which had appeared so dead and lifeless when she had first found him, were now burning as intensely as her sister's sun. But once again dread and panic waged war across his face, and he tried to scoot away from her, only for Luna to maintain her hold on him, pulling him that much more into her.

How long has he been holding himself together like this, she thought, stroking his hands with her thumbs, trying to reassure him that it was alright for him to touch her, that he was safe with her, and, though she regretted it, not wanting to break contact with one of the few ponies in the past one thousand years who was not afraid to touch her.

Which made Matthias relax into her, letting her tiny frame just fill him with the ethereal warmth radiating off her, a heat that reached all the way to his core, melting away the perpetual chill that had been eating away at him like ice filled tumors. He wanted to thank her, shout at the top of his lungs that she was right, to scream his throat raw begging her to help him, but all he could do was sit there and shake. After few more seconds like this, he decided to just go for it and hug her, wanting to offer her whatever modicum of comfort and joy he could to reflect how much her words and actions had helped him. Hoping she wouldn't think his actions too forward of him, only for his fears to be assuaged when she started hugging him back with equal fervor.

After a few more minutes holding each other like this, Matthias finally broke away so he could write her an apology:

‘Sorry about all that, and thanks.’

“‘Tis no trouble at all,” she reassured him, “both my sister and Princess Twilight have been helping me work through similar adjustments, and I have found that having a friend at mine side makes the process go that much smoother.”

Relief, over having not scared away the one pony who seemed to get was going on inside his head, crashed into him, pushing away all the bleak thoughts that were still trying to lure him off the edge with their siren song. Though the way she phrased her assurance did catch him off guard:

Wait did she just call me a-

"STEP AWAY FROM THE PRINCESS, NOW!!!," came an overly authoritative voice from above them. Breaking away from Luna, Matthias found one of the rare bat-type ponies, who tended to skulk about the halls whenever the sun went down, perched atop the old gazebo they were sitting next to, decked head to toe (hoof, dammit!) in what looked like obsidian plate mail. However, despite how heavy it looked, the mare, he assumed from both the voice and how pronounced the armor was around the chest, looked unimpeded as she crouched down into an almost predatory stance, dagger drawn and ready to pounce at any perceived threat to her ruler, "Last, warning! STEP! BACK!"

Matthias was just about to snap to, Fight and Flight having had a quick palaver and deciding rolling over would be better than another hole in his gut when thunder and lighting began crashing across the garden, the winds suddenly picking up and forming a protective vortex around him and Luna:

"CAPTAIN STARRY STAND DOWN THIS INSTANT!" rang the little princess's voice with enough force to knock the well-armed batpony near off her perch, that strange warble from before returning and somehow amplifying her now overbearing voice to near-deafening levels.

Say what you will about the gung-ho batpony, she knew how to follow orders, as within a span of two seconds she had not only sheathed her blade but had also made it off of the gazebo and had landed in a bow right in front of Luna, "Ma'am! Are you alright?"

"Of course We are alright! I was simply educating friend May on the nature of our sky! What in Harmony's name would possess you to think We were in danger?" she asked, her volume having sunk down from its wrath of God levels into the R. Lee Ermey with a microphone range.

"Ma'am, we received word that the creature had escaped from his hospital room. I scrambled all available guards hoping to apprehend him before he could potentially hurt himself or others. When I came by to check in the gardens, I saw him grabbing on to you and acted accordingly."

Well, at least she offered me a warning? Matthias thought, grateful that he hadn't gotten stabbed but still feeling on edge and somewhat stung from having a knife drawn on him.

"Creature? Is that how we have taken to referring to our guests since our return?" she said with an angry *snort*, the fine hairs of her coat beginning to bristle.

To her credit, the guardsmare was taking her chewing out like a champ, but she was starting to cave a little beneath her diarch's indignant tongue lashing, trembling at each fury laced word, causing the plates of her glassy black armor to rattle and scrape together. But as much as Matthias was enjoying having somebody so passionately come to his defense, another part of him couldn't help but feel for the poor guard getting berated for just doing her job. So, in an effort to calm Luna down and spare the poor mare shaking on the ground any further indignities, he placed a hand on Luna's shoulder, halting her furious twitching, and gave her another slip of paper:

‘It's alright. We haven't been introduced yet.’

This seemed to shock Luna back to what he assumed to be baseline as she ceased in her verbal beatdown of her subordinate. Once he was sure she had regained her composure some, he dropped down into a sitting position in front of the black-clad guard, now able to notice the silver inlay carved into her armor, probably denoting her rank and station, and offered her a greeting and a note of her own:

‘Hello, I'm Matthias, but, for the sake of making this less awkward than it already is, you can call me May.’

The mare gave the hand in front of her an unsure frown as she looked between Matthias and Luna, only accepting his offered hand when her princess gave her an affirming nod, allowing her permission to speak and rise:

"Captain Starry Night of the Lunar Guard, forgive me my rashness and indiscretion."

Matthias just smiled and shook his head, waving his other hand in a gesture he hoped would translate to "it's water under the bridge," smiling even more when he saw her let out the breath she had been holding and eased up some.

With the initial awkwardness and storm clouds cleared away, the atmosphere around the garden took on a much more civil air, with all parties facing each other as people, err two ponies and a person, instead of a soldier, a perceived threat, and a ruler. Having reigned in her fury over her soldier's reaction to finding Matthias, Luna realized how demeaning her own reactions must have sounded and offered her Captain an apology:

"I apologize, Captain Night. I should not have been so harsh to thee simply for performing thy duties and looking out for my well-being," she said while looking upon her soldier solemnly.

"N-no your majesty," the mare tried to stammer out as quickly as possible, "you were right to chastise me for assuming the worst and not giving Sir May the respect he is due, but the gesture is appreciated nonetheless." She said offering her ruler a small reassuring smile.

Luna seemed to fully relax finally, and the night seemed to brighten with the return of its ruler's peace of mind. However, these turns of events had gotten Matthias thinking and he quickly scribbled out a couple more notes and handed them off to Luna and Starry:

‘Are the other guards going to be just as intense?’

‘Can I expect to have weapons drawn on me until I'm back in my room?’

Starry looked up after she finished reading, eyes burning with defiance, "Over my rotten corpse they will," she nearly shouted, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, once more sending those warm waves from earlier crashing through him. "Ma’am, with your permission I'd like to go call off the search before any other misunderstandings can occur," she asked, looking down slightly, out of embarrassment.

"Permission granted Captain, and be sure to inform the hospital staff that I shall take responsibility for May until such time that he feels comfortable returning."

The dark blue bat pony gave Luna an affirmative and saluted before turning to Matthias, "Sorry again sir, next time I'll be sure to have a good excuse before pulling steel on ya!" she said flashing him a cheeky, snaggle-toothed grin before flying off, one he couldn't help but return as he watched her soar into the sky and disappear behind a tower.

"Forgive me the zeal of mine guards, they can oft times be overly protective of our safety and welfare. We hope that We haven't frightened you away from the prospect of our company," she begged slightly, embarrassment dyeing her face nearly black.

‘'Tis no trouble at all milady,’ he wrote trying to reassure her, ‘and thank you for sticking up for me. And don't you worry, it'll take more than a few overprotective ponies to turn me away from thy companionship. Though I must apologize for offering you little in terms of a peaceful evening.’

Luna relaxed once again and her colors returned to her normal midnight blue hue, "You are most welcome again friend May, and you needn't worry about me, you are definitely a most welcome distraction during these oh so busy nights," she said falling in next to him.

And there was that word again. When she had spoken it earlier it seemed to be almost ancillary and in passing, but Matthias couldn't sense any levity or triviality when she used it, so he had to be sure of one thing before anything else happened this evening:

‘Does this mean we’re friends now?’

Luna quickly slapped her hands over her muzzle, having realized her previous slips of the tongue, “Oh, I'm sorry, I did not mean to overstep,” she said cringing in panic, “but... but, if you wouldn't mind having one such as myself as a friend, I would very much appreciate calling you mine.”

The self-esteem is strong with this one.

Matthias could clearly tell that at some point she had been through some serious shit, if her near flawless summation of the current state of affairs inside his head was anything to go by, and though the circumstances may not have been the exact same, they were close enough to have put them on a similar wavelength. But as much as he would've liked to press her for more, she appeared desperate for his response, as if his rejection would have shattered her, so he found a clean sheet of paper, and wrote out as cleanly and clearly as possible:

‘I would love to be your friend!’

The dark alicorn read the note, then hugged it to her chest, giving an honest to god squeal of delight before leaping onto Matthias and nuzzling alongside the left side of his face, "thank you, thank you, thank you, Oh, most wonderful of nights, thank you!" she said before reeling back in embarrassment, "Oh, We're sorry! Did We hurt you?"

But Matthias wasn't having any of that. This tiny blue pony princess had been crazy enough actually reach out and be honest with him, so there was no chance in hell he was going to let her feel ashamed of being herself around him, so he walked back over to her and wrapped her in his arms, rubbing the right side his face across her cheek, although he had to crouch down a bit to get the proper angle.

And Luna melted into a puddle of giddy giggles as she resumed her previous ministrations, "Thank you, May."

Yeah, that’s going to take some getting used to, but hey, it’s better than what those damn dogs were calling me.

Fly Me to the Moon Part Two: Please Be True

Author's Notes:

Big thanks to this chapter's Stars:

Tenth
TheCrimsonFlash
Sipioc

You guys are the best!

What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

The sadly oft-repeated question continued to play through Matthias’s mind, over and over again like a never-ending Crunchyroll ad loop as he shuffled his way back to his room. Doing his best not to lose himself amidst Canterlot Castle’s many winding corridors, while simultaneously trying not to undo all the hard work and effort Luna had put into settling him down for the evening.

But now that he no longer had any friends or work to distract himself with, what with Luna having whisked herself away to go and meet with her Captain of the Guard some ten minutes prior. Matthias was left with nothing but the contents of that can of worms he had just opened with the Princess of the Night and, to a lesser extent, just what in the unholy fuck was she thinking.

You see after Luna had helped settle Matthias’s brief bout of audio-induced panic, the two friends had decided that they’d had just about enough excitement for one evening, and chose to spend the rest of their time together simply huddled up close to one another. Having wrapped themselves in the blanket they’d been sitting on for a little extra warmth, they did their best to try and finish what remained of Matthias’s cake, all the while gabbing about whatever errant thoughts would wander across their minds as the night carried on.

And even though what they talked about bore little to no importance in regards to topic, and the subject matter held little to no weight; this non-stop flow of thoughts and feelings gave Matthias plenty of time to just sit back and decompress, allowing any lingering fears or worries that had stuck around from his previous attack to be temporarily brushed aside as he tried keeping up with all the shifts and changes in topic Luna brought up.

But as the time for the debrief with Starry and her division commanders rolled around, a familiar dread began to crawl its way across Luna’s skin, as she started to notice Matthias’s speech beginning to slur, and the gaps between the questions and answers they would toss to one another becoming longer and longer. All telltale signs, signs Luna had spent many months with May coming to learn and recognize, pointing to the simple, irrefutable fact, that the human was worn the fuck out.

The poor creature hardly had the time to sleep as is, what with him having to run back and forth all day for her sister, and then having to spend the better part of each evening putting up with her own eccentricities and random bouts of insecurity. But as of late, Luna had begun to notice that with each passing panic Matthias suffered from, whether it was him drowning in an overwhelming influx of dark imaginings, or him being ripped back to the times when he was a prisoner in those damned tunnels, it seemed as if his very mind, body, and soul would be ravaged to the point of collapse. And though she hadn’t seen one as bad as this evening’s in over a month, she felt like less and less of May was left with each passing episode.

So, as much as she would have loved for Matthias to come and join her, him being her administrative aid and all, and having played a critical role in the search’s success, Luna recognized that it was time to send Matthias off to bed, so he could hopefully have a chance to rest and recover.

“May?” she asked, grabbing his attention. Steeling herself with one last bracing breath, in hopes of weathering the oncoming storm.

“Yes?”

“Go to bed.”

Matthias had to blink a few times at the directness of Luna’s opening salvo, his eyes seemingly getting heavier with each attempt:

“Wow, not even going to try and be subtle about it tonight, huh Lu?”

“Heh heh, If I may borrow your turn of phrase…"

“You may.”

“Fuck subtle, you need to get some sleep.”

“Hmmm, how about... no?” he answered with all the stubborn petulence of a foal raging at having to take a nap as he crossed his arms and gave her the cold shoulder, refusing to look her in the eye. Partly out of mock spite, but mostly because he had been finding it more and more difficult to hold himself up to meet her gaze.

“May...”

“Nu-uh,” his response both stern and resolute, in spite of his body beginning to fall forward.

“May, I’m serious.”

“Good to meet ya serious, run for your life!” He said, giving her his best 9th.

“Wait, why do you speak as if you’re from the Northern Mountains?” she asked, a few standouts amongst her thestral guards coming to mind.

“Heheheh, a lot of universes have a North,” he chortled, before breaking down in a fit of manic giggles as he saw her shadow tilt its head in confusion.

But as much as she would have liked to continue pressing him for more details on this particular development, she quickly realized such a line of questioning would be playing into May’s favor. As it would only succeed in keeping him awake and by her side, instead of in his bed. So, she shook those thoughts from her head and got back to the task at hand:

“May, please, thou hast performed thy duties most admirably this evening, but ‘tis time for me to review the efficacy of my commanders, and it will be quite difficult to accomplish this if I must roust you from sleep every other minute,” she said while snapping her fingers a few times, hoping to bring his drooping eyes back up to hers.

“And won’t it be just as difficult to evaluate those commanders without somebody there to help cross-reference each division’s deployment rate, squad distribution, and individual troop performance?” Matthias mumbled out, unable to lift his head to face her but still able to throw in his two bits.

Now it was Luna’s turn to blink and stare, not expecting such a lucid, if not sound, answer from the human, given he was currently talking to the ground and drooling into the collar of his shirt.

With a bit of finagling on his part, Matthias was able to prop a leg up from beneath the blanket, using the new found purchase to lay his arms down and form a makeshift pillow to rest his head against, sitting himself up some in the process.

Now that he had returned to some semblance of being upright, Luna could see that despite his weary visage, Matthias’s gleaming green eyes were still as bright and lively as they’d been for the past few hours or so, albeit with bags beneath them big enough to carry hers and Tia’s collective paperwork for the next few weeks, and that his lips were now curled into what he liked to call a “shit eating grin,” at having caught her off guard.

So that’s how we’re going to play it tonight? Luna thought as she pieced together how he planned to try and convince her to let him stick around.

Sadly, they’d been in this position more times than Luna could count; Matthias’s body ready to give out as his mind clung desperately to wakefulness, while Luna fought tooth and nail to try and get the poor bastard to shut his eyes for more than hour at a time. And while he could rarely defend his physical competency most nights, it was trying to convince him that his mind was shot that had become the end all of their nightly bouts. So, seeing as his head had nearly slumped back into his crotch by this point, Luna figured Matthias would once again try and make a case for him still being there mentally, and began pulling together a list of facts and figures to try and trip the ragged human up and convince him otherwise:

“Alright then Sir Smarty Pantaloons,” she said, throwing down the gauntlet, “tell me when the next waxing gibbous is scheduled to begin?”

“Three weeks from Saturday, so the Moon’ll be full for the Masquerade the week after,” he said, choking back some laughs at Luna trying to use modern slang.

“And what of the True Gibbous?”

“Trick question. You can make the moon do whatever you want, except when Mini and Momma need to come out, but if you want to get technical about it... ”

“I do.”

“Then it’d be at midnight between Friday and Saturday of next week.”

“Speaking of which, w-would you be willing to…?”

“You needn’t even ask,” he said with a firm grip of her hand.

“Thank you,” she said as her cheeks colored slightly.

“You’re welcome.”

“What are Griffonstone’s chief exports?” she asked quickly, hoping to catch him off guard.

“Gold and textiles,” he answered without missing a beat. “And before you ask, their main imports are grains and preserves.”

“Why?”

“Because barren mountainscapes and no direct train routes aren’t really conducive to growing and transporting crops,” he said doing his best to shrug, but barely managing to twitch slightly, “What else ya got?”

“Who were the three ponies credited for lighting the first hearth?”

“I’m going to assume you’re talking about Hearthswarming and the cuddly Wendigos because I doubt even you and Tia are old enough to have-”

*Whack*

“Yes, I am referring to the first Hearthswarming,” she said, cutting off his jab with a tender dusting to the back of his head, “though I wouldn’t exactly categorize Wendigos as cuddly.”

“You would if you knew anything about the Wendigos from where I’m from,” he answered sleepily, too tired to even register her swatting him upside the head, “but for the sake of proving my point, it was Clover, Smart, and Pansy.”

“What tribes did they each represent?”

“Clover was a Clever unicorn, but there was an earth pony who was Smart as a Cookie too, and let’s not forget our proud, but Private, Pansy pegasus,” he wearily sing-songed.

Luna let out a frustrated groan as she realized this route was getting her nowhere; fearing Matthias might simply be using her test as a means of stringing her along to avoid getting the sleep he so desperately needed. But a quick once-over of her friend revealed that despite his best efforts to hold himself together, he was fading in and out of consciousness at an alarming rate, seemingly blinking out of existence every other second, and terrifying the Princess to no end.

Recognizing that words and reason weren't going to work, she decided to switch tactics, and went to work on his weary body instead:

“Please May, look at yourself. You need to get some rest,” Luna cooed while scooting back over to him, donning the motherly visage she oft times saw her sister wear in hopes of soothing her high-strung human. “I’ve seen how drained you get after just one of your attacks, and here you are having suffered three in nearly as many hours.”

“Three and a half,” he barely mumbled out.

“All the more reason you should settle in for the night,” she said while running her hand up and down his back in a circular motion, her soft fingers teasing at the fringe of his collar and the nape of his neck. “You’ve been through a lot this evening, and you need some time to relieve those weary nerves of yours.”

Matthias let out a disgruntled *huff* but didn’t try to pull away from Luna’s comforting touch. If anything, he leaned further into it, to which Luna pulled herself even closer and rested her head atop his.

Matthias felt Luna beginning to rock him back and forth slightly, making the already the daunting task of staying awake a harder and harder prospect, as Luna’s soft words and gentle touches began to unwind his knotted up nerves, the warmth of her body making the blanket almost unnecessary.

And for the briefest of moments, he felt like giving in. To just throw caution to the wind and hit the hay. But dammit it was warm here, and safe, and all he could look forward to back in his room was some foul tasting Zebrican brew and an empty bed, so he shook some sense back into himself and launched his own counter-offensive:

“Seriously Lu, I’m alright. I’ve worked with less sleep,” he said, stifling his fourth yawn in as many minutes, “I’ve gotta couple bags of Cimarronan Black in my case that'll get me off my sorry ass in no time.”

“Arrrgh, I care little for the state of thine ass May,” Luna said with a tired sigh, and a bit of a pout at her loss of ground, her odd wording pulling some tired chuckles from the rundown human, “‘tis the welfare of the hamster that concerns me.”

“What hamster?”

“The one you claim keeps that insufferable mind of yours turning. The poor dear must be running on fumes by now,” she answered playfully as she moved her hand up to run her fingers through his rusty red hair before pressing her lips against his ear, “Make him blink twice if you're alright in there.”

It took some effort for Matthias to formulate an effective rebuttal, as his fallback response of eye roll and sass got cut off mid-rotation from the feeling of Luna’s hot breath breaking against his skin, her sudden intimacy sending shivers running up and down his spine in waves of warm, electric heat. But having spent the better part of seven months getting to learn all of Luna’s little tics and tricks, Matthias had amassed a veritable arsenal full of nicknames and weak spots he could exploit and use to his advantage.

Feeling it would be appropriate given their current proximities, he decided to go with the old Hammurabi Special to help even things out:

An ear for an ear.

Luna shrieked as a blast of cold breath blew straight into her ear, causing the big blue appendage to flap about uncontrollably as it tried to escape the bursts of prickly pleasure coursing through her skull. However, given their current positioning, and as entangled in each other as they already were, all it could really manage to do was flop about on the side of Matthias’s head, allowing him unfettered access to continue his assault.

But Luna hadn't spent the last several months just figuring out Matthias’s “I’m tired and I need to go to bed” tells. No, she’d learned and cataloged just as many of his exploits, soft spots, and triggers as Matthias had hers, all to aid her in her nightly quest to try and see the colors on his face even out.

So during a brief lull in his counter-attack, Luna reached beneath the blanket and pushed a knuckle into Matthias’s side, right below his ribs, and began twisting, garnering a rather undignified and high-pitched yelp from the human, which devolved into a fit of uncontrollable giggles as Luna pressed her newfound advantage.

However, Luna seemed to have forgotten that Matthias was still pressed up against her, so all those yelps and giggles blew straight into Luna’s ear, sending even more shocks of silvery pleasure straight into her brain. Realizing she done goofed, Luna desperately tried to break away from Matthias, but her reprisal had the unforeseen consequence of locking up half the muscles along Matthias’s left side, causing his arms to tighten around Luna, and forcing more of his mouth into her ear as he continued to laugh uncontrollably. This, in turn, forced her knuckle to twist about more and more into his side, which forced more and more laughter into Luna’s ear, which forced her knuckle more and more into Matthias’s side, which forced more and more laughter into Luna’s ear, which forced her knuckle...

“Hmmmmmmmm”

A strange hum woke Matthias from his slight slumber. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been passed out for, but it couldn’t have been for too long, since he hadn’t had any dreams, and his sides were still sore from his earlier fits of laughter. But he had been out long enough for him to actually want to keep his eyes closed, finding the tinsel-like lights swimming across his eyes annoying, and the swirling black behind his eyelids inviting for the first time in forever. Not to mention the pillow he was laying against was incredibly warm and comforting, much softer than the ones back in his room, and with what he felt was the perfect amount of give and firmness as he nuzzled further into it.

“Heh heh heh…”

Hold on, since when did we start bringing pillows out here? He thought as his mind once again found some purchase. We’ve never needed anything more than the blanket, and Luna’s never let me rest anywhere outside of my room unless she’s with me… Come to think of it, where’d Lu run off to? Last I checked we had another hour. Did she go to set up for the debrief? Must be after 2:30 then, she likes to get there at least a half hour beforehand. Heh, must’ve gotten tired of me whinging like a goddamn dog and left me behind. Can’t really blame her. There's only so much bitching a person can take before they give up and I’m not exactly worth all the tr-

Matthias hadn’t realized he’d been shaking, at least, not until a pair of silken hands began caressing the back of his head, making him freeze up completely as their tender motions continued to travel further south, tickling across his neck and moving across his broad shoulders:

“Shh... shhhh… ‘tis alright my little human, shhh...” spoke a voice softer than a moth’s wings, followed by something even softer pressing against the top of his head:

*Mwah*

The strange sound and softness were accompanied by a deep inhale, causing the pillow his head rested against to expand and press further into him.

Now, Matthias would readily admit to being a bit of a flake. Whenever he heard somepony say anything that remotely sounded like lyrics from back home, he’d start singing immediately, and he always had the similarities and differences between at least four pieces of parallel Equestrian and Earthen literature running through his head at any given moment. But this lack of mental cohesion was by no means proof that he was an unintelligent man, so it didn’t take him long to put three and three together and figure out just where exactly Luna had disappeared to.

Tilting his head up a little, garnering some more chuckles from the disembodied mare, Matthias was able to spy Luna smiling down at him, a smoky, dreamlike twinkle glowing in those bright blue eyes of hers. He guessed that at some point between their tickle fight and him waking up, that they must have toppled over one another, with Luna now lying beneath him, serving as a cushion against the cold, hard ground, while Matthias now rested his head against her chest, a strange inverse of their typical cuddling stations.

Realizing what exactly he’d been nuzzling into so feverishly, his face flushed something fierce, while the rest of his body lit up from a sudden surge of adrenaline flooding his system:

“Oh, shit! Sorry Lu,” he stammered out, trying to put some distance between him and his friend, only for Luna to pull him back down and bury his face into her neck:

“Hmmmm, don’t be,” she purred sleepily, nuzzling the top of his head while lacing her fingers behind his back, her tone and motions somehow making Matthias blush even harder.

“Oh… uh okay,” he lamely said, letting Luna settle him back down atop her slender frame, that brief boost of adrenaline fizzling out completely as he nestled back into her.

And for a second he started to question why she was okay with letting a charbroiled spaz like him get so close to her. If she was really alright with him being this intimate with her? But those thoughts were whited out completely when Luna loosened her grip on him and began gently massaging up and down his back and shoulders, his mind uncoiling along with his returning tenseness. Not wanting to leave her out in the cold, Matthias decided to go with a safer form of expressing his affection for the mare beneath him than what he’d been unintentionally lavishing her with before, by nuzzling his cheek into the crook of her neck, eliciting another contented purr out of the princess.

“How long was I out,” he asked, curious as to their current timeframe, and wondering how much more time he could milk out of Luna before he crossed that ever so delicate threshold separating endearing from annoying.

“Ten minutes, give or take,” she said as she continued to trace senseless patterns and figures across his back.

Matthias relaxed some more into her, knowing he had at least another twenty minutes of peace with his friend before he’d acquiesce and make his way off to his room. Hoping to reciprocate even a little bit of that peace and security back onto her, he reached a hand over and began dragging his fingers lightly along her velvety blue arm, parting her coat’s felt like fur with his nails, and earning a satisfied sigh from Luna:

“Hmmmm, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sleep before,” she hummed out, relishing in the feel of his hairless skin rubbing across her neck, and the comfortable tingles that shot across her skin each time he raked his nails along her arm.

“Heh, not gonna count that time you sat on my balcony for three hours watching me huh?” he asked, stifling a laugh as he felt the skin he was nuzzling against heat up drastically, and her grip on him tighten.

“Y-you weren’t asleep, and you’d had a bad night, and I was worried about you,” she blurted out quickly, a slight tremble racking her body as she wrapped her tail and wings around him, “We… I was afraid you were going to do something terrible.”

This took Matthias completely by surprise. That had been the day a pony, having come to see Celestia about some minor triviality or another, had screamed in open terror of him, right in the middle of Day Court, and Celestia had asked him to leave if they were ever going to calm the poor mare down. Oh sure, he understood completely why he had to go, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt at Celestia dismissing him as if he was the problem, and for the rest of the day he couldn't help but wonder if she really wanted him around or if she just tolerated him, even after spending several months working alongside her as both a co-worker and a friend. This had then lead to a series of micro-breakdowns throughout the rest of his shift, and one massive shit storm come sundown that Luna had had to help him through.

“Wow...Um, thanks,” he said with slight awe, unable to find the proper words to match her dedication, so he settled for just hugging her that much tighter, nuzzling that spot along her neck she seemed to be enjoying so much.

“Anytime my friend, anytime,” she cooed, loving all the attention her neck was receiving almost as much as having caught him off guard for once.

“Sorry you had to waste a night on me like that,” he lamented, his larger frame seemingly shrinking against hers.

“You’re worth it,” she declared resolutely, only for her to gasp slightly as Matthias started crushing her against him, the cheek pressed against her throat blaring with a searing heat, while a slight dampness began to spread across her fur.

But before she could ask him what was wrong, he eased off some, and resumed his previous affections, tickling her with the intensity of his movements.

“How’d you know I wasn’t asleep?”

“Heheheh, everypony’s mind leaves an imprint on the Dream Plains once they’ve crossed into my realm,” she spoke softly, tousling his hair in a parental way. “Even ones as warped and full of holes as yours.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up fuzzball,” he tiredly spoke as he blew a raspberry right at her collarbone, causing Luna to squirm about and squeal beneath him for a second, before he started up his nuzzling once again, settling the mare back down.

“So I take it you couldn’t find me in this Dream Realm place?” he questioned, curious about the logistics of a literal dreamworld

“You are correct,” she said, shaking her head while it rested atop his. “Most nights you seem to be absent from my domain, but when you are present, well, you’re not all there exactly.”

“I coulda told you that Lu,” he said with a bemused smile.

“No, no, not like that. I mean, whenever you do enter the Dream Plains, it seems as though the dreamscape you create does not settle properly.”

“How so?”

“It’s hard to describe, but it’s as if the pressure, the imprint, from your dreams, does not fully coalesce within the Plains. Leaving only a fuzzy pocket where your dreamscape would normally rest.”

Matthias tried following along as best he could, but all this was on an entirely different metaphysical level than he was used to, especially considering he was still coming to grips with the everyday practical magic all around him. However, he did see how much this was vexing Luna, and tried to offer what little insight he could:

“Might be I’m just a light sleeper,” he suggested.

“No, if thou truly hadn't entered dream-sleep, then a dreamscape wouldn’t form in the first place.”

“Well, you know how well me and magic get along. Maybe this dream voodoo just can't touch me.”

“Perhaps, but if it were truly the case that the arcane holds no sway over you, then how is it you appear, even partially, in a simulacrum formed entirely of magic.”

That got Matthias reeling. When he first got to Equestria, the most magic would do to him was blow across his skin like a warm mist sprayed from those fan bottles soccer moms carry around to cool off between cheering for their kids and cussing out the refs. Even now, after 8 months of intense observation and study, the best Twilight could muster was knocking him back on his heels a bit, but only after putting every jewel of power she had into a spell. However, now it looked like he was unintentionally interacting with some kind of omnipresent, subconscious plane of pure magical energies that the ponies were connected to, albeit in the fuzziest definition of the word.

“So… so you're saying magic is actually doing something to me?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded atop him, giggling a bit as his hair tickled her beneath her chin, “though it's more of an interaction than something affecting you.”

“Is… is there anything I should be looking out for?” he asked, his mind racing as a cavalcade of Twilight’s mystical mishaps with him began playing through his mind but without the benefit of his resistance there to protect him this time around.

Sensing that the hamster in his skull was bordering on the edge of a stroke, Luna pressed him harder against her, increasing the pressure of her fingers as they trailed across his shoulders while wrapping her leg over his, seemingly trying to embrace him with every part of her body:

“Easy May, easy. Just take a deep breath, there’s no cause for concern. The Plains’ energies are ambient at best, and rarely, if ever, do they leak into the waking world. Yes, there do exist some manner of phage and beast that stalk about various astral planes, feeding on the psychic residue of dreamers and those of a sensitive disposition, however, you need not concern yourself with them. You are not yet attuned enough to the Dream Plains to warrant their attention, and even if somehow you had, ‘twould be my duty to protect you, even if it should cost me mine life.”

Matthias relaxed more and more as he kept listening to Luna’s little lecture, her candidness and matter of fact demeanor putting his wild mind at ease. And though he was a bit put off by the thought of psychic predators and parasites, he appreciated that Luna wasn’t bullshitting him just to make him feel better, which made him trust her latter assertion all the more.

“Thanks, Lu.”

“Anytime.”

“Still gonna hit up that alchemist for more Sopor Spores just to be safe.”

“Arrgh, please tell me you’re still not drinking that slop?!” she asked, not even trying to hide her disgust or contempt.

“Hey, you all wanted me to get some more sleep, so Twilight and her zebra friend helped me find something that’ll knock me right the fuck out.”

“Exactly! It knocks you unconscious, that’s not the same as sleeping. Sure it gives your body time to rest, but it leaves your mind in the same state as when you swallowed the swill.”

“So, run down, frayed at the edges, and ready to ignite at the slightest source of friction? Yep, sounds like Tuesday to me.”

“Don’t joke about this May!” Luna said with an irritated snort, righting herself and pulling Matthias up into a sitting position so they could properly discuss this. “When we sleep, it allows our subconscious minds time to process and absorb what the conscious mind has endured, helping us to alleviate our burdens come waking. If all you’ve been doing is mending your body and not your mind, then it’s a wonder you haven’t snapped completely by this point.”

“Heh, been there, done that. Trust me, it's not as exciting as it sounds.”

“May…”

“I mean, after a few weeks of slobbering about and howling at the moon, the whole wild man at the edge of the fields bit becomes rather tedious. Strike out early, catch some flies, feed em to the spiders you got tucked under your bed, then you gotta find some robins to feed the spiders to, and trust me, catching robins without a horn, or wings, or a pneumatic net launcher is a right pain in the ass. And then you gotta stuff all those birds into one cat…”

“May?”

“But being broken isn’t all bad,” he said, starting to tremble, “all you gotta do is eat, sleep, and move when the dogs start barking. No time for fear, no time hate, just gotta dig dig dig dig dig dig dig from early morn till night, gotta dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up everything in sight…”

“May!”

“No!” he snapped, shocking the Princess of the Night before she could press any further. “No… P-please I know it’s asking a lot, b-but please, I- I can't... don’t… don't make me go back there,” he begged as he curled up in a ball, wrapping his arms around his head and wrenching his eyes shut.

“What are you tal-...Oh... Oh horsefeathers, I’m sorry May!” she cried out, apologizing as quickly as she could, grabbing Matthias and pressing him into her once again, finally realizing why he’d been fighting so hard.

Once she had him secured in her arms and wings, Luna began rocking him back and forth, starting up the little lullaby that always seemed to put him at ease, hoping to quash this latest attack before things got too far out of hand.

Dammit, dammit, dammit! Why do you always have to push so bucking much?! She bawled internally, lashing herself again and again for driving her friend to such a state.

It took a little time, but eventually, her gentle motions, soft singing, and quiet reassurances finally uncurled Matthias from the almost fetal-like position he had assumed, allowing him to take deeper and deeper breaths to further help even him out:

“And there’s four and a half,” he groaned, letting out a ragged sigh that wracked his entire body.

“May please, We’re so-... I mean, I’m so sorry,” she cried, tears spilling out the corner of her eyes unbidden while her ears flattened against her skull.

Now if there was one thing that would shock Matthias back to baseline, it was seeing one of his friends crying or upset. The princesses of Equestria had literally done everything in their power to try and make his stay in their kingdom comfortable, if Luna changing the night sky for his own enjoyment earlier was any indication of their dedication. So, once Matthias felt he had gotten back around to being sound of mind, well… as close to sound of mind as possible for him, he swore that he wouldn’t squander the friendship of the princesses who had done so much to help him and do anything he could, with what little power he had, to make them smile.

Feeling like the complete and utter heel that he was for upsetting Luna with his bullshit yet again, Matthias instantly moved to fix his mistake, cupping her cheeks in his hands and using his thumbs to wipe away the tears running rivulets through the thin coat on her face. Once he was sure he had cut off the waterworks and halted her own shaking, he brought his face up to hers, rubbing his nose against the tip of her muzzle before nuzzling up against her cheek, in what had become their favorite display of affection towards one another.

Luna drew in a sharp breath at his actions, her wings stiffening against his back as fresh tears began to spill across hers and Matthias’s faces, warm tears full of relief and joy at not having hurt her friend so much that she had pushed him away. She began furiously returning his affections, nuzzling his face with equal vigor, while holding onto him that much tighter:

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Hey, hey, it’s not your fault I’m such a goddam flake.”

“But it’s not yours either!” she yelled, not quite willing to accept his forgiveness. But before she could continue with her self-directed lambasting, Matthias began combing his hand through her mane, causing Luna’s body to tense, then relax suddenly as his fingers scratched along her scalp.

“Thank you,” he spoke softly as he planted a kiss atop her head, chuckling a bit as the stars blowing in her hair tickled his nose.

It was more than Luna could take. Here he was having been pushed to the brink by her needless wheedling, and instead of being angry or afraid of her, he was soothing her and trying to put her at ease. She wanted to cry again, drop to the ground and thank the Maker for blessing her with such a friend, even though she wasn’t worth it. But she shook those thoughts away. She had learned the hard way what harm needless guilt and self-depreciation could wreak upon herself and those she cared for. So in order not to worry Matthias any further, she chose to just sit there and let him keep caressing her, allowing their hearts and spirits to align once again beneath her Moon’s gentle glow.

“How long have the nightmares plagued thee?” she asked after several minutes basking in the quiet warmth of his embrace.

“Since those ponies got dragged into the hole with me, and I started getting treated like a human again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What could you have done?”

“I would have warded you against the terrors! I would have struck straight and true at the heart of thy phantoms! I… I would have…

“Driven yourself crazy trying to help me with a problem you couldn't solve,” he sighed dejectedly.

The fur on the back of Luna’s neck began to bristle at Matthias’s lack of faith in her, but she quickly realized that he wasn't calling her dedication or abilities into doubt, but rather making well known the fact that his own aversion to magic would hinder her completely.

“Dammit all,” was all she could manage to choke out before her vexation locked her up completely, fury and frustration causing her body to shake, which Matthias set about fixing with his continued petting and reassurances:

“Hey it's okay, it's okay. You, Tia, Twi, you've all done more than enough to help me keep my shit together. And if all else fails, the spores are good four out of five nights, so it's nothing worth getting your fur standing up over.”

“Yes it is,” she said stubbornly, loosening up a bit before mimicking Matthias’s motions back onto him, her fingers brushing against the ridges of his spine as she started caressing him in turn.

And Matthias nearly blacked out on the spot, as the softness of Luna’s tender touches and the toll from his latest episode caught up with him in one fell swoop. He slumped forward, his head hanging over Luna’s shoulder while his arms fell uselessly to his sides. Each breath he took flooded his lungs with Luna’s scent, an odd assortment of blossoms and petrichor that always brought him back to the times he and his cousins used to run around like crazed lunatics in their grandma’s backyard during hot summer storms, tempting fate each time they hid beneath the old pear tree as they played whatever madcap game they’d cobbled together that afternoon.

“You still with me May?”

He couldn't speak. The effort needed to think up words and talk proving too much for his torn up psyche to handle, so he settled for just nodding his affirmation.

“Would you like us to lie you down?”

Matthias nodded again, barely registering Luna as she pulled him back down onto her.

Gentle fingers running through his hair roused him a few minutes later, now finding his head lying in her lap and the blanket they’d been sharing wrapped around him snuggly:

“Heheh, you know, for one so repulsed by the idea of dormancy, thou surely seem to have no qualms with using us as thy pillow this evening,” she joked softly, enjoying the sight of her fidgety friend so relaxed and still, and hoping to get at least one last blush out of him before they parted ways for the evening.

But no color came to his face, nor did any stutter or stammer leave his lips.

Believing he had fallen asleep again, Luna once more sought to try and find him in the Dream Plains, but a whisper on the wind cut off the old rite mid-charge, bringing her focus back down to Matthias:

“...afe”

“Pardon?”

“Safe with you... You… you make the bad thoughts go away… I don't need to be afraid… Thank you.”

Matthias opened his eyes, and Luna was gone, her starry mane and burning blue eyes having faded into the darkness above him. But strangely, he knew she hadn't left him. Beneath her flowing gown, he could still feel the soft, corded muscles of her thighs cushioning him, and could hear a barely audible whimper floating down from up above him. Then all at once, he found her eyes glowing back down at him, magic and unshed tears causing them to shine against her sky. Slowly but surely the rest of Luna began to emerge, the color of her coat beginning to even out as Matthias realized she’d been blushing hard enough to have blended in perfectly against the backdrop of her evening.

“Y-you're welcome,” she choked out as her hand came down to palm his left cheek, her thumb tracing along the grooves gouged out by his scars.

“Heh… For the wonderful world you know,” he quietly sang, letting Luna take her turn pampering him.

Was it emasculating? Most assuredly. Did Matthias give a single shit? Absolutely not. Because after fifteen minutes of amelioration, Matthias felt he had virtually shaken off his attack, and believed he could make it back to his room without suffering another blowout.

“Art thou settled?” She asked once she felt him beginning to stir, “Is there anything else we can do for thee?

“Not unless you want to spend the night with me,” he spoke without thinking, too far gone to care about how what he said could be misinterpreted.

“Yes.”

“Come again?” he asked her, unsure if he had reached the semi-lucid hallucinating stage of his sleep deprivation.

“Yes, we will sleep with thee,” she affirmed, giggling as she got that blush she had been hoping for.

“Why?” he questioned, simultaneously hoping and dreading what she was getting at.

“Heheh, I know you may find it hard to believe May, but We do enjoy spending time with you, and would not be opposed to spending even more with thee. And seeing thee so willing to rest alongside us this evening has given us inspiration for how We may absolve thee of thy repulsion towards sleep.”

“Has it now?”

“Y-yes,” she said with a slight stammer, a blush beginning to creep along her cheeks once again, “I-If you would allow us, We could offer our presence to thee when thou hast made ready for bed. From what We have just seen and felt, thou art truly resting thy mind with us, and We feel thy residency in the Dream Plains growing clearer. With us by your side, We believe We can give thee the peace thou needeth from the night, especially after all you have suffered this evening.”

He deflated some at her explanation but found himself relaxing just as much at the prospect. She was right after all. She always seemed to know how to soothe him when he went too far off either end of the Manic Depressive spectrum, and given how many times he’d broken down tonight, he was going to need all the help he could get if he was going function at all tomorrow.

“Not… not to mention the night offers certain amenities best reserved for one's bedchambers.”

Did… did she just?

He looked up at Luna, expecting to see her trying her damnedest to hold back another round of giggles as his blush came back in full force. But to his surprise, he found her staring back down at him, her own blush dyeing her coat near black, and her eyes quivering with an odd mix of trepidation and anticipation.

“But… but don't you have to meet with Starry?” he wondered, letting the left half of his brain take over, while the right half kindly asked him to ‘shut the fuck up’ and say ‘yes.’

“Oh, that shouldn't take more than an hour or two, and when we are finished, we shall join thee in thy bed,” she answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, resuming her previous petting.

“How are you gonna get into my room?”

“I’d hope you would let me in. But if you can't hold on until I get there, We can always use the key you gave us or the balcony entrance,” she explained with a ruffle of her wings.

“W-What about Tia? Isn't she gonna be worried if you're not there to lower the moon with her?”

“You needn't concern yourself with sister dear. We shall tarry towards Tia in her dreams and enlighten her about our absence. As well as inform her of your late arrival tomorrow.”

“Blueponysayswhatnow?”

“What now. And yes, you will not be going into work anytime before noon. If thou art to recover adequately, it will require thee to get more than just five hours of sleep."

“There’s… no way I'm getting out of this, is there?”

“Well would you look at that, he can be taught.”

“Uggghh… fine,” he acquiesced begrudgingly, unsure what exactly he'd just gotten himself into, but the way Luna brightened at his response left him with little to no fucks to give.

“Hee hee hee… oh, splendid! ‘tis been an absolute age since we've had a proper slumber party!”

“What about the Tant…”

“Without the need to hunt down somepony’s misguided attempts at self-reflection,” she said cutting him off quickly.

“Nice save.”

“Thank you. Now, ‘tis time for us to convene with Starry. Do you think you'll be able to make it back to your room without giving poor Feather Duster another heart attack?”

“I still don't see what the big deal was. It was a room lined with wall to wall comforters and pillows. Seemed as good a place to crash as any at the time.”

“It was a linen closet, May,” she chuckled softly, remembering how Tia painted the scene one morning of the poor maid barreling through the dining hall, ranting and raving about how Matthias was molting or some such nonsense in one of the storage rooms. Oh, how she would have loved to have been there to see the looks on half a dozen guards’ faces as they kicked the door down, expecting the third coming of Discord, only to find the human passed out amidst a shoddily constructed fort made out of bed sheets and pillows.

“That still doesn't make what I said any less true.”

“Nor does it answer my question.”

“Alright, alright,” he acquiesced, shifting about so he could hike a knee up from his supine position, and swing his right arm across his chest, “I, Matthias Martin, being of sound mind, and under no coercion or duress, hereby declare that I shall make it to my room under my own power, and not intentionally give any fellow castle staff a coronary."

“Good. Now this is important May, so listen closely. Promise me that when you get to your room you will not drink that damnable draught of yours.”

Matthias said nothing as he let Luna finish what she had to say, but the slight shiver tickling her thighs, and the soft whine escaping his lips, told Luna all she needed to know about how he felt when it came that particular request.

“I know, I know, but if we are to test my theory then you'll need to know We are with you when you cross over into sleep. Plus, it won't be nearly as fun falling asleep next to you if you've already gotten a head start on us.”

That seemed to appease him some, however, his eyes still held a healthy amount of skepticism, wanting to trust Luna but not quite able to shake off his dread completely. It stung Luna a bit that Matthias couldn't put all his faith in her, but once she considered what he had experienced while lost beneath the ground, she was willing to let it slide.

However, if she was going to force Matthias to go through with this, she wanted him to do so without any doubts plaguing him. So she bent forward, wanting to bring her face down to his, but given he was still lying in her lap, she couldn't quite angle herself for a proper nuzzle, and only succeeded in dislodging her human slightly.

A devilish thought struck her, however, when Matthias turned himself up to see what was bothering her, leveling his face right beneath her’s and leaving his lips quite exposed:

“You all right up th-MMMF!?”

Matthias’s concerns were snuffed out when Luna planted two of her fingers firmly over his lips, but only after she had given them a clear and obvious kiss for him to see. Aside from shutting him up completely, this little display of hers just about cut off the flow of blood going to his head, as it turned tail and made a beeline southward, forcing Matthias to shift his legs some in order to keep decent.

“I'm fine, friend May, I'm fine. And please know that you shall be fine as well,” she assured him, removing her fingers from his lips so she could begin tracing the indents marring the left of his face again. “Listen, We… I... cannot rightly say that what we attempt tonight will alleviate what haunts thee, nor can I say how this venture may impact us moving forward. But what I can say is that I want this. Blessed Harmony how I want this. To walk with thee hand in hand through our dreams, to share with thee all facets of myself and domain, to finally meet you as We truly are.”

All around him the night seemed to echo its Princess’s aspirations; the Moon, the stars, even the Pillars she had gifted Matthias all appearing to burn brighter with each hope Luna laid bare before him.

“But I assure you that I would never ask this of thee if you also didn't want the same. Would not push you into this if thou weren't certain. So please, only take this step if it is truly thy desire, and not just to grant some foolish old mare her silly dream.”

Matthias probably heard about half of Luna’s spiel as he tried willing his heart rate down to manageable levels, running through his dad’s half of the family tree hoping he hadn't inherited their tension induced catatonia. But he picked up the general gist of what she was saying, and whether it was the slow trickle of blood flowing back to his brain, the idea of him being able to go to bed without having to gargle powdered mushrooms each night, or even the little fires Luna was unintentionally sparking with her misuse of, ‘walking hand in hand,’ and, ‘sharing herself,’ he figured the risk of waking up screaming his throat bloody would be worth it if Luna truly believed this would help him.

Pulling himself up to his feet, he threw his arms back in a full body stretch before offering his hand to the anxious little princess:

“Well, waking up with a pretty mare by my side wouldn't be the worst way to start the day,” he said with a cheeky grin, a grin that stretched into a full, ear spanning smile at Luna’s subsequent blush and squee.

She took his hand and let him pull her up, and though Luna would normally take any excuse to hug May, she had no choice but to fall into his chest and let him support her this time as a wave of pins and needles shot through her legs, after they were finally given room to stretch after serving as a pillow for nearly twenty minutes.

“Woah, there,” he exclaimed as she nearly toppled over him, holding Luna up as she danced between hooves to try and relieve the pressure, “you okay?”

“Rrrgh… Yeah,” she grunted out as the throbbing in her legs began to even out, “Just… Just sat too long.”

“Heh heh, are you going to be able to make back alright?” he asked, turning that parental tone she'd been using with him back onto her.

Luna tried shooting him a wilting glare, but with her face still flushed as it was, it sorta lost its bite, coming off more as, “Yeah I just stepped in shit, what of it” as opposed to the, “You will never speak of this again,” she had been hoping for.

“Hey, it's like you told me earlier, outmoded vernacular, spontaneous affection, and overprotective worrying all fall within the territory of our friendship.”

Her attempts at a glare melted away as Matthias highlighted some of the more endearing quirks of their off the cuff friendship, morphing into a full-toothed grin to match his own as memories of all the laughs, tears, and hopes they'd shared between them broke against her in waves of bright burning butterflies, their fiery wings alighting each cell with an airy heat that torched her from the inside out.

Judging by the position of her charge, Luna could tell it was 2:40, plenty of time for her to make it to the Lunar Division’s Situation Room and set up for her meeting with Starry, but that damnable smile Matthias was wearing refused to let Luna end the evening with only her blushing. So she did a quick run through of the armory, trying to find some little button or soft spot she could push to give him a taste of the havoc all his patience, trust, and support were wreaking on her when an obvious thought struck her:

Huh, taste?

Luna’s smile morphed into something far more predatory as she broke away from Matthias, giving her friend a half-lidded stare that made him worry before she grabbed him by his shirt collar and kissed him.

Now, this wasn't a parental peck on the forehead to help ease him out of an attack, nor was it a tactically placed strike on his cheek to shut him up when he went off on one of his tirades. No, this was a burst of pure, unfiltered affection planted squarely on his lips, causing the human to inhale sharply as Luna pressed her body closer to his, filling his lungs with her burning breath as she let out a satisfied hum into his mouth.

But before Matthias could even register what had happened to him, she released her hold on his lips with an overly exaggerated *smack* of her own. Giving him no time to catch his breath, she dove right into his neck with some lightning quick nuzzles and licks that dragged all the way up to his ear, garnering some shudders from the shell-shocked human:

“Hee hee, sweet and salty,” she giggled drunkenly, swirling her tongue around her lips to try and savor his flavor as she continued nuzzling against his now searing skin.

Luna stepped back to admire her handiwork, marveling at how his right half had colored three shades darker than the red on his carved up left half, having never gotten such a rise out of her friend before. Though upon closer scrutiny she saw some parts of him had gotten more of a rise than others.

“Heheheh, like we said, some amenities are better reserved for the bedchambers,” she giggled, a fresh blush spreading across her face, to which Matthias finally broke out of his stupor, crossing his legs and turning away, trying to preserve what little dignity he allowed himself.

But Luna didn't seem to mind or care as she walked around to face him once again, giving Matthias no time to speak as she locked him in another warm embrace, almost deliberately pushing her hips into his:

“Now remember May it's straight to bed with you; No spores, no tea, and yes, no coffee. Just go straight to your room and make ready for bed. Do you understand?”

For the second time this evening Luna’s actions had left May speechless, albeit now because his brain was firing too fast for any words to connect to thought, so once again all he could do was nod his head.

“Good, now aside from the drink, you may do as you wish until We arrive: read, write, you may even lay down and begin to rest thyself and cross over if you feel comfortable doing so, so that We may meet thee in the Plains ahead of time.”

This prospect got Matthias shaking again, but Luna quashed those tremors almost instantly with another kiss on his lips. It didn't last nearly as long as their previous lip lock, heck, it could barely even be called a peck, but it carried just as much heat as before, and effectively shut down Matthias’s returning terrors.

Luna broke the kiss a few seconds later, closing her eyes as she rested her forehead against his, and wrapping her arms around his neck, relishing in the blazing heat burning beneath his skin.

“Thank you May, for giving me this chance,” she whispered, rubbing her nose against his before moving to nuzzle along his cheek, “Thank you, for giving us a chance.”

It took every ounce of willpower Luna had to let him go, but if she was going to make it to the meeting with enough time to prepare, she was going to have to take a more direct route than her hooves or wings would allow, and unfortunately it would require her to part with her friend. Stepping out amidst the empty garden terrace, Luna stood before her charge, spreading her arms and wings to their fullest as she began chanting, her horn beginning to glow with its trademark azure flame:

Chained to thee since days gone by,

Blessed mother of blackest sky.

To us, thy eternal will is bound,

Respond now to our voice’s sound.

Tonight with haste we must depart,

Parting from those of dearest heart.

So give us form, of air and light,

To bring us to all within thy sight.

Shed from us now, our earthly layer,

Let us be as one, that is my prayer.

Starlight and moonlight wrapped their way around the Lunar Diarch, blanketing the blue alicorn in a sheen of silver light until all that remained of her previous hues were those striking sapphire eyes of hers. Rare was the night that Luna invoked the Rite of Travel, never really finding the need for instantaneous travel to anywhere touched by moonlight, but tonight she was in a hurry, and after what she had accomplished tonight in convincing Matthias to sleep naturally, she felt like flaunting for a bit:

“See thee in thy dreams May,” she giggled, laughing at his gobsmacked expression before her last bit of blue faded away, and she became one with her moonlight.

It took an honest to god cricket track to wake Matthias from his daze, finding himself now standing alone amidst the old eroded ponies littering the fallen garden. And he was shaking, though more from mounting panic than the brisk December air seeping through his dress clothes.

He could feel it coming. The black tide that threatened to drown him each day and night, rising like a foul bile ready to wretch up all over the floor. But he had no Luna this time to calm him, whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was still up for debate, but regardless he was alone now, and had only himself and his mantra to rely on to help get him through this:

“I see whatever exists as good...”

Since when the fuck could she do that?!

“Death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness...”

Why the fuck did she kiss me?!

“This stone is a stone, it is also animal…”

What the fuck does she mean by ‘sleep with me?!’

“it is also god, it is also Buddha, I do not venerate and love it…”

What the fuck does she mean by ‘give us a chance?!’

“because it could turn into this…”

Again, why the fuck did she kiss me?!

“or that, but rather…”

What the fuck?!

“because it is already…”

What the fuck?!

"and..."

What...

"always..."

the...

"everything…”

Fuck?!

The Mare in the Mirror

Dammit, Tia! Why couldn't you’ve just killed me like you were supposed to? Matthias wryly wondered as he sunk his face further into one of the hollow hallway's gilded grey walls.

The scene was hauntingly similar to what had transpired outside the Solar Residence Hall some six or so hours ago; what with the human seemingly doubled over in agony as he ground his forehead into a blank patch of wall hidden amidst the various reliefs and murals decorating the passageway leading back to the Consulate’s Quarters.

But whereas his previous get-together with the ground had been him trying, and failing, to weather the storm brought about by the ardor of the elder of the royal sisters; this current meeting of his skull to stone had actually been a success. However, while Matthias had been able to stave off the havoc promised by the younger pony sister’s affections, it had left him with enough of a migraine for him to wish that Celestia and Shining Armor had gone through with their whole stabbing him to death plan when they had first found him.

I mean, how could they’ve fucked up something so simple?!

Step 1: Unsheath sword

Step 2: Insert sword A into freaky monster B, which according to the diagram, is coming at you with a pickaxe

Step 3: Repeat Step 2 as needed until the red stuff stops flowing out of the quivering carcass lying at your hooves

Step 4: Rescue captive ponies from a lifetime of enforced servitude

Step 5: Imbibe copious amounts of alcohol at the subsequent “You're a Big Damn Hero” orgy to be held in your honor

See, simple!

“But nooo, you and Shiny just had to figure it out and get all noble,” he said with a frustrated sigh, absentmindedly running his hand along the old seared scar carved into what had once been his appendix.

*BZZZZ----BZZZZ----BZZZZZZZZ*

However, before the idea of hunting down Shining Armor and asking him to finish the job became too tempting a prospect; a familiar buzzing began tickling him along the left of his leg, snapping Matthias out of his malaise, and bringing him back to the blackened halls he had been meandering about as he made his way back to his room.

It took some effort for Matthias to pull himself away from the marble’s balmy chill; the stinging stone having worked wonders numbing the skull-splitting headache ready to crack his head open. But the more he seemed to ignore the alarm, the more intense its vibrations became, until the incessant thrumming was all but bashing its way through his newly restored calm like the trumpets at Jericho.

Reaching down into his pocket, he yanked out his phone, debating for a second whether or not he should just chuck the damned thing over the side of the mountain. But in a rare flash of sanity, Matthias remembered that the little black box was the only thing he had that would ever let him see or hear his family again. So he instead chose to swipe his thumb across the screen, silencing the damnable buzzing and revealing an all too familiar message for him on the glowing glass:

Realizing it had just been his nightly reminder to knock himself out, he settled himself back against the wall; letting loose a long and ragged sigh as he once again tried soaking up some of the midwinter chills that had been seeping in throughout the day, in a desperate attempt to soothe the beast of a migraine that always seemed to prowl about whenever he tried to sort out what Luna was thinking.

Looking back at the time on the screen, Matthias figured it had to have been at least ten minutes since Luna had ported off to parts well known to talk with Starry. Twenty minutes since she had promised him that she would sleep with him. And about fifteen minutes since she had kissed him in a way that left him with little to no doubts as to how she felt for him.

But doubt Mr. Martin did.

Oh, by no means was he calling the sincerity of Luna’s affections into question. Nor was he so far gone as to believe that what had happened back in the garden was just some fucked up fever dream, spawned from the most sleep-deprived depths of his carved-up psyche. The near constant tingling and the molten heat radiating off his lips were proof enough for him that the kiss had actually happened.

In all honesty, apprehension, dubiety, and incredulity had just become second nature to him by this point. Having dedicated some thirteen odd years of his life to breaking down and decoding the written word, plus a three-year stint in Applied Behavior Analysis while teaching at an autism center, had left Matthias with an almost OCD-like compulsion to look for depth where it needn't exist. A demand to peel back the layers, so he could get at the heart behind the words and actions in all things.

And yes, while these skills had helped garner him a fairly lucrative position in one of the more affluent districts back home; more often than he cared to admit, there were times he wished he could just aerate that particular corner of his brain with an ice-pick.

Oh, there was no denying the primal sense of satisfaction Matthias would get from sussing out the actual reason a student had turned in a late or incomplete assignment:

Why yes, I did know Horizon came out on Tuesday. Fun fact, the special edition comes with a thunderjaw statue and Alloy’s earpiece.

And as much fun as it was keeping his colleagues on their toes when it came to their weekly tv binges:

Look, it's not a question of whether or not Aida becomes human. It’s going to happen. There’s no way for Jemma or Daisy to stop her from within the Framework, and the fodder agents are too busy keeping them alive to do anything useful. What’s going to be interesting, however, is how she’s gonna snap. Because they already did the whole sentient machine overwhelmed by humanity’s chaotic nature bit with Ultron. So if I were a betting man, I’d say she’ll either go full Blade Runner and try to blur the lines between synthetic and human, or she’ll be crushed by the sudden inclusion of a fully formed emotional center, without the years of grounding or development to help balance it out.

He would’ve loved to live just one day without the need to finish somebody’s sentence before it left their mouth, or having to relive a conversation non-stop for a week; trying to figure out what the other person had really meant by their words, and how they may have interpreted him.

Plus, when you’ve lived inside your own head for as long as Matthias has, you tend to notice when your coworkers are eyeing you funny, or when they’ve no longer come over to ask you what you thought of American Horror Story, or when you’ve been excluded from the weekly, “The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy, So We Need A Shot of Something With Enough Alcohol in it to Orbit the Staff Lounge,” mixer.

And ever since winding up in Equestria, the fun had seemingly been doubled. What with half the ponies now thinking he was some kind of mind-reading monster in service to the princesses, as opposed the typical “I’mma eat your babies” monster they had thought he was at first; if Starry nearly shitting herself earlier was any indication…

Maybe a nice fruit-basket will keep her from tearing me a new asshole during drills on Wednesday?

Yet tonight he found himself grateful to be working on that separate wavelength from everybody around him, almost happy to be off to the side counting the steps instead of joining in on the dance. Because after having come to terms with the fact that yes, Luna had indeed kissed him, Matthias felt he had calmed himself enough to be able to look at what had happened to him objectively, and hopefully piece together just what that little lunatic was up to.

“Alright, let’s try this one more time,” he said as he righted himself and started walking once again, no longer concerned that his head was going to pop open like a character in a Cronenberg film. “But this time try and stick to the facts. Remember, you’re not in her head so just what you heard and saw.”

She said she wants to sleep with me

Easy there turbo! There are many ways that statement can be taken. After all, the sane half of the exes liked to cuddle, and we've snuggled plenty of times without it leading anywhere. So why the freak-out?

The way she said ‘amenities.’ What did she mean?

Amenity: noun. Luxury, nicety, something pleasant or pleasing. See nothing overtly sexual there. Cuddles are certainly pleasant.

But why’d she blush like that? Why’d she bury my head in her chest? Why didn't she laugh at me?

Alright, Alright, turn it down a notch. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Remember, ponies are a naturally affectionate bunch. There’ve been plenty of the little equines who’ve nuzzled up to you or nibbled on your ears as if it were nothing more than a high-five or a hand-shake. Granted that had been back at the Sword & Shield, and we’d been throwing back enough Equestrian Coach Bombs at the time to turn our blood flammable. Tanked Tuesday's are always fun!

But, every time that seems to happen, Matthias suddenly realized as he exited the starlit corridor and crossed into the castle’s designated dignitary dwellings, Luna, and even Twilight, would start to sniff at me, and puff up like dad’s old beagle after I played with the neighbor’s dog.

Wait, were they jealous?

Would explain why Luna seemed a bit more clingy than usual after telling her about Tia stripping on me. But Twilight? That maniac’s been pushing harder than anypony to try and get me out of my room and make some friends. Why would she be worried if some ponies were-

“One problem at a time dammit! Focus on the mare that may or may not be propositioning you!” he hissed out, double checking the hallmarks to make sure he didn’t unwittingly barge into the Germaneian Delegation’s suite... again.

Okay okay, so aside from some colored cheeks and possible double entendre, has she been throwing out any signs that may imply she wants to be more than just a friend?

Let’s see, standard rate of cuddling, hugs were at an appropriate level given how much I was losing it, nuzzling quotient seemed a bit above average, but that could be attributed to the success of the search and her gift. Would also explain the extended straddling, dancing, and the ki-

Oh yeah, she fucking kissed me… Twice!

Yeah, but she does that a lot. I swear she gets off from seeing me flush. But does she really? She's kissed me plenty on the cheek or forehead to shut me up. The fingers were new but had the same effect as all the others. But she’s never kissed me like that before, especially not with that look in her eyes, or those colors on her cheeks.

And us? What did she mean by “giving us a chance?”

Was it the royal plural possessive? But she said “giving me this chance” first. Is it really just her helping me get through the night without pissing myself or is she talking about us being together? She did say it right after kissing me. Kinda hard not to go down the “more than friends route” when she’s smashing her mouth against mine, Matthias thought as he brought his hand back up to his lips for the umpteenth time since Luna had left him. His composure cracking beneath the weight of a thousand unanswered questions as he once again failed to unravel the madness to Luna’s method.

Sadly, “What the fuck are you thinking Lu?” still remained one of the long-standing mysteries of this brave new world that kept Matthias lying awake at night; having consistently held its spot among the top three for months now, right alongside such quandaries as:

“Where is that music coming from?” whenever he saw the ponies break out into their perfectly choreographed impromptu musical numbers,

and...

“What even the fuck?” reserved almost exclusively for the times that Q-esque snake-horse mother fucker would show up to harass Celestia and Luna.

Oh sure, Twilight had done her best to try and explain the former. Something about the inherent Magic of Friendship and Harmony that unified all of ponydom and beyond on some deeper metaphysical level. But not even the Princess of Friendship and Element of Magic herself could help with the latter, only giving him an irritated scowl and telling Matthias to just not to bother with it.

However, seeing as the little bookworm wasn't here to help him sort through this shit, and trying to decipher how Luna may or may not feel for him was just making him want to throw himself back on Shiny’s sword, he decided to change tactics a bit, and try approaching the problem from a different angle:

Alright, alright, let’s back it up for a bit. We have neither the time nor the appropriate amount of hard cider, to try and make sense of that mare. So… Let’s entertain for a moment that the cute little alicorn who bends the moon and stars to her will may just want to start something serious with the deep fried monkey. Would that be something you want?

...

...

...Yes

And with that simple admission, the pressure threatening to wring Matthias' brains out his large intestine dissipated; giving room for a half million dead hopes and dreams to stretch their weathered wings, and take flight once again.

I’m not afraid I can be myself with Luna she’s not scared of me I don’t have to walk on glass around her how can she be so warm will she kiss me again lips were so soft somebody wants to be with me yes yes yes I can wake up with somebody next to me I’m not alone she understands me wants to help me want to be with her please please please tell me she wants this goddammit!

Unfortunately for Matthias, all those half-buried hopes and dreams decided it’d be best to take off all at once. Like a billion burning butterflies breaking free of their cocoons together and taking to the sky as one; the collective flurry of their incandescent wings swelling into a tempest of ethereal heat that seared Matthias from the inside out.

Now, to say that it had been a rough couple of months for Matthias when he first woke up would be an understatement on par with the JDF calling Godzilla a minor inconvenience. What with him unable to hold any sort of neutral ground between the memories of his lost friends and family threatening to turn him into a stain at the base of the mountain, and the ecstasy of his new found freedom lighting him up with enough rabid glee to keep him awake for days on end and all. But with some proper counseling from Celestia, an ungodly amount of patience from Luna, and Twilight’s neverending support, he had been able to devise a system that could level him out nine times out of ten, or at the very least, keep him together long enough until he got to Luna.

And while on any other night he would’ve quashed this little anti-freakout with a few choice verses out of Demian or Siddhartha; he figured that Depressive had been having way too much fun with him tonight, and decided to give Manic her time to play with him as well.

It took everything Matthias had not to start skipping as he continued to weave his way through the sleeping castle’s empty halls, humming a little Rachel Platten beneath his breath as he remembered all the times Luna had been there for him since she first found him in their garden those many months ago.

Making the stars dance for me speaking to me honestly sticking up for me wanting to be my friend killing the awkwardness between me and Tia touching me giving me a way to speak showing me her Raising shoving her hoof up that blonde bastard’s ass for trying to take my quill introducing me to Twilight sneaking ice cream out of the castle kitchens giving me a job talking to me treating me like I’m worth a damn-

But why though?

It was a simple question really, but it carried enough weight behind it to slow Matthias back down to a crawl.

What makes you think you’ve done anything to deserve somebody like her? Came the voice of a man he wished to God he could just forget. Oh, what’s that? You talked with her and treated her like a friend? That’s what's you're supposed to do, you entitled little shit! And what? Just because you’ve done what’s expected of you, you think you should be rewarded? It's no wonder you still believe crap like being there for her or giving her nice things will get you anywhere with her. But then again, that’s just like you, isn’t it? Trying to a bribe a woman to make her see you as anything other than the insignificant little cunt that you are.

“Well that lasted all of two minutes,” Matthias grumbled, his jaunty little trot down the hall coming to a screeching halt as Depressive came back around to help even him out. Though he wished it would’ve come at him as something a bit sunnier, like his Alzheimer's riddled grandma asking where he was over and over again, or his dad having a seizure from the stress of not being able to find him, instead of bringing his dick of a swim coach out to play.

And then you have the gall to constantly burden her with your bullshit. What, do you think if you throw a big enough pity party for yourself she'll feel sorry for you, and give you some of that princess plot? Quit kidding yourself! This isn't about finding any sort of social or spiritual fulfillment. You just want her to wet your dick so you can finally show the world that you’re not the repulsive little shit everyone thinks you are.

Out of all the forms his anxiety could take, The Ghosts of Assholes Past were by far the worst.

That’s not to say he preferred being ripped, kicking and screaming, back into the Deeps, or drowning in a pissing match between Manic and Depressive. He just found something fundamentally wrong with having all the people he had ever known and loved, and those he hoped had gotten a prostate exam via an AIDS-laced dildo in the time since he’d been taken, warped, and twisted to fit the form of whatever niggling worry his mind had decided to latch onto at the time.

So, just as Tia had taught him, he took a few deep breaths to try and focus himself, before calmly, and collectively running off every example he could think of to prove to himself that the bald bastard was full of shit:

Alright, first of all, you goddamn fuck-whistle…

Granted, said bastard had dedicated years to whittling away and tearing apart what little self-esteem had managed to make it through Matthias' time in middle school, so nearly livid was just about as close to calm as he could muster at the moment.

You don’t get to tell me how I feel about some… pony. I like Luna… a lot. She was the first of these touch happy horse people who didn’t force themselves to talk to me and was crazy enough to try and get to know me, even after she saw how much of a fucking flake I am. So yes, I’d rather her stick around.

And no, the Combined Court wasn’t meant to do that.

People and ponies are free to toss me aside at their leisure. I know I’m a right pain in the ass on my best days and an insufferable twat on my worst. So if there’s anything I can do to thank them for putting up with me for as long as they have, I’ll make it happen. And the one thing I know Luna's wanted more than anything is to feel like she matters. I just figured finding her a more active role in the lives of her ponies would be the best way to do that for her.

Whether or not she chose to thank me afterward was entirely up to her though. I mean, I knew Luna would be happy and all, but I wasn’t expecting ‘throw me to the floor dance beneath the moonlight face in chest lap pillow’ levels of happy. And I certainly wasn’t expecting her to kiss me… twice. Though given how touchy-feely she’d been beforehand, I probably should have seen at least one of them coming.

Then again, I never have been able to get a good read on that mare. Heh, It’s been years since I’ve had someone in my life who could make me scream ‘what the fuck’ on a near-daily basis. Been years since I've felt this... at ease with anyone. It’s strange really. Not once have I ever felt the need to hide or keep myself from her. Of course, that’s assuming I ever could hide anything from her in the first place. It really is scary how good a read she can get on me at times. And yet, even after seeing how much of horror show I can really be, she still wants me to come and talk to her each night, still wants to play those silly little games with me in the garden, and still tries her damnedest to put a smile on this fucked up face of mine when she tries using my vernacular.

So no, I don’t just want Luna to “get my dick wet.” If this is really her wanting to commit to something serious with me, then I’m going to show her that all the time and trouble she wasted on me wasn’t for nothing. That all the hours we’ve spent chatting, reading, and sneaking about through the city together have meant more to me than she’ll ever know.

And even if all she’s got planned for me this evening is just a little platonic cuddling and a bit of teasing because I’ve got my head up my ass once again, then no harm no foul. I get to sleep through the night without screaming my throat raw, wake up next to someone for the first time in years, and still get to keep one of the best friends I’ve ever had by my side-

Until you start pushing for more and fuck it up royally you self-serving little twit, spoke a woman whom he missed more and more with each passing day. Whose light raspy voice carried a strain and sadness that seemed to have burdened her for most of Matthias' life.

Sweet Christ above, it's never enough for you, is it?! Here you are with a job that actually makes you feel like you're worth something, a suite with a view that costs more per night than your first annual salary, and three friends who haven’t the sense to toss your sorry ass back in the hole Celestia pulled you out of. And what? You’re just gonna flush that all down the toilet because you think the nigh-immortal demigoddess of the night has the hots for you of all people?!

Seriously Matty-cake, I know life’s been on a bit of an upswing for you these past few months, but you’re really starting to push your luck here.

I mean really, what have you got to offer her that nopony else has been willing to give her freely for almost two-thousand years?

Your “winning” personality?

Sorry hon, introverted man-children like you hardly, if ever, make it past the first few months of any serious relationship. But then again, considering the kind of women you’ve let into your life, I’m surprised you’ve only made it out with that gash on your hand and a dent in your savings.

Your “rugged” good looks?.

You know I love you, sweetie? Truly, I do. But between the third-degree burns and the fact you’re a goddamn alien, yours is a face only I could love at this point.

Your Checkbook?

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?! She’s one of the eternal diarchs of a magical fantasy land and living embodiment of balance in this universe. And you seriously think some bits in the bank, and a chunk of mithril, are gonna win her over?

For the love of God Matty-cake, was losing the few people stupid enough to have given a rat’s ass about you not traumatic enough for you? Now you gotta start pushing away one of the only ponies in Canterlot willing to put up your bullshit?

Because let’s be real here Matty, Luna’s not just gonna laugh this off. You’re going to ask her if she's trying to start something with you. Then she’s gonna start stuttering and stammering about cultural differences and the changes to societal norms that have happened in the past thousand years. Oh, it might be fine for the first few days, some awkward silences and a passing joke or two about the forbidden flame between the human secretary and the pony princess.

But eventually you’ll take it too far, having already gotten it in your head that you want to be with her, and once you start to creep and hover around her, like you always seem to do whenever a woman shows you a speck of affection, you’ll begin to see less and less of little Luna.

It’ll be subtle at first, fewer hugs, less time hanging out in the garden, more time getting actual work done, and less time talking, until eventually she stops coming around to check in on you and starts palling around with some sweet, sane stallion who respects boundaries and doesn’t treat his friends like walking, talking pillows to cry into whenever the mood strikes him.

And don’t pretend like you haven’t noticed how miffed she’s been getting seeing your hands and face ground to hell, or how hard she’s been pushing to try and get you to bed these past few months. In fact, haven’t they all been getting a little testy as of late? Why would Tia make that snub earlier if she wasn’t getting fed up with your shit? Hell, even Twilight’s been pressing like a mad mare to try and figure out what those dogs did to you. Probably so she can finally shut you up and get back to picking your brain about the physics and tech we've got back on earth.

But can you really blame them? I mean, even a couple of immortals and the manifestation of magic and friendship herself must be getting bored hearing the same sob story day in and day out?

“Oh, boo-hoo, I've lost all my family and friends!”

Yeah, so have Tia and Luna. The jury’s still out on whether it'll be the same for Twilight or not, but you don’t see any of them crying in the corner like some whipped dog.

“But the big mean doggies hurt me!”

So what?! Others have made it through worse shit than you and have been able to move on and make something of their lives.

Sweet Christ! Why can’t you just quit your whinging and get over it already?

Or maybe... you don’t wanna let it go? Maybe you just want to spend the rest of your days wallowing in your petty fucking bullshit. After all, it seems to be working out well for you so far. You’ve got Luna babying you each and every night, Twilight wasting her weekends with you, and then after bugging Celestia all day, you get to go cry yourself to sleep in the suite you guilted out of her. Face it Matty-cake, all you’ve done since waking up is make them worry and take advantage of the kindness they had no reason to show you. So do yourself a favor and keep it in your pants before you give them another reason to throw you back into that hole they found you in.

Matthias had to stop for a moment, needing to hold back the tears and halt his shaking. He hated hearing his mother’s words twisted into something so against her nature, almost as much as he hated himself for letting it get to him.

It took some time, but eventually, he was able to get his shit together and start walking again. Although he couldn’t quite soothe the burning behind his eyes entirely, and each breath he took to calm himself hitched as he tried to answer the phantom’s challenges.

Stop it… please! I… I get it. I’m an unholy pain in the ass who should be on his hands and knees thanking Luna’s lucky stars each and every day that they’re still willing to put up with me.

But… but I never asked to be treated like this. Never asked for their hospitality or friendship. These were things they offered and asked of me first. Celestia was the one who decided to take me in after she had every right to leave me for dead. It was Luna who asked me to be her friend despite knowing next to nothing about me. And Twilight chose to keep working and spend time with me, even after she blew that damned collar off my neck.

So yes, I’ll readily admit to being a lucky sonuvabitch. That’s a goddamn given. I mean a hole opens up in the sky and throws me out into the void and instead of falling forever, or dropping me into the middle of a Lovecraftian wet dream. I wind up in a world full of bipedal equines who happen to speak and write in the same language as me; and who treat me like I’m one of them instead of a fucking alien hell-bent on eating them or stealing their women… for the most part.

(Seriously, it’s like someone thought Roddenberry’s bullshit for skimping on the script and creature effects was how speciation actually happened)

And while I know das boot only seems to drop whenever the odds are looking anywhere close to being in my favor; I also know that things tend to start looking up for me once shit has well and truly hit the fan. And considering how warm a welcome I got when I first landed here...

*Shudder*

Matthias couldn’t help but tremble slightly at that god awful pun as visions of gnarled claws and rotten teeth briefly danced before his eyes, while phantom flames began licking at the burned out nerves painted across the left half of his body.

… maybe… maybe I’m finally getting a chance to cash in on this devil’s luck of mine. He thought, his breathing having finally evened out, while his shaking settled into something more akin to slight shivering.

Yeah, yeah I know I know… here I am pulling the Equestrian equivalent to six figures while I’ve got the ears of Equestria’s three most influential (and cutest) mares, and I’m acting like John Cleese in the “Four Yorkshiremen” sketch. Really, what right have I to feel lonely or unfulfilled?

“Because we can’t control how we feel, only how we act,” he said with a wistful sigh, remembering the week he spent in that old boiler turned boardroom, having the basics of ABA drilled into his skull as he prepared for his first real teaching job.

Now for all the intelligence Matthias boasted, he would readily admit to having a bit of a blind spot when it came to the fairer sex. That’s not to say he was utterly oblivious to the affections of those around him; it was just more often than not, he found himself unable to gauge the intentions, or stability, of those propositioning him.

Case and point, his high school sweetheart who carved a shiv out of a butter knife and sliced his hand up, for wanting to help a classmate with her project. His college crush who got tired waiting for him to make a move and hooked up with his roommate instead. Or his co-worker who strung him along for a couple of months after a nasty break up, only to chuck him aside once the newer model had come out.

So, suffice it to say, Matthias had become a bit more cautious over the years when it came to branching out and forming relationships beyond the few friends in his life that had been crazy enough, and patient enough, to have stuck by his side. A habit that had unfortunately made the journey with him across the void and into the land of pint-sized pony people; making the already socially awkward introvert double down even further within his head, once ripped away from the few people he knew had honestly given a damn about him.

Fortunately for Matthias, however, Twi and Tia had shown him a saintly level of patience and persistence, slowly but surely pushing him into expanding his little social circle beyond just them and Luna, all the while attempting to bolster and respect his newly returned agency.

A task made all the more daunting for the pony princesses. Considering for the first few months of his stay in Canterlot, Matthias would hardly ever leave his room; even after getting his voice back and being introduced to the public at the little “It’s Okay, He’s Not Going To Eat You” meet and greet. Rarely choosing to sally forth from his chambers unless either Celestia, Luna, or Twilight were right there by his side, ready to shield him from the accostings of other ponies.

And yes, while his initial attempts at socializing had been... awkward, to say the least; what with him towering over most of the population, and looking like he’d gone about ten rounds with the solar diarch herself. Once the initial shock of a new meat eater in Canterlot had worn off, and the ponies had gotten somewhat used to his presence in and around the castle, the staff and guard had happily accepted him into their ranks with little fuss or fanfare. Hell, he’d even managed to snag himself a halfway decent group of drinking buddies from among the Loons and Sols, and one big burly sonuvabitch from The Watch that neither division was willing to claim officially.

Which, had all been well and good at first, having a gaggle of guys and gals he could just pal around with or shoot the shit with when Celestia or Luna was busy, or when Twilight had things to take care of back in Ponyville.

But then shots started getting involved, and everything from the drink menus to the lines separating man from pony began to blur; and say what you will about the bipedal equines, they definitely weren’t touch-shy.

And while Matthias was always down for the occasional hug or chest bump from his Sun Bros and Moon Knights; he just wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with his Sol Sisters nuzzling up on him, or his Moon Mamas chewing on his ears.

Which wasn’t to say he was put off by the advances or affections of a pony; throw back a few digestifs, squint real hard, and move back about ten feet, and the average mare could pass for quite the woman, albeit with a bit more curve where it really counted.

It was just, even after spending eight months living in Canterlot, far and away from both dog and collar alike, Matthias still didn’t feel he had gotten his shit together enough. Nor did he believe he had adjusted sufficiently enough to a lifestyle that didn't involve non-stop beatings and debasement to even considering starting a relationship with one of these happy little horse people.

At least… not until tonight, when Luna had all but declared her intent to get in bed with him.

So, with the ghost of his mother hopefully settled in for the evening and the prospects of what may be awaiting him within the next few hours beginning to look enticing once again, Matthias set about counting the faceless, numberless doors that lined the hallways of the Consulate’s Quarters.

One, because he found the monotony of such an endeavor to be a quick and easy trick to drown out and dispel any stray thoughts or phantoms that still wished to chime in.

And two, because the fucking geniuses in charge of castle layout thought that leaving the doors blank, and without any distinguishing features, would be an easy and efficient way to protect the visiting dignitaries from any hostile parties. Oh sure, the likelihood of any would-be assassin finding their mark drops significantly when you can't tell the Roamanian Embassy from the janitor's station. But it also forced Matthias to crash on the couch in Celestia's office at least seventeen times since his release from the hospital.

3… 4… 5… Seriously, why the fuck am I throwing such a goddamn hissy fit over this? He thought as he quickened his gait, the doors blurring by as the brisk pace began to brace him against the bitter cold filling the hall. Luna kissed me for Christ’s sake! Is it really so wrong for me to think that she may have feelings for me?

6… 7… 8… Is it because she’s a pony? 9… 10… 11… Sure, she’s got the muzzle and the ears and the hooves you’d expect from a bunch of anthropomorphic horse men. Not to mention the horn and wings that just bend physics over. 12… 13… 14… But it’s just stupid how human Luna and the others act and look otherwise. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she’s the princess of freaking happy magical pony land. Yet most nights she either feels like she doesn’t even matter or that if she doesn't accomplish or do as much as Tia, then she’s nothing more than an abject failure.

“15… hook a right, and up the stairs,” he said as he hit the halfway point, taking the steps up the old servant’s way two at a time to try and hurry himself out of the cold that much quicker. Each stride causing the remains of his cake to shift about a bit within the confines of their magically sealed case as it bashed against his leg.

Once atop the stairwell, he restarted his counting, needing to go down another fifteen doors before taking another set of stairs back down, where it’d just be another quick trek down the hall for him to get his room.

1… 2… 3… I just hope the Triple C (they can hash out a more officious sounding name at the summit) will give her a chance to see just how much she matters to everypony around her. Can show her that not everybody dismisses her or thinks her the lesser of any kind. Or, at the very least, show her how much she means to me. 4… 5… 6... Yeah, yeah, like the admiration and affection of a goddamn alien is gonna fill in for several centuries worth of loss and broken dreams. 7… 8… 9… But dammit, I’ve got to at least try. I mean, for the love of all that is holy she’s fixing me for fuck’s sake! I can function again because of her.

That's not to say Celestia and Twilight haven't had a part in piecing me back together. 10… 11… 12… Tia could’ve just shoved me off once Doc P got me back on my feet. And all Twilight had to do was just get me talking again and be on her merry way. But instead, I got two of the best friends to ever grace my miserable lot in life, who have gone well out of their way to see that I’m taken care of, and have wasted days upon weeks to make sure I’m being treated right and that I’m comfortable.

So there’s no way in Hell I’m ever gonna let them see how… defective I still am. Tia already feels bad enough for what she and Shiny had to do to me; and the one time I let it slip when I was with Twilight, she was almost as much a mess as I was, and was bloody inconsolable for the next few hours.

“13… 14… 15… INTO THE BREACH MOTHERFUCKER!” He cheered beneath his breath at having finally reached the second stairwell. Slipping his hands into his sleeves, and the handle of his cake box over his wrist, Matthias latched onto the stairway’s railings and jumped. Using the drop in traction, he slid down each set of stairs, one after the other, until after five such leaps he found himself at the bottom of the well, and in the middle of the old deployment artery running beneath the Consulate’s Quarters.

It was just one of many security features Celestia had fashioned into the sector of the castle housing the throngs of visiting diplomats and ambassadors who called Equestria their home anywhere from months, to years on end. Having already hollowed out near half of the mountainside in order to both finance and construct the cliffside capital, Celestia chose to systematically reinforce the already existing mine shafts that ran beneath the castle and Canterlot proper, as well as having new tunnels and entrances dug which would not only link the various barracks and garrisons spread out across the castle grounds and city, but would lead back to, and converge, some several hundred feet below the castle. Creating a series of subterranean staging areas and evacuation sites from which both the Solar Guard and City Watch could quickly navigate through the city or evacuate the populace should they ever find themselves facing a siege scenario.

Or in this case, whisk away a disfigured teacher turned administrative aide to a couple of demigoddesses to his room before his balls began to ice over.

Starry had made him privy to the little shortcut about a month following his discharge from the infirmary, after she had to break up a little… misunderstanding between Matthias and the Germaneian delegate’s wife. It took a bit of inventive butt-kissing and the promise to assign some of her best, and straightest, guardsmares to her protective detail for the next week. But once she had finally talked down the ambassador and his retinue, and convinced the mare to put away the riding crop and handcuffs. Starry had dragged the flushed human by the hand down into the old service way, mapping out and detailing the various hallmarks and entryways he’d have to use in order to get into and out of the hidden passageways lining the Quarter. All between progressively more maniacal fits of laughter at the human’s expense, having had to give the flustered alien a brief breakdown of a mare’s special time of the year.

But the incessant teasing from both Starry and the Sisters was all worth it in the end. As the route she had shown him provided Matthias with the most direct path to his room possible, needing only to go up and down two sets of stairs, traverse one dark yet thankfully straight hallway, then go up just one more flight of stairs to get into his own little Sanctum Sanctorum.

However, as with many of life’s little luxuries, there were risks and costs Matthias would have to live with. Yes, while the path he traveled was the quickest and easiest for him to navigate, it was also black as pitch, save for some patches of hacked away stone and burned out rock that flickered in the light of the pale gray candles lining the tops of the walls. Casting shadows that seemed to dance and move in time with the scuffs of his shoes as they scraped against the floor. Shaking loose memories of a time in his life that Matthias had been desperately trying to put behind him since waking up with Celestia crying over him. Memories of a time when he had been little more than a mindless beast wandering about in the dark, tearing away at the walls of its cage in hopes of making it just one more day.

Memories Matthias desperately fought to keep at bay as he continued to walk through the blackened tunnel, trying his best to convince himself that it was okay for him to be having these feelings about the lunar princess. That it was okay for him to want to be with her.

But with Luna, I don’t know. It's like… it's like I don't feel so... broken when I'm with her. That, it's okay for me to feel upset about what happened to me when we're together. And whenever I get it in my head to try and apologize for all the shit I put her through, she always pulls some stunt that either shuts me up or makes me feel like I'm not a whiny piece of shit. Hell, if anything, she tries to make me feel like everything’s going to be alright. That I’m going to get better and that she actually wants to be there for me. So why am I so hung up on this? Again, I feel I need to stress that she was the one who pushed for this. That she was the one who wanted to spend the night with me! And that she was the one who kissed me! And now that I’ve successfully removed my head from my ass, I can safely, and with all honesty, say that I want the same thing. So why is it still so hard for me to believe that Luna may want to be with me and that I want to be with her?

HURRG HURRG HURRG HURRRRG

The laugh that rang throughout the narrow corridor was wet and guttural, like some deep-chested… thing was trying to wretch up a bone eviscerating its throat. Its echoes carrying no levity or mirth as they crashed into Matthias' chest, chilling him with such dread terror that it felt like the blood in his veins had frozen over. Clotting his arteries with shards of jagged ice that began to rip him apart from the inside out as his heart rate suddenly skyrocketed.

He skidded to a halt turning to face his accoster, but the sound of his footsteps continued to carry on past and around him. Suddenly filling the empty passage with the sounds of hundreds of scuffling feet and claws, and a cacophony of deep, coarse growls full of amusement and mockery at his gall.

Looking back from where he had just come, he found the shadows permeating the tunnel beginning to shift and swirl, focusing around a couple of the wispy grey candles lining the wall further down the hall. Until suddenly they pulled themselves away from the wall and turned to face him. Revealing themselves as a pair of pale white eyes that burned through the very black all around them. Forcing the whirling mass of ebony mist to roil and writhe about within the enclosure until they coalesced and condensed into what could only be described as the bastard spawn of a bulldog and a gorilla.

Isn’t it obvious you broken little slut? Spoke the shadowy mass as it turned to face him in full, its bulk damn near filling the tunnel with its height and width as it started pulling itself forward on its chipped and broken claws. Then again, you never were all that bright, were you? HURRG HURRG HURRG still gets me all red in the waist whenever I think about you still trying to scream for help after me, and the pack made you ours.

Now, speak Null. Tell me why you can’t have the moon horse.

Matthias went so pale at the sound of his old name that he was practically glowing within the confines of the darkened passageway. His ashy, numb hands desperately gripping the walls for support as he tried to back himself away from the encroaching nightmare. A task he was having more and more difficulty with as his body tried to pump as much blood into his core as possible; trying its best to stave off the psychosomatic shock currently racking his body.

RGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH YOU RUTTING LITTLE BITCH I SAID SPEAK GODDAMMIT! The beast roared. The sheer force of its snarl pushing him off the wall and nearly knocking him on his ass.

But Matthias refused to speak; he knew the game it was playing. Even with his old muzzle blown to bits, he could still feel the old scarred skin around his neck beginning to tighten, waiting for him to try and make a sound before it would tear into his windpipe. So he stood his ground against the shadow. His shaking seemingly halted in his defiance against the old ghost, finding what little courage that hadn’t run away screaming bolstered by the rage the beast was surely feeling from denying him his jollies.

HURRG HURRG HURRRRG. Well, would you look at that! It's about time you learned your place you ungrateful little shit.

But that bantam bit of courage was shattered into million tiny pieces when all the demon dog did was laugh and slap his meaty claws together in applause at his little act of disobedience. Pleased that he had chosen to remain silent in spite of his old shackle having been removed.

See?! It just goes to show that even the most disobedient little mutts can be trained if you just use the right kinda stick. The dog said with a throaty chuckle as it continued to lumber towards him. Plodding its way on heavy paws while scraping its jagged nails across the walls and floor until it was towering over Mattias. Finally forcing him to fall to the floor, his shaking legs no longer able to support him amidst the overwhelming pressure this living nightmare was exerting over him.

Good, so now that you’ve stopped acting like some spoiled little welp caught pissing on the pack’s gem stash and are behaving like the subservient little bitch we all prayed for, maybe I should give you a treat? The dog offered, tapping its pudgy finger against its chin before shoving its misty muzzle right into Matthias' face, drowning him in breath that reeked of fetid flesh and rotten teeth. How about we start with licking your Alpha clean like the good little sub-meg trash you are hmmmm?

Now, the fight-or-flight response found within all vertebrate species is a relatively simple and straightforward process (If one chooses to ignore the needlessly complicated naming scheme used to label the parts of the brain and body that secrete and absorb the just as complexly named chemicals of course). In essence, when a vertebrate mind recognizes a threat within its immediate environment, it stimulates the pituitary gland in the brain to flood and support the rest of the body with adrenaline so that it can either:

A). Run like Satan was chasing it

Or

B). Kick Samael in the dick so hard he’ll be pissing out his mouth till the Second Coming

So seeing as Matthias' legs were still trembling too much to do anything close to resembling option A). He was left with but one alternative to help mitigate the surge of white-hot fury currently sublimating the ice in his frost filled veins.

So he kicked the dog in the dick.

With a mighty roar that drowned out all the other echoes still bouncing their way throughout the empty passageway, he jammed his foot square into shadowy mass, right where the multiversal kill switch for all males would typically be located. Causing the anthropomorphic blob of inky blackness to disperse and back off of Matthias, but it was a temporary respite at best. Seeing as the dog began to reform just as soon as it backed off, letting loose an irritated growl and a frustrated huff as it continued looked down on Matthias.

Rgggggggggghhhh Now that wasn’t very smart. It's almost like you want me to put you back in your place. Can’t see why though. All you ever did was shriek and wail like a mangy runt left behind by its bitch whenever we had to remind you where you stood amongst us. Oh, well. Guess after being dommed so many times it must have learned to like it. And what kind of alpha would I be if I didn’t give a member of my pack what it wanted?

“Yeah fuck that!” Matthias managed to squeak out, a timid smile worming its way onto his face, causing the hellish hound to let loose its first scream of genuine hate and rage since the start of this little episode.

Now, whether it was the second burst of adrenaline suddenly saturating his system that got him back on his feet or the fact that he had finally managed to defy the monster in a way that truly mattered, Matthias couldn't tell. All he knew was that could feel his legs again, and that he needed to get the absolute fuck out of there. So, taking advantage of the distance his first attempt at combating the shadowy beast had bought him, Matthias flipped onto his stomach and launched himself from the ground in a sloppy track start and high tailed it down the tunnel as fast as his dress shoes could carry him.

GET YOUR PACK MURDERING ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN SPLIT IT OPEN YOU GODDAMN DREG! The beast bellowed as it made chase, barreling down the shaft after Matthias like a big black locomotive coated in claws and teeth.

“Not *pant pant* a very convincing argument for me to stop *pant* all things considered!” He yelled back shakily between heavier and heavier breaths. His eyes shaking wildly while his mouth twisted into a manic smile as he heard the damned dog let out another angry roar.

NO! NO NO NO! YOU DON'T GET TO TALK BACK TO ME! PACKLESS LITTLE MONSTERS LIKE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO THEIR OWNERS!

The very weight behind those words all but staggered Matthias, nearly forcing him to fall back to the ground while the shit-eating grin that had been threatening to Glasgow itself onto his face faltered and shattered against the truth supporting the monster’s claim to him. But fortunately for Matthias, he had already made it to the stairwell leading up to his room, so he was at least able to fall into the well’s wall and keep himself upright.

Yes… That’s right! You can try to fool yourself and others, but you can’t fool me. It doesn’t matter how much frilly pony-wear you dress yourself up in, or how much fancy pony food you cram down your gullet, you know that you’re not one of them.

“Sh-shut up!” Matthias shouted at the shadow before bolting up the stairs, slapping his hands over his ears to try and drown out the dog’s words though he knew it would probably do him little good.

But then again, you’ve never been much of anything come to think of it. Not pony nor dog. Griffon nor bull. Just some mewling little stillbirth the stars aborted on our doorstep.

“I SAID SHUT UP!” He all but screamed, switching from taking the steps two at a time to three at a time to try and put some distance between him and the dog before its words could slow him down any further.

You should be grateful that we were able to find some kind of use for you when we had every right to just rip you apart and lick the meat off your bones!

“You had no right to-”

And how do you repay our generosity?! By hiding away what is ours and claiming ownership of OUR ponies!

“I didn’t claim any-”

Then you had to go and lose to the Sun Horse and her puny little ponies! Costing me not only my property but over half of my pack!

“You agreed to the rules! And it’s not like I had any say in the-”

You had one job and you rutted it up beyond all recognition!

“Well if you’re gonna fuck up you better do it royally?” He snarked, hoping he could finally get the damn dog out of his head.

Then tell me Null. What are you planning on doing when you “fuck up royally” for your precious little ponies?

“I don’t plan on-”

Because wanting to rut one of their highest alphas will get you as royally rutted as possible.

That caused Matthias to pause, the words ripping into him like the sharp, jagged teeth of his old masters.

You’re not one of them. You’re their pet, their tool. You serve at their pleasure just like you served at ours. So, what do you think’s going to happen once they’ve decided they’ve got no more use for you? You’ve got no home to go back to. No pack to rely on. The shade softly warned him, the blackened mists filling the hall beginning to swirl about and caress Matthias gently, almost lovingly.

Don’t you think it’s cruel of them?! To build you up and treat you like you’re one of them when you’ll never have what they have? A family, pups of your own, a future beyond these stone walls? They’ll never be able to give you what you really want, and you can’t give them what they really need.

Matthias had no words to give back to the ghost, since he knew it spoke the truth. Because no matter what shape or form the terrors in the night took to torment him with, he knew they were all rooted in the fears and insecurities that seemed to have haunted him all throughout his life:

Am I really as broken as I feel or am I just banking on their pity?

Is it okay for me to go to them whenever I’m scared or upset or am I just wasting their time?

Am I really their friend or are they just using me to some end?

Which of course made him feel like the absolute fucking scum of the Earth for feeling this way about the ponies, especially the princesses. They had been nothing but kind and open with him. Save for the unpleasantness down in the Deeps when they first met him, obviously. But Matthias really just couldn’t help himself sometimes. He had spent so many years watching the people he had thought of as friends and lovers drift away from him due to some of his less than endearing eccentricities. While inviting just as many people into his life who had treated him as if were nothing more than a walking, talking shoulder which they could throw all their problems on.

It was just, no matter how hard he tried to live his life, no matter how happy a time he was having, there were just days he couldn’t see the world without it being dyed by those past losses and abuses. Then a fucking hole in the sky opens up and hurls him into a pit where all those feelings of worthlessness and exploitation were confirmed over and over again till he thought it was all he was meant to know. But then, Celestia comes along and gets him out of that Hell. Gives him a home and starts treating him more human than a lot of his own kind did, and all he can think about is how at any given moment he could be thrown out into the wilds of Equestria should he ever upset her.

At least when you were with us, we were honest about how we felt about you. Came the gravelly voice of his old Alpha hanging off his shoulder, a shiver running up and down Matthias' spine as he felt a hot tongue run up and down his cold, clammy cheek. We always made sure to treat you like the worthless cur you are. Made sure you knew that you weren’t one of us. That the only thing you would ever amount to was a worthless rock slasher. And as long as you accepted that, there was never any reason to fuss or fret, never any need to worry, and never any pain, well… maybe just enough to remind you of your place. But you have to admit, it was never without a just cause. All you had to do was dig and eat and dig and eat and never have to worry about petty shit like trying to find a mate or make your own pack. After all, you already had us to take care of you.

Suddenly, the pressure hovering around Matthias shifted, coalescing once again before him, bearing a rancid grin that stretched from ear to notched ear.

So really, you've got nobody to blame for all this useless dread but yourself, right? You chose to leave us, you chose the ponies over the pack, and you chose to live a life well beyond what you deserve. But I won’t hold it against you. I’d need to rip off the paws of at least fifty upstart pups in order to count off all the whelps I’ve had to put down trying to rise above what they’re worth. So I’ll make you a deal, the wispy dog declared while offering Matthias his paw.

Why don’t you come back to us? It’ll be fun. Well not at first. You’ll have to pay the weregild for the members of the pack who died because you weren’t strong enough. But after that, it’ll be back to business as usual. Nothing but the darkest depths and the weight of the world above ready to crush you like the worm you are. Where all you need to concern yourself with is swinging your pick where we point you and moving the product to the right tunnel. So come on, what do you say?

For the briefest, blackest moment, Matthias truly considered it. Because for that brief period of time in his life he never had to worry about things like love and loss. Never had worry about fitting in or pushing friends away because he had made an ass out of himself. Kinda hard to worry over something so petty when all his time and energy were devoted towards simply surviving from one day to the next. I mean, who has the time to worry about stuff like building a family or screwing up a date when all you need to do to keep getting fed, and not get torn apart, is to just keep digging and digging and digging until they throw you back in your cage.

Ever so slowly, Matthias began pushing a scarred and steady hand towards the beast’s black paw, its callused skin and foggy fur beckoning him back to a place where his overtaxed musings could no longer hurt or accost him. However, before he could reach out and clasp his tempter’s open paw, a spark flashed across the front his mind. Revealing to him in the wake of its blinding brilliance the faces of the three best friends he had ever made in this world.

One, a blazing sun whose fire and passion would not allow the pain Matthias had suffered to go by unanswered.

Another, a moon whose many faces matched his own and welcomed each and every side of the lost little human with open arms.

And the third, a sky full of stars ready and willing to guide him along the path of a dream he had thought was long dead.

And Matthias smiled. A small, warm, genuine smile that the old ghost couldn’t seem to get a read on. Which was a real shame for the dog, because while it was too busy staring at his ever-widening grin, it failed to notice Matthias clenching his fist.

“You know that was the one thing that always confused me about our time together,” he said addressing the dog, forcing the beast to tilt its head in confusion. “That no matter how many times you strung me up and tore into me. No matter how many times you set my collar off for no other reason than to see me squirm at your feet. And no matter how many times you ground my face into the dirt and reminded of my place in your little world. There was always a look in all of your eyes when you were all finished,” he jeered while staring the dog dead in its eyes, a mocking smirk twisting its way onto Matthias' face causing the monster to flinch and its grey pupils to shrink to pin-pricks, “Yeah, that’s the one. That beady-eyed little simper that just screams ‘today’s the day I finally get my shit pushed in.’”

What nonsense are you-

CRAAAAAAAACK

Whatever rebuttal the phantom was trying to form was cut off when Matthias' fist ripped right through its face, filling the stairwell with the satisfying sound of meat and bone splattering against the walls as he smashed its head open in a burst of a billion black blobs.

However, in his mad dash to try and run away from his feelings of alienation and his shattered sense of self-worth given flesh, he seemed to have forgotten that, in the heat of the moment, the beast was merely a figment of his blackened imaginings, and that he had made it to the hidden door leading to his room.

So, the skin and skull Matthias thought he was shoving his fist through turned out to be nothing more than shadows and a gray-stained wooden door without a handle. A fact Matthias, and several dozen groggy guards and servants throughout a generous portion of the castle, became painfully aware of once the adrenaline drowning his system got reabsorbed back into his body. Forcing Matthias to drop to the floor gripping his hand as blazing bolts of searing, explosive agony tore up and down his right arm. Causing him to let loose a string of obscenities so long, and loud Carlin himself would've asked for him to show some class.

“SHIT PISSING, FUCK MOTHERING, GODDAMNING, CUNT SUCKING, COCK SHINING, TITLESS SONOFABITCH IN HEAT! Why it always the goddamned right?!” He bemoaned through gritted teeth, trying and failing to suppress the all but blinding pain shooting through his throbbing right hand. Wondering why, whenever he needed to take a more hands-on approach to curbing his little anxiety attacks, he always went with his right hand over his left? Seeing as the birthmarks he received coming to Equestria had nearly taken away most of the feeling along that half of his body.

Flexing his fingers a few times, Matthias could at least feel that he hadn’t broken anything with his coping. But from the somewhat sluggish movements and stretching sensation he felt each time he opened and closed his hand, he could definitely tell that it had begun to swell.

With a frustrated sigh, he slid the cake box that had somehow stuck with him during his mad dash down the corridor from around his wrist, lest it get stuck behind the rapidly expanding flesh. Once both of his hands were free, he began to run his less damaged one along the wall standing to his left, pausing when his fingertips brushed against a couple of smooth, pea-sized specks of glass seemingly embedded into the rock. Needing a little extra light, Matthias reached into his pocket, wincing a bit as the tender skin rubbed against the soft, silk-like fabric of his coat until he was able to slip out his phone and switch on the flashlight function, revealing a glistening granite face blemished with what looked like dozens of little deposits of quartz crystal.

However, if one were to take a closer look at the specks of light shining in the rough-hewn stone, they’d notice a shoddy grid pattern formed from the speckled points of light.

Now able to see the full breadth and width of the crystals peppering the wall, Matthias began dragging a finger from one point to the next, a line of arcane light trailing behind wherever his finger brushed against stone or crystal. Forming the outline of what appeared to be a sloppy looking sun.

After another thirty or so seconds of playing connect-the-dots, the whole wall started to glow. Having connected the last point on the eight pointed sun he had been tracing, the crude drawing suddenly morphed into a perfect rendition of the sun emblazoned on Celestia’s flanks, its flaming tips flickering and swirling on some unseen breeze.

But Matthias wasn’t quite done yet. Reaching a finger into the fiery mass, he began carving a waxing crescent along the outer edge of the sun. A dark stain of navy blue beginning to fill in the yellow sphere wherever he dragged his finger. Finishing with a broad flourish of his hand once he had retraced the sun’s perimeter, uniting the two heavenly bodies in a formation that always reminded Matthias of his favorite King anthology.

With the hearts and talents of both Royal Pony Sisters finally together as one, their combined marks flew off its place on the wall and slammed itself into the door, finally revealing a handle which Matthias could pull on to let him get inside of his closet/dressing room.

Sensing that somebody had taken a step into the spacious walk-in closet, a trio of warm yellow gems lit up on the ceiling, spilling down and basking the room in a gentle, radiant light that illuminated the rows of mostly empty shelves. Which wasn’t to say Matthias kept little in regards to either formal wear or dress clothes, after eight months in Equestria he must've been fit for at least three or so dozen different business suits as well as casual wear. But this was Celestia’s old suite. And no self-respecting demigoddess and incarnation of the sun should ever be forced to live somewhere without the space needed to store the several centuries worth of gowns and garments gifted and commissioned for her over her long and shining rule. At least, that's what the architects and geomancers were thinking at the time when they were first designing her private chambers.

Of course, for Matthias who had owned all of six suits throughout his professional career, a closet more spacious than the old single story flat he used to live in while helping take care of his grandma seemed a bit far out. Especially considering that the majority of his custom casual wear was kept in the dressers and wardrobe near and around his bed. All the while preferring to keep his work clothes for the next day draped over the chair next to his bureau so he could just get up and walk out the door when he woke up, rather than go into another room and climb a ladder just so he could find a clean coat and shirt.

Really, he found the space far more useful as a second foyer and antechamber should he ever have to get to and from the Lunar Quadrant at a brisk pace. Plus, it was also nice that after a hard day at work and a long night with Luna, especially one as… eventful as this one had been, the first thing he could do upon coming home was just peel out of his dress clothes and slip into the spare sweats and a t-shirt he’d have left out.

Turning back to the door he licked his thumb and wiped it over the crescent moon, restoring the sun back to prominence and sealing up the door once again. After giving the doorway a couple hearty pats to make sure it wasn’t going to give any ground, he finally let himself relax some, dropping his cake box off to the side before emptying his pockets.

Placing his phone and keys on one of the nearby shelves, lest they wind up in the wash, he began to disrobe, kicking off his shoes and throwing his coat and shirt in the bin marked darks. Because even in a world where the majority of the populace looked like they’d been bathing in kool-aid all their lives, there was still no greater sin than mixing your whites with your darks.

Once freed of his dress pants and shirt, he slipped on a pair navy blue sweats and the shale gray t-shirt he wore to bed most nights, pocketing his phone and keys before scooping his cake case up off the floor. But as he reached to pick out tomorrow’s dress ensemble, he was finally able to get a good look at the horror show his hand had become over the course of the night and froze.

His knuckles were all but torn to shreds, with dried blood and avulsed skin staining him down to the second joint on his middle and index fingers. Matthias couldn’t really get a good read on the extent of the actual injury, seeing as the area around the wound had swollen up one and a half times its normal size. Although, from what he could see, he could tell the skin running along the tops of his ring, middle, and index fingers had been split open, with the entire area immediately surrounding them bruised an unhealthy looking rusty purple.

Deciding that first-aid took precedence over picking out tomorrow’s suit, Matthias left his clothes and keys behind, but pocketed his phone and slid what was left of his cake under his arm, because damn good cake always takes precedence over bodily harm. Carefully shifting the sugary treasure so that he not only put the bare amount of pressure on his busted hand, but so he could push aside the twin glass sliding doors emblazoned with Celestia’s cutie mark and hurry his way over to his kitchen’s sink.

Now, while nowhere near as resplendent as Celestia’s current abode, her previous dwellings were nothing to scoff at either. The common area of the aptly named Princess Suite was a sprawling space large enough to house an entire ranch cottage with room to spare. Mostly dedicated to a spacious lounging and living area fully furnished with all manner of recliners, bean bag chairs, and couches. Each one strategically spaced and placed so that those resting upon them could enjoy the maximum amount of heat and warmth given off by the elaborate brass and gold fireplace done up in various sun and moon motifs.

Off to the side, hugging the same wall, was a fairly generous half bar and liquor cabinet, should Matthias ever need to entertain his guests, stocked with a wide variety of mostly untouched wines and spirits. Since his guests were usually limited to just three particular mares, and alcohol had never really been a vice he had graciously indulged in.

No, his vice could be seen spreading and wrapping its way up and around most of the walls along the ground floor and the entirety of the second story.

Books.

After it had been determined that there was no known safe or surefire method of sending Matthias back home, Celestia immediately offered him residency within the castle. An offer he was somewhat hesitant about, but accepted nonetheless, seeing as he had nowhere else to go at the time. Only asking that whatever space she deemed fit to give him be spacious and bereft of any exposed stone, and if he wasn’t already asking for too much, that it be filled with that which he had dedicated his life to.

So one can imagine how shocked Matthias must have been when Celestia not only offered him her old room for him to live in but had totally redecorated it in order to accommodate him. Ordering and bringing in extra shelving to cover the majority of the cream-white walls and donating a generous portion from her private library to try and fill in the gaps. Though even with Celestia’s sizable endowments, he had nowhere near enough books or scrolls to fill in all the shelves on all the walls on both the ground level and the loft above. But over the past eight months, he and Twilight had been able to put a sizeable dent in the empty pockets of space. Filling in at least two and a half walls from floor to ceiling with every manner of book, tome or scroll, ranging from histories, treatises on arcane theory and all genres of fiction running the gambit from surreal, historical, and magical. With the books most highly recommended by Celestia and Twilight, both for his education and enjoyment, filling the shelves lining the walls of Matthias' Master Bedroom/Private Study.

Matthias chose to ignore these comforts, however, choosing instead to head over to the tiny little kitchenette hugging the right wall towards the front of the sprawling suite. One of the only corners of his new home not filled to the brim with books or parchment, aside from the master bath, the areas directly above and around the fireplace, and the far wall at the back whose door sized windows gave way to and displayed the outdoor balcony and patio area.

Walking over to sink, he turned the rightmost nozzle to full blast so he could run his hand through the jet of icy water, an old shiver racking his body where the cold fluid touched his skin:

“Sweet Cthulhu beneath the sea,” he exclaimed in a harsh gasp as he started cleaning out the wound, “The fuck is going on with me tonight? It’s been six months since that asshole’s come a-knockin’! Shit! It feels like I just got my collar off or something.”

It had been an easy enough time for Matthias during those first frantic months after waking up in that hospital bed. What with the ponies hauling him here or there to get injected with this and that, all with the occasional look of fright or disgust from the staff and guards. Really, all things he had gotten used to up to that point. It was only when Twilight had gotten him up and talking again, however, that things had started to take a turn.

Because out of all the eye-gouging, hair-whitening, mouth-frothing madness he had suffered through while living in the Deeps, the loss of his voice seemed like a minor triviality compared to most of what he had had to endure. Oh sure, while living mute among the ponies had had its disadvantages, it mattered little to him seeing he could just write out or sign whatever he needed, and the princesses were more than willing to spare the time for an actual conversation with him.

And yet as soon the collar came off, it was as if the gulf seemingly separating himself and the ponies had shrunk, and even more so than his first viewing of the Equestrian sky, hammered home the horrors he had gone through. Oh sure, suddenly, and violently, transitioning from a life of near constant abuse and degradation to one of relative comfort and respect had been jarring for the human, to say the least. Some days he was just unable to keep up with the constant stream of new inputs and stimuli and would have to hide himself somewhere dark and quiet so he could reign himself in.

But with his voice restored and communication made that much more comfortable, not only did the ponies begin opening up to him more and genuinely start to recognize him as a thinking, feeling being. Even Matthias himself had started to recognize the full scope and weight of what had been done to him, and with that recognition came the legitimate and overwhelming fear that it may happen to him again.

That dread manifesting itself in twisted dreams that haunted him most days and nights, ranging from subtle fantasies such as the castle collapsing back into the Deeps. To full-blown flashbacks of him still living in the caves, his time in Equestria having been nothing more than a simple fugue formed to escape from whatever nightmare he had been enduring at the time.

And then, of course, there was fucking Rom-

Matthias flinched violently, having clenched his fist forcefully to try to get a feel for its range of motion, and cut off any further thoughts of that asshole.

Turning off the water, he gave his hand another once over to see if he had been able to wash off the accumulated dirt and blood staining his fingers and was satisfied when he saw that most of it had been cleared away. Though there was still the matter of the hanging skin and his swollen digits and while his old lifeguarding training had taught him to wrap and bandage such sites in the case of the former. It had also taught him never to jeopardize circulation in the case of the latter, so he chose to forgo the bandages and walked over to his fridge instead.

Grabbing a dish towel along the way and wrapping it into a crude looking bag, he stuck it under the ice dispenser and filled it slightly so he could rest it atop his inflated fist, wincing from both the pain of his injury and the sudden shift in temperature.

“A-alright, that oughta hold for a spell,” he said with a pained wince, grimacing a bit as he flexed his fingers a few times, “now just gotta figure out what to do till Lu-”

And it was at that moment Matthias remembered that Luna was going to be in his room, and possibly in bed with him, within the next couple hours and here he was with a bruised and bloody hand having had another three attacks in the past… fifteen minutes if he was reading the old grandmother clock in the corner correctly.

Walking over to get a closer look at the ornate timepiece, he pulled out his phone again to compare the digital clock to the Roaman Numerals (Urggggggh) on the clock face. Just to be doubly sure, he then checked his calendar app on his phone to make sure there weren’t any daylight savings scheduled for the next day but saw that the lumen count requested for tomorrow would allow for the standard times for both sunup and sundown.

With a heavy and tired sigh, he fell back into one of the bean bag chairs littering the lounge area and just shut his eyes, trying his best not to think too much on what may or may not happen when Luna was finished with her meeting.

Once again he tried tempering his hopes, wanting to try and look at the situation rationally and objectively, and if all possible, restore his frayed nerves to the state they were in before his old friends decided to pay him a visit. But like an animal who can sense an encroaching disaster looming on the horizon, Matthias couldn’t help but feel that a seismic shift in the very dynamic of his relationship with Luna was coming, and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared for that.

Wanting to find some means of either distracting himself for the next couple hours or, at the very least, loosening the corded nerves that were threatening to dislocate his everything, Matthias briefly considered cracking open the bottle of Sammler his oversized buddy in the City Watch had been able to “confiscate” for him. But despite the slight tremors shaking his body, and his sudden craving for the taste of burning licorice, he didn't want to partake in anything that may further impair his judgment. Because even though she hadn't expressly forbidden it, he felt that alcohol fell under the umbrella of drinks and activities Luna had asked him not to partake in, at least in spirit.

But as Matthias turned to look at his liquor cabinet longingly, a flashing red light from the front of his room caught his eye, temporarily drawing his focus away from what may or not be happening in his bedroom with Luna before the sun rose again.

After staring at the rhythmic blinking for a few more minutes, trying to match his runaway thoughts and musings to the slower count of the light shining from his letter box, it finally clicked for the human that he hadn’t picked up or read his mail for the day, and that he should check to make sure he hadn’t accidentally gotten any of Celestia’s mail again.

Walking across the plush white carpeting to the area immediately left of his front door, his bare feet sinking slightly into the cloud-soft fibers lining the floor, Matthias slid open the grate-like door of his mailbox and pulled out a few envelopes, as well as a small package a little bit bigger than his hand. After making sure he had emptied the box completely and checking to see that the signal light wasn’t going to come back on, Matthias began making his way towards his bedroom, shifting the parcel under his arm while sifting through the letters, all surprisingly addressed to him this time around.

As Matthias scanned through the stack of envelopes, he found the usual mix of advertisements and requests he’d been getting since he was given residency and probationary citizenship in Equestria, as well as a few personal invitations he’d either torch or hide in one of the drawers in his desk:

A leaflet from Flash Dance asking for his vote to defend her seat in the House of Commons (Gotta another four months before I can vote, better luck next time).

A flier for 20% off all custom orders at Pie Crusts through Sunday (Already have a deal going but maybe Tia will want to try something new).

Another offer from that jackass, the literal and figurative kind, wanting to purchase the copy of The Six Gates of the Kingdom of Chaos Twilight and him had found together (Take a hint already. It ain’t happening ya jackass!)

An invitation to partake in an upcoming summit to help discuss and design the preliminary procedures and protocols for the establishment of the newly commissioned Combined Court of Canterlot...

Wait... what?!

Matthias' master bedroom was housed on the ground floor along the far back wall of his suite, just right of the common and lounge areas. It came with all the luxuries one would expect from the former quarters of a mystical monarch: a porch-like patio where one could enjoy the gorgeous view of the Equestrian countryside, a king-sized bed, and had complete, instantaneous access to both the master bath and walk-in closet, as well as a spiral staircase that lead up to the lofts on the second floor.

And of course, much like the rest of his home, whatever walls weren’t holding any doors or windows, or near anything potentially wet and or flammable, held shelves upon rows, upon stacks of books, manuscripts, and guides given to him by Twilight, Luna, and Celestia that led all the way up to the ceiling. The most highly recommended and valuable of which were stored in and centered around, a rather resplendent and ornate desk set near his bed, locked behind thick layers of glass and a series of intricately woven wards carved into the dark redwood.

Slapping the rest of his mail onto his little workspace, he went about double checking the letter to make sure he hadn’t misread the thing or that it was, in fact, real and not another phantom conjured up by his sleep addled brain. However, after re-reading, smelling, touching, crinkling, and licking the letter for the third time in a row, he had to accept the fact that it was, in fact, real, and that he had effectively been given a seat and the table.

The letter was nearly a word for word transcript of the summons delivered to Luna, most likely having been produced in bulk to avoid having to rewrite the same post over and over again. Oh sure there were some key differences to be found, it was addressed to Matthias Martin, Scholar of Earth, and Advisor to the Sun and Moon, for a start, and had a P. S., Yes you are there to participate tacked on to the end.

“Dammit mare I'm a teacher, not a political scientist,” he cried, calling upon his inner Carl Urban because DeForest Kelly never actually swore on the original run of the show.

Thoughts of what the fuck Luna had planned for him tonight shifted completely to what the fuck Celestia was thinking as he once more found himself beginning to spiral.

“Seriously Tia what do you expect me to do there?”

It's not like he hadn't expected to attend the committee, after all by this point he was basically Luna and Tia’s number one assistant, so he would have to be there to help take notes, provide refreshments, and keep things organized, it having been his and Celestia’s brainchild and all.

But what the invitation in front of him entailed was that he would be there as an equal amongst the movers, rulers, and shakers of Equestria. Making him directly responsible for a cultural institution whose impacts would have far-reaching consequences for the ponies of Equestria.

“And once again Cthulhu shits in my dinner,” he said with a resigned sigh. Slumping into his chair and dropping his head onto his desk while cradling it in his arms, mimicking the pose he had found Celestia in earlier this evening as a whole new set of frets and worries began lining up in front of him, bashing bottles and snapping pool cues in preparation for the inevitable shit show to come.

And it was all just a bit too much for the frazzled human.

So with his plan to distract himself from the implications of Luna’s possible advances having backfired spectacularly now that he was faced with not one but two problems he couldn’t immediately resolve on his own. And given how flighty he’d been all evening, he was fairly certain he wasn’t gonna make it another hour, let alone two, without coming undone for an eighth time. So as much as he didn’t want to disappoint Luna, he had to knock himself out before he lost it once again.

Reaching down into one of the drawers lining the legs of his desk, Matthias pulled out his little pouch of Sopor Spores, wondering absent-mindedly if he could meet out enough of the powder to stay passed out only until Luna arrived. But he remembered the words of the strange zebra apothecary Twilight had introduced him to:

Two spoonfuls brewed just right

Will carry you dreamless through the night

So he decided not to tempt fate by messing with the prescribed dosage of an otherworldly narcotic.

But just as Matthias was about to make his way back over to his suite's cozy little kitchen and set his special kettle to boil, he remembered that he still had one last package to open, and nearly shit himself when he saw that it was from Twilight.

“OH DEAR GOD WHY?!” he screamed before dropping the little wooden box back onto his desk and vaulting over the mattress, hitting the floor and assuming that useless duck and cover position they still make kids use in schools for earthquake and tornado drills after the “commies imminent bombing of our children” never came to pass.

After several seconds of quiet, Matthias picked his head up, eyeing the small wooden parcel as if it were a live bomb. A not too far off approximation, considering Twilight’s propensity towards the arcane often resulted in unintentionally explosive consequences whenever she tried to mail him things magically.

Matthias remembered the day both fondly and fearfully. He and Celestia had been working through a speech she was going to give before the Houses later in the week addressing growing concerns amidst their constituents about the increasing presence of the now reformed changelings within the borders of Equestria.

They had just finished hashing out the initial draft and decided a little tea and some lemon bars were in order before breaking it down and building it back up again. But just as Matthias had finished pouring Celestia her cup of Countess Gray, he had to tackle the princess to the floor when a flaming wad paper all but blew up in his face. After spending the next couple minutes wiping the soot off of his face, as well as assuring herself that he was alright and unharmed, Celestia had to throw both him and herself back to the floor when another ball of burning paper came flying at him, nearly blowing his head off in the process.

It had later been discovered by the pair that Twilight had simply been testing out whether or not the enchanted letters the princesses used would link to Matthias in the same way they could home in on Celestia and Luna. Of course, that had only been after Matthias and Celestia had spent the next couple hours ducking and dodging a series of progressively more frequent fireballs that no amount of distance, wards, or circles of protection seemed to slow down. And ever since then, Twilight had gone full Ahab trying to figure out what had gone wrong and how she could circumvent that little hiccup, resulting in many a singed coat and eyebrow amongst the pair. So Matthias began taking the necessary precautions for handling any unknown package from Twilight:

Step 1, move the potentially explosive/flammable object away from the books. Remember clothes, bed sheets, and you can be replaced, knowledge cannot.

Grabbing a spare set of linens from the cubby-like drawers built beneath his bed frame, Matthias wrapped his arms and hands in the silky cloth before slowly, and gingerly, picking up the box and placing it at the foot of his bed.

Step 2, open the balcony. Create a low-pressure zone for the fire and smell to flow out of if necessary.

Moving to the paned glass door, Matthias undid the decorative hook latch and opened the door to the little outdoor patio that hung from the side of the castle. The view of the lands leading down to and around Ponyville was just short of breathtaking, and he had spent many an evening simply lazing about in the balcony's weather warded chairs with Twilight and Luna. Passing a bottle of champagne back and forth between the three as they discussed the ins and outs of human culture or just soaking his troubles away in the jacuzzi, with whatever book Twilight had recommended for him that week. But such luxuries would have to wait until a time when there wasn't a potentially explosive message from a manic mare lying on his bed.

Step 3, magically induced fire still has all the properties of regular fire. Remember you've been burned once before and it was not fun.

It was one of the more peculiar quirks to his magical resistance that the princesses had discovered in their continued, though less frequent, examinations of the human. That while in most instances projected magic would do precisely dick to him, there were actually some circumstances whereby the arcane could not only touch Matthias but even hurt him.

Ponies just had to, as Doc P had put it, “get creative.”

For example, a basic levitation spell cast his way would unravel if it touched any exposed skin or hair on him. But if the same pony were to try and pick Matthias up by his clothes or target the chair he was sitting in, he’d find himself flying through the air with either a massive wedgie or looking like the groom at a Jewish wedding reception.

Or if he ever found himself on the receiving end of a bolt of magical lightning, he could just brush it away like a bubble riding the wind. However, if somepony had run that same bolt into a length of chain or a metal rod and smacked him with it, then Matthias would’ve gotten the ever loving fuck tased out of him.

And of course, there was no chance in hell Matthias would ever forget how the heat generated from magically induced-flames still carried all the same thermodynamic properties as their natural born counterpart. The patches of bare skin running up and down his right arm and the scar from his impromptu appendectomy were a constant reminder that he was resistant to magic, not immune to it.

Heading into his bathroom, Matthias grabbed the still damp towel from his earlier shower and draped it over his head, then shoved the sheet he had grabbed earlier into the sink and soaked it slightly before wrapping it around his shoulders like a moist cape. Walking back into his room, he ducked at the foot of his bed once again, scanning the little box while trying to determine the best angle from which he could attack it.

Step 4, it's magic bitch! This shit can turn frogs into oranges and rework the Laws of everything! So ensure you’ve burned the appropriate offerings to the right gods and prepare for anything!

Unfortunately, the poor man lacked the necessary goat and ceremonial dagger to perform a proper sacrifice, so he made peace with whatever mad horse god ran this realm and readied himself for the inevitable fireball 3 out of 5 packages from Twilight tended to end in.

Studying the little wooden parcel, he saw that it opened from the top on a swing latch. So, in an effort to minimize the potential damage and possibly stall for more time, he ever so slightly shifted the box, so that it lay on its back. Hoping that when he dropped the top, the potential blast would fly in the direction of the open patio door.

Steeling himself with one last shaky breath, Matthias girded his loins and with trembling fingers, reached out and opened the innocuous looking package and...

Nothing!

Breathing a sigh of relief loud enough to drown out the comically timed crickets, Matthias stood up from behind his bed to peer inside the now open container.

Sticking out of the packing straw spilling onto his sheets, Matthias spied a piece of paper tied around a glassy looking bauble. Fairly sure that Twilight wasn’t crazy enough to have shoved shredded cardboard into a box with something potentially combustible, he reached in and undid the wrapping’s coarse string, spying words printed on the other side of the parchment while doing so:

Dear May Matthias,

I hope this package finds you well. Inside you'll find what I hope will be the solution to the long-distance communication problem we've been experiencing. At your earliest convenience, please insert the enclosed gem into the matching indentation carved into the top your desk’s vanity and wait for the glass to glow red before touching it. Then just wait for it!

Love
Your Friend,
Twilight Sparkle

Okaaay? Matthias thought as he turned his focus back towards the polished stone laying on his bed.

It was a relatively simple looking gem: deep red, barely big enough to fit in the small of his palm, and carved flat on both sides with four facets cut along the edges. All of which was set within a hair-thin line of gold circling it's outer rim, giving it the impression of a rupee out of any Legend of Zelda game. But what really caught his eye and made the piece stand out in his mind, was the tiny silver feather laying across the just as tiny and sterling crescent moon. Both somehow either grown or teleported into the stone since Matthias couldn’t feel any scuff or indentation to indicate that they had been scratched or carved in.

For a moment he thought to just store the little jewel in his drawer and leave it until tomorrow, figuring there’d be no way in hell Twilight would still be up to see if whatever cockamaney scheme she had cooked up would work. Until he remembered that this was Twilight freaking Sparkle, he was talking about here. The same mare who had started to scramble an entire squad of Sols to go out and look for him when he’d been running a few minutes late for their fourth bi-weekly study session.

“So yeah, she's definitely still waiting for me to put it in,” he figured, his inner twelve-year-old laughing at the double entendre.

Palming the intricately crafted gem, he walked back over to his desk and began unlocking the vanity mirror that had come attached to the lectern. Though he rarely ever used the little luxury for its intended purpose, preferring to use the mirror in his bathroom to make sure what was left of his face was presentable. He did enjoy the extra surface area its little folding doors offered when he needed to pin up notes for either work or pleasure. And, most importantly, it was the place he hung the photos and pictures of all the happy memories he'd made since his rescue:

A newspaper clipping detailing his Welcome to Equestria Ceremony.

How these gossipy little horses kept me a secret for two months is beyond me.

A photograph of Celestia tackling Matthias to the ground after he had plucked the tiara off her head and proclaimed himself ruler of Equestria

Good thing it was Cadence who found us and not Shiny, if that hadn't motivated him to finish me off, nothing would.

Another snapshot showing him holding up a star Luna had conjured up while she tried to keep its temperature at a level he could touch

Seriously, how the fuck does the sky work around here?

And one with Twilight and Matthias sleeping beneath a pile of books in the Royal Canterlot Library

Why are the hardbacks in the Cultural Studies section so soft?

As well as a variety of lists and checklists detailing the various books he had finished reading, were still reading, and ones Twilight had told him to be on the lookout for.

Once he had made sure everything was set up and moved out of the way, he found an indentation hidden amongst the decorative floral filigrees lining the top of the mirror that the gem could fit in to. And after a bit of twiddling and with some careful positioning, Matthias was able to pop it into place with a sharp and satisfying *CLICK*.

With the ornate little stone safely secured within the ornately carved leaves and vines, the dark red gem began to hum and thrum with power. Arcane energies seemingly flowing out from it and into the mirror, causing the whole desk to tremble and shake slightly as the glass took on a rosy red hue.

“Oh fuck not again!” was all he managed to shout out before hitting the deck behind his bed for a second time, falling back on the whole “red means you're dead” mentality that had been drilled into his skull while he was growing up.

Though much to his immediate shock and joy, he found himself, and his room, still in one piece. The sounds of rattling wood and shaking shelves dying down slightly, leaving only the fluttering of some disheveled papers and ringing glass in its wake.

Poking his head out from behind his bed, Matthias found that the subtle lights dancing about his room were now being bolstered by a gentle red glow shining off his mirror’s now glimmering glass. Looking the shimmering vanity over with less trepidation and more curiosity, Matthias began slowly making his way back over to his desk, no longer convinced it was going to shatter into a shower of searing shrapnel.

The light seemed to behave almost like a liquid, as each step he took towards his workstation seemed to cause a series of ripples to flow and flicker across the mirror’s formerly glassy surface. Reaching his hand out gingerly, Matthias brushed a few tentative fingers along the pool of light’s glistening surface, sending more and more waves waltzing within the confines of the mirror’s wooden frame. Reasonably sure that the gem had accomplished whatever function Twilight had designed it to complete, Matthias was confident he could keep touching it without potentially damaging it or disrupting its internal magics. So he continued to run and drag his fingers through the incandescent liquid, drawing senseless shapes and patterns that lit Matthias' face up with an almost childlike sense of awe and wonder. Idly noting how with each pass of his hand, more and more of the color seemed to be pulled from the glass.

However, as the fluorescent fluid began to settle once again, Matthias started to notice a subtle shifting within the now milky white light. Where previously there had been nothing but a pool of ruby opaqueness, Matthias could now see some vague shapes and images starting to form within the shining pool; all obscured by a weird sort of mist coating the surface. Moving closer to try and make out what it was that he was seeing, a sudden swathe of purple flooded the mirror, drawing quick counterclockwise circles in the glass and brushing away the fog.

Revealing a freshly showered Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and all around biggest bookworm Matthias had ever met, pressing her hand into the glass.

However, the title of princess could be misleading to some, seeing as Twilight neither reigned over an aspect of the Equestrian cosmology like the royal pony sisters did, nor did she have any ruling or executive power like the pink one up North. No, she served as more of a teacher and goodwill ambassador than anything, helping to spread the ideals of Friendship and the values of Harmony throughout the nation and beyond, alongside those friends closest to her that made up what Matthias always pictured as a less egotistical and cutthroat Small Council.

But titles and jurisdiction hardly seemed relevant at this point, considering what the purple pony princess was currently wearing, or not wearing as was the case.

Her hair was wrapped up in a bright white towel, a few strands of her blueish, purple and pink mane slipping out of its fluffy confines. While a similarly colored towel clung to her slender frame, her chest giving just enough perch for it to hang from her body and keep Matthias from seeing a side of Twilight no man or pony had ever seen since the day she was born. Currently, the lavender alicorn was fiddling about with the drawers beneath her sink, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth as she sorted through her various toiletries, giving Matthias a decent down shirt view of her petite breasts.

Can it be considered a down shirt if she’s not wearing a shirt… No, bad! Bad May! Bad!

A muffled cheer sounded from the other side of the mirror as Twilight found whatever it was she was looking for, placing a bottle of what appeared to be mouthwash on top of the counter before turning to face the mirror, and a beat red Matthias.

For the next several seconds there was nothing but silence as the half-naked princess and the blushing human just stared each other down from across the mystic bridge Twilight had somehow cobbled together with whatever voodoo/hoodoo bullshit she had pulled out her ass. That was until the little book horse broke the silence with a spit take, and an honest to Cthulhu squeal of delight:

“Oh yes, yes, yes it worked, it worked, it worked,” Twilight cheered as she started jumping in place, loosening her towel ever so slightly with each leap she took, causing it to slip and reveal more of the valley formed from her purple pony pillows.

It was at this point that Propriety and Perversion began launching an all-out offensive on Matthias' circulatory system. Each fussing and fighting to try and wrench control of his blood flow from the other to send it either North or South respectfully. Until Propriety got some unexpected backup from Reason, screaming at the top of his lungs that this was his friend he was perving on and that she probably wouldn't appreciate some charbroiled freak ogling her. So before Twilight could carry on with her accidental striptease, Matthias threw his forearm over his eyes and screamed out over her innocent jubilance:

“Twi! Towel!”

The human's frantic tone and the sudden shift in his body language snapped Twilight out of her happy little yes dance, care and concern carving their way onto her muzzle as she tried to process what was causing her friend such distress. But it was only after she had noticed how red Matthias' face had gotten and had felt a slight draft blowing up and down her still damp coat did she remember where she was and how she was dressed and let out an embarrassed little *eep.*

Clutching the towel tight across her glistening body, and turning three shades of purple darker out of embarrassment, she quickly tried to stammer out an apology to try and diffuse the awkwardness:

“Oh my gosh I'm so sorry May, I mean Matthias. Normally Luna sends you off to bed by 1:30, but when I got no response, I figured that you two must have gotten caught up in something. So I thought I’d have time to finish the bimonthly reshelving, but it took a bit longer and was much more ‘dusty’ than I anticipated, so I wanted to freshen up. But I didn't want to leave the charm unattended in case you activated it while I was showering, so I brought it with me and set it in-”

“I get it, I get it, you can send me the abstract once you've got some clothes on!” Matthias cut in hoping to nip her runaway ramblings in the bud.

“Oh right, sorry again,” she said with a flustered little chuckle, “Listen, I'm going to disconnect the gem from my end now, okay? When your mirror glows red just swipe your hand along the field to re-establish the connection. Got it?”

“Got it!”

“Okay, talk to you in a second.”

Taking this as a sign that it was safe for him to open his eyes again, Matthias was once again assaulted by Twilight’s toweled tits being shoved into his face. Only this time, her modest mounds were much more pronounced as she pressed and leaned herself forward to try and finagle with whatever magical doo-dad had made this mystical video chat possible. However, before Matthias could get a chance to truly appreciate the sizeable crevice formed from Twilight’s delicate B-cups, the magic powering the mirror cut off, revealing nothing but Matthias' flushed face staring back at him.

“Oh blessed Belial these ponies are going to be the death of me,” Matthias groaned, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before sparing a glance back at the mirror. Relieved and disappointed to see only his flustered face reflected in the mirror, his skin slowly but surely returning to its typical red and white hues.

Now it wasn’t like Matthias had never had any passing thoughts or fantasies concerning his three undeniably attractive and beautiful friends. Despite what many thought about him here and back home, he was still a healthy, virile young man who had particular needs and desires. Desires that had been becoming more and more difficult to taper off and ignore due to the increasing physicality of the princesses’ affections as of late, doubly so now that he was actually entertaining the idea that one may be trying to court him. It also didn’t help that each seemed to call out and appeal to him in their own unique and varied ways.

With Celestia, it was her near limitless compassion and wicked sense of humor. Whether it was something as grand as sponsoring him for permanent residency and citizenship within Equestria, or something as simple as taking the time to share her lunch with him out in the garden. The Solar Princess always did her best to try and make him feel welcomed and wanted in his new home. It was also nice knowing that despite being constantly surrounded by a bunch of prim and proper prudes all day and night, that there was still at least one pony who appreciated a little vulgarity and some gallows humor in her life. Which also helped to bolster and reinforce her near-constant teasing and the seemingly endless supply of double entendre she’d been refining for well over a thousand years. Plus it's kinda hard to ignore those D-cup sized breasts and shapely rear when she’s regularly pulling his head into her chest or demanding piggybacks from him.

Then there was Luna, who despite lacking the maturity and patience her sister often carried with her, had won Matthias’ heart over with both her boundless drive and her seemingly saint-like degrees of empathy and understanding. Always going out of her way to try and be there for him whenever he needed a friend. And always coming up with new and inventive ways to make him blush. Whether it was using the right kind or loving words at just the right time, or by constantly cuddling up to him. Laying her toned yet gentle curves across him, wrapping him up in her firm and fit legs while smashing her impressive C-cups against him.

VRRRRRMMMMMMM

A subtle shaking and a gentle red glow drew Matthias' attention back towards his mirror, its spotless surface now burning in a soft red sheen. Recalling Twilight’s words from earlier, he made to pass his hand through the cascading red light but paused as a devilish thought crossed his mind. Reaching over to grab one of the oil lamps off the top of his desk, he removed both the shade and glass flame catcher, exposing the lighted wick to the open air.

Remembering the way Twilight’s image had behaved when they talked earlier, Matthias moved the lamp so that the flame was now flickering just below the gem, while he made sure to stand off to the side before following through with her instructions. Listening for whether or not lightning would strike twice for Twilight and her magic.

“May? Matthias? Can you hear me?” came the voice of his favorite purple alicorn. And on cue, he lifted up the lamp he was holding so that its flame was now dancing in front of the carved crystal.

“COUGH COUGH OH GOD COUGH COUGH IT’S-IT’S EVERYWHERE!” Matthias screamed amidst a supposed sea of flames. Forcing out a few dry and meaty coughs to really try and sell it.

“OMIGOSH, May!? May?! Talk to me May. Are you okay?!” came the voice of the panicked princess through the mirror.

“COUGH COUGH D-DAMMIT TWILIGHT COUGH WHY DOES COUGH WHY DOES EVERYTHING EXPLODE AROUND YOU!”

“Oh sweet Celestia, hold on May! I’m on my-” but her words of concern were snuffed out with the light of the lamp, the shrill shriek of metal grating against metal causing her to wince as the flames died down with each turn of some unseen key. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the room reflected in the pool of shifting light to be pristine and safe once again. And her friend sitting back at his desk, his head perched upon his left hand and a poorly concealed shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

“But, w-wait! What did you… how did you…?”

Matthias laughed as his friend’s glistening mane began to pop out and unravel at seemingly random intervals, a noticeable twitch forming just below her right eye. Not wanting to torment the poor mare too much, judging by the rate at which her chest was heaving beneath her star-studded purple PJs, she was beginning to work herself into a full-on Sparkle level meltdown. He flicked his ring finger against the lamp at his side a few times before lighting it back up to show her where the flame had come from, causing Twilight’s jaw to drop.

“Oh come on! It couldn’t’ve been… Are you telling me you…? How did you even know to…? Oh get bucked Matthias! Hard!”

And that was all it took to shatter Matthias' already waning composure into a million little pieces. Because much like any episode of Angry Beavers, all of Code Monkeys Season 1, and every SYFY movie made after 2010, Twilight cursing was as close to a surefire guarantee to get Matthias laughing like a damned fool as one could find.

“Heh… Heh Heh… Hey, find me a mare willing and able Twily and I’ll gladly take you up on that offer.” He said after finally reigning in his giggles, and nearly losing it once again at Twilight’s subsequent blush.

“Urgggh how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? You sound like my brother whenever he tried to get me to go outside and play or something.”

“And how many times do I have to tell you that’s it's alright for you to call me May and not just Matthias? I mean it's short, monosyllabic, and still a hell of a lot better than what the dogs used to call me.”

“B-but we spent such a long time trying to figure out how to pronounce your name,” she sputtered out, not expecting Matthias to go down that particular route, especially with such ease and so nonchalantly, “I… I just thought you’d like being called by your real name after so long!”

“Yeah… well… I appreciate the sentiment.” He said sheepishly, feeling like an ass in the face of the pure and honest affection both her words and her eyes were carrying for him. “It’s just… every time I hear one of you call me that now, I feel like I’m back in high school, and one of my teachers is calling me out for reading in the middle of their lectures.”

“Heh heh… I take it that used happened a lot?”

“Enough to be considered that asshole among the teaching staff.”

“You ever get in trouble?”

“Not a lick.”

“How’d you pull that off.”

“Meh… grades never dropped below an A-, so they had no grounds to say that I wasn’t attending. And I led most discussions and study groups so it not like I wasn’t contributing to the class either. Sure I squeaked by Calc with just a B-, but that stuff’s the Devil’s work,” he said with a scowl, holding up the index and pinky fingers on his left hand and spitting through them, “so there was no real loss of sleep there.”

“Pffft, come on Matth-May, it’s just breaking down complex shapes into more easily measurable ones, and determining rates of change based on specified limits.”

“Yeah, and if it was really that simple, why’d the teacher tell us to buy $200 calculators if we wanted to complete her class?”

“Because clearly she had cut a deal with the distributor and was receiving a cut of the profits.” She said without pause or hesitation. A look of earnest expectation shining across her muzzle.

“Why Miss Twilight, I’m shocked that you could just assume the worst in somebody like that!” he said, reeling back in his seat in an overly exaggerated manner as his left hand came up to clutch at his chest.

“Oh… uh, sorry. I just thought-”

“I mean… maybe she didn’t want to overload her students by having to teach them the individual formulae for Sine, Cosine, and Tangent. Maybe, she didn’t want us going through reams of graphing paper in order to show our work. Or maybe, she was just looking out for us since it was an Advanced Placement class that counted as a college course while we were still only in secondary school.”

Twilight deflated some at the myriad scenarios he provided, her shoulders drooping and her ears losing some of their previous perkiness, “I’m… I’m sorry May. I just figured that-”

“Ohhhh Twilight! I’m so proud of you!” Matthias beamed at her, causing the Princess of Friendship to perk right back up.

“W-what are you talking about May? I thought you were upset that-”

“You’re expanding the way in which that big, beautiful brain of yours thinks Twilight? Never!” Matthias finished for her, causing the princess to glow slightly at the unexpected, but definitely not unwelcomed, compliment.

“But I don’t-”

“Listen Twi,” he said, holding up a hand and cutting her off gently, “the hardest thing I’ve ever had to teach my kids back in the day was appreciating and assuming worldviews that were diametrically opposed to theirs or my own,” Matthias explained. That old twinkle he got whenever he was given a chance to talk or reminisce about his previous profession shining brightly in his those deep green eyes of his. “But the payoffs were always worth it in the end, whenever they could apply those modes of thought to subjects beyond the topic of the day, and start empathizing with those whose opinions differed from theirs.

“So… so you’re saying I’m starting to think like you May?” Twilight said with a shy smile, one that quickly began to dissolve into one of dawning horror when she realized what she had just said. “Oh sweet sisters above, I’m starting to think like you!” she screamed, grabbing at her mane frantically.

“Hee Hee yeah why in the unholy hell would you willingly subject yourself to that kind of torture? I mean, I’m just as much a masochist as the next guy, but don’t you think there’s a rather large and painful gap between tweaking a nipple and putting your balls in a vice Twi?” he asked with a snicker before clamping his mouth shut, having realized what he just said to Twilight of all ponies.

Which wasn’t to imply that the Princess of Friendship was some sort of sheltered wallflower or anything; over the course of the many long and storied months she and Matthias had been working together, he’d come to learn just how handsy Twilight could get while in the midst of one of her research binges. And could be just as oblivious to personal boundaries as any other touch happy horse person. It was just when it came to matters concerning more... intimate affairs; Twilight could just be too damned innocent or unassuming for her own good.

There had just been way too many times where she and Matthias would be running some sort of test on his magical resistance, or experimenting with some enchantment to try and recreate the effects of some bit of human technology that would end with one or more of them either coated in chemicals or on fire. Ruining whatever clothes or garments they were wearing at the time; and it would only be after Matthias pointed out that she was stripping naked in front of somebody of the opposite gender, while simultaneously yanking his clothes off, that she would turn into a stuttering, muttering mess.

And no, these weren't indications of Twilight being some kind of ditz or airheaded, far from it in fact. She was the smartest damn person he'd ever met between two worlds. It’s just, the mare had a one-track mind at times, like some switch or trigger would push the Princess of Friendship into Sci Twi mode and all manner of social propriety would just fly out the window in the pursuit of accomplishing whatever madcap mission she’d set herself on.

For example, not noticing that she’s nearly naked while talking with her male friend when coming out of the shower, water dripping down her throat, falling all over her supple-

NO! You do NOT sexualize Twilight! NO!-

“*Snort* Well, pfft should HEHEHE should you ever need to get your rocks off, I’m sure I could swipe a couple wood clamps from Applejack that’ll do the trick. But you should probably wash them beforehand. I-I’m sure you wouldn’t want to explain to Doc P. why you got a splinter there of all places.

But before Matthias could continue too far with his self inflicted lambasting, Twilight’s snark and chortle seemed to snap him back to baseline. Staring at the studious mare, he found a smile filled to the brim with an odd mix of mischief and relief worming its way onto her muzzle. And now that he was no longer afraid that he had offended the mare’s sensibilities, the full weight of what had just happened seemed to hit Matthias:

Twilight Sparkle had just, in all seriousness, attempted to crack a dirty joke.

Oh, by no means was it anything to write home about. There was hardly any wordplay and was way too overt to be considered an innuendo, but the mere fact that she had even attempted it had all the tonal dissonance of seeing your pastor making a purchase at an adult entertainment store, or having a big hulking gangster motherfucker come over to you while you’re playing Pokemon Sun and asking if you’ve got a Skitty for trade.

Combine all that with the massive flood of relief and giddiness crashing into Matthias from having not upset his friend, and the fact that he still hadn’t fully regained his composure after his episode in the auxiliary hallway, and Matthias just couldn’t help but break back down into another fit of near-manic laughter.

And seeing Matthias relax and ease up once again was apparently enough to push Twilight all the way over the edge as well. No longer afraid that she had crossed a line or overstepped some unknown bounds with her friend, she let the warm elation threatening to burst from her chest loose in a series of loud guffaws that had her doubled over in seconds. Washing away any remaining tension and awkwardness as the two devolved into a pile elated tittering atop their respective desks.

As he continued to ride out the waves of near rapturous laughter threatening to split him apart at the seems, he realized that this is what he had come to admire most about this dorky little alicorn. That in spite of Twilight's potentially world shifting intellect and her ability to solve any problem with just a bit of love and tolerance. She was still capable of Dead Sea levels of salt and could laugh and get swept up in the stupidest and most juvenile endeavors, never afraid to tarnish her princessly visage when it came to living her life in the way she loved. Whether it was tearing her mane out trying to wrap her head around the very concept of an electromagnetic-light spectrum, or dragging him through the streets of Canterlot to take him to her favorite second-hand bookstores, oblivious to the stares of everypony around her. There was just a passion to the mare that no amount of etiquette or decorum could quash. And he could say with absolute certainty, from their many magical mishaps together, that she had the cutest rear he had ever had the pleasure of seeing.

“Oh heh Oh Gods above I needed that Twi!” he said after they had spent a few more minutes trying to stifle their giggles, finally able to look each other in the eye without setting each off all over again.

“Heh... heh… Don’t heh heh Don’t thank me yet heh heh. I-I still have to drum up a story to convince AJ to let me borrow her clamps without her cocking that eyebrow at me again.”

“Oh goddammit Twilight!” Matthias groaned as he clenched his stomach, hoping to stave another round of giggles. Unfortunately, a slight shift on his end put a little pressure on his right hand, causing him to wince and take in a loud sharp breath.

“May? May! What happened? Are you alright?” the princess asked, fear and concern wiping all previous mirth off of her muzzle.

“Y-Yeah,” he said through slightly clenched teeth, “It’s… It’s just been one of those days.”

“Are you sure May? I could be over there in an-”

“I’m sure Twi. It’s not worth a two-hour train ride, or burning incense for half an hour.” He assured her, flexing his fingers beneath his desk.

“Oh, okay,” she relented, not at all looking or sounding convinced, and if Matthias hadn’t been hearing and seeing things all night, he would have sworn she whispered something like ‘but you are’ as well, but that could have just been his own wishful thinking.

“So Twi, aside from vetting out any potential kinks I may have in bed, what brings you to my humble… uh, mirror tonight” he asked trying to lead the conversation away from how interesting his night had been, and legitimately curious as to the theory behind this particular bit of spellcraft Twilight had managed to pull off.

“Oh, right! Well, you know how we’ve been having trouble tying you into the arcane network me, Celestia, and Luna use for our correspondence?

“I still have the bald spots to show for it.”

“Yes… well, after researching the particular enchantments woven into the parchment we typically use to send messages to one another, I discovered four separate spell components linked together in a chain to form a seemingly singular effect. There’s an initial designate recipient function, a teleportation and homing component, and a rematerialization protocol activated upon a successful delivery.” Twilight explained, smiling warmly as she saw Matthias scribbling down notes from his end of the mirror.

“So at what step are we having our little flaming hiccup at?” he questioned, having already put together a couple theories based on the information she had given to him.

“Where do you think the problem’s at?” she asked him teasingly, wanting to see how effective her lessons on magical theory and practice were sticking with Matthias.

“Hmmm, well, if I were a betting man, I’d have to put my money on either step one or step four.”

“And what evidence brings you to that conclusion?”

“Well, the flaming wads of paper blowing up in my face indicate a clear problem at the reintegration phase.”

“You and Celestia are never gonna let me live that one down are you?” Twilight asked, her ears and shoulders drooping slightly as a blush began to crawl across her face.

“Not on your life.”

“I-I said I was sorry! I even sent you two a letter explaining what I was trying to do with that experiment.”

“Oh yes, because the first thing me and Celestia wanted to see after dodging fireballs for nearly two hours was another letter bursting in front of our faces in a puff of smoke.”

“I-I just wanted a chance to talk with you some more! How could I have known that your fluctuating mana signature would shift enough from the initial imprint to disrupt the reassembly process of the letter!”

“Ah, so there was a glitch in the first phase as well,” Matthias pointed out, wanting to get the purple alicorn back on track. As much fun as he found teasing Twilight was, he knew where to draw the line. Matthias had found out long ago how obsessive she could be even over the littlest of her mistakes. And considering how badly she still felt for that little fiasco in Celestia’s office, he didn’t want to push her too far just for a lark.

“That’s right!” she exclaimed, brightening back up a bit, “Normally, when using this special parchment, all we have to do is keep the pony we wish to send the letter to in mind, and that’s usually enough to ensure that the message makes it to them and them alone.”

“You must have been obsessing over me that day then, given how much burning stationary we had to dodge,” he snarked, giving her a cheeky grin which earned him a playful raspberry from Twilight for his efforts.

“Yeah, you wish. But anyway, after you and Celestia explained what had happened, I took a closer look at the individual matrices and formulae composing each aspect of the enchantment and found something absolutely amazing!” Twilight exclaimed, all past traces of her worries from before burning away in her excitement.

“Well, come on. You’ve gotten me all hot and bothered so tell me what you found already!”

“Frequencies!”

“F-Frequencies?” Matthias parroted with a slight stutter, curious as to where Twilight was heading with this and excited to hear her applying the lexicon of one of his old fields.

“Uh-huh,” she affirmed with a few energetic nods of her head, causing a few strands of her mane to fall in front of her face, “while examining the flow of mana from one stage of the enchantment to the next, I happened to spy a subtle shift in the shape of my aura.”

“Aura?”

“Oh sorry, we haven’t really gotten a chance to cover auras in depth yet,” she said while pushing her mane back into alignment. “Well... think of them as a sort of… magical fingerprint unique to all life here on Equus,” Twilight explained while closing her eyes, running some power into her horn before holding a purple palm out for him. When she opened her eyes again, they were glowing a similar shade as the magenta field now enveloping both her horn and her hand, the energies dancing to the rhythm of some unknown beat.

“Now this would be my… oh, what’s that word you always use? Baseline?”

Matthias nodded, mesmerized by the little sea of stars pooling and flowing along her hand.

“Yes, okay. So watch what happens when I write a letter to Celestia,” she directed to Matthias as she pulled out a quill and blank sheet of paper from the desk she was sitting at, beginning to scribble some errant nonsense on the page. But as the quill met the paper the magic surrounding her hand began to sway, seemingly moving about in waves of heat not too dissimilar to the sun he had drawn to unlock the hidden door in his closet.

“So… your aura is somehow shifting to emulate the recipient of your letter?”

“Exactly May!” She exclaimed excitedly at him having pieced the puzzle together, “While writing and thinking about who we want to send the letter to, we subconsciously mold the shape, or frequency, of our auras to match the one of that pony. The paper then becomes imprinted with the modified aura, so that when it gets burned, and the teleportation and locator functions are activated, it sends the letter to the pony whose aura matches the one inscribed into the letter, then reforms when it comes into contact with that pony’s ambient magical field.”

“Makes sense, never seen anything but a name on the letters Celestia and Luna have had me burn,” Matthias said mumbling to himself, processing all that Twilight had dropped on him, “But wait... wouldn’t that mean anybody who had a slip of this paper could just write or send anything they wanted to you, Celestia, or any key government official?”

“Heh heh not quite. I ran a couple of control tests with Fluttershy and Rainbow, trying to see if they’d be able to send some letters to one of our region’s Representatives in the House, one whom they’d never met before. And when they tried to deliver them, the paper just turned to ash and fell to the floor. It turns out you need to have either known or have spent an extended amount of time with the pony in question in order to establish the metaphysical link, or have a specially crafted totem or stamp that emulates their unique magical signature.”

“So is that why the letters can’t connect to me? Because we haven't known each other long enough for your magic to latch on to me?” he asked turning a bit downcast.

“No no no no no it’s nothing to do with that!” She cried frantically, cutting off her magic while waving her hands in front of her emphatically. “You’re one of the closest friends I’ve ever made and one of the best stallions to have ever come into my life! So it can’t be because you’re not close to me May!”

Matthias flushed a bit at Twilight’s earnest and honest opinion of him, all of a sudden finding it difficult to look the mare in the mirror in the eyes.

“So-… so why aren’t we syncing up then? I mean, we’ve gotta be connecting on some level in order for you to be sending me anything at all.”

“Well… remember what I said about auras?”

“Let’s see, didn't you say they’re like a magical... fingerprint unique... to…” he started to slow down as realization hit him.

“Life on Equus,” she said finishing for him.

“Then how is it…”

“It’s the ambient magic present in the atmosphere. Like I explained, all living creatures native to Equus generate a subtle field of magic all around them, and I’m not just limiting it to the ponies, griffins, or any of the other sentient species spread across the planet. Everything from the birds and butterflies to the flowers and rocks are giving off low levels of magic. So even though you possess no inherent magic of your own, and it’s a bitch and a half to try and make any sort of arcane energy stick to you. You’re still being bombarded by the effervescent magic of everything, and every pony around you, each and every second of each and every day.”

“So the reason the enchantment can’t get a lock on me…”

“Is because, by the time I’ve sent you a letter, the amount ubiquitous magic clinging to you has shifted enough to partially disrupt the enchantment’s reintegration function. Causing an incomplete reconstitution of the letter!”

“So I take it this set up bypasses all that nonsense,” Matthias asked, waving his hand in a broad, slow gesture to indicate both the mirror and the gem Twilight had sent him.

“If the thaumaturgical resonance between both rubies keeps within the projected parameters, then hopefully yes.” She explained, glancing up at the top of her mirror and lighting up her eyes and horn for a second.

“And how exactly are rubies allowing us to talk to one another?”

“Oh... right well in laypony’s terms I've magically linked the fire ruby you've inserted into your mirror with one that is, within acceptable margins, structurally identical to yours. That way, when I cast a spell or apply an enchantment on my end, a similar effect will be applied to your ruby as well.”

“But I thought you told me a while back that the amount of gems necessary to facilitate a real-time communication spell that could be used over a distance increases exponentially by a factor of two the farther away the ponies are from one another.

“Jewels, May.”

“I know what I said.”

“Maaayyy…”

“Look, I’m sorry. I refuse to believe that the SI unit for work energy on Earth has a perfect homophonic equivalent here on Equestria that just so happens to be the SI unit for the work energy of magic.

“But you told me you finished reading Falling Apple’s Arcana Universalis and Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Magicae months ago!”

“I did, and that just proves my point. Back home we had a natural philosopher by the name of Sir Isaac Newton, who was inspired to write his Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica after he saw an apple fall from a tree outside the window of his study.”

“And your point being?”

“That there are only so many parallels and puns a man can take before he starts questioning whether or not somebody out there with a fetish for wordplay is doing this all on purpose.”

“Well, I’ve got some bad news for you then.” She warned him with an impish smile.

“Oh, I just knew there was still a way for this night to fall further into the shitter,” he bemoaned sarcastically, causing Twilight’s smile to falter a bit before snapping back into place when she saw the wry grin still stuck on his face. “So tell me, what happy little coincidence did you find today that’s going to make me put a dent in my desk?”

“Well, remember when you asked me to see if there was an Equestria equivalent to the city setting in your favorite book?”

“Oh no! Don’t tell me you-”

“Yep, East of the Crystal Empire in the Frozen North, just South of Yakyakistan…”

“Please, I’m begging you. Don’t take this away from me. Let me hold onto the dignity of Earthen nomenclature for just a little while longer!”

“The unyielding wall that keeps the untamed fronts of the Winter Wastes at bay, the iron hammer that strikes the frozen earth flat! I present to you the Great and Glorious city of Stalliongrad!” Twilight cheered with a giddy smile, holding up a travel brochure covered in Cyrillic script up to the screen. A magnificent castle, looking way too much like St. Basil’s Cathedral then it had any right to, standing front and center in the middle of the pamphlet.

However, her merriment was short lived as a resounding *thud* broke on through from the other side of the mirror, causing Twilight to flinch from the unexpected sound of Matthias making good on his earlier promise to try and shove his head through his desk.

“May? You alright over there?” she asked after a minute or two of silence, the ringing in her ears having finally died down as she checked to make sure she hadn’t pushed Matthias too far off the deep end.

But before she could press her concerns any further, a scarred and shaky hand raised itself into view, confirming to Twilight that the human was still conscious at the very least.

“Puns... will not… break... me!” He declared resolutely, mustering what little reserves he had left to lift the rest of himself off of the polished mahogany and face Twilight, a defiant look burning bright behind his dark green eyes.

“Oh! If that’s the case, then how about you help me cross reference some of the state’s more prominent authors with their equivalents from your world?” she invited with equal parts jocularity and excitement. “I am curious as to why they dedicated so many statues to the poet World Weary and spread them throughout the city. Is there an equivalent author of prominence from your Stalliongrad? Oh! Maybe tomorrow we could do a comparative literature and history lesson to determine and denote the significant commonalities and divergences in their cultural development. Ooh ooh ooh, perhaps once your probationary status has been fully met, we could even take a research excursion out to Stalliongrad itself! See the sights, tour the universities, introduce you and the students to a wider variety of ponies and broaden your horizons when it comes to the different aspects of Equestrian culture!”

However, her anticipation for their biweekly pedagogical pow-wow began to spiral out of control amidst the myriad prospects such a research endeavor could entail. So in the hopes that he could reign Twilight back in before she started writing out the inevitable four or five checklists such a trip would require. He tried to steer the conversation back to the initial topic that he had gotten hung up on:

“As much fun as taking another trip abroad sounds Twi, you still haven’t told me how you were able to get around the over the top mana cost necessary to establish and maintain a link.”

“Oh! Of course. Sorry about that May,” she said with a sheepish smile and a cute giggle, “Kinda got carried away there. Yes, normally the amount of strain placed on a pony while using magic is expounded upon by both the distance and the complexity of their intended effect. For example, a unicorn who has been properly maintaining and practicing with her magic would have little trouble moving a 200-pound cart full of apples up and down the street all day long. But that same mare would find it almost impossible to pick up and hold just one apple if she were forced to levitate it and keep it in place from a distance of around 100 hoofs or so, special talents notwithstanding.”

“So... sorta like how even a five pound weight becomes almost impossible to keep up when holding it out with an extended arm?” he questioned cautiously, trying not to sound too much like a plebe in front of the magical maestro, but relaxed once she beamed him a smile of genuine joy and accomplishment.

“Exactly! Well, sort of. It has less do with leverage and more with the strain of having to continuously expand and focus magic. But the analogy still works!” Twilight cheered as she simultaneously praised and shot down his attempt at visualizing her explanation.

“And how is this any different? How are you able to maintain the spell all the way from Ponyville?

“What spell?”

“The spell you’re currently casting to try and talk shit to me from 80 miles away,” he pointed out, the poorly concealed smug on her face a dead giveaway that she was toying with Matthias.

“Hey, there’s no need to get snippy with me May. Afterall, I never said I was casting a spell.”

Matthias paused to ponder the riddle behind her words, calling upon all the little lessons and impromptu exams she had given him over their many months together. Specifically, those examining the philosophical and practical applications of magic:

Alright, this can’t be any kind of direct or delayed casting since it’d be impossible even for her to put out this much magic for this long. Plus she told me herself that this wasn’t the work of any one spell. There was that glow in her horn and eyes, but she did that when talking in regards to observing mana flow so that could just be checking to see if everything was working. An artefact maybe? No, they’ve got those things cataloged and locked away in the pony equivalent of Warehouse 13, and I doubt they’d let her borrow one just to FaceTime with me. Unless it's something new she dug up. Then why would she be concerned about its functionality? The psychotic little mare would’ve run at least fifty different tests to try and check for bugs. Then she would’ve run another couple dozen tests to check for another couple dozen problems no sane person would even think to look for. So if Twilight isn't casting over a distance or using some hereto unknown artifact, then that must mean…

“Alright then Twilight, what kind of charm did you put together?”

Twilight all but squeed when Matthias gave her the answer she was looking for, barely able to contain herself seeing that her student had been able to figure out what she had done all on his own. But in order to maintain some semblance of dignity as his teacher, she brought it back down from an 11 to a 5, and set about explaining what she had done:

“Oh, it’s nothing much. Just a modified Flash Prance’s Penceive coupled with a Mistmane’s Mirror, as well as few other minor enchantments not including the routines needed to activate and shut down the link.”

“Hold up, how’d you manage to graft two enchantments onto a single component? I thought you said attempting to place more than one spell into something could cause destructive dissonance between their differing magics.”

“That’s correct, it could cause destructive dissonance if the material you are attempting to enchant has any impurities or is composed of something other than what the caster believes it to be. That’s why the first thing Spike and I did after shrinking the quills and carving the moon rocks, and-”

“Stop! Wait a minute, moon rocks?!”

“Of course! Nothing says ‘please protect the integrity of a thaumaturgical link from any outside interference,’ better than a piece of moon rock carved into a waxing crescent!” She explained excitedly, only to grow concerned when she was met with Matthias' dumbfounded expression staring back at her.

“Huh, I could have sworn we covered Equestrian symbols and icons a couple months back,” she pondered as she levitated a stack of lesson plans from off screen and began leafing through them with her magic, stopping when she found sheet she was looking for.

“Oops! That was literary symbols, sorry May!” she said slightly embarrassed, hurriedly pulling out several books from seemingly nowhere to try and put Matthias on the right path. “Well you see, aside from its obvious associations with both balance and change, the moon is often seen as a shepherd and protector of travelers, especially among merchants who have to traverse some of the more… rugged corners of Equestrian.”

“And the best time for these travelling sales ponies to depart would have been on nights when it was waxing,” Matthias interrupted, catching Twilight off guard, “because before Luna came back, all Celestia could manage while monitoring the night was to set the moon in its orbit and arrange the stars into basic constellations. So it would've been safer for them to schedule their trips to far off markets when the moon would be getting progressively brighter on its own.”

“R-right,” Twilight affirmed, trying her best to figure out where he had picked all this up from, “but… but if you’re already familiar with that bit of Equestrian symbolism, why are you still looking like Rainbow after a five-hour train ride with Pinkie?”

“Moon rocks.”

“What about them?”

“How in the sweet bloody R’leyh did you manage to get your hands on one freaking moon rock, let alone multiple!?”

“May… you do remember that you and the mare who moves the moon each night have lessons with me every Monday and Wednesday on the ins and outs modern Equestrian culture, right?”

“And…”

“And is it really such a stretch to think I asked her to let me take some samples from her sphere?”

“But how did you both even get there?”

Twilight just shot him an impish grin while lighting up her horn again, all but affirming what Matthias had already come to fear:

“Urrgh, one of these days Twilight, you're gonna have to come up with a better answer than it’s magic bitch!”

“Hehehe trust me May, even I know that magic can't answer everything.”

“Then explain to me Twily, how an 80lbs. pegasus achieves lift, and stays airborne, under their own power?”

“Well that's easy! The inherent magic found in their wings generates a field which significantly decreases the effects of gravity within their immediate surrou-”

“How a seed can sprout in four seconds flat while in the hands of an earth pony?”

“That’s just their auras interacting with the ambient magics in the ground, which then stimulates-”

“How you all got a fifty-foot hydra into its pen without hatching it at the zoo?”

“...You done May?”

“Yeah,” he said after letting out a long exhale, “yeah, the rule of three has been appeased, so I'm good.”

“Good, for a second there it looked like you were going to start frothing at the mouth again.”

“Heh don't worry, all my shots are up to date. Though I've got to question, why the needle on that feather flu one had to be so long, and why they had to shove it up my-”

“Anyways,” Twilight started, her turn now to try and steer the conversation back towards more relevant topics, and away from those more needle up the butt related, “once we made sure everything from the amount of keratin in the feathers, to the thickness of the quicksilver coating would be proportionally equal between both gems, we set about growing the base fire ruby so that its internal crystalline structure mirrored that of the record crystals we use to store memories and music. Then after cutting and shaping the gems, and giving Spike the leftovers so he’d stop drooling over them, I phased in the silvered quills and crescents. Then it was just a simple matter of imbuing the ruby I have on my end with the modified Pensieve enchantment to record and project whatever images and sounds get caught within its field of view!”

Matthias let out a long and drawn out whistle, impressed with Twilight’s ability to not only conceptualize more abstract aspects of Terran technology from an Equestrian frame of mind, but also find a way to apply it on a practical level so quickly.

“I know, right! However, during our initial testing, we were only able to playback a feed of ourselves, which wouldn’t have been so bad, if Starlight and I hadn’t spent the next couple hours staring at ourselves in the mirror thinking the enchantment hadn’t stuck. But when we did discover that shortfall we were able to find a workaround by tweaking Mistmane’s Mirror a bit so that it would reflect the feed of the opposite mirror rather than shifting the caster’s image along the target’s Y-axis of perception.”

“So if the recording routine is housed within the ruby itself, you must have enchanted the feather with the mirror charm.”

“Close, try again.”

“The moon?”

“Nope, those are both symbolic wards to both bolster and protect the link between the gems.”

“The gold lining the ridge then?”

“Ech, wrong,” she said suddenly sounding like an old game show buzzer. Causing Matthias to briefly question where in Equestria there might be the equivalent to The Price is Right, “we use gold and other precious metals mostly to insulate the magic and keep it contained within its designated vessel.”

“Oh! Speaking of which, how’s my nest egg looking?”

“Mithril prices shot up another 20% after rumors of a forty pound chunk that may or may not be hitting the market soon started spreading. So you’re looking at a total net worth of about 768,000 bits!”

“And I’ll trust you to handle lining up the prospective buyers when it comes time to sell.”

“You betcha! I wouldn't want you getting ripped off again. Hee hee, I still can't believe you bought that copy of A Brief History of Magic for full price without even trying to negotiate.”

“Hey, haggling back on Earth was reserved exclusively for farmers markets and programing dedicated to grossly misrepresenting the pawning industry. So you can’t hope to break a lifetime’s worth of conditioned expectation of having to pay full market value for everything after just eight months.”

“Well, we can practice some more on Saturday if you’re willing. Cliff Note sent me a letter today saying his shop’s full to bursting after he scored at an estate sale on Monday!”

“Let’s see, waking up early and getting dragged around Canterlot all day by a cute mare while looking at rare and interesting books… Nope! Can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday!” He said, giggling under his breath as the purple princess became progressively more purple beneath her blush.

“Yes, well… you're still 0 for 2 for where on the charm I attached the mirror enchantment. Care to take another guess, or do you yield?”

“To yield readily-easily-to the persuasion of a friend is no merit...To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either… So no, I won't be bending the knee at thee Twilight!” Matthias playfully declared, once again wringing another string of cute giggles out from the princess.

“Heehee alright then good sir, thrice I ask thee now, whereupon have I hidden the magic of Mistmane?”

“Heh, looking a little purple tonight aren't we Luna,” he joked, taking the time Twilight was now using to pull herself together to try and sort out the second puzzle she had thrown at him this evening:

Ruby=Recording

Feather and Moon=Transistor

Gold=Insulation and Containment

Casting more than one enchantment on a base component could cause disson-

“You crazy mare, you found a way to shove two enchantments into the ruby itself.”

“Ding ding ding looks like we have a winner folks.” She cheered while giving him a standing ovation, making Matthias wonder if this was how Celestia felt whenever he played the, I Know Way More Than I'm Letting On Game with her.

Note to self: go a little bit easier on the poor mare… for a week.

“So what's keeping the playback enchantment and the mirror enchantment from interfering with one another? What equine god or goddess did you have to appeal to and whose blood did you have to spill in order to gain their favor? Tell me it was Blueblood’s. Was it really blue?” he whispered playfully, visions of the blonde bastard tied down to a stone table surrounded by a group of chanting, hooded ponies flashing briefly before his eyes.

“Heehee Actually, you helped out with that part?”

“The ritualistic pony sacrifice or the dual enchanting?

“The latter, May.”

“Well damn, Sketch must’ve really gotten me plastered if I was somehow able to sneak past the Loons and City Watch, board a train to Ponyville. Break into your castle in the dead of night and pull off a major breakthrough in the field of incantomancy without waking anybody. Then make it all the way back to Canterlot without being missed or seen.”

“Hee hee well, as insightful as you tend to get once the champagne gets popped, it was actually your lessons on atomic structure that allowed me to sync the spells.”

“Really now?”

“Yep! Like I said earlier, when it comes to enchanting purity is key. Sure, things like runes, symbolic icons, and the desired outcome play a role as well, but if you want to ensure that even the most basic of spells will stick, then the artificer must know what it is they are enchanting inside and out. So for example, let’s say a mare is trying to inscribe an anti-weathering ward onto her gold wedding band, and it turns out the ring is really gold-leaf gilded onto brass instead. Then there’s no way the intended effect will be able to stick to the ring effectively since the enchantment she constructed was meant to be applied to gold and not to a processed hybridization of two or more metals.

“That’s why when we started growing the base gem, I made sure to examine each step of the germination process to ensure no foreign matter would make it into the final product. And in doing so, discovered that rubies aren’t a pure mineral! That they’re in fact a composite mineral of corundum with trace amounts of chromic oxide! So just when we were about to scrap three months worth of time and effort and hit the blackboard again to try and figure out how to affix a second enchantment. We realized we could target the corundum to carry the Penceive while imbuing the chromium with the Mirror!”

“And that actually worked?”

“Did and is May!” she said with a confident smile, though she couldn’t quite hide the quick flash of purple that shone from her horn and eyes as she checked the stability of the charm once again.

“So if rubies have always had the ability to bare the brunt of two enchantments, why hasn’t anybody been able to pull it off before?”

“Because up until now, ponies would never have even considered a gem as basic and fundamental as a ruby to be an amalgam! I mean, it’s status as a cornerstone of the Lapide Cardinali has remained unquestioned since Diamond Dust published her original treatise on the arcane attributes inherent to specific gem-types over a thousand years ago!”

“The Lapi-what now?” Matthias questioned, his writing unable to keep up with the frantic pace the manic mare’s words were setting.

“Oh, sorry! The Lapide Cardinali is a foundational set of five gemstones that represent and encompass nearly every facet of naturally occurring magic here in Equestria. Consisting of rubies, of course, as well as amethysts, sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds.” She explained while drawing five points of light in the air with her magic, each one a different color to represent the stones she had just listed off. She then made sure to connect each dot together using a line of white light, forming an upside-down pentagon which Twilight then circled once she was finished.

“And we use this grouping to not only determine another gem’s elemental affinity but their composition as well. So if we were to look at say a garnet for example.” She said while adding another deep red point of light a little ways off of the line connecting the ruby and sapphire. The space in between the blue and red motes filling up with a light similar to that of the gem in question. Forming what looked like the parameter charts used to display EV spreads in Pokemon, or the traits and abilities of characters from shows like as Naruto, Medabots, or Stardust Crusaders.

“Now, we know that a garnet’s magical affinities align best with healing, particularly through the invigorating and bolstering of blood flow. Which just so happens to be a well-documented attribute of both rubies and sapphires as well, not counting their clear affiliations with the fire and water branches of the Magicae Naturalis. However, fire elemental magic also has a tendency to well, burn things, and since four out of five attempts to conjoin a thermoregulatory property to a garnet tend to end in a rather noticeable rebound, we can then determine that a garnet’s structural composition is roughly 20% ruby and 80% sapphire and… you’re looking at me like I’m on day four without my coffee.”

Matthias had been trying his best to follow along with Twilight’s little dissertation on Equestrian mineralogy; honestly, he had. But things had begun shifting from the proven theories and demonstrable principles that he found endlessly exciting, into the lands of chakras, inner gates, and well… crystals. And there was only so much of this sort of hippie-dippie, shiny-happy pony bullshit he could take before his inner physics teacher started to lash out at the world around him.

Oh sure, the borderline biblical degrees to which he could now suspend his disbelief combined with the near eidetic extent to which he could recall even the most seemingly trivial of relevant information, offered what council they could whenever his physical sciences endorsement got into a marital spat with his inner fantasy nerd. But dammit, that little expose of Twilight’s had begun to physically hurt the displaced teacher. So if he was ever going to get the poor mare off of this Steven Universe crystal gem mindset, he was going to have to dig deep and dredge up one of the least relevant classes of his entire tenure in high school: 9th-grade geology!

“Look Twi, I’m not even gonna pretend to know a tenth of a percent of what you know about magic,” he freely admitted, hoping to cover his ass should he come off as an ignorant cunt. “And maybe there’s something about that whole ambient, naturally occurring magic thing you were telling me about that plays a role in what a rock can and cannot do here in Equestria. But come on, even I know that ruby plus sapphire doesn’t equal a garnet.”

“Then… then why do we always find sapphires in beds of rubies and vice-versa?” she asked, a nervous quiver beginning to form in the corner of her lips as she felt Matthias was about to shatter another of her long-held preconceptions.

“Because they’re both composed of the same base rock-type and their specific germination occurs from direct contact with magma,” he tried explaining. “And yes, that's a gross oversimplification that disregards each stone’s specific formation strata and elemental composition, but it’s bordering on fourteen years since I've had to think about geology academically, and what I still know is more kid hobby than field of expertise.”

“How exactly does a colt turn geology into a hobby?”

“I grew up in an area where limestone Piedmont overlapped with the beginnings of a tide-water basin. Essentially a lot of damp and erodible soil with a metric fuck ton of quartz deposits underneath it. So when you’re eight years old and running around outside after a summer shower, and you find a purple quartz cluster the size of your fist sticking out of the ground. Whatever game you happen to be playing at the time immediately turns treasure hunting related.”

“So, were you a pint-sized pirate or an exiguous explorer?” She joked, trying desperately to imagine a miniature Matthias running around in either a frilly petticoat or a pit helmet.

“More of a negligible knight than anything. My merry men and I would scour the woods outside our homes after a rainstorm in search of fame and fortune. Fending off the beasts that haunted the forest while searching for the lost riches of kingdoms long past.”

“And the independent studies in geology?”

“As I said, when your eight years old and you come home with a clump of purple quartz the size of your fist, the first thing you ask your mom after she’s stopped yelling at you about why your clothes are so dirty, is how much its worth. And because my mother just so happened to be a reading teacher, she made me look it up myself. Which then lead me to investigate the differences between different types of quartzes, followed closely by where and how they were formed; ultimately leading me towards researching the characteristics and formation conditions of other stones as well.”

“But if what you are saying is true, and it truly is the case that rubies and sapphires are compositionally the same, how is it we've only been able to apply fire based enchantments to rubies and water-based enchantments to sapphires?” Twilight pondered as she started running a multitude of differering hypotheses through her head.

“Well… maybe it has something to do with the mental and visualization component to your casting?” Matthias threw out, remembering one of Twilight’s early lessons on the basics of spellcraft, cutting Twilight off at theory #624.

“In what way?”

“Now, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you once mention that for some spells, unicorns could use objects and symbols to help make the casting process easier for them?”

“That’s right!” Twilight beamed, not quite sure where he was going with this but was always happy to share her craft with somebody, doubly so with a fellow academic. “For most instances of projected magic, a caster must first visualize the outcome of her intended spell before she can even charge up her mana! And in cases of more complex, ritual class magic, items, and images can be used in its place to help diffuse the mental strain caused by envisioning too many overly complicated steps.”

“Do they have to be literal?”

“Not necessarily. Two ponies attempting to perform the same mass growth ritual on two separate fields of carrots could each use a different representative aid to help visualize the desired growth outcome of the spell. So for example, one pony might go with a bag of fertilizer for its enriching properties, while the other might use a couple of dandelions for their near exponential rates of proliferation. Really, it all depends on the individual backgrounds and preferences of the ponies in question and what they've come to associate with certain concepts.”

Matthias ran a hand through his rusty red hair as he attempted to assimilate all this new information into the model he’d been piecing together. Trying to see if these fresh tidbits could possibly quash the theory he’d been mulling over, but he found that everything Twilight was saying was aligning perfectly with what had been buzzing around in his brain for the past couple minutes:

“And you said that the pony who developed this classification system for the magical and elemental composition of gemstones published her finding some thousand odd years ago?”

“Twelve-hundred and sixty-three, give or take a few months. Diamond Dust was a contemporary of Star Swirl, and is taught in schools across Equestria as one of the cornerstones of modern magic.”

“So, from what you’ve told me, we have a gem that seems to only have an affinity for fire or fire based magics. A gem that just so happens to be blood red and is formed from direct contact with the flames of Equus herself, which has been taught and lauded as a sort of keystone within the field of naturally occurring arcana for the better part of twelve hundred years. Using the works of a pony heralded as a founder of contemporary magic. Add that all together and it sounds to me like you’ve got yourself the textbook definition of-”

“IT’S A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY!” Twilight blurted out, having finally pieced together what Matthias was on about. Her eyes shining brighter than the light burning atop her horn as she started scribbling down notes furiously while Matthias just sat back and let the mare do her thing.

“Oh, how could I have overlooked something so basic as confirmation bias within the visualization process?! Colors serve as one of the principal identifiers we use to denote differences in objects. I mean, our very language structure prioritizes adjectives like Color even over the subject and predicate in sentences. Then there’s also over a millennium of culturally and pedagogically instituted predispositions, seeing how long the Lapide’s status has gone by unchallenged. But why would it be challenged? Its Diamond Dust’s seminal work! That’d be like walking up to Star Swirl the Bearded and calling him out on the very foundations of his theories on mana flow and arcane resonance! Blessed Maker above, if the very principles by which the Lapide are founded upon really are nothing more than generation upon generation of faulty presupposition, then this could shake the very structure of the Magicae Fontalis Petram. And that's not even considering the impact this might have on the marketplace if there is no longer a demand for specific gems, considering any gem could be enchanted with any effect once a way to rid ponies of their collective bias has been-”

“Maybe before planning out your own dissertation,” Matthias interrupted, hoping to catch her before she fell too far down the rabbit hole, “you should probably finish explaining how you established the link.”

“Oh… Right, of course! Such a project would necessitate locating ponies who were somehow not subjected to the ingrained cultural bias towards the Lapide and would require months, even years of extensive trial and testing anyway.” She realized with a wistful smile as she started packing away her notes. “Plus any findings we make would be subjected to an excruciating amount of scrutiny during the peer review process considering the weight of the theory and whose treatise it is we’re trying to overturn. Maybe I could even bring Maud in on this.”

“H-how is Maud doing?”

“Oh, she’s doing great. She’s all but mapped out the geological strata from Ponyville to the Ghastly Gorge. It’s funny, other than rocks, you’re the only other subject she actively seeks to talk with me about.”

“What about Marble and the kids.”

“Pinkie says Marble’s holding up fine, and at least once a week me and the girls have to break up whatever scheme Dinky and the Crusaders have come up with to try and break into the palace.”

“Good to hear that they’re adjusting well,” Matthias mused with a wistful smile of his own, remembering the first ponies he had ever met. Sparing a quick glance towards the one framed photo he kept on his nightstand.

“So how far had we gotten in explaining the charm’s functionality?” Twilight asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh, you’d just finished summing up the ruby’s structural composition and how it related to its ability to maintain the various enchantments you'd place upon it.”

“Guess all I’ve got left then is how I established the link between your gem and mine.”

“Thaumaturgy, right?”

“Right again May!” Twilight beamed, truly appreciating that Matthias was actively engaging and paying attention rather than just smiling and nodding like a lot of her friends did back home. “After carving out the base gem and ensuring it could handle the strain of all the enchantments we wanted, I crafted a second gem using parts from the… Wait! Have we gotten around to covering thaumaturgy yet?”

“You’ve mentioned it in passing while broadly discussing the Magicae Fatalis Pentam, but nothing too in depth.”

“Fontalis Petram May. Well, at its most fundamental level, thaumaturgy is-

“An application of magic whereby a symbolic link is formed between a piece of an object with the object as a whole, ‘As above, so below. Make something happen on a small scale and feed it enough energy to happen on a large scale.’”

Twilight’s jaw dropped slightly at his uncanny ability to lay bare and contextualize a core principle of the Fontalis most ponies had trouble wrapping their heads around.

“That's kind of an archaic way of putting it but yes,” she affirmed after shaking her head a bit to try and get herself back on track. “You know, it's funny. For a somepony who claims to be from a world without any magic, you sure do have a loose, if not a basic understanding of the subject matter.”

Matthias simply shrugged, “What can I say, magic as a naturally occurring force in my plane may or may not have existed. But the idea of transcendent energies tied to the very foundations of reality, ready to be harnessed by those with the knowledge and gumption to take the risk, is as ingrained into our culture as the Harmony is in yours. Plus, Harry Dresden is probably my favorite character in all of fiction, and thaumaturgy was his bread and butter when it came to all things arcane.”

Twilight started squealing at Matthias' mention of Terran literature, “Ooh! What kind of character was she? Protagonist? Antagonist? What were the applications of her magic? Were her stories folklore? historical? mythical?”

“Character wise, he’s a subtle blend of the magus and reluctant hero archetypes. Always trying to explore and create new avenues with his magic, but somehow or another gets drawn into the conflicts plaguing the city he has sworn to protect, the fabled City of Winds, Chicago.”

“But if sh-, sorry, he's already sworn an oath to safeguard the city and her citizenry, how can he then be classified as a reluctant hero?”

“Because he can easily recognize the differences in threat level between a burglar ransacking a neighborhood and an eight-foot troll snatching up kids for the crime of crossing over his bridge. And if he had the choice between which he would rather face, he would gladly take on the former over the latter any day.”

“But I'm guessing there wasn't much choice for him, was there?”

“And that’s what makes him admirable in my opinion, makes him feel… well, human to me. Because in situations where he’d much rather crawl into a hole and pull it in after him, whether it be facing down the full host of Winter. Or willingly subjecting himself to the nightmares conjured by his fallen foe’s ghost, he was always willing to put the greater good before his own wants and desires.”

“And I take it he was able to come out on top against such obstacles thanks to his proficiency in the arcane arts?!”

“That and never skipping leg day.”

“What does that have to do with-”

“Better to prepare for a fight/flight you never have than get murdered by a monster.”

“And when the flight option wasn’t available?” She all but screamed. Having just about reached the limits of her patience with Matthias dangling an aspect of his culture’s views and philosophies on her passion right in front of her nose like this.

“Well, first off he was a detective,” Matthias relented, feeling that he’d gotten her worked up enough to give her what she wanted. “Think of something along the lines of Shadow Spade if instead of finding purloined letters or solving whodunnits, she had to unravel the mystical mysteries and fight the ancient threats associated with characters such as Daring Do or Silverwing.”

“While in the middle of a city? Seems like an odd place for somepony to just randomly stumble upon long lost tribes, Old World artefacts, and cultists of the Elder Dark, doesn’t it?”

“Kind of the point really. In the Terran fantasy genres, themes of liminal transition, either in states of mind, body, or society, are explored by creating settings akin to those of our oldest civilizations. Then introducing a speculative calamity or threat of such weight and magnitude that even if the protagonists are somehow able to avert the worst of the oncoming storm. The state of the world will have been altered so greatly by their attempts to stave it off that the era they began their journey in will have essentially ended. Of course, that's not even including any physical, spiritual, or emotional growth for the characters themselves, seeing that four out of five fantasy protagonists fall within the preteen to young adult age ranges and have usually left something of their innocence and childhood behind by the story's conclusion."

“So was this Chicago a sort of allegory for modern Terran city life."

“Oh no, it’s real. Went there once to visit a friend and go to a convention"

“But you just said your fantasy fiction creates and emulates past civilizations in order to explore themes of transition!”

“That’s true, but in urban fantasy series like The Dresden Files, mythological and legendary elements are brought into modern settings in order to create a sort of culture clash between what was and what is. The introduction of the speculative threat then forces both sides to cooperate for their mutual survival. Though not without conceding some of their core values and principles in order for them to walk towards a future where they both can coexist.”

“And I take it that this is where the services of Mister Dresden came into play within his stories?”

“Why yes, Twilight, how very astute of you!” he lauded on her, marveling at how with just a simple rundown of the character and a basic breakdown of the fantasy genre’s key components, she was able to deduce the broader role of Harry Dresden within his literary canon. Though the focus of his wonder shifted when the purple princess began literally glowing from the praise he was showering her with, the warm light reflecting through her still wet mane causing it to glisten and sparkle as intensely as the gentle blush dusting her face.

Goddammit, she’s fucking radiant! He thought as the soft blaze surrounding Twilight began to settle. A look of pure anticipation and exciting burning within her eyes, as well as something hauntingly familiar that Matthias couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Y-yes, well… as you surmised, Dresden served as a sort of bridge spanning the gap separating the old powers and those of the modern era. As such, he was usually called upon by the human constabulary whenever they needed somebody to figure out what was going bump in the night and how to bump its ass out of town. While conversely, he would be summoned by the councils of what humans would typically deem as the supernatural whenever a facet of the modern age prevented them from moving freely in the open and made reaching their goals all but impossible.”

“And you said he was a detective, right?” Twilight asked looking up from the notes she’d been taking, continuing on with her scribbling once Matthias nodded his assent. “What sort of mysteries did he investigate? And how did his magic help him?

“You name it, he solved it. Missing persons, theft, even the occasional murder. Come to think of it, a lot of murder actually. Well, when you want to show how high the stakes are, what better way than by putting lives on the line?

“Anyways, your typical Dresden investigation would start out with a thorough and detailed combing of the crime scene. You know, standard affair for most crime dramas. But where he deviated from the standard was in the application of his magic!”

“And how did he apply it?” Twilight asked as her ears perked up at the sound of the “m” word, hoping he’d finally get to the point.

“It would depend on what he found. If while scouring the area he happened to come across some hard, physical evidence. He’d use thaumaturgy to craft a sort of homing charm to help him find and track down his quarry.”

“And if there was no such evidence to be found?”

“Well, he would never be called in unless something obviously supernatural was afoot. So even if the mystical miscreants were smart enough to have cleaned up after themselves, he’d still be able to detect the lingering magical energies they had used staining the crime scene. Then it was just a matter of calling up one of the spirits who had either entrusted him with their Name or had sworn fealty to him, and they would track them down in his stead.”

“And when he found his mark?”

"Again, it really depended upon what he could gather from his initial investigation. So let’s assume for instance, that the physical evidence he had collected at the scene of the crime happened to be a piece of hair off of the perp. Once he was finally able to locate him, he could then lock ‘em down by creating an immobilized facsimile of the culprit with a doll by using the link between the culprit and his hair. However, if he was unable to find such evidence, or if the guilty party had somehow warded himself against the establishment of such a link, evocation magic, especially fire evocation magic, was a close second to his preferred branch of the arcane.”

Twilight looked confused for a moment, tilting her head cutely as if she hadn’t heard him right. Before realization suddenly smacked her upside her muzzle:

“Oh that's right! Since your world is seemingly devoid of magic of any kind, that would mean even something as developmentally significant as Inventa Rem doesn’t exist either, right?”

“Right... The fuck is Inventa Rem?”

“Wow, sometimes it really is easy to forget that you’re not a pony. I have to keep that in mind when writing out your next… Hey, you alright over there?!”

You’re not one of them.

She had probably meant it as a compliment for Matthias. An acknowledgment of how far he had progressed in not only assimilating into a brand new culture but acclimating to a brand new set of physics as well. However, Twilight’s bit of self-derisive praise had unwittingly ripped the scabs off the gashes his alpha had carved into his spirit earlier. Causing what little composure he’d managed to scrape back together throughout his talk with Twilight to begin seeping out from every hole and gash his old master had torn into his resolve. Leaving little to no support for Matthias as he began teetering back into the abyss all his old frets and fears had been screaming out at him from.

“..y. … ay? … May!”

Fortunately for Matthias, Twilight’s calls of concern, and a well placed tap of his swollen hand against the underside of his desk pushed him back from the brink and back to his bureau. Where Twilight was staring at him worriedly from across her end of the bridge.

“You… you back with me May? I kinda lost you there for a second.”

“Y-yeah, all good on this end,” he assured her while faking a stretch and a yawn. Pinching at the bridge of his nose before rubbing at his temples to try and alleviate some of the returning tension, “Sorry about that Twi, it was actually a rather eventful couple hours at Night Court this evening.”

“Oh, if you’re feeling tired we could always pick this up t-”

“NO!” Matthias all but snapped, surprising both him and Twilight with his sudden intensity. “No, I'm… I'm fine. I just… I… I need you to keep talking to me. Please? Tell me about this Rem thing.”

Twilight looked unsure for a moment, but the subtle mixture of desperation and genuine curiosity pouring out of Matthias' eyes prompted her to continue:

“In-… Inventa Rem is the process by which a young colt or filly’s magic becomes fully realized upon earning their Cutie Mark. You see, when a foal is born; their magic is borderline uncontrollable as they’ve yet to find a functional means to either direct or manage it. So seeing something like one-month-olds flying through the air, levitating couches or crawling holes through walls wouldn't be too far out of the ordinary for them. However, as these foals continue to grow and mature, their bodies begin to adjust similarly in order to better contain and bridle the inherent magic found within them. The ultimate culmination of this, of course, being the earning of their Cutie Marks. Whereupon discovering their calling in life, and what makes them unique, their magic will coalesce and distill itself into a form that will best help them express their special talents.”

“Ah, so that’s why you were blue screening for a second there. Because aside from the most basic of spells, pony magic is generally suited to reflect that which makes them special.”

“Exactly! I was approaching your culture’s perspective on magic through a pony frame of mind, so of course, human views on magic, fictional or otherwise, wouldn't strictly be tied in the same ways to concepts of growth or maturity as in ours.”

“Actually, you’d be surprised how often magic gets shoehorned into coming of age narratives in some shape or form. Although, it’s usually more in the context of identity-societal relationships rather than physical stages of growth.”

“That seems to be a fairly common hook up among your people if what we’ve discussed in our comparative literary studies is any indication.”

“Yeah, the struggle to find a place in society that best aligns with what makes us special would be a hell of a lot easier if we got magical tramp stamps that could give us a clue as to where we could best implement our talents. But more often than not, the career paths we take, don’t always align with our talents and can take us years to discover how to best implement them. So a lot of fiction that has magic at its center reflects this by having young or new practitioners being exposed to a wide array of magical theories and philosophies early on so they can then focus on and specialize in one particular field that speaks to them. Or, in the case of the protagonist, he or she will possess either no magic or magic so different from the standard that they’ll be ostracized by wider society. Which will then usually force them to go on a journey of discovery to find the source of what makes them so different and how they can carve out a niche for themselves in the community.”

Matthias took a moment to pause and give himself a quick mental once over, wanting to make sure he had everything under lock and key again, so nothing else nasty could slip out and possibly upset Twilight. However, his adrenaline began to spike again when he realized how long he’d been quiet, but his fears were allayed when he saw Twilight still furiously scribbling down notes from her side of the mirror.

“Any questions so far?” he asked with an amused sigh, drawing another startled eep from the princess.

“How… how can the magician be a character archetype if magic isn’t a guiding force on your world?” she asked sheepishly, fighting through her embarrassment to try and learn more about the thematic elements of his homeworld. Although, if she was being completely honest with herself, she really just loved seeing how Matthias lit up whenever he got a chance to talk about the subjects he was so passionate about.

“The Magus or Magician archetype is defined as one who seeks answers and wisdom beyond what we currently understand, hoping to use what he has learned in order to improve and change the world. Now, back on Earth, it is often said that scientific principles or technologies that are so far beyond our ken, are in principle, no different from magic. So, one who seeks to unravel and make known these indecipherable phenomena, and use it for the betterment of the world as a whole, would be akin to a magician.”

Once more the sound of intense scribbling began to echo throughout his room as Twilight tried to write down everything Matthias had explained, “Now you said this Dresden character was a blend, in what way did he skirt the line?”

“Well first and foremost, he was a wizard, one who harnessed the primal forces of creation for the betterment of humankind, or to just see if he could do it. His proficiencies in combat and the forensic sciences were used as a means of income to support his continued research into the arcane.”

“Fascinating, not too dissimilar from the Pre-Unification Wayfinder archetype in the Eddas of the old Earth Pony clans or the Tempest Tamer in the Epics of the ancient Pegasi states.”

“In what ways?”

“Well, back in the days before the various tribal herds began to coalesce into what historians and sociologists would generally consider our first major civilizations, ponies were a much more reactionary species than they are today. So rather than tilling the lands or seeding the skies, they were more inclined to move from field to field, and bank to bank, in order to gather food and avoid both predator and storm alike.”

“So, I take it these character types bucked that trend hard?”

“Without even bothering to buy it a drink first. The exploits of Fertile Fields and Feather Burst are not only some of the earliest legends and fables we have on record that depict the inherent prowess of each respective tribe but serve as the foundational myths from which we derive both our agricultural sciences as well as our weather managing technologies.”

“What, no great innovators or trendsetters for the unicorns?”

“Not in any literary or mythological sense. Remember, to most unicorns, our horns and magic may as well be an extension of ourselves, so writing about our use of them would be akin to an earth pony or pegasus writing about her right hand or leg. Yes, while the magic utilized by the old Unicorn Kingdoms did help to unify the three tribes under the Trinitatis Posco with their command of the sun and moon. That position was superseded by Celestia and Luna when they came to power barely a generation later, so not a lot of time there to ingrain that bias into the collective conscious.

“Really, In the grand scheme of things, there have only been a handful of unicorns who've ever actually taken the time to look at or study magic in a purely academic sense, Starswirl, Clover the Clever…”

“You,” Matthias said shooting her a cheeky grin, forcing another blush out of the mare.

“Yes, well... aside from us, most heroes in unicorn sagas tend to fall within either the knight or royal archetypes. While our temporary mastery of the spheres might not have lasted long enough to be regarded as all that historically significant, it was long enough to reinforce a sense of unicorn elitism amongst the other tribes. Which formed a sort of perceptual feedback loop that, well... fed back into the unicorn nobility’s already overly inflated egos. So because of this, you’ll hardly ever see a unicorn that isn’t depicted in a position of authority or an elite warrior of some kind, even within the literature of the other tribes.

“And while magic is still widely considered a means to an end for most us, it did act as a sort of hierarchical classification system among the unicorn elite so they could give themselves even more status. This can be seen with characters like Sunder Six-Swords, Double Drake the Shifter and Ballista Blast, all of whom were adventuring knights of great fame and repute. But because Sunder’s magic was of the Wielder class, he was ranked lower in regards to both title and nobility than Drake, a Transmuter, who in turn was societally inferior to Ballista, a Caster.”

“What makes a Caster any better than a Transmuter or a Wielder?”

“It had to do with the perceptions of applied magic at the time. Unicorns whose magic aligned best with the manipulation of objects around them were often seen as limited or lesser than those who could, let’s say, turn water into wine, or lead into gold, while Casters were seen as being able to manipulate magic in its purest form and were not necessarily limited to the spells afforded by their Cutie Marks. However, as the years went by and the talents of ponies began to produce more specialized magics, these three base magical archetypes began to mix and match, giving rise to such character classes as The Jester, The... The Illusionist, and… and The…”

But before Twilight could carry on with her impromptu lecture on the development of unicorn character types, her eyes wrenched shut, followed by the subsequent drooping of her ears, head, and shoulders.

“I-I’m sorry May, I… I did it again!” she said suddenly sounding somber, guilt marring her cute little muzzle as she dropped her head onto her desk.

“Did what again?” Matthias asked cautiously, initially fearing her experiment was about to go haywire, but her tone lacked the necessary panic and energy he had come to expect from destructive dissonance within her projects.

“Oh nothing much, I only just spent the past fifteen minutes going off on about twenty different tangents about x, y, and z, and not once have I asked you how your day was or how you’ve been?!”

“Oh that,” he said, breathing a somewhat relieved sigh as he pushed aside the notes and checklists he’d been filling out, no longer fearing that things were about to go critical in a literal sense, only a figurative one. “Look, you don’t have to worry about that Twi, and to be fair, I didn’t ask you ei-”

“But you’ve got a contusion on your forehead that wasn’t there on Wednesday, May! And you’ve been favoring your left hand over your right since we started talking! And I think I’ve lived with Spike long enough to be able to spot a fake yawn and the ‘it’s been a long day’ excuse whenever somepony wants to drop the current topic I’m going on about. So clearly something must have happened to set you off today!”

“Nothing too serious just a bit of a-”

“I knew it! And instead of asking what happened or if I could bring you anything to help, here I am going all magical maniac again because you’ve been assimilating and applying higher-level metaphysical theorems and philosophies at a rate months ahead of what our initial schedules predicted.”

“Twilight! Seriously, I’m okay! It’s nothing to get wor-”

“I mean, here I am in Ponyville pulling my mane out trying to find somepony who can discuss the finer points of spellcraft and arcane theory with me. But when Celestia pulls a stallion out of the ground who can not only keep up with me academically but has made me question everything I've ever thought or known about the nature of the spheres and the heavens from the day he first came into my life, how do I go about treating him? Like he was a bucking research project and not a friend in pain!" She cried, her latest in a long line of tizzies nearly drawing tears from Matthias, as he couldn't bear to see his friend so distraught over something as trivial as the state of his day.

"Seriously, what kind of friend does that to somepony they… they care about?" Twilight asked, unable to look Matthias in the eye, the weight of her shame forcing her head down onto her desk, some barely audible drips reaching him from the other side of the mirror.

“The kind that understands and respects me completely Twilight,” Matthias answered gently, causing the mare on the other side of the mirror to immediately snap to attention.

“W-what?! But I-”

“The kind who knows me so well that she can tell right off the bat whether or not I’m seriously hurting or not.’

“But you are hur-”

“The kind who, knowing I’m not in any real distress, chooses instead to share her passion and craft with me, and allows me to share my passion with her, rather than fall back on some unwritten social formality that lacks any and all sense of intimacy.”

“Is it really oka-”

“And the kind who always takes everything I say to heart, and instead of going to bed at sundown as any sane mare should, she chooses to stay up ‘til fuck all in the morning just to talk with me. So thank you for setting all this up for me.” He finished with a smile that held nothing but warmth and gratitude for Twilight, blitzing her with a little affection to try and cut off any further ramblings.

“R-really?” was all the lavender mare could choke out from her end of the mirror, her previous tenseness all but washed away in the gentle heat Matthias' words had sparked in her. The tears that had been spilling onto her desk now replaced by a warm mist that caused her eyes to shine without the need for magic any more.

“Really really!”

“And you’re sure that you’re alright?

“I’ve cleaned it and put it on ice. Just gonna wait a bit before wrapping it with anything.”

“C-can I see it?” she asked sheepishly, worry warring with her concern for Matthias as she tried to put on as brave a face for him as she could.

Which shocked Matthias to no end, seeing how squeamish Twilight could get whenever his old trauma would manifest. But Twilight had been surprising him to no end this evening. From the success of her charm to her crack at a dirty joke, she had been steadily trying to push out beyond her comfort zone, and though Matthias wasn’t exactly sure how she’d react, he didn’t want to disparage the courage she’d been showing him.

Looking down into his lap with a sigh, he removed the little towel turned ice-bag and was relieved to see that the wound now looked leagues better than it did twenty minutes ago. The bleeding having finally come to a halt while the swelling around the knuckles had begun to shrink to manageable levels. With one last nervous glance up at his friend, he found his resolve bolstered when she gave him a steady nod and returned his smile with one just as shy as his own.

Said smile morphed into a sharp gasp, however, when Matthias' right hand came into view, her hands shooting up to cover her muzzle in her shock.

“Trust me Twi, it looks a lot worse than it feels,” Matthias said trying to assure her everything was alright.

“It looks like the Seventh Layer of Tartarus!”

“In what way does my hand look anything like the Phlegethon, a forest of tree people, or flaming salt pouring from the sky?”

“The buck happened May?!” she asked as she started pulling together various odds and ends from across what Matthias could now see was her bedroom. Choosing to ignore his little foray into Italian literary classics as she threw what looked like a mortar and pestle onto her desk, as well as an alembic, a wooden box, several reams of paper containing various charts and graphs, and the little self-loading typewriter she used during their bi-weekly cultural exchanges. Its keys having already begun to hammer away at the sound of their voices.

“What can I say? The escape tunnel didn’t really agree with me this evening?”

“But last week you told me that you used the emergency access four times without anything triggering you! What was so different about tonight?” She asked as she slipped a couple dried leaves into the mortar and pestle, causing the little ceramic stick to hop up on its own and begin grinding the bowl’s contents into dust.

“N-nothing statistically significant.”

“That stutter proves otherwise,” Twilight said calling him out, looking back at him after studying the various graphs and spreadsheets orbiting around her. Each cataloging the frequency, duration, and antecedent of every single episode he had had since she had accidentally walked in on one during their fifth or so study session together.

“I’m… I’m serious Twilight, there weren’t any significant antecedents before this one or any of the oth-”

“There were more?!”

“Oh goddammit,” Matthias sighed as he started rubbing at his temples, fearing that his accidental slip of the tongue may have just set off Twilight.

But Twilight was just full of surprises for him tonight. Shocking Matthias to no end when instead hyperventilating and busting out the ingredients for her teleportation rite, she took a few deep breaths and settled herself back down at her desk. Giving Matthias a sad yet yearning look that all but broke the poor bastard.

“May… please, if we want to get a better understanding of why this is happening to you and how to potentially resolve it for good. Then we need to examine the factors that draw out these kinds of violent reactions from you openly and without bias, and you need to trust and be honest with me so I can help you work through it.”

You don’t want to let it go…

“Celestia…”

“What about her?”

“After pointing out an inconsistency I found in a grant request and explaining to her how she had missed it, I had to carry her off to her room. Seeing as she was on hour sixteen of this thrice-damned legislative rush and suffering a massive sugar crash and all. But when I made to lay her on the bed she cast some kind of magic to change into her pajamas and...”

“And…”

“And you know! I could, feel… things.”

“What things?”

“You know…” Matthias said bringing his hands to his chest before flexing them in a groping motion, “things. Without anything there to cover them.”

“I still don’t get what… you’re… Oh… Oh my stars!” Twilight squeaked out, turning her darkest shade of purple yet as her wings shot out with a noticeable *pomf,* realizing just what Matthias was implying.

“That’s right, for all of five seconds I had Celestia’s naked tits pushing into my back and two heaping helpings of bare royal flank in each hand.”

“What did they feel like?”

“Soft but with a firmness that doesn’t do their size any justice, with just enough weight and give at both ends to really press in to.

“How’d they look?”

“Couldn’t tell ya, I was carrying her on my ba… Wait! Why do you want to know all that?!” Matthias reeled having finally caught up with what she was asking him to describe, but Twilight was way too engrossed in jotting down what he had just told her to even notice his question. Which caused Matthias to chuckle a bit, seeing the flame she still had for her former mentor burning just as bright as ever.

“And here you nearly had me convinced you weren't hot for teacher anymore.”

This seemed to bring Twilight back down to Equus, as she let out another panicked *eep* before quickly crumbling up the notes she had been taking and throwing them off to the side.

“I-I’m not! I was just trying to determine if there were tactile or visual stimuli that may have prompted your episode!

“That stutter proves otherwise,” he said singing her words merrily back at her.

“B-b-b-be that as it may, what in the unholy Tartarus were you two doing that would leave the pri-, I mean Celestia, in such a state where she couldn't even tell where she was changing?” She all but blurted out, desperate to try and move on from this particular line of questioning as she poured the ground up leaves from the mortar into the alembic and set the solution to boil.

“Like I said, she’d already been pulling sixteen hours by the time I came back to the office after checking up on that grant. So for the sake of her sanity, I decided to play a bit of keep away with the cake I’d gotten her.”

Twilight’s relief at Matthias having gone along with her shift in topic without further harassment was quickly replaced by a look of pure incredulity.

“Let me see your fingers,” she demanded.

“I’m telling you Twi, they’re looking a helluva lot better than they did when I first got back.”

“On both hands May.”

Matthias studied Twilight’s face, looking for any hint or sign as to what she may be planning, but after staring at the mare for a few more seconds, he simply shrugged his shoulders. Unable to suss out what her goal was, and held his hands up for her to see, wiggling both sets of digits in front of her muzzle.

Twilight moved forward on her end, her face coming within inches of his splayed out fingers, relatively speaking of course. Though the warm air bending around the concentration of mana did give the impression that it was her breath, rather than convection, blowing against his hands as she continued her scrutinizing.

“Huh, that’s strange.”

“What is.”

“You claimed to have spent some time tonight withholding cake from Celestia, but clearly you’ve still got all your fingers attached.” Twilight mused with a smirk as she reclaimed her previous position at her desk.

“Well, I made sure to only show her the box during my little demonstration and not the cake itself. So when she finally saw the genocide by chocolate I’d gotten her, I was banking on her tearing into it rather than tearing into me.”

“Demonstration? I thought you were playing kee-”

“I’ll explain when you’re older Twilight.”

“You know I’m only a year and a half younger than you right?”

“And on the day that you’re not a year and a half younger than me, I’ll teach you the sacred art of the shell game.”

“That’s not how the till you’re older excuse works!”

“I know, you just look so goddamned adorable when you give me that is he being serious face.”

“Rgggh just you wait May, you can't hide what a Frizzle, Google, and Nye are from me forever!” she promised with an angry snort and flare of her nostrils.

“I’m not hiding anything. Like I said, I’ll tell you when you’re ol-”

“So, was it Celestia pressing herself against you while naked as a flame that led to your little disagreement with the deployment artery?” Twilight interjected, realizing she was once again getting swept up in his pace and was progressively moving further and further from the topic at hand.

“That’s a negative there Ghost Rider. Celestia unintentionally molesting me happened somewhere in the neighborhood of 9:00 and 9:30, and this was about thirty minutes ago,” he said while drumming the fingers on his right hand atop his desk slowly. “Though it was responsible for fucking my face up more than it already is and probably helped loosen me up so the rest could run a train on me.”

“It’s not that bad… How many we talking?”

“Rounding down, about seven?”

“Seriously?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Sweet Celestia we haven't seen those numbers since-

“The collar came off, I know.”

“So how many of those episodes would you attribute to Celestia’s actions?”

“Two definitely. There was one right after locking up at the office, followed by another one as I was making my way towards Night Court. The maybe happened in the lavatory outside the Great Hall, but I was able to snuff it out before any real damage could occur.”

“How did you-”

“Hot water.”

Twilight winced at just how nonchalant Matthias was being about harming himself but chose to merely nod and write down what he’d confided in her, wanting to remain as objective as possible while he was still being so open with her.

“So after pulling yourself back together, you then made your way over to Night Court to meet with Luna, correct?”

“Yep.”

“Any significant deviations from the norm?”

“Yeah, we actually had to do our jobs.”

“You mean…”

“Uh-huh, we had a pair of ponies show up well past their bedtime.”

“What happened?”

“Their daughter didn’t make it home from school.”

“Oh no! Is she alright?! Were the guards notified? How did Luna-”

“Woah, easy there Twi! Deep breathes, alright? Luna and I were able to put together a search parameter which Starry and the gang then used to find her and bring her home.”

“Thank the stars for little miracles!” Twilight exclaimed with a relieved sigh, slumping back into her chair once the flash of adrenaline flooding her veins had burnt up, “What in Celestia’s name was she doing out so late?”

“New bakery opened in the city. She and her friends thought that if they got there around closing time they’d be able to get in and out quick. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men.”

“No, I don't actually.”

“Damn… guess it’s just as easy to forget that you aren’t human either,” he said sheepishly, his hand reaching behind his neck to scratch at some nonexistent itch.

“Well... I'm glad I’m finally starting to look human in your eyes.”

Do what now?

But before Matthias could question what she had meant by any of that, Twilight continued to press on with her investigation:

“So did the reactions of the ponies beseeching Luna play any role in unhinging you?”

“Nah, just your standard looks of, ‘holy shit, what is that?’ and some defensive body language, but once Luna and I set about finding their kid, they became quite the amiable lot.”

“How long was she missing?”

“About seven hours give or take.”

“I can't imagine how happy her parents must have been she was finally brought home.”

“Couldn’t have been less than what Luna felt.”

“Speaking of Luna, how was she holding up through all of that?”

“She was a little tense at first, but once we got into a rhythm, everybody started loosening up some.”

“Uh, May-”

“Heard it as soon as it left my mouth, yep. Really the only sour patch we had was when we were going over some forms Celestia needed Luna to sign and she started going through her am I doing enough blues.”

“Please tell me you were able to talk her out of doing anything desperate?”

“Eh, it was nothing a bit of Terran colloquialism and an invite for the Combined Court’s Planning Committee couldn't fix.”

“Does that mean...!?”

“Yep! Turns out Celestia’s been downplaying how close we were with the votes and has set up a meeting for laying down the groundwork in two weeks.”

“Oh yes yes yes, Luna must’ve been so happy to finally get her present. You and Celestia have been kissing flank for months to get this set up!”

“Yeah, my lips are still chapped from all the puckering. But don't sell yourself short, having the support of the Princess of Friendship and the Elements of Harmony certainly helped grease the wheels.”

“Just… just please never use the words puckering and grease that close together again and we’ll call it even,” she said, trying a little too hard to hide her blush behind another joke.

“Heh, I make no promises.”

“So, have you gotten your invitation yet?”

“How’d you know I’d be getting one?”

Now it was Twilight's turn to stop and stare as if he was the one speaking complete and utter nonsense, “Because it was you who set all this in motion, May!”

“Look, just because I had a rare moment of clarity, doesn’t mean I'm suddenly qualified to restructure a civic institution.”

“You’re also a scholar of both your world’s history and governments.”

“Yeah, my world’s history and governments!”

“So that means you have an expertise in civic institutions wholly alien to our own, whose aspects could then be incorporated into the layout of the Combined Court.”

“Expertise is pushing it a bit. I only got that endorsement to make myself more marketable. It’s not like I got a Bachelor's or Master’s in that field.”

“Even so, you’ll be there offering a unique perspective nopony else will be able to bring because you’re not… I mean because you don’t approach things from a pony frame of mind.”

“Well, when you put it like that-”

“Also because Celestia told me you were going to attend and asked me in the postscript of my invite to convince you that you were qualified!” she said with honest to god smug in her voice. Which would’ve made Matthias' subsequent deadpan shatter the mirror had it still been made of glass.

“You know, you could've saved us a couple of minutes if you had just started with that point.”

“I know, but you’re just so cute when you’re irritated.” She shot back at him with a shit eating grin that looked so much like his own, it bordered on copyright infringement.

Note to self: lay off Celestia for two weeks.

“So we’ve accounted for approximately two of your outbursts so far. Can you think of any other situations you were in tonight that may have upset you further?” Twilight asked after giving Matthias a few seconds to fume for a bit.

“Well, between actually accomplishing something at Night Court and her gift going off without a hitch, Luna wound up jumping me, in the literal sense. Then when we got to the garden, we shot the shit for a bit before I somehow asked her out to this Winter Wind carnival thing-”

“You what!?”

“Hey, don't look at me like that. We’d been discussing the finer points of carnival culture when she let it slip that she was never able to go to any pre-lunar banishment, so I offered to take her with me. She was the one who went and called it a date after kissing me!”

“She ki-”

“On the cheek, Twilight. Just breathe, inhale blue, exhale red.”

“Sorry, got a bit excited there,” she begged while fanning herself with a stack of spreadsheets. “So was this what pushed you over the edge.”

“Couldn’t rightly say. Before I could get a word in edgewise on the subject I had to keep Luna from going full Nightmare Moon on Celestia after she found out what she said to me when I wouldn't give her her cake.”

“Which was…”

“A thinly veiled threat to throw me in Tartarus.”

“WHAT! Why would she say something like that?!”

“Please refer to earlier points about sixteen-hour shifts with legislative deadlines fast approaching.”

“Still, to think she could say something so… so insensitive, considering where she found you and all.”

“Well, like I told our favorite Solar Diarch when she realized she dun goofed, despite all the glitz and glam surrounding her she’s still just a regular mare beneath the raiments, so she’s entitled to the standard rate of fuck-ups allotted to the rest of us.”

Twilight's visage softened a bit, remembering how often and emphatically Celestia would insist she drop the titles while they were among friends. And how whenever she did treat her like she was just one of the girls, those shining amethyst eyes which had captivated her since she was a little filly, would light up even brighter than her charge.

“So… what happened after you kept Luna from going all pre-equestrian on Celestia?”

“Heh, well, somehow she got it in her head that me living here for these past eight months was something worth celebrating so-”

“Of course it is, May!” Twilight snapped, refusing to let Matthias belittle his time in Equestria any further. “Ever since you came into our lives, it feels like the world’s become that much... bigger of a place! I mean, in those eight months you’ve been with us I’ve lost track of how many times you’ve taken something I’ve held as irrefutable fact and turned it into something new and… well, magical for me again! All while being one of the most open, kind and caring souls I’ve ever met. And I know it’s not just me who feels this way. Whenever you and Luna have a class together, I’m half tempted to remind her that I’m the teacher as much as her gaze is on you. And though I don’t have the necessary equipment to measure the lumens, I swear I can pinpoint the exact time you’ve come back from your lunch break because the day actually gets brighter whenever you’re near Celestia. And that’s not even counting what you did for Dinky and the girls, or how you helped Zephyr and Marble through that nightmare. Heck, even Maud didn’t think she’d have been able to make it out of there if it hadn’t been for you. So please, I know it might seem selfish considering what you lost and what you had to go through, but I really am glad that you’ve become a part of our lives!” She finished with nary a trace of teasing or jest. Just simple and honest affection that forced Matthias to turn away from the mare lest the mist forming in his eyes turn to rain.

“Yeah… well, I still don’t feel like my existence in and of itself is cause for blowing up the sky and redecorating it just to give me back a piece of my home.”

“Lunadidwhatnow?!” she blurted out, porting off in a flash of purple before Matthias could tell her to go look out the window.

For a good pregnant pause, there was nothing but the contents of Twilight’s desk, and the backdrop of her bedroom filling the mirror until a slightly frazzled and hyperventilating Twilight materialized back in her seat a few seconds later.

“Did you see the… How’d she even… When in the... Pillars and… Fingers and… and-”

“Yeah, I pretty much had the same reaction,” he chuckled, glad that this tizzy of Twilight’s was more of the omigosh this is amazing variety rather than the typical what the buck am I supposed to do/what could possibly go wrong types she was prone to.

“I… I never thought feeling so small would be so… so exhilarating!” She managed to say between progressively deeper and manageable breaths. “I mean, this is so far beyond the scope of anything that’s been recorded in the Tower of High Astrology, and the sheer intensity of the mana radiating off the formation is making my horn buzz.”

“Who’da thought a little Walk the Moon and some swing could be so potent?”

“There is nothing about that sentence that makes any kind of sense, May.”

“What? Luna said we needed to sync ourselves up or something for her magic to work, so she picked out a beat on my phone and asked me to dance.”

“Did she now?” Twilight asked, her tone caught somewhere between teasing and accusatory as she shot him a playful smirk, her cheek resting on her hand as she propped herself up atop her desk.

“Hey, you were the one just explaining how the Mare in the Moon helped you gather rocks from, said moon to coat in quicksilver so you could make a voodoo doll out of a ruby, so forgive me if I didn’t look too deep into the metaphysics of it.”

“Heheh… Well, I'm half tempted to wake up everypony so they can see it before Celestia and Luna have to erase it in a few hours.”

“Yeah… as much fun as it is imagining the repercussions of you running through the streets of Ponyville at… 3:30 in the morning banging on everybody’s door while screaming to look up at the sky, I’d hold off lest you either get yourself lynched or freak out some more poor ponies.”

“What do you mean, more?”

Matthias let out a tired sigh as he once again found himself treading down some dark corners. Trying to piece together a narrative of the remainder of tonight's festivities that wouldn't worry Twilight into another fit, or make him come off as damaged goods she shouldn’t be wasting her time on:

“After we danced the new night in, I was beside myself. Nobody’s ever done something like that for me before; never gone out of their way like that just to make me feel like I’m worth a damn,” he tried explaining, noting curiously how her ears seemed to flatten a bit while she cast a nervous glance at the white oak box she had pulled out earlier.

“But as you said, nobody outside of you, me, or the princesses have ever seen something like the Pillars before, so while we were in the middle of admiring our handiwork, some poor sod must have lost his shit and dropped something and you know how bad this place can echo.”

Twilight gasped in dawning horror as she realized where Matthias was going with this, “H-how bad was it?”

“F-for a few seconds, I… I was back in the caves,” he confessed as he cradled his head in his arms, trying and failing to will away the scrapes and snarls buzzing around the periphery of his hearing as his body began to shake. All while hoping against hope that the gem Twilight had spent so much of her time and effort on would blow up like the majority of her projects so she couldn’t see him looking so crippled.

“May… look at me, please.”

Twilight’s voice held no fear, nor was it pleading in any way. In fact, there was a strength behind it, a gentle yet commanding authority, that Matthias often heard in Luna, and always found in Celestia, compelling him to lift his head and face the mare in the mirror.

And who he saw staring back at him wasn’t the dorky little archmage who had two left hooves, and couldn’t find a beat with a GPS and the directions tattooed on her forearm. No, this was Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of freakin’ Friendship. The pony who always fought her hardest to see the very best in everybody, and no matter how sick or damaged their soul may be, was always willing to extend them her hand and offer them the friendship and companionship she believed everyone deserved.

Granted the visage was marred a bit by the trail of tears carving a path down her cheek and the small dribble of snot hanging from her nostril. But her eyes were the very picture of compassion and understanding, while her smile radiated a warmth that froze his shivers solid.

“Thank you May,” she said while wiping her face off, pressing her hand against the screen once finished, “Thank you… for being so strong for me.”

Matthias' mind seized, unable to process why Twilight hadn’t run off screaming yet, or how she could possibly view him recounting his progressively escalating episodes as anything less than ceaseless bitching, let alone strong. But that damnable smile of hers; it was like each time he tried to convince himself that his bullshit was going to push somebody else away, it assured him that she was right here and that she wasn’t going anywhere. Told him that it didn't matter how far he had fallen because she would always be there to pull him out from whatever black thoughts were eating away at him.

And it was that confidence, that certainty radiating off of Twilight that Matthias desperately clung to, using it as an anchor to pull himself out of his doldrums, and off of his desk, so he could face his friend once again.

“Heh, strong’s pushing it a bit, but I appreciate the sentiment,” he said shyly, returning her smile with a grin of his own, albeit one much more timid than the one she was sporting as he brought a hand up to press it against hers.

“You’re the strongest stallion I’ve ever met,” she declared softly as she leaned forward, resting her forehead resting against the enchanted glass. A motion Matthias mirrored as he settled himself atop his desk, wanting to be that much closer to Twilight, at least in spirit.

“Clearly you’ve never seen Maud on the job site.”

“Like I said, the strongest stallion I’ve ever met,” Twilight affirmed with a cute giggle that caused Matthias to blush so hot and bright that he swore he could see both him and Twilight turning red.

At least until a burst of crimson static arced from the mirror and onto his desk, burning a small hole in the corner of the notes he’d been taking.

Looking up in a panic, Matthias saw that it really wasn’t just him turning rosy. Twilight, his desk, as well as a good portion of his study were all now glowing a deep molten red, errant sparks shooting off in every direction out and across his room from both the ruby and the mirror as his lectern began to tremble slightly.

“AND HERE WE GO!” Matthias shouted in a panic, making ready to duck and cover for a third time this evening before Twilight’s impassioned words caused him to freeze:

“IT’S OKAY IT’S OKAY I GOT THIS!” she asserted quickly and confidently as she shot up from her chair and lit up her horn. The sudden shift upwards forcing her shirt to ride up a bit and expose her midriff for the briefest of seconds before falling back into place over her bright purple leggings.

Well, at least she’s wearing pants tonight! Matthias mused wistfully as he took a few tentative steps away from his desk, blushing as he wondered why, with another Code Sparkle playing out right in front of him, he seemed more interested with her choice in evening wear, rather than the fireball his desk was about to become.

That was until Twilight started dancing.

Starting with a few subtle motions of her hands and arms, and with some barely audible whispers that Matthias couldn’t quite make out over the increasing intensity of his desk’s shaking, Twilight began to sway back and forth ever so slightly.

Each of her movements were precise yet fluid as purple hands struck out like violet bolts of lightning to pluck the escaping energies out of the sky, guiding them back into her horn before gliding back down the rest of her body in an almost sensual manner. Her fingers trailing tiny bursts of violet static across the silken surface of her purple PJs as they traced along the delicate curves of her chest and waist. The seamlessly embroidered renditions of her cutie mark glowing brighter and brighter with each pass.

And with every errant spark of stray magic she caught and dispersed, it seemed as if the sway to her hips became more and more pronounced, the flow of her hands across her body more purposeful, while a faint glow began to burn beneath her coat. Causing her sparkling lochs to shimmer and sway in time with the unheard beat she was dancing to, and send beads of sweat and droplets of water from her previous shower cascading through the air, each shining in shades matching that of her dual toned indigo and magenta mane.

But all that paled before the ever-widening grin spreading across Twilight’s muzzle. It had started off as some tiny little thing at first, barely a nervous quiver at the corner of her lip as she went through the motions of her silent waltz. But as she progressed through each of her steps, Twilight’s smile began to splinter and crack, blooming and beaming in time with the blush spreading down her cheeks and into her neck and chest, until the little alicorn’s toothy grin had damn near split her face open.

Tries to learn the Cupid Shuffle and she nearly breaks my foot. Tries to disarm an out of control magical gemstone and she turns into Jenna Dewan Tatum!? Matthias thought as he he watched her turnabout. Finding himself unable to even blink in the presence of Twilight’s subtle grace, much less turn and run, despite the fact he was standing less than a foot away from a hundred and ten pounds of flaming shrapnel in potentia.

Twilight continued to carry on with her little shimmy for another minute or so, focusing on containing and redistributing the runaway magic she’d been siphoning off of the charms rather than damage control, though a few wild arcs still required some artful blocking on hers and Matthias' part to keep their respective rooms from combusting. But eventually, their rattling studies began to settle as the red staining their feeds was seemingly soaked into Twilight. Leaving nothing but a panting, sweating mare in the mirror grinning like a fiend back at Matthias, her chest heaving as she tried propping herself up against her desk. At least, until her legs finally gave out and she fell full spread straight back onto the floor, causing the contents of her study to jump as she hit the ground with a barely cushioned thump.

“All good over there Twily?” Matthias asked after giving her a minute to collect herself, ready to run down a guard in case she’d gone and blown another gasket, but relaxed when a fuzzy purple hand rose from the floor, middle finger raised proudly.

“All good here May,” she slurred excitedly, some drunken sounding giggles escaping from her lips as she pulled herself back into her chair and flopped onto her desk. Her wings flaring out and twitching at random intervals.

“You sure? 'Cause I seem to recall teaching you that thumbs up is the sign for everything being alright.”

“Oh I know, I’m just telling you to go buck yourself for calling me Twily again,” she explained while attempting to shoot him a wink but found she hadn't the motivation, nor desire, to open her eyes back up once she had closed them. The temporary loss of her sight allowing her to revel in the currents of mana buzzing beneath her skin, as a satisfied hum slipped past the sleepy smile that had settled on her lips.

“Rrrrreeeowwww someone’s in top form tonight. What happened today? Did those temporary visas you requested for the summer abroad in the Dragon Lands get approved or something?”

“Heehee Not yet! Just heehee just Rarity going full tilt diva and you and me becoming closer is all,” she lazily explained as she nuzzled her cheek into her workspace.

“Hey hey hey, I know you’re a little drunk on power at the moment, but I need you to stay with me for a bit.”

“Hee hee you need me,” Twilight tittered, little tremors racking her body as she tried, and failed, to stifle her giggles.

“That’s right Twi; I need you to focus. Otherwise, that mana buzz you’re riding is gonna turn into one mother of a hangover. So for the sake of keeping you conscious for another couple minutes, could you tell me what it was that set little miss Rarity off this time? Was it Sweetie Belle? Did she wrap the cinnamon-colored thread around the burgundy spools again?”

Twilight shrugged before rolling her head up to look at May with a bit of a pout. “Not sure, after Sweetie came bursting through the gates screaming about Rarity being broken again, Spike and I hauled flank over to the boutique to see if she was alright. But between the spoonfuls of rocky road and the cries of, Oh woe is me, the stars have aligned against me!” She decried in an overly exaggerated manner, putting on the posh accent she would often use when mimicking her fashionista friend’s more eccentric outbursts, “All we could really get out of her was that somepony must’ve done something truly bucked up to one her ensembles.”

“This… this all wouldn’t have happened around 9:00, would it?”

“N-now that I think about it, yes!” Twilight realized as she started to sober up once again, the influx of arcane energy coursing through her body having finally distributed itself evenly across the various pathways and reservoirs of mana littered about her nervous system. “But how did you-”

“And was there a second and third one about fifteen and thirty minutes later respectively?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped, though it could only go so far given how she was still cradling her head in her arms, but the look of pure shock and awe in her eyes more than made up for her muzzle’s lack of motion.

“May… you’re starting to scare me. There’s just no way you could’ve put all that together all on your own! How in the unholy buck could have you possibly know that?”

“Now now Twilight,” Matthias tsked with a wave of his finger, “if I just went and shared everything I knew with you, what reason would you have to keep coming back to see me?”

“W-what?! N-no, why would I… May, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever made! Yes, you're smart and possess a knowledge base and perspective unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. But you're also so much fun just to talk to! Not to mention nice and sweet and caring and… and you're just messing with me aren't you?”

“Guilty as charged, though it is nice to know that there's at least one pony out there that sees me as more than just a pretty face,” he teased as he turned his head somewhat to the right, hoping he could hide the blush from Twilight’s honest appraisal of him beneath his discolored scarring.

But Twilight, being the ever observant mare that she was, saw how much of an effect her words were having upon him and decided now would be as good a time as any to see if what Luna had told her about Matthias' colors evening out was really true or not:

“Just pretty? D-don’t sell yourself short, May. Between your alien countenance and your subtle predatory features, you’d make for quite the piece of exotic eye candy for some lucky mare out there,” she said, causing Matthias to snap to and redden further.

“R-really now? And… and here I thought shipping was your sister-in-law’s end all be all.” Matthias snarked, quickly realizing from how badly she was blushing, and how poorly she was trying to stifle both her stutter and giggles, that Twilight was just in the mood for a little verbal sparring.

Though he did find it somewhat strange; out of all the times, he’d stood in as a crash-test dummy for her to practice some impromptu shit-talk on, rarely, if ever, did his looks or potential love-life on Equus come up. So he decided, if she was willing to step up and push a few boundaries, he might as well not discourage her, but not without giving it back to her in full:

“Alright then, humor me oh Princess of Just Friends, what have I got going for me that supposedly makes the mares’ hearts go all aflutter?”

“I-I don’t even know where to begin,” she stammered slightly, not expecting to find the ball back in her court so quickly.

“Begin at the beginning… and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

“Then I’ll start with that insufferable wit of yours. It’s like, no matter how shitty a day somepony could be having, or how completely daunting a problem or task might seem to her, you always have some quip or quote from your world you can pull out your ass that makes everything seem that much more manageable.”

“To be fair, I butcher half those sayings, and really only use them in the context of the majority of the words in this quote sound like what you were just fretting over, so I hope this somehow makes you feel better. And I would be remiss not to mention how if it weren’t for one special purple pony, I’d still be carrying twenty pounds of steel around my neck and writing out everything I had to say. So, you know, thanks... again. I… I’ll … There’s just no way I’ll ever be able to pay you back for that.” He said with a forlorn sigh, unable to find any words that could convey to Twilight just how much her efforts in bringing him back from the brink had meant to him.

“Just keep being you, May. That’s all any of us want,” she told him honestly, marveling at how quickly the human could switch from talking smack, to pouring his heart out. All the while a primal sense of satisfaction began to bubble up from within her at how her words were actually dyeing him red on all sides.

“Us? You pulling the royal plural on me or are you suggesting there’s somebody other than you that wants to hitch a ride on the human?”

“W-well considering what I’ve seen whenever we’ve had to perform an *ahem* emergency disrobing, you’re definitely well enough equipped to be able to handle us,” she asserted boldly, causing them both to color further.

“I fucking knew it!” he exclaimed with equal parts triumph and fury, causing Twilight to jump slightly from his unexpected outburst. “I fucking knew that that ‘magical cross-contamination between materials’ bit was just some bullshit you cooked up so you could sneak a peek!”

“N-no it’s not! When dealing with a chemical spill or fire of any kind, you have to be thorough in its containment, or else you risk subjecting yourself and others to the effects of secondary or tertiary exposure. Doubly so if the materials involved were laced with any kind of magic!” she desperately tried to explain to Matthias, only to regain her composure when she saw the small smile worming its way into the corner of his lips as he tried holding back another round of cackles.

“Ahem, And yes, well… While I’ll admit you’re much more fun to unwrap than the past twenty-six winter’s worth of birthday and Hearth's Warming presents combined. I’d much rather give you a show as well, rather than deal with your shirt becoming a literal lightning rod, or my skirt turning into a colony of fire ants again!” Twilight laid out with a deadly seriousness that made both of them shudder, given some of the more extravagant bangs in which their projects have ended.

“Those are all well thought out and cogent arguments to try and justify your position…”

“Thank you, May! That’s really-”

“That would only hold water if you:

A). Hadn’t waited until the tenth lab explosion before equipping us with something better than gloves and lab coats.

B). Had used your magic to try and strip me rather than your bare hands.

And

C). Weren’t only wearing fucking neglige beneath your protective gear!”

"Sh-shut up! It took me weeks to figure out that stray motes of your skin were disrupting the arcane synthesis between spell components! A-and I've already explained that underwire bras and panties itch and scratch like a sonofabitch! So I need underwear that isn’t going to be poking and prodding at me whenever I need to adjust the density of my barriers on the fly or calculate a dirty teleport that isn’t going put me halfway into a wall or tree. And no matter how much I beg and plead, Rarity will never accept function without form, whether she’s designing hazmat suits or lingerie! And it’s not like I haven’t been trying to connect to you with my magic! It's going on eight months, and I can still barely get a mote of my magic to stick to you!” she hissed out, drenching that last point with enough venom to poison a steel-type. Her inability to touch him with her magic having been a constant sore spot in their friendship from day one, so Matthias knew not to push those particular buttons.

“Hey, Twi, it’s alright. All I’m saying is that there are plenty of easier ways to get me naked that don’t involve chemical fires or safety protocols. I mean, a nice eggplant parmesan with a good champagne followed by a night on the town and an exciting book to cap off the evening would probably get me out my pants before we even hit the bed.”

“Well, if a certain stallion weren’t thicker than Pinkie’s thighs I’d’ve taken you up on that months ago!”

“What was that?”

“I SAID YOU HAVE THE NICEST FLANKS THIS SIDE OF THE FOAL MOUNTAINS!” she screamed in a panic in an attempt to cover her ass, only to clamp her hands over her muzzle after realizing what she had just admitted to. Causing Matthias to nearly keel over from how hard he found himself laughing.

“Hah hah hah, Sweet… sweet Christ above Twi,” he choked out after spending several seconds trying to piece himself together, “m-maybe tone it down a little. Any louder and I think my mom would’ve been able to hear how much you appreciate my ass back on Earth.”

Twilight was beyond mortified. Here she was hoping to mess with May a bit and brighten up his very early morning after having an obviously stressful evening on his end, but instead of playful banter and ribbing, she was coming off more like a construction mare catcalling stallions as they walked by. It was demeaning, rude, and went against everything she had been raised to believe about how a mare should treat her stallion.

However, before the image of her mother twisting her ear off for even thinking about talking to a stallion in such a disrespectful manner could become too vivid, she just so happened to spy how red Matthias 'ears had gotten. And try as he might to make it seem like the color spreading up and down his two-toned face was from his laughter and not from his embarrassment at her "compliment”, Twilight knew she just wasn’t that funny.

Finding her courage once again bolstered by the impact her flattery, no matter how derogatory it might sound to any sane pony, was having on her human, she continued to press her attack against Matthias:

“I wish she could hear me! That way I could thank her for raising such a wonderful stallion, both inside and out! And let her know that ever since he’s come into life, I wake up with a new reason to smile every morning, and get to see that same smile on my friends’ faces whenever they’re out with their families because of how brave he was!”

“Oh-ho-ho, haven't even taken me out on our first date yet and she already wants to get the parent's blessing. Well, you won’t have too much trouble with my dad. He trusts me enough not to get myself into trouble with women, pony or otherwise, though I’d bring him an oatmeal cream pie if you want to earn some serious brownie points with him. My mom, on the other hand, she’ll be a tougher nut to crack. Me being her baby boy and all, and not wanting some cruel mare to sweep me off my feet only to then lay me out when she’s gotten everything she can from me. But considering you’re the reason I'm able to talk today, and that you're one of the few ponies I’ll come out of my hobbit hole for, I’m sure you’ll win her over eventually. Fair warning though, you break my heart, she will break her foot off in your ass!”

“If I ever did do something so stupid or cruel, I’d gladly bend over and give her what little flank I've got to tan.”

“Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well! Looks like somepony really is a closet masochist between the sheets.”

“W-what can I say, I’ve been spending so much time working with you these past few months that I must’ve picked up a kink or two along the way.”

“Heh, sorry I'm such an awful student. Otherwise, you’d have been able to set me straight long before developing a faux-leather fetish.”

“Hey, I never said it was a bad thing! You’d be surprised how stimulating it is to nuzzle up to bare skin after spending a lifetime rubbing cheeks on coats and scales,” she suggested playfully as she started absentmindedly rubbing her cheek into her palm, shooting Matthias a half-lidded stare that made the man fidget in his seat slightly.

“Heheheh well then, it's… it’s good to know that I’ve got at least three things going in my favor for when that special mare with a terrible taste in stallions comes into my life.”

“That and more May, that and more,” Twilight softly spoke, no longer nuzzling into the hand she’d been propping herself up with but still giving him that heated look that on any other mare would scream, ‘bend me over and rut a dent in my desk.’

But this is Twilight of all ponies, Matthias thought as he felt his face begin to burn beneath her sultry gaze. This little dork’s been my best friend and study buddy ever since they started letting me walk around on my own. I mean, surely she’d have said something these past few months if she was interested, right?

“Hee hee got something on your mind May?” she teased with a nervous smirk, looking down at her desk for a second before locking eyes with Matthias again, her gaze holding an untold amount of heat and anticipation behind her lavender eyes.

“Y-you,” he said honestly as he kept trying to figure out just what in the unholy fuck Twilight was thinking, causing her subsequent blush to turn her even more mauve and her eyes to lid even further.

And that was when Matthias finally recognized the look she had in her eye. That subtle blend of gentle trepidation mixed with heated hope that seemed to hold back so many weeks worth of accumulated admiration and affection for him that it looked like she was actually hurting herself trying to rein it all in.

That’s what Luna looked like just before she kissed me!

All of a sudden, Matthias found himself pouring over every little word Twilight had said and each subtle motion she’d made this evening. Questioning whether or not their earlier displays of platonic affection had really been all that platonic, or if the friendly bout of ball/ovary busting they’d been engaging in had really been all that friendly:

Frustrated she can’t talk with me as much.

Spends months cobbling together a major magical breakthrough just so she can spend more time with me.

Doesn’t freak out in the face of me being a perv.

Actually makes an attempt at a dirty joke… two if we’re being technical about it.

Literally glows when I compliment her.

Only gets upset when she thinks she’s treating me like all I’m good for is talking nerdy to her.

Fights through her own squeamishness to try and help me.

Way more affection and emphasis on how grateful she is to have met me than seen previously.

Freaks out at the mention of Luna asking me on a date and kissing me.

Substantial shift in the subject of standard shit talk from personality quirks to physical and personal traits we find charming or attractive.

Keeps referring to me as a stall- OH DEAR GOD!

And it didn’t stop there either. With the possibility of Twilight having feelings for him quickly taking root, he couldn’t help but begin reevaluating every little hug and nuzzle she’d ever given him. Each and every lunch and dinner date she'd taken him on to try and establish a social presence for him within the city, and all the times he’d woken up after a marathon reading and research session with Twilight wrapped up in his arms, tangled in a cocoon of legs and wings while she clung to him almost desperately.

*Pffft*

Fortunately, before Matthias could fall too far down that particular rabbit-hole, Twilight’s waning composure finally cracked, with what felt like seven decade’s worth of generic sitcom laugh tracks trying to force their way out her mouth at once. The sound bringing the shaken human back from the brink as she collapsed atop her desk, unable to hold herself up amidst the waves of uproarious laughter surging forth from her heaving chest.

“HAHAHAHA SW-SWEET CELESTIA ABOVE YOUR FACE!” She somehow managed to bark out between her fits of manic cackling, warm tears streaming down her face unbidden. “I CAN’T HEHE I CAN’T BELIEVE L-LUNA WAS RIGHT! PFFFT HAHAHA!”

Oh thank God, Matthias mused tiredly, letting loose a relaxed yet dejected sigh as he hung his head in defeat, trying his best not to let Twilight see how much her teasing had shaken him, lest she either keep pressing her victory or start to worry for him.

Yes, while he was relieved and all to have Twilight opening up to him more and finally start dropping some of the formalities. He was barely holding himself together as it was having to wrestle with the fact that Luna may or not have feelings for him and how, should he choose to reciprocate those hypothetical feelings, it may impact their friendship moving forward without the idea that Twilight might also be pining for him banging around in his head as well.

Granted while most men would probably find the idea of having two of the most attractive and powerful women the world over clamoring for their attention appealing beyond compare. Matthias would’ve gladly taken an extra day of PT with Starry rather than deal with any of the shoehorned in, plot-padding, who’s he gonna choose love-triangle bullshit writers are so often forced to add to their stories in order to hold reader/viewer interest.

Plus, when you’ve had a girlfriend go full yandere on you for simply helping a classmate marshal her thoughts for her end of the unit project in AP English, you quickly learn how… extreme some people can take the concept of making you love them. So he was grateful that Twilight had been merely twisting his nuts rather than adding more to his plate.

However, it still stung him somewhat. Having a mare, he found gorgeous, both inside and out, leading him on just for a laugh, dredging up some somewhat painful memories of exes two through four. But with Twilight, he could at least be sure that she wasn’t trying to take advantage of him or be purposefully malicious about it, and as such, he let her genuinely know how he felt about her stringing him along:

“Pardon me if this comes off as a bit plagiaristic, but please get bucked Twily, hard!” he tiredly declared as he started rubbing small circles into his temples.

“Heheh Gl-gladly, you *snort* you free for the next few hours?”

“Sorry, as alliteratively appealing as pounding into purple pony plot sounds, I’m going to have to give you a rain check. Luna’s cooked up some scheme she thinks is gonna get me through the night without running the risk of growing a cap colony on my tonsils, and apparently, it’s gonna involve us being in bed together for the next six to eight hours.”

“R-really now?” Twilight stammered slightly, her face a flash of several competing emotions before playful curiosity finally settled on her muzzle, “And what, pray tell, has prompted our dear Lunar Princess to take such initiative?”

“C-can’t say for sure. After attack number three I was pretty much running on empty, so Lulu tried scooting me off to bed before heading off to a debrief she’d scheduled with Starry.”

“How big was the blast radius and how high was the body count?”

Matthias shuddered as he felt a phantom knuckle dig into his side, “So many tickles. So. Many. Tickles!”

“Hee hee That bad, huh?”

“The bards will sing of our struggle until the sun goes out.”

“And I take it Luna came out on top, seeing as you’re here with me and not at the debrief with her.”

“Position in 3-Dimensional space is relative to that of the observer.”

“And what does that have to do with the price of tea in Trottingham?”

“That yes, while she was able to convince me to go to bed, it was only after she had worn me out enough to have passed out on top of her.”

“Getting a little forward with the Diarchy aren’t we May?”

“Hey, when I realized the pillows I was rubbing my face into were of the pony variety, I tried to move, but before I even got an inch off her, Luna pulled me back down on top of her. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if she hadn’t done it while shooting me those same bedroom eyes you were giving me earlier. Which, by the way, could bed you any poor mare or stallion you turn it towards, so please be careful the next time you drop by the palace lest you unwittingly make Celestia into your royal consort.”

“*Snort* Hee hee You… you don’t have to worry about that May, I’ve got no plans to consolidate that particular half of the Equestrian Diarchy under the Sparkle household just yet. Besides,” her eyes suddenly turned a bit downcast as a wistful sigh escaped her lips, “I’m under no such delusion that she’ll ever see me as anything more than her student and friend. Plus, I’ve had my eye on a certain stallion for the past few months that I hope will get his head out of his flanks soon and notice that I’ve been trying to court him.”

“Awww, and here I thought I was the only stallion you had in your life,” he joked heartily as he felt a familiar, cold tightness begin to work its way through his gut. Though, it was mitigated somewhat by the warm blush beginning to work its way across Twilight’s muzzle. “But in all seriousness, I’m glad you finally found a stallion who can drag you out into the sun without there needing to be an incursion from the Everfree or a national crisis happening first.”

“I-It’s… it’s nothing serious! J-just a couple lunch and dinner dates on the weekend,” she excitedly defended, though there was an undertone of slight annoyance and frustration reinforcing her blush.

“But it’s serious to you isn't it?” He teased, causing her cheeks to darken even more as she nodded her head. “So, spill, what’s he like? Is he a massive dork who can recite the works of Summer Sonnet by heart? Or are you sticking with the cliche and longing for the outlandish adventurer who refuses to be tied down by either mare or familial institution?”

“*Snort* S-six of one, half a dozen of the other. Though if we were to look at it like a baker’s dozen, he’d be more seven of one, half a dozen of the other.”

“So less treasure hunting adventurer and more professor out in the field, got it!”

“Yeah he... he’s the smartest stallion I’ve ever met, not counting Starswirl, of course, but that’s only in regards to sorcery and magical theory, which he’s had little to no grounding in growing up. Though the experiential knowledge and the perspective he’s gained from his time before settling in Canterlot is enough to put anything Starswirl has ever come up with to shame!

“Although, let’s just say that there are days I'm grateful my ascension gifted me with earth pony strength, otherwise I doubt I could get him to leave his room whenever I pay him a visit. He can also be just the teensiest bit dense when it comes to picking up on the more subtle cues a mare gives a stallion to show she’s interested.”

“So on a scale of generic harem romance protagonist to Celestia’s flanks, how dense we talkin’?”

“Heh, I remember having to light my horn up one evening when we were walking home from dinner and I swear I saw the glow bending around his head.”

“Ooh, looks like we’re dealing with a Greg Sestero from The Room then. Well, you’re in luck then Twilight! As despite their seemingly willful ignorance to the advances of those around them, these poor saps are just, more often than not, not expecting such affections to be thrown their way in the first place, and aren’t really sure how they should react once made cognizant of them.”

“Tell me about it. We once had a picnic together out on the Western Battery, and I remember giving him every sign I could think of to maybe get a snuggle out of him. *Sigh* But all I got was a scratch behind the ears and a hug at best.”

Okay, there’s being oblivious, then there’s just being willfully negligent, Matthias mused as he listened to Twilight prattle on about her prospective suitor, hoping to offer her whatever insight he might have that could help her snag this inattentive stallion. In spite of the growing unease and dwindling self-confidence he felt whenever somebody he was attracted to came asking him for relationship advice, and the subtle fluttering of some warning flags waving off in the distance.

He muscled through it, however, reminding himself that he had no control over what Twilight or others found attractive. That she wasn’t the kind of pony who’d up and forget about him once she found somebody who’d be able to do right by her. And if helping her find her special somepony could give her back even a tenth of a thousandth of a percent of the light and love she’d brought back to his life. Then he’d gladly offer her what little insight he had when it came to catching your crush’s eye.

“Well, forgive me if this comes off as a bit culturally insensitive, but have you tried just asking him to be your special somepony? I know you’ve all got your rites and rituals when it comes to courting a mare or stallion you fancy, but if he’s really as slow on the uptake as you're letting on. It might be best just to be upfront about it and let him know how you feel about him, rather than risk losing him by sticking to tradition.”

“M-maybe. It’s just…*sigh* Harmony hasn’t been very kind to him over the past year or so. In that short amount of time, he’s lost his mom and dad, his sister; even his closest friends were all snuffed out in a flash of prismatic fire. And yet despite him losing so much, and suffering on his own for Celestia knows how long, he still… smiles,” Twilight tried explaining to him, that look of longing she had shot him before teasingly now gently boring into him, causing Matthias to begin fiddling with the neck of his t-shirt uncomfortably.

“He's trying so hard to stay strong for everypony around him and goes out of his way to try and share his smile with somepony else. Even though there are days it looks like he’s about to buckle beneath the weight of every cruel and awful thing ever done to him, he keeps fighting through it for the sake of the new friends he’s made.

“I just… I just want to be there for him, you know? Show him how much he’s inspired me to be a better pony and do something… anything to see that smile on his face forever and ever. But… but I can’t help feeling that he deserves so much bucking better than me!

“Especially when you stack me up against the some of the other mares I've seen making moves for him. I mean, they're some of kindest, sweetest, and most drop-dead gorgeous ponies I've ever met, and they’re there for him every day and night trying to help him get back on his f-hooves!

“And then there’s me. Some short stacked little bookworm who can barely give him a couple hours of my time a week and the occasional weekend. And even when I can spend time with, I just wind up talking his ear off about some spell I just learned or a new book I found rather than asking how he’s doing or if there’s anything he’d like to do together.

“A-and I *gulp* I don’t think I could live with myself if I wound up hurting him because of some stupid crush! And I don't want to lose him as a friend after all he’s done for me and the ponies I care about the most,” she screamed almost desperately, her eyes begging Matthias for any sort of help or reprieve as she crumbled atop her desk. “And I just know if I try to broach this topic with him he’s gonna freak, and I’ll just wind up being one more bad dream that keeps him up at night.”

Alrighty then, 80% sure you’re talking about me again Twilight, Matthias couldn’t help but think as she continued looking up at him with those big, pleading eyes of hers. The sheer amount of longing and desperation burning beneath her violet gaze causing what little calm he’d been able to stitch back together to spark like a fuse. Ready to ignite the powder kegs full of black doubt and airy hope he’d been fighting all night to keep from going off again.

Oh, sure, while it was entirely within the realm of possibility for Twilight to have met a stallion on one of her many jaunts across the kingdom who had suffered similarly to how he had. Matthias couldn’t help but recall the night Twilight had taken him out on the town for a little curry and some stargazing in the park. And how while they had been making their way back to the castle, Twilight had pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his own, pouring out light from her horn as she fell in next to him. Claiming she was taking him down a less crowded street so as not to overwhelm him after having done so well out in public.

Or the picnic breakfast they had shared together on the west wall of the castle after pulling another all-nighter mapping out the commonalities and divergences in the development of gothic fiction between their worlds. Where Twilight seemed almost desperate for his affection as they watched Celestia raise the sun over the city together.

Then there were the subtler cues that Matthias had picked up on as well. Like how her eyes had stayed locked on to his the entire time she had been pouring her heart out him. Or how with each little quirk and quality she had listed off about what had attracted her to this mystery stallion, the gentle glow glimmering beneath her cheeks would burn that much hotter and shine that much brighter. And how despite her feeling like she wasn’t worth this guy’s time, the shimmer in her eyes had begun to flare up once more, mirroring the look she had been giving him earlier in an attempt to get a rise out of him.

But rather than cracking up again or trying to stifle another one of her nerdy little snorts, she just kept looking up at him from her desk; her ears splayed against the back of her skull while her bottom lip began to quiver uncontrollably. This little mare who was smart enough to have extrapolated the missing half of a thousand-year-old unfinished magical formula requiring both arithmetic and phonetic sequencing. And brave enough to have faced down two mad gods, three separate foreign invasions, and five goddam kaiju without the slightest hesitation was just simply at a loss for how she should approach the stallion she had a crush on.

And the sight of his friend’s frigid and forlorn form was all it took to settle Matthias back down. Forcing him to focus on the ragged state Twilight had been reduced to and how he could possibly unwind his distressed princess, rather than on the signs and tells confirming the biases she had unwittingly planted into him, no matter how appealing he had begun to find such prospects to be.

“W-well first off, don't call your feelings for him stupid,” he assured her softly but sternly, causing her ears to perk back up, and her frame to stop trembling. “Clearly from what you’ve told me, what you’re feeling for him isn’t some school yard crush that you haven’t thought through. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be tearing your mane out over how he might react to your feelings rather than just whether or not he’ll return them.

“Secondly, quit with this whole, ‘he deserves better than me slash I’m not good enough for him’ business. I know that half the kingdom tends to forget it for the sake of convenience or as part of some running gag. But for Cthulhu’s sake, you are the Princess of Fucking Friendship! Trust me when I say, that’s not the kind of title you get as a prize from a box of crackerjacks or by sending in box tops. No, you earned that crown by wanting to connect with others, by wanting to bring the same light into to their lives that your friends brought into yours. And, from what Luna and Tia have told me, by being the same kind and caring little dork that you’ve been since long before you sprouted feathers or grew a castle. Not to mention smart and brave, seeing as Equestria hasn’t been burned to the ground seven times over thanks to you and your friends. So if any little pony deserves a little TLC, it’s you!”

By this point Twilight had managed to pull herself off of her desk, a deep blush two or three shades darker than her coat working its way down from her cheeks and into her neck. And while she had been able to cease in her shaking, her head was still hanging in such a way that it kept her eyes hidden behind her violet bangs, and her recently returned smile was still barely a quiver at the corner of her muzzle.

But Matthias wouldn’t be satisfied until Twilight was beaming again, so he decided to go for broke and add a little heartfelt to the mix, hoping to finally get this mare he cared to bits for back to her usual excitable self:

“And thirdly, while I might not know the exact kind of shit your friend has been put through, I do know that he needs you to be there for him and that the time you spend together with him is more precious to him than you really know.”

“A-and… and how would you know that?” Twilight whispered, still keeping her head hung low enough for her to hide her eyes from him, but Matthias could see that her smile was beginning to worm its way across more and more of her muzzle.”

“Because he’ll have days where he’ll wake up and forget what it’s like to have people who care about him, and he’ll hate himself for it. He’ll hate himself because he knows that there are ponies in his life who want to be there for him, who’ve wasted days, upon weeks, upon months trying to prove to him over and over again that he’s both welcomed and loved. That they’re his friends and all that they want is for him to be happy.

“But it won’t matter to him! He’ll still feel lost and alone and overwhelmed by every fucked up thing he’s had to go through in order to get here, unable to appreciate what he still has or what he’s gained. Which’ll just confirm for him over and over again what he’s already come to fear and dread:

"’That he’s weak.’

“‘That he doesn’t matter.’

"’That he’s simply broken beyond repair.’

"And that sooner or later one of those few ponies that have stuck by him are gonna see just how hopeless trying to fix him really is, and move on with their lives.”

Twilight’s breathing hitched in a startled gasp, but Matthias pressed on, unsure if she had cottoned on to who he was really talking about. Finding himself both unable and unwilling to hold back the tide of near-ecstatic deliverance washing over him as he carried on with his pseudo confessional.

“So he’s going to need somebody like you Twilight! Somebody who treats him like a friend and not something to be pitied. Somebody who’ll waste what little free time she has between being a princess and running a school just to try and help him adjust to a life where it’s okay for him to smile again. Who’ll spend her precious weekends doing nothing but reading with him, talking with him, and scouring the city with him looking for books, pancakes, or some little hole in the wall shop that you know he’s just going to love. So that when you have to go back home, and he’s left all on his own, he’ll have those memories that you two made together to hold him up whenever he starts to forget again, and he starts considering doing something incredibly stupid.”

“M-May?”

“Shit! Sorry, Twi,” he lamented, having gotten too caught up in relieving the fermenting guilt and shame that had been distilling within him for these past few months, if only slightly. Remembering that this was all to help Twilight and not to push his problems on somebody else.

“Now, as to whether or not he feels the same way about you as you do him. You’re going to have to keep in mind that change can be scary for him, considering he’s already lost so much. You’re one of his pillars now Twilight. You’re supporting him through the most trying times in his life, and he’s terrified of doing anything that could hurt you or push you away from him. So I doubt he’d be the one to make the first move should he share the same feelings as you. Hell, as ashamed as he probably is about how… wrong he still feels, even after all you’ve done to try and piece him back together, it wouldn’t surprise me if he feels he isn’t worth your time.”

“H-how could y- he…”

“So considering the high regard in which he holds you, combined with his unstable and often fluctuating sense of self-worth, I see little to no chance of your feelings or affections hurting or pushing him away. Sure, he might be initially shocked at having somepony as… well, as wonderful as you pining for him. And wonder why, with your pick of the stallions, you’d want to go after somepony as... defective as him. But trust me when I say, that if you can somehow convince him that he’s worth it, and can show him that your feelings are genuine, then you will literally make him the happiest stallion alive, and quite possibly fix what’s been broken in him for so long.”

“But… but what if he…?”

“Doesn't feel the same way?” Matthias finished for her, garnering a slow but rigid nod from Twilight.

“It is a possibility,” he warned her gently, causing her to shrink in on herself once again. “However, if he were to turn you down, I doubt it would be because of any perceived flaw you feel you have on your end.”

“Then why wouldn’t he want to… you know?”

Matthias gave her a simple shrug, “Could be he feels he isn’t in a place where he could give you the love and commitment he thinks you deserve. Maybe he’s been so preoccupied balancing whatever it is he does for a living with keeping himself together that he hasn’t put any thought into starting a relationship with somepony and needs time to consider whether or not he’s ready for such a commitment. And then there’s always the possibility that he’s never been in a stable, long-term relationship, and has no idea what he’s supposed to do. Given how oblivious he seems to be to your advances and how a wife or marefriend wasn’t on the list of people you said he’s lost.”

Twilight uncurled herself slightly, though she still kept her arms wrapped snugly around her smaller frame. The warm little hug she was giving herself looking like it was the only thing keeping her from collapsing back on top of her desk. And while it seemed to be working wonders stifling any further shivers trying to rattle her teeth loose. The way her ears fell flat against her mane, and the way her wings had all but sagged to the floor, belied just how much her confidence had begun to wane once again.

“And do you know what all those scenarios have in common?” He asked playfully, hoping to reassure the purple princess as she shook her head slowly.

“They don’t intrinsically exclude the possibility that there may be a time in the future where he is comfortable reciprocating your feelings. Nor do they bank on the fallacious reasoning so many of the romance novels you've given me fall victim to. Seriously, it's like every time a mare tries to court a yak, dragon, or griffon in those stories, it seems like the only reason she refuses to act on her feelings is because she’s working under the, ‘if he doesn't love me then he must hate me,’ dichotomy. When in fact, if one or the other were to admit to the other what they truly felt, then they could both work a good way towards eliminating the sense of cultural isolation and alienation that underpins most interspecies romance narratives.”

Once again Matthias' words seemed to ease Twilight up a bit, having released herself from the hug she’d been holding herself up with about halfway through his explanation. Though she did continue to fiddle about with the sleeve of her purple pajama top, and she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to fully look Matthias in the eye, having to turn her head to the side in an attempt to hide both her blush and her ever widening smile.

“So… realistically speaking, what kind of chances am I looking at here?” she was finally able to ask after several seconds of silence and a few quick run-throughs of the breathing exercise her sister-in-law had taught her.

“If you were to come right out and say it, 5:1 in your favor, if you continue on your current trajectory and keep pussyhoofing around the subject, 5:4, and if you just stay holed up in your room talking to me about it instead of him, no chance in hell.”

“*snort* P-pussyhoofing, seriously?!”

“What can I say? The metaphor was originally made with feet in mind, and there are only so many ways I can adapt human slang into Equestrian before something gets lost in translation,” he explained, only to freeze up when Twilight started shaking violently.

However, his worries were short lived as Twilight all but exploded in a fit of raucous laughter, throwing her head back with such reckless abandon that she damn near fell out of her chair once again. Fortunately, she was able to catch herself before she spilled back onto the floor, though the effort she needed to both keep herself upright and keep belting out her peels of almost bray-like laughter unwittingly put her modest mounds on full display for Matthias as they continued to heave sporadically beneath her top.

But as tantalizing a sight as her now pronounced chest bouncing about without the slightest hint of shame or modesty was, Matthias couldn’t help but be drawn back to Twilight’s flushed and florid face. Watching as streams of hot and happy tears ran rivulets down her cheeks and chin, melting away any remaining tenseness still frosting her muzzle over, the merry visage of his friend having left all her fucks to die in a ditch warming Matthias to his core. Burying whatever conflicting feelings were still stirring within him at having possibly friend-zoned himself in a shallow grave beneath a snug layer of relief and satisfaction at giving this mare he cared to bits for her smile back.

“Hee th- *snort* thanks May. You hee hee you really know just what to say to help pull my head out of my flank.”

“From dating advice to institutional overhauls, I’m your one-stop shop for whenever you need an outsider-looking-in-perspective. But all joking aside, you’ve got this, Twilight. Just be yourself and let him know how you truly feel about him, and hey, even if things don’t turn out as you expect them too. You know I’ve always got a spare shoulder to cry on and a few quarts of salted caramel gelato we can go to town on,” he assured her jovially, reeling back in pure terror when he saw Twilight rush the mirror. Her face seemingly doubling in size as she pressed her plush, purple cheek against the glowing glass, rubbing it in fast, tight circles as if she were trying to push her muzzle through the feed.

It took Matthias a second to work out just what in the actual hell the little madmare was up to, but once the initial shock of her actions had worn off, and he had taken into account how images behave in relation to distance from the mirror. He couldn't help but blush as he realized what Twilight was doing:

She was trying to nuzzle him through the mirror.

It had become his favorite display of affection between him and his friends. Sure it was just a simple rubbing of cheek to cheek or muzzle to neck, but the inherent closeness needed to initiate such an act of intimacy, as well as the feeling of their silken coats and warm breath brushing against his skin was well beyond anything he had ever received or experienced back on Earth. And it never failed to nearly set his face on fire whenever he somehow earned one from the princesses.

Yes, while the effect was somewhat mitigated by the fact that it was his reflection Twilight was nuzzling and not himself. The sentiments behind her actions were in no way diluted by either the distance between them or the medium through which she was trying to communicate her feelings for him.

So with an amused chuckle and a dopey grin spreading across his mug, Matthias moved in to reciprocate the gesture. Pressing the right half of his face against the mirror and closing his eyes, letting the ambient magic flowing off of the glass play across cheek as he tried to reflect Twilight’s motions back onto her.

However, he couldn’t revel in the warm glow radiating from the vanity for too long, seeing as the feed quickly began to take on the same crimson hue from before, followed by a subtle shaking that caused them both to jump away from the glass.

Matthias once again took up the defensive stance that had been drilled into him by both his MANDT training and Starry, ready to literally smack away any more stray bolts of magic that could set his room aflame, before an irritated growl from Twilight caused him to tense up for an entirely different reason altogether.

“Rrrrrrrgh Cunt stunting piece of-!” Twilight snarled out in an annoyed huff as she pressed her horn right onto the glass, channeling the runaway magics directly into her horn before things could get any more out of hand. All but instantly clearing the feed of any excess motion or color. And while Matthias was relieved not to be on fire again, he grew worried when he saw how tightly Twilight had screwed her eyes shut and how hard she was gritting her teeth:

“You alright, Twi? Kinda looks like you pulled something.”

“Y-yeah, I’m… I’m good. Sorry about all that May,” she lamented as she slumped back into her seat, gingerly rubbing at her temples in wide, sweeping circles to try and douse the fires sparking behind her eyes. “I… I didn’t want to risk the structural integrity of the gem or burning away what little mane you’ve still got, and I didn't think I had enough left in me for another dispelling canter.”

“Speaking of which, what iron-hoofed pony was finally able to drum a beat into your skull and which of your friends was generous enough to donate their right hoof to help them do it?”

“Th-That wasn't dancing! It’s a modified meditation ritual Celestia taught me when I was a filly to help me better distribute my magic across my mana centers! And... and... and Luna showed me how, in theory, it could be applied to potentially absorb any projected magic cast in my direction. Then I asked Starlight if she could help me develop and finalize a practical application for the ritual, and she likes having music playing in the background during our weekly spell training regiments.”

“So does this mean I'm gonna have to find somepony to hurl magic your way if I ever hope to get a dance out of you at the Masquerade?”

“T-that depends, are… are you seriously asking me to dance with you?.”

“Of course I am! What kind of sick degenerate gets invited to a soiree and doesn't even offer the girls who brought him a dance?” he answered with barely a trace of doubt or hesitation, shooting her a warm and genuine smile that caused her cheeks to burn slightly, and the mirror to start glowing red once again.

“Ok... why does that keep happening and how is it my fault?”

“Oh for the love of Celestia,” she bemoaned before standing and pressing her horn against the gem on her end. “Bare with me for a second here May. The *grunt* the individual matrices I've woven for the spells that make up the charm’s base enchantments use my connection and feelings towards you as a foundation, and they've been in flux all bucking night.”

“M-meaning what exactly?” Matthias asked cautiously. Unsure where exactly Twilight was going with this.

“*Eep* W-w-well, my *gulp* my feelings towards you have shifted dramatically since I grafted the initial enchantments, and as such, they no longer require as many jewels in order to maintain their effect.” She explained while fidgeting with her sleeve once again, beginning to use her magic to fiddle with whatever was left of the broth that had been boiling in her alembic.

“And… and is that a good thing?”

“A very good thing, they’ve gotten stronger,” she nervously mumbled, the blush on her face nearly matching Matthias' in its intensity.

The silence that settled between the two wasn't really so much awkward as it was necessary. Seeing as the two seemed to have way too much that they wanted to say to one another at the moment but simply lacked the proper means to communicate what it was eating away at them.

“S-so, do you have anything else you want to get off your chest?” Matthias probed after another minute or two of quiet, biting the bullet as it were to try and get Twilight to either confirm or kill the growing suspicions that had been festering within him for the past ten minutes or so.

“C-could we talk about it later? I’ve got some… some things to mull over, and I need to have a talk with a mutual friend of ours to get our houses in order. Plus we still haven’t sussed out what it was that triggered episodes four through seven and how it led to your hand looking like you tried performing a root canal on a timberwolf.”

It can never be a simple yes or no in these stories, Matthias fumed internally. Hoping to get some kind of closure for at least one of the riddles running rampant around the inside of his skull. But he had just gotten Twilight back to baseline, and he wasn't going to pressure her into admitting something based off a hunch and a few degenerate butterflies fluttering about in his stomach.

“*sigh* Well four is easy. After laying on Luna for about ten minutes, I let it slip that I was still spilling spores down my throat.”

Twilight cringed a bit and nodded, remembering a couple heated debates between her and Luna about the risks and benefits to dreamless sleep that had nearly gotten her thrown off the mountain when Luna raised her Royal Canterlot Voice.

“Did she say anything specific that triggered your episode?”

“N-not really. She was just pushing harder than usual to try and get me off the swill and I kinda lost it.”

“How’d you get her to back off?”

“By curling up in the fetal position and shaking like a field of beaten corn.”

“Oh, uh sorry. How bad was it?”

“Like I said, just a minute or two of shaking. Between my first three attacks and the possibility of having to come clean about why it’s so hard for me to sleep at night I… I just got a bit overwhelmed is all.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Heh she felt worse than me afterwards, but it wasn't anything a couple nuzzles and some cuddles couldn't cure.”

“Hee hee You know you're too good to us, right?” Twilight told him between bouts of little warm giggles. Barely able to hold back the small smile forcing its way back onto her muzzle as she remembered how understanding and forgiving her human friend could be when it came to putting up with some of her or Luna’s more eccentric character quirks.

“Hey, as much as you three put up with me, it's the least I can do.”

“We’re your friends May, that means we love each and every part of you. Even the bits that make us worry the nights away and question how far our patience can bend.”

“Love or accept?”

“Yes!” She answered playfully, nearly bursting out laughing again as Matthias turned his darkest shade of red yet, but she managed to keep herself together. Seeing the strained look in his eyes before he turned away in an embarrassed *huff* were all the clues Twilight needed to drop this particular tangent.

"Alright, so Luna freaked out at you for not sleeping naturally and pushed you too hard, which caused you to freak out for fear of divulging something you weren't comfortable sharing with her at the time. Which in turn made her freak out, since she’s so afraid of doing anything that could potentially push you away. Does that just about sum up episode four?”

“Mhmm,” he affirmed with a nod and a small smile, remembering the feel of the downy follicles lining Luna’s cheek caressing his own as they sought to comfort one another after their mutual fuck up. Though Matthias found the thought of Luna being terrified of possibly doing something that could make him not want to be friends with her anymore to be equal parts shocking and understandable given all she’s been through.

“And how much time would you say had passed between that and your previous attack?”

“Had to have been at least two hours.”

“And the time between your fourth and fifth episodes?”

"Forty-five minutes give or take, and you might as well lump numbers five through seven together since as soon I thought I'd settled one; another one would sneak up and pull a Rocky on me,” he drolled dejectedly, once again finding himself barely able to meet Twilight’s lavender gaze.

“Stars above, May!” she exclaimed almost frantically, that kind of time frame and frequency clearly not aligning with whatever theory she’d been patching together. “What could've possibly happened to you in the span of forty-five minutes to unhinge you so badly?”

“...sed me.”

“What was that?”

“She kissed me!”

“May, you're gonna have to speak up so I can-"

“LUNA KISSED ME!”

Twilight jumped a bit from his sudden outburst but settled surprisingly quickly all things considered. “Is that all? But didn't she alre-"

“ON THE LIPS, TWILIGHT!”

“Oh… well, could she have been aiming for your cheek and mi-"

“TWICE!”

Any further attempts at either downplaying or rationalizing their friend’s behavior found themselves lined up against a wall and promptly executed. Seeing as she could find no other way to justify or spin Luna’s actions into something more innocent than it sounded. And as much as she hated herself for making Matthias feel uncomfortable, and for finding his blushing, impassioned stammering absolutely adorable, she knew she needed to keep pressing if she was going to get to the heart of what was disturbing him.

“C-could you give me some more details?”

Matthias was quiet for several seconds; his head hung similarly to how Twilight’s had been while a small shiver ran up and down his larger frame. But before Twilight had a chance to prompt him again, Matthias seemed to find his voice and tried to convey to her what had happened to him:

“I… I had just about passed out again. You know how… how fucking useless I can get after one of my little bitch fits. So Luna lays me down and tucks me in on her lap like I'm a kid who needs his mommy because it’s thundering outside.

“Then she gets it in her head that I'm somehow ‘real’ asleep when I'm laying next to her, so I half-heartedly suggested she come to bed with me and she says yes! Next thing I know I'm hoisting her to her hooves and giving her shit for being able to dish out the parental affection but is unable to take it, and then she plants a big wet one square on my lips!”

“(Go Luna!) And what about the second one?”

“Well after she’d finished having her way with my mouth, she told me to head off to bed and made me promise not to partake in my nightcap. Sure it tastes like I’m pouring dehydrated sweatsocks down my throat and leaves me with a bit of temporal whiplash come morning, but it sure as hell beats waking up in the middle of the night playing in a puddle of my own piss, so I wasn't entirely enthused by the idea. But before I could voice my opinion on the matter, she kisses me again, and… and… thanks me for it! Then she goes all Moon Goddess on me and goes dancing away on a moonbeam before I could say anything!”

“Was it… was it really so awful May?” Twilight asked, the slightest hints of guilt and worry causing her voice to crack.

“N-n-n-n-no, it was… it was *sigh* it was everything I could’ve hoped for,” he admitted with a shy smile and a fierce flush. “Hell, if I weren’t so morally opposed to cliches, hearts would’ve started dancing around my head.”

“Then what's the problem, May?” she said letting out a sigh of relief that did nothing to assuage the guilt still tying knots in her chest.

“I… I can't tell if she's being serious or not!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that between you constantly taking your clothes off in front of me, Luna’s complete disregard for personal space, and Tia pulling my face into her chest, it’s getting harder and harder for me to tell if you all are teasing me or not!”

“May…”

“Look, I get that it’s fun bringing the human down a peg or two and even I think it’s neat seeing how the colors on my face work now. And… and I know you all mean well by it. And it’s nice knowing there’re at least three mares who don’t find me utterly repulsive and are comfortable enough around me to want to touch me.

“But… but dammit, a lot of what you guys pull on me could be mistaken for some major fucking passes back on Earth. And every time I feel like I’ve finally made peace with the fact that I’m never going to share a bed with somebody again, Celestia nuzzles me in just the right way. Or Luna pulls me in and pecks me on the cheek when I’m freaking out. Or I wake up with you cuddled up in my arms half buried in books, and I start to… hope again.

“And I don’t know if I should act on it or not! You guys are so much more… physical compared to humans when it comes to showing friendly affection, and I don’t want to feel something towards one of you when I know it’s not going to be reciprocated. And yet, a-after everything you’ve all done for me, g-giving me a home, your time, even my stupid fucking dream! I-I just can’t help feeling this way towards you guys!”

“What… what makes you think it’s wrong to have feelings for m- somepony?”

“Because I haven’t earned those feelings from you in return. Because I’ve got nothing to offer you that’s worthwhile. And because what right does an overcooked freak like me have to give or be loved?”

“W-what kind of flankhole told you that nonsense!?” she screamed with an angry flare of her wings, bringing her fists down on her desk hard, but neither noise seemed to have any effect on the downtrodden human.

“...Romulus.”

Twilight’s eyes flashed white at the sound of that infernal name, violet streaks of lighting beginning to arc their way across her body furiously, looking for something, anything, to lash out at as her body began to shake violently. How dare that… that… monster make itself known to Matthias in any way shape or form. Had it not gotten its fill pulling her friend apart and stitching him back together however it liked when he was its prisoner? Now it has the gall to haunt Matthias when he’s finally beginning to break out of his shell.

However, before Twilight could calculate the most efficient means of collapsing 350 acres of the Northern Mountains onto the damned dog’s den and turning the subsequent pile of rubble to glass, she steadied herself. Seeing that Matthias had gone scarily quiet and had somehow shrunk in on himself to the point that Twilight looked positively bulky compared to him, she realized that he needed a friend right now more than Harmonic Retribution:

“He was in the tunnel tonight, wasn’t he?”

Matthias gave her a shaky nod, unable to build a bridge between his mouth and his brain.

“And you fought him?”

Once more he nodded, his right hand beginning to throb painfully as he tried to push back against the guttural laughter echoing in the back of his skull.

“Could you take a step back?”

This request finally caused Matthias to pick his head back up. It’s inherent strangeness and seeming irrelevance to the current flow of the discussion causing him to cock his only eyebrow up at her. But Twilight gave no hint as to her intentions, choosing instead to magic away the various odds and ends she’d piled up on her desk while emptying the now purified solution from her alembic into a vial.

Sure, while in most instances he could piece together what Twilight was on about with just a couple of context clues and a bit of scaffolding from his world’s math and sciences. All he could really suss out from, “step back,” was that the explosion she’d been teasing him with all night was finally on its way. So he pushed away from the desk, the wheels of his souped-up office chair digging into the carpet slightly, making sure to bring any combustible or flammable material with him.

“Thanks, May, I’ll see you in a sec (hopefully),” she promised, the tiniest hints of fear weaving its way into her words as she lit up her horn for the umpteenth time this evening. Though this time around, she seemed far more focused in her efforts. Condensing and molding her magic to the point where the fluted bone sticking out of her mane had turned into a blazing six-inch ethereal spear of pure purple power, the sheer amount of raw jewels she was forcing into her horn seemingly warping the space around her.

However, before Matthias could fully grasp what Twilight was trying to pull off, her image became obscured by a violet opaqueness spreading its way across the enchanted glass in smoky billows mirroring the shades and hues of the light burning atop her head. Wiping away her reflection and leaving nothing but a static pool of seemingly inert arcane energy where his friend had once been. But not for long as the mirror's surface suddenly began to ripple, small waves rolling out from its center as if a stone had been chucked into it, followed by a purple point piercing its way through its liquid-like surface, and the rest of Twilight’s head a couple seconds later.

Matthias could only sit and stare as he watched the Princess of Friendship pull her best Sayako. Pushing and pressing her way through the small 3’x4’ vanity until eventually, one of her purple hands broke through the shimmering surface as well, desperately scrambling to try and find some kind of purchase atop his desk.

Fortunately for Twilight, it didn’t take Matthias long to figure out what it was he was seeing and immediately ran over to try and help her, grabbing her by the hand and bracing his foot against one of his desk drawers. Wanting to pull her out of there before she went the way of Kowalski from the SG-1 premiere.

Unfortunately, Twilight must have been further along than he had initially guessed, so when he gave her a hearty tug to try and get her the rest of the way through, the sudden shift in momentum all but rocketed her out of the mirror, and straight into his diaphragm. His vision going spotted as he made to cushion the fuzzy purple missile as they fell back onto the floor.

“*cough* Ow. You… you alright, Twi?” he asked, slightly winded. Adjusting himself a bit beneath her to keep the little black satchel she had hanging off her hip from digging into his side.

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said with a strained and frustrated grunt, “Sun- uggh, Sunburst and I have been working on retooling Golden Glow’s Gateway to allow for a much broader transmission range. We just… rggh we still haven’t sussed out why we’re losing all our momentum mid journey only for it to then come kick us in the flank once we’re more than halfway through the other side,” she explained, muttering out a quick series of barely audible equations concerning conversion rates as she made herself more comfortable on top of him.

Matthias breathed out a relaxed and relieved sigh. Figuring that if Twilight was well enough to be working out the metaphysics behind why she had nearly eaten shit, then he had no cause for concern.

Though that didn't stop him from wrapping her up in his arms and tucking her head under his chin. Effectively blanketing Twilight in his upper body as he pulled her tightly against him, wanting to be absolutely certain that she was here in his arms and not liberally splattered across the miles of countryside separating Canterlot from Ponyville. Her gentle weight and the bursts of minty breath brushing against his nose melting away at the sudden, though no less intense, fear of having almost lost this mare.

Twilight stiffened some from the unexpected manhandling, but she let out a giddy giggle and a contented sigh when she felt Matthias begin nuzzling the top of her head. Relaxing more and more as she felt his hot breath blow against her horn in longer, more controlled bursts.

But rather than just lay there and let him carry on with pampering her, Twilight chose to scooch herself up his broad frame instead, nuzzling into the crook of his neck while pressing her chest into his, her cheeks turning rosy as she felt his heart rate pick up.

“T-Twilight? What… what are you… why are you-” but whatever he was about to ask died a cold and lonely death on his lips as Twilight snaked her arms around the back of his head and started dragging her fuzzy face further up his cheek. Beginning to run her lips over his ear and bury her snout in his hair once she had fully settled into him:

“Because you’ve earned it,” she told him as she started planting soft kisses atop his head, breathing deeply between each playful peck and giggling each time his rusty red hair brushed against her nostrils.

“Because you give me a new reason to smile each and every time I come to visit you.” She said as she switched over to the right side of his face and began nibbling along the rim of his ear, causing Matthias' breathing to hitch as bolts of pure explosive pleasure shot up and down his body with each errant graze of her teeth.

“And because whenever you hold me close, and I get a chance to touch you, I'm reminded of how much of a strong, caring stallion you are,” she explained before she dipped her face down and latched her lips over his throat. Her tongue lapping away at the worn and scarred skin left by the shackle he had been forced to wear before it glided down a poorly healed crosshatch of cuts and gashes that carved a grisly trail down to his right shoulder. Where she began showering the rows upon rows of rough, jagged tears hidden beneath the loose fabric of his t-shirt with little kisses, swirls of her tongue, and soft loving nibbles.

Somewhere in a distant, less ripped up and on fire corner of Matthias Martin’s mind, a small black and brown Campbell’s Russian Hamster wobbled his way back to his wheel, an ice-pack pressed gingerly against a comically sized lump on his head. The poor dear had clearly seen better days, what with his fur being all matted and stained with coffee (cappuccino because he had a sweet tooth and thought the regular stuff tasted like burnt water) all while looking like he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s rest in over a year.

Still, he was a trooper if nothing else. Having kept Matthias up and running through 357 separate parent-teacher conferences, three different Praxis II exams, and five years of trying to explain to his uncle that grandma really doesn’t remember having that conversation with you five minutes ago so please stop yelling at her goddammit!

However, the tiny ball of manic, Muscovite fury was getting sick and tired of this slamming on the breaks bullshit. Having already been flung headfirst into the wall of the little abstract visual metaphor he called home twice this evening. Swearing under his breath that he was going to take the chew proof water bottle he had full of Grey Goose and break it off in the responsible party’s ass once the Leave Committee approved his personal time.

But until such a time as they could hire a temp to cover his shift, he still had a job to do. So with a bracing *huff* and an extra long swig of his fermented potato water he hefted himself back up into the rusty, lopsided wheel that kept Matthias’ OS spinning and started running. Booting up Martin.EXE and allowing Matthias to register that his best friend and study-buddy was currently grinding herself all over him and lapping him up like he was a bowl of milk.

In the ten seconds it had taken for Matthias to come fully back online, the purple dork had switched from lavishing his shoulder with her tongue and teeth to peppering up and down the side of his neck and chin with flurries of soft kisses and gentle caresses. Alternating between short bursts of downy nuzzles, and long drags and swirls of her tongue. All the while making sure to keep all four foot ten of her pressed against him at all times, using her hands, legs, even her tail to ensure that there wasn't a millimeter of space separating the two.

Meanwhile, Matthias was trying his best not to pass out on the spot, barely able to process what was happening to him under the constant bombardment of Twilight’s tender, loving assault. Partly because he just couldn’t wrap his head around whatever it was he had done to earn this kind of attention from Twilight of all ponies. And because each time he felt like he’d acclimated to whatever affection Twilight was lavishing him with, she’d change tactics or start focusing her efforts somewhere she hadn’t been teasing. Giving his circulatory system no rest or reprieve as it shifted his blood flow from one head to the other each time she’d switch it up.

Fortunately, before Matthias could commit to which of those heads he was willing to let burst in front of Twilight, she finally showed him mercy, but only after she had given him a few more loving nuzzles and two more long licks up and down both of his cheeks.

Picking herself off of him and straddling his chest, she peered down at him with a face so heated and flushed that it looked as if she’d had a bottle of cabernet broken over her head. The light burning behind her striking violet eyes still shining brightly in spite of the all-consuming black spreading out from her dilating pupils. Like the flames of a violet sun bending around the well of a moon crossing its path.

And Matthias couldn’t help but fall into them, the scorching heat staining his face and the near painful hardness threatening to rip right through his boxers and sweatpants temporarily forgotten as he stared up at the flushing, panting mare sitting on top of him.

“*pant* *pant* F-feeling *pant* better, May?” she asked between short, shallow breaths, her tail swishing happily between his legs while her wings began to flex and quiver excitedly.

And as crazy as it sounded, he did feel a hell of a lot better.

As Matthias felt his heart rate finally start to settle and the fire burning beneath his face die down to a smolder, he couldn't help but notice how much more relaxed he now felt. How any lingering feelings of dread and self-loathing had seemingly been flash-fried in the wake of Twilight's little display of affection. Even the soft pressure from her plump thighs squeezing around his ribs and her hands pressing down on his chest acted almost like a thunder vest to further squash his remaining anxiety.

And yes, while somewhere deep within the Danielewski-esque labyrinth hidden inside his skull, Matthias could still hear the faint echoes of his left brain’s hollow, derisive voice screaming at him not to hope for something beyond his reach. While the fleeting whispers of his right brain’s more excitable and shrill ones couldn't help but question if what Twilight had just done to him could be considered friendly, even by pony standards. They were becoming more and more muted against the subtle symphony of burning blood surging between his ears, and his thundering heartbeat slowly rolling off into the distance. It's cadence dropping lower and lower as his breathing slowed to match that of the giggling mare currently sitting on top of him, beaming him a warm, expectant smile.

A smile he couldn’t help but return as he reached a hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb parting the plush fur in gentle strokes that Twilight simply melted into.

“Mhmm,” he affirmed softly and with a faint nod, still unable to fully find his voice as he pulled his friend back down on top of him, wrapping his other arm around her in a warm embrace.

“Good,” she said as she shimmied her way back down onto him, tucking her head back below his chin before rubbing the tip of her muzzle along the crook of his neck in long slow circles.

But rather than riling up Matthias or causing his face to flush further, the motions seemed to unwind and soothe him even more, the heat flaring up beneath his face diffusing with each lazy turn of Twilight’s muzzle. Allowing him the time he needed to collect and compose himself as they continued to bask in the shared warmth their interwoven bodies offered. His hands beginning to trail gently through her mane and across her back.

“Hey… Twi?”

“Yeah?”

“T-thanks.”

“For what?”

“For tearing a hole in space-time just to remind my dumb ass that I've got friends.”

“Hee hee well, you know what the say? Friendship is ma-”

“Don’t ruin the moment dammit,” he pleaded tiredly, clamping his hand over her muzzle. Only for him to jerk it away when he felt her velvety tongue slip out from between her lips and wet his palm.

“Hee hee alright, but I just want you to promise me that if you're ever feeling low again and need somepony to talk to, don't be afraid to call me. After all, I am good for more than just espousing magical theory,” she assured playfully, lifting her head back up to flick her tongue across his lips before rubbing her nose against his.

And while normally Matthias would be doing his best impersonation of a stoplight by this point. He couldn't help but remember the desolate look Twilight had given him earlier while recounting how starved she was for a little affection from the stallion she was pursuing.

So, after considering all that she had just lavished him with, Matthias figured he’d been given the green light to be a bit more physical with his platonic displays of affection towards her. Startling Twilight to no end when instead of blushing or squirming beneath her, he planted a kiss on the tip of her muzzle and then blushed something so fierce it looked like he’d face planted into the side of a freshly painted barn. A barely audible “okay” escaping his lips before turning his head away in shame.

After several seconds of unsettling quiet that made Matthias question if he had upset her, he heard Twilight make a sound she usually only reserved for the times she could convince him to hit the town with her or when he showed her a new app on his phone:

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

But it wasn’t the, “over the top, no fuck’s given, I’m so excited I can’t even deal with this bucking shit right now!" kind of squee he was used to hearing from the purple princess. Instead, it was throttled, as if it were too big to escape out her mouth all at once. Her inability to fully release the joyful noise causing her body to rattle about like fall’s last leaf clinging desperately to its branch.

“M-More, please?!”

And if the saccharine sound of Twilight barely able to contain herself hadn’t thoroughly burnt through the little bit of insulin Matthias had left. Those two words, combined with the gigantic, pleading, purple puppy dog eyes she shot him as she began pawing at his chest all but gave him type-2 diabetes.

Finding his confidence somehow bolstered by her nervous fidgeting, Matthias gave her a small smile before placing another quick kiss on her muzzle, her subsequent *eep* devolving into a breathy moan when she felt the hand combing through her mane begin gently massaging along the base of her scalp and ears.

With her head held firmly in place, Matthias started peppering her face with a flurry of soft, feather-light kisses. Tickling the bridge of her muzzle with brief brushes of his lips till he reached her forehead, planting an extra long peck where her violet coat peeked through her indigo and magenta bangs. Smiling as he felt her nuzzle into his lips to try and possibly milk more out of him before he moved on.

Twilight let out a despondent whine when she felt Matthias pull his lips away from her, only for her breath to hitch and turn somewhat ragged when he brought them back to her cheek. Though this time around, he took a cue from how she had pampered him earlier by adding a swirl of his tongue to the kiss, matting a small circle in the thin coat covering her face before smoothing it out with a nuzzle, causing the mare snuggling on top of him to grunt and pant uncontrollably.

But since Twilight had given him no quarter when she was settling him back down, Matthias wasn’t going to show her any mercy either. Repeating the process of kissing, swirling, and nuzzling across the rest of her cheek before switching over to the right half of her face, but not without licking her across her lips as she’d done to him.

Though he nearly gave himself a stroke from the sheer amount of nerve he had to work up in order to pull it off. And the honest to Cthulhu whinny of joy Twilight made once her shock had worn off, and the warm, teary-eyed smile she gave him before rubbing her cheek into his lips didn’t help either.

Because as often as the princesses would glomp, snuggle, or nibble on him whenever they were excited, happy, or just in the mood; rare was the day where Matthias would initiate the casual contact. Always afraid his affections could be misinterpreted as an advance, and possibly disgust one of the few friends he still had with the thought that their hairless burn victim of a pet had feelings for them. So he tended to fall back on the one kernel of wisdom that seemed to remain consistent across his haphazard love life whenever he needed to feel another’s touch:

Let the girl, or in this case, mare, make the first move.

Which was why in spite of how much Matthias was reveling in the feel of her velvety coat and silken skin playing against his lips and tongue, he kept his ministrations zeroed in and around her neck and face. Mirroring the spots and techniques Twilight had used and focused on rather than explore or experiment, lest Twilight misinterpret this impromptu cuddle puddle as anything more than platonic.

Or at least, that was the plan, until Twilight pulled the collar of his shirt down and buried her muzzle back into his chest. Tickling Matthias with her tongue and teeth as she started suckling on his skin and joining in on the fun again, causing him to chuckle lightly both out of reflex and amusement. Patting the mare on the head and combing through her mane lightly to encourage her.

Though he was a bit disappointed he couldn't keep caressing her cheek, their current positioning making it difficult for him to reciprocate her in any way to match the ardor she was currently showering him with. But before he could mope about it for too long, something big, purple, and floppy bopped Matthias across his nose, causing his face to scrunch involuntarily.

The culprit? One of Twilight’s big fluffy, ears twitching excitedly in front of him.

And he got an idea. An awful idea. Matthias Martin got a wonderful, terrible, awful idea. An idea so wonderful, terrible, and awful that there was no stopping the deep dark chuckles that were bubbling up in his chest from slipping between his lips. Causing Twilight to grow concerned:

“M-May, what’s… what’s wrong? Did I-aaaahhhhh!”

That concern of hers devolving into a drawn-out moan of pleasure when Matthias slipped the tip of her ear into his mouth and gently grasped it in his teeth, nibbling on it so softly and gingerly that it was more of an embrace than a bite. The soft grinding of his teeth across her satin skin racking Twilight’s body in bouts of pure, white-hot pleasure that shot straight into her brain as she continued to shake on top of him.

Wanting to give him more room to work, Twilight tilted her head down, taking in long, deep breaths full of Matthias' scent before beginning to lap at his chest once again. His subsequent blush from the sudden intimacy relatively tame by comparison though he nearly turned as purple as she was when he felt Twilight not only slide her soft palm up and under his shirt but use her magic to lift the back of her shirt up as well. Giving him all the go-ahead he needed to run his hand up and down her bare back.

For the next several minutes the pair just lay there, sinking slowly into the cloud-soft carpet as they continued to caress each other with their lips and cheeks, utterly oblivious to the rather large and comfortable looking bed not two feet away from them, as caught up in the other as they were. They were neither forceful in their explorations, nor was there any urgency behind their movements. Just a mutual and straightforward declaration of the care and affection that they shared for one another. With Twilight spending most of her time on his chest and neck, while Matthias continued to focus his efforts on her lower back and ear. Trailing nips and licks along its edge before he’d bury his nose in her mane and nuzzle her, giving them both a chance to cool off and catch their breath before starting up again.

Noticing how with each of those languid breaths, his nostrils would be flooded in the scent of the lavender body wash Twilight had used while in the shower mixed with the spicy sweat she had worked up from her little dance. And though it was more subdued than the others, he could still pick up the lingering aromas of drying ink and musty parchment that always seemed to cling to Twilight.

A fragrance Matthias had come to associate with the purple nerd over the many months they’d worked together. One he had begun to feel safer and safer around as the days and weeks continued to roll on by, and found himself missing more and more whenever her duties as both a princess and headmistress kept her in Ponyville.

And no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that all this licking, kissing, and cuddling was merely how ponies expressed affection for their closest friends. And that there was probably only a one and a billion chance of Luna or Twilight seeing him as anything more than just a friend and/or novelty.

With each drag of Twilight's tongue and cheek across his chest, and with every subtle shift of her soft breasts as she molded herself on top of him. Matthias couldn't help but be swept away in the upswell of all the lost hopes and feelings he feared he’d never know again:

Assurance...

Acceptance...

...Love

Hell, just entertaining the idea that the mare on top of him might really have feelings for him, and that he could return and reciprocate those feelings without fear of retaliation, was enough to set his heart ablaze. Its incandescent beats drawing in droves of those damnable butterflies to his chest, the collective flurry of their fiery wings promptly searing him to the bone.

Oh sure, the fact that Twilight was after a stallion, and that these budding feelings of his were mostly his own wishful thinking, went a long way towards keeping either of his heads from getting too big. But dammit if the little fires she'd been setting with her kind words and soft touches weren't lighting him up from the inside out.

And when you combined all that with the tender heat still clinging to Twilight's coat from both her shower and her deepening blush, it left Matthias feeling rather warm and toasty lying beneath her. Like he’d been wrapped up in the snuggliest, most adorkable little electric blanket ever made. One he swore kept getting warmer and warmer the more he pet and loved on her, causing him to idly wonder how much more she could take before her coat caught fire as he chuckled to himself lightly.

And that was when a stray spark of her magic hit him upside the nose.

Matthias' eyes snapped open at the strange, fizzing sensation now pouring across his skin and the subtle smell of smoke beginning to fill the air. Panicking slightly at the thought of his idle musings suddenly becoming a reality, but he relaxed when he saw that Twilight had simply begun enveloping them both in her magic’s magenta glow.

It had just become another one of the little rituals and routines they had fallen into over the many months they’d been working and hanging out together. Whenever Twilight would come to visit him, whether it was to teach his and Luna’s biweekly Life in Modern Equestria seminar or just to pal around with him on the weekend. The first thing she would do after hugging and nuzzling the ever-loving shit out of him was try and touch him with her magic.

He wasn't exactly sure why she kept at it though. Sure, once upon a time she claimed it was to help her get a better understanding of his metaphysical makeup and study the behavior of mana when it came into contact with matter exotic to this reality. But after the seventh or so attempt deflected off of him and nearly broke her muzzle, she must have taken it personally. As ever since then there wouldn't be a lesson, play date, or research session that wouldn't start off with her pouring every bit of power she had into him.

Granted she'd come a long way from her first few attempts; now she was at least able to keep her magic from dissipating when it touched his skin, but not once had she ever been able to get a spell to stick to him.

Something Matthias was secretly grateful for at first, not having fully grasped the concept of ‘magic’ as the ponies defined it at the time, and having seen her do things with her horn that demonstrated handily how the laws of physics were her bitch. However, as the weeks and months went on by, and her determination and frustration mounted, he found himself cheering Twilight on more and more. Finding her stubborn tenacity and drive absolutely endearing, and the pitiful state she’d be reduced to each time she failed heartbreaking to no end.

So Matthias made ready to move out from beneath her, believing she’d want to sit in his lap and have him hold her hands like he always did whenever she performed one of her little magical check-ups. But as soon as he tried to shift out from under her, he felt Twilight tighten her grip on him, her tail and wings wrapping around him while she balled her fists into his shirt, forcing him to stay in place:

“N-no, please, don't… don't move! I *grunt* I'm almost there, I just… just don't let me go, okay?! We’ve *rgggh* we've never been this close before, and… and I never want to be so far from you again! So… so just for tonight, could *gulp* could you hold me like I was Luna, please?!” she pleaded, looking up at him with a strained, teary-eyed smile.

A smile which left Matthias at a complete loss for words. Of course, that didn't stop an entire regiment’s worth of red flags from being raised, “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” emblazoned in big, bold letters that fluttered on the winds whipped up from the thousands of new questions swirling around inside his head. Chief among them, “What does she mean ‘hold me like I was Luna?’” and “how can she think we’re not close?”

Sure, when it came to all the hugging and the kissing and the nibbling he’d come to expect from the princesses, Twilight was a lot more reserved compared to Luna or Celestia. And she also tended to be a bit more… professional with him, even when it was just the two of them in his room reading or talking together.

But could he really blame her? After all, he was only one sunburn away from looking like Gregor Clegane and had all the mental stability of Jessie Spano on caffeine pills, so he understood why she’d want to keep him at arm's length. Which was why he’d been so caught off guard by all the faux-dirty talk and borderline foreplay they’d been engaging in for the last half hour or so.

So… so by closer, does she mean that she wants me to what? Drop a couple of the formalities and open up to her more? Hug her first and maybe not hesitate as much on the return nuzzle?

Prospects Matthias would normally be all for, given how cute he found Twilight, both inside and out. Plus, he was always looking for fresh new ways he could make her smile, but it was how she had phrased that desire for greater intimacy with him which was causing Matthias to pause:

Hold me like I was Luna

She wasn’t just asking him to trust her more, nor was she asking him not to be so touch-shy with her. No, this was Twilight asking Matthias to treat her like he treated Luna.

Which, while on paper, didn’t seem like too strange a request. Twilight seeing the dynamic he had with Luna and wanting her relationship with him to be more like that.

But he had nearly broken his hand trying to figure out what exactly his relationship with the Princess of the Night was now, and there was a particular charge to Twilight’s plea that once again evoked how Luna pleaded with him to forswear his draught and let her join him in his bed.

Seriously Twilight, are you after a stallion or not?

Now, he didn't want to think of himself as a narcissist, that every hug or nuzzle a mare or stallion gave him was them making a pass at him. But what else was he supposed to think after ten minutes of heavy petting and cuddling brought about by pouring his heart out to Twilight about his fears concerning the implications of Luna kissing him? It also didn't help that said petting and cuddling had left him harder than Give Me God of War mode, so he found it almost impossible to keep certain kinds of questions from popping up inside his head:

Is she really interested in me or am I a fallback if the stallion doesn't go for her?

Is she making a move on me because she doesn't think Luna’s interested or does she not care?

How can I possibly give Twilight what she wants without hurting Lu-

“...Please?!”

Fortunately, before that train of thought could pick up too much momentum, it got derailed by Twilight's labored beseeching.

Looking down at his friend, Matthias saw that her smile had begun to falter. Whether it was from the strain of maintaining her current mana output, or the silence that had fallen between them, he wasn’t quite sure. But when he saw the tears that had been pooling in her eyes begin to run down her cheeks, he was definitely sure of one thing:

He had to nut up and fix this.

Scooping Twilight up in his arms, he pulled her further up onto him so that their faces were mere millimeters apart. Their hot breaths mingling momentarily before he started nuzzling up and down her cheeks, wiping away the trails of tears falling from her eyes and replacing them with trails of little kisses that led down to the corners of her mouth. Causing Twilight to giggle and coo adorably with each pass of his lips across her muzzle, until she felt Matthias cup her cheeks and guide her face up so that she was looking him right in the eye. The feel of his thumbs gently massaging below her eyes almost enough for her to lose her hold on her magic.

“Y-you know, it *gulp* it doesn’t just have to be for tonight, right?” he managed to choke out, causing Twilight to blink in confusion before she realized what it was he was saying, her smile and blush returning in full as she started nuzzling into his hand:

“Thank you, May,” she sighed happily, planting a few wet kisses into his palm before laying herself back on him, rubbing her cheek into his before refocusing her efforts back on her magic.

Once again Matthias could feel Twilight’s power pouring over him, like he was being submerged in a tub full of hot, carbonated water. Laughing airily as he felt streams of her aura dip under his shirt and break against his skin, only for each shattered wave to be immediately replaced by another surge of her magic, but he kept his chuckles and movements to a minimum. Not wanting to break Twilight's concentration, seeing as her contented smile had already been replaced by a pained grimace as she desperately tried to push her magic into him.

Of course, that didn't mean he was going to forget his promise to be more affectionate with her either as he slid a hand beneath her shirt. Once again beginning to trace his nails across her back while the other moved up to scratch along the back of her scalp and ears, occasionally massaging and fiddling with the one he couldn't kiss or nibble on. All while taking care so as not to accidentally brush against her horn or wings, lest he really distract her.

And between each loving nuzzle and nibble Matthias would whisper little words of encouragement to her. Assuring Twilight whenever he’d hear her start to whimper, praising her each time she’d push through the pain. And holding her that much tighter whenever he felt her begin to shake from both the strain of her efforts and the pleasure from his ministrations. Her shaky breath tickling the rim of his unmelted ear.

-zzz-ease... -zzzzz-rk!

And then he heard somebody new start talking in his head:

Ple-zzzzz... zzzzz nev-zzzz -zzen so op-zzzzzz me, you even ki-zzzzz me! So, why zzzzzz wor-zzzz?

The voice reminded Matthias vaguely of Twilight’s, vaguely because it sounded like she was trying to talk to him through a radio that was going through a tunnel. But surely it couldn’t have been hers. After all, the mare in question had her muzzle all but shoved into his ear, and all he could hear passing through her lips was her labored breathing.

Cozzzz zn! Work for zzzzzz’s zzzzake!

But at the same time, it wasn’t like the usual cavalcade of lost loved ones and bad dreams that started storming the gates whenever his emotions ran too high. As the words he could make out seemed to be more pleading than taunting, and they had that subtle sprinkling of Sparkle salt that no amount of anxiety or mania could ever hope to replicate.

Co-zzzzzzzzzzzz-me on. I can zzzzzz, I have to zzzzzzz!

And with each burst of static blaring inside his skull, spikes of pure desperation and longing would stab straight into his brain. Tearing meaty gashes into the thin membrane of calm and composure he’d managed to scrape back together, giving his mounting panic and confusion plenty of holes to bleed out of.

Why zzzzzzzzzzz-el you May? Why can’t I ma-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz letting me in, you’re not afraid to touch zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz being so brave for me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-ucking ovaries zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz how I feel?

And then the Twilight on top of him started planting nuzzles and kisses along his ear and neck again, her arms worming their way around his back and pulling him into a fierce hug, the desperation and longing saturating him burning away in a molten flood of pure joy and compassion, and… and...

And Matthias finally got it; Twilight had done it! She had connected to him! These were her thoughts he was hearing, her feelings he was feeling. But it seemed to be a one-way street, as her garbled words and continued affections indicated she hadn't cottoned on to how disorienting or how uncomfortable the whole ordeal was making him.

You're zzzzzzzzzzzzing! You're the kind- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzring stallion I've ever zzzzzzzzzzzz flying buck about zzzzzzzzzzz -cess and aren’t zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz much of a spaz I can be. You just zzzzzzzz… me! And you help me zzzzzzzzzzzzz And zzzzzzzzzzzzzzserve somepony who’ll zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz feel every second of every day. So please, ju- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you can hear me!

And yet somehow, someway, amidst the flood of foreign feelings accelerating his growing unease and terror, Matthias was still able to process and contextualize Twilight’s mangled words:

Twilight was desperate for this to work.

And that whatever feelings were pushing her to nearly fracture her horn went well beyond scientific inquiry.

Putting his gentle petting and caressing on hold, Matthias started hugging her back just as fiercely as she'd been holding onto him. The sudden intensity of the pressure now enveloping her causing Twilight to pause in her efforts.

And in that moment of clarity, where Matthias could only recognize his own feelings whirling around inside his head, he focused his thoughts on the silvery sparks of anticipation he’d feel whenever he knew Twilight was coming to see him. The welcoming warmth from every little hug and nuzzle she’d ever given him. The airy excitement that would burn within him when she proposed a joint project for them to work on together. The fireworks of sheer pride and joy that would explode in his chest whenever their experiments or discussions bore fruit. And the simple calming stillness that fell upon him when he was in the presence of one who was not just his friend, but one who was cut from the same manic cloth as he was.

Refining and crystallizing this upswell of feelings that Twilight evoked in him around one simple word:

Yes

And Twilight screamed.

Twilight screamed a long, horrible, throat-tearing shriek that bore straight into Matthias' soul, and right into his ear. Fire and agony scorched every nerve down from the soles of his feet all the way up to his scalp as her magic lashed out uncontrollably and struck him across the eyes. The pain only mitigating when Twilight desperately flung herself off of him, though it was a short-lived reprieve, as she landed on his mangled right hand in her escape.

Forcing an agonized shout out of Matthias as he lost what little bearings he’d found amidst the searing echoes still burning throughout his nervous system and her near deafening scream still ringing in his ears.

But as the dull throbbing blooming in his hand finally began to die down, and the dots and squiggles blinding him finally started to settle. Matthias was greeted with a sight that wounded him far deeper than anything his coping or a botched spell could ever hope to come close to.

That being Twilight clutching frantically at her horn as she curled herself up in a ball next to him. Pathetically shaking as pained tears poured from her eyes as she whimpered uncontrollably on the ground. Instantly quenching whatever confusion and fury he felt from having his emotions wrenched from him as he scooched over to try and help her.

“Twi, talk to me, what happened?!” he asked her as he scooped her up and sat her on his lap, rocking her back and forth gently.

“Em… empathetic f-f-f-feedback. Don't *grunt* don't worry; it'll pass in a sec.” she managed to choke out through gritted teeth, offering him a strained smile as she rubbed her cheek into his chest.

“Anything I can do to help?” he offered, relieved that it wasn’t his attempt at answering her that had brought her to this state, but at the same time, he was disappointed that she hadn’t been able to feel him like he had felt her.

“Just… just hold onto me, okay?”

Matthias nodded, planting a couple more kisses on her forehead before trailing them up to her crown, hoping to offer her some modicum of comfort as her breathing became less labored and more controlled. Though she still felt a bit too warm for his liking and he wondered if he should maybe take her out onto the balcony for a spell so she could cool off.

Fortunately, he wouldn’t have to go too far to help her with that. As from his now upright position he could see that his impromptu ice-pack had landed within arm’s length of him after Twilight’s dynamic entry; promptly picking it up so he could start dabbing it across her forehead. Causing Twilight to shiver and sigh happily as layers upon layers of pain and tension seemed to be wiped away with each soft stroke of the chilled cloth.

“Hmmmmmm Thanks May, that feels wonderful,” she sleepily whispered as she wrapped a wing around Matthias' back and pulled them closer to each other.

“Can’t have my favorite egghead cracking on me here now can I?” he joked softly before picking up her hand and planting a quick kiss between each of her fingers. Blushing warmly when he felt those fingers wrap around his in return.

“Hehe, You really are too good to me.”

“If that were the case, you wouldn't have had to nearly blow your horn off trying to make me realize how much me holding back was hurting you,” he sighed dejectedly, only to perk back up when he felt a purple palm cup his cheek.

“Don’t be like that, May. As equine as you appear and act, I constantly need to remind myself that you are your own unique entity who has views and feelings towards friendship and intimacy that can vary greatly from our own.” She assured him with a soft kiss and a nuzzle on his cheek.

“I mean, it’s no wonder Luna’s got you so shaken up when you haven't the grounding to tell when a mare’s being friendly with you or flirting with you. *sigh* And here I was freaking out because I was equating our lack of physical contact as you seeing me as less of a friend than Luna or Celestia,” she confessed, suddenly turning downcast. But as much as Matthias would've liked some answers concerning Luna’s antics, he had worked too hard tonight getting Twilight’s smile back to let her start beating herself up again.

“Hey, I'm just as guilty of it too," he assured her with a tussle of her mane, "I can't just assume that every mare who cuddles me is telling me to come hither. Nor should I expect ponies to react the same way to acts of friendly affection as humans would. I was just… scared, you know? I’ve… I’ve lost a lot of friends who thought I was coming onto them and viceversa, and I didn’t want to risk the same happening to you or the others.”

“Because we’re your pillars right?” she said shooting him a knowing, yet gentle smile before pulling him into another hug, her arms wrapping around his neck as she began nuzzling under his chin.

“Heh was I that obvious?” he downplayed sheepishly, causing Twilight to chuckle.

“You may be many things May: kind, smart, a righteous pain in the flank, but subtle is not one of them,” Twilight teased, shivering when she felt his tongue trail up her cheek.

“Yeah, well I'm sorry I put you through that, and I promise to start showing you a little more love from now on,” he swore as he began drying her cheek with his, turning Twilight into a giddy puddle of pony as she felt his hand comb through her mane.

But her delight petered out quickly upon spying the state of the hand he was using to caress her. The sight of the inflammation painting the skin across his knuckles and the torn scabbing from where she had landed on him causing her to wince as bundles of mirror neurons began exploding throughout her right hand.

Almost by instinct, mana began coalescing in her horn, forming around the matrix of a basic first-aid and pain dampening spell. But as was the case with most of her magic, as soon as she tried projecting it onto Matthias, it unraveled like a roll of wet toilet paper, the rebound of the failed spell flicking her across her nose.

“Ow, dammit!”

“You know, one of the definitions of insanity back on Earth is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.”

Twilight shot him a challenging glare before wiggling out of his arms and sitting herself up on the floor in front of him. Gingerly grasping his mangled hand in hers, the fire behind her eyes dying down to cinders as she once again took in the damage his anxieties had wreaked upon him.

“Like I said Twi, it’s okay, it looks a lot worse than it fe-AHHAHH!?”

Whatever assurances Matthias was trying to give to Twilight were cut off when the mare began pampering the split running along his fingers with her lips and muzzle. Planting kiss after kiss between and across each of his knuckles before dragging her tongue back along the gash. Repeating the process several times over until the site of the injury shone with a warm sheen that sparkled in the flickering candlelight.

And all the while, Twilight made sure to keep her eyes trained on his. Her gaze never wavering with each pass of her tongue, care and regret flaring up with each wince and gasp that she tore out of him.

Yet in spite of the spikes of dull pain shooting through his hand with each flick of her tongue, Matthias found the stinging heat diffusing into balmy chill utterly soothing and calming. Like his mother kissing his skinned knees and elbows every time he fell while she was teaching him to ride a bike on his own.

“Even so, as your teacher, I should have better prepared you for this eventuality,” Twilight told him between licks and kisses, hints of guilt still marring her muzzle. “I should have given you more to go on other than just what not to touch on a pony.”

Raising his hand up into the light, she gave the wound one last once-over and kiss before reaching down into her bag, pulling out the vial of brew she’d been boiling on her end of the mirror and a roll of silver cloth bandage. Using her magic to meet out the fabric, she tore off enough to fashion a proper wrap for his hand, making sure to evenly douse the length of cloth with the medicine she had made before tying it around his hand. Ensuring that it was not only tight enough to not come undone but loose enough to give his hand room to breathe and flex comfortably.

“How does that feel?”

“Like a second skin, thanks,” he told her, wiggling his fingers in front of her, marveling at how he could barely feel either the bandage or the pain. “What was in that stuff?”

“Hee hee just a little White Convulsana, no better naturally-occurring anti-inflammatory out there.”

“And pony spit. Lots and lots of purple pony spit,” Matthias teased while beginning to scratch behind her ear, causing Twilight to simultaneously puff up and deflate before leaning into his hand.

“You wouldn’t have needed it if Luna had stuck to the bucking schedule!”

“What was that?”

“I said Luna was right! Your interactions with the base magics of the realm have become less discordant, so she might actually be able to enter your dreams tonight. Though given how much time you two spend together, I shouldn’t be surprised.” Twilight blurted out quickly, going from excitable to forlorn in a near instant as she brought a hand up to her horn and began running her fingers along the fluted spire.

“But why now? What’s changed so that yours and Luna’s magic can now touch me?” he asked, hoping a dip in some academia would brighten her back up.

“I can’t know for certain without running the specific tests. I mean, it could be something as simple as a subtle shift in your chromosomal alignment, or as abstract as your quamanun signature better ma… Wait!? What do you mean ‘yours?!’”

“Heh You really couldn’t hear me, could you?”

“H-hear what?”

“Me trying to tell you ‘yes,’ when you ‘asked’ if I could hear you,” he explained, throwing up some air quotes around asked.

“Wait wait wait wait wait. You… you felt me?! You heard me?!”

“Would be kinda hard for me to admit to not having the ovaries to do something… Actually, it would be kinda easy considering -ACK!

Matthias' teasing tangent was promptly interrupted when he felt Twilight smush his cheeks together, effectively shutting him up and holding his head in place as she began scrutinizing his face. Looking for any hint that he may be funning her or that he was just yanking her chain.

“What… what did you hear?” she cautiously asked, the realization that she had succeeded slowly crashing into her.

“It was a bit of a jumbled mess, but I could hear stuff about me kissing you, how you needed the spell to work, *cough* a bunch of really nice things about me, and then you asked me to let you know if I could hear you.”

“An… anything else?”

“Yeah, it was like... it was like every time the words would pour into me, the feelings behind them would pour in as well.”

“And what did you feel?”

“Frustration, want, and… and something a lot more intense,” he confessed with a blush, unwilling to put a name to that particular feeling, as he was unsure where Twilight’s sentiments ended, and his began. “And then when that feedback thing hit you, it felt like somebody was fracking my bones with molten lead.”

The blush and wonder that had been creeping across Twilight’s muzzle suddenly paled as she realized what it was he was describing. “No... no no no no, an empathy link is a two-way street! It literally allows ponies to experience what the other is feeling, so I should have been able to connect with you too! But, the sensations and sentiments you described are most certainly what was going through my head at the time, and the likelihood of our individual thoughts and feelings aligning to such a degree naturally would be as statistically improbable as the stars falling into their scheduled formations every night for a week without Luna’s guidance! So why’d the loop happen? Empathic feedback should only occur when one, or more ponies in the link is either emotionally distressed or being for-”

Some kind of black realization must have smacked Twilight across the muzzle hard as her diatribe came to a screeching halt. Her head dropping into her hand as she slowly shook her head back and forth, a few wry chuckles slipping from her lips, “Heh, so… so not only did I botch the spell completely, but I was so caught up in making it work that I couldn’t even see that I was hurting you again.”

Wait, again? Matthias thought, the sudden shift from metaphysical inquiry to perceived offense nearly throwing the hamster off his wheel for a fourth time as he tried desperately to piece together the when and the how of this other supposed injury:

Not asking me how my day was?

Making me talk about my freakouts?

The mirror almost blowing up?

The mirror almost blowing up again?

Not telling me abo-

“And once again, instead of asking you if you’re hurt or alright, I’m more concerned about why the link didn’t fully establish as per bucking usual! Seriously, some Princess of Friendship I am, right?” Twilight snarked with a bleak chuckle, pulling Matthias out of his head and bringing him back to the here and now.

And in the here and now, Twilight had once again begun working herself into a tizzy.

Fortunately, she wasn’t at the full-blown hyperventilating phase just yet, and he could neither confirm nor deny that the little shivers he saw shooting up and down her body were from the open patio door or not. But in a way, that could be just as scary, if not more. Because as frantic as the mare could get when overworked or overwhelmed, she could fall just as hard and far if her best-laid plans went astray, or if she believed she’d fucked up something beyond salvaging. Often times reducing her to a tiny purple ball of despondent self-loathing that no amount of encouragement or pep from her friends could uncurl or pull out from under the covers.

Of course, he couldn’t really fault Twilight for feeling so distraught. After all, this particular fuck up played into a deep-seeded hang-up of hers that seemed to have been haunting her since the early days of their friendship, and not something erroneous like the topic for the third Wednesday of next month’s study session.

But really, in the grand scheme of things, the only lasting injury he’d accrued from her tonight was when she rolled onto his hand, and even then the treatment she’d given him afterward had left him feeling calmer and more collected than he’d been all evening.

More importantly, however, and what Twilight failed to realize in her current state of self-pity, was that she’d finally done it. She had successfully managed to get a spell to stick to him. Through her antics and affections, Twilight had bridged a gap he hadn’t even known existed between them, and he’d be damned if he was just going to let her run back across that gap and burn the bridge down because she thought she’d hurt him.

So with that simple goal in mind, Matthias slowly pushed himself back onto his feet and began tiptoeing his way over to her. Making sure not to come at her too suddenly lest he startle her in the wrong way. But lucky for him, Twilight was too preoccupied with her wallowing to notice his approach. Only stirring when she felt the lights dim from his massive shadow falling over her.

“M-May? What… what are doing?” Twilight asked somewhat tremulously as all five foot six of Matthias bore down on her. His face, which was barely readable by pony standards as it was, bearing all the expressiveness of a worn away granite shelf ready to collapse onto her.

Though not even the most socially inept little horse man could mistake the impish smirk cracking at the corner of his lips as he lunged at her, one arm hooking under her legs while the other swung around her back just below where her wings slid through her pajama top. Once secured in his arms, Matthias promptly plucked Twilight up off the floor and hoisted her up bridal style, the sudden shift in her center of gravity pulling a surprised squeak out of the Princess of Friendship as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support.

"Pulling your head out of your ass again,” he said matter of factly before he started tickling the ever loving fuck out of her.

Peels of high pitched laughter exploded from Twilight’s chest as she felt his fingers dig in behind her knee and below her ribs. All thoughts of how she had bucked up jumping ship as she tried to wriggle out from his grasp. But between the angle he was holding her at, and the fact that she weighed all of 90 pounds soaking wet, there was little she could do besides squirm uselessly within his grasp.

Oh sure, it was entirely within the realm of reason for her to call upon her reserves of Earth Pony constitution and wrest herself free from him. However, she chose to hold back, since calling upon it bore the risk of actually hurting him, given the rate at which her muscles were already spasming beneath his attack. And if she was being 100% honest with herself, she really didn’t want him to stop. Much preferring the silvery shocks of childish glee shooting through her body and the giddy lightheadedness she was now swimming in to the feelings of crushing guilt and disgust that she’d been drowning in not even a minute ago.

Doubly so when she felt Matthias bring his lips back down to her and start planting kisses up and down her muzzle; adding in an additional layer of heat to the blush already burning beneath her face as she let herself simply get lost in the waves of airy mirth tossing her about like a ship in a storm. The dance of his fingers running across her body and the contractions of her diaphragm with each burst of foalish laughter the only things she allowed herself to feel.

In fact, she was so caught up in how expertly Matthias was playing her that she didn't even notice that he had moved them over to his bed and had sat them both down until well after he had begun to let up on his attack. Finally able to recognize the feel of the plush, navy blue comforter he slept under brushing against her tail and wings now that he had given her a chance to catch her breath and gain her bearings.

“You feeling better now, Twi?” she heard Matthias whisper happily down to her in a tone mirroring the one she had used while helping him earlier. The barest hints of caramel and cinnamon tickling against her nose as she felt his warm breath fall over her, and a soft hand begin wiping away at the hot tears staining her face. Revealing her friend smiling down at her with a grin equal parts heartfelt and shit-eating once he had finished drying her eyes.

A smile that any other night would’ve gotten him a playful punch in the pec for whatever smart-ass comment had proceeded it. Although tonight, all it succeeded in doing was fucktupling the depth of Twilight’s blush, dyeing the violet alicorn nearly as dark as her mane as she gave him a shaky nod. Her turn to lose track of her voice now as she tried to turn away in an attempt to save face, only for the hand that had been caressing her cheek to block her escape.

“Good,” he said while leaning down and licking Twilight across her lips again. Effectively double-tapping any lingering thoughts of dread or guilt still eating at her before he began rubbing small circles across her belly. His blush returning full force when the mare in his lap gripped his hand and guided it below her shirt and across her taut tummy, her thin coat the only thing separating them now.

“Hmmmmm I could get used to this cuddlier side of you May,” Twilight cooed contently beneath his tender touch as she rubbed her cheek lazily into his lower abdomen.

“Hey, I've always been willing to cuddle. I just wasn't sure what was off limits, or if you even wanted me to touch you more,” Matthias tried explaining. The colors on his face evening out as he started twirling a finger around her fuzzy little navel. “But after you literally bore your fucking soul to me like that, I’d have to be brain dead not to give you what we both want.”

“Hee hee I'm just heh I’m just so happy that you felt me,” she softly cheered between the little chuckles his ticklish touches were pulling from her. “I just wish I could have felt you too, and that you didn’t have to suffer through the feedback loop with me.”

“Meh, once we finish clearing Cliff of everything he's got, we can spend the rest of the weekend trying to make it stick properly if you want.”

“R-really?! You’d really risk going through all that again?!” Twilight asked incredulously while trying to sit back up. Only for Matthias to prod a finger into her muzzle and push her back down.

“Yes, really! Like I said, it shouldn’t have taken you nearly flash-frying our nerves for me to realize how important this was for you. And hey, now that I know what's going on and what to expect, maybe I’ll be able to actually help you with it, instead of mucking it up.”

“And… and if it still doesn’t work, or if I hurt you again?”

“Then I’ll just hold you close and remind you over and over again how you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had across two worlds, and do whatever it takes to show you what you mean to me,” he detailed with a shrug of his shoulder and another kiss on her cheek.

“You… you promise?” she asked shyly and with her darkest blush yet.

“I… I think I can manage that, so long as you promise to help me with a little side project I’ve been working on for the past month or so.”

“Of course I will!” she affirmed excitedly as she rolled off his lap, being careful not to brush against his hand again as she sat up to face him, her tail swishing back and forth excitedly in anticipation. “So, what did you have in mind? Is it strictly research this time or did you find another gaping hole in the Equestrian Education system that could be filled in with another bit of Terran ingenuity?”

“Heheh, sorry, still haven’t quite recovered from the Dewey Decimal debacle for anything too earth-shattering just yet. No, I was just thinking about getting a few of the books in my library transcribed and distributed. You know, maybe give you and some of your more literarily inclined students a chance to read something they would’ve never had a chance to read before.”

“Oh, uh that shouldn’t be too much of a hassle,” she said, deflating somewhat at the sound of such a simple venture, though she couldn't help but smile as she saw the teacher in him start to shine through. “Most of the books we’ve collected so far are still widely available through various anthologies and omnibuses. But there's been a push by the EEA over the last decade or so to emphasize a more Post-Unification, Heliocentric narrative within the classroom, which has led to a dearth in publishers willing to distribute materials which don't align with their standards. So we’ll probably want to focus on literature and histories that predate both Celestia’s first raising and the founding of the Trinitatis so we can highlight the individual accomplishments and contributions each tribe has brou… W-what’s so funny May?”

“It’s… heheh… it’s... heh... it’s just fucking fantastic!” He managed to choke out between chuckles as he slung an arm around her shoulder. “Here I am trying to set up the big reveal for your present, and in all of 30 seconds, you’ve not only managed to use it to shit all over the EEA, but you're already developing it into a system to scaffold the core foundations of your students’ cultural and societal identities!”

“Well, if I don’t insult those jingoistic flanks at least three times a day, I risk dulling my newly honed trash talking skills. And as headmistress, I always need to find ways to maximize the learning opportunities for my students. But how exactly is donating your books to the school a present to me? I mean, I appreciate you giving the kids the opportunity to study stories and philosophies that have been lost to time and politics, but I’ve probably read, re-read, and written compendiums and criticisms on at least 95% of the books in your library. And I can always come visit you should I need to examine them again, so why would I need my own copy of your collection?”

“Hehe, trust me Twi, I can personally guarantee that these are books the likes of which you nor anypony in Equestria has ever seen before!” He assured her while pulling his phone out of his pocket. Fiddling with a small flap Twilight had never noticed before on the top of the device before pulling out a small… something and holding it up between his thumb and index finger.

“Think fast!” he warned Twilight before softly underhanding the little whatever it was at her, forcing Twilight to reel back a bit as the tiny object bounced off her chest and dropped into her cupped hands.

Once the initial shock of being pelted with terran tech had worn off, and after shooting Matthias a bemused glare, she was finally able to take stock of the little black… thing that had fallen into her hands.

And sweet Celestia above was it tiny. Like, barely bigger than her pinky nail tiny, and made of a material similar to the outer shell of Matthias' phone, which made Twilight question if there might be something hidden inside it as well. Given the thin strips of what looked like gold sticking out of one end of it and the little 256GB seemingly etched into its side. But try as Twilight might, she just couldn’t picture what purpose or function something so light and delicate could serve within the marvel that was Matthias' smartphone, and how it related to this mystery library of his.

“So what is this thing, May?” she asked, finally giving up the ghost after another minute of pondering and only drawing a blank.

With the biggest shit eating grin he could muster, Matthias plucked the little oddity out of her hand, and slid it back into his phone. The normal clutter of apps and shortcuts covering the background image of his old dog shifting to that of a silhouetted boy reading beneath a tree under a starry sky and a small white bar that was slowly filling with gray.

“This, dear Twily, is the one and only repository of human literature on all of Equus!” he exclaimed as he handed her his phone, snickering as he saw her jaw nearly hit his bed upon the app beginning to boot up.

“W-w-w-w-what?!” she screamed, her hands shaking as she saw dozens of thumb-sized book covers begin popping up on the screen. Some emblazoned with fantastical looking characters and vehicles while others bore the faces of distinguished looking human mares and stallions. But just as quickly as the titles would appear on the screen, they would almost instantly be replaced by another, and another, and another, until there was a literal blur of books zooming in and out of view across the surface of the mechanized marvel she held in her hands. The torrent of tomes only beginning to slow once the little loading bar at the bottom of the screen had filled up completely.

With trembling fingers, Twilight began dragging her thumb up and down the glowing glass as Matthias had taught her many months ago. Complete shock and awe burning onto her muzzle as rows upon rows of different covers and titles scrolled across the glass.

“Th-this is… How…EEP!” she squealed as her thumb lingered too long on a book, accidentally opening it. A picture of a spiral galaxy flashing on the glass briefly before jumping to a bright white screen littered with the collection’s various titles and chapters.

“How to turn the page? How the books are stored?”

“Yes,” was all she could muster as she continued to study the names of the various novels and short stories contained within the omnibus she had stumbled upon. Her eyes going wide as saucers when the screen shifted to the title page of the book her thumb had been brushing against.

“Hehe well the first is easy, just swipe left and right to move between pages one at a time, tap on the page to skim through multiple pages or find a specific one, and hit the back arrow to return to the table of contents.”

Twilight’s eyes never tore from Matthias' phone, but her ears had swiveled in such a way as to pick up everything he had to say. Her fingers gently gliding along the glass to follow his instructions. An incredulous smile beaming on her face when she saw the page animate like it was a piece of paper flipping in response to her motions.

“As for the second, well, you're going to have to imagine a very, very very thin strip of a semi-conductive element which has been treated to hold one type of charge, sandwiched between two just as thin strips of the same element but treated to hold the opposite charge. And what this allows for is a controlled flow of electrons between each point of contact, and depending on the percentage of electrons held at these points, a binary value of either 1 or 0 is assigned which can then be run through a specified algorithm to translate into words. And given that the memory card I showed you has the capacity to hold 256 gigabytes of data or 256 billion individual letters, let's just say it has the potential to hold many a tome of my people’s forgotten lore.”

“H-how many exactly?”

“Let's see; last I checked there were 271 novels, 1043 short stories, 1214 poems, 52 plays, 327 essays, the assorted mythologies of 6 different cultures, as well as various nonfiction texts including letters, biographies, and literary criticism, and that's not even going into the comics and graph… uh, Twilight, you alright in there?”

Twilight had gone scarily stiff while Matthias was detailing the contents of his library, her sparkling, violet eyes shaking sporadically as they danced between him and his phone. Brief whispers that sounded oddly like, “two-thousand nine-hundred and seven stories” falling from her lips over and over again like some little prayer.

“Twiiiiilyyyy?” Matthias asked trying to provoke her, snapping his fingers in front of her face a few times hoping to get some response from her. But neither the abhorred pet name nor the somatic reflex test could goad any sort of reaction out of Twilight.

“Congratulations May, you’ve finally broken her,” he sighed with a wry chuckle and one last wave of his hand in front of her face. “Well if the prospect of reading and analyzing the contents of an entire alien library seems too daunting a task for you,” he teased while gingerly placing a hand on his phone, “maybe I should go ask Key Stroke down in archives if he’d like to-”

“DON’T YOU BUCKING DARE! Twilight suddenly screamed as she tackled him to the bed. Tossing the phone softly to the side so she could resume hugging and nuzzling the fuck out of him. Throwing her arms, legs, even her wings, and tail around him with such intensity, that Matthias swore he could hear his bones begin to break.

But the look of borderline bliss, beaming across Twilight's face was well worth the feeling of his ribs cracking and his lung being drilled full of holes. Doubly so when he felt her start rubbing her nose against his and the happiest tears he had ever seen spill down the bridge of her muzzle and onto his face.

“Thank you! Oh, thank you thank you thank you, May! Thank you for sharing this with me! Thank you for giving me this opportunity! Oh… just... just, thank you for coming into my life and letting me be your friend!” She cried almost hysterically, nuzzling his cheek so furiously that if it hadn’t already been wet with tears, it would have caught fire.

“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he calmly whispered to her as he started petting her mane, “Thank you, for giving me my dream back and for letting me share it with you.”

“Can… can we start now? You know, with the sharing?” she softly begged, her desire to hold onto Matthias at war with her need to analyze every word, sentence, and paragraph of every short story, essay, and novel hidden within his phone.

“You sure? Luna did say her meeting with Starry would only be about an hour or two. So that gives us what, twenty... eighty minutes at most to read?” he warned her in a teasingly non-committal way.

Because even though Matthias found the idea of exploring the nuances and intricacies of his homeworld’s literature with Twilight endlessly enticing, he knew that Luna would be here any minute now. And no matter how much fun he had whenever they were all together merely talking, studying, or following Twilight into Canterlot for one of her little socialization experiments. He needed to have a frank and awkward conversation with the Princess of the Night, and he didn’t need Twilight spazzing out about his Kindle app to her or have Luna freaking out about what Twilight was doing in his bed.

But the irked glare Twilight shot him told him that she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon:

“Now look here buster, you did not just spend the better part of thirty minutes working me up just to back out on me!”

“Uhhh Twi?”

“HEARD IT AS SOON AS IT LEFT MY MOUTH, YES!” she screamed, her face darkening again, but out of embarrassment or from frustration, Matthias could not tell. “Now, are you just gonna sit there, or are we gonna hit the bucking books!?”

And then she gave him the look. That patented wide-eyed, lip quivering puppy-dog pout that never failed to turn Matthias into a blushing, sputtering puddle of compliance whenever she turned it on him.

“Urggh Fine, just don't get upset when Luna comes in and breaks up our little story circle mid-chapter. I do have to get to bed eventually and… and I think I’m going to need to have a little chat with Luna about what we want from each other.”

“EEEHEEEHEEEE Oh thank you thank you thank you May,” she cheered before wrapping him up in another hug and unceremoniously kissing him on the lips. Causing Matthias to let out a muffled gasp as he felt her fuzzy muzzle mold against his mouth and her warm, wet tongue play against his lips.

But before Matthias could muster any form of protest or approval, Twilight released her hold on him so she could begin rummaging through her bag:

“And don't you worry, I promise to give you and Luna all the time you two need to clear the air. Ooooh, I just can’t wait, Luna’s going to be so happy!”

Matthias probably heard about half of that assurance, seeing as his mind was currently somersaulting from the fact that Twilight had just kissed him. Granted, it was nowhere near as intense as the ones Luna had smacked him with back in the garden. Hell, it was practically chaste compared to all the licking, suckling, and nibbling Twilight had been lavishing him with earlier.

But dammit, a kiss on the lips was still a kiss on the fucking lips! That wasn’t the kind of affection you just parsed out at random to friends unless you were either very, very, very drunk or were hoping to convey something to that friend that you weren’t confident your words could do justice to.

And yes, while the former could certainly explain Twilight’s sudden spike in both boldness and courage, Matthias had woken up half-naked next to her covered in books and paper cuts enough times to recognize whether or not she had been hitting the bubbly. Not to mention the only thing he had tasted on her lips when his and Twilight's were joined was the spearmint mouthwash she had used while getting ready for bed.

So for the third time this evening Matthias began running through her words and actions, desperately trying to make sense of the nerdy little mare who was currently pulling out wells of different colored inks and quills from her purse while humming some happy, peppy tune. Oblivious to the state of the poor hamster in his head who had begun filling out his workman’s comp claim for the broken nose and concussion he was now nursing. Finding no way to square the circle of mouth to mouth kissing as anything other than a display of romantic affection.

Then Matthias saw Twilight start pulling a typewriter out of her purse.

Which wouldn't have been too strange a sight, if her purse had been some high-end designer travel bag or something. But there she was struggling to yank what looked like some old-school Remington model out of what could pass for a little twelve by six clutch back on Earth. The zipper crying as Twilight struggled to wiggle the typewriter’s girth free from the confines of the enchanted satchel Matthias affectionately referred to as her ‘tessersack.’

And strangely, that helped to put things back into perspective for him.

Reminding Matthias gently that no matter how much things in Equestria worked as they did back home, that no matter how much Twilight’s affections and words mirrored those of a woman who was showing interest in him. That he was, in fact, in a magical fantasy land where not only the laws of physics as he knew them were subject to change but where the rules of courtship and interpersonal relations varied just as significantly.

Where a kiss or a nuzzle wasn’t necessarily an advance, and where even something as simple as a pat on the back could be seen as an act of molestation given the race of pony. So the idea of something like a kiss, even on the lips, shouldn’t be held to the same standards of intimacy that act of affection would have back home. Heck, Twilight herself had even mentioned how all this stemmed from a culture clash between their societal views on intimacy, so why would Twilight initiate an act with him that she knew he was misinterpreting as an advance.

So with a jerky shake of his head to try and get the hamster off his ass, Matthias leaned over and grabbed the bottom of her purse and began pulling. Hoping he could lend her a hand before the BBC bots broke through the dimensional barriers and smacked her with a copyright strike.

“You know, you should rgggh you should probably invest in a bigger bag of holding!”

“I’ve got three more bags from Rarity I’ve enchanted with Primrose’s Pocket!”

“Then why didn’t you grab one of those?!”

“Because you needed a cuddle and it was the first one I saw!”

“Well rgggh as much as I appreciate your willingness to drop everything to come help my whiny ass, maybe you should make one of those other bags your designated ‘May’s Being a Bitch Pouch’ and save yourself some hassle for the next time?”

“You’re not being a bi-”

“GOT IT!” Matthias cheered as the typewriter shimmied loose from the screaming seams of her purse’s mouth. Rocketing the forty-five-pound hunk of steel and ink into Twilight’s chest, and throwing Matthias flat on his back, because apparently, Sir Isaac Newton is still the deadliest son-of-a-bitch in the multiverse.

Which really shouldn’t have shocked him so much, given one of his preferred fields of study and academia. He just wasn’t really expecting the subsequent eruption of papers, notebooks, and folders to nearly blow him off his bed like Odysseus’ bag of winds. Nor was he planning on having to roll out of the way when the clutch on his chest belched up one last box that ricocheted off the canopy held up by his bedposts and nearly caved in what was left of his face.

“Omigosh, May! Are you alright!?” Twilight shrieked, having born witness to the bit of metaphysical vaudeville from her end of the bed. Hurriedly shoving the arcane word processor off of her so she could check on her friend, only to settle when he shot her a prone thumbs up.

“Y-yeah, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to play Don’t Get Your Head Bashed In with you Twi,” Matthias assured her as he picked himself back up, grabbing the wooden package that had nearly put another dent in his skull along the way. Recognizing it as the one that had been on her desk while they had been talking through their mirrors after examining it for a second. Pausing when he spied Twilight's flowing purple cursive emblazoned along its side:

For the teacher who made me fall in love with magic all over again!

Love,

Twilight Sparkle

“Heh, so what’s the occasion?” he asked Twilight, holding the package up when she quirked her head to the side in confusion. Her blush burning bright as she twiddled with her fingers nervously.

“Oh, uh, heheh well, you know? H-happy eight months in Equestria May!”

Matthias chuckled at Twilight's anxious fidgeting before sliding the lid off of the wooden case. Revealing, surprise, a new book for his ever-growing collection hidden behind a protective layer of enchanted glass. Though unlike the usual bound and jacketed volumes she was known to gift him with, this one appeared to be little more than a well worn manuscript. With faded Cryillic script, reminiscent of the brochure Twilight had been teasing him with earlier, penned across the page.

“This is awesome Twi!” he exclaimed, beaming her an unabashedly toothy grin that held naught but genuine gratitude and appreciation for the mare glowing across from him. “So what rare and exoctic tale have you managed to procure for me this time?”

“Yes, well, while I was looking into which Equestrian city or territory best correlated to the setting of your favorite book, I also happened to come across a rather interesting story about a certain author in Stalliongrad.”

Matthias' eyes shot up from the manuscript’s increasingly familiar looking title structure and bored straight into Twilight’s. “You… you didn’t.”

“Hee hee, A certain author who wrote during a time when if a pony made public any views that didn’t align with those of the ruling party’s pony-centric stance on Nature and Harmony. They and their loved ones would find themselves loaded onto the first train out of Stalliongrad and shipped off to the coldest depths of the Winter Wastes.”

Matthias' hands were trembling. It was just too much; there was just no way she could have found it.

“Yet in spite of those risks, she still found herself unable to keep quill from parchment. Risking her life, and the lives of her friends and loved ones each time she espoused the true nature of ponies as the shepherds of Equus, not its masters. Needing to burn her masterpiece five different times lest the authorities discover her.” Twilight explained as she sifted through the sheets of papers littering his bed until she found another book buried beneath the mess and held it up for him to see. Its cover, a silhouetted image of a blonde-maned unicorn wearing a witch’s hat laying seductively atop a broomstick as it flew across a starlit city. The Patriarch and Persephone printed along the bottom in leafed gold that shone in the low candlelight of Matthias' room as she handed it over to him.

Matthias' hands trembled as his fingers traced along the covers of both books, needing to confirm that this was real and not some sleep addled hallucination. Gingerly flipping through their pages after taking a few steadying breaths lest he tear them in his excitement. Though as he continued to study through the texts, he began noticing some discrepancies in the manuscript’s construction and layout.

“Twi?”

“Yeah.”

“Why doesn’t this copy have any publication dates, page numbers, or headers?” He asked holding up the unbound copy carefully, “Is it a promotional copy or something?”

“Nope, what you’ve got there is Proper Prose’s original draft!”

“But, but you said she burned it... five times!”

“That she did, but Discord just so happens to play a prominent role across the majority of the novel’s acts, despite him having been locked way in stone some three-hundred years prior. So I figured that in his own… Discordy way, he might have had some hand in the book’s history and development. But when I went to ask him about it during my weekly tea-time with Fluttershy, all he did was pull the rug up from under the table and go off on a tangent about the, and I quote, ‘wibbly-wobbly’ nature of that space-time continuum thing you theorized. He then proceeded to animate an entire army of dust-bunnies and shed fur to reenact his critical scenes in the story while Fluttershy and I enjoyed our tea. But just as I was getting ready to leave, and possibly ask Celestia where I might find an early printing, Discord yanked me aside and took me into the kitchen where he used a fishing pole to cast himself into the sink and reel this out." She explained while running her hand along the manuscript's old, worn cover, occassionally trailing her fingers across Matthias' as well.

“And… and how did he get his mismatched hands on this?”

“All he did was wink and tell me that-”

“Manuscripts don’t burn,” they said at the same time, a nostalgic smile worming its way onto Matthias' face as Twilight’s eyes widened. “Hehe, Discord as Woland, this I gotta fucking read now!”

“Hee hee, I know it’s not much, but I’m glad you like it,” Twilight said with a weak chuckle and blush, one that pulled Matthias out of his revelry.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s not much?!’ You spent an entire afternoon sipping tea with a guy who runs off cartoon logic to get me the Equestrian equivalent of my favorite book! What part of that is not much!?”

“I know, it’s just… when you compare it to something like that,” she said pointing out the window to the Pillars still burning off in the early morning sky, her demeanor sinking somewhat as she brought up his phone, “or this, it’s not really much to write home about.”

Yeah, that’s bullshit! He thought as he scooched closer to her, desperately wanting to convey to her how much he not only loved and appreciated his present but her as well. Recognizing that he still hadn’t entirely quashed this ridiculous notion in her that she somehow wasn’t as close a friend to him as Celestia and Luna were.

So with a steadiness and surety that betrayed the nervous pit hollowing out his stomach, Matthias placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing and massaging them gently, causing Twilight to loosen up and coo slightly. Those coos devolving into pleasured shudders as she felt his hands start trailing up her neck and cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushing through the thin coat covering her muzzle in soft, soothing motions. Washing away her sudden bout of insecurity with each tender touch he trailed across her face, her eyes fluttering shut as she let herself get lost in his gentle ministrations.

Only for them to shoot open when she felt Matthias press his lips against hers.

The kiss was brief, very brief, barely even a brush against her lips, but there was no mistaking the feel of his hairless lips molding against hers, and his warm, shaky breath mingling with hers. Forcing a happy mewl out of her as she started to push back against him, only for it to dissolve into a needy whine when she felt him break away from her. A nervous fire flickering behind his eyes as his whole head turned a deep crimson.

“S-sorry, I just… I just needed to show you how much I value you and your friendship. I...I’d be lost if I didn’t have you in my life,” he confessed with a lowered head, unable to bring himself to face Twilight, even though she had just kissed him the same way not five minutes ago. Unable to shake off those feelings and associations he had come to pair with the simple act of affection and how Twilight might react to it.

But then Matthias felt Twilight pick his face and cup his cheeks, a hot, happy blush staining her muzzle, her eyes sparkling like the shimmer of her magic.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself for me,” she assured him warmly, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her forehead against his. “This… this is something I need to work out on my own and shouldn’t be forcing on you as well.”

And Matthias simply melted into Twilight’s embrace. Her words, her touch, it was everything he needed to hear and feel to settle the dissonance from the conflicting thoughts and feelings that had been threatening to rip him apart. Sure, it was still confusing as all hell for him to have a girl kiss him and not think it an advance and vice-versa. But he trusted Twilight enough not to steer him wrong or take advantage of his naivete.

Rewarding that trust with another quick kiss on her lips, causing Twilight to squeak in surprise and her wings to ruffle against his arms.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m here willing to help you through it,” he reassured her, running his hands up and down her back, laughing as she started nuzzling furiously into the crook of his neck, a happy squeal muffling against his skin.

“I… I… I can’t even with you right now!” she shrieked happily, pulling him into another bone-breaking hug, one he returned just as fiercely in hopes of containing the excitable alicorn. Holding her tightly in place until he could feel her heartbeat begin dropping to more manageable levels.

As the mare in his arms continued to settle herself down, Matthias decided to check on the time, lest Luna arrive before Twilight got the chance to really look through his library. Spying his phone on the bed face up next to him, the display showed that it was teetering on four, giving them an hour at most if Luna’s estimation was correct. So, as much as he enjoyed being wrapped up in a blanket of Twilight, he had to let her go so he could let her enjoy her present.

“Alright Twi, we’ve maybe got an hour to ourselves before Luna’s finished with her meeting, how do you wanna spend it?”

“Can… can we not just stay like this?” she said with a cute little pout, sticking her lip out and shooting him another needy stare.

“I don’t know, would be kinda hard for us to read together if we’re not facing the same direction,” he teased while holding up his phone, his library full of ebooks displayed on the screen.

Twilight started looking between him and his phone rapidly, the gears in her head turning as she tried to work out the logistics of achieving the maximum amount of cuddles while still being able to read with him. But after mulling it over for a few more seconds, a light bulb seemed to go off in her head as her ears perked straight up and her tail began to wag excitedly.

Shooting Matthias a mischievous smirk that made him sweat for a second, Twilight suddenly tightened her grip on him. Latching her arms and legs around his midsection before giving her wings a mighty flap that lifted them both a good five feet in the air. Once at the apex of their ascent, Twilight twirled them around and gently dropped him in the direction of his bed’s headboard, where Matthias tended to keep the majority of his pillows stacked. Their soft, cloud-like stuffing cushioning the impact of his negligible descent, though not enough to keep the few papers that were still strewn across his bed from taking flight.

However, before Matthias could complain about either the rough handling or the mess she was making, Twilight ever so softly landed in his lap with his phone in hand. Her magic’s magenta glow having already begun snatching up the displaced parchments now littering his room and organizing them into their proper stacks and alignments.

“Couldn’t you have just asked me to scoot over?” Matthias questioned as Twilight shifted about atop his waist, excitedly pouring over his collection to decide which book they should read first. Her motions threatening to undo all the hard work he’d put in to keeping his less than cooperative head from making itself known.

“Oh, I could’ve! But I figured it be easier just to show you what I had in mind rather than tell you,” she teased playfully, blocking his attempts at sitting back up by placing her hand on his chest and gently pushing him back.

Taking this as a hint that she didn't want him to move, Matthias let her guide him down so that he was lying fully on his back. His head propped up slightly by the pile of royal blue pillows he liked to bury himself in whenever he decided to finally get some sleep.

With his positioning to her liking, Twilight seal rolled off of him and began nestling herself under his right arm. Resting her head against his chest, her arms snaked their way over and around his stomach and lower back, her hands causing Matthias to fidget some as they slid up and down his side. The feel of her plush chest and tummy as she molded herself against him causing blooms of heat to cascade throughout his body.

“Y-You know that isn't what they typically mean by show don’t tell, right?” he stuttered softly as he tried to reposition himself so as not alert Twilight to the fact that the South had risen again.

“Just shut up and snuggle dammit,” Twilight scolded playfully, rubbing her cheek into his chest as she wrapped her leg around his, draping him with her wing and tail once she felt she had him secured.

“Yes, Ms. Sparkle,” Matthias huffed out in equal parts frustration and amusement, dipping his hand beneath the collar of her shirt so he could run his fingers up and down her bare arm and shoulder. Chuckling as he felt the breath brushing against his neck hitch before melting into a drawn-out sigh of contentment. Her grip on him only growing tighter with each subtle shift against her.

“So, as comfortable as all this is,” Matthias spoke up after another minute or two of simply reveling in her touch and proximity, “how exactly do you plan on reading without letting go of me?”

Twilight tilted her head up at him, that same look of playful smugness from earlier carved into her muzzle, before simply sparking her horn to life and lifting up his phone so that it hung in the air slightly above them.

“Cheater,” he affirmed with a side of salt, though he couldn't help but smirk at how quickly she had found a workaround so she could keep herself glued to his side. “So, did you decide on which book we’re going to be reading tonight or are we just gonna cuddle until Luna kicks you out?”

Twilight let out a very girly sounding giggle before pressing her snout into his neck, peppering his neck and jawline with sweet, little licks and kisses. “Thanks again for doing this for me May, you really are the best stallion to have ever come into my life,” she affirmed with nothing but the most profound sincerity and certainty in her voice. The raw feelings behind her words causing his heart to skip a couple of beats.

But before Matthias could become too flustered from her diabetes inducing antics, he was distracted by the sensation of his phone bopping him in the nose, its bright white screen and navy blue font revealing Twilight’s choice for their first foray into the field of human literature.

“Of course you'd pick The Time Machine, you little nerd,” he chided her mockingly, causing Twilight to shrink a little against him and let out a timid chuckle.

“W-w-well, temporal displacement magic is still a highly dangerous and morally questionable field of the arcane. So I was curious about the views humans might potentially have on the consequences of altering the past or reshaping the future.”

“Eh, fair enough, now let’s see…” Matthias tried to pick his hand up to swipe the screen and start reading, but was stopped by Twilight gripping his hand and moving it back beneath her wing and holding it there. Turning to try and ask what she was doing, he was met with her smiling face shaking back and forth and a tiny glow shining from tip of her horn. That tiny glow breaking away from her and forming a facsimile of her hand which swiped the screen in his place.

Matthias shot her an amused smile as he laced his fingers with hers, planting one last kiss on the tip of her muzzle before diving into the tale of the Time Traveller and his wondrous device, feeling Twilight shift beside him excitedly as he began narrating the first human novella ever to be read aloud on Equus. The way her chest was pressing into his allowing him to feel each and every little thump and quiver of her heart.

Noticing that for the first time since the Princess of the Night had kissed him under her pale moonlight, that he was fully at ease. That there was no longer any dread about what might or might not happen when Luna was finished with her meeting, nor were there any more worries about what direction his relationship with her might take. His whole world now was just this nerdy little mare who needed to be reminded every now and again that friendship wasn’t measured in time or touch, but in action and deed. Who had spent months upon months helping him to not only learn about his new home but make him feel like he was at home as well. Whose boundless drive and passion had slowly but surely whittled away at the shell he had wrapped around himself, making him almost excited to venture forth and see the world Twilight had described to him with such love and excitement.

Sure there were still the moments of abject terror and utter confusion; one does not simply forget a mob of formerly angry nobles turning tail at the sight of their princess becoming a tiny purple super Saiyan. And visions of the little bookworm coming at him half-naked and with her mane on fire as she desperately tried to rip his clothes off continued to haunt his dreams in all the best ways.

But with every walk into the city he took with her, with every meal they shared together both inside and outside of the castle, and with every failed and successful experiment that left them covered in soot and grinning like idiots, he found that bewilderment and fear was shifting more and more towards excitement and anticipation. Like he was on some mighty rollercoaster cresting its first hill now, rather than being lost on some alien world without ever a hope of finding his way back home.

And more so than any book Twilight had ever given him, Hell, even more so than the voice and laughter she had returned to him, it was this overall shift in the outlook he had for his future that Matthias held most dearly. Because even with the care and protection Celestia had offered him, and the companionship and understanding he shared with Luna, Twilight was the first pony to give him a sense that there just may be a way for him to live a normal life here on Equestria. Well, as normal a life as possible for spatially displaced teacher with half his face melted off.

And if all she wanted in return was for him to hold her close and be more open with her, then that was fine by him. It was the least he could do for her, after all from second one of their friendship, that was all she had been with him.

The Mare in the Mirror Part Two: Willows Deeply Scarred

Dammit, Sun Horse! Why couldn't you have just killed me like you were supposed to? Matthias pondered bleakly as said Solar Diarch led him across the moon-kissed grounds of the Castle’s Commons, her sister hanging off to his side close enough for her azure wings and flowing tail to brush against him occasionally.

It had started off as such a promising looking week for the formerly diminutive teacher too:

Doc P. had all but declared him fit to leave the infirmary under his own recognizance, pending the results of tomorrow’s bloodwork.

Luna had fashioned a quill for him that let him write with freaking starlight after she accidentally crushed his portable stationary set with an overly aggressive glomp on her part.

And Celestia, bless the mare, had finally started letting him stretch his legs beyond just the sections of the castle they'd cordoned off for him. Having gone so far as to up and cancel Day Court twice already, as well as push back this afternoon’s house address by an hour, just so she could spend a little extra time walking him through a few of her home’s less-traveled corners. Wanting to give Matthias some lay of this strange new land he now found himself in, as well as offer him some company while the sun was still up and her sister was asleep.

Hell, Starry had even begun wrangling together the upper echelons of both hers and Shining’s respective commands, with Celestia and Luna’s blessing of course, and had started acquainting them with the supposed Monster from the Deeps that no magic could touch. Having learned from her rulers just what the freaky looking alien had suffered through to try and buy his fellow prisoners’ safety, the stab-happy little thestral wanted to give her subordinates a name and face to put to all the conflicting stories and crazy rumors running rampant throughout the barracks concerning the castle’s newest resident. Introducing them to him in groups of four to six, and with both princesses present for Matthias’ sake, so she could give them a full debrief on what had gone down in the Deeps last month and what the poor guy had let happen to him in hopes of getting everypony out of that damned den alive.

All while making it abundantly clear that should their guest suffer any further disgrace or injury, they wouldn’t just be answering to a lawful bipolar High-Honor Guard with a penchant for dual-wielding poison-coated hand-daggers. But to two very upset and miffed demigoddesses who could just as casually banish them to their respective charges as they could cleanse their colons with either a prominence or meteor shower.

And to be fair, their efforts actually had gone a long ways towards diffusing the accumulated fear and tension that had been building up throughout the quarter of the castle they’d been housing Matthias in for the past four and a half weeks. Seeing as nearly all the guards and sentries assigned to his nanny-detail had just about done away with the hair-triggers around him. While the subsequent calm and ease they now carried seemed to be bleeding into the cadres of doctors, nurses, and hospital staff tasked with getting the left half of his body looking a little less like raw hamburger.

But it seemed as if no amount of hugs or nuzzles from Luna was ever going to be enough to fully ease away the sting of a guard, who hadn't yet gotten the memo about the celestial suppository, flashing steel at him.

While all of Celestia’s promises that he was both safe and welcomed within her kingdom didn’t really amount to much whenever he’d hear a bunch of nurses bickering in the hall about whose turn it was to babysit the shaven ape.

And as much as he appreciated the lengths Starry would go through to try and slip a little meat into his dinner (or breakfast as she and Luna liked to call it). He’d gladly swear off bacon for life if it would finally silence the screams of that lost little pegasus filly who had stumbled into his room on accident after getting separated from her school’s tour group.

And then, of course, there were the nobles.

From what he'd been able to piece together from his talks with both Luna and Celestia, more so from the latter since the former seemed somewhat hesitant to engage with him on the subject, the Equestrian diarchy appeared to be some gentle blend of constitutional monarchy mixed with the best parts of an enlightened dictatorship. Consisting of a two-house, bicameral legislative structure nearly identical to that of Great Britain's Parliament. With both a representative body occupying the similarly named House of Commons and an appointed body ensconced within the House of Lords. All of which was led and overseen by the offices of Royal Pony Sisters.

However, whereas British royalty seemed content with merely living off the welfare of the state and giving Entertainment Tonight three month’s worth of programming material whenever one or more of them decided to get married, pregnant, or both. The sisters still maintained both the executive oversight, as well as the judicial prerogative, of the terran kings and queens of old. Having not only the final say when it came to enacting any legislation lucky enough to have survived the vetting from the Lords but the absolute authority to rule upon their legality as well.

Manifesting this power in the form of the various courts and councils they hosted throughout both the day and night. Used to help their little ponies settle cases running the gambit from simple zoning disputes to more broad-spanning issues such as approving trade agreements between nations or sanctioning tariffs without having to wait for them to work their way through the Houses first.

And yes, while his inner Virginian shuddered at the thought of having two mares (albeit two very nice and snuggly mares) wielding such unfettered power without any apparent system of checks or balances in place. He’d much rather suffer these “tyrants” cuddly wrath over giving their immediate juniors in the House of Lords any kind of executive privilege.

As unlike their Terran contemporaries in the lords temporal, whose bare minimum for entry, required being, first and foremost, a goddamn decent human being. The only requirements necessary for joining the hallowed ranks of the Equestrian Nobility was being born into a family with sufficient enough silver to cast at least nine sets of silver spoons. Possessing a sphincter, loose yet firm enough, to comfortably hold at least eight of those spoons at any given time. And having a case of affluenza severe enough so as to make the court of Louis the Fourteenth appear downright Amish by comparison.

Fortunately for Equestria, however, it wasn’t as if all they did was loaf about each day and night, bleeding the proletariat dry in an attempt to out luxuriate the other, all while claiming the accomplishments of the common pony as their own. Most of them, in fact, seemed to have either been groomed to fill or had inherited, some manner of high ranking position or title within the companies and firms built by their families. So it wasn’t like they were entirely talking out their asses, or flanks as they preferred, whenever one or more raised an objection to whatever proposition happened to be on the table that day.

But Cthulhu forbid you should ever do anything so foolish as inconvenience them or waste their oh, so precious time. Because if you were naive enough to view them as anything less than the absolute fucking center of your universe, then you’d quickly find generation upon generation of razor honed entitlement bared at your throat like the fangs of some plumed up chihuahua.

A mistake Matthias had been unwittingly making each time he’d accepted an offer from Celestia to have lunch with her or let her accompany him on a walk outside of the infirmary. As such dalliances had cut into the time she had typically set aside for the Lords and Ladies to meet with her, and discuss matters, on a less formal basis. And if there was one thing the upper-crust of the Equestrian nobility loved more than comparing the lengths of their diamond encrusted dicks, it was flaunting their supposed importance and worth to the crown. With nothing short of Discord on a sugar-high or a liquidation sale at one of their competitors’ estates, coming between them and a chance to get some quality brown nosing time in with their princess.

Of course, years upon years of being raised to believe that you’re Celestia’s god given gift to the world, as well as the best prep schools and tutors bits could buy, could only do so much to prepare somepony for a close encounter of the hairless alien monkey kind. Especially when the hairless alien monkey in question just so happens to be an omnivore nearly as big as the princess they had been hoping to suck up to and vice versa.

So whatever indignation they might have felt towards their Solar Diarch from having to dirty their freshly pedicured hooves trotting all the way down to the castle’s Western Ward would almost instantly be washed away in the borderline primal surge of shock and terror they felt when laying eyes upon Matthias for the first time.

And yes, while Matthias did find it mildly satisfying seeing all of the bluff and bluster from these pompous ponies flatten like an uncorked bottle of champagne. He could have done without the subsequent screams of unbridled terror, the calls for guards to throw him in chains, and the occasional brave snob who’d actually try and blast him in an attempt to wrest their fair princess from his clutches.

And he really could’ve done without Celestia apologizing profusely to the goddamn snobs, promising them amends for both the time they had lost and their continued silence.

Or having that one blonde bastard sicking his House Guard on him and Starry after Matthias had refused to say where he had gotten his new quill from. With only the timely intervention of Luna threatening to go full Ursula on the pretty-boy prick keeping Starry and her squad from propagating a few old bat pony stereotypes when it came to bathing in the blood of the not-so-innocent.

So, to say that Matthias had been feeling just the tiniest bit on edge for the past few days would be on par with saying Celestia had only the slightest fondness for cake. With each scream, threat, and attack against him reinforcing what his alpha had beaten into him over and over and over again:

That he was a worthless wretch too weak to fend for himself

That only by their love and mercy was he allowed to live

And that every lash and strike that fell upon him was one that he had rightly earned

Thankfully, however, Celestia wasn't just gonna sit back and watch him crawl back into the shell she and Luna had been desperately trying to peel him out of for the past month. Having finally gotten a chance to see him beam a full smile without any hint of fear or trepidation after Luna invited him to sit in on their morning Rising and Lowering. There was just no way in Tartarus she was going to let some bad eggs in her court reduce him back to the mere animal she had first mistaken him for.

So, after getting the all-clear from the good doctor, and after a week’s worth of wheedling and cajoling on Luna’s part, they had finally managed to convince Canterlot’s resident human to take a stroll with them beyond the royal palace’s walls and winding halls. Hoping that the change in pace would not only take his mind off of the threats and insults that had been thrown at him but make any passing pony, noble or otherwise, think twice before accosting the poor guy. Having not one, but two, of their princesses accompanying him and all.

Not to mention, with the days getting longer and hotter, as they were, and with the final preparations for the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration pushing tensions around the city to a yearly high. Celestia felt it would be nice just to step outside and feel the balmy breeze her sister's night offered brushing against her coat, rather than simply retire for the evening. Having figured that a simple stroll with her long-lost sister and an alien meat eater wouldn’t be the worst way to spend what little free time Harmony had deemed fit to give her.

And more importantly, however, and much to the delight of the Lunar Diarch, they had finally managed, at long last, to find a rare convergence in their respective off-times, and were finally going to introduce Matthias to Celestia’s one-time protege, and Luna’s teacher when it came to all things Equestria in the modern era, Twilight Sparkle.

Hoping that such a meeting would not only help in facilitating the return of the human’s voice but, in the unlikely event that they were unable to find a way for him to return home. She could, at the very least, begin acclimating him to the strange new laws and customs now being forced upon him. Plus, having seen how poorly both her guards and staff had been reacting to him, Celestia felt it best that he have somepony else in his life, other than Luna and Starry, whom he could count on as a friend.

But as Luna’s night continued to bear down upon Matthias, it’s billion sterling eyes boring through, and into his soul. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was some way he could set off the flighty little bat mare, who was currently dipping in and out of from behind the various gargoyles and reliefs lining the roofs along their path. And have her follow through with that promise she had made him a month ago about pulling steel on him. But given how she had promised to rip Blueblood’s horn off the other day before sticking him with it like a goddamned pig and slurping up the runoff, he doubted something like pantsing Luna was gonna get her to finish what the Sun Princess and her Captain couldn’t.

Seriously, Celestia, the only way I could have made it easier for you and Shining was if I had “insert sword here” tattooed on my chest and an X over my heart, Matthias thought with a dejected sigh as the prospect of another play-date with one of the princess’ so-called experts continued to hollow out a hole in his gut.

As aside from the droves of physical therapists, dermatologists, and, oddly enough, prenatal specialists assigned to his care, the First Princess of Equestria had also reached out to various authorities on the arcane from across the kingdom in the hope that they could find a means of finally removing the shackle from around Matthias’ neck. But between the ricocheting bolts of mystical energies causing everybody to hit the dirt more times than he could count, the continued presence of some twenty odd pounds of steel digging into his throat, and the accusations of him somehow purposefully interfering, or not wanting his collar taken off. It had gotten to a point where he’d almost rather stay mute, or, to a lesser extent, try and finish what Celestia and Shining had started last month.

I mean, a big hulking monster with a pickaxe is coming at you, the lives of seven ponies are on the line. Hell, Samson was even kind enough to mention how they “gave” me the skittish one to “play” with for a night. Seriously, if implied rape isn't enough to get me killed, I doubt nothing short of an attempted regicide is going to get me closer to a cage in that big ol’ dog kennel in the sky.

Seeing Matthias’ posture begin to wilt once again, and feeling his muscles starting to tense beneath another accidental brush of her wings against him. Luna closed the already negligible distance between them by gripping his hand and rubbing her velvety thumb along a divot of scar tissue running between the knuckle of his index finger and his wrist.

“Does something trouble thee, friend May?” Luna asked worriedly, in spite of the string of marely giggles Matthias’ blushing half a face threatened to pull from her. Fortunately, she was able to compose herself some in the time it took for Matthias to reach beneath the baggy t-shirt he was wearing and pull out the quill she had given him earlier in the week. Having taken to keeping it out of sight whenever he wasn’t in the company of the princesses ever since his encounter with Blueblood.

‘It’s nothing,’ Matthias wrote out on the sky in front of him. The words somehow moving to hold their position relative to him before he flung them in Luna’s direction. Too busy marveling at how he had just written on fucking space to notice Luna blushing and wagging her tail at the sight of him still wearing her gift, even after all the trouble it had caused him.

“Are you sure? ‘Cause if We didn’t know any better, We’d have assumed we were heading towards an early brunch with our beloved nephew rather than our weekly lesson with dearest Twilight?” Luna tenderly teased as she tried coaxing more out of her friend. Fearing for a second, however, that bringing up her and Tia’s distant relations would only serve to agitate the poor creature further. Only to let out a relieved sigh and chuckle when all he did was cock his remaining eyebrow at her and give her a deadpan stare worthy of the statues adorning their garden.

‘And if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear a certain somepony was trying to get me jumped by Starry. Afterall, I seem to a recall her giving me express permission to start flicking her upside the ear if her speech started slipping into the royal formal too much. Matthias snarked as he made sure to underline and draw the I’s as thick as possible before bringing his thumb and middle finger up to her ear threateningly.

“You *gulp* you know that our- *flick* ow, that my captain stands vigil over th- you?” Luna questioned in a mix of surprise and worry. Surprise because she hadn't made Matthias privy to her Captain's duties for the evening. And worry because he had yet to release his flicking stance and still held his fingers within striking distance of her ear.

‘When you’ve been working in what's essentially an echo chamber for Cthulhu knows how long, you tend not to miss the sound of metal scraping against stone.’ He explained before flinging a “Hi Starry” up to the gargoyle she had just ducked behind, chuckling as best he could when he heard a strangled *eep* float down from the rooftops, followed by an obsidian clad hand waving nervously at him.

“Do… do you disapprove?” Luna asked shakily, fearing that her friend may have misconstrued her having her captain following them as a sign that she was somehow scared or wary of him. But such fears were short-lived when she felt his hand plop down on her head and begin mussing up her mane.

‘No, it’s fine,’ he wrote to her after relenting on his assault, ‘Actually, given how willing she was to threaten royalty in front of two-dozen witnesses, I’d probably feel safer if she was down here with us, all things considered.’

“Safer? Then there truly is something giving you pause,” Celestia questioned gently as she fell in next to Matthias. Startling the human and the Lunar Diarch slightly as they hadn’t noticed her giving up point in their little trio, or quartet if they were counting Starry, to check in on the state of her ward.

‘It’s no big deal,’ Matthias wrote after regaining some control of his heart rate, and after untangling his hand from the writhing mass Luna’s mane had become. However, his resolve began to cave beneath the worried visages of the princesses. ‘Really, it’s nothing much. It’s…’ his hand hesitated, ‘it’s just…’

“It’s just what, Sir May?” Celestia asked him warmly before gingerly placing a hand on his shoulder. Breathing a small, but relieved sigh when he didn’t flinch at her touch though she did have to stifle her laughter at Luna’s puffed up cheeks and flaring wings.

‘...It’s just..., are you sure she knows exactly what she’s getting into?’ Matthias asked the princesses cautiously. Trying his best not to sound as if he was calling their judgment into question.

“In what sense?” Luna inquired as she ran her wing up and down his back, much to the shock and surprise of Celestia.

‘In the sense that, you know? Is she gonna be expecting… all… this?” he attempted to explain before using the feathered end of his quill to gesture across his scarred and hairless frame. ‘I just… I just don’t want her freaking out and blasting me is all.’ He confessed before bracing himself for the oncoming storm of scorn and resentment his concerns were sure to cause. Only to freeze up when he felt the sisters pull him closer between them and giggle heartily.

“Hee hee, rest assured Sir May, the only thing you have to fear from my former pupil is the possibility of developing carpal tunnel from trying to answer the deluge of questions she is sure to assault you with,” Celestia promised him jovially. A warm elation spreading throughout her sizeable chest as she felt Matthias relax and lean into her embrace.

“It is as our sister says! Young Twilight Sparkle is a pony of such staggering care and compassion, that it has taken no less than three official proclamations from the Office of Solar Affairs to keep her from rushing to thy bedside and making thine acquaintance.” Spoke Luna from his left as she draped a wing over his shoulder in both a comforting and protective gesture.

‘Really? Because I seem to recall you both saying the same things about the last three mages who tried to get this thing off of me. He wrote out before drumming his fingers along the edge of his collar, the shimmering words seemingly dripping with both doubt and sarcasm.

“I… I'm sorry,” Celestia lamented as she broke away from their huddle, her ears and wings drooping as she tucked her tail between her legs while the fine blue hairs on the nape of Luna’s neck began to bristle. “I had no idea the wards woven into your shackle would be so complex, nor did I believe the egos of my ponies could be so fickle.”

Almost by instinct, Matthias moved to pull her back into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her tightly before nuzzling her with his right cheek. Tearing a surprised gasp from the Princess of the Sun and causing her wings to ruffle jerkily.

‘You can't hold yourself accountable for the actions of others, only your own,’ he wrote once he had let her go. ‘And your actions, have been nothing if not kind and generous. Plus, it always warms my heart seeing somebody specing for Unrelenting Force over Durnehviir or Bend Will.’ He assured the both of them before bringing them back into the hug. Some amused, albeit silent chuckles, slipping past his lips at both the memory of Luna shouting three pony shaped dents into the walls of his hospital room, and the feeling of Celestia returning his hug and nuzzle with gusto. Though given his positioning within the confines of these mares’ fluffy embrace, he couldn’t quite make out the shit eating grin Luna was currently shooting Celestia, or the bemused glare Celestia was giving back to her.

“It amazes me how forgiving you can be,” Celestia confessed after another minute or two spent simply wrapped in the human’s arms, reveling in the heat of his hairless skin mingling with the blush dusting her cheeks. A happy whimper and tear threatening slip past her when she felt his silent laughter reverberating in his chest.

‘It’s not forgiveness if the other party has offered me no offense.’ He explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. ‘Yes, you are a Princess, but I can't expect you to control how your subjects act around me.’

“But still, after what you sacrificed for our little ponies, to think somepony would have the… the… sheer unadulterated pillows to accuse you of something so ridiculous or selfish as you choosing to remain shackled like this. It’s… It’s simply beyond reproach!” Celestia declared with a fire and severity that, for the briefest of seconds, reminded him of the pale horse he had met in the pit, staring down at him from her high seat above the Grinder. Whose stony, unwavering gaze had shown neither hesitation or pause when she had condemned him to his death.

Pfffffft!!!

Luckily, before Matthias could fall too far back down into the mines, Luna’s barely contained cackling caught his and Celestia’s attention.

“P-pillows? Sister please, We believe the proper nomenclature for such gall is tits,” Luna chortled, causing Celestia to pale and Matthias to double over wheezing.

“L-Luna?!” Celestia gasped, “W-who in Equestria taught you that?!”

“Hee hee we’re going to be introducing friend May to her within the hour,” Luna answered smugly at having gotten one over on her sister so decisively.

Celestia gave her baby sister a scowl that demonstrated she was questioning every decision she had made in her life that had led her to this point. But when she looked over to Matthias and saw how the remaining tension he’d been carrying since they’d left the castle had all but fled, her features softened, and a weight it felt like she’d been bearing for weeks seemed to lessen, if only by the slightest degree.

“Still, I may have to have a discussion with my former student about the curriculum she has put together for you Lulu.” She warned teasingly before bumping her sister's hip with her own, “Harmony forbid she puts any more funny ideas inside either of your heads.”

“W-was that not the proper context?” Luna asked, suddenly finding her confidence wavering. At least, until she felt Matthias wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her closer into him.

‘It was,’ Matthias assured her before letting her go and running his hand along her back, causing the princess’ wings to flare for a second and her tail to swish happily, and once more causing Celestia to raise her eyebrow. ‘Though where I’m from we usually use it in the context of not having the “balls” to do something. And don't you worry Tia, I've already got plenty of funny ideas running around in here,’ he said before tapping at the side of his head. ‘So what's a few more to worry about?’

Celestia would have continued to push, wanting maybe just a little more clarification on what he meant by “funny ideas,” or press him to open up some more about his homeland and its sayings.

But then Matthias smiled at her.

And it wasn't some subdued little thing either.

No, it was unabashedly toothy and innocent. Without any fear of her or worry hidden behind it whatsoever. Add to it the creeping blush spreading across her muzzle at the little pet name he had given her, and she couldn’t help but join in on his and her sister’s grinning and giggling. Finding it immensely relieving to have the strange alien not be afraid to be himself around her, and refreshing to be around somepony who wasn’t afraid to be somewhat crass with her either.

“What manner of balls do you speak of friend May,” Luna finally asked after the trio had finally composed themselves. “And in what way do they equate to lacking the mammaries necessary to follow through with something?”

Now it was Matthias’ turn to blush and reel, clearly not expecting to be giving a course on anatomy this evening as he started fidgeting with his quill. Starting up several different attempts at trying to explain the parallel, only to wind up staining the sky around him with starlit ink.

“Heh heh I believe Sir May is referring to his testicles,” Celestia explained with all the precision and subtlety of mace upside the face, having decided to offer the poor creature some mercy. Although, she nearly doubled over at the sight of his and her sister's cheeks simultaneously coloring, though Starry made no such attempts at curtailing her rambunctious guffaws from her perch on the roof across from them.

So with all their anxieties having been quashed for the moment, and with all their blushes having finally evened out, the trio and their shadow resumed their trek towards The Royal Canterlot Library. Where they had planned on meeting up with Luna’s teacher for her weekly How to Talk to Ponies Without Blowing Their Eardrums Out lesson.

It had been during one their many lunch dates in the infirmary together that Celestia let it slip that Luna had been working with her former student to make up for, what she jokingly referred to as, "lost time." And after convincing Luna not to reenact the end of X-Men #59 on her sister later that night, The Lunar Diarch had gone on to explain that, for the longest while, she had been working to try and form a more tight-knit bond with her subjects so as not to feel as much like a third wheel as she already did. However, between the hours she worked, and given how much time she kept herself locked away in the castle, patrolling the dreams of the Equestrian citizenry (a concept Matthias was still having trouble wrapping his head around if not believing outright). She had fallen somewhat out of touch with the comings and goings of her little ponies’ everyday lives.

As such, her fellow princess, the only one he hadn’t been formally introduced to yet, aside from the Crystal Princess’ daughter, of course. Had taken it upon herself to help guide Luna through the complicated, and oftentimes convoluted, patchwork of informal social cues and signs that went into something as seemingly simple as an evening on the town, or a chat amongst friends.

Leading her through the odd assortment of paces and steps needed for her to hold a conversation without sounding like she was either Venom or living in an Ayn Rand dystopia by taking her out to the various cafes, diners, and parks still open after the sun had gone down. Where she wouldn’t just be able to see such interactions happening in real time and in person (in… pony?), but give her the opportunity to interact with her subjects in a less formal setting, and let them see her in a less formal light as well.

However, with Matthias having accepted their invitation to join them for tonight's tutoring session. Everypony agreed it'd be best to move this week's lesson to someplace a little less crowded and little more curtailed to the human's interests, in an effort to better put him at ease in spite of Matthias’ protests to the contrary. As well as push it back to a time a little bit later in the evening when the streets around the castle wouldn't be quite as crowded, and the chances of some random pony stumbling upon Luna's lesson wouldn’t be quite as high.

Which was why as they passed through the castle’s looming gates, its golden portcullis and drawbridge remaining open and lowered respectively in a symbolic gesture of openness and trust between the crown and her subjects, and stepped into the streets of Canterlot proper. They found almost zero ponies milling about, save for the occasional troop of patrol ponies making their rounds and the odd group of bat pony tourists posing for photos.

But still, even with the library being barely a block away from the castle’s main gate, and with the route they had planned on using avoiding any of the residential or high trafficked areas in the city. The princesses still made sure to encase themselves in a veil of glamor to appear as simple civilians to those who were not aware of the effect and throw the most massive cloak and cowl they could get their hands on over Matthias in an attempt to pass him off as an extremely lanky earth pony.

And yet, in spite of the near-empty streets all around them, and with one his most staunch and stalwart defenders all but hanging off of his arm. Matthias once again found himself beginning to tense up and shake, barely able to bring himself to look up at the gilded marble buildings all around him as they shone in Luna’s moonlight. The sudden loss of the familiar stone walls and vaulted ceilings leaving him feeling more exposed and vulnerable than that time the stone-faced mare had left an indent of her fist in his cheek. But almost instantly, he felt his shudders halted by a velvet soft hand gripping his own and a downy wing fall across his shoulder, pulling him into a firm but gentle hug.

Peering down at the likely culprit, Matthias found Luna looking up at him, her eyes shining like the diamonds in her sky as a nervous, but expectant smile pulled at her lips. Throwing a silver questions mark her way, she quickly glanced down at his chest and nudged his arm up slightly, almost as if she were asking him to lift it for her. Taking the hint, he started moving his arm out of the way, only for Luna to all but throw herself into his chest once she had enough space to work with, doing everything she could to try and press as much of her tiny frame into him as equinely possible.

“It’s okay,” Luna cooed to him as she started tracing her cheek up and down his chest, giggling lightly as she felt his heartbeat pick up through both the thin fabric of his t-shirt and the worn away skin running along his abdomen. “Thou art holding thyself up most admirably. However, shouldst thou find thyself in need of our support, know that We are always here for thee,” she assured him before wrapping her arms around his side and giving him a steadying squeeze.

Causing any sense of relief or comfort her words might have left him with to be all but whited-out as he felt the Night Princess’ ample chest press into him.

Which wouldn't have been so bad, seeing as the princesses had decided to dress down for the more casual and laid back atmosphere this evening’s lesson was supposed to entail. However, even the simplest dresses they had in their wardrobes, when draped across their lovely, one might even dare say royal, figures, was more than enough to turn every head, and silence every conversation, in whatever room they had happened to walk into at the time.

For Celestia, she had chosen to forgo her immaculately fitting business casual wear. Claiming that should she dress in anything less than her standard court attire to their little outing, then they’d be spending the first hour or so of their meeting trying to keep her former student from hyperventilating.

Choosing instead to go with a simple, though no less luxurious, white and gold trimmed backless maxi evening gown, a large, golden sun emblazoned on the cloth over her left hip. Although the lack of a back was more for function than form, given the giant, fluffy white angel wings sprouting from beneath her shoulders. With any bare, or suggestive swathes of skin (or coat as it were) concealed by sleeves more at home on an arch mage's robes, and a modest shroud hung over her chest and shoulders, her peytral serving as its clasp.

However, the sheer black bodycon currently clinging to Luna like a freshman during a slow dance left all but nothing to the imagination.

Oh, by no means was it anything trampy or in poor taste. Seeing as the dress’ top half barely showed off any more fur than Celestia’s, save for some openings running from her shoulders down to her elbows, exposing her taught navy blue triceps. While the dress’ hem—though slit up the sides as it was—was more hanging off the Lunar Diarch’s waist than plastered to it as it drifted along the same ethereal breeze her mane and tail seemed to be caught on. The ebony cloth billowing just high enough so as to avoid getting dragged along the ground while hanging just low enough to keep all the essentials covered.

But dammit if what was covered wasn’t covered up beautifully!

What with the silken fabric hugging her subtle curves and contours like a second skin, all while somehow drawing the attention of any onlooker up to her cute little face rather than her chest or waist. An impressive feat, given the sheer amount of leg and thigh exposed by the slit running all the way up from her hooves to her hips. Making any sort of additional evening themed embroidery seem superfluous given that her Cutie Mark was out there in the open for all to see.

Or feel as was Matthias’ case, seeing as Luna’s waist was all but glued to his as they circled the castle’s outer wall, giving him no choice but to revel in the sensation of her near bare leg's cloud-soft fur brushing against his own with each step they took. Causing him to wonder briefly, as they ducked down a darkened side street, her arms still wrapped around his torso from her earlier glomp, if she might be doing all this on purpose.

But that would just be silly, he thought to himself, even though he had already leaned down and was nuzzling his cheek against the first fuzzy blue ear he could reach.

She’s barely known me a month, and what self-respecting monarch of the night would lower herself to throw a pity fuck out to the goddamn alien monkey man? Could be she just doesn’t realize what she’s doing. After all, she had no problem letting me put my hands all over her the night we first met and vice versa. But would they seriously put some… pony (dammit that’s not going to get any less annoying any time soon) in charge of the fucking moon and stars if they weren’t even aware of when they were putting the moves on somebody?

Not that I’m complaining or anything! She’s as soft as fleece fresh out the fucking dryer, and as warm to boot. And has enough respect for me to only touch me when she knows I want or need a cuddle. Heh, and to think, once upon a time I would have given my left nut to have somebody hold me the way Luna’s holding me now. Granted I was passing a kidney stone at the time, so I would’ve probably given it for a Kit Kat or Klondike Bar if given the chance.

But now, now I’m just glad I’ve reached that point in my life where I can appreciate a pretty girl not throwing herself all over me like I was an overgrown body pillow. Granted, some might think twenty-eight's a but too young for such thoughts, but I betcha they never had that choice taken away from them. Never lost the right to their own goddam body and were passed around every other day like a fucking fl-

“Tell us, dear May, what does thou maketh of our sky this evening?” Luna asked in a tone both aloof yet hopeful, catching Matthias just as he was about to teeter over the edge again. Looking back down at the little blue alicorn, Matthias saw Luna smiling at him warmly, her head tilted cutely to the side to try and better meet his gaze. Which made Matthias release the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in a string of quiet cackles, and ease up the near death grip he had on her hand, given how corgi video on Youtube cute she looked at the moment.

But those giggles were quickly cut off when he felt Luna's hand tighten around his to keep him from slipping away, her fingers moving to interlace with his own. Whatever questions he might have had concerning her possible naivete all but crushed when her smile flashed from curious to knowing before she quickly nuzzled his nose with the tip of her muzzle. Causing his return nuzzle to be a little extra warm and fervent as he tried with all his might to express to her how grateful he was for her catching him.

The remainder of their trek towards the library remained uneventful as they continued to hug the shadows and sidestreets. With Celestia and Luna filling Matthias in on some of the logistics of how their respective spheres operated. Such as their relative sizes and distance from the planet. How, in spite of their ability to freely manipulate the skies as they saw fit, they still needed the aid and council of the various farming bureaus and weather managers serving under them in order to best maximize the benefit of the lights they brought to Equestria. And how the seasons and equinoxes worked given the ponies free reign over both sun and star and wind and weather.

To which Matthias did his best to try and throw in his two cents. Drawing upon whatever parallel bits of terran physics and astronomy he thought would be most applicable to the given topic. As well as detail, as best he could, how weather and orbits could possibly function so orderly without any apparent guiding force to back them. All the while making sure to steer clear of any subjects which would require a three credit hour course to sufficiently explain, or make the tiny blue fuzzball snuggled up against him tense or shake.

Choosing not to press Celestia about the traditional role the solstices served and drop the tangent he’d been going on about the comparative sizes of their worlds’ respective satellites so he could get a better explanation of how exactly one “makes” weather and how tides and gravity worked here. Much to the appreciation of Luna, who after the fourth such topic shift and a knowing smile of his own, had cottoned on to what Matthias was up to.

Banking on the centuries of discipline and facial control she had accrued from having to smile and nod and play nice with the old clans and families to keep her from either tearing up or jumping her human friend where he stood. Deciding just to nuzzle him that much harder instead, and wrap her tail around his leg. Keeping the billowing blue appendage affectionately affixed to him until they had all but tripped over the steps leading up to the Canterlot Library.

The Royal Athenaeum was done up in a similar neoclassical style as that of the Capitol Building back in D.C. Having both a sheer rectangular terrace almost twice as tall as Matthias serving as its base and entryway, as well as an architectural layout nearly identical to that of its counterpart in the States. With a pair of sculpted stone unicorns dressed in mage’s garbs flanking the stairway’s entrance, each holding a flickering sky blue flame aloft in one of their outstretched hands.

However, rather than a white-marble exterior and collonade-esque dome at its center, the brickwork of the library was a pale purple and interspersed with two-story tall cathedral-style windows. While its central cupola looked to be made up of hundreds of diamond cut panes of glass, interlocked and pieced together within a framework of gigantic, golden arches, forming a massive, rounded casement that would help to pull in even more light from the outside.

Seems to be a common feature of pony architecture, Matthias noted as he and the princesses crossed beneath the library's rampart-esque awning and pushed open its grand golden doors. Handing the reins over to his more analytical side so as not to worry himself into another hole over how Celestia's student, or any other pony who happened to be hitting the books at this hour, would react to him. Makes sense though, seeing as they haven't quite stumbled upon electrodynamics yet.

But by either good fortune or planning, the lobby appeared devoid of any tiny equines burning the midnight oil cramming for finals or finishing end of term projects. With just an empty receptionist’s station, a stack of returned books waiting to be sorted, and an overstuffed, though no less organized, bulletin board highlighting the various functions the library would soon be hosting (including one depicting Celestia reading to a bunch of little colts and fillies) there to greet them.

However, even with their disguises still intact, and with the later hour they had chosen for their little get-together, the princesses decided not to dally and risk exposing themselves, or their friend, to any prying eyes. Hurrying Matthias up the first winding staircase they came across to try and get him out of the open, and into the room they had rented out for Luna's lesson, as quickly as possible.

Fortunately for Matthias though, they were still somewhat early, and the spiraling stairwell’s banister offered them a fair amount of cover as they made their way up to the third floor, so quickly as possible was really little more than a hurried amble. Giving him plenty of time to slow down and trace the layout of the atrium beneath them in an effort to better keep himself composed.

His eyes following the patterns formed by the aisles and interlocking shelves, until they converged around a spacious lounge and study area. Set up with all manner of desk, table, and comfy looking chair to help aid any bookish little pony in their research or studying, as well as a gigantic, ornate hourglass, nearly twice the size of the princesses, standing at its center keeping the time. Its gold trim and silver sand reflecting the soft glow of Luna’s night across the room. With any shadows or darkened patches of books or carpet illuminated by the lights of the crystal lamps adorning the desks, and hanging lanterns strung from the ceiling filled with little glowing insects they called twittermites.

But why would they need to, he realized suddenly, smiling in a spirit of childlike wonder and glee as he watched the cute little buggers slowly float about inside their crystal case like globs of silver wax in a lava lamp. Given how bright the days and nights burn here, and the fact that they've got literal lightning bugs. There’d be no demand pushing for the development of technologies to meet a need that’s already been met. Although, it makes you wonder if a handful of woodchips is enough to keep a dozen of these guys sparking and burning all day and night. What kind of output could they possibly generate given a whole tree and a few thou-

“Are you ready, Sir May?” Came the soft sound of Celestia’s sonorous voice floating down from atop the stairwell. Causing Matthias to reel as he was suddenly ripped back to reality after having gotten a bit too lost in trying to determine the best application for electricity in Equestria outside of heating and lighting. Finding only a half-dozen steps, two pony princesses, and an intricately carved door now standing between him and somepony whom his friends had promised would not only be able to help get him talking again. But help him understand, if but a bit better, what was going on in this crazy new world he was living in for the moment.

‘I *sigh* I think so,’ Matthias assured them shakily after taking a couple more calming breaths. Cursing himself beneath muted breaths for still trembling like a beaten dog in spite of the princess’ pledges that he'd be safe and accepted by this new mare.

“We still have a couple minutes before the midnight hour strikes, friend May. There is no need to rush if thou are still unsure?” Luna promised him with a quick squeeze of her hand. Bolstering his resolve and burying his returning tension in the process.

‘No, no, I'm… I'm ready,’ he promised. ‘But, if we’re still a bit early, could you maybe give me a rundown of what to expect from this mare. You know, so I don’t wind up making a total ass out of myself.’

“In what way would being ill-prepared for meeting dearest Twilight make thee a donkey?” asked Luna with all the innocence and naivete of a 4-year-old questioning what was wrong with saying ‘suck it.'

“He means making a flank out of himself, Lu,” Celestia explained while giving her baby sister another friendly hip check, giggling happily at her sister’s scowl and Matthias’ excitable applause at having sussed out what he was getting at.

“So We see, ‘tis actually a most fitting analogy, in retrospect,” she pondered briefly before cocking her tail back and cracking it against her sister’s shapely rear. Momentarily filling the empty stairwell with the echoes of a sharp impact and a stifled, though no less startled, *eep* from the Solar Diarch. “Well, given how our teacher has been chomping at the bit hard enough for her molars to have cracked to finally get the chance to speak with thee, I’ve no doubt that there are to be some questions she has for you.”

“A lot of questions,” Celestia chimed in, echoing her sister’s sentiments as she tended to her flogged flank. “Some basic, some personal, some very personal.”

“Indeed, just know that she means thee neither harm nor disrespect by them. For they are simply an honest endeavor to better understand and know thee.”

“Also, though her title may suggest she be the ultimate authority when it comes to all matters interpersonal between ponies and others. Remember that she herself is still learning the nuances and intricacies of these relationships, much as we are still learning and trying to understand you and your ways. So be sure to show her some patience should she accidentally cross a line you are not comfortable with, just as she will show you should you step over any bounds you did not see.”

“Oh, and definitely expect a hug or two to be coming your way! We know that thou can still be put off by the touch of another, but after hearing what thou hath been through, and given the growing concern she has been showing for thee in her last few letters. She may have trouble holding herself back when she lays eyes upon thee.”

‘So, be prepared for questions and cuddles rather than screams and beams,’ he wrote out nervously, garnering some mirthy chuckles from the mares escorting him, their melodious giggling the final push needed to loosen the corded nerves tying his stomach into knots. Releasing all his pent-up dread in bursts of white-hot sparks of anxious anticipation that flew through his veins.

‘Thanks again you guys.’ he wrote with a relieved sigh, taking one last bracing breath before writing out that he was ready to go.

To which Luna all but squeed as she took his hand and pulled him up the last few steps. Once more forcing Celestia to titter excitably at both her sister's antics and elation. Only for Matthias to then nervously extend a hand to her as well, causing her girlish giggling to get caught in her throat and her tail to swish about uncontrollably as her fingers wrapped around his.

Giving his hand a reassuring, even grateful squeeze as she pulled open the door and led them into the library's domed observatory.

The room was all of three stories tall at its apex, with the bottom two stories dedicated to various lofts and violet stained bookshelves that wrapped their way around the room's perimeter. Broken occasionally by gaps in the cases wide enough to form makeshift frames for the interlocking panes of glass that made up the dome. Giving anypony with the proper approvals to use the space an all but unobstructed, panoramic view of the surrounding city.

But before Matthias could rush over and gaze upon the view he had denied himself earlier of Canterlot glittering in the light of Luna's moon, a hesitation and tension in the mares holding his hands gave him pause.

Swiveling his head between his escorts, Matthias found all manner of confusion and concern plastered on their muzzles, as if there was something fundamentally wrong with the empty chamber before them.

“S-sister?” Luna asked worriedly to Celestia, her focus jumping frantically between Matthias and the position of the moon. “Did… did we not reschedule this evening’s lesson to midnight?”

“Indeed we did,” Celestia affirmed before breaking away from Matthias to go and scrutinize the giant hourglass standing in the center of the room, its size and level of intricacy nearly identical to that of the one in the common area below.

“Could… could it be the impossible has finally come to pass?” Luna questioned as she splayed her ears and bowed her head sedately.

“I'm afraid so sister, ‘tis a most solemn day for Equestria indeed,” Celestia answered with all the somber seriousness of a CO explaining to a mare why her husband wasn’t coming home.

‘What's going on!? Is she alright!?’ Matthias penned out in mounting panic, his growing unease and worry leaving him blind to the impish smirks adorning the sisters’ muzzles.

“Oh, ‘tis nothing to worry yourself over, Sir May,” Celestia promised, her previous mischief fizzling out at the sight of Matthias’ genuine concern for her missing student. “It appears as though my former pupil is simply-”

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’M-”

‘Do you all hear that?’ Matthias asked, his dread suddenly doubling as Flight began scoping out the room for possible escape routes, while Fight started weighing the combat effectiveness of the quills and books on the nearby desk.

“SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”

“Sister? Do you think that is-”

“I believe it is, yes,” Celestia affirmed with a relieved and puckish smile before pulling a pair of honest to god army helmets out of her sleeves and plopping one on each of their heads.

“BUUUUUUUCKKIIING-”

‘What? What is i-’

*BANG*

“LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!”

The first thing Matthias saw, as he turned towards the source of the strange voice and crash echoing throughout the room, was an avalanche of books and tomes churning about rapidly in a field of magenta magic, raining down on him through a thrown open partition up near the dome's crystal ceiling.

Fortunately for the shell-shocked little human, none of the hefty looking hardbacks or high-speed reams of loose-leaf came anywhere close to striking him. As, thankfully, some soft and fuzzy little... something had barrelled into his chest first, with enough force, mind you, to both knock the wind out of him. Causing the world around him to go white and spotty for a moment, yet leaving it, strangely enough, smelling of dried ink and spice, as well as knock his bony white ass to the floor.

Not unlike getting walloped in the gut by an extra squishy Tempurpedic pillow at one of his friend’s overly rowdy sleepovers growing up. As the plushy little whatever-it-was had even managed to perfectly angle its trajectory so that it stuck its landing on that one special spot between his diaphragm and belly-button which, when pressed just right, would cause anything he had eaten in the last three hours to come up whether he wanted it to or not.

However, unlike his friend’s eleventh birthday party, he was able to keep the biscuits and gravy Starry had appropriated for his dinner from spewing all over the papers and books now littering him and the sheer blue carpet beneath him. Having somehow managed to wind up both on his back and buried up to his nose in stationary in the time it had taken for his vision to clear up, and the world to stop spinning. His new blanket of beige pages covering his face all but completely while diluting what little light the mites and stars provided down to a few burning points of silver that cut between the haphazardly stacked books and papers. Though unfortunately, they did little to muffle the blaring bells still ringing in his ears, or the panicked pleas of some new mare, who had apparently decided his rib cage would be the perfect place for her to genuflect before her diarchs and desperately beg their forgiveness:

“Omigosh! Omigosh! Omigosh! I’m so sorry your maj-, I mean Prin-, I mean g-girls?!” came a trembling though no less silvered voice floating down from beyond the paper veil enshrouding Matthias. But between the shivers racking both her and Matthias’ bodies and the rapid-fire swishing of her tail against his legs, he couldn’t quite tell if the quiver in her delivery was out of fear or out of excitement.

“It’s alright Twilight,” he heard Celestia say to the no longer mystery mare. Causing the formerly belated princess to start fidgeting atop Matthias, almost in an effort to make herself more comfortable. “Just breathe. Remember, this is a safe place you made where we are free to make mistakes without anypony, including us, passing judgment.”

“Indeed, though hath only missed our appointment’s start by but a minute and a half, so no damage hath been dealt which cannot be mitigated in just as quick a time,” he heard Luna promise as he felt the papers surrounding him began to shift and fall. The shuffling sheets only settling once he felt a couple of her fuzzy blue fingers brush against his hand and lace with his own, before giving it a couple quick squeezes. To which he reciprocated with a quick grip of his own, letting her know he was alright.

“Hee hee Yeah, you’re right. Sorry everpony, it’s just… even after getting a head start on the syllabus for Mateus and pulling all the appropriate reference materials I could find for him yesterday afternoon. I still managed to lose track of time double checking the list of possible pronunciations for his name I started last month, and wound up missing the 8:10 to Canterlot and had to wait almost an hour and twenty minutes for the next train. Then, when we were only fifteen miles out of Ponyville, the conductor spotted an Ursa playing on the outskirts of the Everfree, so we had to stop for nearly an hour until it moved on lest we draw it towards us or Canterlot. And if that wasn't enough, when we finally did make it to Canterlot, the Primrose enchantment I’d placed on my bag threw off the coordinates for my jump just enough to land me smack in the middle of the fountain in Canterlot Square. And I didn't have nearly enough time after drying myself off to calc the bag's extra-dimensional mass into my next port. So I tried emptying it a bit to try and make it somewhat more manageable, but then I forgot to take into account the actual mass of the books I was carrying so I wound up in the fountain again! So after saving the books and casting the drying spell a second time, I decided, ‘to Tartarus with this!’ and just winged it the rest of the way here."

“And here I thought George and Lennie couldn't catch a break,” Matthias thought. Impressed that the mare on top of him had not only managed to make it here relatively on time in spite of all… that happening to her. But by the sheer fact that she’d managed to get through that entire diatribe without once having to pause to catch her breath.

However, as much as he would’ve liked to sit up and introduce himself and tell her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself since they themselves had only just gotten here, and ask her if she might scooch back a bit so he could catch his breath a bit better.

When he tried to pick himself up off the ground, Luna’s grip on him tightened, holding him in place before Twilight could notice. Followed by a giggle so low and deep in the Night Princess’ chest, that Matthias felt it more than he heard it.

But before he could begin to write, sign, or in any way communicate a ‘what the hell is going on’ to her. He heard the mare parked atop him inhale deeply, unintentionally pushing a bit more of her plushy plot into his abdomen in the process, and continue with her spiel, as she apparently needed to get a bit more off of her chest before introductions were in order:

“But as per bu- *ahem* I mean, as per usual, I was just making mountains out of molehills again since I still somehow managed to make it here before the guest of honor. So, uh while we wait… do heh heh do you think you could maybe, possibly help-me-get-this-mess-cleaned-up-before-he-gets-here-with-Captain-Night? And, if it’s not too much trouble, could you maybe help me practice with a couple of the pronunciations I came up with? I saw how you all cringed when I said, ‘Mateus,’ so I take it you’ve already run that one by him without any luck?”

“That we have, Twilight,” Celestia affirmed with barely contained mirth and merriment dripping from her words. “It was actually one of the first we tried once we were able to establish a better means of communicating with.”

“‘Tis true, dearest Twilight. Verily, we have tried all manner of derivative and deviation on the letters he has given us, and we have yet to find one that has met his criteria.” Luna explained while running her thumb along the top of his hand in a soothing gesture. One Matthias sought to reciprocate by weaving his fingers with her own. “But thou shouldn’t fret too heartily on the subject. He has agreed that until such a time as we can find a proper pronunciation, that we as his friends can simply call him May.”

“I… I know, but I haven't even met him yet, and… and after everything he’s been through, and after all he’s done for us-”

Wait… us?!

“ I just… I just wanted to do something for him that’ll show him how serious I am about wanting to get to know him better and wanting to be his friend. And… and you know how important making a good first impression is and all?” The mare asked, causing Luna’s hold on him to tighten for some reason.

“Pfft Rest hmm hmm Rest assured Twilight, I believe you have already succeeded in that endeavor most handily.” Celestia chortled, her composure having all but shattered for reasons Matthias couldn’t be sure of, covered in both papers and pony as he was.

“R-Really, but how could I have-”

“Because by now, thou hast surely left a most indelible impression of thine flanks in friend May’s sternum,” Luna explained jovially before ringing her horn to life and parting the portion of papers covering Matthias’ face like some sort of pencil-pushing Moses. The sudden shift from near pitch beige to the soft, silver light of Luna’s night enough to all but blind him for a moment, revealing a purple, blushing alicorn trembling atop him as she straddled his stomach once his eyes had sufficiently adjusted.

Like most of the pint-sized pony women he’d been forced to interact with during his short time in the castle, this lavender mare was diabetes-inducingly cute. What with her adorable little muzzle, her vibrant violet eyes burning bright in the light of the dimly lit chamber, and those perky purple ears of hers that couldn’t decide whether they wanted to stay up or stay splayed against the dual-toned violet blue and magenta mane falling down to the mid of her back and all.

While the simple schoolgirl’s uniform she had chosen for this evening’s little get together, an indigo button-up blouse over a white undershirt and red tie with a matching knee-length skirt, imparted a sort of bookish charm to the mare. Making her come off as more of a straight-laced student than a magical headmistress.

However, unlike all those other mares, who always seemed to tense up like they were either gonna start brawling or crawling away with their tails tucked between their legs whenever he got near. There was a softness to Twilight, as in spite of the nervous shaking rattling her frame, and the way her sleek purple wings kept twitching. She wasn't shrinking in on herself or cocking back her fist. But rather, she seemed to be studying him, her previous dread concerning her socio-temporal faux pas, as well as their current arrangement above and below each other respectively, having been forgotten as she started soaking him in. Appearing to read and scrutinize every aspect of his being as if she'd just opened him up with Heaven's Door.

Causing Matthias to wilt somewhat beneath the purple alicorn's gaze and avert his eyes. As aside from having some rather unpleasant associations with Rohan Kishibe's introduction in part four, he hadn't quite developed a reliable gauge by which to measure a pony’s current state of mind. Making it all but impossible for him to predict how this mare was going react once she'd finished dissecting him with her eyes, and had realized just where she was sitting.

Bracing himself for the inevitable deafening scream, stinging slap across what was left of his cheek, or blast of-

"C-can I hug you... please?”

Or nervous begging for a cuddle? Matthias thought in both shock in confusion as his eyes snapped back to hers. Finding them pooling with unshed tears which made them glimmer all the more brightly against the backdrop of Luna’s night.

Pushing himself off of the floor and into a sitting position, sliding Twilight off his chest and onto his waist in the process, he shot Luna and Celestia a questioning glance, hoping they could give him some hint as to how to deal with the mare in his lap getting ready to bawl her eyes out. Only for any hope of a reprieve to be dashed like a cat being swung repeatedly upside a carpet when all he saw was Celestia doing her best to stifle her chuckles. And Luna, who had taken a step back to get a better view of the show with her sister, bouncing up and down giddily, her hands clenched against her chest in unbridled excitement. While all he got out of Starry, once he’d finally managed to spot her peeking out from one of the rafters above them, was a thumbs up and a roll of her wrist.

So, with no help coming from either his bodyguard or his royal procession, and with the plushy purple princess looking up at him hopefully, Matthias quickly began looking for a reason why he wouldn’t want the tiny little alicorn to hug him and if this was something he really wanted. Seeing as he was still having just the teensiest bit of trouble learning to say, “no,” again without worrying about of hundreds of rusted metal teeth closing around his windpipe, or twenty rabid goblin-dogs ready and eager to jump him and put him back in his place over and over and ov-

“I-It’s alright,” came the frailest little whimper Matthias had ever heard from the pony in his lap as she pulled herself off his waist and took a seat in front of him. Her ears having been beaten flat against her skull beneath both his silence and hesitation. “We… we haven’t really gotten a chance to get to know each other yet, and Luna’s told me that you’re still a bit wary around new ponies.

“B-but like I said earlier! I really do want to learn more about you and hope to be somepony you can rely on and maybe call a friend someday. So… so if there’s anything I can do to help put you at ease or show you how serious I am about wanting to help you, please don’t be afraid to ask!” Twilight explained as her wilting posture suddenly sprang back with renewed vigor and determination. However, what little fire she had burning behind her eyes quickly died out when she realized she’d just said, “I-I-I-I-I mean obviously don’t force yourself to speak! I know there’s an auditory component to your collar’s enchantment and I wouldn’t want you hurting yourself or anything.

“So, uh… here! I brought these for you just in case you had anything you wanted to tell me or let me know!” she said as she began wrapping assorted notebooks, inkwells, and quills in her magenta magic before presenting them to Matthias. Only for the field she had spawned to pop like a soap bubble once they got too close to the human, once more making it rain books and office supplies. Forcing Matthias to pull her under him lest she get a hardback stuck on her horn.

“Ow, so heh heh I guess heh I guess magic really doesn’t- Oh… Oh, no! Are you alright? Did any hit you? Here let me just-” But before Twilight could reach up to cup his cheeks and examine his head, a pair of hairless hands caught her at the wrists, causing her to freeze in a panic and everypony else in the room to hold their breath.

“hmmm hmmm hmmm”

And that's when they heard it. A sound so low and strained, yet oh so full of mirth, that if they weren't right there next to him to see him smile, or had freaking bat ears, they never would’ve caught it.

*SCRREEEEE*

But there was absolutely no missing or mistaking the horrid sound of metal scraping against metal as the collar's jagged teeth began ripping into his throat.

“May!”

“No!”

“Bucking Tartarus!”

“Please, May don't-”

But before Starry or the sisters could rush to his aid, and before Twilight could finish charging the spell she was gonna use to blow the damned thing off his neck. Matthias held up a hand and threw them a pained, teary-eyed smile to let them know he was fine, and that it would pass, causing everypony to hold. Though it took every ounce of Celestia’s earth pony might to try and stifle her sister's shaking, and every bit of self-discipline Starry had picked up in the guard to keep her from leaving her post once the smell of blood and iron had wafted up to her.

Seconds ticked by with all the hurried pace of a glacier carving out a valley. The grating sound of the collar's churning blades tearing into the mares’ nerves, not unlike the teeth digging into Matthias’ throat. But much to the relief of everybody present, the shrill noise began to die down, what with Matthias having closed his eyes and exhaled immediately upon feeling his shackle awake. Leaving him without any distraction, nor anything with which to scream with once the collar started doing its job. And sans any further sounds to perpetuate the infernal devices mechanisms, all it could do was retract its blades and stand vigilant for the next time its wearer would weaken and break the hallowed silence its makers craved.

It also helped that he’d been given a pair of soft, but strong hands to hold onto as the collar worked its malignant magics on him. Hands which held firm in spite of Matthias clenching his own around them in a near death grip. Hands which went so far as to try and massage away his suffering with gentle rubs and caresses that, though unneeded, were most definitely welcome. As it let Matthias know someone was there for him, that he wasn't alone, and that they wished to comfort him.

So with it safe for him to breathe again without the fear of accidentally setting off his collar once more, Matthias took one long inhale and exhaled before opening his eyes again. Half expecting to find Luna or Starry by his side, seeing as they were usually the first mares to go momma bear on him whenever something or someone threatened whatever peace of mind he’d managed to scrape together for the day. Only for those emerald eyes of his to nearly bug out of his head when he found Twilight straddling his waist again as she held onto him for dear life. The tears that had been threatening to spill earlier running down her cheeks unabashedly as she stared up at him.

Causing Matthias to panic, fear welling up inside of him that he was not only hurting this little pony but showing her his worst when this night was supposed to about everybody putting their best foot, or… hoof, forward. So he tried to pull his hand away, hoping he could salvage this little get together before he imprinted too harshly on her that all he was was a problem in need of fixing.

But Twilight wouldn’t let him leave.

She held fast to him, her eyes never wavering in spite of the tears running rivulets through the thin coat on her cheek. And though it looked like she wanted nothing more than to just throw her arms around him and do that cheek rubbing thing Luna always seemed to get a kick out of. She kept a respectable distance, well, as respectable as was possible sitting in his lap as she was. Doing nothing but reign in her breathing and divide her gaze as she studied both what was left of his face and the shackle around his neck.

“A-are you alright?” she asked once her shaking had all but ceased and her breathing had finished evening out. To which Matthias affirmed with a couple quick nods of his head, unable, and unwilling, to let go of her hands to reach for his quill. Although he did ease up on the squeezing a bit, shooting her an apologetic and guilty look as he gingerly rubbed at the marks he had left on her.

“It’s okay,” Twilight assured him soothingly, once more beginning to trace her thumbs along the tops of his hands. “You… you didn’t hurt me, and… *sniff* and I’m not afraid of you. There’s no way I could ever be afraid of you! So… listen, I know this has been a little bit backwards, and is not normally how ponies go about introducing each other, but… but do you think I can try again?” she asked nervously before finally breaking her grip on him, only to offer her hand back to him:

“Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I’d very much like the chance to help you, and possibly get to know you better, please?”

Matthias wasn’t sure what it was about her plea that had lined up all his previous apprehensions before kicking them to their knees and emptying a round in their skulls.

Was it the nervous, yet still cookies fresh out the oven warm smile she was giving him?

Those gleaming, oversized amethyst eyes of hers, shining bright in the wake of her tears.

That tilted head and those perked up ears of hers which made impossible for him not to dawww internally.

Even the happy swishing of her tail and excited flaring of her wings reminded him of how Luna and Starry would act just before glomping the fuck out him, or Celestia after a particularly rigorous unguilting session.

Gonna need to have a serious chat with that mare soon, he thought as he turned towards the sisters, their muzzles a mixture of relief, and dread and hope, and worry, before shooting them a wink and pulling the quill out from under his shirt. Which strangely made the mare in his lap blush for some reason.

‘Hello Twilight,’ he wrote out both slowly and clearly before flipping it around for the mare to see, ‘I’m May. And I think we could both use a hug right about now.’

It seemed to take the purple princess a second to process both the feather Matthias had been hiding and the letters floating in front of her face. But once the words had finally clicked and fallen into place, there was absolutely no stopping the near ear-shattering *squee* and glomp she’d been trying to hold back since first laying eyes upon him. Quickly throwing her arms over his shoulders before rubbing her warm, wet cheek against the divetted skin running along his own with such intensity that Matthias could even feel the heat of her affections sparking through the burned away nerves lining the molten half of his face. His subsequent blush, plus the sheer warmth coming off the mare, threatening to sear the collar to his skin as he worked his arms around the small of her back, so as to avoid brushing against her wings.

“Hee hee, Dinky and Luna were right, you are warm,” Twilight tittered almost drunkenly after taking a minute to relish in the feel of his bare skin brushing along her coat. The relief and elation at having succeeded in making this strange creature open and up and feel comfortable around her uncording her nerves so quickly it was leaving her lightheaded.

Who’s Di-

“Huzzah!” was the only warning either of them got before Luna threw herself into their little cuddle puddle. Wrapping both her arms and wings around the two of them and squeezing them against her chest tightly. “Is it not as We said? Thou had nothing to fear from one another,” Luna gloated as she pushed her cheeks between the two and began nuzzling them.

“I’d be more inclined to believe you if you weren’t still shaking,” Twilight snarked as she entwined her tail with Luna’s, deepening their embrace and pulling a squeaky little *eep* from the Princess of the Night. Though whether it was from the sudden intimacy, or from Twilight calling her out, Matthias wasn’t sure.

“W-We were not nervous! We are simply excited at witnessing thy first embrace! If anything, We were frustrated at how much time thou were taking, and would have thrown thee into friend May's chest if thou had waited any longer!”

‘You know, I can’t help but notice how often the corner of your left eye twitches whenever you’re trying to skirt around a subject you're not comfortable with,’ Matthias pointed out after managing to wrestle his hand and quill free from the confines of their fluffy prison. Causing Luna to reel:

“W-w-what?! That isn’t-

“I’m afraid Sir May speaks most truly, dear sister,” Celestia affirmed with a chuckle which made Luna pale. “Unless you are finally willing to concede that the net loss of your caramel stash over the years has been because of my superior skills in poker!”

“Then thou finally admits to cheating all this time you conniving wench!!!” Luna screamed in a fury, only for her to freeze when she heard Twilight begin to giggle.

“But if it is truly the case that you have a tell as Celestia and Mate- *cough* I mean, May suggest, then I was right and you were nervous!”

“B-b-b-but-”

‘I guess it just boils down to what you're more willing to admit to, being a bit worried that your snowflake of a friend was gonna melt at meeting someone you obviously think the world of. Or that you just have a shit poker face.’

“Whose side art thou on May?” Luna asked in an odd mix of faux hurt and teasing seriousness. Unable to decide if she should feel betrayed for being exposed so quickly and openly. Or elated at seeing Matthias so at ease after the kind of week he'd had to endure.

‘The one that'll make these three bust a gut quickest,’ Matthias confessed with a broad twirl of his quill once he had finished writing. Highlighting the varying degrees to which her sister, her teacher, and her Captain were about to lose their shit.

With Twilight having turned away and brought her hand up to her mouth to try and hold back her giggles. Making her look the part of a gigantic purple chipmunk in the process.

Her sister though, held no such qualms as she doubled over braying with laughter. Planting her hands on her knees to keep her from going ass over teakettle.

And her Captain of the Guard, ever the picture of stoic professionalism and discipline, had taken to hanging from the rafters by her tail. Her folded wings and crossed arms giving the impression that she had simply dozed off. But given how the muffled shrieks of laughter slipping past her leathery wings were rocking her tiny frame with enough force to get her swinging, Luna doubted that Starry had chosen now of all times to catch up on her beauty sleep.

Thankfully, before Luna could either issue a court-martial or attempt to banish her sister or teacher to the sun, the silver script floating before her eyes suddenly piqued Twilight's curiosity:

“Wait, how would you know of poker’s psychological components? Unless... does your kind have a version of poker as well?”

‘Just the standard draws and studs as well as 2 similar schools of hold ‘em that Luna and Tia showed me a couple weeks back.’

“And if I were to ask if ‘you have any threes?’”

‘I’d say, “go fish.” Why, you up for a game?’

“Yes! No, I mean, maybe later. But don’t you find it just a little bit strange?”

‘Considering I came from a world where magic was a myth and the sun and moon moved on their own, I think it’s safe to say I find everything strange at this point.’ Matthias wrote ruefully as he realized just how ridiculous it was to have to make those points as if they obviously weren’t the case.

“Move on their-”

“Please, dearest Twilight, what is it thou findeth strange?” Luna asked, hoping she could catch her before she lost sight of her initial inquiry.

“Oh, right! Well, from what you and Pri-, I mean Celestia have told me both in letters and in person, May doesn’t just seem to come from some hereto unexplored corner of Equus, but an entirely separate plane of reality,” she asked, cautiously. Only continuing when she got a round of nods from her audience. “Well, doesn’t it strike everypony odd that there are just so many similarities between us?”

“How so?” asked Celestia as she sat down beside them. Snuggling up between her baby sister and Matthias.

“What I mean is that even if we were to ignore the fact that he’s from another world entirely, he’s an entirely new species who just so happens to write, and by extension speak, in the same language as us. Plays and has an understanding of games that are all but identical to ours. He even displays affection in a similar manner to ponies,” she summed up as she went in for another hug, happily pressing her cheek into his before gasping and blushing as she felt him start dragging the right of his face up and down her muzzle.

“And thy point being?” Luna inquired lightly as she moved to nuzzle the cheek Matthias wasn’t tending to, hoping to turn her teacher and friend an even darker shade of purple.

“Th-th-that the sheer amount of similarities and convergences in both the development and evolution of our cultures are far too similar to be mere coincidence and would suggest some manner of cross-cultural contamination at some point in time,” She explained after breaking away from the duo affectionately assaulting her cheeks so she could catch her breath.

“But given both the nature of May’s arrival and how he’s expressed no knowledge of beings such as us in the annals of his world’s histories outside of the cosmetic similarities within the mythologies of specific isolated groups you’ve mentioned in letters. Then the only logical conclusion I can come to is that these cultural consistencies sprung up independently of each other, in spite of their near-identical natures. And I’m sorry, but even I can’t wrap my head around the odds of that actually happening, even though the proof of it is sitting right here, in front of my face.”

“The odds of so many happy coincidences falling into align do seem fairly high all things considered,” Celestia pondered as she recalled both her and her baby sister’s experiences when it came to making first contact, and how a language barrier wasn’t one of the hangups they’d, thankfully, had to dealt with.

“Indeed, the same words, the same feelings, even the same physical make-up as ours so as to survive upon our sphere. Quite frankly, if it weren’t for the… unpleasantness though received upon thy arrival,” Luna surmised, causing everypony to tense and Celestia to wilt momentarily, not knowing how Matthias would react, only to relax when he showed no signs of distress. “We would say thou were the luckiest being between two worlds.”

‘Meh, technically speaking it’s only about a 50/50 chance when everything’s said and done. Or “written” and done in this case,’ Matthias laid out for them, chuckling some at the opportunities for wordplay his condition offered for him. However, those wispy chuckles were choked out when all eyes and ears turned towards him, and all jaws dropped to the floor as if he’d solved a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded and with his feet.

“S-surely thou cannot be serious, May?” Luna decried, the millennia she had spent interacting with the dream logic of millions of her subjects’ nightmares offering her no aid in figuring out what in the unholy Tartarus he was writing about.

‘I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.’

“But… but… but there’s just no way it can be that simple!” Twilight nearly screamed before Luna could ask him what a Shirley was. “We’re talking about several thousands of years worth of socio-emotional development across two separate planes of existence! How can so many independently occurring instances of convergent customs, concepts, and languages, be boiled down to a simple ‘it did, or it didn’t?!’”

‘Oh, they can be, if those several thousands of years of development occurred across several billion billion BILLION separate planes of existence,’ Matthias explained with all the casualness of a teacher illustrating how a heliocentric orbit gave the impression of the sun rising and setting over the horizon.

“In what way, Sir May?” Celestia asked, his current demeanor and confidence a far cry from the shaken creature she had rousted from bed this morning, almost reminding her of Starswirl when he was helping her and Luna learn to properly guide their charges all those years ago.

‘Well… Are any of you familiar with the theory that if you give a monkey a typewriter and an infinite amount of time, that it’ll eventually type the completed works of _____________ (insert name of famous author here), just by hitting the keys at random?’

“Not with monkeys and typewriters, but yes, we do have a similar saying about how a cat hopping on the keys of a piano for all of time would eventually reproduce every melody ever struck by Moonlight Serenade,” Twilight clarified, having already grabbed a quill and several sheets of blank paper to begin taking notes. Idly noting how Matthias flinched somewhat at the name of one of Equestria’s cornerstone composers of the Classical Era.

“Would’st this be another example of such convergences, or would’st it be a divergence given the differing animals and instruments used within the respective metaphors?” Luna asked both curiously and—if Matthias didn’t know better—somewhat ashamedly. Though what she would have to be ashamed about he had no idea, nor would he press her if she wasn’t comfortable sharing it with him.

‘Let’s call it six of one, half a dozen of the other since the base idea is the same but the imagery used to exemplify it is different.’

“But the crux of those scenarios is contingent upon a theoretical infinite amount of time to give the cat and monkey every possible chance to hit the proper sequence of keys,” Twilight interjected, having clearly found a problem with the metaphor. “While our cultures have had only a few thousand years to develop our collective customs and traditions. Unless… have the civilizations your people built lasted even longer than that?”

“No, we’re roughly the same temporally speaking, or temporally writing as it were. Feel free to tell me when that joke gets old by the way.’ he wrote sheepishly, only for him to relax at the warm smiles and the rapt attention the princesses were giving him.

“If it means I get an impromptu history on the development of an alien race’s civilization and the answer to why our languages developed so similarly, then you can buck the rule of three till it cries!” Twilight cheered, causing Matthias and Luna to chuckle heartily and Celestia to shoot her pupil a concerned look.

“I didn’t want to believe it at first, but I guess you really are the source of my baby sister’s new lexicon of crass words and phrases,” Celestia spoke up, shooting her student and sister a disappointed look that made them freeze. Though Matthias could pick up the subtle undertones of her laughter bouncing beneath each hardened syllable. “And here I thought I was leaving my little Lulu in safe hands when I asked if you could help tutor her in the social norms of modern pony society, but it seems you too are guilty of abusing both her station and her naivete. Oh, Luna, how could I have been so foalish as to entrust your studies to such an irresponsible and potty-mouthed pony. But never you fret, as I will personally see to it that your next tutor is-”

“NO!” screamed both the blue and purple alicorns, the former pulling the latter into her chest and wrapping her wings around her possessively. “I mean, please sister do not take dearest Twilight from u- me! She has been so patient in putting up with me and ou- my occasional slips into the old tongue and has not once given up on me, even after bearing the brunt of my childish tantrums. And… and the only reason she has been teaching me such vulgarities is so that I may understand their proper context and meaning lest W- I unintentionally use them whilst in public or in court!”

“Is this the truth, my faithful student?” She asked, turning her attention towards the smaller alicorn, causing her to shrink further against Luna’s frame.

“Y-yes it is Princess Celestia. Not *gulp* Not only have the diction and conventions by which obscenities can be judged changed dramatically in the time Luna’s been locked away,” Twilight tried to explain, the subject matter clearly making Luna uncomfortable given how quickly her ears had flattened, and her wings had lilted. “But nowadays, cursing and foul language is oftentimes seen as a sign of trust and informality with somepony you are close with. So… So I figured Luna should not only have a grounding in the formation of our modern profanity, but should also know when it is, and is not, appropriate to engage in such banter.”

“Hmmmm, you do make a fair point, we certainly wouldn’t want our dearwest widdle Woona calling somepony a “vapid cunt” or a “traitorous twat” whilst in the heat of court proceedings. Nor would we want our subjects believing she perpetually had a pike up her plot if she can’t cut loose in public a bit,” Celestia reflected aloud. Causing Luna’s muzzle to harden at having realized she’d been getting teased this whole time, and Twilight to blush even darker than when Matthias and the Night Princess had been working her cheeks over earlier. “Alright, I can see the merit of you continuing with this line of discourse with my sister.”

“Thank you Pri-”

“But only if you would do me the honor of allowing me to sit in on your next session,” Celestia interjected playfully, killing whatever hope that had been rekindled in the purple mare’s eyes. “I am curious as to what other bits of colorful vocabulary you might have picked up in your time away from Canterlot.”

“But… but-”

“‘Tis true, dearest Twilight. It seems as though my sister has fallen somewhat out of touch with more modern vulgarities as well, and could stand for a bit of a refresher,” Luna chimed in, hoping to throw a bit of shade back at her sister, and hoping to see her friend blush a bit more.

“Or, if the idea of cursing in front of your old teacher and princess is too much for you,” Celestia cut in, a devilish smirk beginning to crawl across her muzzle. “You could simply write me a report like you used to do for me back when you were a filly. And detail for me which words you are going to introduce to my little sister, where you picked them up from, and what context you have found they are most applicable in.”

If Twilight’s face could’ve burned any hotter or brighter, then steam would have begun billowing out of her ears by this point. But as adorable as the tiny alicorn squirming in Luna's lap and turning more and more purple was, the worried little squeaks slipping past her lips as she tried to keep herself from hyperventilating gave Matthias pause.

As despite the light-hearted smiles and laughter falling from the other princesses, no such mirth or warmth was coming off of Twilight. Her shaking eyes and stifled breaths betraying just how close to the edge they had really pushed her.

‘And here I thought I was thin-skinned,’ Matthias mused as he quickly pulled her out of Luna’s arms and into his chest. Having worked himself into enough tizzies throughout middle and high school to recognize the starts of a low-grade panic attack a mile away. Shocking the royal sisters out of their incessant tittering as they saw him nuzzle his cheek into her ear and begin rocking her back and forth. Quickly realizing that they had gone too far.

But as much as the princesses would have liked to embrace her and apologize for their foalish teasing, the sight of their ward caressing and soothing the student turned teacher made them freeze up. Their hearts threatening to burst from their chests when they saw the large, hairless creature begin raking his hand through her mane in long petting motions, while at the same time slow his breathing in an effort to try and get her to match his own. Each drawn-out breath he released coming out in quiet, comforting burst that blew across her ears and horn, slowly but surely steadying the mare in his arms. Causing Luna’s heart to flutter and her tail to swish happily, and Celestia’s guilt to fucktuple:

How could I have been so wrong?

‘It’s okay,’ Matthias wrote out after spending another couple minutes pulling Twilight out of her panic. Giving her a warm, toothy smile when she made to look up him, her gleaming amethyst eyes shining in awe. ‘Nobody’s mad or disappointed with you. They’re just busting your balls is all.’

“Busting my-?”

“I believe friend May means twisting your teats, dearest Twilight. Yes?”

‘Yes!’

“R-really?”

“Of course, Twilight!” Celestia promised before leaning down to nuzzle her former student, making sure to slide a wing across Matthias’ back in the process. “I know you have my sister’s best interests in heart. And I certainly wouldn’t want to deprive Luna of the best royal tutor we’ve had since Starswirl the Bearded.”

“B-b-b-best since Star-”

“Indeed, We wouldn’t trade thee for all the time We hath lost,” Luna assured her before nibbling on the tip of her plushy purple ear. Causing Twilight’s breath to hitch, and Matthias’ cheeks to color, but every attempt he made at giving them space was halted by Twilight’s arms, Luna’s tail, and Celestia’s wings tightening around him. Making escape all but impossible as he simply surrendered to the mares' fluffy embrace.

“So, Sir May,” spoke up Celestia after sensing that everybody had settled and that any bad air had cleared. “You had mentioned that our respective societies had risen within a similar time frame.”

‘That’s right,’ he affirmed once he’d managed to unwrap himself from the various limbs the princesses had been hugging him with. ‘Although some accounts can vary, the earliest settlements we have found, which would eventually converge into what historians would consider the precursor for most modern civilizations to follow, can be traced back to almost 9000 years ago.’

“So, if the times it took for our cultures to coalesce and develop are statistically the same,” came Twilight after managing to pull her head above the sea of feathers and fur she’d been drowning in. “Then doesn't that make the “cat on the piano” metaphor moot?”

‘Not if you invert it.’

“In what sense?”

‘In the sense that if you give an infinite amount of cats a reasonably finite amount of time, would it not then stand to reason that one or more of them would eventually land on the right sequence of notes?’ Matthias explained nonchalantly, once more causing the princesses’ jaws to fall to the floor.

“C-can it really be that simple?” asked Luna, after relocating hers and Twilight's jaws out of their laps.

“It… it is actually!” Twilight exclaimed once her stupor had finally worn off and she'd given her head a quick shake. “While yes, at a minimum, we would have to grant the cats the bare amount of time needed to run through all of Serenade's symphonies. But even with that relatively short amount of time, given how there'd theoretically be an infinite number of cats dancing on the keys, then statistically speaking there'd have to be at least one who was hitting all the right notes!”

‘But Twilight,’ Matthias wrote out before tsking his finger in the air teasingly, ‘we're talking and writing about infinities here. Surely there’d have to be more than just one lucky feline frolicking across the ivories in the correct sequence.’

“Of course there’d be. In fact, once you’ve established criteria by which to determine what it is you’re looking for, then really… all… all it would... boil down to is… is…”

‘What you’re looking for, and what you aren’t looking for.’

“In… in other words-”

‘50/50’ Matthias scribbled out with a full flourish before applauding the purple mare for piecing it together.

“We still don’t-”

“Generally speaking, the probability of a certain scenario occurring is determined by the relative average frequency of the event happening as opposed to it not happening,” Twilight interrupted while pulling three more sheets of paper into a field of her magenta magic and setting three more quills to work. “However, given that the inverse to the cat and the piano scenario tasks an infinite number of cats with recreating the melodies of Moonlight Serenade. Then probability gets bucked right out the window since that would theoretically mean that there are just as many cats thrashing about wildly on the ivories as there are ones dancing perfectly through Mare de Lune and Scenes from Foalhood.”

“And how exactly does this apply to Sir May’s circumstances?” Celestia asked, a nostalgic smile spreading across her muzzle as she watched Twilight efficiently pick apart the problem laid out before her.

“If only I’d brought some glue and cardboard,” she thought with a merry chuckle, “I do so miss the little dioramas she’d make for me as a filly.”

Twilight looked like she wanted to keep going on and on about what she had deduced, hoping to impress her former mentor with what she discovered. But before she continued on with her rambling, she turned towards Matthias, seemingly asking for his consent to keep going with her eyes. To which he gave freely and happily with a warm smile and a roll of his hands.

“Well, if I’m correct in what May has been getting at with our collective metaphors, then all we’d need to do is swap out the infinite cats and monkeys for infinite realities,” Twilight laid out for everybody, her tail wagging happily when Matthias gave her an excited nod. “Then, rather than the conditions we specify being the recreation of a specific composer or writer’s works, it would be things like suitable living conditions as well as shared languages and cultural conventions. Right?”

‘Right,’ he affirmed as he drew an “A+” in the air for her and flung it towards Twilight, causing her to blush and giggle as it burst against the tip of her snoot like a soap bubble.

“We see. So rather than an endless sea of cats and simians either succeeding or failing to play or write the works of the greats. It’s wave after wave of realm and plane that may or may not bare the conditions necessary for thee to thrive?” asked Luna nervously, allowing the breath she’d been holding to escape her chest when both Twilight and Matthias gave her a reassuring nod and smile.

“But still, as logically feasible as this theory sounds on paper,” Celestia interjected, spotting one last gaping hole in Matthias’ hypothesis, “what proof have you that such an endless supply of worlds and realms even exists so as to serve probability its proper bucking, as my former student so eloquently put it.”

‘Well, aside from the simple fact that I'm here having a conversation with a trio of bipedal, winged ponies, rather than back home making lesson plans,’ Matthias considered, doing his best to resist the urge to scratch behind Twilight’s ears as she started blushing and stammering at hearing Celestia curse again. So he settled for just rubbing the purple alicorn along her shoulders, her shuddering ceasing at his touch. ‘I'd have to go with the results of the electron wedge experiment my AP Physics teacher taught me about some 10 or so years.’

“A what wedge?”

‘Electron wedge. Basically, we discovered that if you fire an electron, or another suitably small elementary particle, down an empty corridor with a two-pronged fork at its end. Rather than simply go down one path or the other, another particle of the same nature would appear so as to take the road less traveled. And one of the potential implications we have considered from these findings is that acts of choice and coincidence may have the potential to spawn brand new actualities separate from what has already been determined. Matthias explained, laughing breathily as all three princesses cocked their heads to the side in a multiversal display of “da fuck?!”

‘In other words, if I were to take one of these books here,’ he wrote out before picking up a red and black tome in each hand respectively. Holding them up for the princesses to see before dropping the black one, ‘and just so happened to drop one. Then it is believed that two new universes would be born wherein one, I would have dropped this one instead,’ he said while giving the red book in his left hand a shake. ‘While in the other, I chose not to drop them, but instead sat them down, or passed them to one of you,’ he clarified with a satisfied smile as realization dawned on the princesses, though he couldn't help but start snickering at Twilight again. Given that she’d begun scribbling and jotting down notes at such a rate that smoke was rising off the pages.

‘Any other questions, Twi?’ he asked, though the only response he got was more furious scribbling, what with her muzzle still buried in her notes and what not. Finally able to pull a startled *eep* out of the mare once he threw the question at her, the sparking silver lights drawing her attention back to him in time for her to see him write his inquiry again.

“W-What's an electron?”

Purpleponysaidwhatnow?! Were the last cogent words Matthias could form before his brain had to do a hard reset. Needing a couple seconds to process just how some...pony (yes!) as seemingly bright and intelligent as Twilight didn’t know about basic atomic structure.

‘It's… It’s a negatively charged elementary particle.’

“Negative!?” she nearly screamed in a panic, only to perk back up a second later after examining Matthias, “Oh, how are humans able to charge them without being overtaken by their anger or sorrow?”

‘Not that kind of negative!’ he wrote before beginning to wave his hands emphatically, hoping to derail that notion before either Lucasfilms or Jim Butcher could hit them with a cease and desist order. ‘We denote the charge as negative because of its tendency to be pulled like a magnet towards the opposite, or positive, charge within the atom's nucleus.’

“What’s an atom? And what does it have to do with either cell division or the formation of rain?” Twilight questioned, seemingly desperate to try and tie all this foreign terminology to something she was familiar with.

Meanwhile, Matthias found himself truly, and utterly, aghast as he tried to piece together how these ponies had managed to get this far without having stumbled upon what was essentially grade school chemistry back on Earth. Wondering just how in the unholy hell they had managed to cobble together a prescription regimen for him, let alone a functional school of medicine when they hadn't even worked out chemical bonding yet.

Thankfully, however, before the recently resuscitated hamster running circles in his skull could stroke out completely, a particularly energetic twittermite popped off in a nearby lantern. Kindly reminding Matthias that despite all the similarities they shared between their worlds, there was still a metric fuck-ton of differences as well. The most obvious, of course, being the talking, bipedal magical horse goddesses sitting around him.

‘Twilight, could you tell me what lightning is made of here in Equestria?’ Matthias questioned cautiously, hoping he could get an idea of what was already in the purple princess’ wheelhouse.

“W-what do you mean ‘what’s it made of?’” Twilight asked, almost sounding offended, “It’s... it’s lightning! It’s one of the five elemental arcana which make up the material plane! That… that’d be like asking what the wind or water was made of!?”

‘The former, a 4:1 ratio of nitrogen and oxygen. The latter, 2 parts hydrogen for every 1 part oxygen,’ Matthias laid out with all the ease of a lunch order at the Olympia Cafe. Making every pony in the room stare at him as if he’d laid bare one of the most heavily guarded secrets of the universe.

‘And as for lightning, well, you’re going to have to imagine for a bit that you, and everything else around you, is made up of the tiniest, most minuscule little blocks you can imagine. Each with a tiny little spark at its center which draws in even tinier sparks of the opposite charge,’ Matthias summarized, hoping that by adding a bit of a mystic flare to the example he could offer Twilight and the others some sort of grounding within their current model of understanding as he drew out a basic diagram of an atom. ‘What we humans call electrons.’

“And… and you're saying that… that lightning is made up of these… sparks?” Twilight asked incredulously. As despite the words he had written contradicting and going against everything she had ever learned or been taught by Celestia. She could sense neither falsehood nor ignorance in his demeanor or delivery.

‘To a degree’ Matthias scribbled out, hesitating somewhat at how to best describe the behavior of valence electrons before going with a tried and true practical demonstration. Pulling a few more chuckles out of his audience as they watched him fumble about with the clasp of the cape and cowl they had dressed him in before he began rubbing it vigorously through the shock of rusty red hair atop his head. Though at least one mare's chuckles turned into a startled gasp, when the dark brown cloak fell off his shoulder, revealing the torn and scarred skin wrapped around his left arm.

“M-May, what… what are you doing?” Twilight asked worriedly, fearing that her new friend had fallen victim to one of the strange episodes that Celestia and Luna had warned her he was prone to. Relaxing, however, and even giggling once more, when she saw his head pop up from beneath his cloak, watching as his unkempt, muddy red mane began frizzing out like a mare’s after a fresh toweling.

‘Now, when the world is in harmony, those blocks, or atoms, remain in a state of balance. Each only holding onto and attracting as many electrons as needed in order to maintain their equilibrium.’ Matthias continued, purposefully choosing his words to match the princess’ vernacular and garner their absolute attention as he drew another couple atoms in the sky. Each with a different number of plusses in their center and minuses orbiting around them.

‘However, their hold on these particles is weak, and sometimes they can be lost, imparting another block with a negative charge should they gain electrons, and a positive charge when they’ve been lost. But since this is not the natural order of things, the blocks will seek to rebalance the scales, so they might either burn off their excess charge or take back what was stolen from them.

“In… in what way?” Twilight asked in near awe, her quills having been cast aside as all her attention rested upon Matthias.

‘Why, this way of course,’ he said before suddenly chucking the balled up cloak at Twilight, her hands moving to catch the incoming projectile almost by reflex. Whereupon making contact with the princess’ plush, purple hands, it released all the built-up static it had taken from Matthias in a series of loud *snaps* and *crackles* that arced across her violet coat.

“Yeeouch!!!” Twilight shouted in a pained panic as she flung the offending garment off of her, accidentally throwing more of the mess she had made across the room as her wings flared out in shock. “Ow ow ow ow, oh, motherbucker, what… what was that?!”

‘That, dearest Twilight, was the universe balancing itself out,’ Matthias printed out with a flare and a bow, pulling free the cackles Celestia and Luna had been holding back as Twilight tried to set everybody beneath the fishbowl on fire with her glare.

“That… That was just static!” Twilight asserted with a blush before flexing her fingers a few times in an attempt to shake away the lingering sting.

‘Indeed it was.’

“But… but that’s not lightning! That’s just uncollected, free-flowing mana that builds up in the air and clings to mane and metal! And when it’s stimulated it lashes out towards anything that doesn’t have a similar build up!”

‘And yet somehow, someway, someone who is completely disruptive to magic in all its forms is able to build it up and manipulate it,’ Matthias countered with a playfully smug grin, his words killing whatever rebuttal Twilight was forming cold and in the streets.

“He does make a strong argument for his case, my faithful student,” Celestia said nonchalantly through her best poker face. While internally she had already begun compiling several sets of questions for Matthias, as well as several different avenues for research she could give to her Senior Weather Managers simply from what he had just shared with them.

“‘Tis true, dearest Twilight” came Luna, rising to Matthias’ defense. The sheer excitement at seeing a long-held tenant of natural philosophy torn asunder so swiftly and efficiently, taking second chair to how much she was enjoying watching her friends play so well off one another. “Given friend May’s aversion to the arcane in all its myriad forms, those bolts that struck thee must surely have come from some other source, no?”

Twilight’s eyes just couldn’t stay still as they jumped from princess to princess to human much like the proverbial cat they had previously been discussing. Her trust in her earlier assertion faltering beneath all that Luna and Princess Celestia had told her of Matthias’ interactions with magic.

“M-May?” she asked timidly.

‘Yes?’

“Is... *gulp* Is there any chance I could maybe... perhaps t-t-t-touch you with my magic?” she requested meekly, turning her head away in what looked like embarrassment to Matthias.

‘Sure.’

“Really,” squeaked Twilight, relief washing over her as if she’d been expecting disgust or revulsion on his end for some odd reason.

‘Really, really! Heck, if it weren’t for what happened to the second guy Tia brought in to help get this damned thing off me,’ Matthias wrote while running the rim of his quill over his collar, ‘I’d say, “go ahead and knock yourself out.”’

“W-what happened to him?”

“He wished to see if he could simply muscle his way through whatever it is that shields friend May from the arcane, so he poured everything he had into a single, concussive beam, which he then let loose at our friend.” Luna explained as she started piling books and spilled papers into a makeshift bunker before moving behind the impromptu barricade, reattaching the helmet Celestia had given her once she had finished.

“And… and I take it that didn’t work?”

“Most assuredly,” said Celestia with an impish chuckle as she started pulling sandbags out from whatever hammer-space she had stored hers and Luna's helmets in before using them to bolster their impromptu shelter's defenses. “Once released, the beam proceeded to bounce off of Sir May in such a way that it struck the poor colt dead between the eyes. Rendering him unconscious.”

Twilight audibly gulped before turning back to Matthias, “Are… are you still sure you’re okay with me doing this?” she asked him, still seemingly concerned for him even after hearing what had happened to that other poor sap. To which Matthias nodded, offering her a hand and a warm smile which she gladly took and returned.

“Okay, I’ll… I’ll try to be as gentle as possible, but if at any point you feel uncomfortable, just give my hand two quick squeezes,” she instructed while strengthening her grip on him twice to demonstrate, “alright?”

Once again he nodded, though this time he made sure to bring his cheek down to hers so it’d brush against her when he moved. Causing the skin beneath her plush, purple fur to heat up drastically as she started giggling nervously.

“Hee Hee St- Hee Hee Stop that! Let me Hee Hee Let me focus here!” She playfully chastised before lighting up her horn. The arcane energies encasing the fluted bone in a magenta glow that shimmered and writhed in time with the rhythmic chime that seemed to accompany unicorns, and alicorns apparently, whenever they made use of their magic.

Although, whereas the previous ponies brought in to examine Matthias had just directed a low-grade beam of mana at him or had floated something over to him in a bubble of magic to gauge the range and strength of the near AT-field of arcane interference surrounding him. Twilight’s magic condensed and coalesced into a translucent facsimile of her hand. It’s mystic digits flexing and wiggling some before seemingly moving to cup his cheek.

However, before it could even get within an inch of Matthias’ face, the construct popped, not unlike the fizz in a bottle of Grape Crush. But, thankfully, rather than explode in his face or bounce all over the room as Luna and Celestia had expected, the unraveled energies simply blew back towards Twilight with barely enough strength to brush aside her bangs.

“Oh! Oh, wow! Total harmonic dissonance at a range of one point two-five inches!” Twilight cheered in an odd blend of awestruck excitement and near disbelief before she popped another couple dozen hands into existence, each having a different combination of extended and outstretched fingers all pointed towards Matthias, and set them upon him.

Causing the suddenly wary human to wonder, just briefly, if this was how Thorned Namshiel felt before he nearly got the devil beaten out of him by Harry Dresden back in Small Favors. Fortunately, however, rather than getting poked, prodded, or otherwise tickled to death, the array of hands simply went the way of their progenitor, each bursting apart in a sea of shimmering, violet dust whenever they got within a certain distance of the human. Much to the relief of Matthias.

However, with each glowing hand that fell before the seemingly impervious field of borderline anti-magic protecting him, Twilight’s wonder and curiosity seemed to dampen. Replaced by a slowly dawning sense of realization and horror as she could find neither mote nor mite of magic anywhere in the immediate space around him. The words of her fellow princesses, as well as May’s earlier assertions, ringing more and more loudly within her ears.

“M-May?” she asked cautiously after releasing both the hold she had on his hands, as well as the one on her magic. Returning the few remaining hands she had conjured back into the aether.

‘Yes?’

“L-Luna and Celestia told me that you were both a teacher and a scholar, is… is this true?”

‘That’s what it says on the fancy silver-leafed certificate I got hanging on the wall in my classroom back home,’ he wrote with a fragile, nostalgic smile as he wondered what had become of both his old school and old students in the time he’d been gone.

“What did you teach?”

‘My specialty and degree were in literature. But I was adept enough to pass the qualification tests to be able to teach both History and the Physical Sciences as well.’

“W-W-W-Well, do… do you think you could… I mean, if it’s not too much trouble that we could maybe… sometime…”

‘Of course, I’d be happy to teach you what I know! Matthias scrawled excitedly, the idea of teaching somebody again, even if it was just this adorkable little horse woman, filling him up with a sense of fulfillment he hadn’t felt in Cthulhu knows how long.

“W-would you really?” Twilight stuttered out in a mix of shock and joy, her tail beginning to swish back and forth excitedly.

‘Most definitely, so long as you’re willing to teach me a bit about your magic in exchange,’ he offered, hoping he could pick this mare’s brain a bit more about how actual fucking magic worked before he somehow managed to scare her off.

“I would’ve taught you regardless!” she squeaked out happily as her tail’s wagging picked up enough speed to break the sound barrier. “Omigosh omigosh omigosh I’ve got so many questions: Where did these atoms and electrons come from? How was your race able to stumble upon something so small without a Fine Tooth’s Monocle spell to see them? Ooh ooh ooh, how have hoomans been able to ward off unchecked bursts of storm ether without any ma-”

“Breathe dearest Twilight breathe,” pleaded Luna jovially as she abandoned her post behind the paper barricade she and her sister had constructed to try and settle the excitable little mare down. “Remember, thou needest air in thy lungs should thou wish to hear him answer thine questions.”

“Oops heheheh sorry about that,” Twilight apologized with an embarrassed little chuckle before quickly perking back up, “It’s just... how often does a mare get the opportunity to just casually sit down and talk with somepony from beyond the bucking Aetherium, let alone have that pony share with you what he and his tribe have learned over the millennia! I mean, for your sister’s sake he just upended a third of Falling Apple’s Principia with a bucking cloak and cowl! Could you imagine what he could show us if we gave him a proper lab to work in and the right equ- Oh… oh buck, oh buck oh buck oh buck I’m sorry Luna!” Twilight cried out in a panic before hanging her head and shoulders in shame.

“Whatever for dearest?” Luna asked worriedly as she started stroking her hand along the magenta streak cutting through Twilight's mane in an attempt to calm her. Though she couldn’t help but smile when she felt Twilight lean into the hand she had placed on her head and saw Matthias scoot closer to offer her whatever aid he could.

“*sniff* Th-This was supposed to be a joint lesson for both you and May,” Twilight tried explaining through the somber sniffling and soft coos she couldn’t quite catch as Luna tended to her. Her eyes shining once again with tears desperate to be shed as her gaze jumped from Luna to Celestia, before finally settling back on the floor. “I… I mean, I spent the last three days compiling a list of topics we could focus on for tonight’s session which would benefit the both of you the most, and all I’ve done since getting here is either make a complete and utter flank out of myself or sperg out at finally getting to meet and talk to May!”

Matthias wanted to say something, anything to try and put the shivering mare at ease, guilt beginning to tear into him for possibly causing conflict between the princesses. But before he could pick up his quill or risk setting off his collar again, Luna and Celestia’s loving smiles caused him to settle. The look of sheer warmth and nostalgia radiating off their muzzles killing any concern Matthias might have had where it stood.

“And… and rather than getting this mess sorted out or asking how all of your days have been,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the total lack of offense taken by her fellow princesses. “I’ve just been sitting here wasting May’s time and completely ignoring you and Pr- I mean Celestia! Seriously, what good is either my crown or my school if I start playing favorites or ignore one of my stu- EEP!?”

Any further ramblings from the panicking princess were cut off with her air supply as Luna all but flattened Twilight against her chest. Her worry shifting to confusion as she felt her student’s laughter begin to bubble in her chest.

“Oh, sweet, gentle Twilight,” cooed Luna to the flighty little mare as she began burying her muzzle into her mane. “As insightful and riveting as thy lecture on the evolution of the handshake throughout the ages was sure to be, watching thy first meeting with friend May go better than even I could have dreamed more than makes up for the supplementary lessons We are sure to receive.”

“Are… are you sure?” Twilight asked in near disbelief, only for her doubts to vanish when she felt Luna’s cheek drag along her horn.

“Most assuredly.”

“And even if you had somehow made it here in time to appropriately set up or give Sir May a less ‘flanks on’ introduction, we would have had to cut their lesson short anyways,” cut in Celestia, having exchanged the Patton helmet for a sheet of the strange exploding parchment that would inevitably blow up in their faces whenever she and Matthias were having tea or lunch together. “Seeing as in her excitement for this evening’s lesson, my sister appears to have misaligned the stars decorating the Northern sky to such a degree that the flow of aether will exceed the maximum mana threshold for the Vanhoover and Cloudsdale regions.”

“What trite drivel are you on about?” Luna spat in a fury as she shot her sister a glare worthy of an Arbok.

“Come see for yourself,” Celestia suggested nonchalantly as she held up the offending document. To which Luna released her grip on Twilight and ported over to her sister. “The Lumen Sages have requested an emergency summit, at our earliest convenience, of course, to discuss possible stellar arrangements and solar activity which would best redistribute the excess mana before we would have to get the Farming and Weather Bureaus involved.”

Luna’s glare softened from adamantite to mere diamond as her gaze jumped from the letter in her hands to her sister’s expression again and again like some navy blue metronome. Until eventually, she just sighed and hung her head in resignation.

“We… I must apologize dearest Twilight, friend May,” Luna lamented as she came back over to her friends so she could drape her wilting wings across them. “But in my zeal for finally witnessing thy first meeting, it appears as though I have… dun bucked up the Northern stars… yes?”

“Heh heh that's correct,” Twilight affirmed with a giggle so saccharine and sweet, Matthias feared he’d need an insulin shot afterwards.

“Thank you, dearest, but unfortunately, my sister and I must take our leave with friend May lest these untamed magics begin running wild throughout the border territories come moonset.”

“Oh, I… I understand,” said Twilight with a forlorn sigh as she looked between Luna and Matthias. “May’s existence is still on a need to know basis, and even with so few ponies out at this time of night. We can't just leave him unsupervised lest we risk exposing his identity to the pu-”

‘Can’t I just stay here with you then?’ Matthias asked, pulling a sharp inhale out of Twilight and a barely audible squee from Luna.

“You… You'd be alright with just me being here?” Twilight asked in awe, tears once more threatening to spill onto her blushing cheeks. Causing Matthias’ cheek to flare up as well.

‘It's like you said. I can't be out on my own lest ponies think I'm some sort of threat and start panicking. That's why Celestia and Luna have been trying to spend as much time as possible with me, so as to allay such fears around the castle. And seeing as the princesses have finally allowed you the opportunity to talk and or write with me, that must mean they trust you enough to be able to impart the same sense of ease and trust on your subjects as they do should somebody walk in on us.’ Matthias explained, earning a round of nods and smiles from the Solar and Lunar Princesses.

‘Plus, speaking from personal experience, nothing burns more than wasting hours crafting a lesson you know is going to be perfect. Only to have it thrown out because the universe decided that your county's superintendent wanted teachers to prepare their students for a newly implemented an unproven testing method that assumes that all children express what they've learned in the exact same way. Or in this case, give the Princess in charge of the stars one too many glasses of wine before she came in for work tonight.’

“Hey!”

“Well then, if we are all in agreement that it is safe for Sir May to remain here under Twilight's watchful eye, and that Luna should limit herself to just one mimosa pitcher at breakfast,” Celestia announced, drawing all of Luna's ire onto herself, rather than Matthias’ snub. “Then I believe it is time for us to take our leave.”

“Indeed, however, seeing as the nature of this crisis is one of only minor inconvenience. We should only be gone for… what say you, dearest sister, two hours at the most,” asked Luna pointedly, satisfied when Celestia nodded in affirmation. “But should anything happen during the time we are apart,” she continued before willing a small piece of parchment into existence and handing to Matthias, “do not hesitate to light this page and we shall return with all due haste.”

Matthias graciously accepted the offered slip, placing into the pocket of the sweats he was wearing before offering Luna a reassuring smile. One which grew even wider when the little blue pony wrapped him in her arms and pulled him into another warm hug.

“We are so proud of you,” Luna whispered before planting a peck on his cheek, “thank you for being so brave.”

Any comebacks or questions Matthias might have had about bravery or pride were quickly burned up in the heat of Luna's affection. The feel of her warms lips and hot breath playing across his cheek whiting out any thoughts, and burying whatever doubts he might have still had, about letting her return to the castle without him.

Although, with a quick shake of his head, he was able to kick the hamster off his ass and get him back on his wheel in time to see Twilight hugging Celestia, and Luna call down Starry, and dismiss her for the evening.

Wait… What?! He thought with more confusion than concern. But before the hamster had picked up enough speed for him to ask what they were thinking leaving an Equestrian Princess unattended with a goddamn alien, Starry took off through the opening in the dome Twilight had crashed through. Followed closely by Luna and Celestia in a flash of their respective magics. Leaving Matthias and the purple princess alone to their own devices.

“Are you alright, May?” Twilight asked, sensing his mounting frustration and confusion.

‘I'm fine’ he assured her, though the curious cock to her head showed him that she was far from convinced.

“Are you sure, you seem a bit… frazzled I suppose.”

‘I don't know,’ Matthias admitted as his resolve finally cracked, feeling it wouldn't be in good taste to try and hide anything from the pony. “I’m just finding it a bit odd is all.’

“Finding what odd?”

‘How… How trusting you and Luna are of me!” he conceded as he tried to look away in shame, only for Twilight to step around so she could face him again.

“Why wouldn't we trust you?” she asked without any sign of offense or anger, just a genuine sense of curiosity.

‘Because you don't know me,’ Matthias explained, ‘Neither of you did. And yet when Luna found me that night, she treated me like I was human and not some kind of monster. And on the way here the princesses weren't exactly subtle about how eager you were to meet me.’

“And…”

‘And I'm just curious as to why that is, and why you give a damn about me,’ he asked before hanging his head, kicking himself for failing not to look this gift horse in the mouth.

“Heh heh heh!”

Of all the possible responses he'd been expecting, barely stifled chuckling was pretty low on the list.

Looking back up at the mare, Matthias found Twilight doing her best to keep herself from laughing like a madmare. One of her hands having moved to knead out a stitch in her side, while the other went to wipe away a few errant tears she couldn't quite hold back.

“Heh heh Well heh heh well that's an easy one to answer!” Twilight said between her giggles as she lit up her horn and pulled out a black knapsack from beneath the mess of parchment and books that hadn't gone towards making Celestia and Luna's paper fortress. Its side emblazoned with a huge, six-pointed magenta star at its center that held seven similar stars, albeit smaller and stark white, in its orbit.

Once within arms reach, she unhooked the bag’s silver clasp and started to root around within its main compartment, shoving her arm down its mouth all the way up to her shoulder. An impressive feat, considering the sack was all of twelve inches at its deepest.

However, before he could settle on whether this was a Harry Potter, Doctor Who, or a D&D reference, Twilight appeared to find whatever it was she was looking for. A happy squee slipping through her curving lips as she pulled out some small, unassuming little package. One that shouldn't have been that hard to find, given how it was roughly half as tall as the outside of the bag. Wrapped in a forest green paper that matched his eyes and topped with the hottest pink pom pom bow he had ever seen, and handed it to Matthias.

Quirking his only working eyebrow at Twilight, Matthias tilted the package in her direction, asking, as it were, if this was for him and if he could open it. To which Twilight nodded enthusiastically.

Shrugging his shoulders, he made to undo the ribbon wrapped around his present. Idly noting how whoever had dressed it for him had actually taken the time to tie the ribbon into the bow rather than simply buy a premade tape-on one at the store or something.

Once untied, he set about pulling apart the wrapping, being careful not to tear the paper as his mother had taught him, so as to save the paper. His hands steady as they gently peeled away at the tape holding the folds in place before pulling the packaging apart.

But when he saw the framed picture hidden beneath the package's dark green wrapper, it took all the strength and control Matthias could muster to keep himself from dropping this precious gift, given how violently his hands had begun to shake.

The photo was a simple 8X10 landscape, while the frame was your typical brown stained wood with a felt back and stand so it could be propped up without issue. But it was the dozen or so brightly colored ponies lined up before the door of some great crystal-looking building that was taking an aluminum bat to the kneecaps of his calm.

“This is Applejack,” Twilight pointed out after moving over to his side, his focus too rested on the little ponies in his hands to register her sudden proximity. “She and her family run one of the most lucrative apple farms in all of Equestria, and is one of the most straightforward and honest ponies you'll ever have the opportunity to meet. And this is Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed fasted flyer the world over, and the most loyal and steadfast friend you're ever sure to find. And Rarity here, well... despite her coming off as a bit prim and prissy at first, I guarantee you that there isn't a more selfless and generous soul in all of Equestria. In fact, she's been asking if she could possibly get your measurements to start work on a…”

Matthias tried his best to listen to what Twilight had to say about these clearly wonderful ponies. To focus on what was so special about them and what made them simply the best there ever was.

But every time she’d point a pony out, and start going into detail about the qualities that simply made them just so awesome. His gaze would inevitably be drawn to the familiar little pony children riding atop their shoulders or sitting in their laps, smiling and waving at him through the film.

Or to the unkempt green stallion being propped up by the frail-looking, butter-yellow mare holding his hand. His eyes and smile seemingly weighed down by guilt and shame.

And there was simply no ignoring the gray mares looking equal parts nonplussed and nervous as some strange pink pony threw her arms around their necks and hugged them into her chest. But if Matthias looked close enough, he could just barely make out the tiniest hints of a smile pulling at their lips.’

“Hee hee hee, And of course, you've already met these silly fillies,” Twilight giggled merrily before shooting him the warmest smile Matthias had ever seen. “This is Applebloom,” she said while pointing to the creme colored mare in denim overalls sitting atop Applejack’s shoulder. That familiar pink bow still firmly affixed to her shoulder length, apple-red mane, “she's almost as dedicated and hard a worker as her sister, but her talents lie more in detail and arrangement rather than manual labor. Which has given her quite the penchant for potion making and interior design.

“And this little firecracker here is Scootaloo,” she explained as she moved her finger over to the spunky little pegasus filly playing chicken atop Rainbow Dash. Her purple mane and orange coat popping against her black, hooded jacket and dark-green cargo shorts. “She's quite the little daredevil with that scooter of hers, and is just as brave and fearless as Rainbow is.

“Heh heh While Sweetie Belle here,” she chuckled as she dragged her finger to the little white filly with the pastel pink and violet mane sitting on the steps of the building everybody was posing in front of. Her magenta blouse and white and pink candy-striped undershirt nearly hidden beneath the arms of Twilight's high-society friend as she hugged her closely from behind, “is almost the complete opposite to Rarity in every way you can imagine. Rambunctious, boisterous, and all but impossible to get her to sit still for more than five minutes at a time. But when she can direct all that energy towards putting on a show for her friends, you'll be hard pressed to find somepony with a more beautiful singing voice.

“And sweet little Dinky here, is one of the most diligent fillies I've ever met,” she proclaimed as she pointed out the blonde, purplish grey unicorn sticking her head out from the cocoon of arms and feathers made by the just as blonde, cloud grey pegasus mare sitting behind her. Whose golden walled eyes were a perfect match for those of the filly in her lap. “As despite her father not being in the picture anymore, she still works to help her sister support her mom in any way she can. Even saving up her allowance to hire me to tutor her in magic, even though I usually just give it back to her or slip into her piggy bank when she isn't looking.

“And this is Zephyr,” she said before moving on to the sea-green pegasus stallion in serious need of a shave. Wearing nothing but a simple black tee and a pair of jeans. “He's Fluttershy's little brother and an aspiring manestylist. And he told me to tell you that he's willing to style your mane for life after what you did for him and the others.

“And last, but certainly not least, are Maud and Marble,” she proclaimed while circling the two gray mares being glomped by the pink mare between them. One, as stone-faced as a cliff edge wearing just a simple blue frock. While the shyer, shale manned mare seemed desperate to shrink away from the grasp of the pink mare, but her grip on the mare's maroon red sports-coat left her little room to wiggle away.

“Maud is Pinkie's eldest sister, as hard as that is to believe, and has a rocktorate in both geo-classification and rock formation. And Marble is Pinkie's twin, still just as hard to believe, and makes some of the cutest little stone sculptures you've ever seen!”

Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Dinky, Zephyr, Maud, Marble, those are their names! Matthias thought as the names of those seven little ponies finally sunk in. Those seven little ponies who had been so scared of him at first that Maud had actually tried to punch his teeth in. Those seven little ponies who had stood up for each other no matter what manner of pain or cruelty the dogs had threatened them with. Those seven little ponies who had taken him in after he had accepted the punishment meant for Sweetie and Dinky, and every other subsequent punishment the ponies would have received. Those seven little ponies who had tended to his wounds and shared their meals with him until that fateful day when Celestia and Shining forced their way into the deep and dark. Those seven little ponies he gladly let himself be ki-

And then he saw something that killed all thought and took what little breath he had away.

Their… their collars are off!?

Matthias turned back to face Twilight, that heart melting, blush-inducing smile still stuck to her face. Though now she was doing nothing to hold back the pools of tears that had been welling up in her eyes as she pulled him into another hug.

“*sniff* Th-those ponies are *sniff* are the brothers, sisters, and daughters of my best friends in this whole bucking world!” Twilight cried, all composure failing her as she started wailing and trembling into his chest. “They're *sniff* they're like family to me. We… we were scrambling around for weeks looking for them, fearing Celestia knows what had happened to them. And… and… and then we get a letter saying she found them with some strange creature in that damned diamond dog den and that you… that you had… had-”

But her words finally failed her as the sobs she'd been holding back finally overtook her. Sobs he hoped to stifle as he pressed her against his chest and started running his hand along her mane in slow, gentle pets. Sobs that threatened to coax his own tears out of hiding, and set him to wailing as well. But he stood strong, not wanting to upset the mare in his arms further by both setting off his collar again and letting her see him so weak. But made it up to the mare by nuzzling the right of his cheek against her ear and releasing his breath in soft, shushing coos as he started rocking her once again.

“You… you saved them,” Twilight finally managed to choke out spending another few minutes letting Matthias rock her pent-up sorrow and shame away. “You protected them, kept them fed, and let those… those monsters do all those terrible things to you just to keep them safe, so of course I'd want to meet and help you!” she laid out with a deathly fury and seriousness that left no room for doubt in Matthias.

‘And Luna?’ he asked, still unsure as to what her stake in all this was.

“Hee hee the Crusaders were some of the first fillies Luna helped after her return. So of course she visited them in their dreams to help them work through the trauma they'd endured and learned about you in the process.”

‘Guess she wasn't bullshitting me about the whole dream walking thing after all.”

“Heh heh I know, it sounds almost unreal. But when you and your friends get pulled into a town-wide dreamscape to fight off a parasitic nightmare construct, your perspective on what's real and unreal tends to adapt fairly quickly.”

‘Do I even want to know what half of that means?’

“Hee hee I wouldn't worry too much about it, I'm sure Luna will explain it to you if you ask her. After all, I'm not as well versed in dream magic as she is. Just know that we’re both your friends. That we both trust you, and that we'll both be doing everything in our power to get this damned thing off you and find a way to send you home,” she promised him as she slipped a hand up to cup his cheek.

Home.

Just four little letters.

Just one single syllable.

And yet it carried with it so much hope and dread, longing and loss, that he almost buckled beneath the sheer weight of it all.

Fortunately for Matthias, Twilight was right there to catch him. Her tiny little pony frame somehow able to keep him upright.

“Omigosh! May, are you alright? Did… did I say something wrong? Oh no oh no oh no, quick where'd that paper Luna give you go? Hurry, let's get you back to the- *eep!*” However, before Twilight could work herself into another tizzy, a warm, wet cheek began rubbing furiously against her own, killing any further concern she might have had.

‘No, no, we wouldn't want that,’ Matthias assured her after letting up on his nuzzling. ‘After all, I seem to recall promising a certain somepony that I'd teach them about atomic theory. And my room in the infirmary, as homely as it is and all, doesn't have quite the same pedagogical appeal as a library.’

“Are… are you sure?” she asked, her tone caught somewhere between concern for Matthias and excitement at the prospect of learning an alien field of science.

‘Yep, but let's say we get this mess sorted out first,’ he wrote before gesturing broadly to the pile of papers they were still lounging in and the remains of the royal pony sisters’ paper palace. ‘As nostalgic as it all is to be buried up to my hips in papers again, I'm sure the chairs over yonder are much more comfortable and conducive to a chemistry lesson.

“If… if you're sure,” she asked hesitantly, but the twitching in her wings and the speed at which her tail was firing back and forth, betrayed how excited she was.

‘Definitely sure. So, how's about I get started on the rampart over there while you sort out this pile here,’ he suggested, but before he could pick himself up, Twilight's giggling gave him pause.

“Hee hee Now now, let the mare take care of the heavy lifting while you go set up,” she offered while sparking her horn to life, enveloping each book and sheet of paper within a ten-meter radius of them in her magic before lifting them skyward. The papers seemingly coalescing into their original stacks and groupings before bouncing back into Twilight's knapsack.

“And now we've got a potential Disney lawsuit on our hands,” he thought merrily as Higitus Figitus started playing inside his skull.

However, as much as he would've liked to stay and watch, he walked over to the nearest set of desks and chairs to set up as Twilight instructed. Hoping to get that blasted song out of his head and replace it with The Element Song as he began putting together a sloppy periodic table.

“Can they really get this off of me and send me home?” he thought while filling in the noble gasses. Her promise ringing louder than either of the songs now stuck on a loop inside his head.

He couldn't think of the last time he'd seriously thought about his home. Such thoughts only serving to remind him of what he’d lost while working in the Deeps, and risk his composure breaking and setting his shackle off. But now, now all that was on his mind, aside from getting the alkaline metals in their proper order, was his mother's face as she wished him good luck with his students, his dad calling him down to watch the Raiders inevitably throw another game, and finding out from his sister if he had a niece or a nephew to spoil.

Did he still have doubts? Oh, most assuredly. After all, they hadn't even gotten his collar off yet. But seeing those seven ponies free of their shackles, and Twilight so dead set on befriending him, had given him something he hadn't felt since he heard Celestia say those magic words:

Hope.

Hope that one day he could speak again.

Hope that he might see his family one more time.

Hope that he could get back even a semblance of the life that he had lost, and it sent Matthias into a near ecstatic fury as begin filling in the lopsided squares he'd been splattering across the sky.

And, as Twilight rushed over, after managing to somehow squeeze an entire wing's worth of books and scrolls back into her knapsack. Matthias hoped that, at the very least, he could do something, no matter how big or small, to thank Twilight and Luna for making it feel as though what he had done down in the deep and dark had meant something. And find some way, no matter what it took, to apologize to Celestia for what he had to put her through.

Author's Notes:

For those curious about the dresses Celestia and Luna were wearing:

Time after Time (Clop-lite)

Time After Time

“I'm sorry Twilight,” Matthias lamented after taking a step back to survey the jumbled mess of magenta magic and silver script filling in the space above his bed. “I really wish there was a gentler way for me to phrase this...”

“A gentler way of phrasing what exactly?” Twilight asked once she had finished licking her lips and fingers clean of any remaining cream and caramel leftover from the generous portion of cake Matthias had gifted her earlier.

“A gentler way of phrasing how this is all still complete and utter bullshit!” He huffed out in frustration as he broadly gestured to the multitude of notes and branches sprouting off of the crisscrossing timeline he and Twilight had cobbled together. Each divergence highlighting one of her and her friends’ various escapades she claimed had involved time traveling in some way, shape, or form.

“But… but I just spent the better part of twenty minutes demonstrating how time travel is not only mathematically sound but metaphysically feasible!” Twilight defended emphatically as she used her magic to whisk away their dirty dishes and silverware before turning her attention back towards the clutter of notes and diagrams surrounding the arrow representing hers and Matthias's central continuity. “You just need to have a sufficient enough power source and a metaphysically substantial anchor to tether you to your point of origin!”

They'd been going at it like this for nearly an hour already. Having blown through roughly three-quarters of The Time Machine with little to no distraction or interruption on their end. Save for the occasional question from Twilight. Clarification from Matthias concerning the specific aspects of Terran history and culture she had gotten hung up on. And some intermittent giggling fits from whenever they would try and steal a kiss or nuzzle from the one who was reading at the time.

But somewhere between the Time Traveller’s initial run-in with the Morlocks and his first, disastrous venture into their tunnels. Twilight had let it slip that a certain bearded unicorn had not only succeeded in breaching the temporal veil but that she and her former nemesis turned student turned friend turned Guidance Counselor had implemented such spells on many an occasion.

To which Matthias had promptly called bullshit.

Explaining to her that while both schools of Relativity back home had predicted that time would gradually begin to dilate when exposed to increasingly higher degrees of gravity or when reaching velocities near or at the speed of light. They had also theorized that the amount of energy needed to initiate a jump even a microsecond back into the past would require a measure of power in excess of the sum total available in the universe at any given time.

To which Twilight handily demonstrated how the laws of physics were still her bitch by regressing herself in age to a filly.

And no, it wasn’t some simple illusion or cheap glamour either.

As the latter, he would have been able to see through, while the former would have burst apart when he went to pick her up.

However, the sheer shock and bewilderment at seeing his friend somehow lose sixty percent of her body mass, all the while becoming sixty percent more adorable in the process. Was lost in a surge of happy, bittersweet nostalgia as she started wiggling and giggling in his arms like one of his students from the Early Learners Program he used to work at prior to him landing a county position. Who would always want him to carry them on his shoulders or toss them into the air whenever they’d earned a break or were in the Leisure Area with him.

Hell, she even let loose the same maniacal, “we're gonna get Mr. Martin,” cackle as they did when she shifted back from filly to mare and toppled down on top of him. Pulling Matthias out of his sentimental stroll through a life long since passed as she began peppering his face with lightning fast licks and kisses. Slowly but surely painting his cheeks redder and redder with each pass of her lips and drag of her tongue across his burning skin.

Though what little ground she’d succeeded in taking from him was swiftly lost when Matthias managed to catch the tip of a fluffy purple ear between his teeth and started nibbling vigorously. Forcing Twilight to start squeaking and squirming atop him as she fought to stand strong amidst the jolts of silvery pleasure running riot through the nerves tying her ears to her brain. But once she felt Matthias slip a hand beneath her shirt and start strumming his fingers across her ribs, she knew she had to bail lest he completely turn the tables on her.

However, in her desperate attempt to try and fling herself off of Matthias, once more making sure to give his wrapped right hand a wide berth. Twilight had forgotten to factor in both the earth pony strength her ascension had granted her, and just how… vindictive Matthias could be as he latched his arms and legs around her to try and block her escape.

Resulting in her unintentionally rolling the larger human over and onto her in her mad dash to try and get away from him. Drawing even more heated blushes from the pair as they suddenly realized both how they were now positioned, and every implication said positioning entailed. Blushes that only deepened when they both smiled warmly at one another and planted another playful peck on each other’s lips. The kiss working wonders to settle them both down and burn up whatever mischief and impishness they might’ve still had planned for the other as they let the blooms of heat swelling up in their stomachs diffuse throughout their chests and into their cheeks.

And after promising to have a more in-depth discussion with Twilight on the malleable qualities of space-time at a time when an anachronistic moon goddess wasn’t minutes away from busting his door down. And after promising to give Twilight no less than three more kisses so that she’d let him go, the pair had set about dissecting each of Twilight’s alleged instances of time hopping. Hoping he could find some way to square this seemingly inherent contradiction in the clockwork of the cosmos without making it feel as though all the money he'd spent signing up and prepping for his Praxis II in Physics wasn't wasted.

But he couldn’t even make it past her second example.

“And that’s the part I get, Twi!” Matthias said as he sat back down, hoping to placate the mare looking ready to pin him to the bed again and start running through chain after chain of arcane equations and formulae. Using the tip of his quill to pull over the simple though no less intricate webwork of silver streaks and purple outlines they had compiled to try and better explain himself to Twilight. “But you’ve presented me with two mutually exclusive models of linear causality here!?

“How so?” she asked as the fur around her neck began to unbristle, and the fire in her eyes died down to their usual inquisitive sparkle.

“Well… look, here,” Matthias instructed to the nerdy little princess as he drew her attention towards a stick figure doodle of a gruff looking Twilight wearing an eye-patch. “Here, you claim that a future version of yourself came to warn you about some impending disaster threatening Equestria, but in actuality she… you… were trying to warn… yourself about not fretting over a problem that wasn’t going to happen, right?”

“R-Right,” Twilight affirmed with an embarrassed little stammer at having to admit to, and recall, one of her more… elaborate neurotic episodes.

“So… What that implies is a fixed timeline whereby the actions of the traveler in the past have already become part of that localized history,” Matthias explained to Twilight, but the confused tilt to her head and the eager look in her eyes all but begged him to keep going. “Meaning, that no matter what actions or words your future self might have taken or imparted with you. They wouldn’t have done anything to change her present since those actions and words would ultimately put you, her past self, on the path that would eventually lead you towards the present she had hoped to change.”

“Oh! I get it,” Twilight exclaimed excitedly as realization suddenly dawned on her, “if my future self hadn’t shown up looking like she’d been to Tartarus and back, babbling about magic quilled by Starswirl himself, then I wouldn’t have assumed that she… or I had jumped back to warn… me about an upcoming disaster. Then I wouldn’t have worried myself into a rut planning for a disaster that wasn’t going to happen. So no extensive disaster proofing to unintentionally be prepared for a surprise Cerberus attack or other ball-related emergencies. No need to monitor everything or do nothing which would result in an eyepatch emergency or singed mane. And definitely no head injuries at Madame Pinkie’s or sneaking through a public section of the Canterlot Library in easily tearable stealth suits.”

"I have so many questions, and I’m not sure I want any of them answered," Matthias thought as he tried to suss out what exactly constituted a ball and/or eyepatch emergency, or what she could have possibly meant by “monitor everything.” But as prone to tangents as Twilight was, he chose, rather, to stick to his initial hang up and point out the gaping hole he had found within her current model of causality.

“But if it really is the case that this plane operates under a fixed chronology,” Matthias put to her as he circled the busiest looking section of the timeline he and Twilight had assembled. A veritable forest of progressively stranger and more intimidating looking doodles and caricatures branching out from a central portrait showcasing a stick figure facsimile of Twilight as she locked horns with another lavender coated mare. “Then why did Starlight succeed in altering your present when all her efforts should have led to the exact same circumstances by which she would have wanted to travel into the past for?”

Twilight suddenly looked as if she’d just been told the Canterlot Kitchens would be serving nothing but quesadillas for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day for the next month.

“Th-That's right!” Twilight almost shrieked as she started plucking the diverging continuities off of the timeline and set them into orbit around her head. “If… if our past was truly set in stone as The Next Tuesday incident would suggest. Then mine and Starlight's actions in the past should have led to Rainbow pulling off her sonic rainboom rather than hinder it. So why then, did our interference splinter the time stream into a series of progressively worse and worse versions Equestria? Unless… maybe the Tree-?”

“Nope, nuh uh, and all of my no!” Matthias interrupted before Twilight could go full Deepak Chopra on him. “Magic may explain the mechanism by which you traveled through time, but causality is the naturally occurring phenomenology of cause and effect within our local spacetime.”

“Hee hee But Maaaay,” Twilight tauntingly teased at Matthias’s mounting frustration, “you need to remember that our magic is neither a separate component to the natural order nor is it supernatural in the sense that you and most ponies are familiar with. Yes, while the Aetherium technically exists outside of the material and astral planes, and even far beyond the Outer Spirit Wilds. It’s from this endless sea of aether that the base substrate for each plane, dimense, and simulacra, is derived. Which would also include everything material, or immaterial, which would then manifest within those specific pockets of reality.”

“So… what you’re suggesting is... is that something as fundamental as linear causality is derived from, and freely manipulated by magic?!” Matthias asked after having the complete and utter gob smacked out of him.

“Derived from? Yes. Freely manipulated? Not exactly,” Twilight tried to clarify, sensing that she may have thrown him into the metaphysical deep end a bit too quickly. “It’s… It’s like what you taught me the night we first met! Remember? About the universe balancing itself out?”

“Yeah… and I also seem to recall giving you a low-grade tasing in the process,” Matthias merrily remembered, the happy memory of Twilight getting lit up by a dozen little lightning bolts balancing him back from the brink in time to duck away from the purple princess as she attempted to nip at his ear again. The sharp *click* of her teeth snapping together ringing just loudly enough for Fight and Flight to take heed.

“Yes indeed, well… The Magic of Harmony is one of the most primal and powerful of those base magics accessible to us in the material plane,” Twilight further detailed as she started crawling across the bed on all fours. Not unlike a lioness circling its prey as she sought to find a better angle from which she could pay back Matthias for his snub. “And will often times manifests itself in whatever manner is needed to best help restore and maintain the bonds held between ponies and other sapient species.”

“Are you seriously expecting me to believe that the universe truly gives a flying fuck about two ponies or whatever not getting along?” Matthias asked incredulously and with a subtle spritz of spite as he began to counter circle Twilight. Hoping to fend off any further attacks from the mare while trying his best to ignore Sean Carroll crying in his ear.

“Why wouldn’t it?” Twilight queried as she leaned forward threateningly, looking ready to pounce as she lifted her rear into the air and began shaking her tail in a blatant display of, ‘Imma getcha!’

“After all, when clouds build up too much charge or take in too much water, a storm is needed in order to divvy that power and moisture back between the sky and ground. And when fall rolls around and the days begin to grow short, aren't the accumulated nutrients and minerals taken in by the trees returned to the earth through rot and by winter? So is it really such a stretch to believe that the same base Harmony upon which both us and our current plane are built, would also call upon us to help restore the Balance between ponies who've let their fear and pride, or their anger and sorrow, drive a wedge between them and those who would bring out the best in them?”

Once more Matthias was tempted to call bullshit.

To try and snap Twilight back to reality before she entrenched herself too deep into her metaphysical woo woo.

But then the stick figure doodle of Discord floating past her nose threw a pie at the clownishly dressed Celestia and Luna he was chasing. His face warped and cracked with maniacal laughter as the sisters desperately tried to keep ahead of him.

And Matthias froze in sheer terror.

Panic mounting like the first surge of shoppers at his local Best Buy during a Black Friday doorbuster as he recalled how magic in Equestria wasn't just based on calculating mana flow or taking background aether into account.

No, there was an all too important component Matthias had forgotten to factor into his rebuttal. A tenant of the mystic arts which served as both the lynchpin to all known schools and philosophies of Equestrian metaphysics. As well as the biggest source of confusion and headaches in his continued studies into the arcane:

Feelings

You see, magic in the land of peppy, happy pony people wasn't some nebulous or ill-defined concept whose vagaries left room for authors to get themselves out of any corner they may have written themselves into.

No, it might as well have been a fucking field of science.

With everything from the number of jewels needed to bypass the natural resistance inherent in an enchanting component, to the conversion rates required to transmute organic matter into inorganic and vice versa having been calc'd and doc’d to the point where primary school unicorns could recite them as if they were the Newton Laws.

But for reasons seemingly designed just to make the physicist in him cry, within all the materials and procedures sections of every peer-reviewed experiment and paper on the arcane he'd perused since taking residency in Equestria. There would always be some annotation or bracket within the text to demark the unicorn's frame of mind or emotional state while casting the spell. Ranging from something as vague and nondescript as butterflies in the stomach to something as detailed and specific as, “thinking about shoving my hoof so far up my boss’ plot that the water on my knee would quench her thirst!”

Which made little to no sense to Matthias. Seeing as a person's… or pony’s, as was the case, emotions were both subjective and as quick to change as a politician's priorities after winning their seat.

Granted, having been on some manner of swim team or another since the tender age of five, he knew full well how a person's mental state could impact their performance. Either by fretting themselves into failure or by working themselves up into a frenzy so they might utterly crush the competition. But the scenarios and circumstances needed to elicit such states were biased towards the individual, and were, well… personal. And what would easily embolden or inspire one person could just as quickly leave another hyperventilating and curled up in a ball on the floor.

And yes, while Twilight had done her best to explain to Matthias how feelings served as more of a bolster and reinforcer to spells rather than a power source. And that the emotions expressed by the ponies in the studies were more of a general guideline for anypony who wished to recreate the same experiment or spell effect. It still wasn't enough to silence Matthias’s blaring bullshit detector. Even after he had seen Twilight literally start glowing after damn near every compliment he had ever given her, or how she could barely muster the strength to pick up a pencil with her magic the night she had to break it to Matthias that there was no known way to send him home.

However, it wasn't necessarily the cryptic, oftentimes dubious role that pony feelings played in their magic which was causing Matthias to pale, making him look all the part of a sun-bleached peppermint stick in the process. But rather, it was what Twilight had mentioned about the underlying Magic of Harmony seeking to restore balance between ponies who seemed to be experiencing a serious strain in their relationships, whether they be platonic or otherwise.

As while he hadn't quite cottoned on to how ponies had been able to quantify happy thoughts or the Monday Blues, he was intimately familiar with systems seeking equilibrium within each other. And no matter how much it may have made the inside of his skull itch, he was gradually becoming just as intimate and familiar with the theories behind pony magic as well.

Including how said magic could be stained with a sort of metaphysical charge whenever ponies experienced bouts of extreme emotion, either by choice or by happy accident. That charge usually aligning with whatever feelings the caster had been suffering through at the time, and could more often than not lead to physical changes within the caster or their immediate environment.

Like the time Celestia had started shedding ink-black tears after a meeting with a particularly uppity delegate on the economic council who had spent almost half an hour listing off the expenses the crown had been wasting on Matthias’s recovery while he had been in the room with them.

Or that one weekend where Twilight’s hair had caught fire like some sort of winged Rapidash when her first few attempts at getting his phone working had failed spectacularly.

And he’d never forget the night Luna had nearly regressed back into Mini after somepony had stormed into her court accusing her of either dereliction of her duties or deliberately giving her son nightmares.

So, if he were to shift his perspective a bit, and look at the inherent magic found within these ponies as being subject to the same naturally occurring laws of balance and equilibrium just as say… thermal convection or chemical bonding were bound to, rather than something intrinsically tied to the ponies and the other magically inclined species. Then the idea of a universe actively seeking to keep its denizens living and working together in harmony, rather than constantly fighting or at each other’s throats, suddenly began sounding less and less like anthro-centric gobbledegook, and more and more like something worth studying and building a predictive model off of.

But then again, if what Twilight was suggesting was true, and this universe had a vested interest in keeping everypony, and body, in sync with one another. Then this begged several simple though no less terrifying questions which were making Matthias spiral all over again.

Alright, where was all this fucking cosmic love and understanding when I had twenty goddam Diamond Dogs beating me within an inch of my life for months on end?! He thought as his hamster held on for dear life, the inertia he had built up to work through and process these problems through the lens of this new data having knocked the poor little muscovite off his feet and pinned him to the roof of his wheel. Does my magical resistance even shield me from something basal as Harmony and Balance or do they not give two shits about me since I don't have any of their magic running through me?! Or… Or could it be that it was actively trying to expunge me since I'm not native to this re- Oh shit!!!

Fortunately, before Matthias could work himself too far into an existential crisis over the possible implications of a semi-sentient universe having a hate-on for him, he felt ninety-pounds of purple pony princess barrel into his back and knock him prone to the bed. The bookish mare having taken the time he had spent working himself into a tizzy to slink her way around and behind him before glomping the ever-loving shit out of him. Her slender arms and downy wings wrapping and weaving their way around him in such a way as to keep his elbows pinned to his side.

“Tw-Twilight!?” Matthias stammered out as he started struggling within her grasp. Only to have every muscle from the nape of his neck down to his toes lock up and freeze when he felt the mare's toned legs snake around his own, and her firm breasts push into his back. “What… what are you-”

“Confess,” was the only explanation Matthias got from his adorkable little inquisitor before she pressed her muzzle against the back of his jaw and started suckling on his earlobe. Her flat teeth grinding gently into the tender bundle of nerves while her warm wet tongue worked to coax even more of the pendulous flesh into her mouth.

“And... *grunt* and what exactly am… *rggh* am I admitting too?” he questioned shakily through the bolts of pure, electric bliss stabbing into his brain with each errant burst of breath and each stroke of warm velvet that brushed across his skin. All the while doing his best to pretend that the hardening points poking into his back through Twilight's pajama top weren't exactly what he thought they were.

“You know exactly what I want to hear, now say it,” Twilight demanded after releasing her hold on the delicate little bud. Though his reprieve was short-lived as she started tracing her tongue up and down the rim of his ear before blowing along the trail of dampened skin she had left behind. Causing Matthias to shake and shudder beneath her like an old 1950’s motel massager mattress.

“W-W-W-When Tar- *grunt* Tartarus freezes over!” he stammered out stubbornly, attempting to sound both defiant and in control of the situation as Twilight continued to lap at his ear like it was a cone full of her favorite ice cream.

But whatever opposition he hoped to mount quickly had its teeth cracked against the curb when he felt the princess’ laughter reverberating throughout her chest and into his back. While the subsequent path of kisses and licks she slathered across the scruff of his neck and up to his unmolested ear delivered the final stomp.

“Hee Hee Works for me,” she whispered huskily while leaning down to plant another sloppy kiss at the corner of his lips. Unintentionally molding more of her modest mounds against him in the process and leaving no doubt as to what those points digging into him were. “After all, I’ve got about five months worth of furship to catch up on, and almost twenty more minutes to play with you before Luna gets you all to herself.”

P-P-P-Purpledorksays *grunt* sayswhatnow?”

“What now. Now, talk!” Twilight ordered before resuming her tender tonguing of his neck and ear. Making sure to douse the slickened skin with cold breath each time his blush began to burn too hot.

“It *grunt* It ain't h-h-h-happening!” came Matthias’s strained rebuke. However, the constant barrage of teeth and tongue and breath and bust was slowly but surely hammering away at what scarce resolve he had left like a series of sensual little drone strikes.

“*sigh* Oh well, I guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way then,” Twilight bemoaned matter of factly. Though the throaty chuckles she breathed into his ear afterward somehow got him shivering and shaking even more than the fruits of all her previous affections combined.

“H-How is this not already the- EEP!!!” was all Matthias could squeak out before he felt Twilight slip the tips of her wings up and under his shirt. The cloud spun vanes coaxing all manner of labored grunt and needy whine from the human as he felt one set of flight feathers begin teasing at his nipple while the others went to mapping the valleys of scarred skin running from his chest down to his hip.

“Feel like talking now?” Twilight questioned teasingly before burying her muzzle back into the crook of his neck. Sending wave after wave of gooseflesh marching across his skin with each drag and swirl of her silken tongue across the tensing muscle.

“Not *grunt* not r-r-r-really,” Matthias answered unconvincingly as his Left and Right brains devolved into a domestic dispute worthy of an episode of Cops. With one half wanting nothing more than to just tell Twilight what she wanted to hear before Luna could walk in and initiate the obvious misunderstanding portion of the modern rom-com. While the other wanted to hold out just a little bit longer to see how far Twilight was willing to take this, their friendship be damned.

“Heh Heh Well, if that's the way you want to play it then,” she suggested playfully with a shrug that he felt more than saw. And by felt he meant she squished even more of her plush chest into his back for a moment.

“Fair warning though, Luna’s going to be none too keen when she finds another mare’s scent clinging to her stallion, and I’m not too sure you’re gonna like the lengths she’s going to go through to ensure every mare with a working set of nostrils knows who you belong to. Un- *gulp* Unless of course, y-y-y-you’re into that kind of play, then by all means, k-keep resisting and I’ll be happy to oblige you,” she stuttered out in what he thought was an attempt to sound sultry.

But between her nervous stammer and the searing blush he could feel mingling with his own, she was coming off as more of an adorable try hard rather than a domineering mistress, and by Dagon was that doing it for him. His composure once more beginning to crack as he tried to figure out who this purple minx was and where she had hidden his neurotic little bookworm.

“S-So, just *rggh* just so that we’re on the same page here, can I assume that -dammit Twilight- that I’m her stallion in this scenario?” He questioned tremulously after willing a bit of blood back northward, hoping he could get at least one straight answer out of the mare currently doing her best to try and snake the whole of her tongue into his ear.

However, all he got in response from the purple dork was an irritated snort and an annoyed growl that sent an honest to Galactus shiver sprinting down his spine. Though it was even money on whether that shiver was from the aura of pure, unfettered frustration radiating off of Twilight, or the sudden absence of the fleecy fur and feathers he’d been swaddled in for the better part of three minutes. Seeing as Twilight had finally loosened the knot of arms and legs she’d been using to keep him bear-hugged beneath her and picked herself off of him. Much to Matthias’s immediate relief and sorrow.

However, he was given hardly any time to appreciate his limbs’ newly restored liberty or lament the loss of Twilight’s gentle weight pressed against him as he once again found himself thrown onto his back and straddled by a pair of plump, yet firm thighs. His shivers freezing solid as the Princess of Friendship hoisted him up by the collar of his t-shirt and shoved her muzzle right into his face, her fiery amethyst eyes threatening to melt the unmarred half of his face with the sheer, bone charring intensity of their stare.

“Alright, buster, let’s make one thing perfectly clear here,” she declared sternly while pressing her snout into his nose, her lips so close to brushing against his that he could practically taste the apples and spice staining her breath. “Yes, while the bibliophile in me finds it endearing beyond compare seeing the clueless colt trope playing out so paint by numbers. And as utterly satisfying as it is getting to finally feel you trembling between my legs. I swear to sweet Celestia on high that if the next words out of your cute little mouth are not either:

A). Why yes, Ms. Sparkle, it was in fact magic that temporarily reconstituted the temporal modus of the realm.

-Or-

B). Ohmigosh, you’re so brilliant and insightful-and cute-that I should give you at least five more kisses.

“I am going to work those hairless lips of yours so raw that Luna’s gonna be tasting me on your tongue ‘til well after her formal courting period is finished,” she promised heatedly. Emphasizing her point with an overly exaggerated slurp of her tongue and a suggestive roll of her hips into his chest which left little to no doubt in Matthias's mind as to how far Twilight was willing to take this. As well as briefly expose a damp spot on his shirt beneath where she’d been sitting to the open air. A damp spot he prayed to sweet dreaming Cthulhu beneath the sea was simply sweat from having had a warm, furry body plastered against him for so long.

And yet somehow, someway amidst the rush of boiling blood surging between his ears and cheeks, and the tightening in his stomach, and pants, from the possible source of that wet patch on his PJs, he could still feel it. That sense of swelling hope and excitement welling up and filling his chest like dough rising in an oven as the finer points of Twilight’s threat continued to ring louder and louder in his ears:

“Luna’s courting me!”

“Luna’s actually fucking courting me!” Matthias thought as he fought like a cornered fox to keep the dopey grin threatening to yank his lips up and over his ears at bay. The complete and utter joy he felt at hearing Twilight all but reaffirm his waning suspicions only matched by the sense of sheer, unbridled relief at knowing that he was neither misconstruing the Lunar Diarch’s actions nor that she was merely messing with his head.

Those far-off hopes he had of being with the Lunar Diarch having fallen further and further to the wayside as he and Twilight continued to pick apart Wells’ vision of a future shaped by the classism of his time. With each little kiss and nuzzle they managed to pilfer from one another during their impromptu game of popcorn convincing him more and more that the kisses Luna had stolen from him in the garden had been nothing more than a simple display of platonic affection distorted by his culture's views on romantic advances.

And yes, while it would have been as easy as simply turning to Twilight and asking her flat out, “Excuse me, Twily, the fuck are you and Luna up to?” To finally get some clarity as to what the Second Princess of Equestria had planned for him once she and Starry had finished scrutinizing every pass and flyby her soldiers had carried out while looking for Sea Star. Her prior comments about Luna having not kept to some manner of schedule or how she would be ever so delighted to have the talk with Matthias having not gone unnoticed by him.

He refused to monopolize the little time he had set aside for Twilight to go full book horse on his library with questions about the Princess of the Night that Luna would probably answer for herself within the next twenty to thirty minutes. As well, given how neglected he had unintentionally been making Twilight feel with his apparent lack of kisses and cuddles over the past few months. He wanted to dedicate as much of his thoughts and energy to the mare in front of him, or on top of him if one were to quibble, rather than one who may or may not be on top of him within the hour.

And differences in cultures be damned, it was still awkward as all hell for Matthias to ask a girl who had been spooning with him and kissing him for the better part of an hour if another girl they were close to was crushing on him.

But just as Matthias’s Right Brain began hoisting up the banners and prepping the fireworks in celebration for him finally finding somebody willing to give his maniacal ass a chance. Twilight’s promise for what she had in store for his mouth should he refrain from telling her what she wanted to hear slammed into his Left Brain.

Her choice of words, her body language, and the mere fact that with each subtle shift of her hips he could feel another set of lips kissing his chest through her pajama bottoms more than enough to get his hormone-addled hamster off his ass and running wind sprints. That poor, underpaid little bolshevik hoofing it so hard and fast to not only try and incorporate this latest bombshell into his current working model but square it with Twilight’s rather… aggressive behavior this evening that he was rattling the rivets loose in his wheel. Her actions clearly not lining up with any notion Matthias had of a friend supporting another friend’s attempt at wooing somebody.

Add to it all the traits and similarities he seemed to share with the supposed stallion Twilight had been hoping to court and the hungry look she was currently giving him. And Matthias found himself once again questioning both Twilight’s motives and where her loyalties lie, albeit with all the calm and composure of a mother on a cocktail of Redbull and Adderall running through JC Penney looking for her missing child:

“Why is she kissing me when she knows Luna’s trying to court me isn't she after a stallion is stallion pony colloquial for Male regardless of species she said formal courting so does that mean she can do whatever she wants until me and Luna are official I smell grape why do I smell grape is she in heat why isn’t she wearing a bra or underwear does she not wear them to bed did she plan this she's happy Luna’s courting me I'm happy Luna’ courting me why am I letting her do this to me do I want her to stop no why Luna wants me I want Luna does Twilight want me do I want Twilight y-”

“S-S-S-So, what’s it gonna bucking b-b-be then?” Twilight demanded desperately with a whimper so dripping with tension and frustration that it almost came off as a snarl. “Are you gonna mare the buck up and finally say, ‘it's magic bitch?’ Or, and I'm kind of hoping it's this one, are you just gonna keep playing hard to get with me until Luna comes crashing in and she gets to see me making it farther with you than she has in the past five months?”

“F-Fine,” Matthias finally relented shakily, not willing to risk a potential relationship with Luna over what may or may not be teasing on Twilight’s part. However, he couldn’t help but notice the briefest flash of disappointment dusting her face before it shifted back to the smug smile she’d been sporting throughout her impromptu interrogation. “This gentle fucking of the Law of Non-Contradiction was because of magic…”

“There now, that wasn’t so-”

“... bitch.”

Though that smug smile shattered like a pane of plate glass with a baseball thrown through it when he gave her the exact answer she wanted. A deadpan worthy of Maud’s stony muzzle quickly taking its place.

“*Snort* Hee Hee Hee!”

But she couldn’t stay miffed at him for too long, having laid out the criteria by which Matthias could get her off of him quite clearly and cleanly. Unable to help but laugh and giggle to herself at how he had been able to both play her and give her exactly what she wanted at the same time… almost.

“You're just lucky you're cute,” Twilight finally confessed before leaning down and molding her mouth against his for the umpteenth time this evening. Those giggles she had been fighting to keep reigned in pouring into Matthias’s mouth as she felt the heat of his blush burning against her tongue as it sought to slip past his lips.

“Afterall, it’s not just any stallion who can get away with calling his mare a bitch and get kissed for it in return,” she whispered huskily into his ear after dragging her tongue up and across his cheek after her third attempt at gaining entry into his mouth was barred.

“A-A-A-And you're just *pant* just lucky that this tree of yours chose a multiversal model of causality when repurposing the flow of your timeline as opposed to a dynamic model,” Matthias stammered out indignantly as he pushed Twilight off of him and sat back up. Hoping he could distract the violet vixen with a bit of terran academia and bring his Purple Smart back to the forefront as he used the bandage wrapped around his right hand to wipe away the healthy helping of pony spit she had left on his face. “Otherwise yours and Starlight’s little coming to Cthulhu moment would’ve been a lot less TV-Y7 and much more like the editorially mandated ending of The Dark Tower.”

“Obvious human references you may or may not explain aside, what’s so bad about a dynamic timeline?” Twilight questioned, the heat in her eyes dying down as her curiosity was suddenly piqued by the new model of temporal mechanics being presented to her. “Wouldn't change and variability generally be more preferable to rigid inflexibility in regards to somepony’s prospects for the future?”

“Not if you've unknowingly gotten yourself caught in a perpetual loop after monkeying around in the past.”

“But doesn’t dynamism entail, by a systems definition, constant change and progression? So, how can such a fixed loop exist within a model defined by its adaptability and versatility?”

“Well...Picture, if you will, Starlight Glimmer, but not the Starlight Glimmer you know and love today,” Matthias instructed as he pulled out his best Rod Serling and began quilling another timeline into the sky. Adding a stick figure portrait of a shiny happy looking Starlight and setting it to traverse the little silver tightrope once he was finished.

“You see, this is a Starlight who has yet to see the light. One who has let the anguish of losing her then best and only friend push her towards a dogma of equality whereby she will no longer have to lament the loss of somepony close to her because of their special talents.” He continued to elaborate while surrounding the sterling mare with little ponies adorned with equal signs above their heads.

“But the peace and security she has built through those tenets is challenged and threatened by a certain purple alicorn whose ideologies are all but diametrically opposed to hers,” he added before squiggling in another stick figure unicorn with wings surrounded by quick and dirty approximations of her friends’ Cutie Marks. “Whose deeds and creeds are born out by the relationships and wisdom gained from those ponies closest to her, and actively embraces what makes ponies special and seeks to bring out the best in them. Including those ponies, Starlight had swayed down a path that would forsake their talents and individuality.

“So, in an attempt at getting back at this alicorn, hoping to take from her that same sense of security and comfort that she had stolen from her. She travels back into the past to the pivotal moment which would ultimately set this mare, who had struck so straight and surely at the core of her identity, down the path of Friendship and Harmony and ensures that it never comes to pass. Preventing the chain of events that would eventually lead to her meeting her friends from ever transpiring.” Matthias further detailed, doing his best to capture the explosive brilliance of a sonic rainboom with only silver starlight before crossing it out to denote its erasure from the timeline. “Have I left anything out?”

“What?! Oh, no, that pretty much covers everything from her initial trauma leading up to our confrontation in the castle, go on,” Twilight encouraged. Biting her tongue over how it was really the efforts of her former student’s followers who had subverted Starlight in Our Town in favor of letting the teacher turned administrative aid get to his point.

“Fantastic, so, as you recall, in a fixed timeline Starlight's efforts would have invariably led to the rainboom Rainbow Dash pulled off seeing as that was the event which would inevitably lead her to travel back in time.” Matthias continued to exposit while pulling over the pictures of Twilight's future self and the one with the Princess of Friendship butting heads with the ne’er-do-well time traveler and setting them between them. “However, in a multiversal model of causality, each choice and consequence, in essence, creates a brand new continuity. Meaning that even if the traveler does manage to alter events as he or she had planned, their original timeline would remain unaffected while they suddenly found themselves in a continuity influenced by their interference.”

“Huh… sounds like in either case no matter what the traveler attempts to alter in the past, their present will remain unaffected.” Twilight interjected, having noticed a pattern within the models of linear causality they'd been discussing. “Seeing as in one, the effects of their hinderance will already be incorporated into their own chain of causality. While in the other, a new timeline, one propagated by the actions of the traveler, will be created but leave their original continuity untouched.”

“Very good! Now, given the commonalities shared between fixed and multiversal models of causality, in what manner do you suppose the dynamic variant differs?”

“Oh! Well… if I were to give it my best-educated guess,” Twilight pondered briefly as she suddenly found herself under her professor’s watchful eye, “would it be that in a dynamic model the present of the traveler can actually be changed?”

“Ding-Ding-Ding, we have a winner,” Matthias applauded, giving her a stage bow that pulled another blush out of the princess.

“But… but didn’t you mention that some form of perpetual loop was a plausible threat within a dynamic framework?” Twilight questioned after the heat in her cheeks died down a bit, “Wouldn’t such a concept run contrary to the fluid nature of the model?”

“So you'd think, but it's this malleable nature inherent in the dynamic models of causality which make it the most dangerous to meddle around in,” Matthias attempted to convey with a deathly seriousness. His sudden shift in tone enough to send a shudder running down her spine and into the bed. “Since the traveler’s present is no longer immune to the effects of their monkeying about in the past, then any action they take runs the risk of creating a paradox within their personal history.”

“M- *gulp* Meaning what exactly?

“Meaning that if Starlight had succeeded in her efforts to alter your past, then the initial reason for her wanting to travel back in time would never have come to be,” Matthias demonstrated by brushing away the rainboom with the feathered end of his quill. Causing the timeline, he had been illustrating throughout his explanation to splinter and unravel. Leaving the caricature of Starlight with no ground to stand on before dropping like a stone, her little stick arms and legs flailing wildly for some reason as she fell. But before the starlit mare could meet her grizzly end at the hands of comforter and gravity alike, the little doodle seemed to simply fade away on her own just when she was about to crash into the sheets.

However, neither human nor mare were given much time to mourn the loss of the reformed villain's facsimile before the replay button was seemingly hit. Restoring the timeline, Matthias had just erased and returning the starlight Starlight back to the start to begin her walk again.

“What… What just happened?!”

“Don’t look at me,” Matthias pleaded before bringing his quill up and giving it a curious quirk of his eyebrow. “I swear, it’s like every month after the full moon this thing gets like five or six more features thrown into it or something!”

“Oh, that's probably just the result of Luna's strengthening feelings for you interacting with the spell matrics she wove into her primary during its recharge period,” Twilight clarified nonchalantly with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her focus resting solely on the starlit rendition of her friend as she disrupted the boom, fell, faded away, and restarted her trot down the line for a fourth time. “I was talking about what’s happening to little Scribble Starlight here!”

“Oh, that! Well, with the initial reason for her needing to travel back in time having been removed from her personal history,” Matthias continued to clarify while absentmindedly running his thumb along the navy blue veins of the flight feather Luna had given him so long ago. The slightest hints of pink burning across his right cheek, “Then this Starlight, whose very raison d'etre is both figuratively and literally built upon changing the past, cannot exist because the event she wished to change never happened.”

“So... sort of like what Starlight had hoped would happen to my friendship with the girls after interfering with Rainbow Dash’s race?”

“Exactly, by averting the chain of events by which you and your friends would gain your Cutie Marks and put you on your prospective paths, she not only succeeded in preventing you all from ever meeting, thus stopping you and your friends from prying into the affairs of her and her cult. She wound up erasing her very motivation for time traveling in the first place, hence the paradox.”

“But why does she keep looping?” She pleaded almost desperately, her tail and wings twitching and flicking in increasing intensity that didn’t seem to match the academic tone of the discussion. “Why doesn’t the paradox resolve itself through a rebound or her jump just failing?”

“Because, barring any magical countermeasures you might have written into your spells, time and causality would play out from the point of attempted intercession as though nothing had ever happened. Once more leading to the same set of circumstances which would make Starlight want to traipse through time and change your present in the first place. And when she ‘succeeds’ once again,” Matthias stressed while throwing air quotes around succeeds. Letting out a surprised, though no less irritated, huff when the motion caused his quill to spill its starlight into the quotes he was attempting to emphasize, “she’ll inevitably remove herself and her influence from the timeline and, second verse same as the first, the cycle begins anew. Perpetuating the loop within a localized…”

As Matthias continued with his impromptu lecture on the inherent risks involved with time travel, he couldn't help but notice Twilight beginning to deflate. As if each point he'd bring up would stab her in the heart with Soft Machine’s rapier. Causing her ears to splay flat against her skull and her head fall into her chest while her wings wilted and fell to the bed beneath her.

“Hey, Twilight, what going on?” He asked as he scooted back over to her, hesitating for a moment before wrapping an arm over her shoulder, not sure how she’d react given how… ardent she’d been acting throughout both their discourse and the evening in general. Breathing a relieved sigh when all she did was lean into his embrace and rest her head against his shoulder. “By now we’d be trying to develop a method to determine what the base model of causality was for the realm. So why don’t you tell me what’s gotten your panties in a bunch?”

“I’m… I’m not wearing any.”

“Heheh, I figured that out about five minutes ago,” Matthias divulged through his chuckles, his laughter threatening to come out in full as he felt Twilight’s blush skyrocket into the triple digits and begin to shake against him.

But these were in no way happy or excited shakes.

The strained mewl forcing its way past her lips and the way her knuckles blanched as her fingers tightened around the navy-blue comforter they were sitting on more than enough to tell Matthias that whatever it was eating at Twilight was reasonably serious.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he assured her while nuzzling his cheek into her ear and scalp in an attempt to settle her down. “Let he who hath never refused bedtime unless he had his stuffed dalmatian cast the first stone when it comes to all things prepping for bed.”

“Pfft, You heheh You had a Smarty Pants too?”

“If by Smarty Pants you mean a plush pal to help make the nights seem less dark and lonely then yes, yes I did,” Matthias admitted readily albeit somewhat ashamedly. Though the way Twilight seemed to brighten back up made the embarrassment more than worth it.

“Well… don’t just leave a mare hanging, what was her name and how long did your dame let you keep her? Did you take her on walks? Read with her? Would you try and wheedle more treats out of your dame claiming one was for your plush puppy? Did you- *oomph*!?”

“First of all, his name is Patch,” Matthias corrected playfully with a boop to her snoot that cut off any further questions. Happy that he had managed to diffuse this Code Sparkle before the hyperventilating and tears could start, but he didn’t want whatever it was that had cast a shadow over her to get too far away. “And in order, he was my best friend and bed buddy up until the night I got dropped into Equestria and we did everything together growing up. Including but not limited too, chasing after seagulls at the beach, hiding under our bed with a flashlight after my mom kissed us goodnight so we could read a little more Tolkien, splitting many of my grandma’s famous peppermint cookies between the two of us. And, in general, just being the best snugglemutt you could ever ask for, next to my dad’s bagel of course.”

“Pfft Bagel… Snugglemutt?”

“The former, a basset hound beagle mix,” he clarified before picking up his phone and scrolling to a screen free of apps so she could clearly see the background. “The latter, any dog, whether they be living or made of cotton, whose preferred position while sleeping is the little spoon.”

Twilight tried her best to maintain that air of regal equanimity both Luna and Cadence had been attempting to teach her for whenever she was called upon to represent the crown. To uphold the dignity ponies expected of her and her station.

But between the mental image of somepony as big as Matthias going to bed with a stuffed animal and the ridiculousness of his terran terminology. Any sense of self control she might have had left found itself thrown out the door quicker than Jazzy Jeff at the annual Banks Family Christmas Party.

Causing Twilight to cackle and snort like some sort of dorky little supervillain after having wrapped up her declaration of ill intent to her arch-nemesis. The mare barely able to keep herself upright as she barked peel after peel of near maniacal laughter into Matthias’s chest.

Fortunately, she had her human friend there to keep her from crumpling in on herself. As well as muffle her giggles against his shirt lest she alert the nearby night guards stationed outside his quarters that there was a mare going full Sam Neill at the end of In the Mouth of Madness in their charge's chambers.

Though it was becoming a bit of a struggle for Matthias to keep the jittery little pony princess contained, given the way her breath and body was tickling at him with each joyous shiver. Not to mention hidden beneath her plush, purple frame was enough corded muscle to knot his spine into a bowtie with all the effort it would take for Matthias to tie his shoe. So it was taking every ounce of self-control and muscle he’d gained from both dog and Starry alike to ensure the Princess of Friendship didn’t completely lose her shit.

Thankfully, however, before he could lose his grip on the mare in his arms and join in on her giggling, Twilight began to pull herself together. Peels becoming brays becoming chuckles becoming titters until the only sound escaping from her was her owned strained breathing and the occasional ruffle of her feathers.

“How- heheh, how are you so good at that May?” Twilight managed to ask between her waning giggles. Gracing him with another diabetes inducing smile which would no doubt leave him with one less limb sometime in the near future.

“So good at what, per se?”

“Prying my head from my flanks whenever a problem seems too big. And all without needing a crowbar and three quarts of butter to boot.”

“Heh, After twenty-nine years of overthinking things and fretting over nothing, I've learned that a bit of vapid nonsense goes a long ways towards unclenching one's sphincter.” Matthias elaborated, squeezing a few more chuckles of Twilight as she tightened her grip on him. “After all, it’s kind of hard to see the big picture or put a problem into perspective when you're too busy examining what you had for lunch the day before in real time.”

“Oh wow, that *snort* that one is definitely a keeper,” she managed to chortle out through tapered laughs while snagging a notebook and quill in her magic. The inked feather quickly moving to preserve the human's wisdom for the colts and fillies of future generations. “Heck, once your probation period is up maybe we could dedicate an entire chapter of The Friendship Journal Volume 2 to-”

“However,” Matthias interrupted causing Twilight to pause. His marred visage suddenly turning cold and serious, “I've also learned that any relief or respite gained from such distractions are but a temporary stopgap at best. And that if you really want the problem to go away, it's best to be upfront and open about. Or so a certain purple princess tells me that is.”

Once more Twilight seemed to find the wrinkles and contours covering his bedspread endlessly fascinating, given the way her muzzle tried to nuzzle itself between her breasts. But whereas before she looked ready to buckle beneath whatever it was that was troubling her. Now there seemed to be just a hint more purple coloring her cheeks, and just the slightest quiver struggling at the corner of her lips.

“Come onnnn,” he encouraged gently while rubbing a hand along her shoulder, pulling an honest to god purr from the mare for his efforts. “If a grown ass man can admit to needing a stuffed animal to help him sleep at night, surely a pony princess is capable of telling her friend what's got her looking like me come Monday morning.”

The giggles that slipped past Twilight's lips were as tiny as they were nervous, but they still carried enough warmth and mirth to melt away at some of the returning tension permeating the air around them. But for a good solid minute, it appeared as though that airy laughter would be her sole response. Seeing as the only sounds Twilight seemed willing to let slip past her were her tempered breaths and the soft rustle of her silken pajamas brushing against the comforter beneath them as she fidgeted in place.

Matthias was tempted reach out to her again. To offer her that show of physical support that ponies seemed to seek out naturally.

And yet, he hesitated nonetheless. His hand caught midway between him and her shoulder.

Unsure as to how she would respond to what he was ninety-nine percent sure was a purely platonic display during a moment of obvious emotional distress for her. As well as not wanting to push her to admitting to, or revealing something that she wasn’t one-hundred percent comfortable with confiding with him.

“Al-alright,” she agreed shakily after one last drawn out in and exhale, “but… *gulp* but on one condition.”

“Name it,” Matthias declared resolutely, his hand moving to reclaim its place on her shoulder. The purple pony practically melting into his touch as she fell back against him.

“... utt for a bit?”

“What was that?”

“...our snugglemutt for a bit?”

“Hold on a sec,” Matthias suggested before bringing his ear down to the tip of her muzzle, making sure to drag his cheek down the length of her fuzzy face the entire time. Wanting to reward the poor mare for opening up to him as well as throw her a bone before her courage fled her completely, “There. Now, what would my brave little pony have of me?”

“Could… could I be your snugglemutt for a bit? At least… At least until Luna gets here?”

“Будь ты проклят, ты империалистический конь!!!” screamed the poor black and brown ball of fuzz as he held onto the rungs of his wheel for dear life. His squeaky little voice taking on an almost doppler-like effect as the abstract metaphor around him began to blur like some sort of flaming zoetrope.

“Come… come again?” he finally managed to ask after the surge of blood threatening to light the tip of his ears up like wicks began to drain from his head. Looking the shaking mare in the eye to make sure there was no way he could misinterpret what it was she was asking of him.

“Can… Can I snuggle with you while we talk about this? And… And could you hold me like I was your Patch while we do so?” Twilight pleaded with waning hope. Though she still tried her best to hold her head up and keep her eyes trained on his.

“I… I think we can manage that,” he conceded with a nervous smile, one that pulled just as skittish a grin from Twilight. “Though it might have been easier to just ask for a snuggle rather than put yourself on the same level of a dog, stuffed or otherwise.”

“Hee hee Yeah… but now you’re just as flustered as I am,” she teased, chuckling at the way his pale pink skin turned nearly as rosy as the scars on his left cheek before suddenly turning downcast. “And… And you might never want to talk to me again after this. So… So I’d at least like to have this to hold onto if things go South from here.”

Matthias couldn’t help but let out an audible *gulp* at the sudden seriousness in Twilight’s demeanor. Offering up a quick prayer to whatever mad horse god was running this show that this was just another instance of making mountains out of molehills on her part. But other than his eyes and throat bugging for a bit he let no other sign of fear or worry mar his visage. Not wanting to give Twilight any further cause for concern as he gave an affirming nod:

“Alright, how do you want to do this?” he asked, letting Twilight take the lead so as to offer the flighty mare more control over a situation she was clearly still uncomfortable about.

“Ooh! Hold on a sec,” she asked before lighting up her horn and quickly yanking a spiral notebook, one strangely covered in purple sequins and hearts, out from beneath a stack of parchment and papers they had piled onto his desk to make room for cake. The swift motion threatening to pull apart the delicate equilibrium keeping the various towers of books and notepads aloft like his sister on the tenth round of a drunken Jenga session.

“Let’s see… well, typically we'd first have to get under the covers,” she read off matter of factly before her words seemingly caught up with her. Her blush burning darker than her pajama top as she started fiddling with her fingers.

“Is Heheh Is it sad that I’m perfectly okay with you having a checklist for cuddling?” Matthias confessed both good-heartedly and with a rosy blush of his own before picking up Twilight’s tiny typewriter and setting it on the floor beneath his desk. Piling the stack of papers it had spit out throughout their readthrough of The Time Machine next to it.

“May… Please,” Twilight practically begged as she turned down the quilt and comforter covering his bed before taking a seat on its edge. Her hooves idly swinging back and forth as she pulled the azure sheets up and over her head so that only a purple snout was poking through. “I… I know I can be a lot to deal with. And… And am lucky I’ve met so many wonderful ponies, and humans, who’ve been willing to be put up with me for so long. But I… But I’ve wanted this for so long, and I just… I just want this to be perfect. So could… could you just bear with me for a little longer before I lose you for good?”

Any other cute quip or teasing tangent Matthias might have had up his sleeve quickly went the way of Yoshikage Kira after his double date with Star Platinum and that ambulance. Her earnest plea and genuine dread once again fucktupling the depth of the pit hollowing out his stomach, but at the same time making him all the more eager to try and comfort this neurotic little mare who had been there for him through rock bottom and beyond.

So, not wanting to waste any more time Twilight could have used to either misconstrue his silence or fret herself further into a rut about whatever it was that was bothering her. Matthias made his way back to his bed and plopped down next to her, sliding the makeshift shawl off her head and bringing her into a gentle hug.

“M-May?! What… What are you- EEP!” was all she could squeak out in surprise before she felt him rest his head against hers and press his lips behind her ear. That squeak breaking down into a series of breathy grunts and moans as he began laying a trail of kisses down her neck and up her cheek, ending at the corner of her lips.

“Now look here you giant, purple nerd. When are you gonna get it through that thick egg head of yours that you're just as stuck with me as I am with you?” Matthias lambasted the panicking princess, using the hand he had draped across her shoulders to cup her cheek and hold her in place while the other went to prod at her muzzle. “I mean seriously, the mere fact that you’re still willing to talk to me after you, Starry, and Due Date talked me down from the top shelf of the Ley Lines and other Natural Arcanas section of the Royal Archive during the whole DD Debacle has definitely garnered you near Suk levels of loyalty on my part.”

“Sook?”

“Practitioners of a medical philosophy from one of my favorite Sci-Fi series. Recognized for their unconditional fidelity and inability to betray the welfare of their patients (save for extreme circumstances). And yes, I have all those books on my phone as well if you want to read them,” he offered to Twilight after slipping his booping finger down and pressing it to her lips, shushing her before she had the chance to even ask. “So, how about we all take a nice, deep breath, and then you can tell me what’s next on your list, okay?”

Now, whether it was by some odd play of the light as it danced through her welling tears, or her reeling feelings beginning to run amok with her magic, Matthias couldn’t tell. But the sheer intensity of the glow shimmering in Twilight’s eyes threatened to leave his pale white ass with a tan as she gently removed his finger from her muzzle before leaning forward and pressing her quivering lips to his again.

Tearing another muffled gasp from Matthias not just from the suddenness and inherent intimacy that came with the gesture, but by just how intrinsically… genuine this kiss felt as opposed to all the others.

Which wasn’t to imply that every other kiss the pair had managed to steal from one another over the course of the very early morning were lacking in any manner of sincerity or anything. Yes, while they had been for the most part playful and teasing, and each had gotten quite the kick out of how their blushes had dyed each other’s cheeks varying shades of pink and purple respectively. Matthias could still feel the pure and honest affection Twilight was desperately trying to convey to him exploding behind every subtle shift of her lips as they molded against his.

However, whereas all her previously pilfered pecks had ended with her backing off so she could try, and ultimately fail, at curtailing both her girlish giggling and florid flushing. There was neither backpedaling nor hesitation with this current liplock. Only bursts of searing breath that threatened to leave blisters on Matthias’s lips and a happy, needy mewl spilling into his mouth.

One he couldn’t help but return and reciprocate in full as he tilted his head to both give her better access and him a better angle to press into her. All thoughts of any possible repercussions or consequences having been launched out the window with the hamster as he stopped holding back the affection and appreciation he’d been wanting to show this purple dork ever since she crashed through his mirror not two hours ago.

Finally kissing her back in earnest and without hesitation in the hopes of letting her know just how important she was to him, and just how special she made him feel. Going so far as to start poking and prodding at her lips with his tongue just as she had done so with him earlier, earning himself a squeaky moan and pleasured shudder from the purple nerd as she granted him entry into her mouth. Their slick tongues gliding past one another in a chaste, albeit sloppy, waltz. Not unlike two middle schoolers at a Fall Formal trying their best to maintain a rhythm amidst their own inexperience and out of control hormones.

With Twilight’s longer, broader tongue being constantly outmaneuvered by Matthias’s shorter, thicker muscle as it ducked and dodged her best efforts to try and take the lead. Each miss giving the suddenly emboldened human an opportunity to tickle and tease at the inside of her mouth with reckless abandon.

At least, until the purple princess remembered a little trick she had read about in a magazine article recommended by Cadence, and borrowed from Rarity, that had left her a blushing, stammering mess for about a week after she had read it. Feinting Matthias with an overly aggressive swipe at his tongue which he handily dodged before beating a hasty retreat back into her muzzle.

However, in his eagerness to both punish the mare for her brazen efforts and indulge some more in the feel of her velvety tongue slipping and sliding past his own, he followed her too far back into her maw where she promptly activated her trap card. Her teeth latching onto his tongue with all the gentleness of a mother holding her child’s hand while they crossed the street so she could:

1). Keep Matthias from running off and accidentally hurting himself in his excitement

And

2). Pay him back for being so goddam patient and understanding with her

A satisfied smirk stretching across her muzzle as his surprised squeak melted into a throaty moan when he felt Twilight begin suckling on the tip of his tongue like a baby with its binki. His brief bout of panic at feeling his tongue trapped between her teeth forgotten the moment he felt Twilight’s soft muscle coil its way around his own like a scarf on a cold winter’s day. Trusting that Twilight would do him no harm as he gladly handed sovereignty of his mouth over to her, allowing himself to lose himself for a bit in her taste and texture.

And yes, while whatever reasoning his hamster and left brain could muster was screaming for him to stop. That this was in no way how just friends were supposed to show their affection for one another. And how not even fifteen minutes ago he’d been willing to commit to Luna.

There was no way to deny how simply… right this felt.

That this was what was needed for the two of them right this second.

With Matthias needing to assure Twilight that she was just as important and vital a pony to him as Luna and Celestia were. And Twilight needing to remind Matthias that he wasn’t alone, that he was loved, and that she would always be there for him.

And if what Twilight was saying about Luna courting him and having her eye on him was true, and not some elaborate prank on their part. Then he was definitely going to have a chat with the Lunar Diarch about what he and Twilight had discussed and done this evening. Not just to come clean with her about willingly committing acts with Twilight which he felt went beyond what was appropriate for friends. But to discuss how they could possibly address these issues of inadequacy the princesses were apparently feeling so that their friendships could survive this paradigm shift in their collective relationship.

However, until such a time as Luna was willing to speak for and come clean herself, Matthias was going to focus all his efforts on apologizing to Twilight for making her seem the lesser of her fellow princess. No matter how loud his logical half screamed at him to think of Luna and how she might react to this.

Fortunately, however, or unfortunately depending on which half of his brain you happened to be asking at the time, just before Matthias could get too lost indulging in the fuzzy lips and the slick velvet massaging his tongue, Twilight finally surrendered her hold over his mouth and pulled herself away. Her breathing ragged and choppy from both her excitement and an apparent lack of oxygen. Sending wave after wave of hot, spicy breath breaking against his face in longer, more controlled bursts.

“Thank you,” she said as fresh tears began pouring down her cheek again. Tears Matthias made sure to nuzzle and kiss away as soon as they formed, catching them before they’d even fallen halfway down her face.

“What can I say? I owed you one,” he admitted with a smirk and a blush. One which only deepened when she threw her arms around him and pulled him into a fierce hug. Her damp cheek wetting the crosshatch of scar tissue he had received from his little baptism by fire when he first arrived in the Deeps.

“More like fifty,” she chided playfully before starting to trace her tongue along the tracks of jagged flesh left on the left half of his face. Her relaxed sighs sending shivers running down his spine whenever it broke across the skin she'd slickened.

“Heheh We can hash out the finer details for proper reconciliation after you finish telling me what's been bothering you. Sound fair?” he compromised after cupping her muzzle before she could get to work on his ears again. Unsure if the mare was simply stalling for time or had actually forgotten the circumstances that had led them to swapping spit like a pair of coeds behind the bleachers of a football game. His gentle reminder causing Twilight to tense up for a second and her ears to fall flat. Though she nonetheless nodded her consent after another minute or two spent resting her muzzle in his hands.

“Al- *gulp* Alright, c-c-could you… could you lay me down, please?” She finally managed to ask Matthias after planting a kiss in the palm of his hand and giving him a pleading, puppy dog pout worthy of Lois the Wonder Bagel. Her timid plea a far cry from the emboldened mare who not ten minutes ago had seemed ready and willing to challenge the Lunar Diarch over the claim she allegedly had over Matthias.

Offering Twilight a reassuring grin, he snaked his arms around her back and under her legs before hoisting her up bridal style once again. Her returning dread snuffed out by the shock and surprise of having taken flight by a means not her own. But before she had any chance to ask him just what in the unholy Tartarus he was up to, he stood up and spun her around towards the bed. Her arms wrapping around his neck to try and maintain some semblance of stability on her part as he bent down to lay her down as requested. Her grip on him only tightening as he made to let her go and stand back up.

“Uh… Twilight?”

“N-Next you *gulp* Next you have to lay down with me,” she explained tremulously as her eyes turned to study the pillow he had propped her against. Her blush dying her coat nearly as dark as her mane as he smiled down at her.

Causing Matthias to chuckle lightly at the mare beneath him as she slowly changed from an amethyst to a sapphire. Finding it amusing how she could still think snuggling with him such a nerve-racking proposition after they’d been sucking on each other’s tongues for the better part of five minutes. Giving her a nod and another quick kiss on the tip of her muzzle before laying down and resting himself beside her. The covers beginning to sparkle and shine in a veil of her magic before they fell over top of them.

“Alright, now whmmph!?” he tried to ask, only to have Twilight cut him off in the most pleasant way possible. Mashing her mouth against his desperately to try and bolster what little courage she had left.

“Just *pant* *pant* Just hold me, please?” she begged with that same patented pony pout Luna or Celestia would hit him with whenever they were trying to get his ass to bed. Answering her with a nod and a kiss of his of his own that quelled the little shivers beginning to rack her tiny frame.

Tears once more threatened to spill from those amethyst eyes of hers as she rolled to her side and took her place as the little spoon. Fidgeting against him for a second or two as she tried to mold as much of her back against his torso as possible. Her wings lifting up and out of the way, so he had room to wrap his arms over and around her. His hands falling across her belly where he began tracing all manner of senseless nonsense across her taut tummy. Pulling another string of dorky little snorts from the tiny princess as he continued to paint ticklish streaks through the thin purple coat covering her plush pony paunch.

Those giggles catching in her throat when she felt Matthias bury his face in her mane and start planting kisses up and down her neck. Her wings flexing and pressing against him as she unconsciously leaned her head back to expose more of her neck for him to pamper. Soft coos and squeaks pouring past her lips like a summer rain as Matthias went to work on the exposed skin and coat with his cheek and tongue.

“Thank you,” she whispered sleepily as she felt the tension and dread tearing through her soul be stripped away with each gentle stroke and caress of his hands and lips. The soft heat diffusing off his hairless skin threatening to lull her off into Luna’s domain as it began seeping into her coat.

“Don’t thank me yet, you still need to come clean with me,” Matthias warned the sleepy princess before she could get too comfortable, easing up on his kisses and nuzzles a bit but still maintaining an even pace with his hands. The soft reminder of her previous promise causing Twilight’s muscles to tense beneath his fingers and a quiet whimper to slip past her lips as she tried to press more of herself against him.

For several agonizing seconds the only sounds that could be heard filling the dimly lit chamber were the soft sobs of the princess as she tried to pull herself together and the occasional shuddered breath she’d release whenever Matthias fingers would dance too close to the rim of her belly button. But just as Matthias was about to press her again, and maybe offer her another kiss or an ear nibble to try and better put her ease, he felt Twilight’s back press more into his chest as she took one last bracing breath before beginning to explain herself:

“W-W-W-Well, after our initial attempts at returning you home bore us no fruit. I began kicking around the idea that if I could simply study the initial conditions prior to your arrival to the Equestrian materia, then maybe I could use that data to reverse engineer the circumstances that brought you here and send you back to your plane.”

“And you were thinking about using time travel in order to do so,” Matthias surmised before planting a kiss behind the ear he’d been nuzzling. Wanting to both thank Twilight for finally opening up to him and distract himself from the rotting carcass of a hope he had long since thought dead beginning to stir in its grave.

“Y-Yes,” Twilight affirmed with a squeaky little stammer, though whether that little lilt was from her returning apprehensions or from the kisses Matthias had begun laying along the rim of her ear, was anyone’s guess, “but… but like I mentioned earlier, ponies have been debating the moral and ethical ramifications of taking asynchronous actions within the natural chain of causality since long before it made the leap from simple thought experiment to arcane probability. Arguing everything from the legal precedent of using divination to determine when and where to sell corporate capital to the ethics of altering a trauma victim’s past so as to allow them the happy life Harmony had intended for them. I mean, sweet Celestia above, there was once a debate that got so heated between Open Forum and Greater Good over the metaphysical risks of simply being temporally displaced that it took the mason’s guild six months just to clear away the-”

“So is that why you chose Wells to get your hooves wet?” Matthias cut in, hoping to catch her before she wandered too far down that particular rabbit trail. Trying his best to ignore how close to home her latter example had hit by focusing all his attention on the little pony heart beating against his chest and not on the dogs barking for his attention. “To see how humans have approached those types of metaphysical quandaries?”

“Mhmm I… I had hoped to catch a glimpse of your tribe’s perspective on chronal metaethics but Aychjee seemed more interested in sussing out how the Eloi and Morlock’s respective cultures had diverged from his own. Seriously, for a story called The Time Machine there was hardly any mention of temporal mechanics and not one bit of ethical discourse.”

“Yeah, sorry to disappoint you on those fronts, but the closest we’ve gotten to manipulating the flow time back on Terra is putting ultra precision clocks in airships going at differing speeds. So instead, us creative types will often use it as a plot device in order to explore the unchecked consequences of whatever social stigma was buzzworthy at the time. So, in Wells’ case, it was a hyperbolic take on the classism of his era whereby those of the aristocracy and working classes each… devolved, for lack of a better word, into two unique species as a result of the artificially imposed environments their society had constructed for them.”

“May, there’s no such thing as a species devolving, it’s simply-”

“A population inheriting traits and features that we from our current evolutionary and aesthetic framework would find unappealing or disadvantageous, I know. But The Time Machine was written within thirty years of our species stumbling upon the theory of evolution, so they hadn’t quite hashed out the finer details and nomenclature yet. Plus, and you gotta admit, ‘devolve’ rolls off the tongue a bit easier than a proper definition that hasn’t been given a proper scientific denotation yet.”

“Rgggh Make up your mind May, are you a physicist or a biologist?”

“Neither, I’m only qualified to teach the former. And the latter is just basic biology we learn in middle school.”

“M-M-M-Middle school!? But… But… Ponies with corresponding talents don’t even touch that subject matter until at least halfway through their third year of vocational training!” Twilight balked in disbelief, her ears springing up and slapping Matthias across the face with all the force of an irate bar patron on the receiving end of a poor pick up line. Though they just as quickly fell flat against her skull before a dejected sigh racked its way through her, and by extension Matthias’s, frame, “Seriously, it must feel like you’re living in a world full of children most days, huh May?”

“Says the pony who spanks every known law of physics and biology I've ever learned over her knee like an unruly toddler on a daily basis,” he assured the pouting pony with a quick nibble of her ear and a couple fast rakes of his fingers along her ribs. The ticklish jolts coursing through her stomach and chest quickly burying any further self deprecation she might have had for herself and her kind. “Then again, it’s kinda hard not to think of you all as kids seeing as most of you can barely reach my nose on your tippy hooves.”

“I-I'll have you know that even prior to my ascension I was well within the expected height parameters for mares of my age-group,” she shot back with a fire as she threw her head over her shoulder in an attempt to melt what was left of his face with her glare. A glare which burned down to cinders when he captured her lips again.

“I'll have to take your word for it squirt,” he joked after releasing his hold on her mouth. Waiting for the mare in his arms once again relax into his embrace before steering her back on course:

“Alright, so you’ve been thinking about using time travel to look into how I got here. But you ponies have been arguing yourselves into a rut over the moral and ethical ramifications of time travel for as long as the concept has existed, and you thought my people’s perspective on the matter would provide you with some means of working around some of these metaphysical hangups. We on the same page so far?”

“Uh-huh,” she affirmed nervously as she began dragging the length of her leg up and down Matthias’s calf. Reclaiming a bit of her confidence when she felt the breath breaking across her neck hitch and the cheek nuzzling her ear heat up dramatically. Though her cheeks couldn’t help but flare up as well when she felt the leg she’d been stroking slip away from her before entwining with her own. The large, alien stallion now effectively hugging her with his entire body.

“Good, now, in spite of finding fuck all in regards to what it was you were looking for, you were still holding yourself with all the poise and composure of Celestia at a House Address up until I started running my gob off about the different prospective models of linear causality this plane could follow,” Matthias pointed out. His strong arms and legs preventing the now panicking princess from curling in on herself, “And my explanation of the dynamic paradigm had you wilting like Black Sabbath in the sun.”

“Black who?”

“Missing the point Twi,” he warned the lavender alicorn gently. Having reached his limit for the number of tangents he was willing to let her run down and not wanting to leave this issue unresolved before he had his talk with Luna. “What was it about the dynamic model that made you so upset?”

“...asn’t the model.”

“What was that?” Matthias asked as he nuzzled his cheek down closer to her lips.

“It… It wasn’t the model.”

“Then what was it?”

Once again Twilight went scarily quiet, her labored breathing the only answer she seemed willing to give Matthias, the silence only broken by the occasional tear that fell onto the bedding beneath them.

“E-Ever since the idea of using time travel as a viable means to study the phenomenology behind whatever it was that dropped you into the Deeps popped into my mind. I… I’ve been racking my brain over how to make the leap without potentially splintering the timeline like I had done with Starlight before befriending her,” she finally managed to bring herself to say. Her words slow and strained as if she were fighting to keep them from escaping her mouth.

“But… But between the complexities of the spell matrices and the sheer amount of jewels needed to cast the spell. The endless debates preventing any practical study on the subject from progressing. And Celestia pulling just about all the available research and theory on the matter and deeming it an Eclipse Class threat after the incident with Starlight and the Scroll of Temporal Transference. I… I wasn’t able to discern a methodology for traveling into the past which would allow me to observe the conditions without directly interacting within the continuity, so I wound up having to shelve that idea.”

“And let me guess, you seeing a book my people had written on a subject you’d been trying to find a workaround for, for Cthulhu knows how long got your hopes back up,” Matthias offered up in an attempt to alleviate some of the burden from Twilight’s confession. Giving the worried little princess a reassuring hug and another tickle across her belly in a show of support, “Only, rather than getting the answer you were hoping to find, you instead got a primer on the benefits of a socialist state and the musings of a disgruntled sci-fi fan on his distaste for the trope in general. And are now feeling all that guilt and disappointment you went through when you couldn’t help me out the first time, right?”

Now, if Matthias hadn’t been pressed close enough to feel the little alicorn’s heart thundering through her back and into his chest. He’d almost be convinced that he was cuddling with a corpse, given how stiff and rigid Twilight had become as he laid out his best guess as to what was weighing down upon the poor pony’s spirit. Her labored breaths and wilting wings falling across his arms and legs like a blanket of wet snow all the confirmation he needed to tell him he was at least somewhere in the ballpark of pretty damn close:

Sometimes I like being m-

“It… It wasn't because I couldn't find a way to help you!” Twilight corrected sharply, cutting off Matthias halfway through his internal victory lap as her shaking suddenly returned with enough force to nearly buck him off of her. “It was- *sniff*- It was because I was happy I couldn't find a way to help you!”

In an instant, Twilight felt the callused hands sketching tender trails through the thin coat covering her belly jerk to a halt. His deceptively strong digits digging into the bit of pudge she had put on from one too many late nights holed up in her library with nothing but a stack of mental junk food and a couple dozen glazed donuts to keep her company. While the steady breaths that had been gently combing through her mane like her mother's brush suddenly seized like an overworked train engine.

But even scarier than that deathly stillness now locking his, and by extension, her, arms and legs in place. The sudden loss of her limb’s liberty as well as having a potentially enraged predator looming over her prodding briefly at her flight reflex for a moment was the Winter Waste like chill soaking up the warmth they’d been basking in for the past few minutes. The human’s pale white skin seemingly draining the heat from her fur wherever bare flesh met coat.

Twilight couldn’t bring herself to look Matthias in the eye, unable to bear the look of absolute disgust and utter disappointment he was surely stabbing her with. Bracing herself for when the shock of her confession would inevitably wear off and he’d start laying into her with either his tongue or fists, perfectly willing to accept whatever punishment he deemed worthy for such a betrayal. However, Twilight was both relieved and terrified when all she felt was Matthias’s chest expand before releasing a long, steady breath, and spoke one single word to her in a tone scarily even and devoid of any feeling:

“Explain.”

Though that brief bout of relief she felt at him being so level headed in the face of her selfishness was swallowed up in its entirety by her dread and shame. As she realized she now had to go in depth as to how she had abused his friendship and trust. And though the mere thought of having to come clean about how she had let him down so spectacularly made her feel as though somepony had ripped her horn off and was currently stabbing it behind her ear, she owed it to Matthias to tell him the honest to Celestia truth about how she had betrayed him:

“Do you *sniff* Do you remember the night we first met? How… How we spent the entire evening swapping chemistry and customs up in my old loft back at the library?” she asked somberly. Fighting through tears and a runny nose to try and make it clear where she was coming from. Thankful that he was at least giving her a chance to explain herself before he rightfully punted her traitorous cunt to the curb. “And how I swore I would do just about any and everything to try and help you?”

Once more Matthias kept as still and as silent as the grave, offering Twilight neither a playful quip nor a comforting caress to try and make this ordeal more bearable for her. The morose mare desperately longing to feel his fingers trailing across her belly or his soft lips playing with her ears again. Though he at least offered her a terse nod that she felt tugging at her mane slightly to let her know he had heard her. The choppy motion and the drawn-out breaths falling across her cheek killing the silly notion that the shock of her betrayal had somehow killed her human friend.

“W-W-W-Well, as you *sniff* as you’d rightly guessed that night, I… I’d been damn near tearing my mane out trying to find something… anything that could possibly earn me your friendship. To show you that I wanted to help you no matter the cost after what you did for the girls and Zephyr. I mean, what sane mare wouldn't want to help a neglected stallion, let alone one who had suffered through so much just to keep his herd safe.”

“My herd?” Matthias questioned in that same flat monotone from before, the sudden shattering of his silence and his terseness causing Twilight to flinch a bit.

“I-I-I-It wasn't anything codified or legally binding!” Twilight quickly cleared up, her drooping tail wrapping its way back around his leg almost possessively. “But… But between making sure Dinky and the girls were fed and protected, supporting Marble and Maud in their labors, and taking care of Zephyr when his wing was crushed, you met and fulfilled just about every criteria expected of a proper alpha. It was… It was one of the main reasons why me and Luna felt we could trust and open up to you.

“But then we got to talking or… rather, I got to talking while you wrote mostly,” she explained while correcting herself. The ice forming around her heart thawing some when she felt him cough up a couple quiet chuckles. “And I… And I got to find out just how *sniff* just how wonderful a stallion you are!”

Twilight tried to take another steadying breath, hoping to keep her guilt-stained ramblings at least close to something resembling coherent. But it seemed as if each attempt she made at stemming the flow of pent up guilt and shame fermenting in her chest would cause the black tide to push back harder and harder. Her words beginning to flow unbidden with her tears as layer after layer of remorse and regret was cleaved from her heart like ice off the hull of an arctic freighter. Replaced by a sense of warmth and relief she felt she had no right to feel after hurting Matthias as she did:

“I got *sniff* I got to find out just how kind you are, h-h-h-how accepting you are of others. How patient you can be when Luna and I are in one of our funks, and… and… and just how… how... strong you can be.”

“But… but I'm no-”

“YES. YOU. ARE!!!” Twilight nearly screamed, her guilt and fear temporarily forgotten as she laced her fingers with the hands still wrapped around her abdomen. Wanting to kill this silly notion Matthias had of himself before he started down that blackened path again that always ended with him blaming himself for what had happened to him in the Deeps.

“You lost everything! Had your friends and family taken from you! Half your face and body melted off! And were subjected to every manner of horror and degradation imaginable in that Luna forsaken pit! But when you stumbled upon a poor helpless filly trapped beneath a section of collapsed tunnel, what did you do? Did you leave her to her fate? Brush it off figuring her friends would dig her out? No, you offered to bear the weight of that entire damn mountain so the others could pull her out, even after Maud tried to punch your head damn near off your shoulders for your troubles.”

The chuckles that slipped past Matthias's lips were soft, not unlike the gentle beating of a butterfly’s wings as it took to the sky for the first time. The warm laughter melting the frigid stillness that had settled over her friend as she felt his hands squeeze around hers in return and pull her back into his chest. The feel of his damp cheek brushing against hers again threatening to get her bawling as well.

“A-A-A-And the more this brave, strong stallion opened up to me, the more I found myself wanting to stay with him with each passing visit. Not just because I hadn't gotten his collar off yet or had failed to find a way to send him home, but because I wanted to hear just one more story from his homeland that his mother would read to him at night while growing up. To play just one more round of that Scrabble game with him as we argued the legitimacy of using terran and Equestrian colloquialisms. And to listen to just one more song with him even though it looked and felt like each note he heard was going to bring him to tears.”

Once again Twilight found herself fighting back her sobs as she felt Matthias begin planting kiss after kiss along her neck and ear. Her breath catching as his arms tightened around her and crushed her against him. Unable to process why he would want to comfort her after betraying him so. But if Matthias was willing to offer her some comfort in the face of her slight, who was she to argue. Doubly so if he'd want nothing to do with her after all this, so she might as well enjoy it while he was still willing to even look at her.

“In *sniff* In fact, the more time I spent with you, the more I realized how scared I was of having to say goodbye to you one day. How every time we'd fail to discern the methodology by which you traversed the Aetherium in hopes of finding your point of origin in the void, there'd be some ugly little part of me that would be relieved that our efforts had gotten us no closer to sending you home! Happy that I’d get to spend another week showing you around Canterlot and teaching you our ways rather than gathering the spell components to build the transdimensional bridge that would send you home! So when my first attempts at utilizing achronal movement to try and discern how you arrived in Equestria failed, I was just as relieved as I was disappointed because that meant I didn’t have to lose you yet! Th-Th-Th-That’s why when I saw you had a book about time travel in your library, and you were willing to share your tribe’s varying perspectives on linear causality with me, the scientist in me started squealing in delight while that bucking bitch part of me that doesn't want you to leave started to panic! Then when The Time Machine turned out to be nothing more than speculative fiction, and you pointed out how the causal modus of our materia wasn't a guarantee I was relieved that I didn't get the answers I wanted and didn't have to send you away and never see you again!”

Twilight was puffing and panting as if she'd just sprinted the full Ponyville circuit for the Running of the Leaves. Her head going light and her face numbing from forcing all her breath towards wrapping up her confession. But beneath the pins and needles buzzing below the thin skin covering her lips and cheek, there was a giddy lightness bubbling up in her chest like a second grader’s baking soda volcano. Sending bolts of sheer joy and near rapture arcing through her veins like a runaway freight train as she felt that millstone finally cut from her neck.

“Oh, sweet fucking Christ Twilight.”

Though she was quickly pulled out of her reverie by the sudden loss of a hand from around her belly and a familiar, frustrated groan coming from her big spoon. The nostalgic noise nearly snapping her wings to attention, if not for the arm still pressing her back into his chest, as it was a far cry from the string of insults and condemnations she’d been expecting from him. Nor did she expect him to all but collapse against her in some odd blend of a glomp and a sigh as the tension locking his limbs around her tiny, purple frame seemingly melted away.

“M-May… What's *gulp* What's wro-”

“Please don't ever fucking scare me like that again you damn daft dork,” he scolded the panicking princess before furiously nuzzling his cheek along her neck and muzzle. Her skin heating up dramatically from both the friction of his bare skin rubbing against her coat and the sudden return of her blush.

“W-W-W-Wait heheh you’re not heheh you’re not mad?” she asked incredulously between the giggles he was pulling out of her with each ticklish brush of his cheek through the velvet thin fur covering her face. Fighting back a breathy moan when she felt his sharpened teeth begin to part the downy follicles wrapped around her neck and scrape across her skin.

“And what exactly am I supposed to be mad about?” he asked teasingly before blowing along the paths of parted fur he'd trailed up and down Twilight’s neck. Setting the mare molded against his chest to squirming and panting like a puppy getting scratched beneath its collar. Laughing beneath his breath as he felt one of the legs he’d entwined with his own try to break away and start kicking.

“B-B-B-But I was happy I couldn’t send you home!” she shot back aghast, not willing to let herself off the hook for slighting her friend. Though she was finding it ever so difficult to stay upset between the kisses he was trailing across her muzzle and the feel of his hands rubbing up and down her tummy. “I… I failed to get you back to your friends and family and all I could think was, ‘Oh, thank Celestia he doesn’t have to go yet!’ How… How are you even still willing to look at me, let alone touch me?”

“Did you flub any of the results you found in order to keep me here?” Matthias asked succinctly, laughing as the bristling fur around her neck tickled at his nose.

“Of course not! What kind of scientist do you think I-”

“So, you followed the data you collected to its logical conclusion and determined the specific methodologies you were testing would fail in sending me home, right?”

“R-Right, but that’s still no excuse for-”

“And when one path didn’t give you the results you were hoping for, did you simply quit and say it was impossible for me to get home or did you look into some other means of possibly sending me home?

“The… The latter but-”

“Then I don't see what the problem is,” Matthias assured her before parting her mane with his nose and grazing his teeth across the nape of her neck. Any further depreciating words she might have had for herself dying with the shudder running up and down her spine as she felt Matthias drag his tongue from the crook of her neck up and across her cheek and to her ear where he began chewing on the tip like it was the center of a grape Blow Pop.

“And besides, you spent so much time fussing and fretting over how much I’d hate you, you didn’t even stop to consider that I’d be just as happy as you were that you failed.”

Matthias was shocked when the pony in his arms simply burst apart in a cloud of sparkling amethyst dust, his arms collapsing around empty air where the Princess of Friendship had previously been laying. Though he was barely given a chance to make either a Nightcrawler reference or pull out his best Meeseeks impersonation before Twilight BAMFed back on top of him. Rolling him onto his back in the process so she could straddle him for a third time this night turned early morning, her eyes scrolling up and down his face like he was a tome of forgotten lore.

“But… But don’t you want to go home?” Twilight nearly screamed in near total befuddlement, though the rhythmic twitch of her wings and the soft swish of her tail brushing against his legs betrayed a joy and excitement she was still unsure she should be feeling. “Don’t *gulp* Don’t you want to see your friends and family again?”

Twilight saw all manner of nostalgia and longing war across what was left of his face before he wrenched his eyes shut and took in a couple long, shaky breaths which he slowly released before meeting her gaze with a soft green glow burning behind his eyes.

“I do… Oh, sweet dreaming Cthulhu beneath the sea I do. I mean, I set up a whole weekend trip to Emerald City Comic Con for my friend Will’s birthday that I’m gonna have to reschedule at least a year in advance if he’s gonna make it for his 30th. And Jamie still needs my help compiling those pilgrimage narratives for that Israel in the Medieval Mindset course he wanted to set up at his university. Not to mention I need to let my mom and dad know I’m alright and at least eating well, and I need to spoil baby Zoe or Zach at least once to earn my Best Uncle Ever Badge.

“But *sigh* But when you go through something like this,” he explained while broadly gesturing to the left half of his body with a tired slump of his shoulders, “You quickly learn to make peace with certain thoughts and ideas that are only gonna give you unwarranted hopes and make the nights harder to bare.

“Besides, even if you were somehow able to magically pull a portal back to Richmond out of your purple plot, and yes I’m using ‘magically’ as pejorative in this case,” he said while booping Twilight upside the snoot, her scrunching muzzle morphing her sagging frown into a bemused grin as she tried to chomp at the offending finger. A chomp he handily dodged by sliding his hand along her muzzle and cupping her cheek, his thumb beginning to draw slow circles through her plush coat, “I have friends and responsibilities here in Canterlot I can’t just walk out on.

“Afterall, somebody’s gotta be here to keep Celestia from trying to reinstitute the cake tax and play referee for her and Luna’s little prank wars.

“And as far as our dear Lunar Diarch has come in regards to integrating, she still needs somebody who can talk with her in ye olde Equestrian without correcting her every other word lest she stops talking in general.

“And I’m sorry, but seeing as you’re more prone to explosions than Wile E. Coyote at a fireworks factory, I can’t in good conscience leave you unsupervised with anything short of a foal’s first chemistry kit unless I’m there to help put out the fires.

‘Plus there’s nopony in any of the Lunar Companies with balls big enough to tell Starry she’s had enough at the S&S and I’m the only one she’s willing to let carry her stab-happy ass back to her quarters, so that’s effectively one half of the Equestrian diarchy that needs me here in order to function properly.

“And there’s just no way I can leave a misanthrope like Sketch roaming the streets of Canterlot doing… whatever it is he does for the Watch. Seeing as you ponies, for the most part, have some manner of civility he seems immune to, and I shudder to think of the trouble he could get himself into that’ll leave May Weather and Jackie… stallion...less, as you ponies put it.

“So, unless you can find a way to send me home that guarantees me a way to come back after I’ve said my goodbyes and settled my accounts, then I’d rather just stay here and- mmmphff!?”

Twilight refused to let Matthias talk any more, suddenly finding herself possessed by an uncontrollable need to fit as much of her muzzle into his mouth as was physically possible. Her hands weaving through his rusty red hair to help hold him in place so she could get to work mapping every inch of his mouth with her tongue. His initial shock at her act of seemingly random affection melting beneath each desperate grind of her hips against his abdomen and the occasional pitter-patter of a tear falling on his face.

Though that shock soon found its second wind when he felt Twilight break her hold on his mouth and trail her soaked cheek across his face. Her wet fur and hot breath burning briefly against his skin before she picked herself off his chest and sat down in his lap and began to gyrate her hips.

“Tw-Twilight!?” Matthias tried to cry out between shallow pants and hitched breaths as he felt the lips hidden behind Twilight’s pajama bottoms kiss and tease at the erection he’d been fighting to keep hidden from the tiny princess throughout each of their little cuddle sessions. Each subtle shift and wiggle of her hips against his lap coaxing more and more of his little soldier out of his fox hole until she had him firmly wedged between her nether lips. His pleasured gasps and shocked cries silenced by the return of her fuzzy lips and velvety tongue as she used his tongue and mouth to muffle her own needy moans.

“I’m sorry,” she finally managed to sob out after her need for oxygen began to supersede her need to taste what had for dinner yesterday. Their breaths hitching and shuddering amidst the surges of white-hot pleasure stabbing into their cores as she shifted more of her weight down on his groin. Her puffy lower lips picking up the slack for the ones up top as she began soaking his hardening length in a warm dampness that he could tell from just the heat and smell alone wasn’t sweat. “I… I know me and Luna could never replace what you’ve lost or make what you went through go away. And I… And I know she wanted to take the lead when it came to your courting, but I… I have to do something to show you that we’re worth your trust and confidence.”

Matthias was huffing and puffing harder than the time he swam that thousand-meter butterfly to spite his coach for putting him in a distance event. Barely able to make out what the jittery mare was saying between the desperate breaths he was taking to replace the air Twilight had sucked out of his lungs and the head between his legs robbing his brain of much-needed blood.

His mind blanking as a million terrified and useless thoughts suddenly found themselves shunted off to the wayside in order for Matthias to focus his attention wholly on feeling the searing wet softness grinding up and down his hardening length. On listening to the rhythmic squelching of sopping fabric as their hips ran against each other. On taking in the scent of sugary grape she was spilling all over his crotch. On tasting the lingering flavors of cinnamon and cream she had shared with him while kissing him.

But when he witnessed Twilight try and shuck her top off only for it to get tangled in her rigid wings, offering Matthias a halfway decent underboob shot to compliment the down shirt he’d been blessed with earlier. He knew he had to wind her down before either of them crossed a line she or he obviously wasn’t ready to cross yet.

A chill panic crawling its way up Matthias’s spine and settling over both his heart and erection as he suddenly realized both how close he and Twilight had come to utterly shattering Luna’s heart and trust, and that he was definitely the stallion she was pining after. Her words and actions finally beginning to make sense in light of this latest realization. Clearing away most of, if not all of, his doubts and concerns as to why this normally by-the-book and rational mare was suddenly acting like a less rape happy version of Dame Edelweiss.

Though to give the Germanian delegate’s wife some credit, she had been four days into her heat cycle at the time, and her husband had mentioned how he would be sending her something exotic he had picked up while visiting Canterlot’s red light district to help quench the fire in her loins. So between her raging hormones punting her in the cunt, the ambassador’s promise of sweet, blessed relief coming her way soon, and having a then much more overcooked and underfed ape burst her door down like lumberjack Will Ferrell from Step Brothers, he could at least understand where she was coming from. Though he was grateful that he had Starry there to both clear up the misunderstanding as well as show him a way to get to his then new room that would give the Germanian Consulate a wide berth.

However, whereas the white and yellow mare had been hoping to lure him to her bed by simply handcuffing him to the banister and tearing off his clothes like a five-year-old ripping the wrapping off her Christmas presents. Twilight, though seemingly just as desperate, had been focusing on sating him instead.

With each needy kiss and soft brush of her hips against his own, seeming to beg Matthias to let her give him more. To let her show him with her body just how much he had come to mean to her over these past seven months. And with each wordless plea she made begging him to let her give herself to him in full, there came this overwhelming sense of trust and fulfillment that simply made the loss and loneliness staining his soul disappear as if it were some kind of magic trick.

Although, the sensual little spell she'd been trying to weave was broken somewhat by the frustrated string of grunts and muffled curses she’d spit out each time she'd fail to rip her top off her chest. The offending garment having gotten caught at the base of her outstretched wings in such a way as to prevent Twilight from even sliding her arms out of their sleeves. The mare’s frustration mounting in time with her pleasure as each failed attempt at freeing herself from the top half of her evening wear would cause the silken fabric to brush and rub against the thousands of hypersensitive nerve endings she and her fellow birb ponies would use to detect subtle shifts in air currents and thermals while flying and making the weather.

Her eyes finally wrenching shut as pleasure tore into her core from both behind and below, unable to hold herself up any longer as a particularly rough roll of her hips and twitch of her wings all but knocked the wind out of her. Her arms falling uselessly to her side as she fell back into his chest, burying her muzzle into his shirt to try and muffle her screams as a fresh flood of arousal soaked through her pants and spilled onto his waist. The spasming lips hugging at the tent in his trousers threatening to send Matthias over the edge as well.

However, his relief would have to come at a later time as he felt the pleasured scream she’d been shouting into his chest devolve into one of sheer, unadulterated heartache. Her first raising shakily into the air before weakly slamming over and over again into sheets beneath them.

“Tw-Twi?!” Matthias managed to shudder out amidst his mounting panic and peaking pleasure as he worked himself out from under her. The subtle shifting of their hips against one another drawing a few more pleasure shudders from the pair as he sat them both back up. “What happened? Well… I know what happened, but are you alright?!”

“N-No,” she managed to choke out in a mix of a sob and cough, her face so blue with embarrassment she looked to be suffocating. “I *sniff* I finally get the chance to show you I'm worthy of herding with you and I go and buck it up beyond all recognition!”

Again with this me being in a herd bit? Matthias pondered as he started petting Twilight's mane while she continued to bawl into his chest. Herding being a blanket statement for ponies in committed relationships either formally or informally. So again, he had to question why Twilight was coming on to him so strong if she knew that Luna was trying to herd with him as well. But given how distraught she’d seemingly become after committing another unforgivable slight against him, he chose instead to try and calm her rather than point the finger, hoping he could finally get some answers as to what the blue and purple princesses were up to.

“Now now, let's not get our non-existent panties in a bunch,” he joked while rocking the mare back and forth a bit, trying his best to ignore his engorged member screaming at him for some relief. Threatening him with a case of blue balls so severe he'd wish he were passing another kidney stone if it didn't get some attention soon. “How about you tell me what horrible sin you think you've committed to label yourself an abject failure and I can explain how you've once again misplaced your horn up your purple plot?”

“No!” Twilight shouted out in sheer frustration as she pushed herself out of his grasp, her hands tangling in her mane as she shook her head vehemently. “No no no, there’s no way you can be this bucking forgiving! There's just no bucking way you can be okay with me bucking up the bucking Maerh Beot!”

“The whosawhatsit?” Matthias asked, unsure as to what in the actual fuck she was getting at. Having maybe heard something that sounded like, “mare,” but other than that he was completely in the dark.

“The Maerh Beot? The Matris Rit? Come on May, it’s the first coupling a mare shares with her stallion after he’s forsworn his dame’s herd to join hers.” She barked out indignantly, his confusion and ignorance seeming to insult the princess. “Everypony bucking knows that!”

“Yeeahhh, I know it’s kinda hard to tell in this light, but I’m sorta not a pony,” Matthias clarified, her constant use of pony-centric pronouns, regardless of species, having become a favorite target of his in their weekly bouts of verbal jousting.

“Not the bucking time, May! You know what I… what I… bucking… meant,” she slowly trailed off, her frustration and incredulity having shattered against his naivete, leaving only concern and confusion in its wake. Her eyes scanning his alien countenance to try and find any manner of deception or willful ignorance on his part.

“May,” she finally managed to ask after finding no hints of duplicity on his end. Taking another deep breath to try and figure out where this miscommunication on her end had transpired. “When I was kissing you earlier, what exactly did you feel?”

“You mean other than fuzzy lips and a hot tongue?”

“May!”

“Alright, alright, don’t ask a literal question and get mad at a literal answer,” Matthias teased before taking a long, deep breath of his own. Hoping he could marshal his thoughts into an answer she was worthy of and not sound like he was talking out his ass.

“Well... at first I was shocked and even a bit scared, if I’m being perfectly honest with you. Because that gesture has some very intimate implications from where I’m from that I wasn’t sure you were aware of since I still hadn’t cottoned on to how you felt about me,” Matthias explained. Recalling how that first kiss they shared, to him at least, had seemingly come right the fuck out of nowhere.

Twilight reeled some at his answer, her face the very picture of somebody contemplating whether or not they had been unknowingly committing sexual assault. Her eyes going wide as her hands shot up to mouth to try and muffle the shocked gasp as she realized what she’d done. Though her bugging eyes and that gasp just as quickly melted into a needy moan as Matthias reached over to remove her hands from her muzzle and replace them with his lips.

“But there was just no denying how simply… right, that and every other kiss we shared afterward felt,” he clarified after breaking his hold on her lips. Offering her one last lap of his tongue along the tip of her muzzle just as she had done for him while first settling him down earlier. “That after everything you’ve done for me since second one of our friendship, and after making you feel so neglected, there was just no other way I could think of to thank you and show you how much you’ve come to mean to me. So I figured, human notions of intimacy be damned, if a kiss was how you ponies showed affection to your closest friends, who was I to judge. Heck, for a while there, you even had me questioning whether or not Luna was really attempting to make a move on me.”

“W-Why would you even think that?” Twilight asked in a tone that wasn’t necessarily doubtful or skeptical, but rather befuddled as if there was something fundamentally wrong in the logic he had used to reach his conclusion.

“Because where I’m from if you're trying to hook your friend up with somebody you know they're crushing hard on, you don't go taking the one their pining after to bed. It’s like… It's like if I knew you were looking to purchase the last known copy of a limited edition of Daring Do and the Chariot of Helios and I agreed to help you find it. But then I turned around and bought it instead.”

“But why wouldn't you just sha… Oh! Oh, buck me sideways,” Twilight groaned as she facepalmed hard enough to knock her flat on her back. Letting out an annoyed and frustrated groan as the missing piece of the puzzle finally seemed to click. “Your race is monogamist, aren't they?”

“If by monogamist you mean monogamous, and if by monogamous you mean we tend to commit to only one partner then yes. But what does that have to do wi-”

“Rggggh dammit Luna, this is why we stick to a bucking schedule!” she managed to groan out in an odd blend of frustration, defeat, and affirmation. Her hand sliding down from her forehead to the bridge of her muzzle to try and massage away the sudden pressure building behind her eyes.

“And what schedule would that be?” Matthias asked, eager to have something finally make sense this evening. Only for Twilight to hold her silence, all her effort apparently needing to go towards diffusing the migraine welling up on the inside her skull. Deciding to throw her a bone by plopping his hand atop her head and gently combing his fingers through her mane. Drawing a relieved sigh and coo from the mare that seemed to settle her down and help order her thoughts.

“We… We've been interested in courting you for about five months now,” Twilight finally admitted, the sudden confession causing Matthias's fingers to jerk and get tangled in her hair. Forcing another strangled whine out of Twilight.

“Oh shit!, Sorry Twi did I hu-”

“Mmmmmmmm don't be,” Twilight purred out sensually, cutting off Matthias's apology as a pleasured shudder worked its way down her body. Her remaining tension unraveling as if he’d just tugged on the end of a particularly stubborn knot. The tension permeating the room suddenly taking a much more heated air.

“Oh… uh, alright then,” Matthias weakly conceded before readjusting his fingers so his petting wouldn't accidentally scalp her. Chuckling a bit in spite of his nervousness and disbelief as he felt the back of Twilight's head follow his hand. Nuzzling into his open palm so she could feel his fingers brushing through her mane again. “S-So, both of you really like me that way then?”

“Mhmm,” Twilight admitted with a low hum and a nod. Goosebumps breaking across her skin as she felt his nails parting through the thin coat hidden beneath her mane. “I… I realized I was falling for you about six and a half months ago. And Luna, heh Luna's been wanting to take you to her bed since before she and Celestia even introduced you to me.”

“But… but she hardly even knew me at the time!” Matthias all but screamed, not buying any of this love at first sight, lovers from a past life meeting again, red string of fate bullshit. “I... I was just some monster her sister had taken pity on after the raid in the Deeps went FUBAR that would talk wi... err write with her when the sun went down. How is that in any way, shape, or form enough to garner that kind of affection from a person as goddam wonderful as her? I mean, even if you were to grant me the whole exotic piece of alien tail cliche you were spouting earlier. That tail was still covered in third-degree burns and had been ridden enough times by the time we'd met that had she'd shown up maybe thirty seconds sooner she might've been the lucky pony to peel my pasty white ass off the side of the mountain. So what could've possibly possessed her to want to- Mmmmph?”

Twilight wouldn't let him belittle himself any further. Pulling herself up quickly so she could catch his lips and dispel this foolish notion of his that he was somehow unworthy of their affections. Silencing any further disparaging remarks he might have had for himself by figuratively and literally gagging him with her tongue.

“That's why I *pant* That's why I needed to put a *pant* put a schedule to together.” Twilight clarified after pulling her tongue back into her mouth. Her cheeks turning a shade of sapphire in her excitement and embarrassment. “Equestrian rites and rituals governing courtship have changed dramatically over the millennia she’s been locked away. So, a large portion of her reintroduction seminars have been me bringing her up to speed on what is now socially unacceptable in regards to courting a mare or stallion. Otherwise, we run the risk of her breaking some poor mare’s heart over what she believed to be simply a one night stand or have her own heart shattered by a stallion she thought was seriously courting her.

“And even though it went against every gentlemarely instinct we had in us, we also knew that we had to give you time and space to come to terms with what had happened to you, and not make it feel like we were pressuring you into a relationship or taking advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable. And there was still the possibility of us finding you a way home, or you not viewing us or ponies in general as subjects of romantic interest.

“So as much as it pained her, and eventually me when I finally came to terms with how I felt about you. We decided we should wait at least a year before approaching you about formally forming a herd. That way, Luna wouldn’t have to fear her efforts being misconstrued. I could have ample time to find you a way home and start teaching you about life here in Equestria. And that hopefully, by the time one of us approached you to broach the subject, you'd consider our offer without feeling like we were either abusing our stations or dynamic to force you into a relationship you didn’t want.”

Matthias was three parts impressed, elated, and utterly baffled as he listened to Twilight lay out her rationale behind hers and Luna’s behavior. Impressed not only by the sheer amount of thought and detail she had dedicated towards his and Luna’s feelings while constructing this schedule of hers but by the fact that she had managed to keep a mare as impulsive and childish as Luna to hold to it… for the most part. Elated to know that the feelings these mares had for him were genuine and that they were doing everything in their power to take his feelings into account in their attempts at courting him. And completely and utterly baffled because he still hadn’t gotten any rational justification from Twilight as to why she would be going so far as third base with him if she was supporting Luna in her attempts to woo him.

“But because Luna couldn’t keep her bucking skirt up,” Twilight continued to explain, giving him no chance to ask for any clarification as she stood back up, grabbing her bag and walking over to his desk before lighting up her horn. Her magic trying and seemingly failing to flow into his vanity, “We *rggh* We both started making passes at you without being fully aware of what your feelings for us were or how—come on—or how your kind engages in courtship and wound up hurting you!”

“Uhhh Twi, what are you-?”

“I need to get back to the castle and grab all the appropriate reference materials I’d set aside for you in the event you were receptive to our advances. *sniff* *sniff* As well as another pair of pants,” Twilight managed to explain amidst her strained grunts and embarrassment. Her face turning a deeper shade of purple beneath the physical strain of her efforts and the swirling arcane fires burning atop of her head.

“I didn’t *rggh* I didn’t count on us needing them for at least another seven months, so I left them behind, and I think it’s high time we all had a palaver on our culture’s respective views on courtship, and why the buck isn’t this working?!” She barked out while slamming her fist down on his desk. Her magic sputtering out as the spell rebounded back onto her.

“You’re not *yawn* You’re not using the… the right gem.”

“What was that May?” Twilight asked, her indignation quickly quelled by the tired lilt in his voice. Replaced by a panic as she saw Matthias start to sway and fall forward.

“Oh no!” she yelped out before running over to catch him. His larger from crashing over her like a warm, weighted blanket, silently thanking the Harmony that her earth pony strength was enough to keep him from going ass over teakettle as she slung his arm over her shoulders. “What’s wrong May? What happened?”

“Thaumaturgy… take something on the *yawn* on the small scale and...and give it enough juice to affect things on a large scale?” Matthias slurred sleepily, needing to let Twilight know why she couldn’t activate the gem on his end in spite of the world suddenly turning pear shaped. “My gem’s the large scale so it’s not gonna *yawn* gonna work the same.”

It took Twilight a second to both translate what Matthias was saying and recognize what was happening to him. The former realization making her want to facepalm as it was obvious a thaumaturgical link was a one way street given the symbolic metaphysics involved in establishing a connection between objects. While the latter one simply made her want to kick herself as it was plain as day to anypony with a working set of eyes what was wrong with the poor guy:

Matthias was just simply worn the fuck out.

The human’s typical shift with Celestia started at 8:00 AM and ended anywhere between 5:00 and sundown where he’d then run over to help Luna and her court for some seven to eight hours, depending on whether Luna was in desperate need of a cuddle or not. However, from what she’d gathered from him over the course of the evening, today hadn’t exactly been a typical work day for him. Having suffered through at least seven and a half of his episodes between now and tucking Celestia in and having been molested by the three mares he thought he could depend on and trust no matter what without any of them even knowing it, it was a wonder he was still conscious let alone solving metaphysical inquiries.

“Hee Hee getting a little sleepy there May?” Twilight teased as she felt him nuzzle his cheek into hers as if she were a giant purple throw-pillow. His body heat mingling with her blush in such a way as to threaten to lull her off to sleep as well, given how long they’d been talking and that it was pushing sunrise outside.

“No, I ate the Jake Jake no mi and am trying to get you to wear me so I can become the next princess of Equestria,” Matthias snarked tiredly as he tried to throw more of himself onto her. Blowing a raspberry at the base of her neck where her mane faded into her coat.

“Heheh Ooo-Heheh-Oooookay, when the human starts mysteriously speaking neighponese that’s as sure a sign as any that we both need to get some sleep. Do you Heheh Do you want me boil your sopor spores?” she offered, internally prepping herself for the inevitable brawl that always broke out when trying to cart Matthias off to bed, but was shocked when the only resistance he offered was the friction of his cheek brushing against hers as she felt him shake his head:

“N-No,” he answered almost immediately. Trying to sound both confident in his decision and firm in his resolve, but there was just no hiding the nervousness lacing his words or the small shiver rattling his bones when Twilight was close enough to feel his heart beating in his chest. “I… I promised Luna I would try it her way tonight. And I… And I need to trust that she knows what she’s talking about and will be here for me.”

Twilight’s eyes went misty at hearing Matthias putting so much faith in their friend in spite of his mounting terror and dread. Rewarding his confidence with another kiss and low moan that filled Matthias’s mouth and chest with a gentle warmth that made the larger human simply melt against her. The whole of his weight now falling fully onto her.

“Hee Hee Wow, Luna keeps telling me I’ve been getting better, but I didn’t know I could actually make a stallion pass out with just a kiss.”

“And how exactly is Luna judging your lip work?” Matthias asked trying to quirk his eyebrow up at her, but given how his head had fallen into the crook of her neck and how by this point he couldn’t tell if his eyes were even open, the most he could hope for was that she could feel it brushing through her coat.

“Well, if I’m correct in what she has planned for you, then you’ll be getting quite the hands on demonstration if and when she manages to pull her navy blue bottom away from Starry.”

“Rgggh Considering this is the first time in four months she and Starry have had to do something besides babysit me,” Matthias groaned into her clavicle, his hot breath brushing through her fur sending ticklish shivers running down her spine. “It wouldn’t surprise me if they were cross referencing what each individual squad member was carrying on their person at the time of the search with their deployment rates to try and justify their Featherweight Initiative to the Economic Council.”

Twilight couldn’t help but giggle at Matthias’s near perfect summation of how their friend’s youthful zeal could be directed towards the betterment of her court and its ponies. Her own natural enthusiasm fueled by the shame of a thousand winters banished on the moon driving the mare to try and make up for all that lost time and prove to her subjects that her court and light were not the lesser to her sister’s. Pushing Luna to research and enact programs as broad-spanning and all-encompassing as switching the Night Guard’s primary initiative to stealth and tactical ops rather than be a copy paste of her sister’s soldiers. To more pony-centric and specific programs such as providing her guards with individualized meal plans to cater to their particular strand of bat pony.

However, beneath Matthias’s good natured teat twisting of their friend and Lunar Diarch, she could feel a welling frustration and nervousness running through the muscles in his chest and abdomen. Her kiss and Luna’s assurances apparently not enough to make the prospect of sleeping without the aid of her and Zecora’s remedy any more appealing.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she assured him before leaning down and brushing her cheek through his hair. “She’ll be here soon and you’ll be fine.”

“...ay with me?”

“What was that May?”

“Can you… Can you stay with me?” Matthias asked nervously, his words careful and quiet. Though whether it was out of fear of her rejection or his fading consciousness, Twilight couldn’t quite tell. “At least… At least until Luna gets here?”

Twilight was torn in more directions than when she thought she would only be able to bring one of her friends to her first Grand Galloping. Wanting with every fiber of her being to be here for her friend at this critical juncture for both his recovery and their mutual relationship. But with her planned path back to her castle having been barred by both her negligence and oversights, she had no quick way of making it back to Ponyville and the School of Friendship and would have to catch the earliest train leaving Canterlot if she wanted to make it to work on time.

“I’ll… I’ll stay as long as I can,” Twilight promised while stroking gently through his muddy red mane. “But tomorrow’s a school day, and the first train to Ponyville leaves in less than an hour. Not to mention I’m in desperate need of a change of pants so I’ve got swing by Luna’s room to pick up a spare and maybe take a quick shower. *Sniff* *Sniff* No, I definitely need to take a quick shower and then I got get a message to Starlight to let her know I might be *gulp* t-t-tardy but Spike’s still asleep I don’t want to wake him up at this hour so-Mmmph!?”

Apparently, Matthias had heard all he needed to hear in order for him to clock out confidently. Mashing his lips against her muzzle in such a way as to catch her further reason she might have had on the tip of his tongue.

“Thank you,” Matthias whispered dreamily before collapsing fully onto the bed beneath them with a cushioned crash. Sprawling out on his back like the Mochi-Man after his ten hour brawl with the Straw Hat Kid.

Giving her friend an amused smile and a tired shake of her head, she gingerly pulled the rest of his relatively lanky body up onto the bed. Making sure to be as gentle as possible with him as she propped his head against the pillow with biggest indent in it before drawing the covers up and over his shoulders. A nostalgic warmth spreading throughout her chest as she saw him start to fidget and squirm a bit beneath the sheets before finally falling still. Wondering for a second if this was what her BBBFF or Celestia felt like whenever they stumbled upon her muzzle down in an arcane treatsie or passed out beneath a pile of parchment and quills.

After taking a moment to simply soak in the rare sight of her human not bouncing around or running his mouth a mile a minute, she ever so gently maneuvered herself underneath the covers and slid herself against him. Pressing her chest into his back and weaving her arms around him in a soft hug just as Matthias had done for her when he was the big spoon.

Once she was sure she was properly settled and confident that she hadn't accidentally rousted him from his slumber, as brief as it was, Twilight flicked her horn back to life. Projecting the arcane energies out and across his bedchamber and into the common area where it began snuffing out candles and turning the keys on lamps. Leaving only the pale white glow of Luna’s light and their gentle breaths falling past their lips to fill the room once she had made sure the door to his balcony was secured, and she cut off her magic.

The warms bursts of breath breaking against his neck and the soft weight wrapped around him slowly chipping away at whatever apprehensions he may have still had about falling asleep sans spores as he willingly let his consciousness fade away.

*...m sorr...*

At least until he heard Twilight’s garbled voice blaring through his head again followed by a burst of sheer, unfiltered heartbreak stabbing into his chest. The foreign thoughts and feelings invading his soul coupled with the familiar waves of crackling heat breaking across his skin, pulling Matthias from the fringes of the Dream Plains and back to near lucidity.

*I really le… u dow… ould’ve talk… out this soo…*

However, whereas previously her words had sounded like they were being broadcasted over a walkie-talkie whose other end was calling from a half mile outside its band range. Now it was if they were coming through an overclocked bandwidth connection. The sheer intensity and depth of feeling her words carried seemingly drowning them out before they could fully reach him.

*Why coul… rave like Luna? Was a schedul so buc… portant or was I ju… red you… ouldn’t feel for me wha… eel for Luna?*

Matthias could feel tears welling up in his eyes, but between the empathy link tying their hearts together and his dissonance at bearing the thoughts and emotions of two people at once, he couldn’t tell if they were his or Twilight’s. But try as he might to lift his hand up to wipe at his face or signal to Twilight to stop, the sheer weight of her despair crashing down on him and the utter exhaustion he felt in mind, body, and soul from this day, he might as well have been trying to swim up a hill.

*...otta be the lat… Aftera… re I am forcing my fe… on you ag… ead of asking like we pr...eems like this… eally is the only way I… how much I love you*

Matthias’ heart skipped a beat at her unintended confession as pure, honest affection for him flooded into every nook and cranny of his being. Her words and feelings pushing away at every bleak thought or foolish dread that had ever stained his soul until it felt as if no matter what horrors life had in store him. No matter how cruel or unjust the world around him could be. As long as he could hold onto just one brilliant mote of this light burning his soul and never let it go, he could navigate whatever cruelty or injustice the fates had planned for him unscathed.

But just as quickly as this wave of pure love and light had crashed into him, he felt it pull back like some cruel tide meant only to smash the sand castle you’d spent an hour sculpting. Leaving him with nothing but a hollow chill and loneliness that threatened to pull tears that were wholly his own from him. His fear and anguish mounting as he felt the warm fur and feathers plastered against him begin to pull away from him. His exhaustion and disorientation from her spell leaving him unable to even call out to her, let alone try and grab her.

“Heh, And even after being so open with me I still can’t feel you with my magic. It’s *sniff* It’s no wonder you chose Luna over me.”

What?! No, I… I didn’t choose her! He felt himself scream inside his skull as panic began to set in. Hoping through odd play of the aether that she was still bound to him in some way so she might hear him as his consciousness began to fade.

“But don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let her know how I bucked up. Heh Can’t have her thinking she hurt you because I was a lousy friend when she gives you her beot.”

You’re… You’re not a… a lousy friend! He thought as loud as he could. Desperately trying to will his fingers towards his quill to see if it could convey what he was feeling to her as the room began to spin.

“I’m just… I’m just happy that Luna’s gonna finally get a chance to herd with you. Though I’ve gotta admit, it’s sad to think that I won’t get another chance to touch you like this again. I guess… I guess I should be grateful you even offered me a chance to try and herd with you. Heheh And here I was really looking forward to that dance at the Masquerade.”

I’ll give you a chance! Just… Wait, why can’t we dance?! Are you… No, Twi Don’t go!

“Thank you, May,” he heard Twilight whisper sweetly before bending over and planting what felt like one last kiss on his cheek. Her lips trembling as they pressed against him for far longer than one would consider chaste.

“Just… just promise me you’ll make Luna happy, okay?” She practically begged before walking away, off to retrieve her change of clothes before heading back to Ponyville. Stopping by the door leading to the common area before looking back at him with a sad smile. “Sweet dreams May.”

Twi, no! Please… I’m not… Don’t leave me… I didn’t mean to hurt you... I’m…

But all he got in response were Twilight’s muffled hoofsteps as she walked out the door. The sound of her hardened hooves sinking into the plush white carpet fading with each step she took away from him the only hint remaining of her ever being in his life were the echoes of his chamber door gently slamming shut.

...Sorry.

Author's Notes:

Lois the Wonder Bagel was sad she couldn't share her toy with everypony so she brought you a new chapter instead.

Once again, a huge shout out to Bookish Cipher for going over my incoherent ramblings with a fine toothed comb.

Also, this is my first attempt at clop of any kind, so I apologize in advance for any facial cramping brought about by excessive cringing.

And as always, tell me what you liked, disliked, or what you think I could do to make things flow better.

Thanks again for taking the time to read what I've got and I hope you enjoy