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Don't Look Inside

by Elu

Chapter 5: Chapter 4: Thoughts

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Neither of two ponies knew what to do. After the awkward introduction, they sat still, looking at each-other.

Luna did have a plan, but it went out of her head the moment she saw Sirius. She desperately tried to recall it as moments passed in silence. She didn't want to know what would happen if the colt did anything before she remembered what she was supposed to do.

The young man was confused and puzzled. Why would royalty visit him? He didn't see himself as important, he never has. Why the sudden change?

"Sirius." Luna nodded, acknowledging former human's name. She remembered the course of action she planned to take. Then, she stood up. She turned around, and then turned her head back to the confused colt. "Sirius?"

The young man understood the meaning behind her tone and body language. She wanted him to follow her. Why? Where?

He contemplated the decision. Should he go? He didn't have much choice but he still wanted to weigh out all available options. If he didn't go, he might find himself in a much worse situation. Perhaps she could force him to comply.

If he went with her, he might benefit from it. So far, he was treated with hospitality and kindness. The ponies healed him and gave him shelter, and so far nothing was demanded in return. Perhaps he could trust them, if only a little. He has learned to not put much trust in anyone. A little bit of it wouldn't hurt, he thought.

He complied. Nodding, he went along with the princess. He noticed her letting out a silent sigh of relief. He understood clearly that this situation was as stressful for her as it was for him.

It told him Luna didn't know anything about him but wasn't hostile either.

She led him through the halls of the hospital. Sirius saw different ponies around the building. Most of them had horns, some of them didn't, and a couple of those who didn't had wings instead.

Unicorns, just ponies, and pegasi. He figured out that those were the races of ponies, albeit he didn't know how were hornless and wingless ponies called. Since the color greatly varies while the shape of body and head remained mostly the same, Sirius assumed ponies didn't divide themselves into races by looks alone. It was certain wings provided them flight and horns had a function as well.

He also noticed how ponies bowed to Luna. She replied to them in a couple of words he didn't understand, but the bowing stopped. He took note of a little fact — the alicorn muttered something to herself, something only he was able to pick up because of how close he was.

He was always good at hearing. It helped him greatly in dangerous situations, and at the moment, with bigger and more mobile ears, he was able to hear even more. His ears swiveled around, picking up conversations and small sounds: clop of hooves against the floor, coughing, distant beeping, and some other background noise.

Soon, he and Luna came to the stairs. They led downwards to the second and first floors. And they were the most problematic for the former human. He didn't know how to descend. Sure, it was rather simple to do as a human, but as a pony? Fours legs would be much more troublesome in that situation surely.

Watching how Luna used the stairs, how her legs worked in conjunction with each-other, how her muscles shifted under her skin, Sirius figured out he could just replicate her movements. Slowly but steadily, he began do descend, not tripping over even once.

Luna looked back at him and took notice of his problems. She waited for him to catch up with her, and then resumed her way to the first floor.

It took them a bit longer than Luna expected, but they eventually arrived. The two walked to the reception.

"I am taking this colt with me." Luna said to the receptionist. "I'm afraid that personal treatment is in order. Not to mention that he requires education, and seeing how there is nopony to claim him, I suppose it won't be a problem if I take him under my wing?"

"As you wish, your majesty." the mare at the reception nodded. "If you believe it is right for him, we won't oppose. Besides, we all know you're good with foals. However, you need to fill in some papers first." she reached under the table and a few moments later emerged, holding a pen and a piece of paper in her maw. She laid it on the table and said, "Here."

Meanwhile, Sirius observed with curiosity. He took note of how hornless ponies managed to grab things. He had done it himself a couple of times by that moment, and it seemed such a way of manipulating objects was common.

Suddenly for him, Luna's horn started glowing, and the same glow wrapped around the pen. Sirius stared wide-eyed at the display, startled and not entirely believing his own eyes. Luna was using the pen without holding it physically! How was it possible? He didn't know.

However, he did figure out it was telekinesis. He remembered he had a horn, too — would he be able to do it as well? He sure hoped so. Without his hands, he felt clumsy and disabled. He didn't like that feeling at all. Until just a few minutes before, he was sure he wouldn't even ever be able to speak again. If he regained voice, he could also find something to replace his hands. Besides, he would without a doubt need something to use in trivial and not so trivial matters.

After Luna had done everything with the papers, she headed towards the exit, looking back to see if Sirius followed her. It was apparent for him that she was taking him away to somewhere else than the hospital. He didn't know, but he was sure it wouldn't be bad for him if he continued to follow her. He figured it would be much worse if he tried to run away. Before he did anything, he would definitely need to educate himself on a couple of subjects, most importantly — communication and language. Without the ability to understand and be understood, Sirius could just go back to the forest and never come out of it. That way, such a skill wouldn't be needed. On the other side, he would die pretty quickly because he knew little about survival in wilderness. No, he needed to learn how to talk and perceive words, sentences and texts in order to get what he wanted.

If Luna wanted to help him, and so far he didn't doubt her intentions, he would greatly benefit from her. She was royalty, and it meant she certainly had a lot of things he might need. To get them, he should behave good in front of her, but not overstep — he wasn't about to spill everything about himself just to make her pity him. Instead, he would at least try to make her think that he was but a colt with... amnesia. Something like this should work just fine. At least he thought so.

Sirius followed Luna out of the hospital. Once outside, he looked around. The city was unlike any he has ever seen: it was not gray as many cities he had visited before, it was majestic, lively, colorful, and yet not blindingly so. Ponies accompanied the scenery well, being just as colorful if not more. Even the sky above the city seemed to be full of life and energy.

He stood there, thunderstruck. He was shocked by what he was seeing, not even noticing a couple of calls from his escort.

"Sirius?" Luna called him again, much louder. She refrained from touching him, fearing he would react negatively.

Sirius shook his head, exiting the shock state he found himself in. He nodded, and then followed Luna to a chariot that was standing nearby, guarded by a couple of armored pegasi stallions. He glanced at them but didn't show any apparent interest. He wasn't too surprised by the choice of transportation either. He did take notice of the absence of cars. It was obvious to him that technology wasn't as much developed as it was back on the Earth.

As he entered the chariot, he began to think about this new world. It seemed alright to him. He wouldn't admit it at the time, but he was attracted to it, drawn to it. Though, he was still uncertain about how his life would go from there. Would it be better? Only the time could tell.

However, dark thoughts plagued his mind, overshadowing positive notes. He already felt out of place. He didn't belong to this colorful world. Depression resurfaced within him as the chariot drove towards a large castle.

Sirius still didn't want to live. He hadn't seen what could possibly make him change his decision yet. But he was fairly certain only another burst of pain waited for him on the other end. Before the incident that brought him into the new world, he thought of death as a relief. He thought it would be final. He was proven wrong, and he started fearing death. Would it always be a painful rebirth? Would he have to carry on with his old mind? Truly, it wasn't the fullest rebirth he might've wished for. His consciousness didn't die to be created anew. He was still himself. Pony, human or any other kind of sapient being he would be, his mind would always stay the same. Or maybe it would change. He wasn't about to try it, though.

Would he be better off without his memories, instead having new, untouched, fresh mind? Perhaps. He couldn't have known for sure.

Sirius looked out the window as the chariot drove through the streets of the city. They were full of different ponies, who walked or chatted with each-other. It was peaceful. It was also clean. No single piece of rubbish lied on the ground, everything was in the trash bins, and if anyone dropped their rubbish — they picked it up and threw into the nearby bin. There were no smokers around as well. No air pollution, no annoying sounds, and no neon lights of street advertisements.

This city was uncomfortable for the former human. He was too used to the dirt of the streets and the indifference that humans showed in their day-to-day life. In this pony city, however, everyone seemed to be much more talkative and, dare he think, happy and nice. It was too different for him to accept from the first glance.

Sirius sighed, slumping into the seat. He decided to stop looking outside, instead focusing his gaze on the floor of the chariot. He closed himself, going deep inside him mind to think. Luna was sitting by his side and noticed his somewhat sour and sad mood. She didn't know what caused it but still wanted to help him in any way she could. It was obvious to her that something wasn't right with the colt. There was a sense of morbid mystery around him. She wanted to see what it was but at the same time feared the discovery. It could end very badly for her or the colt or even both of them.

Luna was very worried about his inner state, too. She could feel some of it, she could see how cautious and wary Sirius was around her even after she tried to gain at least a bit of his trust. Unlike any other foals, he lacked energy or even emotion. He was justing sitting there, his stare unfocused, his face devoid of any readable emotion.

She had seen many colts in her life: sad, angry, happy, joyful, but never in her life has she seen such a colt as him. He suppressed his expressions, hiding them behind a tall and sturdy, almost unbreakable wall. The only thing that betrayed him was his eyes.

In rare times she looked into them, or at least when Sirius allowed her to, those eyes were filled to the brim with loss and depression. Loss of what? Maybe whom? She didn't know. Or maybe it was something else entirely? She could only guess

It greatly worried her, and she was the one who has witnessed many a nightmare foals sometimes experienced. Those nightmares drove them into sadness or anger, but never into the state such as Sirius'. Just who was he? Where did he come from? What was done to him to make him like that?

She had yet to find the answers.

Next Chapter: Chapter 5: Castle Estimated time remaining: 10 Hours, 51 Minutes
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Don't Look Inside

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