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Don't Look Inside

by Elu

Chapter 4: Chapter 3: Name

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Fifteen minutes after the letter had been sent, one of Equestrian princesses arrived in a hurry.

"How is he?" Luna worriedly asked as a doctor led her to the room where the unconscious young man was situated.

"He is stable. His condition doesn't worsen." the doctor replied. "His healing process is slow but steady. If everything goes well, he will wake up in a week at most. For now, we can only hope that he endures it."

"Perhaps there is something I can do." the lunar alicorn said. "I cannot stand seeing such a young colt suffering."

"There is something you can do indeed, your majesty." the doctor nodded. "Let's talk about it once we're there."

In a few minutes, the two reached the room. There, the young man was lying on the hospital bed unconscious, covered by the red leaf. Luna closely inspected the colt. The scars described in the letter were there, and they sent shivers down her spine. What happened to that colt? What did he have to endure to get them? It was a mystery to the alicorn, one she felt she needed to solve in order to help the colt.

She gently opened his mouth. To her great terror, a part of his tongue was indeed missing, only an ugly and short stump was left, barely visible in the back of his mouth. She quickly closed his mouth. She has witnessed many a thing during her immortal life, but such damage on a such a young colt — she's never seen anything like this before.

Then, her eyes returned to the big leaf.

"Is it that red leaf mentioned in the letter?" Luna asked, gesturing at it.

"Yes, it is." the doctor nodded. "It boosts his recovery speed and... does something else. We don't know yet, I'm afraid."

"So, what is it that I can do?" Luna asked, shifting her attention to a more important matter. The leaf could wait.

"Well, you may begin with putting a powerful healing spell. As far as I'm aware, there are a couple of high-grade spells we can use to help this poor colt."

Luna didn't need to be told twice. Her horn started glowed intensively, and a soft blue glow wrapped around the former human. In a few moments, it disappeared, leaving a faint ozone scent in the air. The young man visibly relaxed as if all the pain was momentarily gone.

"This spell will speed up his healing even more." Luna commented. "If nothing bad happens to him during the healing process, he will be fine in a few days at most. Is there anything else I can do?"

The doctor hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"There is... something." the doctor admitted. "Though, it is ethically questionable, your majesty."

"No ethics matter when a life is at hoof." Luna stated firmly. "Tell me now."

"We've found out that this particular colt has a very different brain structure. Perhaps you could try to see what is inside him. He... he is in a condition that we've not seen before. He has endured something... something truly horrifying, something beyond eating a poisonous plant.

"We had our suspicions when we saw his scars. At first, we thought they were merely accidental, as they happen with colts quite often. But then, we saw the tongue..." the doctor sighed, shuddering. "It couldn't be an accident. He must've endured something we can't imagine. Not to mention that we've not found anything about him on the records. It is very alarming, to say the least."

"We must try to see what's inside his mind, then." Luna nodded, and then her horn started glowing. She closed her eyes.

For some time, there was nothing. Her horn continued to glow, her eyes stayed closed. Then, she frowned. In a few seconds, her frown deepened. Suddenly, she gasped and opened her eyes, the glow on her horn fading. Young man's eyes were wide open and unmoving, staring into hers. Luna stared at them and saw fear and uncertainty. She felt cold.

"Your majesty, do you require help?" the doctor worriedly asked, stepping closer to her.

"No... No, I'm fine." Luna said, her breath returning to her. The doctor could see that she was lying but didn't dare to point it out. The princess blinked, and then the eyes of the young man were closed again. She cleared her throat. "The colt... He has a strong mental block. I can't remove it without damaging his mind beyond repair." she took a deep breath. "This colt is much more than he seems, doctor." she stood up from a sitting position she didn't know she'd taken. "I want you to be extra careful with him. As soon as he wakes up, send for me." she turned to exit the room. "Keep your eyes on him. When he wakes up... he might be violent. Not necessarily, of course, but you better be prepared if things go south. Under no circumstances do you restrain him unless he explicitly shows his violent intentions. Understood?"

"Y-yes, your majesty." the doctor nodded, gulping. Luna's words were bone-chilling. "We'll do whatever it takes!"

"Very well. Goodbye, then." Luna said and left.

***

Nothing.

Nothing was all the young man could see. Infinite black void — completely silent, completely lifeless. But still warm... and welcoming. It was like the softest blanket made of silk, encompassing him completely, hugging him with love and warmth.

Did he die? He was unsure. It felt like so. It was the way he imagined death. No afterlife, no rebirth. Just nothing. Complete and utter darkness devoid of anything, living or not.

It didn't scare him, though. He welcomed the sensation of nothing. He didn't need to breathe, drink or eat. He didn't need to do anything at all. He was just there. He existed, and at the same time he did not. It was a strange state of mind.

For a fraction of a second, he saw a face. It had equine features, much like his new body did. The face tried to look inside him, inside his mind. He felt it gently prodding at his inner doors, trying to find a way to open them. At first, he tried to push it away. But it persisted, trying its best to access his mind.

He panicked, forcibly shutting down the connection, cutting off the prodding tendrils. He would never let anyone inside his mind. It was his place alone. It was where he will tolerate no intruders ever. It was the only place where he felt safe. It was his sanctuary.

As soon as the face disappeared, he felt anxiousness and fear. What did it want from him? What would it do if he allowed it to enter? More important, what would it find inside him?

All his secrets, desires, fears, dreams... All of them he held close. All of them he wouldn't allow to be shown. Ever.

He was on his guard. What if anyone else tried to invade his mind? He must protect it from intruders. If only he was awake... There, he would be able to find a way to protect himself, at least physically. At the moment, he was defenseless.

It became his new goal. If he woke up, he would try to find something to protect himself with. And he already had a good choice of it. He just needed to get one of them, and no one would ever get to him. At least alive.

He would not hesitate to kill in defense. Maybe even in offense. But he wished he never had to do it.

***

It was unknown to the young man how much time passed since the face had attacked him. He couldn't perceive time well in the void he found himself in.

Though, he felt better. Much better. He would wake up soon. Embrace the world again.

He didn't look forward to it. He would be fine if he stayed in the void. He didn't want to communicate in any way with anyone. He didn't want his peaceful slumber to end. It brought him peace and security, two feelings he didn't want to let go. He would do anything to preserve them, no matter the cost.

Then, he felt the pull. He saw a white dot of light in his immense void of darkness. He tried to resist, but the dot grew larger and larger, soon engulfing his vision. Sounds began to fill in, scents arrived, and light shone in his eyes. He closed them, but the light was still there. It warmed his skin, gave him comfort. And he rejected it. He didn't want it.

He woke up.

His eyes were staring at a white ceiling. Right above him, there was a small square of light, shining down upon him. It was dim and didn't hurt his eyes as much as he expected.

The next thing he noticed was the red leaf. It covered him up to his neck, giving off a sense of security. He still didn't know why the leaf was there or why he wanted it to remain that way. It felt... natural. Good. It felt as if it was supposed to be like this.

The young man felt something strange in his mouth. Barely familiar weight and sense of... fullness.

He realized it was his tongue. His eyes widened. He opened his mouth and moved his tongue around. It was there, it was full, it was alive. It has regrown!

He found joy in it. He could eat better! He could speak again!

As he closed his mouth, he accidentally bit his own tongue. He groaned in pain, and then carefully retracted it back inside his mouth. He wouldn't lose it this time.

Then, to his great surprise, he didn't feel or find any tubes attached to his body. He had figured out he was in the hospital by then. Scents of medicine was in the air, he could smell it.

He removed the leaf from his body as gently as he could. Then, he rolled from the hospital bed and stood up. His energy returned and he felt himself much better. No constant hunger or thirst, no fatigue. He was... fine.

He looked around. The room was rather plain, having only a chair for visitors and a chest of drawers near the hospital bed to fill in the space. There was also a heart monitor, turned off at the moment. Behind the bed, a window was situated. It was slightly opened, letting fresh air in. In front of the bed, a door with a small window was placed.

On the drawers, the former human noticed a plate of food. It contained a sandwich and a muffin. Next to the plate, a glass of water was standing.

He didn't feel like eating but decided to fill his stomach nevertheless. He climbed back onto his bed and used his front hooves to grab a sandwich, then brought it to his mouth, and started eating.

It was pretty difficult for him to chew with his tongue regrown. It got in the way of the food, and he accidentally bit it a few times. Only slightly, but the sensation was still uncomfortable.

About a minute later, he finished with the sandwich and moved to the muffin. It was pretty simple, having only raisins inside and a sugary frosting on top of it. It was rather sweet, though, much to his liking. He hadn't eaten anything sweet in a while.

Downing a glass of water, the young man allowed himself to relax and think. What was he going to do next? In a way, he completed one of his goals — he reached a town or city (he was unsure if it was the former or the latter) and got help and shelter. While there were less painful ways of achieving this goal, he was content with the outcome.

He was pretty sure that there was no way he could return to the Earth. And even if it was, he would stay away from it as far as he possibly could. He didn't look forward to either the return or another painful transformation.

He got up from the bed. He couldn't lie, he needed to move. He trotted to the window and looked outside.

If he ever wanted to run away from the room, he would have very little luck — he was on the third floor. If he managed to get down without breaking or otherwise hurting his legs, he would then need to get over a high fence. No such luck with hooves.

Suddenly, he heard the door being opened. He quickly turned around to face it.

No other than princess Luna herself entered the room, and froze in place. She was slightly surprised to see the young man standing already.

As for him, he stared at her with unblinking gaze. He remembered her face. It was the one he saw while he was uncoscious. She tried to get inside his mind. Without a doubt, she would try it again.

The young man's ears folded, he lowered his head, bent his knees slightly, pointed his horn at the princess, and bared his teeth. He would fight if he needed to. He would not let her get inside and see what he stored deep within himself.

He carefully and warily took in her features. She was a pony, and yet much taller than him. She had a pair of wings and a horn, a feature he noted as very important. Next was her flowing mane. While it confused him slightly, he didn't give it too much attention or thought. What was important was her royal regalia. The former human quickly realized she was a part of royalty.

Princess Luna was taken aback by the turn of events. She clearly saw that the colt was hostile towards her.

"I'm not your enemy." she said softly. "Please, relax. I am not going to harm you. I want to help you."

Having long lost the ability to speak and having no knowledge of her language, the young man didn't reply, only glaring at Luna coldly. He was sure she tried to assure him she wasn't going to hurt him. He knew better than to trust her.

He growled slightly. Horse-like creatures should be very sensitive to the show of power and aggression, he thought.

But Luna was strong. She didn't back down.

"Can you understand me?" she asked. She saw no visible response that would signify a yes. She didn't hear a voiced reply either. Then, she remembered that he possibly couldn't speak at all.

She sat down. It was the less alarming pose. She slowly gestured at herself, avoiding doing anything too quickly. The colt stared into her eyes. To her, his gaze was cold. A part of it was fear, another was anger. But the bigger was still fear.

"Luna." she said. Then, she slowly gestured at the young man. She raised a brow, expecting him to understand the gesture and the body language.

He did. But he still refused to break eye contact with her, his pose didn't change.

From Luna's perspective, he looked like a cornered wolf. His stance, his look, they told her he was not prey but a hunter. She also has just noticed his more dangerous features — his sharp canines. He was definitely not fully a pony.

Then, a realization struck her. What if the colt remembered her face? She did try to invade his mind, and his eyes opened during it. She sighed, coming to a late conclusion that she shouldn't have done it. It ruined her chances at gaining the trust of the colt.

Meanwhile, the former human didn't know what to do. Should he attack? His adversary was bigger and certainly more powerful than him. While her slim figure told him she was probably weaker than him, he decided against attacking her.

However, he couldn't keep her there forever. Eventually, something had to happen. To him, she didn't seem like someone who would retreat easily. He also could read a look of regret on her face. Thankfully, he could still understand body language, at least to some extent. Her slightly human-like features greatly helped him. Was her invasion an accident she wished to apologize for? He was almost completely sure it was.

He relaxed. He sat down on his haunches, but still kept his eyes on Luna. The princess looked at him neutrally with a hint of anticipation.

He raised his hoof and gestured at her. His long-inactive vocal chords began to form a word. With the assistance of his tongue, he managed to find the correct syllables.

"Lu-na" he spoke her name. Then, he gestured at himself.

In truth, he didn't like his name. At all. It almost seemed stupid to him. From time to time, he would be called different, nasty names because of how his parents named him. While it didn't bother him all that much, he would still prefer a better name.

He thought about the new name. He glanced at Luna's mane. It swirled etherealy, creating star patterns, one he hasn't seen before. Her mane showed the night sky, full of constellations, nebulas, and stars.

Stars.

At first, he muttered something incomprehensible. He cleared his throat.

"S... Si-ri-us." he said. Then, he stated much more firmly, without stuttering, "Sirius."

Author's Notes:

I hope this chapter doesn't feel rushed. In truth, several days have passed since Sirius consumed the poison.

And no, his surname isn't Black.

Also, I was thinking about giving this story a cover art but I couldn't come up with anything. Instead, I decided to see what I can do in Photoshop.

Here is Sirius, drawn by me on my first attempt at using photoshop in many years. Shouldn't be that bad.

Next Chapter: Chapter 4: Thoughts Estimated time remaining: 10 Hours, 59 Minutes
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Don't Look Inside

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