Author's Notes:

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“You two are going to sit here for a while until your charges have been cleared. Theft is theft. It doesn’t matter if you are poor or not.” The
guardstallion explained as he left the cell that held both Nami and Najero.

Without much fuss, the two were promptly placed into the custody of the Palace Guard moments after the captain heard of their alleged thievery. “Crime is crime. And, as such, punishment will be meted out without impunity ” Were his words before the siblings were herded off into a cell under the Palace Guard barracks.

The Zebra law system was very strict and does not take crime lightly, even if it’s something petty like basic thievery.

Najero simply glared at the retreating guards as he and his sister were momentarily busy rubbing their sore backs and behinds after having been literally thrown into the cell.

His scowl quickly switched into a smirk as he turned his gaze over to his sister who was still busy tending to her bruised butt.

“Pssst… hey, sis? Did you manage to grab the guard's keys while they were busy dragging us here?” He quietly whispered to her.

She eventually stopped her rubbing as she looked up at their brother with a pleased smile on her face. That smile momentarily changed into a blush and a bit lip as she pulled something out from behind her crotch with both of her hooves, pulling out a somewhat dampened set of keys and presenting it to him.

Najero made a bit of a face as he eyed the keys for a while before switching back to his sister. “Did you… really have to put them in THERE?” He asked, which turn caused her to give him a more than slightly deadpan look.

“Well, duh. It’s not like i have any pockets on me or anything. Plus that spot IS the safest and only place for me to perfectly hide them… unless they are one of THOSE guards which are thankfully rare in these parts.” She responded.

“Well, it really is better than nothing, I guess.” he simply responded as he somewhat hesitantly grabbed the keys with his hoof.

Nami simply rolled her eyes and giggled at her brother’s reaction which in turn caused him to just shake his head before making his way up to the cell door.

Nami wanted to say something snarky about it , but at the last second she decided against it, replaced by more chuckling at her big brother’s expense.

“Nami, you are NOT making this any easier, ok? We have to be quiet about this, so please stop your giggling.” Najero whispered harshly as he started making sure that they were truly alone for a moment before beginning to fumble his hooves around the bars.

Nami simply did as requested and kept her muzzle shut while her brother was momentarily struggling to get the key into the keyhole on the other side.

Nami just shook her head before slowly making her way to him and sitting down next to him. “Bro, just… just let me handle this. I managed to steal and slip the keys from the guard and into my nethers fluidly without getting noticed, which obviously means that I am vastly more nimble with my hooves then you.” She suggested, which in turn caused her brother to finally give up his struggle with a sigh, his ears reflexively folding for a second.

“It’s not that my hooves are clumsy, it’s mostly because these keys have your… you know what? Fine. Just hurry up, ok? I am not sure when one of those guards will suddenly decide to make his rounds in front of the prison cells. If one catches us, we are going to be sitting in here for much longer than expected.” He whispered as he hoofed her the keys before stepping back to give her more work room.

“Don’t worry, this will be easy and fast.” She assured him as she wasted no time moving her hooves around the bars with the keys.

With a silent click and a quick twist the lock was loosened, causing the cell door to slightly push open. Nami turned towards her older half with a knowing smirk, which in turn caused him to just roll his eyes before smiling.

“Well, you really did always have the more nimble hooves of us two. And the slimmer legs, naturally. But let’s just hurry before the bucketheads can notice what’s up.” He offered.

He carefully pushed the door open before slowly poking his head past its gap to check if the coast was really clear. After finding out that the halls where clear, he slowly pushed the door open even further before quietly stepping out first. He gestured to his sister with the universal “follow me” gesture, which she did without any question as the two quickly found themselves silently sneaking away along the same route they were first dragged to just moments ago.

A good thing that the palace’s prisons were mostly vacant, otherwise the presence of other prisoners nearby would have made the escape just a little bit more difficult, mostly dealing with the issue of either having to bail them out as well or risk them alerting the guards, which meant a swift, undisputed ticket back into the cell with a much longer sentence or worse.

Specifically for Nami. A mare like her would get more than just a longer prison sentence if the guards were in the mood. Najero well knew.

Shaking these distracted thoughts out of his skull, Najero forced himself to focus on the task at hoof as he led himself and her back to safety. Sounds of chatter quickly filled his equine ears when he and his sibling quietly made their way up the stairs that lead out of the prison, no doubt some guards talking just above them behind an iron door leading to the surface.

“I told you, the rumors are true. A new monkey king has arrived from the mythical lands of the giants, just as the ancient shamans predicted in the past. I saw the guy with my own eyes, terrorizing the citizens with that strange magical tablet of his.” One of the guards above explained, which in turn caused Najero’s ears to perk up.

His thoughts immediately went to that hairless ape-like giant they found in the desert that morning… or more precisely, him finding them.

That memory made him frown a bit.

“Well that’s all well and good, but unless I see this new… Monkey King myself or hear a direct public announcement from either the High Priests or Shamans of its existence I am still more convinced of you having spent too much time in the tavern in the town’s east wing last night. That stuff they serve there can even get me a bit tipsy after just a few sips. That gryphon ale is quite the kicker.” The other answered.

Najero was brought out of his concentration when his sister tapped him on the shoulder. “Do you really think going up this way is a good idea? There are guards literally everywhere above us.” Nami asked with concern.

Najero just sighed before looking over his shoulder. “Well this IS the only way out of here, as far as I can tell. It’s either this way or no way. Maybe with a bit of luck we can manage to slip by unnoticed and get away before anyone notices.” He explained.

“Besides, we have done this before, haven’t we?” He quickly added before turning his attention back to the iron door above them which, for some strange reason was not locked at all judging by the wide open gap that was visible from his point of view.

He simply gestured his sister to follow him to the top, which they reached with relative ease as they soon stood right in front of the last door that would lead them to freedom. The chatter from the guards indicates that they were probably just around the corner. A quick peek in between the crevice of the unlocked door thankfully confirmed it, as it seemed to be visually unguarded from the other side.

He quickly turned back to the still waiting mare behind him with a silent hoof gesture, to tell her that the coast was most likely clear. Gently pushing the heavy iron door open -and praying to the gods that the thing wouldn’t squeak, which it thankfully did not- Najero dared to poke out his head out of the half open door to make absolutely sure that there was nothing watching it or him at the moment.

Once again, there was not, which Najero couldn’t believe.

“What the? Seriously? By the Gods, this has to be the greatest luck either I or my sister have ever had. I mean, this is not a proper prison, but you would think that these prison entrances inside the barracks would be guarded. Or, at least, that is what some more seasoned thieves and criminals talked about deep down in the catacombs.” Najero thought to himself.

Even more so when he noticed the tail of one of the two guards just barely sticking out from the corner to his left, which proved his previous belief that voices must be coming from right around the corner.

He looked back at Nami again with a huge grin. “I think we are home free, Nami. Just have to make sure these two bucket-heads around the corner don’t notice us and we’re out.” He whispered to her.

Nami just looked dumbfounded for a moment. “Seriously? The main door to the prison isn’t just unlocked, but also unguarded?” She queries, sounding somewhat skeptical about this, which Najero could understand.

“Yeah, I know, right? Come on, before one of them decides to actually guard the exit like they most likely should.” He whispered back before turning his attention back to the exit and daring a first step out of it.

Once again, the coast seemed to be clear when he first stepped out. He quickly -and again, silently- gestured for his sister to follow him, which she did without much hassle. Najero kept both his eyes and ears ready for anything around them as they sneaked out, especially the two still oblivious guards just behind them around the corner.

“It is overall a very good and fortunate thing that the entrance to the prison cell is actually NOT location within the barracks itself and actually more off to the side facing the outside. Otherwise this escape would have allot more difficult than it is now - or even downright impossible.” Najero thought.

“Hey, uh… shouldn’t we be guarding the door leading into the prison cells below us?” Najero could hear one of the guards suddenly say as he and Nami were keeping themselves close to the wall.

“Nah, they’re not going to get out. Especially not with the door locked.” The other answered, something which caused Najero to pause for second.

“The… the door?” The other asked with a nervous tone.

“Yes, the door. You... DID lock it, right?” The other asked with a clearly suspicious sounding tone.

“Um… well I…” The other tried to explain before he was cut off by an annoyed sigh escaping the other.

“You idiot. Were you the last one exiting the prison cells? It was already discussed many times that the LAST one existing the prisons down below should always lock them. By the gods you are going to get the two of us into some serious trouble when the captain -or any other higher than us- suddenly notices that the door is actually unlocked when they pass by. Just go lock it while the two of us go back to our post guarding it like we should.”

The other one scolded, which caused Najero to slowly feel worried as they were only on the halfway point to being perfectly home free, unnoticed. Something both he and Nami would like to keep, because them getting spotted while running out of the barracks would obviously be a disaster. They would be forced to leave the city for a long while and out into the harsh desert surrounding it just to keep away from the collection of guards looking for them afterwards.

Not a pleasant scenario at all. They might then be forced to steal from the already struggling farmers that live along the river banks outside the city, something Najero would have to admit did not sit well to him at all. The ones he and his sister mostly targeted were the wealthy merchants dominating the markets. Individuals who obviously weren’t going to lose much if some dates or bananas suddenly went missing.

“Crap… one of them is going to go check the door and we are still in the open. Quick, find a place to hide find a place to hide… wait… HA! That old sandstone well against the wall. We might get wet climbing in, but that might not be so bad given today’s hot weather.” Najero thought to himself with haste before grabbing his sister with a hoof and quickly dashing himself and her towards the little safe spot around the well.

The idea was jumping in, but having spotted a nice tight space just behind it made them figure that that was a good spot too. Especially since being wet could form a water trail behind them that could be easily noticed if someone just looked hard enough.

“Just a week in the job and you are already breaking one of the more serious protocols. If anyone else noticed this they would have you kicked out faster than you can realize.” The irritated one of the two retorted as audible metallic hoof steps could be heard getting closer.

“You mean us? We did get the left outpost just to get away from the sun. Plus, you are just a few weeks further into this job than me.” The other argued back, a piece of knowledge which made Najero smirk a bit.

“Well at least that then explains where our luck is coming from, I guess.”

The other guy scoffed. “That doesn’t matter. Let’s just drop the subject and get back to our posts before anyone notices that we left it in the first place.” The other one argued back before the sound of a metal hoof hitting sandstone suddenly stopped.

“Uh… why is the door so far open?” The annoyed one asked, which in turn caused both siblings to seize up and hold their breaths.

“Could have been the wind, maybe?” The newer wondered, which in turn caused the slightly less new one to groan.

“A big heavy metal door? Really?” He answered before sighing. “Let’s just go down there and make sure that everything is in order, especially those two prisoners we hauled in just earlier. The last thing I need would be two escaped thieves on my report.” He quickly added as the hoof clopping began to lower in volume. Mostly likely the two were moving down into the prison cells.

“This is our chance.” Najero thought as both he and his sister took this opportunity to bail out.

“Hey… where… where did my door and cell keys go?” Was the last thing that Najero could make out before he and his sister made it around the corner and away from the guard barracks.

A happy grin dominated both of the siblings faces as they galloped their way down a path leading off from the cliff and back down into the city itself.

………………………………………………………………………………………

“Sire… please wait up.” Bakuss shouted somewhere behind the sea of striped equines as I casually continued my stroll through the city market.

During our time of “getting ready” to finally depart off to the local market Bakuss somehow managed to gather a few more guards with him along the way, saying that it was for “my security”. Seriously, though. How threatening can fuzzy miniature Zebras that only reach half my height really be? I am sure that I might actually underestimate them in this, which ‘in the future’ would mostly likely bite me in the ass at some point. But until that day happened, let me enjoy my feeling of physical superiority, damn it.

Back in my world my physique is actually quite underwhelming, giving my couch potato status.

I think “future couch potato” was even mentioned in my birth certificate, but I was too young and to dumb to read it… mostly because I couldn’t even read yet as I was just 5 at the time.

Anyway, strolling through this quiet little Mesopotamian style city was quite the historical adventure, especially without Bakuss herding me around like earlier.

The market was, as expected, quite the bustle. Really acting as the social center of the city where Zebras -and other hoofed quadrupeds- of all colors and sizes -and stripes, don’t forget- came together to commute, buy and sell, and also generally be dicks to one another just because the prices seemed to be too off the scale for the other.

It really feels just like home. Well, my European home. - that, and I am also referring to the dick part of it. Those Dutch market guys can really shout their wares off into the air to try and entice idiots like myself to buy something from them for basically double the price the item is actually worth.

The only thing this place was missing was a vendor who sold some good fish and chips, then the stage will be set. What kind of stage that is, I have no idea, but it’s a stage nonetheless. Even better if they have currywurst here too.

“Your highness… please, wait for us.” Bakuss called out again. He and the other 5 guards who followed him were struggling to move past the large crowd of Zebras dominating the market.

I on the other hand don’t really have such problems, mostly because of my height and the fact that almost everyone who saw me gave me a wide berth, either because of my height, my reputation of shoving my tablet in everyone’s faces, or the fact that the guards called me sire or highness all the time, I don’t know, and honestly don’t care because hey, less traffic is always better. Especially in rush hour.

Though, on the other end, Gil over here didn’t seem to have much difficulty keeping up. I would guess that it is the guards’ heavy equipment and armor somewhat slowing them down and making it difficult to dodge incoming citizens. That could easily be the possibility here.

“But whatever. We are already at the market, so I guess I can be nice and simply wait for the iron guard to finally catch up.”

“I am still don’t understand the reasoning of travelling down to the local shops when the palace kitchens have just as many crops.” Gil rhymed his question as we eventually stopped.

“Easy.” I began while continuing to observe my surroundings. ”It’s to get myself a much better picture of the lifestyle of these citizens, the local economy structure and the overall day to day happenings if I am going to be their new king. It certainly helps to know your people personally before indoctrinating any changes to their livelihood. Wouldn’t you say?” I explained to him while once again observing a group of little foals just carelessly causing mischief in between the stalls of the vendors.

“I am not sure what it is but these foals really speak to me somehow, maybe it’s there cartoonishly adorable little frames with their big heads and huge eyes that just seems to draw me in. Who knows?”

Gil simply nods. “A very direct but effective idea indeed. Something of which more leaders need.” He casually replied as the metal band finally managed to snake their way to us.

“I know that… you are eager to interact and see more of your new citizens sire, but please give us the chance to keep up, it would be an absolute disaster if something happened to you before your highness could even ascend to the throne in a proper ceremony.” Bakuss pleaded as he and his gangbang of buckets took position behind me.

The key word here is “position” because really all they did was line up in the most non-line-up way possible. Basically not at all.

“Might also have to do something about the military then.”

I just scoffed while holding my nose up in the most dramatic way possible for extra effect. “Nonsense there, Bakuss, I am very well capable of keeping an eye on myself. It’s like… double the vision, like 4K or something.” I answered while parting my hands in front of me slowly to add even more drama to my response.

The guards -and Gil as well- we're obviously very confused at ending statement. A bit less for Bakuss, as he was surprisingly starting to get used to my randomness, that sly little bugger.

I live to confuse EVERYONE around me. If I can’t do that, then what the hell am I supposed to do? I didn’t have internet anymore or the Mall. I am really going to miss good Pizza or fast food. It’s already bad enough that I was practically running around in my single set of Pajamas, too. I should have really brought more of them. Though, to be fair, how would i have known?

Bakuss eventually was the first to recover as he shook his head, before pointing an armored hoof down at one of the stalls opposite from us. “Well anyway, your highness, over there are most of the food vendors and merchants on the market. We can find all sorts of fruits, vegetables and even some meat products over there, if your highness fancies that. I think according to the shamans -and local scholars’- information, all indication leads to the fact that your kind are actually omnivores, am I correct? Excuse me if I am not, sire.” Bakuss explained before rubbing his chin thoughtfully at that last statement.

“Well, your sources are right. My kind does mostly consist of omnivores, me included. But if it freaks you out watching someone eat meat then I can satisfy myself with some good fruits and salad as well… in public, that is.” I answered, which in turn caused Bakuss to shake his head.

“Not at all, sire. These parts of the sands are also sometimes visited by Gryphon merchants, which everybody knows are omnivores as well.” Bakuss answered.

I looked over to the other guards, who nodded one by one to confirm Bakuss’s claim, which again made me think of the concept of Gryphons existing in this world. Sapient Gryphons, no less, judging by the way he talked about them.

“Well, if there are gryphons then there are mostly likely dragons here as well. Or heck, maybe even mermaids where the only interesting thing is located on their chest. Makes me wonder if this world even has fairies as well. If yes then I might snatch myself a fairly odd parent for the magic side of things, like an unlimited supply of pizza and tortellini… jeez, has been a while since I last had some tortellini. Now I am even more hungry.” I thought to myself as my stomach made himself known in his need for some weed. And by weed I mean normal vegetables and not the rainbow inducing kind.

I don’t do drugs let alone smoke. I have stayed far away from that shit and always will, including most alcohol too. All I need is some good Tea or Coffee and I am all set.

“Speaking of Tea, do they have that stuff here as well? Same with the Coffee that N&N talked about? Furthermore, where the heck are those two?”

That thought, though, had to wait, as I was still on a quest in looting someone’s stall of all of its goods. Maybe the bucket trick from Skyrim works here as well? That would be hilarious if it did, somehow.

“Well, ok. Lead the way then, Bakuss. old house. I am sure you know your way around here. A local speaking to a local is obviously much easier and less awkward in the long run.” I answered, a suggestion that seemed to take him a bit by surprise.

“Wow… you really want me to do the leading, your highness? Well, that is a first… no disrespect, of course.” He answered with surprise, which in turn made me look at him curiously before smiling.

“Yes, I’m sure. Just lead the way then, Bakuss. If something does happen you will be the one to receive the first rotten tomato flying in the air. Which is good, because these clothes are still the only ones I have at the moment.” I casually answered with a hand gesture for him to lead the way.

He of course again sported that somewhat confused look on his features before shaking himself off and doing what was suggested. By face I mean his eyes since most of his face was covered by a helmet and a large piece of cloth over his muzzle.

We simply made our way deeper into the market with Zebras left and right giving the armored guards a wide berth and gracing me with their curious looks and stares. Gil, on the other hand, kept relatively quiet just like most of the trip, using his time to actually eye me up as well, probably in a secretive way of trying to understand me and my way of thinking or phrasing things.
Not likely to happen.

“I just hope that my antics don’t cause him to lose his mind. I have a feeling that this guy is going to be around me much longer in the foreseeable future and being a supposedly gifted Shaman for his young age means that he is obviously resourceful. I could definitely use a lot of assistance, if I am really going to do this.

Especially on weekends.”

I do have to say that having a much more in depth look at this market was quite a surprising revelation, mostly because of some of the wares these Zebras had to offer; wares you would normally not associate with a quadrupedal race of herbivores, like fish, hunting tools and weapons and even some goddamn meat. What meat? I had no idea, and to be honest I probably don’t want to know either, since I was strolling around in a world of sapient animals. I might have to refrain from eating burgers here if cows in this world are sapient too. Eating something that talks is just… weird.

By the way, talking about weapons. That one weapon dealer we passed was selling some seriously oversized and over designed greatswords. Like the kinds you would probably see in a Final Fantasy game, or that other game with gigantic hack and slash weapons that I seriously can’t remember at the moment. Starts with M, though.

Either way, as predicted, the market really had a very Middle Eastern type of feel to it, with a whole forest of cloth and fabric of all colors and patterns dominating the space above us and keeping us shaded from the harsh rays of the sun.

Not just Zebras were here, of course. A few other races were there as well, like some of the horse-like creatures I had seen that morning, and even one of the aforementioned Gryphons here and there, managing the meat stands.

Again, just makes you wonder what other mythical creatures this world harbored. Maybe Unicorns and Pegasi? I would certainly not put that possibility past it, not at this point.

Anyway, with the guards nearby -and pretty much surrounding me- talking to the vendors was just as awkward as I originally predicted. Most of them just outright felt intimidated and nervous about their presence, which in turn made them give forced smiles and kindness towards me, some even stuttering when talking. Which was sad, because trying to shove my tab down their faces now would most likely give them a panic attack. In a worst case scenario I would most likely receive free food from them... in the form of thrown projectiles.

“Actually, on second thought, that might be not so bad. Free food is free food after all.”

We eventually found a place that offered some good old hand -or, in this case, hoof- made bread and decided to just get some of that mostly because I am a fan of baked goods of all kinds.

Gil actually was kind of enough to pay for it himself after I realized for the first time that I didn’t carry any local currency on me. Which turned out to be pure silver coins, which is something that the ancient world in...my world used as well. It was either gold or silver, or doing the more ancient way of ‘you give me a potato and I will give you a carrot’ kind of system.

They didn’t even HAD potatoes in that time period so I don’t know WHY I used it as part of my example here. But whatever, in my nonsensical reality they DID have potatoes somehow thanks to the ever so kind and selfish actions of the atlanteans. So shush it.

Either way, while Gil was performing the very delicate art of Speechcraft on that Zebra mare occupying the stand, I suddenly managed to spot some strange movements out of the corner of my eye.

Turning my gaze to give it more attention I was able to spot some dancing shadows around the corner of an isolated looking alleyway on the other end of the market. I could tell that this didn’t look or feel normal, because of the shadowy outlines of what looked like a cage and the occasional hush-hush I was somehow able to hear, despite all the background noise around me.

I don’t know, but beside my vision being crystal clear, despite not having my glasses, I also suddenly noticed that my hearing was substantially better than it used to be too. I have no idea why and how, but for the most part it just seemed to escape my attention because of all this new and strange shit that had been happening around me. I was sure that in the future, when all of my wonder has come down, it would be far more prominent, but as of that moment I was far too focused on everything around me to really give it much thought.

That, and I had something new to check out. I knew that this might be a horrible idea, especially knowing what might be going on there, but my more curious side once again took control of me as I soon found myself strolling over towards the alley with Bakuss and the others most likely noticing my departure.

You know what they say, curiosity kills the cat. And boy, I was walking right into it like the idiot I am sometimes. But hey, at least I had dedicated guards on me, so it really was not that much of a risk, I supposed. Plus I have my trusty mug with me too. That thing once saved me from a ravaging Rooster and let me tell you, the claws on them are for real, especially on those cockfighting ones.

“Uh… Sire? Where are you going?” One of the guards curiously asked, which surprisingly was not Bakuss this time.

“Having a curious look at something.” I simply replied as I was almost halfway to the back alley.

The previous whispers soon transformed themselves into tangible words and sentences as I got closer and closer. Same with the shadows on the ground, as they then had a much clearer outline of something that I would guess resembles a gryphon.

“Well, we might only have managed to catch ourselves some pretty mediocre catch this time, but that ONE lone -and still intact- dragon egg we found deep inside the lion’s den is so going to make us bloody rich when we sell that thing on the black market.” I heard a raspy voice say as I stopped myself right at the corner, to stay invisible to them.

“Absolutely. With that money we might even start to reach even more diverse hunting operations further into the Savanna, which also means more gold and silver for the takin’.” Another answered with a chuckle at the end.

“Very much so. We definitely hit the ‘load this time.” The first added before both of the voices suddenly burst into fits of greedy laughter.

I know that it is evil thanks to a lot of cartoon villains I know from some of my favorite shows I watched… or used to watch because, well, no TV or internet in Zebra desert land.

“Would you two be bloody quiet?! You two seem to forget we are in the middle of a city in. Even if this alley provides some good cover until nightfall, Zebras and whatever else roams the streets nearby can still hear you two featherbrains. So zip it.” A female voice scolded, which in turn caused the previous two to immediately shut their beaks, since gryphons do have them.

The obvious thought quickly came to mind. “Did they say Lions? I always wanted to see real life Lions… well I did but that was YEARS ago back in Cologne Zoo when I was still in Germany. But hey, it also makes me wonder how THIS world versions of Lions actually look, with everything here pretty much looking like a cartoon.” I thought with a grin as my quest in finding some cartoon style lions inserted and checked firmly within my mind. My interest for cats was once again showing itself, and lions are essentially just a much MUCH bigger versions of my house cats back at home… just a bit more hungry.

Without even having second thoughts I simply -and very casually- paced myself around the corner, facing the alley. Still feeling pretty confident in my steel guard to do their job in case these hybrids were not interested in me petting the big fluffy cats of death.

Actually kind of Ironic. Gryphons hunting down Lions even though they are already half lion themselves. What a funny world we live in. This world, I mean.

“Huh… just the way I imagined. And here I thought I would be seeing something similar to Mufasa from Lion king. Still, close enough.” I thought out loud for no particular reason, which immediately hooked the attention of the 3 Gryphons within the alley as they looked at me with surprise.

“What the hell? these are all female. Where is the Alpha?” I casually question them as indeed the only lions I could see occupying the large cage behind them was only filled with Lionesses and cubs. All of which were unconscious for some reason, mostly likely drugged to keep them quiet.

So that is what they call a catnap then?

The one closest to me was the first to recover as he went down to a charging stance while glaring up at me.

“Who the feather plucking Tartarus are you?” he angrily asked, which was quickly mimicked by his comrade next to him.

I was about to respond before the female of the group suddenly answered my question while jumping down from a supply crate she was warming up. “We killed the Alpha. Bastard killed both of our Zebra guides before we could even get close to the den. Had to kill it from the air to make our raid to the Den less problematic. Now the big hairy cat is nothing but rug material and food for the vultures.” She answered while giving me a very dangerous looking smirk.

I simply scratched my chin. ”I see. And I would guess that you guys must have used some kind of paralysis or knockout poison to get all of these lions into your cage, judging by how quiet they are. Would my guess be correct?” I questioned, to which the gryphoness (I think is the term) nodded.

“Wow, you're good at guessing. Congratulations for getting it right on the first try.” She praised before getting closer.

“Uh… boss? Why in Tartarus are you telling this… weird hairless thing of what we did? He already knows what we are and what we have done. He is going to tell the city guard for sure.” Henchman One asked the Ringleader of the gang, which in turn made her smirk turn into a grin instead.

“I know that. I am just giving him the pleasure of answering his questions for him before we kill him and use his remains as food for these cats here during our long journey to Saddle-Arabia. You really think we are going to let him get away after having discovered us?” The boss explained to them before she randomly pulled out a sword out of her back, which in turn prompted the other two to do the same.

Now, most healthy minded persons would start to feel somewhat nervous in a situation like this, but the thing is here that I was NOT alone. I had a whole group of heavily armored and armed guards right next to me, which meant that this was going to be a very one sided fight while I could just stand on the sidelines completely unharmed.

With that reassuring fact in my head my smile never left my features this entire time, even more so when I turned my gaze to the side, expecting a full group of guards lead by Bakuss to be standing by my side. The only problem with that plan, though, was that there was no Bakuss or guards nearby. Just me and my assortment of goodies on me.

My smile and confidence quickly wavered after that realization hit me, as I began to comically turn my head swiftly from left to right, up and down, sideways and everywhere else before quickly spinning myself around and back in hopes of finding Bakuss and the guards somewhere else around me. Only to eventually spot them ALL the way back at the bread stand at the market where I felt them. Too far away to really see or hear anything that was currently happening here, especially from that angle facing the alley.

“I thought these bastards’ job was about keeping an eye on me. I mean, they are, but being a little bit CLOSER would definitely be more effective. Bakuss, I am going to murder you for this if I survive somehow. I thought you and your gang of noobs had followed me.” I thought to myself with a very heavy scowl aimed at him, which he thankfully noticed as he quickly ordered his men to follow him before galloping to my location.

Too far away they were, sadly, and too close to me were the three Gryphons with their sword swords pointing at me. “May I request an extra 10 seconds to explain myself?” I simply asked, even though deep down I was nervous as all hell.

“Nope. Greg, get him!” The now dubbed BITCH answered.

Before I could even blink the one closest to me suddenly began to charge at me with a mighty battle cry, while keeping the tip of the blade pointing firmly at my chest.

My eyes quickly went wide before I too gave off a much… less epic battle cry as I swiftly did the first thing that my adrenaline-fuelled brain could muster.

Throwing my mug at the charging half-bird with all my strength.

Time seemed to slow down at that moment as my blue colored Mug flew through the air and towards its target. The mug spun in the air as it flew, the derp smile icon on it facing the attacker the moment it connected with its skull, causing the Gryphon’s head to jerk back from the force with a little trail of blood following it along before taking the entirety of its body in the form of a backwards spin. The mug simply flew over the gryphon’s spinning form with his derp face proudly presenting itself to everybody, and surprisingly seeming to be intact as well, despite what it was just used for.

Time seemed to promptly return to normal the moment both the mug and the unfortunate gryphon who stood in its way crashed onto the ground. One creating an audible thud, the other creating clanking noises.

I personally could have sworn that the trololol song was playing somewhere when the mug connected with the bird beast’s skull and flew off over it.

Everybody was in shock, including me.

“What the… what just happened?” Henchman 2 asked, completely confused and looking at his downed comrade with wide eyes.

“Your highness! Look out!” Bakuss shouted from behind me, which forced me to blink and notice that the female -dubbed Bitch- had taken this opportunity of confusion to charge at me with her wings flapping to add to her already lightning-fast charge. Her eyes showed murderous intent and rage.

Once more, out of instinct, I did the only rational thing that my adrenaline fueled brain could muster, simply jumping out of the way like any semi sane person would do. Though instead of jumping and rolling off sideways like any normal person would do in this situation, my panic filled head instead had the absolutely brilliant idea to just jump straight up. A move which would have gotten me killed, if it wasn’t for the fact that I somehow managed to jump way, WAY higher than I anticipated. Like really high, high enough to see both the Palace complex up on the cliff and a large area of the city surrounding it. So high that it would even make Mario in his prime turn his head.

“What the? This shouldn’t be physically possible, especially with my lazy and non-athletically built freaking body! Talk about getting really high, and I don’t even do drugs.” I thought to myself with surprised eyes before gravity suddenly realized how I was basically giving it the middle finger and giving me its own by immediately pulling me back down.

“Oh… shit!” Was all I could mutter to myself before I found myself dropping just as fast back down as I got up, flailing my arms and screaming like a bitch before landing on somebody’s sandstone roof with a heavy and audible thud, which also forced what little air I had left inside my already depleted lungs out. That, and the fact that I landed flat on my chest, too, my face and limbs making contact second.

“Yeah… fuck you too, gravity… like seriously, go suck someone’s dick you ass.” I cursed mentally to my new nemesis as everything on me pretty much felt like I got pushed off a speeding airplane and landed flatly on a large rock.

Actually, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. What the hell am I thinking? Someone please give me some coffee… and some painkiller to go with it as well… or just straight on chloroform to knock me out.

“Ok… I think I am ready to head back to the Palace…” I groaned to no one in particular as suddenly some shouting and clashing metal echoed from somewhere nearby.

Come to think of it, how the HELL did I even survive THAT?!. I must have jumped and dropped at least… 50 meters or, something. Any normal human would have just turned into paste after such a drop, especially the way I managed to land. And that is not accounting for the surface on which I landed in the first place.

“What the HELL!? First I get transported to a magical land of talking animals from my backyard, then I get accused of being some kind of ancient prophesied king to a nation full of miniature Zebras, then I find out that both my hearing and vision are somehow even better than ever before, and now I just found out that I am somehow capable of jumping just as high as Spiderman and being able to survive an otherwise fatal fall with nothing but a really badly aching body.”

Even my worst fever dreams couldn’t possibly come up with this shit, which just also solidified my proof further that THIS was all REAL. That and the huge pain I was currently suffering throughout my front portion of my body.

“Sire? Your highness? Where are you?” I heard someone shout close by. Down below obviously.

“I think I saw him land on top of that house over there. Quick, one of you, get up on its roof and see if my sight proves true.” Another one shouted... only later recognizing that it was actually Bakuss thanks to my somewhat dazed mind.

“Yes I am pretty sure that he is talking about the right building.” I thought to myself as I heard a set of clip-clops getting closer and closer to where I was resting before essentially stopping somewhere right close to me with an audible gasp to go with it.

“Sergeant, I found his Highness up here on the roof laying face down motionless.” I heard the guy most likely next to me shout, which in turn made me cringe from the sheer volume of it.

“Could you PLEASE stop your shouting so close by? I am trying to enjoy my agony in peace, plus I apparently have some super sensitive hearing now.” I groaned into the sandstone surface below me, which in turn again caused the one next to me to sigh in relief before gasping again as if he was getting punched into the food sack or something.

“Sire? Are you alright?” He stupidly asked as I heard him shifting closer to me and mostly likely kneeling next to me, judging by the shadow casting over me.

The sun is such a bitch that it is actually was quite easy to tell the presence without having to look.

I resist the urge to grumble. “Yes, yes. I am quite alright, there mister Iron Horse… OF COURSE I AM NOT FINE! CAN'T YOU TELL?!” I responded, which must have caused the pony next to me to flinch back from my outburst, as the sun momentarily slapped me back on the neck before retreating again.

I was seriously getting frustrated with all of this, which is something, given my usual laid back nature.

“S-sorry si-sire.” He meekly replied.

I simply groaned as I quickly calmed myself down again. “Can you at least help me to roll myself over onto my back? I am momentarily afraid of moving on my own in case I should break something inside of me.” I asked.

“Oh, uh.... Yes, of course, sire.” He simply replied before doing as I asked by placing both his forehooves against my right side and gently pushing, rolling me over onto my back.

I groaned in discomfort as my back hit the literally rock hard surface of the sandstone roof below me, feeling both the heat thanks to a day's worth of sun exposure through my shirt and my overall sore body.

“What the? What happened, Private. Is his highness alright?” I suddenly heard Bakuss ask as I saw his form quickly appear on the edge of the roof.

“I think so, Sergeant, or at least that’s what it looks like. Though it seems his highness is in a lot of pain, according to him.” The first one answered, making me groan once again at how cluelessly this guy was behaving.

“A Private indeed. How long has he been on the guard? A week? Really, one of the things I need to improve in this place once my title becomes official is the guard itself, and the rest of the army as a whole.

I’m sure all of these different Zebra tribes have something special and unique only to them, which could make for a seriously versatile army. But I am just overthinking and over-theorizing at this point. I first have to get myself back on my feet without accidently dislocating something.” I thought.

Bakuss facehoofed before doing the only sensible thing of this entire group of chuckle-fucks and trotting over to my side and leaning over.

I am seriously starting to like Bakuss again, as well.

“Are you alright sire? Can you stand up on your own, or do I need to call for some medical aid?” He asked me directly, which prompted me to test out both my arms and legs to see if they were broken, despite the soreness, and if I could perhaps get back up on my own.

Feeling that the pain surprisingly lessened considerably, I slowly moved my right arm over my face to block out the sun before moving my eyes to look at him.

“Yeah, I think I can get back up, though some assistance would be nice. I am still unsure if anything one me is broken or not.” I answered, which in turn caused him to nod before positioning himself behind me and placing his hoof under my shoulders.

With a bit of a push and a painful grunt from me I was finally back on a seating up position since my miraculous jump and fall. I pushed myself even further to force myself to get back up fully and was immediately surprised to find out that I did it. Albeit hunched over with a hand on my back.

Most of the pain had managed to subside as I finally stood there, with only the soreness around my body still being present. But I was sure that that would also solve itself over time, though I was still going to feel the aftereffects of my stunt the next day, similar to exercise.

“Are you sure you need no more help there, Sire? That was quite a… well…. impressive jump and fall back there. Something I have never seen any creature do before. A Zebra wouldn’t have walked away from a fall like that unscathed, or, in a worst case scenario, even survive.” Bakuss said with concern.

I simply waved his concerns off before slowly making my way to a set of stairs leading back down to an equal level with him. “Well, I am just as surprised as you, to be honest. And yes, I am fine. Just a bit sore, is all.” I answered as I moved past the “““genius””” guard who first found me. His head hanging low somewhat, probably in shame.

Me, Bakuss and stodge made our way back to the scene of the crime, which the rest of the guards actually did a pretty good job of cleaning up, as all three of the gryphons were restrained and chained on all four of their legs with their weapons and equipment confiscated. Gil was there as well, of course, simply overseeing the work while chewing on a piece of bread he probably bought for himself.

“Huh. This guy can be pretty chill, too. And here I thought that I was the only cool one in these lands.”

Two were unconscious, while the gryphoness was the only one of the group still conscious. She was glaring up at me, which I mostly ignored, especially after finding both my tab and mug lying lazily on the ground.

“Must have dropped my Tab right before I jumped. Luckily, it still seems to be in pretty good shape.” I thought to myself as I ducked down with a groan to pick it up.

Moving over to my downed mug, which was lying quite a distance away from where the dude was when he got hit, I stopped right in front of it and simply observed it. A feeling of new found respect for Coffee Mugs was building up inside me as I slowly bent down to pick it up as well, rotating it a bit on my hand until the Derp face on its blue surface was smiling up at me.

I puckered my lips a bit before nodding at the image in both respect and admiration. “The power of Coffee and derp can NOT be underestimated.” I declared before thrusting the mug up into the air in triumph. “With this mug I shall conquer this world and all of its races. One cup at a time.” I shouted into the sky before holding it out in front of me just like a sword.

“A ceramic trinket for a weapon is fine, though I still would suggest a proper blade you find.” Gil suddenly spoke up and ruining the moment I was having like a complete dick.

I gave him a glare. “Thank you, Gil, for ruining my flow. Wasn’t it obvious to you that I was having an “EPIC moment” here?” I complained.

“My apologies there, Sire. I was unaware that my interruption would be so dire.” He responded, which in turn made me scoff and abandon my pose.

“Anyway, what seems to be the situation here?” I asked while looking around.

Bakuss was the one who stepped up. “Well, first, these three Gryphons are going to be sent to a temporary prison cell here in the city to await trials against charges such as illegal poaching and direct assault on royalty before eventually being transported to Char-Bazzard, a prison complex deep into the desert.” Bakuss explained before gesturing a hoof towards the still unconscious and caged lions next to us. ”While these lions over there are just going to be transported back into the Savanna far to the south and released back into the wild where they belong.” Bakuss finished before looking back at me, possibly for some form of input in this.

I simply nodded. “Good. Good. Anything else?” I questioned further.

Bakuss was about to respond before he was beat to the punch by one of his men. “Sergeant! We believe we found a dragon egg in one of these poachers’ bags. By the looks of it, it still seems to be perfectly intact.” He shouted before pulling out a really oversized red and white egg from one of the leathery bags he held.

“Wait… what? Seriously?” Bakuss exclaimed in surprise, which was mimicked by Gil. Not so much with me, as I casually rose an eyebrow at the potential oversized omelet.

Remember, I somehow got sucked into a magical world of talking animals from my backyard. My suspension of disbelief was almost unlimited at that point. Just give me the existence of the Care Bears in this world and my life's quest would be completed. Completed when I bring there Care-A-Lot down to earth in a burning flash of fire and make them eat their own rainbows. Maybe not.

“Sooo… what is the big deal with dragon eggs, exactly?” I curiously asked, which in turn caused Gil to look up at me.

“The claiming of a dragon egg is quite rare, and especially those who would even dare.” Gil explained in his usually cryptic rhymes before Bakuss stepped up to explain more.

“True to that, the possession of dragon egg for a species that is NOT a dragon is quite rare and even dangerous, not to mention the part of actually getting your hooves on one of them in the first place. They demand outrageous prices in shady places, specifically for those which are -obviously- still intact.” Bakuss explained.

I scratched my head with a free hand. “Well, ok then. But… where does the “dangerous” part of your explanation kick in?” I asked once more, which in turn caused Gil to take the lead.

“Owning a dragon egg is bad, because it would certainly get its mother mad. Unless the egg was found far away from its nest, which would most likely be the best guess. I presume no dragon mother had yet come to find its young. If one did you could consider your final song sung.” Gil explained and theorized at the end with his usual trend.

Hey, I did a rhyme in such little time.

I scratched my chin in thought before an idea sprang to mind, which was unique in its kind. I smiled at my third rhyme in a row.

“Well, then in that case, finders keepers, then?” I happily declared as I made my way over to the soldier carrying egg to have a much more in depth look at it.

“Wait… WHAT?” Bakuss asked shocked. “Why in the name of every Zebra god out there would you want to keep a dragon egg for yourself, Sire? Dragons are dangerous, a sheer force of destruction.” Bakuss continued to argue.

I simply snatched away the egg from the equally shocked guard holding it and turned it on my hand and raising it up to the rays of the sun for a full view, smiling as I could feel some kicking happening inside of it the moment the warmth of the sun hit its shelly exterior. Images of many possibilities washed over my mind regarding this little bugger. Plus it would just be awesome to have and raise a baby dragon as my own. Again, just imagine the possibilities, especially since I am to be King of a whole nation.

The King who raised a Dragon. That alone is a title to salivate for.

“THAT is precisely the reason I am so inclined to keep this little guy.” I answered, while still keeping my gaze fixed on this living flamethrower in a shell. “For one, it’s obviously better to raise such a beast as our own then to have it possibly used against us. And second, who wouldn’t wanna have a little dragon buddy as his companion? This is like every little boy's biggest dream.” I explained with a large grin, imagining all the possibilities with this guy. I.E., watching my enemies wither away from its flames and massive claws.

“Oh, and let’s not forget about the political leverage of having a dragon on our side as well.” I quickly added.

Not even King for a day and I already had ideas of conquest and weaponization in mind. Such is human nature. For us it’s either ‘can I eat it?’ can I fuck it?’ or ‘can I weaponize it?’

“Well… I… I am not so sure about this, Sire.” Bakuss replied, obviously still feeling somewhat unsure about my decision, despite my reasoning.

I just rolled my eyes before looking over at Gil for his input on the matter, which I got, but only in the form of an unsure shrug and more chewing on his piece of hardened flour.

I scoffed. “No sense of fun or adventure, you two. I will just follow my assumptions and keep this guy. You know what they say. Finders keepers.” I declared before looking back at the egg with excitement.

“I am going to get my own Spyro. Or Cynder if it’s a she, but those 3 Spyro games were just meh.” I thought to myself as I casually made my way out of the alley and back out into the open with chickenpox looking soccer as part of my stuff.

That’s when I suddenly felt something bumped against my side, which almost caused me to lose my balance and let go of my precious cargo.

“What the? Watch where the heck you’re…”The one who bumped into me complained while rubbing their sore snout and looking up at me with a glare, only for that glare to turn into shock and surprise.

I grinned as I realized who it was that bumped into me so rudely. “Najero du altes haus. Wie geht es den? Look what I managed to find while you two were off having fun with the local gay parade.” I greeted him while showing him the new dragon egg as the guard and his sister came closer and closer to us.

His eyes went wide. “Oh, by the Gods. it’s the hairless monkey thing again?” He exclaimed as a familiar looking Zebra mare came running around a distant street corner with guards hot on her heels.

I paid them no mind at the moment. “Nah, nah, NAH. No need for such words there Naji, I don’t call you and your sister horses now do I?” I chided before the mare known as Nami bumped into his brother instead of me. How they kept running without looking forward I have no idea, but hey, like brother like sister, is what they used to say.

Isn’t it?

Bakuss and the rest of the gang immediately came backing me up with both of their spears and swords drawn, just in time for the rest of the other group to catch up too, which eventually caused N&N to get surrounded faster than they could recover from the awkward kiss.

Gil, of course, was once again just watching from the sideline that chill bugger.

“Sire, these two were caught escaping from their prison cell before proper trials could be done to them. I am positive that these two are most likely dangerous if they are capable of escaping so easily in the first place. So I suggest that you stand back, your highness, while we take them back in.” the lead guard of the other group explained.

I gave a smartass smile while looking from the two terrified twins towards the lead guard in question. “These two? I doubt it. OR it could also be that you lot might not be as good as you all like to believe.” I claimed with an all knowing grin. My experience AND observation previously of my own guards gave me some leverage on that accusation. Granted, a bit harsh on this guys, but flaws need to be pointed out if you want to get rid of them.

“What… what do you mean Sire?” The guard in front of me asked, confused, which in turn almost made me want to shake my head at him.

I waved him off. “Never mind, just leave these two be and focus more on keeping an eye on the truly shady characters in town. If you want more info on that, then go ask Bakuss over here. I shall just take these two from here on out.” I declared.

“But… But Sire…” He tried to argue, which I stopped by rising my mug at him.

“No butts, only Buts. I already got enough of that by individuals not having a tail with the appropriate length.” I interrupted while giving the MARE in question an all-knowing glare, which caused her to hide a bit behind her sibling.

“Anyway, these two did me a solid once before when I first appeared in...the desert” I said as my left eye twitched. ”So that means I owe them this. Whatever else I may be, I repay my debts. Plus I also found them first so I can keep them as well” I finally declared, which in turn caused both N&N to look up at me, surprised.

“But Sire-” the guard tried to argue once more, before I cut him off again, just casually marching off with my egg nicely balanced on my hand.

“No BUTTS. Have seen enough of them for one day, as I said. Bakuss, Gil let’s just head back to the palace while taking these two with us.” I simply declared before stopping in mid stride as I remembered something.

“Oh, and could you also give me some of that bread you bought from that baker vendor back there? I am- OH! CHEESE! They sell cheese over there.”