“I meant to do that. It was all part of my master plan of mastery.” I announced openly, or I would have if I wasn’t still floored face down.

I could hear a lot of clip-clopping all around me, a clear indication that some of these fancy looking road crossings were curiously gathering around me. That idea was quickly proven when I made the effort to at least lay myself upright and was greeted with a lot of curious looking Zebra Faces.

“Wahr schon ne weile her wo ich zuletzt beim Kölner Zoo wahr.” I thought to myself as my eyes darted from one Zebra to the next.

I just ignored their curious stares as I sat myself upright causing some of them to back off again as I began to take a closer look around the place. The entire room had the same architectural nick-knacks as the rest of the Palace. The only difference is that this “council chamber” was circular with a dome shaped roof on top as well, just to finish up this whole ‘round look’ this place had.

“In fact, did Persia even have the knowledge on how to build domed roofs? Ah, who cares. What knowledge these Zebras have -or don’t- is somewhat irrelevant.”

With that thought out of the way I began to slowly get myself back up. Easier said than done with a floor that seems to be covered in jerking lotion.

No I learned that from one of my cousins. I do not use that stuff, I swear.

“Do you need some assistance?” a heavily tattooed Zebra asked beside me. A High Shaman, if his appearance was any indication.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s just that these flip-flops were made for the beach, not lose desert sand or over-waxed marble floors.” I denied before eventually getting back up and literally towering over these Zebras

“So this is how basketball players feel.”

The head honcho of this group (Just a guess, because he was standing in the center of the massive circle) eventually cleared his throat after my “ascension” to get everybody’s attention within the council room.

“Well then, as everybody mostly likely already know. This right here is….” He started but I cut him off as a thought suddenly crossed me.

“WAIT…Bakuss still has my stuff.” I casually announced before looking at the still open portal.

The stallion in question immediately showed himself at the mouth of the entrance after my call, with my junk still very much balanced on his armored and cloaked back. A sight that immediately raised an eyebrow. on my part.

“Hope the guy is good with his balance, otherwise I am going to throw him off of the cliff this Palace is built on if my Tab and mug fall off his back and break.” I thought to myself as the guard simply pointed at himself confused.

I nod before making my way back to the entrance to collect my loot from him. With my items back with their rightful owner, I made my way back to the collection of higher-ups to listen to what they all want from me. Or don’t want from me, as the case may be.

Mister Mojo immediately started once more, once my presence was regained.

“High Shamans, High Priests of our pantheon, representatives of every Zebra tribe in all of Zebrica.” He started in a surprisingly booming voice, which I didn’t imagine possible in equines that small. “Today, is a great day. For a new beginning, a new age. The prophecies of our ancestors have been proven true, the same ancestors who once served the last Monkey king in days long past. Since the fall and forced separation of our nation and race, our ancestors have prophesied with the aid of the cosmos and our gods that in 1000 years, on the day where the planets discovered by or long-passed forefathers were going to align for the first time in a great while. A great magical rift would be summoned from the cosmos above and momentarily link our world with the lands of giants for just a brief time. Just enough time for a being from those lands to be summoned to ours to lead us once more just like how so many before him have done so in the past. To once again reunite our race and lead us back to glory!” He continued, his tone and voice surprisingly mesmerizing to his Zebra fellows. Even surprising to me in just how much power his tone seemed to carry.

That’s when it hit me. “Wait… I am not the first -or possibly not the only- human in this magical land of talking animals?” I mentally questioned while at the same time Mister Big Shot here continued.

“And here it is, arrived just today. Possibly the new Monkey King of all of Zebrica. Who is going to re-unite our fellow Zebras and once again help us rebuild what has been lost to us in the past. A new age is upon us, my fellow Zebras!” He continued to boom out, even gesturing a hoof towards me from his raised platform in the center of the huge room.

All eyes was immediately fixed on me, every Zebra, large and small, old and... older, male and female, bling or... even more bling was looking at me. Anticipating my input and reaction to this with bated breath.

I looked around the delegates of this assembly, looking at each and every one of them present with in perhaps the most decisive and important gathering of black and white of their generation. Watching them all as they waited, only one thought going through my mind of how to greet the very Zebras who basically hold my fate in their very, VERY dirty (or at least sandy) hooves because they use them to walk around EVERYWHERE.

I smiled while keeping my stuff close and my stance relaxed. “Jo, wassup? I come from the land of the lederhosen.” I casually replied which caused some of them to gasp.

“THE NEW MONKEY KING HAS… wait… what’s a lederhosen?” One tried to be enthusiastic but failed in the end.

“Are these Zebras always so enthusiastic? Because if they are then things might go far south really quickly when I don’t appeal to whatever expectations they have of me. Like being extremely enthusiastic about throwing me back out into the sea of sand or worse.” I thought to myself, when I suddenly noticed Bakuss literally just standing at arm’s length behind me.

Good, I am going to need a good meat shield when things start getting TOO enthusiastic for my taste. These are the only clothes I have at the moment and I don’t want them to get ruined by dirty hooves, especially my shirt.

There was another wave of awkward silence within their ranks after the first guy’s outburst. That silence was broken when some of them started to murmur with one another, even mister big shot at the center was talking to some next to him who looked like the youngest of this gathering. Another Shaman, if of lower rank, judging by the gold rings and tattoos .

The talking stopped when the one leading the group raised a hoof to slush them before turning his attention back at me. “May we acquire your name first, if it is no problem, sire?” He suddenly asked, which took me a bit by surprise, as opposed to anything else that happened so far. The thing that surprised me was the asking of my name.

Yeah.

“Well, my name is Alexander. Alexander Becker, for the entry version. But Alexander or just Alex is fine. Far less of a mouthful for some individuals.” I answered, no jokes or quotes attached to it.

I know, right? Either it meant that I was no longer bored, or I was super bored right then.

The head guy smiled for the first time since I saw him before gesturing to himself. “Well, I am High Shaman Akunezzar, overseer of Achaemidas.“ He introduced himself before gesturing his hoof to the right. “And this here is High Shaman Gilganash of the Sand Hunter tribe. And the same Zebra who is going to evaluate if you truly come from the land of the Giants just like your distant predecessors long before you. He may be young, but he has proven greatly capable for his years and gifted in the old ways.” He explained which caused the one in question to nod.

I was getting a bit skeptical at this point, but kept quiet as the one known as Gilganash made his way over to me. He began to inspect me, circling me like a shark in water. At some point, for some reason, the alarm on my phone suddenly went off causing everyone within the room to perk up and with Gilganash to jump back in fright.

“What the? What in the god's name is THAT sound?” Someone asked as everyone within the council was now fully looking at me.

“Shit. Didn’t think that the alarm on my phone would actually activate for any reason.” I muttered as I pulled out my phone from my left pocket.

Every single Zebra within the room was immediately focused on my phone when I pulled it out to halt the alarm on it.

“What wondrous artifact is that? Is it also the same one that somehow created that strange sounding music earlier?” Another one asked which was quickly followed by agreeing murmurs and whispers with one another, the priestesses looking particularly intrigued.

I simply smiled. An idea quickly forming within the mental disaster that is my own conscious mind at how to accelerate this meeting somewhat. Mostly because I needed to go... somewhere, thanks to the coffee.

“Indeed. Behold! I have brought wondrous artifacts and devices from my homeland. Check this out.” I announced out fully while holding my cellphone out to them. The screen immediately lighting up with one tap of my thumb causing every Zebra looking at it to widen their eyes in wonder, even though it was just the password screen for my phone.

“What a strange device. Can it really play complex music without the need of a band or group of musicians?” A mare in snowy white robes asked, most likely a High Priestess, thanks to the similar attire she wore was to Susara’s.

I simply answered by flipping my phone back to face me before typing in the password to unlock it. Flipping through my songs list quickly, I eventually found something I was sure would probably sound the same as -or at least similar to- the music they have here.

Or at least so I hoped, thanks to the title of the song. I began to play Biana Ban- Spirit of Africa to them. Where I got that I don’t really remember, but at least it did the trick of doing what it is supposed to be doing by giving them all shit to the brain syndrome.

That is what I call their wide-open-mouth-and-eyes-with-straightened-ears expression.

The song wasn’t particularly long, thankfully, which meant I didn’t have to hold out my phone to them for too long.

There was nothing but shocked silence dominating this massive hall as the song finally ended. I smiled as I simply enjoyed my handiwork.

Akunezzar was the first to recover after he shook his head. “How can such a small and flat device play and perform a traditional song from our peoples which normally requires a whole group of them to do?” he wondingly asked.

But before I could even answer, another one of these high ranking Zebra types suddenly stood up from the crowd. “This is the proof. Ge IS and MUST be the new Monkey King if he possesses such wondrous feats of magic.” The guy shouted, but before I again could say or even disprove his claim, the entire room suddenly erupted into cheers of approval.

I just shrugged before pocketing my phone as they continued saying things like ‘praise to the gods’, ‘the dawn of a new age’, and -my favorite- ‘all hail the Monkey King.

Who knew winning over an entire nation and convincing them to crown you king was as easy as simply whipping out your phone.

“Alexander, you done it again. Mind fuckery vom feinsten.”

The feeling of self-pride didn’t last long, though, when the one in charge suddenly lifted his hoof to silence everyone.

I just frowned. This just meant taking a leak had to wait for a couple of minutes more than necessary. I should have gone earlier, but my excuse for this is that I was too distracted with EVERYTHING around here, and because of stupid Bakuss and his whiny ass as well.

Akunezzar continued when everything was silent. “Not so fast, everyone, although his feats of wondrous magic are quite special and entertaining, we are still missing one thing before he can be truly crowned as the new Monkey King of Zebrica.” He explained while panning his head, glancing at everyone present within the room, including Gil who was still somewhat standing right next to me. Most likely sizing me up or whatever.

Aku continued. “Have you all forgotten the one crucial artifact that is necessary for such title to even be held?” He asked out to everyone with an ‘are you kidding me?’ expression.

One of them quickly perked up at that as he stood up. “The Phoenix Crown, the symbol of power and traditional artifact of our ancestors that dates all the way back to the time when our ancestors were nothing but nomads roaming the steppes and deserts.” He called out which was met with a nod by Aku.

Another suddenly stood up. “But hasn’t the Phoenix Crown been lost since the last Monkey King 1000 years ago? How can we ever have another ruler without the one symbol that solidifies it?” He queried, which again caused a chorus of murmurs to erupt from everybody.

“Seriously, all I have been hearing since coming here are murmurs, and the worst part is that it’s quickly becoming ‘past lunch’ while I am still occupied here. I can already feel myself getting hungry by just looking at the timer on my Tab. Need to find a place to get -or even steal- food if necessary. AFTER I relieving myself behind one of those columns outside.

Stupid coffee somehow skipped through my kidneys and went straight to my bladder. Why does it have to do that NOW, when I’m not home?
Note to self: no more Coffee when leaving for another world.”

The murmurs eventually stopped, when Aku once again took it upon himself to silence the masses by literally being silent himself.

“Yes, yes I know, my kindred, that the location of the Phoenix Crown has sadly been lost over the centuries. Which is why it would make for a perfect trial for our new Monkey King to go retrieve it to truly prove his right in becoming the new ruler over all of Zebrica after one thousand years.” Aku suggested which in turned forced me to finally pay attention fully for the first time since arriving here.

“Hold on a second.” I began.” You are basically going to send me off to a fetch quest out into the desert trying to find something that has been lost for a thousand years?” I questioned just to make sure I heard him right. The idea of going out into the desert again, possibly alone… it was too insane, even for me.

Aku simply nodded. “Basically yes. Though in one stroke of good fortune we managed to acquire the vague whereabouts of the Phoenix Crown just a decade earlier, though never had the chance to retrieve it ourselves, since it’s located deep within Gazelle territory, which we have been in…. poor standing with for the last 500 years.” Aku explained. Which in turn made me scratch my head and make a mental note to learn as much of this land’s history as i could later on.

“If I can, that is.”

It was also then when something finally clicked inside of me regarding this ‘fetch quest’

“You know what?” I began, making sure that all of these wannabe wise guys were looking at me. “What’s the point?” I called out, which in turn made all of them look confused. Expect for Gil for some reason.

“What do you mean?” Aku asked.

“Simple.” I began. “Action speaks louder than words, does it not? What again was the situation of your broken up nation? Isn’t every single shaman from every tribe present here?” I asked rapid-fire to them.

Here, once again, shines my more sane and logical side. I might have the tendency to look and behave like an idiot with my random antics, immature thinking, and pinch of craziness here and there. But I am far from being an idiot. Just lazy and irresponsible at times for the sake of laying back to enjoy the more interesting aspects of life.

“Why am I telling this to myself, by the way? Am I going insane? Again?”

Aku rubbed his chin with a hoof as he answered. “Well, yes. For starters the many different Zebra tribes have been divided since the last Monkey King of this continent was present, mostly thanks to the loss of the Phoenix Crown and a power struggle at the time.” He explained to me vaguely. Again, needing to remember to stick my dick into some history books in order to keep up to date with whatever these Zebras have fucked up in the past.

He continued. “And for your second question, yes. Yes every representative of every single Zebra tribe in all of Zebrica is here and present. Though I am not sure why this currently matters?” Aku answered which me cross my arms while minding both my mug and Tab.

“It matters because… can’t you all just make amends with each other now that you are all present in one big, over-spaced room that probably no one needed? Isn’t the goal of all of this to reunite once more and re-establish the kingdom of old?” I questioned further.

But instead of Aku answering that question like how I expected he would it was rather Gil next to me to took up the honor of finally saying something besides checking out my awesome six packs that actually don’t exist but I wish they did.

As I said, I am somewhat lazy in nature.

“Nay. We may be High Shamans of old, but true control over our peoples we do not hold. It is the chieftains of every tribe and plight that decide what happens, day and night.” He answered to me in some sort of sage poetry, which I immediately started to like.

Besides history, I also LOVE some good rhymes and poetry as well. Yeah shocking on how such an individual like me holds such a great interest for things that are usually reserved to only the smart and the gifted… and the normal.

In other words, like Gil over here already. I could listen to his rhymes all day while enjoying a nice cup of morning Joe, evening and afternoon.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Aku the NON rhymer took over… “Boooo!”

“As precisely as High Shaman Gilganash next to you has dictated. We are mere representatives of our tribes in these meetings. Advisors, alchemists and links to our ancestors back our tribes. The true power and last word goes to the different chieftains and their kin that reign over these tribes, not us.” Aku explained, which made me think.

“Ahh, so it’s one of THOSE hierarchies, then.”

But that is not important. The point I was trying to aim for is mostly because I really wasn’t in the mood to go on an epic fetch quest which would most likely would get me killed before I could even find that damn trinket of a headdress.

“Still, would it not be vastly more resourceful AND also a much better testament to my fitness to rule these… lands if I -or more like WE- focus our efforts to reunite all of the tribes first and rebuild what has been lost since the last 1000 years then go on an epic hunt for a crown that is, according to you, most likely in enemy territory? I am all for traditions and whatnot, but I think we should focus ourselves on more immediate things, especially when we are considering possibly going to war, if -again- your sources on the crowns location are true and who knows, maybe they aren’t and we might find the missing piece to the puzzle during our journey in rebuilding the old kingdom. Would certainly be a much more productive and easier path to follow.” I fully explained to each and everything.

Another round of discussion quickly arose from my sense of logic, some of them agreeing to it and others not, saying that they should stick to tradition first. The discussion was halted by none other than by the good old middle player named Akunezzar who, again, seemed to be the “obermacker” of these voodoo heads.

The High Priests among them had been seeming rather quiet for the most part, though. I wondered if they were just there to observe or if there was something else going in their high minds. Maybe already planning a massive orgy in honor of their gods when I am eventually accepted to be their new Monkey D. Luffy, just like how some ancient cultures did back in my world.

“Too bad I won’t be present for that. Not interested into going local anytime soon. That would be a genetic disaster.”

“Quiet down, quiet down everyone. It seems that the votes on this matter are equally divided between us. Traditions are important indeed, but it is also true that time is of the essence as well, especially in times of great uncertainty and tension between ourselves and our closest neighbors.” Aku explained before his gaze eventually went to Gil.

“High Shaman Gilganash, your own surprising wisdom and natural skills have been able to be a great guide to all of us, these past few years. What say you? What would be the best course of action in this matter?” He question which in turn caused everybody’s attention to be focused on the youngest of their ranks, standing next to me.

He looked thoughtful at first, giving me some sideways glances as he contemplated. I, on the other hand, was just getting tired of having to stand still for so long, and I was contemplating just outright asking for a chair or just stealing a seat of one of the Zebras closest to me.

I hate having to stand still for this long. I either prefer to just move or sit down somewhere. Which again reminds me, I still have to go “party” as well.

“I must stand to the wisdom of our one to rule, as his way does seem to be much more true in this cue. There is always time to retrieve what has been lost after all, but right now it seems much better to follow his call.” He eventually announced.

His agreement on my behalf was met with relatively positive results after some of them had the time to think about this logic themselves.

The last one to eventually voice his agreement was none other than Aku as he stood back up from his podium to address me. “Gifted with wondrous artifacts and able to think and plan ahead. I would say that THIS should be enough proof that Sir Alexander Becker is truly the one of our ancient prophecy to finally reunite the Zebra nation once again under one banner and restore our past glory.” He finally announced which was immediately met with shouts of praise and rejoicing.

“Hoera! All hail to the new monkey king of Zebrica.” They all shouted, including the priests themselves.

“Well that was easy. Who know getting appointed king of a nation could be so freaking easy? Well, king of a nation full of sapient miniature Zebras, that is. But still, far better than any job I could have gotten back in my world. Best. Vacation. EVER.” I thought to myself proudly as they continued to glorify the future of their race.

“Eating right out of my hand, and all I needed to do was be a lazy pussy while adding a little bit of logic into the mix. Absolutely brilliant.”

A tap to my right thigh brought me out of it. It was none other than Gil the rhyming sage who doesn’t look as ancient as some of these others do. “Follow me, your highness, I can lead you towards the throne, which, of course, you now own.” Gil offered kindly, a gesture which I happily accepted just so I could get away from all the noise these Zebras were making.

Bakuss was surprisingly still with us as we made our way out of the council and back outside to the devastating heat under that which is the freaking desert sun.

“Fuck you too, sun. It was all nice and cool until you came along. That also reminds me. I got to go and take a leak first somewhere.”

With that idea back on track I immediately spotted to my right a nice, big, fat column relatively far away from ANY prying eyes and made my way to it.

“Sire… where… where are you go-” Bakuss tried to say before I cut him off with a wave of a mug-holding hand.

“Got to take a piss NOW. Just give me a minute.” I called out.

“But the royal bathrooms are just… oh.” Gil started to say, -or more precisely rhyme- before his speech got cut off by the sound of running water hitting a marble surface. AKA my piss glorifying its stainless features.

“Ahhh… yes, that meeting took WAY longer then I felt comfortable with. Bastards didn’t even have a chair for me to sit on.” I muttered as I was quickly feeling lighter and better in my neither regions.

“Well at least now the bloody floor has some color.” I thought to myself as I put my hose back into its holster before picking up both my mug and Tab from the floor.

I immediately made my way back to the two awkward-looking Zebras in front of the council entrance with a noticeable sense of comfort on my features. Gil was about to say something before I cut him off once more as another thought suddenly struck me.

“Man, I am REALLY forgetful today, aren’t I? Wonder if it has something to do with the sun. Maybe I have suffered some sort of weak heatstroke while getting here.”

“Hey, Gil? Do you perhaps know any good places where a guy like me can get some nutrition in his trunk? It’s already past noon, judging from the position of the sun.” I asked.

“Well, yes. If it is food you seek, then its location would be the…” Gil tried to rhyme before I once AGAIN stopped him by just being myself, and by sealing his lips with a finger.

“The market, OF COURSE! Let’s go to the market then. Actually, where is the closest market? No, wait, don’t tell me. I like to guess and find out for myself. To ADVENTURE, then.” I announced madly by channeling my inner Sheogorath and simply marching off and guessing the direction in which Bakuss here has lead me on earlier.

Damm, I am really going to miss playing another Elder Scrolls game ever again, or videogames in general, or the internet, or convenient plumbing and air-conditioning. The last one really rings true in this oven like heat-hole of a desert.

“Uh… sire? if you wish to go to the closest market, then going through the council building, existing on the other end and following the long vines and steps down the cliffside would be MUCH faster than taking the same long route we took before.” Bakuss suggested, which caused me to halt in my advance and look back at him.

“…Brilliant suggestion, there, Baki old boy. With that suggestion alone you have just fully redeemed yourself from earlier for being a no-fun-and-always-on-schedule tourist guide. And possibly earned a raise. Though this time, please let me take some photos of the locals. Even if it somehow induces panic attacks or unconsciousness.” I announced, -mostly only thinking the last bit- with a grin, before fully spinning myself a full 180* dime and trotting myself back in the direction he had suggested.

“Uh… ok?” the poor stud simply replied before he and Gil started to follow me.

Gil especially looked quite confused at my antics. Probably having never expected a possible king to act like a cartoon character, which is odd because this world does look like a cartoon anyway with its vibrant colors.

“Yup, I definitely feel right at home already. A home… with possibly no return… shit.”

"I shouldn't have paid the electricity bill last week if I knew I was going to be wisp away to another world."

Author's Notes:

Sorry if this chapter seems boring with it just taking in one location. The next one will be more diverse, I can tell.