Author's Notes:

Another chapter done and out, and hopefully a pleasing one as well for a certain muffinlover who always asks about the HOOMAN.

Lets see what he has to say now.

Also, if you like my work and have the coin to spare. Consider visiting my Patreon site in well...Patroen

“Your Highness, wait for us!” I heard one of my guards shout as I casually strolled down the steps that will lead me into the city proper.

I just ignored the clambering of hooves behind me as I continued my descent. After a long day of basically doing jack shit, I decided to maybe take a personal stroll through the town because… why the fuck not?

I didn’t have access to the Internet anymore, which basically meant that I needed SOMETHING to entertain myself with my lack of YouTube and all that kind of crap. I mean, reading books if fine until you realize that most of the Zebra Alphabetic system is still as unknown as it always had been since day one.

When would I finally get to learning the native’s alphabetic system I will never know, but I am sure that I will eventually learn it sooner or later when the shit hits the fan… again.

Need to be able to read the logistic and victory reports, after all, when someone else decides to test my ire and my limited span of attention. Need to remember to NOT drink myself silly with caffeine next time so that I can get a chance to see some of the action myself. I bet actual warfare beats any filmed adaptation ever created by Hollywood or anyone else by a long shot.

Either way, here I was, going down for a stroll into the town with Penelope on one arm and my trusty mug in the other. Oh, and, of course, with someone tailing my sorry ass with her ass and a tray full of coffee-filled kettles balanced on her back.

It’s actually Ashika, one of the original dragon sitters that I have hired in the beginning. Such a good girl, isn’t she? And, apparently, quite a beauty too, in the eyes of the Palace guards. Such horse steak caned perverts.

Hmm… I wish I had a good piece of schnitzel right now, with a squeeze of lemon on top of it and french fries. Yep, I’m impersonating Homer Simpson’s gurgling and drooling right now.

“Your Highness, please, wait up!” I heard the same guard shout as the cantering of hooves came closer and closer towards us.

I just mumbled to myself before heeding them by stopping and turning around to see a set of four guards cantering down. One of them immediately caught my eye as someone I quickly recognized.

“Ahh, hey, Liuanda. How is your period going? Hope it’s well and isn’t too much of a distraction to others.” I casually greeted, which caused the mare in question to skid to a halt and look up at me with wide eyes.

The rest of the guards did as well, before switching their gaze onto their fellow guardsmare in a combined and team-oriented effort.

She immediately shrunk back, blushed, or so I guess. Can’t really see many facial features with these fully-enclosed helmets and faceguards that these guys like to use. Well, in her case, it’s a chick, but whatever.

She began to stutter. “Wha-what? No! I am not on my monthly…” She tried to clarify before I calmly raised a hand to silence her.

I pointed behind her. “Well then, please explain to me what those red spots behind you on the stairs are? Strawberry jam? Do you guys even have strawberry jam or strawberries in general? Because I could seriously use some strawberry ice cream right about now, thanks to the never ending summer this place has. Hmm, strawberry ice cream…”I questioned after finishing another Homer Simpson-style drool impersonation, going completely off-topic again, as usual.

Both her and the guards looked back to see exactly what I was talking about. To my mild amusement, they immediately spotted what I was talking about, which didn’t exactly bode well for poor old Liu over here, as she seemed even more embarrassed than she was before.

“What… that’s… that’s not…” She tried to explain herself before one of the guards beside her suddenly perked up.

“Oh, wait… I totally forgot.” He announced before shoving his hoof inside a saddlebag on the right side of his armor, pulling out a somewhat cracked corked vial with a red liquid inside.

“I was supposed to bring this red ink to my wife yesterday after I bought it in the market. She is a vase painter, but apparently I forgot to bring it to her and most likely the vial got cracked in my bag when I threw my armor down at the barracks to get washed up. Sorry, but those red spots must be coming from this, especially now that I can see the ink leaking from my pouch as well.” He explained, looking down at the obvious spot in the fabric, much to Liu’s relief.

But she obviously wasn’t out of the woods yet. My inner troll demanded MORE. “Even so, I know for a fact that you Zebras are practically naked under all that steel. No undergarments or thongs to speak of.” I raised my mug in the air in a dramatics pose. “The day shall come when stuff starts dripping from your crotch simply because there is nothing there to stop it. And then… AND THEN.” I paused. “…and then…” I began to think. ”…and then…” I took a sip of coffee. “Ah, yes… and then I will be the first to see it… and do absolutely fucking nothing, because it’s disgusting and too much effort to point out again. Too lazy for that jazz and uncaring for the second time.” I announced before taking another sip from my mug. “Or too busy drinking some coffee, just like now, to really give a damn. I don’t even remember what I was talking about.” I finalized before turning around and continuing my descent down the road to Purgatory… or something like that.

Ashika, of course, followed, staying quiet, while Penelo was too busy munching on her gem that I gave her prior to leaving for the city.

I, obviously, left the group of guards confused and speechless behind me as I only heard the clip clopping of Ashika’s hooves following me, accompanied by baby talk and the footsteps coming from my flip flops-wearing feet.

Well, you see, wearing them in the city is fine, but out in the desert it obviously isn’t. But don’t worry, I already ordered a batch of… enclosed flip flops for such occasions. I guess, the proper term would be Crocs? Half shoes? Whatever.

After a while, I finally heard the telltale sign of more quadrupeds running down the stairs to catch up with me. Right in time too, as me, Penelo, and my coffee-maid reached the lower-most gates of these steps that separated the path up to the Palace with the rest of the mortals living below.

I said mortals because I have already gone MAD with power… well, okay, not really, just want to spice up my monologues a bit, that’s all.

I gave the guards posted at the gates the signal to let us through, which they did in a heartbeat, while at the same time my followers arrived behind me to… well, follow me.

Liuanda was huffing a bit through her faceguard as she came up to my side. “I still think that taking a stroll through the city streets is a bad idea, especially with this whole changeling debacle still being marked as unsolved.“ The young Sergeant commented as the gates were opened.

I just scoffed her off, like how I always do. “Nonsense there, Liu. The ‘ling already said that almost all of them out there are just refugees, which means that they are as harmful as newborn iguana without any teeth. Besides, I have you tin cans to keep an eye on things as well. Everything will be fine.” I assured her before taking my first few steps into a chain of events that will leave me both giddy and questionable towards the luck lottery that I must have drawn when I first got conceived into this world through the mixing of two liquids.

I must say, it could be quite possible that I have somehow stolen some of the luck from others who were born the same moment I was. Too bad for them, I guess, because I am NOT giving it back. Not that I would know how, but then again, who cares.

Finders keepers, I guess.

But I am not foreshadowing anything now, am I?

Either way, with the gates open and basically nothing standing in the way of my fantastic adventures that will make me even richer and everybody else tremendously confused as to how I managed to do that, and basically do what I have always been doing whenever I took a pointless and really nonessential stroll through this town at the very beginning. See everything, touch everything, and make one or two individuals really uncomfortable with my presence alone. Mostly antics related, of course. If you think that this was physically related, then shame on you. You all must be forgetting that I, too, have morals.

Liuanda just sighed next to me. “Well, still. You are still in the safest care up at the Palace, instead of just randomly roaming around the streets of the city with nothing but four Palace guards tailing you. Even without the changeling problems, the streets can still be somewhat of a danger for you simply because of your status, Your Highness.” She added.

I took a sip first before replying. “Well, in that case you four better do a damn good job in keeping my ass safe from any crazed butt-stabbers that may roam these streets even in a full freaking day. See this as… training when shit really hits the old Desk Fan in my cousin’s basement.” I answered casually before taking another sip of coffee, finishing all what was left in my mug.

I gave Ashika my mug for refilling, which she did rather quickly before giving back my mug with a full load of bug… uh, I mean, coffee. Thinking about that changeling again… actually, not again, I never thought about it, besides now after mentioning it myself.

See, once more a perfect example as to how the truly mad ones are the most self-conscious of a society.

Liuanda still seemed conflicted about this, yet nodded to my way of reasoning, before keeping her gaze and ears forward.

The city was as busy as ever. Zebras where cantering around the Persian styled houses and buildings, most of them noticing our presence and giving me bows of respect as we passed.

I am not a particular fan of guys bending over for me, but hey, what can you do, really. The mares are also a problem, for obvious reasons.

Either way, strolling through the city is as eventful as it could be, but that is the point. I want a casual little stroll through the streets and not some hair-raising adventure that will send me off to a world that looks more outlandish and alien then this one.

Anyway, reaching the Market was also nothing to write home about. Zebras of all colors and ages were cantering through the many shops and stalls that the vendors had built up, ranging from simple bread to shiny accessories. The colorful forest of carpets hanging above was a wonderful relief for anyone who wished to escape the never ending onslaught of the evening sun, blanketing the entire Market, or, should I say, Bazaar, in a sea of shadows to walk under.

It was here where my sense of random adventures and the never ending trolling of the universe once again took its toll. Me and my guards managed to come across a very unusual sight, a semi-collapsed building at the end of the Plaza, with many Zebras circling around it. Not sure what the gist of this was, but I obviously had my own childish curiosity lead me to it, so asking questions was silly and pointless at this point.

Because I would obviously receive the answers anyway when I get closer. I am the motherfucking King, after all.

Me and my guards began to hear the ongoing commotion as we got closer.

“… yeah, our shop just suddenly began to show cracks before collapsing for seemingly no reason. We have no idea why, and going back to collect what is left is obviously too dangerous. We only managed to get out just in time before everything began to shake.” I heard a random stallion explain as we finally reached the back most row of this semi-formed circle.

A lot of Zebras at the back immediately noticed our presence with surprised eyes before respectively parting ways and bending over in front of me. Again, not the biggest fan of this submissive cult that these Zebras have going up here, but who am I to judge their lustful needs and culture? I am just a stupid white persona, after all. Plus, it's already bad enough that some of these mammals follow the same short-cut tail style that Nami loves going with, giving any poor or lucky soul behind them a front view of whatever jewels or accessories these kinky little Zebras carry.

Most of them being mares, again… of course. These chicks take the FKK culture movement to a whole new level.

“Everyone, part ways. The King himself has arrived.” One of my stud guards shouted, which, in turn, did the trick in getting EVERYONE’S attention.

All of their collective ears went stiff before copycatting the ones at the back as if they lacked any sense of originality inside of them to do so in any other way.

More bending over, more asses up in the air for all to see, and more things for anyone to stare at.

I just leave them as they were, making my way through the path towards the ruin that these lovely citizens provided for me. All of my guards swiftly followed me, of course. In front of the home were a pair of Zebras, one dick and one chick respectively, looking somewhat messed up and on edge.

The pair also bowed, pointing their collective rears directly at the collapsed home.

“Your Highness… your presence is quite unexpected. We are honored to have you here.” The mare greeted, her face still kissing the dirt.

I just waved her off. “Well… yes, of course it is.” I replied before noticing that the two were still mimicking the pope. “You two can rise, by the way.” I added.

The two did just that, rising from their bows and looking up at me with very expectant expressions. They were obviously confused as to why I was here, but before they asked, I quickly pointed a hand at the direction of the broken home.

“Well, tell me what happened here. Why has this two story building been demoted into a one story one? Or is this perhaps the second floor that I am looking at now? Kind of hard to judge with the half sunken entrance at the front.” I questioned.

The pair looked over their shoulders before turning back towards me. The stallion nodded. “Well, yes, that IS the second floor. The entrance that you see is actually the exit towards the balcony up front it used to have, Your Highness.” The dude answered.

I rubbed my chin, only now noticing the rubble of stone and wood in front of the door.

I looked back down at the two, after taking another sip, of course. “Has anyone already investigated as to why this building suddenly began to sink into the ground?” I questioned further, while Penelope finally finished her third gem of the day.

The stallion shook his head. “No, Your Highness. It is far too dangerous for anyone now to…” I cut him off with a raise of my mug.

“Then I shall do it. For the safety of my people and the obvious brownie points I will receive for doing so.” I declared, before turning towards the shocked expression of Liuanda. “Take Penelope off me, will ya? Don’t want to endanger an infant, after all, who still has a whole life ahead of her. Not to mention, being the heir of my throne.” I requested before placing Penelope on top of her back, which caused her to babble.

Liuanda was, of course, against this idea. “Your Highness, you can’t possibly be serious!” She demanded, quite literally in fact judging her voice.

I just took a sip. “Of course I am serious, little ol’ Liu. Just imagine the political bonuses and support I could receive for doing this myself. Nothing will stay in my way towards the road to victory.” I explained before strolling towards the sunken shop.

Liu quickly followed me. ”What political bonuses? YOU ARE THE KING! Your reign in absolute with political rivals being basically nonexistent!” She retorted as I ducked through the sunken doorway of the balcony.

I just grinned back at her. “Does that mean that one couldn’t possibly arise at any moment? You need to remember that the world of power is always on the move, and just like the natural desire for greed, someone might eventually get the idea of upstaging me and undermining me for a chance to the throne. Power is addictive, after all.” I announced, standing tall inside the second floor and looking around.

Liu simply groaned. “Well then, at least let one of us perform this obviously dangerous task. You are too valuable to be put in harm’s way, Your Highness. You are the only symbol of reunification after a…” Liu tried to explain, before a very ominous sounding rumble swiftly cut her out. Not just audibly, but physically as well.

Everybody, including me, froze, as the rumble seemed to come directly under me.

I automatically looked down to the ground. Cracks were slowly forming on the very floor I was standing on. It doesn’t take a genius to understand the implication this turn of events makes.

I abruptly had a sudden case of the “Shit for brains”, as I dumbly stared at the ominously forming cracks that were circled around my feet. Liu was the first to recover from her shock as her head immediately snapped up towards me. Her eyes wide as dinner plates without the dinner.

“YOUR HIGHNESS, GET OUT OF THERE!” She shouted, which was a tad bit too late for her efforts.

The ground immediately gave way, causing everyone to freeze in absolute horror as I followed its path.

”AHHH, SHIT FOR BRAINS!” I shouted in panic as I quickly grabbed for the closest thing that my adrenaline powered arm could reach. Which, unfortunately, was Penelope herself, as I grabbed onto her tail.

She just laughed and clapped her stubby little hands together in blissful joy as she unintentionally fell into the hole with me. Especially when the ground finally decided to fully disappear on us, causing me and Penelo to fall down into the dark abyss below. Screaming and laughing respectively.

“YOUR HIGHNEEEEeeeeeeesssssssss!” I could hear Liu shout from above as me and my little bundle of joy were disappearing into the darkness below.

I looked up at Penelo, who was still laughing her giddy head off despite the serious situation we found ourselves in.

I pulled her closer with a grin. “You know, you have the right attitude here. If I am going to die, then I might die while laughing my ass off. No need to scream when you can give both death and fate a big fat middle finger.” I exclaimed with the rushing air and falling debris around us. “For Madness and zero fucks given! Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!” I laughed alongside Penelope as we continued to fall.

And who knows, maybe this hole is actually a gateway to the realm of Wonderland, similar to the famous book. That would certainly be a trip worth going, the second best in my opinion, right after the Shivering Isles themselves. Two places that truly reflect my interest for nonsense, stupidity and insanity.
Wonderland, here I come!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

(At the other end of the abyss)

Palmyria couldn’t believe how quickly her mother managed to find out her true allegiance in the current situation. She should have known that her own mother would be keeping a keen eye on her, especially when she was first caught aiding those who she shouldn’t be.

Her mother had sent a changeling infiltrator to tail her when she was escorted back to her room on that one fateful day. Spying on her own flesh and blood, another perfect sign of her mother’s growing paranoia and steady descent into her own self-inflicted madness.

The infiltrator must have seen it all, including her journey into the Hive Archives and her interaction with Cyrus. This scenario certainly made sense in the Princess’ mind, while she was being cornered by her mother’s own bodyguards.

The Princess herself had her own, though, but her’s were swiftly cut away by the surprising and more brutal nature of her mother’s own personal guards.

One by one, they fell trying to keep their dear little Princess safe from their own Queen, until nothing but her two servants and herself were left standing against five highly trained elites.

This was a disaster, not only has she been spied on and intercepted without her even knowing, but now she was cornered without even a chance of an opening to escape. She was this close, this close to reaching the surface herself and finally leaving this chaos behind to plan a much more organized rebellion against her mother’s tyranny with the help of Cyrus.

But now, all of these dreams and ambitions seemed to be on the verge of death, just like her’s, if her mother hate was concerned. Even she, her own daughter, wasn’t safe from her mother’s murderous rampage.

“Well, well, Princess.” The leader of the guards chuckled darkly as he walked towards the frightened princess and her followers. “Seems like your little spree of treason is at its end before it could even begin. Your mother, the Queen, will be most pleased with me and my comrades if we bring your little dainty flank over to her for interrogation. And let me tell you, she was FAR from pleased when she heard that YOU were actually part of this “rebellion” that is constantly being talked about. I do not envy you, Princess, I have to say.” The Guard Captain commented, his smirk never leaving his fanged muzzle.

The Princess’ fear was obvious, yet she still found her voice to reply. “Why… why are you doing this? Can’t you all see that she is clearly not well in her mind, if not from sheer physical appearance, then from the Hivemind itself? Haven’t you heard the mad whispers and strange energies coming from it?” The Princess asked, trying to reason with these changelings.

Her efforts were in vain, however.

The lead guard just shook his head. “Nice try there, Princess, but we are fully aware of your mother's desires in re-introducing the Hivemind back into our society. To have more control and to sense all the little stragglers who still defy her. That’s why we are following her orders, because she feeds us with this delicious energy through it and promises us great rewards for hauling you back to her hooves. Either with or without force.” He threatened before he and his guards finally began closing in, cleavers drawn and ready to strike if necessary.

Palmyria knew what that statement meant, an obvious sign that told her that her mother must have used the Hivemind to subtly brainwash some of her closest. But all of that didn’t matter anymore, the guards were closing in, ready to do what was necessary to send her back to her mother where there would most likely be no more escaping for her.

She began to silently cry, simply submitting to her fate. Maybe if she let them, these stallions might spare her two equally terrified servants next to her. Too many good changelings have already died today, in her opinion.

Or she could try to make a stand, bet all of her chances of escaping, and fight her way through this. She may not be particularly experienced when it came to the art of combat, but she did possess a healthy amount of knowledge when it came to combat magic instead, accompanied by a very high manapool to draw from as well.

She was still a changeling Princess, and being one had its advantages after all.

She was ready. With her mind made up and her will firm, she began to lower her stance in preparation of what was to come. She knew that she had to confront her own mother sooner or later. So why not start to actively fighting back now, while she was still able to draw breath? If she couldn’t, then what good is she towards the insurrection and her future position as the Queen?

She will not be forced to return to her mother, especially when so many of her subjects have already placed their trust in her when it was known that she was ready to actively work against her own mother for the sake of returning everything as it was.

It was now or never for her.

She was about to charge up her horn when an ominous rumble interrupted her.

A few rocks fell from above, hitting some of the guards’ helmets, forcing them to halt and look up.

Both the Princess and her servants did so as well, as more rocks and a very ominous sounding scream came from the collapsed ceiling above. Every ‘ling below had a look of confusion and curiosity plastered on their muzzles, which quickly changed into full-blown panic as the pebbles suddenly turned into huge ass boulders suddenly emerging from the never-ending darkness above, accompanied by the sound of… laughter?

The Princess and her servants immediately fell back, while the guards just stayed rooted, staring up dumbly at the approaching danger, similar to a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding car.

The first to react was their Captain. “You two, quickly get out of the…” He tried to call, but it was already too late.

The massive boulders were faster than expected, starting to make ground fall around the now frightened party, causing dust and debris to be kicked up, which caused both irritation and more panic within the group.

Both the Princess and her two followers automatically huddled together as some of the rocks came dangerously close to hitting them as well. Not so lucky for some of the guards, though, as two huge thuds and some sickly sounding splashes could be heard within the chaos, followed by the two voices becoming quite clear and distinct.

“woooooooooooooooooooondeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND” The scream said, accompanied by the out-of-place laughter that followed it.

As the rocks finally ceased to come, two figures quickly followed, one landing directly onto of a guard’s back, while another crashed firmly onto another guard's head, knocking both out and probably breaking the other's back, if the cringe worthy crack was anything to go by.

The cute laughter continued to persist as the dust finally settled. Both the remaining guards and their victims looked up from behind their forelegs, only to be confused and firmly shocked at what they saw. A small giggling dragon and a strange… bipedal, sitting on top of what was left of the Queen’s Obsidian guard.

“So, instead of Wonderland or the Shivering Isles, I just ended up in a dark dank place? If this is what a night with a hooker looks like, then please, sign me out. I at least want to see who I slapped, but instead I see nothing.” The tall creature groaned.

The little baby dragon just continued to clap its stubby little claws as it laughed. Despite the situation, the Princess had no choice but to smile a bit at the young bundle of joy in front of her, too young and innocent to fully understand what was happening around her. Or she thinks it’s a her.

The creature looked over at the laughing drake, before carefully picking her up from its position, or rather his position if his voice was anything to go by.

“You little daredevil, you. Well, probably literally, given your species. Laughing at the face to death like that. From a Flamethrower to a BADASS Flamethrower. You will make a fine drake one day… if my guards somehow fail me, that is, and I would need something better instead. Yeah… yeah. that would work.” The creature cooed. much to the baby dragon’s joy.

She just giggled. before curiously munching on the creature’s clothing out of nowhere. The creature on the other hoof ignored it as he was more focused on the colorful trinket he was holding. In fact, this trinket had a very happy but strange looking face on it with some alien text underneath it.

It was clear that the sense of danger has long was replaced by a sense of curiosity, especially in the Princess’s mind.

“Huh… I could have sworn that there was still coffee inside before I fell.” The creature wondered. Being quite oblivious about the Captain that was now glaring daggers at him. Something the Princess herself saw, thanks to the creature.

“You foul beast, I don’t know what in the Queen’s name you are, or where you’re from. But you shall pay for your disruption and the murder of my…” The captain tried to bark, before being interrupted by a brown liquid that fell squarely on his face from above, and, judging by the steam coming off of it, it seemed to be pretty hot.

And, judging by its reaction, that certainly was true.

“AHHHHHHH, MY EYES, MY EYES!” The Captain shouted, much to everyone’s surprise.

Except for the creature, though. In fact, the Captain’s scream startled him, and with a reaction speed that would put even a well-trained changeling battle mage to shame, managed to bang his mug directly at the Captain’s armored head, making a loud clanging sound and sending the poor stud flying at the nearest wall, either dead or just unconscious.

Either way, two dead, another two dead or unconscious, with the Captain himself also knocked out, all of which has happened in a span of just half a minute, five times faster than her own well-trained guards could have managed to hold off a small group of elites.

Either Palmyria is seeing things, or this might actually be the luckiest day of her life.

Unbeknownst to her, it was actually the latter.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jeezus bloody Christ, first I barely survived a fall to god knows where, and then all of the sudden this changeling starts screaming like a pig that is about to be brutally murdered by a butcher.

I should know, because I heard it.

Granted, he was about to stick me with his jet black cleaver, but still, a guy like me has some pretty sensitive ears, especially when all I have been hearing so far were high pitched giggles from small dragon baby and the added noise of rushing air passing through my ears drums.

Overall not a very fun time to fall into a hole.

Either way, everything hurts and feels sore thanks to the landing, and I am also currently feeling pain inside my soul as well for having lost a good cup of steaming coffee on the way down. Not to mention towards this dude too, who, instead of drinking it like a semi normal person, simply decided to rub it all into his eyeballs instead, like the uneducated beast that he is. No sense of culture and respect.

Rubbing coffee into your eyeballs. Where the fuck are we?

But, anyway, now that I am here, with all of adrenaline from falling to my demise having long disappeared from my system, it more or less gave me perfect opportunity to reflect on the physical impossibility of me having somehow survived this fall. Granted, I did manage to land on something soft enough to absorb most of the stopping force, but that still didn’t make much sense given how far I actually fell, let alone on what I landed.

“Actually, what did I land on?” I thought to myself as the realization quickly crossed my mind.

I looked down, only for me to press my lips together. “Well, looks like I squished a bug. Not a first in my life, I have to say.” I told myself, scratching my head with the mug… which, by the way, didn’t work that well.

I was about to get lost in my thoughts once more when I suddenly noticed something else in the corner of my eye. It was more of those ‘lings, though looking somewhat terrified, unlike that one joker with the stick.

The one in the center looked especially intriguing, it had colorful robes, bling to make even some of the Pimpest Pimps lower their 1000 euro novelty glasses in curiosity, and, judging by its figure, those obvious eyelashes, and even more obvious hair, I would guess that this is a chick.

A chick-ling, as I like to call it. Though, it is nice to see that she at least has what can be considered as a freaking tail. At this point I have become super paranoid and critical to every mare I came across. I have seen way too many naked quadrupeds so far with tails that put a bunny’s one to shame.

Maybe it’s about time to introduce the concept of undergarments to these sapient animals. Or maybe just a thong, so that males of the same species still have something to stare at. With the way their privates just stick out from their flesh, it shouldn’t be too far-fetched to assume that they are still going to be visible through the fabric. So in that sense, the sex appeal of these mares should still be intact.

I immediately stood up, ignoring the soreness in my… well, everywhere, and forcing myself to grin. I kept both my mug and my drake close to me, before raising my empty mug again, which made my previous statement a waste of words.

“Greetings, I came in peace and to bring a message from the above world. It is very bright up there and unbearably hot. So better bring some shades, or sun cream if you’re visiting. Also, I wish to speak with your leaders now, if that is okay. Because in every alien meets human story, they always wish to speak to the world leaders.” I greeted, raising my mug at them, Bavarian style.

Just imagine it’s a mug of beer, and you get the gist. Even though I am actually from Nordrhein Westfalen and nowhere near Bavaria, or Bayern, as it’s called in the native language.

You racist English speakers.

The ‘lings just looked up at me in confusion, which was totally my intention. It took them a while to defrag their processing cores, but eventually they did. They looked at one another with questioning looks. The first one to brave the unknown was the chick with the kick. Because I am sure that flank of hers must be a real eye catcher for anyone capable of catching something.

I suck at catching balls, so there is that… no, actual balls, like tennis or rubber balls, you perverts.

As I said, the chick without a dick spoke. “Well, uhm… that, that kinda would be me… I’m… I’m kinda the Princess of this Hive that sits deep below us.” The self-proclaimed Princess responded.

I just puckered my lips with Penelo doing the same after she was done drenching my right sleeve in her spit. Disgusting, but nothing I can really do about at the moment.

Though, before I could speak, the mare in front of me beat me to it. “Wait a minute, are you… are you this new King that I have heard about? I think, I have a few artifacts of the above world that depicts your kind in a more royal, or godlike, status. Is any of that true?” The Disney Princess questioned, looking up at me with both curiosity and wonder.

Not sure what she meant about the god part, but I know for a fact that she at least did the King part right.

I just nodded, much to her widening eyes. “Well, yes, apparently I AM the new King of these white a black striped equines. But, between you and me, I am sometimes too comfortable to do any King stuff, I just come up with the ideas while the others do the actual dirty work. It’s good to be the King, sometimes.” I answered with a distant smile on my face. Just imagining myself procrastinating on the throne, surrounded by all the cheese.

Funny, but after many, many trials and errors, the throne somehow managed to become somewhat comfortable. Either it’s just my sitting muscles adjusting to the crap factor, or maybe it’s because of the ridiculous overuse of pillows that basically hide most of the throne below them at this point.

Pretty sure it’s the latter.

Either way, her eyes immediately went wide in surprise, as expected. She quickly gave me a respectful bow, a move that I have explained many times doesn’t work well for sense of morals. But then again, it was kinda traditional back then, for everyone to bend over and beg to get shafted up the rectum by their rulers… or, maybe, it’s just my imagination.

Stupid overexposure to the Internet. If you can’t find anyone else to put your blame on, then just blame the Internet instead. It always works.

Anyway, thankfully, it was just a quick bow. She rose back up as quickly as she could, though with a smile on her face that immediately sent off all kinds of alarm bells inside my head, made even worse considering that I have a kid with me.

I steeled myself for what was to come as she opened her mouth. “Oh, this certainly has to be the luckiest day of my life. This immediately opens up so many possibilities!” The little Princess exclaimed with glee.

I looked at her, skeptically. “What kind of options?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

She just kept smiling. “Well, the possibility of talking to someone who can teach me all about the surface world’s culture, customs, and overall lifestyle!” She answered.

This, though, confused me a little bit, as it obviously wasn’t the outcome I was fearing just a moment ago. But before I could say anything again, she continued… again.

So, this is how it feels to NOT be me, then… I don’t like it.

“You see, I have always been so fascinated about the life, cultures and art of all the other races that live in the outside world ever since I was a nymph. I have been reading a lot of ancient scrolls, talked to a lot of changelings and scholars that have actually been there, and even visited the outside world a couple of times myself, bringing back some of their artifacts and trinkets in these brief visits. But now that I am standing in front of the new Zebra King himself, this opportunity should certainly be better than any scroll or story I have read and heard so far. I just can’t wait to learn personally more about you culture.” She rambled, basically rapid firing her memories in one single breath.

Well, I am not really sure if changelings even need to breathe in the first place. But then again, who cares. Couldn’t possibly be as outlandish like breathing through your own rectum. A certain turtle species actually does that.

I personally just let her ramble on. Not sure how long or how extensive her fangasm was, but judging by the awkward looks that her two flankers were sharing, it certainly must have been long enough.

She thankfully stopped though, as she began to breathe heavily. At least, that answered that question.

She looked up at me sheepishly. “Sorry… I, uh… got a little carried away there.” She apologized, which in turn made me shake my head.

“It’s fine. I am quite new with the “Girls going nuts about me” kind of feeling myself.” I responded truthfully.

She just nodded before rubbing the back of her head. She looked over at something that was behind me and sighed. I followed her gaze and saw more ‘lings scattered about behind the collection of rubble. Not sure what the story of all of these dead bodies is, but then again, I kinda don’t care about it. Cruel, I know, but at the same time, none of my business. Especially, when I just fell through a hole.

That reminds me. “Hey.” I called out to get her attention. “Do you maybe know a way back up to the surface? Me being gone, or rather them thinking that I might have bitten the bucket thanks to my previous fall, might not yield any favorable results the longer I wait down here. So, me getting back up to the surface might actually be a good idea in this regard.” I explained, which caused the Princess to perk up.

“Uhhhh, yea-yeah, I do, actually. I was making my way up to the surface as well, before… well… me and my escorts kinda got ambushed and attacked on the way there. Lost so many good changeling because of it.” She answered, looking and sounding quite sad while looking down in front of her. Her right hoof pawing the ground, too.

I pressed my lips together at this knowledge as I looked back at the carnage behind me. “So, I technically saved you ass by just dropping from the sky?” I asked, looking back at her.

She nodded before smiling. “Yes, you did, and you have no idea how thankful I and my two servants are to you. I think, leading you towards the surface would be the very least I could do to thank you. Plus… if you’ll allow me, I would also like to have a much more proper audience with you once we reach the destination. There is something very important I would love to ask you, King… uh…” She replied before looking up questionably.

“Alex, or Alexander Becker as a whole. But for simplicity’s sake, just call me Alex, everybody does it.” I introduced myself.

She again smiled before lowering her head once more. “Well, it is an honor then to make your acquaintance, King Alex. My name is Princess Palmyria of the changelings, but you can just call me Palmyria instead if the added title is too much of a mouthful.” She replied before raising up again.

I nodded before stepping off to the side. “Well then, lead the way, my dear Princess. Time is money, after all… or morality, in my case.” I gestured with my mug.

She, again, just nodded before leading the way.

Not sure what I managed to get myself into by falling from a collapsed building, but I am sure it will all sort itself out eventually. Plus, I might just have gotten my chance of getting myself a new Race under my banner.

More cogs for the grand machine. Can’t have enough cogs.