"Allen, what the fuck are you doing here?" Jen asked in a tone of voice that made me feel guilty for existing.

"Spike invited me!" I said, like a schoolboy caught shoplifting. "He said that you wouldn't be here!"

The moment I said that I wanted to jump off the rooftop. Now things weren't only awkward, I had practically accused her of party crashing in public. If she wasn't mad a moment ago, she definitely was now. Jen crossed her arms then sighed one of those sighs reserved for breakups. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Desperately, I tried to think of something to say to patch up things, yet the only thing looping in my mind was a stupid Monkey Island meme phrase: "You're gonna kill us... again!"

"So he's the one," Jen's equine friend said, narrowing her eyes in scorn. "A fine piece of crap. I never knew what you saw in him anyway."

"Marsha, please not now." My ex made a sign to the mare to stay quiet. I didn't have to be a pegasus to see that right now both of them hated my guts. Jen, of course, was an Olympic record holder in that discipline. No pony could come close. "If you must know, Ellie invited me, and it was too late to back out. Not that I expected I'd run into my ex-boyfriend at an all-mare party!"

The way she stressed on ex-boyfriend sent mixed signals. A number of ponies in the immediate area turned my way. Thank god the music was booming like crazy. Last thing I needed was Jen to yell my relationship in a group of college mares.

"You're not a mare." My sneakiness reared its ugly head.

"Really? That's what you have to say?" she hissed. "I'm not a mare?" Her glance moved from my face to the can of beer I was still holding. "That's your answer for everything, isn't it? Have problems—go party."

I just stood there, trying to keep up with the conversation. Jen was obviously mad at me, yet I had no clue why exactly. Was it because I had gone to the party? Because I was drinking? Because the party was for mares only? Accusations started pouring one after the other, each more confusing than the last, until I finally lost it.

"Shit, Jen, I don't need your permission to go to a party!" At this point the only thing I had left was to up the ante and go on the offensive. "Spike told me he'll hook me up with a magic tutor, not that it's any of your business. And I won't leave a cool party because you showed up!" And just to spite her I took a gulp of my beer.

"Fine!" my ex said. "Marsha—" She turned to the earth mare next to her. "—you have fun. I'm leaving."

"Like Tartarus you are!" The equine put her hoof on Jen's jacket. "I'm done watching you be miserable because of this jerk!"

Whoa, where did that come from? I blinked. Jen was having a bad time? And she didn't tell me? My view of the situation took a one-eighty. The shit I'd gotten the last few minutes—heck, the last few days—didn't matter. The only thing on my mind was how we could get back together. Come to think of it I might have been a bit pushy—twenty three messages not counting Facebook. Excessive was one way of putting it, even if I only did it because I cared.

It's now or never. I took a step forward. The earth mare had started an unbreakable monologue. All this time I thought that Spike was annoying, I had no idea what ponies were when they started. Five minutes in and Marsha hadn't paused to task a breath. The despair in Jen's eyes was obvious. Of course, if it had been me talking she'd cut me off after ten seconds.

"Jen, I..." I reached towards her shoulder.

In my mind I had it all planned out: a silly joke, a quirky comment, an offer for emotional support. Just like the first time we met. I was a smartass who was discussing Marxist-Equine principles with a unicorn, trying to impress people; Jen was a freshman being yelled at for entering the equine toilet by accident. Being idiot I was, I had gone to her, placed my hand on her shoulder and said as loud as possible "Hey, we don't need their shit!" The comment had gotten me a corridor of laughs, a few hundred comments on Facebook, and my first one hour talk in the dean's office. A few weeks later Jen and I had officially become a couple.

"Remember when—"

"Don't you dare, bipants!" Marsha snarled. Her hoof smacked my arm like a baseball bat hitting a ball. "I'm this close to kicking you off the roof!" She stretched her neck, shocking her face into mine. "This close! Only reason I don't is 'cause this heartbroken idiot still cares about you, even after everything you've done!"

Tears of pain filled my eyes. Whichever idiot journalist said that Equestrians were meek and fragile had never seen a horse in his life! I'd seen angry ponies kick cars out of parking lots for double parking. What people tended to forget was that equines remained horses, and horses were damned strong. I glanced about, hoping someone would intervene. No such luck.

"If you don't want me—" the equine rose her hoof.

"Marsha, it's fine!" Jen said a step away. For a second I thought I saw her trembling. "Let's just go somewhere else, okay?"

The equine snorted in my face, then followed Jen through the crowd of ponies. Shaking, I leaned against the first solid thing I could reach. My heart was beating so fast that my fingers were shaking.

Why did I have to come to this stupid birthday?! My arm burned like hell, it might be broken for I knew, Facebook was probably flooded with pictures of me being kissed by a pegasus, Spike was out to bring me a "magic tutor". Even vodka couldn't fix this!

"Allen?" Starshine made her way to me through the mass of dancing ponies. "What was that?"

"Hey." I tried to smile. "Just my ex. Things are complicated right now." Probably was the understatement of the year.

"Let me take a look at that." She reached for my arm. My immediate reaction was to pull it away. "Relax," Starshine assured me. "I've studied this stuff." A soft magic glow surrounded my arm. It felt pleasantly warm, like putting my arm in a bucket of heated water. "Nasty kick. Nothing broken, though." The glow intensified, peeling away the pain layer by layer. "I'd stay away from Marsha. Swamp ponies have a temper. Don't know what you did to your ex to get her so fired up."

Me?! The way I remembered it, Jen was the one who started avoiding me in the first place! She had insisted on having some space until finals were over. Even the breakup was her idea.

"Sorry. It's not my business," Starshine said, looking away from my face and towards my arm. "Try to stay still."

The instant she said that I tried to move my fingers. Starlight chucked. The aura around my forearm started pulsing. Transfiguration-healing magic, as far as I could tell. Or maybe regenerative? Fuck! I shook my head. All that studying and I couldn't identify a common spell. Maybe I really needed a magic tutor?

Whatever the spell was, it did its stuff. The pain had gone completely. Once the glow had faded I moved my hand and fingers about. No wonder that big pharma and doctors unions were opposed to healing magic. A dozen unicorns per hospital and they'd be out of a job. How much would unicorns charge, though?

"Want something to drink?" Starshine asked. A mini bottle of vodka levitated its way in front of me.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I laughed. Joking aside, this was strong stuff. For me, that is. According to reddit, equines could consume five times as much alcohol as humans before feeling the effects. The polar opposite of Spike, who I'd seen get smashed from a six pack of bud.

"Only if it works," Starshine giggled. "No, you actually were drinking that when I joined you so, I thought it was your thing."

"I was?" To be honest I had no memory. "Might as well," I grabbed the bottle. With luck it would help me blank out the events of the last hour. "Here's to magic and exes." I waved the vodka in Starshine's direction. "The two most hazardous things in the universe!"

"I'll take your word for it." Starshine levitated a bottle of her own. Watching her gulp it down in one take made me feel completely inadequate. Way to end the evening. "Can't be that bad since you're still standing."

"Yeah, right," I laughed. "I bet the dinosaurs felt the same way the first ten seconds after the comet struck. I—"

"Yo, all!" A magically amplified yell boom from above, cutting through the noise and music of the party. "I'm back! And guess who I've brought with me!"

I looked up. From this distance I could barely make out a group of pegasi against the night sky. Spike was riding on one of them, waving both arms like a total idiot. Little surprise there. And next to him was—

"My fucking stars!" Starshine said. "You got to be kidding me!"