Equestrian parties, there's nothing like them. Only way to describe it was a children's party, but with alcohol. Very, very strong alcohol. Meanwhile, here I was sitting in a corner of the rooftop, beer and vodka in front of me, listening to equine mares discuss stallions. When Spike had pestered me to come, he had conveniently left a few things out. Not only were the guests predominantly equine, but—with the exception of him and me—they were all female.

"Is this my life?" I tilted my glass. A short distance away, Spike was laughing his face off with the birthday-girl. I took another drink of my beer. Once the party was over, I was going to calmly take him to the dorm and kill him with a pillow!

"Is the place taken?" A blue unicorn asked. She seemed slightly familiar, but I was busy paying attention to nothing in particular. Glass in hand, I indicated for her to sit down. "Seems I'm not the only sourpuss," she added, relaxing on the floor across from me. "What's your excuse?"

"I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago," I replied without thinking. The alcohol had made me a bit wonky. "You?"

"Good question," she did the sort of sad laugh that screamed "explanations to come." Mentally I sighed. I wasn't in the mood for listening to someone else's problems, especially an equine I hardly knew. "I saw you wandering through the halls this morning."

The comment piqued my curiosity. I looked at her trying to remember where I knew her from. It didn't help that the only light came from a bunch of Christmas decorations scattered about the roof in chaotic fashion.

"Starshine," she said, seeing my confusion. "My mom failed you this morning."

"Oh." I must have been like a zombie back then. At least I didn't have it as bad as— "Oooh." My mind clicked.

"Oh is right," Starshine smiled. "Can I have some of that?" She pointed at my beer.

"Err, sure," I said. To my surprise it was the bottle of vodka that levitated towards her. "That bad?"

"You have no idea." Starshine took a swig from the bottle then—after drinking a quarter of it—levitated it onto the table with a slam. "From tomorrow I'll start being known as a teacher's pet, my grades will take a dive, and I doubt I'll get invited to parties ever again." She took another drink, this time smaller. "Oh, and I can say goodbye to finding a coltfriend. Not that I stood a chance."

On the inside I cringed. In the last hour I'd heard enough if such stories—some in scary detail—to last me a lifetime. Despite that, I leaned forward faking interest.

"I'm sure that's not true," I resorted to standard response.

"Just look at her," the unicorn shook her head in the direction of the birthday girl. "Nineteen and she's already got a frost-cloud license and a full athletic scholarship," Starshine levitated the bottle for another gulp. "Bet you couldn't tell we're roommates."

"Well I have jacket-hugger there for a roomie." I pointed at Spike.

The comment made the unicorn chuckle. Apparently, she had been following Facebook. As much as I was ashamed, I’d played a role in the birth of a top ten meme. It would have been a bit more worthwhile if Spike had taken any issue. Instead, I had a long talk with the dean who kept on stressing the importance of human-equine relations for humanity in general and the school in particular. In other words, I was asked to keep an eye on Spike and, above all, hide any and all indiscretions from his legal guardian.

"Want to switch?" Starshine looked at me.

"Heck, yeah!" I wasn't sure if the booze was getting to her, or to me, but the idea sounded damn amusing. It would be hilarious Spike's face once he figured I had ditched him for the pegasus golden girl. "Let's—"

"Bro!" The dragon in question appeared at my table and grabbed me by the arm. "Quick, I gotta introduce you to Frostfoot."

Before I could say a word Spike dragged me out of the my seat. Dazzled, I turned towards Starshine offering a shrug as some sort of apology. The unicorn smiled, saying something along the lines of "have fun" that got drowned in the sudden burst of music—Equestrian bootleg, as far as I could tell.

"Frost." Spike placed me on top of the makeshift bar. "This is Allen—my roommate and the cool dude who chose our party crashing gift." He winked at me. I so much wanted to kill him right now, but all I could do was twist my lips in an uncomfortable smile.

"Ah, so you're that guy?" Frostfoot looked at me in mock anger. Her voice was raspy, as if she'd been to a metal concert. "Well, let me tell you." She hovered up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You're welcome to crash my parties anytime."

I nearly blanked out as a rush of adrenaline shit into my veins. My mind had completely blocked, trying to figure out how high in x-factor to place what just happened. Slowly, I moved my hand to my cheek to make sure it was still there. A series flashes caught my attention. As petrified as a statue, I turned to my left. The first thing I could see was a mobile phone. The second—Spike's hand holding it… in a manner ideal for taking pictures.

"Gotcha," he shove me with his shoulder. Across me Frostfoot burst out laughing.

"Spike, what the hell!" I felt my face burn like August in Miami.

"I know something that's going right on Facebook." The dragon started tapping something on his phone. "Prepare to be memed," he sneered.

"You were in on this?" I looked at Frostfoot still half in panic.

"Sorry, Allen, you're so not my type," the pegasus gave me a tap on the shoulder. "You're fun, though. Feel free to drop by anytime. If you can handle it."

"That's Frostfoot for you." Spike shoved a can of beer in my hands. "Kid sister of a Wonderbolt elite."

"Yeah, I'm a big deal," the pegasus joked, but her attention was elsewhere. "Give me just a second. Have to deal with some shit." She flew off. "Yo, Vapor! I told you not to bring any thunderclouds!" I heard her shout. Seems no matter the species parties always had the same problems. "You want to wreck the place?!"

"So, what do you think?" Spike took another selfie of us. "Having fun yet?"

Unlike most of my friends, Spike's idea of getting someone to have fun was blasting the fun into you with a sledgehammer. Up to now it had always been me educating him in party culture, which was a bit weird since I was an introvert by nature. Spike, on the other hand, was a party animal and it only took a little poking to get him out of his shell. I wonder if his guardian was anything like him.

"Seriously?" I put the beer away. "An all-girl party?"

"Hey, chill! You haven't partied until you've been to a pegasus birthday." The dragon took the beer and put it back into my hand. At times he was as subtle as a pie in the face. "It's not like anyone minds. I'm telling you, you'll be the talk of campus!"

"That's what I'm worried about," I grumbled.

"Just try to—" Spike's mobile went off—some kpop song I'd never heard before. Most often the dragon would just leave the phone ringing or, if he feels generous, cancel the call and phone back later. This time he put it to his ear with speed I didn't think possible. "Heeeey!" He said with a smile that would make the Cheshire Cat envious. "How are things? Did you make it?" He turned at me, pointing at the phone with his free hand. I nodded, still very much clueless. "You just need to go through customs and quarantine?"

Then it hit me. Only Equestrian arrivals passed through quarantine. Technically the term was Health, Disease, and Adaptability check up, but "quarantine" had caught on to the extent that even officials had started using it freely. From what I remember from the net the process was similar to going to the vet, and just as hated.

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." Spike shook his head. "Just be your usual self and you'll be fine. I'll go pick you up in a bit, okay?" He started pacing around me. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, it's fine. I'll take care of that. Trust me, it's cool."

The call continued for a minute more, mostly Spike nodding and agreeing with what was said on the other side. The only time I'd seen him like this was when he got his first call. Back then he was in awe of the device, thinking of it as a rare magical artifact. Sadly, his fascination had quickly waned. Since then, he had broken three phones and lost two more, both mine, and sent five to friends in Equestria. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Earth tech circuits couldn't survive the magic during the transport process.

"No, seriously, don't." Spike rolled his eyes, waving his free hand around. "Okay, think of it as a sort of vacation, then. It's not like anyone here will care." This time I managed to make out some agitated noise coming from his phone. "Trust me, okay? I'm telling you, you'll fit right in." Noticing my interest, the dragon looked me right in the eye and game me a thumbs up. I already knew nothing good would come of this. "Right. I'm on my way! See you soon." He hung up.

"What was that about?" I ventured to ask, but Spike had already entered rush mode.

"No time," he pushed past me. "Must fetch a VIP from E-gate. Hey, can anypony give me a lift to E-gate? Two to fly back?"

If anyone else had asked, they'd have been laughed out of the party. However, this was Spike, so he got not two but three pegasi to fly him to the nearby Equestrian gate. Meanwhile, I was left alone at the bar, a can of beer in my hand, feeling worse than ever. At this point the best I could do was to go back to my dorm.

I glanced at the beer—German label, not the cheap campus stuff. Only way I'd get to have one of these was to pester Spike to buy some, which after the two drunken incidents were unlikely to happen.

"You win, beer," I said more to myself than to anyone else. "I'll finish you and then leave."

"Allen?" I heard the semblance of a voice through the music. Popping my can open, I took a sip and turned around. I expected to see some other equine I'd met at a party. Instead, I was caught completely unprepared for what I saw.

"Jen?" I choked on my beer.