What can I tell them? They all believe I jumped, and can't imagine why. They must blame themselves, or each other. They want to ask so many questions, but they don't want to hurt my feelings. I don't know if I want them all to be here, so I can explain it once to everyone. I don't want to be surrounded by them all, all of their eyes on me. I don't think I'd rather talk to each of them individually, telling the story over and over again until they all knew the truth. I can't risk telling only one of them, either.

My friends don't know a lot about my family, but they don't seem to like each other. Dad didn't come, mom hasn't explained why. She brought Dale and Picker, and when they met Pearl, Patches, and Stitches in my room there was tension so sharp it could cut a knife. That sounds a little odd, I guess, but I'm gonna stick with it.

The main problem with only telling one pony would be that the pony I tell will have to relay all the details and might leave something out, or misinterpret something I said. Or, they might tell it wrong, leaving it to the misinterpretation of the next pony. Plus, it would take too long, whoever I told, to get between my friends and family.

I really just wish they'd ask. With the pressure of their expectations, I'd have to explain. I can't ignore it if they insist, it's who I am, but as long as they ignore it I will too.

Bolden was the one who found me. He was on his way back to my place after work when he said he heard a pony scream. I didn't scream. Just some perceptive passerby. He looked up and saw me falling. He didn't see me slip, only fall. I landed on my left side, and Bolden laughed uncomfortably when he told me about the look on my face. He said it was so serene. Eerily at peace, lying in my pool of blood. I wasn't smiling, he said, that it was more like I was sleeping.

He told me that he'd never flown so fast, thinking he could go fast enough and catch me. Somepony called the police, probably just to draw my outline on the sidewalk and remove me from the view of the populous. Bolden said he wanted to pick me up, hold me... When he got close to me he noticed I was still breathing, hijacked a taxi and rushed me to the nearest hospital himself. He dealt with Cosh and other officers for two whole days, didn't leave the hospital once.

When I woke up I told him to check with the hotel. They fired him, but he swears he doesn't mind. It's my fault, but I'm comfortable knowing he'd rather be by my side than at work. What a stupid stallion...

Stitches' nursing abilities were put to the test when he was assigned to monitor me. I was a simple enough case, once they put me back together, but I know he had trouble being in my room constantly with so many questions and not being able to get answers. He got to know Bolden, same with Noh. They seem confused by each other, more than anything.

Stitches kept his mind on work more than anything else, which was surprising for me to hear. Honestly, I hadn't even known he was working at a hospital yet. How lucky was I to have him in charge of me? Or, whatever...

Noh was the most torn, though. Apparently, he didn't visit me more than twice, but he went to my apartment, which I had left unlocked when I went to the roof. He hadn't spoken to me at all before then, not since my music lesson so long ago. Kabuki told him what she told me, and he naturally assumed it was his fault.

It was my fault, though, that he felt that way at least. I shouldn't have run, I needed to confront him or somepony. It was stupid of me to try to deal with everything all at once, all on my own.

Noh went to my apartment trying to find some kind of clue to my condition, trying to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. He found what he was looking for in the form of my personal journal. He read every page, only getting interrupted once when Pearl showed up with Cosh to investigate for themselves. She and Noh comforted each other, Cosh just wanted to know what Noh was reading. They let Noh finish reading, and he learned just how messed up my life's been.

He cried when he saw me awake the next day. I had never seen him cry. I didn't cry. Bolden cried more silently, I stayed indifferent. Noh sobbed at the side of my bed while he apologized. Not for causing my distress, but for not seeing it. I smiled gratefully, but it was forced. He told me he read my journal, how much he loved reading it for how much it taught him. He said he loved reading it, how perfectly it described everything so that he could understand. I didn't believe him; there was no way I could have written everything so well that now he knows everything.

I finally cried when Stitches came in, just recently. He had my journal under his wing and seemed ashamed when he confessed to reading it. He told me how just about everypony had read it, now.

"Makes it easier for me," I admit. "I don't have to explain as much now."

He's silent for a few seconds. Then, "As much?"

Finally, a question. I still hesitate, trying too hard to carefully choose what to tell him. All I have to do is answer the question. "Yeah." I'm looking out the window at the dark city horizon.

"You still think..." he stutters. "Do you still have something to explain?"

I barely have to think about how to respond, which is miraculous. "Is there anything you still want to know?" I ask, looking at him.

He lifts his eyes to lock with mine. I can see all the questions racing through his mind. He read my journal, but he must know less now than he did before. "Why did you jump?"

At least he started simple. "I didn't," I utter. After a few seconds of silence I know I have to elaborate. "I know I was up there, and I know it was my idea, but I didn't jump. I... There was a newspaper on the ledge..."

"You slipped?" He asks, curious relief washing over his face.

I nod slowly. "But... it really felt more like I was pushed."

I'm looking down at my bed, thoughts racing. I must have told him too much. How was he going to handle this new, cryptic information? "Who pushed you?"

I lock eyes with him, startled by the question. My eyes are stinging, my head throbbing. My memories flash back to when I had fallen and split my head open on a rock. I was worse off now, in more ways than physical.

I blink hard and a tear drips from each eye. I don't know why I suddenly thought it felt like I'd been pushed, and I had absolutely no idea who could have pushed me. I know what he's really asking; whose fault I thought it was. It couldn't have been Aura's fault, he was the one who convinced me otherwise. Although, what if he had ulterior motives? How could I think that? He hasn't spoken to me since I woke up... Did he secretly want me to do it, just so he could speak with me more seriously? What did we even solve by speaking through that veil?

All he told me was how important it was for me to live for the sake of my friends. But, also for Loaf. Had he pushed me so that I could see Loaf one more time, so Loaf could tell me how important my life was? Did Loaf push me?

I had reclined back pretty far and covered my face to sob. My left forehoof was sealed in a cast, same with my back leg on the same side. My torso was wrapped tightly in bloody bandages, same with my head. It hurt to be breathing so hard, so fast. It also hurt to take deep breaths. I had no idea where my glasses were, what kind of shape they were in.
Stitches placed a hoof on my left shoulder. He wasn't crying.

"I..." I stutter. What was I trying to say? "I pushed myself... My--my thoughts, my demons, everything in my head. I put myself on that ledge, but it was everything in my mind that... that pushed me over the edge. I don't believe I really slipped, b--but I don't believe that I jumped... parts of me convinced me to step down, but the rest of me wouldn't let me." I sob a few more times, wincing at the pain that followed. When I steadied myself, I continued, "The... tranquility of falling..." He's petting my shoulder. "Everything I learned, talking to... to parts of myself, inside my own head. I felt so relieved when I woke up, but I don't remember why. All I know now is--is that I have to choose, between you, Noh, and Bolden. All I know, is that my life should get easier once I choose..." I couldn't tell you where this was coming from, because just a few hours ago, writing the last chapter after Pearl brought me something to write on, I didn't know at all what I had learned from talking with Aura and Loaf. I just believed they wanted me to live for the sake of living. "I'm such a mess," I mumble.

Stitches strokes my head slowly. My heavy breathing hurts so much I fear I might start crying again. "If it makes you feel any better," he offers, "you won't have to worry about choosing me."

I look at him sideways, my head resting flat on the bed. Where did my pillows go? "What...?"

"I just... it's not me. I'm glad to have you for a friend, and I'll always be grateful that I had to, to teach me... I love you, but... only as a friend. Is that ok?"

He's smiling, uncomfortably. I smile too, relieved. "It's ok," I sigh. "I'm glad I could help." He takes a deep breath, and I do the same. "That just leaves Noh and Bolden."

He strokes my head again. "Would you like my personal opinion?"

Another deep breath before, "No thanks." I should regret being so blunt, but I'm ok with the truth. "I need to make the decision myself."