I regained consciousness with a low groan. I assumed the party had been fun, as I couldn’t remember any of it. ‘Always a good sign.’ The first thing I noticed was that, for the first time since arriving in Equestria, I had woken up in a bed. The second was that I was laying on a leg.

I grew an eyestalk out of my shoulder to get a better view of my surroundings. Evidently I had not gotten far, as I recognized the room as being in one of the upper floors of the tavern. What caught my attention though, was the owner of the leg I was still laying on. I had been sleeping on Luna. As I lay there contemplating the life choices that led to me being “the ugly mare,” I felt Luna stir.

“Is this the part where I gnaw my leg off,” I heard her say groggily. I absorbed the eyestalk and slowly made my way into a seated position.

“Won’t be necessary this time, I’m already awake,” I said softly.

“Oww, my head. Please stop shouting,” she groaned, holding her head in her hooves.

I reached over and placed a hand on her neck, extending a number of tiny tendrils into her veins and dumping just enough water into her system to counteract her hangover. The trade off was that it took from my own hydration level, making my hangover worse. “That ought to help, I’m going to get some water.”

“Eh,” a hoof waved in my direction. I staggered into the bathroom, missed the sink, and ended up in the bathtub.

“Fuck you, gravity,” I said as I slapped at the control for the faucet, eventually turning on a stream of bitterly cold water. “Fuck you too, water.”

I flopped out of the tub once I had absorbed enough water, now I just had to wait until I didn’t feel like I was dying. Shitty part of being a shifter, every cell doubles as a neuron. I was basically one big brain, hangovers sucked. Luna found me on the floor, cussing at everything I could see.

“Jekyll, I have some questions.” At least Luna was feeling better.

“Please talk softly, my everything hurts. Also, fuck you and your stupid hangover, see if I ever do some dumb shit like that again,” I replied like a true gentleman.

“About that, did you take my headache?” It sounded like she was screaming in my ear, but the pain was beginning to dull. I would be fine in another minute or two.

“Yeah, I did. Like a dumbass,” came my reply.

“Well thank you, but if I may ask for one more thing? Could you remove this infernal thing from my horn, I believe I shall be required to raise the moon soon?” A tendril flopped in her general direction.

“Put that on the thing, it’ll do the rest.” I was feeling better, but there was no harm in messing with her a bit longer. My wings formed and extended, filling the small bathroom.

“THEME MUSIC, FUCKERS,” I shouted to no one as a rather appropriate song began to play as loud as I could make it.

“Are you well?” Luna asked after the song ended. She looked torn between legitimate concern and wanting to laugh. She was still holding the tendril in her hoof.

“Yeah I’m fine,” I replied happily as I snaked the tendril up and absorbed the biomass blocking her magic, “There you go.”

“Jekyll, why were we sleeping in the same bed? Did something happen? Am I pregnant now?” Luna’s look of concern was edging into fear, that look is all that kept me from laughing.

“You really were sheltered, weren’t you? I’ll start with the most important: hahahahahah, no, you are not pregnant. It takes a bit more than sleeping in the same bed, besides I’m biologically incapable of having children the traditional way. Although now I’m imagining what the children would look like.” I shivered, imagining centaur-like enforcers with Luna’s mane.

“And the rest?”

“I have no idea why we were in the same bed but I’m fairly certain nothing happened.”

“But how can you be sure?” Luna asked, frantically.

“Because I’m not attracted to ponies,” I said simply. Luna’s face showed a mix of relief and disappointment. ‘Wait, disappointment?’

“Why are you disappointed?” I asked, confused.

“I’m not, what?” Luna stammered.

“Are you? You are. Why? I look like the thing that ate the boogieman,” I realized how harsh I was being, “Look, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand.”

“It is not so much as you assume, I admire your strength and character. I have yet to see you do anything for yourself. You have shown dignity on the face of my sister, even after everything she has done to you and those around you. A dignity I fear I would not have shown. Your very presence fills me with confidence, how I wish you were here before I became the Nightmare.” I didn’t deserve her praise.

“I’m not nearly as great as you’re saying. I’ve failed, so many times. Lost so many friends. I’ve seriously thought about destroying the world several times. Do you know that I crippled Celestia? Yeah, ripped the muscles out of her wings. She pins them to that harness she wears. I had Dopple go for her heart too, missed by less than an inch, she hides the scar under that chest piece. I’m no hero, Luna,” I replied angrily, stepping past her out of the bathroom and reaching for the door.

“Why?” Luna placed her hoof on the door, blocking me from opening it.

“Why, what?”

“Why did you maim my sister?” Luna asked.

“I don’t want to answer that,” I replied, my voice becoming dangerous.

“Too bad, answer the question and drop the attitude,” she ordered, no fear in her voice.

I sighed, calming myself before answering, “Please understand, this was right after Celestia took away my home and all of my friends for the second time. I had recently lost what I called my family, and I was in a dark place. I attacked your sister because she wouldn’t kill me.”

A hoof struck my face, knocking me into the wall and onto the floor. ‘Luna can punch like a pro!’ Luna stood over me, her face the very image of rage, “How dare you? You gave me a lecture on acceptance last night, here’s yours. You need to accept that you can’t save everyone. You need to accept that you can’t win every time. You need to accept that YOUR life matters to your friends. Everything I have seen you do has been for another’s sake, usually mine. That makes you a hero in my eyes, even if no one else sees you that way.” Clapping could be heard through the door.

“Thank you, I think I needed to hear that.” Luna stopped me from rising.

“Not so fast, the punishment for attacking a member of the royal family is summary execution.” Luna said as she brought her hoof down on my face, caving it in and disabling my sight and hearing until she removed her hoof from the ruins of my head so I could reform it.

“That didn’t hurt, you know,” I said once I was capable of doing so.

“Perhaps not, but I feel better,” came Luna’s sharp reply.

Green poked his head through the, now slightly open, door, “Uh, if you guys are done fighting, there’s something you should see.”

“What’s up Green?” I asked as I made my way to a sitting position.

“I’ve got Bluff and Doll working on it, but it looks like this is going to be tomorrow’s headline.” He handed a newspaper to me and retreated without another word, Luna peered over my shoulder at the headline.

The headline read: ‘Princess Luna Presumed Dead, Eaten by Monster’

Below was a picture of what was unmistakably Luna and I making out, “Jekyll, why did I try to eat your face?”

“I take it that was your first kiss then?” I said, looking over at Luna, whose coat had shifted from its normal midnight blue to a deep scarlet color.

“I think I miss being trapped in the moon, is that weird?” Luna asked, I was too caught by the headline to notice.

“Why are they saying I ate you? You’re the one who had her jaws all the way to my ears,” I laughed, until a serious thought made itself known, “Lu, I’m not so sure nothing happened after the party. Hey Green, are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here,” Green said through the door. Luna locked up, clearly running through scenarios of what could have happened at the party.

“Why don’t you come inside for a moment? We need to compare notes.”

“Uh, okay. I can do that,” Green said as he walked hesitantly through the door.

“Dude, why are you so nervous?” I asked the guard.

“After the wedding, the princess promised me a slow death the next time she saw me,” Green answered, his eyes never leaving Luna as she broke out of her shock.

“Why would I say such things, Green?” Luna asked. Green jumped away, muttering apologies.

“Green, calm the fuck down. Neither of us remember much about last night, you’re safe,” I reassured.

“O-Okay, it’s because I was the worst bridesmaid ever,” he replied, his voice full of shame.

“You were a bridesmaid? For who?” I asked, fighting laughter and dreading the answer at the same time.

“For Princess Luna.”

“I got married! Oh, Tia will be so mad when she finds out. Does this make me a queen?” Equis to Luna, come in Luna. We’ve lost her. However, pieces were starting to fall into place in my mind, the situation was worse than I had imagined.

“Green I need you to tell me where this happened and who performed the ceremony,” I ordered, my voice as cold as ice.

Green was visibly shaking, “A bishop at the Sanctum of Light, on the north side.” The sanctums were the Equestrian version of the catholic church, but that’s almost all I knew.

“Fuck, it’s official. Do they allow annulments?” I was becoming frantic.

Green shook his head, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else, “Only if the ceremony wasn’t finished.”

“Why would I want to dissolve my marriage? I don’t even know who I married yet. Oh, I hope he’s handsome and brave and kind, a real gentlecolt.” Luna was caught in the moment, completely lost to the world.

“You married me,” I said, I could almost hear her mind lock up.

Her head inched towards my direction. “What?” she hissed.

“We woke up in the same bed remember? That’s something newlyweds do.” I could see the gears turning in Luna’s head. Green decided to take a chance and ran out of the room.

I stood up and made my way over to the bed, it was dry. ‘Dodged a bullet.’ Maybe I could still get the bishop to annul the marriage before a war broke out. I wasn’t exactly liked by most nations.

“Luna, I need you to pull yourself together. Equestria is in very real danger,” I said gripping her shoulders to emphasize my point.

“What do you mean, love? Is there some great foe to face?” Luna asked, a distant look on her face. I was getting desperate, I slapped her. “Ow, what was that about?”

“You were lost in dreamland, but I need your help to prevent several wars. There isn’t a government on this world that likes me. If I’m in charge of Equestria, they will invade to depose me. So please listen. If we completed the wedding ceremony we’re screwed, but if we passed out before we could complete the last part then we may have a chance to get this annulled before anyone finds out,” I explained.

“Okay what’s the last part of the ceremony?” Luna asked as if it were so simple.

“Consummation.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I think we’re okay but I’m going to ask you a few questions just to be safe. Neither of us will be comfortable with these kinds of questions,” I informed her.

“Can’t we just say we didn’t?” Luna was beginning to show the fear I felt.

“No, they have specialized spells to know for sure,” I answered. Luna took a few minutes before responding.

“Okay, I’m ready.” One embarrassing interrogation later and we were no closer to a definitive answer.

“I suppose all that’s left to do is head to the sanctum and try our luck,” I said lamely, I didn’t like our luck.

We had to stop shortly after leaving the pub for Luna to raise the moon. It was getting late, we needed to hurry and get there before the bishop left for the night. At the very least we might be able to keep it out of the public records. I sprinted for the sanctum at my top speed. Luna, after failing to keep up, opted to hold onto a tendril and fly behind me like a kite.

“Halt, monster!” There were five rough looking gryphons wearing gold trimmed armor blocking the road ahead. Celestia’s “elite” monster hunters, The Wardens. ‘Why now?’ I shouted at Luna to keep going, and that I would catch up in a moment. I felt the tension on the tendril disappear, signaling that she had heard me. I absorbed the tendril and focused on the gryphons.

“Guys, I really don’t have time for this right now. Besides, I got pardoned last night.” The center gryphon just laughed.

“Why should your legal status matter to us? We’re hunters, not guards, and we’ve been ordered to kill you. We won’t let you escape again,” the center Warden said, a sinister grin spreading across his beak. ‘I swear, they get dumber every year.’

It was over in less than a second, each of them sporting a number of broken bones. Nothing fatal, but they wouldn’t be coming after me again. I caught up to Luna at the sanctum. Fortunately for us, the lights were still on. We shared a nervous look as we entered the sanctum, finding a lone unicorn cleaning up the hall.

“Excuse me, do you know if the bishop is still here?” I called to the unicorn.

“Ah, your majesties. I was not expecting to see you again, today. Surely you remember me? I performed your wedding earlier, though you were rather distracted,” the unicorn replied, evidently this was the bishop.

“About that,” I began.

“We were not exactly in our right minds at the time,” Luna continued.

“And we need the marriage annulled,” I finished, the bishop looked at the two of us with sad eyes.

“You seemed so happy earlier, but I understand. I take it the ceremony was never consummated?”

“We don’t know,” Luna and I said at the same time. The bishop just sighed and cast a spell at the two of us.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” the bishop asked.

“Good?” I said, dreading the answer.

“You are the new king and queen of Equestria,” came the firm response. ‘Fuck.’

“Jekyll?” I heard Luna say, but I had one last card to play.

“Tell me bishop, do the Lumens still exist? I lost track of them a few centuries ago,” I asked, startling the bishop.

“How do you know of that?” the bishop hissed, his voice low. ‘Oh good, they do exist.’

“I am the last Legate of the Order of Iron, my blade is Cataclysm,” I responded, the bishop fell into a bow. A member of one of the old knightly orders was required to respect the ranks of the others, we had lucked out.

“My lord, what can I do for you?” the bishop asked, maintaining his bow.

“If you cannot dissolve the marriage, then I must ask you to keep it out of the public records. We will all suffer otherwise,” I ordered, my tone to that of an officer.

“Yes sir, the Lumens have always respected the Order of Iron. The document shall never be seen by pony eyes,” the bishop responded, rising, “I’m glad you were not lost with the others. It was a travesty, what happened.”

“Jekyll, what just happened?” Luna asked, lost.

“Our luck finally turned around, no one will know about our marriage,” I answered, relieved.

“How?”

“I took a gamble that the Sanctum of Light would be connected to the Lumens. A little weight throwing, and we’ve got the results we wanted,” I explained.

“The Lumens?” Luna was just getting more confused.

“Secret group, they hoard knowledge.” ‘Totally not the pony Illuminati. Why would anyone think that?’

“But what you said? That gryphon that confronted the Nightmare said the same thing.”

“Sup,” I responded, smiling.

“Truly? I owe you more than I had thought, perhaps we shouldn't hide this,” Luna suggested, her face showing an emotion I couldn't identify. And I was good at reading faces.

“Have you lost your damn mind? Equestria would be at war within the week. Besides, we met less than twenty-four hours ago. I may be the fastest being on the planet, but that’s insane,” I was being harsh again, “Look, let’s give this some time. If in a year or two you still feel the same way, we can come clean.”

“I just don’t like the idea of lying to everyone, I used to hold the Element of Honesty. Between that and my admiration for you, I’m finding this difficult to accept,” Luna rebuked.

“Shit, okay. How about this? If anyone directly asks you if you got married, answer honestly. Otherwise, just don’t bring it up.”

“I suppose that will have to do,” Luna replied, dejected.

“Lighten up, if Chelly ever does anything monumentally stupid, you can throw your new rank in her face,” I said, bringing an evil smile to Luna’s face.

“If I may interject?” the bishop said, catching our attention, “You shouldn’t worry about public opinion, Equestria is destined for war. We fear nothing can stop it, Princess Celestia’s actions have created many enemies for us.” ‘Fuckitty fuck fuck.’

“Just call me ‘Jay,’ Luna,” I said, anticipating her next words. Had we only been married for a few hours?

“Jay then, in light of this, I must agree with you. The world should not receive so many revelations in so short a time. If you’ll excuse me, I must see what I can do to placate those my sister has wronged,” Luna stated, turning to leave.

“I’m going to get Green and the others to keep quiet. Don’t start without me,” I replied, following her out.

“Why do you say that?”

“I hold the authority to speak for the Crystal Kingdom, even if I am its last citizen.” I formed my wings, preparing to launch towards the Dead Crabs.

“As you say then, meet me at the gryphon ambassador’s office.” Luna turned towards the castle, spreading her wings.

“You got it,” I said, taking flight. It only took me a minute to make my way back to the tavern, finding a nervous looking Green nursing a glass of beer. “Yo, where are your friends?”

“Jay, you’re back. Uh, did everything work out?” Green asked, making me wonder what happened to the confident guard from earlier.

“Well enough, the important thing is that no one says anything. I’ll ask again, where are your friends?”

“Upstairs, asleep. Am I going to die?” Green finally answered.

“Buck up, soldier. Nobody's dying, but if you or your buddies blab…” I let his imagination run for a moment, “I’ll let my enforcers have the lot of you, and I won’t care who said it.” I didn’t even know what I meant, but I was sure Green and the others would imagine their own hells.

“Discretion is my middle name,” Green said, but I was already walking back out the door. All that was left to do was meet with the various ambassadors and try to save some lives. I found Luna waiting outside the ambassador’s office. Together, we stepped inside.

“Ah princess, I’ve been expecting you for some time. Though why are you here, creature?” the ambassador, Greta if my information was correct, asked.

“Even before the fall, I held the authority to speak with King Sombra’s voice. I have a right to be present for events of this caliber,” I answered sternly. Greta raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“I am here to make amends for my sister’s actions in my absence,” Luna declared, there was no arguing with her tone.

“I’m aware of why you’re here,” Greta said, pulling a single paper out of her desk, “I’ll save you the effort of talking to the other ambassadors. We have all agreed to stand down, on one condition. Our demand is that Celestia step down as one of Equestria’s rulers, you’ll find this document confirms my words.”

“Have you spoken to my sister about this?” Luna asked as she took the paper.

“Oh yes, your ever gracious sister called me a ‘posturing foal’ and told me to ‘eat my own feathers,’” Greta replied. Being told to ‘eat your own feathers’ was about the worst thing you could say to a gryphon, as you were implying that they were a terrible hunter and appeared malnourished.

Luna took the document, reading it carefully before replying, “How long? How long do I have to convince my sister to step down?” Her confidence was fading, being replaced by fear.

“You have one year from three days ago, we won’t wait any longer. We’re only giving you that long because of your recent return, you should be grateful,” Greta responded coldly. Exactly one year from the night of Luna’s return. Typical gryphon logic, pick an arbitrary day and add a year.

“I am. From what I have heard, this is more than generous. Thank you.” Luna looked terrified.

“What if I were to seize control of Equestria?” I asked, earning a glance from Luna and attracting Greta’s attention.

“We would attack immediately, we view you as equally responsible,” Greta answered, a smug look crossing her face..

“I doubt that. Are we done here?” I asked, an easy smile on my face.

“I believe so, unless the princess has anything further to say.”

“I do not, I believe I understand well enough,” Luna said, a defeated tone creeping into her voice. I followed Luna out silently.

“I was having such a good day too,” I commented once we were a good distance from the ambassador’s office.

“Jay this is serious,” She levitated the paper in front of me, “Everyone, we’re on the brink of war with everyone. Not just the gryphons, but the minotaurs, zebras, caribou, and even the moose tribes are preparing for war. We should count our blessings that the dogs and dragon hoards aren’t attacking as well.”

“And you lot aren’t exactly built for combat, to say nothing of their technological advantages. Oh, and expect the dogs to attack as well, they love weakened opponents,” I responded grimly.

“What about your enforcers?” Luna asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“I have a quarter-million, all combat ready. I would rather you didn’t employ my forces though, you don’t want to be seen as the princess who used an army of monsters to subjugate the world,” I answered.

“A fair point, that sounds more like the Nightmare. I just don’t know what to do, Tia has ruled for over three thousand years now. I don’t know if I can convince her to give it all up,” Luna said, I could imagine the horrors she was expecting the future to hold.

“You can’t, I don’t think anyone can anymore. Our options are to prepare for war, or for me to kill Chelly. After which you’d have to throw me in Tartarus or banish me to the moon.” I said neutrally. Luna stumbled.

“You’re talking about murder,” she hissed, her voice low, “You aren’t a killer.”

“You’re wrong. Celestia wasn’t alone when she attacked the Crystal Kingdom, she was when she came back. The army was tens of thousands strong in those days, it doesn’t even exist anymore.”

“There is a difference between murder and a battle,” Luna said, trying to reassure me.

“Not when they can’t even hurt you, it was like ants fighting a steamroller. I justify it as protecting the kingdom, but that’s just a lie I tell myself. It was a slaughter. And when millions of lives are on the line, I find my morals don’t matter as much,” I gurgled, a hoof had lodged itself in my skull, “You can’t just hit me every time I say something you don’t like.”

“I have made my decision, Equestria will prepare for the coming war. You and your enforcers shall assist with the preparations, you will also be joining my cabinet,” Luna declared as she removed her hoof from the side of my head.

“If that’s the path you’re set on, I’ll let Dopple know. I’d also suggest finding yourself some personal guards, ones that you know you can trust, to sit in on meetings. You shouldn’t spend any time alone for the next few years, zebras are known to use assassins,” I warned. I had three such guards in mind, I suspected Luna did too.

“I am aware, and I think Green and the others will work perfectly as my personal guard. I’ll track down the traditional night guard armor, it should be around here somewhere,” Luna replied. ‘Called it!’

“Let me know how many more you need and I’ll send some enforcers to bolster the ranks,” I said, my voice dropping before continuing, “Can’t have my new wife getting herself killed, now can I? Even if she is abusive.”

A blush, barely concealed by her coat, crept up Luna’s neck as she smiled and said, “I appreciate the offer, I’ll go find the uniforms right away. I believe you have some enforcers to coordinate?”

“This shouldn’t take too long, I’ll see you later,” I said, turning towards a nearby window and sprinting out into the night air. My wings formed as I fell, I had grown to like the batlike variant over the scaly feathered type I had been using. I made it to my cabin in the span of a few minutes. Landing silently out of habit, I made my way inside. Dopple sat in my chair, looking like a parent whose child was late for curfew.

“I expected you to return some time ago, sir,” Dopple said, still seated.

“You’re not my real dad. Get the fuck out of my chair, we’ve got work to do. Either find another enforcer to play “Best Defense” or find me one that can coordinate the others and make decisions,” I ordered.

“India-five-two should meet your needs, may I ask why?” Dopple responded.

“I’ve been pardoned, but all the enemies Chelly’s made hunting me are on the warpath. We’re mobilizing to aid in Equestria’s defense.”

“Sir, I believe this is unwise. Saving Celestia will not make our existences any safer, but it will create more enemies for us to face,” Dopple commented. I generally encouraged him to question me, a different opinion can be helpful.

“We aren’t doing this for Celestia, it’s for Luna and everyone else who will be caught in the crossfire. This isn’t up for debate, get me India-five-two,” I ordered.

“No-,” he managed before my fist sent him through the window behind my chair and into the forest. I followed him out and began slamming his head into the ground, leaving small craters with every strike. While this wouldn’t have hurt me at all, Dopple was different from the other enforcers, he felt everything. I finished by shifting my left arm into a blade and running it through his chest pinning him into the ground.

“There is a difference between voicing your opinion and insubordination, Dopple. You crossed that line, next time I’ll just find a new proxy. Never forget that you are replaceable. Now, get me India-five-two,” I growled to the prone figure, removing my blade from his chest and returning my arm to its normal state.

“Yes, sir,” Dopple wheezed, he’d be fine in a couple hours. Dopple set off into the forest, returning with another enforcer after a few minutes, “This is India-five-two, I believe he will work for your plans.”

“Thank you, Dopple. India-five-two, your new name is Tzu, gather two ‘Mike’ squads and make your way to the courtroom in Canterlot Castle. Don’t keep me waiting,” I ordered, Dopple had put me in a bad mood.

I wasn’t surprised Dopple had recommended a member of one of the ‘India’ squads, India division was my intelligence corps. They were built to be smart and blend in to gather information. Mike division served as high speed messengers. Gamma division served as my personal bodyguards. Dopple was the last of my Alphas, a prototype, and the only one of his particular variant. Dopple was essentially an immortal gryphon with heightened intelligence. He felt pain, bled, and ate normally. The rest belonged to Romeo company and served whatever role I found for them, acting as my general force. Except for Dopple, they were all physiologically the same. They adapted to their assigned unit and task afterward. The renovation team that fixed the Dead Crabs belonged to Romeo company.

I returned to the castle and made my way into the courtroom to wait for my enforcers, upon their arrival I sent one of the Mikes with a guard to let Luna know where we were. When Luna made her way into the courtroom about a half hour later, she had a sour look on her face and several sets of armor floating behind her.

“What's with the look?” I asked.

“I spoke to Tia,” Luna answered bitterly.

“And it went as I predicted?” I guessed.

“Yes, she laughed at me, claimed the other nations wouldn’t dare threaten her. Why can’t she see what she is doing?” Luna asked sadly.

“If you find out, let me know.”

“Are these the bodyguards you mentioned? They seem a little lean,” Luna asked, eyeing the Mikes.

“No, the thin ones are messengers. This is Tzu, he’s going to help us coordinate the enforcers,” I explained, gesturing towards the aforementioned enforcer.

“Do you have any experience with these matters?” Luna asked, addressing Tzu.

“Answer,” I commanded.

“No, ma’am. My purpose is to assign members of Romeo company wherever they are needed for maximum efficiency. I can also advise on matters of strategy, if you wish,” Tzu answered.

“From this point you will follow whatever orders Princess Luna gives you, so long as they do not counteract my own. Do you understand?” I ordered the enforcer. Luna threw me a questioning glance.

“Yes, sir. What do you require ma’am?” Tzu responded.

“I require you to tell me why Jay is talking to you like that,” Luna ordered tersely.

“It does not matter how lord Jekyll speaks to us, we are the enforcers of his will. But to answer your question, he is upset about the actions of the Alpha known as Dopple,” Tzu answered, oblivious to my darkening mood.

“I keep hearing about this Dopple, what is he?” You all speak of him as if he were an important enforcer, but alpha is a dog title and Dopple is a changeling name,” Luna asked, still addressing Tzu.

“Dopple is an Alpha type enforcer, one of the first I made. He acts as my doppelganger, allowing me to do whatever I need to do without endangering my cover. Hence the name,” I answered before Tzu could speak, “He tried to prevent me from helping you, so I beat him into the dirt.”

“What good would that do? I have seen enough to know that you don’t feel pain as we ponies do,” Luna asked, we were getting off task.

“Dopple does, but enough about my subordinates. We have a country to protect,” I said flatly.

“You’re right, my apologies. I have had the guards set up a command center in the east tower, we can coordinate our efforts from there,” Luna said, turning towards the door. The enforcers and I followed in silence. I was glad to see that the ‘war room,’ while being ridiculously indefensible, at least had plenty of windows and balconies. It would work for now. I had an idea of where we could move it to once the war began.

“Tzu, I want five hydras worth of biomatter piled by the Everfree Castle before dawn,” I ordered. Tzu nodded and sent one of the Mikes speeding towards the forest. This would be the largest creature I had ever created.

“What are you planning? More enforcers?” Luna asked.

“No, I’m doing the one thing I never wanted to do again. I’m making another leviathan, one to act as a fortress for us to work out of,” I answered. I really didn’t want to do this.

“Another? How many of these creatures are there already?” Luna questioned further.

“There are three right now, protecting frontier towns and high risk areas. And before you ask, I don’t like making them because they are the weirdest things you will ever see,” I explained.

“They can’t be that bad.”

“You’ll see, I’ll introduce you to Jeffrey some time, that’s the one that legitimately believes the citizens of Ponyville are its children,” I said.

“I’ll take your word for it then, shall we get started?” Luna asked, summoning a table and a large number of maps.

“Tzu, get some renovators up here and set this room up properly,” I ordered, even as I leaned on the table to start working on our strategy.

“I believe our highest priority should be the cities, they can act as gateways to the roads. The enemy can go around but they will lose several days doing so, provided we can keep them out of the cities,” Luna suggested.

“A strategy my people know well, many of our oldest cities were walled in for that very reason,” I commented, immediately thinking of the logistics involved in walling a city the size of Manehattan.

“A grand idea, had we several years to make it a reality,” Luna said, not knowing the caliber of workers she now had at her disposal.

“If I may ma’am, time is not the issue. Were we to send the entirety of Romeo company, we could wall off any city in Equestria in a week at the longest. The issue is that we do not have the resources required to perform such a feat,” Tzu volunteered.

“And if your Romeo company were to work in a quarry for a time?”

“We’d have more than enough stone after two weeks, I’d say we could have every major city in Equestria walled in within three months,” I said, shocked by the viability of this plan.

“If they are determined to enter the city the gryphons will simply go over the wall, minotaurs will prefer to tunnel under the walls. The other races will be forced to go around however,” Tzu added.

“I have an idea to counter the gryphons. Luna, do we have access to sulfur and saltpeter?” I asked, it was time to introduce the world to flak.

“We do, but how does that help?” Luna responded, confused.

“Because when you mix them with charcoal, you get an explosive. Put some in a thick steel tube and toss some bits of scrap metal in after it, what do you get?”

“The explosive would propel the metal at an extremely high speed, this would be a devastating weapon. I’ll get some engineers working on it immediately,” Luna answered, some hope began to appear in her eyes.

“We’re going to need soldiers, pony soldiers, which means you’re going to have to make one hell of a speech. Otherwise, we just won’t have enough troops to last against the sheer numbers we’re up against, even if we mobilized all of my enforcers. And you know my opinion towards that idea,” I said, Luna’s face turned grim at my words. Likely at the prospect of sending others to die.

“I’ll have a set of armor made for myself as well. Thankfully Tia kept Nightbane, so I won’t need a new weapon,” Luna stated thoughtfully.

“I’m kinda glad I’m not the only one who still carries a named sword,” I commented.

“Nightbane is no sword,” a wicked looking scythe appeared at her side, “It was a gift from my father.”

“Damn, you scary. You know how to use that?” I asked. The warscythe immediately flew at my face but was easily caught with a quickly formed claw, “Gonna need a bit more skill than that,” the weapon disappeared from my grasp and erupted from my chest before I could track it down.

“Do you find my skills sufficient?” Luna asked. I removed the blade from my back and inspected it for damage before replying.

“No, your fighting style is based around a single opponent, you should train for combat against ten or more enemies. Maybe add some more weapons and a shield, you’re only limited by your telekinetic power and how far you can spread your attention,” I advised, “Tzu, assign a dozen Romeos to the guard for training purposes.”

“How did you know I was trained against a single adversary?” Luna asked, retrieving her undamaged scythe.

“You left the blade behind, you can only get away with that in a duel,” I answered simply.

“Oh, perhaps you could fill this gap in my training? Maybe we can figure out how to train our soldiers while we train ourselves?”

“I don’t fight like you do, I can’t use magic. But I did assign a dozen enforcers to the guard for this exact reason,” I said with a toothy smile, “We can begin once we’ve gotten the logistics figured out.”

“A grand idea, I believe our next highest priority should be the gateway towns. Should we evacuate them or fortify the areas?” Tzu interrupted, trying to get us back on task. I had never seen an India class enforcer this hard nosed before, Dopple had chosen well.

“I’d say both, get the civilians out of danger and turn the towns into strongholds for us to thin the enemy’s numbers. If we do this right, they may even last the whole war,” I responded, grabbing a piece of paper and sketching a cross between a castle and a bunker. Tzu nodded thoughtfully at my rough design, Luna looked ecstatic.

“The war is all but won! All that remains is to build and staff these structures, I never believed war could be so simple,” Luna declared, incorrectly.

“It isn’t, war is an art. A dance of death that can span years and cost millions of lives. My people have come as close to perfecting it as you can get, I’m pulling from what knowledge I have of their methods. Tzu here is even named after a famous general who wrote a book called ‘The Art of War,’ this will not be easy or without cost,” I rebuked, “Tzu, give Luna your impression of the situation.”

“Yes, sir. Ma’am, we’re looking at a target rich environment with a severe deficiency of supplies, troops, and training. Additionally, as lord Jekyll is fond of saying, no plan survives first contact with the enemy,” Tzu responded.

“I understand, I shall save the celebration for after the war is won,” Luna replied sheepishly.

“Good plan, let’s get started on what traps to place in the wilds and around the cities,” I said.

We worked until dawn, ignoring the renovation team that arrived and built the tower room into a working command center. Mike type enforcers flew in and out of the large windows in droves, carrying messages to different groups of enforcers and city mayors. By the time the sun rose over the horizon and Luna lowered the moon, almost all of my enforcers were on the move. Tzu insisted on keeping a skeleton crew of Gamma type enforcers in the Everfree to maintain the confinement of the creatures there, I found it hard to argue with him. Luna retired to her chambers shortly after dawn, I left Tzu to coordinate the efforts of India division and walked Luna to her room. We found Bluff and Doll guarding the door, completely missing the point of being personal guards.

“Why are you two out here, instead of making sure there aren’t any assassins in there?” I asked pointedly. The two guards looked at each other in confusion, “Look, you aren’t regular guards anymore, you’re Luna’s personal guards. You follow her into meetings, you check her room for assassins, and if there’s a knife destined for her heart, you jump in front of it. That’s your job now, you’ve been chosen for this because we know we can trust you.”

“Yes, sir,” they chorused, turning towards the door. I stopped them before they could enter.

“No, I’ve got it this time. Head over to the control room in the west tower, the enforcer with the big head will help you get your unit set up. And find Green, he’ll need to be there too,” I ordered. They set off immediately, my tone having been refined by ordering Tzu around for the past few hours.

“They aren’t ‘the enforcers of your will’, you know,” Luna commented.

“Sorry, kinda got used to talking to Tzu. And they named themselves, I just liked the name,” I apologized, stepping through the door. I didn’t smell any intruders, but I checked every corner anyway, “Okay, we’re clear. Come on in.”

“Thank you, I look forward to the day where this is no longer necessary,” Luna replied, walking into the room. A new smell entering the room with her.

I threw Luna to the ground as I charged through the door, my claws forming and long spines forming across my back. A hooded figure retreated down the hallway at the sight of me, I could tell it was a zebra by the figure's legs. One of the spines flipped over my shoulder and shot down the hallway, impaling the zebra’s leg and dragging it into my grip within a second. I felt a few of the zebra’s ribs break from the impact. I carried the would be assassin back into the room as Luna regained her footing. ‘Demon hedgehog never fails.’

“Poor performance, assassin,” I commented idly.

“You will never make me talk, monster!” the assassin yelled in my face.

“That’s the beauty of it, you don’t have to. Besides, I hate being called a monster,” I said before crushing the zebra in my grip and consuming the remains. Luna looked horrified.

“You killed her,” she accused.

“I did, and I’m going to kill the other three too,” I replied flatly, having already sorted through the assassin’s memories, “Should only take a second.” ‘I’m going to make a horror movie out of these idiots.’

Once I had finished with the assassins I returned to Luna’s side, I had gathered a great deal of information from the zebras’ minds.

“So this is war, then? The ruthless slaughter of so called foes?” Luna asked, her features sinking in depression. Her eyes were glued to a pool of blood on the floor, all that was left of the first assassin.

“That was just a taste, a small unit foolishly facing a superior opponent rather than retreating. They were undone by one mistake, and I exploited that mistake to wipe out their entire unit. The same thing will happen every day, to both sides, during the coming conflict. Our job is to make sure it happens to them more often,” I instructed, realizing the lesson that could be learned from this. I sent a tendril to clean up the blood Luna was still staring at.

“How? How do I stop this from happening to my ponies?” Luna questioned sadly, I slumped against the wall, sliding into a seated position.

“I used to be an accountant, before all this,” I said, gesturing at my body, “I never read ‘The Art of War,’ but I remember one passage. ‘If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.’ It was in a song, if you can believe it.”

“From what I have heard of your people’s music, I don’t doubt it. This Tzu sounds like a wise stallion,” Luna responded, I laughed at this.

“Luna, a male of my species is called a man. And Sun Tzu died thousands of years before I was even born.”

“Interesting, may we continue this conversation tonight? I should get to sleep,” Luna said, stifling a yawn. It was getting pretty late for her.

“Of course,” I responded, not moving from my position.

“Are you going to stand there all day?” Luna asked as she climbed into her bed.

“I was planning on leaving once your guards arrived, but I can stay if you want,” I answered. Tzu could cover our efforts without me for a while.

“I think I would like that...” Luna fell asleep before she could finish her thought. I moved a sturdy looking chair over to the space next to her bed and sat down, my gaze traversing the room before I improved my hearing and settled in for a long wait. The new guards, now sporting gray coats and batlike features, arrived silently and made their way to strategic positions around the room. I noticed that all but one of them had red eyes, a detail I found comforting. I trusted my enforcers more than I trusted the ponies, especially for things like this.

“Tia!” Luna shouted, waking with a start, “Jekyll, we hath forgotten about mine sister, we fear for her well being.”

“Go check on Chelly, then get Tzu to assign some Gammas to her guard,” I ordered one of the disguised enforcers, “Don’t worry Lu, Chelly’s been surrounded with guards all day. Go on back to sleep.”

Luna hesitantly returned to sleep as I repaired my destroyed eardrums. She slept fitfully until I instinctively extended a tendril across her shoulders, which she promptly grabbed in her hooves and proceeded to cuddle with. This would be difficult to explain when she woke up. I amused myself by looking at the current situation objectively: the magical talking pony princess was cuddling with a black and red mass of nightmare fuel. The enforcer I had sent to check on Celestia returned some time later, giving me a nod as he returned to his previous position.

The only ones who moved over the course of the next few hours were Luna and the unnamed pony guard, who occasionally fidgeted, apparently uncomfortable in his new armor. Luna awoke in the late afternoon, looking puzzled at her odd substitute for a teddy bear.

“You seemed like you were having a nightmare,” I explained simply.

“So you thought it would be a good idea to press one of your tentacles against me?” Luna asked, a suspicious look crossing her features.

“That was all you, I was just trying to comfort you. You’re the one who decided to get friendly with a tendril,” I accused playfully, I didn’t need to worry about what any of the others in the room thought.

“Define friendly.”

“Hey Green,” I called, guessing the identity of the pony guard, his mane had grown to the point that I couldn’t tell if it was the unicorn.

“Yes, sir,” Green replied. ‘Score.’

“Answer your princess’s question, in detail,” I ordered, an evil smile forming. Green gulped audibly.

“Well, ma’am, uh, Jay put the tendril thing on your shoulders and you started to hug it,” Green began.

“And?” I urged.

“Please sir, I really don’t want to say any more,” Green pleaded. He wasn’t getting out of this that easily.

“Soundproof the room and answer the question, soldier,” I commanded. Green did as he was told, the walls glowing a dark blue for a moment.

“Y-you kinda, uh, maybe, cuddled with it in your sleep, a little. Please don’t kill me,” Green finished, trying to make himself as small as possible. This time it was a horn that went through my head. Even through the pain and disfigurement I was laughing.

“It would be best if you forgot what you saw here Green,” Luna warned, Green nodded frantically and tried to hide behind one of the enforcers.

“An oo et ur orn ota iey ull?” I grunted, trying to get Luna to remove her horn from my skull. Her horn had pierced my jawbone, talking around it was proving to be a challenge.

“I’m tempted to leave you there, you know,” Luna warned.

“Eese on’t, iss eely urts,” Please don’t, this really hurts.

“Truly? I didn’t think anything could hurt you,” Luna asked, withdrawing her horn and allowing me to heal.

“Most of the time you’re right, I don’t know why your horn hurts me. The same thing happened when I blocked Nightmare’s charge, but Chelly’s doesn’t do anything to me,” I answered, just as confused. A hoof clubbed the back of my head.

“Don’t try to distract me, I’m still cross with you. Embarrassing me like that,” Luna said. I touched the wall, seeing the soundproofing shimmer, before responding.

“There’s nothing wrong with a little romance between a married couple, there are entire books on the subject,” I teased, fighting a laugh and causing Luna to hide her face behind her hooves.

“I thought we agreed to not talk about that?” Luna asked, still hiding her face.

“No we agreed not to tell the world, but this room is soundproofed and none of these guys are going to say anything. Isn’t that right Green?” I responded.

“Yes, sir.”

“See, we can do all of the lovey couple stuff, no one will ever know,” I continued, causing Luna to graduate to hiding under her blankets, “Oh, I get it, you want me to join you.”

Green turned white as I climbed into the bed, causing it to sag and Luna to slide into me. The enforcers couldn’t care less. Luna freaked out, thrashing her way onto the floor.

“Sir, you’re taking your joke a bit far,” one of the enforcers said.

“You,” I called, rising from the bed, “Your name is Conscience now. And you’re right, I’m sorry Luna.”

“I apologize as well, I could have handled that better,” Luna replied.

“Right, we should check on Tzu. He’s been working on our defense all day,” I suggested.

The guards and I waited while Luna got herself ready for the night, Green eventually relearned how to breathe and returned to his previous color. Once Luna deemed herself presentable, we set off for the control room. We found Tzu and a handful of Mikes standing around inside, the map of Equestria we had been using earlier was heavily annotated. I could see marks denoting traps, walls, ambush points, and projected troop movements all over the map, there wasn’t an inch that didn’t have some kind of symbol on it.

“Making me proud, Tzu,” I said, the enforcer seemed to inflate at the approval.

“What does all of this mean, Jay?” Luna asked, attempting to decipher the multitudes of symbols dotting the map.

“It’s the war, every single move and countermove. The start of it, at least,” I answered.

“Wow, good work Tzu, there’s food in the cafeteria if you would like some,” Luna offered, Tzu simply looked at me.

“Go on kiddo, you’ve earned it. Just don’t eat any of the ponies,” I said, Tzu happily left.

“How long do you believe this will take to prepare?” Luna asked, again deferring to my experience with matters like this.

“I’d give it about eight months at the most, Tzu can give us a more accurate number when he gets back,” I estimated.

“Then our next step is for me to make a speech to the ponies of Equestria. A call to arms, if you will,” Luna stated, sounding daunted by the task.

“You’ll do fine, just tell them how things are. They’ll listen, just try to be inspiring,” I advised, “I’ll be right there, ready to step in if things get out of hand.”

“I’m not so sure, I don’t think the ponies trust me yet,” Luna said, biting her lip nervously.

“You may be surprised by how many in Canterlot trust me,” I said reassuringly.

“If you really think I can do this, I’ll try,” Luna stated with more confidence.

“Do or do not, there is no try,” I replied, channeling my inner Yoda.

“Wise words, I hope they help,” Luna commented as she began walking towards the balcony that overlooked Canterlot. I took a different path, sailing out an open window and landing on the roof of a nearby building. I hid behind the edge of the roof, waiting for the moment I was needed.

“Ponies of Canterlot,” I heard Luna call to the masses that were on their way home from work, “If I may have your attention, please.”

The crowd made their way to the courtyard, I could hear them muttering in confusion.

“Please, this is important,” her confidence was failing. I stood up on the rooftop, making eye contact with Luna and reminding her that she wasn’t alone. Fortunately the assembled ponies were looking the other way, “SILENCE, thank you. Ponies of Canterlot, no, ponies of Equestria, I bring grave news. Equestria faces a threat the likes of which we have never seen before, in one year’s time we will see a combined force of gryphons, minotaurs, zebras, caribou, and moose invading our land with hostile intentions. I discovered this last night and have enlisted a professional to help with the defense of our fair land. We have worked tirelessly to plan our strategy, but we are missing one critical part. Equestria does not, at this time, have a standing army. We will need soldiers if we are to protect our way of life. I beg of you, free ponies of Equestria, help protect our nation, our friends, our neighbors, our families. I cannot and will not force you into joining, but please, for the sake of your own families and friends, please enlist in the new Equestrian Army.” ‘Not the best I’d heard, but it ought to do.’

“Princess, we thought you were dead,” one of the onlookers called.

“Pardon?” Luna responded, confused.

“Yeah, the papers said you got eaten by that monster,” the same pony responded.

“The shapeshifter,” another spoke up, this was bad.

“That’s probably the monster wearing the princess’s skin,” yet another accused.

“I’m over here, you idiots,” I shouted from my position, causing the ponies to turn towards my position, “Don’t believe everything you read.”

“I thought that picture looked fake.” I recognized the voice as belonging to Pony Joe. I’d need to thank him later.

“Great, now that we’re on the same page, spread the word. Equestria is in danger and we need every able bodied pony to aid in her defense, I myself have volunteered to help in any way I can. As has your princess. Will you allow her to fight for your lives with only me to watch her back? Will you lock your doors and hide like cowards? Will you sit there and say ‘somepony else can do it’? Or will you fight? Will you stand up to this new threat like proud Equestrians? Will you prove to the world that you deserve your freedom? My people have a saying: the price of freedom is paid in blood. Will you earn it? Or are you cowards?” I shouted to the amassed ponies, angering many of them.

“I’m no coward, where do I sign up?” I heard a voice say, before it was joined by several others. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I felt a knife entered my back. Glancing over my shoulder, I found another zebra assassin.

“GAMMA,” I screeched, even as tendrils impaled and consumed my attacker. I saw one of the enforcers drop its disguise just in time to catch an arrow that was headed for Luna’s neck, “You see now? This is the kind of enemy we face. They strike from the shadows like rats, trying to make you afraid. But they will know soon enough, you can NOT break Equestria’s spirit, we will rise to this threat and force it back into whatever hole it crawled out of.”

If Luna was intimidated by this new attempt on her life, she didn’t show it. From my vantage point I could see a dozen Gammas scurrying about, occasionally dropping their disguises to quickly consume any further assassins.

Luna picked up her speech with renewed enthusiasm, ”We shall go on to the end, we shall fight them on the land and on the sea, we shall fight them in the air, we shall defend our nation, our home, whatever the cost may be. We shall prove ourselves able to defend our home, to ride out this storm of war. We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them in the hills, we shall fight them in the fields and in the streets. We shall never surrender. For our way of life, for harmony, FOR EQUESTRIA!” ‘Not bad, Lu. Not bad.’

I heard the telltale clicking of cameras, but it was vastly overshadowed by the sound of ponies muttering. I didn’t like what I was hearing. My ears were filled with the sound of fear, there were talks of fleeing the country and whispers of paying the gryphons to spare them. I could see that Luna could hear them too, I spoke up again, “So this is what you are then? That’s right, we can both hear you, one look at your princess’s face would tell you that. I thought you were better than this, I thought you, of all the ponies in Equestria, would have some pride. But what would I know, I’ve only been fighting Celestia and her hunters for the last THOUSAND YEARS. I’ve only been attacked by ponies who knew they were outmatched and likely to die for the last thousand years, I’ve only been forced into the shadows by those same brave ponies. Where are they now, I can’t see them?” 'As if, I just didn't want to deal with them.'

“But we don’t know how to fight,” one of the ponies called.

“Is that all?” Most of the crowd nodded, I cradled my eyes in a hand, “We still have a year before the invasion, did you all think we would allow you to go into battle without being trained? The training schedule is being tested and perfected right now.” ‘Probably true.’

There was a noticeable shift in the tone of the night, as the crowd realized they actually had a chance to protect their homes and survive to see them again. Such simple concerns, I’d never understand how a pony’s mind works. Sure enough, a few of them began asking where to sign up. The rest left with their heads held high, talking to each other about how to help with the war effort without enlisting. While it didn’t help us immediately, I could appreciate the need for these individuals. They would be the ones to make sure our troops were fed and supplied.

Looking to the sky I realized it had only been about twenty-four hours since I had woken up on Luna’s leg, so much for my good day. Tzu had pulled off a miracle, getting as much done in one day as he did. I’d never heard of any nation acting this quickly, on either world. We’d see how long those plans lasted, my bet was that they’d go out the window during the first engagement. Now it was just a matter of waiting, at least for me. At least I could pass some of the time crafting the new leviathan. I was thinking about making this one entirely above ground and more mobile than the others, our own tank. A giant walking tank at that. I took off into the gathering night, setting a course for the Everfree Forest.

I was going to have some fun with this one, especially if I could figure out how to add projectile weapons. ‘Maybe a slingshot kind of system?’ My arm twisted and broke under its own strain. ‘Nope.’

Author's Notes:

So I wrote the first part of this while drunk, and couldn't bring myself to throw it out once I had sobered up. It goes places I had no intention of ever going with this story, but I think it's funny.

I must have rewritten Dopple's bit twelve times, trying to get it as far as I could from a similar scene in Emerald Gleaner: Viral Unicorn by Legionary. If you haven't checked out his stuff you're missing out, Nurgle knows it's at least half of my inspiration for this fic.