The thin layer of dirt that separated Jeffrey from the surface never knew what hit it. Tendrils shot from each foot to grab and propel me ever faster, causing much of the soil to be thrown back with every step. The panicked townsponies proved no obstacle as they were hopped or dodged with a negligible loss of speed, bringing me closer and closer to this new threat.

Only to stop dead in a spray of fine gravel and torn tendrils when a certain purple unicorn teleported directly in front of me, “Twilight.”

“Jekyll? Wow, you got here fast,” Twilight commented.

“Yes I did, I outpace Dash at a full sprint. I also weigh three quarters of a ton. Could you do me a favor and calculate the damage that would occur to a unicorn if it were to teleport less than a foot in front of me?” I prompted.

“Well, you could just assume the result would be similar to a freight train traveling downhill…” Twilight mused before reaching her conclusion, “There would be little left of that unicorn.”

“That’s you,” I clarified with a gentle pat to her head as I walked around her and took off again.

Twilight, unable to keep up otherwise, continued teleporting after me as I ran towards the sounds of my brand new buildings being crushed. I finally found my prey as I pivoted sharply around a corner, absently noting that it was either a small Ursa Major or a large Ursa Minor. Though most of my attention was on the little detail that it was charging in my direction.

“Finally, I was starting to think you’d never stop. I can’t do that forever Jekyll, I need to take breaks occasionally or I’ll risk burnout,” Twilight complained as she caught up, so intent on lecturing me that she didn’t notice she had wandered into the Ursa’s path.

“You’re getting a helmet tomorrow,” I promised as I stepped over the unicorn and braced myself for impact.

The cosmic bear’s paw moved to slap both of us out of the way, but may as well have struck a mountain for all the effect it had. I had burrowed tendrils deep into Jeffrey to hold me in place, my body locked to protect the mare behind me.

As the bear looked at its paw in confusion, I exploited its distraction to analyze my opponent in more detail. It was young, that was clear now, an adult would’ve recognized the show of strength and retreated. Fluttershy would’ve noticed this too, no killing. No obvious motivation for coming here, no minotaur made harness to coerce it into attacking, it seemed more lost than anything. I could use that, I just needed to make it angry enough to chase me back into the forest.

I was now faced with a new question, how does one anger a giant celestial bear?

“Hey furball, all the cool kids start forest fires!” I shouted. All I received in return was a pause as the bear regarded me in confusion.

“I already ate all the picnic baskets, you get nothing!” I tried, getting as much of a reaction. If nothing else, the Ursa seemed content to stare at me instead of demolishing more of my town.

“What are you doing?” Twilight hissed.

“Pissing it off so I can lead it home,” I replied quietly.

“That’s idiotic, you’ll never make it angry like that. It can’t understand you,” Twilight argued.

“Hey! You up there with the face! Yo momma’s so fat, when Goldilocks tried eating her porridge, she slipped and fell in!"

It laughed. Ponyville’s most recent attacker was laughing at my efforts to antagonize it, even clapping its paws in amusement.

“I guess it can understand,” Twilight conceded, “Surprising, given the relatively small size of its brain.”

“Twilight,” I warned as the giant bear lost its humor.

“It should have a brain the size of a pony to go with that body, but Ursas only have a brain the size of an average fox,” Twilight continued, unaware that she was actually managing to anger the bear or that it was stalking forward once more.

“Time to go!” I announced loudly as I scooped the bookish mare into my arms and took off running, keeping just ahead of Twilight’s new enemy as I angled all three of us towards the trees.

“I can’t see, what’s going on?” Twilight asked over the thundering of both my heavy footfalls and those of our pursuer.

“You pissed it off. Learn some situational awareness,” I snapped as we entered relative safety of the trees.

“It’ll still be able to smell me, what are we going to do?” Twilight pressed, becoming aware of exactly what kind of position she was in.

“Get as far away from civilization as possible, then do whatever’s necessary to make it back off,” I answered grimly.

Twilight fell silent as I continued carrying her through the forest, her only complaints being silent grimaces every time I was forced to weave around anything. The Ursa never let up, doggedly following us further and further into the depths of the Everfree. Eventually I slowed and set my passenger down before turning to face the Ursa Minor predator to predator.

I reassigned more biomass to cognitive processing, allowing me to think and plan much faster as my perception of time slowed significantly. Bog to the east, cliff face to the west, uphill north, nothing south but my opponent. I didn’t need the elevation advantage that would come with moving further north, this spot would be perfect. Best part, no Fluttershy to nag at me for making it bleed.

I had one last trick to even out this fight. My mass weighed in at one thousand five hundred pounds, yet my size remained the same as when I weighed a couple hundred. Dropping my density, I expanded my form and grew until I was seeing even with the tops of the trees.

I grinned when the Ursa charged through the last of the intervening trees and slid to a stop, recognizing that the tables had turned. Claws measuring in yards extended from my fingers as I assumed a ready stance, inwardly hoping the star patterned bear would back down.

Fight or flight. Two options. Flip of the coin. It pounced, meeting my iron hard fist with the bridge of its nose and snarling through the resulting nosebleed.

“Back away young one, you need not die tonight,” I warned as I brandished my claws once more.

The bear charged again and was again repelled, though now sporting a missing ear and a new bruise.

“I take no pleasure from this, I beg you to leave in peace. You are too young to die this way, but attack again and I will not hold back,” I threatened.

My enemy charged one final time, out of pride or anger I could not know. I felt my movements become strained as my claws closed around the Ursa’s throat, seeing the magenta aura encompass both myself and the foolish bear.

“No,” Twilight declared, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t sob nor scream, her tone was even and volume no louder than normal, “Nopony dies tonight.”

I felt my considerable weight lift off the ground along with the Ursa, my fingers soon forced to open and release their hold on my enemy’s life. As we were pushed apart by the immensely powerful telekinesis, I stole a look at the mare behind it. Though Twilight’s eyes were closed, the twin shades of light still found gaps to shine through. The ground on Twilight’s left was bathed in the same indigo hue as her aura, while her right side was a shade of pink that matched the stripe in her mane.

I didn’t fight the telekinetic hold as I was held in place, curious as to what would happen next. Twilight’s knowledge of Ursas seemed to be in the fore of her mind as she used techniques native to Ursa Major mothers to rock the gargantuan bear to sleep and set it in a clearing.

Then it was my turn to become the mare’s focus, though I was not handled like the young bear and was simply set back where I had been standing.

“No killing,” Twilight ordered sternly before her eyes lost their glow, rolled into the back of her head, and were carried to the ground with the rest of her as she lost consciousness.

“Okay then, that’s one for the stories,” I commented, stunned by the turn of events.

“I’m inclined to agree,” another voice replied. Turning my oversized head, I found Luna, Rainbow Dash, and, of all ponies, Ditzy sitting on a nearby cloud.

“That was so bucking awesome,” Dash added breathlessly, as though she was afraid speaking would ruin the moment.

“Aww, there was a wing in my way. I missed it,” Ditzy complained.

“My apologies, the fight appeared to be nearing a conclusion I didn’t think you’d want to see,” Luna apologized.

“You saw all of that?” I asked as I returned my density to normal levels and used my wings to retain my altitude.

“Oh yes, I followed you in case you needed help and Rainbow here said I could be her sidekick and tagged along as well,” Luna replied.

“I was already here, I sorta got lost,” Ditzy admitted.

“I’ll grab Twilight and push you all back, we should get her into a bed after that stunt,” I said before dropping out of the sky.

Twilight was still comatose when I reached her, though that wasn’t particularly surprising. Lifting her comparatively negligible weight and pushing her halfway into my chest like I was an organic papoose, I made ready to take all of them back to the safety of Ponyville.

“We get it Dash, we were there,” I groaned.

“But it was just sooo awesome!”

“Yes, why don’t you tell Pinkie all about it so she can start planning Twilight’s ‘Congrats On Being A Badass’ party,” I suggested, seeing Dash fly off before anyone who actually blinked naturally could do so.

“I can take Twilight home, you have a look I doubt Trixie would react well to,” Luna offered.

“I’m hunting idiots,” I replied as I pulled Twilight free and handed her off.

“Dinky's probably wondering where I am, I’ll see you all later,” Ditzy excused before flying off as well, leaving me alone in the street with little to go on as to why an Ursa Minor was rampaging through town. Except for two little unicorns that took a liking to Trixie’s boasting, they might’ve known something.

“I smell dust, the kind that never really leaves feathers that have seen the isles,” I commented no no one visible.

“I wasn’t hiding elder, I just…” Gilda attempted, trailing off at my raised hand.

“It’s fine, do you know why that Ursa was in town?” I asked.

“Short dweeb and tall dweeb thought they could get Trixie to prove you wrong if they managed to lure an Ursa into town,” Gilda reported.

“Figured they’d have something to do with this,” I groused, “You weren’t hunting them were you?”

“They started talking about it when you stormed off, so I followed them to see if they were serious. I never even thought about eating them in your territory,” Gilda responded, sounding almost offended.

“Glad we’re on the same page. You can stay aboard Abaddon if you like, save your room and food money,” I offered, “I have manticore sausage…”

“Is this Abaddon your keep?” Gilda asked.

“Yes, my walking fortress of flesh, claws, and witty one-liners. Say ‘Hi’ Abaddon!” I clarified.

“Hello,” Abaddon rumbled in greeting.

“Mom always said the best room is a free room, same for grub too. I’ll check it out, but I’d only planned on being here for a couple more days,” Gilda agreed.

“That’s fine, but you are still a guest in my territory and should be treated properly. The one with the slightly larger head is Tzu, he can give you the rundown of how everything works,” I replied.

“Thank you, honor upon your house lord,” Gilda accepted with a polite bow.

“On yours as well little one,” I bid, sending the gryphon on her way with a friendly wave. Internally, I was still puzzling over why she seemed so familiar. With nothing else to distract me, I made my way towards the nearer of the two houses that held my targets.

An auburn mare with an image of a hair pick on her flank opened the door at my knock, “Mister Jekyll, can I help you?”

“Right Style, isn’t it? I have something I need to discuss with you and your family, please follow me,” I requested, though it wasn’t a request and the hairdresser before me clearly knew that.

“Sure, give me a moment to find little Snips’ jacket,” Right Style excused before abruptly slamming the door. I could hear the sounds of a young colt being interrogated for a full five minutes before the entire family appeared at the door, looking as though they were completely innocent. All except for Snips’ older sister.

“I don’t get why I have to go, Snips is the one who wrecked the town. Like, why should I get killed for his stupidity. This is so unfair,” the filly complained, getting a razor sharp glare from her mother.

“I never said I would harm any of you, I said we had things to discuss,” I corrected.

“About the Ursa…” Right began, trailing off as she tried to figure out how to apologize for so much damage.

“I’d like to have Snails and his family present as well before we begin,” I responded, quieting the nervous mare. After a few minutes of walking, we arrived at the significantly more run-down home of my other target.

This time it was a turquoise stallion with a mark depicting a worm that answered the door, instantly assaulting my nostrils with the scent of old beer, “Watchu want?”

“Hey Worms, need you and the fam to shut up and learn a thing,” I greeted.

“Buck you, come on in,” the stallion replied with a lazy wave of his hoof. I liked Worms and his family, they were honest and got along well with each other. Where Right Style kept a clean home and messy family, Worms did the opposite. A little crass after a few drinks, but nobody’s perfect and even then he meant well.

“Hi Snips,” Snails greeted with a friendly wave.

“Hi Snails,” Snips replied, sounding much less enthusiastic.

“Couch has rats, sit on the floor. Any a ya wanna beer? They’re a bit warm, but fresh from last Tuesday,” Worms offered, getting stunned looks from the other family, “Nah? Kay then, you lot can buck off to sober-ville then.”

“Ya gotta twist my leg, don’t ya? Fine, gimme one of your old ass beers,” I placated, knowing this language quite well. Worms retrieved a dirty bottle from the case that was holding up his kitchen table and tossed it my way before flopping onto the rat infested couch with a fresh one of his own. Three kicks later and the rats had even settled down.

“How do you ponies live like this? It’s filthy,” Right complained.

“Shut it, we like ‘homey’ more,” Worms shot back.

“This isn’t the time for you two to start fighting, it’s time for me to grill both of you for wrecking my town,” I snapped, silencing both before another round could start.

“But I didn’t do anything, Snips will be punished accordingly,” Right attempted.

“Didju just throw your colt under the train? I ain’t movin or fightin Jekyll, you can kill me if’n you want. Hurt my boy and I’ll kill ya though, don’t know how but I will,” Worms offered.

“Both of you just shut up. Right Style, your focus on appearance over quality has poisoned your entire family to the point that it is affecting the rest of the town, fix it. Worms, I am genuinely amazed Snails hasn’t died of dysentery twelve times by now. That’s shitting yourself to death, by the way. Clean. Your. House. Other than that, teach the boy how to judge character better. That goes for both of you, their belief in Trixie’s bragging led to this mess. Snips, Snails, Trixie had never seen an Ursa before, I drove it away from Hoofington. She lied and you believed her, that’s fine. Putting everypony in town in danger to redeem her wasn’t fine, not to mention how you risked your own lives twice over at the same time. Once by the Ursa, once by me. You are damn lucky I’m not as mean as they say,” I scolded.

“But-” Right attempted.

“I am so fucking tired of that word. But this. But that. Always with the excuses I couldn’t care less about. Keep your problems from being my problems and we’ll get along fine. Got it?” I snapped.

“Yep,” Worms replied, looking at his son thoughtfully. I imagined he had a good lesson about character forming in that half-drunk head of his.

“How can you stand there and blame me for this? I already said I’d punish Snips, what more do you want?” Right demanded. It struck me then, she really didn’t understand why I was lecturing her.

“Right Style, you want to know why I’m blaming you? Because Snips has learned how to live his life from you. Your refusal to accept responsibility for anything will negatively affect him later in life, that much I know. From what I’ve seen here tonight, Worms has done more for your child than you have,” I explained, my tone deathly calm as I delivered the reality check. Right Style looked horrified at the thought of her son hanging around this house, “I swear on Luna’s mane I will spay you right here and now if you complain about the mess.”

“You can’t-” Right gasped.

“I am the best fucking surgeon on this planet, do not test me Style,” I threatened. Once I was convinced the haughty mare was sufficiently cowed, I continued, “I’ll give you two options: either you can pay for the damages, or become a team. That means Style here comes over every day and cleans this mess while Worms repairs the damage done to Snips and...I don’t actually know your name.”

“Fade,” the filly replied.

“While worms repairs the damage done to Snips and Fade. Neither of you would be allowed to interfere with the other and are highly encouraged to thank each other every day,” I continued.

“Fine by me, long as she don’t throw out my cap collection. I know they’ll be worth somethin’ to somepony someday,” Worms allowed.

“You expect me to clean up after this alcoholic? How much would it cost in damages?” Right Style pressed.

“Six hundred and twenty five for local contractors,” I estimated based on Jeffrey’s input.

“Done, can I go now?” Right Style requested.

“That’s in thousands ya twit,” Worms corrected.

“Is there a third option?” Right Style asked weakly.

“I evict you both,” I answered.

“I’ll do it, I’ll clean up this mess,” Right relented before going stiff and looking at me in terror.

“That one’s free,” I allowed.

“Finally the yappin’s over, you want that beer now?” Worms offered, holding a bottle out for Right.

“One more for your collection, right?” Right conceded as she accepted the drink.

“Huh? No gal, caps as in hats. Got a few dozen in special preservation boxes in the attic, real rare ones too. I even enchanted the boxes meself, top notch,” Worms clarified.

“I guess this means we’ll get to hang out more often, best punishment ever,” Snips declared.

“Your parents will see to you two,” I warned, deciding that my job was done and leaving the adults to bicker over the details.

The walk back to Abaddon allowed me to revisit Twilight’s actions in the forest, more specifically the way she brought that monumental amount of power to bear and still molded it in a way that matched her studious nature. She definitely had my attention now.

Tzu nodded politely as I landed on the deck, seeing my deep thoughts and opting not to interrupt. I returned the nod as I passed him on my way to my room. Luna would know more, this was her field and her student.

I openly laughed at the sight that greeted me when I opened the door. Luna was laying on her side, propped up on the elbow of her right foreleg. Her hind legs were as straight as they could get, sitting comfortably out of the way as she beckoned me forth with her eyes and left hoof. However, the part I found funny was that she was wearing one of Catrix’s dresses, covering her from neck to hoof and extending several inches past her hind legs.

“What’s so funny?” Luna asked, her mood audibly souring.

“I get the pose, I do, and it’s great, but why are you wearing one of Cat’s dresses? How did you even get in here with it on?” I countered, still chuckling.

“With great difficulty on her promise that the fun part would be taking it off,” Luna replied.

“That outfit I made you would work better,” I pointed out, “It actually fits your shape.”

“This is rather uncomfortable in some spots, I’ll try that next time,” Luna agreed, letting her unspoken question hang in the air.

“I suppose Twilight can wait until morning,” I relented as I walked forward.

The dawn found ponyville completely repaired, every building with nary a scratch and every paw print erased from the roads. Luna and I had opted to sit on the edge of the deck following her morning ritual of swapping the sun and moon.

“Do you think Twilight knows how she did that last night?” I asked.

“Not consciously, but I’m sure she does deep down,” Luna replied.

“That’s good,” I commented, content with watching the rest of the town awaken.

“Applejack’s opening her stall a bit early today,” Luna noted after several minutes of silence.

“Might be trying to cash in on any food losses from yesterday,” I guessed.

“I’ll ask,” Luna responded before disappearing. I saw her reappear in the market directly in front of the stall in question and lean in towards Applejack to ask her question. The bewilderment on the other mare’s face could be seen clearly, even from my distance, as she furiously shook her head in denial. Luna nodded and, I assumed, made her apologies before teleporting back onto the deck, “She woke up early and didn’t want to sit around.”

“Sounds like her,” I agreed.

“Then why did you suggest such a thing? Was your true intention to get me into the market such that I would be struck with inspiration the like of which hath never been seen within these town limits? Then I bear news, it worked. I shall venture forth and hold night court in thine market under mine sister’s sun, because fuckith thine rules,” Luna raved, shaking with excitement. I couldn’t tell if she was using her old way of speaking sarcastically or not.

“I can’t say dumb shit without it being a thing?” I countered, but Luna was already gone, “At least this ought to be funny.”

Taking flight, I glided down to the market and silently perched on one of the rooftops just in time to hear Luna asking Applejack if she could borrow a wooden box.

“Ah guess, here ya go princess,” Applejack allowed with a shrug, understanding what was happening less than I did.

“Thank you. On my honor, I shall have it back to you in one piece by the end of the day,” Luna promised. I stalked closer as Luna carried her box to a gap in the ring of merchants and sat upon it. After a moment to compose herself, she spoke one more, “Citizens of Equestria, the Night Court is hereby open!”

“It’s eight in the morning,” Roseluck pointed out from her own stall.

“I have found no law that requires the Night Court to be at night,” Luna rebutted.

“Isn’t it in the name though? ‘Night Court,’ kinda implies the time,” another mare pressed.

“Are you all going to complain about how convenient this is or make your pleas to the crown?” Luna countered, silencing any remaining opposition.

The first one to step forward was a very familiar auburn mare, “I have a request, I’d like to be let out of a deal.”

“What is this deal then? If it is judged unfair, then I may be able to do as you say,” Luna prompted professionally.

“I was forced to clean the home of a belligerent alcoholic while he raises my children. When I say it like that, it sounds like a bad marriage. We’re not married,” Right Style explained.

“I feel like there is more to this, why was this imposed on you?” Luna asked suspiciously.

“Because my son was one of the colts that brought the Ursa into town last night,” Right Style admitted. ‘Progress!’

“Then I assume it was Jekyll that coerced you into this position? I often find that he has both a reason for everything he does and a lesson hidden within each trial. I shall uphold this arrangement until you have learned that lesson to my satisfaction, then you shall be freed from it,” Luna declared.

“But how am I supposed to know what this ‘lesson’ is? I don’t want to pick up empty bottles for the rest of my life,” Right Style complained.

“You will know in time,” Luna foretold. Though her demeanor was hard, she did not speak unkindly.

Right Style found a turquoise hoof on her shoulder when she attempted to continue, “C’mon Right, ‘fore you embarrass both of us.”

Luna waited until they were out of sight before summoning the next petitioner, “That was interesting, but we must leave them to their lives and move along. Who’s next?”

“Hello Princess, would you be a dear and tell my little sister that it’s improper to try for a dragon riding cutie mark?”

“Uh, hi Princess. Sorry, I get nervous talking to mares. That’s actually what I wanted to ask about…”

“Hi Luna, I just finished another friendship report. Would you like me to read it here or wait until later?”

“Could you help me with this jar? I swear it’s sealed shut with dark magic or something.”

“Can’t you dweebs solve your own problems?”

On and on it went, until every single pony in town had spoken to the diarch about some minor issue or another. Luna spotted me after an hour and occasionally stole frustrated glances my way, glances I returned with exaggerated eye rolls of my own. It quickly became a game to see who would run out of patience first.

“Boy howdy Princess, Ah was startin’ ta think they’d never quit,” Applejack commented as she packed up the few remaining boxes and baskets she had hauled into town this morning.

“Jay, I’m stealing your chair next time, this was murder on my poor plot,” Luna complained.

“Nobody steals my chair,” I replied as I dropped to the ground next to the pair, “I’ll make you one first.”

“That would wor-ahhaha cramp, ooh that hurts,” Luna attempted before awkwardly limping sideways in her attempt to stretch the sore muscle in her hind leg.

“Hold still, which side is it on?” I asked as I moved to keep Luna from tipping over.

“Left hind leg, front side,” Luna replied through gritted teeth. She sighed in relief as I carefully massaged and pulled the muscle back to normal, “Thanks.”

“Call it a perk of keeping your doctor around all the time,” I joked.

“If only I got sweets for being good like all the other fillies,” Luna mock lamented, finding a cupcake and smiling Pinkie Pie in front of her an instant later, “Uh...thank you?”

Pinkie just smiled wider and sprinted off, leaving a confused Luna holding the cupcake as though it was going to bite her.

“Pinkie’s gonna Pinkie,” I commented.

“Eeyep,” Applejack agreed with a laugh.

“She was not there a moment ago...this hurts my brain,” Luna complained.

“Don’t question it, down that way lies madness,” I advised.

“For you perhaps, but I’ve been using magic for millennia. This mystery should be easy to solve,” Luna declared, taking my warning as a challenge, “Where’s Twilight? I shall require a research assistant.”

Applejack and I shared an amused look for a moment, “A hundred bits says she destroys half the town.”

“You’re a better gambler than that AJ, Luna will tire herself out long before she goes too crazy,” I replied.

“Fine, but if she comes back rantin’ ‘bout eternal night, don’t come cryin’ ta me,” Applejack shot back.

“How else am I supposed to deal with Nightmare then? It was down to the wire last time and I was just there to stall her. Without the Elements to finish the job...I’d have to kill her, I really don’t want to do that,” I asked, my mood souring at the offhoof comment.

“Aw come on Jay, Ah didn’t mean it like that. Me and the girls would be there faster than ya could believe, Ah was just sayin’ that Ah don’t wanna hear any whinin’,” Applejack placated.

“I get that, but it put the thought in my head. If you six had messed up at all…” I trailed off.

“We didn’t, no point frettin’ over what coulda’ happened,” Applejack replied firmly.

“Good advice, thanks. Here, let me get that box,” I offered as I moved to help the farm mare pack up her stall for the day, somehow ending up dragging her cart back to the farm for her as well.

“Hi Mister Jekyll!” A small voice called as we approached.

“Hey Bloom!” I replied, growing an arm to wave with.

“Ah haven’t told Bloom ‘bout you yet,” Applejack confessed quietly as her little sister came running over without a hint of fear on her little face.

“Any reason why?” I asked curiously, making no attempt to lower my voice.

“Ah meant to, but it never came up,” Applejack responded, seeming disappointed in herself.

“Don’t worry about it, that’s happened to me plenty of times,” I consoled.

“What didn’t come up?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I lived just outside of town for a long time, you knew me as Best Defense,” I revealed.

“I thought so, you used a lot of the same words. Ya know, the ones I’m not allowed to repeat,” Apple Bloom replied.

“I wasn’t trying very hard,” I commented at Applejack’s raised eyebrow.

“That get’s me wonderin’ why you’ve been lookin’ after us fer so long,” Applejack prompted.

“Your family has always been good to me, ever since Apple Seed sent me to the kingdom. Every time I’ve needed help, they were there, every time I didn’t know how to keep going, one of them had a life lesson to give me hope. I owe your ancestors a lot, looking after you three is a drop in the bucket at this point. Well, that and the farm,” I explained.

“What about the farm?”

“Ask Granny about the taxes, ought to give you a hint,” I teased.

“So you hang out with us because of what our an..anne-cess-torres did? Not because you like us?” Apple Bloom asked sadly.

“Shoot, I missed a few things. C’mere Bloom,” I instructed, stopping and kneeling to address the filly, “Never doubt that I like you and your brother and sister, but it takes a bit to get me to do anything. I realized a long time ago that if I did whatever I wanted, the world would change in ways I didn’t like. I help my friends and repay my favors, but other than that I try not to do anything. Your ancestors keep doing me favors even now because in repaying my debt to them, I got to meet a two wonderful little fillies and a colt that has spoken to me twice in twenty years.”

“What about Granny?” Apple Bloom pressed, her mood already back to normal.

“That overgrown bucket of glue burned down half my cabin trying to get her cutie mark, it was years before I managed to recreate the books that were lost,” I griped, much to the amusement of the others.

“Sounds a mite bit familiar,” Applejack giggled, looking at her sister suspiciously.

“But I haven’t burned anythin’ sis, whatcha lookin’ at me like that for?” Apple Bloom protested.

“Yet,” Applejack and I added at the same time.

“But-But-I haven’t done anythin’. That’s not fair,” Apple Bloom insisted.

“Yet,” Applejack repeated. Apple Bloom looked ready to cry from the teasing until Applejack added, “Ah know how bad Ah was durin’ those years, figure you’ll be ‘bout the same. Can’t blame a filly for getting a little ribbin’ in early, can ya?”

“You’ll laugh about this when you’re older, every pony does, and every pony gives the next generation grief for what they’ll do trying to get that mark,” I agreed.

“It’s still not fair, I haven’t done anythin’ bad,” Apple Bloom complained.

“Aside from summoning a demon and who knows what else,” I pointed out, making Apple Bloom’s head whip around to face me, “Yeah, I know.”

“A demon? Like that Catrix fella? Bloom, Ah don’t want you learnin’...things from that floozy,” Applejack admonished.

“Worse, they summoned a ripper. Just like the ones I summoned to fight back against the spiders. They’re town killers, nearly unstoppable to a pony, ever craving the screams of their victims. She’s damn lucky it was Harry she found, he’s the most mild mannered of the bunch,” I explained, causing Apple Bloom’s ears to droop lower with every word.

“Ah see,” Applejack replied neutrally, her tone dead but promising a punishment for the ages.

“Don’t be too hard on her, Har…….Nah, screw that. Bloom, that redefines reckless, what could any of you have been thinking? Opening a portal to Tartarus of all places, putting the whole town in danger. Do you have any idea what it takes to stop a ripper?” I reprimanded.

“No,” Apple Bloom answered meekly.

“Luna or Celestia, if they get very lucky or have a few dozen guards to sacrifice. Or me. It takes my ability to ignore their claws and teeth to survive long enough to send them back. Next time you or any of your friends think it might be a good idea to do something remotely like that, you had better make damn sure I’m in the room and watching every move. Or don’t do it, ya know, like a sane pony,” I ranted.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,” Apple Bloom apologized quietly.

“Six generations of your family say that you will. Just tell one of us next time so we can keep the damage to a minimum, it’ll keep your punishments light as well,” I instructed the filly.

“Yes Pa-” Apple Bloom slipped before a loud throat clearing interrupted her. Looking up, I found that Mac had walked over while Applejack and I were lecturing his little sister.

“Hey Mac, what’s up?” I asked politely, inwardly wondering how such a big stallion could move so quietly.

“Ah know how much ya done fer us, and Ah can’t judge ya after everythin’, but ya ain’t our Pa. He’s gone and nopony’s takin’ his place. Ya done right by us and Ah won’t stop ya, but jus’ know that,” Mac grumbled.

“First time I get more than one word out of you in a decade and it’s an ass chewing? I didn’t know you loved me so much,” I replied, forcing a single drop of water out of my eye.

“Bloom, grounded. Mac, don’t be a jerk. Jekyll, also grounded,” Applejack declared, her tone brooking no argument. Didn’t stop me though.

“I’m grounded? How and from what?” I pressed.

“Ah don’t know yet, but ya are,” Applejack insisted.

“That Apple stubbornness won’t help you here, you have nothing to take from me,” I replied.

“Fine, but no makin’ trouble,” Applejack ordered.

“Does this mean I’m not grounded anymore either?” Apple Bloom asked hopefully.

“No way in hell.”

“Ya bet yer bow yer still grounded.”

“Eenope.”

“Aww.”

“Take it with some dignity Bloom, you’re an Apple,” I chided as I lifted the cart once more and returned to hauling it back to the farm, “On a different note, what were about to call me?”

“I-I almost called you Papa, you sounded a lot like him,” Apple Bloom confessed, getting sympathetic looks from Applejack and myself.

“Eenope,” Mac argued.

“Calm yourself Mac, it was just a slip. It happens,” I reassured the stallion before his sister had a chance to get angry.

“He’s right, no need to make a fuss ‘bout it,” Applejack agreed with a hard stare at her brother.

“It’s just...I didn’t know him long an’ Best was there an’ he was you an’...” Apple Bloom trailed off, visibly depressed by the turn the conversation had taken.

“It’s okay Bloom, you don’t have to justify it to me. But I don’t know if I’m the one you want as a role model, I’m told that I’m a bad influence. Wasn’t the best father either,” I replied, my own tone turning somber.

“That Freydis you were talkin’ ‘bout?” Applejack guessed.

“Only one I call my daughter,” I confirmed, tilting my head back to watch the clouds drift by as I thought about how to continue, “I didn’t have a clue and did the worst thing I could’ve done, I let her do whatever she wanted. It was blind luck that all she did was hook up with Garalt, she could’ve gotten herself killed.”

“Sounded like a solid dad when you were talkin’ ‘bout her before,” Applejack pressed supportively.

“I tried, but I still see more failures than successes,” I groused.

Applejack smiled at her little sister for a moment before agreeing, “Me too, comes with the job.”

“I never stopped looking, you know. I still believe that I’ll find them,” I confided.

“It’s been nine years. If they’re still alive, then they musta given up on us,” Applejack reasoned, though Mac looked up hopefully.

“If they ran off, I’ll return them with a hundred and eleven broken bones. One for each month. That ought to keep them here long enough for them to recognize what they’ve been missing and start making it up to you. If you can’t forgive them, then at least I tried,” I responded.

“Don’t hold yer breath, Ah got a lotta anger ‘bout them disapperin’ like that,” Applejack advised. Apple Bloom and Mac didn’t seem to agree with her on that, however.

The subject of my ire was about to meet her match, victory was assured. This plan was foolproof. It could not fail. Logic would win this day.

Pinkie had just pulled one of her impossible entrances and was bouncing away from the scene so innocently. Her mistake was that she had already traveled this path and alerted my comrade and I to which tree she disappeared behind.

I received Twilight’s signal that she was in position on the other side and returned my own in response, the trap was set. Pinkie would have to pass on one side of this tree and reveal how exactly she managed to disappear.

“Here we go,” I whispered to myself as Pinkie neared the tree. Soon enough she passed the tree and didn’t reappear on the other side, leaving Twilight in a perfect position to see what had happened. Sprinting from my cover, I met an excited Twilight in the middle of the path. Coincidentally, we were right next to the tree.

“How did she do it?” Twilight asked eagerly, ruining my own excitement.

“You didn’t see?” I confirmed.

“No, she was on your side,” Twilight replied.

“No, she wasn’t,” I groaned, realizing our folly. We had tried to trap madness within a net of sanity, a task not dissimilar to attempting to lasso water. It led only to more madness.

“Drat,” Twilight swore.

“Drat indeed,” I agreed.

“It has to be the tree, she must have some sort of secret entrance leading to a tunnel or something,” Twilight asserted, rushing over to poke and prod at the tree for any secret buttons or levers.

“Perhaps you should lift the entire tree,” I suggested.

“But it’s too much, all of the roots and dirt that would have to be broken, I can’t lift that,” Twilight argued, continuing her fruitless search.

“And yet both Jekyll and an Ursa Minor weren’t?” I pressed, causing the unicorn to freeze.

“Were you in my dream?” Twilight asked.

“It was no dream, you really did those things. You did pass out afterwards though,” I explained.

“That-that really happened? I had no idea…” Twilight trailed off.

“Yes, I saw the whole thing. I must say Twilight, I have never been more proud than I was last night,” I praised, making Twilight flush with embarrassment.

“Thank you pr-” Twilight began, though she was interrupted by a massive column of blue light rising in the distance that stole both of our attentions.

“The town!” Both of us cried in alarm as we sprinted back.

“You really didn’t have to cook for me AJ, I get by well enough on dirt,” I commented, though I kept a grateful tone to avoid the ever present spatula.

“Dirt Shmirt, ya been looking after us and payin’ our taxes too long ta get outa bein’ family. Ah don’t let family leave hungry Jay,” Applejack declared. As she turned to threaten me into behaving, a bright blue light shone through the window and lit up the side of her face, “What in tarnation?”

“Is it illegal for me to get a day off?” I groaned.

Applejack looked torn for a few seconds before spitting out a frustrated question, “You hungry?”

“Not really, no,” I replied, somewhat confused.

“Then Ah guess ya can go save the town again, try ta be back fer dinner,” Applejack allowed.

“I’ll do my best,” I promised, finding the sense of family nostalgically pleasant.

“Kick some butt Not-Papa,” Apple Bloom called as I passed her, a sly smile on her face. Mac’s stubborn insistence on looking sour just made the rest of the family laugh harder.

I hurriedly said my farewells as I rushed out the door and sprinted into town, looking for any sign of the blue light. That is to say: I was looking for Nightmare Moon. Instead, I found a concerned looking Luna galloping towards me with an equally nervous Twilight in tow.

“Tell me that was you,” I demanded once the pair were within shouting range.

“It wasn’t,” Luna replied as she closed the distance and looked around for any clues.

“Your keep says it came from Whitetail Woods,” a helpful voice clarified. Looking up, I discovered Gilda perched on a nearby roof.

“And he sent you to tell me?” I asked.

“I volunteered. Figured I might as well, since I’m tagging along,” Gilda replied.

“You intend to follow me into battle? Like that? Where is your armor? Your sword? I can’t stop you from seeking adventure, but you will not get yourself killed in my territory,” I stated.

“Armor? Sword? You’ve been away from the Isles too long elder, we have new weapons now,” Gilda argued as she pulled a canvas bag from under her wing and removed a number of belts and pouches. Soon after the gryphon had her rigging on, she began withdrawing six small metal pipes with wooden handles and placing them in appropriately shaped pouches on her gear.

“You brought wheellocks into Equestria?” I asked in surprise.

“And one of the new flintlocks, custom made for easy concealment,” Gilda bragged as she removed the last few items from her bag and assembled the carbine length musket.

“What are those? They look somewhat similar to your spike weapons,” Luna asked.

“Mechanical version of the same thing, throws a rock at very high speed and punches holes in things. Very messy, very effective,” I explained, “Very illegal. Where were you hiding that bag?”

“My underwear drawer,” Gilda replied easily.

“We will be discussing this later little one,” I promised darkly.

“As you say lord, but we have an enemy to destroy first,” Gilda pressed.

“Be glad you do, you’re speaking to the only illegal weapon I approve of,” Luna added as I formed my wings.

“You coming too? Got a tank and ranger, could use a mage,” I offered.

“Not this time, I may already be too late to gather everything Twilight could remember about last night,” Luna replied, “I just wish we had a more quiet life sometimes.”

“It does feel like there’s always something on fire,” I agreed before taking to the skies. I kept my pace slow enough for Gilda to catch up before setting off in earnest.

Gilda opted to land in the more traditional way, the way everything else landed. I for one preferred the obscuring cloud of dust that came with dropping out of the sky like a rock, it kept any potential enemies from knowing where I was and gave me an advantage.

“You’re sure this is where it came from?” I asked as the dust settled around the confused townsponies and us.

“Straight shot along the path Abaddon described, this is the only town in that direction,” Gilda responded, her talon never straying more than an inch from the wheellock strapped to her thigh.

“Ease up, you’re making the situation more tense than it needs to be,” I ordered before turning my attention to the locals, “So who fucked up what and caused that bright ass light?”

“Ah Tartarus. Listen sir, Arcane got a little outa…” A stallion began as he walked out of a nearby shop, though he froze when he saw me.

“So this ‘Arcane’ messed up a spell or something then?” I confirmed, “At least it’s not another attack. Still, I should talk to this fellow and see what the everloving fuck could’ve caused that.”

“Ya’ leave ’im be, he’s been through enough,” the stallion demanded, earning my full attention.

“Ballsy, aren’t you? Yes, I remember you now; the fool that thought some little hammer would hurt me. Part of that wannabe knight group, right? Get out of my way,” I ordered, rapidly alternating between sounding curious and threatening to disorient the naturally empathetic pony.

“Ah’ll limp my ass over there and kick your teeth in if ya’ take another step,” the stallion threatened, prompting me to walk right up to the old soldier.

“You’re still in my way,” I noted, switching to taunting the beaten warrior with my apathy.

“No,” the stallion declared, planting his hooves defiantly.

“I left you broken enough to stop fighting but intact enough to find a new job and move on, that was not an accident. Do not test my patience further,” I warned.

“I may be broken, but I won’t let you hurt that colt.”

“This is going nowhere and pissing me off. I am going to find this ‘Arcane’ and ask him how he made that light, then I am going to tell him not to scare me like that again, and then I’ll probably check out this cool ass looking coffee shop before heading home,” I stated firmly.

“Ah’m supposed to believe that ya’ intend to talk to ‘im? Horseshit. And ya’ ain’t welcome in my shop either, so you might as well sod off.”

“Damn elders and their patience,” Gilda complained loudly as she drew her pistol. A firm hand in the action kept the weapon from firing however, “Hey, what gives?”

“Starting an unnecessary conflict is never wise, but there is no fault in destroying those who make it necessary. This one is stubborn and belligerent, but he doesn’t need to die,” I advised as I reset the mechanism with one finger. As I glanced over to ensure the pistol had been recocked properly, I noticed a single word engraved in the barrel. Kindness.

“Is that an order?” Gilda demanded angrily as she struggled to pull her weapon out of my grip.

“If it needs to be,” I replied tersely, my words finally getting the gryphon to calm down. It was an angry calm, but I’d take what I could get.

“Y’all kiss and make up?” the stallion asked.

“Last chance to tell me where Arcane is before I eat your brain,” I threatened, shutting the stallion up.

It must’ve been clear that I wasn’t bluffing, as the stallion took a step back and muttered something about how much hospital security guards were paid.

“Was that so hard?” I asked, walking around the former mercenary to visit my real target in his hospital bed.

“Can I have my gun back now?” Gilda requested as I pulled her along.

“As soon as you explain the engraving,” I countered, internally hoping it was something innocent.

“It marks the target the gun was meant for,” Gilda admitted.

“You’re an assassin then, pity. Seven guns, seven targets. The Element bearers and Luna. I would assume you’ve gone rogue then?” I guessed, finally loosening my fingers and allowing Gilda to reholster her pistol.

“Hold on, what? Luna? You’re my last target, I have a special bullet and everything. And why would I go rogue?” Gilda asked.

“I guess the Isles don’t know the names of the Element bearers, Dash is Loyalty,” I revealed, causing Gilda to freeze in place.

“No. Oh please no. You’re lying, you have to be lying,” Gilda stammered, her voice small.

“You know her, who else could possibly hold that title?” I pressed.

“I-I can’t-I don’t-what the hay am I supposed to do? How do I justify any of this? If I honor my country and kill Rainbow, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. But if I spare her and return a failure, I would be publicly shamed and exiled along with my family. I can’t do either. W-What do I do?” Gilda asked, visibly shaking as she struggled with her situation.

“You could die,” I suggested without thinking. Gilda immediately reached for one of her pistols and I had to amend my offhand comment before she could take action, “Fake it, I mean. Go after a copy of Shy, or one of the others, and get ‘killed’ by me for it. Then alter a few features, a bit shorter beak, different colors, and Gilda dies a hero while Dash and her friends keep breathing.”

“That-that might work. But where would I live, how would I keep my family’s honor and standing intact?” Gilda pressed.

“New name obviously. As for work, I seem to recall Luna’s guard being short on flyers,” I offered.

“I need time to think, thank you for the ideas elder,” Gilda thanked with a polite bow.

“We’d need to get you new guns though, those muzzleloaders suck. Mine would peel the flesh from your bones though, trust me on that one. I’ll have the techs see about a self contained setup for you. It won’t be on our level, but it’ll be better than that shit,” I mused, talking more to myself than Gilda.

“How did you do that?” Gilda asked.

“Do what?” I countered.

“Taking an impossible situation and finding a simple solution almost instantly,” Gilda clarified.

“I’m not bound by gryphon thinking and I have a lot of experience,” I replied. A dull thud prompted me to look back as we walked, “Ah hell, angry coffee dude passed out. Gimme a sec.”

“Do we need one of your former enemies to get into the hospital?” Gilda deadpanned as I hefted the stallion onto my shoulder.

“Might be low blood pressure, calorie deficiency, or even an aneurism brought on by his clearly scarring memories of our last meeting coupled with facing me again. Point is, we’re already going to the hospital and I, as a doctor myself, can’t leave him here to die,” I explained.

“Isn’t there something about not inflicting harm that comes with being a quack?” Gilda teased.

“It’s called the hippocratic oath for a reason, and it ends up being a suggestion when you live the kind of life I do. Also, I thought you were part hawk or something, you don’t look like a duck to me,” I shot back.

“Oh snap!” a random townspony commented, soon finding one of Gilda’s pistols leveled in his direction for his trouble.

“Gilda, what did I say?” I warned.

Gilda briefly shook in anger before finally lowering her weapon and spitting out her answer, “Don’t start fights, end them.”

“Good, now follow along like a good little duckling,” I ordered jokingly as I resumed my trek towards the town hospital. Gilda refused to stop grumbling until we reached the door, “Well?”

“What, you want me to like holding back like this?” Gilda snapped.

“No, I want you to open the door and show the elder in your presence the respect he deserves,” I replied, though not angrily.

“Oh, right,” Gilda groused as she walked up and opened the door for me.

“Thank you,” I said politely as I walked through and flagged down one of the nurses, “Hey, could I get a gurney over here?”

“Sorry, it’s not policy to follow the orders of monsters,” the nurse responded snidely.

“Okay then, how about giving me the name of the doctor on call?” I requested. As the nurse turned to leave, she smacked her head on the foot long spike that had suddenly imbedded itself in the wall, “Listen bitch, you think making it halfway through medical school makes you hot shit? It fucking doesn’t. How about we make a compromise, eh? You bring me your chief physician and on the way back you ask him whether or not I’m a good enough surgeon to move the precious few brain cells you have into your rectal cavity without either killing you or administering any anesthetics, sound like a plan?”

“I am never crossing you again,” Gilda promised as the nurse galloped off.

“Damn, I was really hoping to try that one out,” I complained. It was truly a fascinating concept.

It didn’t take long for the requested doctor to sprint into the lobby with the previous nurse in tow, her much more polite attitude notwithstanding, “Ah, Jekyll is it? Welcome to Brismane General, how may we help you today?”

“Angry coffee dude lost consciousness roughly five minutes ago, possible cause is malignant complications arising from past mental trauma. Breathing and blood pressure are low, but not to dangerous levels,” I listed as I presented the patient.

“Oh, that’s just Ashen Brew. He samples his own product a little too often and suffers crashes at the worst times. Fever, fetch a bed for him and make sure there’s some water waiting for him when he wakes up,” the doctor ordered.

“Sounds like he’s afraid of sleep, seen it once before,” Gilda commented.

“Very astute Gilda, I was just thinking the same thing. Mr Brew seems to be plagued by the memory of our first meeting, he may experience nightmares so vivid that they have driven him into this state,” I hypothesized, “I know a specialist that may be of some help here, but she’ll be busy for the foreseeable future. Any ideas?”

“Well, we are a small community, there aren’t many psychologists that would travel out here for one patient’s nightmares. I honestly don’t know how to help Ashen with this,” the doctor replied with a sad shake of his head.

“Keep your ears on, I’ll send you any info I find. By the way, I didn’t catch your name,” I stated.

“My apologies, I’m Doctor Stable Scalpel. Pleased to make your acquaintance, I’ve heard...mixed things about you,” Stable greeted.

“I get that a lot. I just need one more favor and then I’ll be out of your mane, could you point me towards Arcane?” I requested.

“Oh, him. I’m seriously considering creating a membership program thanks to that stallion. I don’t know what idea that foal is stuck on, but this isn’t the first time he’s been at the center of an explosion. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t complain like this. Especially not about Arcane, not after what happened…” Stable trailed off.

“I intend to find out exactly what he did and hopefully stop it from happening again, that light was visible from Ponyville and sent everypony running to escape the imminent attack,” I replied.

“You aren’t going to ask what happened?” Gilda pressed.

“No, it’s neither by business nor my problem,” I declared.

“But I wanna know now,” Gilda complained, showing her age for a moment. I sighed and gestured for Stable to continue.

“His father went crazy and murdered his mother, would’ve murdered Arcane too if his locket hadn’t slowed the knife. The damage is mostly mental now, from what his brother has told me, he was very close with his mother,” Stable explained.

“You asked,” I pointed out as Gilda looked away.

“Yes, it was a dark day,” Stable commented.

“Not my patient, not my problem. I just need to stop him from causing a nationwide panic or tempting our enemies into attacking early, to do that I need to know where he is,” I stressed.

“Of course, my apologies, he’s in room two-oh-three. Up the stairs at the end of the hallway, turn left, third door on the right,” Stable finally answered.

“Thank you,” I responded politely as I started walking away, “Come on Gilda, I have a job for you.”

“What do you need?” Gilda asked as she caught up, seeming grateful for something new to think about.

“I’m going to need you to look angry and hungry while you wait outside the room, feel free to act on those concepts if any of the locals try to force their way in,” I replied.

“You’re giving me permission to kill ponies?” Gilda asked in surprise.

“If they try to get in, yes,” I answered darkly.

“This got really serious really fast and I wasn’t prepared for that,” Gilda commented quietly.

“The six pistols and musket disagree with you,” I noted.

Gilda opened her break to respond, but shut it after a moment and fell silent until I found the door I sought and walked in.

“So you’re Arcane,” I stated. It wasn’t a question.

“Wha?” the blue unicorn asked groggily, prompting me to give him an incentive to wake up. I sauntered right up to the half asleep stallion’s face and stuck a particularly wet tongue unto his left nostril, the most efficient cure for grogginess in any creature, “Gah! What the hay Steel?”

“Try again,” I prompted, getting the unicorn’s attention. As his eyes scanned my face, I saw a look of recognition cross his features. It was quickly followed by fear.

“Y-you’re Jekyll, your wanted poster is hanging in the coffee shop,” Arcane noted absently.

“Good, that means I can skip the threats and go straight to telling you not to do that again,” I began.

“But-”

“I fucking hate that word more every day, say it again and I’ll geld you. I don’t care what you did to make that pillar of light, but I could see it from Ponyville. I could also see the panic it caused there. I don’t know yet if the gryphons, or any of the other races, could see it or whether they’re using it as an excuse to send an invasion force right this second, but I don’t want to see another stunt like that again. Are we clear?” I asked pointedly.

“Th-that wasn’t supposed to happen! It was only supposed to make a shield..,” Arcane pleaded, eyes wide at my threats; both implied and implicit.

“How do you fuck up a shield rune so badly that it does that?” I wondered, my anger quickly swallowed by genuine curiosity. I quickly grabbed the smallest, most solid surface I could find, a glass flask full of golden liquid, and carved the proper rune into the side, “How far from this was it?”

“It was the same… ish...,” Arcane replied.

“Then maybe it’s not the rune,” I mused, stepping back and powering the shield myself to test it. Finding that it worked perfectly, I handed it to Arcane, “Low power, go for a shield around the flask itself.”

The flask exploded, throwing shards of glass in every direction and leaving a few scratches on Arcane’s muzzle for good measure.

“Fascinating, it almost looks like the rune was allergic to your magic. Impossible, but fascinating,” I commented. Raised voices outside told me Gilda was doing her job well.

“You’re really curious about this? The poster made you seem like-” Arcane began.

“A dumb but unstoppable brute, I know. I also couldn’t care less what they say about me. I know who and what I am, that’s enough for me. Back on topic, I would recommend testing your magic on things that don’t build power within themselves until you can track down exactly what keeps going wrong. Do I need to give you an incentive to avoid runes until then?” I responded.

“No, bu-although I may have a theory.” Arcane began, catching himself before he angered me. “Before I was… injured... I could handle runes just as easily as anypony else, I think it might have to do with what happened,” Arcane hypothesised.

“You got stabbed or something right? I doubt that could affect magic like this. Just because I legitimately want to know, I’ll be posting a messenger in the woods. Walk out alone and he or she will find you, just don’t trust every timberwolf you come across. Keep me posted on your findings and I might even call in an expert or two to help,” I offered.

“You’re studying me?” Arcane confirmed, reading between the lines to figure out my true reason for supporting him.

“Heh, you’re more clever than most. Yes, I am. However, I have more important things to do than watch you all day and you seem competent enough to diagnose yourself, so I’ll be expecting you to check in whenever you find anything and ask for help when it invariably ends up over your head,” I stated.

“Uh, wow, I wasn’t expecting that much,” Arcane commented.

“I wasn’t expecting a bright ass pillar of blue light interrupting my lunch with some friends, but shit happens. I’d just be happy that you get to study yourself, there were worse possibilities,” I rebutted.

“Okay, I’ll tell your messenger whatever I find,” Arcane relented, “So, what happens now?”

“Now I collect my gryphon before she actually does eat somepony and then I’ll go home, you carry on with your...what the fuck? I swear I watched that explode,” I stumbled, noticing a flask of golden liquid sitting on the table.

“I-” Arcane attempted. I glanced over before my inevitable interruption, seeing the unicorn before me begin the first stages of nervous sweating and eye contraction.

“Meh, must’ve been two of them,” I excused, knowing full well there hadn’t been. This was fascinating and warranted observation, but it wasn’t my field of expertise, my territory, or my problem.

“Uh, yeah, two of them,” Arcane agreed nervously.

“Well, it’s about that time,” I declared as I stood to my full height and turned towards the door, “And Arcane, don’t make me come back.”

Arcane could only nod as I confidently strode out the door and into the maelstrom of shouts and threats that Gilda had brewed in my absence.

“He’s all yours. Gilda, we’re done here,” I shouted just loud enough to be heard over the others present, including one green pegasus wearing a militia uniform that looked far angrier than the others.

“You won’t get away with this!” the pegasus promised as Gilda and I walked out and began the flight back in silence.

Once we were safely in the air and a good distance from Brismane, I broke the silence, “Good work back there.”

“Seriously? They were almost ready to storm the door,” Gilda argued.

“But they didn’t and I finished my little talk with the unicorn, that’s what matters,” I countered.

“As long as the mission is completed, the means are irrelevant? That doesn’t sound right, it could justify some horrible things,” Gilda reasoned.

“Very true, that’s why there’s a ‘within reason’ clause. You kept them out without killing any of them even though you had permission to do so, that’s your honor finding the best solution. It’s also what I was expecting,” I informed the gryphon, “Think about your original mission and how this line of thinking could be applied.”

“I was to kill seven ponies so my people could take this land more easily, my mission was the horrible thing justified by the prosperity we would have in the future. I understand elder, thank you,” Gilda replied after taking a minute to think.

“Anytime little one. Can you fly faster? I’d like to get back before AJ decides I’m late for dinner,” I requested.

We almost made it in time.

There were worse postings, I knew that. Stars help me if I could think of one right now though. Watching these ridiculous mortals play at making war was infuriating, and pretending to protect them just made it that much more frustrating.

“Look alive featherbrains, the last delegate finally arrived. Hop to it, you all know the drill, elbows and plot holes gryphons, I want the lot of you in position within the minute!” the insufferable excuse for a sergeant bellowed from our local barracks, much too far for any of these weaklings to overhear. I would’ve been able to slip away from this living migraine if that damned delegate had taken six more minutes to figure out the door.

“All rise for the honorable representative from the Caribou Enclave,” the crier called like the good little robot he was. When I got the order, he would be the first one I killed. It would be the only mercy I showed.

“About time,” Regnot complained. This particular minotaur was in dire need of a tongue removal, it was clearly the cause of all his bitching. Or maybe it was his stature, he was surprisingly short and scrawny for a minotaur. Perhaps a Napoleon Complex?

“Settle yourself dear Regnot, you need not carry anger so hot,” Kahira soothed. I actually liked Kahira, the zebra always had a calming presence. She almost made this post bearable, if only she would drop that robe so I could see her mark. ‘I wonder if Lord Jekyll would let me keep her? He’s running around with that pony, it would be hypocritical to keep me from having a pet too.’

“I’m with the brute on this, zebra. Two days isn’t late, it’s a deliberate insult,” Felix argued, having gotten increasingly impatient over the past few days. I hated being on this prick’s security detail more than I had hated anything else in my life. I hated this eagle faced and gray assed gryphon so much that I wouldn’t kill him if given the choice, I’d much rather hang him by his sensitive bits and let small cuts on his wings finish the job for me.

“Have my servants been poor hosts? I seem to remember a certain boast. Ten of my mares in one night, and still you find no respite?” Kahira challenged playfully, making the gryphon’ face flush in a mix of embarrassment and anger.

“That was hardly appropriate,” the caribou commented as it finally walked in. I noticed one of its escorts shared my eyes and mentally begged for the code word that would end my suffering.

“Then show up before we turn our boredom towards the staff,” Felix spat.

“The faithful were not certain whether to send this one at all. We have been given a clear sign by our lord, we are to leave this sinful alliance behind and pursue no hostility toward the ponies,” the caribou responded with their typical lack of emotion, causing the males in the room to bristle in rage. Only half my beak was visible to the other occupants in the room, so I allowed the other side to split into a toothy grin that crept past my ear.

‘Say “firesale”, just say that one damn word! Please please please say “firesale.” It’s the only thing that could make this day better!’ I mentally screamed at the other enforcer, though without a direct link it was an effort in futility.

“YOU WHAT? What in Tartarus do you mean you got a sign?” Regnot raved, spittle flying from his mouth as he spoke.

“One of those demons was able to massacre seven percent of the faith in one day. Seven and one, the holy numbers. Seven paradises for one of the faithful. It could not be clearer, we are on the wrong path and must correct ourselves. We would be destroyed to the last and denied our everlasting ecstasy otherwise, we must not allow this to pass,” the caribou diplomat explained.

“Damn zealots, we needed your numbers!” Felix shouted angrily.

“And you shall have them if we receive a sign that we are to support you once more, as is our way,” the caribou allowed, though it only served to enrage Felix and Regnot further.

“All of you be still, I will not have blood spill,” Kahira ordered, her quiet voice cutting through the argument like a knife and silencing the other diplomats.

“But we can’t just let them back out this late in the planning stages, it’d undo months of work and could delay the invasion itself,” Felix protested.

“Yet it is thus, and so we must,” Kahira replied, her voice hardening ever so slightly.

“As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. We can’t force the Enclave to join us, nor can we lump them in with the ponies and invade them as well. We simply don’t have the soldiers for that. Regnot my friend, I believe we have lost this fight,” Felix conceded sadly.

“What about your freak? Why is it letting you back out?” Regnot challenged defiantly.

“The demon that ravaged our holy capital killed the prophet you sent us, its death only cemented our faith in the sign,” the caribou replied, crushing the minotaur’s last hope. ‘Freak? Prophet? Are they...they are. The rogues are working with the Alliance!’

I felt much less safe around that other enforcer now that I knew there were rogues involved. Although, if I was dosed with their ‘freedom’ drug...I could kill these fools and go home.

“Just one last question then, what’s under that cloak?” Regnot asked, his voice dripping with rage and malice.

“My armor and a single knife, one designed for utility work,” the caribou answered.

“Not what I was asking.”

“I am female.”

“I think a bit of reparations are in order, considering how much of our time these turntails have wasted. Wouldn’t you agree Felix?” Regnot proposed.

“Absolutely not. It’s no secret that I enjoy the hospitality of our hosts, but what you’re suggesting is completely different and wrong,” Felix declared, showing more spine and honor than I thought he possessed.

“As if I’d sully myself with some caribou. I’m going to carve this one up and send every piece to the ones who’d know them the most, make sure the Enclave knows exactly what I think of this,” Regnot growled.

“Guards!” Kahira shouted in panic, even losing her rhyming. She began looking around fearfully when nothing came of her call.

“Sorry, I simply can’t trust a zebra to do a minotaur’s job,” Regnot laughed as his own security detail appeared at the door. I didn’t think it was possible, I legitimately thought he was bluffing, but with that unspoken threat Regnot had officially passed Felix and become the thing I hated most in this world. The fact that I considered myself female only added to the fires of my rage, that and my orders to preserve my cover at all costs.

“I should warn you minotaur,” the caribou began as it was seized by the guards and violently disrobed, “We found a new prophet.”

At that last word, any doubt that the other enforcer was rogue found itself erased. This creature couldn’t be one of my brothers anymore, we didn’t follow the orders of our enemies. But this...thing certainly did, leaving the minotaur guards as little more than stains on the rugs and tapestries. It never attacked me or threatened my cover however, but it did smile knowingly at me through the cloud of blood it had created.

I had been discovered. I had to run.

‘Goodbye Kahira, I hope I find you before one of the others do,’ I thought as I dropped my disguise and dove through the nearest window. I’d need to be fast, but I was sure I’d make it back into range of Abaddon’s weapons before the rogue could catch me.

It didn’t follow at all, it had already accomplished its mission. I could no longer spy on the Alliance’s meetings, I had been rendered useless with nothing but a smile. To crush my spirits further, they had my scent now. They could follow me anywhere.

Two centuries of honing my skills at blending in, erased with a smile. I hoped I could save Kahira, I believed I’d need her soothing voice to help me find a new purpose. Or maybe I’d just be recycled, that would work for me too.

Author's Notes:

This has actually been finished for a while now, it just took some time to get everything for the weird in-universe-crossover thing sorted out. If you can figure out why Jekyll's lines are different in Pawn, we've agreed to add in an OC of your design into both stories. Not going to lie, it'll probably a one shot appearance but that's not set in stone either.

Eric's Editor's Note:

Alrighty! First major crossover between the two fics has happened!
I hope you all enjoyed, and, if you'd all like to know what that was about, go over to my fic 'A Pawn in Another's Game.'

Militia's Editor's Note:

Some character-building with a twist is always fun. Nothing like having an old friend that was recently hired to kill you. Plus, helping to perpetuate the collaboration of multiple independent stories is interesting. Can't wait to see how this turns out.