“Too afraid to face me, Discord?” I taunted as my punch tore a hole in the wall where Discord had been leaning casually.

“I told you that I don’t want to fight you. Being the avatar of chaos doesn’t make me a liar,” Discord replied, sounding annoyed. I smirked, thinking that I was finally getting under my opponent’s skin.

“Tough, one of us dies tonight. It’s not going to be me,” I declared confidently, digging my toes into the stone floor to charge again. Our ‘fight’ had taken us out of the gardens and through several walls towards the heart of the castle.

“Do you know what the definition of insanity is?” Discord asked as he disappeared out of my grip, again.

“I do, but it doesn’t apply here. You’ll slip eventually,” I prophesied.

“If you are dead set on fighting me, could I at least add some music?” Discord requested as I rounded on him again, causing me to pause.

“That’s usually my thing, but go ahead. I wouldn’t mind a tune to fight to,” I agreed. Discord smiled as the air vibrated with his chosen song, “Oh hell no, that is not a song anything could tolerate, much less fight to. Here, this is how it’s done.”

“Ow, my ears,” Discord complained.

“Does it bother you? That’s what a fighting song sounds like. Plus, it’s a pretty good cover,” I countered, the claws of my left hand shifting into long tendrils and raking the area Discord’s voice had come from.

“It concerns me that you would be so insensitive about property damage,” Discord commented, continuing his trend of appearing behind me.

“Fight me like a man!” I demanded, whirling on him in a flurry of blades and tendrils.

“Isn’t that like saying ’anypony’? Either way, I’d rather fight you like a draconequus,” Discord replied, lifting his talon and conjuring a shield to block my attack.

“Finally getting serious? Gonna stop running away like a coward?” I asked, smirking as my tendrils spread around his shield. Once they had either found an edge or fully engulfed him, my grip would tighten and he’d be open for a good mauling.

“No, I’m going to end this before you destroy more of this place. My plans hinge on Celestia living here, after all,” Discord whispered into my ear. I found myself being lifted by an auraless telekinesis field and turned to face the self proclaimed avatar of chaos.

“Ha! Is that all you’ve got? Teleportation and telekinesis? What a joke,” I laughed. My body primed to launch tendrils in every direction, a sure way to break a telekinetic hold was to add as much strain as possible.

“Don’t worry, I’ll turn you back before you spoil,” Discord promised. My attack fired before he could snap his paw, causing me to drop out of my enemy’s hold.

I hit the ground running and had one of my blades sheathed in Discord’s shoulder in a fraction of a second, the other joining the first immediately afterward. Using the blades to hold him still, I ran my remaining claw through his stomach and forced my tendril hand down his throat. Meeting the first, I slashed mercilessly at his organs and attempted to tear them out. Discord’s hollow corpse hit the ground a moment later, his organs discarded and tossed haphazardly around us.

“Rookie ass mistake,” I said in disappointment, “As if I wouldn’t know how to break out of telekinesis.”

“I’ll remember that,” Discord said from his perch on the windowsill.

“Should’ve stayed dead, now I’m pissed,” I responded threateningly.

‘Guard, where’s a guard? I really need a guard right now.’ I sprinted down the hall as fast as my legs would carry me, searching for somepony, anypony, that could raise the alarm. The halls were all empty, the only signs of life being the occasional potted plant. As I gave up on my search and slowed to a stop, I was able to hear something. Somepony was running toward where I had stopped, their movements previously concealed by my own.

“Hello?” I called toward the sound, which faltered before I heard a crash. Fearing that my shout had caused somepony to injure themselves, I took off for where I had heard the crash.

“Ow,” A small voice complained as I rounded the corner, finding an off-white unicorn among the remains of one of the decorative plants.

“Miss Silk, are you okay?” I asked, levitating the mare out of the wreckage.

“Just a bump, I’ll-fiddlesticks,” Silk attempted before going wide eyed at the sound of her voice, it was a stallion’s voice. The same voice Fancy Pants’s corpse had spoken with when his family had been murdered. ‘I’d count this fortunate, but now I’m alone with a murderer. No, I can do this. Jay wouldn’t be afraid of one mare.’

“You’re coming with-oof,” I grunted as a wave of force threw me away from the homicidal pony. I scrambled to get back to my hooves before Silk could escape.

“You can’t take me, I’ve worked too hard for this moment!” Silk raved as she fled. She was getting away and I couldn’t find purchase on the smooth floor.

“Damn these shoes,” I swore as I kicked myself into the air and spread my wings. I kicked off the offending hoofwear as I flew and held them in my telekinetic aura as I chased down Silk.

“You’ll have to beat me two more times, even I’m bound by some rules. In this case, the rule of threes,” Discord explained, summoning a visor and pair of glasses to look like an old timey accountant.

“One,” I corrected, spearing a tendril through his skull before he could look confused, “If that’s how you want to play, then I’m done holding back.”

“So will I then,” Discord agreed, snapping both his talon and paw at once. I was instantly assailed by a feeling similar to being hit with the Elements, I could feel my body converting into another material. I managed to fight it off using the same method I had used when Nightmare Moon and I had been hit, though it left me considerably weaker. Discord looked shocked that I was still standing, much less charging at him. Now that I had unlocked my full capability, I could see that Discord wasn’t teleporting. He had been running away and then posing in his new positions to mock me. Now that I was moving at the same pace, he was scared.

“That’s why you were so quiet, I was wondering why I couldn't hear you teleport,” I commented once I had forced Discord into a dead end hallway. Discord began snapping his talon and paw frantically, though nothing happened.

“What are you?” Discord asked in a panic, backing away until his back pressed against the wall.

“I told you I was going all out, that includes the power of every demon I've ever eaten. Apparently they don’t like being turned into other things,” I commented with a chuckle as my teeth lengthened. A glance at my reflection as I passed a window revealed that smoke was rising from my solid red eyes.

“Demons? They’re nothing!” Discord shouted as I pounced. I heard a snap as I flew, but somehow missed my target. I hit the wall with a crunch as my arm and a few ribs broke, landing in a heap a few seconds later.

I attempted to rise but found myself too weak to do so. This wasn’t right, I still had plenty of biomass and hadn’t taken any losses from that crash. Then why was I in pain? Why wouldn’t my arm reform like I was telling it to? Where did the other two go? I finally looked at my broken left arm in frustration, finding it a pinkish tan instead of its normal black.

“Gotcha!” I shouted as I tackled Silk into a doily covered table.

“Noo, I can’t fail, I’m too close,” Silk whimpered as she continued to crawl toward the next junction, her right hind leg bent at an odd angle from the impact.

“You have failed to escape, Silk. Will you surrender with dignity?” I asked, moving to block her path. I was hit with another telekinetic wave and pushed out of the mare’s way, though this time I remained on my hooves.

“Papa, please, help me,” the clearly insane mare begged.

“You killed your father, and you will not escape me again,” I declared, conjuring a set of translucent manacles and advancing once more.

“You can’t,” Silk pleaded, looking at me and allowing me to see the lines of tears running down her face, “He’s right there, I just wanted to see him once. I just wanted to make him proud.”

“You are insane, I’ll see that you receive proper treatment,” I stated as I levitated the manacles over to Silk and attached them to her forehooves.

“Princess, I’m sorry,” Silk whispered as I walked over to ensure the manacles were on correctly.

“Then there may be some hope for you yet,” I commented. Satisfied with the manacles, I lifted Silk and turned toward the general direction of the guard barracks.

“Not for that, for this!” Silk screamed. I felt a pain in my side and my magic faltered, allowing Silk to make another mad run toward the hallway her ‘papa’ was apparently in. I recognized the wound quickly, I had inflicted the same type several times. She had stabbed me with her horn, fortunately both her horn and the wound were rather small. I paid the small hole next to my wing no mind as I chased after the murderer, she’d simply have an assault charge as well.

“You will not escape,” I promised, my composure breaking.

“What did you do?” I attempted to growl, though it came out as a pained whimper as my broken ribs pressed into my lungs.

“You are what you eat isn’t a phrase anymore, not for you anyway,” Discord gloated. He had beaten me, stripped me of my powers and graced me with what could be a mortal wound in one movement. I had lost.

“NO!” I’m done losing, I found a familiar shape lying off to my left and I dove for it. Rising with my pistol in my left hand, I gripped the handle and willed it to fire on the one who had taken my abilities. The weapon dropped from my hand before I followed it to the ground, convulsing in pain. My own sidearm had torn the skin off my already broken arm to form the projectile.

I was vaguely aware of Luna charging down the hallway after an almost pink unicorn, Silk, I recognized the mare Luna and I had conversed with earlier. She seemed nice, why did Luna look so angry at her? My vision began to swim as I faded from consciousness. Discord looked at Luna, allowing me to see the spike sticking out of his gut. His talon rising and fingers moving to snap at her returned me to full awareness in an instant. With a roar I didn’t know I could do, I swept up my only remaining weapon and fired everything I had into Discord’s talon, arm and chest. A few seconds later my pistol stopped working, the cause became apparent as it and several bones clattered to the ground. My bones, everything past my left elbow was gone, converted into the spikes fired by my pistol. The pain seemed so far away. Whether this was because of my body going into shock from the amount of blood I was losing or my rage pushing it out of my mind, I didn’t know and didn’t care.

Discord looked surprised that I had effectively sacrificed myself to protect Luna, but I wasn’t paying much attention to him. I was too busy attempting to finish breaking one of my discarded bones on the floor to make a new weapon. I knew only hate in that moment, as the bone finally gave in and I sprinted at Discord for one last charge.

Discord appeared to vibrate as he attempted to move out of my way and found himself stopped by Luna’s telekinetic grip as both Silk and her ran past me towards the dead end, Luna winking as she passed.

I lept as I reached Discord, my legs pinning his arms to his sides and my teeth latching onto his deer style antler. I felt my teeth crack and break as Discord toppled over from the impact, my bone dagger in his neck before he hit the ground. I kept stabbing for several seconds until Luna attempted to pull me off, I barely heard her say something about medical attention. Ignoring her, I stabbed my blade into Discord’s eye and kicked it into his brain case as Luna lifted me off of him and onto her back.

“You win,” Discord said from behind Luna as she tried to walk away. I jumped back to my feet and promptly fell over, too weak to even stand, no matter my determination.

“Liar,” I accused with what might have been my last breath, I could see how pale I was getting.

“Nope. I admit defeat, you are the better fighter. My plans are for naught and I am the failure here,” Discord replied soberly. I would rage at being mocked on my deathbed, but I couldn’t find the energy to care. I couldn’t feel my legs or arms, I was dying. I knew my fate was sealed when I started that last attack.

“Jay, no, fight back! I can’t lose you like this,” Luna cried as she grabbed my limp neck and tried to force my blood back into my veins, her powerful alicorn legs only serving to break both of my collarbones.

“All he needs to do is ask and I’ll fix him, one last favor before I retire,” Discord taunted in his own way.

I was ready to finally die, Tzu could pick up where I had left off and handle the rogue threat on his own. But feeling Luna sob against my face gave me a feeling I hadn’t felt in too long, the feeling of being loved and reciprocating that feeling. I wanted to live for her, my pride be damned.

“Please,” I mouthed, unable to breathe as my lungs shut down.

I heard a snapping sound as my vision faded, my veins flaring back to life as everything came back in force at the sound. My eyes shot back open as I seized from the strain of my genetic code rewriting itself. I could feel my skin peeling away to expose the blackened hide I had grown accustomed to. Luna tried to hold me still to prevent me from harming myself, but she was eventually forced away as my strength returned. Flopping onto my back, I attempted to scream as my bones shattered themselves and rearranged, but was instead met with the feeling of tendrils forcing their way out of my throat to eat away and reconstruct my face. I felt every cell in my body die, one by one, until the tendrils engulfing my head finally drove themselves though my skull and into my brain. I greeted unconsciousness like an old friend.

When I returned to the land of the living, the pain was gone. Luna had returned to cradling me at some point, though she looked considerably worse for wear. Her usual silver regalia lay bent and discarded a few feet away, exposing a few small bruises and cuts. Luna's wings hadn't fared much better, as several of her feathers were sticking out at odd angles. I wrapped both of my arms around her gratefully and held her close as I met Discord’s gaze, “Thank you.”

“I would’ve anyway. Like I said, nothing more boring than a corpse,” Discord said with a shrug, turning to walk away, “Oh, and I left you a little something extra too, you’ll find it when you’re truly happy and not a moment before.”

Discord was gone, I’d failed to kill him. But I didn’t care, I was alive.

“Hey Lu? Let’s get out of here,” I suggested. Luna refused to let go of me, so I simply carried her back to Abaddon and into our room. Finding myself weaker than before, though still considerably stronger than I had been a few minutes ago. I wouldn’t be leaving the safe confines of my leviathan until my biomass was back into its normal levels, a Mike could’ve killed me as I was.

“I’m scared,” Luna admitted as I laid both of us onto our bed.

“Why?”

“I’m scared that my mind is breaking again and that this is a hallucination. I’m afraid of what I’ll see when I open my eyes, will it be my friend or the Nightmare looking back at me,” Luna expanded, I shifted how I was holding her to see that she had her eyes tightly clenched shut.

“Luna, it’s me. It’ll always be me. I’ll never scare you like that again, I promise,” I said softly. Luna set her horn on my shoulder and pressed her face into my chest, beginning to cry again. I ran my hand over her mane and onto her back as she wept, waiting for her to calm down. After several minutes, Luna lifted her head and hesitantly opened a single eye.

“Hey guys, mind if I crash on your couch for a while? I swear it’ll only be until I can find my own place,” Discord asked, ruining the mood.

“We don’t have a-Does it count as staying on our couch if you provide the couch?” I asked, bewildered.

“Discord, if you wish to stay here, I’m sure Jay could find a less intrusive place for you,” Luna added pointedly, clearly not wanting the draconequus anywhere near her.

“I get the feeling that you don’t want me around. Fine, I can tell when I’m not wanted,” Discord huffed, turning to stroll right back out of the room. The door slammed shut at the snap of my fingers.

“I can do that too,” I bragged. I slammed my palm against the wall and my form filled out as I absorbed just enough from Abaddon to return me to fighting shape, “Out there, you might be on the level of a god. But now you’re in my house, I’m the only one who calls the shots around here.”

“So that’s your plan, just keep fighting me until there’s nothing left of either of us?”

“Nope, but there are a few rules to living under my roof. Number one: you are not staying in this room, period. Number two: never enter a room without knocking, you don’t know what you’ll find on the other side. Trust me, that one’s for your sake. Number three: no magic, it’s cheating and cheaters are bad. Number four: Tzu is my second in command, he’ll get you squared away. Listen to what he tells you, his word is law. Abaddon.”

“I have already contacted Tzu, he is currently waiting outside,” the walls said.

“Excellent, send him in,” I ordered.

“Then you’re going to let me stay here?” Discord asked excitedly, bouncing in anticipation, “Oh we’re going to have so much fun, we can play Scrabble and braid Lulu’s hair and prank Tia and I’m so happy.”

“That-that actually sounds pretty tame from what I’ve heard. What happened to conquering the world?” I asked, settling back down next to an irate Luna.

“I never expected you to let me win, though I didn’t expect you to go that far either. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what went wrong last time, and I decided that the world was chaotic enough without me. Seriously, have you seen out there? A war on the horizon, assassins roaming the streets, YOU, the E.O.H. are divided for the first time in history, and on top of it all, the greatest threat to Equestria since my glory days slipped through your claws. At this point, I’d much rather bask in it than anything else,” Discord replied honestly, shrugging.

“We’re going to Ponyville, I expect you to be on your best behavior while we’re there. If Shy and her friends have to make you a statue again, I’ll throw you in a volcano. Then I’ll find a way to throw the volcano into Tartarus. Savvy? Good. Tzu, get Discord settled into his own room and make sure he has everything he needs,” I ordered. Tzu just looked at me. If I didn’t know he was a near unstoppable killing machine, I’d confuse him with a kicked puppy.

“Yes, sir. Please, this way,” Tzu said dejectedly, leading Discord out of the room.

“Well, that happened,” Luna commented.

“Yep, kinda glad that he’s here though. Rather have him somewhere I can see him than out in the world,” I agreed. I flipped myself over Luna so I could hug her back, my arms wrapping around her stomach, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Luna asked, confused. Though that didn’t stop her from leaning into me.

“You saved me back there, I would’ve died just to spite Discord. But being human again, as much as it hurt, let me feel things I haven't felt in way too long,” I continued, tightening my grip slightly.

“Jay, I-I’m afraid to ask. Are you talking about…” Luna trailed off.

“No, I’m talking about the searing pain from when you broke even more of my bones,” I responded sarcastically, “Yes, I’m talking about love. You ponies are so dramatic.”

“And now?”

“Sorry to say, it’s back to the drawing board on that one. I can remember though,” I added sorrowfully, I really wanted the answer to be that simple.

“Hey Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“You were naked.”

“And?”

“Not impressed.”

“Fuck you. Fucking spoiled ass horse people, how am I supposed to compete with that?” I ranted, aware that I was only causing Luna to laugh harder. After a moment’s decision, I released my hold and allowed Luna to fall off the bed.

“Ow. It’s still funny,” Luna insisted.

“I’ll give you that, it was funny. But not that funny, calm down. I’m going topside, care to join me?” I requested, hopping off the bed and offering a hand to help Luna up. I noticed a line of dried blood on her side as she stood, “You got hurt?”

“I did. But it was shallow and has already healed,” Luna replied, looking back at the spot. I sent a tendril over and cleaned the area to check for myself.

“So it has, sometimes I forget you aren’t as fragile as other ponies. Anyway, you coming?” I asked again.

“Sure, though I still need to inform the court of my absence. And Tia’s,” Luna replied, her tone turning sour.

“Just teleport in, tack a note on the door, and skedaddle. How hard can it be?” I asked, resting my left hand on Luna’s neck as we started our trip.

“How do I explain everything that happened today in one note? Nopony believes me anyway, maybe we should just go,” Luna replied, sounding defeated.

“Nope, I won’t let you run from your problems. Now, unless you can teleport out of my grip, we’re going to settle this,” I declared, cluing Luna in to my plan.

“Uh, Jay? I can teleport out of your grip,” Luna pointed out.

“Oh, Chelly can’t. That’s why I’ve been either disabling her magic or grabbing at her at the start of all our fights.”

“I’ve only seen you disable her,” Luna added, looking at me suspiciously.

“It’s easier, and faster, and I don’t have to touch her,” I explained, shuddering dramatically.

“Yes, we all know how much you like touching mares,” Luna teased, bumping me with her hip.

“Are you attempting to distract me with your feminine wiles, Luna? And right after I died, legally speaking, for shame,” I chided playfully, messing up her mane. A flash returned it to normal the second I removed my hand.

“Let’s not talk about that for a while, at least until I can convince myself this isn’t an illusion my mind has conjured while the Nightmare kills everyone,” Luna requested, my joke reminding her of her current fears. A tear slowly escaped her left eye as she paused, we had barely made it halfway to the exit.

“Luna, I’m no illusion. Besides, would Nightmare Moon think of including my terrible luck?” I pressed, making myself slightly shorter to look her in the eyes.

“I don’t know, she had my memories last time. She might ha-mmmmmmmmmm” Luna began before I silenced her with a panicked kiss, I didn’t know how else to break this spiral she had entered.

“I. Am. Real. I don’t know how else I can prove it to you,” I insisted, breaking the kiss but holding her head in place.

“I do, the state I was in before was similar to a dream until the Nightmare had full control of me. I couldn’t feel pain, but she was too strong by the time I figured that out. I need you to hit me,” Luna ordered. Her tone brooked no argument, but I did anyway.

“Not happening.”

“Please, it’s the only way I can know for sure,” Luna begged.

“I said no. If it’s pain you need, I can do something less drastic. Like a needle or igniting a nerve, anything else,” I pressed, taking to the thought like a snail to salt.

“Small things like that might be replicated, if she has enough time. And you’re stalling,” Luna argued. I sighed.

“I can’t talk you out of this, can I?” Luna shook her head. “And you’ll believe me afterwards?” She nodded. “Fine, ten percent.”

I did it. I felt horrible about it but I punched Luna in the chest, sending her tumbling back down the hallway to land on her back. I ran over as she lay still, gasping to return the air to her lungs. More tears streamed down her face as she fought for oxygen, only adding to my guilt.

“Are you okay?” I asked fearfully, sending tendrils between her ribs to reinflate her lungs.

“I’ve never been so happy to be wrong,” Luna replied haltingly as she slowly regained her breath.

“Does anything feel broken?” I continued.

“No, I’m alright. Thank you,” Luna finally answered, causing me to feel even worse.

“Don’t thank me for this, I-I have a spear in my back,” I commented, the distraction derailing my train of thought, “Okay, which one of the three stooges thought he could hurt me?”

“Step away from the Princess, you are under arrest,” an unfamiliar voice commanded.

“Abaddon, how many ponies are wandering these halls?” I asked, ignoring the guard as I stood.

“There are currently twelve lunar guards housed on the lower levels,” Abaddon replied dutifully.

“Confine them to their quarters until they figure out how to avoid getting themselves killed. Take extra care of this one,” I ordered, glaring over my shoulder at the witless guard.

“Soitenly,” Abaddon agreed. The unknown guard was torn into the floor faster than a typical pony could blink. I assumed that Abaddon wouldn’t be too rough, he seemed like too much of a softy to actually hurt the pony.

“We still need to tell the court,” Luna wheezed, returning to her hooves and brushing the nonexistent dust off of her shoulder.

“Sure, just as soon as I make sure you don’t have any cracked ribs,” I offered, stepping closer and extending my hand.

“They’re waiting on me, can’t you do this later?” Luna protested as my tendrils swarmed over her chest and inspected every inch of her ribs.

“Already done, and we’re leaving right afterwards. I’m done running around this place like an idiot,” I insisted, retracting my tendrils and leading the way onto the deck.

“It has been a rough couple of days,” Luna agreed, charging her horn to teleport both of us. A flash later, we were standing in the courtroom.

“Should’ve known he’d be here too. I swear I’ll never understand this new princess,” A noble muttered under her breath.

“~I swear I’ll never understand this new princess,~ that’s what you sound like,” I parroted in the mare’s voice, though loud enough for the room to hear.

“Jay, having a bad day is no excuse for poor manners,” Luna scolded lightly, moving to address the crowd.

“You’re right. My apologies if my temper is a little short tonight, I fucking died less than an hour ago,” I said to the crowd, my voice bordering on a snarl.

“But, you’re standing right there,” one of the petitioners pointed out.

“I got better.”

“Ehem! If I may have your attention for a moment, I’d like to make an announcement,” Luna declared, “This will be the last session of the night court for some time. As this is due to safety issues, I do not know how long this leave of absence will last. Therefore, any petitions that require my approval may be sent to Ponyville, the local post office will know where to find me. I am not hiding from these threats, I am moving the danger away from all of you in the interests of your safety. Ponyville is small enough that it should be relatively easy to defend and, indeed, is well defended already. I will not run from the dangers of this world, but neither will I place others in danger for the sake of my pride. Thank you.”

The courtroom erupted as Luna calmly walked off the dais towards the main doors, her head held high. I fell into step next to her and growled menacingly at any of the ponies who decided to get too close, partially to reinforce Luna’s half lie but mostly because of my already frayed nerves. Once the doors closed behind us, Luna’s horn flashed and we were back on Abaddon.

“Turn us around Abby, it’s time to go home,” I ordered tiredly. Abaddon didn’t waste time with any response other than beginning his descent down the mountain.

“That could’ve gone better,” Luna commented sourly.

“I thought it went pretty well, all things considered,” I countered.

“I don’t like lying.”

“I know, but did you? Since you’ve come back, I’ve counted four attempts on your life. Four. That’s a lot,” I argued, silencing Luna as she thought about it.

“I suppose it is, compared to a normal pony’s life,” Luna agreed after a moment. A concerning thought struck me, and I wondered briefly about the wisdom of relocating to Ponyville.

“Hey Lu, quick question. How do you feel about Shy and her friends?” I asked, hiding my nervousness with a curious tone.

“Who?”

“The new bearers of the Elements,” I clarified.

“Ah, them. They saved me from an eternity of torment, take a guess,” Luna replied with an equal measure of gratitude and sarcasm.

“Okay, good. I was worried that you might be afraid of the Elements or something,” I said, relief sinking into my voice.

“Because their power was used to seal me in the moon? I deserved it back then, it was the objectively right thing to do. Actually the right thing to do would have been to kill me, but locking me away until I could be redeemed works too,” Luna mused, lying down and rolling onto her back as Abaddon made a chair for her. ‘He spoils her. Meh, so do I.’

“Slow on down, Abby. We’ve got nothing but time,” I ordered casually as I moved to sit in a chair that wasn’t there yet, assuming Abaddon would take the hint and retrieve my chair. He didn’t.

“Jay? You okay down there?” Luna chuckled.

“Peachy.”

“My apologies, sir. The terrain threatened to shift and required my full attention,” Abaddon said as he formed a secondary head next to where I was laying.

“Funny, just get my chair before I grill you for lying to me,” I admonished, refusing to get up.

“They can lie?” Luna asked, her head swiveling to focus on Abaddon’s secondary.

“Of course they can,” I replied, looking back in surprise. The enforcers may not lie often, but it wasn’t impossible.

“Have they lied to me?” Luna pressed, beginning to look offended.

“Probably, I don’t know what you’ve asked them. There are a lot of things they won’t tell you.”

“Oh, I suddenly feel considerably less safe,” Luna admitted, squirming in her chair slightly.

“Bah, they’ll keep you safe just fine. They’ll only lie to protect my secrets, mostly stuff about the Kingdom,” I responded dismissively. I was finally relaxed enough to enjoy the trip, Abaddon had forced my chair through the floor directly beneath me. Reaching into the side pocket, I retrieved what was left of my cigarettes and my lighter, “Hey Lu, shouldn’t the sun be up by now?”

“Tia must not be up to it today, I’ll have to do it by myself,” Luna noted, lighting her horn. Within moments the moon had dipped below the horizon. The sun still hadn’t risen though, and Luna’s horn glowed brighter as she grunted in exertion.

“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned about how much difficulty Luna was having.

“I’m fine, this stupid thing doesn’t want to move. Ah hah, got it, it doesn’t like being forced into position, just a gentle nudge to wake up,” Luna replied with a calm smile as her horn dimmed and the sun rose on its own.

“I didn’t understand a word of that, but I’ll trust in your expertise,” I admitted, returning Luna’s smile.

“Could I have one of those? Those seem to calm you down quite a bit and I think I could use that right now,” Luna requested as I lit one and took a pull.

“First hit sucks, it gets easier after that. But there is a pretty high risk of addiction and they’re terrible for you, I’ll give you one if I get to inspect your lungs and esophagus first,” I offered as a compromise.

“Why?” Luna asked, confused by my seemingly odd deal.

“So I can make you a new set when the ones you have turn black and die in a few decades,” I warned.

“I-wow, I didn’t expect that. Why do you do that to yourself?” Luna asked, horrified.

“No lungs, immune to cancer, nigh unkillable, take your pick. They can’t hurt me, so why not?” I reasoned.

“I’d argue that,” Discord yelled from somewhere beneath us.

“Shut up, I said nigh!” I yelled back.

“Cancer? Is this some disease that has been discovered while I was gone?” Luna asked.

“Not yet it hasn’t. Cancer is a genetic disorder commonly caused by pollution and toxins, Equestria has very little of either, it was a problem on my world though. Basically, some cells get messed up and attack the rest of the body until you die,” I explained.

“Could you not do that around me anymore,” Luna requested, leaning away with wide eyes.

“Chill, Podrick’s built to look for cancerous cells and clean them out. Honestly, if I could get back to my world, I’d be the richest man alive within a few weeks. I have the cures for several major issues sitting in that bed, I could charge whatever I wanted and they’d still pay to take a super healing power nap,” I continued.

“Have you thought about going back?” Luna asked, distracted.

“Sometimes, but I’ve lived here for so much longer, this is my home now. I think I’d decline if the offer ever came up. I’d end up dealing with politicians and military leaders if I went back anyway, I only have to worry about Chelly here,” I said with a shrug.

“But you could help so many ponies,” Luna argued.

“Nope. The various governments wouldn’t leave that alone until they could scrape every last bit out of it,” I rebutted, using Equestrian terminology to keep everything simple.

“Couldn’t you just force your way through them like you do here?” Luna pressed, looking increasingly saddened by my prediction.

“They have weapons that could kill me. If I had my army, I could make them back down though,” I acknowledged, nodding thoughtfully as I took another draw from my neglected cigarette.

“What would you do then?” Luna continued, apparently fascinated by this hypothetical situation.

“I wouldn’t charge a dime. I’d donate a pod or two to every hospital I could find, starting with the major children’s hospitals. They deserve them the most,” I reasoned, Luna started at my casual tone, “Probably give them a good scare though, might need to make up a friendlier appearance.”

“I’ve never seen foals around you, how do they react?”

“Two kinds of kids in the world: terrified and I’m awesome. I suppose you can assume the type Lucky’s kids fell into,” I baited.

“Judging by Lily’s reaction to seeing you, I’d say they took to you rather well,” Luna guessed.

“Oh hell no, they pissed themselves in terror. It took years before they warmed up to me,” I laughed. Deciding I wouldn’t be finishing my cigarette, I flicked it away for Abaddon to absorb.

“Really? I would have never guessed,” Luna said, clearly shocked by this revelation.

“Speaking of Lily. Either Pinkie figured out how to clone herself, or she’s in Ponyville right now,” I stated, my eyes picking up two pink mares at the same time.

“Hmm, while not impossible, I doubt the hyper one could have figured out how. That magic was lost before I was born. I suspect Lily has come looking for you,” Luna postulated, glancing towards the Everfree as we drew closer.

“Never doubt Pinkie, ever,” I cautioned seriously, “If there’s one pony I’m mildly concerned about, it’s her.”

“Mildly concerned?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Pinkie’s gonna Pinkie and there’s nothing we can do about it. If she wants an army of more Pinkies, she’ll break physics, magic, and sanity to get them. Mild concern is the best way I can think to describe my feelings toward that mare,” I continued.

“I’ll keep an eye on her then. How much longer until we arrive, Abby?” Luna asked, directing her question towards the floor.

“We should arrive in two hours at my current pace, ma’am,” Abaddon answered, rising from the deck between us.

“Keep an eye on those mares, let me know if one of them gets into trouble,” I ordered, having a few suspicions that needed confirming.

“Why watch over those two in particular?” Luna asked, looking over.

“You have seen Lily, right? It’s kinda my job to look out for her. Even if she’s not down there, I’d rather play it safe,” I replied, leaning forward as I pondered how to broach the subject on my mind.

“You didn’t answer my question, you just replaced it with another,” Luna pointed out.

“Why have you been so frisky lately?” I asked, looping around her question to work towards its answer.

“Uh, what do you mean?” Luna countered defensively, looking uncomfortable.

“Answer the question,” I demanded lightly.

“I-my month started a couple days ago, a little before our last trip to Ponyville. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you,” Luna admitted, lowering her head slightly.

“How bad?” I pressed.

“Nothing too terrible, I’ll likely just be more open minded and a little…” Luna began, searching for a way to finish her statement.

“Touchy feely?” I offered.

“Yes, that’s a good way to put it. Is this going to be a problem?” Luna asked pensively.

“Nope, I already had my suspicions. But I have no clue when Lily’s cycle is, and I’m kinda worried about her being by herself. Especially with her model level looks,” I explained, causing Luna to nod in understanding.

“Say, why do our conversations keep involving my reproductive parts?” Luna asked, leaning over to poke at me playfully.

“Because you keep making an ass out of yourself and drawing attention to them,” I replied as I grabbed her hoof and pulled her into my lap.

“Hey, I am hardly the only guilty party,” Luna protested, making herself comfortable despite her complaints.

“Anyway, I was wondering what you wanted to do once we got into town,” I said as I shifted my arm so Luna could have enough space.

“I suppose I should speak to Twilight Sparkle about becoming my student. I’m rather excited to be a teacher,” Luna replied, smiling widely in anticipation.

“I wouldn’t expect too much, my spies tell me she’s a shut in and a bookworm,” I warned Luna.

“You have spies too? Anything else I should know about?” Luna asked, shocked.

“Abby, have Tzu make his way over here.”

“I’m already here, sir,” Tzu said from directly behind me.

“That’s convenient. Tell Luna your old designation,” I ordered.

“Yes, sir. Ma’am, my name used to be India-Five-Two.”

“What was your job?” I continued.

“India division consists entirely of infiltration units, each relying largely on independent thought and decision making to remain hidden. One could call us spies,” Tzu responded.

“Thank you Tzu, did you need something?” I asked politely.

“You have a job for me,” Tzu noted dryly, “I came to inform you that the Gammas lost to Discord have recovered and returned to base, Abaddon reports no abnormalities.”

“That was nice of Discord, though I suspect he’s trying to butter me up. I don’t have anything for you to do, actually. But if I were to make a suggestion, go have some fun. You’ve earned it,” I said, reaching over to hold the enforcer’s shoulder.

“Fun? What should I do?” Tzu asked uncertainly. I turned fully to face my enforcer, looking into his blood red eyes.

“Do you really not know how to have fun?” I asked in disbelief. Luna twisted next to me and looked sadly at Tzu.

“I-I don’t. We only have one game, and I don’t really like it,” Tzu replied, seemingly surprised by his own admission.

“I changed my mind, I do have a mission for you. Upon arrival in Ponyville, you are to speak to the pony known as Pinkie Pie, don’t worry she’ll find you, and tell her what you’ve just told me. You will then be under her command until told otherwise,” I ordered, knowing full well that Pinkie wouldn’t rest until she heard Tzu laugh at least once.

“Yes, sir. If I may, what will that accomplish?” Tzu asked, looking slightly confused. Luna and I shared a look.

“Pinkie’s gonna Pinkie,” we said as one, only confusing Tzu even more.

“I’m just gonna go now,” Tzu mumbled as he slowly backed away before bumping into the doorframe and blindly maneuvering through it.

“See you later, Tzu,” I called with a wave.

“Well, now what? We still have a long time until we reach Ponyville and as much as I enjoy our talks, they’re getting pretty stale,” Luna complained as politely as possible.

“We haven’t played cards in a couple weeks,” I suggested.

“No, most of your games are meant for more players, though perhaps we could set up a sort of “Poker Night” once we’ve arrived in Ponyville,” Luna replied, “You know what I wish we had?”

“Hmm?”

“A hot tub. I hear they’re quite relaxing and do wonders for one’s complexion,” Luna said wistfully, looking out at a blank section of the deck.

“You barely talk to anyone but me. Where did you learn about hot tubs?” I asked.

“Lucky,” Luna admitted, her tone dropping as her head landed on the armrest.

“You wanna know the best part about living on a shapeshifting giant? That can be arranged, indoors even. Think about it, heated room, nice warm water up to your neck, no cold wind during wintertime, no way for Chelly to get the wrong idea, and no damn leaves that have to be cleaned out every five fucking minutes,” I offered, looking briefly at Abaddon’s secondary for confirmation.

“You seem to have some strong feelings about it,” Luna noted.

“Sir, I’m afraid that with all of the enforcers stationed onboard, there aren’t any empty rooms left,” Abaddon apologized, causing Luna’s spirits to visibly fall.

“Abaddon, send word to the Bravos. They are to increase your size by fifty percent, they may send as many Gammas and Romeos as they like to retrieve the required biomatter. I don’t want to hear the words ‘not enough room’ again. And bring me that pony that stabbed me, I’d like to have a word with him,” I ordered, annoyed that I hadn’t made Abaddon large enough the first time.

A few seconds later, an odd bulb began to force its way out of the deck in front of my chair. Luna grinned evilly at what she suspected to be inside and quickly flipped herself over so her head was on my chest with her right hind leg spread across my own, I adjusted my position as well and adopted a look that suggested this was a common position for us to be found in.

Abaddon waited to open the bulb until we had gotten fully into position before opening the bulb like a flower and depositing the earth pony guard at my feet, “Name.”

“I’m- you! You’re under…” the guard began before trailing off at the sight before him. I was sitting in my chair as if Luna didn’t exist, while Luna seemed to be too interested in drawing circles on my chest with her hoof to notice the guard’s existence.

“Name,” I said again, my voice flat and disinterested.

“Captain Steel Storm, acting head of the Princess’s night guard,” the guard finally responded.

“Silly filly, this is the captain of the night guards,” Luna giggled, not looking at the guard as she spoke.

“Where is Green?” I asked, just like before.

“Inside of this thing, imprisoned with the rest of us,” Steel growled.

“Abby, why don’t you be a dear and bring Green up here to spend some quality time with the rest of us,” Luna requested, her voice gaining a sultry tone. Steel Storm was beginning to show his uneasiness at the situation before him.

“Of course, ma’am,” Abaddon replied, his voice noticeably deeper than normal. Green was deposited next to Steel a few seconds later. To his credit, Green didn’t even flinch at the position Luna and I were in.

“Uh, hey Jay, Princess,” Green greeted awkwardly.

“Green, why have you and the others been absent from your post?” I accused, leveling my trademark glare at the unicorn.

“Sir, no excuse, sir,” Green responded, snapping to attention.

“Green, what are you doing?” Steel hissed at his comrade.

“We will discuss this later,” I promised, “You can go. For now. Steel, was it? You stay, we still need to figure out what to do with you.”

“Me?” Steel asked, his righteous anger consumed by his growing confusion and fear, “What do you want from me?”

“You attacked a superior officer and disrupted the royal physician while he was providing medical and psychiatric aid, at the same time. What shall we do with him, my beloved?” Luna purred, finally deigning to look at the guard in question, though only briefly.

“Do what you will, monster, my death will light the fires of your own,” Steel declared, finding his courage even as my tendrils extended toward his grimacing face.

“How noble. Hmm, nah, maybe next time,” I said casually, retracting the tendrils with an audible snap as the air rushed to fill the vacuum they left behind, “Nice improv, Lu, I didn’t expect you to go all out like that.”

“Thank you, though I really need to think of another persona besides the temptress routine,” Luna laughed as she returned to her previous position.

“But it works so well. It’s such a stark difference from your usual attitude that no one sees it coming,” I argued, reaching up to ruffle Luna’s mane.

“What the BUCK just happened!?” Steel shouted. We ignored him.

“We’re running out of ponies who don’t know that it’s an act. If I can’t mix it up, they won’t be fooled by our pranks,” Luna countered, not bothering to fix her mane this time.

“Good point. Let’s see, what about mindless slave? No, that’ll just cause problems. Any ideas?” I pondered, trying to think of some other act for Luna.

“How about snooty high class?” Steel offered, seeming surprised by his own words.

“Nah, too Tia for my liking. Oh, and you’ve been pranked,” Luna rebutted.

“I got it! Rocker,” I suggested. Luna looked confused, before starting to lean from side to side.

“How would this work?”

“No, rock music, like I play sometimes. There’s a look and attitude that goes with it, several actually. But I have some styles in mind,” I corrected, smiling mischievously.

“Really, I suppose it’s worth looking into at least,” Luna agreed, hopping off the chair and standing a few feet away.

I hummed as I stood and slowly walked around Luna, trying to figure out how to best work with her frame.

“Alissa? No, well, maybe. Maria? No. Lzzy? Lzzy,” I mused aloud, drawing out the last name for a couple seconds, “Add some late seventies punk and we’re set.”

“I am starting to have second thoughts about this,” Luna declared as I tossed a flap of biomatter across her back.

“I’m just going to go now,” Steel muttered as he attempted to creep away without attracting any attention.

“Not so fast, have the other guards assemble up here. A rockstar needs her groupies,” I commanded without stopping my work. I cut the biomatter into shape, sealed it where it needed to join, and recolored it where needed. As the minutes ticked by, Luna’s outfit began to take shape.

“This feels more like cheap armor than clothing,” Luna complained, scratching at the spiked band around her left foreleg. I had finished her black leather jacket and matching skirt first, I was currently adding knee high leather boots and fishnet stockings to her rear legs. She was tipped forward by the difference in height between where I had and hadn’t finished my plan.

“It’s temporary, I’ll make you some real ones after I get these templates done first,” I reassured her, “Where are those damn guards? Ah, screw ‘em, you should turn enough heads by yourself.”

“Templates? Why not these?” Luna asked, careful not to move as I added a choker to her neck.

“Disconnected tissue. It’ll die and turn gray in a couple days, fall apart soon after that,” I explained in as few words as possible while I focused on extending the spiked shoes on Luna’s forehooves just enough to return her balance. She’d make an awful racket if she bumped into something.

“Will that be a problem?” Luna asked, confused.

“I like my gifts to my friends to last a little longer than a couple days,” I replied, stepping back to think of anything I was missing, “Mane, wings, and tail, jacket studs, chains for the choker, all the little spikes around. I’m going to need some steel and silver.”

“Silver? Jay I couldn’t accept that, it’d be too much,” Luna said, stepping away gracefully.

“You walk easily in heels, that’s good. Don’t worry about it, I’ll just have Jeff drag some up. Are your ears pierced?” I continued, too invested in my work to give Luna’s question much thought.

“No, I wanted to have them done when I was younger, but mo-Midnight forbade it,” Luna answered, looking sad for a moment.

“Are you opposed to the idea?” I asked.

“I think I’d like the act of rebellion, if nothing else,” Luna guessed.

“If you don’t want them later, stop wearing them and they’ll heal,” I explained as I grabbed the ends of Luna’s ears and prepared to send a set of small spikes through them.

“Will this hurt?” Luna asked nervously.

“Remember who you’re talking to, I’m already done,” I said easily. Luna how had two holes in her right ear and one in her left, “Preference of material?”

“Silver or steel would probably be best.”

“I’ll just use silver for everything then, just to keep it simple. Silver barbed wire, never heard of that before,” I thought aloud, causing Luna’s head to whip around to see if I was serious. I was.

“Won’t that hurt?” Luna asked, apprehensive about being decorated in sharp objects. A reasonable concern, though unfounded.

“Purely decorative, nothing will be sharp. Abaddon, have some Gammas fly ahead to Ponyville. Tell them to grab twenty square feet of leather from my cabin, fifteen pounds of silver from Jeff, and to buy some black dye from Quills and Sofas. They can take three hundred bits with them, that should be plenty,” I ordered absently.

“Jay, aren’t those numbers a little high?” Luna asked.

“I like to have extra in case I mess up,” I replied with a shrug, “What do you think so far?”

“I think I like it. I feel like a different mare, stronger. I feel aggressive,” Luna said with an excited smile as she bounced lightly in her boots.

“You’ll definitely look aggressive when I’m done,” I agreed. A large tendril rose out of the deck next to me, “What’s this?”

“Your leather supplies were retrieved from your cabin last time we were here, the Gammas have been sent to retrieve your other requirements,” Abaddon explained, dissolving his tendril as he spoke. I lifted a sheet of leather to inspect it, finding it to my standards.

The Gammas returned to Abaddon a few minutes later with the silver and dye I had requested, by then there was a growing pile of discarded biomatter and an even stack of leather that was rapidly shrinking. I made Luna’s silver accessories on the spot by using my claws to cut the rough shape and smaller tendrils to polish them to perfection, making sure there were no out of place edges or ugly scuffs. By the time we reached Ponyville, Luna looked like she was ready to dive into a mosh pit.

“Is the leather going to be a problem?” I asked, maybe too late.

“Is it made from ponies?” Luna countered, whipping her mane to the side as she spoke. At my request, she had removed its ethereal quality and allowed me to add small silver weights to several of the larger locks of her mane. By casually tossing her head, she could violently flip most of her hair from side to side. A side effect of this was that her mane was always hanging by the sides of her face.

“This was all manticore, I don’t have pony hides hanging around,” I replied, checking the barbed wire wrapped around her tail for any problems. A small correction later, and Luna wouldn’t need to worry about jabbing herself in the leg as she walked.

“Then you have your answer,” Luna said as she used her magic to move one of the chains attached to her choker into her sight. It was a recreation of the front of a human skull, to scale. I had more silver left over than I had thought I would.

“Cool,” I responded, fussing over the gaps in the jacket for Luna’s wings.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m quite comfortable, this is perfect,” Luna said gratefully.

“Thanks. Just one last test then, I need you to dance. Don’t worry about knowing how, just go crazy,” I requested, stepping back to give her plenty of room.

“Okay, I guess there’s nothing that can go wrong here. Here goes,” Luna said apprehensively, biting her lip as she began a poor attempt at a waltz.

“No, no, no, no, no, no. You aren’t wearing a gown for christssake, you’re wearing leather and chains. Jump, kick, toss your hooves around, whip your hair around your head, be a fucking menace to anyone dumb enough to be within striking range,” I criticized, though Luna didn’t seem too affected by my tone. Rather, she began to dance in a way that would fit right in at any punk rock or metal concert back on Earth.

“This is fun, why haven’t we done this before?” Luna cried as she dove into an imaginary crowd, only to be tossed back by Abaddon before she could hurt herself.

“I tried to drag you to a club, but you fell asleep instead,” I reminded her, “Luckily, the one in Ponyville is straight up famous.”

“Wicked, let’s go right now,” Luna suggested, rolling past me and tossing her forehooves over my shoulders.

“They aren’t open yet, wait till sundown. Also, when did you start saying ‘wicked?’ It’s not something I say,” I responded, listening to the silver weights clink as I tussled Luna’s hair.

“Meh, sounded right. Wait, we’re here! I need to find Twilight Sparkle, I have a student to teach,” Luna declared, raising her right forehoof to the sky dramatically.

“You want to meet her like this? Okay then, teleport us down, I guess,” I conceded, honestly curious about Twilight’s reaction. A flash later, we were standing in front of the Golden Oaks Library.

A scream echoed around us. “Run for your lives, it’s Nightmare Moon two-point-oh.”

“Pinkamena Diane Pie, you get back here this instant and apologize,” I snapped at the retreating pink mare, but I was too late. Luna was already crying into the road, her excitement over her new outfit and possible student long forgotten.

“W-what? Did I do something wrong?” Pinkie asked ignorantly as she stopped in her tracks and slowly walked back down the road.

“Get the fuck over here and apologize to Luna. Some Element of Laughter you turned out to be, your princess comes by to visit and you make her cry not three seconds later. She was so happy about her new outfit too,” I snarled angrily, causing Pinkie so sprint to Luna’s side and rattle off dozens of apologies.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry Princess I didn’t know you were you, well, I knew you were you but I didn’t know you were you you. Please don’t cry, I promise to throw the bestest Welcome-to-Ponyville/Sorry-I-Made-You-Sad party ever,” Pinkie pleaded once she had reached an intelligible level of speaking.

“Did you say ‘slash’ in that title?” Luna asked, drawn out of her depression by Pinkie’s weirdness. A feeling I could sympathize with.

“Uh huh,” Pinkie replied softly, her own eyes brimming with tears.

“Pinkie, right? Don’t cry little one, I will be all right. The Nightmare is just a bit of a sensitive subject right now,” Luna said, extending her wing in an attempt to comfort Pinkie. It didn’t have the chance to transition into a touching moment, as Twilight chose that moment to storm out of her house.

“Pinkie would you stop screaming outside my door? I’m trying to stu-Princess! Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were coming,” Twilight rambled.

“It is quite alright Twilight Sparkle, there weren’t many who were informed of my travel plans. And please, just call me Luna. Unlike my sister, I have no love for honorifics. May we speak inside?” Luna rambled back, her voice rushed and unsure now that her moment had arrived.

“Uh, sure?” Twilight replied, looking confused.

“Who put a question mark on the teleprompter?”

“Ignore him,” Luna ordered tiredly as she lifted a hoof to her face.

“Okay, I was just confused. Princess Celestia never actually asked me if she could come in, she would just suggest sitting inside,” Twilight commented. The way she said that gave me the impression that she interpreted Celestia’s suggestions the same way the enforcers treated mine, like an order.

“Wait, hold on. You were confused by that little difference between Chelly and Lu? Not the crazy outfit or lack of being a major bitch?” I asked, advancing on the pair.

“Jay, shut your fucking face. Twilight, may we enter before Jay loses his damn mind or gives me an aneurysm?” Luna pressed.

“Of course, would you like anything? Some tea? Cake? I think I have some around here somewhere,” Twilight said, beginning to ramble again as she led the way into the library. I hung back to say farewell to Pinkie but found her sprinting away, the smile on her face indicating her intentions. With no other course of action, I followed Luna into the library.

“Twilight! We are quite alright, I don’t actually like cake. I wouldn’t mind some tea though, if it isn’t too much trouble,” Luna requested politely. I reached over and cleaned the dust off Luna while Twilight scrambled into the kitchen to make a pot of tea, condensing it into a clump of dirt and tossing it back outside.

“Hey Jay, am I scary?” Luna whispered.

“You have barbed wire wrapped around your tail, you look too awesome to be scary,” I whispered back.

“I pray you are right, Twilight is coming back and I would prefer she not see me as an imposing figure.”

“Princess, I’m sorry, I only have some local tea at the moment. If you’d like, I’m sure my friend Rarity has some imported Zebracan tea,” Twilight asked nervously.

“The local brew will be fine Twilight, I’m not nearly as picky as you suspect,” Luna replied with an easy smile, sitting on the floor casually.

“Oh thank Celestia, I was so worried you’d be disappointed because I didn’t have any of the Princess’s favorite tea. I usually have a bag on hand for emergencies but Fluttershy accidentally brewed it the other night and I haven’t been able to get any more since Zebraca has stopped trading with Equestria and I didn’t know what else to do so I kinda already made it and it’s right here,” Twilight babbled, still clearly terrified.

“That is actually what I am here to speak to you about, Twilight. Please, relax, I’m not here on Tia’s behalf. Recent events have shown my sister to be less than-how to say this,” Luna began.

“I believe you said she wasn’t qualified to teach knitting, much less have a personal student to teach friendship,” I interrupted.

“Thank you, Jay. Celestia tried to destroy Canterlot last night after escalating an argument to blows, Twilight. I fear how poorly she must have treated you over the years and would like to offer myself as a replacement teacher,” Luna announced, her face showing a friendly smile even as fear raged in her eyes.

“There was an odd gryphon that used to live next to Fluttershy. Do you know what he said to me once? Get out,” Twilight growled.

“Twilight I assure you-” Luna attempted.

“Out!” Twilight screamed. Luna shot to her hooves and tried to run out the door, only to run into my outstretched arm.

“No,” I said calmly, “You will sit down and hear Luna out, she is still your Princess. I can have Jeff retrieve Applejack if you want, she can still detect lies right?”

“I will not let you badmouth mo-Princess Celestia in my house, I don’t care who you are,” Twilight seethed.

“Jeff, I need AJ here pronto. Twilight, hate to break it to you but Chelly isn’t your mom. You can fight me if you want, but I don’t think you will. You owe me,” I responded sternly while gently pushing Luna onto the couch.

“Owe you? I don’t owe you anything, monster,” Twilight growled, her eyes beginning to glow as her rage built.

“I saved your life. If I hadn’t been there, Nightmare Moon would’ve had your heart as a hat. This is me calling in the favor, pay up,” I ordered.

“Fine! But not until AJ gets here to prove me right,” Twilight huffed, sitting as far from Luna as she could get.

“Mayhaps we should discuss this with thee on the morrow. This day has been quite poor,” Luna suggested, reverting to her old way of speaking for the first time in nearly two months.

“Lu, just relax. I know you’re terrified right now, but I’ve got this,” I replied.

“T’was supposed to be mine time to shine,” Luna continued sadly.

“What happened to the aggressive, strong mare from ten minutes ago?”

“Thou art-You’re right, I’m not the scared filly I used to be. I can’t run away now,” Luna forced, straightening her posture proudly.

“Hey y’all, what the hay is goin’ on ‘round here? Jeff came and said there was some emergency that needed my help,” Applejack said as she came running into the library, haphazardly kicking the door closed as she cleared it.

“Oh good, you’re here. I need your help to prove Princess Celestia wouldn’t hurt anypony,” Twilight replied warmly as she greeted her friend before returning to glaring at Luna and I.

“What do y’all need me to do?” Applejack asked seriously.

“Call out any lies you hear. Not things you can’t believe, lies,” I ordered, gesturing to a cushion that hadn’t been there a moment ago. I suspected either Jeff or Discord was responsible, but didn’t bother to think about it for too long.

Luna retold the events of the previous few days, starting with our confrontation with Celestia about her attack on the Crystal Kingdom. Luna allowed me to add in details that she had forgotten without any fuss, reasoning that having all of our cards on the table couldn’t hurt. Applejack never spoke during the entire retelling, though she grew increasingly disturbed by the implications. Luna finished her tale with the fight on Abaddon’s back just before we left to go to Fancy’s party. Twilight had been staring desperately at Applejack the entire time, waiting for her to call Luna a liar.

“Ah-Ah need to think mighty hard about a few things, Ah’m sorry y’all,” Applejack said when Luna finished speaking. She wandered aimlessly in the general direction of the door, but her mind was clearly elsewhere. She punctuated this by walking directly into the, still closed, door face first and lying down at its base.

“AJ? Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me the Princess didn’t do those things,” Twilight begged, almost in tears at Applejack’s silence.

“Twi, Ah don’t know who to trust anymore. They ain’t lyin’,” Applejack admitted, too mentally drained to move from her current position.

“No! I can’t believe this! I can’t! How could Princess Celestia do those things? How could you ever compare to her? You don’t even look like a princess. You look like some gang member out of one of Spike’s comic books,” Twilight raged.

“Twilight Sparkle, I understand you are upset. You have every right to be. I had foolishly hoped that this would be a happy occasion and was hoping to go dancing afterwards. Besides, I happen to like this outfit, Jay says I look like a rockstar,” Luna replied, flipping her mane to punctuate her statement.

“What is a rockstar?” Twilight continued, her anger giving the slightest slip as the possibility of learning something new presented itself.

“A type of musician from Jay’s homeworld. Apparently, they were rather popular, if the amount of songs Jay insists on playing is a decent metric,” Luna explained, slowly cracking a hopeful smile.

“You’re an alien?” Twilight asked, bewildered.

“Interdimensional, if my theory is correct,” I clarified, leaning against the wall casually.

“Princess Celestia said you were a demon, I guess that was another lie. Could you all leave me alone for a while, I need to reevaluate a lot of things I thought I knew,” Twilight responded sadly, slowly wandering towards the staircase to her room.

“Twilight, if there is one thing I have learned, it is to never isolate yourself when you become depressed. I recommend you spend the day with your friends, I will be nearby when you are ready to give me your answer,” Luna said sagely.

“Just leave me alone,” Twilight muttered as she began her trek up the stairs.

“Come on, Lu. I know where we should go next,” I said as I stood. Luna followed me towards the door and gently lifted Applejack onto her back to carry her to our next destination, likely thinking it to be Applejack’s home. I had a better idea, I led the two ponies to Fluttershy’s cabin near the Everfree, “Stay out of sight for now, she startles easily.”

I managed to knock once before the door opened slightly, a single blue eye gazing back at me. Without warning, the door flew open to slam against the interior wall.

“You have a lot of nerve coming back here.”

“Shy.”

“Don’t you ‘Shy’ me, mister, do you have any idea how upset AJ and Rainbow were when you said Best was a wanted criminal? They were devastated, they looked up to you and you let them think you’d never come back,” the normally timid mare attempted to yell, though she only achieved a normal speaking volume.

“Shy.”

“What? What could possibly be so important that you’d abandon ponies you’ve known their whole lives?”

“Luna and AJ are here too.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay, just know that I have my reasons. If we could come in, I’d gladly bring you up to speed,” I offered.

“I suppose you could all come in, if you want to, that is,” Fluttershy whispered, moving out of the doorway and attempting to hide behind her mane.

“Shy, Luna looks kinda scary, but she’s still nice. Okay?” I cautioned the skittish mare, waving Luna over as I did so.

“Hello again Fluttershy, how have you been?” Luna asked kindly as she walked to the doorway and looked inside. Fluttershy squeaked and dove under her couch, only making it halfway under before getting stuck, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine down here, thank you for asking,” Fluttershy replied, more muffled than usual from the couch on top of her.

“As I understand it, you are the bearer of the Element of Kindness, are you not? Did you know I once held the same title?” Luna asked gently. Fluttershy slowly extricated herself from the couch and looked at Luna curiously.

“You did?” Fluttershy asked quietly, even by her standards. After a moment for me to relay her question, Luna was able to form a response.

“Oh, yes. Tia won’t admit it, but I held four of the Elements when we faced Discord. I was the bearer of Kindness, Loyalty, Honesty, and Generosity, though Tia could also wield Generosity on occasion. It was always a temperamental Element,” Luna explained with an easy smile.

“But why are you all prickly?” Fluttershy asked, she was starting to eye the opening under the couch again.

“Jay made these clothes for me. We were going to go dancing, but things didn’t go as I’d hoped. Now I just feel ridiculous,” Luna admitted, tugging at her choker with a hoof.

“Mind if we all sit?” I asked, gesturing to the top portion of the couch that Fluttershy seemed so fond of.

“Oh, of course. Make yourselves at home, if you want to,” Fluttershy replied, hopping onto the chair next to the couch where she could usually be found crying when Angel, her pet rabbit, came home late. Luna and I took the couch, sitting close enough for Luna to lean against me if she got nervous, after Luna set Applejack down on an abnormally large dog bed. She didn’t seem to mind.

I told Fluttershy everything that had happened, getting a few gasps and swipes from Luna in the process. Fluttershy just nodded along and leveled no judgement on Luna for her behavior, nor did she react strongly to my retelling of Celestia’s actions in Canterlot. The only time she showed any emotion at all was when I explained the situation with Dopple and the rogue enforcers.

“He was your favorite though, why would he do that? You treated him better than my parents treated me,” Fluttershy asked, nearly in tears.

“I have my suspicions, but nothing concrete. I suppose I’ll find out when I tear his head off and eat it,” I replied, eliciting a startled gasp from Fluttershy.

“But you can’t, he was like a son to you,” Fluttershy cried, reaching a normal volume again.

“I know, and that makes him my responsibility. He’s become a threat to the entire world, not just me. You know about the virus, Shy, can you honestly say that there’s another way for me to handle this?” I countered.

“No, I can’t. But I don’t think you should be the one who has to do this either,” Fluttershy said adamantly, “I hope you don’t have to do that yourself.”

“I do, any of the enforcers would just be turned by the ‘Freedom’ in his system and the cycle would repeat. I have to do this myself,” I replied sadly.

“Oh, well, if you’re sure, I guess you know more about it than I do,” Fluttershy commented meekly.

“Bright side, you all get to meet Freydis and Chilly in a few months,” I added.

“And who is this Chilly?” Luna asked, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

“That is a story for another day,” I responded, “Mostly because we’d be here all day otherwise.”

“She was his roommate,” Fluttershy answered.

“Dude, spoilers,” I complained.

“You shouldn’t hide things from your wife, Jay,” Fluttershy admonished.

“We barely acknowledge that. And I wasn’t hiding it, I just wanted to tell the whole story,” I whined.

“We have nowhere to be for the foreseeable future, why not tell it now?” Luna suggested.

“Might as well, at this point. Hey Shy, you wanna go check on Twilight? She isn’t faring any better than AJ over here,” I asked.

“Of course, I should’ve gone to see her ages ago! I’ll see you all later,” Fluttershy said as she bolted out the door. Her friend needed some kindness, and nothing could stop Fluttershy when someone was in trouble.

“Let’s see, it all began when I first arrived in the Crystal Kingdom…” I began.

Author's Notes:

I need to work on writing fight scenes, so many revisions. Luna's outfit is loosely based on this picture of Lzzy Hale I found while researching female rock musicians and their styles, just with some punk rock/grunge rock influence for flavor. The "The Lunar Guardsman" reference was half unintentional, the thought hit me that it would be a logical fear before I checked my psychology notes. I decided to keep it after debating with myself for a bit.

Eric's Note: I've done the editing and this chapter is good to go. Let me (and Militia) know if you see any errors.
Also, here's my question of the day: Do you think that Luna's fear of the Elements should be cannon?