My legs are curled up under my chin. The ceiling is so low I have to squeeze my head in between my knees. Two small seats are squishing my tooshie. The creatures sitting in those seats are leaning away from me to try to give me room, but their big heads keep knocking against me whenever they need to check an instrument panel. Any effort to make any of us comfortable is beyond pointless.

Yep, it’s cramped. Very cramped. People talk about getting packed in like sardines and this isn’t far from the truth. Even without the three other creatures that are kindly letting me share what little space there is, this capsule has absolutely no room for me to move. My wings are getting so stiff I can attach an angry note to one and chuck it at Arctic North’s windows like a brick.

“Nah naaah na,” one of the creatures says with a big smile.

Oh right, the creatures. They’re odd little guys. If we had any ability to stand, they’d all come up to the underside of my beak. Two thirds of that height is just their heads. They have big, cylindrical heads, kind of like coffee cups. And they’re green, very green. Those big, green, coffee cup heads of theirs have big eyes and huge mouths that can swallow my head in one gulp. No, they’ve tried that yet. They’ve just used those big mouths of theirs to smile and make weird noises.

“Ma ha naa,” the one to my right says to me. I half smile at him and nod. I have no idea what they’re saying.

The three little green creatures with big coffee cup heads are all in special suits of some kind. They got what looks to be fish bowls over their heads with tin foil wrapped around everything but their faces. Those fish bowls squish my face whenever they have to move their heads to check the dashboard in between my feet. Their bodies are also wrapped up in this special tin foil. Looks airtight.

The one on my left stretches in front of my face, practically shoving my beak out of the way, and hits a few switches on the ceiling. I’d protest, but they’re generous enough to let me hitch a ride in this already tight space, and I have no room to be a choosy beggar in my current situation.

Barely under an hour ago, I was on the tip of a tower with a volcano spewing out of its butt. The tower flew into the sky, and then flew above the sky. I didn’t know there was more to the sky than the sky itself. It got really cold and quiet. All the air disappeared. Fortunately for me, I found out my monster body doesn’t need air to breathe. I didn’t pass out and die when I got out of the sky. That said, my body doesn’t know I won’t die without air. It went into panic mode and I got to have fun with all the joys of suffocation without the dying. Yes, that means I was flailing around, clutching my throat in an effort to find air. No amount of monster powers can overcome natural reflexes. Ain’t biology grand?

While my lungs were on fire and I was gasping for nonexistent air, I also had to jump around on the tower. As it ascended above the world, pieces of it broke off and fell back down. I could’ve hopped on one of those pieces and rode them back down, but they were on fire and at this height I don’t know if I could survive the fall, even with monster powers.

At some point everything broke off, except for that giant cylinder the metal arm loaded in the tower earlier. A couple of shiny blue plates folded out from the sides of the cylinder, and I drifted above the entire world.

Not going to lie, it pretty up there. I ignored my gasps of suffocation long enough to admire the big blue and green ball spinning underneath me. I knew worlds are round, I’m not stupid, but I never thought I’d get the chance to see a planet in its entirety.

Makes me feel small.

Didn’t take long for me to figure out I was stranded. The machine I was sitting on wasn’t going anywhere, and there wasn’t anywhere for me to go. I was stuck. I had a whole planet below me and no way to get back to it, much less get back to Equestria. What a pickle I was in.

And then I got visitors. Out from the darkness of space, a cone vessel came out of nowhere. It started as a dot, then grew to the size of a train engine when it parked right next to me. A hatch opened from the head of the cone, and a strange creature popped out and waved at me. He tossed me a rope and invited me to come on in.

With nowhere else to go, what choice did I have?

And that’s how I got crammed in this tiny pod with three other creatures. I got no room to complain, or to do anything for that matter. It’s tight and miserable, but how many aliens are out there who are nice enough to pick up a hitchhiker? Heck, these guys were jumping out of their seats when we first met. I think they were pretty excited to see me.

The alien on my right taps me on the shoulder. “Na naa?”

I lean forward as far as I can, almost snapping my spine in two during the process. The creature opens a cupboard behind my head and pulls out a silver bag. I lean back up when he closes the cupboard. “Got what you need?”

The creature rips the bag open and hands it to me. I take it from him and look inside. It’s full of chips. The creature points to the chips, and pretends to put imaginary food in its mouth. These are for me? Well, thanks! I toss a clawfull in my beak and chew. I give him a thumbs up, which makes him pretty giddy.

See, these are good aliens, the nicest I’ve met. Granted, it’s not hard to be the nicest. All the other aliens I met tried to kill me, so the bar is pretty low. The fact these guys didn’t try to gut me on first sight puts them high on the list of chill dudes I’d want to hang out with.

While I’m chewing, I hold out the bag for anyone else to grab a bite. They all shake their heads and politely decline. All for me, I guess. The one across from me hits a button next to him and speaks in a little box. “Ah ha maa. Na ha na na?”

The box crackles, and a hazy voice comes out of it. “Nha ahn ma ah na.”

Kind of cool. I think he’s talking to someone who’s in a different location. Reminds me of those voice boxes Blackwatch uses to communicate. Of course I don’t understand anything of what they’re saying. I get the feeling they’re talking about me, but without a little book to help me translate their “Nah”s and “Hah”s, I’m just lost. For all I know, they could be talking about sticking a pike through me and spit roasting my corpse over an open flame. Probably not. These guys are too chill for that.

I eat my chips. The little green people do their business. The voice box comes in and out every now and then. “Meh mah ha Na hmm… hmm… The mad bird has to be deaf. I can hear the voices from my castle, and yet here she is, ignoring the riot going on in her noggin.”

What the heck? That wasn’t a “Nah” or “Mah.” The creatures look confused too. They’re giving each other glances as if they don’t know what to do. The one next to the voice box presses the button. “Na nah an?”

The voice box sparks at the green alien. “Are you a bird? Do you have feathers? Wings? A beak?! No? Then I wasn’t talking about you! Shut up and wait your turn!” The creature flinches when the guy in the voice box snaps at him. The sparks might have freaked him out too. “The nerve of some people, hmph. I should call upon the kraken for your impatience! But I won’t.”

I can understand what the box is saying! I lean forward and press the button on the box. “Hello, can you hear me?”

“Barely,” the box replies. “There’s so much chatter coming from you I’m surprised you haven’t blown my eardrums out!”

Yes, someone I can talk to! These Nah Nah creatures are neat, but conversation between us is slim. It’s nice to hear someone I can actually talk to. “Great! You will not believe the day I’ve had. It’s so great to hear someone talk my language.”

“Your language? What makes you think I’m speaking your language? If anything, you’re speaking my language. Did you even think of that? The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know. Or maybe this one does…”

Huh. It’s nice to hear someone’s voice I can understand, but this guy is coming off as a little… off. The creatures are watching me talk with the guy. They seem fascinated by it and confused. One of them has a notepad and is scribbling furiously. “So… who are you?”

“Nobody important. I’m just a pilgrim in the void, looking for some spectacle insanity. You’re my main course, but I have to say these little green men put up one heck of a show. They jam pack giant metal tubes with high yield explosives and pierce the sky on a wave of destruction! How crazy is that? High chance for failure, too! That’s when the fun happens. I’ll have to come back one day and watch them attempt to break the laws of nature some more.”

You know, I don’t have a good streak for aliens not killing me. These space creatures are nice, but I got the Protoss, Zerg, and Hard Hat on record for trying to kill me on first sight. Who says the guy on the voice box is going to be nice. “Out of curiosity, do you plan to cut off my head or something?”

“Good question. What am I to you? Well, in one moment I could be a dear friend, and in a different moment I could be ripping off your limbs and shoving them up your orifices. Either or. Depends on the quality of the moon.”

Well then, glad we got that sorted out. Or didn’t? “Yeah, you’re coming off as a weird creep. You know that?”

“Me, a creep? Why, I find your remark so offensive that it reminds me of a joke. What’s the difference between a Creeper and a Kerbal? The Kerbal smiles when he explodes!” The radio crackles with the laughter of the mysterious stranger.

I don’t get it. “Is there a reason you’re doing standup comedy over an alien voice box?”

“Oh, because I want to. Don’t need more reason than that.”

“Mmm. I’m ignoring you now.”

“Please do. Don’t listen to a word I say! That way, when I tell you how to get back to Equestria, you’ll miss what I say and I can make fun of you while I mince out your liver for being such a dunker head.”

Equestria?! “Waoh waoh waoh, back up. You know how to get me back home?”

“No, I don’t. But I know how to search for a way back home.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

The voice sounds amused. “Ha, those two things are completely different! Shows what little you know. It’s the metaphysical difference between feeding a man a fish and teaching a man to fish. I can’t feed you the metaphorical fish, because that’s going to take you to my home. And I don’t want you in my home. Degenerates are not welcome in my home.”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

“Drop the sarcasm. You know what I said is true.” The voice pauses, and I hear a long snort come from the box. “Woo, that’s killer stuff! Literally, that guy just died! Where was I? Oh, yes, teaching you how to fish. I’d come to you, but I’m preoccupied at the moment. You’re going to have to mosey on over to my location if we want to sort your life out.”

“What makes you think I’d want to be anywhere near you?”

“Griffon, you want to go home, which is enough for you to end up here. At the rate you're going, you’ll be sitting at my table before the night is out, like it or not. Now when we do meet, you might as well get something out of it. I am a cache of wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Also sunflower seeds. I got a lot of those. It’d be wise of you to take advantage of my sunflower seeds to better yourself as a person. Wait, no, that came out wrong…”

The voice trails off. The alien by the voice box reaches over and presses the button. “Naa na?”

“Alright, fine. I’ll get off the line. But a quick message for the griffon. You’re going the right way. Just keep taking the path of least resistance and you’ll probably end up with me in no time. Or not. I don’t know, my perception of time has left the building folks! Ha… I’ll be waiting.”

The box turns off with a click. A different voice comes out of it. “A naha na?” I think the crazy guy is gone. The creature by the box squirms with excitement and starts a conversation with his guy on the other side. They look over their notes with lively “Na”s and “Ha”s. For the most part I tune it out.

Oh joy, the only person I’ve met who knows anything about my situation and he’s a nutjob. I do not want to meet this guy. Is there a way I can get back to the Protoss? I bet they can sort my situation. I can wait if I have to.

Author's Notes:

~ Connection reestablished. Tracking rouge player. Location locked. ~