It’s five in the morning. Stores don’t open till eight. Perfect time for a super-griffon to rob a place and take everything she could ask for.

It doesn’t hurt that I’m still a Blackwatch Sergeant. If anyone catches me, they’ll see some destructive blue-eye goon chugging down on the local liquor store’s finest selection. Why add fuel to the griffon stereotype fire if I don’t have to?

Can I still get drunk? I don’t feel drunk. By the time five squads of blue-eyes come to take care of me, I’ve gone through seven shelves of booze and don’t feel so much as buzzed. Oh well, it’s a lost cause. I guess I have to deal with my problems through different means other than drowning them away.

Unfortunately for Blackwatch, I figured out how to ditch the Sergeant disguise and unleash the fury of my claws on the dweebs nearest to me. Unfortunately for me, five squads worth of spells hurts like crazy. I had to high-tail it out of there before they got the better of me.

The sun’s coming up over the city now. I’m standing on a rooftop enjoying the view. The rain cleared up, I got a coffee in my hand, and my powers aren’t acting up. Other than the blue-eye pegasus lying in two pieces at my feet, it’s a beautiful morning. As a bonus, I figured out how to get rid of the death claws. I just need to flex the worms in my arms and they turn back into regular griffon claws. This makes drinking coffee so much easier!

As I take a sip from my fresh dark brew, which I may or may not have paid for, I ponder on what activities I should partake in today. Any mourning routine I had before this monster thing is gone with the rest of my memories. Not like remembering what I used to do would help. The scone shop is neck deep in a restricted area and I doubt the guards on patrol are keen on letting me bake there.

My memories, those would be good to get back. A lot of things are still hazy and I’m sure there’s a bunch of things I’m missing. Heck, I barely remember anything I’ve done in Manehatten, and I own a shop here! Tanya did ask a good question, what do I remember?

I remember growing up in Griffonstone, playing around with the other chicks, nesting with my parents. Early childhood isn’t an issue. There’s flight camp, meeting Rainbow Dash, racing through the clouds, socking Hoops in the jaw. The kid deserved it. My teenage years, I wish I could forget those. It seems I still have most of my life story stuck in my head.

Then what’s the very last thing I remember? Griffonstone? Yes, I was in Griffonstone. Rainbow Dash came for… Something about a map. I had to save her after she got herself stuck in a pit. The goblet! I dropped a goblet. That was embarrassing. The only ones who know about the goblet are me, Rainbow… and someone pink. There was another pony with us, a friend of Rainbow. Pink, pink, pink… Where do I remember seeing pink?

And then I realize something. This coffee is doing nothing for me.

Damn these monster powers. They won’t even let me get a caffeine buzz. Worst five bits I ever stole! Ahem, spent! I meant spent. This coffee was purchased with legal tender. Where’s a trashcan? Don’t these city ponies know how to set up trashcans?

Oh wait, I’m on a roof. Roofs don’t have trashcans.

I look down at the dead Blackwatch pegasus, then back at my coffee cup, then back at him. Sure, I’ve been slicing up goons all night, but I’m no litter bug. Got to keep the city clean. Speaking of bugs, the flies are gathering now. I wonder if this guy had a name. Buttermilk. This guy looks like a Buttermilk.

Maybe Buttermilk had a family. A wife, two kids, a male coworker he spent a little too much time around. He’d come home late most nights from his nine to five job, make excuses as to why his family never saw him, and then head out to meet his secret gay lover at a motel. Buttermilk broke the news to his lover first, he’s joining the army. They cried, made love, then cried some more. Buttermilk’s wife doesn’t find out till the day of his deployment. She’s furious.

He leaves for a year before receiving a letter. She found out about his gay lover. The letter has divorce papers in it. Buttermilk’s heartbroken. He requests a leave of absence, and is scheduled to return home in a week. Before he goes, he’s tasked with hunting down a monster. The monster slices him up, and is now drinking coffee above his corpse. He never got to say goodbye to his kids.

That, or he signed up to kill civilians in a proxy war in a far away country. Rest in pieces, Buttermilk.

What was I thinking about? Oh right, the pink pony. What was her name? Plonk? Picaso? Pigs?

Pink, more pink, it’s cold…

“And that’s the last of it. We got your flour, eggs, sugar…”

She keeps going on and, we’re standing in front of a room full of boxes…

“Pinkie, isn’t this a lot of ingredients?”

Pinkie Pie! That’s her name. She shakes her head…

“Have you ever run a restaurant in a big city? I have, and I can already tell this isn’t enough to last you a week!”

Still chilly, I think we’re in a fridge…

“All this for a week? But this whole room is filled with boxes!”

The pink, the smile, I can’t stand the smile…

“And it’s still not enough. We need a bigger room. You’ll see. Once ponies start coming by and eating everything up, you’ll be glad I ordered all this for you!”

I teeter to the side a bit. Woo, those flashbacks come out of nowhere and hit like a train.

Pinkie Pie, that’s her name. I think I had a different flashback with her. Yeah, she came up with the dumb store name, and she helped me order all the ingredients I needed for the scone shop. And she ordered the kitchenware, the stoves, the ovens, the thermometers, the fridge, the freezer, the cleaning supplies, and so much more I wouldn’t have thought about getting.

Oh, that’s right, the scone shop would’ve died on the first day if I was the only one who ordered supplies. She saved my life there. I wonder if she felt entitled to naming my store for me after all that.

That’s what I’ll do today, I’ll find Pinkie. Tanya is done with my bullcrap, but I bet Pinkie is more than willing to fill me in on the details I’ve forgotten.

I take a proud sip of coffee… then frown. I can’t even taste this crap cold! Where can I find a trash can? I peak over the edge of the building, and I see one right below me on the sidewalk. Hmm, maybe I can toss it in from here.

I let go, and the coffee cup falls through the air. It looks like it’s going to make it, but a stiff breeze comes through and knocks it off course. My insides twist as I watch it fall towards the head of an unsuspecting pony. My eyes close tight before the cup hits with a loud splash.

I dare to open one eye to see the damage. The pony down there is not happy. He’s fuming and stomping around. He looks up at me and my insides twist harder. He’s not just some random pony off the street. This pony has glowing, blue eyes.

“It’s Patient Zero! Kill it!” I hear the Blackwatch goon shout.

So much for the beautiful morning I was having. I duck before a barrage of blue spells fire up at me, then I sprint. By the time three pegasi fly up to my spot, I’m two blocks away and jumping over to the next roof. Son-of-a-bison, I just got rid of these guys. Maybe they’ll be too busy with Buttermilk’s body to chase me.

I peak back. They’re chasing me. Damn it, can’t I go five minutes without needing to kill off some goons?

Okay, this isn’t a big deal. I’ll get over it. Just slice up and possibly eat the pegasi chasing me, then I’ll run off to find Pinkie Pie. Hey, I might even have a new morning routine if this keeps up.

No, forget that. Drinking tasteless coffee in the early morning with a side of eating ponies is not something I want to turn into a habit.