I found her in an alley.

It wasn’t hard to find her. I don’t need monster senses to see the magic bolts shooting up in the air. If you’re on a rooftop, you can see a firefight happening from halfway across the city.

Tanya is running in between two buildings. There’s a blue-eye gang hot on her tail, shooting magic bolts down her way. She’s firing back with her own magic shooter. No clue how she got her claws on one. She had it when I got here, so I’m assuming she stole it from a goon.

Her blue briefcase is hanging on her back, bobbing up and down with every stride she takes. That can’t be comfy. She should ditch that thing. It’s only weighing her down.

I wonder if those goons know that’s not me they’re chasing. Cole Slaw saw my disguise trick, so I figure he should’ve put out an announcement or something. Or maybe they just don’t care.

Another goon gang jumps out at the end of the alley, blocking the exit. Tanya fires down range, forcing them to dodge. While they’re distracted, she spreads her wings and takes off.

She’s a harder target to hit in the air, but she’s still between two buildings. Not much space to maneuver. The goon squads shoot up, and she soars up to evade the volley. I’m looking down at this, and a number of shots wiz past my face. That alley’s a kill zone!

Tanya streaks out from the alley, and flips back to land on a rooftop. Funny enough, she lands on my rooftop, the one I’m sitting on. We’re only a few yards away, and she hasn’t noticed me yet. She’s too busy adjusting the suitcase strap to look my way.

“Hiya,” I say.

The owl-bird snaps her around head at the sound of my voice. “Gilda? What are you doing here?”

I grin at her. The sight of me sitting here while she’s been in a shootout must be a bit jarring. “Oh, you know, hanging around, doing whatever. You?”

“Me? I’m having a little spat with the cops.” She snaps the magic shooter up and fires three shots. I hear a scream, and a moment later a Blackwatch pegasus crashes right next to me. “They’re big on racial profiling.”

I give the pegasus a kick. Dead, hole in the chest. “Tell me about it. I’ve been dealing with them all day yesterday. These guys are relentless.”

“Yeah, I’d like to chat, but I need to get somewhere” She fires another burst in the sky. This time I have the sense to look behind me. It’s not just one pegasus. It’s a whole flock heading towards us. And there’s an airship!

Scratch that, three airships. I didn’t see the ones hovering above the first. Blackwatch sent an armada for us! I do not want to fight an armada. “Lead the way.”

Tanya takes off and I follow. She’s quick to accept the fact I’m here. Out of the blue, here I am. What’s up with that? Not like we have time to question things with an army chasing us down. We can sort these questions out later.

Now for your daily weather forecast. It’s raining death! The moment we take off running, the sky army unleashes Tartarus. Magic bolts pepper the roof all around us, sending debris pieces all over the place. They’re all a million little mini explosions going off around us. It’s insane!

None of them hit Tanya, mostly because I keep jumping up and shielding her from the bolts. They’re all zapping and frying my flesh. I’m holding up, but it still hurts like a bitch. She better buy me a drink after this!

“Off the roof!” Tanya yells.

She bolts for the building’s street side. I follow, keeping my wings spread to ward off the bolts. Tanya spreads her wings and dives off the edge.

Great idea. The buildings will cover us on the street. I run after, folding my wings in and preparing to do a cannon ball after her. Hey, why glide when I can fall with style? Unfortunately, just as I’m about to jump off, I hear a familiar shriek.

The fireball explodes right behind me. The roof erupts in a cloud of rubble and flame, and I’m caught in the middle of it. The explosion throws me off the roof, and I can’t get control over my fall as I descend to the street. I’m flapping my arms around, trying to save myself, but nothing is working!

I hit the pavement at a bad angle. The point of impact is the side of my head, and my neck bends as the weight of my body comes crashing down over my noggin. I hear something pop inside of me.

At some point I stop moving all together. That’s good, no more falling. I test a claw. Yep, still moving. I’m in a crap ton of pain, but still moving. I push myself up, and all my muscles screaming at me. My vision’s grey. Everything sounds distant. There’s definitely something wet and hot dripping from me.

Tanya glides down beside me and pats me on the shoulder. “Shit, you ate that explosion.”

“That explosion ate me!” I grab my head and twist it until my neck pops back into place. “I don’t think I can take another one.”

“Then let’s get out of here fast.” Tanya tugs me, and we run down the street.

There’s a crowd of ponies gathered around this disaster area. Spectator syndrome, I believe that’s what this is called. I can’t tell if they’re murmuring or screaming. My hearing is out of whack at the moment. We dive into the crowd just as the Blackwatch pegasi come flying over the street.

“They’re going to spot us soon,” Tanya says as she ducks through the crowd. “We need an exit strategy."

I nod, or I think I nod. I’m almost tripping over myself following the owl-lion. I can feel the tentacles fixing up my backside, but that explosion knocked everything inside me loose. I’m having trouble keeping my balance and I don’t know how long this will last.

We break out from behind the crowd into a busy street. Ponies pulling carts are whizzing by us to and fro. Stallions in nice suits are walking around with their noses up high. Dames in nice dresses are walking by and avoiding our gaze. With all the crap I’ve been through, I forgot Manehattan is still a city, a snobbish city at that.

I wobble a bit, and Tanya grabs my shoulder. “If you came to rescue me, you did a damn awful job at it. You’re about to fall over and die.”

“I’m fine,” I say, brushing her claw away. “I just haven’t had a good breakfast.”

My hearing is getting better now, because I hear someone shout behind us. Blackwatch is making its way through the crowd. Our time is running out. Tanya steps out into the street and waves. “Hey, taxi!

I blink at her. Either my brain is mush and I’m hallucinating, or she’s really doing something stupid. “Seriously? You’re taking a taxi?”

“If we get one quick, we can get out of here before we’re spotted.” One taxi, a carriage pulled by a large earth pony, ignores Tanya’s call and runs past us. My ears must be all good now, because I hear the driver say something about dirty griffons while he’s speeding away. “That is if we can find one that isn’t racist!”

“I got this.” I see another taxi coming down. I’m still recovering, but I’ve recovered enough to do something stupid. When he passes by, instead of waving him down, I jump the carriage and grab him by the reigns. The earth pony pulling this thing rears back and skids to a halt. He turns back to yell at me, but all he sees are my trademark negotiation tactics sticking their blades up in his face.

Tanya runs up and hops on in next to me. “44 on Cloudburst Street. Make it snappy!” She waves the magic shooter around for extra dramatic effect. The driver gets the message, and he takes off galloping down the busy roadway.

“And we are out of here,” I say.

“Not bad, featherbrain,” Tanya says. “For a second there I thought you would trip over yourself and break your neck.”

I think I already did that. “Cut me some slack. You’re only alive because I body-blocked all the magic bolts.”

“I could’ve managed. You’re the one who brought the sky armada with you.”

“They would’ve come anyways. Cole Slaw was sending out everything because he thought you were me.”

“Cole Slaw?”

“Long story.”

Something taps my shoulder. I look around and find two ponies sitting behind us. One is a lady unicorn with a white coat. The other is an earth pony stallion, who is hugging the lady unicorn. Huh, I see we’ve hijacked someone else’s ride.

The stallion makes a little meek grin at me. “Hi, um… You’re not going to eat us, are you sir?”

Oh, you got to be kidding me. Is there anypony who doesn’t think griffons are complete savages? Tanya and I exchange looks. I don’t think she expected the extra company either, especially rascist company.

“Well, I am a little hungry,” I say. “I’ve only had coffee for breakfast. It’s not that filling.”

“Eh, ponies are too sugary for my taste. Have at them.” Tanya says. The couple’s eyes go wide.

“Relax, I’m not going to eat you two,” I say. “That’s frowned upon where I come from.”

The stallion lets out a sigh of relief, and the mare rolls her eyes. “I told you griffons don’t eat ponies. You can throw those odd thoughts out of you head.”

“You never know,” the stallion says. “Griffons are born to hunt. It’s in their genes. They might get hungry and decide Aunt Humble is a tasty snack.”

The mare smacks him over the back of the head. Atta girl. “Don’t provoke them. They’re our kidnappers. They might stab us if we say something wrong.”

At first I was liking the unicorn mare, but with that stabbing remark, eh… I'll let it pass. We did steal their ride, after all. On the other claw, these ponies have an odd, naïve thing going on with them. “You two do know I’m Zero, right? The griffon Blackwatch has been going after.”

They both give me blank looks. “Who?”

Huh, I wonder if Blackwatch has gone public with me yet? “You know, Zero, the pain in the ass Blackwatch has been dealing with.”

The blank looks continue. “Aren’t you two just regular griffons?”

I blink at them. The gears in my head are grinding together over this. “So let me get this straight. You two just assumed we’re normal griffons. We’re not crazy lab experiments running at large, we’re just griffons.”

They glance at each other. Those blank looks are now a bit worried. “Yes…”

“And the first thought you had when we hijacked your carriage is not if we’re going to rob you, not if we’re going to beat you to a pulp or anything, but if we’re going to eat you. You just assumed us griffons would eat you two ponies. Am I missing anything here?”

The pairs look at me in silence. “Are you?” the stallion asks.

Unbelievable. Just... unbelievable. I look at Tanya, and she looks pretty disgusted. “What the heck is with these city ponies?”

“Racists, all of them,” she says, throwing a claw in the air. “They all keep thinking I’m a dude.”

I throw up my claws. “I’ve been getting that all day yesterday! Can they not tell the difference between a guy and a girl?”

“Maybe that’s why there are so many gay pony couples. They can’t tell what bits they have by looking at their faces.”

The lady unicorn scowls. “Hey, we can tell the difference just fine.”

Tanya glares at her, tapping the magic shooter with a claw. “Oh yeah, what gender are we?”

The lady opens her mouth, but then bites her lip. The stallion squints his eyes at Tanya and tilts his head. He’s making quite the show of effort. “Male?”

Tanya makes a fart noise with her beak. “Racists.”

A bright light blows through the carriage canopy and whizzes past my face. The couple scream, and Tanya pokes her head out to see what’s up. “We’ve got company!”

I look over the canopy to find the Blackwatch flock on our tail. Countless blue-eye pegasi are swooping over the street like hawks. A few of them let loose a couple of bolts at us, and I duck just in time for them to whiz by me. “They got the sky covered! Complete air superiority!”

Tanya groans. As griffons, we both know the importance of air domination. You can see everything below you, and you can make life difficult for anything trying to take off. And these guys have ranged weapons. They don’t even need to swoop in close for the kill.

“Faster!” Tanya bangs on the side of the carriage. The earth pony swerves to avoid a slow cabbage cart, and we almost fly off. “I have an idea. Can you distract them?”

“Uh, sure. What’s the idea?”

“I’ll tell you as we go. Just”-

A magic bolt flies between us, misses us by inches, and goes on to hit the earth pony in the back. He goes limp, trips over himself, and the carriage crashes into him and flips over. Our unplanned stop sends everyone flying and crashing into the street pavement. I hear the couple scream and Tanya screeching. I just faceplant. It hurts.

I’m the first to recover. Pieces of taxi are all over the place. The driver is on the ground, and it doesn’t look like he’s breathing. The lovers are groaning. Maybe they broke something, but they’re alive. Tanya is using the shooter as a cane to push herself up. I get up, and jump out of the way just as another cart swerves around us to avoid the wreckage. Other carts are stopping around us. We’re blocking a good chunk of the road.

“Tanya,” I call out. “Are you alright?”

“No,” she groans. She swings her blue suitcase off her shoulders, peaks inside real quick, smiles, and puts it back on. “But I’ll manage.”

The carts are bunching up around us now, so we have a sizable audience. Drivers are trying to move around us and get a look at the carnage at the same time. There are a lot of ponies that will panic at the first sign of danger. So of course Blackwatch picks now to shoot at us.

Magic bolts pepper the area. The drivers panic, scream, and try running away from the danger. Some have the sense to unhook from their carts, others don’t. Carts all over crash into each other as they try to escape. Some ponies scream as the carts accidentally run over them. It’s just a mess.

The volley stops when the panic breaks out, but that doesn’t stop the panic. Tanya skips out of the way of a driver as his cart swings around us. “Damn, that distraction won’t work now.”

“Well isn’t that grand.” I’m a little curious what she was planning, but we don’t have time to discuss strategies like that.

Several pegasi swoop down and aim their shooters at us. “Surrender now,” one of them yells.

This isn’t good. In the middle of a carriage accident with goons ready to blow us to smithereens. I believe ponies call this cornering the cat. Seems thematic, since we’re griffons, being part big cats and all. “Why should we surrender?” I say. “We did nothing wrong.”

“Because we’re arresting you,” the same pegasus says. I think he might be the leader here. “Put your claws up and come quietly.”

“But why are you arresting us? I don’t remember doing any crimes.”

“Disturbing the peace, for one thing,” the pegasus says. He waves at the surrounding carnage and panicking ponies. “And you murdered that innocent taxi driver.”

I glance at the driver whose carriage we hijacked. He hasn’t moved an inch. With the hole in his back, I doubt he can. “Really, I murdered him? I don’t recall being able to shoot spells with my mind.”

“No, but your friend has a bolt-gun, one stolen from one of our own officers. Evidence points to her killing your driver.”

I glance at Tanya. She shrugs. “If they want to screw us over, they’ll find a way. I, on the other claw, need to be places.” The owl-lion hefts her shooter and fires several shots at the pegasi. The group scatters to evade, and while they’re distracted Tanya jumps over to the couple, grabs the stallion, hugs him in front of her and takes off into the air.

The pegasi take aim with their own shooters, but Tanya spins around so the stallion is between them. The stallion is screaming and kicking in her arms, but she’s not letting go. “Come on, shoot me!” she yells. “You’ll get him before you get me!”

The owl-lion streaks off past the pegasi. The rest of the goon army takes off after her, through a few still stick around to deal with me. If we weren’t in trouble before, Tanya just brought us a whole shipload of the good stuff.

The unicorn mare, who’s still next to me, shrieks. “No! He has my husband. He stole my Pencil!”

Sweet mercy, this mare has one heck of a pair of lungs. “You’re going to give me tinnitus, lady.” I pick at my ear canal with my pinky talon. Partly for effect, partly to try to get rid of the ringing. “I don’t know if I can heal from that.”

She turns to me with burning eyes. “You!” she shrieks. She runs up to me and starts hitting me with her hooves. “You monster! Bring back my Pencil! He’s going to eat my Pencil!”

I stand there, looking down at her. Her hits are all bouncing off my chest. And she won’t shut up about her Pencil. “Okay, first off Miss Racist, that griffon is a she, not a he. Second, she’s not going to eat your husband. She’s just using him as a shield.”

She doesn’t seem to listen. She keeps hitting and hitting. At some point, she smashes her face into my chest and leaves it there. I can feel her tears running down my feathers. “Give him back,” she sobs. “Bring him back!”

I would be emotionally moved, but she’s just as racist as her precious Pencil, and her horn is poking me in the throat. And unless I find a sink and soap soon, her snot is going to be sticking to my feathers all day. The Blackwatch goons that didn’t chase after Tanya are watching us. Just watching. This is getting awkward.

“Look, lady.” I push her head off my chest, mostly to get her horn off my throat. That was uncomfortable. I tilt her head back so she’s looking up at me. Her face is dripping with wet makeup and mascara. Hold up, wet makeup?

I look down at my chest, and her makeup stained my feathers. Damn it, now I got a clown face on my chest! It looks like a shitty superhero emblem for the world’s most depressing clown sidekick. Du-du-du-dun, I’m Sad Clown Bird Thing, here to make everyone cry.

I run a claw down my face. Just another thing to do today. “Look, I’ll make sure your husband makes it out safe. I want my friend to make it out safe, too, so I get where you’re coming from. Do you understand?”

She just stares up at me, not really moving, just sobbing.

“Just promise me one thing.”

She blinks.

“Tell everyone you know, you included, to stop being racists.” I push her away, and she stumbles on to her butt. Not my problem.

The Blackwatch goons raise their shooters at me as I approach. Their leader yells something at me, I ignore them, and I jump through their ranks and run down the street.

I look for Tanya with my monster senses and get a lock on her. She’s moving fast, but not as fast as she could if she wasn’t hauling a hostage with her. No problem, I can run faster than she can fly.

And I hear a familiar shriek behind me.

I dive behind an abandoned cart a moment before the fireball explodes. The street bursts in flame, and all the surrounding carts either turn over or break apart into tiny smithereens. Sheesh, they brought the big guns for this one.

A shadow blots out the sun, and the airship soars over my head. I can see a unicorn looking down at me. His horn glows orange, and another fireball comes shrieking down.

I’m on my feet and running long before the fireball hits the ground. The shockwave drowns out the screams of terror from the ponies running around. Blackwatch has mixed feelings about using weapons in populated areas. Someone could get hurt. And they say I’m the bad guy.

Monster sense pulls me around a corner, and I bank left and avoid the airship’s last explosion. Tanya’s down this street, dodging and weaving through the waves of Blackwatch pegasi. With the stallion in her arms, Blackwatch isn’t shooting her. Instead, they keep dive bombing her to try to tackle her to the ground. They might succeed, but every time they get close Tanya shoots at them with her own magic shooter and they fly away. She has things locked down.

Another airship flies over the street between Tanya and me. Instead of shooting fireballs, the blimp opens up with a barrage of heavy magic bolts. The spells immediately blast apart the area around me, tearing up the surrounding carriages. Burning wood and goods explode around me in a shower of tiny chunks. I duck down and charge out of the line of fire, but the bolt rain keeps on following me.

And another shriek comes my way. Great.

I run towards the sidewalk, narrowly avoiding the next explosion. This one came from behind. The first airship is hovering over the intersection I was at, and the second one is still aiming to turn me into worm mush.

Sorry Tanya, you’re on your own for now. I need to deal with my enemies first before yours.

First things first, cover.

The carts and carriages around here are terrible cover. The airships blow them apart like underpaid hookers. The street has nothing for me! But there is an alternative.

We’re on a residential street. It’s mostly tightly packed apartment buildings. I eye one building in particular. It’s a taller brick building with bars on the windows. Ah good, glad to see we’re in the bad part of Manehattan. If Blackwatch doesn’t kill me, the street gangs will.

Doesn’t matter, I just need the building. I run for the entrance, jut out my shoulder, and burst through the front door, turning the thing into sawdust and woodchips!

That was the plan anyways. Didn’t happen like that.

Instead, in the last moment, a grey, old pegasus opens the door to go for an afternoon stroll. Why he’s still living in a warzone, I have no clue. Maybe he can’t hear the explosions.

Welp, by the time I notice him opening the door, I'm already up the stairs, running for my life from the high-caliber carnage gunning for my head. The geezer must have bad eyes too, because he doesn’t react until I slam into him.

He trips under me, and I trip over him. We tumble through a greasy hallway up until the point I slam into a wall. I slump against the wall, and the geezer slides into my lap. “Ah, my hip. My hip,” he wheezes.

Alright, that was unexpected. I think I’m more dazed than hurt from that tumble. At least I’m inside. The airships can’t get me in here.

I sniff the air, and I gag. Sweet mercy, it smells like rotten oranges in here.

“My hip. My hip.” The geezer’s legs are running in the air.

“Shut up,” I say, pushing the guy off. I pinch my nose as I get up, but that stench is still there.

Ignore the smell Gilda. You’re in cover. It’s time to think. How am I going to deal with those airships? Think, think, think.

Tanya is down the road. She has a hostage and an army trying to take her down. She’s a big girl. She can handle herself for a while. I don’t know how long she’ll last, but she’ll last. The hostage… I’m not so sure.

Two airships outside. They want to blow me up. They’re big, they’re high up in the air, and I don’t know how to take them down.

There’s the question, how do I take them down? If I figure that out, the rest is easy. Slash, slash, stab the guys around Tanya and book it the heck out of here.

“My hip. My hip.”

Oh, for the love of.... “Hey, can you keep it down. I’m trying to think, and that’s hard for me even in the best of times.” I swear, with the noise, and the smell, and the death brigade outside, I don’t see how anyone expects me to solve the world’s problems in five minutes.

“Grandpa?” A voice comes from upstairs. “Grandpa, where are you? You need to stay inside.”

“My hip. My hip.”

“Oh no, did you trip again?” Hoofsteps on the upper floor, and then someone walks down the stairs. “The hospital’s overflowing. We can’t keep taking you- Oh my Celestia!”

I look up, and a younger green pegasus is looking down at me. And this isn’t some regular pegasus. This one has tattoos, weird tribal tattoos. The kind with weird lines and words in between those lines. Weird.

“You’re going to want to move this guy,” I say, not taking my talons off my nose. “Blackwatch is swarming all over the place. It’s a death trap.”

“Oh, I’ll show you a death trap.” He has a slightly high pitched voice, like a teenager in mid puberty. Looks about that age. The pegasus flicks out his foreleg, flashing out a knife in his hoof. “You hurt my Grandpa.”

My eyes roll. I was kidding about the street gang, but I didn’t think the universe would take me seriously. “It was an accident. He’s fine. You should leave before Blackwatch swarms the place.”

The pegasus jumps off the stairs and onto the floor, waving his knife at me the entire time. “I’m not leaving, and neither are you, Clown Face. At least, not in one piece.”

Clown Face? Oh right, the mare’s make up. I still got that on my chest. Yay.

All around me, I hear doors opening. Several other ponies pop out of their rooms. They’ll all ponies of different types. Red, blue, pegasi, unicorns, etc etc. The all have a few things in common. They have tribal tattoos. They have weapons, like knives and baseball bats with nails in them. They all smell like rotting oranges. And they all look like they want to have me for breakfast.

No, seriously, I was kidding about the street gang killing me. Okay universe, ha ha, I get the joke. We can stop this now.

The floorboards creak as the gang members approach me. They’re waving their weapons around, and they’re having a hard time keeping those twisted little smiles of theirs under wraps. Creepy.

My monster claws come out, and I wave them around back at them. Some of them freeze for a moment, but then they continue on closing in. Oh crap, my negotiation tactics are failing. They’re failing, I tell you!

“You think a shapeshifting trick is going to scare us?” The pegasus says. “You’re dealing with the Scone Quarry Gang. We’re not scared of nothing.”

I double take. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me, we’re not scared of nothing. The double negative is on purpose, to show how serious we are.”

“No, back up one step. Scone Quarry?”

The pegasus jabs his knife in the air. “Don’t you make fun of us, Clown Face. We’re not that crappy bakery that closed up downtown. We’re the OG Scone Quarry. Not no one is hurting our Grandpas and getting away with it.”

“My hip. My hip.”

“Give us a moment, Gramps. We’ll take care of you.”

I rub my forehead with my non monster claw. “It’s not Scone Quarry. It’s Gilda’s Family Scones. My friend named it for me and I can’t change it because it’s neck deep in the Red Zone.”

“So you’re the griffon out to take our jive.” The pegasus lunges at me, but he stops just short of my claw range. “You’re here to take our names and hurt our Grandpas. Rojo doesn’t like this one bit, do you Rojo?”

A squat, red earth pony with a machete shakes his head. “Nope.”

Sweet mercy, what the heck is going on? “Look, my claws are full enough as it is with Blackwatch.” I step up and sweep the pegasus’s blade aside with the monster claws. “I’ll change my shop’s name later, but right now I got bigger fish to fry.”

From outside the building, I can hear a voice yell something. “Zero’s location confirmed. Shock and awe, boys!”

Speaking of bigger fish…

A squad of Blackwatch soldiers barges in through the doorless doorway. Blue-eye goons come in, surrounding us and pointing their shooters at me. Some of the Scone Quarry gang back up. One even drops his weapon. The rest, they don’t seem to care. In fact, they look like they’re rearing for a fight.

Surrounding may not be the best term for what Blackwatch is doing. More like crowding together in a tight hallway, blocking off the entrance. Some of them have the sense to go up the stairs and aim down at us. All things considered, they are trapping themselves in here as much as they’re trapping me.

“Stand down!” One of the blue-eyes waves a hoof, gesturing for the gang to move out of the way. “Drop your weapons. This area is under Red Quarantine. I expect full cooperation, or we will shoot.”

“Back off,” The pegasus sneers. “This is our griffon to spit roast. Go play soldier in some other town.”

Lots of bravado in this kid. I wonder if he knows if those Blackwatch shooters can kill him. Then again, I can rip everyone here to shreds and he doesn’t give a crap about that. Maybe he’s just stupid.

The speaker aims his shooter at the pegasus. “Put the knife down and hand over the griffon. She’s a dangerous criminal and we need to take her in.”

The blue-eyes know I can slice them up nice and pretty, and yet here they are cornering the cat, again. They’re just as stupid as the gang here. Maybe all ponies are just stupid. Maybe the reason Blackwatch is chasing me is because they had a stupid thought to experiment on me and they, in their stupid wisdom, thought I would go along with it and play nice, and now they need to cover their stupidity by silencing me. It’s a stupid thought, but not an impossible one.

I check my imaginary watch and pretend to be surprised. “Look at the time. I’m going to be late. Would everyone mind moving so I can run on out and”-

The pegasus thrusts his knife at my throat, getting up into my face, and into the strike zone of my claws. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Yes, I am. And so are you.” I should slice him up, but I don’t. I’m nice like that. Instead, I take a page from Tanya’s book and grapple him. This surprises him, as he drops the knife and makes a little squeak. Heh, that’s adorable. The big bad gang leader squeaks like a dog toy.

My sudden action has everyone moving toward me. I twirl around, get a good look at the gang members coming at me with their weapons, keep on twirling, and throw the pegasus at the Blackwatch crowd.

The goons go down like bowling pins, with the pegasus in the middle of it all. His eyes are spinning circles, and he won’t get up no matter how much the goons under him push.

That’s the blue-eyes dealt with. Now the gang. I look back, and those are some sharp looking weapons. Very sharp, and lots of them.

Nope, not dealing with that. The Blackwatch goons on the stairs are standing around acting dumbfounded. I give them something more to chew on when I jump over the railing and kick one in the jaw as I land. His buddy aims his shooter at me, but I knock it out of his hooves and punch him in the gut. He topples over, and I have a clear escape route to the second floor.

I run up the stairs to the next floor. For some reason, the stench is even worse up here. Sweet mercy, does anyone clean these hallways?

No time to dwell on the smell. Downstairs, I can hear Blackwatch and the Scone Quarry gang going at it. The sounds of screaming and spell shooting are all I can hear down there. It’s enough to wake up the neighbors.

Speaking of neighbors, all the doors on the second floor open. The ponies that step out are all mean looking. They got either tattoos, scars, or tattoos of scars. The big thing they all share are their weapons. Knives, baseball bats, clubs, you name it. It’s exactly the same set up as the gang down stairs, except these guys look older and angrier.

From behind me, a blue unicorn runs up with a club in his magic. Blood is dripping from his forehead, and even more is dripping from the club. “Get the griffon!” he says, pointing the club at me. “He tried to kill Grandpa Scone!”

All the neighbors look at me, and they look pissed. They raise their weapons, and they all charge me, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Oh, for the love of… I turn around, and what do you know, there are more stairs. This set goes up to the third floor. I run up them with an angry gang hot on my tail. By the time I reach the third floor, the third floor neighbors are already out of their doors and ready to pounce me!

I run up the stairs to escape the third floor gang, and run up more stairs to escape the fourth floor gang, and the fifth, and the sixth! Why is this building full of street gang members who want to kill me? Is this a hive? Do they lay eggs in the floorboards and burst out when they want to murder someone? Are they really this pissed over someone’s injured grandpa?

When I reach the tenth floor, I meet a door with a “rooftop access” sign over it. Sweet, I can hop over to the next roof, and this gang will never be able to follow me! The building is shaking from how many ponies are running up the stairs, and only my monster speed is keeping me ahead of them.

Just imagine if I was still a normal griffon. If ponies know what a turducken is, I’m sure these guys would do something similar to me.

I slam against the door with my shoulder and burst on through. Good news, no old man on the other side. Yes! Fresh air. Freaking fresh air. I’ve only been in that building for a couple minutes but damn that smell was getting to me. I take a deep breath in. Ah, no rotting oranges.

From behind me, I can hear the gang fast approaching me. Not much time. I look around for a good building to jump over, preferably towards Tanya. As I’m looking, a large, dark shadow looms over me, blotting out the entire sun.

Oh right, the airships. I forgot about those.

Shriek!

And the fireballs… Also forgot about those!

I dive back through the doorway just as the fireball hits the rooftop. Flames and explosion lick me from behind as I fall back down the staircase. The explosion shakes the building, knocking the dust off the ceiling.

I land with a glorious face plant at the base of the stairs. Ow. What’s with these airships? Why does Blackwatch have airships? What idiot decided the blue-eyes needed air superiority-

Whack! Stab! Punch! Kick!

I forgot about the gang! I forgot about the gang! The moment I land, they all jump me and start beating the ever living snot out of me! Baseball bats, knives, spiked clubs, all pummeling me!

I swat at the crowd with the monster claw, but they’re not giving up. I can’t see where I’m swiping, and a scream of pain is hard to pick out from a screaming angry mob. For all I know, I’m striking the wall and they’re beating me from every other angle.

I crawl back up the stairs, backwards, covering my head with the claws. They grab at me, pull at me, and in general make this one miserable experience. I wonder if they’re curious why I’m not lying on the floor as a bloody pulp yet. Don’t worry guys, I’ll be there soon. Just keep at it.

I take a chance, turn around, and try to run. One bites my hind leg, another whacks me in the butt with a club. I trip and slide down, almost falling back down into the mob, but with some monster speed and strength, I scuttle back up and run for the door.

Fresh air hits me again, and the sun is still blotted out by the airship. No, I didn’t forget about it this time. I at least can run around like a headless chicken and avoid the airship spells. Gangs in a cramped hallway, not so much.

Alright Gilda, airships, gang, surrounded, what do now?

I can see the unicorn in the airship preparing his spells. His sticking his head out of a window, prepping to shoot. Right behind me, the Scone Quarry Gang pours out of the stairway, screaming and yelling and waving their weapons in the air.

Where to go? Away from those guys! I run straight ahead to get as much distance from the gang as possible, which means running straight for the airship. Yay.

When I reach the ledge of the building, I can see the unicorn step back in surprise. Maybe he’s surprised by the raging gang filling up the roof, shouting for the griffon’s head. Or maybe he’s surprised because I’m jumping for the airship, and I’m gliding towards it, and it looks like I’m going to make it.

When I reach the airship, I hit it right below the window. I grab onto the sill with my dear life. I don’t know why, I’m not going to die from this height. Maybe it’s because I’m more comfortable in the air than on the ground. Don’t know, and I’m not feeling up to figuring it out.

I look back over the roof, which is filling up with ponies of all colors and sizes. It’s a kaleidoscope of anger and bloodlust. If they weren’t all screaming death threats at me, this would be a nice little moment worthy of a photo shoot.

Above me, the unicorn sticks his head out the window. “Hey, get off our blimp!”

I look up at him, and back at the roof, and back up. “No.”

“Don’t you say no. You got to get off so we can shoot you.”

Okay… mister unicorn is a bit dense. “I don’t want to be shot.”

“Too bad. That’s our job. We shoot at the people we’re told to shoot at.”

“Well, I don’t like your job.” I adjust my grip to make my current position a bit more comfy. I could hang on for a while. I’m holding my weight just fine and my talons aren’t growing tired.

“It’s not your job to like our job. You job is to be shot at!”

My eyes roll. “Shut up. I’ve dealt with enough stupid for one day.”

I glance back at the roof. The gang is… forming a pile? They’re piling up on top of each other to make a big pile of living bodies. Ponies are waving their weapons at me and yelling obscenities right before they dive in and form up with the pile. That’s odd.

While they’re doing that, some of the ponies are flying up into the air. Oh right, they have pegasi. Joy.

The pegasi are quick to swarm me. They swoop around me, taking stabs and swings at any angle they can. With flying mayhem horses, the party never ends!

I can’t get through that window fast enough. The unicorn lets out a string of swears when I flop into the airship’s cabin. “This is not how this works!” he yells. “This is not how this works at all!”

“Excuse me for breaking all your rules,” I say as I prop myself up. “No one gave me a handbook when you guys trapped me in a lab.”

I look around, and I find it’s just us in here. We’re alone together, me and the angry Blackwatch unicorn. Huh, I kind of expected these things to be full of unicorns wanting to blow my head off. Last time I was in one of these it had enough muscle to beat the crap out of me. Not this one. Must be lonely in here.

“There are no rules. We shoot you, that’s it. And I can’t shoot you or else I’ll blow this blimp out of the sky!”

“That sounds like a you problem.” I can still hear the gang outside. They’re loud, but at least they’re muffled in here. “Can we fly this thing away from here, preferably in the direction of that other griffon? I kind of want to put as much distance as I can between me and that gang.”

Behind the unicorn, a door slides open. A Blackwatch earth pony pokes his head out. He’s wearing a helmet instead of the goggles all the other goons wear. Must be the pilot. “Hey Sarge, those ponies are raising Tartarus out there. We should lift off before they start throwing things at us.”

As he says that, a brick flies through the window. Since the window is open, there’s no broken glass, but it hits the wall on the opposite side and shatters in an explosion of dust and clay. The unicorn shuts the window hatch with his magic, and then the airship’s hull makes all these clinks and clunks of debris hitting it.

“Of course I had to open my big mouth. Hey Sarge, I got a question.”

“What?” the unicorn says.

“Why is Zero in the cabin with us?”

“Because there’s a rampaging gang outside,” I say. “I’m not here for tea and biscuits.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

We sit there for a moment without saying anything, with the clinking of the hull the only thing breaking the silence. The pilot whistles a bit, and the unicorn just glares at me. It’s weird, I’ve had a few of these odd moments with Blackwatch. They’re told to shoot and capture me, but they don’t seem to know what to do when their target gets on the same terms as them.

“So,” I say, “Can we go follow that other griffon?”

“No,” the unicorn says. “Our orders are to eliminate you, and that’s what we’re going to do.”

“Aright, but can you do that while we fly towards the other griffon?”

“No. We’re staying right here until you’re eliminated.”

Another awkward moment passes. The pilot coughs and taps his foot.

I roll my claw in the air as a “get on with it” gesture. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Are you going to try something.”

“I can’t. All my spells will blow up the airship. You have to eliminate yourself. It’s your job.”

“Oh, for the love of, hey Pilot, you!” The pilot snaps to attention when I bark at his face. “Follow that griffon or I eat you. Got it?”

The pilot salutes me, or at least almost smacks his face. “Aye sir, on it sir!”

As he turns around to man the controls, the unicorn yells another order at him. “Don’t you dare listen to this monster! You will not move this airship.”

“But sir, he’ll eat us.”

My eyes roll. “I’m a she, not a”-

We’re all swept off our feet when the airship lurches to the side. A big bang sounds from outside, and the metal frame creaks as I feel the blimp lose altitude. “What the heck was that?!” I yell.

The unicorn magicks the window open, only to find a wall of angry tattooed ponies looking back at him. Before they can pour in and stab us all to death, he slams the window hatch shut and blocks it up with some heavy bolts. “The fuck was that?!”

“That’s what I’m asking!”

“Uh, Sarge,” the pilot stutters, “You got to see this. We’re in big trouble.”

The unicorn and I exchange looks, and we run up into the cockpit to see what’s up.

The cockpit is a mess of gadgets and gizmos, all I assume are important for flying this thing, and I understand none of their functions. The canopy is covered with windows, giving the pilot a 180 degree view of the world below him. The world, in this case, is terrifying.

I remember the gang members gathering up in a pile before I hopped on this ship. Now I see why. The pile grew, and it grew tall. It grew so tall, it’s leaning over and about to grab hold of the ship. Hundreds of ponies, all linked up by the limbs, and holding to each other and clasping down on the side of the ship. The Scone Quarry gang gathered together and made a huge arm made of ponies and teamwork.

Both my and the unicorn’s jaws drop at the same time. The unicorn is in shock because he’s never seen anything like this. I’m in shock because I know how hard these guys hit, and now they’re about have the airship in a giant death grip and they’re going to smash our brains out!

The unicorn swears under his breath. “Fuck m”-

The arm swings, and the hand slams into the side of the airship. Everyone goes tumbling over the controls. My face smacks into a few gauges that are beeping and flashing red right now. Don’t know what those mean.

The unicorn, who knows how he’s still standing, runs up to a panel and hits a big blue button. “We’re hit, we’re hit!” he screams into the box. “We have a Goliath riding us! We need a strike yesterday!”

The pilot drags himself up the controls and slams a lever down as hard as he can. “We gotta get out of here, man!”

A loud whirring sound comes from the back, and the ship lurches forward. Then we lurch backwards. The giant arm isn’t letting us go anywhere! If I were outside this thing, I bet this would be amazing to watch. But no, I’m inside the chaos. I get to experience it firsthand.

The gangers crawl up the sides of the canopy. Their limbs are sticking to the glass, and they make a sucking sound every time they move. The bodies are wiggling around like they’re part of one giant monster. Some are banging their heads on the canopy. One thing’s for sure, they all look pissed.

The ship shudders, and we feel an odd falling sensation. The buildings tilt around us until we’re pointing at the ground, which is coming straight for us. I can hear the ship’s engines trying to fight against the gang arm, but they’re failing. The whirring is as loud as it’s going to get.

“They’re pulling us down!” the pilot screams. “We’re going down!”

The tip of the balloon is the first to touch ground. It makes a loud crunch as it’s shoved into the asphalt. After that, the canopy shatters into a million glass shards when we hit rock bottom. Glass pieces fly all around us in a violent cloud, tearing at us at any angle it can find. The controls explode into metal chunks, and the two Blackwatch goons are blown to the back wall. This all happens in a split second.

Somehow in all this commotion, I finally get the common sense to do something. As everything’s exploding around me, I jump to the side and dive out the broken window, just inches away from the mass of gang members climbing all over us. Since we’re already at street level, I hardly have any airtime before I belly flop onto the road. Like I said, this would be amazing to watch if I was outside the airship.

The belly flop isn’t enough to knock me senseless. I just get a minor case of road rash, a minor inconvenience all things considered. I’m quick to get back on my feet and run. Everything here is just a big mess! I’m a dead griffon if I stick around. Also Tanya. Got to get to Tanya.

I run just in time. The airship groans as its metal frame twists and warps. It comes crashing down where I just was. And just for kicks, something important must have broke, because the entire thing explodes into one big fire ball. Everything on the street shudders. All the windows on all the nearby buildings shatter from the shockwave. The fireblast licks my backside, burning everything from the tip of my tail to my butt.

The airship isn’t the only thing groaning. The gang arm rises above the burning wreckage, and I swear it looks directly at me. All the gang members are moaning and groaning, just like the zombies from those horror comic books. That’s a fun thought, zombie gang members, pursuing me beyond the grave!

The Blackwatch goons that tried to surround me earlier are now shooting up at this giant clump of rage. Magic bolts are hitting this thing all over. A few ponies fall off here and there, but overall nothing Blackwatch has is hurting this monster.

The gang mass glides over the downed airship, aiming to overtake the Blackwatch goons. When they get close, a few gangers hop out off the mass and beat the shit out of the blue-eyes. The blue-eyes try to fight back, but baseball bats and sheer numbers beat magic shooters an day.

Forget Blackwatch, it’s me the Stone Quarry gang is after, and they haven’t forgotten. The gang mass leans back, then slings forward, launching a ball of angry ponies at me. The ball arcs through the air before hitting the ground. It explodes into a crowd of gangers with the smell of rotting oranges. Sweet mercy, what’s with the rotting oranges?!

I’m running at full speed, a speed which gave the Blackwatch pegasi a run for their money. These gangers are keeping up with me! They’re running as fast as I am. Heck, some of them are running faster!

Two of them pull up to either side of me. The tattooed heathens growl before jumping on to my back. The kick and bite me, and I trip from the sudden attack. We all roll in a ball before hitting the side of an abandoned cart.

I punch one in the face as hard as I can. And I mean hard. He doesn’t just back off, his entire head explodes. Fuck me! Black and red goop splatters all over the place. Some of it even sticks to my claw. This is beyond nasty!

Wait... black and red goop?

I look at my claw. The goop is definitely black and red, and it’s throbbing, slithering around my talons. It’s not moving in any particular direction, but it’s definitely moving like it’s alive. It’s just like the goop that comes out of me!

My goopy claw shapeshifts into the monster claw. I throw the other gang member off of me before slashing his stomach. It’s almost a deep enough cut to slice him in half, but just barely. The ganger falls over, and more of the black and red goop pours out of him. And that smell, that rotting orange smell, it’s fucking everywhere!

I look back at the gang mass, but I look closely this time. Before I figured everyone is holding hooves as tight as possible like a campfire circle, if the campfire was a large, murder driven mass of bodies. Now that I’m actually looking, I can see they’re not holding hooves at all. There’s more of the black and red goop in between the ponies, as if it’s some kind of glue holding them together. The whole monster is made of a gang hoard and goop.

More ponies from the gang ball dive on me. My claws tear them up, and my tentacles shoot out and dissolve a couple. They see I can kill them without a problem, but they’re still throwing themselves at me without thinking about self preservation. They’re just like zombies.

And then the pieces fall in place in my head.

They aren’t just like zombies, they are exactly zombies. These are infected!

I now understand what the giant gang mass towering over me is. It’s a product of Blacklight. This is a Blacklight monster! Just like the two monsters I fought yesterday, this monster wants to tear me to shreds for no particular reason.

What the heck is a gang doing with Blacklight? They all looked not-infected to me. What gives?

Blacklight monster. Blackwatch’s problem. That’s what they’re here for, aren’t they?

After finishing off the last of the gang ball ponies, I say screw it and run off before the monster can do anything else. I follow my monster sense, looking for Tanya, and trace her a couple blocks around the corner.

Tanya didn’t get as far as I would’ve thought. It’s no fault of her own. Blackwatch just stopped her. When I catch sight of her, she’s laying on the ground, unconscious, with two blue-eye goons handling her. They put cuffs on her wrists, and are now poking at the blue briefcase on her back.

There’s also that one stallion from the carriage standing of to the side. He looks my direction and sees me. His eyes go wide, and he takes off running the opposite direction. Well good, he seems to be fine. No need to worry about him anymore.

The blue-eyes look up from whatever they’re doing to see what spooked the stallion. When they see me, they immediately open fire. Their magic bolts hit me, but they doing nothing but sting me, as per usual. I jump in between them and punch both of them in the guts. They topple over, groaning in pain. Hey, at least I didn’t blow their heads off.

Tanya’s out cold. I give a light kick to her belly, but she doesn’t react. She’s breathing at least, so she’s alive. That’s good. This all would be a bust if she died while I was away for five minutes.

There’s a commotion from behind me, and I smell the faint whiff of rotten oranges. I look behind to see the monster mass looming around the street a couple blocks back. Blackwatch is shooting at it with everything they have. The airship that didn’t blow up is high up in the air, raining fire from where the monster can’t reach.

One pegasus, high in the air, grabs my attention. I don’t know where he came from, but I see where he’s going. He swoops down at the monster, avoiding the gang pegasi on the way. He comes close to the monster, and a flash of lightning strikes where he hits it. Impressive.

I scoop up Tanya and throw the owl-lion on my back. She’s hefty, but she sits nicely once I adjust her a bit. There we go, I rescued Tanya. That was my goal from the start of this mess. There is absolutely no need for me to stick around.

With that, I book it out of here. Blackwatch and the monster mass looks like they’re having a fun playdate, and I’ll let them play alone. It wouldn’t look good for the school bully to hang out with the weird kids.

Author's Notes:

You can now purchase Anti-Aliasing Settings at the Black Market. Prices start as low as 500 Gene Coins!