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Damn princesses invading my damn dreams, ruining my damn sleep! How do ponies live with that crazy chick? She can dive right in your head and see whatever’s been going on in your noggin. What happens if you're dreaming about world destruction? Or worse, dreaming about banging her sister? All it takes is one dream, one little sexy dream, and Luna will fire a death laser at you while you sleep.

Oh yeah, and there’s the whole, “Turn yourself in, face the consequences,” business she brought up. Bitch, I got dual citizenship. Both my countries recognize self-defense laws. I am not turning myself in just because some bio company wants me dead.

Forget about that. It’s a brand new day. I find Pinkie in what I assume is the staffroom. It’s got cream walls, a kitchen area, a door to a restroom, and a dead plant in the corner. Oh, and the windows are boarded up. That’ll bring the property value down. It’s all run-of-the-mill. What caught my attention was the giant cake sitting in the middle of the room. A cake with wheels. A wagon cake.

Right now, Pinkie is digging through an open hatch in the back of the cake, talking to herself as she pulls out and puts in all sorts of knick knacks. Balloons, briefcases, a rubber duck, a stack of paper, clown shoes, that sort of stuff. “No, no, yes. Got that, that needs to go there, that can get out. Emergency bouncy balls are stocked up. Cole Slaw is going to need this…”

Eh, this isn’t a big deal. Pinkie lives in a building made of cakes back at in Ponyville. A cake wagon falls under run-of-the-mill for her. “Morning.”

Pinkie pops out for a fraction of a second. “Morning, Gilda.” She sounds more chipper than yesterday. Never doubt the power of sleep. She dives back in, but I can still hear her voice. “Did the floor make a good bed?”

Oh yes, the floor. Last night, I didn’t waste any time getting some sleep, none at all. A straight twenty four hours of running and fighting has its toll on the body. I took five steps out of Pinkie’s office last night, stopped, and then passed out. No bed, no sheets, lights out and hit the deck. My beak dips to a frown. “I got a major cramp in my back.”

She shrugs and goes on back to her business with the cake. “Sorry to hear that. We tried moving you, but you’re a lot heavier than you look.”

My eyes roll. “Thanks for the effort.” And thanks for calling me heavy. My self esteem appreciates it. “What’s with the cake? Is someone having a birthday party?”

She looks up at the ceiling and taps her chin. “A birthday? Mmmm, not today. I’m hosting one in the north camp, but that’s in a couple of days. Today, I’m just taking this on the regular rounds. Visit the kids, try to make their days happier, that sort of thing. Hopefully I can bring some smiles today.”

“That’s cool.” So she’s going to be doing what I found her doing yesterday, playing games with the kids in the Yellow Zone. Hopefully there will be fewer rampaging monsters this time. “After what happened yesterday, I assume you’ll be packing heat?”

“Party cannon,” Pinkie says. “I got the party cannon.”

“I thought your cannon only shoots confetti?”

“And cake and other gloopy gloop. It can fire a whole wad of superglue at a hoard of baddies and stick them where they stand. I’ll show you,” she shuffles through the junk in the cake wagon, “once I find it in this big mess.”

I nod, and then let out a big, fat yawn. With a quick look around, my eyes catch sight of a coffee maker on the counter. Hmm, a morning mug sounds good. “Want some coffee? I’m making a batch.”

Her hoof waves me off. “No, I’m fine. I got enough energy as it is. But don’t let that stop you.”

“Suit yourself.” I open a couple cupboards in search of a coffee tin. It’s got to be in here somewhere. “Do you think Doctor Heart would like some?”

I hear her grunt. She’s heaves a couple of tanks marked for helium out of the cart. She drops them, and they clang against the ground. “Doctor Heart left before you woke up. Her job is with the medical tents, not us, so she had to get on out of here.”

“Bummer.” I think she would appreciate how black I make my morning joe. Ah, I found the coffee tin, right under the sink! Brilliant placement. It’s right at home with the damp air and cleaning chemicals! The health inspector would kill me if I pulled something like this. I got to smack the moron who organized this kitchen. And look, they put the scotch in here too.

Hold on, scotch? In a daycare?

I pick up the bottle and give the label a closer look. Imported from Shetland. Holy crap, this is the good stuff, like fifty bits per bottle good! Wonder what it’s doing in a daycare. Eh, it’s mine now.

I pop the lid off the coffee tin, and the stuff smells decent, so no mold. This shouldn’t kill me. I dump a chunk in the maker, and then I pour some scotch right after it. Hey, why not? We call this Grandpa’s Cane back in Griffonstone, because it hits as hard as grandpa’s cane. It’s as bad as it sounds.

Pinkie Pie gives me a concerned look. “Isn’t it early to break out the party juice?”

I shrug and push the button. “It’s happy hour in Griffonstone. Got to celebrate it with my sisters in arms. How about Eureka, have you chatted him up yet?”

Pinkie’s head pokes out. “Eureka?”

I nod. “Yes, Eureka, the scientist I busted my behind to grab yesterday. The scientist who knows where Rainbow is. That Eureka.”

From the restroom door, a voice calls out. “Did someone say my name?”

Pinkie points to the restroom. “He’s in there.”

Huh. That makes things easy. I figured there were still a few hoops I had to jump through. I walk over to the door and bang on it. “Hey egghead, do you know where Rainbow is?”

He grumbles, loudly. “Can you give me two minutes? I’m doing business in here.”

Excuses, excuses. “I already gave you the entire night. Hurry it up!”

“Sheesh, you sound like Blueblood. Does anyone understand you can’t rush biology?”

“I’ll show you biology if you don’t hurry it up!” That was a terrible comeback. I shake my head, and look up at Pinkie Pie. “Did he say anything to you?”

Pinkie shrugs. “He asked where the restroom is.”

“That’s it?”

“He got here right before you did.”

Just my luck. Turns out I still have one last hoop. Who’d have thunk it’d be the porcelain throne. “Eureka, finish up or I’m coming in there to finish it for you. I’ve gone through enough trouble getting you here. I’m not waiting any longer.”

“Again with the rushing. What gives you the right to boss me around?”

My monster claws grow out, and I jab them into the door. It makes a nice cracking sound. I hear Eureka scream something nasty, not unlike a little girl screaming. I can imagine his face as a set of blades stab through the door and almost slice him up.

The toilet flushes. “I’m hurrying! I’m hurrying!”

“Good.” I pull the claws out and let them shrink back to normal. They make great negotiation tactics. Pinkie seems to disagree. She’s giving me a flat look. “What?”

“Was that necessary?” she asks. I see not everyone is amused by my antics.

I shrug. “If it gets results, I’m not complaining. He can do his thing after we give him the run down.” The running water comes next. Ah, the sink. I’ll give him time to wash up. Who wants to interrogate someone with dirty hooves?

The sink finishes up, and the door opens. Eureka, with his thick glasses, waddles out on three legs. I notice the stump where his back leg used to be is covered in thick bandages. This must be Doctor Heart’s doing. He’s not wearing the blue jumpsuit I found him in, so I can see his test tube cutie mark.

He looks at me with a smile. His glasses make his eyes look so much bigger than they really are. “I’m done, see?”

I nod. “I can see that. Now, where is Rainbow Dash?”

He sniffs the air. “Is that coffee? Coffee’s what I need right now.”

“No distractions. Where is”-

He’s not listening. Before I can stop him, he hobbles over to the coffee pot and takes a big whiff. “Mmm, it’s almost done! And what’s this? We have some scotch to go along with it?”

His magic picks up the scotch bottle and brings it up to his eyes. He grins, pops the lid, and leans back to take a big swig of Shetland’s finest. With his back leg missing, he almost falls over, but he catches his balance last second. He seems to be handling a missing limb without trouble.

The bottle swings away from his lips and he lets out a sigh. “That hits the spot. Good stuff. I need to find a bottle to put in my own personal cabinet.”

“Are you done yet?”

“One second.” He takes one more quick sip, and smiles at me. “Now I’m done. What did you want to ask?”

Freaking finally! I feel like I’ve been waiting for months! “Rainbow Dash, where is she?”

Eureka raises an eyebrow. “Where’s Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes.”

His lips turn into a frown, and he takes another sip. “She’s not with you?”

“Of course she’s not with me. That’s why I... Why did you say that?”

“Say what?”

“She’s not with me, why would you say that?”

Eureka shrugs. “Because I thought she’s with you. I thought you of all people would know where she is. But if you’re asking me, then I assume that’s not the case.”

“It’s not… You don’t know where she is.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t.”

…

Fuck.

I walk up to the guy, and I hold my claw out. “Hand me that scotch.”

The bottle floats over, and I snatch it out of the air. I chug it, hard. I tilt it back and drain that bastard clean in two seconds. It was half full, so no big. After I’m done, I slam it on the counter.

Eureka jumps. His eyes are wide, wider than usual with those glasses of his. “You took anger management classes, didn’t you?”

I glare at him. “When did I do that?”

“Same time Rainbow was receiving treatments for her wing.”

I wipe my beak with a claw. This sounds oddly familiar, but I don’t care. “You mean when you were giving her a deadly virus.”

His smile is wavering. “Well, it wasn’t deadly at the time. Quite the opposite, in fact. Her wing was-ACK!”

Not even I saw my claw snag his throat. Quick as lightning. Eureka gags under my grip. “Here’s the thing, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything that’s happened to me in Manehattan. I don’t remember living here. I don’t remember any treatments. I don’t remember turning into a monster! And I certainly don’t remember taking any anger management classes! Those classes would be helpful, because I got a long list of things that have been pissing me off, and you are high up my list!”

Eureka doesn’t say anything. Talking is hard when you’re choking to death. His face is turning red, his eyes are bulging behind those glasses, and his horn is glowing.

Wait, why is his horn glow-

The scotch bottle swings into my head. It shatters and the shards tear across my face. I grab my face with my free claw, but that leaves me open for Eureka to stab the bottle in my throat, pointy glass bits up.

I cough blood on his glasses. I drop the stallion and back up, clutching both my face and my throat. Funny thing is I didn’t feel that. My face is scratched up and a scotch bottle is sticking out of me, but I feel fine. It’s a flesh wound, it’ll heal.

My head turns when I hear footsteps outside the door. “Hey Pinkie, are you in here?” A yellow stallion, with a brown mane, and dressed in a Blackwatch suit from the neck down, sticks his head in the staffroom. “Pinkie, do we have any crazy string? Cherry wants to do something with the-OH MY CELESTIA!”

The stallion’s eyes go wide when he sees me. “What?” I ask. “Do I have something stuck in my beak?”

His mouth moves up and down, trying to make a sound but nothing comes out. He turns around and yells something down the hall. “Hey Budge, come and see this! This is gnarly!”

“What did Pinkie do this time?” Budge, the big burly stallion I met yesterday, comes in behind the yellow one. He’s wearing a full suit of armor, minus the helmet, the same armor those guys at the theater were wearing. “Sweet mother of barley, how in blazes are you still up and standing?!”

My eyes dart between the two, and I glance over to Pinkie Pie. Eureka is cowering behind her and the cake wagon. Oh, what am I going to do with him? I don’t know, actually. And frankly, I don’t care. Guy can rot in Tartarus for all the good he’s done.

Pinkie gives a concerned look and points to her throat. Ah, the bottle.

I glance down, and geez that thing is stuck way up there. Black and red goop is dripping from the wound, and little black tentacles are waving around. “Would you babies relax? I’ve had worse.”

“It’s not that!” The yellow stallion yells. “You’re beautiful!”

…

I’m what?

Hold that thought, I’ll address it in a moment. I yank the bottle out. It makes a loud slurp sound when I do it. I take a look at the glass, and it’s covered in my gunk. Some of that stuff is still moving. Ew. I toss it, and it clatters on the floor. “See, it’s nothing.”

Budge cringes back. “You still have that gaping hole in your throat.”

I shrug. “Eh, it'll heal. Bit drafty, though.”

The coffee maker makes a beep. Ah, Grandpa’s Cane is done caning. I bolt over there, grab the full pot, and tilt it back and chug it down. If only I could taste this stuff. At least I can feel my throat stitching itself back together.

“Holy cow,” the yellow stallion says. I don’t know if he’s talking about my healing or me. Either way he’s not taking his eyes off me.

I pat my neck. “Yep, it’s something special.” I didn’t see this stallion walking around yesterday. Does he know what’s going on? “I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are. Are you new?”

The stallion shakes his head. “I’m Caramel. We’ve met already. You punched me through a wall.”

“Ah. That incident with Cherry, gotcha.” I put the empty coffee pot back in the maker, but I pause. Hold up, wasn’t there that other guy yesterday? The slow guy, the one who slowed his words. Wasn’t his name Caramel?”

I turn to find this Caramel only feet away from me. He’s leaning on the counter with his head on his hoof, and he’s smiling like a mad scientist. “Hi, how you doing, beautiful?”

Nope, not solving that mystery. I put a claw in his face and push him away. My monster strength easily overcomes the resistance he’s putting up. This could be the same Caramel as the slow Caramel from yesterday, or two completely different Caramels, or something entirely different. I don’t care, I’m not getting anywhere near this mess. “So Pinkie, what do we do now?”

Pinkie pokes her head up. “What do you mean?”

The yellow stallion is putting up a fight to get around my claw, but he’s losing, fortunately. “Eureka was your idea, and your idea came up bust. Are we tying him up and throwing him to the diamond dogs or what?”

She deadpans me. “No, we’re not doing that. Eureka, are you sure you don’t know where she is?”

Eureka shakes his head. “No clue. The last time I saw her was when the virus broke out. She, along with you Gilda, were the first to be infected. You both were transported to Genicorn headquarters, and I was there to give you two a diagnostic. But before I could do anything, Prince Blueblood came in and took both of you away. I assumed you two were kept together, and you escaped together.”

So I was taken with Rainbow by this Prince Blueblood guy, and he stuffed us in the lab? Fuck, for all I know, Rainbow was in the next room over from where I escaped! “Why didn’t you say anything before?!”

Eureka throws his hooves in the air. “You tried to kill me before I could say anything.”

“Bullshit. You could have brought it up, but instead you brought up anger management classes or something and you shanked me with a bottle and will you cut that out!”

I direct my shout at Caramel, who has devolved into kissing my claw. Not just regular kissing. He’s using his tongue. What the fuck dude? What kind of crazy does Pinkie have on payroll? This is not cool, not cool at all. Either he’s flipping crazy, or Cherry put him up to this. I’m betting on the latter.

He doesn’t listen to my shout, so my monster claws grow out and I push him away with my blades. I do it slow enough not to pierce skin, but there’s enough physical and psychological force to push the guy away as they grow. “What in Tartarus is your problem?”

He looks at me, and his smile doesn’t drop. “You’re so beautiful.”

My stomach churns. I am not comfortable with ponies making the moves on me. Griffons, heck yeah, I’ll get down with them. Ponies, ew. Interspecies relationships are not my thing. “Weren’t you talking slow yesterday? You were slurring all your words and crap.”

He shrugs. “Concussion. Doctor Heart made me better.”

“I beg to differ. Hey Budge, can you get rid of this guy for me.”

The armored stallion smirks. “He’s your problem. I got paperwork to pick up and ship out to HQ. Plus this is just too fun to watch.”

I’ll show you two fun. “So Eureka, I escaped from a lab yesterday. Do you think Rainbow is there?”

Eureka taps his chin. “Possibly. Genicorn has several labs throughout the city, but I’ve been to all of them and I saw no sign of you during your captivity, much less Rainbow. The pony who has the definite answer would be Prince Blueblood.”

I give a thumbs up. “That is actually helpful. Would’ve preferred to know exactly where she is, but if I have to go down the rabbit hole, so be it.” Woo, more hoops.

Prince Blueblood, I’ve heard the guy’s name before, somewhere. I think one of Rainbow’s friends told me she dated him years ago. I forget the details. He has something to do with Canterlot and a dance party.

I give him a ping with my monster radar. I get… nothing. I’m getting nothing. Okay, quick test. Ping Pinkie Pie, yep, I’m feeling her. Ping Tanya. She feels like she’s across the city, but I feel her. Hmm, ping Mayor Red Tape, residing mayor of Manehattan. I’ve never met the guy before, but I’m getting pings off of him. I think he’s in the hotel district. No clue how I know that.

This may be harder than I thought. “Okay, where’s Blueblood?”

“In Canterlot,” Eureka says. Great, I’m going to have to take a train to get to him. They don’t sell tickets to wanted monsters. “But I believe he’s coming to Manehattan tonight. He travels back and forth every couple days or so.”

Oh, that makes things so much easier. If Mister Blueblood knows where Rainbow is, then I’m going to need to make an appointment with him. “Well, thanks, I guess.” I look up at Pinkie Pie. “Blueblood then.”

She nods. “Blueblood.”

Eureka nods too. “Welp, if you don’t need me anymore, I’m just going to snag this…” He scurries over to the broken scotch bottle and picks it up with his magic. “I won’t attack with this. This bottle has valuable biomass on it.”

I glance at the bottle. The goop that came from me is still moving around. That’s creepy. Eureka’s eyes are glued to stuff. “Eh, sure. Do what you want. But if you tell Blackwatch what happened here…”

He waves a hoof. “Not to worry, I don’t plan going back for a little bit. This biomass needs quick care to survive, and the clinic in this building has the right tools to do so. You can thank Doctor Heart for the equipment.”

I couldn’t care less about that. “Fine, but I will come after you if you say anything.”

“Snitches get stitches, I’m familiar with the colloquialism,” he says as he waddles for the door. “I’ll say you kept me trapped in a hole and I escaped with a paperclip and some bubblegum. Oh, can you please move, Mister Budge. This bottle is covered in pure Blacklight. It’s a nasty death if you touch it.”

Budge can’t get out of the way fast enough. Eureka struts past on his three legs, and disappears into the hallway. “Weird guy,” he says.

“And dangerous,” I add. “Keep an eye on him. He might try experimenting on one of the kids.”

Pinkie and Budge nod. Pinkie knows all too well. She’s seen the pictures Iffy took. We both know Eureka is the dangerous crazy.

Speaking of crazy, Caramel will not take his eyes off of me. With the blades in his face, he hasn’t moved, but he’s still a nuisance. “You’re just so beautiful.”

I now regret my decision in punting this fellow through a wall. His concussion is getting the best of me. “Anyone want to rein him in? Preferably with a shock collar.”

Budge walks by me. “Nope. Hey Pinkie, where are those papers?”

“Right here,” Pinkie says.

This has been a productive morning. I got Eureka talking, and now I have someone else to talk to. Granted, I’m about to do the same thing I did yesterday. Find a guy, kidnap him, evade a base full of blue-eyes. I’m a little pissed with having to do the same thing again, but hopefully it’ll be worth it.

Now here’s the question. I got some time before Blueblood gets to Manehattan. What am I going to do all day? Maybe I can stay with the kids and do stuff with them. I had fun with them yesterday.

Budge comes back with a saddle full of paperwork. “Caramel, you’re staying inside today. You need your rest.”

Caramel lazily rolls his head to look at Budge. “She’s beautiful.”

I look at Budge too. “So he’s staying at the daycare?”

Budge nods. “Yep.”

“And you said you were going out?”

Budge nods again, slowly this time. “Yes…”

I step backwards and let Caramel fall on his face. Dweeb. “I’m coming with you.”

“That’s not”-

“No choice. I’m not staying here with Casanova. Let’s blaze it, Budge!” I run over to the door to get as far away from that yellow creep as possible. But before I leave the doorway, I turn back and look inside. “Uh, where are we going exactly?”

“Yellow Zone Blackwatch HQ,” Budge says.

Ah… I don’t think that’s good.