"So your name is Shifty?" Twilight asked, unconsciously tapping her forehooves together. "It's a nice name."

"Umm, okay?" A wave of uncertainty mixed with regret came from the voice crystal.

"A very, very nice name." Logically she was supposed to be writing this down, but her logic seemed to be put on pause for some reason. Instead, she had an unusual desire to brush her mane. "And what might your problem be?"

"A slight *gulp* eating disorder?" Shifty definitely didn't seem comfortable being on the hotline. Probably just a shy stallion. A gentle bookish type, I'm sure. I bet he arranges his books vertically by author. Twilight thought as saliva started gathering in her mouth.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Example 2.b. from Breaking the Ice with Positive Results. It's guaranteed to work! I just know it! And yet, why am I so nervous? "Your voice sounds awfully familiar."

"Nope, no, we've never met!" Shifty's voice rose two octaves, instantly becoming all the more attractive, if that was even possible.

"Well, we'll have to remedy that, won't we?" Best Pick Up Lines, example 11.c. "Where in Ponyville did you say you lived?"

"Umm, I think my mother's calling me! Bye!" The crystal faded.

Twilight remained as she was, looking at the crystal with admiration. And he lives with his parents too. She let out a sweet sigh. Her mind's eye started creating an image of the stallion she had talked to. Clearly he liked books, or rather he adored them. By the sound of his consonants she could tell he spent half his nights reading and rereading obscure tomes. There was no doubt he was reading even now — no other reason for him to be awake at this late hour. He probably even had that rebellious, yet tidy, mane and an elegant pair of glasses.

"Best job ever!" Twilight stretched then levitated a cup of coffee for a sip.

The mesmerized state continued another five minutes, after which she quickly returned to her organizing duties. Based on her assessment, so far twenty ponies had used the hotline, at least two of them more than once. Not at all bad for the first twelve hours. Based on these numbers there would be a dozen calls per hour soon. Maybe that's a bit too optimistic. Twilight wrote the figure eight on the first line of her neatly spaced ledger. Eight calls, that means two ponies spending fifteen minutes per hour call every hour. Accounting for sleep, free time, and unexpected emergencies, that leaves... The alicorn bit the end of the quill. If things started to expand, as she expected they would, she'd soon need more assistants. For starters Spike and Starlight were reasonably capable. The little dragon had proven he had a way with clients, and Starlight... Well, at least she had enthusiasm and potential.

Princess Celestia will be so proud when I make a presentation on the benefits of my hotline! Twilight clapped her hooves as she finished her drink. There still would have to be a few changes, though. Possibly a new room was in order. This was was rather small and unbefitting — Twilight's wings twitched — not to mention slightly charred in places.

The voice crystal flashed, calling for immediate attention. Moving the coffee cup out of reach, Twilight tapped it.

"Hello, you have reached Twilight's Friendship Hotline." Such a preposterous name. I've no explanation how it caught on. "This is Princess Twilight Sparkle speaking. I’ll be happy to assist you in any Friendship or Magic problems you might have."

Silence.

Twilight's smile didn't falter. "Hello? Anypony there?"

This time there was the distinct sound of static, along with what could be described as distant whispers.

"Move close to the glowing crystal and speak clearly into it," she said, subconsciously doing the same. Breathing came from the crystal. "That's good. Now just speak."

"Princess?" a timid colt's voice asked.

"Yes, that is me. You can call me Twilight." Another foal? Clearly, I'll have to have a word with Mayor Mare about this. And Cadence as well. Not that I don't trust my brother taking care of Flurry, but still... "What's worrying you?"

"You're Princess Twilight." The called sounded even more distressed.

"There's no need to be worried." She tried to calm the caller. "Although, shouldn't you be home at this hour?"

"I am," the foal squeaked in response.

"Err?" Twilight narrowed an eye. "If you are home how are you using the hotline booth? The only place where there's a booth indoors is Sugarcube Corner, and you definitely don't sound like—"

"I have the crystal." The explanation made Twilight's eye twitch. The voice crystals are delicate and intricate enchantments! Not some toy foals should be playing with! Starting tomorrow, I'll send Starlight to put safeguard spells on all the crystals! "This filly came to see me and she dropped it and..." His voice trailed off. Despite her initial reaction Twilight knew where this conversation was going.

"I'll put this down as a friendship problem," she said, filling out a new form. "Where exactly are you calling from?"

"Cloudsdale." The reply made Twilight pause. Her mind was already considering the advantages of having a few crystals sent there. Clearly, it worked. The vectoring was good, and it obviously could prove useful.

"So, about this filly." Twilight dipped her quill in the ink pot.

"Well, I've seen her around when I come to visit Ponyville. My mother has relatives there and sometimes takes me along." Every word was promptly noted down. "Today she came and spoke to me."

"And that was bad?" Twilight asked cheekily.

"No, it was nice. She's kinda cool..." It took some effort for Twilight not to snort into the voice crystal. Poor foal. When a colt says a filly is "kinda cool" it means he can't stop thinking about her. "But... my parents are very strict. My father would never allow me talking to wingless ponies."

Twilight froze. She knew exactly what the colt was talking about. For a split second her anger surged causing the quill to crumble and explode in a pile of dust. It's been millennia since the pony tribes have united and there still are cases of tribism?! This is unacceptable! There were supposed to be laws against this. And yet some beliefs were difficult to uproot, even after all this time.

"The filly is a pegasus..." the caller sighed into the voice crystal. "But she can't fly..."

"Sc—" Twilight began, but instantly covered her mouth with both hooves. There was only one pony he could be talking about. Saying her name out loud, however, wasn't the best approach. Twilight had to keep things professional. "Scandalous."

"That's what my father would probably say. And grandfather would frown every time my hooves touched the ground. According to him, pegasi were meant to stay in the sky, not trot in the mud."

Well, isn't this marvelous! If I have a say in the matter I'll... Twilight paused. What was there she could do? Talk to Princess Celestia undoubtedly, but nothing more, and that was precisely what angered her. A feeling of helplessness filled her, causing her mane to stand on end. I'm an alicorn! I'm the Princess of Friendship! I must find a way to fix this. Even if there are a hundred ponies in Cloudsdale, Canterlot, or Manehattan that think this way, that's too much!

"She’s still cool, though," the colt added in a whine. "Very cool..."

"That's good." What else can I say? You know it might cause a problem yet you've chosen to go on with it. That's quite brave, actually. I'm sure Scootaloo is one lucky filly. "Did you talk to your friend about this?"

"A-ha." Twilight turned both ears toward the voice crystal. "She started it. Scoots knew all along my family might be... conservative. And she still wanted to be with me. So we talked a bit, then a bit more. I treated her to some jelly apples... We laughed. Then I saw mom from the window, so Scoots had to quickly hide."

"Well, seems you two have taken care everything." Toughest job ever. I feel like I'm dealing with separate nations within Equestria itself. "How could I help?"

"Well..." Even through the voice crystal Twilight could hear the sound of shuffling hooves. "We've agreed to secretly see each other when I visit Ponyville, or when she comes to Cloudsdale. But I was wondering... can I use this voice crystal to talk to her in the spare time?"

Ack! Twilight choked hearing the question. It was impossible. As much as she wanted to, there was no way she could agree to that. Apart from the spell being extremely complicated, creating a precedent would be a horrible idea. One thing would lead to another and before she knew it everypony in Ponyville would be talking with each other through voice crystals, defeating the very reason for which they were created. How could ponies be real friends if they relied only on the crystals and didn't go talk to each other?

"Well." Think, brain, think! What would Princess Celestia do at a time like this? What would Princess Luna do? If I can't give him the crystal, maybe I could find another— "You want to see and talk to her, right?" She asked, a sparkle in her eye.

"Yes."

"And it doesn't matter at what time?"

"As long as I'm not at school no..." The colt sounded confused.

"Then I have the perfect idea!" Twilight smiled widely. "I'll ask Princess Luna to have you and Scootaloo share your dreams. That way you get to see each other when you sleep! Quick, efficient, and completely undetectable. Meanwhile, I'll start working on getting your parents to accept Scootaloo." As well as give them a piece of my mind.

"That's okay, I guess." He tried to hide his enthusiasm, about as well as an Ursa Major sneaking through a field of bunnies. "Can I ask you something else, Princess?"

"Of course." Twilight summoned a new quill and started frantically writing notes on the caller's form.

"I haven't been with any fillies, so how do I deal with her mania to conquer Equestria?" he asked.

"Well, most fillies... Wait, what?!" The Princess jumped off her chair. Conquering Equestria? Scootaloo?

"Well, she said one way for us to be together was to conquer Equeatria." Twilight swallowed tensely. "She's enthusiastic and all, but I can't understand the part about pulling the clouds to the ground and tying them to the trees."

"Huh?"

"And that thing about hypnotizing ponies with thunder doesn't sound very realistic, but I don't want to make her feel bad."

Starlight! Twilight's eyes narrowed. I don't know why or how, but I'm certain you are involved in this somehow. Using thunder to hypnotize? Encouraging Scootaloo to do it? Although, Twilight had to admit she was curious how exactly the tiny pegasus would manage to conquer Equestria.

"Err, well there are things we girls can't reveal." I'm not sure if this was sweet or disturbing. Maybe I should have a word with Scootaloo as well. "However... I think I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Scootaloo starts talking about that, just tell her to leave it for another day and offer to teach her cloud surfing."

"But I don't know cloud surfin—" the colt began, but was quickly cut off.

"So you better start learning," Twilight said her authoritative voice. "Just remember: surfing first, conquering later." She quickly tapped the crystal, not giving the caller to ask anything else. The glow faded away, rendering the crystal lifeless.

This was heavy. Twilight relaxed back in her chair. What a night. Good thing morning is a few hours away. Nopony would possibly think of calling no—

*blink* *blink* *blink*

Twilight tapped the crystal. "Hello, you have reached Twilight's—"

"Hello, Twilight," a menacing voice said. "There's something we need to discuss..."