"Oh, fine!" Twilight wanted to snarl. Be professional about this, Twilight. Discord is just another customer, an extremely annoying, good for nothing, technology phobic customer. "Magic or Friendship problem?" She stretched her mouth in a forced smile.

"Ah, well..." A series of strange noises came from the voice crystal. Something between clicking and tsking, as far as Twilight. "My name is banana and I want to swim," Discord said after several seconds.

"What?!" The Princess jumped off her chair.

"Oooh. My name isn't banana?" Discord asked, as if coming to a sudden realization. "And I want to hug you? No? Push you?" Twilight narrowed her eyes, staring at the crystal. "Hey! Now that's just rude! ... Sure, blame it on the draconequus who decided to help you out of the goodness of his heart. Okay, so I might have done it for the free tickets... and the swag. But I still have a heart, right?"

"Discord, what are you doing?" Twilight was starting to get an extremely bad feeling. By the sound of things, it would better for her just to teleport to the booth's location and deal with the problem herself. I must be strong! The hotline initiative must work!

"Just a minute, Tutu," Discord said so dismissively that Twilight could almost see him waving her off. "Okay. Two words? First word... What? Not two words? You really aren't making any sense. Oh, two problems?"

"Is it a friendship and a magic problem?" Twilight asked in a level tone.

"Yes! That's it! Two problems!" Confetti shot from the voice Crystal, covering Twilight and the entire room. The alicorn sighed heavily.

This better not be a prank, Discord, or help me Celestia, I'll... "Is the primary problem magic or friendship?"

"It's the magic of friendship!" Discord shouted, and a catchy theme song started playing in the background.

"Discord." Twilight ground her teeth.

"Oh, fine, be that way!" An unmistakable snap sounded, bringing an end to the music. "You know, service here is terrible. I'm writing a complaint to your manager!"

"I am the manager!" The words slipped out before Twilight could do anything about it.

"Oh, so you're a manager, eh? Does that make you any better than us? My client happens to be an extremely important member of society, and I'll have you know that as her legal council, I won't stop until—" the draconequus suddenly stopped. Something akin to whispering became vaguely audible.

Good riddance! Twilight thought. Finally, she could have a few moments peace. However, her curiosity kicked in. The whispering, combined with the occasional "aha" from Discord, started eating at her. What were they talking about? Who was his "client"? Since when did Discord even have clients?

The alicorn bit her lip. No, I am stronger than this! She tried to resist to the temptation. I have to be professional... Her head inched towards the crystal, acting of its own accord. I am not that kind of pony! Her ear flipped around, its tip touching the smooth surface of the crystal. The words could almost be made our now. Did it sound like Fluttershy? Somepony else.

"Say, Twilight?" A voice came over her shoulder, startling her in the air.

"Eeep!" She shouted, her heart racing like a stampede of bunnies. The past year of her life flashed before her eyes, ending with an image of Discord standing in front of her with a large book in hand. "Discord?" Twilight put a hoof on her chest, as if hoping that would calm her down a bit.

"Err, do you think this series of gestures means 'I'm giving you a raise'?" He asked pointing to a picture on one page. "Or is it more of an 'I'll buck you in the face' sort of thing?"

Sign language for beginners? A few basic hoof gestures that will help you function in society? You have to be joking! "You don't know sign language?!" Twilight was on the verge of yelling. In response the draconequus smiled sheepishly, hiding the book behind his back. His action only infuriated her further. "You were acting as an mute’s interpreter without even knowing that?! Have you any idea how much trouble you could have caused? What if you did something your ‘client’ had no intention of doing?"

"Oh, I see!" A dim lightbulb appeared above Discord's head. "How silly of me! She wanted to cross the street, not use the booth."

Twilight felt rage bubble inside her. She lacked words to express how devastatingly angry she was. Her eyes and horn started glowing dangerously, making it clear that any word coming out of the draconequus' mouth might be his last.

"Aaaand since I've done that I'll be on my way!" Discord said quickly, then snapped himself out of existence. Unfortunately for Twilight, her anger didn't subside. For over a minute she just stood there, trembling with rage, replaying the scene in her head over and over again.

I'm going to... Argh! She shook violently. That released some of the tension, enough for her to become capable of thought again. It's almost morning and I have to deal with this?! A half full jug of coffee rose in the air and swiftly moved to her lips. Twilight knew it was a terrible idea to drink more caffeine in her state, but she didn't care one bit. I can quit anytime I want! She started gulping it down, when the glowing of the voice crystal caught her attention.

"Oh my goodness! I totally forgot!" she screamed, rushing back to her chair. Free of the the magic that kept it in the air, the jug fell to the ground, smashing into pieces. "I'm so sorry about what happened." Oh my, oh dear, oh my! How could I let this happen?! "I'll understand if you don't want to talk..." Bad move! Bad move! Now she'll think I'm making fun of her because she's mute. "What I meant to say is that I'm sorry that we couldn't talk..." Argh! That was even worse! Think, Twilight, think! This isn't a big deal. I can get through this. I just need to take a deep breath. She placed her hoof on her chest and inhaled deeply.

"Yo, Twi," the sound of dozens needles screeching on glass came together to form a voice. "Long time no see, pone."

Twilight choked. Her breath wheezed and cracked as it came out in coughs. What monstrosity did I just hear?!

"That bad, eh?" the voice screeched.

"T-t-tirek?" The alicorn trembled. That idiot Discord took one of my voice crystals to Tartarus! I'm telling Princess Celestia about this! I don't care if he's reformed!

"Ouch, that hurts!" The voice sounded a bit upset. "Last time I send you backstage passes."

"Vinyl?!"

"Got me." Something resembling a laugh made its way into the room, forcing Twilight's ears shut. "Now you know why I don't talk much."

"Stars on a stick, Vinyl! How did this happen?" Books started materializing in the room, violently turning their pages. Up to a moment ago she didn't know Vinyl could talk. Vocal overexertion, childhood curses, complications after birth... Twilight skipped through the books in turn.

"Been like that for ages." Vinyl didn't seem too bothered about it. "So, what you up to? Still cheating in games?"

Argh! Playing optimally is not cheating! "Heh, heh, heh. I've been fine. Setting up the hotline and all. Say, can I put a booth in your club?"

"Sure, why not. Looks rad enough."

"That's great! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Twilight clapped her hooves in excitement. Introducing the hotline to the vibrant music sub-culture was exactly what she needed to get publicity. If word got out that DJ Pon3 had one, everypony would be fighting to use it. Although, hopefully, not actually fighting. That would be incredibly counterproductive. "And sorry about that time I dragged you to the dinner with Princess Celestia. I really wanted to give Starlight a friendship boost..."

"Don't worry about it," Vinyl laughed, making Twilight close both her eyes and ears in pain.

"So, let me see how to help you with your voice problem." More books emerged stacking up on the desk.

"What voice problem?" Genuine surprise came through the voice crystal.

Stupid! Twilight placed a hoof over her face. I'm being rude again.

"Can't open my mouth without somepony going all sheesh!" Vinyl sighed — or it seemed like a sigh — from the crystal. "I get like this after recordings. Nothing wrong with me."

"Vinyl, I'm so sorry!" Keep it together, Twilight. Vinyl is cool, she'll understand. Don't go off blaming it all on— "Discord said you had problems, so I thought you did. You know how he can be, and I really, really—"

"Twi, chill! It's fine." Hearing that, Twilight sighed in relief. "I just asked that guy to move out of the way. He dragged me to the booth and went all 'let's see what this does.'"

"Typical." Discord, you snake! I won't forget this! One by one the books gently landed on the floor, carefully avoiding the coffee stains and glass fragments. "Of course your voice would be like this after a night of shouting... singing! I meant singing!"

"Yeah, well, I don't do that anymore. It's from my other job."

"Other job?" You have another job?

"Yeah." Even through all the screeching Twilight could sense the reluctance on Vinyl's part. "Could tell you. Just no word to anypone, k?"

"Absolutely! As per standard policy, everything you say will remain completely confidential and—"

"I'm a VA in Pegasus Wars," Vinyl cut her off. "And Left Back Hoof, and Unicorn Tactics..."

"You're a game VA?!" Twilight shouted in excitement. "This is incredible! Vinyl, do you know how many hours I spent playing all those games? Why didn't you tell me about this! We must get together sometime. Tomorrow! No, right now! I'll—"

"And that's exactly why I don't tell!" Vinyl grumbled.

"Oops." Twilight smiled sheepishly, her cheeks red with embarrassment. "Sorry. Just fanfillied out for a moment there. But it's so incredible! Who do you voice? I bet it's Onyx Prada. She's got that cool evil overlord voice, and she does shout in almost every cutscene."

"No, that's Octy." A scratchy sigh came through. "I voice all the laser sounds, and the shooting, and part of the explosions."

"Octavia?" Mind totally blown! "Octavia does voice acting? For games?"

"Sure. I brought her into the biz," Vinyl said as if it were the most ordinary thing in Equestria. "Least I could do. The bills she has on cello strings alone are killer. Besides, she's been my foalsitter for ages."

"Huh? Your foalsitter?" Twilight's mind short circuited. Things were starting to make less and less sense. Must be sleep deprivation. No way Octavia is that old. Or is she? The more she thought about it, the more absurd Twilight's reasoning became. It was like trying to put an A4 map in a B5 book — no matter how one folded it a part would just refuse to fit.

"Not mine mine, I just hired her," Vinyl explained, adding to the confusion. Vinyl has a child?! "With me working all the time she gets to be with Sound Bite. Hey, 'bout that. You good with this friendship advice, right?"

"Err, maybe?" I don't know anything anymore. I just want a drink of coffee, but I can't since the jug broke and there's no time to make a new batch, and if I try, Princess Luna will ridicule me because I'm not using the "proper" brand! Argh! She slammed her head against the desk. I want coffee! She whimpered.

"So, I'm afraid Sound might think I'm a bad mom," Vinyl started, hardly even waiting. "I've been taking him to all my shows, also to game studios and such, but he always acts shy and such. Even Techno Eyes couldn't get him to smile."

"Wait! Techno Eyes? The genius game designer of Heart of the Alicorn!?" I'm so envious right now! The clubbing might be meh, but the foal got to spend time with Techno Eyes!? I've been trying to schedule a meeting for years!

"I know, right? I've taken him on tour, bought him every toy there is. He doesn't even open the stuff. Seriously, what gives? He just spends all his time alone at home or with Octy."

"Umm... How old is Sound Bite, exactly?" Why do I feel so scared asking this question?

"Nine," Vinyl said, causing Twilight to black out for a moment.

"Nine?!" The alicorn shouted in the crystal.

"Don't judge! I was young when I had him," Vinyl said defensively. Clearly this conversation had been held before, and by the sound of it, in less than ideal circumstances.

"That's not the point!" Well, maybe it is in part. I must talk to Princess Celestia to add reproduction education to the school curriculum. I don't care what old fashioned ponies might think, the growing mares and colts of Equestria need to know exactly what to expect before they try to find out on their own! "You can't keep a nine year with you all the time, or locked up in a house... Do you have a house?"

"Five mansions," Vinyl said casually. "A few more summer houses."

"Oh..." Vinyl, it's as if I never knew you. Back in Canterlot you were just a quiet middle class filly. "The point is, he has to go to school, be with other ponies his age.

"Mare, I don't like school!" The unmistakable sound of grumbling screeches filled the room. "It's all boring and stuff."

"School is great! It's full of knowledge! And even besides that, it's not only about education, it's about socializing." Honestly, you're the worst cool mom ever, Vinyl. "You can't replace that with gifts alone. How would you feel if ponies stopped going to your clubs, but started sending you gifts instead. Would you still like clubbing?"

"Hmmm."

"It's exactly the same!" Twilight held the crystal frame with both hooves. "Trust me, I know how devastating the effects can be. Before I came to Ponyville I didn't like spending my time with other ponies, but I still liked knowing they were there. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if I had been completely alone." I might have ended up like Moondancer. On that note, I wonder how she's doing. I better invite her over so we can catch up.

"Sooo, I send Sound to school?" The cringe in Vinyl's voice was audible.

"Yes!" Twilight shouted, grabbing the voice crystal as she did. "A thousand times yes! School is the best place there is! Nopony should grow up alone and uneducated, condemned to a life of depression! I know you think money will solve everything, but it won't! You'll only be creating another Prince Blueblood or Starlight Glimmer who will abuse wealth and social status to be nasty to others because of everything that was denied them as a foal! Do you really—"

The crystal Twilight was holding started blinking. For several seconds Twilight remained motionless, only her pupils widening and shrinking with every flash. Finally, she put it back in place, then tapped it gently.

"Hello?" Vinyl said loudly. "You broke up there for a moment, Twi."

"Technical issues," Twilight mumbled. Actually, it might be better this way. I might have gone a bit over the top there. "I think it might be a good idea to take him to school, Vinyl. Ponyville is a wonderful place. You know he'll be fine here."

"Hmm. I'll give it a think, Twi, but no promises." Vinyl didn't sound too convinced. "Huge thanks for the tip, though. You da mare!"

"Yes," Twilight found it in her power to giggle. "I da mare. Sleep well, Vinyl."

"Ha! You wish! Later, Princess!" The crystal went dark.

Well, at least that's over. Twilight yawned. There were still a few hours left until sunrise, but at this point she thought she might as well try and get some sleep. The hotline would be here in the morning. By then Twilight would have an optimal shift distribution set up, ensuring that everypony got a chance to get help at any time, and that the hotline staff had enough rest and coffee.

Twilight jotted something down on a piece of paper, then diligently put it in one of her folders. She had so many topics she had to start tackling, but all those could wait for the morning. Right now she had to—

"Twilight?" a sad voice asked behind her. "Was that... Were you talking about me just now?" Turning around, Twilight saw her student standing at the door, ears drooped, tears in her eyes. "Do... Do you see me as a monster that only wants to hurt others?"

Twilight just stood there silent. There was absolutely nothing she could think of to say right now...