Don't fight it!

They're all cattle, useless pawns in this wretched game we call 'Life'.

They hate you.

They think you're a freak!

You can't hide from us forever.

We will not be silenced...

WAKE UP!!!

I awoke with a start, my body trembling like a construction worker using a jackhammer. Anxiety and fear filled me, holding my mind in a state of panic. I felt cold, alone, and afraid for my life.

This feeling vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared as a strange warmth started to wash over me. I felt oddly comfortable, a calming sense of protection taking hold of my being and washing away any fear that I had in that moment. My trembling ceased as I let myself fall into a pit of peace and relaxation the likes of which I had never known.

I huddled closer to the warmth that was surrounding me, nearly falling back asleep as I did so. However, that was stopped dead in its tracks when I felt a new sensation across my face and neck. Reluctantly opening my eyes, I looked over to see Luna laying behind me, her head raised at just the perfect angle to allow her access to me in such a way.

She was licking all along the side of my face. Where once I felt as though the world were finally at peace, I was suddenly stricken with a level of awkwardness I had not yet experienced until this day. I don't doubt that this was normal for ponies, they seem weird enough for it, but for me it was just unsettling...and slightly arousing.

"Hey..." I said, receiving no response from the mare. She must still be asleep...which doesn't help to subside how disturbing this was. "Woman!" I yelled, surprisingly not snapping her out of whatever state she was in. I growled, finally being sick of having an unnecessary tongue bath. "Bitch, I will eat your family!"

Luna finally awoke, yawning as she raised her head just a few inches higher than it was. She looked down at me with that freaky ass smile of hers. "Good morning, mine son. Did you sleep well?"

"I would have..." I began, lifting the sheet just enough for me to identify a small predicament I was having. "If you weren't so fucking weird."

She cocked her head, likely confused by my comment. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you spent the better part of the last few minutes licking my face." I replied, a hint of annoyance in my tone. "Not only was it uncomfortable, but it gave me morning wood the size of my forearm-er-hoof."

"We don't understand." She said, her dumbfounded expression still ever present on her features.

"For the love of-" I squirmed around under the sheets until my body was facing hers. "Do I have to spell it out for you?" I asked, pressing my 'issue' up against her stomach. "I. Am. Erect!"

"Ebah!" She called out in shock, shoving herself both away from me and off of the bed. She collapsed to the floor rather comically, scrambling around under the blankets she had taken with her which left me uncovered atop of the bed. When she managed to break free of the blanket net around her, she turned her attention back to me.

Her eyes went wide upon doing so and she turned her head to the side, using a hoof to censor my unmentionables. "That is not something you should be so open about with your mother. You've yet to hit adolescence, you shouldn't even be having this problem!"

"Yeah, well, I am!" I yelled, my aggravation with being treated as a child starting to boil. "So what are we going to do about it?"

Luna looked unsure of herself as she lowered her hoof, doing her best to look at me while ignoring my attentive friend. "We...We guess we could tell you how to...deal with it."

Tell me how to deal with it? Well, shit. I was hoping she would offer to physically help me out, but then again she is pretending to be my mother...So I guess that idea can be thrown out of the window.

I am more than knowledgeable in the art of masturbation. That was something I learned early on thanks to my real mother not knowing how to set a parental lock on our cable box. Good times...

The only issue I would have right now is trying to do it with hooves. The thought itself made me flinch a bit. I feel like it would hurt more than anything else. But then again, I am no stranger to receiving genital damage. One of my ex's proved to be a much bigger freak in bed than I originally thought; those times were less than pleasant.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass." I said uncomfortably. "I'll take care of it later."

There was a knock at the door before a thestral guard entered, his attention locking directly to Luna. "Your highness!" He said with a bow, raising himself shortly after and holding out a letter with his wing. "A message for you."

"How the fuck do you do that!?" The guard ignored me completely, focusing on the task at hand...hoof.

Luna levitated the letter, flipping it open and reading through it with a displeased look. When she was done, she relieved the guard and sent him back to his post, turning her attention back to me while still trying ignore my lower region. "We're sorry mine son, but something important has raised, so we must leave you."

So after about a minute of prying I learned that the letter came from her sister. Apparently it was about something weird going on between the Yak Yakistan and Equestrian border. God, these names are terrible...This was all she would tell me. I guess until I'm old enough I'm going to be left out of the loop on this kind of stuff.

She wasn't too keen on the idea of leaving me alone, but I refused to be watched by anyone other than Garnette and she wasn't on duty right now. So, in short, I wasn't giving her much of an option.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I can watch over myself, Luna. I may technically be a child, but I'm not incompetent." Having a baby sitter was just demeaning. For fucks sake, I'm almost twenty!

"We thought you agreed to start calling us mother?" She said with a touch of sadness in her voice, as well as on her face.

"I said I'd think about it. Don't push me on this." I could probably be a lot nicer to this mare. After all, she was giving me a home, a bed and even offering me a second chance at a childhood...but I'm a little too conditioned to my old ways. You can take the boy out of the barn, but you can't take the barn out of the boy. And, depending on your outlook on incest, that can have several meanings.

You should have killed that worthless cousin of yours.

Nah, she's pretty hot now. Besides, I was WAY too young to even remember the details of what happened. Anyway! After a bit of talking mom went off to...wait, did I just mentally call her my mother?

I don't like this...

Neither do I, but right now there are more important matters to attend to. Luna is gone and I need to take care of this fucker between my legs... Then figure out an escape route for if this place ever becomes too much for me deal with.

After I got the relief I needed, I used my ninja-like skills, and my small pony form, to sneak out of the room. During my little quest I found several normal exits and even marked a certain number of windows as emergency exits. You know; the ones that didn't involve me falling a couple hundred feet to my death.

With those in mind, and my search for nearby getaway strategies out of the way, I could basically wander around to my heart's content. Surprisingly, there wasn't a whole lot to do around here. The thestral guards stationed all around were like statues and didn't pay any attention to me. I shouldn't have even bothered sneaking out, I probably could have just walked out of the room with no problems at all. Hell, I bet if I walked out of the front door they'd probably still just stand there like a fat guy trying to hold in a nasty fart.

I had been wandering around for the good portion of eleven minutes and eventually found myself on the solar half of the castle. The guards were definitely different when it came to physical appearance. They actually looked like horses and not like pony Dracula decided to mouth-fuck their jugulars.

My curiosity soon got the better of me and I approached one of the solar guards, waving a hoof in front of his face. "Hey..." No response. The guy didn't even blink. Are these ponies even alive!? "Hey!" Again, I was met with silence. Honestly, it was starting to get on my nerves. While I didn't mind them keeping to themselves, being ignored was just plain rude. "If you don't answer me in three seconds, I am going to jump up there and slap the almighty hell outta you!"

Still nothing... Okay, this motherfucker is gonna get it. Using all of the strength that my little hooves could muster, I jumped up just high enough to be eye level with him and brought my hoof across his face. More specifically, the golden armor he was wearing. Side note; it hurt like a bitch. "Ow! FUCK!!!"

I held my now aching hoof after landing, but my attention was drawn back to the guard as I heard a soft chuckling come from him. He had a small grin on his face, but other than that he didn't move an inch. "Okay, now I'm pissed!"

I looked over the guard's form with only my eyes, trying to find some sort of weak point. I found my target, which just so happened to be a completely unprotected genital region. I took a few steps back, making it look as though I had given up on him. This should lure him into a false sense of security, and it did...I think. Either way, he didn't have a chance to stop me as I ran at him and slid under his front hooves. My small body glided across the floor just far enough to be beneath him before delivering one of the most painful cock-shots I had ever had the pleasure of being on the giving end of.

Not only did he finally move, but he dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes and made the most adorable squeal. I think I may have even heard him whimper a bit. Was he about to cry? What a bitch!

After a bit of squirming I managed to get out from under this lug without being teabagged by his purple marble sac. I stood a good few inches from him with a smile on my face. "You know; where I come from, a lot of people are actually extremely turned on by what I just did to you." I leaned down until my nose almost touched his. "You can thank me later."

As it turns out, my actions had unknowingly shoved me down a cliff and into a thick layer of woods. I turned around to leave and that's when I saw what could have been mistaken as a clone of the last guy standing in front of me. Fun Fact; Dude didn't look to pleased with me at the moment. I had to do a double take on him and the guard I had just brought to his metaphorical knees. "Holy shit, are you guys twins? I guess inbreeding has some benefits...well, it would if you didn't all look like you belong in The Office." Quick Note: The Office is a bar near where I used to live that caters mostly to cross-dressers and Drag Queens...Mostly Drag Queens. Very nice people; especially if they think you're cute. Not a good idea to piss them off though. They may dress like women, but they are still men, meaning they hit like a fucking MAN!

Remembering that small detail, I didn't need much more to convince my little furry ass to run like a bat out of hell as far away from these fuckers as possible. Luckily for me, maybe, only one of them was chasing me. Probably because the other one was still trying to force his testicles out of his chest cavity. Our chase eventually came to a grinding halt as I found myself running right into a corner.

I stood still, being completely blocked off in the corner by a solar guard who was pointing very sharp spear at me. Being my normal stubborn self, I decided to play it off as if I had the upper hand here. "Okay, look! That guy is probably only your boyfriend. So I'm going to give you a chance to lower your weapon in exchange for preferential, bordering ungentle, possibly...even lover-like treatment."

This only seemed to temporarily confuse the guard, which gave me more than enough leeway to slip past him and start running again. This time, away from a spot that would get me shanked! This part of the chase ended sooner than the last as I ran into a very tall, very white, alicorn dictator. "Kim Jong Tia!"

That wasn't funny, nor was it clever.

Fuck you, I'm still panicking!

The alabaster mare shot me a confused gaze, but that was quickly replaced with a motherly smile. Again, creepy! Anyway, she didn't seem to know why I was running, but could tell that I was internally freaking out. Only a little bit though. It was enough to be a dead giveaway to her, I guess.

"And a good morning to you too, Ebah. What's the rush?" She asked, staring directly into my soul with those over-sized eyes of her.

Okay, I need to be careful about this. If I play my cards right, then maybe I'll receive enough pity to walk away with only a slap on the wrist. "I'm innocent!"

You're an idiot!

Luna glared at me with a furious look on her face. Was she seriously about to reprimand me? Did I deserve it? Am I still sexy despite only being about nine years old in this body? The answer to all of those questions and many more is, and always shall be, a solid-

Luna pulled me into a hug and held me close to her. "Mine son! Are you alright? They didn't hurt you, did they?"

What!?

"We swear, if they did anything, anything at all to you; We will have them sent to the moon to perish!" Okay, she went from being creepy to straight-up horrifying. I can only hope that-

"What happened to your hoof? It's bruised."

Fuck!

She grabbed my hoof and examined it. It was, indeed, very bruised. I'm not sure how this was physically possible, but a dark purple spot was making itself very well-known on my grey fur. I swear to God, if I throw up now it would come out in rainbows. I watched as her horn began to light up and suddenly I felt a strange tingling in my partially injured appendage. In a matter of seconds the bruise was gone.

Damn witchcraft...

"Well, that's a thing that just happened." She pulled me back into her rather forceful embrace. The only thing I could really be happy about at the moment was that she wasn't completely strangling me this time around. I don't understand it, or her for that matter. She's like some kind of bipolar psychopath that depends on me to survive. I know that's not really the case, but it's just as creepy.

After a bit of, what probably should have been seen as a touching moment, but was more tortuous to me than anything else, Luna left the room to continue working on the border problem with her sister. Luckily for me, Garnette was on duty!

A few minutes after Luna's departure the lovely potty-mouthed thestral entered the room and closed the door. She was wearing a rather interesting smile on her face. "So, I hear you gave Thick Armor quite the treatment earlier."

"Yep." I said with a smile, being fairly proud of my earlier activities.

"Good, that's guy's a total dick." She explained. "And now, thanks to you, he's limping around the castle without one."

I had never met the guy before, nor had I even heard of him. But, now that I know that he is a total cockasaurous, I am much more proud of my work. I wonder what he did to piss her off...and now I don't care.

"So what's new? Find anyone to suck dry while you were out?" I asked. I think she finally caught on that I genuinely thought of her race as a group of vampires when I first met her. She didn't like it, but she rolled with it, knowing that I was just joking around with her.

"Maybe I did, but probably not in the way you might think. A colt like you is too young for that kind of thing." She retorted. Unknown to her, I was a lot better at playing this game than she was.

"Wow, so how much did he owe you when you were done?" This earned me the pleasure of watching that cocky smile of hers turn into a deadpan expression. That's right, bitch! This is my game! I practically invented it! How can you expect to beat me? "Plus, I've probably been sucked off more than you've been eaten out. I wouldn't doubt it if, by now, that little nest of yours is full of cobwebs."

She rolled her eyes at me before tossing a bunch of her armor off. It's not like anything life-threatening was going to happen to me. I am the Princesses child after all. Ponies don't even look at me for fear of making me uncomfortable. "Do you have an off switch?"

"Yeah! Hold on..." I got up and turned around, lowering the upper half of my body while leaving my ass raised for all to see. "Go ahead and flip it. But, I warn you, you're gonna have to really reach up in there." Her expression became something I could not describe. A strange combination of both amusement and disgust? Either way, it was priceless.

"You really are an interesting child." She said as I returned to my earlier position.

"Um, hello! We've been over this. I'm supposed to be damn near twenty right now!" I couldn't help but yell out that last part. Being dragged to this world for God knows what reason was one thing, but being turned into a child, now that was the kicker. Way to beat a man while he's down.

It was like breaking every bone in someone's body and then you finally pull out the gun, but rather than shooting them in the head, you put a hole where their testicle should have been. Needless to say, I am not having fun being a child. Yes, I could probably get away with a lot as of now, but what about when I have go through puberty all over again. Fuck, this is going to be a nightmare!

"Perhaps," Garnette began, "but as of right now, you're acting like a nine year old. A nine year old who's never heard of a filter."

"Oh, eat a bag of dicks..."

She giggled at me, "Calm down, I never said it was a bad thing. I mean; I never thought I'd see the day where I would meet a stallion with a mouth worse than mine, let alone a baby like you."

"I believe the politically correct term is crib-midget." Garnette snorted as she tried to stifle a laugh. "Yeah, I bet that one tickled your fancy you blood sucking, cock-gobbler."

"Sweetie, if you wanna talk dirty to me then you're gonna have to wait until your balls drop." Okay, now this bitch is asking for some treatment...

Luna entered nearly a half hour later, carrying two bowls of salad. At least, I think it was salad. Kinda hard to tell when you're being pinned down by a thestral. I heard Luna gasp and watched as Garnette's face went from dominant to complete and utter terror. Her head angled itself toward the door, looking over at the night princess who had an EXTREMELY pissed off look on her face "What are you doing to our son!?"

Garnette jumped off of me and took the stance that all guards do for some reason. "Princess, we were just playing. That is all, I swear!"

Luna turned her head to me as I worked my way back onto my hooves. I could only assume she was expecting me to either confirm or deny Garnette's story. "Yeah, it's all good ma. We were just rough housing." I said with a smile, again, mentally beating myself for addressing her as my mother. Why is this happening?

She nodded and looked at Garnette once again. "Very well then. Replace your armor and go back to your post." Wow, that felt a lot colder than it should have...or was it just me? Wait, is it actually getting colder in here?

Garnette saluted the princess before rushing over to put her armor on. I saw her stop for a moment and rub one of her bruised teats, finding it hard not to chuckle. She glanced over at me for a second and mouthed the words 'This isn't over', which just made me start laughing.

Luna seemed confused by this, but kept her attention glued to me. Once Garnette had left she lowered herself so she was eye level with me. "Mine son, if she has done anything to harm you, you need not hide it from us. We just want to love and protect you."

"I already told you, we were just messing around." I explained, "Besides, it was my fault. I wanted to do something fun, so I tackled her and it escalated from there." I lied!

She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them and smiling down at me. "Okay." She said as she gave me a nuzzle. "We love you so much, we don't want anything to happen to you. We can not bare the thought of somepony putting you in harm's way."

I pulled away from her nuzzling with my expression showing just how awkward I felt at this moment in time. I don’t know why she’s growing so attached to me so quickly, but it’s fucking weird; Not to mention, unnatural. "Yeah, cool. But, I'm fine. Garnette is cool. She's like my best friend; only female, and demonish looking...and possibly gay."

"Language Ebah, it's not proper for a young gentlecolt to speak in such a manner." Are you fucking kidding me!? I straight up punched a guy in the cranberries earlier and she's getting on me for accusing one of her guards of being a homosexual? Priorities mom, you're doing it wrong!

...I did it again, didn't I? FUCK!!!

Author's Notes:

Can you name the references in this chapter?

Also, remember to slap that LIKE button like a bitch if you're enjoying this story :P

((Kinda decided 'Fuck it' with the title. Couldn't come up with anything. I blame the headaches!))