Author's Notes:

Uh, sorry about the time it took to get here. This probably my favourite chapter I've written so far. If you wanna read it with better formatting, I'll throw the link down right here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SVjT6ucH41lZeeZkZtQKRCA4jW3knTvKWgq3yDmzp8M/edit
Well, I hope y'all enjoy, feel free to give me your thoughts.

I jammed the key in the lock and turned the handle with my leg. As soon as I felt the door give, I slammed my body into it. I didn’t stop when the door flew outward and smacked against the wall. My eyes fell on what was sitting in the center of the room. A bed! A real fucking bed! With a practiced shrug I let my saddlebags fall to the floor. My legs were already in the process of throwing me onto the thing…
“I’m tired as well, but I would remove my soiled garments before contacting the sheets,” Permittivity said to me as he trotted in behind me. I hated when he was right.

“Fuckin’ unzip me then,” I said as I looked over my shoulder at him. Of course he got flustered by that, the same stallion that had felt up corpses for coins. I turned around and found the zipper on my chest. “Just take over for me,” I said as I drug the zipper down to my stomach. These fucking zippers.

“For the record, you asked for this,” Perm mumbled out before dragging my zipper over my body and all the way past my tail in one clean motion. I let pulled my legs out one by one before letting the whole thing fall to the floor. “Is there a second zipper on there?”

“Yeah, it helps you hook up to parts of the armour,” I let out, my eyes falling halfway to the floor. How did this stallion make things that Rangers knew when they’re foals so awkward to explain? “And before you ask, yes I can take it off myself. It’s just a lot of work.”

“I understand,” he said softly as he magicked his saddlebags off to a tidy corner, before undressing and folding his clothes with that soft blue magic. My legs turned me around and threw me on the bed without asking me. The moment my ass felt the springs give under me, I felt ready to sleep. My body rolled onto my side, letting my head stay pointed at him. He was fiddling with something in his bags. “This room was cheaper than the other one, but I’m sure that-”

“It’s fine, like I said before, we basically slept in the same bed for the last week anyway.” I told him lazily, not that I really cared. I didn’t want to sleep alone. Didn’t want to be alone. With him here, I knew who he was, who he said he was, and he distracted me from the truth. I was in the middle of fucking nowhere, a nigh impassable desert away from everyone I had ever known and I had no idea how to get back. Or how to get them to listen to-

“Enjoy,” he had hopped into the luna sized bed. I flipped over, and there he was, laying on his side, looking at me with a friendly expression. He had one of our water skins, filled from one of their springs, floating in his magic. I grabbed it with my hoof. It tasted great, for the two seconds before it was empty.

“Rationing sucks ass,” I spat out. The empty skin fell on the sheets. His magic picked it up and dropped it on top of his bags. “You’re a show off.”

“That’s hypocrisy, I heard you talking to those ponies at the rail depot about your armour,” Perm took that moment to snicker, even after I gave him a dirty look. I gave him a lot of dirty looks, now that I think about it. “My favourite was when you told them that it was powered by a…”

I let him try to remember. Just lying on my side, my head cocked up to face his. “Spark Reactor,” as I helped him, my eyes just happened to roll.

“- that could explode like a small balefire bomb. And then they backed away.”

“That’s not showing off, that’s communicating a danger,” I finished as I watched him pull the bottle Rosetta gave us into view. Us. When had that happened?

“Altruism was your only motivation, clearly. Nevermind the stallions fawning over the enigmatic mare in the odd armour. That was purely coincidental,” he said as he grasped the bottle in his magic and twisted the cap off with his teeth. At least he could open a bottle the right way.

“Hey, I kept them from seeing you stuff that rifle into your bag!” I defended myself as I got the first whiff coming off of that bottle.
“And I applaud you for that,” Permittivity said before taking a good pull from the bottle. His face lit up as he let it drop down his throat. He looked at me before falling onto his back, his head lying on a pillow. I picked myself up before taking the bottle from him. Whatever, I deserved a fucking drink. He watched me closely as I took a swig. Fuck, this shit was strong. I let him take the bottle again in his magic.
“That doctor guy is alright,” I said as I felt the booze start to play with the food in my stomach. He laughed, before leaning back against the headboard. Perm took the time to drink a bit more. I looked down at him, his legs were splayed. And just under his stomach was his sheath. I swear I only stared for a second. He cleared his throat. “I-I’m just gonna lay down.” Without thinking about it, my body kinda dropped onto the bed. For a second I just enjoyed the feeling of cloth under my body before rolling again.
“I’ll make us even,” Perm said before looking straight at my tits. He stared for a moment, before meeting my eyes again.
“Ha, ha,” I retorted. “You’re so funny, Perm.”
“I really am,” he said with a snicker between each word. “Give it time my dear.”
“Sure,” I said before accepting the bottle from him again. It was weird drinking in this position, but I was talented… And he was a unicorn.
We just laid there for a few minutes. He took a loud breath after another swig before looking at me again.
“You ever thought about what you would be if you weren’t a Ranger?”
“Kind of. When I was a filly I wished I had born before the war. But, there isn’t anything other than being a Ranger. So I grew up.”
“That isn’t an answer,” he said calmly. His eyes flashed wistful for a moment.
“Royal Guard,” I told him. “What the fuck would you be?”
“Professor,” he said to me. “Why a Royal Guard? You’ve seen enough violence to abhor it.”
“Of course you’d like to prattle on to a captive audience. And yes, I hate hurting ponies, I’m not a monster, at least not one like that. It’s just, serving the princesses… Helping ponies in better days. Having a home-” I stopped myself and took the bottle from him.
“A home. I had one once. Twice actually. One was ripped away from me-” He started his spiel but I cut him off. He was so much better when he just shut up. I could look at him as a stallion, not a liar.
“But you fucked up the other one?” Permittivity grimaced as I spoke. He closed up again, and began to pull away. He had gotten onto his back, eyes glued to the ceiling. “We’re friends or something right, sorry,” I said as I placed the bottle on the shaky looking nightstand.
“To be frank with you, I’ve had friends before, family before, and lovers before. I’ve never had an ‘Icepick’ before.” I laughed as he said that.
“I mean, you aren’t exactly the stallion of my dreams…” I said quietly before chuckling to myself. This fucking lying piece of- Perm’s muzzle messed up as he concentrated on my words.
“You’re intoxicated, Icepick,” he said before snorting.
“Shut up,” I said before rolling onto my back. The warmth was hitting me pretty hard now. Every movement I made felt different. “I’m gonna sleep now,” I said with a yawn. It’d been awhile since the last time I’d gotten plastered. And the last time I’d gotten plastered, I’d woken up with a strange buck… But I knew this stallion. I knew that he was trouble, just, not what kind of trouble he was. If I hadn’t known-
“That’s a good idea,” he said before chuckling to himself in a low voice. “Goodnight,” he said quietly. He always slept on his side, this time his head was pointed at mine, and his legs were sticking out to fill the space between us. I stayed as I was for a long time, until, out of nowhere I felt like I was falling for a second. Something in me must have messed up, but it was nice, free fall. I didn’t know what I was doing, other than sleeping in bed with a stallion I barely knew… But I at least knew him better than the rest of these ponies. They all just milled about and talked about wanting things, and ways to get things. They only cared about themselves, and maybe their families. Where was their sense of purpose, of being a part of something greater?
At least Perm seemed driven by something. He might tell ponies he’s in it for the money, but that was a lie. If it was something good, then maybe I could get it out of him. That didn’t feel likely. Maybe it was just that no-one leaves their place, their life, and everything they ever knew easily. Something has to push you. I rolled over on my side, and in the greys of low light I made out his head laying softly on the pillow. He looked like he was already out. I wondered what he was dreaming about? Maybe sex, from what I had seen, he seemed to like stallions, and mares. The image of a big rough stallion plowing him was a nice one… Fuck, why did booze make me horny! I mean, he wasn’t exactly bad looking. His voice was nice, when he wasn’t being annoying. And, he knew how to fight…
Why couldn’t he just be a Ranger, why couldn’t I have met him some other place, some other time? I bit my lip as I felt the last of the booze get into my bloodstream. Did he want me? He likes my looks, I caught him staring a couple times, and he basically told me. I don’t know if that means he wants to fuck- Like everything else, he had to make things complicated and confusing.

I yawned and felt my muscles lose some tension, damnit, I should’ve gotten a massage out of him before he passed out. The thought of him standing over me, kneading my shoulders and back with his forehooves and magic… Well, maybe tomorrow night. I looked at him again, he’d go for that. Or maybe that pink doctor, he was worth a look…

“So, you don’t have any new bruises, and Permittivity hasn’t come in with any broken bones-” Rosetta said to me from across the table. He was cooking something, but he was keeping it a secret. “So, the night went well, I take it.”

“I-I mean, yeah, we just kinda drank, talked, and passed the fuck out.” I said to him while I looked away and messed with my mane.

“That’s not quite what I expected, but better than it could have gone. I do have a question though, you said that you’ve only known him for about a week, but you seem like you know each better than that,” Rosetta finished before beaming at me.

“I don’t know about him. Look, do you want the truth? Even if it makes no fucking sense?” I asked him, knowing what he would want. And did it really matter? I needed to tell someone anyway, the weirdness of it had been eating at me for a long time.

“You slept with him didn’t you?” He asked with a smile.

“No!” I pretty much yelled back. “I-I mean, I think we both thought about it-” I also thought about fucking you too, but- “No, it’s weirder than that.” Rosetta turned around to stir something on the stove.

“I’m listening,” he said with a snort.

“So, about a year ago, maybe a year and a half, I had a dream where I walking around a snowy city. All around me were ponies, speaking weird equestrian. There were thousands of them, the city didn’t seem to end. Off in the distance were big towers that looked like they were made of glass. Black glass.” I paused as I recalled that first dream. I had woken up that morning with a splitting headache. And after I tried explaining why it was weird to Ironsight, she had laughed it off.

“That’s a pretty dream. But, how does it involve Permittivity?” He gave me the same look that she had.

“I was getting to that. So, dreams normally skip from bit to bit, no transitions,” he turned to nod at me. I started up again, reassured. “It wasn’t like that, I remember looking from the skyline to the street, and making every step. It was really cold, cold enough that I had a cloth over my mouth to keep the air from hitting my lungs directly. But I didn’t shiver or react to it, the ache and slow loss of sensation felt normal to me. Eventually I made to an apartment building, before throwing open the door with magic… I was a unicorn. That woke me out of it, I figured out I was dreaming.” I took a breath and watched his face, his lips turned as he thought over what I had said.

“That’s pretty impressive, I’ve never had a lucid dream. To be honest though, so far it just sounds like a really weird dream. But dreams are known to be weird. I have to ask, were you reading something about the Crystal Empire before this happened?”

“The Crystal Empire?”

“It was a city of magical crystal in old Equestria, well, north of it. If I remember correctly, it was surrounded by ice and snow. It was also lost for a thousand years, but it reappeared a few years before the war began.” He told me with curiosity in his voice. It was cute. Damn, he was helping me figure this shit out. I smiled at him.

“In some of the other dreams ponies talked about ‘the Empire’ and the ‘Old City’... That doesn’t make any sense though, if it was in old Equestria how could he-” I looked at him, and he just motioned for me to keep going. “Right. When I went up the stairs I spoke for the first time, my voice was his.”

“What?” he said as I hesitated. He was going to think I was mental, and that would mean the only person who didn’t think I had a screw loose would be Permittivity- I leaned over the counter just like Rosetta, before laying my forehooves over his. He looked at me with surprise.
“Promise me?” I asked quietly, he nodded and slipped one of his forehooves out from under mine and place it over mine. “Okay- it was Permittivity’s voice.” I waited for him to say something. He stayed silent, his eyes unfocused and his head dipping towards the floor. “Yeah. Just try to imagine having those dreams for a year, before the person you were dreaming as just fucking appears.”
“So, you’re telling me that he’s from the Crystal Empire, and is lying about it?” He asked as he chewed his lip.
“Listen, I really can’t prove it too you, and I don’t know what the Crystal Empire is or how he got here, but he’s not from here, and I have a hard time believing that he’s lying for a good reason.” As I said this his face lit up. He got about halfway to a smile before it began to reverse.
“You could prove it to me.” Rosetta said quietly.
“How?” I yelled at him. He flinched for a second, before taking a deep breath.
“Have you ever heard of memory magic?”
“Isn’t that something the Ministry of Morale developed?” What was he talking about, why couldn’t stallions just tell things straight?
“Yes. It allows me to go through a ponies memories and view them. So, if you remember these dreams as well as you say, then I could find them-”
“I’ll do it, Doc,” I cut him off and smiled at him as he stared at me in surprise.
“It’s invasive as hell, and it takes hours - and you’ll be unconscious by necessity-”
“Then put me fucking under, I’ve needed to get this off my chest for way too long. And, we might be piece together… Perm,” I told him straight up, anything to figure out what that buck was here for. Because, I- the Rangers still needed him.
“I’ll be looking around in there, I don’t know what I’ll see. This magic was originally created to interrogate prisoners.” It won’t be nice, and this stallion will know all about me. Remember things I have a hard time remembering. I couldn’t see the difference between this and fighting for the Rangers.
“I understand, but I now that I know about this, I’m not gonna stop asking you about it. I thought I was going mental, and that was before this stallion appeared just in time to pull my ass out of the fire.” Before he made me want to kiss him and strangle him at the same time. Just so we’re clear, choking isn’t a sex thing for me.
“Alright,” Rosetta said before smiling at me. “It’ll take some time, and you’ll experience the memories with me, from what I’ve read it will reinforce them.”
“I don’t really see a downside, now are we gonna eat?” My eyes moved over to his pot, which was boiling over. I gave a laugh as I watched him dart over to it.
“That’s your food too!” He huffed at me, even as I saw him smile. I could tell that this was something he liked to do. I mean, he’d invited me and Perm over separately, and together before we left last night.
“Been wondering something: why’d you invite us over?” I asked him just as he got the food under control.
“You both seemed like you needed help, but more than that, you’re both so strange. I don’t even know where to start with you two, at least I didn’t before you told me about these dreams. That only adds to the mystery. Frankly though, I haven’t come across two cavalier ponies that will do anything for a cause, except come to terms with their own feelings. So, I want to help you both-”
“Help me? What part of me needs help?” I chirped to him, trying to keep the feelings in my gut from spilling out. He sighed and faced me again.
“I can’t answer that question, only you can.” I glared at him for a moment, before realizing that he probably wasn’t wrong.
“Between fighting terrorists, and trying to figure out who the fuck Perm is, I haven’t really had the time to diagnose myself.” I said to him. He didn’t say anything, he just looked me in the eyes. My muscles were tensing up under my skin, and my voice was getting closer and closer to yelling. I took stock as I watched him turn around to start dishing out the food. He waved his tail a little as he filled two bowls, and I could just just make out him humming something.
“There’s always going to be something nagging at you, something that’s ‘more’ important. So, are you ever really going to put yourself first?” His voice was still, I had basically came into house and started yelling at him after he suggested that I could use some help. But he didn’t raise his voice to match mine.
“Once Tegarni is gone, once things are figured out, and once things are peaceful again, I’ll be at peace too.” He put the bowl in front of me, and hoofed me a spoon. It was still steaming.
“Hmm,” he hummed as he walked around the island and climbed the seat beside mine. “So, how far back would I have to dig into your memories to find the peace you’re talking about?” He smiled softly, before looking back at his soup.
I groaned before sticking the spoon into the soup. “I, I serve a purpose. I keep the Rangers going. I’ve taken bullets and worse for them. I know that the people in charge aren’t perfect, no group is. I may not agree with everything we do, but what else do I have?” I turned my head to look at him. “We’re the only ones keeping Equestria alive. I don’t need to be happy all the time, no one can be. So I’m fine.”
“I can respect finding meaning in your cause. I do it too, I heal ponies. Hell, I just like making them happy. But, I have dreams of my own, not world changing dreams, pony sized ones. So, the question is, do you have them? Do you repress them because of-”
“Fuck, why do you care? Why are you interested in what I want?” I asked him, with more of that anger leaking out. “How about this: I’ve always dreamed of eating soup cooked by a nice stallion, there, I’m now completely fulfilled and can die happy. Now, can we talk about something else before you going rooting around in my brain?”
He looked down quietly, before picking up his spoon and eating robotically. Rosetta glanced at me every couple of seconds, fleeting glances. I did the same.

When I finished, he sat up and picked up both of our bowls in his magic. I saw him start towards the kitchen again. I had to do something, he didn’t deserve this. Without thinking I got to my hooves as he watched me with a tired look on his face, before I pressed a hoof gently into his side.

“I-I don’t like what you ask, or how you do it, but I appreciate you trying. It just isn’t - what did that mare I talked to this morning call it - right for a first date.” I choked out, while biting my own lip. When I looked at him again, whatever nervousness I had was outdone by this stallion’s face going cherry red. Which is kinda impressive given he had a pink coat. Maybe I didn’t understand-

“Uh, I-I thought you were involved with-” He started and stopped as I pulled myself closer.

“No. I mean, yes, but-”

“-It’s complicated. You learned the word date from a mare in town?” He asked as he tried keep from laughing, but I could see his lips begin to curl, as much he would deny it.

“No, we have dates in the Rangers, gotta have a time for forms and timetables,” I told him as he shifted closer, one of his forelegs moving over my back. My body seemed to push gently against his. “And I’ve been on a date before, it’s just the way she talked about them, as like a game of Stalliongrad Roulette, but instead of dying, you have a tiny chance to meet your special-” He couldn’t help but burst out laughing, even after I stopped talking.

“Who did you talk to? I have to know,” Rosetta asked me with a smile.

“Lemondrop, I think? Blonde mane? Cream coat?” I answered as I leaned into him, my muzzle growing closer and closer to his.

“That sounds about right,” he said as he closed the distance. I had a second to think about what I was doing. I had been wanting a stallion for weeks, and this one seemed right, but what would this stallion want from me? Then, Rosetta pressed his muzzle against mine, and my train of thought was gone. Obliterated. Like three kilos of plastic explosive under a timber bridge obliterated. I gently ran my foreleg on his back as he stayed still and closed his eyes. I could feel his heart beating like he just taken a hit of jet. After a few seconds I pulled away and watched him open his eyes, his cheeks more flushed than any stallion I had ever seen.

“You wanna keep going?” I said as I let my hoof drop to his withers, giving his cutiemark a grope. He let out a half yelp, half moan at that, before lowering his head and running his muzzle against my neck. This was what I had wanted for weeks, I had a stallion alone, and he was into it. My nethers were starting to heat up as I watched him pull his head up again. I could feel my lips pull into a sly half smile, and my eyes half closed.

“Yes,” he said as he put his muzzle next to mine. I took that without reservations, and pushed my mouth against his, my tongue looking to push his lips out of the way. Right before he pushed me back. “But, not right now,” Rosetta told me as he untangled himself from me. I heard him let out a sigh, as I waited for him to explain himself. He had better have a good- “I just met you, and well, I don’t just want to jump into sex.”

I got back to my hooves and stood tall, before looking at him. “O-okay?”

“Don’t get me wrong, right now I’m hanging halfway out of my sheath.” He put a hoof to my shoulder and looked me right in the eyes. “I just, I get attached to people when I fuck. I’m not asking for a commitment, or telling you that I don’t want to sleep with a beautiful mare, I just- we barely know each other. At least you know Perm.” He finished with a sigh.

I just stood there for a minute trying to process what this stallion was telling me. He only wanted to fuck ponies that he felt attached to? What kind of attachment is he looking for? “I-okay?” Rosetta frowned.

“If I’m going to dig into your memories, I’ll give you something too. First mare I ever got with, she was wonderful, fun to be around, she made me feel complete in ways that nothing else can. But, when she needed to leave, she never even looked back. I loved her. She didn’t love me back-” There was a hitch in his breath as he spoke, and I couldn’t let him keep going.

“I think I know what you’re getting at. That pony that makes you feel better, that little pickup you get around them. When they don’t feel it, and your chest starts to feel like you’ve got a brick on it. I guess the feeling isn’t unique to me…” I said to him as I felt a word connect to its meaning.

“You understand,” He said before turning around and angling himself towards his bedroom. He was holding himself a little lower than he was before. “So, you still want me to confirm your prophetic dreams?”

“I wouldn’t call them that,” I said as I took a step towards him.

“He would,” he threw back. I snorted as I thought about that stallion. The one that just happened to be in my dreams. I wondered if he would have turned me down. Would I turn him down?
I followed Rose inside as he flipped on a light with his magic. The room had a bed that could fit two ponies if they didn’t mind touching, a dresser with a mirror attached to the top and a trunk sitting at the front of the bed. A single window with a thick pane of glass was cracked open. Rosetta turned to me before walking over to the bed and sitting down neatly on it. He smiled nervously and spread his legs out just enough for them not to fall asleep. “The actual magic is pretty complicated, but I’m basically going to contact your forehead with my horn. After a few seconds you should fall into a trance as you experience what I choose to view.”

“Okay-but, if you start perving on me after turning me down, I’m gonna be confused, horny, and angry. In that order.” I said with a stern expression before shifting to a smile as I sat down in front of him and made myself comfortable.

“Oh it’s kinda like rewinding a holomovie, so if that happens, well-” I just smiled at him.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Rosetta said before leaning over and touching his horn to my head.

“Uh, nothing’s-” I started to say, just as I saw a burst of light from his horn.

The sun was burning brightly, but it hung low on the horizon, barely above the buildings. The buildings that remained standing. My head dipped towards the ground. The snow that built up on the sidewalk was littered with debris and darkened by ash. Around me ponies went about their business, trotting frantically, their eyes drawn to the clocks they wore on their legs. I merely stood there for what must have been a long time, watching them, even as the winds stole heat from me. Eventually, I drew a deep breath and started towards a large building on the outskirts of what must have been a city.

Various ponies garbed in layers of clothing passed into and out of the building. The front of the building seemed to be supported by dark columns of granite shaped to look similar to crystal. The entrance opened into a large rectangular room heated by a number of hearths that burned in the corners. To the left and the right were separate hallways, and if I continued straight on a poorly lit service corridor awaited me. But, I barely seemed to notice any of it. I came to a stop in center of the room. My eyes scanning for a specific pony. Whenever I happened to stare at a pony that I wasn’t looking for starred back, I just stared them down until they looked away.
“You’re late,” a pony said to him from the rightmost hallway.

“The train did not arrive on schedule,” I said to the pony as soon as I made eye contact with them.

“A shame, though not unexpected given the war.” The pony speaking was a tan stallion with eyes that looked familiar. He looked to be about thirty or so, and was stocky stallion who spoke with the same accent that I did. “But we all make sacrifices, now don’t we?” I felt my horn flow and the scarf I was wearing over my mouth was pulled down to my neck. The other stallion’s eyes widened as I did that.
“Some more than others,” I told him before pausing to watch his reaction. “When did you receive the letter?” I asked him quietly,
“I did not. I was telephoned by the authorities.” The stallion frowned. “I’ll lead you to the director’s office. Petunia and Bullion are waiting along with the lawyer and the wi-”
“I understand,” I spoke tersely. “How have you gotten along?” I asked him as he began to walk, he looked a little annoyed at me cutting him off.
“For the longest time I had to assuage my clients about the course of the war, and the necessity of the taxes imposed on them. I thought that the war was lost when the initial offensive failed to secure Canterlot and the colonies ended hostilities with the Celestians proper. But after that weapon was used on the front, you wouldn’t believe what that did for the futures market. And for someone who deals largely in industrial concerns it was a windfall. I just wish we knew more about it!” As this stallion spoke my face twisted into a grimace. I didn’t know what was going on- This stallion was making money from a war? Maybe? All I knew was, I was inside Perm, and this other stallion was getting giddy about some weapon being used. To make things worse he had the same ‘accent’ as Perm, but thicker.
“It’s good that you’re doing well financially out of… this,” I spoke slowly, and my steps got slower.
“I realize that you’ve been through a great deal Permittivity.” He paused, as they came to a closed door with the lights on inside. I heard him sigh loudly. Before he turned his head to face mine. He placed a hoof on my shoulder. “They would want you to be happy.”
I brushed his hoof off and jerked the door open with my horn. The inside was dully lit with bulbs that made as heat as they did light. It seemed almost intentional, this place needed every bit of warmth that it could get. The ponies under the lights were startled by the door swinging open, and my entrance. Inside were another four ponies, standing around two pedestals set at barrel height, three stallions and one mare. Two of them wore big hats on their heads. The mare got over her surprise the fastest, she narrowed her eyes and curled her lips before forcing a smile as the stallion beside her cleared his throat. From behind me I heard the stallion close the door and stand to the right of me.
“It’s good to see you again, Permittivity,” the stallion said. He was wearing some fancy looking clothing, along with that big hat. Together it reminded me of a picture of Canterlot I had seen in book years ago. “We last met at the reception. If it weren’t for the war, I’d have thought you were making yourself scarce.” The stallion walked around the pedestal to get to me. He extended a forehoof. I hesitated before extending mine. The stallion grasped mine and yanked me forward as he shook my hoof. And maybe I didn’t understand all the customs at play, but I could tell a shit eating grin when I saw one. “But now that Principal brought you here, as much as I would love for you to regale us with tales from the front…”
“Yet, time is of the essence. We must bury the dead from this war, in hopes that we shan’t need bury another. So when is the funeral scheduled?” My eyes scanned each of their eyes quickly. The stallion who was dressed more plainly seemed to be pained, eyes turning downwards as they met mine.
“Brother, I’ve missed your words. Always well spoken, I have no doubt you fought gallantly, nevermind your wounds.” The mare, who I assumed was Petunia, said to the group before joining her stallion beside Perm. I felt my ears flick as Principal said something under his breath.
“I only did what many others did,” I drew in a breath, holding it as I scanned the faces of these ponies.
“Of course,” Bullion said to me.
“So, the will was a simple split of assets. And because of the way it happened no possessions survived. The building was reduced to rubble.” The pony with the big hat who hadn’t said anything yet told the assembled room. “If you would like to look at the will, I have a copy on my person. All told the inheritance will be two thousand-three hundred and four marks a piece. I have cheques prepared for each of you.”
“Thank you, Tort,” the stallion who wasn’t wearing a big hat, and who seemed to be the most resigned took his turn to speak. “Their wills didn’t speak about of a specific funeral arrangement. Our usual package is a closed casket affair in the cemetery outside of the city. All told it would be five-hundred-”
“That isn’t what they wanted. That will was written recently? Perhaps beginning of the war, based off of a standard template?” I asked ‘Tort’ while biting my lip.
“Many of the wills I deal with were completed during the war, and yes, they filled it out a bit of a perfunctory fashion.-”
“I know that they wanted to be buried at Sheifstein.” I said with my lips pressed together.
“That wasn’t corroborated in any fashion,” Tort said to me.
“I’ve been there with them, and so has Principal,” I said flatly. Tort didn’t react. I felt that hoof on my shoulder once again.
“That is true, I’m glad that you brought that to our attention.” Principal said to me, he had a sad smile written across his muzzle. “Back when grandmother was buried. That was thirteen-fourteen years ago…”
“I don’t remember that,” Petunia said with her voice heightened a bit, and with just the smallest hint of sneer. I bit the inside of my cheek when I saw that.
“You wouldn’t, you were lodged with our uncle during that.” I spoke the words, and they sounded almost warm.
“Alright, I’ve dealt with that Cemetery, though it’s been several years. I can get them buried there. Though it will cost a fair bit more, if memory serves,” the Funeral director told me, his muzzle kinda turning up at the thought of the additional work. I saw Bullion turn to Petunia and begin whispering with her. In the silence, Perm let his eyes drift towards the tarp covered platform. His vision lost focus, and he bit his lip again. I couldn’t hear his thoughts…
I tried to make sense of all of this, I had gotten better at understanding their accents, but it all of it was overwhelming. Alien. In the Rangers, you got a service, and your ashes were scattered over the ocean, along with a plaque and a mention in the records. I didn’t really see the point of this, but I had read that back in old Equestria they did this too. They did a lot of weird things though, planting flowers, and using precious metals for currency. So much of it seemed wasteful, maybe I just didn’t understand. Maybe I could ask Permittivity or Rosetta about it. As weird as Perm was, and as much as he lied about things, he could probably help me understand what Old Equestria was like. What was missing in the Rangers…

“I appreciate the thought, Permittivity, but my wife and I are under the weather financially,” Bullion said in that apologetic tone. “We can contribute money for the standard burial. More would jeopardise our livelihood.” I said nothing to this stallion. Though my neck started turning to face Principal before stopping.
“How much would the total be for a burial there? Estimate if you need to.”
“It’s a many years, but it should come out to about three thousand marks, give or take,” The director said to Principal and I.
“So, divided evenly, it would be a thousand marks from each of us,” Principal did the math in his head, math everypony in room did too, but he said it flatly, and with a glance towards his sister.
“It’s what they would have wanted,” I said quietly. “You can contribute however much you’re comfortable with. I’ll contribute the rest.” There was that glare from his sister again, only showing for half a second.
“Petunia, I know that you have a foal on the way. Permittivity and I can split the cost,” the stallion said with a smile, a knowing one. Gregarious. Even it seemed a lot less real when he was looking at her.
I smiled. It wasn’t forced. There was some other talk, and it took a long time. But eventually things were done. Most of the inheritance would be going towards the burial. The two of them were going to buried side by side. And there would be a single headstone; Petunia wanted to get a pony sized one. Permittivity fought against that idea. “They wouldn’t have wanted an ostentatious marker.” It was weird to hear the passion in his voice. Even if I didn’t couldn’t quite visualize it all.
When the meeting business was done, Perm didn’t stay after to chat with anyone. He just left the building quietly. His eyes opened in surprise when Principal rushed out out the door. He didn’t seem like kinda pony to be in a rush, it didn’t really suit him. Maybe it was because of seeing his brother look a little bit ruffled, with his hat sitting a little bit agar on his head, that I stopped in my tracks.

The moment that Principal had seen Perm stop, he resumed his stately movement. “Just going to leave me to the wolves like that, little brother?” he asked to me from about a ponies length away.

“If anyone can handle them, it would be you,” Permittivity said to him. His voice was drained. The sun was almost down, it sat lower in the sky than I had ever seen it before. The colours themselves seemed greyed out. The ash from the smokestacks must have gotten high enough to-

“Permittivity, would you care to have a drink with me?” Principal asked, his voice lowered as well. A just of wind came through as he spoke. It bit through his barding, I could feel my skin prickling once again.

“I’m not smaller than you Principal, we’ve been over this many a time,” I said with a bit of indignation. Perm’s eyes traced over his face, questioning the slight smile that his words had given him.

“Yes, yes, I remember. If you add the horn to your total height then yes we are the same height,” the stallion said. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had this discussion.”

I said nothing for a moment. Eyes locked in place, but not focused either. The street lights switched on seemed to bring me back to myself. It must have been three or four seconds. “I’m not sure if the stallion I am now, I don’t know if anyone would want to…” The words died in my mouth. Jaw hanging half way open as I began to shiver.
“You’re my brother, nothing can change that.” The larger stallion closed the distance before bumping his shoulder into mine. “Come hither,” he spoke to me, before starting off in that gait that of his. Then it dawned on me why that seemed familiar, it was the same walk Elder Waters had. I wanted to blink, but I wasn’t in control here.
Permittivity trod after him his hooves dragging with every step. Somehow without having seen my face I knew that I had circles under my eyes. I had walked for a while, and that meeting had taken hours. But I hadn’t felt a pang of hunger yet. Had Perm been eating? I wondered to myself as I seemed to feel his body for the first time. Just talking to ponies had worn him out, his head hung low even as his brother began to hum a tune. The sun disappeared first from the cover of buildings, and then from the horizon itself. He looked back at me frequently, and slowed himself each time he realized I had fallen behind. Perm pushed himself harder on weakened legs each time he did that. I think the tinge of pity on the stallion’s face made him do that. All the same, the same weight in his body drug him down again each time.
Eventually we made it too a squat wooden and brick building with light and the smell of stale beer spilling out from the spaces between the door and the frame.
I spotted an aged sign hanging above the door. The Gilded Net it read, with rough image of a fishing net painted in yellowish gold. I mean, it got the point across to a mostly desert dwelling filly…
Principal opened the door for me, and himself before striding in and hanging his hat on a rack next to the door. At first glance this place could’ve probably seated thirty ponies, at six or seven little tables. But the place was about half full, with the aged bar, smelling of smoke and booze, holding up the ponies that were in here. Old fishing gear, mounted heads and other knickknacks and trophies were adorned the walls on top of peeling wall paper. A nicked wooden floor with a bit of gray snow, and the melt that came from it followed directly from the doorway to the bar. It barely reflected the greasy light coming from a furnace in the far corner. The rest of the light came from a hoof full of large bulbs spreading yellow light around the tavern.
“Two bitters, and whatever meal you’d feed an old friend,” Principal said loudly enough to be heard, but not to be any trouble to the other patrons. to the pony behind the bar, who in turn started pouring beer. The cook poked his head out from a door behind the bar and got a few words from the bar mare.
“Good to see you again Prince, been a while” the mare said with a laugh, one that was some of the other ponies. Perm’s ears flicked towards the noise, as he scanned the ponies near him. The shivering didn’t stop. Even if the room was pretty comfortable with that boiler in the back corner.
“I bought an old face with me, he needs to get him a taste of home,” Principal said back to her as he pulled himself into the nearest stool. I did the same.
My eyes settled on the bar mare as she walked over to us, pushing our beers over to us using her a foreleg. When she got them to us Principal took his up and sipped it a little before sitting it down again. Perm picked his up with a foreleg and pounded a third of it before pulling it away from his lips.
“Have we met before?” the mare asked Permittivity, her muzzle scrunched in thought. Perm said nothing as he felt the warm, bitter taste flow into his empty gut. He wouldn’t look away, but his face remained stony as he gnawed the inside of his mouth again. The skin above and below my muzzle started to itch after she said that. At the same time a deep ache came from my side. I knew the feeling of body knitting itself together, just not like this. Her eyes, their eyes, and the warmth in the room wracked my body with a shiver again. This was a deeper shake, like my muscle was trying to tear itself from my bones. I put my shaking hoof on the mug again and drank as she watched me with a resigned expression. “I don’t remember a shell shocked horn head drinking here before. Ehh, let me get you another one though.” His nostrils flared out slightly and his breath got hot when she said horn head to his face.
“This is my brother. He left for university years ago,” Principal said from my side. His firm hoof came to rest on my shoulder as he spoke. It helped with the shakes, even as those wounds called out to me all the same. I barely felt anything when I was meeting about the burial, my body was numb. Now all of Perm’s pain was flowing back into him. He didn’t even have the cold to get his mind off of it now. To get my mind off of it. I couldn’t hear his thoughts but his body echoed them; I’m not sure how I knew that but I did.
“My father must have ran the place back then,” she said quietly as she put another full glass in front of me. Perm took the hint. The rest of the first glass entered his stomach in first order.
“Permittivity, you haven’t even eaten yet?” Prince said to him with an edge of sternness spilling out.
“It hasn’t been my first priority.”
“Permittivity, I understand why you would feel this way. The war has touched us all,” he said this without moving his hoof. “They took something from us that can never be replaced, never. Regardless, Mother and Father would want you to carry on, they knew that their children could help build a future. And to be perfectly candid: when you left, I never expected you to return- that you survived the Celestians… When I heard that the war had ended, I forgot their end for the day. I was swept up in celebration because my brother had lived. I would see him breathing again, talk to him about inane things again. See him married someday. Perhaps get an in-law that I didn’t want to strike down with a street stone.” Perm cracked a smile at that, before picking up his mug again. “You living brightened me, Permittivity, and as long as know that you survived I can sleep at night.” Principal smiled and there was a twitch at the edge of his face. He was holding back tears. Perm had gotten started on that second mug as he listened to his loved one speak. When his brother stopped, Perm met his eyes.
“I’m a sorry substitute for them. That future is a mirage. You don’t know what I know. I saw things out there. We fought over hills that were more charnel house than Earth. Ponies falling into shell holes the size of this bar filled with shit and piss, leftover gas, and bloated bodies that couldn’t be pulled out.” Perm stopped for a moment. Across the bar some of the ponies had stopped to listen to him. I-He bit his cheek again before polishing off his beer. He didn’t stop, he was a train running downhill with no brakes. I could feel my own tears forming as Perm told these ponies about what he had been through. My own stomach churned as I felt my imagination fill with images of my friends turned to meat and trod upon by fellow Rangers. Of the smirking dick of a stallion that I knew living through this. I wanted to get out of here now. I wanted to breath hyperventilate as I thought about living those memories that he was recollecting for his brother. Fighting back the urge to wretch, I managed to not panic at the realization that if I stayed in here, if my own mind had dreamt of Perm’s waking nightmare and buried it… Rosetta would lead us both into it. There was so much I couldn’t know, things that Permittivity shouldn’t have known.
“As I huddled in shell holes and listened to dying ponies crying out from no-mare’s land, I thought to myself, ‘it couldn’t be worse.’ So, I and others fought and died; some of us making it through the hell that it was. A month ago I was with a friend on a quiet night, on a quiet section of the front. Regardless, he died when some Celestians snuck across to us. It nearly happened to me, Principal.” Perm stopped for a second, his body shaking again. By now the warmth of the beer had began spreading around him. It helped him, it helped me. Numbed and warm in a way we both knew was fake. He picked his story back up just as the food arrived. Some fried potatoes and boiled greens. Looked plain as hell. Still smelled delicious. The cook had taken to standing in the doorway and listening to Perm, the barmare looked away while smoking a hoof made cigarette. Her ears were still pointed towards Perm. Most of the other ponies had stopped speaking, heads turned towards him or looking down at the bar in silence. Between drinks of course, but even that was subdued…
“I remember drawing what I thought was my final breath. Yet I sit here with you, in a city that has felt the same pains. Maidenpool wears wounds from it just as raw as mine. There is no difference now. No-one is safe now. We’re all soldiers now, and just as unable to climb out of the shell holes now as I was then. I can see the doubt on your faces now. We’re not at war now, we won, we have the weapon.” Perm stopped for a moment. Principal looked on with worry as his brother talked about the end of the world. I - Perm was a liar, wherever the fuck he’s from it wasn’t anywhere near here. We had had our bombs dropped. He was worried about something that had happened to my ancestors. The Rangers in Old Equestria must’ve said the same things. Been through the same things. It must’ve fucked him up. Just the way his brother looked at him told me that. Knowing that the world was fucked-
“None of you are simple minded. We all know that the Celestians have always had a material advantage. It’s only a matter of time until they have the same weapon. And when that happens, any little incident, any miscalculation on the parts of either side would make this war look like a border skirmish… and this one was within spitting distance of armageddon.”
“Perm, they might have the weapons soon. But what can be done about it? What solution could anypony have for this problem? In light of this, all you can do is live the fullest life you can. At least until they have the weapon we should be safe. They wouldn’t dare touch us as long as we have them.” Permittivity snorted as his brother tried to comfort him.

“Perhaps the only thing to be done, is to wage that final war before they have the bomb. Burn their cities. Drive them across the ocean.” His eyes began to tear up at the prospect as a nerve was struck inside of him. “The maddening thing is, the only way we could save the future is to burn half the world. To turn right back into the fire. Back into hell-” Everypony watching him had gone from pitying him… to something else. Thousand yard stare, slight shakes, sneers, but from Principal it was a look of disappointment and fear.

“-Destroying millions of lives and changing everything, all in the hopes that the victors may survive. That’s what you’re talking about Permittivity. Somber’s war-” His brother spoke softly, his eyes were wide. His own stare now unfocused.
These weapons sounded like megaspells, they way these ponies were talking about them. And Perm was wanting to use them to against ponies who didn’t have them yet. To fight a war of annihilation. I wanted to hit him for even saying it outloud. At the same time, I understood. He was a wounded pony. I didn’t know what he felt for his parents, but I could understand a bit of what he had been through in that war. I tried to shudder as a thought surfaced. Was I any better? If I could wipe the Insurgents out, roll over them for a thousand years; would I let anything stop me? Just as I tried to shake that thought from my mind. Perm began to laugh, a laugh without any warmth, I felt a smile break across my muzzle. He must’ve looked unhinged.
“That story is a myth, there were was no sun goddess, no moon goddess. Somber merely led a war against the Diarchy to the south! Just a foal’s tale. Trust me when I say magic is nothing like that, ” He took another drink and looked down at his food. He picked up a spoon with his magic and ate a bite.
“Brother, I don’t know what to say.” Another bite. “These are the same stories that we were taught as foals, mother and father-” Perm looked him in the eyes. “-even if they aren’t as falsifiable as shards of pottery or whatever scraps of text survived the dark ages, they’re still parables. Somber destroyed the world that existed before him.”
“In the story, they were fighting to the death and one of them was willing to destroy the world to win. It was a war for survival, fought for every mortal pony. What was lost is a small price for the entire world. Even if there is a grain of truth to that myth. The end of the age of heroes for a world without eternal night, or eternal sun. Whatever the case, it’s all moot. There will be no war. No war until it’s too late.” Perm continued eating as his brother sat there shocked. It was like somepony had lit a flare right in front of his muzzle. After a moment or two, everypony who had been paying attention lost interest. Even if they didn’t seem to quite as cheery or calm as they had been at the start. But Principal had taken the time to drain his glass and motion for another…

“-Happening,” I said without thinking. It felt really good to use my own vocal cords after that experience. My shook my entire body as I watched Rose open his eyes in front of me. His horn was still lightly touching me, and I could feel his breath against my muzzle. After I was pretty sure that I was in control of my body I took a moment to look outside his window. Pretty fucking dark outside.
“Wow,” Rose finally spoke up as he gave me a dumbfounded look. It didn’t really work for a smart stallion. He took a deep breath before shaking his head. “I have so many questions. But we can keep going through your dreams; you said you’ve been having these dreams for about a year?”
“Y-yeah,” I let out. I really didn’t want to go back in. The dreams had lost a lot of their colour. “When I dreamed that, I wasn’t able to think my own thoughts as it happened.” I tried to keep the worry out of my voice. That had been claustrophobic, or paraly-
“You felt trapped?” He asked the question, but I could see in his face that it was rhetorical.
“Trapped is an understatement,” I responded. It was late, and whatever that was, it wasn’t sleep.
“It gets the easier the more that you do it. Some memories can actually be relaxing,” Rosetta said before letting out a yawn. Something told me that doing that spell was pretty exhausting. Though there was a glint in his eye as he told me about the good parts of the experience.
“Maybe for you, I mean I personally find rigging explosives up kinda relaxing. But I’m not sure if you’d ever enjoy it like I do.” I half glanced to my own flank as I told him that. Ponies are lucky, we know what we’re here to do pretty early in life. We have our whole lives to get better at it. It just happened that my destiny involved an explosion of shrapnel.
“That would explain your cutie mark,” his eyes glanced over at my flank. Not for the first time though.
“Yeah,” I said simply before looking him in his eyes. My hoof came to rest on his shoulder, something that we both linked to Perm’s brother right after I did it. “He’s a broken pony, I know the type. Hell, like you said, we’re the only ones that can really understand each other. But, I’m worried he’s hiding something. Something you build a set lie to protect isn’t usually good for the ponies you’re deceiving-”
“He’s grieving Icepick, for a lot of things. Things he’s only willing to hint at. As much as I want answers, I’m not gonna try to rip them out of him. I don’t feel like he’s an imminent threat to anyone else. Judging from the memory, I’d be more worried at an attempt at his own life.” He stopped speaking and looked down. The thought of Perm putting a bullet through his brain hurt. Even at his most annoying I wouldn’t want… that.
“I don’t know, Rose, when he talked about using that weapon he seemed a little threatening. You haven’t even seen him fight, Rose. He masks it with technique, but he enjoys it,” Rose’s muzzle barely moved as he listened to me. I could tell that his mind was already set.
“For a pony that just got out of a war and mourning like he is, attaching himself to the idea of another war isn’t surprising. I suspect the fighting is just him enjoying the feeling of adrenaline, of killing, it makes him feel something. Icepick, before anything else, he’s a hurting pony. Even if he’s elusive and his coping mechanisms are in no way healthy.” He stopped for a moment and moved a hoof through my mane. My head pressed into his hoof lightly, all by itself. I just stayed quiet and waited for him to finish. Sometimes that’s all a stallion wants to do.
“Icepick, if you can be brought back from the brink, then he should get a chance too. Frankly, if anypony can help him out, it’s you.” I blew into his face as he said that.
“Part of me wants to help him, that thinks he’s becoming less of an asshole, that’s getting attached to him. Another part knows that he’s hiding something bad. It figures that I’m just getting used to his assholeness, or he’s just acting nicer to get on my good side.”
Rosetta pulled himself closer and nuzzled against my neck as I- Just let my feelings out, spilling my guts like a fucking teenaged filly to her pillow.
“Underneath all that pain and grief, he’s basically a good stallion,” he said before pulling away and moving towards the pillowed end of this bed. With a pull his magic flipped up the sheets and he shimmied his body under them. “I would tell him the same about you. Now, before you ask, we’re both exhausted and this bed can fit two ponies easily.” I was way ahead of him, and was already halfway under the covers.
“Good stallion,” I told him as a yawn was pushing out of my chest. Rose puffed up at being called a good stallion. “Well, goodnight, Rose.”
“G-get some sleep Icepick,” Rosey said, his voice uncertain. How could a bit of flirting still make him nervous. Yet, he could stay professional in the face of a stallion saying balefire could save the world? Ehh, gotta roll with it, Icey. “You know, for the record, this bed could fit three ponies.” He just pretended not to hear me as he flicked off the remaining lights. Whatever, even in the dark I knew he was blushing.
I smiled at that thought. The kind stallion next to me, who had helped me, who had turned down a rut… It was nice being close to a pony I-

Maybe I was just getting used to sleeping with a pony next to me. Maybe a part of me liked having stallions I had feelings for sleep with me-